#not a big deal but im a lil :( about it and the missed opportunities

[eggthew]

I miss art and drawing so much I'm going to throw up

[mirrorforevers]

graham/reader • and i love him

hmmmmmm so

i wrote a lil smutty n angsty gra/fem!reader fic set in the late 90s and im kinda proud of it ‼️

👉🏼 👈🏼 

this is my first work for the blur fandom and im Nervous bc i haven’t been writing for a while and english is not my first language but hope u guys enjoy it anyway - if you enjoy it enough i’ll post it on ao3 too, aight? also this hasn’t been beta’ed by anyone so yeah. also feel free to send me a message if u want to beta it in case you wanna see it there. aaaaaaaaa

tw: alcoholism

You haven't been sleeping very well these days.

Any noise, no matter how insignificant, would wake you up. When there weren't noises, there were nightmares that you were losing him - those were the worst nights. Many times you woke up crying because everything was so real, and you couldn't have peace even in your moment of rest.

Sometimes it was difficult to love him.

The memories of the long lazy days you spent watching TV, painting each other's backs and tasting all sorts of bizarre treats he brought from the different countries he travelled to with his band were gradually replaced by memories of corrosive words exchanged between the two of you and moments where either you or he ended up crying in each other's arms - out of shame, out of despair, out of frustration. But that didn't mean that you were loving him any less, just that your individual tribulations sometimes got too heavy even to share.

You knew he was going through a very difficult time, but he didn't open up to you very much about it and it frustrated you on a level that you could barely describe. Being in a serious relationship was something so new to you, and it helped you so much in your bad times, and you just couldn't understand why he didn't trust you like you trusted him. "It's not that I don't trust you, you're the most important person in the world to me," he'd typically say. "It's such a terrible feeling, and I just want it to go away. I don't even like to talk about it."

This is the same thing he says to you with teary eyes as the hot water in the shower wets your skin and his. For the third time that week, you had to help him, without even having the opportunity to take your own clothes off, to take off his clothes that smelled unbearably of alcohol and sweat and to take a shower. You no longer had the strength to argue or lecture him, and your silence of resignation somehow seemed to hurt him even more. He tried to bring up other subjects and remind you of good things, and your throat seemed to close more and more. Before your eyes could also fill with tears, you just left a small, shaky "Gra, please... let's just get this over with." escape from your lips. He got the message, maybe. And he agreed to have his hair washed in silence.

After you help him dry off and choose clean underwear, sleep got the best of him and then it was your turn to take a shower and try to sleep. You swore he was asleep a long time ago, when, just before you fell asleep, you heard an almost whispered, fragile "I love you" coming from the other side of the bed. It somehow hurt you more than it should - it's been so long since you've wanted to hear it from the man you truly know - a sober Graham, a little unsure of himself but a guy with such a full and gentle heart. You knew that his problem with drinking was not just the search for overcoming that insecurity, but a constant attempt to escape from the reality that, years before, he thought he wanted to be part of. And as for that, there was not much for you to do. But you still missed it so much in another context, in what now seems to be an eternity ago.

By some miracle, you did not wake up in the middle of the night due to some noise caused by Graham or due to some nightmare, but only in the morning thanks to the sunlight illuminating your face. But Graham was no longer on your side, and you closed your eyes, sighing. Another long day without him among thousands of rehearsals and concerts and meetings and photoshoots he had to attend, which anticipated yet another long night of ill-resolved fights.

"I'm terribly sorry for fucking up again." And then you opened your eyes. There he was, now with a shirt over the underwear you chose for him, his voice as low as ever. Without his glasses.

Finally, the Graham you knew. Your eyes light up and you move to get up from the comfortable bed you shared when he interrupts you. "No, stay right there."

"I've been missing you." You say with an almost whiny voice, a faint but genuine smile taking over your expressions. "Don't you have *anything* to do today?" You ask, as he pulls out a camera to photograph you in your current position - messy hair, while wearing only his t-shirt. You don't hide from the clicks. After being satisfied with the result, he positions himself between your legs, and you spend a few minutes in silence in that position, face to face, just reading each other's expressions so closely.

It was very difficult not to love the beautiful boy in front of you.

"I do." And with that, he places a very soft and loving kiss on your lips, which slowly incorporates the latent desire burning on both of you. It's so good not to taste the alcohol, just the mouthwash with the touch of a cigarette that he just smoked. He only stops after a few more long pecks, calmly brushing away some of the strands of hair off your face, "I'm sorry for being such a cunt. Things are being very difficult for me lately."

You look away from him so you don't cry. This subject really breaks your heart. "Things are very difficult for me too."

He calmly brings your face up to look at him again. "They don't have to be. I don't want to make you go through this. I swear I will try to get help."

This is not the first time he has said this. But you pretend to believe him. And this time, you start the kiss, a little more fervently than before. Perhaps this is a silent agreement between you two. You feel something slowly grow beneath you, and you move against the feeling, making you both gasp softly in the middle of the kiss. The lips part, and then he looks into your eyes deeply again, both foreheads touching - as he silently asks you for permission to make it up to you. You just nod between heavy shared breaths. He goes to kiss you intensely, albeit very lovingly, while slowly lowering his hand to your clit, where he begins a slow circular movement. You close your eyes, and he pleads, quietly – “Keep looking at me, love”.

Gradually, you start to grind harder against his talented fingers, and when he realizes that your body is prepared enough (and quickly expresses it to you - "fuck, you really missed me", making your cheeks burn), he inserts two fingers into you, while insisting on the circular movements that delighted you so much. You're having goosebumps and you slowly feel that delicious wave of heat build up in you as he continues with his movements. You surprise him by kissing his neck slowly between timid but sincere moans that gradually escape from you. His voice trembles with arousal. "This is all about you, love. But that's quite nice." When he feels your body stiffen, and hears your moans become more urgent, he stops his movements and gives you a kiss on the cheek that borders on mockery, giving a small laugh with your grunt of protest. He mutters a small "Be patient baby, please. Come on my mouth instead.". Graham's hoarse voice in your ear almost kills you. He raises the hand that was stimulating you in an absurd way seconds before to lift and remove your shirt, basking in the sight of your breasts - hands sliding down your sides, he lifts your chest to his mouth, which makes you happy but it does not meet 100% of your needs. He knows that. And he wants to take his sweet time while his talented tongue takes turns between each of your breasts for a while, eliciting smaller moans from you but still giving you so much pleasure.

Honestly, what a view. His big brown eyes, when not closed due to his determination and focus on making you feel good, sometimes fixes on yours and the cloud of attraction between you two almost becomes tangible. Then, he quickly lifts up to give your mouth a sensuous kiss while his hand then makes its way down your body, taking a detour at your already sensible breasts to grab one and give it a slow squeeze. "You're so fucking beautiful. I love you." His pure adoration for you drips from his voice, and you feel like you're about to burst from how much in love and horny you are.

"I love you too."

He gives you that goddamn smile that melts you every time before he lowers himself again, this time placing his head between your thighs while snaking his arms above them, trapping you in what is about to be a hell of a great time. He begins on an exploratory pace, then gradually starts eating you out with passion, though not forgetting to be gentle enough so he doesn't hurt you or seems inexperienced. That he *really* isn't.

He moans deliciously on your clit the moment your grip on his hair tightens - he loves it when you're rougher with him, a sub at heart, really, though he's undoubtedly getting better at dealing with your more submissive side lately. Your body is reacting in the prettiest ways, and he recognizes it's the time for his fingers to be inside of you again. You have to contain yourself not to wake up your neighbors with the sound of your excitement, and you bite your finger. You can't help but buck your hips in response to the stimulation. “Gra–God. I--I need to--”

“Keep still, darling. I know what you need,” His eyes are gleaming with mischief when one of his hands moves to rest on your waist so he can hold you in place. It's too much, and when he hears your quiet pleas and sees your back arching and the frozen expression of pure pleasure in your face, he intensifies his movements and you freeze - your legs twitch and he lets you ride your orgasm freely on his gorgeous, hungry mouth.

You looked down to see his chin was resting on your stomach as he gazed up at you with *that* infatuated look that suited him so well along with the cheekiest smile - he keeps his thoughts to himself before his suggestion makes your satisfied smile grow even wider: "Let's spend the day together. I still feel like I owe a lot to you.".

[bmpmp3]

YESTERDAY I was running on four hours of sleep and I somehow managed to beat Skyward Sword borrowing it and a Wii motion plus controller from a friend actually 7 years ago it took me SEVEN YEARS to beat this game SEVEN ACTUAL YEARS and I have many thoughts head full but after I beat it I passed out like immediately because of said four hours of sleep I was running on BUT TODAY is a new day AND I HAVE.........OPINIONS

so like when skyward sword was announced with just that lil teaser where Link like jumps to his death that was THE MOST HYPED I had ever been for anything ever as well as like actually the first time I ever got hyped for anything at all and you've seen how out there my imagination can go with just a couple hints imagine what it was like when I was 12 xhdbshs but yeah obviously there no way the plot could ever be how I imagined it and there was plenty I loved, I can't help to be feel there were lots of missed opportunities y'know? Like yeah everyone's talked about the controls (which every criticism is incredibly valid like Jesus it's genuinely one of the most inaccessible control schemes I've ever seen like "u got fine motor skill issues? Ur left handed? Ur left handed with fine motor skill issues? Fucka u" hell I'm right handed with average fine motor skills but the only way I managed to beat it after actually seven years was by slapping in some infinite health cheats in there lol (and it was still surprisingly tricky at times....) Wait sorry I got distracted what was I talking about hold up)

Anyway the controls are rightly criticized the most but I also thought it dropped the ball a lil as a "THIS IS HOW IT ALL BEGAN" kinda story that it kept saying it was, there were some really cool things like Zelda being actually the goddess hylia, I thought that was a bop, also demise is pretty neat even though....did they go into why he's so mad? Did I forget his deal? Or did they just handwave that ....also ghirahim is great and I love the lil plot twist that he's a sword thing like fi, also I love fi, also groose is the perfect character, also the final battle with demise was so cool like I loved the backdrop, also ghirahims animations in battle are so threatening and it's great, also obvious the soundtrack is fantastic, I did cry a lil when the song of the hero was revealed to be the main theme of the franchise, also links clothes being knight clothes is really cute, also I do like the Atlantis the lost empire situation but the other direction with the floating skyloft being up there cause a long time ago a godly power threw them up there to protect them, yeah there's so much in this game that slaps

I did find the story's emphasis on link being chosen by the goddess kinda lame, like maybe it's just my own personal eh-ness towards chosen one narratives which I mean it present in like all Zeldas but in other Zeldas it doesn't feel like this? Like wind Waker feels like he's chosen but the world is apologetic about it because he is just a baby, ocarina feels like he's chosen but this is like a tragic duty he must fulfil, twilight feels like he's chosen but just barely man there's a lot happening we forgot about u link im sorry I got roped up into this we thought u were just a dog (maybe that's why it's my favourite lol), skyward had like this weird focus on spiritual journeys as a chosen hero? I dunno I'm not super into it, especially since it feels a lil lame to have a chosen hero in the first situation like this, I highkey wish that this entire situation was originally all on Zelda/hylia and demise and link was just a guy who happened to be best friends with Zelda and wanted to help, I dunno like hes still destined.its Zelda u gotta have destiny....but no one chose him...y'know? It was sorta an accident he turned out to have just the right type of courage to help

Also I wish Zelda coulda turned into a big giant scary god creature like demise at one point since she's the reincarnation of a goddess, like a sort of equally scary but benevolent counterpart to Demise's design, I just think that'd be cool

Wait going back to the history with demise (which is a little odd in itself as the game that talks about itself like the origin of all things, there sure were a lot of references to stuff that happened before djdhshsh I mean I guess maybe it means this is the first time this specific cycle has ever happened, but still....I feel a lil left out game.....everyone's already been reborn or reawakened and shit....) Like I mentioned before I don't remember if they explained his whole deal but not to bring Okami into this but I think it woulda been kinda cool if there was a bit of like, mythological history between hylia and demise like how ammy has all her connections with other Japanese myths, like maybe they had a falling out like gods do and that's where all this stuff comes in, and maybe u could go a lil Greek god ish and make hylia maybe not always perfectly good? Like maybe she did something selfish or shitty and that's why demise is so mad, and like the DRAMA like Zelda would feel so bad being the reincarnation of someone who maybe did something not so good....the drama................I dunno I just think that'd be neat

How long has skyloft been up there? Hyrule historia low-key implies it honestly hasn't been that long but I choose to believe it's been a long ass time like to the point where legends of what's below are completely doubted, also I didn't mind all the clouds on the bottom of the sky overworld since they needed to hide skyloft and I don't think it needed more floating islands but I desperately wish it was less grayish brown and it had more like, flavour things? Like more interesting animals and weather effects and natural whatever to make flying more interesting, the flying controls could be kinda fun sometiems!! It was just....a lil uninteresting to look at qwq

This sounds like I'm complaining a lot but I did enjoy most of it lol, it's still a Zelda game, clunky controls and kinda messy storytelling or otherwise qwq it wasn't bad it was just....a lot, maybe just too much going on, maybe it shoulda been more focused story and mechanic wise, at least I think that woulda been nice

Also everything I say and suggest does not comply to any lore ever and I will never try to make it so, sorry qwq Zelda lore and Zelda timelines......I think it works best when u don't follow those so perfectly closely y'know? That's just the sorta franchise this is to me fhsvrvtbdb

Also going back to that initial link jumping to his doom trailer I saw when I was 12, I think there should have been 78% more megafauna in this video game and that was the biggest disappointment by far

I think, and I have thought this for the past decade, I think link shoulda jumped down to earth and just landed in a sea of dinosaurs

Shadow of the link

Link of the Colossus

I think there should have been more dinosaurs and that is skywards swords biggest crime

[zephyr-94]

barista!jaemin

inspired by the one and only, puff live!

a/n: this is my first ever fic omg pls spare me with my low writing skills cause ive literally never done this fjskdjdhjdks okay i just love na jaemin periodt. (after writing: ITS VERY JUMPY AND LENGTHY I DIDNT PLAN TO MAKE IT LIKE THIS DJSKJSJSS)

so like your aunt owns a cafe which is in the middle of the city

and you live a lil outside just cause you know, school n shit

you visit her so often cause its a small cafe and it calms you down whenyou need a short break from everything

its weird thats its in the middle of the city but its still calming right?

well okay so like you know those small streets down the neighbourhoods?

the ones you dont really go unless you are rlly feeling adventurous n shit, your aunt’s cafe is in one of those streets

okay longass context down

and at school, you are in a photography club,,, or technically you just learn photography from your teacher after school but its not a whole club extravaganza

just cause your school kinda demands an extra curricular after the first year

but it feels really suffocating to be forced to do smth as a group/with people you arent as familiar with,,,,

so you “signed up” for the smallest club: [photography theory]

it was about time you start doing your hobby-ish thing at school and the tutor was cool with you being practically the only student in the club lmao so everything was going well but

youve never rlly done anything big yourself and your school friends havent pushed you to do smth either

so you were kind of looking to at least take part in one out-of-class project initiated by students maybe

and theres this big school newspaper club/writers’ club,,,, and you find out that they are like !! photographers & stories wanted !!

and you ?? at first but apparently its a project where like students get to submit their fav pic & write a mini article about “your place of comfort”

cause the topic of the month is mental health/dealing with stress and the newspaper club wants a students’ view on it, instead of just “meditation” as a topic

then you just have that cafe in your mind like,,, how you would love to shoot the street light shining into the cafe from afar and how calm that place makes you feel,,,

basically you just love your auntie’s cafe lmao

so then you go on about maybe joining it,,, but then you be indecisive cause youve never actually taken a photo professionally you just have a prolonging passion for it,,,

and your teacher is like “y/n idk why you are contemplating no ones gonna judge you just try smth new, go take the chance if you are feeling like it”

we love a supportive johnny, oh yes your english teacher is your photography “club” tutor,,, self proclaimed club

actually there have been many opportunities in the past with taking photos for projects like this one but you just stayed away cause it didnt “motivate” you to take photos for it

so johnny’s words kinda pushed your back n you felt like this was the right thing :))

so then you visit your auntie on the weekends asking maybe if you can take pics & ask her a couple questions about this place

and shes like ofc!! wanna see how you capture this place :))

so then you do this whole process and you submit the article & photos,,,,,

which ends up getting a whole page???

and you are like wh a t

newspaper club: oh you submitted many such pretty pictures & your comment felt very genuine

and you :)) but damn a whole page,,,, you is a lil anxious djskdjdh now the entire schools now going to know you

johnny the hype man teacher: see i told you it was going to turn out nice

and then kaboom, your article lowkey blows up lmao

your auntie is calling you up like “y/n!! so many customers came today!! and a lot of them are wearing the same uniform as you, they must be the students from your school!!”

and shes so happy so you are happy af

but then you remember like,,,, shes never had a part timer,,,,,

and she continues to manage the place by herself after it gets popular among the students,,,,

?? auntie,,, you never take a break ??

shes like maybe ill think about hiring someone?? and you are like, that would be good for you :)) i will be less worried about your health!!

whoop guess who got hired

and after youve had that^ conv, you had constant classes n group projects n shit so you literally had no time,,,

two weeks later, kinda highkey stressed

you decide to go make a quick visit to auntie before going to the library to study

and you peek,,, to see not your auntie,,,,

but a boy?? 

just standing behind the counter,,, no auntie to be seen but a beautiful boy???

before the opening hours,,,, he?? must be the part timer,,,

and once he notices you by the door,

he just smiles at you,,, so brightly,,,,

wow youve never seen such a pretty face,,,

you actually like forget to open the door you are just staring from outside the cafe,,,,

and he just waves,,, and you snap back to reality like oh shit did i just stare at someone for a solid minute

welp that was embarrassing djkdjdfj

he opens the door for you and goes “hey you must be y/n :))”

“the only person who comes before 9am, thats you isnt it?”

and you just ?¿ confusion??¿

“auntie told me about it :)) hi, nice to meet you, im jaemin!!”

you are still confused but you just shake hands next to the counter,,,

and as you take a seat

jaemin just makes a smol run to the other side and hes like

“you came just in time, i want you to try my latte!!”

jaemin serves a cup of latte with a leaf art

this boy just served a latte first thing after shaking hands i-

you take a sip from the cup

and you are like,,, so auntie hired an experienced boy,,,,

“its really good,,,” it has the same comforting taste you always love

and jaemin just has the biggest smile :)))) you know his smile where the ends just curl in, yes that one

him beaming like that just makes you giggly inside,,,,

you ask him “so uh um im guessing you are the part timer??”

“yes!! i didnt introduce myself properly did i! i started working here two weeks ago :))

ive been coming here for quite a while now so im happy i got the chance!!”

and you ?¿ “ive never seen you here??” you are the most frequent customer youve gotta have seen him before fjsksj

hes like “oh um i always came at 9pm on a friday, after everyone leaves and the whole neighbourhood gets quiet”

you just :o

and come to think of it, you’ve never visited here on a friday night,, cause you know, friday evening is your im not doing anything tonight kinda me time lmao

inside you are kinda happy that someone who knows this place got hired like its a special place to you so

tbh you were kinda anxious even though you trust your aunt,,,,,

and jaemin hurriedly goes “oh and also auntie is taking a break today, shes out to the market so im gonna take over until she returns in the afternoon”

djskdj auntie why didnt she tell you lmao

“im sorry if you needed anything specific from her,,, you should stay for a while until she comes back maybe?”

and you are like,,, “oh that would be great,,, but unfortunately i have to go to the library,,,,”

jaemin: ): he pout

“im so glad you came today tho!! i wanted to see you :) auntie has told so many thing about you”

“wait,, what has she told you,, omg”

apparently shes told jaemin

a) reason why this cafe recently became a popular hideout cafe for students because you wrote a school article bout it

b) that you do photography

c) and that this cafe is your break time so you never study here and auntie loves listening to you talk about school n what not

and then you are like !!

“wait so then you dont go to our school ,,,um are you also a student?”

and you panic a little cause i mean you just met him but you literally know nothing and you mightve assumed things fjsksj

and jaemin tells you “ah yes i go to a hospitality school downtown” “ohh”

and from there he just starts talking about his school and what he studies

he asks you about school but jaemin is extra excited about his hospitality course hes all !! :))!!

and you are so hooked on jaemin talking about his school you forget an hour passes by,,,,

[time to open the cafe]

then the customers start coming in

and you are like “oh sorry ive just bothered you during the preparation time,,,,, it was nice meeting you!! gotta go now :))”

and you rush out cause all you planned to do was give your auntie a little visit

also you dont want to bother jaemin cause its hes gonna handle the place alone for a couple hours

you wave a smol see you soon and

jaemin just does a little chuckle,, and hes like waving so widely fjsksj does he know other people can see him

and thats how your first day with jaemin went

later that day you return home thinking like,,, did you just get so excited to converse with someone who you juSt met,,,

na jaemin’s power

and jaemin on the other hand, is thinking about how beautiful you looked today

just that short while but it made him so happy

hes thinking about you all week uwu

so next week you visit again, expecting to see your auntie

and maybe also that gleaming boy

peeking through before the opening hours

the moment jaemin realises you hes like “y/n!!” what a shining boy

and aunties like “oh y/n right you met him last week when i was out right”

that morning you just talk to auntie about what shes been missing on after you went on a busy week

mind that jaemin is literally just listening to you & auntie talk

and he enjoys it cause you talk so comfortably in front of her :))

you decide to stay the whole day to give yourself a break

which meant you moved to your usual spot by the window

and auntie serving you (free) vanilla latte

you take out your camera and just start adjusting the lenses, trying to find the right frame

customers come and go so you dont get to talk to jaemin a lot that day

but its not like you came here for him,,,, right?¿??¿??

while you were thinking all that

jaemin was asking about you all day like

“so y/n’s favourite is vanilla?”

“does y/n prefer a latte over cappuccino?”

“i want to serve y/n something,,,, what would be the best??”

auntie: how many times did he mention y/n today omg

and as auntie answers

jaemin is thinking like

i wanna see y/n smile

and the entire day your auntie is like !!he :)))))

lmao same auntie same

so when the peak hours finish she goes

“i can take care of everything now, go talk to y/n”

and jaemin just smiles brighter than ever

so when he comes around, you startle

but it puts a smile on your face

because hes brought your favourite cake and just a smiling jaemin in front of you uwu

you both get to know more about each other like

how theres this two boys named chenle & jisung in the preparatory course whom he adores to death

or like

theres this jeno boy whose jokes suck jeno i love you

with a bonus of

you talking about how johnny’s english class is nothing but a comedian’s lesson

so that day went great

and now that you are comfortable

you visit the cafe to talk with jaemin more

even when you have a chill no stress week

it just makes you feel lighter by coming to the cafe now

and your auntie is hella happy that you two are getting along so well

it continues for weeks

just you and jaemin talking from time to time when the peak hours are over or before the cafe opens

you became best pals basically

he encouraged you to join more school projects cause hes sure your photography is worth the chance

you giving him daily support when he feels like he isnt doing the best for his course

sometimes when your aunt had to leave for a couple hours near closing time

you two just stayed there talking for a couple hours giving comfort to each other

late night lattes and cakes

also one time you got so excited from the bestest grades you got you might have hugged him without thinking oops

and one day, jaemin’s friend renjun is there when you come after school

and hes like “hi uh dont mind me im just here a bit because jaemin has to go somewhere after this and i dont want him to be late”

so you just,,, chill as jaemin kinda rushes

and when he goes to the storage room, you just see renjun getting along with the auntie lmao

auntie: “so i got offered this contract with the new type of beans? and idk if i should take it because that would mean i have to go out of the city,,,,”

renjun: “for how long?”

auntie: “two weeks maybe”

renjun: “oh thats fine, dont worry about it. jaemin can take over that. next two weeks right? his mandatory work experience ends this week”

so thats how renjun signed jaemin up to work alone for auntie without his consent

and aunties like “y/n!! it would be so much for just jaemin, you should help him :) your break starts next week right?”

so you also got signed up to this thing

fast forward to first day of break

aka the first time you “work” there

you are nervous and jaemin can feel it

“dont worry y/n, ill do all the talking and coffee, you just have to serve & clean!!”

so you try to calm down a bit

not to mention that you are also nervous cause its only jaemin and you in the room

but then he sees you fumbling with tying the apron and

jaemin says “here, give it, ill do it for you” while smiling a little

and from the back he wraps the apron around your waist,,,

and hes so close to you,,, your heart is fluttering

okay heart stop beating so fast pls thank you

and little do you know,,, jaemin is flushing a bit behind your back,,,

you are both the cutest mess

and you break the silence with a smol

“thanks :))”

trying to contain yourself from screaming

adapting to the serving side & keeping youself busy

you dont realise jaemin is literally admiring you the entire time as you get used to the job,,,,

here and then you forget how close you might be standing next to jaemin,,,

you kinda also realise how rEALLY attractive he looks serving everyone with a huge smile 24/7

and the way some customers are obviously attracted to him,,,,

but what you dont know is he is literally taking this chance to highkey flirt with you lmao

waves (sometimes winks) across the room

causally hovers over you when you cant find/reach smth

beaming the biggest smile every minute he gets to himself

and at first you panicked like ?!????

cause was this jaemin boy holding back for a whole month

is this his nature yes

but it makes you so happy to see him smiling all the time beside you

so jaemin yes its working

you gotta admit tho his flirty-ish behaviour grew on you this entire week djskjssj

a week of giggly smiles uwu

but the week after was unexpectedly the busiest of the busiest

you two forgot national holidays collided with the weekends and for some, it was a week off,,,,,,

so the week rushes by so quickly compared to the last one

it kind saved you tho cause your heart cant take more of that flirty behaviour

and finally,

the peak days are over,,,

and you realise its been a while since the cafe was just you,,,, and well jaemin but just no customers

the silence with faint sounds of cups cluttering,,,, you missed it

so then you go sit on the high chair

just admiring jaemin organise the shelves

he starts to prepare a new cup of coffee then realises you smiling at him “were you in awe at how effortless i look right now??”

you chuckle at his remark,,,

(needless to say that your are chuckling to hide how your heart is melting at his smirky smile)

so you twirl a bit shyly,, and avert the gaze to the familiar wood of the counter

asking him “do you remember the day we first saw each other, me sitting here and you serving the latte?”

“ofc, its the day i met an angel”

oh so confidently na jaemin really just said that

you quickly look up at him like !!!?!???!

and thats how he earned a first kiss (or rather a peck) from you

leaning over the counter and pecking you, a whole blushy mess

then comes a clink by the door

you juMp,,,,,,,

oof the customer may or may not have seen you two

you both rush around flushed like a tomato lmao

spending the rest of the day like nothing happened oops

and after the day ends, you two close the cafe

as you starting walking you are caught off guard when

jaemin just takes your hand,,,

“look y/n!! the stars are so pretty!!”

and starts swinging your arm like a tall child,,,

your heart is skippingnsjsjsjs

then at the corner, jaemin turns around and goes

“this is actually the place i first saw you”

and you ??¿?¿¿

“i saw you taking the photo of this night light shining into the cafe”

still hand in hand, jaemin steps a little closer

and takes his free hand to cup your face, kissing you,,,,

you smile into him as he kisses so softly, thinking

maybe the day i took that photo was a friday night

and melting into the kiss, you really think you are dreaming,,,,,

under the lights you once wished capturing a sparkling moment with the cafe in the back

its now you and jaemin in the frame,,,,

the boy who had you forgetting to breathe a month ago

whos now serving your favourite latte with a bonus of pecks on the cheek,,,,, (maybe on the lips if theres no one watching)

anyways

jaemin brings light to your life and you have never been this happy until you met him uwu

and it goes both ways, jaemin cant live without you now,,,, you are the best thing thats ever happened to him

(thank the heavens & your auntie)

oh and also johnny for pushing you to submit that article lmao plus huang renjun for that involuntary sign up

[unproduciblesmackdown]

hmm here’s me talking about su sort of lmao like i said i’m not here to be particularly scentamentle?? just say funney stories....and some opinions.....it’s really been a hot minute and i haven’t been making Long text posts about things so i can throw one out there even if it’s got no thesis statement

also like i said i just so happened to like, actually watch the first ep on actual tv when it actually premiered....all i super remember knowing about it beforehand was like “oh rebecca sugar getting her own series right on” and i was gonna check it out on that alone and then also i remember before it debuted there was an article about it in the wapo in the sort of “local”-ish section b/c it was like. hey this is based in uh yknow the dmv....delmarva area.....this whole Region.....and i (from nova and in nova at that time, and flipping thru the print wapo every day) was like haha. neat. also god damn it was 2013, hell of a year. i can tell you little about it b/c it was so crappy i just like did not bother much with things like “distinct memories” lmfao. great to have like, a weekly thing towards the end of that hot mess (november??? or smthing??) back when....god........it aired weekly.........anyways yeah i was pleasantly surprised from the start i don’t Get when people are like “can’t watch this in order :/ the first few eps don’t sell it well” like okay speak for yourself god dman....more on that later i’m sure lmfao. hot takes

my brother started watching it too just cuz he’s game for shit that way and i was keeping up with it. like i remember i thought cheeseburger backpack was extra fun and i think i showed him a rerun and i remember he thought it was funny lol the Raft Gag......and when i was watching tiger millionaire i kept For Real Laughing and he came over like what is going on.....and i think he was signed on from there........again pretty fun for it to be this weekly thing. also maybe i’m not here to be Sentamental but i was also like “oh no that Spoke to my feelings unexpected :(” during tiger millionaire when amethyst was all “you can’t let anyone make you feel like garbage” and “i only feel how i wanna feel” like guess who was in the early stages of “my self esteem is so crappy it’s starting to circle around into [trying to increase self esteem]”.........like i said hell of a time. though then that’d be 2014 by then i think?? still a hell of a time

started to get “i think i will draw the same character one million times” about it at some point in 2014 too lmfao......every instance of [me drawing the same shit one million times], which is the only way i ever draw anything, then like, benefits whatever i draw later cuz like. sure get some practice out of it. and even though like, it wasn’t quite as huge an Internet Thing as it was gonna get once i started to draw shit, it was already like, classic-me Kinda Niche to be like “hey gang who is going ham about the bored dumbass teens”....not so niche that there weren’t other people going “yeah i am” at any given time tho. and then we put our hands in the middle and go Yeah!! and jump up hsm style. it was also a great time for something Fun and (easier than marble hornets lol) to draw b/c. it simply was a good time for it.....struggling to draw shit back then even more than is like, usual. oh and also i forget but i had sort of Withdrawn from the mh fanbase b/c it got this whole influx of randos after fjsfdking the Video Game we all know the one and i was like. i am gonna.....sidle over here. nobody Likes to be in a fandom actually lmfao. and i mean even while su was getting to be A Whole Thing i was like. bro i am over here in the Donuts section and it is a little quieter and i use the tag sometimes but i’m all set, thanks. still the least Niche niche i’ve been in probably lmfao....see: the fact that probably still way most of my followers are here from su times even tho idk who’s even active still

also had a high time making some great Long Text Posts. i kind of always fail 2 grasp that even as much as my drawings that stuff leads to me actually getting to interact with people, b/c like, those text posts have me actually saying Words in them, which helps lmfao..........i think it’s like, these posts are probably Not That Fun for most people, but then for the people who Are like “oh sweet this is something that i actually want,” that’s obviously a helpful way to find a kindred spirit lmao.....like hey cool you already know i can’t shut up and am opinionated and obviously a lil much? fantastic let’s do this. plus idk it’s fun to Not Shut Up Actually. like, not the biggest deal. ppl can just Scroll Past. or not

speaking of “getting practice Not Shutting Up and Drawing Shit”.......hilarious when in late 2018 i find myself like. oh so you’re telling me this excellent character who is a self-sabotaging struggling-to-know-how-to-cope-with-shit-and-connect-with-others insecure af Teen is not appreciated / ignored / deemed Awful (and then ignored) by the majority of the fanbase?????? hahaha you don’t say....but No Problem. let me just talk about how this person has Complexity actually and is a lot more sympathetic than not and i hate all of you omg like do we have to do all of this ourselves lmfao........guess so, Fine

what am i talking about funny stories who is this funny to lmfao. okay no but okayyy what an experience when the island adventure preview came out and for like the next 4 days i did not experience depression lmao........i Jumped on the opportunity b/c it was like, early fall i wanna say??? i think sept?? 2014 and i was kinda mulling over going to gmx (which was this convention the Marble Hornets gang kept getting invited to & i’d been 2 twice b4 but missed the previous yr coz it was 2013 and i was way not thriving) and yeah jumped on the “depression / (as much) anxiety who???” superpower to Ask if it was cool if i went to a friend’s wedding in georgia for a weekend. there was no friend’s wedding in georgia. and then i went to gmx AND. ironically (not really im sure. idk what irony means and idc) gmx weekend ended up being the same weekend island adventure actually aired and when i left that morning (gmx being in nashville) my lil bro (getting up for school) was like GO GO and i actually made it in time to catch it in the hotel room but. they didn’t have the channel despite it being listed on the channel guide. i about flipped lmfao but i did see it later that weekend and flipped again. gmx was an a-okay time as well lmao that was the last time i made it

they may have never sold a licensed Lars S1 Green/Purple Snake Tee but look when i have this green racerback with a neat snake print & this necklace of purple quartz crystals and also when i was at gmx i bought this necklace with one (non purple, non actual crystals but plastic shaped like it / glossed) pendant In The Spirit Of It All and it gets compliments. anyways the point is. indirectly representing

speaking of crystals = lars i’d just like to reiterate that i’m always right. like sure i was like “look i don’t know how lars could have Crystal Magic in him but something is up with the fact he’s = pink magic flowers with crystals inside them Means Something.” i think it’s reasonable to Not have predicted he dies and gets revived w/ crystal magic that’s in him now. but that’s still a Win for realizing somethings up....tfw as early as like s2 times i’d be like “well the donuts gotta get involved in the center of adventure at Some point and also i Know it is important that steven is just lars’s rly annoying little brother and y/n do you think lars would die to protect him i think he would...” like. i didn’t wanna be That right :/

tfw me and my brother were watching rose’s scabbard while my mom was napping it out in the armchair and like silently Sharing A Look at the whole “she was beautiful” thing like. lol harold

i still don’t know how much of a Thing(tm) magfest is but as far as i can figure it it’s No Comic Con (like, thank god :| ) but still kind of a thing. anyways i learned of it cuz i saw there was gonna be a couple su panel thingies & i looked it up & we were less than an hour away and so it was like midnight but i ask my brother like hey wanna swing by this thing on this one friday. and he was like Sure. so i made it happen and he was 17 so we had to drag our dad to the bank to Notarize a form that he was allowed to be there accompanied by me. it was a big place and it also took us a while to find Registration or whatever and when we tried getting sandwiches later it cost like $7 each go figure. anyways but we were just there for the one Event & there was a room like filled with arcade games and a bunch of other consoles (also Retro though. like old computers n stuff) and they had Galaga, thank fucking god. we 2 playered that shit and wandered around and also 2 playered a game called toobin, which was funny. real gamers know. 

when we were in the (pretty long) Line to get into the Panel, i actually like. spotted a then-mutual who i (was pretty sure i) recognized from her occasional selfie lol and who i guess had travelled all the way from the west coast for the weekend. when we were actually Seated she happened to be a couple rows back and both of us on the end of the aisle and i asked my brother if he could read her nametag (to verify lol) and i bopped over to have the cringe and fail exchange of “hey do you have a Tumblr” and then i was like “haha i’m milo i’m ummmwine” and she got up to hug me and then i had to scamper back to my seat cuz shit was starting lol

like my life was not changed by this event but we had fun and. the Hilarious story is that it was also partially a Q&A and i had a Q and my brother encouraged me by again whispering “go go” as soon as the first syllable was spoken implying Line up For Questions.....i was in like, the last idk, haaalf dozen or so ppl who made it to the mic? and look i knew i was gonna be asking a niche question that like 3 other people of the hundreds in the room would care about but So What. deal with it gang, let’s have some Variety. but i was still nervous. and when i’m nervous, i a) Have A Script and b) get even chattier. and right after the person Right In Front Of Me got their answer, i guess it was noticed that it was getting down to the wire so they were like “haha okay lightning round :)” and i was like NO.......GOD..........lmfao like too late im sorry i Can’t make it lightning round. i was muy anxious.....just that, again, hundreds of people there, i have the floor, nobody’s gonna Like my quastion......and they didn’t know the answer (which i figured was v possible lol) so i was like oh no sklfjd hope this entire room doesn’t hate me. i mean of course i didn’t care if they did too much but, Nerves....also im valid, but were the like half dozen people who asked prior to me about shit that would CLEARLY be too spoilery to answer valid????? no lmfao. cmon. that’s what’s Really cringe

well here we ffw a bit b/c Mid To Late 2015 is certainly a time for me and it doesn’t really make for an interesting story so just to tldr it lmao like, got some beautiful moral support from someone as i was makin a Lifestyle Change lol and continued to get beautiful moral support from that same person and i continue to benefit from it....You know who you are!!!! tyvvm....and it occurred to me that the reason i am where i physically am is via someone i met thru su-posting.......which is true of the You Know who you are person too, which is why i brought it up lmao

uhh god not as many Stories after that lol.....def got to engage in “i’m ___ i’m gonna [draw the same character i always draw] so i won’t be so ___” during interesting times lol. love that for me

tbh the uh. Wanted arc was truly one of the best Serial Arcs, just dramatic & solid af and also it’s lars time and for a second i go “god well at least maybe now ppl will acknowledge lars is a gr8 character” and then a second later i go “Oh No they’ll only say he’s a good character *Now*” and that’s exactly what happened lmfao but well we still got as much lars fanart as we ever got outside that couple weeks aftermath... l o l . . . i had to wait One Zillion Years for my little brother to catch up to this b/c. he was watching via hulu i think where like, a full season would come out a good while after the finale. seriously i think it took him almost 2 years. im like dammit lmfao this is What Matters dfslk....fond memories when hulu was free / no login req’d / shit would be available like the day after airing

uhhhHHH crazy how this show muscled through the weird scheduling change where it was like “no weekly eps Only Erratic Hiatuses”......ppl were so foolishly Into the first “5 eps in a row” release and i was like “no i don’t like this” and then a year later i was like “you see. You See.” rip

i think we can even ffw to sutm at that point lol....im like im in this for lars okay lmfao kinda Shrugggg @ things by this point lol like finale shminale. where’s he at. and i really wasn’t paying a world of attention to like, prior-to-release lore n announcements so i was just plunged into this chaos of like sorry???? excuse me?? of all the people in the world sarah stiles?????? lfsdj like noooo don’t show me these tweets lmfao......truly it’s fine i’m being Hilarious but it’s also very real that like, when i see things like “showtime(tm)” or “SHO” or “billions content” i’m just doused with Dread b/c i hate this series lmao i swear to christ. but it’s really Fine lmfao like. i was kinda “eh :/” to “yea this is alright” about the rest of it but spinel was The Highlight lmfao and having $50 to go ham on her animation was great but really the voice acting Made It.....like the entire takeaways was uh the other friends sequence and fuckin uhh this part. fuck it up ms. stiles........hit it out of the park..........cain was the first funny bitch and spinel was the second. that thought just came to me and i will not elaborate. call that a revelation. oh and also it was a relief cuz i was like “i s2g if this Antagonist is like, aquamarine-style annoying af....i will die” but No. spinel is annoying af in another way which is her rights and i don’t want to die about it lmfao. she’s good.......i don’t even resent the “how come whenever some rando shows up ready to literally kill everyone for no good reason, all of you are ready to be like ‘wow an icon’ and we can’t have 10% of that energy for the teen who’s kinda bitchy b/c he’s annoyed by life and crap???” thing b/c i mean, she had her whole Arc all at once and also is good enough for it i think. the nadir was when the one rando shows up for like One episode like “i Don’t want to kill everyone :3 syke >:)” and for some reason people were like “omg iconic. call them on their ‘don’t kill everyone’ bullshit” like lol i hate you guys

well i like lars’s [last outfit we see him in] and i feel like it only backs up the bi agenda. another epic gamer moment had been when it became a Popular Hc that lars is trans b/c he is lmao. and everyone was all “why is everyone sayign this why would you want him to be trans he sucks” like get good grandma!!!!!!!! it’s too late. well that’s the end of my post. me in 2014 being like “wow way to have something to keep up with b/c now i have to outlive it to get all the dnads content i guess” and here i am. but it’s almost April 2020 so. haha 

hmm what’s a less ominous ending. oh shit another thing that was funny is i was like So about these Skull Plugs featured in this semi-official drawing of lars once and then horror club came out (fun b/c i like horror) and had the skull plugs for Real & they were glow in the dark. that was a big day for me even seeing the promos lmfao. except then i guess it was foreshadowing, so again i end this with Death. don’t we all

wait no lsfdjs What tf was matthew moy talking about “i like your hair.” dude dropping an i-guess cut line on us lmfao. alright alright im done

[elle-eedee]

dcom daddies: ranked

whats up sluts i’m here to give you the content you did NOT know you needed: a foolproof algorithmic ranking of a mild selection of disney channel dads!

beast (descendants)

hotness scale: extremely tall (over a foot taller than me! this is Very Important to the scale) and he seems to be a mere thread’s width away from Unhinged at all times, which i love. i also think it’s very sexy of him to still have such a monstrous way about himself (what with the roaring and the growling) 20something years post-curse.... makes me wonder very vividly if such energies carry to the b*droom........ *clears throat* 10/10

quality of character scale: it eternally amuses me that beast seems to learn almost Nothing over the course of this trilogy. he’s literally pro-isle the ENTIRE time jsjdndjdjd..... not great considering it puts him directly at odds with his son (and, like, with social progress) but he Does seem to act the way he does with the kingdom’s safety in mind! plus when he’s not accidentally supporting magical fascism he’s super dorky. i love his goofy dance moves 7.5/10

total score: 17.5/20...... with this score alone you can tell this system isnt rigged bc if i had it my way he’d be winning

hades (descendants)

hotness scale: i hate his party city clown wig but i’m a total sucker for guys in makeup (EVEN THOUGH A DECENT SHADE OF LIPSTICK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIS ENSEMBLE TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY PROPOSE IT ON THE CHARACTER DESIGN WALL IF THEY WERENT GONNA FOLLOW THROUGH!!!) and i think the fact that hes Very Sleepy and doesnt own a dog makes him my dream guy 9.5/10

quality of character scale: he literally sings a song about how cool he thinks it is that he’s a shitty dad............ but he DOES come through when his kid needs him, so that’s nice i guess. i would have liked to see more of him but i’ll settle for reading and writing intricate fan works that delve into a hypothetical personality for him that’s mainly conjecture 7.25/10

total score: 16.75/20 i wanna see him in some preppy auradon clothes

jafar (descendants)

hotness scale: i wish i had nicer things to say about this man. he just....... bears so little resemblance to the original jafar it makes me :( maybe if he was more gangly, or if he carried himself w the same potent gay energy that og jafar has? itd also help it he wasnt a racist caricature. 4.5/10

quality of character scale: again, very much a racist caricature. jafar doesnt steal!!! why would This be what he chose to do with himself! but he does seem to be, perhaps, the least bad of the core four’s parents, which counts for something i suppose. 3/10

total score: 7.5/20 sorry bud

dr facilier (descendants)

hotness scale: listen. it’s dr facilier. what am i supposed to do, NOT give him a perfect score on the sexy scale? 10/10

quality of character scale: he just loves his daughter and wants to make sure she’s getting what’s hers!!!!! his dynamic with celia makes me really happy they seem so fun! though i guess you could argue it sucks that he’d send his darling babey dohter to do errands for big mean scary hades considering that Everyone on the isle seems to quake at the sight of him. but im sure facilier only does that to ensure that celia can hold her own! 8/10

total score: 18/20 and it’d probably be higher if we’d seen more of him

mr smee (descendants)

hotness scale: not only does this man fuck, judging by the ages of his kids he fucked RECENTLY. get it baby live your truth 7/10

quality of character scale: he seems to be SO kind and sweet to his baby sons..... holding their little hands and such!!! and judging by how nervous the kids are i’d imagine it was primarily smee’s idea for them to go to auradon. extremely noble sacrifice for their benefit even though he’ll miss them 10/10!!!!!

total score: 17/20 i want to kiss his hand, if he’ll have me

zevon necrodopolous (zombies)

hotness scale: every time i look at this man i think of this post. he’s the perfect amount of frumpy for my tastes and his voice is so unique!!!!! i’d let his z-band malfunction so he could *** ** ***** * ******* **** 9/10

quality of character scale: really really cares about his kids and wants them to be safe!! he raises his voice once which im not a huge fan of but i suppose it was justified given the circumstances. also that shot of him goofing about with d*le in the end scene shows remarkable capacity for forgiveness after decades of trauma and discrimination! what a guy. 9/10

total score: 18/20 an absolute dilf!!!!!

dale (zombies)

hotness scale: looks like an uncrustable. 0/10

quality of character scale: a fucking cop. die bitch! 0/10

total score: 0/20 get in since you wanna act clown

coach jack bolton (high school musical)

hotness scale: honestly pretty young for my tastes. and i literally Always swipe left on athletes, so..... fine looking, but not for me. 5/10

quality of character scale: obviously he grows as the series progresses but i feel like jack is Always in the way of troy getting what he wants, which sucks. i like that he’s kinda goofy on his off hours with his family exactly as much as i Hate how much he yells when hes on the job. i do wish we lived in the timeline where he and miss darbus actually had that duet about their disagreements, though. 5/10

total score: 10/20 truly an Average dcom daddy

vance evans (high school musical)

hotness scale: due to personal reasons i will be having bad taste. however, this man’s fashion sense in IMPECCABLE. i mean, the colors??? the unbuttoned collar???? come on now. there is also the gratuitous use of the d-word to consider......................... anyways 7.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s hard to tell how much of his interest in furthering troy’s career is out of sincerity and how much of it is sharpay nudging him. but either way the result is a man who supports his daughter unconditionally! he could be nicer to ryan, though (plus he’s an evil capitalist) 6/10

total score: 13.5/20 i feel like he and fulton have had Relations

mr gifford (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: listen, i’m a simple guy. i see a basic-looking man pursuing age gap romance in the midst of a mid-life crisis, i support him unconditionally. also i am just Really vibing with that oversized denim shirt on him!!! there’s an egregious amount of arm hair poking out that just works. good for him! and this is a small moment but i’m very flustered over his natural Touchy Feely instinct after wen pokes out his eye... however: man has no eyebrows. 8.5/10

quality of character scale: i’m not a child of divorce so i don’t know how this stuff works, but i feel like he springs a lot of major decisions on wen? not ideal. on the other hand, we DO stan that he has sydney move in before they’re married. this is not a christian home!!!! 6/10

total score: 14.5/20 probably my favorite lemonade mouth dad, but mostly because he’s like the only one paid any attention by the narrative

mr banjaree (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: men really have beautifully sculpted noses and we just let them, huh. i’m definitely overusing the word Handsome in this list, but in this case? i’m justified. mr banjaree’s beard suits him SO well and his hair looks so soft...... and we love the implicit cleanliness of a man who wears socks in the house! 8/10

quality of character scale: i super SUPER dont agree with this man’s Smothering-Adjacent Methods (and also i know firsthand that strict parentage just drives kids to be more rebellious, lmao) but all things considered he really just wants the best for his family PLUS he’s willing to meet mo halfway at the end! :’) 6/10

total score: 14/20 the way i feel about him is the way i feel when i get crushes on pastors in that You Are Complicit In My Trauma But We’re Gonna Kiss About It way

mr delgado (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: OOOOH GLASSES! 5/10

quality of character scale: it’s sort of implied that the Wacko Energies of charlie’s family are mostly the fault of his mom so it’s cool of this man to distance himself from that. he is, of course, still complicit in Whatever The Hell Her Deal Is unless he is constantly fighting with her offscreen 6/10

total score: 11/20 would have loved to see more of him

mr yamada (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: another chapter in the saga of unbuttoned collars! doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to show off his strengths but i appreciate that he is not the thinnest dad in town 6.5/10

quality of character scale: WOW fuck this guy. very dismissive of stella’s aspirations!!!!! i don’t like that he feels the need to talk Over her to her mom when he’s asking about her vegetarianism. dude she is right there.... however it’s a lil touching when he holds her guitar up at the end, so... 4/10?

total score: 10.5/20 *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thi

bob duncan (good luck charlie: it’s christmas!)

hotness scale: in keeping this Specific to the feature-length xmas special, i will say that bob duncan is QUITE handsome! disappointed that he was wearing a shirt in the scene at the pool.... ill bet if this movie came out post-workout/makeover he’d have been shirtless >:/ i feel robbed... spare tummy, sir? spare tummy? additionally i love a man who rolls up his sleeves AND a man who stans kaiju movies!! also i love that he, quite literally, canonically fucks 8.5/10

quality of character scale: he’s about as charmingly incompetent as he is in the show, but the difference here is that he literally did not do a damn thing wrong! all he wanted to do was be civil with his inlaws and he frankly deserves MUCH better. its clear from his banter with the kids that he loves them very much (also i love how frequently he feels the need to jump/dive for things in this movie. silly slapstick icon) 8.75/10

total score: 17.25/20 this man’s mere presence oozes nostalgia

jerry russo (wizards of waverly place: the movie)

hotness scale: this man was MADE for me. the bottomless collection of hawaiian shirts....... the TWO tummy out scenes..........the fucked up evil thing his voice does when the kids try to steal the spellbook!!! he really has it all. also i love that he is truly just trying to have some beach intercourse 9/10

quality of character scale: i love that even when he doesn’t remember the kids he still maintains a little dadly rapport with them? the instincts...... it’s also incredibly good of him to relive his decision to give up his magic without hesitation once he realizes the severity of the situation :’0 10/10

total score: 19/20 i’ve never seen an episode of the show but im really about to start

neil morris (dadnapped)

hotness scale: handsome....... mr morris makes me feel simultaneously like a sapiosexual AND a morosexual because although he completed enough schooling to become a dentist, he also threw it away for a writing career like an absolute champ. also i find it unbelievably charming how Along For The Ride he is about the idea of being kidnapped. a man after my own heart 8.25/10

quality of character scale: this is a tricky one...... neil DOES show active concern for his daughter’s safety when push comes to shove, but he also has my least favorite type of redemption arc: “you THOUGHT i was neglecting you, but actually i was thinking about you the whole time and just never expressed it! we good?” so like. bleh. but he’s pretty mild mannered which i deeply appreciate in a man! 6.5/10

total score: 14.75/20 maybe talk to your daughter instead of writing a macgyver ripoff, dumbass

major joe mason (princess protection program)

hotness scale: prime dad bod, very believable for his line of work. also he has such a Gentle Way about himself when he’s around princesses....... i love all the hand holding when he’s escorting rosie. absolutely my type 8.75/10

quality of character scale: gosh.... where do i even BEGIN!!! his whole dynamic with carter is so ideal... i was apprehensive at first because his job would require him to be Absent a lot of the time, but upon reflection it’s clear that he’s raised carter well enough that he can totally trust her to be on her own, and also she’s only sad to see him go because she sincerely enjoys his company. everything about his profession is so noble and i love the way he can carry himself as casually or as politely as a given situation calls for. worst thing he does is say “i might have to stop calling you ‘pal’” because his daughter is wearing a pretty dress. i wish he was my dad but i’ll settle for him being my husband 9.75/10

total score: 18.5/20 i almost made a ppp self insert this morning specifically for Him

ted thompson (zapped)

hotness scale: athletes arent sexy!! this guy’s face screams The Only Websites I Know How To Use Are Facebook And Reddit and also he’s a dog person BUT he is sporting quite the tumbey if i do say so myself and for that i shall let him live. 4/10

quality of character scale: ok i know the whole point of this movie is Boys Bad but i hate men who are loud and i hate dads who get Weird about the inherent femininity of their daughters. when he calls zoey “sport” and then cringes like he’s made a mistake? dumb and unnecessary. HOWEVER all of his efforts to bond with zoey are really really sincere. like when he fixes her music box? that has NOTHING to do with the app he just Does It!!!! the movey mightve rubbed off on me a little too much but there are multiple ways to show love and just bc im not used to his way doesnt mean it has no worth! 6/10

total score: 10/20 mr thompson sir im sorry i doubted you at the start of the film

rob adams (radio rebel)

hotness scale: this man dresses 5-10 years younger than he looks and i respect that for him. but i was expecting him to be a bit more of a slimeball considering how tara talks about him in the opening scene... and you guys know how much i love slimeballs. regardless, pretty handsome! 6.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s nice that he goes to such a Public and Corporate effort to connect to his stepdaughter! even if it’s in a way that financially benefits him, it’s pretty clear that he cares about this family and wants to do right by them. nothing exceptional, though 7/10

total score: 13.5/20 i GUESS i’d be down to smash if he asked

ralph bartlett (read it and weep)

hotness scale: ok i was gonna say something mean about the fact that he’s balding but honestly he has really nice arms........ in addition he’s really quirky and optimistic which i am going to admire into my grave!! when he gets excited about having customers during the finale his voice quirks with an almost charlie day-esque charm. handsome. ALSO he calls jamie “princess” which is!!!!!!! something 7.5/10

quality of character scale: the way ralph parents his kids is Very 2000s in that he kinda babies his daughter but gets to pal around with his son, but i guess both dynamics come from a place of love and he could be doing much worse. plus he’s an honest hardworking small business owner! i support him 7/10

total score: 14.5/20 i would definitely go out for pizza with him

dr james hartley (how to build a better boy)

hotness scale: THIS. THIS IS WHAT DCOM DADDIES ARE ALL ABOUT. gosh..... this is truly the Most dad ive ever seen in my life. i love how his hair is always mussed..... how he’s so Desperate to relax that he falls asleep after Fifteen Seconds of smooth jazz..... and also. like. hes a scientist?? hello??? pretty sexy of him. i want to give this man the relaxation he deserves 10/10

quality of character scale: ok so,,,...,, kinda fucked up that he lied to his whole family (with the possible exception of his wife—sidenote, WHY did they make dr hartley married? his wife never comes up except when bart says she’s out of town. let him be single so i can slide into those dms) and EXTRA kinda fucked up that he works for the government? what a scab. BUT it’s very very clear that he cares about his kids (and gabby) and prioritizes their safety above all else! also, did you SEE how happy he was when mae won homecoming queen....... he loves her so so so much! :’0 8.5/10

total score: 18.5/20 i thirst tweeted about this man and roger bart replied ‘Aw, thanks!’ so i dont know where to go from here

[gg-astrology]

I seriously love your blog, you put in so much time and effort into all of this so thank you (: What are you thoughts on cap sun, pisces moon, and scorpio rising girls?

Hey there!! 💕💕💕💕 Aaaaah thank u so much! 💕💕 I’m just Doing My Best Here 💕

[Below Cut: Capricorn Sun - Pisces Moon 💧]

Highly artistic and dreamy individual?

These people likes to escape reality into their fantasy world, has a lot of imaginative qualities to them that probably often secretly (or openly) day-dream about stuff while looking out the window (listening to music is a daily ritual/activity-- rich inner world, doesn’t like to be disturbed) 

To the people outside they may look dreamy/mysterious--- one of those rebellious type of people who’s like ‘-shrugs- yeah I like their music’ to an obscure artist or something. 

Soft smiles, often sleepy. These people enjoys sleeping and relaxing more than the typical Capricorn. They move at their own pace (slow, relax) looks laid back when they’re stress free. Laughs easier. 

Probably keeps a notebook with them skdjfnkdnf or something to take notes in will help them expresses themselves/keep track of their minds

They don’t know this but literally they’re like....kinda hipster ksjnfknsdkvn

Ah and sometimes no matter how they appea,r whether they talk about it openly or not--- they have a strange connection to the morbid/darker side of life sometimes

 The thing about these people is that they often don’t know where these ‘intuitions’ are coming from -- they may be prone to recognizing/realizing some of their emotions (like melancholic, missing someone, strong emotions) but the happier ones, or rather the more ‘neutral’ ones to them are like-- confusion???????

Because they’re kinda slow on the up-take, they can take days for Moods to let go of them (like, if they were writing a personal piece one night letting it all out-- then the next few days it’ll STILL be with them)

They’re rather observers, so they take notice/interests in things about others like their emotionality/mood quite easily

At the same time, they are kinder and much more compassionate than most Capricorn. The way they approach these things is sometimes with uncertainty, like ‘is this my business? should i say something?’ to a person they don’t know-- but to close friends, they’re quick to softly and subtlety offer their hands/energy if they need them

While they may be soft and understanding, they are however a little detached because Capricorn is quite an independent sign. If the other person needs them, they will have to seek them out. Or if the opportunity is there, then it will happen.

Don’t wait for these people to come running asking for updates on situations, sometimes the stress/empathy they have for others can affect their own moods/stress-level and mentality. So they can’t let others over-consume their brain/energy level.

Y know, like. ‘Im here for you.’ But they also expect you to know they aren’t your slave and can’t be at your every beck and call--- or there to receive the backlash of your emotions all the time

No matter how perceptive these Capricorn/Pisces gets--- they still have some consciousness/independence in them and will not stand for more than what they can handle

As in, they’ll let you know if they need a ‘time out’ from your emotional drama. It’s not you, it’s them. They can’t handle That Much emotions.

So you get this enigmatic character (for others) that adds to their appeal, sensitive and stubborn, independent yet caring. They’re a living breathing ‘soft, sensitive lover’ trope although nobody would’ve guessed it exactly (because they may not like to ‘look’ vulnerable to the surface in case anyone takes advantage of them/think they can impose themselves onto them--- they’re defensive and on-guard at All Times).

Yet knowing the Capricorn/Pisces and staying with them can be more complicated than that, they don’t even know themselves sometimes dfkjnkn so they might look for partners who sparks an understanding in them, a sense that they energize them, get them, can teach them more about themselves (because they may know them better than the Capricorn/Pisces does)

Watch that they aren’t doing this so they’re like--- getting soft and easily romanticized. These Capricorn/Pisces person can have a hard time letting go, feelings overwhelmed them but they always want to make like-- a present or something heart-felt/sincere so the other person knows they’re always appreciated and loved so much by them.

(They may be notoriously bad at saying this out loud so you’ll get like, gifts or letters to express this instead ksdjnkdn)

With Capricorn/Pisces-- because they have pretty high ideals, they also have really high moral ethics and won’t compromise their humane/ethical considerations for success.

Which--y know, is an extremely good thing because it makes them such a strong advocate for certain things. But because they do have that Pisces-- they tend to over-analyze themselves and their actions, trying to ‘catch’ themselves both past and present if they’ve ever done anything contradictory to what they strongly believe in.

If they do catch themselves being ‘hypocritical’ in situations, they’re immediately distraught. Although it’s pretty funny to bystander (that’s a lil insensitive) they also have to realize that people grow, and it’s admitting that they grow/develop change and giving this disclosure is what makes us humans in society.

The Capricorn/Pisces is stubborn, it doesn’t like to believe it was EVER wrong in it’s life. Instead of living in self-pity, these people would rather repress everything and think they do not want to live with ‘regrets’.

Past mistakes are experiences that could be made into poems/creative outlet. But letting mistakes be mistakes, just admitting that it was a mistake-- is something that’s extremely hard for them to admit to. 

Although they don’t like to admit it (and they know, they just don’t like to face the situation) -- they know they may have unchecked ego. No matter how much they strive to be compassionate, giving, better to other people. They’ll always have this fear of facing themselves, and the part of them that they (w/ prejudice) think is selfish, manipulative, egoistic and hard-headed. Anything they don’t want to be.

Want to accept the good side (prove to others that they’re good) without acknowledging the bad, or wanting the bad side to be something else. Something more manageable for them to fix or learn from or admit to 

(They don’t like their own problems. And this can lead them to procrastinating theirs and fixing everyone else’s problems instead).

Aaaah these Capricorn/Pisces are sensitive, but don’t worry your problems aren’t that big of a deal ;; 💕 It’s easily adjustable too, since it’s just-- this one big clump of core problem that you can easily untangle one and then everything else will be good for you dskfgjnksdfnjg

It’s hard-- and it’s definitely troublesome because it is a big deal to you. I think the biggest thing right now is to do some self-evaluation. Our end goal is to have you become more self-accepting sincerely/honestly through hard work and not just saying you are. 

If you’re into astrology, look to where your Pluto is on your chart. See what it’s aspecting and try to focus your energy in getting along/understanding Pluto better (or Neptune/Uranus and tackling it’s problem if that’s the case)

Anything in 12H could help as well, try looking at the ruler or any planets in the house. Try looking at how to manifest/bring or work with that energy into it being easier for you (learning it’s lessons)

If you’re new to astrology and just want to have a good time, here’s some practical advice for you: try embodying or thinking about a Cancer friend. They won’t let you get away with this stuff, and they’re much easier to handle when they’re giving you support/advice when you’re emotionally vulnerable than you realize. 

Given that this Cancer has a semi-decent relationship with you, they’ll be better at letting you adjust and admit at your own pace when you want to ‘face’ your faults. 

But you have to do it, just remember that the Cancer is supportive and there for you so you’ll have to take the ‘role’ of a more objective and less emotional person because of this relationship. It’ll be natural, since you tend to switch gears when someone is more sensitive/emotionally astute than you are anyways. 

The hardest part is ‘facing’ your faults, and there’s no shame is putting yourself in situations where you feel surrounded by people who are clearly and overwhelming better than you at emotions. It makes you learn (through osmosis ksjnfsk) how to recognize and be better at emotions, so really-- seek them out! 

Another thing about Capricorn/Pisces is that they can feel negative emotions stronger than happy ones skdjfnksn especially when it comes to their own guilt partially because of the ‘heaviness’ of their emotions

They have a highly reactive imagination-- sometimes they day-dream about things occurring to them: along the terms of ‘saving’ someone (themselves/others) or a particularly hard and unforgettable thing where they come out successful/happy afterwards (healed). There’s some ‘hope/happiness’ in saving themselves/others, and they may funnel their ‘ambition’ into those imagination this way instead. 

Sometimes they are just sad or feeling over-casted for some reason, if they need space/feeling detached it’s mostly because they’re a rather receptive person to how they are in the material world and how ‘heavy’ it can be

That’s all I have for Capricorn/Pisces 💕 I hope you enjoyed! 💕

[mieczyhale]

because tumblr is the way that it is i have no idea what you have/nt seen?? so i guess here’s just all the recent TUA-related shit ;snklfd @hellomyguru

it sure would be nice of them to notify people about notifications wouldn’t it??

my tags on this post:: #y e s #okay like i love the lil klaus they gave us #for sure#but klaus has curls?? and bby didnt really?? and like it makes sense bc considering reginald's.. everything.. he would have done whatever he#could to tame them / keep them under control yknow?? he doesnt like different and he doesnt like things that arent prim and proper#which is what he'd consider curls to NOT be#esp. with how wild those curls woulda been like#and i mean i know adult klaus's hair was more mess & not really curly but towards the end of the season you could def see his hair rebelling#so #anyway #here's wonderwall 

my tags on this post::   #klaus and dave#even if you play it with dave being 30 too instead of 40 this is still fucking funny#i can imagine this interaction perfectly and it kills me sfhkdjccj

a post on my change in how i tag my original TUA posts

a question you asked that i answered

a post on klaus, reginald, and medicine

a shitpost about dave

my reply to a reply on my broken jaw post

my reply to your reply on my broken jaw post

my tags on this post:: #does klaus know what he threw out tho?? like he barely glanced at the stuff he pulled out of the box before throwing it away#he clearly thought that whatever it was wasnt important - i mean he also wouldnt have cared bc gotta get them drugs baby but still#and at what point would he have told five that he threw out some of their dads shit?? like.. at which interaction would that have made sense#the dumpster?? not really. five immediately declares he doesn't care what klaus is doing and then klaus is distracted by the opportunity to#get some money in an easier way than normal and then he bit into a dumpster bagel and five was leaving. he left.#OH and now that im thinking more about it - klaus refers to the stuff from the box as 'priceless crap' / 'priceless shit' so there's a#chance he A. really didnt pay attention to what he was throwing away - which makes sense considering his desperation#or B. he forgot. drugs arent known for being great for your memory and then a lot of shit went down really fast so..#the lab?? also wouldnt have made sense for a few reasons but mostly bc at no point did they talk about anything other than fake eyes and#relationships. during the family meeting that five appears in the middle of?? maybe. but five had a very narrow focus and the others#talked a lot and over each other and the whole time klaus is off to the side sick - very clearly having a hard time focusing and staying#upright and again - a lot has fucking happened - so there's no way he would've even considered the papers from 10 months ago as being#relevant. IF he remembered them at all.#oh and then he didnt even really acknowledge the apocalypse thing until episode 6 and he spent all of episode 4 being tortured#and he came back and spent episode 5 just trying to adjust to being back - having just lost dave and left a warzone - and he just.. has his#grief to deal with so nothing else is even on his radar#what im saying is#there's a lot going on and there never would've been a time to bring it up even if he did know/remember what he threw away#in my big dumb pan opinion#i know this post isnt that serious but i read it and had to word vomit#anyway #sgkskccj #carry on y'all

my tags on this post::   #oh shit fuck!!! this!!!!!! im always here for emotions and powers being tied - ESPECIALLY when people dont know it#including the person who has the powers like... everyone being oblivious fucks#which is kind of why i agree with and support klaus's powers being tied to his emotions. 1. people just out here being completely oblivious#and ignorant towards klaus and everything related to him and 2. klaus being just as oblivious like.. between over half a lifetime of#substance abuse and addiction?? that happened in the first place bc klaus was terrified of and hated his powers?? there is so much that he#can do. i personally believe he's incredibly powerful and the longer he stays sober the more everybody is gonna see that#and none of them will expect it. tbh also?? i firmly believe - despite his alien status and knowing things - that not even reginald#had any fucking idea. bc i mean he clearly had no real idea of how klaus's powers worked. his training decisions proved that. his#experiments proved that. is there anything in canon to support any of this hc - you ask - why yes. yes there is. in my opinion of course. i#know not everyone sees things the same way. but 1. klaus returning from vietnam. he beat up the suitcase p well but while it sparks?thats it#and throwing it isnt - on its own - going to make it explode. thats just not believable. its a time traveling briefcase. that shits STURDY#and if im remembering right - it didnt explode right away. it didnt happen until klaus screamed and i dont think thats a coincidence#he does have telekinesis after all. and 2. making ben corporeal in the last episode. that did not seem like a conscious decision. he ran#into that room. got shot sat. ducked. and then suddenly he has glowing hands and bentacles was seen by all. it all happened in a matter of#seconds and it would've freaked anyone out but with his powers klaus wanted ben there - he wanted ben to help - even if he didnt know it#himself. in one second he had elevated emotions - elevated anxiety and possibly fear and he wanted to do something just.. ANYTHING. he#wanted to not die and he wanted his siblings to not die and he wanted to help but he alone couldnt and ben is his closest#brother - sorry not sorry - and then also sorry not sorry but ptsd?? from vietnam and guns?? yeah. so everything just.. fell together and#it triggered his powers. and i can see that happening a lot. he's having a hard day and he can see dave and talk to him but he#cant be held by him and it just makes everything worse and suddenly dave is THERE there and klaus doesnt know how he did it but w.e#he's just so happy he did. and he accidentally conjures patch while he and diego are talking about her and diego thinks klaus did it on#purpose. to hurt him? idk. but he's pissed and klaus is just confused - not really registering the heartache he had been feeling for diego#when she suddenly appeared. im leaving this with 2 examples only bc imma run outta tags otherwise fkdmdnd BUT give me klaus levitating for#the first time when he's sitting cross legged on the floor of the living room or standing idk but he's content and sleepy ans suddenly#there's confused voices and shouting and he opens his eyes to find he's in the same position but now he's five feet off the ground and#WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK yknow?? oooh and more on his telekinesis?? unintentionally launching shit at people when he gets pissed. luther takes a#little gardening shovl to the face. the others keep treating him like shit - like he hasnt changed - and he snaps during a meeting and a#vase JUST misses somebody's head or smth?? it would be great. and dont even get me started on the Not Fucking Dying aspect bc thats a whole#other rodeo. but even that.. i think its emotionally tied and how long he stays dead depends on how he felt when he died. he can control it#from the other side yknow?? anyway i def need to do an actual post on this i think later bc im outta tags lmao

[oblio-k]

whom are your st ocs!!! tell me stuff

ive got!!!! a lot!!! because i have no self control! 2.5 crews n a bonus OC i made for my sibling’s oc crew. im going to ramble about All Of Them given this opportunity here they are under the cut.

My first (all OC) crew is the USS August AKA The USS Rejects. Basically starfleet’s former ‘best’ got shoveled onto one ship after they outlived their use. 

Captain Hyrel, a gender-neutral Axanar, is like the parent of the whole crew and refuses to court martial any of them even though they beg them to. Used to be really good at winning battles during various wars, but then gave up and said they would only take peaceful scientific missions from there on out. They’ve got a lil human son (Hyrel Jr.) they rescued when he was a baby.

Commander Petrov ‘J’ Jorge is their first officer, human dude. He was a model officer on his way to being Captain when a first contact mission went horribly wrong and he was left permanently disfigured with a head injury that completely altered his personality. Has anger management issues and wants to quit, but Hyrel won’t let him. In love with a Romulan centurion he met in neutral space.

Lt. Commander T’kae, vulcan lady. She hates J and really wants to be the first officer, but Hyrel won’t promote her. Impatient with her 2 superiors and is usually fed up with the crew, though she’d die for any of them.

Ensign Saurvin, my disaster vulcan boy!! He’s been promoted and demoted a lot, and has completely rejected logic and embraced emotion. Gets into fights a lot but cares a LOT about his friends, starts a little club on board for crewmembers who are too different from the rest of their species. He’s engaged to a Ferengi and plans to quit starfleet as soon as his bf becomes a Daimon so they can travel the galaxy together and have a blast.

Doctor Stovek, not the CMO, human/vulcan hybrid dude who resents his human heritage and hasn’t spoken to his human dad since his mother died a decade ago. Close friends with T’kae and they both try to follow the path of logic together. Refuses to join Saurvin’s club.

Counselor Fer Xeandi, betazoid guy who can’t help but read everybody’s thoughts. Really friendly and outgoing, and has a crush on J.

Ensign Kaya, betazoid/ullian hybrid girl. Fresh out of the academy and is very shy and quiet. Has a lot of family issues (her betazoid dad is really sick, she doesn’t talk to her mother, and her twin brother hates her and convinces the rest of their betazoid family to disown her) due to her not having any telepathic ability at all. She’s Saurvin’s best friend and a member of his club.

Chief of Security Arcus Nyo, a caitian dude who has a LOT of fur and is big. He hates Ensign Saurvin because Saurvin makes tons of cat jokes around him to make Kaya laugh. Has a massive crush on the chief engineer, Aaraa, and everyone knows it though he insists it’s not true. Loves arachnids a lot, owns some tarantulas & stuff in his quarters.

Chief Engineer Aaraa, an Aaamazzarite guy. Kind of quiet but firm when giving orders. His quarters are absolutely coated in his webbing which is disgusting to almost everyone but Arcus. Has no idea what a spider is, but boy does he love them when he finds out. His eventual dream is to retire, get married to Arcus, and live out the rest of their days happily on a tarantula farm.

CMO Sokaa Eri, a human woman raised by a human and vulcan couple. She’s really sweet but also terrifying when she wants to be. Deals with so much all the time, she needs a vacation but refuses to take shore leave out of fear that someone will die on board without her there.

Nurse Kive Idor, a mostly Bajoran man. His grandfather was a Cardassian, he assumes. He was raised by a Cardassian woman named Ricana Idor in Federation space after his parents died in a transport shuttle accident. Really doesn’t like being called by his first name, and doesn’t care for Bajoran culture, even though his mother made sure to teach him all about it and encouraged him to follow it if he wanted to.

SECOND CREW i made after watching ds9, the USS Akira ! A bunch of useless gays are gathered onto one ship by a captain who actually listens to his first officer when told not to go on an away mission, every time.

Captain Niko, human dude. Literally says “Oh, if I wasn’t such a nice person I wouldn’t have picked up so many strays.” and surprisingly no one around him wants to kill him for saying that because he is just a nice person. Joined starfleet to get away from his physically abusive father to try and find a faraway planet he could start a new life on, was accidentally really good at being an officer and before he knew it he was being promoted to Captain and being sent on a long exploration mission. Found and adopted a Vulcan boy, Sarin. Won’t go on dangerous missions because he doesn’t want to leave Sarin without a father.

First Officer Commander Onarog, ferengi dude. Very smart and hardworking, but not very good with social skills. Very perceptive and can always tell when someone is upset. Niko likes joking he should have been a counselor.

Second Officer Lt. Commander Qihata Xirad, a Bolian girl. She’s very friendly and loves gossip. Likes surprising people but doesn’t always realize when someone isn’t in the mood. Excitable and has a big crush on one of the nurses, Kezrell.

CMO, Meneha Adado, betazoid. Quiet lady who keeps to herself and uses her telepathy to figure out how her patients feel. Has a wife and kids on Betazed that she visits sometimes, misses. Niko’s oldest friend, but respects his wishes for her not to read his thoughts and find out about his past.

Chief Engineer Taiggok. Orion male, very nervous and doesn’t like talking to anyone but his team and the bridge crew (when he has to). Very strong, and his favorite thing is to go back to his quarters every day to take care of his pet salamander.

Chief of security, Lt. Zac Ramirez. Human/orion hybrid guy, but hides the fact that he’s half orion. Kind of withdrawn, but is best friends with his second in command and really wants to befriend Taiggok.

Security officer, Lt. jr. Vimio Zh’raqass. Andorian, they’re always by Zac’s side and are very excited. Don’t realize that they’re in love with Zac, just think they really want to be his best friend. Worries about their friends a lot, has no clue that Zac isn’t fully human.

Nurse Kezrell, an unjoined Trill girl. Is absolutely terrified of the thought of being joined. She actively avoids other Trill and falls in love with every pretty girl she sees.

Science officer, Lt. Terim. He’s a Xindi-Reptilian, and is handsome, since i was using a character generator and it said a xindi-reptilian that everyone thinks is very handsome. Thoughful/kind dude who will gladly try to cheer up anyone. Loves a friendly tussle, is very handsy with people he’s friends with, and is close friends with Onarog.

Ensign Genna, a Xindi-Arboreal. She’s always tired and is very forgetful and often confused, though she tries her best. Is friends with Terim, and tries to be friends with the rest of the crew. Is too tired to notice that her fellow ensign is in love with her.

Ensign Zura Jejo, a Bajoran girl. Pretty fearful and depressed, misses Bajor a lot. She’s really scared of Yeoman Loket, since he’s mean to her because her station is right next to his. Gets really flustered around Genna, and prays to the prophets that one day Genna will notice.

Yeoman Loket Arlat. A Cardassian man exiled after being framed for murder. Niko saved his life and he feels he owes the Captain a debt in return. Says that he’ll leave after he returns the favor, but Niko refuses to put himself in harm’s way so he’s been there for years. Pretty much like Niko’s second son. Is pretty mean to everyone but Niko and Sarin.

Bonus non crew member: Commander Rutora, an exiled Romulan who failed a huge mission. Stole a warbird and after meeting Niko and falling in love with him he follows their ship around and acts like a nuisance. Ashamed of being in love with a human and keeps promising to kill Niko, but can’t bring himself to.

The OC members of my ‘next generation’ style ship, the USS Nobility, where i gather up all the canon kids and stick them on one ship and fill in the blanks with OCs:

My life and love, my baby boy and darling Bug Man, CMO’s Assistant Doctor Yek. He’s an original species I made up called a Parasitoid, based on parasitoid wasps. Big bug boi who wears a life support suit because he comes from a class Y planet he can’t reveal the location of. Is married to Mekor Dukat and has a small lizard/bug hybrid baby with him, Saint. He would do anything for his family and doesn’t follow his people’s tradition of killing their chosen hosts and returning home. Wants to find a nice planet far away from Cardassia to raise his family.

Acting Ensign ‘Checkers.’ A two-spirit teen who comes from an alternate universe after the ship hits an anomaly. Is the fusion duplicate of Janeway & Chakotay after a transporter accident, but won’t tell anyone because they don’t want to interefere with the timeline. The entire crew adopts them.

Ensign Hoji Andu, nervous Bajoran man who joined starfleet to explore, but feels guilty about leaving Bajor and his two older siblings, who are the Cardassian/Bajoran hybrid twins (named Irza Miyo & Moha) his mother had during the Occupation. He and his father weren’t the best to them, and he regrets it and believes they hate him. He promised his mother he would look after them before she died.

Lt. T’rea, vulcan woman who is an engineer, but also acts as an unprofessional therapist for the rest of the crew when she has spare time. Very much misses her wife who lives on Vulcan, though she’d never admit it.

BONUS OC for my sibling’s crew of beautiful women who could annihilate me, a kind Vulcan man, and my nonbinary goblin who deserves an ass kicking

Ensign Alek Ch’zei, a Cardassian/Andorian hybrid who loves flirting and has yet to find a temperature they find comfortable. No one likes them because they’re rude, keep fighting people, and won’t shut up. The vulcan lieutenant (a dude named Stafuck) dates them on and off to explore emotion and a lack of Logic. When Stafuck reaches his pon farr and the Captain starts worrying because they’re too far from Vulcan, Alex unzips their shirt and goes ‘don’t worry. i’ve got this’.

[caelin-ismycity]

Please tell us more about Tellius ships

god theres a lot of ships with how many bitches there are in this game- like id have to play through the game some more which i plan on doing anyway to write an essay-ass anthology of all the good shit here but for now i can shoot off my faves

ike/boyd:

yall already know i like myself some elihec and one reason is cause of their lil rivalry/best friend relationship yknow- you can look at those losers romantically or not and it’d still be some Good Shit. 

same logic with ike/boyd honestly- especially with there bantering asses in the beginning and generally how boyd tends to think of ike immediately when it comes to finding a sparring partner or just helping him out during their quest with the tri-arrow attack discussed with rolf and oscar.

another scene i found cute was after ike and others disobeyed titania and sought out the bandits alone and when greil is about to rip into ike about disrespecting orders, boyd’s the first one (i think its been awhile since i played that chapter) to step up and take the blame (admitted by him to be pretty out of character which i like to interpret as boyd just being flustered that hes caught caring for ike beyond their competitiveness)

unfortunately, not only is fe9 hard to play legally because of its stupid price, but even if you did sell your soul to buy the game intelligence systems has cursed my household by not allowing ike and boyd to have any support conversations, nor any interactions all together beyond a certain chapter, so ike/boyd is one of the rarest pairs you can like in this series especially considering the most popular ship is ike/soren with the tellius series

ike/ranulf

ike and ranulf meet uhhh god i dont rememebr honestly- but they meet about halfway into the game when ike and co properly become associated with the beast laguz where ranulf, considerably, becomes a reoccurring ally to the greil mercenaries.

couple reasons why i love these two- one being the whole laguz/beorc thing ight (lemme get on that in a sec). i.e., ike is big on joining laguz and beorc together, and ranulf doesnt really seem to mind them (i say ‘doesnt seem to mind them’ because, if i remember right, ranulf has real issues trusting beorc and even tells ike that if he naively trusts people he’ll end up hurt). ergo, id imagine that ike would love to get to know more about the laguz alltogether and ranulf himself (he’s clearly curious considering h is supports with lethe as well). additionally, their C support is fuckin cute as hell with ranulf taking pride in making ike laugh/smile at one of his jokes (which tbh i thought would set the grounds for a lovely af A support but instead i get ranulf calling ike a nitwit for trusting him so easily so thanks intell).

another big moment for me is how ike hardly hesitated to defend ranulf from the other beorcs after he was discovered in that one really racist town (its the one where you get zihark and board nasir’s ship y’all know the one) even if it jeopardized the possibility of them escaping the town quietly (double points for ranulf insisting on ike leaving him alone and ike essentially telling ranulf to fuck off with that shit)

its utter trash that ranulf joins the mercenaries at the very end of the game (maybe chapter 25-26? you get JUST enough chapters to achieve their A support), not to mention he pops in-and-out of the gang’s path to actually talk to ike. but im grateful there’s some content for these two, even if there isn’t as much as i would like

kieren/oscar

again yall know i love that rivalry shit but this time it’s extremely one sided on kieran’s part (oscar more-or-less just dealing with it and not making a fuss about it). but damn if there isn’t potential, especially when you can take kieran’s insistent rivalry as some form of admiration for oscar (not to mention the possibilities of their past with oscar originally working alongside kieran)

double points for kieran’s insistence that oscar come back with him to work as a crimean knight again (obviously more because kieran’s genuinely astonished oscar would willingly work with lowly-payed, unknown, not-pristine mercenaries). you can really just take it as kieran really lowkey missing oscar but being too prideful to admit it

ill also be damned if oscar cooking with kieran/teaching him how to cook wouldnt be the tightest shit to watch; i cant tell if kieran would be too stubborn to let oscar fully mandate what he does, begrudgingly listens to oscar, or is utterly impressed with oscar’s culinary skills and insists that ‘only someone as amazing as his rival would obviously be fit with abilities like that’

kieren/rhys

not exactly phat on my radar but it is cute as hell considering how easily concerned rhys becomes of kieran (and for good reason to the fucker regularly bludgeons himself with an axe and he wrestles bears jesus christ man), so its easy to imagine rhys making the excuse to kind of baby kieran to make sure he isn’t seriously hurt on or off the battlefield to just look/watch him

its also pretty fun to imagine rhys going with kieran when the dumb bitch proudly tells the army he’s about to go bear wrestling and rhys getting to see kieran ;lightly’ clothed to fight a fucking bear

im pretty sure in their A support, rhys tells kieran that if he isn’t more careful then the army’ll lose their most valuable soldier to something as stupid as a self-inflicted axe wound. its obvious that rhys said something along the lines of that (as well as a couple of other things in that support) because he acknowledges kieran’s self importance, but its also cute to imagine that rhys was able to use that fact to his advantage to tell kieran how much he means to himself (bonus points if, alternatively, rhy’s dialogue would follow some shit like ‘I- uh... We can’t lose a soldier as important as you, Kieran.’)

gatrie/shinon

another lowkey one (considering shinon and gatrie are absent for a decent portion of the game post initial chapters), but the one support i did manage to get of them was enough to sell me- cause frankly i find the idea of shinon teasing gatrie about buying them dinner and gatrie just being like “hhrhrum” as he begrudgingly agrees to be endearing; i.e. the sinon mentallity being ‘If you’re going to throw your money at everything, you might as well spend it on something worthwhile’ aka ‘lets just have a nice dinner together instead of you buying some random girl three bouquets of roses’

they also have a pre-planned attack together (albeit quickly mentioned to titania) like cmon they bondin yall they conversin

finally i love how shinon’s taller than gatrie- like this isnt necessarily ship-related i just finally have the opportunity to say it. like shinon could absolutely tease gatrie about it like ‘what did you say you wanted a kiss? ? ? i cant hear you from down there’ and gatrie just playfully punches his arm like ‘bro- dude- cmon please i missed you all day just bend down for two seconds’

i’ve been typing for a while and ive got the attention span of a brick but these are the ships i think of the most. during my second playthrough ill be damned if i dont develop more but feel free to send in more ship shit

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: alright? Carly: yea Ali: you want any water, pain killers? Carly: k to both Ali: can have my headphones too if you can deal with my music taste Carly: you could sing to me tho Ali: i've got the pipes, yeah but not sure anyone else wants me belting over the racket Carly: idc about them Ali: yeah Ali: one of us gotta get home with a spotless record, tho Carly: You can't get in trouble for being loud Carly: Leesha knows that Ali: she just leads a charmed life 🍀 Carly: or 🔮 Ali: Didn't need no crystal ball to see through your plans, soz babe Carly: who does Ali: got further than you had any right Ali: poor woodfield on bog watch 'til dubo now Carly: ha Carly: gave her something to do Carly: but nobodys trying it again like Ali: reckon you're right Ali: no one got that kinda deathwish Carly: trying to kill me w a stare tho Carly: she loves it Ali: hmm Ali: less sure on that Carly: i am Carly: try it tho bitch Carly: feel 🕱 Ali: got until we get back Ali: that's when the real shit begins Ali: what're you gonna do carls Carly: idk idc Carly: theyre gonna do what they want Carly: & not like my ma & da will throw a fit Ali: sure? Ali: shame Ali: hoping your Da would move Drew on Carly: im not 12 now babe Carly: & he isn't a beautiful romany lad Carly: my ma will like the look of him i kno Ali: you're 14 Ali: still got a few more years of compulsorary giving a shit about you left Carly: yea Carly: but its no big Ali: you could get expelled Carly: nah Carly: didnt go anything cuz leesha had to speak up about it Ali: you blame her Carly: nah but its facts Carly: nothing happened Ali: I don't think that's how they see it Carly: k but Carly: idc Carly: forget it Ali: k but HOW Carly: what? Carly: dont worry about it babe k Carly: im not trying to Ali: I know you're trying to avoid a freakout but Ali: fucking hell Ali: why Carly: why what? Carly: whats your problem? Ali: only the same as yours Ali: not enjoying the chaos around us or the chaos waiting at home Carly: nah Carly: but worry about your sister Carly: this is nothing Ali: no it isn't Carly: just chatter Carly: weve heard it all before Ali: you're a we now yeah Carly: ha Carly: everyone on this coach has heard it & said it is what i mean Carly: dont be jealous babe Ali: Why would I be jealous? Carly: im only playing Carly: i kno youre not Ali: Whatever Carly: dont be mad at me Carly: be fun Ali: not feeling it Carly: baby come on Carly: why tho Ali: you actually need to ask? Carly: yea Carly: i havent done anything wrong Ali: it ain't about right or wrong Ali: it's still a mess and i'm over it Ali: that's all Carly: k Carly: but ive been a mess since we met & you cba about that before Ali: i didn't say you Ali: the situation Carly: theres no situation Carly: only sex that didnt even happen Ali: forget about it Carly: nah Carly: say what you wanna say Ali: okay, the fact he's fucking ruined this entire trip Ali: Ro had to go home Ali: and Laoise is taking the opportunity to cyberbully her about it as if she's not already fucked up enough from it Ali: and he's not even a little bit sorry that he just wasted the last 3 months of her life with his bullshit Carly: None of that's my bad Carly: be mad at him not me Ali: I am Ali: but I'm mad at you for not giving enough of a shit to not get dragged down in his crap either Carly: hes not dragging me anywhere but the bathroom Ali: bullshit Carly: nah Carly: youre making it something else Carly: its not Ali: the whole bus is slagging on you Ali: half of them wanna fight you Ali: and that's cos of this Ali: its not debateable its facts Carly: and what Carly: when dont they Ali: there was no need Carly: yea there was Ali: no worthwhile one then whatever Carly: worthwhile to me Ali: i really hope so Carly: wouldve been like Ali: i don't need to hear Carly: k Carly: be like that Ali: yeah i will Carly: why do you wanna fight w me? Ali: i don't Ali: you got your priorities i got mine Carly: but youre a priority you kno Ali: its alright Ali: let's leave this drama behind Carly: how tho Carly: youre still gonna be mad Ali: yeah but that is what it is Ali: nothing's going to change Ali: we'll both deal Carly: but Ali: idk Ali: idk what we do, if you think of something lemme know Carly: im sorry Ali: me too Carly: tell me what to do Carly: i wanna make you feel better Ali: I dunno, Carls Ali: its all already done Ali: not just you, all of us Carly: lets do something else Carly: go somewhere else Carly: whatever you want Ali: Oh, that reminds me Ali: Tommy's back, he asked if you wanna go out Carly: is it k w you if i come? Ali: yeah Carly: nah its weird Ali: no it isn't Ali: i don't wanna not see you Ali: fuck that Ali: its just this trip and him Carly: i only did it cuz he said hed hook me up when we got back Carly: i dont want him Ali: its alright Ali: you don't have to explain to me Carly: its not Carly: alright isnt how we feel you kno Ali: as far as this trip goes Ali: i'll take it, babe Carly: i shouldnt have come on it Ali: nah, don't say that Ali: apart from this shit Ali: it was good, right? Carly: but this shit happened cuz im not good Carly: my heads wrecked Ali: no Ali: it didn't Ali: yeah, you went there too but so did Laoise and it coulda been any girl Carly: she didnt fuck him for a hit tho Carly: why i gotta do that Ali: that hit of revenge Ali: worse reason, to be honest Carly: yea Carly: she is the worst we kno Ali: you're not bad Carly: im not an angel like you babe Ali: yeah you is Ali: can't fool me Carly: you cant stop being nice to me Ali: and what bitch Carly: youre meant to be mad Ali: i'm sick of it Ali: its not getting us anywhere so Carly: where you wanna get to baby Ali: better Carly: we'll start tonight Carly: out w your brother Ali: yeah Ali: fucking ray of ☀ that he is Carly: ha Carly: maybe ill find a nice girl at the club tho Carly: then youll be happy Ali: i don't wanna be that bitch about it Ali: just drew, babe, c'mon 😝 Ali: please tell me i ain't that bitch Carly: ha Carly: hes no worse than ronan tho Carly: to your sister k but not to me Ali: yeah and thinking 'bout how hard Ronan sucks made you cry the other day so Ali: 👀 Carly: dont Carly: he took your vs its so sad Carly: i wouldnt let goldie take mine nah Ali: I dunno what the fuck I was thinking Carly: youre too good Carly: you think everyone is Carly: 👼 Ali: nah Ali: I mean, he ain't the 😈 but he was bad enough for my purposes Ali: my stupid ass 🙄 Carly: nah you're too smart Carly: you knew what you were doing like Carly: been there had that fight w my ma Ali: the flashbacks not needed Ali: still got that 📢 in my ear Ali: though, probably gonna lay off a bit now Drew's showed Caleb up for the good boy he is Ali: awks Carly: its my turn Carly: thanks for turning up ma & da turn into his drama Carly: then turn away cuz nothing to see Ali: yours back home rn? Carly: nah but im sure theyll get the summons if the teachers kick off loud enough Ali: shit Ali: they gonna kill ya? Carly: theyll only be mad if their hol gets cut short but like they can go again when the teachers have had a word Carly: dont need a babysitter Ali: yeah, soz we can't come back we got free drinks here 'til next week so Carly: you kno Carly: gotta draw straws for which one shows up & who gets to keep the party going Ali: 1000 on ur dad showing up then Carly: yea Carly: plot twist my nan rocks up like it hasnt been years Carly: carly who bitch Ali: bitch same Ali: missing nan gang Ali: conspiracy, like Carly: i kno where she is but she not trying to kno us Carly: family fights like Carly: boring Ali: gurl, so much in common Ali: let tommo regale you with the fuckery Ali: other peeps drama always be more fun Ali: WELL Carly: hes such a gossipy bitch Carly: ill tell him about all this so he can have fun w Ali: beat u to the reveal honey but Ali: always more scandal I probably saved him from Carly: you been chatting about me Carly: aw Ali: yeah Ali: keep my slagging on the downlow Ali: wise up lads Carly: its k cuz youre creative Carly: its all slut, slag and whore w them Ali: truly Ali: switch it up Carly: drew did skank and he was wasted so its not hard Ali: 🤢 Ali: anything drew is capable of is basal Carly: wtf does that mean tho Carly: he calls me a bitch a lot like boy thats mine and my girl's thing k bye Ali: he talks a lotta shit for such a lil bitch boy himself Ali: yeah, back off Ali: ur not part of the gang Carly: he wants to be on you so bad that id feel bad but cant cuz yea hes a prick Ali: i can't Ali: why bitch Ali: like, i'm nice the rest of the time but like, no nicer to him than any other acquaintance Ali: and rn its clear i lowkey hate Carly: cos youre you Carly: who wouldnt want that Ali: 😽 Ali: always out here hyping me up boo Carly: yea i love you Ali: i love you too bitch Carly: serious tho Carly: im sorry Carly: i hate it when youre mad at me Ali: i swear i was never mad at you Ali: who could be mad at that lil face Ali: right teachers? 🤞 Carly: ha Carly: well they saw me making a seduction face like Carly: my bad Ali: don't act like you didn't love that too lads Carly: you kno Carly: youve seen it its good Ali: willing to write that review Carly: aww Carly: so sweet Carly: id give you top marks too baby Ali: you better 😒 Ali: don't be lying to me or yourself baby 😏 Carly: ha Carly: nah youre the best Carly: no lie Ali: 😳 Carly: so cute Ali: just trying make me have a huge head to drag my cute down Carly: nah you earned those props from me Carly: put a lot of work in Ali: no slacker 💪 Carly: facts Carly: lot of fun Ali: funsized Ali: that's my secret Carly: aw Carly: but were the same size tho Ali: exactly Ali: team pocket rocket Ali: get out giant boys Carly: your boy gotta stay cuz hes not i see you bitch Ali: 😎 Ali: you said yourself, i'm too smart Carly: 🖕 Ali: how tall is my brother Ali: forgot Ali: kick him out of his own partay how rude Carly: shit Carly: sorry boy Ali: can walk on his knees if he wanna hang Carly: or hands Carly: wtf would that make a difference nah Ali: nah babe Ali: that perfect form Ali: twat 😒😂 Carly: im too sober to have thoughts Carly: no scholarship to a fancy school for me Ali: don't be fooled, he only there 'cos he can twerk good 💅 Ali: #bitchmetoothefuck Carly: fuck why you worried about me getting expelled from here if thats what it takes to go there Carly: i got this Ali: you just gon leave me like that Ali: 😞 ok Carly: nah Carly: come w me baby Ali: running away to london Ali: heard worse plans Carly: you kno Carly: be fun Carly: we always have a good time running off together Ali: no lie Ali: maybe we can crash when he goes back early to get settled 'cos he's dramatic like that Ali: lots of fit boys, can't all be gay Carly: are they allowed to fuck Carly: or is it like footballers and shit Ali: Ooh Ali: we'll have to ask Ali: good pickup line, babe Carly: i'll ask your brother if hes getting any Ali: he'll die of embarrassment 💀 Carly: aw Carly: is he a virgin serious Ali: I think so Ali: he won't say obvs, withholding that ☕ so shady Carly: i'll ask Carly: find him a cutie to do the honors Ali: 🙈 Ali: he was feeling sorry for you but he gon' wanna square up now too Carly: yea? Carly: i need the practice if i gotta fight leesha again Ali: 😒 she better stay tf away if she knows what's good Ali: still, he used to being target practice Ali: he quick tho Carly: teach me those ballerina girl moves Carly: never went as a kid Ali: aww baby Ali: i did for the hottest of secs but Carly: bet your ma has pics im hitting her up Ali: yeah, she loves pissing herself @ me, the cow Ali: you can join now, or yoga with me, your fave 😉 Carly: nah Carly: got enough teachers on my case Carly: & bitchy girls Ali: 😱 Ali: i ain't that bad, rude Carly: never you my baby Carly: youre the only one who isnt Ali: bus full of bitches Ali: sounds like a song marlene would write Carly: pitch it to her Carly: or find her in the club Ali: maybe Ali: idk if she's got a girl rn Ali: we shall see Carly: me & her Carly: weird Carly: i'll ask her if shes feeling it Ali: oh lord Ali: can't play with her like a boy tho Ali: wifey'd up before you know it Carly: nah she scares me Carly: im a good wife tho Ali: you is Ali: but you wanna be? Carly: what? Ali: you don't wanna be no wifey Carly: not hers Ali: as long as not his either then we good Carly: ha Ali: 👀 Carly: what you saying w those beautiful eyes boo Ali: i see u and ur lack of a response is what i'm sayin Ali: honeyyyy Carly: dont Carly: i said about him before thats it Ali: i'm just playing Carly: dont Carly: he thinks it too Carly: such a prick Ali: i'm soz baby Ali: he thinks everyone loves him as much as he does Carly: yea Carly: i need to find a new dealer Ali: honey, in this town? done is done Ali: find one tonight Carly: so smart

[kohakuneko]

The Best Anime You’re Not Watching: Aoi Hana

So last month I completely missed the opportunity to talk about Wandering Son for Trans Day of Visibility. And then I promised a full post about it within a week and... SPOILERS that didn’t happen. Sorry, it’s coming, I promise. 

But now I’ve got a second chance because today is Lesbian Day of Visibility. And there is no way in hell I’m letting both the trans kids and the baby lesbians down on their respective visibility days in the same damn year. As an anime fan and a (mostly closeted) lesbian, I must answer the call and deliver my beautiful sisters some quality sapphic entertainment!

So let’s get to it already today’s special feature is Aoi Hana!

Aoi Hana (English title: Sweet Blue Flowers) takes place in two Japanese all-girl high schools and features Fumi, an extremely shy lesbian first-year, and her outgoing childhood friend, Akira. Together with the other girls they meet in their respective schools, they do their best to support one another through difficult experiences and relationships.

In the great bit world of anime, Aoi Hana is really a breath of fresh air. I think by now we’re all unfortunately used to gross fanservice shows where the gay and lesbian characters are overly sexualized and/or fetishized for creepy men. That or we get baited by three different shows airing at the exact same time LIKE COME ON GUYS REALLY ARE YOU KIDDING ME JUST LET THEM KISS ALRE sorry got a bit sidetracked there. (but seriously im still not completely over that)

Amidst all that, Aoi Hana stands out with its purity. This has really got to be one of the most pure things I’ve ever seen in my life and I’m glad an anime about lesbian high schoolers has that distinction. There’s nothing unnecessarily explicit or sexual about any of these girls or the whole series in general, it’s just these girls living their lives. None of them exist just look hot and be over-the-top gay while doing it, they’re simply having their story told.

On top of that, not only are the girls taken seriously, but so is their sexuality. Their gayness isn’t played up for any reason, it’s just a part of their identity and that’s that. Sexuality isn’t brought up more than it has to be, and when it does enter the spotlight, it’s not just sunshine and moe gay rainbows everywhere all the time. There’s a whole buttload of emotions that come with being gay and unfortunately not all of them are going to be happy, especially if you’re an extremely closeted baby gay like Fumi. This is also going to differ from person to person based on a whole slew of things and Aoi Hana showcases that as well, making for some pretty realistic interactions between the girls. All the characters have very real feelings and reactions towards all the emotions they and those they interact with are experiencing and all relationships they enter and observe. 

The one problem I do have with the show is that the characters are sometimes kind of cliche. Not that any of them are bad or unlikable in any way, it’s just that even though they are very realistic in the ways they act, some of them kind of fall into stereotypical character types and because of that some parts of the story are pretty predictable. But that’s not really a big deal; it’s not like it ruined the show for me at all. Just a lil thing I wish could’ve been a bit different.

All in all, Aoi Hana is a beautiful anime. It’s one of the first yuri shows I’ve seen where I really felt like I was watching something that was made for me, not for some fetishist to get off on. It makes me really happy to have finally found some real representation in a medium I love. And to all my fellow lesbian anime fans out there, I hope you feel the same way.

Once again, Happy Lesbian Day of Visibility!

[fyrapartnersearch]

oh look another rp ad

yo what the h*ck is up?

you can all call me nobody, or any other Quirky and Fun™ nicknames you come up with.

anyways, some quick things abt me so that you can get an idea of what i’m about before committing urself to reading this big ol ad.

+female +18 +pacific time zone, active from 6 am to 12am usually +lazy lit (as in my ooc chatter is pretty relaxed but i can crank out good quality 150-500 word replies. intros can hit 1000+ words if i’m in the Zone. samples can be provided on request) +currently looking for m/m roleplays, but willing to double and play m/f and f/f +main genres are horror, dystopian, low fantasy, urban fantasy, cosmic horror/lovecraftian horror, romance, and maybe slice of life if u got a nice plot +kink-friendly, for the most part. only limits are the typical ones. being the Nasty that i am, i compiled a nice lil list of all my likes and dislikes here: https://www.f-list.net/c/gross%20ass%20kink%20list Fav list is the “i’ll give you my firstborn child if you’ll do this with me” list, yes is the “good shit 👀👌” list, maybe is the “don’t rlly care about, but willing to try this!/in some cases this is Good” list, and anything on the no list is a hard limit. +ooc chatter friendly! we don’t have to become Super Best Friends, but communication is always good! +would prefer to play a sub. i’m super sorry abt this because i know most people also wanna play subs but. every single roleplay i’ve done in the past has wanted me to go dom and i’ve done it. it gets tiring after awhile. sometimes it’s nice to get the chance to play a twink for once. that being said i’ll dom if you’re willing to double. +ditch friendly! although i’d prefer notice, idk if you decide things aren’t working out and decide to jump ship

anyways, if you’re still interested i’ll be glad to describe what i’m looking for with more detail!

right now what i’m really craving is some nice, dark romance, possibly between some kinda yandere and the poor object of his/her/their/ect. affections. yandere is possibly some sort of serial killer, and leaves bloody confession notes for their crush at each crime scene.

i’m also really into the idea of equally horrible people falling in love with eachother and doing horrible things to both eachother and others. possibly two different rival serial killers with a nice love/hate relationship?

really there aren’t any details i’m super focused on, what i’m really craving right now is just something Edgy n Dark.

i’m totally down for talking about different plot ideas or expanding on the ones above! however, if you’re the type who likes their partners to have a slightly more coherent plot than just a few loose ideas, have i got the thing for u! all details in the plots below are totally up for discussion and change! the stars indicate how much i’m craving a particular plot. the bolded roles are the ones i have an idea for/an interest in playing!

ι ωαит тσ fυ¢кιиg тєαя уσυ αραят *** (Serial killer x Civilian)

Character A is the textbook definition of predictable and boring, or so it seems. They’re a pre-med student, having few friends and living life on a tight schedule. Class, study, work, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Not the type you’d give a second glance. Unknown to most, however, is Character A’s rather… dark hobbies. Having purchased a small fixer-upper on the very edge of town, they’ve used a small loan of their wealthy parents’ money in order to repurpose the decrepit house into something far more sinister. Much like it’s owner, the house appears ordinary and even quaint on the outside. But peeling away this innocuous facade, one exposes a dark secret. A soundproofed basement, filled with various and vile instruments of torture and with blood permanently stained into the concrete floor. It’s Character A’s sanctuary, where they retreat to vent their desires on whatever poor souls they’ve managed to trap. They’re careful in the selection of their victims, of course. They’ve done their research, they know what precautions to take to avoid suspicion. Lately, the town that Character A lives in has seen a decrease in the homeless population. People that no one notices missing, the kind that can disappear without anyone really caring. Character A is, of course, responsible for this. Enter Character B. Their backstory and position in society is totally up to you. Maybe they’re a fellow student, or maybe one of the few police officers who’ve noticed the disturbing disappearances of most of the city’s homeless? Or, maybe they’re some vagrant, lacking any true home and finding themselves wandering from city to city. Regardless, they happen to catch Character A’s interest. And soon, they become an unwilling object of their obsession. Character A has never experienced anything close to romanic or sexual attraction before, and so they deal with these alien emotions the only way they know how to. No matter what, they resolve to make Character B totally and utterly theirs. Even if they have to kill Character B’s family and friends in order to do so.

тнє нσяяσя σf συя ℓσνє *** (Eldritch Abomination/God x Human)

Character A is a creature made from nightmare and chaos, a primordial and ancient being that resides in the darkest, most ancient reaches of the universe. And now, for the first time in their infinite existence, they’ve become bored. Having exhausted all other forms of entertainment, they decide to don a human guise, spending to them what seems like a brief time on Earth. They live a few lifetimes, kill a few kings, and topple a nation or two, before deciding to take on yet another identity in the modern era. This is when they find themselves drawn to Character B, a human (everything besides species is up to you tbh). Perhaps it’s because they’ve spent too much time living as a mortal, but for whatever reason Character A finds themselves experiencing an undeniable attraction. They soon find themselves slipping deeper and deeper into this lust, becoming obsessed with this human and vowing to do anything in their power to make Character B theirs.

ωє киσω ωнєяє уσυ ѕℓєєρ ********* (Assassin x King)

Character A has been trained from birth to become the perfect killer. An orphan taken in by an assassins’ guild, they’ve known no other life, and have never had any thought of escape or rebellion. They’re well known as one of the best assassins in their guild, and oftentimes get the most dangerous and lucrative jobs. However, their newest assignment might prove too much even for them. Character A is no stranger to killing important figures, such as ambassadors or even princes. Though, they’ve never been hired to kill a king before, much less the one of a powerful, wealthy country, the king being Character B. Of course, their pride and greed prevents them from denying such a task, and so Character A sets out to complete their mission. From here it’s more up to you. Perhaps the assassin becomes closer than they should to the king while working undercover, trying to find an opportunity to kill him. Feelings begin to complicate things, and Character A begins to question if they can go through with it. Or maybe Character A fails their task? While attempting to sneak into the castle, they’re captured. And instead of killing them, Character B decides to have a bit of fun with them. They make Character A their concubine, and resolve to utterly break any spirit of rebellion or resistance within them.

ѕσυℓ fσя ѕαℓє **** (Demon x King/Prince) (im ok with either role!) Character A is the a member of a powerful nation’s royal family. Groomed from birth for greatness, they still find themselves doubting their aptitude for leading their country. Or maybe they’re the youngest of the princes, set to inherit nothing but meager riches and a small plot of land. Whatever the reason, they end up contacting a demon in order to achieve their goals. The tomes Character A has read say that, in exchange for one’s mortal soul, a summoned demon will grant them unlimited power. After performing the ritual, however, Character A begins to have some regrets. The summoned demon, Character B, seems to have more control over Character A than they do over the demon. Perhaps they should’ve read the fine print in the contract…

υинσℓу, ∂ιяту, αи∂ вєαυтιfυℓ **** (Demon x Priest)

Character A is a young man of the cloth, the leader of a small congregation in a rural midwestern town. He leads a simple, devout life, right up until a mysterious, dark stranger (Character B) rolls into town. Charming and charismatic, they manage to win over most of the townsfolk. Yet behind those seemingly friendly eyes, there lies something dark. A spark of ill intent, a malicious gleam that speaks of unwholesome desires and intensions. Character A is one of the few to notice this. His suspicions only deepen when he notices Character B’s powerful revulsion towards symbols of worship. He resolves to rid his town of this seemingly demonic invader, though he soon learns that Character B has their own plans for him…

тєяяιвℓє αиgєℓѕ ****** (Fallen Angel x Sacrifice) (im ok with either role!) Character A was once an angel, a creature symbolizing purity and virtue. But, through their own hubris and sin, was cast out of heaven to make their way on earth. They’ve used their time on the mortal plane well, however. They’ve managed to start a small cult about them, convincing their human followers that they are god incarnate, come to earth to cleanse the impure and gather the righteous. In order to prove their devotion, the members of Character A’s cult must make an annual sacrifice in their honor. Enter Character B. A regular human, they find themselves next on the chopping block for this year’s sacrifice. Though when Character A finds them tied up at the altar, helpless and ready to be devoured, they do something odd. Something about this human intrigues them, so much so that they decide to have a bit of fun with them before killing them…

мє αи∂ тнє ∂єνιℓ ******* (Cult Leader x Acolyte)

Character A is the leader of a large cult, which makes its base of operations deep within the rolling deserts of Arizona. A seemingly utopian society at first glance, the cult is run as a commune. No one truly “owns” anything, all property owned by the community itself, the means of production shared. A perfect society, as long as one doesn’t dig below the surface. In truth, Character A holds all of the members under their thumb. No one is allowed to leave, unless they want to face complete ostracization from everyone they know. Not to mention that they would be completely without possessions or money in the free world. The members that Character A favors live privileged lives. They live in the best housing, and oftentimes have multiple spouses. Character A has quite a few spouses as well, and are allowed their pick of anyone in the commune to do with as they wish. Those that displease Character A, however, have a very different lot in life. If they don’t simply “disappear” into the vast desert one day, they are shunned by their peers. Forced to the very edges on the commune, they are not allowed to speak to anyone. Character B is a newcomer to the cult. Before long, they find Character A’s eyes on them, and find themself being courted by them. Life seems good, for a while. Until they begin to learn the dark secrets behind the cult, of course. Will they try and escape, or do anything to avoid falling out of Character A’s favor?

——

of course if none of these plots appeal to you we can def work something else out!!

anyways, here’s my contact info if ur still interested! when you first send me a message, i’d like if you’d include a little about yourself, along with any plots you’d be interested in!

gmail: AVagabondNob0dy@gmail.com

skype: An0ther Nob0dy

[find-your-rp-partner]

oh look another ad

(note: apologies if this ad posts twice! there was an error when i submitted this thing) yo what the h*ck is up? you can all call me nobody, or any other Quirky and Fun(tm) nicknames you come up with. anyways, some quick things abt me so that you can get an idea of what i'm about before committing urself to reading this big ol ad. +female +18 +pacific time zone, active from 6 am to 12am usually +lazy lit (as in my ooc chatter is pretty relaxed but i can crank out good quality 150-500 word replies. intros can hit 1000+ words if i'm in the Zone. samples can be provided on request) +currently looking for m/m roleplays, but willing to double and play m/f and f/f +main genres are horror, dystopian, low fantasy, urban fantasy, cosmic horror/lovecraftian horror, romance, and maybe slice of life if u got a nice plot +kink-friendly, for the most part. only limits are the typical ones. being the Nasty that i am, i compiled a nice lil list of all my likes and dislikes here: https://www.f-list.net/c/gross%20ass%20kink%20list Fav list is the "i'll give you my firstborn child if you'll do this with me" list, yes is the "good shit 👀👌" list, maybe is the "don't rlly care about, but willing to try this!/in some cases this is Good" list, and anything on the no list is a hard limit. +ooc chatter friendly! we don't have to become Super Best Friends, but communication is always good! +would prefer to play a sub. i'm super sorry abt this because i know most people also wanna play subs but. every single roleplay i've done in the past has wanted me to go dom and i've done it. it gets tiring after awhile. sometimes it's nice to get the chance to play a twink for once. that being said i'll dom if you're willing to double. +ditch friendly! although i'd prefer notice, idk if you decide things aren't working out and decide to jump ship anyways, if you're still interested i'll be glad to describe what i'm looking for with more detail! right now what i'm really craving is some nice, dark romance, possibly between some kinda yandere and the poor object of his/her/their/ect. affections. yandere is possibly some sort of serial killer, and leaves bloody confession notes for their crush at each crime scene. i'm also really into the idea of equally horrible people falling in love with eachother and doing horrible things to both eachother and others. possibly two different rival serial killers with a nice love/hate relationship? really there aren't any details i'm super focused on, what i'm really craving right now is just something Edgy n Dark. i'm totally down for talking about different plot ideas or expanding on the ones above! however, if you're the type who likes their partners to have a slightly more coherent plot than just a few loose ideas, have i got the thing for u! all details in the plots below are totally up for discussion and change! the stars indicate how much i'm craving a particular plot. the bolded roles are the ones i have an idea for/an interest in playing! ι ωαит тσ fυ¢кιиg тєαя уσυ αραят *** (Serial killer x Civilian) Character A is the textbook definition of predictable and boring, or so it seems. They're a pre-med student, having few friends and living life on a tight schedule. Class, study, work, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Not the type you'd give a second glance. Unknown to most, however, is Character A's rather... dark hobbies. Having purchased a small fixer-upper on the very edge of town, they've used a small loan of their wealthy parents' money in order to repurpose the decrepit house into something far more sinister. Much like it's owner, the house appears ordinary and even quaint on the outside. But peeling away this innocuous facade, one exposes a dark secret. A soundproofed basement, filled with various and vile instruments of torture and with blood permanently stained into the concrete floor. It's Character A's sanctuary, where they retreat to vent their desires on whatever poor souls they've managed to trap. They're careful in the selection of their victims, of course. They've done their research, they know what precautions to take to avoid suspicion. Lately, the town that Character A lives in has seen a decrease in the homeless population. People that no one notices missing, the kind that can disappear without anyone really caring. Character A is, of course, responsible for this. Enter Character B. Their backstory and position in society is totally up to you. Maybe they're a fellow student, or maybe one of the few police officers who've noticed the disturbing disappearances of most of the city's homeless? Or, maybe they're some vagrant, lacking any true home and finding themselves wandering from city to city. Regardless, they happen to catch Character A's interest. And soon, they become an unwilling object of their obsession. Character A has never experienced anything close to romanic or sexual attraction before, and so they deal with these alien emotions the only way they know how to. No matter what, they resolve to make Character B totally and utterly theirs. Even if they have to kill Character B's family and friends in order to do so. тнє нσяяσя σf συя ℓσνє *** (Eldritch Abomination/God x Human) Character A is a creature made from nightmare and chaos, a primordial and ancient being that resides in the darkest, most ancient reaches of the universe. And now, for the first time in their infinite existence, they've become bored. Having exhausted all other forms of entertainment, they decide to don a human guise, spending to them what seems like a brief time on Earth. They live a few lifetimes, kill a few kings, and topple a nation or two, before deciding to take on yet another identity in the modern era. This is when they find themselves drawn to Character B, a human (everything besides species is up to you tbh). Perhaps it's because they've spent too much time living as a mortal, but for whatever reason Character A finds themselves experiencing an undeniable attraction. They soon find themselves slipping deeper and deeper into this lust, becoming obsessed with this human and vowing to do anything in their power to make Character B theirs. ωє киσω ωнєяє уσυ ѕℓєєρ ********* (Assassin x King) Character A has been trained from birth to become the perfect killer. An orphan taken in by an assassins' guild, they've known no other life, and have never had any thought of escape or rebellion. They're well known as one of the best assassins in their guild, and oftentimes get the most dangerous and lucrative jobs. However, their newest assignment might prove too much even for them. Character A is no stranger to killing important figures, such as ambassadors or even princes. Though, they've never been hired to kill a king before, much less the one of a powerful, wealthy country, the king being Character B. Of course, their pride and greed prevents them from denying such a task, and so Character A sets out to complete their mission. From here it's more up to you. Perhaps the assassin becomes closer than they should to the king while working undercover, trying to find an opportunity to kill him. Feelings begin to complicate things, and Character A begins to question if they can go through with it. Or maybe Character A fails their task? While attempting to sneak into the castle, they're captured. And instead of killing them, Character B decides to have a bit of fun with them. They make Character A their concubine, and resolve to utterly break any spirit of rebellion or resistance within them. ѕσυℓ fσя ѕαℓє **** (Demon x King/Prince) (im ok with either role!) Character A is the a member of a powerful nation's royal family. Groomed from birth for greatness, they still find themselves doubting their aptitude for leading their country. Or maybe they're the youngest of the princes, set to inherit nothing but meager riches and a small plot of land. Whatever the reason, they end up contacting a demon in order to achieve their goals. The tomes Character A has read say that, in exchange for one's mortal soul, a summoned demon will grant them unlimited power. After performing the ritual, however, Character A begins to have some regrets. The summoned demon, Character B, seems to have more control over Character A than they do over the demon. Perhaps they should've read the fine print in the contract... υинσℓу, ∂ιяту, αи∂ вєαυтιfυℓ **** (Demon x Priest) Character A is a young man of the cloth, the leader of a small congregation in a rural midwestern town. He leads a simple, devout life, right up until a mysterious, dark stranger (Character B) rolls into town. Charming and charismatic, they manage to win over most of the townsfolk. Yet behind those seemingly friendly eyes, there lies something dark. A spark of ill intent, a malicious gleam that speaks of unwholesome desires and intensions. Character A is one of the few to notice this. His suspicions only deepen when he notices Character B's powerful revulsion towards symbols of worship. He resolves to rid his town of this seemingly demonic invader, though he soon learns that Character B has their own plans for him... тєяяιвℓє αиgєℓѕ ****** (Fallen Angel x Sacrifice) (im ok with either role!) Character A was once an angel, a creature symbolizing purity and virtue. But, through their own hubris and sin, was cast out of heaven to make their way on earth. They've used their time on the mortal plane well, however. They've managed to start a small cult about them, convincing their human followers that they are god incarnate, come to earth to cleanse the impure and gather the righteous. In order to prove their devotion, the members of Character A's cult must make an annual sacrifice in their honor. Enter Character B. A regular human, they find themselves next on the chopping block for this year's sacrifice. Though when Character A finds them tied up at the altar, helpless and ready to be devoured, they do something odd. Something about this human intrigues them, so much so that they decide to have a bit of fun with them before killing them... мє αи∂ тнє ∂єνιℓ ******* (Cult Leader x Acolyte) Character A is the leader of a large cult, which makes its base of operations deep within the rolling deserts of Arizona. A seemingly utopian society at first glance, the cult is run as a commune. No one truly "owns" anything, all property owned by the community itself, the means of production shared. A perfect society, as long as one doesn't dig below the surface. In truth, Character A holds all of the members under their thumb. No one is allowed to leave, unless they want to face complete ostracization from everyone they know. Not to mention that they would be completely without possessions or money in the free world. The members that Character A favors live privileged lives. They live in the best housing, and oftentimes have multiple spouses. Character A has quite a few spouses as well, and are allowed their pick of anyone in the commune to do with as they wish. Those that displease Character A, however, have a very different lot in life. If they don't simply "disappear" into the vast desert one day, they are shunned by their peers. Forced to the very edges on the commune, they are not allowed to speak to anyone. Character B is a newcomer to the cult. Before long, they find Character A's eyes on them, and find themself being courted by them. Life seems good, for a while. Until they begin to learn the dark secrets behind the cult, of course. Will they try and escape, or do anything to avoid falling out of Character A's favor? ------ of course if none of these plots appeal to you we can def work something else out!! anyways, here's my contact info if ur still interested! when you first send me a message, i'd like if you'd include a little about yourself, along with any plots you'd be interested in! gmail: AVagabondNob0dy@gmail.com skype: An0ther Nob0dy

[voidwizerd-archive]

BONDING EXPERIENCES?? ==>

[[ logs with @carnivalsorphans​, our muses keep bonding in very confusing ways, what the fuck are these two ]]

voidwizerd okay first off please dont bring this up w Kankri bc th last thing i can handle rn is anythin resemblin a moral talk im too pissed

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd do you ever like get a super specific urge to just beat a body senseless does this happen to you

carnivalsorphans often enough that the thought some people don't kinda baffles

voidwizerd i cant get at who i wanna get at theyre all universes away n maybe DEAD which sure would be fuckin convenient fr them huh i just

carnivalsorphans hahaha yeah fuckin relatable

voidwizerd wanna find some shitty person n whale on em until theyre only sorta recognizable

carnivalsorphans hmmm

voidwizerd teeth aint that necessary anyhow ugh

carnivalsorphans hahahaha do you actually want me ta find ya someone shitty ta fuck up or we just talkin hypotheticals and feelings?

voidwizerd i honestly dont even know i just wanted to confirm someone else experiences this too

voidwizerd i figured if anyone does itd be you

carnivalsorphans aight, just feelings yeah, you bet sib a lot. and it's hard. just kinda.... keepin that real tight inside it winds ya up a bit warps you and makes ya feel all weird til ya can do somethin ta make it stop i used ta bleed myself and then paint with it, but wicked said that's bad, so i'm tryinna figure somethin else out

carnivalsorphans i felt that way bout anyone i actually give a fuck about, where any time they talk on their old shit it just makes me tense up and start this fuckin rumble

carnivalsorphans usually stop it afore it gets loud though kankri says he don't feel that way at all, but i bet there's somethin that'd wind him up that bad somethin for everyone that just makes em wanna beat someone bloody

voidwizerd yeah it just its like wrappin your insides up tighter n tighter n tighter n it feels like itll rip n spill everythin out

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd so fuck, if its gonna tear eventually why not choose myself how that happens???

carnivalsorphans yeah and i'd think at least no one was gettin hurt but me and i like pain anyhow

carnivalsorphans and it spills out nice and slow and i get somethin pretty at the end of it but ... ya gotta pick ya poison, sometimes

voidwizerd i guess i did that last one kinda fr different reasons n a bit more extreme but ha ha ........i fuckin hate copin

carnivalsorphans yeah, it's hard i got a lot ta cope with

carnivalsorphans used ta think i was better than addiction, but i ... dunno. feel like an addict sometimes. wicked says i might be one, even. instead of the bottom of a bottle, i just got my claws

voidwizerd just bout anythin can be addicted to i used to run until my body gave out only way my mind would go quiet i miss th quiet

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd but Kankri would worry

carnivalsorphans fuck havin connections ta people hahaha

voidwizerd right its terrible but also i wouldnt know what happy is like either

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd th loneliness was killin me ha like literally lmaooooo

carnivalsorphans yeah i can feel that

voidwizerd well no okay technically i was doin that my own damn self

carnivalsorphans you wouldn't think, surrounded by church who loves me

carnivalsorphans but ya know. lonely at the top

voidwizerd fuckin pussy i was broke in less than two sweeps. whoop whoop yeah yeah i bet lonely is terrible, fuck that shit

carnivalsorphans used ta be worse but used ta be, i didn't care .... way way fuckin back when saw people bein all close to eachother and it seemed like a waste a fuckin time and energy and like they was a bit away from stabbin eachother in the back

carnivalsorphans .... fuckin ignorance was bliss

voidwizerd ha wouldnt it be so much easier just to not

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd not need that not fuckin CLING to affection like a goddamn lifeline bc its either that n bein treated like garbage or bein treated like nothin at all

carnivalsorphans yeah, fuck that

voidwizerd hurt or isolation take your pick trick question they both hurt and they both make you feel isolated

carnivalsorphans yeah hahahahaha

carnivalsorphans rather have real hurt though. makes shit hard ta focus on .... sometimes, at least

voidwizerd mmn

carnivalsorphans > Try not to think of Artemi. > Try /really hard/

voidwizerd do i like pain fr kinky reasons or do i like it bc i just want someone to beat me to shit

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd these are th questions

carnivalsorphans just assume it's a little a both

carnivalsorphans nothin's ever so black and white sometimes a lil more of one, sometimes a lil more of another

voidwizerd fuckin

carnivalsorphans and sometimes it fades away so much ya almost forget it's there

voidwizerd hate that shit

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd wish it could be simple shouldnt knowin yourself be simple but nah

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd other ppl know me better than me

carnivalsorphans depends on how fuckin much you want to know

voidwizerd aint that just th fuckin way

carnivalsorphans i've tried real hard not ta let anyone know me fuckin hate bein /known/ bein... able ta pin down predict

voidwizerd sure is a thing its scary

voidwizerd scarier than anythin

carnivalsorphans .... yeah and not just cuz i'm scared for my church not just cuz i'm scared a how people will take it just... 's

voidwizerd if i didnt trust Kankri so much id prolly just. go outta my fuckin mind of terror. ha

carnivalsorphans yeah every time me and wicked have a real talk, i get a bit.... tense. all tensed up for him ta fuckin recoil or use shit against me or probably ain't the best way ta feel with ya rail, but

voidwizerd no i i get that fuck dude i literally couldnt tell you how often Jane n Dirk did that to me but my stupid ass kept confidin in em anyway

carnivalsorphans hahaha i never risked it sometimes i'd tell shit to people i was

voidwizerd only reason i didnt confide w Jake at all was cause he never paid attention to anythin that wasnt bout him

carnivalsorphans hurtin. i ain't ever had enough trust in fuckers to do that sorta shit too often

voidwizerd shit dude if ur only confidantes are th ppl ur torturin you just might need to get out more

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha yeah

carnivalsorphans i kinda went a bit nuts after i fell got better though

voidwizerd good on you shoulder pat for success

carnivalsorphans there's a lotta things i miss bout that time. probably more than i should. one more addiction ta add onto the pile

voidwizerd ha careful dude dont wanna be breakin records here

carnivalsorphans hahahaha i've lived a long time, i set all the records

voidwizerd my point is to get better rather than worse knucklehead though ha tbh this is one of those lights i doubt thats really a possible thing

carnivalsorphans hahaha how bout we just try for not gettin worse tolight? wanna come over? for the sake a not bein alone

voidwizerd i .....yeah thanks

carnivalsorphans fuck knows i ain't gonna be good for bein alone tonight neither. .... but i don't really wanna worry wicked over me bein all whatever i am right now

voidwizerd "whatever" is a good word fr feelins tonight "whatever" with a side of "sad n violent"

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd apparently not a regular or good thing to feel .. is it bad fr me to be so relieved you get this way too

carnivalsorphans naw 's normal ta feel relieved that ya ain't alone in ya experiences

carnivalsorphans fuck, that's sorta why i hang around sugary and vel and wicked

voidwizerd oh huh i guess i like. well i didnt even know i was angry until well

carnivalsorphans until you was burnin

voidwizerd yeah

carnivalsorphans i think vel sorta gets like that

voidwizerd i guess i been mad a long time but

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd long as i ignored it things never happened

carnivalsorphans people tend ta forget angry is somethin they is allowed ta be

voidwizerd until that naggin suspicion got confirmed, that i was treated no better than shit on someones heel, n i just welp there goes th neighborhood

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd anger is its big

carnivalsorphans anger is born out of sorrow a lot sorrow at fuckin... lack at bein wronged

voidwizerd .....yeah

carnivalsorphans at missed opportunities and bein taken advantage of

voidwizerd at at knowin i did nothin to get hurt n did *everythin* to win approval thats just

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd seventeen goddamn years of waste right there

carnivalsorphans yeah sweeps of lack of what ya deserved

voidwizerd i didnt deserve that

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd *they* deserved my goddamn fists i wish id fought back

carnivalsorphans it's aight to be angry bout that shit. people always say it's aight to mourn, but sometimes mournin involves gettin fuckin pissed

voidwizerd i wish id listened to my instincts

carnivalsorphans you did what ya knew ta do and that's... somethin

carnivalsorphans may not always feel good

voidwizerd i loved em too much was th problem id let anythin slide cause they was my whole world

carnivalsorphans ain't nothin wrong with lovin maybe a bit wrong with bein blinded by it, but there ain't nothin to be done about that except learn from it

voidwizerd yeah took

carnivalsorphans and fuckin... bein tempered hurts, but it does make ya stronger

voidwizerd fuckin 21 years but i learned

carnivalsorphans .... cmere?

voidwizerd yeah

voidwizerd yeah ill be there

carnivalsorphans > Probably help to send coords. > And then time to snug a friend

voidwizerd > Friend will cry and rant a lot but appreciate much. > Mostly cry.

carnivalsorphans > Pet the friend. Kiss their head and wipe away tears sometimes and comfort and offer inappropriate jokes when tears seem to be letting up.

voidwizerd > Jokes get a smile and then even more crying because what the fuck is an appropriate response to people caring about them.

carnivalsorphans > More kisses because how do you deal with people crying Normally anyway?

voidwizerd > Kisses back a little because that seems to help and not kissing back was starting to feel Weird.

carnivalsorphans > Prr? Wipe away tears, focus more on wiz than your own shit.

voidwizerd > Pr... Still feeling terrible, and thinking about bad gunk, but at least not alone. And good to be with someone who kinda gets it. "We're sorta fucked up huh."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah. But we make it work."

voidwizerd "Fuck dude we sure do. By the skin of our fuckin teeth but we're doin it."

carnivalsorphans "I think we're doin better than some people."

voidwizerd "That's optimistic." > Weak laugh.

carnivalsorphans "Naw, we ain't still stuck in our old shit. I think that's better off. Some people never get that far."

voidwizerd "...That's true." > Snuggle up more after decaptchaing more blankets. Feeling more vulnerable to Ringleader's chilliness.

carnivalsorphans > Oh, good. A layer between you and the warmth. ... Give the bundled wiz a squish. "There's somethin to be said for bein proud of how far we've come, at least. Even if we ain't where we wanna be yet." > .... Where does he want to be though?

voidwizerd "Where we even tryin to get to, though?" > Squish is good. Quiet purr.

carnivalsorphans > A snort. "Ya know, I was thinkin the exact same thing." > Loud purring.

voidwizerd "Don't that just figure. Tolight we're real fulla questions that don't got proper answers, huh."

carnivalsorphans "I dunno that we gotta know where we're goin ta be glad we're not where we were."

voidwizerd > Now you snort. "That's some deep shit."

carnivalsorphans "That's me. Deep as fuck. ya know my real secret now.

voidwizerd "I'm honored!" > Quiet laugh. Moody staring at nothing for a while. "Think I'm done cryin now. Got that hollow sense settlin in nice an blegh.”

carnivalsorphans “Yeah, fuck that. I only appreciate that shit when i’m needin to think after bein pissed. And even then, it ain’t the same as true calm.”

voidwizerd "Mmh. Better than feelin I'm about to like... break into a million billion pieces. Like takin a sledgehammer to a window. Ha." > Blink slow. Slower. You're not moving so much.

carnivalsorphans > Squish. You ain't their rail, it's not your responsibility to make sure they're all... In tact. .... But still, you're a bit concerned. A tiny bit. "Anythin I can be doin ta help?"

voidwizerd "'unno. Feelin's gone for now." > Whoops, that there is a yawn. You rub your face, trying to stay awake. "What about you?"

carnivalsorphans "Feel.... Warm." Soft purring. "Probably about time ta pass out."

voidwizerd "Mmh." Sprawl out a bit. "Thanks for bein my comrade in shittiness."

carnivalsorphans "Misery demands company and all that. Plus i like hangin around you."

voidwizerd "Gay."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah." Forehead kiss.

voidwizerd > Mumble a barely comprehensible "suuuuper gay" before nodding off. > RL's a good friend.

carnivalsorphans > Pet Wiz a little longer before going to sleep yourself.

[ildivine]

between watching a lot of youtubers, losing a lot of sleep, and playing a lot of the off-peak games, i feel my creativity blossoming in the abstract way that i strive for.

i at least have come to understand how my creativity is dulled, and what i need to get it going again. its difficult, getting older, and becoming more jaded, and depression in the back of my mind is a noisy buzzing that can only be quelled with alcohol or weed. ive been learning how to deal without the prior, but, mm.

i dreamt about gavin and i think about a lot of people in ways that i don’t get to often talk about. its not like i talk to my therapist about this kind of thing. i havent mentioned the system to any since the last one i trusted treated it like DID, and thats fine for systems that need it, but we don’t work that way, and we never have.

alternatively i do think about myself ... and my past lives, often. i feel my limbs more often and it blends with the dysphoria; its strange to think i get so envious of just being spiritually Aware. ingesting mushrooms is the most helpful thing to me, and i know i mute my own sixth sense with doubt.

ive isolated myself from others quite a bit, as ive been mean again. im learning to appreciate the time i spend with dean and connor, even if it is every day. i miss connor every time i wake up without zem next to me, especially after weekends when i really get used to it.

our one year is coming up in july and ze thought aloud to me about marriage and we gently brushed over it. ze said something along the lines of “well, i wanted to wait for a better opportunity...” which, understandable.

one day ill be able to afford nice things like real rings and wedding ceremonies, but the last week of cleaning up my room, and throwing a lot of things out, made me realize what focusing on survival really means. i told myself that in 2021 i would focus on letting go, and its still hard. letting go of friends, and loved ones, and things, old stuff, its all the same, i have such an emotional attachment that it gets tangled in my head and my emotions. connors told me constantly to buy necessities and i brushed em off ... so im glad a friend helped us make up for it.

its embarrassing and its frustrating to rely on my money for things that others dont see as necessary. alcohol quells my twitching but i do have an addiction to it cuz i simply like to drink til i cant anymore, n im still learning that boundary. weed, i cant really explain what it does for me, cuz it is unusual. simple things like helping my appetite and sleep, two major things i struggle with a lot, as well as giving me inspiration to get up in the mornings, or do anything at all. right now it is medical in new mexico and i have a PTSD diagnosis, and when i smoke, it quiets the voices in my head screaming at me about wanting to die. i dont know how common this is, but its one of the things i struggle with financially. to survive. even with all of my antidepressants and anxiety medications, mental illness still lingers, and i think the more i delve into new media as well as reflect on past lives and old memories, my brain is in a very strange place. but ive come to appreciate that it is strange, i am strange, and i have mental illness, and i probably wont ever be able to silence it. i can take out my desire to cut my own skin open by watching dissection videos, and then im also learning and absorbing new information along the way.

when im not absolutely drunk on a tank of heavy alcohol, i can focus. i appreciate that i lost the years of 2018-2020 mostly due to how much i was drinking, on top of a medication that was already terrible for my memory. but the other day i went through my mood charts over those years, where i wrote down how i was, and although i drank daily and felt guilty about it, my mood was generally stable.

unfortunately its very expensive and unhealthy, and the inevitable withdrawals make me worse off than i started with. my therapist considers me drinking as playing with fire, but ive learned how to consume responsibly; dean and i can stop after a six pack and itll put us to sleep, but ill always want another beer, even in the back of my mind. That slight buzz from the mimosa that Connor drank and melted into was likely most of the reason ze could actually start dozing off, and we were half craving another for fun and relaxation, but i thought “i probably wont be able to sleep tonight without another drink”.

and i was right, and i acknowledge that its a problem. so ive tried to find that sensation from other things like hops tea and carbonated water (ew, its still not good, honestly dsjfsdj) or kombuchas, because it triggers the same response in my brain without.. melting my organs. did u kno ur liver is FUCKING HUGE n its also the only organ that can heal itself?? the cells reconstruct differently than scar tissue usually binds together n i just think thats Neat.meme

jokes aside, i think its also why my liver is Fine despite the fact ive drank since i was 13 years old, minus the year of rehab sobriety. That was also my Only year of sobriety. Digging into my alcoholism ive done a lot of questioning as to why i rely on it, and i think it is a lot to do with being addicted to being drunk, and i think its also a lot to do with ‘wow, i can finally turn my brain off! the thing thats yelling at me all the time, feeling scared and sad,” but drinking is also essentially a boost of stress hormones, so when the endorphins wear off, u get sad or anxious all over again. ive come to learn that i only withdrawal or get hangovers if i drink more than, i guess the recommended amount by doctors. 3 glasses of wine will now do me in, dean can power thru anything regardless of what hes drinking, but it does affect the health in ways i cant ignore.

i enjoy drugs, i think is the bottom line. i look up how to get a hold of psychedelic mushrooms cuz u can just get em in the mail if ur in a country where its decriminalized (hint: we’re not) n immediately the results are between getting help for addiction or how magic mushrooms help depression in low doses.

i really have a theme here. im still mad that my parents induced my reliance on all these substances and i know i would be a lot better off if i didnt drink til i was 21 or never smoked cigarettes, and i accept im always gonna crave these things regardless, but i only feel creative when i drink or smoke, and thats another problem with addicts because u fry ur neurons hard enough it all dies down. ive appreciated watching videos and playing games when i am in the comatose, apathetic stage of depression like i have been in recently, where i cant force myself to do anything and even fronting someone else to do it takes energy that quickly dies down.

my energy has died quickly since i went vegan, as my nails have chipped since, so im experimenting with my diet. my taste pallet cant handle dairy anymore, and connor was only here to try it, and i think we all discovered we just... dont wanna do that. but eating fish again helped my energy and brought a glow back to my skin. too much, however, still gives me the greasy meat sweats, so... a lil bit of everything seems to be whats right.

i still crash a lot, but i think thats just a side effect of being 28 in this generation and feeling 68 instead.

anyway, now that my room is FINALLY clean and looking nice, i want to try to do art again. i miss art. i miss thinking in images, i miss my imagination, i miss roleplaying and writing and drawing and arting. conny wanted to paint too but was absolutely too tired on sunday lol n i respect that so maybe tonight we can get something together.

but its been nice to feel something in my brain stirring again that isnt just the gross black buzz of mental illness constantly telling me to die. i get used to it, i guess. i forget its not supposed to happen because i have survived it for so long. im on the max dose of antidepressants and medicine i can take and i still feel really bad sometimes, but i didnt realize it until other people brought it up. stress definitely kicks me into my big bipolar mood swings, but i havent shaken off the depression in months. im not sure what to do so im trying to expand my horizons.