#seeing art atm physically hurts with want

[eggthew]

I miss art and drawing so much I'm going to throw up

[satureja13]

Sai just returned to his and Jeb's quarters after his shift - when Jeb stepped out of the bathroom... Uh...

And since the Romantium is permeating the atmosphere in the ship, attraction pulled them towards each other. Like the opposite poles of a (very strong) magnet.

And even though Sai has connection to all the internets and games in the galaxy now, he's still reading a lot of gay romance books. He tasted blood and he wants more. He really wants to finally - fully - get claimed by Jeb. And it's time to tell him. Sai, breathless from kissing Jeb breathless: "Jeb - claim me. Please. Let's finally do it."

But Jeb retreated. Keeping him an armlength away. Jeb: "Vanië. I can't hurt you. I told you. The... the others told you too." Sai: "But what does that even mean? We are never going to woohoo? They said it doesn't hurt." Jeb: "Not them. Vlad isn't that... big..." Sai: "But Kiyoshi is." Jeb: "Jack is a werewolf and the Super Soldier. He can take... eh - him. But you..."

Sai: "I will never loose my virginity then?" Jeb: "There... there is a way. If you'd top me." Sai: "What are you even saying?! No way! You are the pestle to my mortar! You are supposed to claim me! I'm not that fragile!" (More in -> this post, under the cut. And -> here)

The Romantium is really giving it's best here, but it seems its labours are lost in space with these two right now. Ever since Sai heard that Jeb does not want to hurt him, he thought that just was some romantic statement - and not some cruicial issues...

Jeb: "Vanië. It's not that I don't want to - I can't. When I wasn't able to rescue - the kids, I was devastated. So broken and ashamed that I hid under that bag for two years. And... and when I heard it was you - you and Jack *Jeb tears up* I swore I'd never let you get hurt again. When I think of - eh 'claiming you', hurting you - he just goes..." Sai was staring at Jeb. This can't be real.

Well, that definitely blew the poor AC's fuses and it coughed out a last puff of Romantium... There's only so much it can do and Jeb and Sai brought it to its utter limits.

It's physical? Psychosomatic? Jeb is so traumatized, he really can't claim Sai... isn't physically able to? Even if he wanted? And Sai can't even tell Jeb how much he hurt him with these words. It would only break him further. They always say, in space, no one hears you scream...

(I know we have other issues atm, but here you can see how huge Great A'Tuin II is.)

But...

Sai's heart is broken. All hope is gone. Jeb suggested they could do anything else then, just like before. But Sai still just stared unbelievingly at him. Then Jeb cried. And said he was sorry. So, so sorry. He even said Sai should look for someone else, someone who would make him happy. But how can he do that? He loves Jeb. There will never be anyone else than Jeb for Sai. Dammit. Even Jack got laid - JACK! And Sai will never know how it is to see the stars. Like in the books he loves to read.

'The scars of your love remind me of us They keep me thinkin' that we almost had it all The scars of your love, they leave me breathless I can't help feeling We could've had it all Rolling in the deep You had my heart inside of your hand And you played it to the beat'

Rolling in the Deep - Adele I've always loved this song but just right now I saw the MV for the first time and it's incredible! A piece of art. Totally worth a watch.

Outtakes

Poor Sai, still in shock.

And, as promised, Jack fetching ingredients for the Ambrosia from the fancy fridge in the captain's quarters ^^'

Sai didn't even wanted to ask but any distraction from his misery is welcome right now: "What are you doing here?"

Jack: "Just fetching ingredients for the Ambrosia from the fancy fridge." Sai: "..."

TMI: While we already know how tall they are, maybe you wondered about their size? We learned that Jeb has the biggest, followed by Kiyoshi, who's is not that much shorter. Then, surprisingly (or not, since he's the Super Soldier, after all ^^') Jack. Then Vlad, Saiwa and Ji Ho. But even though Ji Ho's is the shortest, they all agree he has the most beautiful of them all. Followed by Sai's :3

🍆

From the Beginning 🔱 Underwater Love 🔱 Latest

Current Chapter: starts ▶️ here Last Chapter: 'Here comes the Sun' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 23-29

[notnights]

i legit love the idea of jax leaving anonymous gifts for gangle, and enjoying being on stage w/her bcs he's actually challenged and active enough to a point where he isn't feeling boredom or dread. also, there's a certain escapism in taking on the role of a character.

hmm, other ribbun scenarios? i can imagine gangle infodumping to zooble abt smth she used to watch, and jax feeling irritated by her rambling at first, but soon becoming accustomed to it and enjoying hearing her voice and opinions. perhaps he even remembers some of the shows she talks about. maybe he chimes in absentmindedly from his hiding spot and zoob n gangle are both like "u were here this whole time ??"

or what about caine using his ringmaster authority to make sure that jax is kind to gangle for a day? and now he has to do whatever gangle asks, and he's not allowed to break her mask. i wonder what she would do with that opportunity? dress him up in silly outfits? get him to pose in different ways for art references? like a mannequin doll.

i love seeing dynamics like these in moments where they have to work together for a common goal, as well. like, they get paired up together in an event and the reward is like. new crayon colours and a can of silly string/sticky hand/centipede or smth. i imagine a lot of yelling and fighting and cartoon violence shenanigans, but maybe, mayhaps, a "good job! we crushed em!" every here and there when things go well.

i also think jax trying to drag gangle away from a teaparty (hosted by ragatha ofc, no jaxes allowed) so that he can have an accomplice in ruining said teaparty for everyone would be fun. he wants to cause some chaos with his favourite victim

anyway hope u like these misc thoughts. idk im new to their dynamic :3c

1). Yeah it's a good thought! For a moment he can be someone else, someone who cares or someone who is open about being in the company of others.

2). I like to think sometimes Jax enjoys Gangle talking... but that's also why he doesn't like it. Doesn't like that something as simple as Gangle going on about something she likes makes him happy. Doesn't know why yet. Too close, too sentimental maybe. Feelings he's not ready for. So then he breaks her mask to shut her up. :(

3). I really want to imagine Jax and Gangle can get along in that way a bully and his lackey does. Bully picks on his lackey too but sometimes they get up to nonsense together and laugh at others together. Comedy!Gangle liking funny things too, which can range from something as silly as giving one ice cube to someone who asked for a couple, to seeing people get physically hurt (to the extent it happens in the DC anyways).

She won't go as far as Jax, when the going gets tough she'd start feeling guilty before Jax does, but up until then she's laughing and fooling around at Ragatha stepping on and getting slammed in the face by a misplaced rake.

Rare moments where they get along because Gangle is acting more willingly in Jax's interests. Idk if this idea has any merit with what we've seen so far. We still have no reference for Comedy!Gangle, and Jax atm really doesn't have any respect for her as an actual friend, at least when she's Tragedy!Gangle. I can only really imagine him getting along with Comedy!Gangle if she really is completely different though, and again we don't know if she is yet.

So it's an idea I haven't worked too much with despite how much I want it. I want them to be silly together. They both ave forever smiles in that aspect.

(concept for the next chapter-promo for the zooblecaine fic)

Anyways, with that said yeah something that gets them working with mutual goals is a good way to get that kind of interaction going. Awful together in a different way. Awful at each other vs Awful together at others lol.

4). Yeah I like the idea he'll drag her to help him with things too. Much to her dismay but she goes along with it, she doesn't really have a choice poor girl. Drags her around like a wet rag until he gets bored of dragging her because, what a drag!

"Wants to cause some chaos with his favorite victim," is such a good line also. I hate Jax, love to see him be awful. My poor girl Gangle deserves better.

[daily-outsiders]

I keep thinking abt this bc it’s so funny to me, can you imagine Magic in clearing 2? Like she’s just going about her day and suddenly she’s screaming in pain bc surprise girly!! Broken leg!!!

Would she feel Owen’s exhaustion? Bc he didn’t sleep for a while pre lever pulling. Actually maybe since it’s a dl au he’d avoid doing some of that bc he’d feel bad for whoever his soulmate was,,

(Btw do you like. Prefer us sending dl asks to this blog or your main? Bc idk if you have a separate mcyt blog or if you’d rather keep all your daily outsiders art separate or what and I don’t want to clog your inbox whenever we wanna say we like your au :( )

(sending it all here works!! <3 for the most part i just dump all my outsiders stuff here anyway :D all my sideblogs are INCREDIBLY inactive and my main blog is pretty much nothing but reblogs atm)

IDK HOW I FORGOT ABOUT THE WHOLE BROKEN LEG THING OMG POOR MAGIC????? OUCH???????

shes just like. going about her day. leading her clearing. then Boom. broken leg.

it is fun to think about the dynamic with the outsiders and their soulmates before they know who their soulmates are, wanting to take care of themselves to not hurt the other even before theyve met

maybe magic would feel his exhaustion and then sleep extra for his sake to try to help, i could see her doing that (and she can have like mae or someone run the clearing in the meantime)

i ALSO think emotions and stuff would carry over!! since, if PHYSICAL pain carries over, it only makes sense EMOTIONAL pain would too. poor hugger duo would be feeling each others stress and then itd just be like stress²

[rhytmrocket]

hi

uh, sorry, again

i won’t even get into it, but i hid again for another week

sorry

one thing i did do was a year-end art review/compilation! do people still do that?

well, i did.

oughhh so much of this i havent shared and it feels kinda weird doing it

there’s gonna be so much in this post i’ll be surprised if i even get it out by midnight (it’s nearly half past 11 atm)

so first i’ll give you the template if you’d like so you dont have to scroll through all my rambling

next, a bit of reflection (theatre and chorus, dont fail me now)

overall, i think i’ve improved a Lot. like, i can’t stand to look at my earlier art, which i think is a sign of improvement! overall, i’ve been refining my style, i think, cuz my stuff’s pretty generally similar, just tweaked a bit to make it more bearable— i mean good. one thing i do want to improve on, at least initially, is fucking flipping the canvas once in a while. i actually did that in a piece i’ll share in just a bit, and i think it was a good result— i’m already getting used to it, like, it’s actually not that hard, just a bit frustrating sometimes. it helps with the balance and versatility— the flipability of a piece is very valuable. my strongest aspect was probably the rendering. ive always had fun with it, and when i actually try it looks, let��s just say, fucking awesome. i’m pretty good! keep telling myself that! and keep telling yourself that. there’s always some good stuff in most any drawing. love you, beginner artists

you know, as much as it physically hurts to look at old art, looking back at newer pieces makes me feel so good about myself. like, that was me, and now this is me! that’s so cool, isn’t it?

look at old art every once in a while. and not just drawing— writing, painting, sculpting, cooking, composing, playing an instrument, singing, acting— really anything at all! look at your old stuff just to see how far you’ve come. and feel good about that! you deserve it!

[wakkass]

Hey! First off i really love your art, it has so much expression and personality❤️💕

I saw your post critisizing Kataras look in season 3 and how they don’t let her show her weaker and more tired self, and tend to pretty her up compared to the rest to make her “more favourable to aang” I don’t really agree on that point and want to add my own two cents.

-

Both Aang and Katara have seen each other at their best and worst, mentally, physically, emotionally and totally wrecked from exhaustion and have supported each other through it.

Examples at the top of my head for katara:

-in the waterbending master when fighting pakku her hair gets messy and breathing becomea rigid and at no point lets go of her (fierce and justified) anger towards him, aang watches them and cheers for her through it (“Go Katara!”) Also not forgetting how he doesn’t want to be taught by pakku if he won’t teach her.

-in the chase all the gaang are exhausted beyond point and katara snaps multiple times, when trying to confront toph, aang attempts calming her down but she has her “IM COMPLETELY CALM��� reaction and aang decides to back away. I see it as him respecting her anger and frustration and understanding she needs space atm.

-the desert all the gaang are not themselves and katara takes over as the leader in that situation, aang is incredibly distraught and furious about losing appa and it’s katara that manages to get everyone back on track, esprcially aang.

- this leads to the serpent’s pass where aang in return regrets his outburst at the sand benders and understand and appreciates kataras effort for what she did back there for all of them, esprcially him in his pure rage.

-the puppet master, katara forcibly learns bloodbending and is distraught over this fact. It’s a very brief moment in the last few seconds but she breaks down and aang and sokka comfort her without any words said and let katara hurt in that moment without any pressure to get it together.

-the southern raiders we see her at her possible worst and aang sees it too. He fully understand her anger and that she needs this journey to heal but doesn’t want her to lose herself by killing the man because it would destroy her to take a life even if he deserved it. Aang empathsizes with her and he is happy she was able to come to her own conclusion despite the pain thr both felt (her going through all these emotions and him seeing her not being herself at that moment before)

-

Phew sorry that was so wordy lol. Apologies^^”

I also think the show lets her be messy and not “perfect” in scenes without aang too (hakoda and her in S3EP1) but i know that wasnt ur og point.

I totally think the show can be critisized with certain designs tho tbf i don’t blame aang personally for blushing at her when she is really pretty, it is his crush and he is a boy in puberty. He loves her at her best looking times and messiest times (whether thats her emotional or physical state) and always shows it through words and other means of affection.

To end this needlessly long ask I agree with some of what u said but i wanted to add my own thoughts because i couldn’t get myself to agree on others. Sorry for any spelling or grammatical mistakes!

I love analytical posts and how they keep the gears in my head moving. Thank you very much for, firstly, reading my posts, it’s very nice. It’s immediately obvious that you also read the hashtags :3

Thank you for the compliments on my drawings, it’s very nice to hear 💖❤️💖

And, secondly, for writing your post and sending it to me, considering the idea from different angles and complementing it.

I want to say right away: no one is obliged to agree with me for the simple reason that each of us has his own interpretation of this series. It's too ambiguous to have only one true reading, and therefore the difference in points of view complements each other. It's IMPORTANT for us to have different opinions and help each other see different sides of interpretation :3

The phrase itself from the series is wonderfully suitable here, I can’t say it better:

It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If we take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale. Understanding others, the other elements, and the other nations, will help you become whole... It can make you more powerful.

Regarding Katara’s fatigue, I said in hashtags here that it was only shown in two episodes: “The Desert” and “The Southern Raiders.” As you can see, @leanniera gave a few more examples, and I just want to leave them on my wall as part of the theme.

[lestcat-de-lioncourt]

So awkward seeing some fiction posted that’s creepily similar to your own you’ve been working so hard to create, researched, and such from your own experiences heart and imagination and they’re just throwing it around like it’s theirs with not that much changed about it aside from statement names and such. Well, at least I have my originals thank goodness!

Please check out Orange Juice In The Studio, a love story about a couple residing in a manga artists studio apartment in Spain, and just, couple things, warm, and it’s mature content and smut but also safe nsft and a bit more realistic depictions than some harmful representations of queer men engaging in romance that is trending and getting a lot of bottoms/subs hurt because of people’s refusal to talk about using lubricant and safety and treating an ass like a vag basically which doesn’t self lubricate anyone with experience would know nor enjoy being rawed with zero prep aha unless you like pain and being damaged ! Anyway, that said, that’s why I wanted to write it really, it’s important to me, the real love that happens and consent and boundaries and safety with things some people may not even know what to do because barely anyone teaches us about queer intimacy that people aren’t taught!

The second is definitely just some comedy and funny smut fanfiction for Ayato and Diluc, here’s the link to this, I’ll update ASAP but I haven’t atm as I’ve been a bit busy but hopefully I’ll get some more of that series done soon!

If anyone would like to give feedback please do, I’ve tagged with as many warnings and such as included within both but as always I welcome any tags you’d recommend me adding as I want to 100% communicate with the reader what will be within the story and what is suitable for their tastes and preference, and do not wish to spook anyone etc. as well, the nature of it is mature fiction so includes as such. I truly hope people enjoy it, but please, don’t steal it! I’m struggling enough as it is to keep motivation in writing it, and I will, but I am also not physically well right now so can’t schedule writing as easily as someone who isn’t and I hope to keep bringing my writing to people again. It doesn’t help that my side blog I was promoting it with most got censored the other day so I’ll probably put stuff about updates to chapters and art about it on here now instead, or, on @crimsonyoukai once I get that one up and running to replace my nsfw one.

Please don’t take my stuff, credit a little, or address me about maybe collaborating or something instead. I appreciate inspiration being taken but when it becomes painstakingly almost the same, that’s not okay at all. I don’t get paid for this, this is my art, this is my work, these are my ideas alone, and if it’s fanfiction it’s my ideas based in locations presented in game, or the characters and their basic personality and abilities but otherwise the rest, I’ve made it all up. I’m in pain most days, a parent, and stuff going on and it’s not as easy for me as some to just whip up and do this stuff! I can’t stop anyone but if you do take inspo let me know and I won’t mind of course unless it’s basically the same thing, hell if you liked the story that much just quote as fanfiction. Cripes. Maybe I should take it as a compliment that it was that good it had to be taken as their own. It’s fine. My originals are still up and dated and they are there as proof as well if I go further with it.

[helloitsghost]

So hi october is almost over and we’ll

Yeah…. Tktober was smth💀

I’m really sorry for the lack of just everything I want you all to know tho I really really did try my hardest to do it and get as much done but sometimes things happens and it’s just not possible

I don’t plan to drop all the prompts and majority will be posted periodically later hopefully but for lack of a better words I want to give a better explanation of what happened during October

Cw: negative shit/vent content below the cut it’s personal shit tbh dw this won’t be common I just feel like y’all deserve a right to know what’s been happening with me and why my events/posts are so late/sporadic

October/September was a really tough/awful time period for me

Starting off I got cut from the varsity volleyball team at my school and became a manager for the jv team instead. And while that was great fun and I enjoyed it. Nothing would hurt more than watching the varsity players do their thing and be awesome while sitting there knowing how I wasn’t good enough to make it. Along with that was some home life stuff about the possibilities of making my tryouts and I was always doubted that I’d make it, and even though I wanted to prove everyone wrong. Everyone who doubted me was right and I failed. And it felt like nobody truly believes in me and what I can do.

No matter what I did everyday I’d be reminded of how much of a failure I was watching volleyball and wondering what was even the point of me being there if nobody believed in me. And I struggled greatly with my confidence and self esteem.

So much that even though I love to joke about it I could never watch a varsity game without leaving to go cry midway. Today was the last game of the season so hopefully I can forget about it. But club season is coming up so who knows💀

And yes I know. It’s just a sport why are you so upset?

It’s more than just that. I love this sport with everything I’ve got and wouldve done anything to play for just 5 minutes. But it was more than playing. It was that no matter what I did I was nothing more than a failure and I’d never be enough. And nobody in my life believed in me and what I can do, and that there will always be doubt in my abilities, so what’s the point of being confident?

And top that with the previously mentioned stress and pressure I get at home with grades and sadly my body as well

And no matter how hard I try nothing seems to go right and everything feels like I’m stuck and a failure

I struggle deeply with anxiety and low self esteem and other shit I’d rather not get into

But all of this plus school work and just in general my own mental health issues and struggles

It made me lose confidence in my work and that it wouldn’t be good enough and I’ll never have art that’s good enough for anyone

And I’ve just been exhausted both physically and mentally where I just can’t bring myself to draw

Atm I’m finishing some work and I was working on a lokius drawing cause lol still love drawing

But yeah

That’s where I’ve been + an explanation for what’s been going on and why posts/plans are so often out of order and just wack

If you’ve gotten this far rkvjsnvn thank you for listening to what my random dumbass gots to say

My lokius drawing is nearly done so thas smth to look forward to but yeah

I wanted to be honest and let you all know what’s been going one lately especially with recent growth nearing 300 followers it’s just smth I felt I had to do💀

But yeah see y’all when I’m not so brain dead💀

Another stupid update

yo junior year be mad wack

I got stuff so tktober gonna be paused for a second

I’ll try to get 5 and 6 posted tmrw since it will be Friday but def not tonight I’ve gots loads of stuff :P Ight seeya

[tamelee]

OMG SIS! I just wanna know what your mom feeds you like your art style is so good that it physically hurts💘Also if I don't see Kushina in your art style I'll die. ��

She doesn't :') But thankyou so much!! 🥰💕 I don't want you to be hurt in any way though, that is not my intention.. so! I'm going to share with you my current hot chocolate recipe. It is not mine, but I can't remember who's it was.. maybe 'Joshua Weissman' from Youtube.. though I'm not sure, I've tried many different ones and they're saved in my notes.

It's not mine, but imma claim it anyway. Sue me.

INGREDIENTS:

2 tablespoons (13g) unsweetened cocoa powder

1.5 tablespoons (18g) brown sugar

1 tablespoon (18g) cream

1 cup (236ml) milk

1/4 teaspoon (2g) vanilla extract

Small pinch salt

INSTRUCTIONS:

Mix all ingredients but marshmallows in a medium saucepot.

Top with marshmallows and finish with grated chocolate.

No. "I don't even like hot chocolate." Is not okay. Unless you're from America, I heard that the chocolate there is bad. (Don't kill me, it's what I heard and I tried Hershey's... just.. no.)

"Also if I don't see Kushina in your art style I'll die. 💀"

Can't have murder on my hands atm Non.e. Kushina it is then~ Though it's almost her birthday.

I'll plan it for that date, okay? ヽ(´∇｀)ﾉ🧡

[dausy]

So this was really painted just in the idea of being quick and silly and it doesn't exactly look silly..well anywho..I've just decided that I really like pink maned lions and I've mentioned before that atm I just like anything that looks like it belongs on girls merchandise from the 80s or 90s. I joked this looked like it belonged on a trapper keeper (or one of those paper based folders really). Somebody on insta said my drawings look like they should be wall murals in a kids room! which is something I never considered but I suppose I could totally see that with the bulk colors. TBH I just hate most backgrounds and I'm lazy..lmao..I have no plans to physically do any sort of wallmural it sounds painful.

speaking of painful. I pulled my back when trying to clear the garage so I could work out because I was too lazy to go to the gym. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I wouldn't say I was in pain, I was just physically incapable of moving because my body wouldn't work. Still prefer hurting my lower back over that time I woke up with a stiff neck and couldnt move it. My back is still super sore. I did manage to put together a bookshelf on my own with my husband at the sidelines going "don't do that" but did he offer to do it for me? nooooooo.

Other art supply ramblings:

everytime I draw something I realize theres a color I don't own that I really really want and despite everything I own you'd think I'd just be content as it is.

I did combine my most recent art supply purchases into one palette. These are all the schmincke icey colors I squeezed from tubes into halfpans and the middle 6 are halfpans from the special edition schmincke macaron set. I may need to rearrange my primary pastel set. So far the schmincke colors are extremely deceiving. All the colors lay on almost like they are white and then you don't know how they'll look when they're dry. So I was painting Mr Lions mane and I'd go to add in a dark shade but the paint would go on white and I'd get deeply concerned but then it'd dry dark.

so far because I've been doing a lot of pink/orange creatures (tigers using the same orange here) my most used palettes are the shinhan pastel PWC set and the art philosophy watercolor confections pastel and vintage pastel sets. Schmincke has just such a huge name behind it I wanted to give them a try and maybe I can sneak them in with my shinhan.

one of the color issues I'm facing is I want cream colored oranges. And I keep accidentally vibrant oranges and then find myself trying to tone them down and making a muddy mess and trying to fix it. I managed to do a cream lion that one time and I'm not sure how I did it. I'm collecting all the jeune brilliant and peach shades I can find.

actually I just made a jacksons purchase and at the time I was really wanting browns for more natural brown maned lions but now I'm happy with pink. So I have a few red browns incoming. Brown is one of the worst colors for me to paint with. I can't figure it out. I hate all the umbers and siennas. I'm going to have a follow up purchase of a bunch of peach/pinks.

I also am really finding that I really really like my little holbein pastel colored pencil set more so that my other colored pencils. Lemme tell you how their pigment is identical to the pigment in the watercolors. You can lay down a lilac watercolor and then go over an error later with a lilac colored pencil and you would't know. Its the exact shade of color. One of my future major purchases I want the 50 set >> of pencils. That sounds excessive.

Id also still like to purchase a holbein irodori gouache set because the box art is so pretty but I can't justify the price tag on that one. traditional gouache I don't usually use except for touch ups these days and the gouache in those sets don't generally match my preferred palettes. Was thinking about buying one or 2 open stock colors but the box art is just so pretty!

[homeformyheart]

no feelings - mason x f!detective (twc)

author’s note: my original intention was to do a post-bakery, heartbreak moment for mason and I started this before the demo updated, but needed to change it since and hopefully it still works. I have no idea if I’ll do a part 2, my original plans don’t spark joy atm, and I was tired of seeing this in my WIPs xD. very minor book 3 spoilers (allusions but no specific mentions). enjoy! *thank you @silma-words for giving this a read-through all those months ago when i was stuck and to @narrativefoiltrope for the parentheses suggestion!

copyright: all characters, except my oc detective, are owned by mishka jenkins @seraphinitegames. series/pairing: the wayhaven chronicles – mason x f!detective (ria knight) rating/warnings: 16+; swearing, angst word count: 1.7k summary: ria wants to end things with mason before she catches feelings for someone who won’t return them. mason isn’t sure what he wants but knows he doesn’t want to give up what they have.

no feelings

mason just stared at the door to ria’s office, the shades obscuring the sight of her but he could still hear the sound of her heartbeat. solid and steady, like her.

he didn’t know why he said what he did. he just knew that she was hurt, even though she pretended not to be. and even though he wanted to talk to her, he didn’t know what he wanted to say.

it didn’t matter though, seeing as how she didn’t seem like she wanted to talk to him anytime soon.

but he couldn’t bring himself to walk away.

he knocked, hesitantly. once. twice.

“come in,” a voice called out, loud to his senses, vibrating ever so slightly.

he opened the door and paused in the doorway, eyes searching hers for permission.

her head rose from where it had been resting on her arms, fists clenching once she noticed him. she lowered her hands to her lap, but mason had no doubt that her knuckles were white.

“what do you want?” she asked, her features stitching together a mask of indifference.

but he could see the truth in her light blue eyes. it was his special skill after all, being able to read people and get the truth from them.

a skill he tried to avoid using with ria as much as possible for some reason.

when did that happen?

even now, as he was holding her gaze, he knew he wasn’t trying to read her. but he could still sense that something was off. and he wanted, no needed, to figure out what it was.

the silence between them grew as ria’s gaze shifted. she looked expectantly at him. “well? if you don’t have anything new to report on the case, you should leave. i have a lot of work to do.”

he shook his head, a force of habit. he really didn’t know what to say.

she glanced away, eyes flitting across the posters and papers pinned to the wall next to her desk, but mason could see the gears turning in her mind. when she turned back to look at him, the pain from before was replaced by a newfound intensity that slammed into him and sent a prickly, but still pleasant, tingle across his chest and down his arms.

a knowing smirk tugged at the corner of her lips as her eyes appraised him, and not unlike the first time they flirted, the motion sent something warm and soothing down south. as her eyes met his again, the warmth turned into a simmering heat and he took a step forward, her darkened irises drawing him in.

he raised an eyebrow at her. while he was no stranger to the constant attraction between them, which pushed and pulled like the tides but always met each other at dusk and dawn, it didn’t seem like the time.

for once, he wanted to talk.

“look, about what i said before,” he started, folding his arms across his chest.

ria made her way around her desk until she was standing in front of him. “you were right. you made it clear that you were only interested in fun, and i agreed,” she shrugged, tapping her fingers lightly on his chest.

his brow furrowed. while he did say something to that affect, it wasn’t what he wanted.

“that’s all this is and all it’s going to be, so i’ll see you later at my apartment?” ria asked pointedly, her lip curling into a smirk.

a frustrated rumble crouched low in the back of his throat. “i never said that this is all it’s going to be,” he snapped, flinching at the volume of his own voice.

ria didn’t move a muscle. her light blue eyes had darkened to a cloudy grey, only a few shades lighter than his own.

“you didn’t have to, sunshine. i’m saying it. so am i seeing you later or not?” she asked, the glare on her face reminding him of the daggers she had hidden under her jacket sleeves.

an uncomfortable itch started in his belly and he subconsciously scratched at the fabric of his shirt, blunt nails digging in harder before he realized the itch was under his skin.

and it was spreading. traveling up toward his chest and out before making its way down his arms. leaving behind a tiny, circular weight in his stomach that he didn’t care for.

he could recognize it for what it was, a form of conflict. swirling counter-clockwise as a hurricane does when it approaches shore. but he didn’t understand why it was there.

what he did understand is that if she wanted to see him, he wanted to see her.

he gave her a slow nod. “i’ll see you later,” he said, hesitating for a brief second with his hand on the doorknob.

he glanced back at her and said softly, “sweetheart.”

~ against her better judgment, ria met mason’s gaze before he left, the murmured pet name on his lips seeming to glide through the air and hit her in the chest. her body slumped back against the desk as he left, energy draining out of her and leaving behind the tempestuous grey look now seared in her mind. his words left an uncomfortable lump in her throat, and she hoped no one else came into her office.

she looked at the clock, a feeble attempt to fast-forward to the end of the day, only for her shoulders to sag at the realization that she basically still had eight hours to go. despite the tension in their earlier conversation and the uncomfortable moments they’ve had since breakfast, ria wasn’t mad at mason.

even though she had stormed out while trying to blink back tears and then he stormed away from her after finding out about bobby, she didn’t blame him.

no, the only person she was fucking pissed off at was herself.

it wasn’t supposed to get this far.

she wasn’t good with feelings. it was always easier to push away any uncomfortable thoughts or emotions by keeping her body physically distracted, preferably with either a partner in the gym or a partner in her bed.

learning how to box and working her way through all the various martial art forms gave her focus after quitting ballet.

(though it did little to quell the feelings of inadequacy caused by things completely out of her control.)

teaching herself how to use knives and rook’s family dagger was a welcome distraction after she was forced to abandon her aspirations to join the army.

(though digging through rook’s old stuff in the attic in desperate protest – to find anything that would tell her he would’ve supported her – only drowned her in the loss.)

flirting and sleeping with every person who showed interest in her and seemed even an inch better than bobby fucking marks.

(though every little fling, whether a one-night stand or a string of awkward first dates, only added supporting evidence to the story she told herself that no one would stick around for her.)

and it was supposed to be the same with mason.

no strings. no baggage. no goddamn feelings.

ria gripped the edge of her desk with her hands until her knuckles turned white. she already broke her first rule of dating: don’t catch feelings.

you can’t get hurt if there aren’t feelings involved, she reminded herself of the mantra that got her out of several attempts at relationships after breaking up with bobby.

but she could still implement her second rule.

~ instead of heading back to the warehouse right away, mason wandered toward the trees bordering the station that offered a shady respite from the scorching sun against his sensitive skin.

the heat was only going to get worse, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave just yet. even in the dark shade of the trees around him, the sun burned against his skin almost as if it were bare. he winced, not even wanting to think about how much worse it might feel if he wasn’t at least wearing a long-sleeved shirt.

they still needed to work together.

he pushed the seemingly random thought out of his mind as quickly as it had appeared, his body reacting viscerally in disagreement to the sentiment.

this wasn’t about maintaining a working relationship with ria.

this was bigger than that.

at least, he assumed, though he wasn’t exactly sure why.

he lit a cigarette, trying to distract from how his shirt is quickly becoming an incubator for the heat. smoke curled upward as he leaned his head back against the trunk of a tree.

he was always in it for the fun. it made traveling around and the downtime between missions more bearable.

he didn’t really care for hobbies and interests the way nate and felix did. and he could only take a beating from adam every so often.

having fun, especially with humans – who were so easy to rile up and even easier to read – made the endless time pass in a way that felt normal. for him anyway.

learning all the different ways he could elicit sounds from them. figuring out how quickly he could make them peak. knowing exactly what to do to leave them wanting more.

he took a long drag of the cigarette, closing his eyes and wishing the burn in his lungs would linger a little longer. it numbed the burn on the outside of his body.

but no feelings. that always took the fun out of things.

that was the rule.

and ria was fun, there was no denying that. maybe even the most fun he’s had in a very long time.

she knew his rule. hell, it was her rule too.

it was the perfect situation for him.

maybe he didn’t want to lose out on such an ideal situation. or mess up the team dynamic.

he dumped the cigarette butt onto the floor and put out the embers with his shoe.

whatever it was, he knew he wasn’t ready for things with her to end.

* * * * * taglist: @kelseaaa; @kat-tia801; @anotherbeingsworld; @babycracker; @writer-ish; @gloynporslen; @sosolenoo; @alyssalauren; @wayhavenots; @pearlsandsteel; @gingerbreton; @takemyopenheart; @mevnraels;

[izayoichan]

For the 100 OC Questions:

Flynn: 91-100

Fannar: 81-90

Chris: 31-40

Hayle: 51-60

Hayden: 61-70

Vy: 71-80

Lucas: 21-30

River: 41-50

Brooke: 1-10

Meadow: 1-20

A few questions for almost everyone XD

This will be LONG, so under a line.. because LONG!!

Flynn:

91. Do other characters respect your OC, if so, is it out of fear? Or do they respect your OC because they like them?

Some respect him, most do and it's mostly from him being who he is. A friendly guy that's generally nice to everyone. Flynn is simply a very likable fellow.

92. If they were given minutes to live, what would they do? Who would they want to see and say?

The one person Flynn would go to see is his dad, and he'd probably tell him that he loves him and to not take blame for anything that has happened, and to care for the rest of his family. Then he would just hug him until his time was up. His dad is the most important person in the world for Flynn

93. How do they deal with stress?

He tends to go for a run, or talk to someone about what stresses him if he can. Most often this person is Brooke, or later Emil.

94. Do they have a more submissive or dominate personality type?

I think he is a bit of a mix, but like his mom, leaning on the submissive.

95. Do they have a pet?

Atm not really, he has Emil as a familiar, and the family has two pets in Lobo and Felix that he kinda considers his as well without either really being his.

96. Do they have a stash of weapons?

Nope, no stash!

97. Where do they live? Who do they live with?

They live in Brindleton bay with their entire family. It's a lot of people, but he likes that in a way. Even though sometimes some alone time is good too.

98. How do they calm themselves down?

Watching movies, working at the shelter, or just talking to their dad. His dad is his biggest source of calm.

99. Are they co-dependent?

In some ways yes, but also not. He is a very independent person, but he is also used to living very close to family and friends. So he would be a bit lost without them all I think. College should be interesting ;)

100. Are they a day, or night person?

Day person, definitely.

Fannar:

81. Do they have any tattoos? If so, are they significant?

Is it bad that I don't really remember? I don't think I gave them any, but I also have a bad memory.. so maybe, but they're not significant, just something they would have done for fun.

82. Are they good at mental math?

Very, they have that after their dad.

83. Do they get along with others?

Yep, he does, he also has a bit of a tendency to get fans along the way somehow. He doesn't exactly like that part as much though.

84. Are they lazy?

Generally no, but they also can be. They do like to not do anything but slack on occasion ;)

85. Are they self-motivated?

They tend to be more motivated by others, but when needed, they can motivate themselves, so I guess a bit of both?

86. How do they cope with anger?

He isn't a very angry type of person, but when he gets angry he copes fairly well with it. He has always been told being angry is okay, and a valid way to feel.

87. Have they ever been in a situation where they were helpless?

When they saw Emil attacking their mom, and then their twin stepping in and eventually making it his familiar. He felt awfully helpless then and it was not a feeling he liked.

88. Are they organized or messy?

Their fairly organized, better than most teens.

89. Can they remember a lot of information at once?

Yeah, they have a dragon's memory, and they are pretty good at remembering a lot of information at once.

90. What is their occupation?

Currently, they are to be College Student.

Yvreon/Vy:

71. Who do they dislike?

Mages.. hunters.. yeah.. that's their main dislikes.. Death to an extent.. Jael mostly for breaking the Heartlight.

72. What is their motto?

I think to help, and just be helpful in general. Or learn, as much as he can.

73. Do they have any markings on their body?

They have quite a lot of scars, from being attacked by hunters. They also have a heart-shaped scar on their chest, from sharing their heart with their husband Hayden.

74. Have they ever been abused?

Sadly, yes, both by the first humans they encountered, hunters who wanted their heart, and also to an extent the mages at RoM who wanted to experiment on him.

75. What is their biggest fear?

To lose Hayden.

76. What are their goals?

Healing people, helping people. He would love to get his Heartlight back if it was possible so that Hayden would be well, or better. Learning as much as he can, and of course, acquire many shiny things and books!

77. How do they go about achieving their goals?

He works at a hospital, where he helps as many as he can. And the money he earns often go-to books and shiny trinkets as he knows he is well cared for at home money-wise.

78. Do they have a fight or flight response?

Depend's on son the situation. If Hayden or his family is close, he will fight with all his might. If he is alone, it would be flight, to come home and protect those he loves.

79. Is there someone in their life that they care about more than themselves?

Their kids and Hayden.

80. How would they fare in a zombie apocalypse?

Fairly well I think, they are a dragon after all ;)

Hayden:

61. Are they comfortable being in a crowded room?

Yeah, he doesn't really mind. He prefers quiet, but a crowded room doesn't bother him much.

62. How do they relax?

Lying in bed watching movies, preferably using Vy as a bed, as that is the best and most comfortable thing he knows. Oddly helping the kids with math is also relaxing to him.

63. Have they ever harmed anyone and regretted it? Verbally or physically?

The sharing of the Heartlight with Vy, hurts Vy when he feels bad. Or well it did when it was connected. He was never comfortable with that, and it always made him feel bad. Even if Vy told him it was fine.

64. Do they like to dance?

Yes!

65. How do they get around their environment? Examples - horses, bike, vehicle

They have been carried a lot.. other than that, he mostly gets flown by a dragon or uses a portal.

66. What is their pet peeve(s)?

People who mistreat animals, he hates it, and he will call you out on it.

67. Do they have a disability?

Yes, they were born with one. They were born with two magic types that fight each other. Ice and Fire, where the fire side is slightly stronger and was damaging him. He quickly gets tired, and after the loss of his twin, and the breaking of the Heartlight, he has once again gotten worse.

68. How do they react to getting flowers?

He would be surprised, but thankful. He likes flowers but prefers them alive in the ground.

69. Would they ever wear a flower crown?

Yes, especially if made by the kids or given by Vy.

70. Do they like themselves?

Somedays yes, most days.. not really. He tends, still, to feel he is everyone's burden.

Hayle:

51. Do they like science?

Yep, he finds it fascinating!

52. Are they more emotional or logical?

They used to be more logical.. now they're more emotional, and perhaps a mix of both. The mix makes him a very good dad and grandad.

53. How do they deal with their emotions?

Depends on the emotion. Most he talks with Chris about.. Anger on the other hand still gets handled by hitting things, hard. Preferably a boxing bag.

54. How do they cope with sadness?

Often with anger.. by hitting things because being sad makes him angry. But also with talking to his husband, or his family. Sometimes though, destroying an old house into dust is needed.

55. What is something they care about?

His family.

56. Would they die for anyone/anything?

As above.

57. What do they do when they are happy?

Smile a lot, dance with their husband, laugh, and cook!

58. How would they come across to other characters? Examples- messy, lazy, childish, caring, etc.

Caring, very much like a dad friend, that type of person that feels like a dad when you talk with them.

59. Do they have a phrase they use over and over?

Hmh... not really no.

60. In a crowded room are they in the corners, sides, or in the middle?

All of the above depends on the crowd and why they are there.

River:

41. How was their childhood?

Not the best, their dad only saw them as a mage and pushed for him to be the strongest, while his mom kinda tried to make him into his dad after his dad dies. He had an awful relationship with his mother by the time he was a teenager.

42. Are they close with anyone who is going to screw them over?

Nope.

43. How do they adapt to different situations? Do they adapt at all?

It depends a lot on the situation. As a Sage, he adapts to whatever is needed of him. As a Vet, he adapts to what is needed of him there. And for his son, he tries to adapt to being the parents the kid needs.

44. How do they speak? Examples - Are they soft-spoken, hot heated, vulgar, etc.

They have a fairly soft way of speaking, a caring one. But it can also be brunt, harsh and aggravating to many.

45. Are they opposed to violence?

On a general basis.. yes, for occasions, they're fine with it.

46. When is their birthday?

I don't think it has ever been mentioned, I think Mahv will have to say, if not, I guess it is time I give him a date for it!

47. Are they quick to judge?

In general, yes, but he is trying to be better after he misjudged Rylan so badly when they met.

48. Do they have anything they are trying to hide from others?

Mostly how bad they still feel after the death of their husband. How guilty they still feel and so on.

49. Do they act differently around different people?

Yes. He can be loving and caring to some, while asshole to someone else.

50. Do they enjoy the arts?

Yes, especially music.

Chris:

31. How do they overcome obstacles?

By thinking things true, finding the best way past it most of the time. On occasion, he pulls the reaper card though.

32. When faced with a difficult decision do they get stronger or break?

They get stronger. They have a breaking point, but it takes a lot for him to hit it. 15 years away from his family was close to his breaking point, and both Jael and Kieran knew it.

33. Do they have any special powers?

He is a reaper..he has quite a lot. For instance, he is one of very few reapers that can kill a god.

34. How do they change throughout the story?

Well, Chris was a bit of a loner.. so they changed to become someone's lover, a dad, a family man, and someone who often wishes he could be home a lot more than he can.

35. Do they have any friends? If so, are they close-knit?

He has one, Nat, with whom he is very close. Kieran is more the boss than his friend. There is also Mark, who's after him to finding love, they have slipped a bit apart, both having a life outside of work. His best friend is of course his husband.

36. How is their family life?

Busy, especially with his work being on top of it all. But he would not trade it for the world!

37. Are they likable?

Yes, it's a good trait to have when you ferry souls over to the next step.

38. Are they the hero, or anti-hero?

He wouldn't consider himself either, but to some, I guess he is the hero

39. Do they make questionable choices?

Not all too many most were perhaps made before he died 😎

40. How do they become who they are?

They did something questionable and stupid and died. Luckily for them, they also said yes to becoming a reaper and that's why this story even exists.

Lucas:

21. What are their hobbies?

Singing, which is also his job.. he is also a pretty decent kitty bed by now if that qualifies as a hobby.

22. What are their ticks?

Hmh... not sure he has any, probably just fiddling with his fingers when he is nervous if that counts?

23. Do they like children?

Yes, mostly, unless they cling to him and want a photo.. although that more teenage girls. 😂 But in general, yes he likes children, he grew up with quite a lot of them around.

24. How do they react to being around wild animals?

With fascination and awe.

25. If they were given the task to prank someone, who would it be, what would they do, and would the prank work?

It would likely be a bandmate, and it would probably be putting something they hate in their drink. As she isn't the type to prank someone, he would probably fail miserably.

26. Do they have any survival skills?

Yep, they can make fire with two twigs, and they can play music to make some busking money if needed.

27. Are they more book smart or street smart?

Street smart, he likes books, but he grew up in an orphanage, so he learned street smarts along the way.

28. How do they get out of a difficult situation?

Would depend on the situation, he can pay his way out of it, or he can try and run of course. He isn't a fighter so he would rather try and avoid stuff like that.

29. Do they use their body, mind, personality, or force to get what they want?

They don't really do that much.. but to work at the shelter, he used his personality and what he knew they would have to say yes to.

30. What music do they enjoy?

Absolutely everything! If it's music, he likes it. Although everything for its situation. Its not always that black metal fits what you're doing.

Meadow:

11. Do they have a romantic interest?

Yep, and you will soon see who that is.. soonish anyway.

12. How do they cope with struggles?

Fairly well really. They work their way through it, although often they can be a bit snarky when it happens. It's just their way of dealing with it.

13. Do they have anyone they can lean on?

Her half-brother River, his family, her dad, and her mom. Unlike River, she is quite close to her mom, and their relationship is much better.

14. How do they react to someone dying?

If it's someone she cares about, she would like most people be sad. If it's not, then it's more.. eh, shit happens!

15. Can you name 5 personality traits they have?

Friendly, Hardworking, Ambitious, Romantic, Proper

16. How did they become a character?

It was Mahv's idea to have River have a little sister, then she kinda became the kid's mom friend and person outside the family to talk to.

17. Do they get along with others?

Yes and no. She has a way of being that alienates some, but if you see through it, you find a sweet person who is easy to get along with really.

18. What flaws do they have?

They can be a bit hot-headed, snappy, and abrasive when put in a situation they don't expect. She also expects a lot of herself, like becoming the first sage potion maker!

19. How do they influence the story?

She becomes a bit of an icebreaker between River and his mom when they are re introduced. As well as becoming a very good friend to the current kids in the story, the one they go and talk to when things are meh, and parents aren't an option.

20. What do they look like?

Sneaky I know.

Brooke:

1. How do they present themselves to others?

Very straight forwards really, they are nicely dressed and well behaved in general.

2. Do they like animals?

Yes, they love them, specially horses. Sadly animals don't seem to love her back for unknown reason to her.

3. How do they dress?

Nice clean clothing? Nothing special, and never high fashion.

4. How many languages do they know?

Quite a few actually. She speaks Simlish (English), Japanese, Chinese, French, Italian, German and Spanish.

5. How big is their family?

Not big at all, its basically only her and her parents.

6. What is their purpose in the story?

Now that is a secret still. But it will be shown eventually, and she does have a purpose yep! Her purpose has even changed several time over already.

7. Do they know how to fight?

Yes in her own way. (Cryptic, I know, but you will see one day)

8. What is their back story?

There isn't that much. She has grown up with her parents, they have always been strict but quite fair. As long as she follows their rules and guidance, she is fairly free to do what she wants. Their not overly happy with Flynn as her boyfriend, and think she could have done better, but they have accepted it.

9. Why is their name, their name?

Because random name generator made it so!

10. Do they have any nick names?

Not really, Brooke is short enough on its own. Closest is Flynn calling her his Brooke I think.

AAaaand that is that.. thank you for asking, I hope you enjoy!

[haridraws]

Hi, etsy anon here! I agree that Amazon can be very shady, though I have found them the most convenient for a lot of things, especially buying indie books. Etsy has about an $11 shipping fee to the US I think, which is less convenient for me. Do you mind if I ask if you get a larger cut of the sales from Etsy than Amazon? I’d be more inclined to buy from Etsy in that case—gotta support the creators! Thanks so much for your response!

Thanks for clarifying - honestly these are really good questions and thanks for being so nice about it!

Shipping is actually something a LOT of people often ask about - I’m also in online groups with artists in various fields who encounter a lot of similar questions, so I want to take this chance to explain the best I can how my system works, why I use Etsy atm, and answer some FAQs!

** Some indie artist shipping FAQs! **

I’m an artist based in the UK who sells their products online. These are some FAQs I get about shipping - this is just what’s true for my business personally, but I know lots of other indie artists who operate on a similar model!

(International indie artist)’s shipping seems really expensive! Why can’t it be free?

imo one reason indie artists’ shipping comes across as expensive may be because US customers can sometimes be used to buying from companies who ship domestically from inside the US. Some big companies also sometimes take a hit to profits to offer ‘free’ shipping - so they stay competitive, but lose some money. (Shipping always costs the company money! As far as I can tell, Amazon actually loses money on shipping, even with arguably very unethical practises, and USPS loses money on its operations in general)

For indie artists, especially if they’re using ethical suppliers, profit margins are usually much smaller since they can’t print in real bulk (1,000 or 10,000 units+) or with special agreed deals. That means that for a lot of international artists, that ‘free’ shipping model just isn’t possible at all - this is partly why Etsy punishing artists for not offering free US shipping in the search rankings is a big problem!

For me, offering 100% free US shipping would mean I’d lose so much money I’d just have to stop my art business completely - or else, raise all prices by £5-10 so every single person buying multiple items or from my home country would be way, way overpaying. And I don’t want anyone to be overpaying! I want to be transparent about costs as much as possible, which includes postage and packaging, even when it’s expensive.

I’ve heard bad things about Etsy recently - is me shopping there hurting artists?

SO to answer your question - for me personally, for books I sell myself (ie not with a publisher) Amazon takes a larger cut of the money than Etsy, even though both are just posted out by me (and my friend who I hire as an assistant bc of my disability) in exactly the same way. This is true even after Etsy’s fee increases and new advertising policy. At the moment, despite its issues, personally for me Etsy is still the best platform for various reasons (including eg. admin and messaging systems that make it hard to get an address wrong, are compatible with a system for customs codes, and make it easy to track down and resolve any issues, which is especially a big deal with my disabilities).

Not buying from Etsy if that’s the artist’s main or only store just means the artist will miss out on money they may really need to pay the bills - Etsy itself is a huge platform with varied users, and almost definitely won’t notice the difference.

In general, it’s probably best to buy from artists on whatever platforms they advertise themselves, or ask them which is best for them! And if you’re worried about Etsy’s new advertising fees (which I really don’t agree with, but that’s another post) affecting artists, you can avoid these by always going to the artists’ shop from a bookmark, or links they have from their website or social media. Clicking on ads you see elsewhere is the thing that will cut down on the artist’s profits (and you’ll need to shop from a private browser if you’ve clicked on their shop from any ads in the last 30 days).

Why are Etsy shipping fees so much?

Etsy’s shipping fees are something the artists sets themself. I (and most people) set it to match the amount I personally have to pay to pack and ship the order. It costs $10+ to send a 500g-ish package overseas with my country’s standard (non-tracked) international mail service, or $18 for a 1kg+ package, which is about the weight of books 1&2 of Finding Home. That’s not even including fees, packaging and label supplies - which make costs a fair bit higher for me - or the time taken to do it.

I know it can be a lot of money, but it is just really expensive to ship packages thousands of miles! In fact, for books I actually subsidise the packing costs myself, and lose out on profits a little to keep it as low as possible for customers.

Are you sure it’s not a mistake…?

Probably not! For my own shop, if your shipping costs seem REALLY high for non tracked orders (USD 30+) it’s worth sending me a message just in case there’s been an error. This CAN happen occasionally because of the way the adding-extra-items system works - usually if you buy a lot of (usually 4+) small items, it can end up overcharging a little, which I can definitely fix for you!

tl;dr - 

Unfortunately almost always, the shipping costs in my Etsy shop are just how much I personally have to pay to get the book out of my house over the ocean to you. I don’t make money on it - if anything I lose money - and that’s true of most small artists shops. They’re probably making it as cheap as they can, because cheaper for customers is better for business!

I do know costs can be prohibitive (and I do have PDF versions of most of my books here!) but unfortunately it just costs a lot to get physical products to people far away, and there’s not anything I can do about it.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #331

my head hurts way too badly to think up some intro lyrics, so just g’night.

Have you ever become good friends with someone you never met in person? Oh yeah, I've had best friends over the Internet. Hell, I'm closer to many online friends than I am most irl ones. They know "the real me" more. What do you consider your default mood to be? Stressed, probably. Discontent. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Not long. Proper goldfish husbandry is a very neglected topic, and I sure as hell never knew how to set up its tank adequately. Have you ever been paintballing? No, don't plan to. It looks like it hurts like a bitch. Do you want a large wedding? No. Did you ever collect any sort of cards? I had a very small collection of Pokemon cards. I didn't collect them avidly. What’re the best and worst books you ever had to read for a class? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton was the best. The worst was some book we had to read in the 6th grade about a kid during some war that moved around a lot... I don't remember the name or who wrote it, but it sucked. What’s the best meal you had at an amusement park, or If you haven’t been to one, how about a good meal at another place like a zoo, aquarium or museum? I don't know. I haven't been to many. Who, whether a person or company, emails you the most? My PHP therapist emails me a check-in sheet and Zoom link every day there's a therapy session. What kind of sound or noise freaks you out the most and why do you think it scares you? Let's seeeee... I don't know if there's a sound that actually freaks me out. There are some I don't like, but none that like, frighten me. At least that I can think of. What’s the strangest art piece you’ve come across? Biiiitch there's a painting in Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs I'm not gonna go into, but shit fuckin wild. What’s the most clever or unique name you’ve come across for a business? I've definitely heard some cool ones, but I don't know about one that really stands out to answer this. If you had to name one of your hypothetical future children after a song, which song would you pick? Maybe like... okay, I'm blanking. Good thing I'm not having kids to name then, right? What’s the last song you heard? "Down in the Park" by Marilyn Manson is on atm. What is your favorite line from a TV show? *shrug* Any current family issues? No. How many hours do you spend online a day? How do you feel about that? I'm doing something on the computer pretty much... always. I hate it, and I hate it a lot. I don't want my life to be tied solely to the digital plane. I want to do more than bounce back and forth from website to website. Do you think that people have the power to make their own lives better? Absolutely, but there are some things they simply cannot change. It's about perspective and how you play the deck you're dealt. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? Right now, the most limiting thing is my physical health, probably. Just walking being torture affects my ability to exercise, and my body is a major reason - if not the biggest, at this current time - for my depression. This also plays a massive role in jobs I can handle. Not to sound like my emo self writing middle school poetry, but my body feels like a prison. Do you feel that you are loved? I know I am by some people, though I have a hard time understanding why a lot. What is the one thing you want most from life? Life satisfaction. Pride in what I've accomplished. A regular state of being content. Birthplace? I'm just gonna say in eastern NC. Do you believe in love at first sight? No, merely infatuation. Love is much too deep for that. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Some can, but usually only if you put effort into making that so. Favorite fictional character? like ummmmmmmm have you heard of this sassy bastard called Darkiplier- Go to the movies or rent? Before Covid, I loved going to the theater. It was something to do, plus a giant screen is nice. McDonalds or Burger King? McD's. I'm not a big BK fan. I only really went there during my vegetarian phase for the veggie burger. Current annoyance? This motherfucking headache. Last thing you ate? I have a meal replacement shake with me right now, if you consider that "eating." I didn't have a proper dinner. The last solid food I had though was some cookies and cream Greek yogurt. Last thing you bought? With my own money, I think I bought Mom and I some cheap McDonald's order semi-recently? Or maybe paying my $100 deposit for my tattoo was most recent, idk. Soonest thing you are looking forward to? For Mom to get her CT scan and find out what's going on in there. What did you do today? It was a pretty average day. I woke up way too early, though. The only thing even semi-unique about today was I played World of Warcraft for a few hours again; I've been quite unattached to it lately, but I went through an episode today of actually having fun playing. Oh, and I've been battling a migraine. It's more of a severe headache now, at least, but it still sucks big time. Do you like to see it snowing outside? Oh yes, absolutely! When you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats? I believe once we did from a very volatile student that honestly caused quite a lot of trouble. He's dead now. Who knows ALL of your secrets? Nobody. Did you have a job before you were in college? No. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now? That's a terrifying thought, no. Are you on birth control? Yeah, but just because it tames my menstrual cramps. Without it, they could be debilitating some days. Who is your last sent text to? My best fren. Have you ever eaten at Chipotle before? Possibly? Idr. Do you swear often? Excessively. I had a dirty mouth prior, but my swearing got really bad when I started staying at Jason's house a lot. He and especially his mother swear like mad. Do you own any shirts with a peace symbol on it? No. Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? Not at this house, no. Would you ever go to Japan? Oh, yes. I would love to. It's... very morbid, but I would really like to walk the (public) paths of Aokigahara Forest, nicknamed "Suicide Forest" for the horrible amount of, well, suicides that happen there via hanging. Like, you might just casually run into a dead body. I want to just... feel it there, walk in silence and empathize with people who didn't know what else to do and hope so deeply that those departed know they were never alone in their pain. I know with absolute certainty I'd probably be teary-eyed the whole time and cry a whoooole lot, but it's just an experience I want to have. What was the last thing you went to Walmart for? Some basic groceries. What should you be doing right now? Sleeping, given this headache... I just don't want to yet. Are you afraid of getting your heart broken? I'm fucking terrified of that ever happening again, far more than words can properly express. Have you ever been in a choir? Yes, actually; when I was a Catholic kid, my sisters and I were in the church choir for a year or so, idr. Do you have a Twitter? Yes, but only to like Mark's tweets, haha. Oh, and very rarely enter giveaways I'm interested in. Describe your retainers to me, if you have them, that is. I have a permanent metal one behind my front row of bottom teeth to keep those straight. My upper teeth had one of those normal retainers you take in and out, but I didn't wear it enough, so now it doesn't even fit. Would you like for someone to call you right now? No. I'm tired, my head hurts, and I'm enjoying the song I'm bingeing. It's so weird, I rarely ever go on music hunting trips (no real reason, I just... don't), but I've found great shit lately. Do you like to brush your teeth? No; it's a chore. I only do it because I don't want my teeth decaying, falling out, or getting too yellow, and the taste in your mouth and gritty texture on your teeth isn't exactly great when you don't brush. Have you ever had a surgery? Two. Give out your phone number over the internet? I have over private messages. Do you look older or younger than you actually are? Given my wardrobe (like graphic tees and band shirts), I probably look younger in the eyes of especially older people. I personally say I look my age, though. When is the next time you’ll be up on stage? I never plan to be again. What is the last show that you watched a full episode of? Some cooking show with Mom. Nailed It!, I think? Do you know anyone who lives in Utah? No. I love Utah, though; it's actually a place I'd be willing to live in with just how pretty it is and not super populated. Do you get your feelings hurt easily? VERY. I'm probably one of the most sensitive people you can meet. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Ugh, yes. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? First we took those nasty, chalky Flintstones kinds, but as time passed, Mom moved onto giving us gummy bear vitamins that were perfectly fine. Did you get any compliments today? No. Are you friends with your neighbors? Not "friends," no. What towns have you lived in? Three different ones. That's all you're getting. Have you ever thrown up from drinking? No. Done any illegal drugs? No. I mean I've had some alcohol underage, but I've never done anything remotely hardcore. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? Idk. Who have you texted today? My mom and best friend. What time did you wake up this morning? Ugh, like five in the fucking morning. I couldn't go back to sleep. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Making shitty eye contact, and I'm one of those people who "talks with [their] hands." I also lose my train of thought a whoooole lot. Have you ever layed in a hammock? Yeah; we had one growing up. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? Well yeah, I've had lots of pets, so thus lost some in particularly painful ways. The most scarring loss of a pet though is as follows: Teddy, my dog, picked up one of our cat's very young, wandering kittens in his jaws in a manner that looked as if he was trying to carry it like Aphrodite (the mother cat) does when she would bring them back behind the couch, where she gave birth/had her little "nest." I absolutely freaked and had to pry the kitten from his mouth, and it slowly died in my hands. I think Teddy accidentally crushed its ribs. I. Was. A. Mess. Then, there was Aphrodite herself. I've told the story before of our former neighbors calling animal control because our cats would wander through their yard, and all of our cats were taken away while I was unaware at school. Came home, and they were all gone. Aphrodite was my baby, so I was devastated. Screaming, sobbing, cursing on the porch for like 20 minutes... It was awful. What type of curtains do you like? I don't... know? I don't know the actual names of any types... What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? I absolutely cannot be friends with someone who thinks they're above everyone else. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I think I am. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Cookies! Especially Oreos. Dip it in there for around five seconds, and it's perfection. What fruit is too sweet to you? Grapefruit came to mind first. How did you feel after your first kiss? I had butterflies galore and was so giddy and smiley. After the first, I just wanted to kiss him a billion more times. What’s your favorite constellation and why? I don't have one. Shower curtain or door? Curtain. The glass doors are too revealing. Have you ever thought to yourself that you’re the luckiest person in the world? Most deeeeefinitely not. What time of day do you most enjoy looking at the sky? Sunset if there are clouds present, but sunrise if the sky is pretty clear.

[haikyuu-matches]

@jasminemilktea-pls

hi! omg ur matchups are so well written, may i pls have a matchup + possibly headcanons if u have the time? ♡ straight, she/her, 5'6", short blue hair, septum/ear piercings! busy 24/7 in art school. told i come across as intimidating but just v chill, stays in my lane + luvs makin new friends! open to new experiences, places, ppl + ideas. just ~vibin~ most of the time + happiest traveling, skateboarding w friends w a good playlist, spontaneous nights out bein dumb, makin playlists for luved ones, singin/guitar seshes—solo or w friends + art! labelled as the “Always Down” + “Advice Giver” Friend, here if u need a shoulder to cry on or vibe on. nonstop teasing, bantering + jokes. love language = physical touch + acts of service! v independent, huge ambivert + doesn’t like relying on others much; tho still cherishes all my relationships. a generally positive outlook on life/ppl, but can’t stand ppl’s bs/drama/insensitivness/rudeness/etc. will stand up for myself or others when smths wrong. easily captivated + curious so always learning a new hobby or study (new thing for me is rock climbing!) (v bad at it atm but she out here tryin lmao). work hard/play hard mindset—determined to be a cartoon creator + storyteller! but still takes time to explore/enjoy life. sarcastic, ez-goin, confident, adventurous, cup half full + Doin My Best™. enfj/leo sun/scorp moon/gem risin. TYSM! 💗

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hey lovely ! you seem so cool dfshuissfd thank you for your kind words & waiting so patiently! hope you like it!!  (*´︶`*)╯

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i match you up with … 𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐀 𝐘𝐔𝐔𝐉𝐈 !!

i got major terushima vibes & i feel you two would make such a chill but a total goofball couple??

first off, i think the fact you’re such an open-minded & fiercely independent person will make you ten times more attractive in terushima’s eyes. coupled with the fact he thinks a girl with piercings & dyed hair is hot .

you two will never be bored around each other because you’re both down for adventures & trying new things– even spontaneous or impromptu experiences are a go! some dates will be a spur of a moment kind of thing…  like “let’s just go to this place !” 

those dates honestly end up being so fun because you both understand that sometimes the best things aren’t necessarily planned.

from amusement park dates to rock climbing to nature hikes (with a waterfall hidden somewhere), you & terushima will thoroughly enjoy every venture because you’re together and you find that there’s no one else you’d rather have these exploits with!

in the end, i feel you both feed on each other’s optimistic & spunky attitudes. rather than having someone “keep you grounded” per say, you both would keep each other afloat & strive in supporting each other in whatever endeavors.

oof i stan for that sm.

also … all your hobbies sound like something terushima would love to do?? like i can totally imagine you two travelling the world (with a lot of memorable shenanigans that only the two of you know), skateboarding through the city whilst listening to bangin’ bops (catch this crazy athlete trying to impress you with his cool skateboard moves-), late night tomfoolery where you two totally bond over your somewhat chaotic but hilarious energy, and even just chilling out with guitar sessions (he surprises you with how quickly he learns the instrument-) & art experimentation (you both prolly laugh at his attempts at traditional art) !!

since you’re the go-to friend for advice, your advice must be golden– and your words of wisdom aren’t at the extent where you’re nagging. which. that’s something terushima appreciates greatly. 

but of course, in certain situations, you’ll tell it to him straight if he does need to be reprimanded. he does strike to me as someone very impulsive…

on a different note ! when you both become really close to one another, he will open up to you & his unexpected vulnerable side will be revealed to you. something he wasn’t expecting to ever happen even if he got a girl.

it just shows how much trust he puts in you, and while you have your good amount of shenanigans with him, you also have your share of more serious moments that also act as a bonding moment.

i have a strong feeling you two would become like best friends at first (vibing with one another), and then terushima will for sure have to make his move because his thick skull realizes how much he treasures you??

and he may genuinely fall for you?

oh man, he doesn’t want to mess it up… because that would mean losing his best friend & closest confidante. also there’s the fact committing can be lowkey scary?? probably explodes & confesses at a random time-

okay anyway

when i saw “nonstop teasing, bantering + jokes”, i definitely can see that being a thing in your relationship.

witty banter & teasing is something like a life force in your relationship; you two will always have something to quip about each other & while people may question why you tease each other so much and ruthlessly, it’s a way of showcasing your love to one another.

you know that moment when that person pokes fun at their lover & then their lover pretends to be really hurt by those words? yeah that’s what terushima does to you. he’ll feign being wounded by your sarcastic words, and then uses that as ammo for a kiss to have you make it up to him oml-

cheeky boy.

speaking of which, terushima can’t keep his hands to himself. literally. he’ll love showing you off as his- whether he has to wrap you up in a big hug as a greeting (he doesn’t really care about what others think) or having you leaned up against him when you’re sitting next to each other… or even giving you an unexpected peck on the lips– he just thrives on showing his love for you through physical touch.

if you do this back to him, he’ll die of happiness & come back to life in order to reciprocate tenfold.

you two seem to be cut from the same cloth?? i don’t think terushima’s the type to stand bs & drama either; he’s far more on the side where it’s all fun & games. so, this is why so many people will be naturally drawn to you two because you two aren’t the type to deal with unnecessary drama.

after all, if you aren’t enjoying life & living life to the fullest– what’s the point?? 

but at the same respect, he admires your mindset of work hard, play hard– he’s always been the “just play” kind of guy, so he’s drawn to your balance of having fun but also working hard (something he had to learn).

by the way, he thinks your passion to become a cartoon creator + storyteller is really cool?? like, he normally doesn’t like to read and such, but when it comes to you, he’ll always be down to read or listen to your ideas & sketches!

terushima honestly has so much respect for you & he’ll be so pumped if he can make you his. after he gets over his slight anxiety over commitment.

so essentially, you two will definitely be such a dynamic couple– striking that balance of work and play & going on fun-filled adventures. some people may be shocked how you can handle the personification of a firecracker, but you confidently take it in stride.

possible runner-ups:

nishinoya yuu

yamamoto taketora

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— lily ! ♡

[haleths]

BIG thank you to @going-there-and-back-again for tagging me in this!! I’m so sorry for the delay, it’s been a busy week ♡ ♡ ♡

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? I used to write in black pen religiously but now I’ll happily use either

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? Somewhere in between?? I adore the countryside and would absolutely looovveeee to live there, but I’m also very lazy and would lose my mind if I had to drive 30 minutes to find a supermarket

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be? Ice skating, skateboarding, rollerblading. Don’t ask me why, I just think people who can do that stuff are cool as HECK

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Nope. I drink tea no sugar, no milk. Cause I’m hardcore

5. What was your favourite book as a child? Malory Towers, oh my god PLEASE tell me someone else read those as a kid! I fell asleep listening the audio books every night and named all my Barbies after the main characters.....

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Showers

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? DRAGON. I WNNA BE A DRAGON

8. Paper or electronic books? Paper. Gotta get that new book smell

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? I own the BEST oversized, knitted jumpers. I’m counting down the days till autumn when I can wear them again

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it? I really don’t like my name, I never have. My parents were going to call me Juliet which is wayyyy better than Ashleigh. But it would feel weird to answer to any other name at this point, so I’ll probably just leave it...

11. Who is a mentor to you? My therapist??

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for? Hmmm, kind of. I value my privacy too much to be like FAMOUS famous, but it’d be nice to be recognised occasionally or be known in society in some lowkey way

13. Are you a restless sleeper? It usually takes me a while to get to sleep but once I’m out, I’m OUT

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? I’ve not felt a Romantic Feeling™ in over 10 years so you tell me

15. Which element best represents you? Air

16. Who do you want to be closer to? No one. I’m really content with all my relationships atm

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? No (I'm a real people person, can you tell?)

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory: I remember listening to the Shrek soundtrack on repeat and making up dances for each song. I then performed the whole thing one Christmas to my entire family.... let’s move on

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Ostrich. It tastes kind of like meaty chicken

20. What are you most thankful for? My mental/physical health, my job, my home. I know that lockdown has been hard for many people and I’m very privileged to be able to say that I've been doing just fine. I do not take that for granted and I’m extremely thankful

21. Do you like spicy food? Oooooo yeeessssss, I put paprika on e v e r y t h i n g

22. Have you ever met someone famous? No, but I’m not sure I’d want to. Spotting someone from a distance is fine, but going up and talking to them? Interrupting their day with my incessant rambling? Absolutely not 

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? I did for 6 months when I was 13. I get it out sometimes whenever I need a good cringe.

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? Pen for writing, pencil for drawing

25. What is your star sign? Libra sun, Aries moon, Aquarius rising

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? Soggy (I’m so sorry)

27. What would you want your legacy to be? Oh god, I don’t know... I’d like to leave the world in a better state than I found it? To have done some good, made some change

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read? You see, I want to like reading, but I just suck at it. My concentration goes after like 10 minutes and I often get stuck on one book for months. I’m currently attempting to reread The Silmarillion

29. How do you show someone you love them? By giving them my time and attention. Being alone is my default state so you know that if I’m actively choosing to spend time with you, I must really care about you

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? I guess. I’ll have it at a restaurant for example, but I’d never buy ice to use at home

31. What are you afraid of? F a i l u r e

32. What is your favourite scent? Watermelon, or anything sweet/fruity

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? First name

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I wouldn’t live it too differently to now tbh. I’d still want to work, I don’t know what I’d do otherwise! I’m really not into possessions so it’s not like I’d be out there living the luxury lifestyle. Obviously money = security so I’d be grateful for that

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Swimming pools

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? Leave it there?? I wouldn’t want to get involved idk...

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish? No, I never have :(

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children? Acceptance, of themselves and others

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? It’d have to be something simple, like a symbol or line drawing or something, wherever it would hurt the least

40. What can you hear right now? Kids screaming outside (they’re just playing, it’s fine)

41. Where do you feel the safest? Home, definitely.

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My low self-esteem. I think we’d all be unstoppable if we thought more of ourselves

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? The 80′s for the music. The Renaissance for the art. And Medieval times for the DRAGONS

44. What is your most used emoji? 🙃

45. Describe yourself using one word: Enthusiastic

46. What do you regret the most? I’m not sure that I regret anything... I dropped out of university over 3 years ago so obviously further education was the “wrong” choice for me. But I love my life right now and I’d never have made it here if it wasn’t for the mistakes I made

47. Last movie you saw? Arrival. SO good

48. Last TV show you watched? Sex Education. SO SO good

49. Invent a word and its meaning: 

CHESTURE verb  |  ches • ture 1. The unbearable frustration when you feel when struggling to perform a precise, intricate task e.g. threading a needle ↪ “Damn, I just can’t thread this needle! I am so chestured!”

I’ll throw this out to anyone who’s bored and feels like answering some personal questions  ♡ ♡ ♡