#not a style i think ill do super often but now at least i know what it looks like and i know that its v cute

[justablah56]

bcs my dear friend @raemeh made a post abt ponytail normal , decided to indulge them and draweded my normal design w a ponytail , so here you go

[gainingfiction]

Heavily Used

Summary: This is a bit experimental (or weird), and maybe a bit predictable, but I had fun writing it. This is a story about an important relationship in a fat guy’s life, and the risk of taking things for granted. It’s also a story about coping (or not coping) with change.

Hope you enjoy!

~

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I can only handle so much. It’s one thing to be taken for granted, that’s something we all have to live with. It’s just the total lack of acknowledgment, or even awareness that I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately. I swear, one of these days, I’m just gonna snap and call it quits.

A little bit about me: I’m stylish, polished, and pretty easy on the eyes, if I do say so myself. Born in Poland, but my background is Swedish—I’m European, at heart. The name is Anders, but no one actually calls me that. I’m not super high-maintenance, once you figure me out, but everyone needs a little attention from time to time. Some tending.

Especially living with Max.

I’ve known Max for a while, and he’s not a bad guy. He can be a little rough sometimes, and maybe a little careless, but it doesn’t come from a bad place. I think it’s just a lack of self-awareness. And let’s be honest, that’s a common problem among pretty-boy jocks.

The trouble with Max is that he’s not the pretty-boy I once knew. He’s changed… he’s grown. I mean, he’s literally grown. Grown by about a hundred pounds, if I had to guess, and counting. Over the course of our time together, I’ve gotten pretty familiar with his ass, and I’ll admit, it’s a great one. But, boy, he’s got a lot more ass for me to handle these days.

It’s not insurmountable, not yet at least. But I’m worried it’s getting there.

It started out simply enough, the innocent midnight snacks and occasional takeout treats. No problem, right? Twunks can afford to indulge a little, especially a hot commodity like Max. But then, you get comfortable. You settle into a routine, you let yourself go. That’s the thing about creatures of beauty: one minute you’re the hottest guy in town, trim and toned, with a golden tan and handsome face and perfect, silky hair. The sort of guy who only seems to exist in a Hollywood version of reality. But then, inevitably, something happens. Sometimes tastes change, or maybe you’re the one doing the changing.

I won’t deny, I’m not in the same shape I was when I entered Max’s life for the first time. Any long-term relationship comes with the normal wear-and-tear. Max, though, has taken it to a whole new level.

The little snacks become big snacks. The extra meals go from “occasional” to “frequent” to “everyday”. Gluttony takes over. A 32-inch waist becomes a 36-inch waist becomes a 40-inch waist; size-small shirts are discarded in the back of the closet, soon joined by ill-fitting mediums, and then by larges, stretched out of shape by a gut that won’t stop getting bigger. Max used to flit around the apartment like a bird; now he lumbers like an elephant, heavy footfalls and a slow, waddling gait. His own warning system—you can hear him coming.

On paper, I know I should be trying to help lighten the load. And it’s not like I’m totally unappreciated; there are days when he comes home from work, legs tired and arms loaded down with takeout, and I can tell he’s genuinely happy to have me. But it doesn’t last long. Once dinner’s over, I’m back to being ignored while he sits on the couch, gorging himself in front of the TV, until he comes around again to stuff his face at the next meal. Which, to be fair, is pretty often these days.

It sounds cruel, the way I talk about his escalating weight, his increasingly-indecent greed. I’m not trying to be mean. I just wish he’d consider how it might affect me. I have to live with him, and he’s starting to cramp my style. But it’s not like I can say anything. I just have to sit there in silence, while he eats and eats, grows and grows, piling on pound after excess pound. And the way he eats, moaning and licking and slurping… it’s downright pornographic.

250 starts to feel like a lowball as the months go by. He’s pushing me to my limits without even realizing it. I’ve never had to deal with a guy this fat before, a guy whose big, round bubble butt would hang over the side of even the most substantial chair. And I, personally, am not “substantial”. I’m pretty thin; it’s just how I was made. I thought Max was made that way, too.

I start trying to make my frustration known, but like I said, I can’t just come right out and say something. So I try a little subtlety; a small groan every now and then when he throws himself down at the dinner table for another round of hedonism. If he notices, he doesn’t care. He just keeps upping the ante.

And upping just about everything else: his pants size, his portion sizes, the size of his monster-truck ass and thunder thighs. They press together whenever he sits down, now, lard against blubber. Not like in the old days when his legs were lithe and lean. His moobs bulge against every tank top, his pudgy arms pack his sleeves, his love handles blossom over the top of every waistband like ripening tropical fruit.

In occasional moments of self-pity, I hazard a guess: how much does my man weigh now? 275 pounds? 300? Is he even trying to do something about it? Clearly not. He never works out anymore, unless you count working up a sweat over a third (or fourth, or fifth) slice of cheesecake. I honestly wonder if he’s doing it on purpose, just to spite me. Or test me. But I know that’s crazy—like I said, sometimes I truly doubt he even thinks about what it’s like for me.

But the problem is getting harder to ignore; he really throws his weight around these days. He heaves himself up off the couch. He rests a hand on the front of his bulging belly, barely restrained by some poor, threadbare top, back arching forward from the strain of it all (he’s not a tall guy, which makes his increasingly S-shaped silhouette even more pronounced). He trudges from the living room to the kitchen and drops himself in front of the table like an anvil. When he sits down, his ass, spilling out of some indecent pair of jean shorts, spreads out like lava blanketing some hapless Roman hamlet.

Some nights, I strain underneath him, feeling absolutely crushed by his sheer weight, boundless mass bearing down on me with the force of gravity. How big is he now? I wonder, as I listen to him moan and groan with pleasure. 325? 350? Could he really have gained over 200 pounds? How could he not realize what he’s doing to himself—what he’s doing to me?

He’s just so oblivious. I don’t even recognize him anymore. I’ve been starting to make noises about how uncomfortable I am, how much I’m struggling with his extra weight. But, as always, it falls on deaf ears. His tight little butt has become a pair of vast, ponderous globes, his abs and lats and obliques are encased in a spare tire that belongs on an 18-wheeler, his tits bulge out and dangle towards his armpits. And he just. Keeps. Going. 

Keeps eating. Keeps gaining. Keeps expanding.

Things reach a boiling point before dinner one night. I can see him piling up the table, unboxing some outrageous quantity of food for his secret nightly mukbang. Well, secret except for the consequences, which anyone with eyes could notice. “There’s a man who likes his food” would be such a trite, vapid observation that it doesn’t even need saying. He doesn’t just “like” his food, he lives for his food. Food is practically a part of Max’s identity at this point.

He’s starting to lower his colossal ass to sit, and I can tell this is it. Tonight’s the night. Fuck it, I’m done. He’s well past 350 pounds, and that’s too much weight for me to handle.

Maybe he’ll appreciate me more when I’m not around. Hejdå, Max, it was nice knowing you! At least, it used to be.

~

Max sat on the floor, rolls of fat still wobbling from the jarring motion of his fall. His chair had been complaining for a while now—squeaking and groaning every time he sat down���but he hadn’t expected it to actually break. What a load of bullshit! He wasn’t even that fat!

He looked around at the splintered wood, soreness radiating across his ass—and not in a fun, post-fucking kind of way. At least his buttocks were nicely-padded. When he was bony, a slip on the ice hurt like all hell.

He was glad he was alone, or this would have been super embarrassing. At least no one was around to see him smash that chair like a pro-wrestler in a grudge match. He knew he’d been overdoing it, but this wasn’t his fault. How could it be, surely he wasn’t that big? Just a little out of shape, in need of a few good workouts to shed some winter weight. It was just the cheap IKEA furniture he bought.

With a grunt, he started the process of heaving his monumental form to a stand. As he started to gather his momentum, he glanced at the ruined seat and frowned. He actually liked that chair. It was pretty comfortable.

At least, it used to be.

(Author’s Note: don’t forget to rotate your dining chairs!)

[kimetsu-chan]

~Zeno Headcanons~

A/N: headcanons for my lovely wife, @larz-barz! I will probably add to these every now and then, I’ll reblog it when I do!

It is no secret that Zeno is tall

Like, man is a giant

A whole 6’1”(or 6’2”, I can’t remember-)

Point I’m trying to make is, he likes to carry people around

Like, even if the person is taller than him or the same height, he will swoop up behind them and carry the bridal style

He also likes putting people on his shoulders

Especially kids

OH MY GOSH HE LOVES KIDS

He has no siblings, so when he interacts with young children, he gets really happy

He wants to have at least 2-3 kids so they won’t grow up lonely like he did

Zeno lore drop? 👀

Zeno has a very weak immune system, which was the cause of most of his loneliness

Super big lore drop, Zeno has lymphoma—

Its minor though, it doesn’t hinder him much besides making him get sick a lot

But his parents didn’t want to have more kids in case they had lymphoma too

And since he was sick often, he wasn’t allowed to play with other kids much as to not get them sick either

OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH ZENO LORE FOR TODAY-

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR HIS ✨ MOMMY ISSUES ✨

*Ahem-*

ANYWAYS-

Zeno’s favorite food is Zosui, a Japanese rice soup!

He likes it because he learned to make it from a very young age (like… 9?) and his cousin taught him how to cook it

Zeno is very good at household chores. He cooks fairly often, even more so when he becomes a demon slayer since he’s out on his own

He also enjoys cleaning, finding the process rather satisfying

He also sewed his haori himself!

Zeno took a collection of fabric of his two favorite colors, and turned them into a haori

So in conclusion, the man is good housewife material

Someone better wife him up rn

*AHEM* Larz *AHEM*

….. yall hear smth?

Moving on, Zeno obviously is a very teasing dude

He LOVES to tease the living daylights outa people

Whether that be flirtatiously or not

But he is also, ✨ easily flustered ✨

Perfect combo, I know 😎

He’ll tell someone how cute/handsome/gorgeous they are without breaking a sweat

But the moment they throw it right back at him, he is suddenly a very blushy blushy boy o////o

He’d freeze for a few seconds then probably rub the back of his neck, a habit of his

OH YEAH

HE ALSO HAS VERY WARM HANDS

Larz can confirm, this is in one of our rps

His hands are like little heating packets

Oh, you’re shivering? Zeno to the rescue 🤩

GOSH IM RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS-

Zeno is a very pretty sleeper

Bro looks majestic in his sleep and I have a photo to prove it.

:>

Also yeah, he got some long lashes

Bro is just pretty 24/7

One thing that really irks Zeno, is when he gets accused of being a player/fboy bc of his personality

And yes, this has happened before

He was jokingly flirting with Aoi when he was helping her buy groceries and some random lady from the street stomped up to him and started lecturing him to “not play with a young lady’s heart”

Yeah-

Zeno has his own house(ik, weird for a 17yo)

But he stays there the days/nights he doesn’t have missions

He lives alone(poor lonely bby 😢) but likes to have people over often

He also likes to cook large portions of food and take them to the elderly people who live in his village, that way they get a free meal and they don’t have to eat alone(if they live alone)

He’s just a cutie patootie + bbg

A/N: THATS ALL FOR NOW, ILL ADD MORE WHEN I THINK OF THEM!

[nieded]

ok so this is a strange & probably v dumb take, but sometimes I genuinely wonder why IndyCar is used more as a retirement/failed F1 driver camp rather than an upwards intermediate stepping stone between F2 & F1. yes I know they’re different in almost every capacity, but I feel there’s enough of a similarity that a few years in Indy would hugely benefit these poor young rookies who are being snatched out of their circuit mid-season and hurled into the deep end. I’m so worried that all the fresh blood coming in will go the same way as Sargeant bc they’re just not getting the experience they need. it’s like everyone expects them to be the new Verstappen racing prodigy who can just drive a strange car out of the garage and win with it.

so there is an explanation for this, though i don't know if it's a good explanation.

indycar is its own thing so it has its own feeder series. because it's adjacent to f1, drivers are not awarded many super license points in indycar even if they perform well. even multi-time winners do not earn enough to qualify to drive for formula 1.

drivers who are part of the formula 1 feeder series (formula 4, 3, 2, super formula, etc.) can earn points towards their license in order to earn a seat in f1. after they have enough points, obviously they're not guaranteed a seat, but they'd at least be eligible. formula 1 has some other rules about entry such as minimums and such as well. but the point is that f1 and indy both have their own feeder series and path to promotion and are both considered to be the top step of their respective series.

formula 1 drivers do retire to indycar sometimes, though it's not as often as you think just because aj did it in #RR, but they're able to because the entry requirements are not as strict. in general, indycar is less strict about pretty much everything, including track limits. which is why i fucking love indy. but formula 1 drivers will also do other things. antonio giovinazzi went and won friggin le mans after leaving formula 1, and he was not considered a successful f1 driver by any means. kmag did imsa i think in his gap years. kimi did rally car and even alonso left for a bit and did wec (and won. twice).

and many indycar drivers are not interested in going to f1 at all. for many reasons, f1 is not appealing. i could argue that indy is a better series for a number of reasons, but it just boils down to the fact that drivers look for different things and a different culture. some f1 drivers switch to indy and say it's better. now you could say that's just because they're sour about losing their seat in f1, but i don't think that's necessarily true. indy is far more competitive and tests a driver's measure because the cars are on a more equal playing field. i look at someone like romain grosjean, who has a tendency to send it all the time, for good or ill, and indycar definitely suits his all-or-nothing driving style so much more.

to your comment about rookies... most drivers who enter formula 1 do not stay in formula 1 for many years. it's only now that so many drivers have had longevity. entering and leaving within a couple of years is pretty typical. the reason we have so many drivers that have lasted for a decade or more is because we are in a renaissance of drivers who are extremely talented. you're right. we can't expect everyone to sit in an f1 car for the first time and be incredible, but that's why there are only twenty seats. that and nepotism. and guess what, this happens in indycar too! we just don't hear as much about it, but drivers are always coming and going and shuffling seats.

i like logan a lot. i also liked latifi and gio (i did not like de vries, sorry). these are drivers who showed a shit ton of resilience in challenging circumstances, remained positive, likable, and driven. unfortunately, they did not have the caliber to stay. and true, they were also in cars that could not showcase their skills, but there are many factors and data points that go into assessing a driver beyond finishing place position.

the reality of f1 is that it is unlike any other series out there, which means you have no idea if a driver will be capable or not. jensen button once said that nothing compares to f1 except go karting. you're slower in a go kart, but you're closer to the ground and the handling is so rapid and responsive. getting into the feeder series, nothing else feels close until you get in an f1 car, if you're lucky. logan sargeant had a very successful junior career, but he just didn't click with the williams, same as latifi. latifi also said he wondered whether or not he would have been successful in the alpine because it suited his driving style much more. every f1 team has a different car with different characteristics. so we never really know how a driver will do until they're in the cockpit.

is it brutal? yep! but logan has shown a lot of promise in many other ways that i think makes him very marketable to other drivers' series. if he comes back to the states to do indycar, i would be really excited.

[rei-caldombra]

I'm so hyped for the Omori Manga

This contains no serious direct story spoilers.

I absolutely love Omori. It’s one of my favorite games. Few games have gotten me as emotional as Omori has. There are certain scenes that can still get me to tear up on rewatch. I would not call it perfect but it’s pretty much as close as you can get. I love the characters (all these crazy kids are great, but Hero is my favorite.). I love the visual style, it’s very unique and charming. The contrast between Headspace and the real world is great, along with the horror elements being genuinely scary and impactful. I was late to get into it (as I often am with video games that get popular) and first learned about it in 2022. This is one of those cases of a random meme video about the game showing up in my feed getting me into something I get super into. It was Ban.mp4 by Osulan on YouTube. I thought the video was cute and funny, so I looked into what game it was from. I am very happy to have gotten into the deep, dark hole that is Omori!

I was not able to find much info on Nui Konoito, the illustrator for the manga, but I am very happy with how the promotional art we have looks. Dreamer’s design is great and spot on to the game and I like the look they went for with Sunny. I like the differences between them and think the style fits. It’s a bit different than Sunny in the game but I take no issue with this change. Speaking on the visual standpoint I do wonder how the manga largely being black and white will affect how Omori is portrayed. There is some importance to color in the game which will likely harder to portray. Such as Omori being all black and white in Headspace while everything else is colored. Not sure how to go about making this distinct, perhaps the other members of the group with be stylized a bit differently. It should also be very clear for the viewer whether you are currently seeing Headpsace or the Real World. But I am more interested in seeing how this will be tackled rather than truly concerned right now. With some creativity this can likely be remedied. We are already shown multiple styles in the promo art, so I feel positive about this not being an issue.

It will be interesting to experience it without the soundtrack. Now the soundtrack I would truly call flawless. The music, sound effects, everything. Catchy, beautiful, goofy, sad, freaky, dramatic- it hits everything sound can elicit. Just hearing some of the tracks and sound effects makes me feel emotional (It Means Everything hits me the most, it so perfectly portrays the scene and feelings in the moment. The sound effect for you-know-what instantly hits you with a little anxiety). That part of the sensory experience missing from the manga is a shame but that’s how the medium is. I generally prefer anime to manga as I highly value the animation and auditory experience, but at least I can at least use my imagination based on the game’s soundtrack. I can still enjoy manga even if it’s not my preferred medium and especially so if I am already very attached to the property from other pieces of media. 

The story is very good, though not perfect. Some parts can be a little confusing and I do think the main event that spurred the story goes a bit further than it needs to, but the emotions we get out of this story is just fantastic. The interpretation of mental illness is great. The character interactions feel down to earth and real. You very quickly grow very attached to this group of characters.

I have no serious reservations going into this. The one visual we have is great, so I have no concerns with the style and art quality. The game and original material the game is based on give it a strong foundation to work with. Omocat has given me no reasons to doubt them too so I’ll have faith they put their baby in the right hands. 

Only fears I can think of are ones I’d consider towards any adaptation of a longer video game- bad pacing and loss of critical details that bring down the experience (cough cough Danganronpa 1 anime adaptation). The characters are the main focus of the story so it would be a serious blow if we lose a lot of the dialogue and interactions that make us get so attached to them, especially for first time viewers. To me that attachment is critical to your enjoyment of the story. The official tweet says it will be for both new and old fans so hopefully that’ll be true. 

I’m happy with any more Omori content I can get, but I do hope we get some original stuff rather than it being a one-to-one retelling. I prefer adaptations doing something new outside of just the visual medium, so I am hoping we can get content like new character interactions and some new enemies at least. I wouldn’t want the story significantly changed but I would love to see original details that complement and enhance the original story and expand the worlds. 

I’m feeling very optimistic towards this adaptation and hope you are as hype as I am! I’ll follow along with the manga as it releases and will post about it (hopefully gushing over it) so stay tuned for that! Please check out Omori if you found and read this without playing or watching the game (highly recommend playing it yourself, it's worth it.) Thank you for reading!

[starksmedici]

Let’s talk about Philippa Gregory.

This video by the wonderful TikTok creator Fawzia Mariam explain most of my dislike for Philippa Gregory. I have tried to like her, I really have. I love her writing style and as some of you might know I am a huge fan of historical fiction, both in books and in tv shows, and it’s kind of hard to omit this woman who is praised as one of, if not its grandest name. This also means that I am pretty capable of accepting some historical inaccuracies, as there is no such thing as a fully accurate period drama.

My problem with Gregory however, is that she is being put forward as an authority on women’s history, when she writes FICTION, and she feels to me to be quite internally misogynistic. This I have mainly noticed in the tv shows by Starz.

I have to admit that I have not yet read those particular books, and I’m probably not going to due to my dislike and the reviews (maybe I will read The White Queen, definitely not The Red Queen). But to what I have heard the shows are a pretty accurate adaptation of the books.

Now my claim of Gregory being misogynistic is mainly coming from the relationships that women have in those shows. It seems that none of them get along, when in reality quite a few of them did get along well/they were cordial. It seems to be perpetuating an image that women in high positions just cannot get along. Furthermore, Gregory likes to have women be scheming masterminds, and the reasons that bad things happen - not the men who mostly are paragons of virtue and if they are not, they are forgiven, often make (only) small mistakes (of course there are exceptions). Margaret is a perfect example because Henry only gets on the throne because of her scheming and she even kills the princes in the tower (for which there is no evidence), and tells her son to r*pe his bride, which he does but she seems to be the only one getting judged for it. By the way Margaret was possibly sex repulsed after getting wedded and bedded AT TWELVE YEARS OLD. So to have her *tell* her son to rape his bride, makes me feel ill.

Margaret seems overall pretty frosty also, and comes across as a caricature of a religious fanatic when she was a complex woman who is said to have been funny and kind, and was overall a badass woman who was clever and was a tragic victim of her time (again she was married at 12, gave birth at 13). A lot of the things that Gregory shoved in her shoes were unlike to have been her at all, or at least only her.

My particular issue with The Spanish Princess is the modern “girlbossification” of Katherine of Aragon who comes across as arrogant, rude and impolite (and again kind of like a scheming liar) when this woman had HUMBLE in her motto. It’s almost as if PG/the show runners did not think Katherine interesting enough the way she was, not feminist enough in our modern views, which I highly disagree with. KATHERINE OF ARAGON WAS A TOTAL BADASS.

So my point with this post is not to say that you cannot enjoy PG shows/books, by all means enjoy what you want (I too enjoy TWQ & TWP), but please do not accept her as a truthful source of history. I am also not saying that I expect or want period drama to be 100% accurate, however I do expect some degree of accuracy, and if I want to watch a show about this or that historical person, I want that show to be about them, not about a random person with their name.

And yes I am extra pissed because I am super interested in historical Margaret Beaufort and I highly protest against the character assassination that Gregory’s books are.

[lorenfangor]

I heard that #40 was super homophobic :/ so I skipped it. But now your fic is making me want to give it a try. How problematic is it? Are the characters worth it?

Okay.

Okay.

Let’s talk about #40.

The plot of The Other (a Marco POV) is that Marco sees an Andalite on a video tape sent in to some Unsolved Mysteries-esque TV show, and he assumes it’s Ax and hauls ass to save him from being captured. Ax, being Ax, has videotaped the show, and they pull it up and Tobias uses his hawk eyes to figure out that it’s not Ax, it’s another Andalite - one without a tailblade. Ax is appalled at the presence of this vecol (an Andalite word for a disabled person) and we find out that he and others of his species have deep ingrained prejudices against at least some kinds of disabled people.

Despite this, Marco and Ax go looking for the Andalite in question because he’s been spotted by national TV, and they meet a second one, named Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad. The vecol is Mertil-Iscar-Elmand, a former fighter pilot with a reputation and Gafinilan’s coded-gay life partner. The two of them have been on Earth since book 1; they crashed their fighters on the planet and have been trapped there thanks to the GalaxyTree going down. Gafinilan has adopted a human cover, a physics professor, and they’ve been living in secret ever since.

Thanks to that tape, Mertil has been captured by Visser Three, and he’s not morph-capable so he can’t escape. Gafinilan wants to trade the leader of the “Andalite Bandits” to the Yeerks to get his boyfriend back; he can’t fight to free Mertil because he’s terminally ill with a genetic disorder that will eventually kill him, and (it’s implied that) the Yeerks aren’t interested in disabled hosts, even disabled Andalite ones. Despite Ax’s ableism, the Animorphs agree to work with Gafinilan and free Mertil, and they’re successful. Marco ends the book talking about how there are all kinds of prejudices you’ll have to face and boxes that people will put you in, and you can’t necessarily escape them even if they’re reductive and inaccurate, but you can still live your life with pride.

So now that I’ve explained the plot, I’m gonna come out the gate saying that I love this book. I love it wholeheartedly, I love Marco’s narration, I love Ax having to deal with Andalite society’s ableism, I love these characters, and as a disabled lesbian I don’t find these disabled gays to be inherently Bad Rep.

that’s of course just my opinion and it doesn’t overshadow other issues that people might have? but at the same time, I don’t like the seemingly-common narrative that this book is all bad all the time, and I want to offer up a different read.To that end, I’m going to go point by point through some of the criticisms and common complaints that I’ve seen across the fandom over the years.

“Mertil and Gafinilan were put on a bus after one appearance because they were gay!”

this is one I’m going to have to disagree with hardcore. I talked about this yesterday, but in Animorphs there are a lot of characters or ideas that only get introduced once or twice and then get written off or dropped - in order off the top of my head, #11 (the Amazon trip), #16 (Fenestre and his cannibalism), #17 (the oatmeal), #18 (the hint of Yeerks doing genetic experiments in the hospital basement), #24/#39/#42 (the Helmacrons’ ability to detect morphing tech), #25 (the Venber), #28 (experiments with limiting brain function through drugs), #34 (the Hork-Bajir homeworld being retaken, the Ixcila procedure), #36 (the Nartec), #41 (Jake’s Bad Future Dream), and #44 (the Aboriginal people Cassie meets in Australia) all feature things that either seem to exist just for the sake of having a particular trope explored Animorphs-style or to feature an idea for One Single Book.

This is a series that’s episodic and has a very limited overall story arc because of how children’s literature in the 90s was structured - these books are closer to The Saddle Club, Sweet Valley High, Animal Ark, or The Baby-Sitters’ Club than they are to Harry Potter or A Series of Unfortunate Events. Mertil and Gafinilan don’t get to be in more than one book because they’re not established in the main cast or the supporting cast, I don’t think that it’s solely got anything to do with their being gay.

“Gafinilan has AIDS, this is a book about AIDS, and that’s homophobic!”

Okay, this is… hard. First, yes, Gafinilan does have a terminal illness. Yes, Gafinilan is gay. No, Soola’s Disease is not AIDS.

I have two responses to this, and I’ll attack them in order of their occurrence in my thought. First, there’s coded AIDS diseases all over genre fiction, especially genre fiction from that era, because the AIDS epidemic made a massive impact on public life and fundamentally changed both how the public perceived illness and queerness and how queer people themselves experienced it. I was too young to live through it, but my dad’s college roommate was out, and my dad himself has a lot of friends who he just ceases to talk about if the conversation gets past 1986 or so - this was devastating and it got examined in art for more reasons than “gay people all have AIDS”, and I dislike the implication that the only reason it could ever appear was as a tired stereotype or a message that Being Queer Means Death. Gafinilan is kind, fond of flowers, and fond of children - he’s multifaceted, and he’s got a terminal illness. Those kinds of people really exist, and they aren’t Bad Rep.

Second off, Soola’s Disease? Really isn’t AIDS. It’s a congenital genetic illness that develops over time, cannot be transmitted, and does not carry a serious stigma the way AIDS did. Gafinilan also has access to a cure - he could become a nothlit and no longer be afflicted by it, even if it’s considered somewhat dishonorable to go nothlit to escape that way. That’s not AIDS, and in fact at no point in my read and rereads did I assume that his having a terminal illness was supposed to be a commentary on homosexuality until I found out that other people were assuming it.

“Mertil losing his tail means he’s lost his masculinity, and that’s bad because he’s gay! That’s homophobic!”

so this is another one I’ve gotta hardcore disagree with, because while Mertil is one of two Very Obviously Queer Characters, he’s not the only character who loses something fundamental about himself, or even loses access to sexual and/or romantic capability in ways he was familiar with.

Tobias and Arbron both get ripped out of their ordinary normal lives by going nothlit in bad situations, and while they both wind up finding fulfillment and freedom despite that, it’s still traumatic, even more for Arbron I’d say than for Tobias. And on a psychological level, none of the main cast is left unmarked or free of trauma or free of deep change thanks to the bad things that have happened to them - they’re no less fundamentally altered than Mertil, even if it’s mental rather than physical. And yes, tail loss is equated with castration or emasculation, but that doesn’t automatically mean Mertil suffering it is tied to his homosexuality and therefore the takeaway we’re intended to have is “Being gay is tragic and makes you less of a man”. This is a series where bad shit happens to everyone, and enduring losses that take away things central to one’s self-conception or identity or body is just part of the story.

Also, frankly? Plenty of IRL disabled people have to grapple with a loss of sexual function, and again, they’re not Bad Rep just because they’re messy.

“Andalite society is confusingly written in this book, and the disability aspects are clearly just a coverup for the gay stuff!”

Andalite society is canonically sexist, a bit exceptionalist and prejudiced in their own favor, and pretty contradictory and often challenged internally on its own norms. In essence, it’s a pretty ordinary society, and they’re really realistic as sci-fi races go. It makes sense from that perspective that Andalites would tolerate scarring or a lost stalk eye or a lost skull eye, but not tolerate serious injuries that significantly impact your perceived quality of life. Ableism is like that - it’s not one-size-fits-all. I look at Ax’s reactions and I see a lot of my own family and friends’ behaviors - this vibes with my understanding of prejudice, you know?

“Mertil and Gafinilan have a tragic ending, which means the story is saying that being gay dooms you to tragedy!”

Mertil and Gafinilan have the best possible ending that they could ask for? They are victims of the war, they are suffering because of the war, they get the same cocktail of trauma and damage that every other soldier gets. But unlike Jake and Tobias and Marco, unlike Elfangor, unlike Aximili? Their ending comes in peace, in their own home. Gafinilan isn’t dying alone, he’s got the love of his life with him. Mertil isn’t going to be as isolated anymore, he’s got Marco for a friend. Animorphs is a tragedy, it’s not a happy story, it’s not something that guarantees a beautiful sunshine-and-roses ending for everyone, and I love tragedy, and so I will fight for this story. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it deserved better. But it’s not less meaningful just because it’s sad. Nobody is entitled to anything in this book, and it’s just as true for these two as it is for anyone else.

“It’s not cool that the only canonically gay characters in this series don’t get to be happy and trauma-free and unblemished Good Rep!”

This is one I can kind of understand, and I’ll give some ground to it, because it is sucky. The only thing I’ll say is that I stand by my argument that nothing that happens to Mertil and Gafinilan is unusual compared to what happens to the rest of the cast, and that their ending is way happier than Rachel and Tobias’s, or Jake and Cassie’s. But it’s a legitimate point of frustration, and the one argument I’ll say I agree has validity.

(Though, I also want to point out that I think there are plenty of equally queercoded characters in the story who aren’t Mertil and Gafinilan - Tobias, Rachel, Cassie, and Marco all get at least one or two moments that signal to me that they’re potentially LGBT+, not to mention Mr. Tidwell and Illim in #29 and their long-term domestic partnership. There’s no reason to assume that the only queer people here are those two aliens when Marco’s descriptions of Jake exist.)

“Marco uses slurs and reduces Gafinilan’s whole identity to his illness!”

Technically, yes, this is true, except putting it that way strips the whole passage of its context. Marco is discussing the boxes society puts you into, the ones you don’t have a choice about facing or escaping. He’s talking about negative stereotypes and reductive generalizations, he’s referring to them as bad things that you get inflicted upon you by an outside world or by friends who don’t know the whole story or the real you. The slurs he uses are real slurs that get thrown at people still, and they’re not okay, and the point is that they’re not okay but assholes are going to call you by them anyway. He ends by saying “you just have to learn to live with it”, and since this is coming from a fifteen-year-old Latino kid who we know is picked on by bullies for all sorts of reasons and who faces racism and homophobia? He knows what he’s talking about. He’s bitter about what’s been said and done, he’s not stating it like it’s a good thing.

Yes, absolutely, this speech is a product of its time, but it’s a product of its time that speaks of defiance and says “We aren’t what we’re said to be,” and in the year this was published? That’s a good message.

tl;dr The Other is good, actually, and Mertil and Gafinilan are incredible characters who deserve all the love they could possibly get.

[ooffies]

ᴋᴀᴇʏᴀ, ᴄʜɪʟᴅᴇ, ᴠᴇɴᴛɪ, xɪᴀᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʙᴇᴅᴏ ᴀꜱ ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛꜱ (ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴀʀᴛɴᴇʀꜱ)

characters x gn!reader, modern AU

a/n: this wasn’t edited/proof read so I apologize if there are any errors

warnings: none

requested by no one

tagging @genshin-obsessed (heyyy pocket lmao- 🍷❤)

Tip jar

Kaeya  → the cool dad

He’s a very chill parent (pun intended)

Has rules but is very loose with them

Just cause he’s the cool parent doesn’t mean he’s not strict at times (he can be very strict if needed)

He’s a very affectionate and doting parent, always showering the kids with love and hugs

Spoils both you and the kids, he can’t help it cause he just loves you guys so much

All of your kid’s friends call him dad and constantly say they wish they had a cool dad like Kaeya

Always willing to drive the kids somewhere or take them out for a day if you need a break

He still makes sure you two get alone time together and takes you on dates frequently

Sneaks kisses whenever he can. A peck on your cheek or your lips, he also loves seeing your reaction to his surprise kiss

Family game night is a tradition for your family and Kaeya is the king of losing on purpose to make is kids smile

He absolutely loved playing with kids when they were younger and you still often find them playing fighting in the backyard when they come to visit

 He really tries to be the best father he can and sometimes puts way to much pressure on himself

Loves styling the kid’s hair and will let them play with his hair. Sometimes you'll walk downstairs and be greeted by Kaeya with a head full of bows, hair clips and mini ponytails.

Whenever the kids would have nightmares he’d go into their room and fight the “nightmare” monster. He’d come out of the room 3 minutes later and tell the kids he beat it with his super awesome sword skills 

Childe  → the tries too hard to be hip and trendy with kids dad

First off he is a very doting dad, he loves his children so much and calls them his precious babies and often says he cannot live without them

He’s very much a *ahem* malewife *AHEM* (don’t try to change my mind, it will not change no matter what you say). Even though he’s hella rich he wants to spend all the time he can with his kids.

He cooks, cleans, packs the kid’s lunches in the morning and makes sure to give you a kiss whenever you return home from work and say “How was your day at work babe?”

He really, and I mean really, tries to be cool with kids. Spends time looking into “the latest and hip’ trends that all the kids are hopping on. They thought he was the coolest when they were younger but now they call him cringe and say he’s trying too hard and that he’s cool just the way he is. 

It broke his old man's heart when they said it to him the first time and he cried for 30 minutes straight, you made them apologize to him even though you know they meant no ill intentions. Now calling him cringe is a family joke :)

Encourages the kids to learn something that will “help them wins fights and emerge victorious from all the battles they fight” 

You put a quick stop to that and told the kids that they can do any activities they want

He’s still very supportive of what they choose to do and will always be their number one supporter 

He’s a big cuddler and often initiates family cuddle piles. 

Venti → wine dad

Chill dad #2. He wants his kids to be free and be who they are. You still set some basic ground rules for them.

Very doting and affectionate and will always give you and the kids all his love 

Stopped drinking as much when they kids were born/adopted 

He acts like a wine aunt (hence wine dad)

LOVES reading the kids bedtime stories but this also became a family activity since you’d always accompany him. He’ll also sing them lullabies and he’ll sing you lullabies every night too

Even when your kids are older he’ll still read them stories and sing to them.

Doesn’t really like to do household chores but he’ll do them for you (He will complain though)

He does enjoy cook though and likes to help make dinner for special occasions/holidays

He will teach his kids how to play instruments and sing. He won’t force them into it but wants them to at least try it

Get’s pouty if the kids get taller him and will tell them to stop growing or he’s gonna steal their height 

Another family tradition you guys have is weekend picnics. Venti usually chooses the location because he somehow finds all the prettiest places in town. He would tell the kids it was his magic talent when they were younger.

Encourages the kids to go to summer camp so they can “build unforgettable memories and be closer to nature. (But really he just wants to have some alone time with you) 

Xiao → the emo dad

On the outside he seems cold and very un-affectionate but oh boy he’s quite the opposite

He’s willing to do anything for you and the kids because you guys are the most important things in the world to him

He’s also somewhat of a malewife too but it was completely his choice. He just wanted to take care of his family.

He doesn’t like it when you come home from work and start doing chores. He’ll force you to sit down and relax. He’ll say that he’s got everything under control and there no need for you to stress yourself over chores

The main way he shows you and the kids affection is through acts of service. 

Like I said before he’ll do the majority of the household chores, the kids also have their few assigned chores (and you help out with chores if he lets you)

He’ll help the kids with their homework, make them lunch, read them bedtime stories, brush their hair for them, take care of them when they’re sick, ect.

 Only shows a limited amount of affection in public. He’ll hold your hand and carry the kids but that’s about it

In private however he is willing to accept all the affection you and the kids give him

He often struggles helping his kids out when it comes to emotional problems/issues but he always does his best. He’s always there to a lend an ear

He’s not vocal about it or always showing it but he’s your guy’s number one supporter.

Evening walks after dinner is a family tradition you guys have had ever since the kids started walking. 

When they were young he’d let them sit on shoulders and would give them piggyback rides

He can be very strict and overprotective sometimes but that’s just cause he wants the best for his kids

Albedo →  the art dad

He may not be the best at giving affection but he is a very supportive and doting dad

He likes draws pictures for the kids, even when their older he still does because he said seeing their smile when he give his art to them is a very special and happy feeling that he never wants to go away

Helps out with household chores but absolutely despises mopping.

He’s always there to listen to the kids talk about their latest obsessions/interests 

He’s not very good at comforting but he really does try too

Makes you guys take family photos every so he can paint them later

Teaches the kids about art and alchemy if they show interest in either

When they were young he used to make kid safe experiments for them

Road trips are a family tradition. Albedo enjoys them cause he gets to draw the pretty scenery and thinks it’s one of the best to to spend quality time with family

 He wakes up like a mom so whenever the kids would wake him when they’d have a nightmare he’d get startled and almost launch himself out of bed with a high pitched screech 

Encourages the kids to have playdates with their friends often (he actually just wants more alone time with you)

He’s also the type of parent that draws on the walls with the kids when he finds them doing it. And yes he doesn’t care if they’re using sharpie he’ll still join in. Yes you’ve scolded all them multiple times and no they never learn their lesson, Albedo too. He always promises that he’ll “clean” it up which results in most of the wall in the house being murals cause his “cleaning up” is just him painting over it.

[fellulahh]

Random relationship headcanons (all characters!) - F!MC

I’ve done HCs like these before but not for all of the characters - I thought I’d do an updated version with everybody☺️

Lucifer:

Lucifer effectively never refers to MC by her name ever again, he either calls her ‘my love’ or ‘my dear’

He sets Friday nights aside to take MC out for dinner no matter how much paperwork he has left at the end of the week

Lucifer always unconsciously makes MC a cup of coffee in the morning when he’s getting his

He’s not the sort to hold MC’s hand while at RAD, but when they walk together he does subtly place his hand on her lower back

Often their more intimate moments involve laying in front of the fireplace together, sipping glasses of wine as they discuss and joke over their day

Lucifer helps MC with her every goal and when she succeeds, he is always the first to congratulate her. After all, having MC as his partner is what he is most proud of

If he catches MC sassing one of the brothers, he’ll smirk and boast “That’s my girl.”

Sometimes if he’s feeling stressed, he’ll ask MC if she’ll keep him company by sitting in his lap while he works

Mammon:

He’s an absolute sucker for MC calling him ‘babe’ and tells her off if she refers to him as anything else

Mammon’s 100% the little spoon (but don’t you dare ever tell anybody else that)

Expect random booty slaps throughout the day whenever Mammon is near

He loves showing off MC - if they’re at RAD together, he’ll always have his arm around her; nonchalantly planting kisses on her head every now and again when they’re talking to someone

Mammon tells his brothers off if he thinks they’re spending too much time with his human

“What are you doin’ over there?! Come give me some sugar!” He pouts at least 20 times a day

Mammon never grows tired of seeing MC’s body. Every time she undresses for bed, he gawps at her - practically drooling - just like it’s the first time he’s ever seen her

He often randomly buys MC cards and will write little notes inside with his scrawny handwriting simply stating how much he loves and appreciates her (he’s very soft when it comes to MC)

Levi:

If MC is doing something that Levi deems as ‘adorable’, he will immediately pull out his D.D.D and photograph/film her so if he’s ever feeling down he can go through his album and just gaze at her in awe

When he’s talking to Henry 2.0, he refers to MC as the fish’s ‘mum’ and him as ‘dad’ (but don’t tell MC that he ever said that)

He loves to show off that MC is his girlfriend whenever he’s gaming. If he gets insulted over his headset, he’ll reply with ‘yeah? Well I have a girlfriend who’s super hot! Beat that!’

Movie marathons are a must

Levi loves taking MC to the beach and having her straddle him while he wades through the sea (a bit like Baloo and Mowgli)

When he’s gaming, Levi lets MC style his hair. Considering how long it is, the human is very intrigued by what it’d look like pushed back

He gets incredibly excited if MC gets dressed up for something and practically implodes: “that’s my girlfriend!!”

Satan:

Satan is 100% husband material. MC needs help studying? He’s there. MC needs help with cooking dinner? He’s there. MC is feeling stressed and wants a massage? He’s already offered before she can ask.

He’s quite a tease too and will wait until the worst time to show this side of him. MC and Satan could be at the palace having a really formal dinner when he will start whispering in MC’s ear, telling her all of things he’d love to do to her later that evening

MC’s name is now ‘darling’

Satan’s favourite part of the day is when he and MC are sat in bed each night, both reading a book

He loves to hold MC in his arms with her head on his chest whenever they fall asleep

He always makes the bed while MC’s in the bathroom so she doesn’t have to

When he’s on dinner duty, Satan purposefully cooks his and MC’s dinner first so that they can have it alone with a candle lit

Asmo:

Refers to MC as ‘sweetie’

He’s always surprising MC with little gifts - if he’s out shopping and sees something he thinks she’d like he immediately buys it

He helps relieve MC of any stress - if he senses she’s had a bad day he’ll pull out the nail varnish and give her a full on pamper while she moans about whatever is bothering her

His Devilgram is full of candid photos of MC

You can bet he’s super affectionate toward MC - there will never be a day that goes past where she doesnt wake up with a kiss from him

They’re the fiercest couple at RAD - they’re effectively the Devildom equivalent to Posh and Becks

They also go on really cute dates, whether it be little mini breaks, a simple coffee date at a nearby cafe, a day at the beach or beauty salon etc

Beel:

Movie nights with everybody always consist of MC falling asleep in Beel’s lap and then him carrying her up to bed

He’s always calling MC ‘cute’ no matter what she’s doing. She could be having a full on go at him for eating her dinner and he’d just smile at her while thinking ‘could she be anymore adorable?’

Lots and lots of piggy backs

Beel loves hugging MC, he always does that thing where he wraps his jacket around her so he trap the human with his love

Always invites MC to his sports game and whenever she goes, he manages to perform that little bit better to usual

He always offers MC his jacket if she ever gets cold

Everyone dubs them the ‘cutest couple at RAD’ because they’re always holding hands and have the biggest smiles on their faces whenever they’re together

Often they spend their evenings in the kitchen cooking/baking which results in a food fight and eventually sex on the kitchen counter

MC always wears Beel’s top to bed and it makes him so happy to see her in it

Belphie:

He gives MC all of the comfy pillows in their bed - after all he doesn’t need them anymore because his favourite thing to fall asleep on is his human

He’s always coming to MC’s defence. If a lesser demon ever does so much as scowl at her, he immediately puts himself between the two. Nobody is ever going to hurt his human

Belphie wants to learn everything about MC including the things she likes. And if that means he has to sit through hours and hours of a TV show to do that then he’ll commit to it!

He’s always genuinely interested in how MC’s day went and whenever they reunite at the house, he always asks how she is and will listen for however long to what she has to say

He hides food in the fridge for MC “I bought this cake earlier and have hidden it from Beel so that you could have the first slice”

Belphie always wants cuddles from MC - he has to have his head on her chest

He’s also not ashamed of how much he likes to snuggle his human, even if his brothers do tease him for it

Diavolo:

Diavolo is always going above and beyond for MC and acts like she’s already his Queen

He loves taking her on little walks around the castle grounds; telling her all about his ancestors

If Diavolo has to get up early for whatever reason and leave the palace, he’ll always leave a single rose on the bedside table next to MC so she doesn��t wake up feeling forgotten about

He puts MC before his duty - if any nobles ever dare speak ill of his relationship, he immediately dismisses them from their role

Always compliments MC, expressing how ‘positively radiant’ she looks with a huge grin on his face

He loves making MC wear his crown and sit on his throne, in fact he finds it quite the turn on seeing her in a position of power (that’s not the only position he likes seeing her in)

His favourite part of the day is when he gets to return home and see MC in her element doing whatever (studying, drawing etc) looking like the absolute beauty she is

Diavolo always accidentally lets it slip that he wants to have a future with MC - they’d just be talking about something random and then he’d come out with “well I like to think that when our children grow up...” before quickly blushing, realising what he’d said

Barbatos:

He invites MC to the castle a lot to keep him company when he’s serving Diavolo

He’s always surprising MC and leaving her feeling flustered - he could have a completely serious look on his face while he’s doing something for Diavolo but will then turn and whisper to MC “perhaps when I finish this paperwork, I can do you on this desk too” before walking away

Barbatos is always showing off to MC by taking her to different realms and dimensions. Having dinner at a fancy restaurant is too mainstream for him - you want to see France during the Renaissance? Sure, he’ll take you there!

He takes good care of MC and will often sense something is off with her before she even knows. This demon has a different tea for everything

Barbatos loves cooking all of these elaborate dishes only for MC to try and you can bet he’s already memorised all of her favourite meals from the human realm and has perfected them

In fact, some of the very rare moments where he grins is when he and MC are baking together

Even if he’s the one who’s had an incredibly long day, he’ll still run a relaxing bath for MC with candles and salts

Simeon:

Even if MC wakes up and looks like she’s been dragged through a bush backwards, Simeon never fails to compliment her surreal beauty

He calls MC ‘sweetheart’ all the time

Simeon always gets up early so that he can make MC breakfast in bed as it’s the most important meal of the day!

They always bath together

He and MC often go for walks in the park and will bring Luke along if he’s feeling lonely and wants to spend time with his parents

Simeon is incredibly intimate and passionate in their relationship. There’s no such thing as a ‘casual’ kiss with this angel - he never fails to caress MC’s cheek and gaze into her eyes before laying one on her

He always offers to carry MC’s bags while they’re walking through RAD and will effectively treat her like a goddess - opening every door for her, pulling out her chair etc

Simeon’s always gushing to Lucifer about his relationship with MC

Solomon:

MC and Solomon are such a chaotic couple

To show his love for her, he will quote vines (*insert ‘I love you bitch, I ain’t ever gonna stop loving you, bitch’ vine here*)

He is not afraid to show off his love for MC. She could be walking through the corridor at RAD and when he spots her, Solomon will shout ‘DAYUM MY GIRL IS FINE’

Solomon is always making MC laugh. He’s not one for being traditional when it comes to compliments - he’d definitely hit her up with “I would drag my balls through lava just to hear you fart down a walkie talkie”

He’s quite a show off too - the demons are all jealous that MC loves him and not them so he always gushes about his human

If he ever takes an unflattering photo of MC, he immediately turns her into a meme much to his amusement

Although he jokes a lot and isn’t always serious, when they’re alone together, Solomon is incredibly loving and would easily be happy to just sit there and stare at MC in silence for ten minutes so that he can take a moment to appreciate how lucky he is

[auroras-bones]

Book review: Witchcraft/Wicca edition

When I started off a few years ago as a wiccan/witch, the internet was overwhelming and I didn't quite know what sources to get solid information from. I was given the advice of looking into books about witchcraft and Wicca to have a more stable approach. I have collected quite a few over the years and I would like to share them for anyone who wants to look into these types of books, as well as showing off my collection. Let's begin :)

1) The learned arts of witches and wizards by Anton and Mina Adams

8/10

This was the very first book I had purchased regarding witchcraft, from a used bookstore. It was actually pretty good for a beginner like me, going over the basics of everything from types of Wicca, to different culture's practices(it says white magic but this refers to 'good' magic), to spell work and altar tools. Over all a very good book to start with, it's just a little old and not the prettiest.

2) Wicca a guide for the solitary practitioner by Scott Cunningham

9/10

This book taught me the most about Wicca at the start of my path. It is HIGHLY informational and goes into detail about things like the stories behind the sabbats and why we celebrate them. The only reason it is a 9 and not a 10 is because you really need to give all of your attention to it while you read it because every sentence holds something important to learn from. Overall I would defineteley recommend this to a new wiccan or someone who just wants to research the path!!

3) Basic Witches by Jaya Saxena and Jess Zimmerman

6/10

I am a big believer of getting many different people's views on witchcraft to learn and evolve my craft more to my liking, but this book was simply not very transformative for me. It focuses a lot on modern things, not really explaining any practical aspects, so I would only recommend this to witches who have experience already and know the basics. It's a little all over the place and the spells and rituals are not very useful to me personally, but the art is stunning and the book is very well made, so it does at least make a pretty edition to my shelf. If you want a peak into how witchcraft is viewed in a more modern sense, you can give this one a try.

4)The good witch's guide by Shawn Robbins and Charity Bedell

10/10

Yes!!!!!! This book is amazing!!!! Not only does it have the benefit of being gorgeously illustrated and made, it is very useful in all the basics of spell in ingredients from crystals to herbs to flowers, it has many recipes for kitchen witches from breads to tincture and tonics, and it goes over many different subjects that a witch may want to look into. Over all a FANTASTIC book for a witch who wants to look into the many different ways to practice, as well as someone who wants a good thorough guide on herbs and how to use them in spell work and in healing (of course please do not rely on just herbs to take care of yourself, see a doctor if you are having serious illnesses and please please please get vaccinated!).

5) The good spell book by Gillian Kemp

9/10

This little book of Romanian style spells is charmingly put together, and gives the reader an insight to the interesting roots, history, and spell work of the Romanians. It's a great spell book for the more seasoned witch who knows more about how to work with magic. I would not recommend this to a beginner simply because one might see how 'simple' a lot of these spells can be and dive right in, giving themselves magical exhaustion(looking at my past self here). An experienced witch knows their limits and how to work with magic in a safe way. A great spell book, but be sure to understand the power of the magic you are working with before you dive in head first.

6) The green Witch by Arin Murphy-Hiscock

10/10

Like I said before, I like to look into different ways people practice witchcraft, and this includes different paths as well. If you are a baby witch looking into the path of green witch craft of even a more experienced green witch, this is a fantastic guide full of everything you need to know about herbs, flowers, plant care and even things like projects and spells and recipes you can incorporate into your path. Although I do not identify as a green witch, if there is certain type of plant I'm researching for a spell, I often find myself turning to this book for help. A great read for any witch in my opinion!

7) Celtic myth and magic by Edain McCoy

10/10

This book is incredibly full of so much rich detail in celtic history, tradition, and myth! I began working with Celtic deities when I didn't have any luck connecting with other pantheons and turned to where my heritage lies. I wanted to form a very strong bond, so I searched for books that taught me about the Celtic way of life back in the day, and the traditions it's people still learn today. It may not be the most aesthetically pleasing book, but if you want to learn about Celtic myth and magic and the history it holds, I would really recomend this book!!

8) The mammoth book of Celtic myths and legends by Peter Berresford Ellis

10/10

When I started my research on Celtic deities, I found it hard to find one source on the many many deities. This books tells a chronological story of the Celtic gods, and it's written like a story rather than some sort of historical article, so it can be very captivating to read. This one has taught me a lot about the old stories, and I am very fond of it :). The only thing I wish it had is pronunciations of the names so I didn't have to look up how to say a new name every time a new person showed up! This is one of my favorite books.

9) Wicca a modern practitioner's guide by Arin Murphy-Hiscock

10/10

This book is an amazing read for the well seasoned wiccan who knows all the basics of Wicca and has developed their own style of practice, but now wants to learn more about the how's and the why's of wiccan tradition and culture. It really made me think hard on my beliefs, evolving them further and challenging my previous thoughts and opinions that effected my practice. This book is such a great read for any wiccan who is sick of seeing only baby witch posts and beginner guides when they want to search for more advanced ways of enhancing their craft. It also has a few 'right of passage' rituals that I was very excited to read more in depth about! I can't recommend it enough!!

10) The practical witch's spellbook by Cerridwen Greenleaf

10/10

My most recent edition to my collection, this spell book was something I was hesitant purchasing at first, but it has quickly become my favorite guide for spells, giving you a spell or ritual for every occasion, from the sabbats, to love, to money, to the home and etc! This book has gotten me more excited and motivated to do more magic every day. With this book, I hope to further expand my magical stamina as I want to do a spell a day, even if it's just a small little house blessing or cleansing. It also doesn't hurt that the book is beautiful and the illustrations are super pretty! This is a great spell book for those who are ready to practice magic more frequently but are having trouble finding spells that suit their every day life!

And with that, my post comes to an end. If you have any recommendations, comments on these books, or you just want to ask more about the information that these books have, please feel free to reblog and comment on it, or even message me for more detail! Blessed be, and if that's not for you, have a lovely day :)🌊🌟✨

[revchainsaw]

The Crow (1994)

Alright Cult of Cult. Do I really need to introduce this one? Let's get all 90s and gothy and maybe brace ourselves for a bit of cringe, but like in a fun way. It's the Holy Grail of Hot Topic, 1994's the Crow Starring Brandon Lee.

Sermon

Apparently before the auto industry totally crashed Detroit was already a total fucked to death pile of burning shit, or at least that's what the crow would have you believe. Sorry Bruce Campbell, and other people from Detroit, but mostly Bruce Campbell. According to the Crow the city of Detroit is the kind of place where gangs of warlock anarchist arsonists will bomb buildings, and murder and rape whoever they feel like and then walk around bragging about it the next day with absolutely zero consequences. Funny then that if Detroit was so bad they had to go to film this movie in Wilmington North Carolina which is definitely a fucked to death pile of burning shit. I can say that, I'm from there and I got the fuck out. My brother is going to kill me if he ever reads this. (It's okay, these are all jokes people). Did you know they also filmed the Super Mario Bros movie there ... also cuz they needed a really shitty looking distopia. Moving on ...

The ludicrous criminality of the Crow's Detroit is particularly on display on Halloween. In Detroit (apparently) Halloween is known as Devils Night and it's legitimately just a night of pure lawlessness and chaos and kids aren't even safe to get candy, except later when we do see trick or treaters. Eric Draven, hunky goth rocker who sort of looks like he could be Bruce Lee's Kid and his fiance are murdered by a gang of vicious criminals. One year hence, Eric is resurrected by a mystical crow (that is actually a Raven), to exact his revenge on the gang that murdered him.

He paints his face like sad Alice Cooper and refuses to listen to Joy Division, just covers. He murders Tin Tin (a knife guy) just for his long gothy duster, he murders Fun Boy and forcibly ejects heroine from her arms and tells her "Go be a good mom now" which actually works. (have I told you about our Lord and Savior Sting? He gave me the strength to get off drugs), he blows T Bird up dick first, and then comes for Skab? Scraap? Scooby? in a meeting of all of Detroits villains and just about kills them all.

He is supported by the most 90s little girl to have ever graced the screen, and I am here for it, and Officer Albrecht, who's played by Ernie Hudson but I like to call him Zeddemore: The Most Underrated Ghostbuster. The leader of the bad guys, who I cannot beleive wasn't played by Brad Dourif or Tom Waits, is pretty interested in the occult. He keeps his witchy girlfriend around and she makes him fun dishes like smoked eyeballs, and her main use is that she knows that the Crow is the Crows weakness. They set Tony Fucking Todd on the bird, and I guess you just have to hurt the bird and not kill it, and Eric loses his healing factor and other macabre undead powers.

The Crow, Jimmy the Raven, pecks out Dr. Girlfriends eyeballs, I honestly forget how Tony Todd gets offed, and Top Dollar gets Gargoyled (that is impaled on a gargoyle). Funnily enough that is more Gargoyle related impaling on screen then in the actual movie Gargoyle: Wings of Darkness where a Gargoyle is supposed to have impaled a guy.

The Benediction

Best Feature: Injustice League

In the Crow we have not only a set of super memorable villains but they are played by the bad guy all stars. John Polito as the most lowly of the bad guys as a kind of sleazy pawn shop owner who buys ill gotten gains. Tony Todd, who's size is really on display here, the freaking Candy Man is in this movie. T Bird is the head of Top Dollars goons and is played by David Patrick Kelly, you might know as the "Warriors Come Out and Play!!" bottle guy from the Warriors, or as Jimmy Horne from Twin Peaks, and of course Top Dollar himself is played by Michael Wincott. Wincott is not a particularly celebrated actor but has played villains effectively in Robin Hood, the Three Musketeers, and Dead Man.

Best Set Piece: Detroit Style Hot Dogs

The Set design of the Crow is perhaps one of it's most fantastic features. It's very moody and ethereal. It's just real enough to not take you out of the film, but fantastic enough to set mood and theme above realism. From Eric Draven's apartment, to the church where the final battle occurs they are all fantastic. I think that's why I really wanted to shine the spot light on a very minor set piece that would get nary a mention but just as effectively represents the qualities I was just talking about and that is the Maxi Doggs Hot Dog Stand, where a lot of the films exposition for audience surrogates takes place.

Worst Effect: Freeze Frame

At a few points in the movie the film makers made a strange decision to do these freeze frame transitions. I only noticed it twice in the movie where it was particularly stupid. I'm sure the film makers at the time thought it was a moody and atmospheric choice that highlighted the suffering that Eric Draven was going through, but it didn't age well. If you don't have the sensibilities of a goth girl from 1994 then it's very very hard not to laugh at just how self involved the movie is about it's super sadness.

Worst Feature: Tragic Accident

Solely based on the film itself, it is that very gothic and dated sensibility that hurts the Crow. The little sarcastic dance he does when he flees the police, quoting Edgar Allen Poe, and bowing to Albrecht. These affected behaviors that I'm sure seemed snarky and right on to the target audience only serve to make Eric Draven seem like an unbearable neck beard edgelord and not the troubled dark soul he's supposed to be. I'm sure at the time it seemed unique and gothy but that shit went out of style for good reason, people could see through it. It's a shame that the Crow himself was some of the cringiest parts of this movie now that I'm seeing it as an adult and not a 13 year old middle class boy with no real problems.

This however is not the low point of the movie. It's not news now and if you're reading some dudes review of The Crow on Tumblr then you probably already know the story. The worst thing about The Crow is that Brandon Lee was horrifically killed on set while filming this movie due to some negligible prop malfunctions. A series of unfortunate events that lead to the actor spending 6 hours in surgery fighting for his life before eventually passing. It was not a quick or painless death and it's really impossible to watch the movie without an appreciation for the fact that this kind of fun dark adventure was going to be a vehicle for Brandon Lee's career wound up taking his life. He was 28. I really wish I could have just bitched about the goofy goth stuff and moved on, but that's not the world we live in.

Best Effect: The Gargoyling

Maybe I should have called this best kill. But I'm not sure which it is. The slaying of Top Dollar at the Climax of the film was just super effective. The pointed wings impaling his chest and that horn coming out of his mouth, it was morbid and excellent and just fit the tone of the movie perfectly. I mean how many other movies can you say Cause of Death: Impaled on a Gargoyle.

Best Bird: The Raven

I tried very hard to look up the name of the bird that primarily performed in this movie and could not find anything. There was a Raven once upon a time called Jimmy the Raven, but that was in the 50s and I don't think birds live that long. There was a team of Ravens performing as the crow, they were chosen over crows for their larger size, and more imposing silhouettes. I just think it's so wonderful to see these often maligned birds get a chance to show off their talents. Corvids of all kinds are incredibly intelligent creatures. Im a sucker for animals, if you haven't already figured that out. I really liked seeing the ravens hit their marks, particularly the one whos job it was to drop the wedding ring into Sarah's hand at the end of the film. You can see that greedy little bastard do his trick and then look of camera at his trainer like "treat please!". It's very cute.

Best Actor: Top Dollar Performance

I'd love to take this opportunity to just put praise upon Brandon Lee, he truly gave everything for this role, but unfortunately with what was put to film we actually have very few character moments with Eric Draven. Stuff happens to him, and he does killings and fights. There's definitely some personality, but I felt like I walked away knowing almost nothing about who Eric Draven was. He was clearly a good dude but that and a few hobbies and a relationship and you don't really have a character yet. He's unfortunately not given a lot of acting to do, instead just relegated to stunts and action sequences. That were notably cool.

The bad guys in the Crow have a lot more character and among this who's who of character actors, Michael Wincott takes the cake. Hell he was standing next to Candyman himself, Tony Todd and still stealing the scenes.

Best Character: A Few Good Apples

Is the best character in The Crow really going to be the cop? The commissioner Gordon stand in? yeah, it is. Not to be political, but I don't like cops, but I guess in a world with magical birds and eyeball smoking I can suspend my disbelief and let Ernie Hudson be #1 cop dad. His character is really the heart of the film, since all Eric can do is brood and fight, we have to care about someone in this movie.

Best Sequence: Halloween Party

The best sequence of the movie is of course the scene where Eric Draven busts in on the Devil's Night party planning commission. I think Top Dollar brought Scrappy Doo there just so he could lure out the crow, knowing the baddest assholes in all of Detroit would be gathered it was likely that somebody was going to kill the beast, or if they couldn't at least Top Dollar could get a feel for his enemy. It's a bullet flying action sequence with a ton of weight. I can't put my finger on this all to common weightless third act problem that big budget super hero and action flicks have nowadays, but whatever that issue is, the Crow does not have that issue. From this point on the Climax feels earned and I am invested. For that reason, The Crow is honestly better in spite of its awkwardness, than many of the super hero movies out today.

Worst Sequence: My Guitar Gently Weeps

Speaking of brooding or fighting. The best sequence was fighting, the worst is brooding. I get that Eric was in a band or something, but didn't he have shit to do. It seemed like it was a cool idea for a shot, but for like a whole seen, watching somebody play an 80s guitar solo, that stood out so brazenly from the choices of music in the rest of the movie was extra corny. It felt like someone's( dad trying to relate to their kid. Oh you like Music. The Dresden Dolls eh? Oh man, then you're going to love Slash's Snake Pit!

Summary

The Crow is dated. It is iconic but I wonder how many of the people that hang that poster on the wall have watched that movie since they were kids. It's interesting how what i've liked and disliked about this film have changed so much sense I was a kid. It's a cheeseball fiesta. If you have matured at all beyond thinking that being sad is the same as being deep then you're going to like it a little less than you did when you were younger, but it is still solid. There's not much to hate on. I'd watch it over and over again. I was really afraid it would not hold up at all, but returning to The Crow was a completely positive experience.

Overall Grade: B

[ranmanjuu]

—gen z mc with uesugi-takeda + misc. forces

ahh, i’m so glad people liked my gen z oda hcs! lol it’s usually pretty slow from my writing blog experiences until now, but i’m rlly happy! i was planning to do u-t and the others but then i decided to stop at oda and continue another day. thx for the asks tho! and yeah, i do take requests but it’s more of a pasttime, since this whole blog is just my stupid ideas written out and shared out there.

also someone said that a gen z mc could be old enough to romance the warlords, like, early twenties. and yes, very fair if u wanna romance ur mans with memes and existentialism go for it!! i just think it adds more to the comedy side of this child they have to babysit, while not fearing death or any consequences from their dumb of Ass decisions. someone who fears no death and armed with no braincells is a fool, but a Child who fears no death and armed with no braincells is also a fool, but more bizzare and has That Vibe y’know

@niphredil-14​ and @arthotsglasses​

tw: s*icidal, violent jokes treated in a light manner

also spoilers to some things of their characters

—kenshin:

who is this,, , sassy lost child??

he first saw you prepared to throw hands with ronins who were being Elite Dickheads. ofc, armed with nothing compared to the sworded-adults, he had to interfere.

no matter how cold he treated you, masking his secret !!!-like concern, you seemed so unfazed through it. you still interacted with him like normal,,,,, why?? do you want a death wish?

and each time he threatened you with,, anything, you responded with, “the only one who gets to hurt & kill me, is ME”

...... what?

he’s convinced you’re the biggest fool of a person. and he’d be right but even so, he has a weirdly strong need to protect you as you two got closer. you’re often with sasuke, so it’s harder to avoid you.

even with all the Horrible jokes you make on a daily basis, if your passionate side with everyone having equal rights of being treated as human, for him it shows a side of you that makes you seem precious and pure and kind hearted.

and the overprotective side increases.

which is, ,, a bit problematic sometimes cause you have the tendency to target and piss off anyone in a 10 meter range by just one (1) sassy comment, along with your lack of impulse control and blurting out everything in your mind. it’s made you a lot of short enemies in the sengoku period, and kenshin would always be ready to slice them down behind you.

sasuke has to tame him down with his Masters degree in kenshin-wrangling.

at banquets, kenshin would often have you beside him. if you’re too young for sake do age for drinking exist in sengoku? probably not. it’s more of sasuke advising for him to not give you alcoholic drinks he’ll have you pouring for him or just munching away at pickled plums or food.

—shingen:

(ngl i kinda had a hard time with this since it’s erasing a big part of his overall character,,, flirting)

once he heard the news that oda had taken in somone as young as you during honno-ji,, ,,,he’s in a very “how dare that demon >>:( taking such a pure soul,....”

and when you’re taken to kasugayama as a captive, you’re,,, surprisingly very calm and whelmed. you don’t have much sign of fear or anxiety in your overall demeanor meanwhile you’re busy dissociating and spacing out to feel those

you actually don’t seem to hate your captor. but shingen isn’t sure if your ‘fingerguns’ is a good thing or not cause it depicts you pointing guns @ him,, (dw is good shingen)

while yes being held hostage—no matter how good you’re being treated—isn’t ideal and kinda not very cash money, you consider shingen v chill. man has a kindheart!! “i diagnose you with good vibes.”

if he ever sees your righteous side, as everyone else, he’ll deeply admire you. he himself is someone who believes in such as well. and hearing the circumstances in the modern world regarding those things (blm, etc.) his heart truly does go out for you. he feels sympathy for such a young person like you having to take action

also your dirty humor around him, echigo’s player, kind of makes him question where and how you learnt it

and,, his illness.

through getting straight to the point and not falling for it each time he changes subject/dodges the question, you managed to get to the bottom of his illness. shingen himself thinks it’s not something you have to burden with knowing—you’re so, so young.

but that doesn’t matter to you. the world’s given you such a shit time, you’re mature enough to understand the situation at least.

and as he finishes his explanation, all there was is silence. it felt wrong to say any of your usual quips,, so all you did was slowly came there and hugged him.

that was more than what he’d ask for.

—sasuke:

oh hell yeah

you are in your element with him. the chillest guy to talk to, and probably the first one you’re the closest to

your phone was dead after like 2 days of use, and you were miserable while hideyoshi, like a typical parent, told you to go outside and into town. sensing your bad mood, sasuke asked what’s up. you deadpanned, “my phone game ended and now i’m ready to commit not breath.” you oslemnly look out in the bustling streets and clutched your fist like an Anime Protagonist, “those boomer memes were right all along... i am absolutely Miserable and Useless(^TM) without it.”

in response, you could’ve sworn he did the Anime Glasses thing as well, “then we at team Moderately Awesome Sengoku Ninja are happy to announce the launch of a DIY phone charger, made with the electricity from a fruit and the main functionality of a solar panel. and has more durability than samsung’s.”

there were Stars in your eyes now. with a big grin, you thank him, “i’d die for you, sasuke.”

“then perish.” he said with a blank look. (yukimura, in the bg: ???!!!??!??!?)

the next day he consentually breaks in through the ceiling and gives you the weird contraption. you’re now saved, soul-wise.

the memes start coming and they don’t stop coming from the two of you. in any situation. whether it’d be at a teahouse, or at a battlefield that can determine your life and death.

and you can have discussions about current world events, or the past ones, with him and he’d understand completely what you’re talking about. it’s those rare nights when you’ve been thinking and have a deep conversation with him in his room, and as an adult, it makes for interesting results as well.

the others are endlessly confused, but you’re both so unapologetically yourselves.

and he’s super protective if the circumstances are tough. he feels bad for dragging another person in the sengoku with him—much less when they’re so young like you.

if you’re enough of a lil shit, once you’re taken into kasugayama, in the nights where you can’t sleep because brain at what would be 3 am, you’d probably trudge over to his room and wake him up to tell him what kind of mind-blowing shit you realized.

—yukimura:

when he saved you from falling to your death, your reaction already set off weird Vibes inside him. what do you mean, “you stopped me from fleeing this fleeting world by the sweet embrace of death” ?!?!?! are you crazy?? yes

he doesn’t waste time getting blunt with you at all either.

once he goes into azuchi as a merchant, he silently observes you talking to sasuke for a bit. what’s with your weird language?? and crude humor???? never in his life has he met someone in your age act like that wtf

even so, he still operates on the basis of ‘‘if sasuke trusts you, i trust you’’, no matter how utterly concerned you make him feel

you have a dirtier mind than him! unsurprisingly. along with everyone else, you often tease the poor soul, a nd you’d gladly tell him what the innuendoes mean ( 69, etc.) and maybe sprinkle in some gay jokes in there

and why do you keep mentioning this “bromance between him and sasuke” ?? what us,,, a bromance????? and why is sasuke in it??

he takes you out to teahouses to eat chestnut dumplings and other desserts with you. you always seem to target the one he doesn’t like the most and have a bit of banter

your relationship is built on banter but what’s different rlly

he treats you much more maturely than other people your age. as in, he doesn’t pull back his punches in words most of the time. you don’t seem to around him also, it looks like.

and, he’s also very protective of you. he regards you as his little sibling, as rat as you may be. and he does care about you—he might just be a bit unwilling to say it

—yoshimoto:

you think he’s very chill, if a bit unique but who were you to judge. and he is, if you ever meet him in echigo or even azuchi

his big liking to art and something of apathy to people is osmething you can respect. there’s something about that kind of Vibe that you find oddly a mood.

and oh boy oh boy you wasted no time pulling up your phone and showing images of what art is in the future. whether it’d be a screenshot of anime, fanart, aesthetic-like ones, palette-themed—the whole shabang. 

and, somehow, you were left ranting to him  about how some artists in the future get it so shitty for theft, reposting, not crediting, the list goes on (please be a decent human being to artist, sincerely the author) and he can’t help but just listen in silence and kind of thinking about how you’re so passionate about the Struggles of artists. and it isn’t something he sees often in the sengoku era—where war rules most things.

and he does find art from the modern times interesting, how they’re so different and vast in styles. and not only that, it’s not like the future only has one major style like then, each hand can draw such different pictures and still have beauty in each. he appreciates and admires that.

and he does tell you his thoughts ^ while you give your own insight. it’s so fascinating to see someone like you having strong opinions on this.

because, well, rn art is a big thing in our lives as we’re stuck inside. a part of entertainment is looking at any media of art—and he finds his view of art and yours quite the same. you two came from a time of turmoil (one moreso than the other) but still think art isn’t exactly irrelevant just because it isn’t a cure to diseases or the Ultimate Weapon.

you had to Surgically Remove him from your phone so you can use it and to stop him from draining your battery looking at the art

and he often drags you out to town and admire pieces when you’re holing yourself in too much. your comments are always unknown to him, “radical”, “that’s one i can vibe with ngl”, and the list goes on.

and you occasionally call him pretty boy as a compliment rlly

—kennyo:

when you first saw him at honno-ji, and he won’t forget the one (1) line you gave him, all you said to his warning of ooo spooky demons was, “that’s lit fam gtg tho”

and that alone was enough to stun him for a few seconds

honestly you told the others of your meeting with kennyo before they told you it could be kennyo. just a throaway line of “oh yeah there was this dude with a scar across his face.” / “,,, ,....that’s kennyo. he’s really dangerous actually—” / “oh, poggers”

you’re probably kind of half the reason the oda forces found who dun it.

and it was an eye for an eye, kennyo himself found out that you were their child chatelaine, and very close to the others. as per his villain-schedule, he kidnaps you .

he laments about how “such a pure soul such as yours is not to be stained by the demon’s hands”

oh how Wrong he was.

you were the definition of the opposite of pure. and you seemed unfazed, which surprised kennyo but shrugged it off. he was willing to face you screaming and panicking, along with shouldering the sin of doing the deed. but instead, he was met with a raised eyebrow and, “this is unexpected and probably not welcomed but what am i doing here.”

he was stunned for a moment before explaining what he can. 

“......... fuck.”

he cringed ever so slightly at your curse. but your attention seems to stray so quickly off of the fact that you were bounded and helpless, to the fact that you have the man doing unspeakable things to civilians and you absolutely don’t approve.

throwing your common sense to maybe be civilized, you went off on a rant of how human rights and how to not be an ass to him. all he could do was just listened, shocked to even cut you off.

when he did, he gave the whole ‘unsaved demon’ shtick, and you weren’t taking that kinda shit. he believed he was truly unsaved—you knew that. but that doesn’t make it okay.

eventually, he left you with a cold end of the conversation.

he admires your spirit in a way—but with what he’s experienced,,, it’s a bit of unreachable for him.

if at any point you saw the soft side of his with animals, you just gaped at him for a split second and whispered, “the gap moe is strong with this one.”

also old man died inside when you said that you’d fight god, along with many things.

all in all, to him, you’re insufferable. but weirdly,, fascinating.

you’ve totally ok boomer’d him once cause he rlly looks old

—motonari:

,,. if your speech to kennyo was bad, he’s going to rant hell.

motonari already knew you were interesting even when his men just spied on you. your behavior, so brash and impulsive, is going to be so fun to have, he thinks.

through some planning to stir up more chaos, he kidnaps you and brings you unto his ship. same as kennyo, you showed no clear sign of surprise, and that’s when he decided you were either used to this in any way, or a fool. both answers, he liked.

you’re kind of really confused on why he’s doing what he’d doing. “i get it, i like to stir up chaos myself but it’s harmless,, most of it—but not until the people are in danger, bitch.”

and by that line, motonari leans towards you with a deadly smirk, “now, i can bite, ‘kay kid? you don’t wanna be in the receiving end... do you?”

“do it, coward.”

and before he could let out even a wheeze of laughter, you continued on on a lecture of, again, not being a dick and letting people live their life in peace. and much less all of this damage, for what? chaos?? yeah you wanted to see the world burn but it wasn’t literally.

however, his patience was running thin. he shuts you up forcefully, and leaves.

even so, after a cooldown period, he still talks to you (,,,, well, that’s kind of a generous term) because, right he was, you were so fun in his eyes.

an interesting observation he made,,, was that you picked up on his big dislike of physical contact. and he’d think with how annoying you were at times, that you’d weaponize it. but you didn’t—in fact, you kept your space (not that you were planning to get close) and respected his boundaries.

he thinks you a bit of peculiar for that decision, some wary, and perhaps naive.

one of the days—the more dangerous ones—he was planning to take you to the oda as bait or something. and you weren’t taking it like that. two days before arrival, a storm racked up. you stood upon the edge of the ship with the rest of the crew watching you like you were a madman.

“the oda won’t want me if i’m dead, would they now?”

motonari stands in his composure, guffawing, “all i need is to make sure they believe you’re alive, kid.”

a smile that showed absolutely no fear and 1000 percent spite spread in your face, “not unless i decimate my own body until all the trail left is my blood. the only one who gets to do that shit to me, is me.”

finally, a look of wavering shows in his face.

you were saved last minute,, and the rest is history.

[maribabyart]

Do you have any Demon Martha headcanons? How do you think her reunion with Mrs. Mayberry (The teacher who paid for her assassination) in hell would go?

 OK YES I HAVE HEADCANONS FOR THIS HERE WE GO --

MARTHA HEADCANONS <3

So, I’m gonna start with her before she died so I can fully get into why every part of her is the way she is as a demon.

Martha is light skinned Latina woman with family coming from Venezuela. Her mother has a much darker skin tone than her, but her father is far more light-skinned, where she gets her complexion from. While she was raised in America, her parents were immigrants. She was born at home, and she didn’t get a birth certificate until she was four, the year before she started schooling.

She has three older brothers. They were very rambunctious with Martha as a child, pulling pranks on her/with her, taking her hunting, etc.

She was raised out on a farm in the middle of a forested area in Kentucky. They raised cattle, sheep, chickens, and horses. Martha’s main job on the farm was to groom/ride horses and feed chickens.

She learned her sharp-shooter skills in a more intense version of something like 4H unique to her area. She was fantastic with a bow and arrow, and even better with her firearms.

Cannibalism was normalized in Martha’s life from a young age. She knew that it must be kept secret from the outside world, and that it wasn’t accepted. However, it wasn’t something she found to be horrid.

Her family -- and their close friends -- came from a long lineage of Satanic cultists that practiced cannibalism to purge any bit of, “soul” remaining in the corpses of their sacrifices. Due to this, Martha had evolved to be able to be immune to the ill side effects of cannibalism, along with the ability to not feel repulsed by the idea of eating human meat.

Her favorite part of the body growing up was the brain, and it still is to this day. She loves the frontal lobe slathered in spices and hot sauce.

She began her cultish killings at age fourteen, when she officially joined the cult of her family’s descent -- Compañerismo de la Fruta Prohibida (Fellowship of the Forbidden Fruit, a refrence to their following of Lucifer)

Martha didn’t love Raphael Peterson, or, “Ralphie”. She was married of to him at age sixteen, when she became a, “Woman” in the cult’s eyes. They were both meant to appear as an ideal couple so that people wouldn’t suspect them, as their parents before them have.

Ralph and Martha always saw each other as friends with benefits.

They moved to Dayton, Tennessee to start their family when they turned eighteen.

In Nashville, Martha started singing to music her husband played in Taverns. Think Dolly Parton style music. She sounded a lot like that.

Their first child was born when Martha was eighteen: Their daughter, Jolene Peterson. Two years later, they had their son, Beau Peterson.

Martha was always really involved with her kids’ school activities, and she was always volunteering to work events, and her kids were in every activity they could be.

She used her physical attractiveness to seduce and kill men.

While sex favorable, Martha is on the aspec -- greysexual (sexual pleasure is irrelevant to her, and she only engages in it to appease her partner generally. She only finds sexual attraction in people while in the act.) Because of this fact, Martha only has affairs for the sake of gaining trust to bring the men home so they can be killed and eaten.

When Martha was shot, the community villainized Mrs. Mayberry because the town darling, Martha Jane Nunez Robles-Peterson, would NEVER cheat, right? The situation was misread: Martha was just talking to Jarold Mayberry that night about t-ball-related things, right? He WAS the the little league captain for her 6-year-old-son’s league, wasn’t he?

Martha was gifted millions by the community, and people were insanely supportive of her. They wanted the sweet Martha they, “knew” to get better soon. They loved her so -- such a darling woman!

Her music became more well known, and soon, Martha was all over TV. Her big musical break came from when she auditioned for American Idol and made it. Her sob-story propelled her, and she eventually won.

Martha was a hero to everyone around her -- surviving a traumatic event that was uncalled for, while also being so damn chipper and kind.

Hell, did you guys see the background in one of those scenes?! Martha was canonly proclaimed a SAINT! People loved her that much.

She used the public trust to lure in more victims and never be suspected.

Martha was 28 when she died. Ralphie was 28 as well. Jolene was 10, and Beau was 8.

Ralphie managed to survive the explosion, albeit he was completely paralyzed, and the two children went to heaven. Ralphie repented during his last month alive, and confessed to his crimes. He was sent to heaven as well.

Martha and the children were declared to have died in a bear attack, as Compañerismo de la Fruta Prohibida covered up their true demise with ease.

People were heart broken -- Martha’s music was used in sad collages on Youtube, Tik Toks had Martha’s face in them for memorials.

No one ever realized her crimes.

Now! As a demon....

In hell, Martha picked up the alias Hero -- it’s what she was in life, right? I’ll be calling her Hero from now on.

Hero is both different and similar to how she was when she was alive. She’s still the got her kind-hearted, southern mama vibe going for her: She tends to be able to fit into any demonic crowd well, either by attractiveness or by sheer, overwhelming allure -- she’s a very magnetic personality.

As far as powers go, Hero’s are mostly related to firearms. She’s acquired these powers through deal making and soul dealing, as most demons do. Her charming aura very quickly lure people into thinking she’s naive or really just being honest with them.

Her nails can peel back to allow her to shoot from, “finger guns”. Each finger is a different gun, besides her middle and index fingers. They are both shotguns. Together, they make a double barrel shotgun.

When in full demonic form, Hero’s bandages become sentient. They peel away from her wound, revealing a minigun like weapon in the hole in her head. This can rapid fire while the bandages can grab onto things or hoist Hero up. She can make this last for five minutes -- ten at the longest -- before she gives out to sheer exhaustion and needs to eat demon meat to replenish herself.

Within her first week in hell, she was known to be powerful. Not quite an overlord, but powerful enough to hang around overlords. 

She hit overlord status three months later, during the terf war seen in Hazbin Hotel’s pilot: She took several areas of land, and was seen to have several lesser demons flocking to be on her good side.

Hero used her land to build up a bar and grill that serves strictly demon meat and blood, where demons can play music and dance. It’s like a fucked up country dinner. It’s an insanely popular addition to Cannibal Colony, where she lives.

The place is called La Cocina de la Calle Kuru (The Kuru Street Kitchen)

Hero REALLY wants to get her hands on exterminator tools, but she’s not really a fan of black market deals -- it’s too “trashy” for her.

Hero knows Alastor pretty well, as he’s came in for meat and to watch the music. They’ve had pretty decent conversations while she was on break, seeing as they were both influential  southern, cannibalistic serial killers. It’s a running gag between them where they jokingly talk about who was more iconic -- “I bet I took out more belles in a lifetime than you could in your entire afterlife!” “Well hon, at least I could eat the brains without gettin’ Kuru!”

She talks to Rosie a lot about business, and has met Niffty and Mimzy before. (Al hooked a bitch up with some friends lmao)

She REALLY likes Mimzy. She reminds her of Ralphie, and they became super fast friends. 

Vox and Hero have a confusing sort of friendship, as neither really wants to be seen with the other -- In his case, because she’s much lower on the overlord spectrum than him, and in her case, because she’s no stranger to Alastor and Vox’s hatred for one another. However, she often finds herself consoling Vox on sleepless nights after closing up the bar, trying to convince him that Valentino is NOT worth his time. Beyond that and him occasionally paying her back in tech at random hours of the morning, they don’t talk often.

Hero LOVES dancing! Like, a lot.

She’s seen Charlie’s ad for the Happy Hotel. Her and Mimzy watched it, and they both thought it was the stupidest damn thing they’d ever seen. However, Hero said she was happy Charlie got up there, because she was just, “Cute as a button, that lil’ sweatpea was!”

Hero’s best friends are Mimzy and an unnamed demon who specializes in black market, extermination tool selling (the one seen in in Addict -- Cherri Bomb’s former lover).

These two people, and these two people alone, can call her “Martha”

Hero cooks whenever she’s stressed. She also adores sewing and binging soap operas and reality shows on Voxflix.

Hero’s Instagram would be, “HeroicMelodies” in reference to her music career and name.

Hero gets hit on A LOT, and she despises it. She doesn’t need to seduce people anymore to get away with murder, and she doesn’t want to. She dresses the way she does because she LIKES that clothing. People can fuck off.

The reason Hero is white and pink is to show how innocent she looks. Her pitch-black eyes show her dark soul.

Hero sings in Spanish to herself when cleaning up.

Sometimes, Hero and Rosie spend holidays going around with ground demon meat to throw to the hell crows and other critters. They find it peaceful.

Hero, shockingly, holds no hatred for I.M.P., and commonly jokes about how the I.M.P.’s, “Did her a favor” by sending her somewhere she can actually be her. She has no idea who called for the hit, though. 

Hero finds Blitzo’s Instagram posts being poorly spelled to be, “Damn near precious”.

She thinks he’s a teenager, and probably would think it less adorable if she knew he was a grown man with a grown kid.

Hero doesn’t care about Mrs. Mayberry at all. Like, at all. She honestly assumes the woman is in heaven. She knew Mayberry wasn’t bad -- she probably wouldn’t care if she was in hell, though. Oh well. Sucks to suck, bitch.

Husk frequents La Cocina de la Calle Kuru to drink and engage in the gambling scene. Hero finds him trashy, but can’t say she hates him. She finds him funny as hell, and enjoys the business. Just not someone she’d personally hang out with.

[maskedjoker]

We are getting really close to the scene in lost fragment of snow that was genuinely confusing in the book, and it's the scene were everyone in the circus is killed. I think what we will probably get is a scene were mana finally ends up giving into despair after he is hit and then allen is fed to a lion.

I think that with more current info, i can say for sure that sleeve earl and mana are a hybird. This will likely cause a resurgence of sleeve earl into taking over the body and becoming whole. This only lasts for a short time however and when cross confronts him after the rest of the circus has died from the audience turning into akuma(which i suppose are implied to be constantly just around the earl and is probably one of the many reasons cross warned Allen to stay away) some exchange of words or damage causes a lots of control. This damage however also hurts mana(or potentially just being forced out off control) causing him to loose even more memories as seen when mana and Allen reunite the next day.

Now i think we can agree that sleeve earl exists as a third entity, especially since her recent art exhibit interview, as she talked about the suit being a super sophisticated golem. I think in this case as with tim and lero yhat "golem" refers to AI. Id argue with the weird phrasing like helix of life and all the biotech style that magic is more often than not just more advanced technology, and wherever the noahs came from likely was, hence why they say they only seem strong because we have become so weak. This is only further shown with innocences resemblance to machines like its gear like parts and percentage resonance.

The noah memories in general i think are some kind of AI that passes through generation lines, carrying significant portions of its past forward and then fusing with a similar person in their lineage. For example early on road would have been just road, then through some means either became an AI(or was given a piece of someone that counts as one under golem, its unclear). Regardless once connected to the noah memory, it acts like a save file and becomes more sophisticated with time. It carries each life and gives all those memories, feelings and drives to a new body. So new road would remember being road, her life and everything, but also the life they had been living up until the two combined. Over time the noah memory keeps getting larger and larger to the point new experiences are so small, relatively speaking, that it overrides much more than normal. Since they are fuzed as one being they likely cant be separated without mutually assured destruction, were the current entity will die and any remains will not be the origionals, if anything remains at all. An example of this is that tyki could not be made human by Allen I their fight i the arc, despite having a blade that should destroy only part of him. Admittedly tyki is a special case though, and more tyki backstory is needed.

Changes from body to body become more subtle, but the base, which likely has a distinct core function as seen by its response to certain tasks and ideas, remains a strong aspect. This creates an almost reincarnation like effect for them, needing to only find a new body to continue.

The suit is like this, but different. I don't know how the original earl split, but i do think that some aspect of him was placed on the suit. I would like to say its the original version of the noah memories of the earl and nea got like a brand new copy, but i actually have no idea what memories he has of being past earl so its mostly a guess. Regardless the noah actually all seem to transform in some way when they get mega pissed. Im looking at you skinn, jasdevi, and tyki/joyd. So the suit is likely that kind of thing, but way more distinct and capable of acting autonomously. Since they all have different forms it makes sense that his would also be unique. They all probably represent some inner desire related to their memory. Skinn is just rage so big angry man works fine. Jasdero and devit are bonds so they want most to be one. Tyki got all fucked up before he changed so i got nothing, but it had a heavy does of sadism, which I guess is pleasure? Taking into account that killing in horrible graphic ways is his guilty pleasure it kinda makes sense.

So because of that, this sentient AI is constantly trying to pair with half a fucking brain because nea and mana only share one brain cell. Some kind of resistance from mana or strain causes him to constantly fall ill or comatose. Now to be clear on naming, sleeve earl does not refer to themselves as adam in the mirror scene nor does he refer to mana as adam, and only uses "we" when talking to mana about being the earl. Oddly enough the earls self pronouns are we, using wagashi which is kind of like the japanese equivalent of the royal we used in europe for the entirety of the series. For the record, mana in the flashbacks uses male or single they pronouns, i don't remember if he uses boku or watashi, but he uses at least one if not both.

So from this it seems millennium earl is a title, used by whatever is paired with the suit. Adam is the original name of the noah, and is the preferred name of the current earl aside from the title.

This circumstance was likely caused by the rest of the noah, who are using the earl for something related by the pillar. His separation either by accident or by intent was likely by the hands of his family trying to keep control for their ends. This is why the current earl is called a broken puppet and has so many things around him related to acting and stage plays. He is playing a role, the red clown to allens white clown as stated in the ark arc. He even wears a mask. His memories and mind have been damaged though, therefore broken. However broken puppet for both allen and the earl could also refer to a puppet that doesnt work as a double meaning, implying they can no longer be controlled or puppeted.

It is also implied that he is still unaware of this betrayal, but it is likely nea does to some degree as it would explain why he became a traitor and killed his own family. To be clear, i dont think all of the noah know everything, and i dont think they dont actually care for the earl. It seems they still genuinely follow him to their death and see him as one of their own, especially in cases like road, tyki and wisely.

Now early i said that different generations of noah would cope woth reincarnating differently. Since the earl only died once before 7000 years ago, id say resetting to a new body with only 17 years would be just smashed flat by any algorithm with that much data. However manas feelings are still the newest, and so still have an impact even on the current earl.

Now we come to resurrecting mana. How? Why? Well i dont know. But my guess is whatever part was the memories of mana for the 20 or so years he lived, or at least his memories at death, are in allen. His curse and weird hallucinations of mana seem to suggest it. Alternatively that part of his soul may have passed on, or it fuzed with the noah memory making the origional mana part of the hive and much like tyki and his noah memories cannot be seperated. Not good regardless.

As two additional things, i want to mention that hoshino is a twin and has always been obsessed with it, so having twins in her book was inevitable. What is extra weird is hoshino was actually going to be a triplet, but either her or her sister absorbed it before birth. She has mentioned it in dgm interviews and i cant PROVE it translates to anything in the plot but its suspicious. She also still list mana, nea and the earl as distinct in every book up to date in extra novels and at the start of her books. Oh and her favorite hat for the earl right now? The one featured on the most recent chapter? Has two faces on the front that are visible, and one in the back thats hidden, and the most recent art has the back face as the only one visible, angrily staring allen down. Great art foreshadowing if im right. Its also usually sleeve earl, if not exclusively, that wear it.

The second thing is mana talking about love and drive in the most recent chapter just brings up the earl having the noah memory of love or devotion or something for me. Ive written about it before but it just seems to fit. This character is all about that from the ability to fuze loved ones together to the hearts he talks with and his drives being based on grand acts of devotion, being by their side etc. Mana also loved and adopted both and dog and a homeless child and keeps talking about how the world is so beautiful despite all the bad. The earl literally acts like the whole noah clans mom by his own words and cooks for them, and both of them go out of their way to be cartoony to break tension. The earl literally goes and buys a single red rose from a poor girl while tyki pontificate on how he doesnt act like a villain. He doesnt take an umbrella because he wants to feel the rain. He talks about how what he does is in human nature and requires a connection between two people. He is even designed with his ideal colors as red and purple with white, as well as being designed after flowers. I know this probably doesnt make sense, but its stuck in my head.

[lnarizakis]

like the old times | c. hyoma

pairing: chigiri hyoma x gen! reader

foreword: hi! i combined two requests and made a fic for this. i hope u guys enjoy this and if u do plz let me know!!! have a good day yayay

look out for: angst, childhood friends au, unrequited love au

You had two friends growing up. They were your best friends, staying by your side during the worst and the best moments of your life, and you couldn’t wish for better friends. You remembered spending countless afternoons out on the grassy backyard of your home playing soccer with them, which was the one thing that brought you all together. 

One of the two was your absolute best friend. She always had a soft smile on her face and no ill intentions. Her eyes always gleamed a soft color; never did her eyes shine a malicious glare. She always gave the warmest hugs and a hardened shoulder to cry on. Only righteous words came from her mouth and never did she speak badly about anyone else. You thought she was an angel brought down from heaven. 

The other was a quiet boy named Hyouma Chigiri. Often was his face expressionless and rarely did he speak, and when he did, everything he said made your heart flutter. He grew out his soft red hair to where it graced his shoulders, and every time you braided his hair it stuck to your clammy, shaking fingers. You thought you were in love with this boy. So, so, so, so, so in love with him. You kept these feelings within you, pushing them down so that it was a compressed part of your heart, and you swore to yourself never to tell anyone, not even your best friend, about these feelings that you had. 

One day, the three of you arrived at Chigiri’s home to have yourselves a refreshing cup of water— and a working air conditioner— being outside playing soccer the entire afternoon. There he opened a letter, announcing that he was invited to an elite soccer training camp called Blue Lock. You and your best friend congratulated him, and you all decided to have spend the night at your house the night before he moved away to participate in Blue Lock. 

On that night, three of you were all situated in your bedroom, blankets loosely covering yourselves, when you exclaimed, “Let’s play a game of Truth or Dare!” The other two agreed, the red-haired one being slightly reluctant in his agreement. 

Several phone calls and a blushing best friend later, you asked your best friend, “What do you look for in a guy?”

“Oh, that’s a hard one,” your friend said, humming as she thought. She placed a finger on her chin to think, and a few minutes later, she answered, “Well, I’d like for him to be nice, you know, and sweet. Oh, uh, nice and sweet are synonymous, so... he should be someone who would love me with everything he has... oh, oh! And! He should have this hairstyle that I think is super cute.” She pulled out her phone to open it up to a picture of a short hairstyle, with loose bangs in the front and the back shaven clean. You peered over at her phone, noting how unique the style looked. She giggled, feeling a little flustered. Chigiri remained silent. 

The next day, you and your best friend sent Chigiri off as he went away to participate in the training camp. You weren’t sure when you would see him again, but there was a feeling bubbling in you that the three of you would drift away, now that he was gone. 

And that feeling became reality as you and your best friend lost contact with each other, as you went to a school near your house and your best friend traveling a long commute to a private high school suited for her potential career. You remembered texting each other every day, but the texts you and she sent gradually became shorter and shorter, until the two of you stopped talking altogether.

Several years later, your best friend became a ghost to you. The memories you had of her lived in your mind like how all the soccer balls you accidentally kicked over the fence planted themselves into the grass of your neighbor’s backyard, never knowing when you might come across them again. You felt an emptiness in yourself. You felt lonely.

Really lonely. 

Until one night, your phone rang. Scrambling to pick it up from being cooped up in your bed all day, you saw that it was a number you vaguely remember. When you answered the call, you recognized the voice right away, even if the static of the phone made it sound a little different. 

It was Chigiri. 

“Hey, is this (L/N) (Y/N)?”

You told him this was you, hastily and honestly a little too eager for your liking. 

“Oh, good. Okay, I... I’m coming over in a bit. Is that alright?”

Again, you told him yes with an eagerness in your voice that sounded like you were begging him to come visit you. 

“I’m glad. Listen, I got kicked. From... the camp. The training camp. Blue Lock. You remember that, right? It’s... a long story.” A pause. “Anyways, I’m coming over ‘cause I got something in a bit and I need you to send me off well. Because I’m actually a little nervous. 

And it’d be nice if you did my hair again. Like the old times.” He chuckled to himself, and you could hear him breathe through your speaker. He muttered the last few words again to himself. You missed him so much. 

Several minutes later, you hear a knock at your door. It’s him. You jump out of your bed and take a quick look at yourself in the mirror, fixing up your appearance in the slightest. 

Once you look at least a little bit presentable, you make your way towards the door and you open it to see a boy you don’t recognize. He fits his clothes a little nicer. He’s standing a little taller than he did before; he doesn’t look so slouched anymore. There’s a slight smile on his face. You don’t recognize him at all, but when you look him in his soft red eyes you know it’s him. 

“Oh, you... cut your hair.”

[painted-crow]

Secondary Toast Revolving Door, Part 2

On what it’s like when I burn Bird secondary

Usually, when I burn either Bird secondary or Badger secondary model, they’re down for weeks or months at a time. I know they’ll come back, which isn’t always true of burned Houses in general but that’s just how mine work. Right now Bird is having a minor upset and it’s been out for a few weeks; it was about to come back when life stress happened and smacked it down again. This time I can predict that it’ll be back in maybe two weeks when everything’s settled down, but usually it’s not that tidy—I don’t always know why it’s having problems or what to do to get it to recover. Usually I just wait it out.

The burned state looks different for Bird vs Badger, of course. I’m probably going to struggle with writing the Badger side, either because I’ve forgotten the details of what it looks/feels like or because it’s actually simpler. I lean towards the “I’ve forgotten” angle. My memory is very bad during depressive periods. (You’d think this would leave my brain goblins fewer cringey memories with which to taunt me at 4am, but no.)

But that doesn’t matter right now because today we’re talking about Bird.

Tipoffs I’ve burned Bird

Sometimes it’s hard to tell when you’ve burned one of your Houses. It doesn’t always have a clear start or end, and you might not notice the gradual slipping into exhaustion and lack of confidence in your House. Here are some things I catch myself doing or thinking when my Bird peaces out on me.

I start thinking I’m not good at things I’ve spent years studying.

I get a panicky feeling of resistance when I think about working on projects that wouldn’t normally give me problems.

I struggle with self-doubt about my ability to learn new skills.

This one’s complicated: the society I live in holds Bird up as the way it thinks intelligence should look. So, in burned-Bird!Paint’s mind, that makes it arrogant to assume that you're better at using Bird than others, because it suggests you think you're smarter (and thus better, because society says that too) than them. Therefore, if I’ve learned how to do something, my impulse is to assume that anyone could. Anything I’ve already learned is obviously easy, because I learned it, and so it isn’t rare or valuable.

Weird analysis paralysis cocktail: I feel perpetually unprepared to do stuff and too afraid to move forward, but I’ve also internalized the “you’re never going to feel ready so just start now” advice—which is supposed to spur you into action and probably works if you’re a Lion, but it just gives me something else to beat myself up about.

Sometimes Bird secondary starts feeling more like a toy than a tool that can actually be effective. If that's happening, using it feels kind of self-indulgent and not terribly useful--it seems good for entertainment, but not for anything else.

That last one is really fricking weird and it took me months to figure out what it was and put it into words. It’s obviously flawed—it’s circular logic sitting on top of societal prejudice—but when you’re depressed, the kind of clarity you need to verbalize and pick apart something that complicated is often nowhere to be found, especially when your perception in general is skewed due self-hatred.

I can’t do that “just start now” thing Lions do—it terrifies me. But that’s fine. Other people don’t casually pick up new skills or binge-read nonfiction or hoard resources like I do—maybe that’s intimidating to them—and that’s fine. Both approaches are useful and powerful, objectively, and philosophically I “should” be okay with owning my abilities. That’s harder than it looks on paper, though.

There’s one more.

The value of skills is subjective, circumstantial, and easy to underestimate.

I’m a jack-of-all-trades style Bird. Lots of things interest me. But every time you decide to invest in a new skill rather than continuing with an old one, you sort of start over. Not completely; some skills transfer and there’s a lot of value in having a range of knowledge, especially in terms of creativity.

Still, though: you enter each new field as a total noob, you stay long enough to become a kinda competent noob, and then when you’ve learned what you want and maybe built the thing you wanted to build, you leave. Rinse and repeat. Usually you don’t stay long enough to become super-skilled, and people in your community don’t specifically ask you for help.

…Until they need something other than the thing they specialize in, and you happen to know it. Suddenly you’re the expert in the room. You know how to get the project started. You know where to research, who to ask about advanced topics, what all the search keywords are, and where to find the supplies. Suddenly you're valuable, and maybe you're not used to feeling valuable. It can be kind of a jarring experience.

It's especially jarring when someone you know needs something and you're like, "oh I can take care of that, I spent six months studying how to do it and I have the resources already" and the other person gives you a look of deep skepticism and you try to convince them that no, really, it's not a big deal, you can have that done in a weekend or two if they give you the right information and... they don't believe you can do it, you guess. It's easy to misinterpret a "this sounds too good to be true" reaction for "I don't believe YOU can do it.”

My old draft had a note about how I should build myself a portfolio site to demonstrate stuff like this (except that my tastes develop faster than my actual skills in most fields, so I tend to dislike my own work and don't want to display it). But actually I’m wondering now if Badger secondary isn’t part of the problem. Sometimes I just volunteer to do stuff for people I only kinda know, without naming a motive or a price tag, and seen through that lens it’s hard to blame them for feeling awkward or skeptical about accepting. It’s not a big deal to you, but it is to them—too big to be just a favor. And then the people who do accept freely given help tend to take advantage of you… I guess I need to cultivate more Courtier Badger if I want to give my Bookkeeper Badger model stuff to do.

(Bonus bullet point: “I don’t know if I can really say my House is burned... it’s just not totally there right now? The stuff I’m dealing with isn’t THAT bad” is another tell that you’re burned. I’ve had to stop myself from writing that sort of thing several times over the course of this post. I’ll let myself bring it up for the opposite reason, though: if you’re thinking this, you may be underestimating the damage because you’ve forgotten what you’re like healthy. This goes for mental illness in general too. Don’t undermine your own experience.)

What I do instead

I’ve learned to be flexible and work around times when my Bird isn’t at 100%.

For example, this is why I have three novel projects running at once, with varying levels of complexity. The least complex of the three is new—I started it back in February, and working on that one instead of the others has let me stay productive and continue using Bird without pushing it past its limits. Plus it lets me keep making art, which as I’ve mentioned, is important to my general wellbeing.

If I’m able to section off my work like this and focus on the things I can do, and selectively procrastinate the ones I can’t (that aren’t super urgent), I’m usually fine—as long as I stay on top of my mental health enough for things to swing back around so I can catch up. It’s very, very difficult to recover if your needs aren’t being met.

I can be kind of a productive powerhouse when I can get my brain to actually process dopamine correctly (thanks, medication!) so if I can manage to work on something useful, I don’t always have to be too picky about what it is. That also means that if I can’t work on the things I’d normally use Bird to do (whether it’s burned or I’m just worn out), it’s a good excuse to catch up on more menial things like paperwork and laundry and whatnot. If I’ve let those pile up, dealing with them will improve my environment and my mental health and get Bird to recover faster.

What I shouldn’t do is continue to press on with my normal work, if I can avoid it. There have been times when people needed me to deliver the creative or technological thing I was using Bird to work on before it burned, and I had to push through and get it to them anyway, and it’s not a good situation for me.

*cue flashbacks to the three or four times that’s happened for months on end, dissociates for 10 minutes*

ugh okay brain can you not do that right now? trying to write a post here

Where was I? Oh, right. I was making a point.

Take the pressure off your burned House if you can.

I think when you burn one of your Houses, it's injured and you're actually worse at using it than people who just don't have it as one of their Houses. Say you're a bowling champion but your dominant wrist is broken. You can choose not to play at all until you recover, or you can try to play with your other hand but you're probably going to be worse at it than a lot of casual players, and that feels really bad because being good at this matters to you.

^ copied from the old draft of this post. I was going to write a smooth transition into that point, but it didn’t work and I’m not going to try to rewrite it and get “ERROR 500 INTERNAL SERVER ERROR” from my brain again.

In any case, this post has been sitting around for a week already and I should probably just publish it now. ^^;