#i have to study zoomers so I can know what zoomers are all about

[kens-puku]

Y'all are gonna think I'm so weird.

But I'm running with this idea I've had for a while for my mcl ocs. Well, other than the actual other mcl ocs I've made.

It's part lazy, part bizarre.

Clones.

Yep, clones.

My MCL NG oc is a clone of the original Puku, but different. I haven't figured out the details yet, but it's like what I did with Pukun, Puku's male clone. It has the idea of a type of clone theory idea of nature vs nurture. The DNA and nature of the puku clones is the same, but the nurture is always a bit different depending on circumstances. Puku "prime" is the parent of all the clones made, but Puku "prime" had a different parentage and upbringing than the clones. Not to mention, the events of each mcl game has different outcomes for clone Puku.

This Puku has -teal- hair and is a zoomer, I guess. Raised by Puku "prime" and has the existential grappling of dealing with being a clone in general.

There's... still a lot of ironing out to do. Like... Where does Kentin fit into all this? How should I incorporate the family given to Puku 2.0 in New Generation?

Why am I giving this plot to an MCL OC!??

lol

[confusedgoldenflower]

Fuck I can’t find the post someone made about what their therapist said about pedoshipping which left the “mY tHeRaPiSt SaYs ItS gOoD cOpE” dead in the water. (Someone link please) I cannot recall what they’d said even to paraphrase 😖

First of all this: “I have yet to see even ONE credible study on how glorifying rape, abuse, pedophilia, necrophilia, and zoophilia can be a form of therapy or even an effective coping mechanism, ive ONLY ever seen studies linking the glorification of pharaphilias only make people act them out more often and more brutally”

Second: my OWN real, actual person with MD therapist, not a “bunch of zoomers chronically online,” agreed with other therapist that no, glorifying and normalizing paraphilias in public is not good.

*Do NOT find anyone to interact at. I don’t condone or encourage whatsoever.

Included the response bc wth even. Really feels they’re always hungry to cry “waaah poor me, this is all outrageous, overblown drama.”

Anyway, to be back with what my real person, MD holding clinician says! And to ask her for links because all I’ve been getting is “this is paraphilia” stuff, because I know we all want em.

I’m back!

I explained to my real human person clinician that I have a feeling that in the dialogue that happened between the op and their clinician did not include “for me to post accesible online in an area that’s known for also including young people.” And that there was this assumed private engagement in fiction.

As the anon ask said, they were only to do it as far as working through/handling the urges during recovery and to not to continue to do so after treatment!

And then I made up a hypothetical situation asking what advice she’d give me if I came to her and said approximately, “as a kid, I got into this fiction about children and adult relationships and now it’s a fetish and I and others make and publish publicly content about this. What would you say to me besides referring me to a sex therapist?” I added the publishing bit because that’s the reality of the matter.

She would send me to an actual sex therapist of course lmao. We don’t know what else was said of course in that ~45 min time between op and clinician, but mine agreed that there was probably a reason like building rapport or to explore the topic so as to not have it as a block in treatment. Mine’s more experienced in substance and drug addiction, and in her experience, coming at the issue with her perspective, abstinence works best for people over harm reduction (main two treatment paths), and she’d try to put me in a twelve step program (along with the other therapist). Also, sex therapists of course have different training etc, so this is giving the benefit of the doubt, because they could be one of those who despite whatever training they’re given around paraphilia and harm done/actions, still think that saying “MAPs” and supporting them is okay (as at least one apparently thinks).

Also that posting accessibly and without proper framing is a no kudos.

Also:

Murder games largely take place in, guess what, war areas. The framing is already there.

Saying “anti ideology” especially in regards to a clinician’s opinion is just a red flag for me, especially since it’s not an actual community or movement (like prononcon is). Course they could be in fandom as another “proshipper”

And “angry zoomers online” feels, idk how best to phrase this, like a belittlement, “oh they’re just stupid angry kids/young people online, they don’t know anything” which is a common defence/vindication from any critique

No links. We had a lot to talk about. And I have done some other reading, I’ve made some posts about for those curious. Still don’t know best keywords to use though.

[beardedmrbean]

[Huey Zoomer Anon]

You the whole attacks on Jewish people…tbh there was several signs the left never gave a damn about indigenous or marginalized people.

Shall I use Woman King as example?

“Oh Hollywood finally using a proper African kingdom and not the Pan Africa bs that interesting- African Americans to the Dahomey is WHAT?!”

The thing that piss me off the most that a bunch of white people knew that shit vs me who descended from the victims of the Dahomey slave trade

Also how many African Americans education professors knew about the Dahomey for decades but purposefully left that out in our curriculum?

Also yes I know the Yoruba tribe (the primarily genome of African American diaspora) had an empire and slave system too. We are all descendants of murderers and thieves

Also I heard the Bantu tribes are second more common genome in my people disporia, though more common in like Louisiana. Didn’t the Bantu create the Mali Empire?

There a creole/Manu masa joke somewhere…

But thing is that the left idea for indigenous is the Hollywood Stone Age noble savage. Because indigenous people can’t modernize themselves to contemporary times?

Wait I think I hear fuckton of tribes in the americas, India, Asia, and Africa screaming in rage.

Well at least a good chunk of Jewish people prepared themselves for when the world turns against them for round #27421973135852197324752247744842!

Ugh they gave the world so many gifts despite the pain humanity inflicted upon them. Yet still the world still prefer weeping for the dead Jews and despise those who are still alive

You the whole attacks on Jewish people…tbh there was several signs the left never gave a damn about indigenous or marginalized people.

Dakota access pipeline protest, didn't want a oil pipeline because it would polloute.

Which even if they hadn't trashed area they're dumb anyhow, the oil is gonna get moved, without the pipeline it's getting moved by truck which not only pollutes more it also costs more in the end.

Also how many African Americans education professors knew about the Dahomey for decades but purposefully left that out in our curriculum?

Depending on the level they're teaching at it could go from very few of them to most of them, I'd hope some of the college ones would have included the whole thing but not sure how much that hope is worth at all.

Wonder what the 'middle eastern studies' Profs in colleges taught about all that too, there's obscenely wide gap in the high and low estimates of number of black African slaves that were brought into the area through the Arabic slave trade, nobody really kept records of the numbers there like they did with the trans Atlantic slave trade.

Arabic one ran longer and in all likelihood had a way higher number than the one bringing them here to the Americas, that and them raiding the european coast to pick slaves up or the stealing children from their parents in the Balkans as a form of a tax and then forcing them to fight in the sultan's army.

Also yes I know the Yoruba tribe (the primarily genome of African American diaspora) had an empire and slave system too. We are all descendants of murderers and thieves

Sooner folks accept that the sooner we can move forward more as a species.

Also I heard the Bantu tribes are second more common genome in my people disporia, though more common in like Louisiana. Didn’t the Bantu create the Mali Empire? There a creole/Manu masa joke somewhere…

I don't know about that one so I couldn't say,

But thing is that the left idea for indigenous is the Hollywood Stone Age noble savage. Because indigenous people can’t modernize themselves to contemporary times?

Whole thing is wild because I see places all over the world where they engage in some traditional celebration with all the trappings including food and dress and activities and all that good shit and then when that's all done they return to current year.

Culture and history celebrated while still remaining in current year

I hate all the noble savage crap.

Well at least a good chunk of Jewish people prepared themselves for when the world turns against them for round #27421973135852197324752247744842!

Ya, there's a whole 'we've got nowhere left to go' mentality added into the 'this is our homeland' one they've got that's got them constantly on their guard and in a state of readiness.

Ugh they gave the world so many gifts despite the pain humanity inflicted upon them. Yet still the world still prefer weeping for the dead Jews and despise those who are still alive

It really does feel that way at times for sure.

Wonder what the name for a prejudice like that is, nit just Jewish people it happens with after all.

[feastingonchrist]

Gosh i love learning about theology and Christian history/denominations sooo much! Redeemed Zoomer is not my favorite person to learn from...other than the very bare minimum about different denominations within Christianity, but his videos are fun to watch as a curious introduction into Christian churches, their theology and how they each do things differently. Whether some are in closer unity with one another Catholic, Orthodox, the mainline protestant churches or really not even at all, (other protestants), we are all united in Christ and believe the core doctrines of Christianity. I will also say that watching Zoomer's videos made me want to go back to church again!!! I joined my church on a curious whim just by stepping out in faith and it's so awesome to see how God has been working in that area of my life and faith journey! *btw this isn't a post about theology, i just wanted to say that cause i was watching/studying theology for most of the day. It has been fascinating me for the past year now. But this is a post on my experience at some Baptist churches vs my Methodist church.*

For the longest time, i didn't want to attend church because the only types of churches i had been to were Baptist (with a contemporary worship style) and i cannot connect to God during that worship style. I didn't even feel like i was apart of the congregation, either. The atmosphere felt very cold, though the people weren't rude. it's just not been a very inviting experience. It feels almost "corporate". I feel too distracted in that type of worship setting. The music is just too loud, the lights/projector screens are too bright/flashy, and i don't like contemporary worship music in church...something about it makes me want to claw my eyes out!!!!!!!! It's so whiny and goes on for way too long. I actually don't mind some contemporary songs if they have good lyrics and music. I just don't enjoy it for a Sunday morning church service, it's not bad for a casual Wednesday night or Sunday night service. It's too overstimulating on top of the loud instruments playing over the songs on the loud speakers. I do prefer a traditional worship service, but that is just me. It's much more grounded and God-centered. The congregation feels more united, too. I like how we say the Creed & Lord's Prayer together. Something about the worship style/environment is so simple, yet profound and pure (it's hard to put my thoughts and feelings into words here.) There's no distractions on stage or any loud instruments that are so unbearable to where i want to leave the sanctuary and never come back to the church because i am legitimately overstimulated and exhausted for the rest of the day...I feel refreshed spiritually, socially, and physically after church on Sundays. That is a HUGE BLESSING. I also like how my church isn't massive and everyone knows each other, it has a genuinely friendly and warm environment that i have never been apart of before. That's the church environment i prefer to be in and what i had been praying for for so long. Now that i am here, i long to attend church on Sundays and i didn't know how much i was lacking spiritually (me taking steps of faith and seeing God show up for me) and even socially (forming new relationships with other believers!) My church isn't even THAT traditional/liturgical, it's kinda in the middle, though it's lower church compared to other UMC/mainline protestant churches, yet still higher than non mainline prot churches. Especially since my UMC church split and joined the GMC and some theology nerds are mad about that and yeah i guess technically we aren't considered mainline anymore, but i don't really care. Maybe one day we can unite again... btw, our church checks still say united methodist on them LOL. I do, however, want to visit a truly high UMC service one day to see what that is like. I'm sure it's wonderful :)

Anyways, this is where i'm drawing the line on this conversation. I didn't write any of this to bash other forms of worship or to brag about mine. trust me, i have been apart of these types of conversations before, i see it all the time. Especially the Catholic/Orthodox vs protestant arguments. They make me sad and seeing that constantly is beyond frustrating! But i just wanted to write this based off of my own experiences in these two different types of church settings. Let me know your thoughts if you have gotten this far! I am not at all an expert on theology/church history. I know next to nothing about it cause i never knew there was this much richness and infighting within The Church or all this history in how the denominations formed and why, etc. It's so cool, though! A huge interest for me now, too. I decided not to do too much format editing cause i wasn't sure where to break anything up into paragraphs, nor did i want to make this post longer so i do apologize for that. I kinda didn't feel like it, either. Normally, i do though. So i'm soory fot those on mobile, lol!

[leviathancries]

tragic love songs to study to (vol. 5)

[DUCKBOY] (2023)

Tragic Love Songs To Study To is Ruby da Cherry (from $uicideboy$) newest solo project. Going by the name DUCKBOY for this album adding to his ever-growing list of aliases. Personally something I have been waiting for, for a long fucking time. Ruby (DUCKBOY) managed to tap into his roots in punk and created this mini album. Much to the upset of most of his zoomer iPad baby fanbase who only want KILL MYSELF! DRUGS! SATAN!!! music.

Track 1: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"You may hang up or press 1 for more options"

To be honest as an intro track I have heard better, It does set a pretty good (dial)tone for the theme of the album. (people bothering him and trying to call him)

Track 2: ROUGAROU (i've become the monster

"Let's pull back the tide and see if the moon is dead!"

ROUGAROU starts off the album strong with that signature 2000's emo pop-punk vibe. I'm a huge fan of Ruby in general but I feel on songs like this his potential as an artist shines best. His style of singing is so suited to this type of song and it's a shame he hasn't made music like this sooner lol. (yeah before you try and be a smart ass I have listened to his punk shit from his old bands, ur not cool for knowing that) Also the hook of the song is so fucking catchy it's been stuck in my head since the album came out. "I HAVE ALL NIGHT TO HUNT, I PROMICE TO PROTECT YOU WITH MY CURSE!" insane.

Track 3: where y'at, duckboy?

"Oh my god, call me ASAP..."

Interesting choice to put an interlude as the 3rd track on the album, but it is only a 7 song album so I guess it is more forgivable. That being said I actually really like this song. It carries on with the theme of people calling Ruby and bothering him. The simple hip-hop trap beat with that smooth bass kinda fucks to be honest.

Track 4: XXL hadron collider

"I ain't crying over spilt milk, but who's gonna clean this mess?"

Track four thrusts us right back in that 2000s emo mindset. Singing about suicide and betrayal has never been so cool to be honest. This is probably my favorite song on the album solely because it has such a nostalgic sound to it. This song just reminds me of being super young watching AMV's on YouTube in 2008. Like listen to this song and tell me this doesn't remind you of that. And again Ruby flexes on us with his talent of writing catchy hooks. Also the vocal style switch up between verse one and two is unmatched.

Track 5: ​my love life needs a lobotomy

"I spent the whole night throwing up your spiiit!"

Track four and five seamlessly flow into one another. I mean the song is only 41 seconds so it's pretty much just verse three of track four separated into it's own track. BUT IT'S A FUCKING GOOD SONG DAMNIT! like really fucking good. Not really much else to say about this one.

Track 6: where y’at, duckboy​?? "Call me back dawg..."

Another interlude. More voicemails. More chill-hop beats. If I had to compare this one to the other interlude I prefer the other one. Although the girl who says "Thank you" at the end sounds cute :3

Track 7: ​after further reasoning, i’m going to bed

"I'll live as long as my little lungs last!"

Last track of the album. Track seven is another pop-punk song, using catchy guitar riffs and upbeat drums. Ruby shows off his versatile voice on this song using different vocal styles and a good variety of pitch. Homeboy went crazy not gonna lie. Another memorable song IMO. Just another thing to add to my long, long list of good Ruby songs and verses.

Overview: tragic love songs to study to (vol. 5)

I know I was essentially throating Ruby in this review but what can I say? I love the dude. He's a huge inspiration for me. Personal opinions aside ill say the good and bad about the album as a whole.

It's fuckin' short. Like short as fuck. Like out of the 7 songs we have an intro and 2 interludes. That only leaves 4 actual songs, one of which is only 41 seconds long. That being said, the full songs on this album are fucking amazing. Like really, really good. If you are into 2000s pop-punk, emo nostalgia shit. Check this out. The songs are super catchy, well produced and well written. This album has been a long time coming since Ruby has hinted at a solo project for years and I'm hoping for more in the future!

Rating: 8/10

If there's any typos or inconsistencies in this review it's because I can't be bothered to proof read it.

[unendingjoy]

Due to budget cuts by the World Government, most of the names in this post have been redacted. Sign the petition in the first link in the comments to protest this governmental overreach and promote free speech.

Presenter: "Good afternoon people. My name is [REDACTED] with Breaking news.

A zoomer with round sunglasses and the words [REDACTED] tattooed multiple times across their face has been seen taking up to three times the recommended antidepressant dosage with Monster Energy while chainsmoking and blasting the Beatles inside of a crowded bus earlier today. Experts asked to analyze the situation have found themselves unable to properly assess the motivation behind this individual's actions, with the main point of confusion being the songs of choice. We have these experts with us today via smoke signals, and we'd like to apologize for any potential mistranslations of their statements as our resident smoke signal expert has recently taken their own life after a series of low rolls while playing the new Arena gamemode in the videogame League of Legends."

Experts: "Indeed. According to verified reports, this individual chose to blast older Beatles songs, such as Can't Buy Me Love and Mr. Moonlight. If the songs were chosen from their later albums this behaviour would've been easier to explain, as the phenomena of smoking in crowded buses while listening to songs such as Maxwell's Silver Hammer, Rocky Racoon and Octopus' Garden has been thoroughly studied.

This newest incident has us worried these influences aren't just tied to later Beatles albums, but rather their entire discography and potentially multiple other musicians influenced by the Beatles' art. Further investigation is required, and we humbly request the assistance of the World governments in funding this important research."

[REDACTED] (presenter): "Thank you. As stated, the potential ramifications of this recent event are potentially quite distressing. Our reporter on the scene, [REDACTED], comes to us live with the victims of the incident, so we may hear about their harrowing experiences first hand."

[REDACTED] (reporter): "Thank you [REDACTED]. With me I have Mr. [REDACTED]. Who was sitting in the bus mere feet, or meters for all our Belgian viewers, from the Beatles loving public nuisance. Mr [REDACTED], what can you tell us about that bus ride?"

[REDACTED] (witness): "I mean. (Boston accent kicks in) This fucking guy right, or girl, right? Walked that ass into the bus like 7 minutes after I got on. Had these sunglasses on right, so I couldn't tell very well, but those eyes looked green. You know the colour of the Monster Energy logo? Green like that, right? I'm not colourblind I know what green fucking looks like, stop looking at me like I'm a fucking cuckoo alright?"

[REDACTED] (reporter): "My apologies."

[REDACTED] (witness): "Yeah, yeah. Anyways, right? This thing has the Monster Energy in its hands, and they walk in and these fucking brit assholes start fucking singing their rocks off like an octopus grabbed their voice chords. Talking 'bout buying love or some shit. Fucking unbearable right. The asshole takes a seat right, and pulls out a cig and just starts huffing. I'm talking like, huff huff puff puff, I thought we were all dead on that bus. You know how people choke in smoke during house fires? Like that, right? Whatever, he keeps on puffing and those fuckers keep singing and it keeps going on and on and then the motherfucker just stood up when they finally shut up and then, I ain't joking here right, pulls out some pills and starts drinking 'em. One after the other, chugging them down with that Monster Energy. I thought I was gonna die. Then, the vibe changed, like, the music changed I mean. It almost sounded like Breakcore, but I could only listen for a second. Next thing I know me and everyone else is waking up and that person's gone. Crazy shit I tell you."

[REDACTED] (reporter): "Thank you. With this, I'll let [REDACTED] take over to give the final thoughts on the situation. Be well."

[REDACTED] (presenter): "Thank you [REDACTED]. With me I have Miss Malenia, Blade of Miquella, representing the [REDACTED] government, to comment on this situation."

Malenia, Blade of Miquella (Goddess): "I am Malenia Blade of Miquella, and I have never known of Breakcore mixing well with the Beatles. Thus, the formal stance of the Government is that no Breakcore was played during that ride, and we attribute conflicting reports to mass hysteria caused by a collective antidepressant and Monster Energy overdose. Under no circumstances should the citizens of [REDACTED] listen to Breakcore, and in case of exposure, we recommend a quick dose of gentler artists, such as [REDACTED], [REDACTED], Death Grips and [REDACTED]."

[REDACTED] (presenter): Thank you. With this, we bring this afternoon's news to a close. Be sure to join us tonight, as we have a groundbreaking new report on the poor working conditions of the AI slavery creativity dungeon. We wish you a pleasant rest of your day."

Wake up. It's a new day, and your taste in music, beverage and medication is still valid. You are not a lesser being, you are your own hero, and your story is not yet written. I love you, and I want you to love yourself. So put on that Breakcore, drink that Monster Energy, and find love.

It's a new day, and [REDACTED] will likely not be tweaking today, but with no guarantees.

[aspenisabelle]

I'm in My Twenties and I'm Tired

An opinion piece I wrote for my Journalism 101 class at Los Angeles City College. It could use some editing but thought I'd post it anyways:

I shouldn’t be saying this every single day, but I find myself muttering those words under my breath as I sit in traffic, blasting metal music on my way to my second job, thinking about the assignments due in the coming week, how much money I’ll have to pay the bills and how much will be left for cat food. Am I the only one going through this?

In an article from The Economist titled: Generation Z is Unprecedentedly Rich, “The typical 25-year-old Gen Z-er has an annual household income of over $40,000, more than 50% above baby-boomers at the same age.” Maybe it is just me. I make a little over $15,000 a year with two jobs and school part-time. According to the article, at 26-years-old I belong in the Gen Z category (Anyone born between the years 1997-2012). According to my 15-year-old cousin, I’m a Millennial (Anyone born between the years 1981-1996) and old. Even though I’m on the cusp of both generations, I consider myself just a working young adult trying to survive.

Something else in the article caught my attention. “In 2022 Americans under 25 spent 43% of their post-tax income on housing and education, including interest on debt from college—slightly below the average for under-25s from 1989 to 2019. Bolstered by high incomes, American Zoomers’ home-ownership rates are higher than millennials’ at the same age (even if they are lower than previous generations’).” Great. Even though there’s higher wages, it’s still too expensive to own a home. But the article makes a point that this is “in the rich world”. I guess they didn’t study “the poor world”, but maybe that’s found in a different article. 

Although this is an opinion piece, I consider it my version of sending out a flare, a signal to others because I can’t be the only one who’s going through this. I can quote statistics all day long, but a graph doesn’t tell you how it feels to be in constant fear of foreclosure, overdue bills, or election results. It doesn’t tell you how frustrating it is to be told “Just get a better job,” from people of a different generation who has no attachment to the problems our generation has today. It doesn’t tell you what the future holds, so I’ll have to go back and keep working until things get better. If you’re like me, just know that you’re not alone.

[theta-mage]

so i was walking the dog today and my stream of consciousness went absolutely wild. i'll give you a small example of how my brain works in an everyday setting. this is ten minutes worth of thinking, written after the fact.

i started thinking about skills and how people view our declaration of our skill levels. about how if i say, "i'm good at english", i'm considered a self-centered asshole by some (and they'll then look for any and all typos and grammatical errors in my writing, as if flawlessness was the prerequisite of being "good"). if i say, "i'm good at deliberately changing my point of view", i'm considered a preachy holier-than-thou kind of person by some (and they'll then do their best to find a situation where i could not see things from someone else's point of view—again, as if flawlessness was the prerequisite of being "good"). but if i say "i cannot wrap my mind around korean writing", some people will interpret that as me being too self-critical. or if i say, "playing the drums is impossible for me, i almost didn't graduate high school because i didn't learn it", they'll think i'm putting myself down and start worrying (which i get, i have a history of depression, and worrying is a form of showing they care).

and i thought about how i can confidently say my english is good—but not in all situations. i wouldn't last five seconds in a room of, i don't know, theoretical physicists speaking scientific english. but that's how life is! our skill levels are relative. always. someone who wins gold in junior high running competitions would probably be a fucking loser in the olympics.

then i started thinking about how we still insist that a finn who hasn't studied english in a university cannot speak good english.

and then i got a bit annoyed because we place so much value on formal education and degrees and so on. we seem to assume that a degree indicates both intelligence and wisdom—and we cannot accept that there isn't one intelligence but many! and we cannot accept that wisdom doesn't come from participating in lectures and writing essays. sure, it'll make it easier to contextualize lived experiences, but formal education alone cannot and will not make anyone wise.

we become wise in a multisensual, dialogical relationship with our surroundings. formal education may play a part in structuring our wisdom in a certain way, but it isn't enough to build wisdom.

knowledge does not translate to intelligence, nor does intelligence translate to knowledge. wisdom does not translate to intelligence nor does intelligence translate to wisdom. and finally, knowledge does not translate to wisdom and wisdom does not translate to knowledge.

and then i thought about contexts in terms of vocabulary. we have so many different contexts and worlds of words. we have kpop slang and app development slang and autism slang and we have slang pertaining to illegal drugs and we have chemistry-related slang and we have "chronically online" political zoomer slang.

so the string of words, "based, but delulu alpha stan, and masking" cannot be read without some kind of understanding of a variety of worlds of words, and the contextual understanding of what "delulu", "alpha" and "stan" might mean. if you don't, you can interpret "based" as a chemistry word (pertaining to bases) or a drug-related word (addicted to crack). and then continue on with the sentence, thinking about a completely wrong context.

we live in a world where we are exposed to a myriad of contexts every day. how does our brain cope with the constant switching from one context to another? i'm not sure.

(also, full disclosure: i consider my view of human nature optimistic, but i do realize some of my avoidant personality disorder traits and social anxiety traits and having been bullied trauma thoughts still surface in situations where i communicate with others. or when i think about a situation where i'll communicate with others.)

[sleepy-dreamers-inc]

Going to School with Ranboo!|| 📌

[i was going to answer this but i was a big dummy dum dum and accidentally deleted the ask bUT I REMEMBERED YOU DEAR ANON]

irl / in-game

Genre| fluff and (minor) angst

h e a d-c a n n o n s||

Sypnosis|

You and Ranboo go to school together, so have some scenarios and thoughts about it!!

Artist| grapeichie on twitter!!

warnings| bullying, stress, swearing

Note: you are a streamer in this!! You are also in the SMP!

optional platonic or romantic!!

- so going to school with Ranboo is both amazing and weird. You two have tons of stories of the dumb shit that happened there.

- Nobody will ever find Y/N and Ranboo far apart, even if you guys dont share classes one of you will randomly appear and at this point no one questions it

- Both of you meeting up at eachothers classroom/locker to walk together to your next destination

- Both of you helping eachother with schoolwork, Ranboo would totally tutor you in any subject you struggle with. Both of you go to his house but you two end up getting bored, so he does a Facecam stream with you in the background vibing. (It was so much fun)

- You guys are both the teacher’s favorites and least favorites. You both add so much life to the school but thats the exact problem.

- Y/N: haha look at that high waisted man he got feminine hips!!

Ranboo: NOOOO THATS THE THING HE’S SENSITIVE ABOUT

That Poor Teacher:

- I can totally imagine some kids in your school being invested in the SMP and both of you just nervously sweat in the background. Bonus points if ya’ll’s friends are into it so its just absolute panic

- You trying to help him not be awkward, especially when it comes to talking to new people. I can totally see like a new girl trying to talk to him and he just panics, so you have to step in and explain and help the poor boy out.

- You two are like,, inseparable. Like literally rarely does anyone see you guys apart. So this kinda urks some people who have crushes on him, or literally just your stereotypical bully.

- So one day while you we’re grabbing things for your next class, someone slammed against the locker next to yours, slamming yours shut in the process.

“Well well well, if it isnt the clingy one. Im surprised your not with that dork, you two practically don’t function without the other.” The guy snickered, leaning forward directly in Y/N’s face.

“And how is that any of your concern? And why does it matter?” Y/N said, standing straight up staring at the guy. “Because your fucking pathetic, thats why. Your useless without him and both of us know it.” He spat, pushing Y/N to the floor with a thud, they’re books crashing to the ground around them. Snickers could be heard from around them, as well as gasps and ‘oh-no’s’.

“Awww whatcha gonna do now, freak? You gonna go cry to that loser? Because i have a better idea. Your gonna shut up, and if not, he gets hurt.” The boy said, picking Y/N up by the collar of they’re shirt, and soon slamming them back into the lockers. All he did was laugh and walk away, muttering “pathetic, good for nothing freak.”

- You went home by yourself that day, usually Ranboo walks you home so you two can hangout, but you were nowhere to be seen. This went on for 2 weeks, and you practically avoided him at all costs, not wanting him to get hurt.

- But when he walked into school one day and saw Y/N being harassed by a group of people, he surely wasn’t the one hurt.

“Awww, cant move?” One said, twisting Y/N’s wrist even more, bruising they’re arm as they whimpered in pain. “Awww i think they’re gonna cry!!” Someone else chimmed in, one girl quickly said “better take a picture of this before the moments gone.” As she giggled, snapping a photo of you in the middle of being bullied.

“Delete it, and leave.” Ranboo said, looking down at the three who were currently tormenting you. You looked so sad yet happy, but you knew what was about to happen. “I thought i fucking told you not to tell him, guess your getting it.” The guy said, kicking your stomach and slamming you against the lockers.

You never in your wildest dreams expected Ranboo to punch someone, he was so sweet and charismatic, very passive and neutral. But now, your bully laid on the floor, a bloody nose, and Ranboo towering over him. “Dont. Touch. Them.” Ranboo snarled, leaning down and looking at the bully directly in the eyes.

- A fight soon broke out, leaving one guy with a black eye, bloody nose and a bruised arm and shoulder. Ranboo got suspended, but you left with him, not wanting to be at school and instead with him.

- While walking home he stopped, pulled off his white and black hoodie, put it on you, and soon enveloped you in a hug. Y/N return the favor, and all he said shakily was ‘i love you’

- God no one ever fucked with Y/N again everyone was scared spineless

- The entire SMP had a ‘bruh’ moment when you two told them. Of course Techno was very happy about Ranboo beating some kids up.

- But like back to happy stuff,,

- Kahoot? Idk if you guys play it in school but i do, and both you and Ranboo are such a power duo in Kahoot games

- Trading each others lunch because thats what duo’s like you two do, share with the homies

- Both of you being referees in sports because if other wise someone is going to accidentally get hurt

- You having to walk Ranboo to the nurses office after he got hit in the face with a basketball.

- The librarian does not like the fact you two cannot be quiet. You both are constantly cracking up and can never keep it down

- I know for a FACT one of you got your hands on the teacher’s computer, and i know one of you are playing memes during class while your Teacher is screeching

- All your teachers think both of you are cheating because you have synced brains and get every single answer the exact. same.

- Pulling some kind of huge end of the year prank

- Both of you speaking in zoomer language and not even your classmates have any idea what your saying

- I can see both of you accidentally writing/typing ‘pog’ into a essay/class assignment and your teacher being VERY confused

- Blasting fan-made songs about both of your guys characters and everyone liking them, and both of you are just giggling and smiling because they dont know

- Your friend group see you two doing something and they’re just like “ah shit, here we go again”

- Both of you going to school events only to ensue chaos and be idiots

- On the first day one of you getting lost and the other having to go fetch the other one

- Both of you crashing at the others house to study but it probably didnt go well

- You two are honestly just encased in your own little shared bubble, just vibing and being yourselves

- i feel like this is going on forever and most of it was just angst so I’ll go ahead and cut this off lol

a/n: TWO UPLOADS IN ONE DAY??? CALL ME GO-

Okay but in all seriousness i hope this was not total shit and actually pleasant to read. Idk i just feel like this bad

Anyways I promise I’ll get to working on pt. 2 of dad wilbur but i have some other requests i need to work on. But in the meantime simp for Ranboo and Wilbur okay bye

[mimsyaf]

Aisha Gets A Life

Aisha is grounded for two weeks, and suspended for one. Not that the suspension matters — her parents yoink her out of West Valley so fast, she never does get her favorite pink hoodie from her locker. She wonders if it’s still there.

Sam doesn’t text her back.

On day four of Aisha’s captivity her mom goes to get her hair done, an all-day affair. Aisha Ubers over to the hospital and sits by Miguel’s side. His hand is cold and she holds it in both of her own. At last her warm, sweaty hands are good for something.

At the beginning of September, Aisha starts school at Cabot Preparatory. It’s pretty white, but so was West Valley. So.

Sensei texts her back to say he’s not a sensei anymore. He makes even more spelling mistakes than normal so Aisha figures he’s pretty drunk. You’ll always be my Sensei she texts, feeling a lump in her throat like when you swallow a too-big ice cube.

The three dots appear ... and disappear ... and appear ... and disappear...

Her parents make it very clear they don’t want her studying karate anyway. “Why not the dance team?” her mom asks brightly. Aisha laughs so hard she almost falls off the port side of the yacht. Yeah, her dad bought a yacht. Her mom says it’s a sign of a midlife crisis.

Aisha does not join the dance team.

She tries out for lacrosse instead. The captain is a tall, thin girl from South Africa, the daughter of a diplomat. She wears her hair in Bantu knots. Her name is Lerato and she takes one look at the way Aisha moves and her face lights up in unholy joy. “Eyyyyyy a new defender, I like our chances!”

“What about me?” sulks the existing defender, Sujin.

“What ABOUT you?” snaps Lerato, but she teasingly pulls her clever fingers through Suj’s long black hair as she passes.

Aisha is pretty sure the whole team is gay for Lerato.

Or maybe that’s just Aisha.

Miguel wakes up but he can’t walk. He can’t walk at all. Aisha visits him in the hospital again. She can tell he’s trying to be brave for her, so she does her best to act like nothing’s wrong. She makes fun of her rich-y rich private school to make him laugh, but the thing is. The thing is, Aisha’s beginning to love Cabot.

She’s taking AP French Lit and explicating Baudelaire. The girls in her classes are REALLY smart. And yeah, there are a couple bitchy cliques, but they’re amateurs compared to Yasmine in her prime.

Aisha does not give any of them a front wedgie. She can’t be bothered.

Sam texts her back out of the blue. She apologizes a lot. Aisha leaves her on Read. Not to be a shit but because she doesn’t even know what to say.

In October, everyone’s talking about the Halloween dance, and RIP Aisha, she has total trauma from last year.

Except. Except it’s supposed to be amazing, for one thing. No high school gym here — they have the dance in the auditorium, and all the theatre kids have transformed it into a haunted grotto or whatever. Also Lerato asks her to go.

“Like, go with you or go with you?” Aisha asks. Cringe.

“Like, be my date. My best girl.” Lerato is obsessed with Captain America. She cosplays as him on the reg. Aisha has a lot of feelings about one particular TikTok.

So on Halloween, Aisha dresses as Furiosa, and Lerato picks her up in an old Jeep Wrangler. Her mom looks... surprised. Tough titty, thinks Aisha. If you didn’t want me to be gay, you shouldn’t have sent me to an all-girls school.

Also, Lerato is dressed as Max, which is a. touching, b. thematically appropriate and c. THE HOTTEST THING EVER.

Aisha has her first kiss in the costume room at 9:26 pm and her first non-solo orgasm about 15 minutes later, because Lerato did not come to play with you hoes, she came to slay, bitch.

Aisha has no complaints.

One day out of nowhere Sensei texts her about Eagle Fang, tells her she should come meet them in the park.

Can’t, my mom said no more karate she texts.

The three dots appear ... and disappear ... and appear ... and disappear...

Lame he texts finally, so she knows it’s ok. She tells him about lacrosse, and also about Lerato.

Is she a babe?

She sends a pic. Badass comes the reply a minute later.

TTYL Sensei she texts. Then she has to explain TTYL. He does not correct her about calling him Sensei this time.

Cabot sweeps the All Valley Championship in Lacrosse. So there you go. She won the All Valley after all.

———————————————————————

Please suspend disbelief re: lacrosse, I know you play it in the spring. (I know NOW, that is.)

Cobra Kai Zoomers scare the hell out of me to write. I’m terrified of coming off like “How do you do, fellow kids?” But I love Aisha, so...

Thanks so much for reading. ❤️❤️❤️

[milk-addicc]

I really liked that post you made about how Capcom feels about Narumitsu. And I'm wondering how do you think they feel about Narumayo? Personally to me it feels like they throw more hints at Narumitsu since with the other one if Takami wanted it to be canon he would of done it at the end of T&T. I also think the team could of made it more obvious in SoJ with Maya's big return but I never really saw the hints but I know I'm biased lol.

oh i’m glad you like my rambles haha;;

ahh... that ship, 

well first, about the whole Takumi “wanting narumitsu to be canon” thing, its not exactly making them canon but have more fanservice leaning heavy towards narumitsu (which was declined by the director(?) who claimed, i sorta agree with, that the game did well even without the narumitsu hinting since in the first game they didn’t have that intention and it was pure coincidence that their relationship was just THAT deep and meaningful which is incredible lmao, Takumi and co managed to slip his warning and still put at least some of the hints in TT tho hhh-). so even then, i doubt the crew actually want the endgame to come so soon hh.

okay, back on topic. what i think about naru//mayo? yea, i’m not keen on that ship personally at all, actually i despise it. like, they first met in the office, in front of their dead loved one, Mia. Maya was 17, Phoenix was 24. you have Maya, who’s supposedly still in HIGH SCHOOL and Phoenix, who has GRADUATED COLLEGE, has a JOB, and most likely has PAID HIS OWN BILLS. from that point alone, it should already feel weird. 

Maya’s an adolescence, a teenager, she just lost her sister and barely grew up, in a way she’s still innocent, notice how she tend to ask random questions and or say things that she thinks makes sense or amusing, she tends to be naive too. its kinda like.. a child.

and Phoenix on the other hand, is a grown man. heck even Maya says he’s an “old fart”, they’re legit aware of their own age gap in game and outright say it. if anything, they both act like self-aware best friends/brother-sister than romantically. even Maya said it herself, she wants to be a good big sister for Pearl and Nick.

now how about we ignore this obvious fact just for a little while and try to see it from only their interactions in-franchise. heres the kicker, you may not see it in game since they only lightly nudges about this ship (usually with Pearl, and was dismissed by Maya right after.), but in some of AA spin off mangas (and from what i heard, one of the stage shows), for some reason, this ship has their own hints despite being completely aware that Maya is a teenager.

but its okay now don’t hold your breaths, 

their “hints” are more of a one-off ish thing, most of the time a gag and not taken seriously, and unlike other ship per say narumitsu, where it actually affects their lives and changed it forever IN-GAME. “i care about Maya and understands her” and “i became an attorney because of you, Edgeworth and i don’t have any regrets” are both literally incomparable, especially given Phoenix and Edgeworth’s history together in-game canon.

anyway, here’s some common arguments i’ve encountered about this particular ship :

“but Phoenix cares about Maya a lot! he literally went through a trial against a hitman and run through a burning bridge for her!”

“Phoenix blushed and goes red when Pearl says he’s Maya’s special someone and he stutters!”

“Well my parents had a huge age gap!"

“well, Maya is 18 in AA2″

“considering Maya is a christmas cake now, Nick better tap that” 

“she’s an adult in AA6 tho”

now lets dissect each of these,

yes, Phoenix cares about Maya a lot he literally did cross a burning bridge for her but people seem to forget that this is the same man who turned his life around, abandon his dreams, study law for four years, and became an attorney to meet one man and willing to defend a girl who looks like his psychotic ex that nearly poisoned him in court. he literally would believe in his clients’s innocence no matter what, he’s by nature would sacrifice anything and even his life for someone. so its normal that he cares about Maya, but is it romantic? i doubt it, he cares about her safety and well being but does it have to be a romantic hint? no, of course not, he’s just very selfless for the people he cares about and Maya has no one to help her but Nick when she’s in trouble, he’s one of few adults she can trust and will help her out.

oh so blushing and stuttering due to embarrassment means having feelings now? and about the stuttering, he literally stutters around Edgeworth a lot lol. i’m starting to feel like people ships naru//mayo not because of their depth but because Pearl said so. Pearl finds them should be together and keep shoving the audience with Nick being “Mystic Maya’s special someone”, well if thats the case, they also explained why this happened, in-game. Pearl grew up very sheltered and among unhealthy marriages she just assumes a girl and a boy together means they’re dating and being “special someones”. she most likely just wants her cousin to be in a happy relationship unlike her parents where her father left both her and her mother but didn’t know any better because she was eight years old.

https://youtu.be/FGAqQkMEKNs?start=674&end=776

now about the parent thing and taking it personal, well my parents too had a huge age-gap of 7 years. but how come is it okay? its because they met when my mum was already a career woman at 26. she’s already an adult when my dad met her. what does this mean? it means my parents were both adults when they’re together, this is why i still like GumMaggey despite their age gap so wide, they first met when Maggey has already had a career, supposedly in her 20′s, she’s a young adult, she can buy alcohol by herself, already knows whats right and wrong and has live life independently, not a still hormonal teenager who depends on one adult figure. did your parents date when your mum is in highschool while your dad is like in his mid 20′s? sorry to hear that.

as for the last three arguments, i don’t even want to touch any of them with a five-foot pole. are you listening to yourself? do you not feel like you’re a creep typing that?

let me give you a benefit of the doubt. yes she’s older and legally an adult, but are you really discrediting the fact they met when Maya was still in highschool? they met and became friends when she’s 17 and he’s 24. sure they barely met during disbarment era, but should that change anything? why should it? how should it? like this?

“Oh this is Maya, i haven’t met her in years but boy she sure has grown up can’t wait to date her since she’s legal now.”

because thats what that argument sounds like, YIKES. 

you know? if they met under a different circumstance and Maya was like 19, i’d let it go. but they didn’t, they met because of a horrible loss, Maya, still in training, 17 lost her big sister and Phoenix, a rookie, at 24 lost his mentor. 

in conclusion, i don’t like naru//mayo at all

pairing them feels like pairing Edgeworth with Kay or Phoenix with Ema, just because they partnered in investigations, make playful jabs at each other, and saved each others’s lives before, people just think they like each other romantically despite their age-gap in first meetings (not to mention Kay sees Edgeworth as somewhat of a father figure, and she’s nearly 18 while Edgeworth is the same age as Phoenix). especially with how Maya, being a zoomer, calls Phoenix an “old fart” and just makes jokes about how so out-of-touch Phoenix is with the modern entertainment.

from observations, i have a huge hunch that almost all of them pair these two because :

1. Maya’s a girl protagonist so its a male protagonist x female protagonist type of deal and despise narumitsu because “yaoi”

2. AA6 she’s an adult so she’s legal which is damn creepy on its own, or last

3. because of Pearl shipping them in game despite being an eight year old and was so sheltered she thought a man and a woman being next to each other means they’re special someones.

either way, i only see them as best friends, sibling-like relationship with self awareness here and there since they tease the audience a lot with their gag “hints” in spin-off mangas and game. 

not only that, it kinda showcase how all male/female bond don’t have to be romantic, they can be just friends or familial and still hang together. another plus for the franchise right after encouraging moving on from ex partners. *glancing at Phoenix//Iris*

and as to the people who pairs this for some odd reasons, sometimes i just want to ask these questions,

“how would you feel if you’re in Phoenix’s shoes? met your mentor’s little sister at age 17 while you’re 24, would you feel romantically interested in this high schooler?” because i don’t, to me anyone 3 years younger than me is like a baby, how would Phoenix feel when Maya’s 7 years younger?

“also... why even? narumitsu and other less questionable pairings are RIGHT THERE in the open!”

but oh well people can like and pair whatever hhh, 

and there you have it, my even longer rambling hahaha sorry;;

Edit : To add the final nail to the coffin, Phoenix outright has said that Maya’s like his kid, like a niece.

Edit 2 : remember that this is simply my personal take, you can somewhat use this to make yourself feel better about your pair nor simply just to hate on the ship itself but do not use this to dictate actual people what to ship and not to ship. 

please don’t be destructive towards others.

[whumpster-fire]

Currently thinking about how current D&D lore for elves is that elves don’t actually take any longer to grow up than humans, their culture just doesn’t treat you as an adult until about age 100 and comparing it to the age dynamics in our society and going “Ykw this is actually kinda fucked up.”

Although elves reach physical maturity at about the same age as humans, the elven understanding of adulthood goes beyond physical growth to encompass worldly experience.

So this to me is implying that elves reach a relatively mature level of mental development not that old either because the alternative is “30-year-old elf who looks 20 but is mentally an 8-year-old” which is really, really stupid. Which I guess means that elves are just stuck in perpetual adolescence where they’re socially like teenagers or college-aged “kids” for what, like ninety years because you aren’t a real adult until you finish your 75th year of graduate studies, and not allowed to own property or make financial decisions or vote or marry.

I know the usual depiction of elven society is this erudite noocracy which is at worst resistant to change due to long lifespans and resistant to taking risks due to slow reproduction, but as a jaded millenial/zoomer it just reminds me of shit like the younger generations having extremely poor upward social and economic mobility because the boomers have a stranglehold, and all the stories I’ve read about younger adults trapped in toxic households because it’s not financially viable to move out, etc.

Are elves that enlightened, or are they a culture where the age of majority is set artificially high so that the youth can be controlled and used for labor? Like apprenticeships decades long where you might just be mopping floors instead of actually learning anything until 15 years in, or childcare, or farm work and all the other stuff that needs to get done to make a society functional, or hell even military service because in a world full of dangerous monsters and other nasty stuff even an isolationist society needs to defend itself and when the decision has to be made between sacrificing a 180-year-old with a family or a single 75-year-old I think the 75yo is going to be the one handed a spear and put on the front lines, albeit with more training and experience than an 17-year-old human.

I think a great motivation for elven adventurers leaving their communities isn’t what elven culture euphemistically calls “wanderlust” so much as a basic desire for autonomy and respect and being treated like a full person.

Also elves’ age of adulthood being cultural and not biological other than them having long enough lifespans that they can do that certainly puts a new context on half-elves not fitting into elven society. The elves don’t even have to actively, consciously discriminate: not discriminating and treating a half-elf by the same standards as an elf of the same age would create a huge equity vs equality lifespan because a 100yo elf is still physically a young adult but a 100yo half-elf is well into middle age, but the alternative would seem like giving them massive privileges and responsibilities compared to their elven peers of the same age. I guess to an elf it would feel like “Your brother has a congenital illness which gives him a life expectancy of around 35, so we’re giving him a driver’s license when he turns 7.”

Give me things like a shop in a human town owned by an elf couple who ran away together at a scandalously young age of like 40 because their relationship was treated like two irresponsible teenagers who can’t be together without a chaperone and they couldn’t get any professional respect beyond an “Oh well it’s good work for your age” but in Humanville they can legally actually own a business and get married and things like that.

Or something like a half-elf whose human parent dies and their elf parent, who didn’t have custody, finds out and is regretting not being more involved in their life and contacts them trying to adopt them and the half-elf is like “Dad, I appreciate the sentiment but I moved out of Mom’s place years ago, I’m happy to visit but I don’t need a guardian.“

Another thing I think would be interesting is if dragons, to the extent that they care enough about humanoids to try to understand their perspective, are actually weirded out by elves’ cultural norms about childhood and maturity. Because they’re both long-lived beings with a long “childhood" and their social hierarchy is based on age, but even the most parentally involved dragon species are very autonomous at a young age and have their own lair and territory and property and maybe have to pay “rent” to their parents for living in overlapping territory under their protection. To a dragon, an orc or goblin society where you’re a warrior when you’re big enough to hold a sword and kill things and an adult when you hit puberty might be more relatable than an elven society even if the former’s life expectancy is an order of magnitude shorter.

[project-sour-grapes]

My Precious Entitled Career

Despite my “success,” I've come to the realization that how I approach everything is wrong.

I am a professional in tech and an artist. My friends call me patient and hardworking beyond what is expected. In high school, I was one of those never-crack-a-book honors students with a fancy scholarship. However, when I look inward, all of these good fruits seem like an accident.

I was recently let go from a tech company that your average zoomer would know the name of. There was a conflict around compensation that played out over a week or two that escalated into my being terminated. While the decisions I made were kosher with my contract and were built upon advice from other professionals who had been in my shoes, I now consider my approach to be a failure. It's important to note that I don't regret standing up for myself, as that lesson was overdue for separate reasons. However, my mindset throughout the conflict did not serve me any good and I've now seen the severity of my entitlement and self importance through a magnifying glass.

I could detail you the statistics on median pay for my job, my old company, my state, etc. I could state why the situation seemed unjust and why I felt underappreciated and fooled. Maybe it was unfair on paper, and maybe I had the right to be angry, depending on who you ask. But I don't care anymore.

Time has been plentiful for my unemployed self. I have spent it ruminating, walking, and listening to audiobooks, one of which is Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. In one chapter, Holiday details Jackie Robinson's struggles as a black man trying to play professional baseball. If anything was fair on paper, it would have been Jackie Robinson fighting back against the racists (which he did and was arrested for when he was younger). But as a professional, he was encouraged by others to ignore racism and just beat them in games. And he did. He didn’t fight anybody anymore, even though he would have been right to and those idiots would have deserved it. Being a famous baseball player and fully grown adult yet being treated like a non-human or a child is the peak of unfair. But Holiday’s book’s point is that looking past unfairness towards the mission is sometimes necessary to accomplish it.

I'm not saying my life struggle compares to Jackie Robinson's. In fact, that is exactly what I'm not saying. My "unfair" situations pale in comparison to his. He climbed Everest and I'm over here upset about an ant hill. And in some sense, I made that ant hill myself. I mean that if he can experience literal crimes and keep his head up, then I need to shut my damn mouth.

What is the correct approach to my work then? Let's rewind a bit. Full disclosure, my old approach to my life's work was this:

I am going to work myself to death for you, and if you don't give me the world in return, that is a moral failure.

Isn't that a biting statement? There is the entitlement out in the open. I'm not proud to have thought this way at all, and I'm sorry to all of you have had to put up with this mindset from me. But there it is.

Now. Where do we go from here? Well, during my unemployed ruminations over the past few weeks, I came across Dr. Alok Kanojia's (AKA HealthyGamerGG on Youtube) video on motivation, fairness, and how we're not entitled to anything. He talked about how, since life is unfair and unpredictable, we are not entitled to the results of our actions. We don't automatically have the right to the outcome of an action. We only have the actions themselves. Studying doesn’t entitle us to an A+. We are only entitled to the studying itself. That’s the way of the universe. In my old job, I prioritized work above all else. I forewent classes that I ended up failing or dropping. I begged to work overtime. I was, in the words of multiple others, "kicking ass." Then I decided I was entitled to something because of it. And I got angry when that was not satisfied. That is where I went wrong. It is true that I was promised a few things that did not come to fruition. Maybe it was morally acceptable to be angry about unfulfilled promises. But like I said, I’m done caring about that. That's not what it is about anymore.

What is it about is action. All we have in life is our actions. The more I think about what I value, the more I see the emphasis on action.

When we say to live in the present instead of the past or future, we're talking about action, since the present is the only time action can happen

When we roll our eyes at the person who says "I'm the idea guy," we're valuing action

The concept "Show, don't tell" works, because it is about action

Giving your soul to a job/person/thing who didn't even ask for it, then holding out your hand and saying "Gimme" is not about action. It is focused on outcome. Maybe it’s not fair that we can’t expect equal rewards in return for our work all the time. And on paper, it really is. Give X, get X. Seems fair and logical. But for me, for that to be the starting place and the motivation for my work no longer serves me. I’m not saying fairness isn’t a worthy goal or that it is bad. Fairness can be the outcome of a good mission. But it is not required to complete the mission. And it’s not going to be the sole motivator for my decisions, because life is grey and humans can’t always deliver on promises, through no fault of their own. What I'm not going to do anymore is throw my hands up and say, "Sorry, this is unfair so I quit.”

Where this leaves me is that I'm reconsidering my career--not only how I approach the work but the field I chose entirely. In the past, I tried to do biomedical research, but I failed. I have also enrolled and unenrolled in many an EMT class and have taken and failed Biology, Chemistry, and Physics classes repeatedly. This was all because of a hazy dream of being a doctor that has sat in the back of my mind every day. 

I kept trying out this doctor dream, but I would always hit a tiny snag, exaggerate it, and give up. I have gone through about 10 multi-month cycles of this for years. And guess what the snags were:

That professor gave me a B+ instead of an A on a single exam. Pre-med education is inherently unfair, and I'm not putting up with this.

I have to study this bio concept that I probably won't even use if I become a real doctor. That's a waste of my time, so I'd rather fail/drop than learn it.

Doctors have to get up at 5am? That goes against science on sleep schedules, so I'm not going to do it.

How pissy and entitled? Who thinks like that? Me, apparently--or who I hope to be "old me."

How did I get so caught up in what is fair or unfair that I lost sight of the forest for the trees? News flash, self... everything is unfair! Gym is always packed? Unfair. Fighting cancer? Unfair. Some idiot who cares less than you do got picked for the job? Unfair. Hell, the unfairness of life is half the reason why we even get up in the morning. Name a career that isn’t about taking an unfair situation and turning it into a better one. (If you can, maybe don’t do that career.) We do stuff as humans, because it’s unfair. Or the alternative, not doing it, would be unfair. If doctors threw up their hands because disease is unfair, we’d still be fighting polio. I wouldn’t make it one second in caveman times with my old attitude. The hungry lions staring at my caveman camp don’t care what I think is fair.

So here's the mission. We are going to look unfair things in the face and still do them. Despite their unfairness. Despite the fear that something will take more than it gives. Despite the brain saying, "This is inefficient, so let's not do it at all." In fact, it's because of their unfairness that we will do them. Then we can leave them better off for someone else. Or do them better the next time. I am calling this Project Sour Grapes. It starts right now.

[thetrashywritingwitch]

what differences do you notice between your generation and today's generation?

oooh an interesting question. hmm...

well, im a millennial so there’s several generations younger than me. Gen Z, or “zoomers” as i’ve heard, are are like 25 years old to 10 or something like that so i could be as much as 15 years older than then youngest gen Z. that’s a big age gap and a massive difference in life experience, interests, hobbies, etc.

my generation is just. tired lol we’re all tired and depressed and overworked and incredibly pessimistic that much good will come of anything and shit is just fucked, at least the Gen Y folks in my own circles. we’re trying to make things better through social justice and grassroots organizing (unionizing, protesting, picket lines, sharing gofundmes and such). but it’s incredibly hard to categorize us so broadly because we’re all different? as much as we might want to believe each generation is a little more to the left, a little more liberal than the last... idk if this is honestly true. because we still have fucking nazis running around and white supremacy culture alongside the patriarchy still dominates, arguably more now than it ever has in terms of business practices, us capitalism, and imperialism studies.

Gen Z, in the same vein, are also more socially aware than any other generation and less prone to propaganda imo because of how connected they are to the internet and social media. they grew up in the “everything already sucks and is shit so i’m gonna have a good time while i’m here lololll” mentality which is tbh admirable. give me a few years and maybe i’ll get there

Gen Z is the generation that grew up on technology and the expectations follow. i didn’t have a cellphone until i was in middle school, and it was a shit cheap flip phone only for emergencies. i could make calls and play Snake on it and buy Hoobastank ringtones and that was about it.

Gen Z is more connected to the internet than any other generation. they’re, from what i’ve seen, more readily on every single social media platform and constantly connecting to people and things online. which can be as good as it is dangerous if they aren’t taught how to be vigilant of creeps online, are taught online etiquette (this is kinda a big one because idk most of the rude folks i’ve encountered online are younger and they dont realize how what they say could be construed as curt or rude, or potentially don’t care bc it’s just “online, no one knows you, doesn’t matter”. every generation has this so its not a callout but its just a personal observation from my own experience).  

also, Gen Z uhhh text lingo absolutely escapes me. they shorten pretty much everything and it makes stuff difficult to read. “ilu sm wt r u doin” stuff like this. and i get it, it’s fine, but it does absolutely make things harder for me to understand what’s being said at times

so i think the biggest gap between our generations is our relationship with technology. Gen Z grew up with smartphones and immediate internet access and bright screens while Gen Y didn’t until we were like, 10-20 years old already

uhhhhh hope this answers your question! i’m sure i could add way more but these are the immediate things that come to mind also my hands are cold and typing is hard

[chemicallywrit]

Hey I read watership down when I was 6 because that was the age my dad read it and I didn’t really understand it because I didn’t know what things like construction were but I still have nightmares about being skinned and also became convinced that I could see the future so here I am asking you about watership down.

Wow Fiver i’m so honored to meet you, thank you for the ask~

I read Watership Down in fifth grade and what I loved about it was the mythology and language, because like most nerdy fifth graders I was obsessed with mythology and code languages. I was just starting to get into Redwall at the time too, so did I start to write some anthropomorphic animal adventures? of COURSE I did, but there was something complex I couldn’t quite nail, because I didn’t quite understand it--

I read Watership Down in high school when I was in AP Government, when I was old enough to get salty about my teacher spouting political opinions to her students like she was talking to her friends in the group chat, and this time the line that stuck out to me was in a footnote: “In the Sandleford warren at this time, the Owsla was rather military in character (though, as will be seen later, not as military as some).”

And while that selfsame teacher was trying to get us to debate complex issues like the needs of the few over the rights of many without simplifying issues down to useless platitudes, I realized that if leaders aren’t willing to adapt and change, then they will eventually be killed. I was voted president of the honors society next year, even though I was an unpopular nerd that everyone thought was Mormon, and I had to assess leadership and politics in a way I never had before, despite my gov teacher’s best efforts--

I read Watership Down during a summer internship in Georgia, where the nearest person I knew was three states away and the only friendship I experienced was from a tiny church group that practiced prophecy and faith healing, and had my parents warning me about signs that you’ve joined a cult, and I was lonesome as Fiver under the willow tree in the rain, and Fiver told me that “a thing can be true and still be desperate folly.” And I held my new friends at a distance and watched them as they poured forth sermons without substance, and I longed for home, I longed to go uphill to someplace high and away--

I read Watership Down in grad school after the church I loved began to tear itself to pieces, an absolute joke of pride and misogyny and selfishness, when the pastor who hadn’t even been very present in the church to begin with started traveling to his other ministry more and more, and the guest speakers started teaching numerology from the pulpit, and I told my brother, sitting next to me, I can’t go to the potluck. I can’t stand it. I can’t pretend that everything is fine anymore. And I left my church. Zorn, zorn, all zorn.

But my friends stayed with me. The Bible study I’d been co-leading drifted into an inter-church outreach, and some other members left the church too, but we stayed together, and no one stopped us because no one cared much about the millennials and zoomers anyway. And I felt like Bigwig, blunt and bothered and never one to hold my tongue, being told by someone much wiser that they were glad to have me along--

I read Watership Down after I left my first job after graduation. I still didn’t know anyone after being out of state for eight years. I hated that job, but the limbo afterward, in which I was unsure, once again, if I could pay my rent, if I could afford my student loans, if my credit card was going to penalize me again, if I was going to be overdrawn again, if there was anything I was going to be able to eat besides raman...My heart was in the frost. But I wasn’t quite alone. Not far now, Hlao-roo, not far now.

My copy got stolen out of my car, along with my scientific calculator, which I was actually more upset about. Those things are expensive. When I was free from the frost again, I bought another copy.

I’m going to read Watership Down again. I read it whenever I need something familiar and comforting and encouraging.

Watership Down is a story about nature and rabbits. Watership Down is a story about leadership and politics. But ultimately, Watership Down is the story of a group of people who decide that what they’ve been promised by their god and their hero is true, that there is a place for them in this world, and that place is worth fighting for, even if all you can do is tell stories to keep people calm, even if all you can do is dig a little deeper and settle in, even if all you can do is run.

All the world will be your enemy, and when they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, Digger, Listener, Runner. Be cunning and full of tricks, and your people will never be destroyed.

[roc-thoughtblog]

Sense and Sensibility Readthrough Part 7

Chapter 10, Pages 39-45

Previously, Marianne and Margaret went for a run up a hill, got rained on, and ran all the way back down. A romance novel male love interest picks up a fallen Marianne, takes her home, and acts very mysterious-romance-novel-male-love-interest-like.

Marianne is obviously infatuated.

I end up thinking too much about the unfathomable nature of skin-tones today, though I think I also managed to struggle a bit more than usual concentrating. Definitely ran quite overtime.

Readthrough below.

Chapter 10 Willoughby visits, and is charmed.

Miss Dashwood had a delicate complexion, regular features, and a remarkably pretty figure. Marianne was still handsomer.

Oof. Wait, hang on; we're getting description. This is the most description of Marianne's appearance! Incoming:

Posture's not as good as her sister, but she is taller. Skin is of very brown overtone but a very visible "uncommonly brilliant" undertone. How brown is very brown? Are undertones a thing or did I just make up something I think I overheard once? I'm about to go on a tangent into what undertones & overtones are aren't I. BRB. Also she has very dark eyes that are quite full of life.

My understanding of skin tones mostly comes from being a poor artist and getting messed up trying to figure out how they work because they DON'T STAY THE SAME OVER ANY PATCH OF SKIN OR CONSISTENT AT ANY ANGLE. And SPLOTHCY. SPLOTCHY EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME. So I get a vague sense of what Jane Austen is trying to get at. From what it sounds like, Marianne is pretty generally brown on the surface but also fairly rosy in all those fleshy parts that do the most weird multidimesional optical illusioning that skin-tones tend to do? She probably turns very red when she's blushy, is the implication anyway, that I could have just said on the outset but then I went and buried my head in seasons and carotene and foundation.

Maybe I'll use Marianne as the subject of a skin-tone study. I suck at skin-tones and this is the most I've ever thought about it in years.

Anyway, she's embarrassed at first but they quickly hit it off; this is all still a no-dialogue cutscene so Austen's really skipping over any occasion for Willoughby to talk. Well, from the sounds of it they'll be chatting for hours... mutually charmed, all the same tastes, etc. Ah, haha, she does bulldoze over their differences a bit. Willoughby doesn't put up a resistance; either he's too charmed or, as a 25 year old, he doesn't want to debate an enthusiastic teenager. Well, at least he's not 35.

Dialogue resumes as soon as he leaves. I should keep a note of which important characters have been conspicuously reserved by the narrative; Willoughby and Edward both been. Poor Margaret is just unimportant.

Elinor thinks Marianne's going to fast. Run out of things to talk about soon. Marianne gets snippy and returns fire;

"But I see what you mean. [...] I have erred against every commonplace notion of decorum; I have been open and sincere where I ought to have been reserved, spiritless, dull and deceitful - had I talked only of the weather and the roads, and had I spoken only once in ten minutes, this reproach would have been spared."

She's getting her back for the attraction-to-fever line. I sort of agree with Elinor, I get the feeling Willoughby isn't y'know. As passionate as Marianne is, so much as just humouring her. But either way he's charmed so. He keeps coming back day after to day, to "check in" on Marianne's recovery.

Oh! But he does participate in her activities though. That is encouraging. And he reads emotively haha. Mama Dashwood loves him, but naturally Elinor finds his general, hmm, incautious demeanor to be disapprovable. Marianne has seen in Willoughby the saviour that justified her impossible standards! I call that she's probably more than a little infatuated and Willoughby's gonna turn out to be less than everything she thought he was, or that she wanted.

Infatuation is wild isn't it.

Mama Dashwood's already hearing wedding bells, as she would. Elinor's starting to see that Colonel Brandon really does have small interest in Marianne (after everyone else stopped caring because he's not interesting). He gets Elinor's pity and compassion for generally being a guy whose disposition implies like he's had a bit of a downer past, and also for generally being compared against Willoughby. Also because Marianne will never stop being mean about his age. Though I wonder how much of his improvement in Elinor's eyes is precisely by nature of Willoughby having arrived to be worth disapproving.

Oh Willoughby finally talks, and the first things he says involves going off on poor Brandon;

"Brandon is just the kind of man," said Willoughby one day, when they were talking of him together, "whom everybody speaks well of, and nobody cares about; whom all are delighted to see, and nobody remembers to talk to."

Aww. My image of Brandon has really changed. Before it was like some kind of caricature of a retired military man, making him look very much on the 50-60 end of 35 years, with a brush moustache. But after all that, man. Now I just see a tired older millenial. You know, the particular kind of tired millenial who are just stuck in a perpetual state of scraping by slowly while anticipating middle age behind the next big hill, while still getting berated by the older gens for being millenials, and getting memed on by the Gen Z for being old.

Did I just call Marianne a zoomer?

Well, meming on older people is just an age/maturity thing, not a generational thing. Happens every time. Even 200 years ago, in a book.

A... Anyway...

Elinor justifiably defends Brandon from Willoughby's more exagerrated character attacks. Then he keeps talking, so she just sticks to calling him and Marianne out instead for being prejudiced and-

"In defense of your protégé you can even be saucy."

HOLY SHIT. I mean the more I hear out of Willoughby's mouth the more of a jackass he seems. No wonder Austen kept his mouth shut for a bit. This whole thing just escalates into an argument that ends in a disagreement. Elinor thinks Willoughby as holding an unjustifiably contemptuous attitude towards an inoffensive and unfortunate person; Willoughby's annoyed that Elinor's pressing him on the matter as he simply views his own observations of Brandon's social deficiencies as factual, and probably to his eyes therefore not contemptuous in nature.

And Marianne is just being actually the pettiest and meanest one here because she's Marianne and Willoughby is enabling her.

"You shall find me as stubborn as you can be artful. I have three unanswerable reasons for disliking Colonel Brandon; he threatened me with rain when I wanted it to be fine; he has found fault with the hanging of my curricle, and I cannot persuade him to buy my brown mare. [...] And in return for an acknowledgement, [...] you cannot deny me the privilege of disliking him as much as ever."

Willoughby's whole closing argument is some great character stuff. He said earlier that he didn't dislike Brandon; I like that it's a bit up in the air whether or not he genuinely had no issue with the man, and was just being very distastefully insensitive, or whether he was actually heartily prejudiced against Brandon for those three petty reasons and wasn't being up-front with himself or anyone else until Elinor called him out. I'm leaning towards the latter, personally.

Either way, he is petty enough now to really double down on disliking Brandon in this moment; for no other reason than as to spite Elinor for managing to convince him not to.

Yeah I don't think I like Willoughby very much. Literally, one of those guys who seems nice until they open their mouth, wow.

As a side note, for the spitefulness of the dialogue, the narrator's been very sparing of the less pleasant aspects of Marianne and Willoughby's characters. Imagine if they were minor characters like Sir and Lady Middleton! Would definitely have just torn straight into the two of them on top of just letting them talk.