#nocturnality changed my life forever | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

zapreportsblog · 1 year ago

Text

❝my child❞

✭ pairing : poly lost boys x reader

✭ fandom : the lost boys

✭ summary : (y/n) is a vampire and a member of the Lost Boys, a powerful gang of biker vampires who control Santa Carla's boardwalk. Despite her immortal nature, Y/N yearns for the impossible dream of having children, much like human women. Her fixation shifts to a lone traveler, whom she believes is destined to be the child of her and the Lost Boys, setting the stage for a unique and unconventional tale of desire and destiny in the vampire underworld.

✭ authors note : ooh aged down star here and I think ima start writing for something other then twilight because no offense twilights taking up my page 😂 I’m not just a twilight franchise writer, I write for various movies, tv shows and series

✭ the lost boys masterlist

The Santa Carla boardwalk was bustling with life as (Y/N) walked hand in hand with her four vampire companions: Marko, Paul, Dwayne, and David. They were known as the Lost Boys, the notorious group of nocturnal creatures that ruled the night in this coastal town. For (Y/N), they were more than just companions; they were her mates, her official but unofficial husbands in the eyes of their vampiric society.

As they strolled among the neon lights, a sense of melancholy crept over her. Children ran by, laughter and joy emanating from their every move. Parents watched over them with love and pride, and the longing in (Y/N)'s heart deepened. She knew that as a vampire, she could never experience the joy of parenthood. Vampires couldn't reproduce, and that realization weighed heavily on her.

(Y/N) glanced at her boys beside her, their immortal beauty accentuated by the boardwalk lights. Their existence was eternal, but it was also devoid of the simple pleasures of human life. While they didn't age, they were forever frozen in time, unable to grow, change, or have children of their own. A pang of sadness washed over her as she wished for something she could never have.

Later that night, as they returned to their hidden lair deep in the cliffs overlooking the Pacific, (Y/N) nestled herself in the makeshift nest of blankets and pillows. She was wrapped up tightly, seeking comfort from the emotional storm brewing within her. Unbeknownst to her, the Lost Boys could feel her emotions, her sadness radiating like a palpable energy in the room.

Dwayne, always the most observant of the group, spoke up. "Did anyone else notice (Y/N) unusual behavior today on the boardwalk?" His voice was soft but laced with concern.

David, the leader of the Lost Boys, nodded. "Yes, I did. She seemed...distressed."

Marko and Paul exchanged glances, equally troubled by the apparent sadness in their mate's heart. "You think she's craving something?" Paul asked, voicing the thought that lingered in all their minds.

Dwayne sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. "It's possible. She was watching the children and their families."

David's eyes darkened as he considered the implications. They all knew that satisfying this desire wouldn't be easy. They couldn't simply snatch a random child, not only because it would be cruel but also because it would anger (Y/N) beyond measure.

"We need to find a way to make her happy," David said finally. "We owe it to her. She's given up so much to be with us."

Marko nodded in agreement. "Let's figure this out, together. (Y/N) deserves our best efforts."

Paul chimed in, determination in his voice. "We can't give her a child, but maybe we can find something else that will fill that void in her heart."

As the boys huddled together, their bond as strong as ever, they were united by a single goal: to bring happiness to the woman they cherished above all else, even if it meant navigating the complex emotions of parenthood they could never truly understand.

The night was still young, and only a few hours remained until the dreaded sunrise. The boys knew they had to act quickly to address the longing that had gripped their mate, (Y/N). With determined hearts, they mounted their motorcycles and rode down to Max's store on the boardwalk. The neon lights of Santa Carla painted the night in an eerie glow as they approached the familiar establishment.

Maria, Max's human employee, greeted them with a warm smile as they entered the store. "Hey, boys. Max is in his office."

The boys nodded in thanks and headed toward Max's office. They didn't waste any time with pleasantries when they walked in, their faces etched with worry and anxiety.

Max, reclined in his office chair, raised an eyebrow at their seemingly disrespectful entrance. "What's got you all so riled up?" he asked, his tone tinged with annoyance.

David stepped forward, his voice steady but full of concern. "Max, we need your advice and assistance. (Y/N) is going through something, and we don't know how to help her."

Max leaned back, his curiosity piqued. "Go on."

David took a deep breath and explained the situation. "Our mate wants a baby, Max. She's been feeling this emptiness, a desire that we can't fulfill. We can't just take someone's child; that's not who we are."

Max nodded thoughtfully, steepling his fingers. "It's not uncommon for a female vampire to experience these feelings from time to time," he mused. "Left unchecked, it can become problematic."

Marko, his anxiety growing, couldn't help but speak up. "So what do you suggest we do?"

Max regarded them with a knowing look. "Santa Carla is teeming with runaways and lost souls, boys. Finding an unsuspecting victim on the streets should not be a challenge. It would be a temporary solution to ease her pain."

The boys shifted uncomfortably in their seats, the weight of Max's suggestion settling on their consciences. It was a dark and morally questionable path, one they had always tried to avoid.

But as the seconds ticked away, they realized they were running out of time to make a decision. The coming dawn reminded them of their own immortality and the fleeting nature of the night.

"Thank you, Max," David said, gratitude in his eyes. "We'll consider it."

Max nodded and leaned back in his chair. "Remember, boys, sometimes the choices we make for the ones we love aren't easy."

With that, the boys left Max's office, the weight of their decision heavy on their shoulders. They knew they had to find a way to bring happiness to (Y/N), but at what cost? The night held its secrets, and they had a long, dark road ahead of them.

The next night, the boys and their mate, (Y/N), found themselves once again on the bustling Santa Carla boardwalk. (Y/N) leaned against Dwayne, her head resting on his shoulder, as they walked in sync with the rhythmic ebb and flow of the crowd.

David, always watchful, scanned the surroundings, his eyes darting from person to person. (Y/N) noticed his vigilant demeanor and furrowed her brows. "Is everything okay, David?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.

Paul, never one to hide the truth from (Y/N), stepped forward, his voice gentle but firm. "We need to tell you something, (Y/N). Max suggested a solution to your...desires. David is likely keeping an eye out for a child."

(Y/N)'s expression shifted from curiosity to a deep frown. She gave Paul a sad smile and shook her head. "You don't have to do that, boys. I appreciate your efforts, but we don't need to..."

Her words were cut short as she suddenly stopped walking. A bewildered look crossed the faces of the boys as they watched her go silent. Concern etched lines into their brows as they approached her.

"What's wrong, (Y/N)?" Dwayne asked softly.

Her gaze was distant, her senses focused on something they couldn't perceive. "Do you hear that?" she whispered, her voice barely audible over the din of the boardwalk.

The boys exchanged puzzled glances. "Hear what?" Marko questioned.

"My child," (Y/N) said, her voice quivering with emotion. "It's calling out to me."

With newfound determination, (Y/N) moved quickly through the crowd, following an invisible pull that only she could sense. The boys exchanged glances again, realization dawning upon them.

"Guess the hunt's on," David remarked, and they followed her, careful not to lose sight of her in the bustling crowd.

As they ventured deeper into the night, they lost sight of (Y/N) for a moment. Anxiety gripped them until, finally, she reappeared with a bright smile that illuminated her face. She held the hand of a young girl, no more than seven or eight years old, with big, innocent eyes.

"Boys, meet Star," (Y/N) said, her eyes shining with happiness. "She wants to hang with us tonight. Is that alright?"

The boys gazed at the child, their hearts heavy with the weight of their decision. But when they saw the genuine joy in (Y/N)'s eyes, they couldn't deny her this moment of happiness.

"Yeah, baby, she can hang," Paul said with a reassuring smile, and then the rest of the boys welcomed Star into their nocturnal world, hoping that this newfound connection would bring solace to (Y/N) and fill the void that had haunted her for so long.

292 notes · View notes

queerprayers · 5 months ago

Note

Hello! I'm a genderfluid Christian and I'm currently trying to discern whether going on HRT would be a good idea, both in terms of whether it would be worth the inconvenience and whether it would be glorifying to God. Do you have any recommendations?

(For a long time, I was comfortable in my gender without it, but a few months ago something shifted and now I can't stop thinking about it. I would ask a pastor, but I'm between churches at the moment; the Baptist church I went to for many years, despite its many good qualities, is not at all affirming, and I'm still in the process of finding a better spiritual home, which is further complicated by the fact that I am nocturnal.)

Thank you for running this blog, by the way. It means a lot to me.

Hello, beloved! I will do my best and I'm so glad you're here.

I hope you've heard this quote from Daniel M. Lavery, but just in case you haven't: "As my friend Julian puts it, only half winkingly: 'God blessed me by making me transsexual for the same reason God made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.'"

Another quote from that book (Something That May Shock and Discredit You, which I highly recommend) that comes to mind is “Trying not to transition was the hardest work in the world. The nicest thing about transition was letting go.” I believe you that you're unsure, and I'm not trying to make your decision for you, but on the off chance that any of your discerning has taken the form of trying to convince yourself not to transition in this way, or downplaying your current discomfort, or not trusting yourself out of fear, I'd say that being trans in this world is hard enough without being on your own side.

Ultimately, you know yourself and your experience, and I'd hazard a guess that you've already decided more than you think. Often by the time I'm reaching out about a life change, I'm asking permission more than advice. If that rings true, here's your permission (not that you need it from me).

I hope you don't mind, but I checked in with my partner (a certified Transgender) while answering this, and I'll paraphrase what they had to say about HRT and inconvenience: Is the travel time to see a loved one worth the inconvenience? Ultimately, you are worth dealing with inconvenience. The happiness you could have is worth the inconvenience. Being trans is hard with or without medical transition. But sharing in the act of creation is worth it. We are all worth doing hard things for, and for some that includes fighting to get on HRT and being visibly trans in public.

You can't know until you begin a journey if it will be "worth it"—but I would imagine answering this for yourself, giving this instinct inside you a chance, would be worth it even if it's not forever. There are people who start HRT and decide it's not for them—and their lives aren't ruined. Their lives are fuller for honoring what they wanted at that point in time. Obviously regret happens—but we cannot refrain from living because of that. Your gender identity and your relationship with your body may change and grow, and all parts of that change are worth of honoring.

As to whether this would glorify God—are you honoring the person God created? If (to paraphrase St. Teresa of Ávila) Christ has no body now on earth but yours, if yours are the hands with which he blesses all the world, the feet with which he walks to do good, the eyes with which he looks compassion on this world —what body are you moving through this world with, and how will you care for it? What will enable you to live out Christ? Jesus calls us to meet every stranger as himself—what would happen if you met yourself as such, too? If everything we do to another is what we do to Christ—feed, clothe, honor—why would you be any less? Why would your body not be worthy of existence, of shelter?

If our bodies are temples to God, are they not places of worship? Of course my journey with accepting my body has shown me that we can be faithful Christians before accepting ourselves, and as we learn to care for ourselves. I don't mean to imply we cannot. But our peaceful existence in these places of worship takes work, and just as we work to make our churches more accessible and accepting, so must we work to care for our bodies and fully inhabit them as prayer. My work of love to my body was accepting it as it is, welcoming its change and faults, and also taking psychiatric medication so that I could function better. It was prayer for me, the journey to find a medication that worked and paying attention to how it was changing me, how it enabled me to better serve as a child of God.

Every trans person I know has been more fully able to love when they live as themselves—when they've had access to transition care, when they've been respected and affirmed. These were not selfish choices, they were self-honoring choices which have shone outward ever since. We can look to the Bible to see name changes at moments of God-glorifying change, and we can also see physical change—the shining face of Moses, the woman who only seeks to grasp the hem of Jesus's clothing to be healed, Paul going temporarily blind, Jesus himself at his transfiguration. We cannot serve God and stay the same.

Romans 12 tells us to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice—living. Yes, we are called to be willing to die for love, but also to live for it. Preventing your flourishing because it would be scary, or inconvenient, or misunderstood, or because it may not be where your flourishing lies forever, is not a sacrifice for love. Transition, the way I've seen it in the people around me, is.

I also want to point out that you've done the work—you introduced yourself as a genderfluid Christian. I don't know your story, but I know the years of reconciling saying those words can take. You have the language for yourself. You know who you are. HRT can be a huge first step for some, but it can also be just the next part of that work. It doesn't have to be huge. For some it is simply bringing things more in line with the self they've known all along. Make it a big deal if that feels true (and it is a big deal in terms of bravery and access), but it may become just one of many ways you care for yourself. You don't have to cater to those who see it as drastic or an emergency, those who fearmonger or want you to prove you need it. You've done the work, so trust that you are capable of making this decision.

It is your God-given right to make decisions about your body. As Christians, we believe we are called to serve God with those decisions. But God gave us the reins. God gave us all different skills and stories and paths. It is not easy or obvious and sometimes we circle back or regret or repent. God gave us the capacity for those kinds of stories, too. Be human with God—our God who entered into time and space, who participated in our having-a-body-ness, who reconciled the ways his body held him back and the ways he could serve with it. Jesus's relationship with his gender/body/health is not something we're privy to but from other parts of his life we can assume it was a participation in his time and place—a 1st century Jewish man. In the communities you're a part of, with the resources you have, with the identities you have welcomed, how will you be human with him?

I don't know what healthcare is available to you where you are, but a good doctor can tell you the side effects, refer you to counseling as you make choices, give you dose and timeline options. Even if you don't end up going on HRT, seeking out trans-inclusive healthcare and community is a good choice, and I would recommend learning your options. If you can't stop thinking about this, trust that it's worth taking seriously.

I wish you all the best in finding a church/community—there are people equipped to love all of you, and you deserve to find them. I relate with the nocturnal bit—I know Catholics usually have a Saturday night service, and every so often another kind of church will. Online community can fill gaps and give us other ways of connection as we look for physical communion. I wish I could promise affirming religious spaces in every place, but I can only pray and work for that to someday be the case.

So, to answer my lover's question, the travel time to see a loved one is worth it. The journey to the you more full of love is worth it, and the journey to find a spiritual home is worth it. If we are pilgrims on this earth, may the things in our control be done with love, may our journeys be faithful, may our bodies be Christ's body, trusting in the Love greater than anything we can do. How you will be a steward of God's creation is not something I can answer for you, but I believe in your ability to sow the seeds within you. HRT may be the next part of your creation—you can give yourself some time, talk to some people, sit with the idea, consider how you would handle regret, and don't let me tell you what to do, but ultimately there is only one way to know, and waiting until we're sure is stagnation if it is not an active waiting.

To quote my Easter/TDOV post: Come to life, beloved. God sees you. The first steps out of the tomb may be stumbling, the dawn too bright, but we will meet you in the garden, where you were first created. Bring with you whatever is still bleeding—Jesus believes in you, touches the ache in your ribs. Mistake him for a gardener; let him plant you anew. Look to the wound in his side, see how it births the Church, and continues to until there is room for you. Look through the holes in his hands and see the world you were redeemed for, the self that you have already found or may only imagine. God made the grapes, and Christ stands in the winepress with you. Trample out your wine.

And lastly, to turn the patron saint of receiving sacraments presenting as God calls, even unto death, Joan of Arc's affirmation into a command (and purposely quoting an angel in the process): Be not afraid. You were born to do this.

<3 Johanna

#asks

84 notes · View notes

pseudoquiddity · 1 month ago

Text

Here is my radical "The Nocturnal Ending is Bad for the Kin" take because I feel the need to write it down.

As I see it, the Diurnal and Nocturnal ending are equally as bad/good for the people of the Kin (to modify the statement I just made above). It's Artemy's miserable job to choose which part of the Kin is "most" Kin to him, based on his lived experiences the past two weeks.

Oyun and several other NPCs state multiple times that the Kin are a single-headed beast. If you kill the worms in the Termitary, Artemy can also believe that the Kin are a hivemind. If this is what you and/or your Artemy believes, then so be it, but there is evidence to the contrary. Aspity has a different take on this, Isidor has a different take on this, you can have a different take on this, and you're all undeniably Kin. The Kin members you meet in Aspity's place asking for her advice all come to her with different problems representational of the factions the Kin are splitting into. Should they rebel violently? Should they learn Russian? Is there a point passing down their values when their values have no purpose in this settler society? Var, too, "looks" Kin but claims he isn't. But the Worms attack you and help you "as one" in the Abattoir. Taya believes they're all fingers on a hand and inseparable. There is no "alone." So which is it? Well, Artemy, you choose ...

The "Kin hivemind" is an objectively fantastical concept that may or may not exist in the Kin, the same way that massive aurochs maybe did, maybe didn't roam the Earth at one point.

During the plague, massive numbers of the Kin die. In the Termitary, for one, but also people on the street. We know this is because they're "too individualistic." They're too integrated into the town and have strayed too far. It's a kind of internal diaspora. Artemy, who leaves the town and is himself half Kin, and so grapples with whether he has the right to make massive decisions for the Kin or not, whether he's really Kin enough, is like these people. These people have never left the town but they have left behind part of their Kin identity. These are the "average" people, people who aren't fantastical, who need to work jobs to feed their families, who make mistakes and, like Artemy, struggle to fit in a world that at its convenience, sees them as a member of the town or not.

During the Nocturnal ending, the members of the internal Kin diaspora will probably die to the plague. They never had the chance to prove themselves, like Artemy did, that they're still connected to the Earth. What's preserved is the fantastical. Murky, Grace, Taya and Clara get to live because they are also partly embedded in the idea that they are pieces of a whole, and they're also little miracles themselves with their latent abilities tied to the Earth.

So, here, Artemy makes the decision that to him, the Kin is miracles; it's all of the myths he heard, they're a hivemind, they're magical, they're suprahuman. There's no room for the mundane, disconnected members of the Kin, who are long-since discarded victims.

In the Diurnal ending, the miracles die. In the Diurnal ending, to this Artemy, the Kin are the everyday people who are caught up in this settler colonialism system like he is. There are no more strange Worms, or Herb Brides, but there is a little steppe encampment outside the town for anyone who considers themself Kin and that might be good enough for Artemy. This ending, though, is a deeply conservative one where things won't change. Conditions will modernize as Vlad improves quality of life for the workers, but members of the Kin who join him again and decide to live in the town will drift farther away from their heritage, further churned up in the system.

So, it really is an impossible decision ... for Artemy to not quite feel like he belongs himself, who is passably European but is also interpreted as Kin when people want to mark him an outcast, and then he ultimately has to sever one aspect of the Kin forever. And neither decision is "good," but he has to make it, so neither decision is "bad," too. Ultimately, like the Bachelor, in the Haruspex's P2 ending, the "system" wins. For the Bachelor, it's a new oligarchical system spearheaded by the willfully corrupt Kains, and for Artemy, it's the system he struggles with since day one when he was hunted in the streets.

#pathologic #artemy burakh #The Kin #mini patho essay #anyways #i have strong feelings about biracial artemy ooooo #man-of-letters

49 notes · View notes

insane-in-the-membranee · 1 year ago

Text

Since I don't feel like studying rn (I have tests starting tomorrow but anw) I'mma make a list of all the webtoons I've read till now~ (feel free to recommend more :3)

My Deepest Secret (my 1st webtoon on the app) ✅

UnOrdinary (ongoing)

Freaking Romance ✅

Siren's Lament ✅

My dear cold-blooded king ✅

Age Matters ✅

Hello Baby (ongoing)

Let's Play (completed- gotta catch up)

I love Yoo (ongoing)

Eggnoid ✅

It's Mine ✅

The Remarried Empress (ongoing)

Your Throne (ongoing)

The Makeup Remover ✅

Rotten (paused)

Bastard (paused)

Sweet Home (paused)

My Daughter is a Zombie (paused)

CinnamonRoll ✅

I dropped Noblesse and Goh*

What you wish for (dropped)

Play Dead (Hiatus— last ch on Jul 17, 2020)

I'm the Grim Reaper (ongoing)

The Devil is a Handsome Man

Little Rain (Hiatus)

Her Mannequin (Hiatus)

To Love Your Enemy ✅

Reunion ✅ (by stephattyy)

The Male Lead's Girlfriend (completed- gotta catch up)

The Snake and the Flower (completed- gotta catch up)

So I married the Anti-Fan ✅

Secret Playlist ✅

True Beauty ✅

Beyond Virtual (completed- gotta catch up)

When Jasy Whistles (Hiatus)

LUMINE (Hiatus)

The Duke's Cursed Charm (completed- gotta catch up)

His Majesty's Proposal ✅

My Gently Raised Beast ✅

My In-Laws are Obsessed with Me (Hiatus)

A Tail's Secret (Hiatus)

She's Hopeless ✅

Who's Mr. President? ✅

For My Derelict Favorite (Hiatus)

Take me, I'm Yours ✅

Daytime Star ✅

Play The Game (Hiatus)

The Dark Lord's Confession (Hiatus)

Forever After (Hiatus)

Maybe Meant To Be (Hiatus)

I'm Dating A Psychopath (Ongoing)

The Dragon King's Bride (ongoing)

Only Hope (ongoing)

Phase (ongoing)

Go Away Romeo (ongoing)

Omniscient Reader (ongoing)

Lookism (ongoing)

No Marriage Is Perfect (ongoing)

Trapped (ongoing)

Eaternal Nocturnal (ongoing)

Serena (ongoing)

Baby Tyrant (ongoing)

I am the Villain (ongoing)

Locked Onto You (ongoing)

Leveling Up My Husband To The Max (completed) ✅

Unlovable Replacement (ongoing)

Dreaming Freedom (ongoing)

Operation: True Love (ongoing)

The Guy Upstairs (ongoing)

Men of the Harem (ongoing)

Like Wind On A Dry Branch (ongoing)

Iseop's Romance (ongoing)

Perfect Marriage Revenge (completed) ✅

Marry My Husband ✅

Cry, or Better Yet, Beg (ongoing)

I'm the Queen in this Life (ongoing)

Wind Breaker (paused)

The Age of Arrogance (ongoing)

My Reason to Die (ongoing)

Hero Killer (ongoing)

Get Schooled (Webtoon removed it tho)

A good day to be a dog ✅

The mafia nanny (ongoing)

Following Eunju (completed) ✅

The Price Is Your Everything (ongoing)

Not Your Typical Reincarnation Story (ongoing)

Taming the corrupted (ongoing)

That's all I can remember for now. Remember some might have been completed but I am following the Webtoon so I went according to that. I have written Hiatus on "Will Return" Series as well, lmk if you want me to change it to 'ongoing' instead!

111 notes · View notes

devils-little-sista · 6 months ago

Text

This is just me kinda projecting my sleeping habits onto Nico don’t mind me

Nico goes through a cycle of three different periods where he doesn’t sleep at all for a while and then he sleeps 24/7 for a while and then it kinda evens out but it’s backwards like he sleeps for most of the day and is awake all night and if he has things to do during those days he will take naps in between doing things. And the cycle rinses and repeats.

Sometimes there are triggers for these insomnia and depression nap episodes and sometimes Nico has no idea what the trigger was and he thinks maybe it just happens naturally sometimes.

I think it started when he came to camp halfblood in the titans curse. The question is: I’m not sure if it started with full on insomnia or his circadian rythum going topsey turvey. He mention somewhere in TTC that he doesn’t sleep well at camp. Could mean insomnia or turning nocturnal. The trigger was the big change in his life of being a demigod and crushing on Percy and Bianca leaving him and dying. Has an insomnia episode right after he runs away for sure the trigger being Bianca dying.

And in the battle of the labyrinth I think he’s mostly having a big long insomnia episode. Except for that one time he was chillin at that ranch house with the older son of Ares what was his name *reads writing on hand* Eurytion. And Nico came out the house with a giant robe on that was the only time he had slept in battle of the labyrinth he probably slept for like 2 days straight depression nap and then went right back into an insomnia episode. The trigger for this episode: Minos and trying to bring Bianca back and the labyrinth and Minos driving him a little insane

And then in the last Olympian I think he started out going through that backwards circadian rhythm cycle. He’s mostly sleeping during the day and up all night. But he’s got stuff to do during the day now he’s gotta help Percy get the Styx curse in the underworld. He’s very tired throughout the whole visiting May Castellan ordeal. And after the underworld incident he just kinda has to force himself into an insomnia episode so that he can convince Hades and Persephone and Demeter to fight in battle of manhattan.

And for the weeks after where he stays at camp he just takes little cat naps during the day and up all night. Despite him actually trying his hardest to sleep at night and be normal it just doesn’t work he eventually gives up

And then in son of Neptune he’s definitely in the midst of an insomnia episode. Just the way he acts throughout this book is borderline manic (maybe actually manic). He doesn’t sleep at all in Tartarus. When they put him in the jar he has to force himself into depression nap even tho him and his body want sleep deprived manic insomnia episode.

When he gets out of the jar on the Argo 2 I think he has a lot of insomnia he’s very scared to sleep for many reasons. Nightmares and giants and goddesses wanting to send dream messages to him. He wants to ignore them like they’re not there like they’re an annoying email. But he’s not as manic during this episode if he is he doesn’t show it. He’s got no energy for mania. He just barely keeps himself awake for a several days and eventually passes out. For 2-4 days. He wants to lay in the med bay cot he slept in forever he never wants to get up. But eventually he makes himself get up so as not to concern Hazel. Forced himself into another insomnia episode after another.

Then in blood of Olympus he’s wanting to sleep forever but has to force himself awake for this quest. But then right after BoO he spirals on insomnia. Stays up for about 6 and a half days total. There was a lot going on those days and Nico wanted to be awake and aware of everything happening. Collapsed on the 7th morning after Gea is defeated. Sleeps for several days. Only gets up because he got bored and wanted to hang out with Jason.

And I don’t know what comes after that. I don’t remember much of Nico in ToA so idk man. I think this is the end of the line for me now. I’m going to sleep now good night guys.

Oh wait no I forgot about the sword of hades short story. I thinks he was in insomnia episode. Because it happens in the middle of the day and Nico said he had been at a graveyard in New Jersey before Persephone shadow summoned him. And he seems very awake throughout that whole ordeal. And I think after he had a long sleep.

#Nico di Angelo #Nico di Angelo insomnia #Nico di Angelo sleep #Nico di Angelo sleep problems #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #PJO #Heroes of Olympus #HoO #The Titans Curse #The Battle of the Labyrinth #The Last Olympian #the sword of hades #the demigod diaries #the demigod diaries: the sword of hades #The Son of Neptune #The Mark of Athena #The House of Hades #The Blood of Olympus

24 notes · View notes

saritapaleo · 1 month ago

Text

Patreon request for @/brittoniawhite (Instagram handle) - Thylacinus cynocephalus. I’ve drawn this guy already, but here’s a new pose AND a size chart, which the previous post didn’t have.

Known by several common names: the Tasmanian Tiger, Tasmanian Wolf, or simply the Thylacine, Thylacinus cynocephalus was neither canine nor feline, but instead a large carnivorous marsupial.

Being a marsupial, it had a pouch. Though it was unique in that both females and males had pouches: the males’ were used to protect their reproductive organs. Thylacine life expectancy was estimated to be between 5 and 7 years, though some captive specimens lived to 9 years. They were shy and nocturnal carnivores, likely eating other marsupials such as kangaroos, wallabies, wombats, and possums, as well as other small animals and birds, such as the similarly extinct Tasmanian Emu. However, it is a matter of dispute whether the thylacine would have been able to take on prey items as large or larger than itself. It is unknown whether they hunted alone or in small family groups, though captive thylacines did get along with each other.

Thylacinus cynocephalus was the last of the Thylacinids, a family of Dasyuromorph marsupials. It lived from the Pleistocene to the Holocene in Australia and New Guinea, driven to extinction in the 1930s by hunting, human encroachment, disease, and feral dogs. The thylacine was already extinct on the Australian mainland and New Guinea by the time British settlers arrived, with the island of Tasmania being its last stronghold. Settlers feared the marsupial would attack them and their livestock, demonizing it as a “blood drinker”, and bounties were put in place that drove the thylacine to be overhunted. As they became rarer, there was a push to capture thylacines and keep them alive in captivity, but unfortunately it was too little, too late. Conservation and animal welfare was not at the level it is today, not much was known about their behavior in the wild, and there was only one successful birth in captivity. Studies show that with continued successful breeding, a campaign to change public perception, and protections put into place much earlier, the thylacine could have been saved. But the last captive thylacine died in 1936, and official protection was not put in place until that year, 59 days before his death. Sightings continued into the 1980s, and even today some claim to see them, but all of these sightings are unconfirmed and unlikely. As are all the other animals on this account, the thylacine is definitively extinct.

Today, carnivores such as wolves and coyotes are demonized in the same way the thylacine was, and there are some who wish to also wipe them out entirely, even having succeeded in many places. While some of the thylacine’s closest relatives, like the Numbat and Tasmanian Devil, survived the European persecution which killed off the thylacines, they are still endangered today due to introduced predators and disease. Instead of continuing to search for, or trying to resurrect the lost thylacine, perhaps it is best we channel that attention, love, and regret on the species we still have. Extinction is forever, and it is easier to save those who are still alive.

This art may be used for educational purposes, with credit, but please contact me first for permission before using my art. I would like to know where and how it is being used. If you don’t have something to add that was not already addressed in this caption, please do not repost this art. Thank you!

#Thylacinus cynocephalus #thylacinus #thylacine #tasmanian tiger #tasmanian wolf #marsupials #mammals #synapsids #Australia #Tasmania #Pleistocene #Holocene

13 notes · View notes

untitledmemes · 1 year ago

Text

Castlevania: Nocturne Prompts

Part II An assortment of prompts taken from the show Castlevania: Nocturne on Netflix. Adjust as necessary to fit pronoun and/or descriptor. Reblog, please do not repost or add.

“ We need to know the truth, don't we? ”

“ This time, I'm coming with you. ”

“ What do you think? Do you think he's right? ”

“ I don't know what you're talking about. ”

“ Are you sure this path is right? ”

“ Which demon will claim his price when all this is done? ”

“ And you think he can protect you? ”

“ You just happened to stumble upon it one day when you were picking flowers? ”

“ My soul is at peace. Which yours will never be. ”

“ Did you think we were flirting? ”

“ We don't have to pretend we like each other. ”

“ I hope you don't have a weak stomach. ”

“ We thought we could change the world. ”

“ What have you done? ”

“ We have to go. We have to get out of here! ”

“ Now, everywhere we look, there are nightmares. ”

“ If I'd let my past terrify me, I'd never be free of it. ”

“ Where are you staying? ”

“ I don't waste my time imagining things that will never be. ”

“ Let's make a new world. ”

“ I know what your nightmares are made of. ”

“ You don't need me. ”

“ Maybe I'm tired of fighting. ”

“ You talk of freedom. Freedom for whom? ”

“ The man I used to know would stare at himself now in disgust. ”

“ I was a fool to trust you. I wish I would have never met you. ”

“ Aren't you supposed to be clever? ”

“ I'm so bored of empty terror. This is much, much sweeter—despair. ”

“ Hold on, I need some fucking answers! ”

“ Where the fuck have you been all my life? ”

“ We had a fucking deal. ”

“ I've been here all the time, keeping an eye on you. ”

“ I was a hero... once. ”

“ Evil will always win. And it's everywhere. ”

“ It's the source of your fury, but not the source of your power. ”

“ There is light in this darkness. ”

“ I was in love with him. I wanted him to be with me forever. ”

“ Most important thing is to face the truth about yourself. Even if it's not very pretty. ”

“ I was going to say something witty, cutty and brutal before I finished you off. But fuck it. ”

“ How did it happen? ”

“ I have some good news. ”

“ You'll have to speak to me sooner or later. ”

“ I've got a lot to tell you. ”

“ The time for compromise is over. ”

“ Everyone has a weakness. ”

67 notes · View notes

oplishin · 3 months ago

Note

what are your thoughts on patho 2 re race

i don't think you were looking for such a long response but uhhh you're getting one!!!!! smarter people have discussed this better, but i have a lot of feelings.

the good:

the broad strokes of artemy's relationship to his race: everytime i have replayed p2, i find myself surprised by how much artemy's angst resonates with me. he can fit into the broader, white culture of the Town, but that acceptance is always conditional. his friends have this "you're not like them" attitude, or they're just outright racist to him. they hate his people but like him. He's also not accepted by the Kin- he's spent too much time both in the Town and outside of it. the way elders in the community chide him is too real, haha. artemy discovering that the cultural practices he ran away from in his youth actually really, really matter to his identity is a feeling i find uhhh really relatable!!! this aspect of p2 just rings really emotionally true.

i like the way (some of) the racism is written: vlad jr is obsessed with learning about the culture of the Kin, he's even gained some trust with them, but wow, he does not give a shit about them when it comes down to it. they're an object of study to him, artifacts to collect, not actually people. andrey takes the cultural art of twyre tinctures and uses it to make a profit and to get really high. he keeps a dancing herb bride in his bar as entertainment. rubin's deal feels similar, he's learning kin traditions because of his weird weird relationship with isidor, but he hates the people. i like that foreman oyun sells out his culture, and that he hates himself so much for it.

okay. it's only downhill from here.

the bad. there's a lot:

the endings

i think the endings are cynical to the point of being unnuanced and un-interesting. the tragic mulatto trope played as straight as possible to a comically extreme degree. either almost every NPC you've met dies, or you destroy the remnants of your indigenous culture. it's just. i don't know. it wouldn't be very pathologic for this to have an actual magical solution- there isn't a magical solution in real life, the status quo just churns onward, and indigenous bodies and lives are discounted. i don't know. i don't know!

i hate that the game presents the diurnal ending as better than the nocturnal one. this is the part where my faulty memory is troublesome- i may be getting the way the fandom treats the endings mixed up with the way the game does. sorry if that's the case! the diurnal ending is bright, the town you've spent so much time saving is safe at last, all your children and friends are rebuilding their lives in interesting ways that you get to take part in. but it's fucking disgusting! the bodies and lives and culture of indigenous people are utterly discounted. this includes artemy, who's doomed to forever try to fit into white society, to never be able to pass on his cultural traditions, who just has to let himself die. the only person who mourns is a dying Aspity, who was one of the last people to carry on and teach tradition anyways. it's terrible.

i,, honestly do not remember much of the nocturnal ending, and a lot of went over my head when i played it. the majority of people read the nocturnal ending as "the bad ending"- all your friends die. and even though they're all super racist, you care about them, probably.

whyyyyyy are the indigenous characters written Like That????

it is fucking embarrassing that 26/29 of the Bound are white. i cannot believe this did not change with 14 years of hindsight post p1. well, the game did add nara, and she deserves her own paragraph!!!! wow, lucky her!!!!!!!!! the kin are so fucking underrepresented within the major characters. the white characters are given complex, differing perspectives about the nature of government, spirituality, morality and guilt. pathologic 2 writes the Kin as a mystical, esoteric hivemind. the non-diversity in the perspectives within the Kin was always something that bothered me, even when I was 15. They do not feel like a real, breathing living group of people. minority groups are not monoliths. i think the game wants to represent them as a collectivist culture, but is too racist to know that people within collectivist cultures uhhh have opinions about things.

p2's racism is just slightly more subtle than p1's, to the point where my stupid fucking 15 year old self didn't pick up on it as much. but god, it also asks the incredible question "what if racist stereotypes were true? wouldn't that sort of justify mass genocide? isn't the diurnal ending just as valid as the nocturnal ending?"

so much justification for the white characters' racism within the fandom comes from "but the indigenous characters did [x] bad thing! but their culture is misogynist!" which 1) fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you 2) someone made the active choice to write the indigenous characters like this. now why would they do this??

the misogyny

god i fucking hate the herb brides. i know that the fandom has tried to reclaim them in interesting ways. i just really cannot. why are these dancers all soft and curvy in the correct ways? why do their clothes fall off to look like they're wearing raggedy skimpy swimsuits? why are gamers soooo horny?? i'm. i cannot! i can't. this game has an asian women fetish. no thanks!

this brings me to the nara thing, which, okay. i'm about to get really mean!!! nara is this demure, docile, exotically sexy lady who's totally cool with giving up her agency artemy and being killed by him because the game has deemed it necessary. sorry, i do not care abotu the diegetic reasons for this. there's a dream sequence where her sexy sillohuette dances in the void. why? this game has a misogyny problem! and a yellow fever problem!! so much of her dialogue is dedicated to "ohhh i'm trying to make you less uncomfortable with this, artemy :(. i'm indifferent i promise :((" she doesn't protest in her death, she just says lore at the player. i'm not happy. i find the attempts to reclaim her in fandom admirable, i'm just. disgusted! by all of it! this game owes me reparations.

#man it feels strange to get an ask about pathologic in the year 2024. from a wrestling mutual also hahaha #mop game #asks #pre-emptively turning reblogs off because i am SCARRED by the discourse

16 notes · View notes

thedeafprophet · 1 month ago

Note

If you don't mind me asking, who were your tes ocs?

Ah im being visited by the ghost of Hyperfixations past. I'm giving a warning that the art here is older, some more so then others.

SO I had a few characters.

behold: old pinterest boards [this is not all of them lol]

But my main oc who I've had since i was like 13 is Eliana. She's changed a lot over the years. I was, suffice to say, pretty obsessed with her for quite awhile.

She was my main PC for Skyrim, and she primarily did the Dragonborn stuff alongside Dawnguard and the like [i split up the different plotlines among different characters]. She's a battlemage, uses a combination of fire magic and sword work, and tends to wear more lighter armor for dexeterity based moves. Originally from Hammerfell, she came to Skyrim on a rather personal mission before, yknow, all hells broke loose and oh boy! Suddenly you're expected to save the world and also you're not entierly mortal, have fun with that.

(Also fun fact, while obviouslly not by name in universe, she has type 2 waardenburg syndrome, which is why her eyes are discoloured + has hearing loss)

El's generally a pretty friendly and sweet girl, but she very much tends to get caught up in her own head, and struggles a lot with the balance between power and responbility, and uh, quite a lot of ptsd and stress by the end of it. theres a lot more but uh, we would be here forever lmao.

and uh. i guess ill give a brief overview of the others under the cut. I had vague ideas of a lot of them exisiting in the timeline and their interactions overlapping.

Laymus is an imperial who originally grew up on a farm with a lot of siblings. He struck out on his own in hopes of taking a stronger control of his own life, and because there wasn't really much for him there. Primarily a hunter, Laymus had an unfortunate encounter with a werewolf... which, left a substiantial impact on his being. He specializes in archery and fighting from a distance... at least, most of the time. [yea he's a werewolf lol. i was gonna do the companions quest with him but never got around to it. i usually play as him when im playing with survival mods, its very fun. he was also one of my earliest forays into having a transmasc oc ]

Faelynn is a bosmer, but was actually raised in Cyrodiil by her adoptive father, who ran a tavern there. She is considerbly older then some of my other characters, and long since outliver her human parent. She had a fascination in poisons from a young age, and after an... incident, became far more invested in them. She is the character I play through the dark brotherhood with, specializes in daggers and poison, alongside alchemy.

Erion is an aldermi character of mine, someone who's family has ties to the thalmor, an area of which he does not connect to. He has a rather.... unfortunately complicated history with his family, that was made all the more interesting by an encounter with Nocturnal at a young age...

He focuses on shadowy skills, a master of sneaking and not being seen when he doesn't want to be. He is the one i do the thieves guild questline with.

Adra is a dunmer, and grew up with a particularly strong set of daedra worshippers, which, suffice to say, has some complications with her background. She vaguely remembers her mother, but has little concept of who her father could even have been. She struggles a lot with self esteem and has a tendancy towards jealousy of those she percieves as doing better then her.

She specializes as a mage, primarily in destruction magic, with a knack for electricity and lightning. She is a student at the college of winterhold.

and that covers the main ones! Or, at least the ones i play the game with anyway. Honourable mentions are Valia and Ashanta, who are Eliana's mothers.

These two met during the battles between Hammerfell and the Aldmeri Dominion, of which Ashanta was a warrior on Hammerfell's side, and Valia was a healer of whom defected, their paths crossing. Its quite a tale in and off itself!

Valia died prior to the start of skyrim.......... the aldmeri are particularly kind to defectors, we shall say.

And then i have a few others. Anja is a nord background character concept I made, who runs a bakery in Riverwood [inspired by me learning about the history of bread making and the important of a baker in a town]. She also ends up adopting some of the orphans in the game lol. Allian is my oblivion character who wasnt ever super developed, i should get back to that... he's an imperial, and is actually Laymus' uncle.

I'm pretty sure I have a few more somewhere but uh. yea! thats the base up of it. hope you were prepared for my great overview XD XD

#man. i miss these guys #anyway yea skyrim and the elder scrolls in general was a major fixation of mine for many many years so... i have a lot!#you can kinda tell where i split things up with the characters as a kid when i decided it didnt make sense for El to complete every part of #the game proper lol #these guys still mean a whole lot to me even if i would probably approach some things differently now #asks #tes #oc talk

11 notes · View notes

theraggedygirl11 · 9 months ago

Text

Sospeso tra finzione e realtà

SUMMARY: Bojan was turned into a vampire some years before. The band met the famous photographer Damon Baker while in London and now it's time for Bojan's photoshoot, but something unpleasant happens.

PAIRING: Bojan Cvjetićanin/Kris Guštin/Damon Baker (+kind of implied poly!jo)

WARNINGS: anxiety/panic attack, blood, sex (not too explicit), angst and more angst, hurt/comfort, death/homicide mentioned, slight torture

WORDS COUNT: 4.891

LINK: AO3

NOTES: This comes from a collective work that's going on since last July or August, I don't remember. The AUs spawned on their own, we have too many and you'll find everything under the tag #vampire!bojan and #vampire!bojan storyline. So, I'd like to thank @signoraviolettavalery who supported my nocturnal brainrot in this post here, and also @touchyourblood and @nyx-aira who added a general background in this other post.

The title comes from this Italian song, feel free to go and listen to it. Here you can read the translation into English.

This is not beta-read, we die like men here! I just took what @signoraviolettavalery and I wrote, put it together and wrote something more around it

I just hope I added every tw in the tags, if something's missing, feel free to tell me and I'll add them!

* * *

“Bojan, are you sure you want to do this?” Kris asks while looking at the vampire. “You know you’ll be all alone with Damon, right? And that you’ll end up showing your vulnerable side?”

“Yes, Krisko. I’m fine, and I’ll be fine,” he reassures him before pecking his lips. “I fed on Jure this morning, I’m relaxed, I feel good, London is showing its sunny side and I’m ready to conquer the world!” He even giggles. He’s truly in a good mood and full of energy.

“Call any of us if anything happens, ok?” Kris looks at him, still worried.

“Yeah, sure, don’t worry,” Bojan winks at him, then quickly kisses the others before leaving their apartment to go and meet Damon at his house.

Damon and he already discussed about his photoshoot, so Bojan knows what he’s about to face. He’s truly relaxed, he didn’t lie to Kris. That part of his life is over, behind his back forever.

As soon as he arrives at Damon’s, he changes his clothes to the ones they chose for his photoshoot: tight leather trousers, a leather belt with a broken heart on it, an oversized shirt and an untied bowtie around his neck. Oh, he loves this outfit, it’s sexy and makes him look so much masculine, but at the same time he starts feeling uncomfortable, uneasiness crawling up his spine. The Bojan he sees in the mirror isn’t the Bojan he wants to show to the world. He notices a shade of red in his eyes and immediately changes them back to brown.

“Are you ready, honey?” Damon asks while getting closer to Bojan. “Oh, you look amazing, sweety. I could ride this cowboy any time! Or you could ride me,” he winks.

Bojan giggles. He’s now used to Damon flirting with him. He likes it. “We can go, I’m ready.”

The photoshoot starts. The poses that Bojan decides to do exhale aggressiveness and masculinity, and the more the photoshoot goes on, the more aggressive they become. He doesn’t want to, but his instincts tell him to do so, to assert his dominance over the person who’s taking pictures and the ones that will see them. He’s unconsciously showing the predator inside him that is violently ramping against the weak human surface, it wants to come out because it feels in danger. And what does an animal in a dangerous situation? It shows aggressiveness and attacks.

The moment Damon gets closer with his camera, something snaps inside Bojan. His entire body is petrified. His mind shows him a memory he thought he had locked up in the deepest corner of his mind. He’s again in front of her, she’s taking pictures of him right after she fed on him. He’s covered in blood, he’s crying and begging her because he’s feeling dizzy, he just wants her to lick the bitemarks to close them or he will bleed off.

But she keeps taking those pictures, she grins showing her fangs and her lips still stained with blood of the most vibrant shade of red. She’s in full control and the only thing he can do is stay there and hoping she will make him stop bleeding. Tears run down his face. He’s so scared, so powerless and hopeless. He wants that all that ends as soon as possible.

In the present Bojan’s eyes got red. He didn’t even notice, at least until Damon brings him back from the spiral he was falling into.

“W-What are-”

He can’t even finish the sentence. Bojan snaps back into reality and in a blink of an eye he attacks the photographer in front of him, pinning him down on the ground. The camera slides on the floor while he grabs the human’s wrists with his hands and blocks them above his head. He growls, showing his fangs in an intimidating way. Bojan’s on top of the photographer, his instincts full in control of his actions, he can’t even recognize Damon.

“B-Bojan...?” Damon whimpers, terrified.

The fog that invaded Bojan's mind and finally fades away and he can restraint his vampiric instincts. He stands up faster than a normal human would. He’s afraid of what he just did, he feels so ashamed for having lost his control.

“I-I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to-”

He just runs away, out of the window. He doesn’t care if someone sees him, he just needs to go away, far, far away from Damon. He looks like a scared prey chased by an unknown predator. While he tries to remember where to go to reunite with his bandmates, he looks around, overwhelmed by sounds and smells and colours and lights.

He’s panting, he’s panicking, his mind is barely functioning at this point, he’s letting his impulses rule over his actions. He doesn’t even know how, but he manages to go back to the apartment, jumping from one roof to the other.

Bojan enters the room where Nace and Kris sleep through the window. He immediately searches for Kris’s colourful sweater in his suitcase. He needs some familiar scent around him to calm himself down. His heart is beating fast in his chest, his eyes are still red. He’s still wearing the clothes he was using in the photoshoot.

When he finds the sweater, he puts it immediately on and lets Kris’s smell surround him. He takes deep breaths and closes his eyes. He tries to block everything else out. He sits on the ground, right next to the bed. His knees are against his chest and his arms embrace them. He’s trying so hard to look smaller.

You are safe, Bojan. You are safe. Damon is alive, you didn’t kill him. You are safe. He keeps repeating these sentences in his mind, trying to regain control over his body, now dominated by fear and panic. He is shaking too.

After some minutes someone enters. He’s too focused on Kris’s scent to identify who that person is.

“Bojan?” This voice is worried.

Soon after a hand is laying on his shoulder. Bojan winces and raises his head suddenly. It’s Nace.

“What happened?”

Bojan doesn’t answer, he just hugs Nace and hides his face against his chest.

“I-I couldn’t do it. I-I showed myself. He knows-”

“Hush, hush,” Nace gently caresses his hair after hugging him back. “It’s ok,” he whispers. “Breathe. You are safe here, no one’s going to hurt you here.”

It takes Bojan at least fifteen minutes to calm down. He slipped, he thought he could be strong enough to face that photoshoot, but something clearly snapped in him and made him reveal himself. And he’s so ashamed of it.

“Let’s go to the others,” Nace suggests when he sees that Bojan is a little bit more relaxed. His eyes are now brown and he stopped shaking.

They go down the stairs together, holding hands. He can hear the others talking in that small living room, but their voices stop when they see Nace with Bojan, with Kris’s sweater and not his own clothes on. They know that something’s wrong. And Bojan confirms their suspects.

“He knows.”

Two simple words, but they all understand.

“Oh, Bojč,” Kris sighs, then stands up and hugs the vampire.

“I-I thought I was over her, b-but-”

“It doesn’t matter,” Kris replies, interrupting him. “We’ll talk to Damon and we’ll find a solution. But now you are more important. Come here and sit with us.”

That evening the band take care of Bojan. They cuddle with him, they prepare his favourite human food, they make him feel comfortable, safe and loved. And in the end he falls asleep on Jure’s shoulder, exhausted by the intense emotions he felt that day.

Nace takes him in his and Kris’s room so they can sleep with him in the middle. It is a “standard procedure” when Bojan happens to have a bad day. Having familiar scents around him helps him to relax and feel safe.

The next day Kris wakes up before anyone else because he needs to drink some water. He goes downstairs, but his attention is caught by his phone buzzing. He takes it. It’s a message from Damon.

Damon: Hey Kris. Yesterday happened something uncomfortable during Bojan’s photoshoot. I’m really sorry.

Damon is still online and is trying to write something else, but he keeps stopping. Kris decides to reply.

Kris: We know he’s a vampire. He told us what happened yesterday.

Damon: I guessed you should know, you are so intimate with one another

Damon: Is he ok?

Kris: More or less, he managed to sleep at least

Damon: Do you think Bojan would like to meet me again?

Damon: I just want to talk with him

A couple of days later, a bit reluctantly, Bojan is again at Damon’s house. He drank blood before going, just to be able to control himself better. In a bag he has the clothes he wore the other day.

Damon lets him in and welcomes him with a smile.

Bojan knows Damon is afraid of him, he can smell his fear in the air and feel it in his heart beating faster than the usual. He harnesses his predator’s instincts with all the strength he has. He doesn’t want to be intimidating.

They sit, Damon on an armchair, Bojan on the couch. They are far from each other. There’s silence between them, both are nervous. But Damon talks first.

"Look, I'm still a little scared. I mean, who wouldn't be? It's human instinct, right? You'd think there was something wrong if I wasn't scared." And Bojan, who remembers what it feels like to be preyed on, nods.

"But I've also gotten to know you. I've gotten to see you. I think you're a good person. And I think you're just as scared of what you are. Maybe even more."

Bojan nods again. "This thing...it's like this monster inside me that I have to control. A demon."

"I know a little something about having a demon inside me," Damon says and Bojan's eyes widen. Oh. "But you find ways to control it, right? To cope. A support network, friends who keep you from falling."

Bojan nods again. "Kad neman tebe, sa mnom su moji demoni," he says. "It's from our song. 'when you're not with me, my demons are with me.' My friends are there for me, and they keep the demons away."

Silence falls again between them. Well, at least for Damon. Bojan’s ears are dominated by the constant beating of Damon’s heart, the blood pumping in his vessels that sings to him, calls him.

Damon breaks again the silence and asks one basic question. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Bojan sits straight, his body stiffens. Damon is curious, but his vampire instincts allow him to recognize the stance of a prey that's trying to not look nervous or scared.

Should he talk? Should he tell him how he got turned? Should he explain to Damon why he snapped during the photoshoot? Should he really allow himself to be this vulnerable with a guy he barely knows?

But Damon, poor little scared human Damon, seeing that Bojan doesn't talk, asks him another question, trying a new way to communicate with him.

"How should I approach you? Like, are there movements or stuff I should avoid doing to make you feel more comfortable? Or words, I don't know. I don’t want to trigger any negative reaction in you."

Bojan then starts talking, even if he's hesitant. He explains that his senses are much sharper than a human’s, so he's bothered by strong noises, intense lights, very rich smells, but for a brief period of time he can resist.

"How do I smell like?"

"I beg your pardon?" Bojan is really confused. Why that question?

"How do I smell like? How's my scent?"

Bojan closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, focusing on Damon. The scent of fear is slowly disappearing. "It's sweet. Comfortable. It makes me feel safe, in some way," and it’s tempting, but he keeps these words for himself.

And there Damon smiles widely. "That's perfect, because I have something for you to wear, honey." He gets up and takes this stripped and fluffy black and white piece of clothing from a bag next to the armchair. "This is my favourite sweater. It makes me feel safe and I'd like you to wear it," and stands up, gets closer and hands him the sweater, which of course is soaked in Damon's scent.

Bojan's brain stops working because, well, he didn't expect this reaction. Damon, still afraid of him, is asking him to wear a piece of clothing that makes him feel safe. Some sort of peace offering.

I want you to feel safe with me, even though I’m still scared. This is how Bojan reads this gesture. His hearts almost melts.

He grabs the sweater and smells it, inhaling his scent and shivering. He quickly takes off his jacket and shirt, then wears the sweater. It’s warm and fluffly and soft. He’s immediately enwrapped by Damon’s scent.

“It suits you,” Damon says, giggling.

“It’s a nice sweater,” Bojan replies, nodding and hinting a shy smile.

The vampire is really feeling safe with it on. He wasn’t afraid of Damon per se, he’s not dangerous, it was the photoshoot that made him feel too vulnerable and made resurface bad memories.

Damon, seeing that Bojan is lulled by the comfort of his sweater, tentatively suggests "if you're comfortable with it...I'd like to photograph that side of you, too. Not for the public, of course. Just...for us. Photography is how I get to know someone, and that's a part of you too."

"I don't want to scare you," Bojan admits.

"I'm already scared. But that doesn't matter. I want to know you, all of you."

Their eyes meet, prey and predator, human and vampire, two creatures completely different but similar at the same time. And Bojan feels some kind of connection with Damon, something he haven’t felt since the first time he saw his bandmates after the transformation.

In the end Bojan agrees to this, tentatively. But he wants Kris to be there with him, just in case. Kris knows exactly how to calm him down. He will know what to do or say if he loses control.

“You won’t need me, you're not going to lose control," Kris says while looking at the vampire. "Even if he does smell extra tasty."

"How do you know that?" Bojan asks.

"I know you," Kris replies. "I know that when you inhale his scent, you want."

Bojan diverts his look and starts fidgeting with the hem of his sweater. Well, with Jan’s sweater. Having his bandmates clothes on helps him relax and push back his anxiety, so it’s easy seeing him with clothes owned by the others.

A couple of days later Bojan it’s time for him to show that side of himself to Damon. Kris is with them, just to reassure both human and vampire.

Damon's obviously still scared, Bojan can smell it. But he doesn't run away when Bojan changes his appearance in front of him, sharp claws and fangs, eyes of the purest and the most intense red ever seen.

Damon admires this version of Bojan, stunned by his beauty. He looks Bojan in the eyes, and gets close, and takes those photos. Beautiful photos that capture not just the 'monster' inside him, but also the fear, the uncertainty, the angst Bojan is consumed by. How he doesn't want to be the monster. His red eyes on display and a look of sheer terror on his face...which is quite a photo, because predators don't usually look terrified. That's reserved for preys.

Kris observes silently and not so far away from them. He’s worried more for Bojan than for Damon. He knows how much this photoshoot is testing Bojan’s self-control on his vampiric side and memories.

And that’s why after the shooting Bojan needs time to decompress, to relax and make his human side come back to the surface. Kris, who was there the whole time, helps him, with tender words whispered to reassure him, caresses and kisses.

Damon observes them, silently. Bojan is a predator, he could kill both of them and they could do nothing about it because he's faster, stronger, he’s built to hunt and murder his preys, to feed on them, just like a lion or a tiger. Now he’s so vulnerable, so human.

But that scene is so intimate, so caring, Damon almost feels he's third wheeling. Kris trusts Bojan with his life because he’s keeping the vampire’s mouth so close to his neck, he’s letting him inhale his familiar scent while running a hand though his soft hair.

Damon decides to ask another question, because in the end he's curious to know about Bojan and his kind. He saw vampires portrayed on the screen, many variants, but he's different. He's a real vampire.

"May I ask one thing? You don't need to answer, if you don't want to."

Bojan looks at him, fangs no more visible but eyes still a little bit red-ish.

"Yeah, sure."

"What's the most intimate act your kind can perform with a human? Like, how can a human show to a vampire that they fully trust them?"

"Feeding," Bojan answers after a short silence. "Feeding directly from the neck or the wrist or any other body part. Giving freely the permission to take something as vital and as important as your blood."

"So do you...feed on your friends?"

Damon's starting to put two and two together. The way Jan had wanted a turtleneck on during his photoshoot. The way Jure had put his photoshoot off for days claiming to be "sick." Were they covering for the bite marks, then?

Bojan gets a slightly panicked look on his face, and it's Kris who answers.

"Yes. With our consent," he reaches for Bojan's hand, squeezes it. "We trust him, and we know he'd never hurt us."

Bojan gives him a shy smile, thanking him for baking him up.

And Damon thinks about that. How intimate they all are with each other. How clearly trusting the other boys are around him. He's been around them all, seen how they cuddle, how close they get to him, how none of them is scared. Remembers Bojan resting his head on their shoulders, or face-planting into their chest, realizing he must have been smelling them, hearing the blood pulse beneath their skin. And they hadn't skipped a beat, hadn't been scared for a single second. He's never seen them too-pale, ashen-faced, too drained of blood and energy to function. Clearly Bojan is careful, never takes too much, and they trust him.

And he realizes he trusts him too.

"Would you like to feed on me?" He asks.

Bojan is obviously hesitant, his entire body stiffened, but Damon immediately adds "it's how a human shows trust, right? Letting you feed. I'd like to do that."

"I - " Bojan is hesitant because he wants. He wants so much. He hadn't been lying, Damon smells so good. He's so drawn to him. He's thought more than once about that beautiful pale neck, about sinking his teeth into it. He’s salivating, savouring Damon’s taste just by smelling him from afar.

"Kris should be there," he says finally. "Just in case. He knows what to do if I - if I lose control."

"Are you likely to lose control?" Damon asks.

"No," Kris says before Bojan can even open his mouth. "He's never lost control, not since I've known him."

He can hear Damon's heart beating, so, so fast. He's nervous. But that heartbeat also calls to him, all that blood beneath the pale skin. He wants. He wants so much. He craves it.

Bojan can feel his eyes changing colour and his fangs becoming sharper. He's struggling to control himself, but he manages to not jump on him right away. Damon’s sweater on him isn’t helping much his self-control. He focuses on Kris heartbeat, slower and more familiar, to keep him grounded.

"It's better if you sit down on the couch. The first time can be overwhelming for both," he suggests.

So Damon and he take place on the couch, Kris follows them, sitting behind Damon. He holds him, a comforting, warm, human touch.

"Do you want to know what you'll feel?" Bojan asks, looking the photographer in the eyes.

One side of Damon wants to know it, so he can at least be prepared, but the other one doesn't. No, he wants to dive into those feelings, experience them without any anticipation. He then shakes his head.

"Where do you want to bite?" he asks then.

Bojan's eyes, now as red as blood, lower and stop on his neck, so pale and so alluring. He feels like a moth attracted by the light of a lantern in the middle of a night without moon, so captivating but so dangerous at the same time.

Kris notices Bojan’s look, where it’s laying, so he puts his hand in Damon's hair, tilting his head back for Bojan, an offering. His gesture is forceful but gentle at the same time.

Bojan leans forward, closes his eyes and kisses Damon’s neck before sinking his fangs in his skin and then deep in his flesh. When the first drops of blood touch his tongue, he moans intensively. Damon's blood is so delicious, much more than what he expected.

Without even realising Bojan straddles Damon's laps and pushes him until he's completely laying on Kris, the vampire on top of him. It feels like ecstasy. Bojan is so used to feeding on his friends that he forgot the pleasure of unknown blood running down his throat. The bond creating between the vampire and the human. The pure sense of trust of letting a creature like him taking away something so important. Damon's blood is singing to him and he could write both melody and lyrics based on what he's feeling in that moment.

He’s too lost in it. He's drinking and drinking and it's addicting. Until Damon starts getting dizzy, eyes feeling closed, and it's Kris who warns him.

"Bojči." Then, more firmly. "Bojan."

And Bojan pulls away reluctantly, dazed, eyes a little glassy, panting with his mouth open and dirty with blood, that's also running down from his lips, dripping on Damon’s white t-shirt.

"Fuck," he breathes. "Damon."

Damon, half-dazed himself, looks up at Bojan, and he sees the fangs and the red eyes but all he can think is how beautiful Bojan looks. His perfect profile, those beautiful features, like something out of a novel, and the blood and the shadows just heighten it. He reaches a weak hand up, traces his cheek, murmurs a feeble "you're beautiful."

Bojan leans forward then, licking the last drops from the wound, licking it closed, but then staying there, breathing in Damon's scent, placing a kiss where the wound had been. And when he moves away, so that he can look at Damon again, Damon's hand has found its way into his hair.

And he doesn't know who moves first, but suddenly they're kissing. They're kissing and Damon is moaning and Kris is there, holding Damon, his hands find their way under Damon's t-shirt, tweaking a nipple, which makes Damon gasp into Bojan's mouth.

Bojan breaks the kiss so reluctantly, resting his forehead against Damon's, murmuring "fuck" a second time. He wants, he wants everything.

Vampires can give different types of bites. The ones given when the vampire wants only to feed are violent and brutal, but the ones given when a human offers his blood and shows his trust...well, those ones are truly intense and can cause great pleasure, both in the vampire and the human.

Bojan notoriously has great self-control, but Damon is really testing his limits. He is scared but at the same time he wants to give in to his instincts, to the taste of pleasure he got from possessing Damon in that way. He wants to possess him totally, in every aspect.

"Kris, I want more," he reverts to Slovenian, his mind is clouded and thinking in English is really hard. His voice sounds more like a growl. He raises his head to look Kris in the eyes.

And Kris recognises the longing in Bojan's red eyes, the desire, the craving. He experienced on his own skin and body the frenzy that blood can cause on a vampire and on the human they feed on.

Damon in the meantime starts kissing Bojan's neck. He wants him too, that bite made him feel all sorts of things, from deep pain to intense pleasure. He expected it to hurt, not to be aroused by it.

Kris wants them too. Maybe it's a sick kink but observing Bojan feeding and moaning because of the blood always awakes something in him.

Kris then kisses Bojan, his lips still dirty with blood, basically giving him the permission to continue what he was doing with Damon.

Bojan grabs Damon’s face with a hand, gently diverting it from his neck, so he can kiss him on the lips deeply. His fangs touch slightly Damon’s lips, making him shudder intensively.

They undress him, soon after their clothes end up on the floor too. Bojan kisses Damon all over his body, tasting his excitement and making him whimper. In those brief moments of clarity, Damon can see that Bojan and Kris are used to do this together, so he completely hands over the control to them.

Oh, the sex with a vampire is even better than drugs. Bojan knows perfectly where and how to touch Damon to make him whimper and moan. He bites him in specific points on his body, liking the wounds right after to not make him bleed out.

Kris joins barely, just to kiss Damon sometimes or to make Bojan tone down what he’s doing, to not make him completely give in to his instincts and do something he will regret.

They all reach their climax at the same time, Kris almost untouched, the view of Bojan carnally possessing Damon was enough for him. They all collapse on the couch, panting and shaking because of the pleasure they just experienced. Damon’s body is covered in bitemarks. Bojan is on top of them, his head is on Damon’s chest, eyes closed.

Kris starts running a hand through Bojan’s hair and plays with some of his strands. That simple gesture can make him calm down and relax after some intense emotions. Damon imitates Kris, still a bit hesitant. And Bojan begins purring, just like a cat.

“Is-is he purring?” Damon asks, surprised.

“Yes,” Kris giggles. “He loves when you touch his hair.”

They keep cuddling Bojan as he slowly gets back from the high of the intercourse.

“It was a photographer who turned me,” he suddenly talks. He decided to explain to Damon why he reacted in that way during their first photoshoot. “She approached me when I was barely 20. She bewitched me, oh-she was stunning, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“A photographer?” Damon asks.

“Yes,” Bojan raises his head to look him in the eyes. He grabs one of his hands and intertwines their fingers. “She thought that I was the perfect muse for her work. She kept taking pictures of me for a couple of years, she fed on me, then turned me against my will, just because she wanted that my beauty lasted forever. Even turned I was helpless, I couldn’t escape, she had full control over me.”

Damon gently caresses Bojan’s cheek, trying to comfort him. He can see the distress he’s feeling while telling him about his past.

“You don’t have to tell me-”

“I want to,” he interrupts him. “You trusted me, you showed it to me, and this is me showing you I trust you. The only people that know my story are my bandmates.”

Damon nods slowly in response. Bojan is showing his other vulnerable side, the moment he lost his humanity to become a demon of the night, a monster that feeds on people to survive. Bojan then keeps telling him his story: how important he felt when he was with her, how he liked her attentions, how she basically tricked him into letting her feed on him and then turn him into this monster, how she dragged Kris into the picture and how they eventually escaped from her.

"I killed her."

“You...killed her?”

Bojan nods. “She was seriously threatening Kris. He is part of my nest, and no one can hurt him. So I snapped, she couldn’t control me anymore and I killed her. I don’t regret what I did, she deserved it.”

Silence falls once again among them. Damon is clearly trying to process that piece of information.

“Vampires are protective of their nest. They are social creatures, just like us humans, and they will do everything to protect the people they care about,” Kris explains.

“Am...am I part of this nest, now?”

Bojan nods. “Yes. I know that we can't be always together, but I’ll make sure no one touches you,” he kisses Damon on the lips. “You accepted me for who and what I am. You are important to me.”

#sospeso tra finzione e realtà #joker out fanfic #joker out #bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #annies writes #my writing #<- kind of lmao #vampire!bojan

20 notes · View notes