#not a dog person but these guys got my back
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Piece of Jake
Logan has hated his body his entire life. Obese, gay, and a shut in have been a terrible combination for him. He decides becoming his sexy roommate Jake may be just what he needs to build up his confidence.
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Iāve had a crush on Jake forā¦ well forever I guess. I guess thatās one of the perks of being a part of the same class every year since kindergarten; you get to see the cute boys become cute men. Then there was the downside of that, that anybody who bullied you from kindergarten will decide to do it until you graduate. Theyāll do it for anything too; being gay, being fat, your race, your wealth. I was lucky enough to get 3 out of the 4 for about 12 years now. However, Iām ready for that to change.
See I was blessed with a fantastic combination of having a slow metabolism, and an anxiety which I decided to soothe with eating. The result has left me to be a 19 year old with a BMI of 42. And yeah, BMI is bullshit if youāre stacked with muscle, but I had the rolls and pudge to prove there was some truth to it. Combine this with the fact that I was more queer than a midnight premier of Rocky Horror, and I came out to be not the most popular guy in school. I thought that would all change once I went to college, but freshman year was hell. I essentially spent the entire time in my dorm room, locked up in the dark and playing video games. But, I guess it wasnāt all that bad.
See, back to Jake. Jake kept his status quo of being one of the top dogs from the ages of 5 to 18. Baseball star, debate captain, and voted āmost likely to succeedā by our peers. Top all of that off that he was on of the few people who actually wasnāt a total ass to me, and you can see why I was head over heels for him. He was straight of course, and even if there was a touch of bisexuality in him, he would never be interested in me. Now color me surprised when I found out that not only were we going to the same college, but we got randomly assigned to be roommates in the dorms! I was astounded, it was like there really was an astral force looking out for me.Ā
So for almost the entirety of our freshman year, we chit chatted here and there, but Jake was almost never home. Instead, he was working to get himself into one of the fraternities and move into the house. While I was sad to not have as much time to admire Jake as I would like, that did give me the opportunity to go through his stuff. Mostly his closet. Jake wore the usual clothes youād expect, hoodies, jerseys, wrangler jeans and the like. However, being that he was on the baseball team at the college, I found his stash of jockstraps he wore for practice. And good god, thank goodness laundry day was only once a week. The other 6 days I had a full time supply of used jocks to sniff and fantasize with.Ā
I even tried to put one of them on in a hormone-fueled rage, but my thighs were probably the same mass as his entire body, and I couldnāt get the damn thing on. The longer I admired Jake and saw him for who he was, the more my love for him grew. With that, so did my jealousy. Jake was everything I wanted. He was fit, cool, and could get any guy he wanted if he even batted an eye at them. My time alone did prove to give me an opportunity to do some research however.Ā
See, Iāve tried for a long, long, long time to get fit on my own. Watching my diet, exercise, starving myself. But, nothing would work. Thatās when I started to look for more, creative solutions. I came across a blog hidden deep on the web which talked about taking another personās form. Most of these seemed bogus, but I had to try. I found one eventually from a user, āMagic_Mann_720ā who shared a potion, once which he claimed could turn anybody into a bodysuit. I was about to just toss it aside, but after looking at my desk and seeing the empty bag of McDonaldās staring back at me, I said fuck it.Ā
In all honesty, brewing a magic potion was easier than I assumed it would be, and after just a few short weeks of waiting for unusual supplies to arrive in the mail, I had a vial of the stuff at my whim. Now, who could I possibly give this to? No, not Jake. But also, maybe? Would that make me the worst person imaginable if I slipped this to him? He was one of the few good people I had come across, I couldnāt betray him like that. However, I saw one glimpse of his jock hanging from his hamper, and doubts crossed my mind. It was staring back at me, taunting me with how tight it fucking was. I had to wear it, and I only knew of one body it would perfectly fit.Ā
He was like clockwork, especially early in the morning when he made his preworkout and went off to the gym at 6 in the morning. I set my alarm for 5:50, just early enough to slip the potion into his drink before he woke up and set off. It was of course impossible to wake up so early in the morning, but somehow I managed to silence my alarm without waking Jake.Ā
I fumbled around in the dark and found his shake he made the night before. I had slept with the vial under my pillow, though I could barely sleep from the anticipation of my task today. Being careful to not wake him, I unscrewed the lid, dumped the contents of the vial into the jar, and shook it up. I had just laid back in my bed when his alarm woke him up. I kept my eyes closed, hoping to trick him into thinking I was asleep. I heard him stumble around the room, getting his bearings, getting dressed. I couldnāt resist popping one eye open to see his lithe frame as he found a tank and basketball shorts.Ā
He was already wearing boxers, but if my plan went accordingly, he never would wear such loose fitting underwear again. I heard him grab his shake, and my heart began to race. The pop of the lid went off, and I strained my ears to listen to him drain the contents quickly and quietly. The lid closed and just as I heard the doorknob turn, there was the sound of heavy stomps. I opened my eyes a bit wider to see Jake stumbling around, trying to get his bearings.Ā
āHeyā¦ Logan?ā Jake said weakly. I pretended to wake up and rose from bed, seeing him lean against his desk.Ā
āJake? You okay?ā I asked him. He turned his head to me, panting.Ā
āI d-donāt feel good man,ā he said between breaths. āGet.. get help. Help.. me..ā He slumped to the ground, and while I anticipated a loud thud as his jock body slammed to the ground, it was a soft thump, like that of clothes tossed to the ground. For a moment, I hesitated to creep any closer, afraid of what I would find. I mustered up the courage to turn on the bedside lamp and found a near horrifying site by the door.Ā
There on the ground was Jake, but he was flat as a pancake. He arms and legs stretched out, head deflated, and the clothes he was wearing were atop of him in a pile. I tiptoed to the body, already feeling regret in what I had done. Fuck why did I do this to him? Was I really so driven by my own lust I essentially just killed a good guy?Ā
My own footsteps were much heavier than Jakes, making the floorboards creek. I kicked at the body, the skin feeling as alive as ever, but made no movement of its own. I got on my knees, and with the tips of my fingers, grabbed Jakeās hair and pulled his head up. I was met with Jakeās face, his eyes now hollow sockets and mouth agape. I dropped the skin and scuttled back in fear. Fuck fuck fuck, itās so god damn creepy! I took a few deep breaths and crawled on my hands and knees to the body once more.Ā
I tried to be more confident this time, grabbing him by his shoulders, and pulling him up as I struggled to stand. Jake was of similar height to me, so once I was fulling standing, I leaned the face to my mine, the tips of his toes still slumped on the floor. You know, itās less creepy now. Jake was always a cutie, and even as a husk of himself he was irresistible. It was too late now, and while I felt bad about what I had done, I did it with a purpose. The issue now was, how the hell did I fit inside? Speaking of, would I fit at all?
I pulled at his cheek and found it to be rather elastic. My curiosity piqued, and I pulled at the corners of his mouth, which stretched at least a foot wide when I put some effort in. That gave me an idea. I quickly took off my shirt and briefs, catching my reflection in the standing mirror as I did so. God damn it, I was so fucking fat. My stomach hung out in front of me, almost covering my pathetic cock. Ass was as wide as trailer, neck rolls which made it seem like my head sat straight on my shoulders. Tits bigger than most girls I went to school with. This was my last chance to do something about it.Ā
I sat on my bed, laying Jake down in front of me like a pair of pants. Stepping one foot into Jakeās mouth, I stretched it further and further until my thick calves were encompassed by his lips. Grabbing at his chest, I pulled him further up my leg, already running out of breath as I did so. This was a workout on its own. I remember watching videos of guys slipping into wetsuits when I was a teenager, it was a slight fetish of mine. I loved seeing the neoprene cling to their slim figures. Those guys would go inch by inch yanking the suit further up them, so I went ahead and mirrored the practice.Ā
I found doing so actually made the process easier. Soon enough, my foot aligned with Jakeās. I shimmied his calves to match mine, but it was so incredibly tight. It was like my leg was vacuum sealed inside of him, crushing the fat around my leg down to match his. I began to pant, scared I was cutting off all circulation. I was so scared to look down and see something horrific, but shot a glance and was amazed by what I saw. There, my right leg was pristine. It was a mirror image of Jakeās which I had stared at so often when he wore shorts. I wiggled my toes, and Jakeās did the same motion.Ā
Kicking my leg around, the pain began to subside, and I could see up to my knee, it was like I had worked out my entire life. I could feel the beaming smile creep across my face as I stretched Jakeās mouth open wide again to shove my other foot inside. Now that I had some practice, my left leg was far easier to work with and soon enough, I had two sets of legs which were built from years of baseball practices and running. My thighs proved to be another issue entirely, practically twice the twice of my calves.Ā
I stood up from the bed, almost falling over from my balance being so off. Grabbing at Jakeās stomach, I jumped up and down a few times, his skin stretching and sliding over me with his lurch. My I stuck my hand down the inside of Jakeās mouth, the feeling of my now erect cock sliding against the inside of Jake. Although I wasnāt generously endowed, it still hurt to have it crushed inside of him. I found Jakeās cock, and while deflated, certainly overshadowed mine in length and girth. With one hand on the outside, and the other inside, I guided mine into his like a sheath.Ā
It was the most orgasmic feeling I had ever experienced. Jakeās cock went from looking like a flattened worm, to coming to full erection. He was at least seven inches long, and despite mine being half the size, somehow felt like it was filled entirely. It was beet red from anticipation, and while I wanted to cum right here and now, I had to finish what I started. I turned to the mirror once more, and was shocked by what I saw. From the waist up, I was still fat fuck Logan, but from the lower half, I was built like a god damn star. My new cock swung side to side, stiff as a board, and my ass, while squeezed in like a sausage, now was as perky as if I squatted 300 lbs. I turned and slapped Jakeās ass, watching as the taut skin slapped me back. All hints of cellulite gone.Ā
Finally was the part I was most afraid of, my stomach. It hung over the edge of Jakeās body, the flap of my stomach going over Jakeās lips. I sucked it in, which did practically nothing. Taking one of my arms, I pushed it as far in as I could, and used my other hand to pull the lips of Jakeās mouth up. I groaned in pain, feeling like a rubber band was squishing me in and threatening to cut me in half. Somehow though, his head moved up and moved. It was by inches and incredibly painful. Once I reached my belly button, I found a system to make it easier. Moving him up further and further, I finally reached my chest before I had to fall onto the bed.Ā
I was breathing heavier than ever, and drenched in sweat from what was left of my original body. I felt Jakeās, and he was as dry as ever, as he would never be worn out from such a task. I counted down from ten and hoisted myself up, catching my sight in the mirror. My moobs hung over Jakeās torso, but it was like I was wearing a skin corset. I rubbed my had over my new stomach, feeling how flat it was. In fact, I would even see the beginnings of a six pack bulging out. It was surreal, I donāt think Iāve been this thing sinceā¦ ever. I took a deep breath and worked to shove each of my tits down Jakeās mouth.Ā
Each of them was a chore on their own, but eventually, all that was left were my arms and head. I donāt know how that would work, but if I made it this far, it was certainly possible. It would be tough as I would lose an arm at a time trying to slide them in. Taking my right one first, I wriggled my fingers inside, pushing them down Jakeās like a skin tight glove. With each inch my fingers slid in, it was easier and easier as I gained Jakeās strength. Eventually, the fingers found their way into his. I pulled at his bicep, as stretchy as the rest of him, and snapped it into place, enclosing my arm.Ā
I rushed to do the same with my left and with my newfound strength, found this section to be the easiest. I was almost done. Jakeās lips were around my neck, and I had to use his fingers to make sure he didnāt choke me. I glanced at the mirror, and found Jake with my head. I turned my body around, admiring his form. I had taken several sneaky glances at him as he changed, but to have full autonomy, to see his tattoo on his thigh, the way his veins popped in his hands, the curvature of his muscles, it was like I was being treated to a feast.Ā
āGoodbye Logan,ā I told myself. I donāt know if I would come back from this. Or, if I would even want to. I took a deep breath and shimmied his head up my own. The same tight sensation took over my entire headspace and it was like a migraine hit me. Using my hands, I smushed my face around, placing my nose into his, eyes, lips. I fluttered my eyelids and had to refocus my vision. Going to the mirror was a picture perfect reflection of Jake.Ā
āHoly shit,ā I said. Oh fuck, that was still my voice. I guess that wouldnāt have changed. I donāt know how I could pull off Jakeās voice, but I would have to practice it. I looked at the corner of my mouth, seeing my original lips peak through Jakeās. I took a finger, stretching and pulling it into place.
There, I was Jake. Fuck I was Jake! I laughed and rubbed my arms across my body, watching as Jake did it in the mirror.Ā
I spent a good ten minutes trying different poses and watching as Jake bent to my will. Sniffing his pits, making funny faces, bending over and showing off my new hole to myself. That last one sent me over the edge and I knew I had to blow off the steam which had built up. I sat on the bed and hoisted my legs up, cradling the back of my knees in my hands. I could never have even thought about attempting that in my old body, but as Jake, I felt so lithe. My smile was beaming in between my legs as I puckered my hole. I had to see what this looked like. I wanted to see Jake be pathetic now. I twisted my face to match that of so many porn actors I had watched alone in this room.Ā
āOhhhhā¦ oh fuck me daddy,ā I said, begging, watching Jakeās eyes as they wished desperately for a fat cock to fill him up. I split into my hand and began to pump my new cock, already slick and slimy from precum. I stuck a finger in my mouth and wet it before sliding it over my hole and slicking it up. I had plenty of experience playing with my old hole, but I always struggled to get my arm in a position to really get deep in. Jake didnāt have that problem though. I started to finger fuck myself, watching as Jake became his own bitch.Ā
āOh fuck daddy, fuck me. Fuck me!ā I yelled, the point of climax racing through my cock before I could even react. Laces of cum shot out and started to drench my body, reaching even to my face and getting into my hair. I pulled my finger out of my hole, let go of my cock, and felt it rest against my thigh. There in the reflection was Jake, covered in his own cum and looking like a bitch.Ā
I giggled, knowing I should feel far more guilty about what I had done, but too high on my own bliss to care. After bathing in my glory, I decided to clean Jake up and explore his body some more. I grabbed one of his towels and left the room, still naked. Walking down the dorm hall to the bathroom, it was still dead silent. Logan would have been petrified at the idea of being caught naked by somebody, but Jake? Well Jake now hoped somebody would see him and be jealous.Ā
Getting into the bathroom, I passed by Brad, another guy on our floor, who had a towel wrapped around his waist, still glistening from his shower.Ā
āJake, the fuck?ā He asked. I couldnāt pull off Jakeās voice yet, but I gave him a pat on the shoulder and winked at him as I pushed past. For a second I caught a glimpse of him checking out my body before he shook his head and rushed out to his room. I went to one of the mirrors in the bathroom and knelt over, posing and kissing at myself. Jake was going to become a lot more playful it seemed.Ā
I took my time in the shower, feeling every crevice of Jakeās body and feeling myself up. And of course, stretching out his hole some more to work him up to taking a real dick. Maybe by one of his new frat brothers I need to meet. Once I got back to our room, I knew there was only one thing left on my to do list of the morning. I went to Jakeās hamper and pulled out the jock which was mocking me just hours before. I sniffed at, Jakeās pheromones becoming mine.Ā
I slipped both legs down and had no trouble at all this time adjusting my bulge and feeling the elastic hug my jock thighs. I snapped one of the bands, feeling a sheer run my spine as I did so. Slipping one of his black shirts on, I went for Jakeās phone, which thankfully could be opened with just his face. I snapped a few pictures for myself to look at whenever I pleased. Now, how about we download Grindr to it and see what this new body can pull?
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(yandere! bully victim x gn! bully reader) (cw: erm... yandere stuff, body horror or whatever its called idk bruh, he kinda carves his name into ur skin but its not mentioned in detail)
"how does it feel to be on the receiving end now, huh?"
you shiver, letting out a strained sound as you trash on the table.
"pluh- mn!"
"what was that? you've got to be clearer with your words, my dear. how do you expect me to understand muffles?"
the male hums, his cold hands dancing across your body. you could only shiver yet again, unable to do anything but remain binded to the table.
"oh, sorry, i forgot you couldn't speak. haha, how silly of me."
yeah, how silly of him to completely gag you so you couldn't speak. how completely silly of him to tie you to some cold table, restraining all your movements so that you couldn't fight back against him. how absolutely whimsical for him to be recording all your grunts, groans, and whines while you were completely restrained.
well, you suppose it's a bit ironic. considering that you were the one doing it to him when the both of you were younger. albeit not on this level.
you wonder if this was how he felt. vulnerable, naked, defenseless.
it happened so long ago, but the wounds you inflicted on him were still fresh. no matter how hard you try apologizing, his scars still bleed warm.
you shouldn't have been mean to him. you really shouldn't. especially when he was so much nicer back then.
"mn... you have no idea how much I've wanted to do this. it really makes me happy to see you so..."
he pauses, eyes raking over your form that was tied down to his table.
"so weak."
we've all watched the movies where the bully gets put in place and completely punished. you used to laugh at those films. i mean, how could the bully even be so stupid to get karma for their actions? couldn't they have hid better? tried making up for it? why did they have to go through the consequences of their actions? what idiots!
but now that it's happening to you, you wish you hadn't said those words.
the second you found out that your ex-victim was your boss, you couldn't even as much as utter a word. no, you felt like you were about to have a mental breakdown. especially because you were now his secretary, working for him.
"come on, what happened to that big, scary, and mean ol' bully that i knew? the one that used to pour water over my head and have their friends restrain me?"
his words have a hunt of condescension- no, they were fully condescending. he was mocking you right now. mocking you for your stupidity, mocking you for your actions. and he was absolutely taking pleasure in seeing you in such a weak and reduced state. a shell of the person you once were.
you couldn't do anything but to take it like the loser you were.
"haha, look at you. all tied down and gagged like the dog you are. why don't you bark for me? maybe I'll be nicer if you act like a stupid bitch in heat."
he laughs, hands resting on your clothed abdomen. his hair falls over his eyes, the usual up kept man looking like a mess as he continues to taunt you.
"you know, when i confessed to liking you, i never expected you to bully me. seriously. i thought you'd be like, I don't know, nice about it. if you were nice I don't think I'd have stalked you and do all this. would've courted you normally until you accepted. I'm a patient guy after all."
the words that come out of his mouth have just the tiniest bit of sadness in them. however, it's completely squashed down by the sharp look in his eyes.
"had i known you'd be such an ass about it... I'd have just taken you for myself right there and then. who cares about having a normal relationship, right? as long as you're with me, it's all that matters."
right, like what he was doing right now. ever since you started working for him he's been constantly... acting like he was your boyfriend rather than your boss. constantly giving you gifts, telling you that it was okay that you bullied him because he knows you're just shy and that he'll make things right... the worst part was when he forbid you from interacting with others.
it was fucking creepy.
things were only worsened when he found you on a night out at a bar, flirting with some random stranger. you had wanted to let loose and relieve some stress but it looks like karma loved to see you suffer.
"what are you doing? are you cheating on me?"
what the fuck?! you stare at your boss in horror, freezing in place. quickly turning back to the stranger you were flirting with, you shake your head and apologize, explaining that your boss was just a little weird. why the hell is he even here?!
"look, I'm sorry but he's a bit of a creep and-"
"my darling, i think it's time we go back home. you've had one too many drinks."
that experience was only the start of an even worser time. one that led him to declare to the whole damn world that you were now his in a fit of anger and mania. i mean, he practically has you locked in his house now. and it wasn't even illegal since you agreed to come.
he had called you to sort out some paperwork or whatever and you being his secretary... you couldn't refuse even if you wanted to. so you made your way to his house, all naive and ignorant of what was to come the second he opened those doors to that luxurious mansion of his.
you passed out and the next thing you knew, you were restrained to the table, gagged and staring at him with a half lidded look in your eyes.
god damn it, you should've known better than to believe this crazy guy's words. why would you willingly go to his place where there'd be no one but you two? ugh, stupid, stupid, stupid.
and now you could only express how terrified you were with your eyes and shivering body.
"how cute. how seriously cute. I've always wanted to see you look at me with that expression."
he coos, lips stretched into a smirk as he leans down to your face. his breath hits your skin, cold hands trailing up your chest and to your jaw before he grips hard.
"you're mine. it wasn't clear when i was just a boy but you've always been mine. since the day i let you bullied me, and even right now, I've made it clear. you're mine, and always will be mine."
he's right, you've always been his. why else would this rich and obviously powerful guy just let you bully him? he could've had you gone the second you made a move on him but instead...
"i still remember the slaps and bruises you left on me. ah... you were so cute back then. hitting me like that. should've scarred me too, maybe then I'd see your horrified face whenever i flashed it."
a sadist. you're sure that he's some sort of sadistic masochist.
"oh well, it's no matter. I've done that job for you."
he pulls away, unbuttoning his shirt to reveal his bare upper body to you. to say that you were completely terrified would be an understatement. because why the hell was your first name (and his last name btw) painfully carved into his other flawless skin? right above his heart, no less!
"isn't it beautiful? you're forever with me now."
his words send a chill down your body. what the hell, you don't want to be with him at all! and it looks like he sensed that but chose to ignore your feelings.
your boss smiles at you before pulling out a small blade from his pants.
oh hell nah.
"it's your turn, darling."
no no no, you don't like where this is going. your body trashes violently against the cold hard table he had you strapped in, pupils blown wide as adrenaline fills your veins.
"mgh! mf!"
"hey hey, quiet down. it's only fair that i get to do it to you, right? consider this my payback. you had your fun and now I'm having mine."
no! shit shit shit, what are you supposed to do?!
you try shaking your head, sweat forming on your skin as your breath grows laboured. your body continues to trash against the bindings, but it looks like the bindings were done just a little too well.
"hm... should i do it somewhere visible? or maybe... right where your heart would be?"
you shake violently, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.
"nh! mh!"
"aw, is my little darling about to cry? that's so cute. go on, cry for me. cry for me just like i cried for you."
tears fall down your cheeks as he trails the vlade over your clothes. the sharpness of the item has you shivering, cold dread creeping up your spine at the very thought of that anywhere on your skin.
"hm... since you look so scared, I'll carve my initials instead of my full name. how about that? a good offer if i say so myself."
if you could speak, you'd be cursing and begging him to stop. unfortunately that wasn't the case and your boss took your lack of words as the green light.
"don't worry, I'll kiss your pain away afterwards. it'll be over before you know it."
oh god damn it, you really should've just politely rejected him when he confessed.
#yandere#tw yandere#yandere x reader#yandere drabbles#yandere scenarios#yandere imagines#yandere concepts#yandere bully victim#yandere bully victim x reader#yandere ceo#yandere ceo x reader#gn reader#suiana rambling#suiana brainrotting
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This morning I said goodbye to my childhood dog, Kody. He was 18 years old. He was my baby. My best friend. My whole heart. I love him so much.
I remember the first time we met Kody at the animal shelter. He was actually named Tyra then because the staff had thought he was female. Then the first thing he did in our meet-n-greet was try to pee on my brother's leg, and the staff member with us at the time was like, "oops I think this may be a boy actually." So of course we had to take him. When my dad was signing the adoption forms, the desk person asked what he wanted to rename "Tyra" to since "Tyra" was actually a boy. My dad, put on the spot, just went, "uhhhhh Tyrone?" We still laugh about it to this day.
So my dog went from being a Tyra, to a Tyrone, and then to a Kody, because that was the name us kids wanted. I remember the way we thought that name up was because we watched a lot of the Disney show "Suite Life of Zack and Cody" at that time. But we changed the "C" to a "K" because in our kid minds it made the name cooler and more unique.
Kody was a weird little guy. He had a lot of anxiety, which meant he fit right into our family. He didn't get along with many dogs unless they were old and calm and it took him a while to warm up to strangers. When he went on walks, he would have to go and pee on every tree we came across, even though he had nothing left in the chamber and was just doing the motions. He liked to climb on top of the couch and the loveseat and nap there. He liked to nap in warm piles of fresh laundry and patches of sunlight too. We always joked that he acted more like a cat than a dog. When I tried giving him bones or chews, all he'd do was roll on them and then go stuff them under the couch or behind a shelf without chewing them. Actually, Kody was pretty picky with his food in the early days. Maybe because my mom kept giving him table food. But as he got into senior age, he got less picky. Kody also loved getting nightly scratches from my dad. He'd lay in my dad's lap and get so relaxed from the scratching. I'd get a little jealous because I couldn't get Kody to stay in my lap as long as my dad could.
The only command we ever managed to teach Kody was "sit" and he was real good at it if he knew you had a treat in hand. However when he got older and began developing dementia as well as gradually loosing his sight and hearing, he lost the command. The first time I realized he didn't know how to sit anymore, I cried. The first time I realized that Kody didn't know how to wag his tail anymore, I cried. Watching him deteriorate from what he once was, watching the shine in his eyes become dull and cloudy, watching as he gradually lost the ability to do more and more things... it was so painful.
Last night Kody came over to me and laid his head in my lap and fell asleep. It was the first time he had done that in months. I just sat there and pet him and cried. Now I can never pet him or hold him or kiss him on the head again. And it feels so unbearably, unimaginably painful. I can barely comprehend it. It feels like I'm in a nightmare. It feels like my heart's been ripped out of my chest. It feels like a part of my world is ending. But I know I will be okay eventually. I have to be.
Kody, you were a very good boy. The best dog/cat/rat in the world. I'm going to miss hearing your little feet pitter-pattering across the floor. I'll miss your barking when the doorbell rings. Your excited whines in the car. How you would roll on your back for belly rubs. The way you would burrow under the blankets or just shove them around until you made a nest. Your snores and funny twitches when you're deep asleep. How your fur was soft on top your head and then got coarser on your back. How big and round your eyes were. I'm going to miss it all so much. I hope you know how loved you are. And I hope we meet again someday. Thank you for everything, Kody. I love you.
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TK and Carlos meet Tommy and Buck for the first time since the crossover episode
I'm not that good with crossovers but I hope you like it
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"So you met them fighting wildfires here in Texas? When we live in the wildfire state?" Tommy asked as they drove through down town Austin.
Buck shrugged.
"It was pretty bad. They needed all the help they could get." he quickly glanced at Tommy "Hen and TK's captain actually went missing. Their helicopter crashed. We stole a fire truck to rescue them."
"You seem to do a lot of that, don't you? I'm kind of hurt you've never stolen one for me." Tommy teased.
"Next time I steal a truck, I promise it'll be for you." Evan vowed and held up two fingers. "Scout's honour."
Tommy laughed.
"That doesn't count if you were never actually a boyscout."
"How do you know I was never a scout? I had a lot of hobbies as a kid."
"Hmm. I know. But Maddie would have shown me the pictures by now if you had."
Evan tilted his head in his direction to signal he had a point.
"I'm sure you would have been adorable in the uniform." Tommy told him and brushed a kiss over the knuckles of Evan's hand he was holding.
"Damn right I would have!" he joked as he pulled into a free parking space near an apartment building. "Ok this should be it." He double checked the address as they walked up to the front door. He was excited to meet up with TK again but also slightly nervous. "We've kept in touch via insta and text and stuff." he told Tommy. "But I've never actually met his husband. I was supposed to go to their wedding... but then I got struck by lightning."
"Which seems like a valid reason to skip a wedding." Tommy said, taking his hand. "But you are the most accident prone person I know. Even if you were a cat your nine lives would be close to running out by now." he joked.
Just as Evan was about to ring the doorbell, someone called out his name behind them.
They turned around and saw a guy of around Evan's age in some kind of uniform walk up to them, with a large Bernese Mountain Dog happily following behind.
"TK! Hey! Good to see you, man." Tommy hung back as Evan let go of his hand to hug his friend. "Are we early?" he gestured at TK's uniform.
"No, don't worry about it, it's fine. I just took Buttercup out for a walk first before we went up."
"Is he yours?" Tommy asked, scratching the dog behind its ears as it sniffed his pockets.
"My dad's. But he's away visiting family for a couple of days so he stays with us." TK explained. "And you must be Buck's hot pilot."
Tommy laughed and shook TK's hand while Evan's face turned an adorable shade of pink.
"Just Tommy is fine." He said and turned to Evan. "Just how many people have you told about me as the hot pilot?"
"I...Well... I just... I mean... Y-you are a hot pilot." Evan stammered.
"Hey, I get it." TK said, patting his shoulder. "I married a cowboy and a cop in one. A very hot one too."
They followed TK into the building and they took the lift up to their floor.
"Carlos is making ropa vieja from his grandmother's recipe. He's planned a whole three course meal."
"You didn't have to go through all of this trouble for us." Evan said but TK waved his comment away before opening a sliding door. "It's fine. He loves to cook. Babe, I ran into Buck and Tommy downstairs."
An attractive man Tommy recognised from the pictures Evan had shown him, came to greet them at the door. He kissed TK and unclipped the dog's leash before turning to Buck and Tommy.
"Hey guys, come on in. I'm Carlos, TK's husband. Nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you. Both of you."
"I might have called TK for advice when I was freaking out before our first date." Evan explained.
"And looking at you two now, it was pretty good advice." TK pointed out and ushered them further into the loft.
The place was nice. Stylish yet homey at the same time. TK quickly changed out of his uniform while Buttercup decided Tommy was his new favourite person in the world and draped himself over his lap, and Evan ended up helping Carlos in the kitchen.
"Just push him away if he bothers you." TK gestured to the dog staring lovingly at Tommy while he pet him. "He can get a little clingy."
"It's fine, I don't mind. Our neighbours had a Saint Bernard when I was a kid, I was always over at their place to play with it. This one brings back memories, don't you buddy?" he directed the last part at Buttercup before glancing around the loft again, eyes landing on a large terrarium. "What's in there?" he asked and TK's eyes lit up.
"That. is Lou. Louis the second. He's our lizard. Well... bearded dragon." TK stood up and opened the terrarium, moving a few things around, and lifting a lizard up out of it. "Carlos bought him for me, even though he's scared of him."
"I'm not scared of Lou. I just didn't want a wild flesh eating lizard loose in our apartment."
"I feel like there's a story there." Tommy prompted.
"Carlos is overreacting." TK insisted but didn't elaborate."Lou is actually really friendly and smart. And he likes Buttercup."
"And Buttercup was scared of him the first time they met." Carlos added.
Tommy listened to TK talk about the bearded dragon and made a mental note to look into where and how to possibly get one in LA. He'd have to talk to Evan about it but he had a feeling he'd be on board.
They spent the rest of the night swapping work stories while enjoying their dinner, and making plans for the rest of Buck and Tommy's time in Austin.
"I'll text you the details for that club I mentioned. You can meet the rest of our friends." TK promised Buck as he and Carlos walked him and Tommy to the door.
"And we'll meet in the park at noon tomorrow for the yoga class. I have an extra mat if you need it." Carlos told Tommy. The two had discovered a mutual love for yoga and agreed to go to Carlos' regular class together.
"And we can sit back and enjoy the view." TK said, bumping his shoulder against Buck's. "I'll bring virgin mojitos."
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Americans are going thru it today, is there any way you could bless us with sweet facts about Rammstein and Richard? Thanks for your help, I know I absolutely live for your detailed posts, they're my favorite ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Hi ļæ½ļæ½ļæ½
First of all, my heart goes out to all American citizens who hoped, voted and fought for a different outcome. We live in very surreal and scary times and I just wish you all lots of strength and calmness for your minds šš¤
Now on to some other, hopefully uplifting/interesting enough things to get your mind of things - maybe not all sweet ones, since I grabbed them from the top of my head so to speak and searched for the sources afterward, yet I hope they provide a little bit of distraction:
tiny little fact I love: Richard is actually a proper country boy. Eventhough he was born in the city of Wittenberge, he lived up until he was 7 in the german countryside in the little village of Weisen, which according to Google has 997 inhabitants. "That was a beautiful childhood with alot of nature, cats and dogs and a big family with two siblings."
as the most memorable (or miserable) jobs he ever worked in, Richard listed the following: window cleaner (since he suffers from vertigo), making shoes and selling them, going through an apprentinceship for becoming a cook and cleaning for an old lady who had stuffed poodles in her apartment.
if he could timetravel, Richard would choose to visit the period of the Knights Templar, 11th century, since he feels rather drawn to this history era.
a little fact about Richard and the gifts he gets from fans to his door step I think about regularly with mixed feelings: "I myself got a rose on my doorstep every day for years. Sure, it's nice - you always have roses at home, but there are so many unpleasant feelings involved. For a while, someone always left cigarettes in my mailbox. My brother always had to smoke the first one!"
Richard took singing lessons with a coach who also worked with Mick Jagger. Said coach scolded Richard a lot due to him smoking right before class - in one interview Richard mentioned he was so intimidated by that coach that he was ready to call his parents to pick him up. But he went through with it and worked a lot on his voice, which became quite beneficial for his singing.
Apparently, the idea of the infamous Flake-stew during "Mein Teil" came from Richard, who then actually was less than enthusiastic for his own idea: "I had the idea of Flake being cooked in the pot, then I realized, the first time we actually did it onstage, that it was too convenient, just stupid or not even funny, whatever. So I said, āI hate itā. But by that time, the rest of them had done it and loved itā¦"
The band actually considered various names before they settled for 'Rammstein': Tempelprayers, Mutter (mother), Milch (milk), Erde (earth).
A well known fact or rather, legend, but I think about it a lot: Richard recorded the whistling for 'Engel' it true chaotic composer fashion, namely while he was taking a bath and was struck by creativity. The band apparently didn't manage to record a better version, so his version was used for the song.
some song recommendations by Richard - these were his favourites back in 2009: 'Hurt' by Nine Inch Nails, 'Baby I'm gonna leave you' by Led Zeppelin, 'Sin City' by AC/DC and 'Personal Jesus' by Depeche Mode š¶
I hope this helped at least a tiny bit! Sending you all the good and cosy vibes you might need š¤²š¼
Have some cuddly R+ guys for emotional support:
Sources: Rockhard magazine wir.sehen.euch rammwiki Emigrate Kerrang rammwiki Rammstein
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while tyler didn't have any expectations for how the rest of the day would go, he certainly would have called you a fool if you told him that he'd be standing in the elevator with yaz in his arms kissing his jaw. there wasn't even any other intention behind it besides the fact that she wanted to show him affection and tyler knew it. "is it really called a hostage at that point? i'd happily stay right here with you." he questioned. he leans his head down and presses the side of his face against hers. it was just his way of showing his own affection. tyler was touchy. he liked always being in some sort of physical contact with someone. that person being the center of his romantic affection had only increased that need to be close tenfold.
then, she talks about what would happen if he did fuck it up and how it'd affect both her and tofi. he wonders if this is why socksock always seemed defensive whenever he'd introduce someone new to her. she got along just fine with his guy friends he brought over constantly and had always thought she just had a problem with woman that tried to get close to tyler. he's realizing now that maybe he was wrong about that. maybe the reason why socksock was friendlier with his guy friends was because they were consistent in her life. as he follows yaz out of the lift and to her door, he hopes that yaz can become that next constant in socksock's life.
he watches yaz interact with tofi and takes another mental snapshot of the moment. it was adorable watching the two interact with each other, and tyler can't help but smile as he watched tofi lick away at yaz's face. but then, yaz is turning tofi towards tyler and he matches the pup's excited expression. "hi tofi." he greeted in a coo. his own voice had become higher pitched and cutesy - his own baby voice that he'd normally use with socksock. "i'm tyler. i'm your mama's friend. that means i'm going to be around a lot. is that okay?"
he's talking to the dog as if he could reply back, and tyler hesitantly reaches his hand out towards the excited furball. he pets the dog gently, giggling as he watched the pup's reaction. "yes, yes. i'll play with you lots, don't worry. and you know who else will? socksock! she's my cat. you'll love her, but be careful. she doesn't have as much energy as you, so don't burn her out right at the beginning, okay?"
who: tyler && yaz ! [ @itsyazmin ]
where: nyc
there were times when tylerās felt like the entire world was against him and today certainly felt like one of those days. he had woken up later than he normally would on a sunday because he had trouble sleeping the night before. that caused him to miss out on breakfast just so that he could make it to mass on time (there was nothing he hated more than arriving late to mass and having everyone take a peek at who had entered in late because the door was squeaky and loud). but the most terrifying fact of all: he was going to tell yaz today.
he stands in front of his mirror and adjusts the sleeves of his button-up before smoothing the fabric out. he knows the odds werenāt looking good for him. she was going on casual dates with others and had even called their friendship cordial. whatever he was going to say today would ruin that, but heād rather see his feelings through than letting them fade into oblivion with the āwhat ifā lurking in the air. tyler runs his hands through his hair before going between taking his glasses off, putting them back on, taking them off againā¦ before he finally settles on keeping them on. there wasnāt time for him to fuss about getting his contacts in, and frankly, he thinks the glasses are the selling point of his āsundayās bestā fit.
āokay socksock, remember what i said for later today.ā he tells his cat who has been sitting at his feet patiently. ābest behaviorā¦ i really like this girl. i donāt wanna ruin it if god blesses me today and answers my prayer.ā he fixes his collar one last time, pats down the pockets of his slacks to make sure heās got everything else he needs, and then lets out a sigh. tyler crouches down and scratches right under socksockās chin. āwish me luck.ā he whispers to her, leaving her with a peck on top of her head before heās standing back up straight. tyler heads for the front door and makes sure to grab his leather jacket hanging up on the coat rack.. in case yaz gets cold.
then, tylerās standing outside of yazās door and feels a chill even though heās currently wearing the jacket. what if today was the last time theyād hang out like this because his feelings would ruin it? he gulps. but what if today was the start of something new? that thought is enough for him to ring the doorbell and wait patiently for her. whichever it was, that wouldnāt stop tyler from having fun today. they were going to get food, then have their furbabies meetā¦ then heād tell her. yeahā¦ thatās the plan.
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Who let the dogs out
#alex g#crywank#saint bernard#sign crushes motorist#birth day#I think I'm funny#not a dog person but these guys got my back#I've been listening to trick a lot for the past few months#It's such a shame winner isn't on spotify#sometimes is so good#I wait for you as well that song has me ripping my heart out#((but that didn't have a dog as cover so it wouldn't fit#boyhood is also such a good album#perfect for rotting in bed#I've been surprisingly better the last week#given the circumstances#maybe the thought that summer break is just around the corner gives me the will to actually push through#seeing friends helps too#anyway i don't know I'm just saying things at this point#I'm still mad at everyone#but less so#no not less so#it's not taking me over that's more what I mean#yes#okay bye#ignore this close your eyes actually#gossip from the salmon runs#anyway if you like these artists I recommend#fairies in our house#and blue smiley
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nonhuman burr, washington, and eliza!!!
#okay yes proportions r funky ignore that please its design explaining time#burr has a squirrel tail bc he reminds me of the squirrels on the road when ur driving towards them and they panic. not really#i thought itd be funny. he has a deer nose and when he was younger had had those fawn spots on his cheeks. v cute#he also is like stony around his joints. uhm. bc he's grounded and unchanging and it just fits yknow#and then he has the horns that form a halo. he got that from his grandfather.#okay now washington isnt just eagle wings i promise he just hides everything else bc of some leadership physiological thing#he probably has some tree shit going on. maybe a dog idk yet#if yall have ideas let me know#okay so eliza !!!!!!! i wanted to give her wings from the very beginning so here you go#(does alexander have a thing for wings..... idk you'll have to wait and see my maria design /hj)#uhm horns and flowers/plants bc i felt like it???#she has lightning down her back btw. and a feather tail. cant see it bc dress#and she also has those orbs around her. for fun. its like those spirit lights you see in ghost/alien footage#i added the lightning bc of her personality from what i can tell.#amrev#amrev au#elizabeth hamilton#elizabeth schuyler#eliza schuyler#guys which one do i use she has a lot of tags#aaron burr#aaron burr fanart#george washington#george washington fanart#.... is that not a popular tag#anyway#amrev fanart#digital art#art#if youve read this far comment āi love eliza's flowerrrā or something similar.
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At work today I wore my DOG NERD shirt my dad made me and it happened to be the day the service dog trainers came in again and I finally got to compliment their dogs (a very well behaved sibe, a giant brown and black dog that looks like. Idfk a malinois Dane mix or some shit, and today a new dog; a 14 month old black gsd). They complimented my shirt and were so happy I recognized the shepherd as a shepherd and not like. A wolf or something. My coworker excitedly told me 5 minutes earlier they had a "baby wolf or something like that" lol. They also loved the photo I showed them of Torch and gave me a business card with their YouTube on it.
#this was the like. one good thing about todays work shift lol#months ago when i worked in the back i saw them and pointed them out to dog boy and begged him to find out about the big brown dog#if he got a chance to. i spent at least a full minute being like. dont be that annoying nosy guy asking about their working dog but PLEASE#ASK ABOUT THEIR WORKING DOG. but dont be that annoying person they get it too much i know. BUT PLEASE USE YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS FOR ME#anyways i wish i could tell him and hed be happy for me or proud of me being social#but we dont talk anymore :')#also i wasnt impressed to see the training they were doing with the puppy; they were more focused on correcting what they didnt want#vs setting the pup up for success; rewarding good behavior with more than a half hearted āgood boyā; or showing it what they did want#but wHATEVER not my circus not my dog#idle rambling
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% ŃŠµŠŗŃŠµŃŠ½ŃŠ¹ Š“Š½ŠµŠ²Š½ŠøŠŗ Š»ŠµŠ²Ń ŠŠ Š§ŠŠ¢ŠŠ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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gratitude list time I'll go first
#stopped caring about some things I was caring far too much about#it's another rainy dreary day which means I can wear cozy clothes and curl up with my brother's dog and coffee and a book#little guy and I are just chillin. he's tiny and shorthaired so he gets cold easily and likes to cuddle up#and seeing as I'm the only person home rn... doggo cuddle time it is!!!#I've been reading more lately!! I'm having trouble with tbosas so I got out a couple other things (sea of tranquility included)#that I've really enjoyed. I'm reading turtles all the way down right now and oh boy I forgot how nice a little contemporary#coming of age novel can be at times. also forgot that john green is a genuinely good writer. as in I personally enjoy his style.#let's see... my favorite sound guy for church is home from college for the summer which means THERES SOMEONE HERE#WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW THE SOUND SYSTEM WORKS. me and the other sound guys have been barely#managing the last couple months bc there's been a ton of random technical glitches (the system is pretty old tbh)#so HALLELUJAH THE PERSON WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT TO DO IS BACK!!!!#I've been branching out into a bunch of things I wouldn't have thought to enjoy lately bc of the time I've been spending#with my sister in law. music and tv shows and even foods and stuff!!!#Gurt is coming to visit me in a week and a day!!!!!! I'm SO EXCITED#and last but certainly not least I gave myself bangs again and honestly I'm so happy about it.
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Some possible* Tala stickers :D (Patreon)
#My art#Original#Tala#*I'm more just playing around with the idea of making some - personal stickers!#I mean I'm the biggest Tala fan anyway it's fine if it's for an audience of one lol#I finally got my hands on some sticker paper a bit back now it's just a matter of getting them the size I want and finding a good printer!#Ours is uh....well just don't look too closely at some of the greyscale pages I've posted they leave a bit to be desired lol#And that's just black and white I'm a little concerned what it'd do to pictures! :'D#Though I say that but it did print the art from Roundabout quite nicely so hmm! Maybe! But I do have other avenues if I want them :)#It's nice to have options!#For the time being they're just cute little guys of one of my cute little guys! :D In her doggy form and specifically her plush puppy form āŖ#I really have been enjoying adding to her physical accessories haha - she's always got her little gold stitch/scar#And then her first accessory being the bracelet - and then her face mask - and now her ribbon! :D It's all very cute she's very cute#She's also good feral practice since I'm still not very good at drawing dogs or cats or the like :'D#I used references for that first one! Wowie!#I'm a fan of how she turned out overall :) I can still see some work I'd like to improve for her back legs but other than that :D#Baring her little teefsies hehe she's so scary ā„#My love of drawing plushies rears its head again - she is added to the list! No soft shading or lighting like MewTwo tho that's alright#The stitches are the really important part :) I like them!#I wish she could sit like that irl haha she's actually very stable to stand! A little awkward to sit#And finally a cutesy cartoony one :D She doesn't have paw beans irl either but come on I had to!#I debated whether they'd be pink or brown but I think I'm happiest keeping her palette simple :)#She's so cute <3
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Y'all are gonna think I'm so weird.
But I'm running with this idea I've had for a while for my mcl ocs. Well, other than the actual other mcl ocs I've made.
It's part lazy, part bizarre.
Clones.
Yep, clones.
My MCL NG oc is a clone of the original Puku, but different. I haven't figured out the details yet, but it's like what I did with Pukun, Puku's male clone. It has the idea of a type of clone theory idea of nature vs nurture. The DNA and nature of the puku clones is the same, but the nurture is always a bit different depending on circumstances. Puku "prime" is the parent of all the clones made, but Puku "prime" had a different parentage and upbringing than the clones. Not to mention, the events of each mcl game has different outcomes for clone Puku.
This Puku has -teal- hair and is a zoomer, I guess. Raised by Puku "prime" and has the existential grappling of dealing with being a clone in general.
There's... still a lot of ironing out to do. Like... Where does Kentin fit into all this? How should I incorporate the family given to Puku 2.0 in New Generation?
Why am I giving this plot to an MCL OC!??
lol
#my candy love#my candy love new generation#mcl ng#not that it matters at all. i don't believe I'd really write much lore on all this. it's just what my mind thinks of when regarding thispuk#actually I'm leaning more towards Puku 2.0 being raised by the family in universe. but Puku prime is like the creepy person that pops in#from time to time to make sure teal puku is doing alright#all of the pukus are adopted anyway lol#i have to study zoomers so I can know what zoomers are all about#wait... being a zoomer is all about upbringing during a certain time period.. so technically this Puku should be a gen alpha but JUST GO WI#dw guys I'll program this puku with the memories of a gen zoomer#When the teal puku was ābornā from the test tube#puku prime put all the things zoomers grew up with on a crt television and had her watch it for a couple years while the body grows rapidly#it's all good fams we got this#teal puku would be like to peers āwhat do you mean your parents didn't have you watch your memories before they became memories?ā#so like... teal puku will be āraisedā by puku prime for about 4 years with programming. Then she'll be dropped off at the door step of the#family in NG with the instructions that she needs them to be her new family#yeah it's perfect!#just... so many of those gen z starter packs that I seen around#like minecraff and fortnite and the wii... yeah it's perfect#i need to remember how much aging happens in one year that I must have decided at one point. like a dog.#i think it was 1 year = about 4 years of growth but I can't member rn#but as per usual that growth cycle only goes on until reaching the age of the dna sampled. then it goes back to normal puku dna human growt#so actually 1 year of zoomer childhood programming#wait... the plot holes... are still.. T__T#I'll workshop it.
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I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.
I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.
#to be fair. in my dream i was back at my old house. so the horrors where there still#also i've been dreaming about my dog. but sometimes it's not him. it's other dog trying to replace him. but it's not him. i miss him dearly#but it's... weird. i never actually dream with characters either. something strange is going on#I've been telling my brother i wake up and i have to remember who i am#for the totally normal dreams. it's like my soul is divided and it's living somewhere else for the night#who is the person i am when i dream. because it's not me. it's a whole different live. whole different people around me. I'm going insane#there's such a strange feeling about it. it's familiar? it's comfortable?#which only makes it even more weird. why is a life so different to mine feel so comfortable...#to the point i wake up and i don't remember who i am for at least ten minutes#but then i forget what i had dreamt about. and then i go around my day randomly reminding things. then that's when i realize those memories#were actual dreams#i should write a fanfic about this lmao#it was a nice dream though. i remember vividly i was sitting in one of those chairs thingies that hang in the air?#and i was swinging happily. i think Laios was talking about where he got whatever the fuck he was cooking. i couldn't understand him really.#he wasn't speaking in spanish but it wasn't english either. i think it was a made up gibberish... I'm still baffled by how comfortable i was#i think there were friends around too. maybe a hangout was going on? everything was nice. it reminds me of the times#i would go eat at a friend's house. but things felt a lot nicer. it was like if time had stopped and nothing wrong could ever happen.#and even then. i was still there. which i think that's why i started to feel dizzy in my little swing. i ended up waking up from that.#i still get dizzy remembering it.#welp. I hope i don't lose myself tonight...#I don't actually know what's worse. the nightmares are common. they are familiar. there's comfort in knowing what to expect.#but āgoodā dreams like that... i end up thinking about them too much. the residual feeling is weirder#and i have to deal with the whole different layer that is.. there's was a fucking anime guy there. kill me. kill me. get him OUT of my brain#I'm not lying when I say I can physically feel Laios rearranging my brain in ways i will not share publicly#kill me.
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i madeeee sillay new characters and i love them
#my post#will post drawings tomorrow. tired.#BUT!! there are superheroes and this sillay. honestly very minor criminal. villain of the week type guy. but she never gets caught so she#just keeps coming back to cause problems. her name is bonnie and shes a shapeshifter and i love her. but anyways one day shes fighting thes#guys and falls off a bridge. now this is not actually an issue for her bcus she can simply Have Wings if she wants to. but she chooses to#use this to fake her death bcus shes tired of these guys and wants to try to take them down from the inside.#so she returns under the name lyra and becomes like a sidekick to them. only she is absolutely shocked to discover that the one hero- real#name oslo- has been MOURNING HER??? apparently they feel terrible for causing her 'death' and never truly hated her and are wracked with#guilt about it???? bonnie does not know how to feel about this it is incredibly weird actually.#the other hero is named merrick and she does not give a shit she thought bonnie was annoying as hell. unfortunately for her 'lyra' also#just so happens to enjoy annoying her to hell and back. yay.#also oslo n merrick have day jobs as office workers for a Large and Productive cheesecake corporation.#i couldnt think of what to make their company do so i made it very serious paperwork about cheesecakes#i think lyra would be like. idk. janitor. or delivery person.#OH DID I MENTION THEYRE ALL ANIMALS. i wanted to draw animals is the reason why#oh oh oh the NAMES the NAMES#so weve got bonnie goose the mongoose. bonnie bcus i wanted to base it on mongoose> mon goose> monnie goose> bonnie goose#lyra reeves the . dog of unspecified breed so far. maybe scottish terrier or schnauzer. i like their rectangular heads. shes a dog bcus i#thought itd be funny to take a Loyal animal and make her betray them lol. also lyra is a constellation of a lyre > rhymes with liar.#and reeves is from lyre > orpheus > reeve c.arney lol#merrick wolfe the maned wolf :3 i dont have anything deeper on this one its just m and then wolf. however her superhero name is red fox#which i think is funny. she has fire powers.#and oslo stone :] large bear. idk what kind ill probably be boring and just make em a brown bear. in my heart shes a black bear but brown#is easier to color. um um erm oslo bcus it is one letter off from oso which is bear in spanish. stone bcus i liked how it sounded also her#superhero name is boulder and she has superstrength lol#thats all of em so far :3 its so fun and sillay and i love themmmm#i love drawing merrick the most
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Song of the Day: December 9
"Allies or Enemies" by the Crane Wives
#song of the day#today class we will be discussing a tale of human suffering#so I mentioned yesterday how 'Slow Ride' by Foghat was the song of the day because of how the first ninety seconds were continuous-looping#alright yeah so now imagine me sitting shotgun as we drive half an hour to the movie theater#(to see Godzilla Minus One. it was bitchin I do very very recommend)#and the boys are discussing the latest construction along our highway#which has been a topic of great consideration for me actually#--I had a thought about erosion patterns and groundworks the other day and I went on a whole research spiral#downloaded some guy's doctoral research and all. we know how the research spirals go--#anyway this is a topic I would have loved to weigh in on!#but instead every mental width of band I had was dedicated to my subconscious' dogged insistence#that the assonance and emphasis and rhythm of 'are we allies or enemies' and 'slow ride / take it easy' were similar enough#that I should be able to find a way to match them up to one another's backings#so the boys were like 'Alexis what do you think of those pylons' and I was trying so so so hard to answer#(I think they're moving the I-95 interchange ramps entirely and adding a new lane over--y'all can't see me point. it's over there though)#I was trying so hard to answer but it was like a little cartoon man trying to climb up a rockslide#except the man is my answer about the bridges for the interstate ramps#and all the comically round rocks ponking off his forehead were different ways a person might be able to scrunch and/or stretch syllables#to fit the choruses of these two songs over one another. 'are we slow ride guitar sounds death of mee'#anyway yeah! I've got all these little focusing tricks painstakingly cultivated over three decades of ADD and living with little siblings#and now we know they can all every single one be absolutely obliterated by the lightest application of a single classic Foghat song
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