#nobody ever wants to fucking chill. relax even.

[livvyofthelake]

love spending three hours waiting for my mom to be ready to watch a show together only to be told it’s too late once she finally finishes doing other stuff. girl we agreed to watch this tonight what do you mean I’M too late. i was HERE. i was ready the whole time… YOU were the one doing things you could have done tomorrow!!!

[thedreadvampy]

I mean sure, I can understand this perspective, but I'm not sure whether most people feel less shaken to be thrust into conversations about "self-unaliving" than conversations about "suicide"

and I for one as a survivor would much rather unexpectedly encounter somebody talking about "rape" than somebody talking about how funny it is to have sex with somebody when they don't want to, a normal thing that doesn't need to be named because it's So Normal.

which is to say. this is a post about words. the words are not the distressing thing about the discussion. the distressing thing is the distressing thing about the discussion. sugarcoating, dodging or renaming the distressing thing doesn't make it less distressing but it DOES often make it harder to have a frank discussion about it or address it in serious terms.

[pinch of salt: solid probability from their blog that this person is a Literal 14 Year Old and the perspective from 30 and 14 are very different. I do stand by all the points I'm making but I think this conversation lands a lot different for people at different life stages - there is something to be said for the general issue that the internet has flattened social groups to the degree that I as a 30 year old can make a post to my audience of largely adult millennials that immediately enters the same conversational space as people half my age and still in school. that seems. ungreat. as the primary way we engage in conversation. but I don't have solutions to offer.]

you gotta be able to say "die"

you gotta be able to say "suicide"

you gotta be able to talk about "sex"

they're uncomfortable topics, YEAH for SURE

because LIFE is uncomfortable. Death and suicide and sex and pain are straight up going to happen. not having words for the way it discomforts you doesn't make it more comfortable, it just makes you less able to reach out about it.

even more vital, you gotta be able to say words like "rape", "abuse", "queer" or "racist". cause we fought fucking hard to name those experiences. to identify "rape" as distinct from "sex" and "racism" as distinct from "acceptable behaviour" and "queer" as distinct from "invert"

like the function of communication is not to minimise immediate discomfort. we gotta be able to talk about stuff that's hard or sucks or causes difficult conversations.

[ms-demeanor]

any thoughts on the new post that staff went scorched earth on which is now making the rounds abt tumblr live? it basically screenshots all the tos and claims if you've ever opened the app (or in some rbs, unsnoozed live) tumblr has gotten your data. on the one hand i feel like this is fearmongering, but on the other its true that MOST sites have your data as is so its pretty standard. you seem pretty knowledgeable abt data gathering so i was wondering abt your take

This is going to be pretty unkind but watching tumblr users interact with staff and live is a great primer on how conspiracy theories happen.

Nobody on this fucking website knows how to read a ToS, nobody on this website knows how anything fucking works (sorry, this is not a dig at you but how would tumblr "get" your data from you clicking or unclicking live; the only data that tumblr has on you is the data that you have put on tumblr what data do people think that clicking the "new" button is scooping up that is anything beyond interactions or posts or IP addresses which are the things that tumblr already has information about like you do not introduce new information into the tumblr ecosystem by clicking a button you haven't installed anything you haven't changed permissions on your browser if everyone is so goddamned scared about live stealing their data i strongly recommend they stop using anything but public internet through an anonymizer and making sure location data is shut off on all of their devices and anyone who is flipping their shit about the type of data that live is collecting but who is using chrome on any device needs to chill the fuck out about live and flip the fuck out about google)

this is like that post about twitter's content policy that circulated the other day or that post about deviantart's content policy that circulated ten fucking years ago nobody knows how to read legal documents and nobody knows how to read technical documentation and this comes together into unholy matrimony on the no reading comprehension at all moral panic website

live never violated the GDPR it was just rolled out in the US first but the entire userbase decided that because it hadn't been rolled out simultaneously in the EU and the US that it was SO UNSPEAKABLY PRIVACY VIOLATEY THAT THE EU HAD BANNED IT FOR ITS CRIMES with, like, nothing whatsoever backing that up because, again, even at its most intrusive Live collects about as much data as Twitter or Yelp, both of which are *capable* of meeting GDPR standards with that level of data collection (even if musk sometimes makes decisions that violate GDPR).

Live is significantly less intrusive than any facebook product, than Amazon, and than any Google product. If you use youtube logged in, don't worry about live, the horse is out of the barn and tumblr is the least of your worries *regardless* of live. If you regularly use Google as a search engine please god learn how to evaluate and compare risks across platforms because Live is like a coughing baby compared to about a dozen things that most highly online people interact with every single day.

If you don't want to use live don't use live. Clicking the button doesn't magically transfer your secret FBI file to tumblr and even agreeing to the ToS doesn't share anything that tumblr doesn't already have if you don't continue to interact - if you don't interact with live after agreeing to the ToS it's not collecting any data except your non-interaction.

For everyone who is losing it over Live just turn off your goddamned location on your fucking cellphone and turn off your location on your goddamned computers and that's it, you're good, you're fine, relax. If your response to "turn off your location" is "but I need it for _____" then don't worry about Live, whatever "_____" is was already collecting and selling your data.

Do you use an activity tracker? Congrats, you have much, much bigger privacy issues to worry about than tumblr live.

Okay but also I yelled about that post and the very many ways in which it was incorrect in January.

And I happened to take an archive of the page at that time because I'm a paranoid motherfucker.

And if you want my guess as to why staff went "scorched earth" on that post it's probably because if you scroll down to the bottom of the page on the archive, OP calls on everyone looking at the post to send a kind fuck you to the CEO then tagged his tumblr.

If you look at the other posts that went scorched earth in relation to tumblr staff they were also posts that very pointedly directed a lot of ire at a single staff member.

I don't think that any individual tumblr staff members are above criticism and I don't think that staff as a whole is above criticism but part of learning to read a ToS is understanding that someone can be shitty and vague and use TERF talking points and skirt the line and be technically okay under the ToS while someone can have a legitimate gripe about another user being horrible and manage to violate the ToS by accidentally spinning up a harassment campaign or suicide baiting someone.

Shitty people like nazis and terfs thrive on being edge cases. They are very good at finding a boundary and standing juuuuuuuuust on this side of it and going "la la la I'm not violating the ToS, you can't stop me!" and that blows and it leads to a lot of people encountering a lot of shitty stuff on a lot of websites but personally I'm pretty glad that there's a lot of gray area because when you cut out gray area that's when you see things like It's Going Down getting banned as extremist content alongside white supremacists. Please continue to report nazis and terfs, and when possible go deep into their pages to report because a pattern of behavior is more likely to get recognized as hate speech than a single post that gets reported a hundred times. Please block as many people who it's harmful for you to interact with as possible because it's clear that staff is not going to do the kind of work protecting users that users would like staff to do.

However I just can't get angry on behalf of a blogger who got nuked for saying "Hey everyone who hates this feature that we all hate please go tell the CEO to fuck himself at this URL specifically" - that is an extremely clear violation of the ToS because it is absolutely targeted harassment.

So now tumblr-the-userbase is going off on its merry conspiracy way skipping through fields and lacking reading comprehension and saying "users are getting banned for reporting the crimes of tumblr live and its gdpr violations" and ignoring the fact that the post was nuked because the last line was saying "hey everyone, let's all individually tell the CEO to fuck off in messages sent directly to him that are certainly not going to include any threats, exaggerations, gore, etc. etc. etc."

If I were to make a post that had 50k notes and the last line was "and while you're at it, please send tumblr-user-ms-demeanor a personalized message telling them why they're a terrible person so they know what we think of them" it would absolutely be reasonable to say that was harassing that user. And that post did it with the CEO. Who is not above criticism (and I have my criticisms! I don't think he really gets tumblr and that's a problem!), but jesus fucking christ don't tag the goddamned CEO or any other staff member in a call to action asking users to send them messages saying "fuck off" this is literally the stupidest thing I've ever seen a tumblr conspiracy theory coalesce around.

Anyway thank you for giving me a place to vent i've been getting more and more pissed about this for three days. Everyone feel free to kindly tell tumblr user ms demeanor to fuck off.

[hyperfixationhobo]

LADS Headcanons Pt 2!!!

—————————————————————

Wooooo! Part two baby! I’m so happy you guys loved my last headcannon post!!! I hope you like this one as well!!!

Xavier:

. Says wholesome stuff in the most fucked up way possible.

. “I just wanna carve out a hole next to your heart and squeeze in it.”

. “I wanna live in your lungs so I can be the air that you breathe.”

. “The stars look gorgeous in your eyes, I wanna pluck them out and frame them.”

. Says this shit with the most innocent face.

. You made a smiley face on his pancakes once and he refuses to eat them without a smiley face on them.

. Absolutely thinks your mad at him when you don’t put a smiley face on his pancakes.

. Make it a frowny face and he knows he fucked up.

. I read somewhere that he mostly sleeps on his stomach and he most definitely sleeps with his butt semi in the air.

. Mostly it’s from a stray pillow that somehow managed to get under his hips.

Zayne:

. Obsessed with your heart in a wholesome way.

. He’s scared of not finding the cure for you so he constantly tries to feel your heartbeat.

. Hand pressed against your chest, your back, pulse points on your wrist and neck he just wants to make sure it’s beating.

. Let him sleep with his head on your chest so he can hear your heartbeat and he’ll truly relax.

“Just need to make sure you’re ok.”

. Has chilled sodas with his hands for Xavier.

. Bought those hand warm up bag things once.

. Now a cabinet fully stacked with them.

. Has a ton of onesies hidden somewhere in his closet.

. I think he adores jams, specifically strawberry and peach jams.

Rafayel:

. Much like how I think Zayne’s hand will be naturally cold, Rafayel’s hand would be naturally warm cause y’know, fire.

. Very sensitive when it comes to the cold, always has his studio at like 72 degrees.

. Hates winter just cause of the cold.

. I like to think his legs would be strong as hell.

. “Hey MC! Wanna see me crush a watermelon between my thighs?”

. Solid abs and strong core too cause of how mermaids swim.

. Legs are definitely more sensitive cause he’s used to having a tail and now the sensations are doubled.

. Does that fire trick thing you see where it looks like he breathes fire.

. Has almost burned his hair while doing said trick.

. I personally think that this mermaid boy can’t handle eating oysters.

Sylus:

. Can’t ice skate for shit, always falls on his ass.

. Holds a lot of respect for Zayne since the man is your doctor.

. I think he does little annoying things but isn’t aware of it cause nobody has ever told him.

. Let’s be honest no one wants to go up to this crime overlord and be like “Hey, your finger tapping is annoying can you please stop?”

. Has a very secret soft spot for Rafayel. Will never admit it, in fact he’ll happily chip off his arm to deny it.

. I like to think that Sylus enjoys spoiling those he’s close with and Rafayel most definitely likes being spoiled.

. It works perfectly.

. Walks around in nothing but a towel to grab your attention.

. Such an attention whore.

. Will cough up blood in the middle of a fight and worry that he isn’t at the right angle to make himself look attractive for you.

Bonus: Luke and Kieran!!!:

. Ok so a very personal headcanon about these two bird babies is that they’re actually brown skinned with gray fluffy hair and red eyes. Maybe it’s cause I’m black and I want to see more people of color in the game which I know is very unlikely, but it’s how I like imagining them.

. I like to think that they’re Aro/Ace cause it’s said they can feel whatever the other is feeling and even see out of each others eyes but we’re not given the limit of that ability but we know they can’t just switch it off.

. It’ll be weird that when your twin kisses his partner and you feel it as well. And very very awkward if it goes farther than that.

. They love pulling pranks on MC, much to MC’s dismay.

. They get overstimulated easily, constantly feeling, hearing, and seeing what your twin sees is a lot.

. Sylus bought them noise canceling headphones and weighted blankets to help them through these rough patches.

. Absolutely love cheese burgers. Luke’s likes his without pickles and Kieran likes pickles on his.

. Secretly feed Mephisto tiny bits of human food like fries and popcorn.

. Can’t sleep in separate rooms from one another.

. They were experimented on so it makes since they will feel most safe when they’re able to see the other and know that they’re close.

[aviradasa]

The lost boys main HCs

Paul

Here are some paul hcs! I hope you enjoy! This is kinda short but i had fun writing it!

If you would like a part two going into more detail about him let me know. I'm gonna be responding to Dwayne's HCS, though. I hate the ones I posted. I'm also gonna be doing an HC/ one-shot series about each of the boys before they found each other/ became vampires, so stay tuned!!

Paul is a younger sibling. When he was alive he had 2 brothers and one twin sister.

He was 19 but going to turn 20 literally like a month before he died and despite how he acts he was the oldest when turned,

If you ask him his age though he will say 20 to fuck with you before pulling the “Nah I'm just joking” card and telling you he was only 19

He does that mostly cause he's a little upset he wasn't able to hold out at least another month, so he likes to say what he could have been, but he doesn't wanna lie about his age.

He hates liars.

He also keeps track of every birthday he and the other boys have had since they turned cause he doesn't want to lose track of the years. It kinda keeps him sane a bit.

On a less depressing note

He is also one of the sassiest assholes you will ever meet. He does not think before he speaks and honestly, he doesn't give a damn

I mean y'all hear him when he said the whole “ chill out girl 🙄😒” line you can't tell me he wasn't annoyed that star was ruining the fun

He also does not give a shit if he hurts someone's feeling with it especially if its someone he doesn't know or does not fuck with, he sees no point in trying to spare the feelings of anyone he doesn't care about

He can also be a bit flirty just in general as a joke or genuinely he is just like that and he dont care what gender it is he will make flirty jokes or comments regardless.🤣

He is an asshole, but he is quite loyal to the people he loves, surprisingly. But he loves them in his own way. Despite all the teasing, rude comments, cruel pranks, and injuries he may accidentally inflict, he doesn't fuck around with other people pulling that shit.

The definition of “nobody can bully my family or friends but me.”

He can be nice sometimes. It depends on whether he's fully sober or not, and then it depends on what he did.

Drunk = steer clear he's gonna say or do some stupid shit that could result in either a fight with somebody random or not,or you all dying.

Stoned = yeah, you have a better chance of seeing him nice with this one. But still, be careful cause high also results in hunger, so don't get bit. he does bite. Remember that.

He also relaxes better after smoking, so he might just sit his ass down for a while, maybe watch a movie.

He's not a TV guy though usually. he finds it hard to focus on shows and movies so he either likes to smoke before watching or else he has to pause it every 20 minutes to get up, walk around, and bitch about loopholes and plot points for a few minutes before he can sit back down and continue it.

He just kinda avoids them for those reasons. He's more of a music guy. Because then he can get up, bounce around, have fun, and not miss anything in the song cause he can do other shit while listening.

The music he likes is rock and heavy metal; I will admit, though, that he is the kinda person to pull the “Oh, you know (random band), then name 3 songs.”

“ (names 3 song)”.

“Oh shit cool, what's your favorite.”

He does that shit often, actually, but his saving grace is that if you know what your talking about, you now have a new friend to discuss your favorite bands with. 😭

He keeps his area of the cave a mess but he still knows where everything is. But it's not like a dirty mess; it's mostly just clutter.

He refuses to leave food containers or remains in his room overnight like he can not stand that shit if he's chilling out drawing or something, and he catches the lightest whiff of food smell from a container he finished off not even an hour ago he getting up and throwing it away.

Honestly, that goes for all the boys, to be fair. They don't care about being dirty themselves, but they don't want their spaces dirty if you get what I mean.

Also, he does not like people touching his stuff. Only a select few people can, and that is Laddie and the other boys maybe star once in awhile, and depending on whether you are a close friend or partner, you can, but everybody has to ask unless he says to grab it for him.

He just doesn't want his shit moved cause he's worried he won't be able to find it.

He's not worried about shit being broken cause he will just fix it. Unless it's CDs or records that he can't fix, he will be severely pissed.

But one specific thing you don't under any circumstance touch, grab or even breathe too close to is his sister's old music box. If that gets broken, he will kill you, no questions asked, and he won't feel bad about it, NOBODY would want to/ have the ability to stop him at that moment, so just please don't touch it.

Other than that, he doesn't care. He likes having people come to his space to hang out and keep him company. He also likes showing off all the cool shit he has.

Oh, and the him killing you thing reminds me.

He is scary as fuck when he kills/feeds cause his style is extremely animalistic. He doesn't just tear flesh away or rip a limb or two. He fucking MAULS his kills to the point that if you see the aftermath, you genuinely wonder if it was ever a human or not.

His kills are quick, violent, messy, and sadistic. Cause he genuinely does enjoy the kill, probably more than feeding.

He's an adrenaline junkie, a daredevil, and anything in between, so when it is time, he will find a target, and to be fair, he likes a good chase. So he will probably grab somebody, and when they fight back, he will purposely let them go and give them a head start so he can chase them down just to make the mauling more fun.

When he's done feeding, he is most of the time covered in blood, dirt, leaves, sand, sticks, you name it, and it's probably on him.

He cleans up as best he can before going back onto the boardwalk or heading into town of course. But if they have a late feeding and they have to get back to the cave in a hurry before sunrise. He will stay like that until the next day.

But by the time he wakes up, he hates the feeling of the stuff stuck to him, so he cleans up quickly just so he doesn't have to be uncomfortable lmao.

Anyway, that's it for now. He's just a funny, sarcastic, sadistic, flirty asshole. But we love him. Cause he's Paul.

[terras-domain]

what do you think the sexiest thing StayC Isa would do? (Besides showing off her thicc thighs)

terra's note: Hey anon, took me a while to write this, cuz I have to think of a wild theme but I couldn't make it short enough like I usually do. So uuuh yeah, hope you accept this little short "smut" of her getting railed hehe. Anyways love you all, whoever it is reading this and hope you have a nice day <33 (trigger warning: voyeurism, cum in pussy, stranger sex)

words: 967

Isa one time going out to a water park with the girls, and after a tiring day of going rides and splashing water she rests on a giant floaty, laying down on her stomach while she relaxes on a lazy river. While she lets the stream bring her across the lap of the chill pool, she feels a hand groping on her soft covered ass, causing her to jolt up and look around the area, seeing there's actually a guy that was groping her.

For some reason the guy had zero idea who he did that too, in his mind that was just some random hot chick you would find at a water park. The fact she's alone makes it the more reasons for Isa to be a prey for his lust. Isa, seeing the guy not even flinch after making direct eye contact, tilted her head in confusion and questioned, "do you not know who I am?". The pervert only gave a short reply, "no idea, but your body sure does sing for me." Isa could only shake her head in disbelief. Is Stayc really that underrated? After a little thought, she's pretty stressed from schedule and when else will she ever be treated like a normal woman? She looked at the guy that groped him and left her floaty somewhere she can pick up later. The guy was ecstatic to see Isa still there with him even after practically molesting her.

The lazy river was deep enough to submerge Isa's lower body, so when the guy kept touching and squeezing her round ass, it wasn't visible. It was a slow day sure but there's still people around to see the guy groping her ass. They ended up near a section where they spray mists of water which covers the vision of most people around. The man stopped her, letting the journey around the lazy river to a short pause. "Let's have a little fun baby~" he lowered his shorts, letting his cock out and lead her hand to hold it.

Isa was shocked to feel her soft hands holding such a huge member, out in the open, only hidden underneath the pool of water mixed with chlorine. She had no other choice but to take a step forward to close the gap between them, making sure nobody sees them. "Fuck this is so wrong..." Isa muttered, her voice breathy from anxiety, scared of getting caught. "Don't worry sweetie. Nobody can see us~" the soft yet deep voice from the man reassured Isa to be more calm. She kept her hand moving back and forth on his cock, working it up to make him hard, almost leaking a bit of precum from his cock.

"Oh gosh baby you're a pro at this aren't you?" As the guy endured Isa's soft hands jerking her off, he reached down to her thighs, groping her. It's either the mist is too thick today or the people that went past them were blinded by the two having literal sex at the corner of a lazy river. The fact they haven't been caught yet boost the ego of the man, wanting to take more risks. He turned her around and slowly slide his cock in between her thick milky thighs. Isa yelped, but immediately covers her mouth with her hand, suppressing her moans while the pervy guy keeps doing his business. She can see multiple people crossing paths with them as he fucks her smooth thighs, but for some reason nobody was noticing anything weird about them. The man in heat continues his pursuit between Isa's thick thighs, humping his cock back and forth as he grunted, trying to hold back his load.

"Fuck baby, I wanna cum." He grunted, whispering in her ears so that it won't be heard by anyone else. "What? But then they'll see your cum though" Isa argued, worried as she raised an eyebrow whilst looking at him. It was too late, he couldn't wait any longer. He had to improvise somehow. Last resort, he slide Isa's underwear to the side, and slide in his cock deep inside as he shot his load deep in her tight cunt, leaving Isa to bite her lips, fighting the urge to scream out her moans as her pussy gets filled up. "Fuckkk....." Isa looked back at him, seeing his panting, joyous face from cumming to such a baddie. As much as Isa wanted to punch him in the face and tear his horny dick off, she had fun, so she lets him off. "That was fun~" the man smirked, huffing and puffing to regain his breath. "What's your name cutie?" He asked, trying to hook up for another round sometime else. "oh sorry~ I can't give you my number. I uuuh can't really do that" Isa replied, her forehead sweating as she tries to find herself a way to get out of the river to get back her floaty. "aww why's that babygirl? I promise it'll be worth your time the next time we meet." He countered, pushing his luck to get the girl who satisfied his lustful needs. He wants her again, more and more of that juicy body. "Sorry dude, it's pretty complicated. Search up Stayc, maybe you'll find some answers." She smiled, in a show off manner as she climbed the steps to get out of the pool of chlorine, her thighs jiggle at every step which made the public eye fixated on her for that moment, especially the one that managed to cum in her tight pussy. She walked away, hiding the cum deep in her pussy hoping nobody sees it. "This is one hell of a story to tell Sieun unnie" she sighed, walking away quickly as her steps fades away from the scene.

[glowinstone]

Crimson Red | Tom Riddle

🦇long time no see, here some morally grey reader

The stars twinkled above you, listening to the soft sway of the trees around you, you inhaled the smoke from the cig resting gently between your fingers. Exhaling, you looked upon the black lake before you.

Its shadowed depths inviting you for a tantalizing swim despite the chill bite of air. Seeing the stars in the crystal clear reflection made you sigh… you seemed to have lost an appreciation for such beauty before it all began.

You forgot how nature spoke to you in gentle caresses and whispers, you forgot how the grass stained your finger tips and the smell of your most favorite flower. Then, you figured there was no time for such appreciations when the world around you was slowly rotting from the inside out.

Another long drag, you heard light footsteps behind you. Exhaling, you slowly reached for your wand holstered amongst your thigh, a slew of protective charms at the ready to be whispered.

‘Careful darling, those things kill.’

Your tense shoulders relaxed, your nimble fingers brushing the grass below you. Flicking the ash into the lake before you, you glanced sideways when the figure made a move to sit.

‘As do you’ You glanced down at the lips that gave you a small smirk, back to his eyes that held dark intent.

Times like these made you remember just who you were. A soldier who fought to live to see another day- one who wanted to foolishly keep appreciating the innocent nature around them.

A soldier, another long inhale.

‘Mm’ He hummed, grabbing the cig from your borderline numb fingers, he took a drag for himself. It was quiet for a moment as you both gazed upon the lake.

‘Does it hurt?’ He passed the cig back, not even looking at you. Not wanting to see the swirling coldness in your green eyes. Not that he’d find that though, you knew who you were- deep down. Did he see the darkness in you, did he see the crimson need painted on your soft features? Didn’t he see the insatiable questions floating upon your lips?

It was all fucking consuming and you hated yourself for it. You took another inhale.

‘No’ You turned your head towards him, he glanced at you- his expression unreadable.

‘I want more.’ You blew the smoke into his perfectly sculpted face. He didn’t even blink.

‘I know.’ He glanced away again. You hated this, who you’ve become. Something dark possessed you, a curling wisp of grey smoke snaking its way through your body. You hated this, but you loved it even more and that was the hardest pill to swallow.

You lost who you were long ago…

As if he read your mind ‘Find yourself again love’

Could you even do that? Could you accept the person you are now? A solider in a war, a witch who thirsted for more? The voice in your head hissed yes, but you couldn’t lose that soft part of you, the part that always found an appreciation for the small details around them.

You still could… you could have it all- and he could give it you.

‘Does it hurt?’ You repeated the same question, does it ever get easier, you wanted to say.

‘It used to.’

And that was enough for you.

He finally looked in your eyes, reading them like he has done since the dawn of time. He jerked you onto his lap, a hand coming to rest on your hip and the other at the nape of your neck.

‘I will build you a kingdom, I will watch a thousand of them burn if it meant you got what you desired.’

His eyes were wild, his grip on you utterly possessive. He’d kill for you- he has, but you realize you’d kill for him too. Like a moth to a flame, you knew nobody else was meant for you. Tom Riddle was destined for you, your dark and violent souls intertwined so deeply you didn’t know where one began and where another ended.

You were stubborn, refusing to admit your darkest desires, trying to hold onto that sliver of goodness in you. It was admirable, but Tom knew who you were, he just needed you to figure it out.

And you had.

You smiled, a smile filled with dark promises and he couldn’t help himself.

He kissed you with a passion of a million thorns, he kissed you like you were his queen, he kissed you until you could no longer think straight.

His grip moved to your neck, putting your forehead to his, he muttered

‘I’ll burn them all’

And your eyes turned Crimson.

[stormberry-12]

faceless // P3: yes sir. negative ~ charles leclerc x reader

pairing: charles leclerc x fem!driver!reader

includes/authors notes: language, lack of equal rights/ gender equality, readers an unknown figure in the races, fem!reader's gender assumed as male, use of "y/n". So sorry this took so long, I've had some mega writters block and no motivation really. But I hope it's still good and thank you so much for all the kind feedback, it means a lot! <3

Bold Italics are the past.

Normal Italics are thoughts.

summary: "There is a new mysterious driver on the grid. Nobody knows who he is, the only thing we know is that he races for Red Bull with the number 66. Other drivers call him the faceless driver for none have ever seen his face or heard him speak. The faceless driver is a legend in the making and even giving Lewis Hamilton and Max Verstappen a run for their money…”

"No fucking way mate," Lando choked out his words, "Holy fuck-" 

Lando's face had never looked so shocked, he scratched the inner corner of his left eye as if he thought he was seeing something. And when his eyes focused back on you, you could see his mind filling with questions. His eyes flickered from the helmet sitting on the ground to the tears brimming in your eyes.

"Oh my god," you sobbed into your hands as your mind began to race. 

Should you run away? 

'Oh, sorry Lando, no you must have seen my celebrity doppelganger in the suit earlier. It wasn't me-"

"No wait, don't cry-" he protested, rushing over and crouching down next to you on the ground, "You're my idol, I'm like obsessed with your driving, you're frickin' amazing-"

"Oh, shut up Lando!" you snapped, instantly feeling bad for yelling in his face. He was silent for a moment, not taken aback by your outburst though. "Sorry," you whispered.

You looked up to see him scanning your face intently. "You haven't told Charles yet," he said matter-of-factly like he could read your life all of a sudden.

You shook your head.

"Who else knows?"

"Just you and Christian-"

"Heh, I'm so special,"

"Lando stop!" you cried quietly, feeling more tears forming. "You weren't supposed to find out and I'm so going to get fired for this-"

"Why would you be fired?" he asked,  "You're the driver keeping Red Bull afloat right now while Max is shittin' the bed,"

"Because. It's part of my contract that no one knows who I am,"

"Who came up with that shit?"

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, "What shit?"

"Your contract rules," he said.

"We both did. I didn't want to be in the media, I've never liked it. And Christian just agreed I guess-"

"But you and Charles were just in a video together, you've been doing media anyway," He chuckled dryly.

True.

"And you and Charles love each other, I can see it in your eyes, I don't think the media content is going to stop anytime soon. Frankly, they will ask you to do more now that you've already agreed once."

Also true.

"I understand that privacy is important to you but..."

"Yeah, I know, I know... you're right," you said, wiping tears away from under your eyes, thinking back to the tweets you had just read, "After the video went out I was expecting so much worse but nothing happened, I might need to take a chill pill."

"Maybe..." he said slowly. "And why should-"

"-I care what people on the internet think of me?" you stole the words right out of Lando's mouth, a smile growing on his face. "Charles tells me that every time I don't help with his Twitch streams,"

"Right, you're thinking like a media-trained F1 driver already!" he grinned. "Except, I don't think you're getting enough credit for your racing because you keep that helmet on all the damn time. Just one guy's opinion though,"

You hummed in response, getting lost in your own mind again.

"I won't tell a soul, I promise," He crossed his hand over his heart, "Scouts honor,"

For some reason, you felt you could trust Lando. You gave him a small smile and let your shoulders relax, taking deep breaths to calm your nerves. He stood up and offered you his hand, you took it gladly and rose to your feet. "I think you should talk to Christian about it,"

"I will, thanks Lan,"

"No problem," he winked, slowly stepping away, "And for what it's worth I truly meant what I said before. You're amazing, don't let them push you around or tell you otherwise. You gotta pave the way for all the little girls out there."

That shook you to your core. 

You had never thought about your career that way and it bothered you how oblivious you had been.

How could you not realize the impact you could be making for the girls who dream of racing just like you had? Who cared what some old guy on the internet thought about women in motorsport, he needed to grow up. And you needed to make a difference. It was all sliding into place.

Also, since when had Lando been that well-spoken in his life?

After a quick 'See you on track,' you and Lando parted ways towards your respected garages. Pulling your helmet over your face, you stepped out of the alleyway and marched towards the blue and red signs of the Red Bull garage.

Christian gave you a look through your visor as you walked up to the car, you just nodded, he hated it when you were late. You climbed into the car and tried to shake the nerves out of your body, you could see a camera in your peripherals, panning the garage and landing on you. 

Pave the way Y/n.

This newfound purpose gave you anxiety but at the same time a different kind of drive to your craft. You could feel the car hum beneath you, grateful for the all-clear from the team, you exited the garage to start warming up your tires.

"Radio check, you ready for this?"

"Yep. Copy." 

Shit, that sounded forced didn't it? Why were you acting so weird? Be yourself Y/n.

"Ah, not going to humor me today? That's too bad mate," Rick chuckled.

"Don't know why but it smells like barbeque in the car,"

"You've got a problem, change your fucking carrrr,"

"No, you change your car because Checo has been saying the car is fucked-"

This had Ricky howling with laughter over the mic.

"Okay, that's enough lads." Christian stepped in, pulling the plug on you and Rick mocking him.

"Fun police..." Ricky sighed.

"I'm not a fun police, do your job Richard."

"You are a fun police, I have it on record. I hAvE it, I hAve iT pRiNteD oUt!"

"66."

"Sorry." you replied, giggling to yourself and waving back at Lando as you passed.

"Damn it!" Charles cursed stomping towards the Ferrari garage. He had just spun out two races in a row and had to, unfortunately, retire from the race.

Walking into the garage he could feel all eyes on him as he stuffed his gloves and balaclava into his helmet angrily. A few engineers and his trainer gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder as he walked past, but no one dared to interact with Charles while he was this livid.

He needed y/n.

She was who he always needed after a bad race, he walked to his driver's room remembering the spin-out from his previous race hoping that y/n would actually be there this time.

"Where's y/n?"

"I don't know mate, sorry. She disappeared a while ago," an engineer named Fred shrugged.

But of course, as he opened the door she was nowhere to be found once again. Thoughts ran through his mind a hundred miles per minute

Had she always left after he got into the car and never actually watched him race?

Is he not as important to her as she made it seem?

Was she just in this for the money like a few of the girls he had been with before?

No, y/n isn't like that. He told himself, but still, he felt that pang of uncertainty in his chest. It would certainly be the reason why whenever he asked for her opinion on his performance it was almost as if she didn't remember what happened, she would just nod, smile, and agree with whatever he said.

Charles sat down on the couch and shut the door to his room. The TV had the race on and he watched the 19 remaining cars complete lap after lap. 

He couldn't watch this anymore...

"Ohh! That was a nasty hit from Verstappen from behind- SOMEONE HAS SPUN INTO THE WALL AND IT LOOKS TO BE THE OTHER RED BULL!"

"Oh my, it is! I can tell you right now Crofty, Christian Horner is not going to be pleased about that,"

"The race has just been red-flagged and we are currently awaiting more news on the second Red Bull driver. Here's a replay, there's Max Verstappen in third and his teammate ahead of him in second."

"And Verstappen was told to hold position because both drivers were in the podium places, Max is slightly slower than his teammate with very worn tires, but he pushes them anyway and tries to go for the very forced overtake. And there it is! Now why does he swerve into his teammate?!? This is mind-boggling to me-"

Charles looked up from his phone and back to the television. A bright 66 is painted on the Red Bull that is in pieces on the edge of the track. And as the camera zooms into the smoking race car, the eerie silence in Charles's driver's room makes his chest tighten slightly.

"Oh dear, it seems we have no verbal conformation from the driver so as you can see the medical car has made it's way to the scene."

Charles watches the unconscious driver slowly get pulled from the car and layed on a stretcher right there on the side of the track. They lift the visor of his helmet and shine a light across the driver's face as their eyes flutter awake. Beautiful eyes that Charles had engraved in his brain from the moment he met her.

previous chapter // next chapter

[little-emerald-snake]

Non-Con - Sebastian Sallow X F!MC

🔥 NSFW 🔞 MDNI

Warnings: non-con, manipulation, bondage, stolen virginity, unprotected p-in-v, forced orgasm, multiple orgasm, blood, cum swallowing, aftercare, guilty aftermath, dark seb vibes

1.7k words

Sebastian had her right where he wanted, he’d lured her into his room knowing they’d be alone for a while. He’d warded the room to be completely soundproof so nobody would hear them. He crossed the room to stand in front of her easily in three long strides.

He roughly gripped her shoulder and threw her on his bed. His eyes were dark and stormy as they raked over her shivering form. “Come on, pretty girl. Just do what I ask and I won't have to hurt you.”

He got onto the bed, grabbing her struggling limbs as she tried to get up. He held her in place, flipping her onto her stomach and casting a charm to hold her in place.

Strong branches of darkness wrapped around her, putting her on her hands and knees with her back arched to perfection. The branches weren’t rough but instead made of magic that wouldn’t hurt her. She wriggled, panic flaring a massive red warning inside of her.

A chill crawled up her spine as Sebastian appeared behind her on the bed, pulling her skirt and panties down in a swift tug. She tried her best to struggle but the bonds held her tightly in place. “S-Sebastian! What the hell are you d-doing?”

He unceremoniously shoved two fingers into her cunt, causing her to surge forward, slight pain burned between her legs from the new intrusion. “I know, love. You’ll get used to it I promise. Just relax and it can feel good for you.”

She continued to struggle against him, thrashing herself about wildly even though she was held solidly in place. He pulled his fingers from her and slapped her pussy a few times, causing her to yelp in surprise and jump away from the impact.

He growls in frustration, shoving his fingers back into her. “Come on, pretty girl. Just be still so I don’t have to hurt you.”

Tears rolled down her face now. She was ashamed that wetness began to lubricate his fingers, her pussy made obscene sounds as it clenched down on his fingers. He brushed them right against her g spot, causing her to fight a moan through her tears.

He hummed in satisfaction as she finally hung limp in her binds. They loosened around her ever so slightly. Her hair was a mess around her face, snot and tears dripped down her face, her shirt had slid off one shoulder exposing the top of her bra.

She’d never looked prettier to him than now. He was so incredibly hard looking at her that it hurt. He knew he had to prepare her or it would hurt her too badly since she’s a virgin. But he’s impatient and wants to feel her wetness wrapping around his cock.

He pulled his fingers out, wiping a smear of blood and other fluids on the sheets. He positioned himself behind her, pulling his erection free from his trousers and plunging into her.

A guttural cry fell from her lips and a dark moan from his. She sounded pitiful below him and it caused him to twitch inside of her. He pulls out, looking between them to admire her bright blood covering his cock. “Fuck, look at that. You really were a virgin. So fucking hot.”

He thrusts into her causing more cries to fall from her lips. She was too tight around him and it didn’t feel right. He growled in irritation, bending down over her and reaching between her legs to roll his fingers over her clit.

She sobbed underneath him as he used the blood from her pussy as lubrication to slide his fingers delicately over her clit. Between sobs she let out involuntary gasps of breath, cunt twitching around him in ways he knows make her sick.

Her sobs quiet when she accidentally lets a desperate moan slip. She bit into her lip so hard she’s afraid that will bleed too. Instead of fighting him she fights the sounds that want to fall from her as his fingers massage her clit and his hips slam into hers.

She hates that it feels good, hates that he moans above her while he uses her weak, pliant body. He uses his one free hand to wrap her hair around his fist and tip her head to look at him. “That’s okay baby, you can be quiet. I can feel your little pussy spasming around my cock. Tells me just how much you like it.”

She choked on a sob, her body starting to spasm around him and she can’t hold back, crying out as she cums around him. She holds her eyes tightly shut till she sees stars as the slickness between her legs increases.

Sebastian is thrusting faster now, groaning at her unwanted orgasm. “Fuuuck yes. You feel so good cumming around my cock, pretty girl. Come on, just accept that this feels so fucking good to you right now. Just give in and I’ll fuck you so dumb.”

Between the orgasm loosening her up and his promises of making her feel good she can’t help but hang limply in the magical bonds. She lets her body spasm around him and slowly lets more and more of her moans slip free.

Soon she is approaching another orgasm and it had her moaning softly for it. Sebastian’s hips angled till she was fluttering around him, gasping and whimpering with every thrust and roll of his fingers on her clit. “That’s right, cum for me again. Let me make you feel so good. You know you’ve wanted me to take you just like this, there is no denying it with how easy you cum for me. You’re doing so so fucking well, pretty girl.”

She hated how much his words hit home at that moment. She had thought about having sex with him and even through the pain which she knew would happen one day, sex with him does feel incredible. She didn’t even have to do anything and he seemed to be enjoying it as sweat gathered on his brow while he fucked into her, groaning when she tightened.

He was tearing her apart. Piece by precious piece she’s getting tired from the orgasms but he doesn’t seem any closer to stopping. She has no idea how he hasn’t cum yet since he’s constantly twitching inside of her and groaning.

He fucks her to another mind numbing orgasm. All she can do is hang limply in the wizards magic hold and moan for him tiredly while her body slickens and tightens around him once again. “Fuck you feel so good. I-I can’t fight this anymore, pretty girl. I-I’ll give you a choice…do you wanna taste my cum? Or so you want me to cum on your ass?”

She thinks about it, wondering if maybe he’d let her go after they finally finish. Will they ever be the same after this? She mumbled almost numbly that she wanted to taste him and he groaned.

The magic released almost immediately and she fell the short distance to the bed with a small oof. He pulled out of her and climbed off the bed, stepping back a bit. He started stroking himself in his hand. “Get on your knees in front of me. Hurry.”

Her limbs felt like jello but she obediently crawled off the bed and got to her knees in front of him. Almost immediately his face twisted in pleasure and his milky essence shot from his tip. She opened her mouth, trying to catch some to taste.

Most of it ends up on her cheek and some on her lips. Another shot lands directly in her mouth and she prematurely closes her mouth to taste the heady mixture. It's salty and thick in her mouth. One final spurt landed right across her closed lips and he groaned at the sight.

Only when he lets go of his cock does she realize how much blood of hers he’s covered in. His hand that he stroked himself, the other hand from rubbing her, his entire length. The bed where she was. There’s also blood smeared between her legs. she closes them with embarrassment.

Sebastian shakes his head and kneels down in front of her, wiping his cum off her cheek and sliding it into her mouth with his thumb. This taste is tinged with the metallic of blood and she frowns. “No need to be shy, pretty thing. You did so good for me. Gonna take you to the bath and get you cleaned up, okay?”

He wiped her face clean, scourgifys his hands and the sheets before helping her back into her clothes. Once dressed her leads her to the Slytherin bathrooms, pushing her into the guys bathroom and locking the door with an anti alohamora spell.

He undressed her and helped her into the bath, following her after undressing himself. He pulled her into his lap and used his hands to wash her body carefully. “You're so beautiful, look so pretty, you know that? You’re practically glowing now. Are you sore? I have a potion for you that’s gonna help if you want.”

She was a bit sore when she thought about it, all she does is nod still not entirely sure why he’s being so nice after everything. Maybe he really does care about her. But like other things, goes about showing it the wrong way.

He washed her hair and her body with the best smelling soaps she’d ever smelled before drying her off, and putting her in an extra big t shirt and pajama pants she assumed were his. He snuck her back into the boys dorms and into his bed.

Thankfully Ominis doesn’t seem to realize she entered with Sebastian. She wouldn’t know what to even say if he asked. She doesn’t even really know herself. That is until he pulls her into his arms and whispers how much he loves her and begs her for forgiveness, hoping she still likes him enough to be his girlfriend.

She quietly agrees, deciding to go with the idea that he really does care about her and he just went about it all the wrong way. She does care about him too after all.

[llamagoddessofficial]

Bird zoo AUWould the boys have met MC if they weren't at the zoo? And what about skull that lives on a mountain?

tehee

Sans: If he wasn't at the aviary, Sans would meet his darling just from living in his local forest. She has to pass through his woods in the morning to get to work, then at night to get home... though it's technically a very small patch of forest, he still has plenty of opportunities to attack her.

... But he doesn't attack. Of course. Instead, thief Sans is back! Keys, wallet, necklaces, shoes (how?!). Nothing is safe.

He plays harmless pranks by cover of night, most of which just involve stealing things from her then retreating quickly, grinning eerily from a distance until she approaches to try and get them back. The way he turns his head so slowly really freaks her out sometimes, he loves her spooked expressions... but she grows to appreciate his presence in the dark forest, the more time they spend together. He's a nuisance at worst and a welcome break from the shadows and tension at best. She knows that she's not alone, she knows he won't hurt her. And as soon as she sees the blue flash of his eyelight up in the trees, she knows she's got someone protecting her.

Red: Red fully intended to take their courtship slow. But one day, he saw her through her window, dancing and singing. And he was so lovestruck he decided fuck it, he'll just move in with her now.

... It's a perfectly natural step for a monster. Not so much for a human. But there's not really much you can do, when a huge harpy decides to make your home his home too. What is she gonna do, kick him out? His claws are the size of her head. She's got no choice but to make do.

He's... surprisingly chill, though. He gives her space when she wants it, and though he doesn't seem to be able to stop himself from preening her hair when she sits down, he shows his suitability as a mate by respecting her desire for alone time. She kinda enjoys waking up to a company in the house... she kinda enjoys how when she's sleepy, he'll lovingly play with her hair until she passes out. She likes how when she watches TV, he'll tuck a blanket-like wing over her. But most of all, she likes that since he considers her entire home his den, he's always tidying up the little things that she sometimes just can't handle.

... It kinda feels like... she accidentally adopted a massive, neat, adoring cat?

Skull: They 'met' while she was on a solo hiking trip through his territory in the mountains, and her relaxing solo hike turned into a nightmare when she realised a massive harpy was stalking her through the snow from afar. It gets even worse when she gets into an accident, becoming so badly injured she can't move... as darkness closes in around her, trapped on a cold mountain, she's convinced that this was why the harpy was following her. She's convinced she'll freeze to death overnight, and he'll pick apart her remains.

... But neither of those things happens.

Skull was following because he was crushing. Seeing her condition, he scoops her up. He finds some rudimentary shelter, a bush or a little cave to curl up in... and he nestles her close all night long. He keeps her tucked away in his thick warm feathers, where the ice can't bite her. She's even soothed into something of a sleep by the glow of his eyelight and sound of his soft, delighted cooing.

... By morning, he's able to escort her down the mountain, where he vanishes like a ghost as soon as other hikers appear. Mc wants to express her gratitude to him, though- as soon as she's recovered, she makes the same hike, this time with food gifts.

Skull is delighted she came back. Nobody has ever come back to him.

[lifenconcepts]

I NEED SOMEONE TO BE MY PLATONIC ROOMMATE TO HAVE AN INCREDIBLY DEEP CONNECTION WITH IN NO WAY ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON BOTH THE HIGHEST HIGHS AND LOWEST LOWS, TO BE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE LIFE WITH ANOTHER PERSON, SHARE THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS, BE ABLE TO BOTHER AND CARE FOR SOMEONE, FULLY RELAX IN THE PRESENCE OF, HAVE AFFECTIONATE MOMENTS WITHOUT TENSION, RECIEVE COMFORT, GIVE ATTENTION, DO FUN AND WACKY ACTIVITIES, GET INTO STRANGE SCENARIOS, AND TO GET INTO A SOFT BANTER IN THE LATE EVENING AS WE TALK THROUGH OUR DAYS AND WHAT THE NEXT ONE MAY FORTALE AS WE SOFTLY LAUGH AND MELT WITHIN EACHOTHERS PRESENCE AND NOBODY EVEN FOR A SPLIT SECOND CONSIDERS US TO BE PARTNERS AND YET WE’RE CLOSER THAN ANY DUO THERE WERE TO EVER EXIST!

FUCK MORTY AND RICK OR GLAM AND CHES, I WANT WHAT SHERLOCK AND WATSON HAVE - A DEEP BOND WITHOUT NO MORE REASON RATHER THAN BEING JUST PERFECT FOR EACHOTHER, FIND PARTS OF YOURSELF IN THE OTHER WHILE THE THINGS YOU LIKE THE OTHER BRINGS TO THE CONVERSATION AND SITUATIONSHIP.

PLEASE REALISE THIS ISNT A NEED FOR A FOUND FAMILY NOR A LITTLE COWORKER WITHIN MY HOME BUT A PROPER EXTENSION OF THE HEART INTO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!!!!

TO BE ABLE TO BE VULNERABLE, A BITCH, AN ABSOLUTE UNPREDICTABLE MESS, A TERRIBLE MAN, A HORRIBLE WOMAN, AN INSANE DOG, AN OVERLY GIDDY CHILD, AND MUCH MUCH MORE WITH THE OTHER SIMPLY UNDERSTANDING.

UNDERSTANDING IT ALL. THE WHYS AND HOWS AND WHAT TO DO. JUST.. BEING THERE, ALL CHILL, AND ABLE TO BE READY FOR ANY AND ALL SITUATIONS AS WE EMBARK ON DELIGHTFUL ADVENTURES!!

[sparkly-sediment]

Hiya. I saw you were taking suggestions. How about Soldier with a hippie s/o. He might have despised her in the begging but she was too chill and laid back to be intimidated by him and he fell for that? :)

Tf2 Soldier x hippie s/o who doesn’t give a fuck (loves him tho) headcanons

Obsessed with this idea??

Soldier yells a lot. Obviously

It’s not incessant but if you piss him off (which you will!) he will stand a give you the ass chewing of a lifetime.

Smokes your ass like a cigarette. Veins popping, spittle flying, his head is pounding can barely breathe from his yelling. And he says pretty fucked up shit too!

Told Scout his mama was so loose he flew out on accident (Scout cried himself to sleep)

When he enters a fit most mercs try to hide. They ignored him in the beginning, but papi will get your attention and it will be with a riding crop

The most defiance anyone shows during Soldier’s rage is when Spy cloaks and flees

This hippie chick though…

Soldier didn’t like her in the beginning!!! He is a man of order and strength, and this woman is chill, she laughs at him when he is not funny, and she doesn’t seem to gaf when he barks orders

“Oh okay” “thanks Soldier” “mhm yeah for sure” “… totally”

It drives him bananas. 🍌

She’s nice enough, and does a good job on the battlefield. She never gets too drunk or wild which is a bit weird to him (what else do you do?)

Once, everyone is in the kitchen area before work, and his goddamn mitts are too big to get his toast out of the toaster so she puts it on a plate and hands it to him

Soldier like that but didn’t like that he like that

She’s always doing these small sweet things???? He doesn’t understand why and overall he doesn’t *get* her.

The others are pretty easy to read, but it’s almost as if she isn’t acting for personal gain 🤯

Even if they are relaxing (drinking) after work or on a day off, she doesn’t puss out of conversations like Scout and Sniper and doesn’t get angry like Spy and Medic

She’s just… chill? Nice to him? Exasperated but endeared?

Cue some Saturday and Soldier is yelling again. A real holler fest, reverberation is shaking the walls

Most of the mercs have clear out but she’s just sitting on the couch reading and paying literally no mind, which upsets him more

Soldier locks in on his target. Marches over to the back of the couch, looks down at her reading like A FOOL! And starts his engines

“DO YOU EVER CARE ABOUT THIS TEAM?? ABOUT THIS-“

She interrupts his spewing to stand and make eye contact this bitch is crazy!!

Hippie chick smiles, sighs, and tells him to stop yelling please, it’s not that big of a deal, and we are all teammates so please don’t make me want to hurt you ❤️

Soldier is stunned into momentary silence and before he can counter with a well places RAHH she leans in a kisses his cheek! The fuck!

He short circuits and she walks away victorious. Long story short, our little patriot realizes he has some feelings to sort through

I feel like Soldier would be very clearly head over heels and think he is hiding it so well and nobody ever knows ever but she knows and the others are to scared or in disbelief to say anything

She wears an American flag bandanna and he jizzes in his pants 😩😭🇺🇸

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

i spent a real long time pretending to be chill about nsfw jokes and stuff in group chats and joining in with it where possible and bringing in weird bad quotes from academic queer theory to laugh at them and stuff and the whole time just feeling strange and ashamed and completely unable to discuss any of those topics *earnestly*

and gradually over time the shame about the jokes lessened but i was still only ever able to talk about those topics *as jokes*. i got good at them. i'm regularly the person lowering the tone of the whole group chat, tbh, though this is partly bc some of my group chats are with (mostly straight) people who are simply Not That Online. and still when it came to Real Stuff i felt only shame and embarrassment. but i'd squash it! i was really fucking good at squashing it! i could make jokes so evidently i was totally fine and normal about all of this. i never considered that sometimes i was the one lowering the tone bc being perpetually out of my comfort zone meant i'd lost sight of boundaries and appropriateness tbh, I was too busy feeling like I was getting away with something that i could pretend so well

and when other people were talking about their experiences or looking for advice i was there. i talked the talk. i did my best. i found the resources and i never ever let the shame show. and once during one of these conversations somebody said to me that they wished they could be that chill and sex positive and it made me realise how fucking good i was at pretending while inside i was still that nineteen-year-old who didn't know where the clitoris was and, even after they learned, wouldn't masturbate on sundays because it felt weird and blasphemous

i spent so long so full of shame. completely and utterly imprisoned by it and saturated by it and unable to escape it no matter how hard i squashed it down and pretended to be all enlightened and chill and relaxed about sex. and we joke about tumblr being the celibacy website, and the internet gets more hostile to "adult" content all the time and this is hardly an exception, but tumblr has still been crucial to breaking out of that mindset. all the yearning and the horny shitposting and the reminder to kill the cop/evangelical youth leader inside your head here has helped me, actually, to realise that sometimes you're allowed to want stuff for real. not just as a joke

and having a place where i feel even a little bit anonymous (even if i do have some irl friends as mutuals) has also been essential to feeling like i can voice some of those wants out loud and not have my whole face and life attached to it. which has also been a crucial step. i can't say that shit to my friends because my friends know me. i can only say it to you because you don't. but that's a step forward from saying it to nobody

[unknowable-known]

(Officially your second ask ever heh)

(Also I might swear and write some things in caps, but I’m not angry just going crazy okok? 🫡)

“let whatever plot lines unfold!”

You see… this is why I think I don’t get it (or maybe, as you mentioned to your first anon, I’m making an effort to no understand cause I’m “coping”)

Any plot line means even the undesired ones (yeah, yeah, desires, good or bad are concepts, your true self if neutral and unaffected bla bla bla). Let’s be honest here, no matter how enlightened you are, NO ONE want tragedies. I don’t mean like “oh I don’t want to be ugly. Oh I don’t want to be poor” I’m talking about actual serious stuff.

Abuse, r*pe, murder, torture, physical pain and so on.

It’s very nice and peaceful all this talk of “hey, calm down, is not real anyway. Your physical body is not real, emotions are made up concept. Relax 🧘”

But it’s seriously fucked up to keep this mindset when you’re going through one of the things I mentioned.

“Oh but you’re not supposed to disregard your feelings”

Honestly… then what’s the damn point of all this?

Can’t change things around because it’s all an illusion so there’s nothing happening at all, but has to let the so called plot lines unfold (aka HAPPEN) because… ???

Can’t let yourself be affected by circumstances cause they’re not real and good or bad are made up concepts, but can’t disregard feelings. So basically… Yeah, you still get to feel miserable.

Know yourself, but be aware that the mind and the “you” you think you are won’t ever comprehend what “ ” actually is.

Fuck it if the “ ” is neutral, unaffected and unchangeable. I’M (the limited me, cause oh well you are already “ ”, right?) STILL LIVES IN A GODDAMN ILLUSION THAT DO IN FACT AFFECTS ME AND THAT’S APPARENTLY UNCHANGEABLE, AND I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE: Wanting to change = Being aware that something is missing, therefore, this something will alway be missing = eternal loop & seeking.

Future doesn’t existe neither past, but the present still shows up with seeming past things, like a giant snowball only getting bigger.

It seems so redundant to me and it makes me drained cause you guys (do you even ‘exist’ by this logic? Am I just talking to myself then?) talk about it and live life like it’s so damn easy, but I can’t seem to see what you guys see.

Again, who cares if the great, unaffected, infinite self is “there” chilling if I (as in the infinite self) can’t simply shut off all of the limited and non existent world that is unfolding right in front of me? If I’m already self, but perceived in a limited existent creature then what’s the point of knowing self?

I think I saw these words being said multiple times: “Then all of this is simply about moving on and experiencing undesired circumstances, but just being in peace with it” and all of “you” answered “I can’t see why you see that way or when we ever implied that”. But honestly, I mean with all my heart, I can’t see how is NOT like that.

Right now, is the limited “me” talking and as long as I am perceiving myself as limited, I always will be, but if I try not to I’ll still be perceiving myself as limited (again, the paradox/looping).

In my head there are only two “methods” to finally understand all this fully:

experience a illusory death of the illusory body

Hit my head and lose all the damn memory. Anything could ‘unfold’ and I wouldn’t have the pre concepts I had before. I could live a totally different ‘life’ without even knowing that there was a so called different one before.

It's nice being cheeky. I appreciate you 😁🫶🏻

Some experiences can be awful yes, and nobody is invalidating that in any way. "Letting go" isn't actually letting go, it's noticing what remains aside any experience.

Manage any experience you have in a healthy way. Seek support wherever you can and wherever relevant. You, self, that, infinite radiance is going nowhere. "Manage" the plot line in a way that's comfortable for you.

In the meantime you can still "increase" your "sensitivity" there are opportunities for you to understand yourSELF in any context. It's this simple.

In fact, really painful situations can serve as great contrast to actuality...

I know there is much pain and suffering(seemingly), and managing this is not cope...

ALL experiences are valid, they're just not substantial/actuality...

There is no purpose to any of this. Infinite means completely open ended. But again, this does not invalidate any experience...manage this experience however you deem fit.

In the midst of pain, I closed tumblr, and stuck with being_is_it on twitter. Just a suggestion and not a method. He's truly an all-star, and very helpful & streamlined in overwhelming experiences.

We love you🫶🏻

[cuppa-ale]

I really wish that I was more interested in things. More invested and curious w/o someone needing to show it to me directly. Right now, I feel like it's really difficult because no matter what I do, I feel empty and lonely and it feels like a self-perpetuating cycle.

I want to be enthusiastic and into things, but I feel like I'm going to be abandoned or shrugged off and I can't shake that lonely feeling that makes me feel sick. And yet I also know that I can't be part of anything or get other people interested if I'm not interested, but I feel so sick because of the loneliness that I don't even want to try for fear of hurting myself more, and it loops all around. I don't want to think this way. Sometimes I don't, but it always comes back.

I feel like I desperately want to ask for validation and attention, yet I feel dumb because of that- yet I would never begrudge anyone else for wanting the same. I actually wish that people were more upfront like that, because it's normal to want those things, and no one can know if you don't speak up. Sometimes people just don't know or are socially awkward, speaking from experience. And I'm often left wondering and guessing about what I can or can't do, so somebody being upfront would be so, so massively helpful.

And yet I also know why I try to keep most people at arms' length too- I feel so afraid that I can't trust them to not hurt or abandon me or someone else for liking a character or a ship or whatever that they don't. And that may sound dumb as hell (because it is) but that also makes it extremely hard to find community or camaraderie in fan or hobby circles in general. There is always, always a hint of doubt in my mind and I hate it. I don't want to go through that again. God, I don't want to go through that again.

And I worry that I don't have much to offer another person bc of how sincerely exhausted and hermited I am.

I feel overworked and overwhelmed in my daily life. Even if I could get past this anxiety, I barely have time for anything outside of manual labor, housekeeping, caretaking, and yet I still feel like a disappointment and that I could be doing more if my brain wasn't so fucked up.

I am so tired. And I feel like I really don't have an escape or outlet. I feel so mediocre and selfish because I want so badly for someone to hold me and pay attention to me and help me and remind me that I'm not a lost cause piece of trash. But I'm also very aware of the fact that nobody can fix me or make my problems go away. I feel like I'm not happy no matter what and that scares me.

I feel like it also doesn't even matter what I do or don't do because no one is paying attention. That's probably really stupid too, but that's the mindset I get sometimes. I don't like thinking that way either.

I don't want to do things for the sake of attention or validation because that's not the reason why I do them, and I never ever want that to be the reason why. And yet I know that's what I crave, and it always rears its ugly head.

I believe that this is part of why I like Crayzar and Tyetaynus so much- Tyetaynus has been implied to be obsessed with Crayzar for years, hunting him down and "making him pay" for leaving him- but meanwhile, Crayzar just seems to not give a shit about his brother, and I think there's so much angst and drama and shit you can pull from that it's nuts. And so I really really want to make art that explores that bc I find Tyetaynus to be a super cathartic character and I want to express that "grief of what never came to be", "all i wanted was you", "I'm going to make you hurt like you made me hurt", and anger and all of those emotions and I hope it comes through, but I may as well talk about it here bc it actually makes me feel sane.

So I try to redirect those feelings into art and characters and stories in general, because idk what else to do with them. But it worries me bc again, it makes it so, so difficult to just be chill and relax and feel like I can indulge or be curious about something bc I have this horrible, paranoid, looming feeling at all times that something is very wrong and that the something wrong is me and that everyone thinks it. (even if that's not the case. I fully believe that I suffer from paranoid delusions bc I've been affected by them so, so bad, only to find that it's unfounded or I'm just being dumb. I just want someone to tell me unequivocally at all times that everything is okay and I'm okay, and sometimes that's all I can think about.)

All I want to do is make stuff at the end of the day. The one thing I want to do above all else is make stuff, even if I have to find the time from being overworked and exhausted and sick. Even if I have to make myself sick while doing so, that is the very 1 one thing I want to do in this world before I leave it.

I want to work on the doll commission I started work on recently. I want to continue working on my OCs and preparations for my first original comic. I want to tell their stories. I want to draw weird and mushy and complicated ship art. I want to draw my brain wife. I want to draw silly self-inserts and whatever other trivial thing I can think of. I want to make gifts for my friends.

I want to keep going and I want to keep doing that no matter what. That's all I want to do. I have no choice. I want to make stuff and I want to share it and I want to keep doing that until I die, or until I no longer can.

[helltemp]

📝 !!!

meme tag | always accepting

SEND 📝  AND I’LL SUGGEST A FEW MUSES THAT I’LL LIKE TO THROW AT YOUR MUSE(S)

rosie for

alastor. the bestest of overlord bffs. rosie has all the tea ( the drink and the gossip ). alastor is definitely the muscle between the two , if you don't count the army of cannibals. but it works.

charlie. come tell aunty rosie all your troubles , sweetheart. girl problems ? business worries ? daddy issues ? aunty rosie is here to help you through it all. obviously she's not in it 100% out of the goodness of her heart , but she does genuinely like her !

vaggie. does charlie introduce them ? does vaggie insist on meeting the overlord that alastor introduced to her girlfriend ? i don't know ! but i feel like there's potential here.

niffty for

blitzø. a bad boy !?!? sign her the fuck up. she's probably in blitzø's fan club tbh. i mean he goes to earth ? to kill people ?? for money ??? oh , be still her heart. but the overall chaos and mess that follows him would drive her crazy. why is it never clean ?!?!

moxxie. he confuses her tbh. bad boy , but also not quite a bad boy ? former mafia + assassin = good. but mushy romantic with millie = ew.

striker. ride 'em cowboy. she will lose her shit over him.

the whole hotel crew tbh. obviously.

belphegor for

bee. for the 1324908th time , stay out of her drug stash , bee ! half of those aren't even supposed to be party drugs. they're genuinely for the hospital. pls. bel's too tired for this again.

satan. can he just.... relax ? she's already provided one of the best therapists in the sloth ring. what more does he want ? why does everything have to be so dramatic all the time. take a nap , take a chill pill. seriously. she'll provide the strongest ones in all of hell if he'll just let her sleep.

moxxie for

millie. self explanatory. give me their ridiculously adorable couple goals. i love them so much.

blitzø. i mean... do i even need to say anything ? throw him over !

verosika. he still has the occasional nightmare about what she and her friends did to him the first time they met. that was not the kind of message you send through a well-meaning intermediary, ma'am.

via. if she ever wants to talk about ... ya know ... everything , he understands complicated parental relationships.

stolas. why do i feel like they'd watch telenovelas or go to the theater together ? just two refined gentlemen enjoying the finer things in life that nobody else seems to appreciate.

millie for

moxxie. again , self explanatory. i don't care who writes who. i just need them in my life.

blitzø. again , do i even need to say anything ? throw him over !

stolas. she feels for him. really , she does. but it's time for some tough love. blitzø's right. you gotta get off your ass and do something with yourself , sugar. you wanna come on a mission with her and mox ?

barbie wire. blitzø probably asked her to do "i don't fuckin' know—- girl stuff! just don't let her know i asked you to!" with barbie which is 1) are you a fuckin' idiot blitzø? 2) yeah, okay, but only because millie does really wanna go back to that spa with the great mud bath again.

cherri bomb. i just feel like they'd get along. mills would absolutely go blow stuff up with cherri just for shits and giggles. let's go cause some trouble , girl !

gabriel for

all the angels (lucifer included). i don't even have his character nailed down yet, but when i do!! i'm coming for your angels.

but really anyone for anyone. seriously.