#not a house. not even a 2 bedroom. a literal one bedroom apartment and it is SO so hard
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reallyhardy · 10 months ago
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going to london tomorrow, gonna go see the my neighbour totoro stage play and hopefully it will be a nice distraction from. The Horrors
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2024skin · 1 month ago
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Mom called me a shitty roommate today bc after months of her telling me to rent a uhaul (too young to do so) and then flaking out on me whenever I asked her if we could it on x day, I gave up on trying to get my bf's heavy TV and dresser and ordered a mountable tv, instead of buying more storage totes so that I could add to the ever increasing stack of totes in our guest bedroom
#leading up to and since raine moved in i have thrown tons of shit away and so has he#we both moved from larger rooms into a smaller shared room#meanwhile my parents moved into a bigger room with a bigger closet and claimed the garage for storage space#i have several decorative items that would look cute out in the livingroom without clashing with her style#but she considers all my items ''clutter'' so i have to keep them in my room or in a tote#except all my totes are already occupied by other shit#i threw away 90% of my friends items that i was storing here in an effort to make my room tidier#(and to ensure that my items are not littered around the livingroom and kitchen)#i got a bed frame with drawers so i could store items in there#i am not a horder and neither is raine but we have to condense two peoples worth of things into one room and two closets#and like i said before we both had bigger rooms before moving to this house#my room was way larger before. even with my giant ass desk (that doesnt fit in my room) my old room#didnt look cluttered bc it had lots of open space. even tho that was a 2 bedroom apartment#and this is a 3 bedroom duplex with garage the square footage in this house was budgeted poorly#my hallway is literally a snail spiral shape so a lot of space is lost to the curvature#not to mention my parents have bought more shit than we had at the old place to fill up space that we all shared in our old apt#except i am going to mention it bc i think this is totally unfair#i get that my mom has never liked when my room is messy. she's my mom and she is going to nag#but she does not have to use my room or bathroom (she has her own. thats bigger than mine)#and i keep my bathroom clean for guests#and she has made it clear that she is unwilling to help me even when i ask and tried to plan out ways to cheaply get more furniture#raine has had tote boxes in his car since he moved in bc he knows that we dont have a place for them inside#not to mention several collectable swords (including limited edition skyrim sword and genuine damascus)#which is kind of a fucking road safety hazard since they are real blades#but he puts up with it bc he doesnt want to add to the clutter#i bought this tv and wall mount bc i know that as long as my tv is grounded to a dresser i cant rearrange my room to make more space in here#and im donating my current tv to the guest bedroom bc they wont buy one for it#they also wont buy a dresser for it which is why my mom was hounding me to rent a uhaul for raines dresser#(i cannot stress this enough. we are both TWENTY. how are we going to rent a car. we need older adult help!!!)
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tra1nchi · 5 months ago
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imagine rthose 2 bestfriends getting addicted to your dick and would literally do it for free now
And reader being the chad he is took care of them basically and now he has 2 live in boymaid girlfriends >∆<
them getting reader a birthday present with the so little money they have made reader happy and fucked them all nice and sloppy as a reward they couldn't attend class the next two days
Taming them <3 MINORS DNI!! Top male reader,,Cock addicted bffs,,Rough sex,,Handjobs,,
After a while,,they couldn't keep themselves away from you,,even without the need of money they would willingly get into your bed,,sucking you off for free or sending you nudes without you even asking for it,,
They eventually left their stingy apartment to move in with you,,your house was so big compared to theirs,,like other things about you,,living with them had perks but also faults!!
One of their perks were that they are extremely obedient or atleast felix is,,he would do any chore for you as long as he'd be your good boy by the end of the night,,Kai was a little different,,still needing his pride even as he wore the short maids dress for your own amusement,,
Felix had noticed it was coming close to your birthday and kai wanted to buy you a birthday present but they remembered that they couldn't access your bank account without you knowing!!
While you were at work,,they got busy,,kai was the lookout,, standing near the door for the sound of your keys,,felix worked making a small but cute paper flower bouquet for you,,putting his heart into it!!! :3
You finally arrived home,,kai with open arms clung to you pressing kisses to your face as he excitedly dragged you to the liking room where felix stood,,his face red as he held the bouquet out for you!!
"It isn't much but..he worked really hard on it!" He says with a smile,,looking up at your face only for you to grab them both roughly!! Dragging them to your bedroom /_\
Before they knew it,,they were being played with by you,,getting all riled up from your endless praise,, sitting them both on your lap,,your hand wrapping against their cock as you sloppily jerked them off using heavy amounts of lube,,their shared moans only grew louder as you started to kiss and bite their necks!!
"Oh! We're glad you like..it! A-ah! Took me all day~" Felix moans were loud as kai hide his face in your shoulder,,kai came first,,his cock spluttering out cum onto your hand as felix watched,,biting his lip heavily as his own hand wanders down to your crotch,,
"we can have it right..? We've been so good" he moved down onto his knees,, slowly unzipping your fly while kai joined him after his orgasmic bliss,,both off them licking and worshipping your cock!!
Kai was first to get fucked by your cock,,bouncing himself up and down on it lewdly,,purposely moaning loudly while felix watched how your cock disappeared in and out of his best friends cock addicted hole!!
When it was Felix's turn,,you did something different with them,,laying kai down first and encouraging felix to enter him,,with a short spank on his ass you joined the duo,,thrusting roughly into felix which in turn forced Felix's hips into kai's!!
It went on for hours,,no matter how many times they had came,,they always wanted more of your cock,,only stopping when the sun started to come up :<
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uselesssomebody · 15 days ago
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𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕦𝕡 - post!d&w!logan howlett x reader
complete masterlist | logan howlett - coming soon!
words || 𝟚.𝟡𝕜
summary || in which the reader gets stood up, and logan consoles her - in more than one way
a/n || self indulgent :)) guess what happened to me guys !!
➵ i know i've been literally dead but i may be back! not sure fully yet lol but i've missed writing. shocker, college is in fact hard and i've spent a whileeee adjusting. that also means my writing is prob a bit shit here but i just wanted to get this out
➵ first time writing logan - i watched deadpool & wolverine and oh my godddd this man can fucking get it. haven't watched the x-men movies so i kinda had to guess his accent, sorry if it's inconsistent. this is set after the events of deadpool & wolverine
➵ shall i revamp the blog theme guys? i don't have any ideas but idk if you guys are bored by it haha
➵ send me requests if you have ‘em. enjoy!
warnings || fluff/smut/a wee bit of angst
➵ fingering
➵ age gap (not a plot point)
(tell me if i miss anything)
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having 2 people in a one bedroom apartment was already cramped. 3 is insane. as much as wade tried, he felt bad for poor hugh's - *cough* logan's back for constantly swapping between the dingy couch and the mattress on the floor to sleep.
and the wolverine was never the type to ask for help, it pissed him off. they had been nearly atomized together for christ's sake!
another room on the floor had opened up, and as much as wade wanted to kick blind al off to that room instead, he knew the old lady wouldn't be able to pay the whole rent herself, and he had to make sure she didn't use too much fun-time sugar under fox's watchful eye. luckily, neither did logan have to live alone, as wade was quick to find a down-on-her-luck college girl who needed cheap rent.
so, now wade's stuck with an ornery old woman, and pretty-boy - well, man - logan got to have a cute girl as his roommate. just his luck. he checked in on his fellow invincible often, and as much as logan didn't talk, wade knew he didn't mind her one bit.
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she tried to be a good roommate - cook breakfast for the both of them, pick up a sweet treat for him too if she was getting one for herself, and trying to keep to herself with the studying. but she couldn't help the little crush that she had on her roommate. like, come on.
older, mature, mysterious, downright yummy? what's a girl to do? she kept it to herself, but seeing him smirk or chuckle when she realizes she's accidentally been staring at him in that leather jacket or shirtless going to bed. at least she doesn't make him uncomfortable, but it feels pretty dismissive - how he sees her as such a fucking kid that he can't even take her attraction seriously.
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logan took it very fucking seriously.
every day was a mental challenge - truly, god gives his worst temptations to his strongest soldiers. the liquor on his breath was still strong, not now because his life was ruined, but rather because his mind was.
this cute, young girl who looked at him like he was the solution to all her relationship issues, like his old-man body was good enough to fucking eat? it was a miracle that he hadn't taken her. and she just looked so beautiful as she got ready for bed, or as she bobbed her head to music while she studied, or as she buzzed around the small kitchen to cook her third cheap pasta for the week.
it didn't help how she'd always ask how he is, buy him little things to keep his mood up, and always offered to take the couch. he'd rather eat glass than let her sleep on the couch, but nonetheless, she offered every day.
fuck. it was impossible to sleep when she was just behind the wall, in her fucking shorts and tank. unbelievable. he needed a fucking drink.
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some nights, he'll come home in the evenings to an empty house. it's rare - she doesn't have too much money to go out, but when she does, she'll usually warn him she'll be home late. he always makes sure to stay awake until she gets home, and even had the privilege of going into downtown to pick her up after the friends she was with had managed to lose her. she had hiccuped, tearing up in embarrassment as she watched him approach her drunk form leaning on a tree outside. she had thought the stern arch of his brow was because of her calling him so late, when really, he was just angry that her friends had the audacity to put her in such a dangerous situation.
"it's windy." he grunts, and she looks down at her short, strappy dress, ashamed.
"s-sorry. we drove here." she tries to explain, and logan relents, brow going from angry to grumpy.
"yeah." he finally sighs, walking with her back to their place. seeing her hands go to cradle her elbows, he places his leather jacket over her shoulders, and she swallows thickly.
"you don't have to-" but he's lighting a cigar as she speaks, in just his wifebeater he'd been lounging in. she decides to shut up, silent until they reach the house.
he helps her in and then waits outside to finish the cigar, and after she gets in, she sighs softly, carefully placing the jacket down. she starts trying to make logan some dinner as a thank-you, but passes out at the dinner table half-way through. luckily, she hadn't had the stove on, and logan's heart melts as he sees her, halfway through mixing a few eggs, head lolling off the chair as she drools a little.
cutie, he thinks, separating her fingers from the fork and bowl, and carrying her into the bed. as he tries to set her down, her fingers clutch his arm, and a small, sleepy whine leaves her.
logan's not a man to blush, but hearing that little beg for him to stay makes him fucking burn. he looks down at her, a hand running through his hair, and he gently tries to let her down again. she just holds on tighter, groaning, "warm..." a little mumble escapes her, and logan huffs. of course it's not that she wants him, she's just cold. he sighs, sitting down and letting her cuddle into his arm.
he had planned to leave once she'd passed out, but it was late, and he was old, so he had ended up just sleeping next to her anyways. the sun's rays the next morning pierce his eyes, and he sighs softly, waking up next to her. he swallows thickly, watching the way the sun hits her form, bathing her exposed skin in orange and amber.
the moment is broken by her startling awake. for a moment, she sighs happily, thinking that this was just a continuation of her dream about logan, where she wakes up next to him after a night of great sex, and they both live happily ever after. then she blinks.
his bicep feels bigger than in the dream, his face looks a little more real, he's- real?!
she squeaks, immediately sitting up.
"logan?"
"don't go getting any ideas in your head." he immediately defends, sighing. "you called me last night."
she bites her lip.
"you took me home?"
"put you in bed too. then ya fucking kept me on ya like a boa." he's joking, but she still struggles to tell between his grumpy voice and his joking grumpy voice.
"fuck, i'm really sorry, must have ruined your night-" she starts, and he gets up, ruffling her hair.
"it's okay. better knowing you were safe." it leaves her a little star struck, especially when he then goes to continue making the omelette she had tried to make last night.
he's cooking for her for once and she gets such a nice view of his broad back in that wife-beater. maybe things aren't that bad.
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knowing how she always texts if she's out late, he's a bit confused to come home to an empty room. he huffs, trying not to panic, but he can't help how much he care for the girl. he leans back, lounging on the couch.
as an hour passes with no texts, he's about to get up and ... do something. look for her, call her - something.
just then, she walks through the door, purse dropping on the floor with a thud.
that's an attitude he hadn't seen before. she looks like a deer in headlights when she notices that he is in fact home.
"o-oh." she blinks, quickly picking up the purse, as if to console it. "wade said you weren't home." logan raises a brow, a little curious why the other man would say that.
"long day?" he finally comments, and she breathes out.
"shit day." she corrects. logan's brow furrows.
"hmm." he murmurs, stretching his arm out over the back of the couch. an open invitation. she hesitates but... he looks warm.
conservatively, she sits beside him, hands in her lap. she's not even paying attention to whatever channel logan has on as background noise.
theres maybe 5 solid minutes of silence.
finally, she sighs.
"i'm gonna go to bed." she murmurs softly, getting up. logan wraps his fingers around her palm.
"talk to me." he mumbles gruffly, and she knows that's a pretty big first step for him. she bites her lip, sitting back down, and takes a deep breath.
"got stood up." it's little more than a whisper, and she feels a pout forming on her lips, which she tries to reverse, to little avail. it's silent again, and she wonders if logan heard her.
of course, he did - spending a moment processing who the hell would stand her up.
"i'm sorry." his rough fingers press over hers, comforting, and she can't help but sink more into him than the couch cushions.
it feels nice, more right than the kisses she'd shared with the guy she'd been seeing.
"whatever." she tries to mumble, trying not to show her hurt.
"he's an idiot." his hand slips around her shoulders, and he can feel her pulse quicken.
"i'm an idiot."
"he's an idiot." he repeats sternly. "who was he?" she bites her lip.
"some... guy." logan suppresses a scoffing bark.
"not if he's got you like this." he looks down at her. she's ashamed to look up at him.
"i don't know... i just really liked him. i thought he liked me too." she feels a tear slip out, and logan's fist squeezes in anger as he sees her quickly wipe it away.
"he should be singin' his prayers that he even got your attention." that makes her giggle - strained, but there. he prefers the sound to her defeated mumbles. "look at me." he murmurs, taking her chin and angling it to face him. his eyes travel down to the cute dress she'd put on for her date - low cut, perfectly form fitting, "he's a fucking idiot." he whispers, hand slipping down to her waist.
"yeah?" she whispers, significantly less focused on aforementioned 'fucking idiot' now.
"yeah, princess." he murmurs, hand gently running up and down her side. he knows he shouldn't, but he can practically feel the jump of her heart at the endearment. "you like that? princess?" his voice almost has a teasing lilt, and her lids flutter at the difference in tension from 2 minutes ago.
"a little." her face looks so bashful, so unsure. after that depressing feeling of not being wanted - god, he wants to pull her out of that so bad.
"should be treated like a princess." she shifts imperceptibly closer.
"got a guy who'll do that for me?" she teases, and logan scoffs softly.
"you know i do." his voice carries that gruffness even with how quiet he is, speaking into the small space between their lips. "you know, princess."
she breathes out shakily, leaning forward, when logan pulls her chin, pressing his lips to hers. she whimpers softly, finding her hands and placing them at his nape, not wanting to let go. it's not rough, but needy, his other hand slipping to the hem of her dress on her thigh. she hums into his lips, as he pulls away, a little breathless.
"don't - we shouldn't." he whispers, and a pout graces her lips - a proper one.
"why?"
"yer upset." he sighs, but doesn't move away.
"about?" she says playfully, having fully forgotten about her evening; she'd been waiting for this for so long. he lets out a gruff bark of a laugh, pulling her closer, and she adjusts, getting on his lap.
"come on, bub." he scolds again, and she hums, leaning down to kiss him.
"please?" she whispers, against his lips. he groans.
"jesus, what're y'doin' to me?" his head tilts back, and she giggles, exhilarated that she's got him like this. her hands trail down his arms - god, his arms - tracing the veins, somehow always bulging, as she gently leans forward again, kissing him. this time, theres a bit more tongue, and he pulls her closer roughly, gnashing their teeth together. she moans softly into his mouth, fingers finding his rough palm. he grips them tight - not enough to hurt, but just enough to show that he's holding back.
"i'm not made of glass." she teases, and he scoffs softly.
"i could snap ya'n half." his mumble finds his way back into her lips, and she has to control herself to not showhow much the little quip affected her.
"maybe i want you to."
"jesus." he flips her over, onto her back, "got this pretty little dress on, fuck, that guy's an idiot." his hands travel down her thighs, and she bites her lip, a massive grin on her face.
"you like it?" she murmurs softly, playing with the strap of her dress.
"whadya think?" he huffs, and she giggles.
"and if i told you i got it for you?" logan presses a hot kiss to the side of her thigh.
"i'd tell ya to get a dozen more." his lips move up her thigh slowly, and she lets out a shaky breath.
"god, logan." her whispers of his name are like music to his ear, and he leaves a small bite by the hem of her dress.
"gotta tell me if i hurt you." he mutters, more seriously, and she smiles.
"only fun if it hurts."
"i'm serious, princess." she relents.
"i'll tell you." he sighs in content, gently riding her dress off.
"this okay?"
"more than okay." she helps him, pulling the dress over her hips, her lacy panties peeking under the fabric. when he spends just a bit too long staring, she giggles, "you can touch." she affirms, and he barks out a gruff lap.
"could'a guessed that much." his fingers trace the hem of them, travelling down her inner thighs. her breath hitches, and she gently rolls her hips, desperate for more.
"please, logan." she whispers, breathing a bit labored. though he'd love to tease, he's getting desperate too.
"gotta tell me what ya want, princess." he murmurs, and she bites her lip, almost shy again. it's cute.
"touch me?" she murmurs, almost like it's a favor she's asking. he kisses her thigh again, before gently peeling the panties off. he lets out a soft groan at how slick she is, fingers catching her arousal as they travel down her slit. she lets out a shocked gasp - practically a moan - and he fucking loves it.
`'need them, princess?" he smirks at her, and she nods, almost pathetically.
"god, i do." he obliges, gently prodding her entrance with his middle finger. he slips in with little resistance, but jesus, he can feel how tight she is.
"fuck, yer gonna be the death of me, princess." he groans softly, and she lets out a breathy giggle.
"thought that doesn't happen to you?"
"well, never had a girl as pretty as you." he murmurs, slipping another finger in. she flushes, back arching as his fingers do, body warm as she rocks her hips in time with his ministrations.
"faster?" she begs softly, and he could never say no to those big doe eyes. he starts moving faster, her slick absolutely coating his fingers, and she moans louder, hips moving in a more stuttered rhythm.
"like that?" that teasing lilt is in his voice, and she nods furiously.
"j-just like that-" she stammers, mind already foggy, "god, i'm close, please don't stop."
"not in a million years, princess." she lets out a loud moan as she can feel herself unraveling, the orgasm so powerful that her thighs shake around him as she cums. she pants as he helps her ride through it.
"good girl, just like that, princess," he consoles, "so fuckin' pretty for me, ain't cha?" he grins, as she starts to come down. as her breathing slows, so too do his fingers, before slowly sliding them out of her. he gently rubs her clit, just to see her jolt at the stimulation, before chuckling, and placing his soaked fingers onto his tongue.
she lets out another moan as she watches him, with lidded eyes.
"i'll cum again." she warns, playfully, and he's gleeful. she tastes like fruit.
"i plan on it, princess." she feels her cheeks warm.
"that's the hardest i've cum in a while." she admits shyly.
"sounded like it." he teases, but before they can get anything else out, there's banging on the wall that connected them to wade and blind al.
"these walls are paper thin!" al's screech sounds a little traumatized, and her scolding make both her and logan whip around, embarrassed.
"for once in my life, i agree with her! shut up, lovebirds, i wanna fucking sleep!" wade's voice is equally exasperated.
there's silence, until she calls back a bashful, "sorry!" she turns to logan, almost laughing, but still flushed with shame. "maybe we should stop. he scoffs.
"nah, just means i gotta teach ya to be quiet."
safe to say, she's not thinking at all about her date tonight.
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cameronsprincess · 4 months ago
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THE STORM (PT. 2) — J.M
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— summary: it’s been six months since that night at the chateau with jj, and he’s back for more.
— CW: mean!jj, maybe forced proximity??, slight breeding kink, slapping, choking, degrading, unprotected piv sex.
— note: i kinda came up with something for this, and have had it in my drafts for a minute.. i queued it up before i went on my break, hope y’all enjoy and i’ll be back soon! you can read part one here if you haven’t already!
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It’s been six months since that night. The night that has consumed your every waking thought, and every nightmare you had.
You’d always known JJ hated you, so you don’t know why it really surprised you that things went down the way they did. JJ was a horrible person to put it nicely. Sure, you felt for him at times, his home life not being the best and all, but after that night, you stopped caring, you stopped trying, and you tried your hardest to ignore him.
But it’s hard to ignore someone who continually puts themself in your line of sight. You knew you’d still see him, seeing as the two of you are both in the same friend group, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t ignore his presence. The more you tried to ignore him though, the harder he tried to get your attention.
He’d throw mean jabs your way, shoulder check you as he walked past you, you’d catch him staring at you from across a room or when you and your friends are gathered around a late night fire his bright blue eyes stayed glued on you when no one else was paying attention.
This was one of those moments.
You and your friends decided to have a fire at the chateau, and the only thing you could focus on was the blonde whose blue eyes were burning a hole into the side of your face.
“So like I said, he’s a dick, and I hope our dad kicks him out soon.”
You blink once. Twice. Three times before finally putting your focus back on Sarah who had been talking to you.
“I’m so sorry, Sare. I’m just out of it tonight, what’d you say?”
Sarah places a loving hand on your shoulder before laughing. “It’s cool, just me complaining about Rafe, per usual. Are you okay?”
You slowly nod your head, letting your head hang and your eyes focus on the seltzer you had in your hands. Truth was, you were far from okay. Even after everything JJ has put you through — before and after you had sex with him — you couldn’t get him out of your head. You wanted to feel him again, you wanted to let him ravage you again, and you hated yourself for it.
“Yeah I’m good. Just tired, I think I’m gonna call it a night,” You pause, looking up and calling for John B. “You mind if I sleep in the spare room tonight?”
John B smiles back at you, nodding his head once. “Yeah that’s fine! Looks like you got the couch tonight, J.”
Your eyes flit over to JJ, his intense fiery gaze already on you. The corners of his lips lift into a small smile, but it looked evil. “Yeah, that’s cool.” He said lowly, responding to JB but his eyes never left yours.
Your entire body feels like it’s on fire despite the cold December air, and it wasn’t from the large fire blazing in front of you. No, it’s JJ and his all consuming presence that has your body feeling like it’s burning from the inside out.
You quickly drop your eyes, downing the last of your seltzer and crushing it in your hand. You tell your friends goodnight and head inside the old house, tossing the can into the trash and making your way down the small hallway and into the guest bedroom.
You hated the way JJ made you feel. You hated him. You hated how you still wanted him even after he used you and quite literally tossed you to the side when he was done with you.
His words have torn you apart the last six months. “We don’t talk about this, ever. got it? It was just.. hate sex? Someone had to fuck the attitude out of you. This changes nothing, you mean nothing to me, and i still hate you.”
You’re stripping yourself of your jeans and thick sweater, getting ready to climb into the bed when the unmistakable sound of the bedroom door squeaking open has you turning fast on your heels.
JJ.
“What.. What’re you doing in here?”
You hate the way your voice has a slight shake to it, the way you don’t sound confident and how your entire body is shaking in his presence. But most importantly, you hate the way your pussy is throbbing, growing wet at just the sight of JJ and his fucking stupidly beautiful face.
He smirks at you, reaching a hand behind him and locking the door. You take a cautious step backward, your eyes narrowing and head cocked slightly to the side as you watch him watch you.
“JJ! What the fuck are you-”
The rest of your sentence dies when JJ reaches you with just two long strides, his large, calloused hand wrapping around your throat and shoving you into the wall behind you.
“You’re driving me fucking insane. You know that? I fucking hate you, yet, I can’t get you out of my fucking head.”
Your eyes go wide, tears clouding your vision as you try and gasp for air. Your lips move, trying to choke out a response or anything, but all that comes out is strangled nonsense.
“I’ve tried! I’ve tried fucking other girls, I’ve tried staying away from you. But you’re fucking everywhere. Do you know how goddamn irritating that is? Why can’t you just go back to figure eight and stay there? Why the fuck do you keep comin’ around here?”
You lift your arms, gripping onto his wrist that holds your throat and clawing at it, begging him to release you. It’s not your fault he can’t stop thinking about you. You weren’t the one that came onto him that night, it was him! So why are you being blamed? Why is he making it so hard to breathe? So hard to… To..
Black dots take over your vision, your body going numb as JJ tightens his hand around your throat, squeezing so hard you’re close to blacking out.
JJ senses your body going slack in his hold and releases you, stepping back and watching as you hunch over, hands gripping your knees as you suck in breath after breath of sweet oxygen.
Once your head is not longer spinning and you’re breathing properly again, you slowly lift your body, your pissed off gaze finding JJ still standing there.
“Fuck you, JJ! I didn’t do shit! You came onto me that night! You told me that it changed nothing, so frankly, I don’t fucking feel sorry that you can’t get me out of your head, in fact, it brings me great pleasure to know I’m all you think about,” you pause, squeezing your eyes shut and sucking in a slow, long breath of air. “So if you don’t fucking mind, I’m exhausted and just want to be left the fuck alone!”
You move to climb into the bed, but JJ grips your upper arm tightly pulling you back and flush into his firm body. His head dips down, his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear and sending a shudder through your body.
His warm breath fans across your sensitive skin, and your nipples harden in response. Fuck him. You won’t give in easily this time.
“I think you want to fuck me again. I think, I’ve been in this pretty little head just as much as you’ve been in mine,” He pauses, his lips leaving a soft kiss on your temple. “Lay on the bed, Y/L/N. Now.”
You turn your head to look at JJ, your eyes narrowed into thin slits as you contemplate what to say. He’s not entirely wrong, but you’d be stupid to sleep with him again.
“Fuck. You. I refuse to let you fuck me again.”
JJ’s eyes darken, and the hand on your arm tightens more before he yanks you to the side and tosses you onto the bed. You lay there, chest heaving up and down as you watch him intently, waiting to see what he’d do next.
He stands there, staring at you, his own breathing erratic. Slowly, he pulls his tight white t-shirt over his head and tosses it to the floor. Your eyes scan the length of his tanned and toned chest. God, you want to feel him underneath your hands so badly, you want to give in and let him fuck you again. No one, and you mean no one, had ever fucked you the way JJ had.
“You look real pretty like this, in nothing but your bra and panties, actin’ like your pussy isn’t fuckin’ soaked f’me, crying f’me and just begging to be filled with my cock again.”
You open your mouth to speak, but JJ climbs on top of you, grabbing both your wrists in his right hand and pinning them above your head. You gasp loudly when you feel his cock pressing against your lace covered core, even through his jeans you can feel every last inch of him. Your pussy throbs, your arousal soaking your thighs as he lays there, unmoving but still the feel of his hard cock has you wanting to feel more of him.
“Tell me, princess. You wanna feel me inside you again? You wanna be fucked properly again? Because I know them kooks ain’t doing you no good. No, a girl like you needs to be dominated, needs to be choked and slapped and fucked nice and hard, needs to be put in her place, that what you want baby?”
You’re weak. You can’t even tell him no when your slick thighs, hard nipples and the way you’re breathing is giving the truth away. And the truth is, JJ is right. No one has compared to him. You want him to claim you, to break your mind and leave you craving more even when you know you shouldn’t.
“I- Please. Please fuck me.”
That’s all JJ needed to hear. He releases your wrists from his hand and yanks the cups of your bra down, exposing your tits to him. He smirks at the sight of your hard nipples, dipping his head down and licking each one before sucking one into his mouth.
He releases your nipple from his mouth with a pop, moving to the other and repeating his actions. “Fuck, such a filthy fucking slut, yeah? Loves the idea of fucking the one person she shouldn’t.”
You whimper in response, bucking your hips upward, craving any type of friction on your swollen, needy clit.
“Awww, how pathetic. Begging to be fucked already, don’t worry, baby, I’m gonna fuck this cunt, and I’m fucking it raw this time.”
JJ hops off the bed, popping the button of his jeans and sliding the zipper down with haste. You watch as he slides his jeans and boxers down his legs in one fell swoop, wasting no time in crawling back on top of you and claiming your lips with his.
You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him down and further into you. You grind your hips against his, feeling his thick cock slide up and down through your slick folds. JJ groans in response, breaking the kiss and pushing himself up, supporting his weight with both his hands.
“So fuckin’ eager, aren’t ya? Wanna be fucked like the dirty little whore we both know you are.”
You nod your head fast, whimpering and moaning as you continue to grind your hips against the air. JJ laughs at you, his hand landing a harsh smack to your cheek before he grips his cock, stroking at it twice before sliding his swollen tip through your folds.
“P-Please, J! Please, fuck me! Wanna be fucked like a whore, wanna be your whore, the girl you hate but fuck anyways!”
JJ groans, the weight of your words hitting him hard. He looks down at you, eyes locked with yours as he pushes himself all the way inside you, filling and stretching your pussy. The two of you moan in unison.
“Fuck! So fuckin’ tight, feels so much better than I remember.” JJ rasps, his hips still, cock unmoving inside your pussy.
You begin grinding your hips, wanting to feel him move inside you, wanting his cock to bring you an orgasm.
JJ slaps at your face again, giving you a look of warning before he dips his head down and captures your lips with his again. He kisses you fervently and begins moving his hips, slowly at first, but then hard and fast.
You moan into his mouth when his swollen tip repeatedly hits at your g-spot, making your toes curl and fingers dig into the smooth skin of his back. “Fuckfuckfuck, JJ! Feels so fucking good!”
JJ picks up the pace of his thrusts, pounding himself inside you like it’s the last time he’ll ever do it, and you’re secretly praying it isn’t the last time. You need more of him forever, even if it’ll only ever be hate sex. It feels so fucking good, you can’t even think of another girl getting this from him.
“Yeah? Feels good? Want me to cum inside this pretty little pussy? Make you a mama and be stuck with me for the rest of your life?”
A loud moan escapes you at his words, and honestly, the thought isn’t too bad. You wouldn’t mind JJ knocking you up, you would always have a reason to see him, and maybe, just maybe, it would change the dynamic between the two of you.
You bite and suck on his lower lip as he continues his brutal thrusts, your pussy clenching around him with every push and pull of his cock. He slows his pace, slowly pulling out so only the tip remains inside you before harshly shoving himself back in. He continues to slowly pull himself out before shoving himself back in, his swollen head hitting that spot inside you over and over again until you’re so close to exploding you can taste it.
“J-JJ! Need.. Need to cum, please!”
Your teeth are chattering, legs shaking and belly tightening. You can’t hold off your orgasm, and thankfully, JJ doesn’t make you.
“Go on, make a mess on my cock, show me how much your pussy loves my cock being inside her.”
That was all it took, your orgasm gushes from you, soaking JJ’s cock and the sheets below you.
“JJ, oh God! Fuck!” You cry out, your nails digging into JJ’s back so hard you break skin.
JJ picks up the speed of his thrusts again, savagely fucking into your sensitive pussy, chasing his own high.
“Gonna cum inside this little cunt, claim you as mine, because you’re mine now, don’t wanna see you with anyone else, got it?”
You squeeze your eyes shut, moaning out a soft “yes”. JJ’s cock swells, twitching inside you as he comes undone, filling you with his cum like he said he would.
He thrusts inside you one final time, stilling and holding himself deep inside you, letting every last drop of cum fill you. Once he’s come down, he slowly pulls himself from inside you and places a kiss to your sweat slick forehead.
“Don’t know what else to say besides, you’re mine. I ain’t sayin’ I like you, or that I am gonna fall in love with you, but I don’t want no one else, and I don’t wanna see you with anyone else, got it?”
You slowly nod your head, your eyes fluttering shut as sleep tries to claim you. JJ quietly redresses, placing one final kiss to the top of your head before he makes his way out of the room. You drift to sleep, your mind consumed with what just happened, with JJ’s cum leaking from your pussy, and thoughts of what the fuck was to come from this little arrangement you just made with him.
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JJ taglist: @princessslutt // @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles // @rafesthroatbaby // @sturnioloshacker // @starkeysprincess // @rafescurtainbangz // @atorturedpoetx // @redhead1180 // @ratatioulle // @maybankskiss // @jjsmarijuana // @romaescapes // @kisses4angel // @maybankslover // @simars3 // @urbimom // @antagonize-me-motherfucker // @ijustwanttoreadlols // @hyperfixationgirl // @chiaraanatra // @chimindity // @juniebugg // @unsaidjaelinrose // @momoewn // @spid6y // @drewsuncrustables // @eviesmoon // @bunbunbl0gs // @enzos-doll // @mishala // @ilovegeorgiaamoore777 // @lovelymiaablogs
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ningvory · 8 months ago
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♡ birthday sex ┊ jang wonyoung
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parings — girlfriend!wonyoung x girlfriend!femreader
synopsis — your girlfriend always gives you the best birthdays but this year she’s gonna make this birthday unforgettable.
warnings — birthday sex, friends to lovers, size kink, fingering, pleasure dom wony, wony's a fashion designer, praise kink, tribbing, making out, overstimulation, slight voice kink, lil bit of eye contact, readers shorter than wony, if you see any grammar or spelling mistakes ignore it pls😭
a/n — made this for my amazing pookie @hearts-4-vicky !! happy birthday pretty girl, hope you had an amazing day, i love youuu!! <33
w/c — 1.2k (1,248)
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wonyoung always loved spoiling you on your birthday! even when the two of you were just friends, she’s always made an effort to make each and every birthday completely different from the previous one. beside’s her birthday, your birthday is your favorite day but not because it’s the day that you turn a new age—it was your favorite because she always made your day so special.
so of course your birthday this year was just as special as the previous one. you’re wearing the red silk dress that wonyoung designed herself, you're basically her pretty little muse because she loves to create new outfits for you, she makes them perfectly designed just for you.
“wony, you didn’t have to do this all for me, isn’t this expensive?” you question, looking up at your girlfriend. you were leaving the empty fancy restaurant that she rented out.
“how many times to i have to tell you baby? i want to do this this, so let me spoil you.” she smiles at you before kissing your forehead.
“every time i think you just can’t get anymore gorgeous but, you always prove me wrong.” she adds on which has you involuntarily blushing.
“i should be the one saying that.” you mutter out. but it was true, you always cherish the times you have with her. you wish you could be able to give her everything she’s given you but she always says, ‘your love is all i need, baby’ and that’s exactly what you give her.
you two eventually get to wonyoung’s red mercedes benz, her arm wrapped around your waist as she opens the passengers door, letting you get it before closing it.
“nights not over yet, got one last surprise for you.” she said after she opened her car door, winking at you with a smile.
it left you excited but nervous, you didn’t know what to expect at your apartment. you didn’t even know what she did because you've been at her apartment for 2 days.
when you arrived at your apartment you were in complete shock, the house was decorated in red flowers and balloons. a cake that said ‘happy birthday’ was on the dinner table with a bouquet of flowers.
“omg, wony~ literally you’re the best girlfriend ever.” you squeal, giving her the tightest hug and littering her face with kisses.
“that’s what you are to me.” she rests her hand on your waist, bringing you close to her before pulling you in for a kiss.
your hands were resting on her soft cheeks, eyes closed and moving your lips with hers. tongues fighting for dominance until you lost, her tongue began exploring your mouth making you let out soft whines until she pulled away, letting you inhale some air.
she bites her lip before checking you out, “you don’t know how hard it was for me to not pull you into the bathroom and just ruin you.” she smirks, she really outdid herself with the dress. it brought out every detail and curve of your body and she’s been gawking at you ever since your put it on.
“let’s carry this to the bedroom, yeah?” she says, taking off your heels and dragging you to your room.
she pushes you to the bed, lips puffy from your last make-out sesh with her and hair sprayed all over your bed. the bedroom lighting made you look ethereal, she couldn’t wait to ruin you.
she undresses herself, leaving herself in nothing but her bra and panties before crawling on top of you. she starts to kiss you passionately once again, slowly unzipping your dress. she starts sucking on your neck as she removes the dress from your body.
“fuck, you’re so perfect, baby. wearing my favorite lingerie.” her tone is low and sultry, groping your tits with one hand and the other slowly rubbing your clothed cunt, she’s got you letting out soft moans from just a little groping and teasing already.
“wony~ don’t be a tease please,” you whine out, your panties were already soaked from her voice and her teasing.
she starts to slowly take off your panties, lowly chuckling at your juices that created thick strings that connects your panties to your cunt. she didn’t waste another second after taking your panties off, she was knuckles deep into your cunt with one hand and the other rubbing your clit softly, making you grip onto the bed sheets and release the cutest moans and whimpers she’s ever heard.
“so pretty f’me, wish you could see how pretty you are. taking my fingers so well.” she says, making you clench around her long fingers that were pumping into your wet cunny.
she fucks you slowly, making sure you feel her long fingers inside you while she takes in your pretty face making adorable expressions and pretty noises from the pleasure. it had her own panties soaked.
“look at me while i fuck you, baby or i’ll stop.” she speaks out, making you force your eyes open and stare right in her eyes with such a lewd expression she couldn't help but coo at.
she thinks it’s adorable how you try your best to keep your eyes open. her fingers were pumping into your gushing cunt and her thumb rubbing your clit quicker than before. the feeling in your tummy was at its climax and about to snap at any moment.
when it finally snapped, your eyes couldn’t help but roll back and your back arched, letting out the whiniest moan you let out the whole night as her finger became drenched in your cum.
she pulls her cum-drenched fingers out and sticks them in her mouth, moaning at your taste and pulling them out of her mouth.
“you taste as good as always, baby.” she teases before taking her soaked panties off.
you were rapidly breathing, that was one of the most intense orgasms you’ve ever had. trying to catch your breathe before you felt her raise your leg up and slide her longer leg on top of yours.
“w-wony! w-wait..!!” you desperately tell her but it was too late for that. she was grinding her wet cunt on yours, getting your cum smeared all over hers.
“too much!” you try and push her off but to no avail, she’s got you pinned down your shoulders to the bed, pressing all her weight onto you and rendering you unable to move.
“you can give me another one right, baby? don’t you want me to cum too?” she asks which has you nodding your head, letting her use your abused cunt.
drool and your high pitched moans were spilling out your mouth, back arching from the sensation of her cunt rubbing on yours. her back was arched and moans were falling out her mouth, grinding her cunt even quicker on yours, desperately chasing the high that she craves.
“wony—baby! m’gonna—ah!” you try and warn her but a whine cuts your words off and your squirting all over her cunt, your thighs, and the bed sheets.
that seems to take wony over the edge because she’s cumming all over you with a whine. it’s such a mess, both your juices are smeared all over both of your cunts.
she pulls away from your cunt, laying on the bed and pulling you to lay on top of her chest. your eyes were dazed and looking up at her, making her giggle and kiss your forehead.
“happy birthday, my love.”
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put-me-through-the-wall · 6 months ago
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Girl Next Door- Pt. 2
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Simon 'Ghost' Riley x reader
Word count: 3k
Summary: Simon finally accept your offer for dinner. Did you mention you can cook?
A/N: I was a little slow on this but the idea of them getting close was stressing me out, okay? Also my MIL was in town and I couldn't get in the groove. All the support so far is amazing, thank you guys so much! If y'all like it there will be more to come. Warning: still slow burning
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Part I
━━━━⊱♡⊰━━━━
Simon sits across from you at your tiny dining table pressed against the wall of your cramped kitchen. You managed to lure him in with a fairly nice bottle of unopened scotch you found in the back of your cabinet that had potentially fallen into one of your own boxes when moving from your ex's house. 
He looks around your quaint little one bedroom apartment. It was a lot different than his own. The literal layout was the same. No extra rooms or walls but you’d done something different in here. The whole space had a cozy feeling to it. Every surface was decorated with useless gadgets and trinkets that he didn't understand the purpose of. Lots of blankets, pillows, soft things. You had music quietly playing through your TV speakers in the living room. A few lamps fill the dim room creating a subtle yellow glow that hits the high points of your face, softening your tired features.
"Do you think there's something wrong with me?" you suddenly blurt out.
"S'cuse me?" Simon asks, caught off guard by the question.
"Lately I've been feeling like there's something inside of me that attracts horrible guys. Like, is there a beacon coming out my head that says 'hey, come over here. I'm vulnerable and easy'."
Simon pauses, unsure how to respond. He watches your face closely. You're sad eyes looking to him for an answer he doesn't have. "I think you're...nice," but he has a feeling that's not what you wanted to hear.
"nice?" You let out a humorless laugh. "Maybe that's the problem. Nice must translate to doormat," You sigh and drop your head into your hands. 
Simon takes a sip of his drink. He's growing concerned this is entering too friendly territory. Then you pop your head back up.
"So, how much did you hear?"
"Not much"
"Yeah right," You toss him a coy smile. “Can I tell you what happened?”
“Sure,”
“Alright, so” you take a sip of your own drink and a deep breath before recounting your story. "I met him at work. He was really nice and offered to pick me up a coffee on his way in one day. I haven’t made any friends at work yet so it was nice just to chat over a coffee. Then we started having lunch together. Nothing serious just in the break room but it felt good to hear about something other than notes from my editor. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, I mean I moved here to focus on myself not continue dating more crappy guys. So of course he started texting me and he was really sweet. He complimented my outfits and thought all my jokes were hilarious apparently. I really wasn’t trying to get involved with this guy though. He said something about hearing I can cook and of course I said I do. It’s part of my job, duh. He’s giving my shit about it so I invited him over for dinner. I made this creamy potato gnocchi with Italian sausage that I got from that great butcher on the corner. I even hand rolled the gnocchi. I mean, who wouldn't kill for an authentic Italian meal?"
"He's sounds like some guy"
"Not really, I was testing out a new recipe for the column so, two birds one stone. Anyways, he comes up and we have some wine and listen to some music. It was going really well so far. Then I go to bring out a nice charcuterie board for an appetizer while the pasta finishes baking. While I'm bringing it to him I can see he's on his phone, texting someone and literally giggling. I walk up behind him and he is sexting. On my couch!" you throw you hands up incredulously. "Well, I thought he was. He’s looking at a picture of some girl bent over then I realize it’s me. He took a picture of my ass, while I was making him dinner. I couldn't fucking believe it. What kind of a scumbag does that to a woman preparing a fucking meal for him? Now, this is not something I'm proud of so let the record show this is very out of character for me but these were extraordinary circumstances. So, I dropped the fig chutney on his head. Right in his stupid quaffed hair. He jumps up and he's all mad and starts yelling and I'm yelling back. He calls me a crazy bitch then I call him a perv. After that he left." you conclude with a shrug.
"Wow" Simon responds, truly taken aback by the series of events. 
"Yeah, then you know the rest from there. I don't know what came over me. I guess after my last breakup I haven't felt very good about myself and this guy made me feel, I don't know- fun? That feels silly to say. I should’ve known better from a guy that works the celebrity gossip section. I probably looked like a big baby out there, how dramatic. I'm sorry about that, again."
"You don't need to apologize."
"After I moved here I thought things would be different. I thought guys in the city were classier I guess. Turns out all guys are the same. Just take what they want and go. Do you want another drink?" You point to his now empty glass. 
"Sure." You snag his cup and stand. He watches you walk over to the counter in your silky slip dress. The sleek fabric clings to your waist. Flaring around your hips and down your thighs. The warm light reflects on the shiny material, shifting with each step you take. It tightens perfectly about your waist and cinched with a neat little bow in the back. He wonders why you would wear a dress like that for this guy.
"So, do you date?" you question in a seemingly casual tone.
"No" 
"Yeah right," you laugh and look over your shoulder to see his stoney expression and your smile fades. "Oh, sorry, I just- I find that hard to believe."
"Why is that?" He tilts his head and you focus back on filling his glass. 
"It's just, you're a good looking guy. I would think you'd get plenty of female attention," You pivot back around and place the glass before him. You lean on the table with one hand and prop the other on your waist. 
"'M not interested," his gaze stays fixed on the brown liquid, grabbing it and taking another sip. He doesn't miss the way you deflated the slightest bit. 
"Maybe I should take a page out of your book, as in maybe swearing off men completely" The oven timer dings. "Oh! pasta!" You jump over and grab your oven mitts. You drop the oven door and slide out the sizzling dish. An aroma of cheese and basil fills the air. Your stomach audibly growls.
You pull down two plates from your cabinet. You serve up the steaming pasta, sprinkling parmesan and fresh chopped herbs for garnish. You proudly carry over the two dishes and place them carefully on the table. You place your hands on your hips while gazing down at the platter.
"This looks...great." Simon is truly taken aback by the incredible looking dish. 
"Wait, don't eat yet. Let me get a picture." You scamper into your living room, grabbing your phone off the coffee table and scurrying back. You hold your phone high above for a birds eye view. Simon scoots his chair back to avoid the gaze of the lens. The camera clicks with a flash. You examine the photo, seeming satisfied with the quality and finally taking a seat in your own chair. "It was okay if you were in the picture. I don't mind." 
"I do," he says simply. 
To anyone else, Simon comes off as rude or callous but you, you never seem to let his shortness affect you. You take his words and just keep going. You don't mind his lack of conversation. It seems you are totally satisfied with having someone there to listen. He was starting to think he didn't mind listening so much. 
"Oh," You shift uncomfortably in your chair. "Sorry then. Well, let me know what you think. Try to be detailed with your feelings about it if you can. You're my guinea pig and be honest. I don't want to put this out when it's garbage."
He proceeds to take a forkful in his mouth. He cannot control the groan that escapes his throat as the bold flavor hits his tongue. This is far cry from his usual take away food. He can't remember the last time he had a home cooked meal now that he thinks about it. 
"This is quite good." He grumbled between bites. Not caring to finish chewing before he's stabbing at the pasta on the plate once again. 
"Really? You don't need to be nice to spare my feelings. I don't mind criticism."
He shoves more in his mouth. "I’m serious"
"Thank you" You giggle watching him scarf down the still steaming hot meal. 
The two of you finish your respective plates without much more conversation to be had. On your last few bites you meet Simon's eyes as he reclines back in the creaky wooden chair, hands laying across his stomach. His head tips back with a satisfied grumble making a proud smile play across your lips. This may be the first time you've seen him express a true human emotion in your presence. 
"There's more if you want?"
"No, I'm stuffed." 
If you know one thing as a part time chef, food is the way to a man's heart. You knew if Simon tasted what you could make his ice exterior would melt away. You stand up and walk to the fridge. 
"Too stuffed for dessert?" you pull out a glass bowl filled with layers of custard, strawberries, cake, and whipped cream. "I made a traditional English trifle. Y'know for the holidays coming up and who doesn't love custard?" you shrug while carrying the bowl over to the table. You hurry back to the kitchen to grab two saucers and plate up the dessert.
"If I didn't know any better I'd say you're trying to butter me up." he comments, intently watching as you carefully slice through the layers. "What do you know about English food?" 
"Not much, which is why this is a special occasion. I can get some insight from a genuine Englishman," you slide the saucer to him. "Everything happens for a reason, I guess you were meant to be here tonight" you don’t realize how weird that comment is until it's already left your mouth. You suppress the feeling and internally cringe. You take a seat with your own plate and try a bite. "Hey, that's not too bad. I think Gordon Ramsey would be proud"
Simon actually chuckles when you compliment yourself making you giggle in return. This whole night is very different than you expected. Not that you were complaining.
Your leg bumps his underneath the narrow table. Your bare foot brushing up the edge of his pant leg for the briefest moment. A deep blush rises to your cheeks the second you realize it's his leg instead of the table's. 
"Oh, sorry!" you quickly draw your legs underneath your chair. Simon pauses his eating and meets your gaze. 
"S'alright," he slowly slides his long leg across the distance and nudges the shin of your tucked legs with the toe of his boot. "You scared?"
"What?" you allow your legs to relax, your calves sitting on either side of his outstretched leg. It felt natural, almost domestic. "You don't scare me." you're lying paired with an anxious laugh.
"No?" As he says this his foot shifts underneath the supports of your chair and yanks it forward causing your chair to skid a few inches across the tile, pressing you further into the table as you let you a surprised yelp. Hands brace against the edge of the table. Simon maintains his calm composure. "Are you sure?" he takes another bite of the fluffy dessert. 
You weren't sure if it was the liquor going to your head or the rush of adrenaline but you felt bold. You rest your cheek on your propped up hand, offering the most innocent eyes you can muster, as you delicately slide your foot along the smooth leather of his boot. Simon swallows and gently places his fork back on the table.
"What do you think of it?" you question in a hushed tone. your foot travels further up his ankle, dipping under his pant leg to feel his hot skin underneath. 
"It's sweet," He states simply but his words roll off his tongue smooth as butter. 
"Not too sweet?" You tilt your head the slightest bit.
"Hm," he hums in contemplation. Your eyes drift down to watch his hands grasp his drink. He grips the glass in his large palm. The rolled sleeves of his long sleeve reveal the muscles in his arm shifting when he raises the glass to his mouth. For the first time you notice a faint raised scar cutting through the outer corner of his lip and stopping just shy of the edge of his nose. He takes a long swig of the brown liquid, not quite finishing the drink. As he pulls back his lips glisten in the warm light. "Not bad when it's paired with a stiff drink," his tongue is quick to swipe across, collecting the residue. 
"I'll be sure to make a note of that." you smile sweetly. "Can I get you another drink?" You look down at the last sip coating the bottom of the glass. You make sure to flutter your lashes when you look back up at him. 
"Are you trying to get me drunk?" A smirk raises the corner of his mouth.
"No," you laugh. "Why, do you want me to?" 
He releases a deep gravelly laugh that makes your stomach stir. Then he glances at his watch and your stomach drops. 
"I need to get going." He mumbles. He pulls his leg away from yours and rises out of his chair. 
"Wait," you rush to stand, almost knocking your seat over in the process. "Can I- uh- get you a bit of pasta to go? There’s plenty left" Trying to think of any excuse to keep him here a moment longer. 
"S'okay, save it. Maybe I'll come by another time." He turns and steps out of your kitchen and into the hallway leading to your front door in only a few wide strides. 
"Are you sure?" You don't intend for your voice to come out as needy as it does. You follow on his heels like a lost puppy.
"I've got an early morning." Before he reaches the door he turns, seemingly surprised by how close you are to him. He looks down at your big round eyes. 
"Okay," you smile trying not to look defeated. "Well, you're welcome over anytime. I mean it, just knock and I'll probably be home. I'm gonna try writing at home more. Try to avoid that guy." You let out a halfhearted chuckle. "Maybe, you should get my number. Y'know, in case you want to check if I'm home."
"I'm alright, I'll just knock" His hand finds the doorknob. "Thanks for dinner, it was nice" Then he turns to go. Closing the door politely behind him. 
You rush to the peephole, watching his distorted figure step out of sight followed by the sound of his own door shutting. You rest your hot forehead against the cool wood grain of your door. 
You step back in the kitchen and begin putting away the leftovers. Piling the pasta into tupperware, rinsing the plates, collecting silverware. His glass remains in place with a sliver of scotch leftover. You hold the glass up in the light and see a faint smudge on its rim. You twist the cup around so your own mouth lines up with the imprint he left. You swallow the last bit slowly, savoring the way the sharp burn eases into a smooth, smoky aftertaste. You never liked scotch, but now you are starting to understand the meaning of an acquired taste.
The low atmospheric music is abruptly interrupted by an ad loudly cutting through the calm space. You rush into the living room to find the remote, hiding among the cushions and various throw pillows. Growing frustrated you end up walking over and manually hitting the power button. The silence that replaces it isn’t much better though. You step back and let your weak legs carry you until you collapse onto the comfort of your couch. The wine followed by the glass of scotch you polished off makes your head feel light but your limbs so heavy. You turn from your back to your side, realizing the used glass is still clutched in your hand. 
You reach across the gap and set it down on the coffee table with a thud. Your hand retreats back to rest under your head. You stare at it, taking in all the imperfections left on its reflective surface. Your eyes trace the rim once again looking for the smudge. On the corner you see the shadow of an impression peeking out underneath the red lipstick mark you have smeared over it. 
𝜗𝜚
Across the wall Simon falls back on his own couch. He looks around his dull apartment wondering what you have done differently to make your place look so welcoming. He never minded the minimal decorations he had. A photo frame with his team that his buddy gifted him and a couple of books always seemed like enough. After comparison though it just feels empty. 
He can hear you stomp across your floor. Footstep rushing from the kitchen until you're straight ahead. The sound of your TV turning off bathes the room in sudden silence. Only thing he can hear now is the rushing of his air conditioning unit. He considered your music annoying but now he couldn’t deny the way it added an unconscious energy to the small unit. Now sitting here, the cool tone of the overhead kitchen light illuminating into the living room he feels as though something is missing. Maybe a nice lamp would help. 
━━━━⊱♡⊰━━━━
@azkza @neurolept @contractedcriteria @hidden-treasures21 @sprokat @stark-red19
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deesseshesca · 19 days ago
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PAC : How can u express your affection to your partner while having sex ? (18+)
Oh...Today drain me...
Good evening pretty souls ! I am so excited ... IS OFFICIALLY KINKTOBER ! DAY : 17-18
You want to have a more detailed readings (for 2.22$), you can join my Chérie d'Amour (soul tribe)
SEX Doula =SALE READING
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PILE 1 
Strenght (reverse), knight of wands (reverse),8 cups, 9 pentacles 
You guys are very photogenic. Your friends love taking pictures of you and may even do it without you knowing. Y’all are very aesthetically pleasing people. On the other hand, y’all can’t not take a good picture to save yourself. You are incapable of finding the angle or even placing the phone properly, worse than boomers for some. Which ends up pissing off your friends. Y’all are not tech savvy. We are lucky you even know how to use your phone. 
The way you show your affection is by having no control on the relationship. Wherever the flow brings y’all, you cool with it. You don’t care for labels and you are down for literally anything. Don’t care and you will never care for the title ‘’ relationship’’, you don’t mind being ‘’just friends’’ forever. You guys can move in together, fuck each other cuddle, go to hopsital appointment and share y’all deepest secret and even convince a kid with no title. You will not have shame or even be scared to explain your situation to people around you because you don’t mind how unorthodox it is. That being said for technicalities, you will allow your partner to explore sexual endeavors with other people. Even allowing them to hold their own independence meaning living in the same house but sleeping in different bedrooms. If y’all share an abundance with each other, you can share a mansion. Like the east side is yours and the south side is his/hers. You will show your affection by holding no taboo against them. They can possess any sex toys; they might  even introduce you to their sex dolls, if they feel like it. Y’all may not even have sex at all… some of y’all is giving lavender marriage. Maybee ? I don’t know ? I have no clear indication of such but the way I am writing it, it sure sounds like it. Another way to show your affection is by  accepting their belief, y’all may have different religion or practice. Lastly you may show your affection  by not expecting anything material from them  (which lowkey breaks one of the principles  of Lavender marriage …). You don’t expect a ring, a car, or even roses on valentine day’s. All things said , it is really a show of going with the flow. If they decide to do it, you don’t mind doing it too. If they dim all the little gestures unnecessary then so do you. Ultimately your ‘’ no pressure’’ attitude is going to be the best way you show affection to them which can simulate their sexual appetite. 
💌 : FIND OUT, How your partner use their fingers in the bedroom ? on Ko-fi.
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PILE 2 
Queen swords, 4 swords, 7 pentacles (reverse), 2 pentacles
Y’all are adopted. Y’all were in the system until 10 years old ( max ) then your life took another turn for the best. You always loved your adoptive family. They always welcomed you and poured into you. The whole family is always showering you with gifts, affection and support but you need an answer. You got them, you quickly realize that you dodge the bullet. Your biological family may be very abusive. 
The way you show your affection with your partner in a sexual setting starts with foreplay. You may indulge in giving your full attention to them. You are the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend for nerds. You will let them rant bout all the rules in the new fantasy world in which they are obese about while giving them the ‘’fuck me’’ eyes. You have beautiful brown eyes with stars in them when you are looking at something that you love. Sex apart, they love the way you look at them. You make them feel like the most loved human  being with only a look from you. The appreciation, tenderness, passion all of it in the iris of your eyes is making them love sick. Back to the sex, the way you listen and UNDERSTAND (at least try) make them feel fucking special. You even go as far as engaging in conversation with them which they looooove. Even when you are clumsy with the concept of a subject you don’t get mad when they correct you. Artists would be the perfect pair for you too. Not only are you the perfect muse (we are going to get into it later…) but you are a smart one. You don’t mind diving into the critics of philosopher, you don’t mind debating who is the best musician of the Renaissance, you don’t mind sitting down and letting your partner paint your back when they are overstimulated and you don’t mind listening to your partner singing for hours until they find perfect note. You have the patience of a God and that makes them want to give it all to you. Honestly you love discussing and especially debating because that’s why you turn on. So everything I listed is something they naturally do and everything is a way to get your panties wet/cock hard. Yes, paint on bareback and let your hand caress. Yes, sing to me how good I make you feel in between  the sheets. Yes, debate the principle of Aristotle  with me and show your passion. I love how you are trying to make your point while at the same focusing on my juicy lips.  Ok! Pile 2, your energy fully took over for a minute. Another way you show your affection is by making sure they reach their orgasm. It doesn't matter if they are tired after going hammers into you and making you cum at least 3 times.It doesn't matter if you are worn out. You need them to cum or you are dying … Ok a bit dramatic… (I feel like y’all are natural drama queen/king). You will give them a handjob  or you will rub their clit. You will do what is require for with the power still left in you to deliver your duty (Like I said fucking dramatic). Plus you will love to dive into the pleasure of a long intensive edging session, y’all can go for weeks edging. Playing with each other without actually reaching the sinful need of the body. Building the orgasm with each other and not cheating even when  you are really really really horny. Is almost a principle of respect for you. Lastly, you are acceptive of them in the bedroom. You don’t shame them for their kinks, you encourage them to go for it. You allow an open and affectionate communication for y’all to discuss y'all fantasy, kinks , experience, need, want, desire, etc… 
💌 : Also don't feel bad because you have leaned on your partner through out the whole quest to your roots adventure. While you were trying to puzzle the truth regarding your identity, your partner felt needed and not at all annoyed. So relief yourself from that guilt. They are fine. FIND OUT, How your partner use their fingers in the bedroom ? on Ko-fi.
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PILE 3 
9 wands (reverse), 2 cups, Knight wands, Tower (reverse) 
Y’all are going through it mentally. You are deep in a depression rut. Y’all are victime of sexual harassment and you are healing. Is not as bad as it was but you know… sometimes the voice gets loud all over again. I am sending all the love I can,your way. You and I know it is going to get better and that the worse will pass. You just need to hang in there until you find the pace and you power back again. You knew your ex before y’all became a couple. He was a good friend when the accident happened and he came back into your life. He did not mean to leave you, you know we get busy with life and distance gets created.  Naturally the Divine opens a path for you to welcome them back into your life. Then you open up and it was good and got very bad again. So you decide to cut the relationship so you can heal some more without being a burden. They are going insane Pile 3. Don’t get me wrong, they are respecting your choice. But I have the vision of someone tearing up while doing their homework. Everytime they get back into their apartment at the end of the day, they literally get in a fetus position for a good 5 minutes reminiscing about you. They pray often which is ironic since they never believe in God or anything like that. Begging them to give them your pain and leaving you alone. That you suffer enough. The tears also are not something they do. Is not that they are emotionally available, they are just very masculine . 
This section of the reading is from their POV . 
They love making love to you. They love caressing you. They love your cellulite. They love your small boobs, they love your stomach, they love your thick tights ( I’m so sorry but I need to say that I am fucking rooting for them. Out here pushing through the tears to deliver the message. Ironic, I rarely get REALLY emotional. If only you could feel what I am feeling …) and they love your hair  (another message came through, One of your ex told you he hurted you because you were ugly and that he cheated because he loved blond … your man (I know y’all are not together but I am FUCKING rooting fo them) is screaming : I LOVE YOUR BROWN HAIR !). They kissed every part of you because they wished to make all the bad memories go away. They wish they could erase any trace of your abuser away. Is not about lust, it is all about the true passion that goes straight to their dick when they see you. Is not about owning you or winning you over. Is about protecting you and giving you the love you always deserve. They love having sex with you. When y’all were together, you could not keep y’all hands off each other. In a fucked up way you brain twisted that damm information (swear I am not mad at your brain, she is a victim too. So she is doing anything in her power to protect herself) making you feel that they only want you because of sex. Because that’s all a man can ever want from you. That’s all you are good for. You are undeserving of love because you are broken good ( Yes… Is me … again … YOU ARE NOT FUCKING BROKEN GOOD ! YOU HEARD ME ! You better tell your brain to get her shit together real quick. Is going to take time but let’s start by dropping the concept that you are damaged goods. I don’t want you to EVER think that.) The reality is they love you so much they can’t resist you. The mere fact that they can indulge in your affection is their biggest blessing. They are so grateful (Going back to their prayers, they are grateful that the Divine kept you alive and safe until you came back to them) that they get to share intimate moments with you. That you even let them see you in that seductive light. There’s nothing you can, God can do, I can do that's going to stop them from going back to you. There’s nothing that happens to you no matter how bad it is, that’s going to disgust them . There's nothing you can do that’s going to make them run away. Ever since you came back into their life, the flowers bloom, the sun shines and the birds chip. You brought the color back into their life. You brought joy to the mundane. Sex with you is an explosion of good feelings, fireworks even. They love sliding into you, seeing your face twisting in pleasure not in pain. A pleasure they are giving you and a pain they are protecting you from, safe in his presence . They often push you to keep your eyes focused on them because they want you to see you are safe. You are loved and you choose a good one proving you it was never your fault. Nothing you could have done was worth that punishment. 
***BONUS***
How can you cope with your sexual wound ? 
Spirit has an extra message dedicated to you. 
The ultimate problem of this relationship is the perception of yourself. Before we get any further, I am not here to hurt you (Trust me, I understand you more than you think). You need to contextualize what happened to you. Maybe you are not ready to get help, maybe you are not ready to talk about… fuck maybe you just not ready to deal with it but you need to realize that he is not him. I understand that your brain wants to protect you from all the ‘’him’’. Maybe repeat to yourself out loud, ‘’ (His name) is not my enemy. He is my true lover’’ everyday while you're taking a shower. When  you are caressing your body with soap, remind her, she is ok with (his name). Is important that you precise the name for your body to understand that only him at least with him everything is alright. You need to find a way to make your brain and body understand that he is your protector and lover. Because your soul knows he is home. You may not know about the rest and you got hurt by the rest but him… never him … he is all love. I know you are suffering but keeping him away is killing y'all more than you think. I am not telling you to break your boundaries or get back with him, now. You can shoot him a text. Small text here and there, telling him, you are ok , you ate. It can even be random as you telling him you are watching your favorite TV show. Let your brain get used to craving intimacy at a healthy pace.  Plus it will greatly ease his mind. Please stop dissociating while you are having sex (Bestie speaking from experience, don’t do it because it can become a habit … when that happens … you will try anything to go back to feeling something …), if you feel like you can’t do it, express it. I don’t care if you are in the middle of an act. I don’t care if you feel horny but you got triggered. I DON’T CARE … take a break, regulate your nervous system and come back. Last let yourself heal, there’s no race when it come to this fuck up mess. Stop comparing yourself to your past and let yourself discover the new you, who survive one of the most terrorizing situations. Much love Chérie d’Amour, you got this and I DO … love you. 
💌 : FIND OUT, How your partner use their fingers in the bedroom ? on Ko-fi.
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love-anddeepression · 1 year ago
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EVERYTHING IS FINE- Miguel O’Hara x fem!reader
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this is it. angsty asf. bittersweet ending it’s sad people. tw: infidelity. based on my most recent post. please comment i’m literally begging you and tell me how you like it<3
Part 2
In the depths of your heart, you already know. Your Miguel is not yours anymore.
You remember the stolen glances between him and Dana where you pretended not to notice the palpable tension between the three of you amidst the throng of about ten other people in the house.
It was a nice dinner that you’d planned, after spending almost a week away because of your actual job as well as your little side gig that was being a part of spider society.
But fifteen minutes into the little shin-dig and you get a call from none other than your boss. Not the nice one who showed you the ropes when you first joined and provided you with hours of mentorship. The bitch that was a variant of your husband was currently floating above your watch as you glared at him in the bathroom.
“We need you.”
“Not today.”
“It’s an emergency.”
“It’s always an emergency.” you roll your eyes.
“Look this was unplanned, you think my life’s aim is to torment you?”
“Kind of.” you nod and he groans, “Give me twenty minutes.”
——
At the end of twenty minutes, you storm out of your house as quietly as you can, yes it’s an oxymoron but you’re pissed off.
At Miguel, at your husband, at yourself.
Your mother always said that you were one to pity yourself, even when every bad thing that happened was the result of your own actions. All your life you’ve disagreed, but now you think that maybe your mother was probably right.
None of this would have happened if you’d just said no. No to Dana making her way into your marriage to her guy best friend and co-worker.No to the variant of him with fangs and red eyes and No to your own urge of fucking things up because you wanted to see what happened. If maybe what your heart felt was wrong. That there was nothing wrong with you and Miguel, that he still loved you.
You let out a shaky breath and open a portal from an alleyway behind your apartment building. The purple hue reflects onto your face. No, you weren’t a spider. Just a traveller that stumped your boss and changed his perception of everything he knew about the multiverse.
The man himself nodded at you as you stepped onto the platform he was standing on, looking back to the holo of what looked like a rogue Doc Ock, Goblin and another Spiderman.
“What, now we have evil spidermen? Isn’t that breaking the canon?” you raise an eyebrow.
“That’s the thing. There’s no canon event broken. He was meant to be a villain. Yet, I’ve never heard of him, or of this universe.”
You look at him like he’s just told you that he used to be a stripper in college and all his money came from his side-gig, “I’m sorry, what? The all powerful Miguel O’Hara with the pixel suit doesn’t know of the existence of a universe?”
“You’re being real helpful right now.” he grumbles.
“Thank you, I knew you’d appreciate the help.”
——
The house is quiet when you walk in, evidently everyone has left. The kitchen has been cleaned and the lights are off.
He’d always been your biggest supporter. Always so humble even though he had a high position and a fat paycheck, always telling you to let him help you. Doing some of your work for you when you were busy.
The bedroom door creaked a little as you enter, the sound of your loves breathing makes you crack a small smile. His hulking figure curled up and moving up and down. His face slack.
God he was so beautiful.
You shed your clothes and go through your night routine as fast as you can. Brushing your teeth and scrubbing your face. Cursing the pimples that always make their way onto your forehead at the wrong time.
The mattress squeaks as you get on, slowly wrapping your hands around his body. He stirs and looks up at you, his eyes softening. He’d been drinking, you can tell. He hasn’t looked at you like this for a while.
“Hi.” his hands cup your face and you smile softly as you kiss his rough palm. Your own covering his.
“Sorry I disturbed you. Thank you for cleaning up.” your hands mirror his actions, thumbs caressing his cheekbones.
He answers you with a soft kiss. And then another. And his hands are travelling down to pull you to him. Engulfing you as he hides his face in the crook of your neck. Your hands move to play with his hair as he drifted back to sleep.
You close your eyes and pretend that everything is fine. That the lipstick stain on his shirt in the laundry basket wasn’t the same as Dana’s.
———
“Are you fucking dumb?” O’Hara seethes, as he disinfects the gash at the bottom of your neck.
“It’s just a graze, i’m fine.” you grumble, “it’s not like anyone’s gonna care if i die.”
“No, just shut your mouth. Stop talking like you’re some martyr. There are plenty of people here who would miss you.”
“Miguel, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.” you chuckle, “i get it-
“No, you don’t. actually, you don’t get it. the woman i loved died, and she’s gone and i’d do anything to have her back, and you’re so convinced that if you died your own fucking husband wouldn’t want to die too? Stop acting like you’re expendable.” his eyes glow and yours widen, “This may come as a surprise to you, but people care.”
You gulp, “Sorry.”
He grumbles under his breath as he sprays the wound with bacta so it heals faster. Apologising when you wince.
You look at his concentrated face that is focused on wrapping the bandage around your shoulder and the bottom of your neck. His face is mere inches from yours. He is the splitting image of your husband, save from the red eyes and fangs. But this close you can see the differences, his eyebrows are a tad thicker and his ears are smaller.
He is harder and his words are sharp. Your love is soft and quiet. Mean when he has to be, but kinder. More open.
More loving. Yes. He’s more loving and he loves you.
You look away and focus on the ceiling. You don’t see his eyes watching your face. Eyes filled with sadness and want.
——
“Dana, here. Have some tea.” you pour a cup for the woman sitting next to Miguel at the table. At your spot.
Is it toxic to think that maybe you want her to choke on her tea?
She’d started to carpool with Miguel a few months ago , seeing as they worked together and were on the same team, it was more efficient and made more sense.
You didn’t want to seem like a toxic wife so you nodded and agreed, because you were secure in your relationship with your husband.
“Thank you.” she says your name with a wide smile as she sips the tea, “Amazing, as always.”
“I know right, she makes amazing tea.” he smiles at her and raises an eyebrow. Dana snorts.
You look between the pair trying to hide their smiles, “Did I miss something?” an awkward smile makes its way onto your face.
“Inside joke, you wouldn’t get it. It’s a scientist thing. I don’t think your writer brain could handle it.” Dana waves you away as if you’re a fucking waiter and you bristle.
But what drives it home is that Miguel laughs out loud when she says that. His hair flops onto his forehead and Dana fixes it for him, her hands running through this hair.
You fight the urge to break a plate on her head but you know it’ll be fruitless. Because your husband will take her side.
Maybe you’re just being dramatic. Maybe the tears you’re trying to hide as you make breakfast are unwarranted and you can’t take a joke.
Everything is fine.
You call out to them from the kitchen, telling them you’re going to be late and his voice is brighter when he says, “Okay, honey.”
—————
“You okay?”
“I’m fine, boss.”
“You look dead.”
“Your eyes bags suggest the same.”
“You’re hilarious.” O’Hara smirks
“Thank you.” you take a sip of the beer he’d passed.
It was late, far past dinner time. And the both of you had taken time to go over the record of what anomalies were most common and key weaknesses in most villains.
“But seriously, are you okay?”
You gulp, “Tell me about your wife. Please.”
He blanches, and then looks at the tears welling up in your eyes.
“Well, where to begin?” he turns to face you, “She…was a writer, she had her own business. She loved sunflowers because they faced each other when the sun wasn’t in the sky.” he smiles sadly, “she was terrified of frogs and dead fish. And she hated onions. The pickiest fucking eater.” he shakes his head and chuckles.
“She sounds sweet.” you know she was variant of you, Miguel had shown you the web of life and in every universe there was version of you that made their way into his life. It was beautiful, honestly.
“She had short hair, and her smile. God, it could make anyone’s day better.” he rested his head on his hand and looked at the hologram shining in front of the both of you.
“She sounds like a dream.” you reply.
“She was.” he nods.
“Hey would you mind bringing up a live of my house?” you ask.
“Why?”
“Humour me, will you?”
He grumbles and a hologram showing your universe pops up, on the screen is your living room. And Miguel freezes when he sees the scene before him.
He sees himself kiss Dana. The version of him who is married, is kissing his co-worker. He’s taking her in his arms and nuzzling her nose. He’s pecking her cheeks and tickling her like she’s his wife.
Like he’s in love with her.
“I love you.” his voice echoes throughout the room. And Dana says it back.
His head whips to look at you. You don’t look surprised, rather, you look defeated. You breathe out like it’s a finality. Your beautiful beautiful eyes transfixed on offending scene in front of you.
Before anything else happens, he shuts it off. Immediately turning to look at your frozen form, “Hey, you with me?”
You shake your head and smile. Eyes still fixed onto where the hologram was, “I’m fine.” Tears fall down your cheeks as your mouth quivers, “I’m okay. Everyday he comes back around this time. And they carpool. I told him I’d be late today. Just after I made them tea and they laughed at an inside joke amongst themselves.”
His eyes widens, “Oh honey.” his moves to hug you and you let out an ugly sob, “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
“I knew it.” you say into his chest, “I’m so fucking stupid.”
His hand pats your back, “You’re not stupid.”
“I mean, I know i was busy, i know i wasnt always home. But I tried, i fucking tried. WHAT IS SO WRONG WITB ME?” the dam breaks and you let out a wrecked shout of agony that breaks his heart into two, “Why wasn’t I good enough?!” your body shakes violently.
“No.” he says firmly, taking your face in his hands, almost squeezing your cheeks and forcing you to looking at him, your hands fly to cover his, “ You are good enough. You are enough. Listen to me. That fucking idiot doesn’t know who he just lost.”
“But-But if i wasnt so busy-
“If he had a problem, he should’ve told you. He’s a fucking pussy.”
Your words are silenced when he shakes you once, hands still holding your cheeks, “You are the most perfect person. And the both of them will pay. I promise that, cariño.”
His arms wrap around you to engulf you as you hide your face in the crook of his neck, rapid breaths slowing. His pulse beats and you can feel the vibrations on your own skin.
You close your eyes and pretend everything is fine. Because you’re in his arms.
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yonseibananamilk · 1 month ago
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“𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒎𝒆."
synopsis 𓂃𓈒𓍼ོ living with fyodor was the same as living without him. however, the night of his return reminds you, embarrassingly so, just how close the two of you are. literally. (~4k wc)
a/n 𓇢𓆸 i think i may or may not be starting to hate my writing BUT i really stretched beyond what im used to in certain parts of this and i am quite proud of myself for that ^^
content 𓍼ོ𓂃𓈒 canon compliant, suggestive themes(especially around the end), fyodor is very cold temperature-wise, soft!fyodor(hes soft in his own way), references to my work song fic ! + connected directly to it will come back as it is a part 2 ^^
ᡣ𐭩 special special જ⁀➴ this fic is in collaboration with @musamora ‘s new talk!fic ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و please try to check hers out too if you can — shes a brilliant writer and a lovely person overall <3
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Books upon books knitted themselves compact inside the towering shelves that pressed into the walls of what you assumed was Fyodor’s home. He had never called it his home, in fact, you explicitly remember when he did bring you here —
“Welcome to this humble abode. Feel free to touch and grab whatever you desire. Everything here belongs to you, дорогая.”
— Ever since that blind date (gone wrong(but then right in the end)), the Russian had let you stay for as long as you liked. One night led to two, which led into you bringing over a few things for just a few more nights.
Which led to you staying with Fyodor for nearly a month now.
You shook your head at the thought. If anything, he was the visitor. The man was hardly ever home, therefore you weren’t even living together. And you were, like anyone else with experience in a leaky apartment, eager to accept a place as generous as this.
The house held two stories; the first floor with the living room, foyer, and utilities, and the second floor with the bathroom and bedroom. Not to mention there was even an accessible attic-study.
In the beginning, he had stayed the night with you on the couch while you remained upstairs. But it had been weeks since then. Your Russian companion, much to your dismayed crocodile tears, was now predominantly busy with his ‘mission’. You couldn’t argue with that.
Though, on one of the times when Fyodor did stay longer than just a few hours…
“Please? I don’t mind, I swear! Besides, we’re both adults, not some teenagers that’ll go off at the first brush of skin. You don’t have to sleep on the couch..!”
You didn’t want to admit that you had actually stained the sofa downstairs on the first day of being here — even if Fyodor knew about it already, with all his observance — and it also felt… wrong to have him sleep on the couch. Cold. In the dark. And very, very, very lonely.
With a desperate and dramatic gesture of your arms, you tried to make the bed as dreamy as possible to his cherry wine eyes. “See? So comfy!”
To prove your point even further, you jumped on yourself with a muffled noise in the comforter.
“How amusing.”
Your point was most certainly not taken.
Therefore, you began to deflate into the sheets. Even more muffled now, and perhaps even softer than before, you mumbled out — “Is ‘modesty’ really the only reason why you won’t share anything with me?”
Everything in the room stilled. As if gauging the weight behind your words. Then, faintly, a gust of a sigh fell into the golden air of your nearby nightlamp. The candle flame was tickled into a dance thanks to the Russian, twisting and spinning hypnotically.
So hypnotically that you failed to catch the shift in the bed beside your head.
Not until a chilled hand fell atop your head. Bony fingers of ice itself urged your face up and away from the fire. Your attention was rewarded with a smooth, humming smile.
“There is more, дорогая.” He admitted. “But those reasons have nothing to do with you. After all, you are the sole reason why I would like to sleep here.”
Briefly, so much so where you barely even caught it this time — a thumb brushed over your lips. Cherry wine eyes batted down at you, reflecting the flame behind your burning face. Like the sun was the center of his very being.
“Then why don’t you?”
As his thumb curled into the corner of your lips, the rest of his hand glided over your skin. Two fingers read the curves of your jawline. Its adjacent pair followed down to the side of your neck.
He could grab your entire head with ease.
Fluttering ties in your stomach unraveled and twisted again in an endless heap of knots. Why wasn’t he saying anything? What was he thinking of? Why is he getting closer?
A chilled breath brought respite to your burning cheeks. But only for a moment.
Why is he moving away?
“Be wary of the fatigue that will eat you, if you do not sleep soon, дорогая.”
Pale feet revisited the cold, yet still warmer than him, floors. Wood welcomed him with a tired creak, following the man’s every step until he reached the doorway. By then, you had turned off your back to finally face him yourself.
“But I’m not tired.” Horribly, a yawn tore through your last syllable. The heaviness of your eyelids was never apparent until now.
Another amused hum brought you back to the Russian before you, hand on the knob as he smirked down at you. Slowly, the sharp edges of his little grin faded into something softer, fuzzier.
A smile, he had gifted you.
“If you are not tired…” Your heart skipped a beat, anticipating every little thing for his next suggestion. As if crying out — “What? Yes? What is it?”
“Then remember this: there is danger in giving into one’s desires, дорогая.” Icy red eyes rove over your laden figure with an unreadable spark. He always looked at you so curiously.
“I would be wise to not fall victim to such dangers. As would you.”
The closing door halted itself instantly when you let out the smallest of huffs.
“My offer still stands…” With a dragging breath of protest, you fell underneath the blankets.
Black swirls encapsulated your mind as you managed to spin his words effortlessly; “Remember this: there is reward for passing through danger.”
Unknowingly shooting through the Russian’s morale — you fell asleep with the same singular weight of your own on the bed. However, the door was still ajar in the morning upon your awakening.
But that moment was weeks ago. The memory of it proven by the clear frown on your lips — twitching up and down every now and then based on whatever the book you read said.
You wouldn’t spend your time thinking about someone who wouldn’t even give you so much as a clear answer to ‘How was your day?’
A creak of wood whipped your head around in urgence. Only for nothing to be there.
Nothing but a pang of disappoint. All at the absence of a certain Russian.
Well. Maybe you would spend a bit of your time.
With a ruffled sigh you fell back against the chair, pages still in hand as the grandfather clock behind you whisked the day away. These moments of solitude had become a daily part of your life — ever since popping out of Fyodor’s floorboards like a daisy in the snow.
But they might as well have been your floorboards too.
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The creak of wood glided past your ears. Followed by the light shuffle of a coat being draped over the rack nearby. Then the ghosts of footsteps slowly but surely making their way toward the living room.
“Hm?”
Much to his amusement, there you sat. Old book in hand atop the gentle rise and fall of your chest. In a peaceful slumber too.
“How adorable.” The R rolled after his deep chuckle, growing slightly in volume as he drew closer to your laden frame. “Falling asleep to folktales, are we? Hm, дорогая?”
Frostbite ghosted over your cheek. A chill fell over your fingertips — the lingering absence of your now-taken book. Burgundy eyes flitted over the title with a deep hum.
Surprisingly enough, you had managed to find one of the few English books that hid in his shelves. The vast majority were Russian(as he wasn’t the best with learning new languages).
“Orpheus and Eurydice?” His tongue read. “Now what on Earth compelled you to read such a tale..?”
Firewood slid off one another as it ate away at itself in incessant hunger. A desire for something warmer than what it already had. A rod poked it stable in no time.
“Perhaps my дорогая is more romantic than she lets on. It makes me wonder…”
The shadows around him chuckled in tandem before, again, rippling as the fireplace was muted once more.
‘What a foolish thought.’ His brain reprimanded.
Yet his heart leapt not once, but twice — as you began to slowly stir awake. With orange light painted across the dips of your babbling lips in a silent dance with dark.
“Uah… who’s there..?”
Raven locks fell to the side as he tilted towards you slowly. Akin to an animal watching something unusual. Unexplainable. Unimaginable. A thick silence filled the air as Fyodor lagged to translate your words — no thanks to the strange foreign tingling south of his head — all by the sight of you.
‘How vulnerable.’ He mused. ‘How adorable.’
Despite knowing full well what was coming out his lips — despite knowing just what it could risk for him —
“Федя is here.”
He had willingly revived something. Something that had lied dormant for dozens of hundreds of years. All for you. You and your daftly half-conscious state. He hadn’t been called such a simple name since childhood.
And since his family was alive.
Despite his already-dissipating regret, icy tips glided reverently over the crown of your head. The locks of it threaded like yarn. Each part sifted through like flour. The back of it all was cupped tightly — encouraging your limp head to face him.
“Fe… diya…?”
Oh how adorable you were. So sleepy you couldn’t even pronounce a simple nickname. A diminutive. An endearment.
Nor could you realize how special you were right now. Though, that was the norm at this point.
“Yes. Can you indulge Fedya for a moment, дорогая?” The Russian cooed with a smile both condescendingly familiar, and unrecognizably tender.
Your whined nod was enough to coax him closer. Arms atop the sides of the chair. Frosted breath wafting just shy of your pulse.
“Can you tell Fedya what you were thinking of? Hm?”
Lithe fingers haunted the cover of your little folktale with echoed taps. His cherry wine gaze hooked onto the half-lidded glaze in your eyes.
“Tell him what you were thinking of when reading such a story?”
As slurred syllables pooled from your tongue, Fyodor locked himself onto every quiver, bite, and sound. Each was greedily soaked into the prodigy’s mind — held in higher regard than any mazed tactic.
Although just as half-lidded as yours, his eyes were far more awake than they had been during his accursed mission earlier.
After all, if Fyodor knew such a sweet sight waited for him here — he would’ve destroyed everything in his path to get back as soon as possible.
Frosted breath ghosted over the angle of your jaw, waiting patiently for something more.
“I… I thought that Eurydice was very lucky to have been loved so dearly... Regardless of what happened at the end.”
Black brows rose at you. “Lucky?”
“Yes. I’m a bit envious — being loved so dearly is…” A shake of the head pauses your sleepy train of thought. With a deep breath, your head reclined further into the plush of your seat before correcting yourself.
“Being loved is a very lucky thing indeed.”
Well weren’t you the lucky one?
The gentle squeaks of the couch were thankfully muffled by your weight, settling further and further into its cotton fabric. Your warmth soaked into it well. Though, much of that warmth was the fire’s — which only seemed to be growing.
Just along the edges of your peripheral, a certain smiling Russian was also present — leaned over your shoulder closely. Close enough for the scent of black tea to flood your nostrils yet again.
“Could you imagine it?”
A chill ran over the hairs on the nape of your neck. Fyodor’s breath was cold. His lips too.
“Imagine being loved…?” Your voice was far softer than expected. “I… suppose it would be nice. Very nice, in fact. I’d like to be cared about…”
Shifting your eyes, the golden text of the book was now being circled by Fyodor’s idle fingers. Lithe enough to perfectly recreate the intricate cursive. And cold enough to make you shudder at the mere sight.
Nonetheless — the image of such hands snug around you was as warm as the shared fireplace.
“Wouldn’t everyone?” He cooed. Slender fingertips rhythmically tapped atop the book cover.
“Being loved…” Cherry wine eyes reflected the orange fire beside you. “Or wanted…”
You swallowed a lump in your throat that certainly wasn’t there before.
“Is a very human desire.”
Another swallow. Glued to the fiddling hands in your lap, your heart leaped with you upon asking;
“Do you desire it as well?”
Briefly did his eyes widen.
It was borderline impossible to catch Fyodor off-guard. But, as luck would have it, you succeeded at it like any other mundane task. You always did.
It’d be terrifying if not so attractive.
“I suppose…” Once unoccupied fingers found their way atop your shoulder. Chills ran through your arm. As well as an unwelcome spark through your entire body. “Yes. Yes, I do.”
A flicker of your shared fireplace caught your eye. Avoiding the piercing gaze of Fyodor Dostoevsky as he, much to your confusion, stared into your very essence. It was as if he was analyzing every curve and groove before completely committing it to memory.
That sly, condescending chuckle reeled you home to him. All semblance of earlier surprise had drained from his eyes. “What a curious question, дорогая. Were you picturing it in your mind?”
Blackberry strands fell against the white fabric of his shirt, flowing in tandem with the inching of his face.
“Thinking… pondering… wondering…”
Orange light danced within the seeds of his eyes.
“Imagining what it’d be like to be loved by me?”
You didn’t know whether to fuse with the couch or disappear completely.
Whatever happened to the fire danced over your already-burning cheeks — radiating against the chill of Fyodor’s face as he bordered closer and closer.
“Can you imagine it?”
Close enough to count each eyelash.
Close enough to taste the scent of black tea and iron on your tongue.
Close enough to feel the subtle heat of his cheeks.
“Imagine being loved by me?”
Your lower lip began to tremble. Sweat sprinkled from your shaky palms. That same spark shocked you from head to toe yet again.
Everything felt heavy. Heavy and warm.
And your nose itched. Itched and twitched. You couldn’t help but sniff — which only amplified the hot water in your eyes — already glittering in your lashes. The unsaid border between the two of you dwindled like a candle in the wind.
All you knew was that you were sweaty, shaky, and far too warm to be considered normal.
A snort caught itself in his throat. While perfectly timed with just how stiff you were getting, your little sniffle was not out of embarrassment. Simply an incoming sneeze that he would gladly bless you for in: 3, 2—
“Achoo!”
He did not want to finish that countdown.
“Woah…! I got my boogers on your face! Hah!”
“That you did.” The Russian begrudgingly muttered, closed eyes subtly twitching under the weight of your giggles and dabbing sleeve. “Bless you.”
Despite all your unceremonious, uncouth, undisciplined whatnots — the sheepish smile you flashed to him was hardly ignored. “Thank you… Did it get in your eye?”
“Fortunately not.”
“Aww. Better luck next time then.”
The caught snort from before clawed its way out of Fyodor and into a throaty, hearty, genuine laugh.
No cocky chuckles. No sadistic grins. No sly hums.
Just a normal laugh. With golden fire reflecting off the sides of his face like framing sunrays. And a usually imperceptible ombre of deep magenta in his otherwise black hair — thanks to the generous amount of light the fireplace provided a few feet away.
Sure, it was akin to the cawing of crows at the crack of dawn — Fyodor most certainly hadn’t laughed like that in what seemed like centuries. But it was touching nonetheless.
Very much so.
“It’s rude to stare, дорогая.”
It was even harder to look away when he was smiling so warmly.
“I bet Orpheus wouldn’t think Eurydice was rude — even when her boogers got in his eye.”
An unfamiliar emptiness frosted over your shoulder when the Russian leaned away. “Perhaps, дорогая. Perhaps.”
You couldn’t recall a time when he was ever so warm.
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“There are no more wool blankets.” The Russian patted through the wooden cabinets with a small hum. “Дорогая, you wouldn’t happen to know where they are, would you?”
Looking over his shoulder, a cherry wine gaze poured over your freshly showered & dressed body. You learned to always stay snug for the cold that managed to occasionally sneak its nightly way past the fireplace — crackling happily a hallway down.
You hummed back, offering the man a smile warm enough to rival it. “I do.”
“And whatever happened to them?” Knowing lips cooed. The answer fell sweeter when it was from your tongue than his mind.
“I put them in the attic because they scratched at my face,” Rubbing at your arms, a wave of apology washed over you. Maybe Fyodor preferred blankets that way? Scratchy and itchy. He was a strange man after all.
Even more strange now that he was finally content with sharing a bed. You don’t think you’d ever seen a man smile for so long. However eerie though, at the end of the night, it was… endearing.
Tonight, he had changed out of the usual wear for war(or whatever he did outside of the house) — a fluffy white robe wrapped snug around Fyodor. Tied together by the loose cotton belt.
“And so you have been sleeping in a single blanket? Instead of the multiple wool ones I had given you?” The urge to hang your head was woefully strong. You opted to shuffle your feet instead.
“Yes, Fyodor. I… I can give you the blanket for the night if that’s what you want?”
Briefly, his roving eyes met yours. With a small lilt of his voice, which was another strange way of expressing amusement for him, the Russian cooed; “And leave a woman to fend for herself against the cold?”
Another spark of warmth crackled under your skin. The sensation swam through your bones in a melting frenzy that burned your face once it reached it.
“T-then we can share…?”
Cherry eyes crinkled in delight.
“Wonderful idea, дорогая.”
As your knees slowly crawled up to meet your chest, the sway of his hair encapsulated you in a garden of imagination — with cherry wine eyes to drink and straight locks that rivaled shades of the ripest blackberries. Such sweet attributes for such a cold man.
Literally. He was colder than the air itself when sitting on your bed. The man could’ve drunken up all the warmth in the room, and still ask for more.
“You’re freezing!” You whined out, curling into a shuddering ball. “Maybe you should take that blanket, you might as well take the ones in the attic too.”
A frown quipped its brows at you. Yet, despite all his shown annoyance, there lacked a general sense of danger that once lived within.
Every glare was now punctuated with a cooing riddle of warning but quickly followed by a soft smile — imperceivable to all he knew. Excusing you.
“And I assume that means you are warmer? Hm?”
“Well, duh. I’ve been soaking in the fireplace all day waiting for you.”
“Oh?”
Under the gentle fire of your candlelit bedside, a meek coral bloomed across the slim cheeks of his face. His ears were red too — how long had he been that way?
“So, you were waiting for me?”
“Yes.” An exasperated breath left you feeling flustered and confused.
“Diligently?”
“And I was very lonely the whole time.”
A sense of deja vu sprung over you like a freshly pouring fountain.
Candlelight brewed against his face. Cherry wine eyes raked over your every inch. Pale skin, now painted with pink, smoothly approached closer and closer and closer —
Until the two of you are face to face once again. Illuminated only by generous candlelight and warmed by a singular blanket, except for Fyodor leeching off your heat.
“Дорогая, if I didn’t know better, I’d assume you thought we were married. With you waiting so, what was the word...?"
Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.
"Ah yes. Diligently for my arrival.”
Freezing fingertips grazed along the bridge of your jaw. Dancing over the skin like whistling air, then halting at the chin. Two fingers held it gently, softly, reverently even.
“Though, my words are not necessarily a complaint.”
Candlelight pooled over the side of his face, glistening in the corners of Fyodor’s eyes like water lanterns at nighttime. You could only hope he was staring at you because you looked just as beautiful.
Gulping, a strained noise tumbled from your lips —
“Oh? Whining now?” A chilling thumb ran over the shine of your bottom lip. He was closing in.
“I did not whine.” Your voice cracked. “I just—”
Words left you. Tumbling freely from your throat in an entanglement of broken syllables and whines.
And with each mishap, his grin only grew. Evident by the crinkled underside of his trailing gaze.
At long last, a semblance of defense clicked into mind — spilling out with almost-paralyzing heat inside. And yes. Your voice cracked a second time.
“You caught me off-guard!”
“I did?” He crooned. The weight of your blanket was peeled off — making way for Fyodor to finally join you. Which you would’ve been over the moon about — if your thoughts weren’t so scrambled. You only hoped his were, too.
Every restrained laugh. Every languid movement. Everything he did — you prayed that he felt even a semblance of the bashfulness you did. Maybe then, it wouldn’t feel so embarrassing.
“Oh, дорогая.” Frostbitten lips sighed. “You truly are adorable.”
Time melted into an infinity of simply you and Fyodor. With your brain dry of anything else to say, and his hopefully the same. With one last strained noise, you turned away to bury yourself into the cotton of your now-shared bed.
A candlelit silence bloomed over.
As the sheets’ soft heaviness cradled back over you, Fyodor included now, the man slid himself behind your burning face — peacefully watching the uncharacteristic heat fizz out of your little head.
Blackberry locks stretched over the expanse of the pillow like grape vines across a fence.
Amid all your muffled sounds, the cotton had begun to seep a sense of sleep into your skin, added on by Fyodor’s granted silence. With a sniffle, you reluctantly let go of his blundering words — slowly but surely relaxing into the candlelight bed. But not without an evident pout.
A haze of warmth enwrapped you. Cozy.
The edges of consciousness were held by none other than a familiar pair of cold hands. Which slithered their way around your waist — pulled you snugly against their owner’s body — allowing him to soak in the feast of your body heat.
Oddly enough, as the Russian slid himself closer, not an inch of his frigid temperature leaked into yours. Quite the opposite.
Your slumbering body thawed away at his cold one.
Save for one place that did not need any more warming. Like his cheeks, for example. Or elsewhere.
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taglist ᯓᡣ𐭩 @aureatchi @soleelia + people that also wanted to be added but please know time is my greatest enemy
translations! (these are rough translations, and if there are any inaccuracies please let me know)
дорогая - ‘darling’ i just cant envision fedya saying ‘baby’. darling is the only accurate one.
thank you so much to @musamora for betareading again !!! she is quite literally the sweetest writer i know and this fic couldnt be possible without her ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂)⸝♡
also thanks to @/saradika-graphics for all the wonderful dividers! the images for the banner were either found on pinterest or edited by yours truly <3 thank you for reading !
© yonseibananamilk 2024 - please refrain from copying, plagiarizing and/or reposting my works on other platforms. reblogs, notes, and comments are very appreciated!
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thecapricunt1616 · 4 months ago
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Carmy X Nervous about a home birth
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Let’s be so real here. If you told Carmy you wanted a home-birth - his first reaction would be 😦😰 - because with his mommy issues, the only way he feels as if he’s being a ‘good husband’ is if he is giving in to your every single need, and desire as a partner - and even more as the mother of his baby. But Mike, Nat, and Carm were born in a hospital - so the idea of not being around 40 doctors freaks him THE HELL out, but his Queen gets what she asks without a single question -- So of course his answer is ;
“However you think little bear wants to be brought into the world, Angel. I’ll get the best damn doula and midwife Chicago has to offer, hmm?” 
As he’s rubbing lotion into your swollen 5 month belly and giving it sweet gentle kisses. Whispering to your adorable bump and resting his ear to it, whispering “shhh- wait I think I heard them move!!” All excited, even if it was just the grumbles of your hungry pregnant tummy, he probably knew that, but had such high hopes for his little. 
(More BTC ❤️)
I genuinely think that Carmy would hold pregnancy and birth so close to his heart, because he would see it as the one single thing he literally could never provide - so the fact that you so willingly and openly offered your body, no matter the dangers it came with - to bare his child? He can hardly believe it and it makes him teary eyed every time he talks about your pregnancy because of the sacrifice he sees you making each and every second of every single day you’re carrying your little love to delivery. He can’t say
‘thank you’
and ‘I love you’ 
and ‘you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting’ enough throughout those 43 long and a lot of time grueling weeks of pregnancy as a first time mommy, making sure you knew and undertood jut how grateful and amazed he was with your body and mental perserverance. 
When the time came - holy shit. When you woke him up? At around 2:40AM poking his ribs being like “Bear?!!” While wincing at your very much more painful then Braxton hicks contractions. He just gave you a lazy-ass ‘mmmph’ 
But as soon as you said “He’s coming, like- today- like now, Bear, he's really actually coming” he leaps into action.
He grabs his phone off the charger with quickness, rushes into the living room of your 3 bed house- holding his phone to his ear with his shoulder as he sprints through your yard in nothing but boxer briefs, hauling the long ass garden hose he bought exactly for this through the window as the phone continues to ring.
When it goes to voicemail? He’s PANICKING !! He’s whisper shouting into the mic 
“SHES IN LABOR. THIS IS CARMY FUCKIN BEAR. DO YOU HEAR ME??? THIS KID IS ON HIS FUCKIN WAY OUT. GET YOUR ASS HERE DO I PAY YOU TO NOT ANSWER ME? FUCKIN'HELL!!!!”
Hes rapidly hanging up and calling again over and over as he chucks wet washcloths in the freezer and drops to his knees in front of the couch trying to fill the birthing yoga ball with the pump as fast as he can. The midwife answers and is like 
“SHE BETTER BE FUCKING CROWNING ARE YOU STUPID MY RINGTONE WAS SCREAMING THE ENTIRE TIME THIS BABY WAS BEING DEL-“
and Carmy is like
“NOW. NOW. NOW. SHE SAYS SHES 8 MINUTES APART. GET YOUR ASS HERE. NOW. WHAT THE FUCK DO I PAY YOU FOR, LINDA??”  as he’s throwing the electric pump to the side out of frustration and using a fucking bike pump to fill your yoga ball so you could bounce on it like all the labor books said.
Meanwhile you’re in the bedroom, groaning and moaning, just absolutely miserable. Hearing your husband shouting at your doula before calling the midwife and saying 
“What the fuck do I do, Sara?! Sara she’s- she’s nearly fucking crying!! What do I- oh. Ok. Ok. Yup. Heard. Heard. Ok. Mmhmm- ok. Promise? Ok. See you then” and he’s right back in your room, rubbing your back as you contract and groan just whispering as he massages your pressure points to help get the baby down that he learned in birthing class, cooing 
“That’s it- mmhmm- good girl, let it all out beautiful, I know it hurts- but You’re doing such a good job with y’breathing princess. I’m gonna put this cold cloth on your forehead, yeah? It’ll help you feel nice and cool, and relaxed, pretty girl” like he explains every single thing he’s doing, before he does it. 
Whenever you have an extra big contraction, he's grunting with you and easing you through it like they taught him in the classes, adding the pressure to your back to counteract the incredible pain you felt every single time it washed over you whining and sobbing to Carmys chest "I- I can't- oh god- Bear, somethings wrong!!! Hurts so bad, so fucking bad- please!! Please let me I need to go to the hospital!! Somethings wrong B-Bear! This pain c-can't be normal"
He shook his head and rubbed your back soothingly, telling you the whole time to listen to him talk, and how it hurts so bad, and joking 'f'course my son would give his mommy a hard time huh? Sug said the same thing, Berzatto kids are brutal. Shoulda told you before I got you knocked up, huh?" his forehead rested on yours and rubbing your spasming back muscles soothingly.
“That was a big one huh? That means he should be coming soon huh? My strong beautiful angel - you’re almost there princess- a few more pushes and he’s gonna be in our arms. You’re so fucking amazing-“ he encourages, gently rubbing your belly that had dropped lower then you'd ever seen. You were on your knees in the bath, forehead to forehead with Carm. He carefully sat in front of you on his own knees.
"Alright one more- alright? Just one big push, yeah?" he echos your midwife, ever so carefully letting your belly go and resting his hands below to catch his little guy. You look at him nervously, sniffling and whimpering nervously.
"Wh-what if I can't, Carm? What if hes t-too big or- or-" he cuts you off by kissing your lips lovingly.
"You, You? Baby? Shhhh, shush, princess- Listen t'me- you're made f'this, mm? You're the strongest woman i've ever met. So focus, focus, princess. Listen t'my voice. I'll count you out, baby. Only 10 seconds ok? Push as hard as you can, ready?"
He sticks his hands in the water, cradling you close and kissing your cheek and temple and contains for you through the energy sucking push. When you rest back, second 5, sobbing
“I- I can’t do it- he feels stuck- I can’t do it Carm, i'm so sorry. I failed us. I’m sorry I failed our baby” 
And he’s just shushing you into your skin, 
“Shhhhh, shhhhhh- let’s breathe, mm? Together. It’s just you, an’me. Ok? Don’t even think about him, princess. They told us, as long as you breathe he's gonna come out, easy as pie, hmm? So let’s breathe, yeah? Princess? Breathe him out, just in, and out, force all that air out as hard as you can like they taught us, remember baby? see-” he holds your hands, kissing them and demonstrating big grunting strong breaths for you to copy and of course you did. 
When it got to the point your contractions were a minute apart, Thanks to him, in 2 more big grunting pushes your little boy was born. When you were in transition Carmy sat outside the pool, knelt and pressed forehead to forehead, whispering to you through every contraction how your little boy was almost here, and how he could never repay you ever for the gift that was his birth.
By the time you were begging on your knees in the bath to stop pushing because it was "too hard" , Carmy knew from what they explained in birthing class that meant -- it was time.
So he coaxed you through three more huge pushes. Even though you told him each time ‘I can’t do it, please, Bear. He’s not ready- I can’t.” But he rubbed your back and told you how amazing you were and to just try, and assured that if your little man wasn’t ready they’d send you home, and that he was right there ready to catch your son and lift him on to your chest.
And after your third other worldly push, you couldn’t even put in to words, the amount of energy it took out of you. It was harder then you’d ever pushed in your life for anything. - but of course the little guy was scream wailing just like any other Berzatto would. 
You couldn’t stop choke sobbing as the baby wailed and Carmy kept muttering ‘you did it! You fuckin’ did it, princess. He’s so beautiful. Look at him! He’s perfect. 10 fingers 10 toes- hear those lungs, angel? He’s perfect” as he rested the pretty little cub on your chest.
You would just look at him amazed, by instinct guiding him to your breast to pacify him and watching as the nurses usher Carmy out of the way and you would reach out, hooking your hands together so he couldn't get too far away.
“Alright Momma! Congrats, now let’s deliver this placenta in 3 pushes that’s the magic number. So when I say 3 you’ll- oop!” The nurses gasp as they look down “lucky! You’re lucky! Alright mommy never mind. No tears, and your body went ahead and did that work for ya! Alright momma, here we go here’s your placenta” the nurse pulls it out of the water and you nearly gag at the look of it 
“Get that thing away from my baby! Keep it in the bowl!” You demand, holding him to your skin and cradling his head, you had told yourself you would do a delayed cord cutting, but you in no way wanted your baby to be next to that... thing - it just freaked you out.
“that is nasty! Disgusting” you sniffle, looking back at your little angel who was peacefully suckling off your breast. 
“Oh- sweetheart” one of the nurses giggles, putting it in a biohazard bag. “Are you sure- didn’t you say your baby’s father is a chef? Sweetheart, this will boost your milk production - it’s giving you all the vitamins you lost while pregnant. Are you sure?” 
*cut to Carmy actually gagging at the nurses American horror story ass tactics while you're like 'what am i, a CAT?!??!"
And the nurse is like “BABY!! Every other animal does it!! You said holistic is best!!! Alright I guess I'll toss it if it bugs you that much..” 
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nvrsaidiwasinurcloset · 7 months ago
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pleaser part 4 pls 🙏🙏🙏
Hiiii! I hope you like it!
Sorry I left it on a cliffhanger again but I'll have the next part this weekend if anyone wants it!
Also, I'm sorry it took so long for me to write this, but I literally had almost 20 requests in my ask box for it. HOPEFULLY it doesn't suck😭
AND I STG BAD IDEA, RIGHT?(Part 4) IS STILL COMING! I'm struggling to get the end just right lmao.
Pleaser - Stepbrother!Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 4
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This contains SMUT - Minors DNI
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Summary: You're still sneaking around with your stepbrother, and it's looking like you have the chance to actually be together with your mom and his dad splitting up.
Contains: p in v, fingering-ish, thigh riding, stepcest but like...your mom and Ethan's dad aren't really together anymore so is it really that bad💀(I know I'm probably missing something but if I read this again, I'll delete the whole fucking thing lmao)
A/N: There's a lot of dialog in this fic, even the smut. If that's not your thing, don't read it:)
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After a couple weeks of you sneaking around with Ethan, you started to get a little reckless. You knew how close you were to leaving for college, and you knew the odds of your mom sending you away at the last minute weren’t very high. It got to the point where he was sneaking through your bedroom window every night because you didn’t want to sleep without him. Then, he’d have an alarm set to wake up before Wayne and your mom would get up for work and go back to his room.
The situation between your mom and his dad seemed to be civil, even though Wayne had to sleep on the couch while he tried to find a house. He even contemplated getting an apartment for him and Ethan while they figured it out, but your mom was adamant that it wasn’t a big deal. As irritated as she was over the situation, she didn’t feel right for Ethan to bounce from place to place right before he was leaving for college anyway.
You were sure that your mom had no idea that you were still spending time with Ethan, but she started to notice little things. The flirty glances, the sneaky subtle touches. But what really let her know that you’d found a way to spend alone time with Ethan was when you were helping her make dinner, like you always did, and you put your hair up to get it out of the way. She saw the huge purple mark on the nape of your neck, and she realized that you had no idea it was even there once Ethan walked into the kitchen to see what was for dinner, and his eyes grew wide the second he saw it. He motioned for you to put your hair back down, your cheeks turning bright red. You thought she didn’t notice because she didn’t say anything, but she was planning to later that night after dinner.
Just like clockwork, you and Ethan excused yourself to go to bed right after dinner was over. He was crawling through your bedroom window as you walked over to cut the lights off, your room only lit by the moonlight that was pouring through the window before Ethan closed it and drew the curtains shut.
As you crawled in bed with him, he couldn’t keep his hands off you. Your back was pressed to his chest as your legs were spread for him, his fingers rubbing over your panties as he placed open mouth kisses along the side of your neck.
“You’re so hard,” you said, as your ass was pressed against his cock that was straining in his boxers.
“You always do this to me,” he mumbled against your neck. “I want to fuck you so bad right now.”
“You can,” you whispered, as he slid your panties to the side.
“You think you can be quiet?” he asked, a gasp slipping past your lips as he slid one of his fingers inside you.
Before you could say anything else, you heard a light knock on your door before it eased open. Ethan pulled his hand away from you as you closed your legs. You both froze in fear as you saw the silhouette of your mom as she made her way inside your room.
“Are you still awake?” she whispered, as she tried to navigate through the darkness of your room.
“Yeah, I was almost asleep. Just don’t cut the light on,” you said, your anxiety creeping up as she sat down on the foot of your bed.
“We need to talk about you and Ethan,” she said softly, “I know you’ve still been sneaking around.”
Ethan was trying to be as still as possible as he laid beside you. He was so thankful for your blackout curtains, and how you really couldn’t see anything in the room.
“I know you’re probably going to try to deny it, and I don’t want you to lie to me right now. Please be honest with me,” she said, as you took a deep breath.
“When am I going to dads?” you asked, confirming her suspicions without actually admitting to it.
“Do you love Ethan?” she asked, as you tensed up. You hadn’t said those three words yet, and you knew she was just trying to have girl talk with you to know where your feelings were, but you didn’t want to tell her when he was right behind you. “I think he loves you. He looks at you like it’s way more than just some fling.”
“It’s not just some fling,” you said, as you felt Ethan's hand rubbing against the back of your thigh. “I guess I do have really strong feelings for him.”
“I know I was upset when I first found out about the two of you, but I really like him. I’ve seen a different side of him since the weekend that Wayne and I went on our little trip,” she said, as she started to laugh to herself. “You know he used to annoy the shit out of me.”
“He’s actually really sweet,” you said, as his hand just kept moving.
“I’m not going to send you to your dads…and I think I’ll ask Wayne and Ethan to take the cameras down. They don’t really seem to be serving a purpose,” she said, “But, don’t think that I’m okay with the two of you going crazy. I don’t want to walk in here one morning and see him in your bed or something.”
“I’m not that stupid,” you mumbled, “But I’m really tired. Can we talk more about this tomorrow?”
“Of course, honey. Get some sleep,” she said, as she stood up to make her way towards the door. “If you want, we can go get stuff for your dorm tomorrow. Ethan can come, too.”
“Cool, I’ll ask him about it in the morning,” you said, as she opened the door and walked out, quietly closing it behind her.
You and Ethan laid in silence for a few minutes to give your mom plenty of time to go to bed, but he still snaked his arm around you to hold you close.
“Did she just give you permission for us to be together?” he whispered in your ear.
“I think so,” you said, smiling at the thought of it. “I’m sorry if she made things awkward.”
“I think the only awkward part was me being in the bed with you and she had no idea,” he said as he softly laughed against your neck. “Are you talking about the feelings stuff?”
“Yeah…I know we haven’t really discussed that yet. I didn’t know what to say.”
“Do you have really strong feelings for me like you said?” he said, as his hand ran up your thigh.
“I do,” you said softly.
“Good, because your mom was right…about me loving you.”
“You love me?” you asked, as he nodded his head against you.
“I have since we were left alone for the whole weekend.”
You adjusted on the bed so you were facing him, your legs tangling with his as he held you close.
“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” you questioned, as he sighed.
“It’s a complicated situation. I didn’t want to say it until I knew we actually had a chance to be together.”
“I love you, too, babe,” you said, as you leaned up to kiss him. You started to laugh against his lips once you felt how hard he still was, his cock brushing against you. “You’re still hard.”
“I told you; the idea of getting caught is my kink,” he mumbled against your lips. “You still want me to fuck you?”
“Mhm.”
He connected his lips to yours again, his hand running over the curve of your ass as he rubbed his cock against you. You were getting more wet by the second, the anticipation building as his tongue moved across your bottom lip. He moved his leg so his thigh was pressed against your pussy, as you started to grind against him, gasping at the friction on your clit.
Your breathing got heavier as you kept moving your hips, and once his hand on you ass was helping you move faster, you were trying so hard to be quiet. He started to groan once he felt how wet you were, your panties completely soaked as you rubbed against him.
“You think you could cum like this?” Ethan said, his tone teasing as his hand went to your hip to hold you down harder against him.
“Oh fuck,” you whimpered, as he softly laughed.
You reached between the two of you to palm him over his boxers, as he helped you move. He attached his lips to yours again to keep quiet himself, because his cock was throbbing so hard as your hand moved over the fabric. He wanted to fuck you so bad, but he wanted you to fall apart over his thigh in between your legs first.
You were whimpering into the kiss as you felt yourself start to get close. He pulled his lips away from yours, his bottom lip in between his teeth as he helped you move as fast as you could.
“Oh my god,” you said, your voice strained as he helped bring you closer to the edge.
“Try to be quiet, baby,” he said, his voice raspy as your legs started to tremble.
“I can’t,” you panted, “Fuck, we’re gonna get caught.”
“No, we’re not,” he said, as he leaned down to kiss you, hard. His mouth caught all the sounds you were trying to hard to hold in as your orgasm hit, your hand still shakily rubbing over his cock.
The grip he had on your hip loosened as you slowed down, your moans turning to soft whimpers as you started to relax against him.
“That was so hot,” he said against your lips, as your breathing started to slow.
“Now, I need to make you cum,” you said softly, reaching into his boxers to pull his cock out.
He let out a low moan once you started stroking, paying extra attention to his sensitive tip.
“Try to be quiet, baby,” you teased, “You want me to suck it?”
“I need to be inside you,” he said, “I want to feel your pussy.”
“Okay, let me grab a condom,” you said, untangling your legs from his before you rolled over to reach into your nightstand.
“I still think it’s funny that you don’t hide them under your bed anymore,” he said, chuckling as you reached into the almost empty box.
“What’s the point? My mom knows I’m not a virgin now,” you shrugged, as you felt him move closer to you, his hand pulling you towards him so your back was against his chest again.
“I can’t believe she thought you were just so innocent,” he said, as his lips went to your neck again, his hand running under the big t-shirt you were wearing. He squeezed your breast, a soft moan slipping past your lips at the feeling.
“I am innocent,” you said, your words making him squeeze you harder.
“You’re far from innocent…especially when you’re in bed with me.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said, playing dumb as you moved so your ass was firmly pressed against his cock.
“Keep that shit up and you won’t be able to be quiet,” he playfully warned, as he started to suck on your neck.
You moaned at the feeling as his hand moved to your hips, hooking your panties under his thumb as you adjusted to make it easier for him to slide them down. You passed him the condom, your anticipation building as you heard him open it. He rolled it on and grabbed your leg, spreading them open so it’d be easier for him to slide inside of you.
“Don’t be loud,” he reminded you, as he started to push inside you.
“Oh my god,” you whispered, feeling him stretch your walls.
“Shh, you can take it.”
Once Ethan was all the way in, he stilled to give you time to adjust, but that wasn’t what you wanted. You started to move your hips, giving your pussy the friction it was craving. He groaned at your actions as his hand started to roam under your shirt again.
“You gonna help me out or not?” you asked, once you’d been moving for a little bit and he wasn’t.
“I want you to beg me for it,” he said, as you kept moving.
“Please?” you asked, as he chuckled.
“Not good enough,” he teased, “Tell me how bad you want it.”
“So fucking bad,” you said, as his hand moved to your hip. “I need you to fuck me, please baby.”
He started to move, but it was so slow. He was helping you meet his thrusts, the tip of his cock hitting that spot every single time, but you needed so much more.
“Ethan,” you whined, as he shushed you. “Please.”
He didn’t know how quiet you were going to be, but he couldn’t hold back anymore. He started giving you hard, deep thrusts, as your hand slapped over your mouth. The grip he had on your hip was getting tighter, as your free hand started to grip at the sheets. He placed kisses along your neck as he started to whisper in your ear.
“You take my cock so well.”
“Your pussy is perfect.”
“I’ve got you.”
He knew you were getting close, the sounds muffled by your hand just getting louder as he started to go faster.
“Keep moving your hips, baby.”
You did as he said, his hand leaving your hip to rub fast circles against your clit. You were whimpering as your toes started to curl, your entire body getting hot as he brought you closer to your orgasm.
He let out a low groan when your pussy started to clench him, his fingers pressing even harder as he rubbed your clit. Your body started to arch against him as you cried out against your palm, your eyes rolling back as the intense euphoric feeling washed over you.
“Gonna cum,” he panted, as his hand went back to your hip, his cock giving you a few more hard thrusts before his grip on you got shaky. “Fuuuck.”
You both laid there, the only sounds in the room were the heavy breathing coming from the two of you until it started to return to normal. He slid out of you and crawled off the bed to navigate around the darkness of your room to the trash can to dispose of the condom before he laid back down and wrapped his arms around you. You soon dozed off with Ethan’s head nuzzled against your neck.
The next morning, you woke up with Ethan’s arms still wrapped around you. You reached over to your nightstand to check your phone, your eyes growing wide once you noticed that Ethan didn’t set his alarm.
“Babe, wake up,” you said, your hand shaking his arm as he sleepily mumbled. “Ethan, it’s almost eight.”
“Fuck,” he whispered as he sat up and jumped out of bed. “Where’s my sweatpants?”
He walked over to your curtains to let a little light in so he could see, his heart pounding in his chest one he noticed your mom working in the flower bed right outside of your window. The moving curtains caught her attention, and when she glanced up, she saw Ethan quickly trying to close them.
“Your mom’s out there,” he whisper-yelled, feeling around on your floor until he finally found his sweatpants.
“Did she see you?” you questioned, jumping off the bed to put your pajama bottoms on.
“Fuck, I don’t know,” he said, “I’m so stupid.”
You tried to think of a plan, but once you heard the front door open, you walked over to your bedroom door and eased it open to see your mom walk in.
“Out the window, now,” you said, rushing him as he did what you said.
Once he was out of your room and you closed the window behind him, you turned around to walk back to the door to see your mom standing there.
“Maybe we do need to look into you going to your dads.”
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kevin-the-bruyne · 5 months ago
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why I thought the kristsingto dance was offensive
My reaction to the KristSingto dance was, in fact, pure and utter shock with an immediate follow up of "well good for Thailand for being so progressive" and that was what I thought would be the end of my engagement with that performance and yet when I read this post by scarefox with commentary added by thebroccolination and hallowpen (mentioned to give credit untagged because I have social anxiety and forcing people to read my post is my worst nightmare) my mind was filled with thoughts that took me the greater part of the day to sort through and I still don't know if the following will be adequate. Because OH HO HO as it turns out Thailand isn't that progressive which means that this performance was constructed to be like this ON PURPOSE. This post is in conversation with some of the concepts brought up in the linked post so it will be helpful in understanding the direction I've chosen to go with this. But the linked post is a great post and you should read it regardless. There is much to love about the Kristsingto concert and even more to love about their sexy dance - the primary of which is how it makes every single one of my Asian sensibilities ring MAD alarm bells. I'm a diaspora south asian but I moved to the US alone when I was 18 which means I have an intact sense of Asian respectability, regularly replenished by my parents. I MEAN LOOK AT IT - THEY ARE ON A FREAKING BED!!!! SIR THAT IS A BEDROOM ACTIVITY ONLY
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But some serious highlights as to what about this performance sets it apart: 1) The performance is focused on sensuality and desire. They're dressed like dancers and not particularly sexy ones. Everything about this performance is pared down to only focus on their movements. The costumes are simple, the bed is simple, the lighting mostly monochrome. There is nothing to see here BUT their desire for each other and the sex they are simulating
2) They are playing to each other and ONLY to each other and not the audience. This is probably THE REASON why it clocks differently from literally every other raunchy performance. They are dancing for EACH OTHER. The performance starts behind a screen, and the sex simulation is the most intense at this stage but then THE SCREEN FALLS but for the purposes of the performance, KristSingto don't even acknowledge it. The audience is THRUST into the position of a voyeur and remains so throughout the performance. Like there is a BED that looks like it came straight out of Krist's bedroom like give me a fucking BREAK sir those are inside house, behind closed doors activities you are engaging with on stage.
Even the parts where Krist or Singto face the audience it is a) never together at once and b) they are mirroring each other's movements highlighting their connection to each other over their individual connection with the audience. There is no hip thrusting, no flirtatious looks, absolutely nothing that would even remotely suggest that they're trying to titillate the audience. All the titillation is directed towards each other. This feeling of looking into a private moment is deeply, deeply uncomfortable.
3) It's KristSingto. So much to be said about this and I have a strong feeling that I am not the person who should be speaking about this. But it's Krist and Singto, highly respected veterans of the industry who don't 'need' to be engaging in these types of 'extreme behaviors' to get ahead. So why would Kristsingto need to 'resort' to these behaviors?
Well, because the purpose of art, and I would argue quite specifically queer art, is to push the boundaries of how society allows the 'self' to behave and express itself. There is a reason why BL has captured the fascination of so many straight women. I would argue this is true everywhere but specifically for Asians, the shackles placed on queer sexuality did not feel so different from the shackles placed on women's sexuality period. Queer sexual liberal *is* sexual liberation and there are a lot of outgroup parties who have a vested, personal interest in pushing this agenda forward. I have to stop before this gets so long that I have to find a university to grant me a masters but 'Fanservice Is Wrong' and 'Fanservice Has Finally Gone Too Far' is just the fan service discourse. But the truth is that Fanservice *IS* radical queer visibility and always has been. I started my fandom journey in JPOP nearly 15 years ago and that was the conversation then [link takes you to a fanservice kiss between Ninomiya Kazunari and Ohno Satoshi from Arashi in 2008 that was 6 years in the making but I digress] and apparently if KristSingto will get to have their way that will be the conversation now. To deny their dance as offensive is to deny the incredible ways in which it's in conversation with the society they're operating in, the risks they are still taking even amidst widespread celebration for the Marriage Equality Bill in Thailand.
KristSingto had totally blown the doors, windows and glass ceilings wide open with SOTUS that I would argue had rippling effects on the BL being produced throughout Asia, not just Thailand. And the pressure of that was SO high, that attention so unexpected and burdensome that neither could actually stay and enjoy that moment. OffGun and TayNew had reaped more fruits from KristSingto's labor than Krist and Singto. KristSingto isn't just another branded pair - they are quite literally BL royalty and they are not here to play games. Except this time they are pushing the envelope with their eyes wide open and I am buzzing to see what's next for them.
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hwa-whiskers · 2 years ago
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A Dirty Little Secret Pt. 2
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Summary: Having a crush on your roommate who was the fuckboy of your university was bad enough, but what gets worse is when he brings other women home and you secretly masturbated upon hearing them that night, wishing it were you instead. But how will it unfold when Seonghwa finds out?
Warnings/Genre: smut. Fuckboy!seonghwa. Dom!seonghwa. Submissive reader. Dirty talk. Inexperienced reader. Masturbation. Fingering. Angst. Praising.
Word Count: 5K
Pt.1
PLEASE STOP READING IF YOU DON’T LIKE THESE TYPE OF FAN-FICTIONS! (SMUT AHEAD! MINORS DNI)
She then starts crawling towards Seonghwa as the group grows silent. 
Your chest grew heavier because what she said was indeed the truth. You weren’t experienced, you literally laid back there while Seonghwa barely touched you and you were already wanting more from him. 
Not even knowing if he actually enjoyed it at all. Your face turns gloomy as the thumping in your chest doesn’t go away. 
“Why don’t we have Seonghwa rate Sola’s kiss vs. her?” 
One of the other girls spoke out and you felt so called out, you hated how you couldn’t say anything back, but deep down you knew you weren’t good enough
You wanted to get out of here, and that’s what you did. 
“I have to go.” You quickly stood up, not sparing anyone a glance and grabbed your bag. You ran as fast as you could, not looking back at all.
“Y/n!” You hear Jongho’s voice call out to you, but you were too embarrassed to turn back now. 
The group starts getting chaotic as the other boys were confused and the girls start talking over one another. 
“Kiss! Kiss!” It is all that can be heard as you slam the door shut, running away as quick as you can.
*10 minutes later*
You took a deep breath once you were away from Jongho’s house, already reaching your shared apartment.
“Y/N!” Jongho catches up to you and your tears begin falling from your eyes again. “I want to be alone for now…” You tell him, slowly walking away and he lets you go, knowing he can’t stop you.
It was probably around 2am when you woke up, feeling thirsty after crying your eyes out. You squint your eyes, trying to make sense of the dark room and slowly made your way to open the door.
Your bedroom is directly faced to the livingroom and the moment you opened it, you made eye contact with the devil himself.
Seonghwa was silently flipping through the channels while he laid on the sofa looking tirelessly.
Fuck! You can’t just shut the door anymore and so you acted like nothing happened, you had to be quick.
You played off the small eye contact and walked into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and looking for a bottle of water.
You bent over to look inside the refrigerator to really confirm that there was no more water. You then sighed in frustration as Seonghwa mumbled something. 
“Huh?” You looked up to see him waving a waterbottle. “Last one.” 
You gulped and almost choked on your barely existent saliva. “Give it to me.” You shut the refrigerator door and was on a mission to get that water. 
You tried snatching it away from his hands, but he moved it towards a different direction. “I drank it already.” He explains, but your throat didn’t give a shit about that.
“Okay and?” You swiftly got a hold of the waterbottle and succeeded in retrieving it. You downed that bottle like it was your last and finally exhaled after the last drop. 
You wiped your lips and looked down at Seonghwa who seems to be very quiet now.
You looked down and then realized that you were only wearing a t-shirt and panties, not even knowing how long Seonghwa must’ve stared at you.
Your eyes widened as your cheeks started to get warmer from blushing so hard. “Are you trying to tease me?” Seonghwa’s fingers run through his messy hair as he keeps strict eye contact with your lower body, sending chills down your spine.
The memories of what you guys did in that room starts coming back to you, unfortunately also bringing back the humiliation you felt after the girls asked Seonghwa to rate your kiss with that girl. You dropped the waterbottle down to your side as an obvious pout forms on your lips.
You then looked up at him and notice a hickey on his collarbone, further confirming that they made out once you were gone from Jongho’s house. You glared at the bruise on his neck and Seonghwa could sense your withdrawal.
“Did you guys make out?” Your mouth is saying shit before you can even let it process in your brain first. You internally slap yourself, feeling stupid for asking in the first place.
“What are you talking about?” Seonghwa seems to be taking an interest in your question and looks like he’s even enjoying it? 
“Seonghwa, you know who.” Your words slurred a little as you started playing with your fingers to distract yourself from his intense gaze. 
“Are you talking about when we were at Jongho’s house?” Seonghwa tilts his head and makes sure to do it in a way so that he would catch your attention. His whole existence makes you nervous goddamnit.
Silence prevailed as he waited for a response, pressuring you to nod at him helplessly.
Seonghwa lays back on the couch casually as he started chuckling and you were beginning to get impatient.
“What?” You responded with a little bit of attitude, because you don’t appreciate the way he’s handling this conversation.
“Kitten…” It’s that nickname again. You clearly know that he’s just saying that to lure you in, but the way it slips off his tongue so easily makes your body freeze in submission.
“If you stayed long enough you would’ve known that...” Seonghwa stands up from the couch and starts walking towards you, leaning downward so he could whisper in your ears, “...we didn’t kiss.” He leans away and you’re only a few inches away from kissing those lips once again.
You gulped at the sight of him, licking your lips discreetly, but Seonghwa’s watching you like a hawk so that scene makes him chuckle. However, you weren’t done with the conversation just yet. 
“Then what’s that.” You point to the hickey and Seonghwa looks down to see the mark on his collarbone.
Like okay, Seonghwa is a fuckboy, but you never saw him with any marks from any of the girls he had slept with. You have heard others say that he doesn’t allow hickeys because he didn’t belong to anyone. He wanted that message to be out and clear, but why would he suddenly have marks on his body? It didn’t make sense. 
Seonghwa gracefully touched the mark with his fingertips before grabbing onto your hand that was still pointing towards him.
“This?” He makes you touch the mark while locking eyes with you, never looking away once and you felt this urge of jealousy that was burning in your body. 
How could he make you touch a mark that was made by another woman’s lips? You felt so disgusted and grossed out so you immediately broke away from him. “I don’t want to touch something so dirty.”
“Oh…dirty?” Seonghwa cocked an eyebrow, staring at you in disbelief. He then breaks into a dry and dark chuckle that made your heart drop.
“These hands…” He once again grabbed onto your fingers, ever so gently, however you knew it was far from that.
“They should be considered dirty too then.” Seonghwa had a mischievous smile on his lips that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. 
“Why are you bringing my fingers into this? It has nothing to do with you.” You frowned and made sure to look at him confidently, not knowing where he was getting at.
“Really?” He asks once again and you’re starting to feel nervous, blinking multiple times so you can avoid his eye contact.
“You played with yourself with these little fingers of yours, no?” The smile on his face completely disappears as his eyes narrowed down on you, making you feel so vulnerable under his threatening stares as he put you on the spot.
You gasped, eye widening as sweat came dripping down your face. He’s not talking about THAT night, right? You breathed heavily as your eyes started shaking in fear. How would he know that? You remember correctly that you had left for your room already. 
“I see you recalled your actions.” Seonghwa licked his lips as he stared at your fingers intently, and it made your body burn in embarrassment. You hated how easily he could read you. 
However, your panties were getting soaked to every words that came out of this man’s lips every second. The control and power he had over your body was immense.
“Don’t turn this on me.” You defended with a wavering voice, but you knew he had already won.
“Oh kitten, you should’ve seen the huge mess you made in the bathroom that night.” Seonghwa runs his fingertips against your thighs, biting his lips sensually as he stared down on you.
“...how your cum was all over the toilet seat…” He then plays with the strands of your hair so gently, but you knew he could destroy you if he wanted to and the curiosity of it was slowly killing you.
“It was just inviting me to come….” Seonghwa’s fingers grabbed onto your chin as he stared down at your shaking eyes. “..and fuck you dumb.”
The only thing you can sense from him was lust and sexual desires as you tried to steady your breathing.
You only stayed silent under his gaze, not able to speak at all because it was the truth. You desperately needed him, you couldn't deny it. 
“You must’ve slept with your cunt dripping wet…” Seonghwa’s harsh words only turned you on even more as he began to pat your head nicely. 
“Lay down, kitten.” Seonghwa tucks your hair behind your ears as you obeyed his orders obediently, wanting him to destroy you already.
“Good girl.” He combs your hair with his fingers and swiftly takes off your underwear altogether as you hiss at the cold air hitting your heated core, shyly closing your legs. 
Seonghwa massages your thighs before slowly spreading them apart while keeping eye contact with you, “Don’t hide from me….”  He leaves a trail of kisses against your thighs while capturing the faces you make when you’re under his touch, it was driving him crazy and you didn’t even know it.
“Beautiful…” Seonghwa’s tongue gracefully landed on your inner thighs, sucking and biting the area…just abusing the skin as it turned into dark hickeys. 
“Hmm..” Your brows knitted together as you opened your mouth with a light gasp. It felt amazing, but it clearly wasn’t the spot you needed him and he knows that too. He deviously continues to suck your inner thighs before placing wet kisses to finish off the fresh marks.
“Seonghwa, I can’t anymore…please.” Your hips squirmed as he lifts his head up, making you whine at the loss of contact. “Here?”
He teases as his thumb makes direct contact on your clit, sending an amazing shock of pleasure through your body. 
You nodded at the feeling and Seonghwa continued to tease your throbbing entrance with light taps of his fingers only. “Hmmm!” Your thighs clenched, but he keeps his grip on you strong so you can’t close it entirely and it was driving you crazy.
“You’re coating my fingers so well, kitten.” Seonghwa whispered into your ears, further teasing you as you whined in response.
“Hwa…” Your hands flew to your throbbing cunt, trying to relieve yourself, making Seonghwa glare at your fingers. He quickly pins them over your head before pushing two fingers into your cunt unannounced. 
You gasped with pleasure as you started moving your own hips to match his pace. “So dirty…”
Seonghwa licks his lips and continues to watch you wither in a state of euphoria. “Couldn’t even wait patiently.” His voice was so deep as it echoed into your ears, but the problem was that he didn’t move at all. His fingers were now inside you, where you needed him most, but you were not satisfied. 
You whined at the lack of movement from his fingers and he loved how you squirmed so much for him.
“Hwa…I want you.” Your chest heaved up as a sigh of frustration and droplets of sweat fell down from your face.
“Yeah?” Out of nowhere, Seonghwa suddenly thrusts his fingers inside of you, making you moan but he doesn’t let that go on for too long because he quickly takes out his fingers from your entrance entirely within seconds, leaving you completely helpless…and empty once again.
“Hwa!” You're a hot mess, sweating and breathing harshly, at the mercy of Seonghwa’s godly fingers, but fuck! You want him so bad. 
“Do you think you deserve it?” Seonghwa whispered slowly, sending chills down your thighs as your body shook at the sound of his voice.
His fingers then rub against your folds in a circular motion that’s driving you over the edge, you could hear the sound of your own slick that were dripping out of yourself.
You whined at the lack of touch despite you being so ready for him.
Watching you shudder in obedience was a sight Seonghwa could only dream of, but now here you were….at the mercy of his fingers.
“Can’t cum yet, kitten.” Seonghwa sucks his fingers one more time, making sure you watch him coat his slender fingers with his own saliva and inserting them inside you ever so gently. 
“Ahh…” you moaned, hands grabbing onto the sheets of your bed as your head shook from side to side, trying your best to stop yourself from climaxing because you wanted to prove to Seonghwa that you could last longer. 
His hands moved in a vibrated motion that made you tightened around his fingers, not able to hold on any longer.
“I-I’m going to cum!” You warned him before staring into his flaring eyes, full of passion and he gave you a nod.
“Cum for me.” He commanded and that was the last thing you remembered before letting yourself go and falling into your own state of bliss.
You breathed heavily, sweating all over your body as Seonghwa takes his fingers out of you, licking every drop of it, not wasting anything. 
“Fuck…” You whimpered at the scene of him cleaning his fingers from the mess you made and now you couldn’t wait to be filled up properly by him.
If he could make you feel this good with his fingers, how would it be if you two went through the whole process? You crave for more and become needier every passing second. 
“What’s with that look?” Seonghwa grabs one of your thighs and you couldn’t help but moan a little at the slight friction. You were determined to take him as you stared at him desperately, giving him the wide kitten eyes so he’d give in to you. 
“Ready for me?” Hwa teases while rubbing his sticky fingers against your folds, causing you to roll your head back in pleasure. 
Your hips start grinding towards his touch and it made him chuckle. “You want me to fuck you now?” You bit your lips and nodded at his dirty question, but of course Seong fucking Hwa was not satisfied.
He shakes his head as one of his fingers comes up to trace your lips. “I wanna hear you say it, kitten.”
Seonghwa cocked an eyebrow as your cunt continued to throb for him.
Your eyebrows furrowed as you pouted at him. “I…I want you Seonghwa…”
You barely managed those words when he grabs your jaw in one palm, pulling your face towards his as he tilted his head slowly.
“You know that’s not what I meant.” The only look he had on his face right now was stoic and expressionless. You wanted to satisfy him and so you could only gulp before making eye contact with him again. “I’m ready for you to fuck me now.” 
“Good kitten.” Seonghwa’s once cold features relaxes into a sly smile as he praises you and it felt encouraging to be acknowledged by him.
He takes you by your hand and you tilt your head in confusion, as to where he was taking you. 
“You want me to fuck you here?” Seonghwa says so casually that it brings a blush to your cheeks, making you look around the area to see that y’all were only on the couch. 
Not wanting to have your first time on a beat up couch, you nodded and followed him innocently.
He guides you to his room as he gently intertwined his fingers with yours before laying you down completely on the bed. “Seonghwa…”
“Hmm?” He hovers over your body and leans close to you so he can listen to what you have to say, sending butterflies to your tummy,
“I really want you…” You couldn’t look him in the eye and he wanted to assure you so he placed kisses on your face gently.
“Ready?” Hwa makes sure to ask one more time before proceeding and you wrap your arms around his neck, nodding for confirmation.
You could feel his tip at your entrance as he was rubbing it against your folds,  gathering your juices as your toes curled in anticipation.
Seonghwa pushes himself inside as your smaller hands grasped onto his, “Hmmm…” You moaned at the strange feeling, but it felt so right to finally be with him. 
Hwa slowly pushed himself inside even further, catching you off guard as you thought he was fully inside already.
Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist as he waited for you to give him the signal.
Seonghwa was so used to doing it however he wanted, but with you, he made you his first priority.
“Seonghwa…it feels good…” You barely let out as his full length was fully inside, giving your throbbing walls something to clench on.
“Fuck!” Seonghwa’s cock twitches inside you, causing you to slide yourself closer towards him and wanting more.
“Kitten, you’re squeezing me so perfectly.” He praises and you melted at those pretty words of his.
“This is mine.” Hwa demanded as he brought your legs over his shoulders and thrusts inside you sensually, sending you over the edge.
“Hwa! I-I’m coming!” You mumbled and were surprised to know that Seonghwa understood you.
He continued to thrust inside you at a fast pace, bringing the two of you to your climaxes. 
Your body shook in pleasure as the feeling of euphoria took over. Seonghwa grunts beside you, moaning in your ears as he spills his hot cum all over your stomach.
“Shit.” Hwa finally says after he realizes what he did. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask-“
You dipped your fingers in his cum and took a taste of it, out of curiosity. 
You licked it and upon tasting it, you make eye contact with him. Your innocent eyes and pure curiosity was killing him inside. He wanted to ruin your innocence if you’d let him.
It was then that you see the switch in Hwa’s eyes as he starts crawling over to you, hovering over your naked body.
“Only I can fuck you like this, got that?” Seonghwa cups your jaw with one hand and you start hiccuping, intimidated but also aroused by his presence.
“Hwa…you know I only want you-“ Seonghwa doesn’t waste any time kissing your lips and turning it into a small make out sesh.
Fuck. You’re scared that you might regret this decision later, but right now…all of that doesn’t matter because Park Seonghwa was holding you in his arms.
His hold on you was warm and cozy as you slowly drifted off to sleep, feeling nothing but warmth and love.
*A Few Weeks Later*
You were at a cafe chilling with some friends you made after getting paired up on a past assignment. 
“I’ve been so busy, I haven’t been able to check up on y’all!” Ari says after taking a seat beside you as the waiter came to take your orders.
“It’s fine! We’ve all been busy!” Runa responded, waving her hand in front of her chest as you nodded. 
“The usual?” The waiter asked, making eye contact with Runa as he smiled charmingly. 
Ari and you elbowed one another like little girls who were having fun teasing their friend who was talking to her crush,  snickering quietly.
“Yes…t-the usual.” Runa plays with her hair and you knew she was highly interested in this guy by the way she fluttered her eyes shyly.
“I’ll get a mocha latte.” Ari says, making the two of them break eye contact. You smirked and cocked an eyebrow towards Runa and you can see her face turning into the color of a tomato.
“And I’ll get a _____. Thank you.” You finished your sentence as he grabbed the menu from you and walked away.
The three of you immediately start giggling as Ari starts pressing for Runa to spill the tea!
“Excuse me? The usual?! Miss girl, how long have you been coming  here to the point where he can recognize you?” Ari shook her hands excitedly as you anticipated for Runa’s answer. 
“I just came by a few times because it’s right next to where I work.” Runa looks away as the both of you start chuckling in disbelief
. “A few times…” You sarcastically repeated after her and Ari shook her head with a smile. 
“We saw how y’all looked at each other.” You whispered to them both as the guy passed by to deliver the drinks for other customers sitting nearby.
“There’s literally nothing to explain guys. I just come here pretty often and he just…somehow remembers me.” Runa explains once more, shifting in her seat as Ari pats her head.
“And here we thought she was gonna be single forever.” You giggled at Ari’s comment as Runa starts to playfully act like she was gonna fight y’all.
“Here are your drinks.” The guy comes back as the three of y’all quiet down and thanked him.
You could see the lingering eyes he had for her. It made you wonder if Seonghwa could ever look at you like that too. Wishing how’d it be if Seonghwa only had eyes for you…..
“So what about you?” Ari takes a sip of her drink as the two of them shift their focus onto you, catching you off guard.
“H-huh?” You snapped out of it and looked at them confusingly.
“Do you have anyone you’re interested in?” Ari pressed on further as you can only blink blankly at her.
“Or anyone that you’re seeing?” Runa decides to join in on the fun now since it wasn’t focused on her anymore. Shit. How you wished you didn’t tease Runa about her and the guy.
You didn’t have the guts to say anything because you knew the relationship status of you and Seonghwa. You didn’t have the right to mention him because he isn’t yours….
“No one.” You shook your head quickly and took a sip of your drink, trying to look away to avoid any further questions.
“Y/n, you can’t lie to save your own life.” Ari jokes, leaning her body towards you.
“No, it’s just that you look much happier. Your eyes are glowing with a spark I’ve never seen before and you’re smiling a lot!” Runa adds, making you feel much more anxious because it made you realize that this relationship you have with Seonghwa would just be a phase.
You and Seonghwa never made it official. He never said anything and you didn’t want to press further because you were scared. You were scared that he’d drop you the moment you asked for confirmation. 
Without this solid relationship, you didn’t have the confidence to say that Seonghwa was yours. You couldn’t….
“Seriously guys, there is no one.” You lied once again, knowing that if you told them the truth they’d tell you to get away from Seonghwa and that was the last thing you wanted to do.
A few hours went by and the two of them were about to go home, waving goodbye to the both of them as they got into Runa’s car.
“Are you sure you don’t want a lift?” Runa asked one last time, worried that you’d be alone at night but you nodded, making sure that you’re fine.
“Yeah! I’m actually heading somewhere with another friend. See ya next time.” You waved at them and Ari waved back as Runa started driving away.
You lowered your hand that was waving towards them down to your side, feeling guilty and the pressure slowly seep in. 
After that night with Seonghwa, nothing has changed much…except that now it seems like the two of you were fuck buddies. 
He’d come home and y’all would talk and cuddle, then fuck. It was like a cycle. Neverending. 
After meeting with Ari and Runa, it really brought you back to reality. 
In the end of the day, you didn’t want to be used by Seonghwa. Even thought you liked him very much, you couldn’t continue to lie to yourself anymore.
You stumbled upon a bar and your feet just took you right in as you sat by the bar, ordering whatever was on the special menu.
You don’t remember how much you’ve drank anymore, you just kept downing cups after cups. 
“Y/n?” You hear someone say your name, but you didn’t give two shits at this point.
“Bottoms up!” You down the last cup on your hand and finished it all in one gulp. 
 “Yah! You’re gonna get drunk again!” The man takes away the alcohol from you, stopping you from drinking more.
“Who are you?” You looked at him and closely examined him, although the background looked hazy and blurry, you could make out who it was. 
“YUNHO!” You clapped happily and hugged him, dragging his tall body towards you from the neck as Yunho started choking.
He somehow unwrapped himself from your grabby hands and cuffed them together with his own. “Why are you drinking alone? What if someone just took advantage of you?” He scolded and you shrugged, trying your best to squirm away from his grasp.
“But you’re here now right? Just take me home like last time.” You pretended to gasp, making Yunho look over his shoulders and you took the opportunity to down another drink, wanting to just drown yourself in alcohol as you stress over the thoughts of you and Seonghwa.
“Yah! You sneaky little!” Yunho shook his head as you stuck out your tongue at him, making him have to step away and calm himself down.
“Let’s go.” He grabbed you and you didn’t really have the power to fight back. Even your body gave up on you, you knew you were tired and needed sleep.
Yunho opened the passenger’s seat and you climbed in, resting your head on the window as you hear Yunho get in.
“What is she yapping about. I didn’t take her home last time.” Yunho states confusingly before starting the engine. 
“Yes you did, stupid. During you party…”
“Why would I leave my own party to take you home, idiot.”
 “Huh!? But that doesn’t add up to what Jongho told me…”
“Well, I was going to take you home but Seonghwa just took you away stating that you both were roommates anyways so I figured that’d be fine.”
“So….you’re telling me I wasn’t dreaming?” 
*Flashback* Cue
“WHAT THE FUCK!” You were so shocked you almost became sober.
You literally confessed to Seonghwa, kissed him and….No wonder he was saying it wasn’t your first kiss at Jongho’s house. Everything was adding up.
You shook your head, covering your face out of embarrassment while Yunho tries to calm you down, but this only makes you think deeper. If you confessed to Seonghwa then how come he hasn’t made it official with you? Or said anything about it?
You mouth dropped as you tried to take your seatbelt off. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going back in-”
Yunho was tired of your shit so he sped up and didn’t let your ass leave till he reached your shared apartment.
The vision of the hazy road became blurry until it all faded to black and you were out.
A little while later, you felt a soft warm towel, gently scrubbing your neck as you slightly opened your eyes to see Seonghwa washing you off.
You gasp and immediately sat up, covering yourself as Seonghwa held onto your hand.
“Why didn’t you let me know that you’d be out so late?” His voice was so gentle, if you didn’t know him, you’d think he was the sweetest thing for asking this.
“I don’t have to.” You words were sharp and cold, emotionless because of your broken heart.
“Y/n, you had me so worried and you didn’t even answer your phone too.” Hwa holds onto your shoulders, making you face him but you could only look away.
“Don’t.” Your tears were threatening to all from your eyes as your breath became unsteady.
“Don’t say stuff like that when we both know that you don’t want me.” You pushed his hands away from you body and turned away from his gaze.
“What are you talking about? I do want you.” Seonghwa kisses your hands, giving you his big pouty eyes. However, you knew in your heart that he doesn’t mean it like the same way you do.
“I don’t want to only be used by you.” You break away from him, folding your arms in your chest.
“I want to call you mine and be yours only. I don’t want to have to share you or compete with others to get your attention.” You finally turned towards him, feeling the confidence to look up at him as you were stating what you needed.
“I want a relationship where I can confidently tell others about. I want us to be a conversation where we can see a future within. Not something that’s just in the moment.”
Seonghwa’s brows furrowed sadly as he gave you the most sorrowful look you could imagine. That breaks the wall to your heart as tears start falling down from your eyes.
Fuck. You knew it. He didn’t want to commit to this relationship. You covered your eyes as silence prevailed, nothing but only an embrace?
You looked up to see Seonghwa wrapping you in his arms, tightly holding you so close. “I’m sorry if I ever made you think that way.”
Seonghwa grabs you by your cheeks, kissing your tears away as he whispered sweet nothings into your ears. “It’s my fault you’re thinking that way. I should’ve told you I love you.”
You looked at him taken aback and unsure of it all. Seonghwa kisses your forehead before settling on holding your hands. “I thought you were already mine from that night.” 
Seonghwa picks you up by wrapping his hands around legs, right under you butt cheeks, laying you back on the bed.
“I was already in love with you, Y/n…”
“The way you’d get up in the morning with only a shirt and panties. It always drove me so crazy….” Seonghwa kisses you, placing your hands beside you.
“The way you’d giggle over the stupidest thing I’d say…It was the cutest thing.” He plants kisses on your cheeks once more and you felt so showered in love and attention.
“But why didn’t you say anything….” You asked, a little bit bothered on why he kept your drunk confession a secret.
“It was cute seeing you get frustrated over a hickey you made.” Seonghwa laughed and your eyes widened. 
So he’s telling you that YOU were the one to made that hickey on his neck? AND he let you?!
You squealed a little as the confirmation from the hickey made you realize that he had let you in his heart from that night you confessed to him already. 
You finally took the initiative to peck his lips shyly, making him smile mischievously. 
“That was barely a kiss….” Seonghwa teases and you knew that from now on you could rightfully call him yours.
“Mine.” You touched his luscious lips before wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him down to kiss him more properly this time..knowing you had all the time in the world.
“Love you. Kitten.” Seonghwa places a kiss to your forehead, making you smile like it was the best day of your life. You’re so fucking glad Seonghwa found out what you did that night.
Although, it started out as an embarrassing secret…it led you two to be where y’all are right now. You couldn’t be more grateful.
“Now go to sleep. I’m taking you somewhere tomorrow!” Seonghwa puts you to sleep, but you got too excited upon hearing that.
“Where are we going!?” You sat up, eyes widening as you waited for his answer.
Seonghwa chuckled before patting your head gently, “It’s a secret, my love…..”
The End!!!!
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A/N: Please re-blog or heart it for my motivation, they really help! I also appreciate reading your thoughts and reactions as well, so don’t be shy and message me or comment them down here! Love you lots!
Sorry if I forgot to tag you. >_<
taglist: @hwalysm @spiderrenjunfics @eastleighsblog @jenotation@yunhofingers @s3onghwaswifey @justineasian @woosmaid @heycozy @luvly-wy @han8ul @singabeat1 @s10an @heycozy @luvly-wy @han8ul @ethicalz @mayosgrises @seonghwasstar @kyeos4ng @hwaseongstar @normal-girl1 @knisterlicht @lilactiny @ateezourstars@seonghwarizon @miaaa127 @skz-jisoo @seung-hwa @jhmylove @dandyboyseungminnie @hwadngseok @mahsora @chonsayeosang @kpopnightingale @sookacc @wannabekris @eastleighsblog @sup-dallyboy  @legohwa  @spookyauthorspopmusictrash @hiimdorylol @becauseiloveyunho @horizonmoonfics @hongjoongslut @be-ll7​
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bisonwares · 2 months ago
Text
Making another update.
Please understand how busy I am right now. I haven't seen my personal belongings in months. I finally got them out of the moving pods only to fly back to Texas the next day to help pack up the rest of my roommates belongings.
In the next week I will be packing up a 2 bedroom apartment into a 16ft container and driving 30+ hours (for the second time) with 3 cats, to our new home.
I won't even be unpacking my belongings when I get home because I am prioritizing the Kickstarter, hurricane jackets, and store orders. I have been sleeping on the ground for the past month and still will be while packing all the orders (1500+)
Half of the house is literally filled with merch to send out, BELIEVE me I want orders shipped out just as much as you do.
I feel in limbo, I'm stressed out of my mind, I haven't even found a new doctor in Washington yet. I have to renew my car tags, get my address updated, my driver's license. I am so overwhelmed. The Kickstarter and orders are at the top of my list as soon as I get back to Washington next week.
Please be patient, I am one person.
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WIBTA for calling animal rescue/welfare on my mom who loves her pets?
My mom has 2 cats and 1 dog. I want to start off by saying that she doesn't physically abuse her animals.
They're in a weird state of being really emotionally spoiled and completely physically neglected. The dog sleeps in bed with her and is always on the sofa, doesn't get told off when he pees and poops in the house, and the cats are always getting cuddles. The cats are getting kinda fat because they're fed a lot.
My mom is an alcoholic and she doesn't look after herself or her home at all. It's been years since she showered or bathed, she goes weeks without changing her clothes except for when she works, her house is genuinely falling completely apart. Cupboard doors are falling off at the hinges and propped up with buckets, doors don't close, carpets are coming up off the floor, wallpaper is peeling, the shower door fell off and shattered, the toilet lid is cracked in half, the floors are too dirty to step on without shoes, the entire house STINKS of animal urine and there are stains everywhere. A couple of years back she had an insect infestation in one of the bedrooms.
Now, my mom loves her pets and really emotionally relies on them. Ever since I moved out she's been alone and has regressed even worse because when she's at home she has nothing to do but drink and watch TV. The pets are her only company most days.
However, her bad hygiene and home care translates to them. It has been YEARS since the dog was walked, and months since he even got a cursory trip over the road to the small grass area outside her house. His fur is always matted, and he recently had fleas (god knows how when he doesn't leave the house but there you go). He has bald patches of fur missing. He pees and poops all over the floors and carpets because he just doesn't get let outside to do it enough - and he runs away or hides when you find it so he 100% knows he's not supposed to, he just doesn't have a choice because he's not able to go into the garden. His claws are always so long they're bothering him when he walks, and as gross as it is to describe there have been COUNTLESS times I've visited and he's had literal shit caked onto his fur around his tail because he's had diarrhea and when I've pointed it out that he needs to be washed my mom brushes it off with "It's only a little bit" and continues to let him onto the bed/couch.
The cats are mildly better off because they can clean themselves, but their litter trays are always OVERFLOWING - like, genuinely, mountains of cat poop piling up in the trays to the point where they're going on the floor because they don't have room in the tray - and one of them is sleeping in a bed that is Caked in vomit stains, clumps of hair, other miscellaneous marks, all of that.
I've called someone about it before when I still lived there, and a woman did stop by to check it out and told my mom that the cat litters were unacceptable, but my mom just lies to them. According to her the dog gets walked twice a day without fail, gets a ton of enrichment, everything, and you can't really prove her to be lying. The woman told her she'd drop by in a week to check on the litters, my mom kept them clean until she came back and gave the okay, and then just went right back to neglecting them and nothing was done about it.
I have no idea what to do anymore but I want to call again and really impress upon them that they're not being cared for. I sent photos and video evidence last time along with an explanation, but it doesn't seem like it got me anywhere at all. I just don't know what else to do. I've brought up the idea of taking at least the dog with me to my new place (it's very nearby so she'd still be able to visit him and I'd be able to walk him up to her house), but she VEHEMENTLY objected and told me she'd never be able to let him go.
I'm not sure what it would do tbh, even disregarding that she'd probably just get a new pet I would be genuinely worried she'd lose all interest in life if they were taken away.
TL;DR Mom's alcoholism means she doesn't look after her pets and they're not being cared for at all, but taking them away would severely impact her mental health.
WIBTA for calling animal services on her again?
What are these acronyms?
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