#no where feels like home lol

[nearlydark]

I have moved 13 times in my life. It’s too much

[splinterclan]

Moon 17: So yeah! This happened!

(Sidenote for Cedar's kits, they're meant to be 4-5 weeks/1 moon old already - so they're weaned from needing milk)

Also, also baby refs:

[livwritesstuff]

Honestly, Eddie doesn’t know why it had taken so long for him to realize his and Steve’s children could understand the shit that came out of his mouth.

(It took an embarrassingly long amount of time).

Even when Moe’s third or fourth word was fuck, he didn’t realize it (and she was using it mostly correctly too, which should have been a serious flag, but nope).

What made him realize it was when they started repeating the shit that came out of his mouth. 

To strangers.

In public.

The first time Eddie had been really caught off guard by something one of his daughters said was when Moe, who was three at the time, had proudly announced to an unsuspecting grocery store cashier, “Daddy says my Papa’s a DILF!”

And, like, Eddie had just heard the term for the first time, and obviously he was goddamn delighted by it because…duh. Steve. 

It just hadn’t occurred to him that his toddler might have caught it too, but little pitchers have big ears, or so the proverb suggests, and Eddie had taken it as a wake-up call that Moe isn’t a baby anymore (tragic as it may be).

He’s not the only problem though – Steve is just as bad, (if not worse, because he really doesn’t bother to check where their kids are before he starts running his mouth).

One particularly damning incident was at a restaurant, which is something they don’t even do all that often because, seriously, going to a restaurant with very young kids should be an Olympic event or something.

(The last time they all went out to eat, Nancy and Robin had made a drinking game out of all the times Steve and Eddie had to take a child to the bathroom and ended up so far gone that Eddie had needed to drive them home).

The incident started with the waitress asking, “Can I get you started with anything to drink?”

And it had ended with four-year-old Moe confidently announcing, “My Papa needs a fucking margarita.”

Thank god, the waitress had been a twenty-something college student and thought it was hilarious, but Steve had still been completely mortified.

[batwynn]

Everyone always talks about soulmates and the person you’re meant to be with, but all I can think about is my soul place… the place I’m meant to thrive in but can never get to.

[heybiji]

That causes Dande’s resolve to soften somewhat...

[bacchuschucklefuck]

pygmalion and galatea for aroace people

you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.

[skunkes]

[akkivee]

apologies for being mia!!!!! pls accept this tierlist lol

[yinyuedijun]

also dash is it too crazy to get a comm of the sad depressed incest couple I invented? AGLDHSKSJ I just have strong vision for the fic aesthetics and they've been stuck in my head for 2 years

[vaguely-concerned]

I feel that during the first coffee date walk through the market, rye has a fraction of a millisecond's kneejerk trauma freakout of '...wait. wait. am I really catching feelings for a rich boy again. with how that went down last time. am I truly that stupid' (once derogatorily referred to quite openly at a party as 'young master anaxas' pet mortalitasi' to which the young master anaxas only grinned and shrugged and STILL you don't break up with his smug controlling ass for good for six more months because you have a desperate bottomless yearning pit where your self respect should go, twice shy lol). and then he actually looks at lucanis standing next to him getting harding spearmint to help with bad dreams and generally being so quietly thoughtful and sweet through the prosaic yet necessary medium of grocery shopping it makes me feel a little unwell to truly contemplate. and rye is like '*the softest fondest eyes anyone has ever turned on anything* ...you know what. I suspect we don't have to worry about that repeating, I think we're probably safe. I am comfortable being this level of stupid. (slowly dawning marital intent even at this stage)'.

(part of the reason rye buys NONE of illario's bullshit at all right from the beginning is that he's basically vaccinated against this exact type of dude after that relationship lol. charming suave guy who in the beginning pays you a lot of lavish attention and takes pains to make you feel special every time you're in a room with him -- but shallowly and mostly, it slowly dawns on you, when there's something he wants from you (and he's often doing it at the expense of someone else, raising you up to put someone else down and you won't believe this... it can turn into a seesaw at a whim. yay). and beneath that there's just a seething pit of resentment and inferiority complexes and bitterness left to fester until he can make it everyone else's problem and that IS going to start to bubble up between the cracks with you too if you stick around for long enough. no thank you been there done that wasted my youth and potential on it and all I got was this lousy shiny set of new emotional intimacy issues haunting me for life! trust me illario I HAVE, as it were, chosen the wrong dellamorte before, which is exactly how I know I didn't this time. go get him lucanis I've got your coffee

hilarious mental image: rye and illario sitting quietly together while everyone else is busy milling about during a cursed dellamorte family dinner (the vibes are so bad. you know the vibes are bad. sitting as still as you can and hoping for calm skies is your best bet without lucanis or teia favourite child privileges to work with) and rye out of the blue gazing thoughtfully into nothing over the edge of his glass with half-lidded eyes to go 'you know. you remind me a lot of my ex. not in a good way' and illario with absolutely no shame and hilariously also something that's the closest he ever gets to real sympathy going 'yeah, I get that a lot'. best talk those two ever had, unironically. their bond leveled up to its final form that day. *soulsborne boss defeated text* MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING REACHED)

[itspileofgoodthings]

ALSO I am learning how to teach very introverted students, something my natural skillset as a teacher does not help me with.

[iamawolfstarsimp]

what's up ya'll

as previously mentioned I saw @fickle-tiction headcanons for a superbat (superman/batman) and yeah, here we are

just a quick side note for everyone to go like/follow/reblog her fics and headcanons they're literally the best ever

3,342 words

hope you enjoy!!

It all started with a quiet knock on his door early one morning.

"Ms. Diana is here, she says she needs to talk to you about a mission the team said was 'tailored to you.'" Alfred said in his usual neutral tone.

Alfred walked into his room with the usual greeting and started opening his curtains to let in some natural light that instantly blinded Bruce for a few moments.

"Just let her in then," Bruce mumbled, too tired to get up just yet.

"Very well." Alfred said and opened up his door to let Diana walk through. She walked in wearing dress pants and some new fitted top (new because Bruce didn't recognize it) while holding a folder in her hands and took a moment to look around the room before thanking Alfred and walking over to Bruce.

"Hey, you." She smiled at his messy hair and sour expression. "How did you sleep?"

"Alright, considering." Bruce answered while trying to blink away any grogginess he had left.

"The team found this undercover mission for you if you're up to it."

"Give it to me, I'll look through it." She handed the folder to him.

He flipped it open to see the location which was some island near the coast of Florida where the host was having all of his guests at his private mansion. They had the targets listed with a list of who they are and what information they needed from them. Then the character he would be playing. He was supposedly going to be called Mark Wilson who attempted to go the military (specifically marine corp) but then won the lottery randomly and left (wow, what a great guy) but then used his money to sponsor random charities and then got famous off of that. He also was recently getting into acting and was apparently starring in a new movie that was to come out next year. But ever since his rise to fame he mostly attends parties, golfs, spends his money, and spends time with his-

"Husband?" Bruce looked up at Diana.

"Yeah, that's the part I thought I should ask about.." She grimaced a little.

"Does his 'husband' have to be at the event or can I make something up?"

"He has to be there." Diana said.

"Who's playing the part of my husband then?"

"Clark?" Diana eye rolled when Bruce chuckled and gave her a look. "We all agreed that you two would be best for this since you both have natural chemistry. It wouldn't look fake in front of public eye."

"Is Clark really up to it? He doesn't seem the acting type."

"We asked him and he said it was perfectly okay with him. And give him some credit, he pretends to be a new reporter and has to hold back on everything he does so he doesn't break anything. Granted he has gotten a lot better at the last thing and maybe not so much on the first but we didn't pick him for his spectacular acting, that's why we picked you." Diana explained. She looked at him with a piercing look, arms folded so he felt like he was being scolded. Bruce sighed.

"When do we leave?" He asked, letting some of how tired he was feeling seep into his voice hoping to get some pity sympathy.

"This evening, I'll have a jet ready for you guys and Alfred will come and get you both." Diana puts a hand on his shoulder and rubs his back for a moment before walking towords the door.

And so after a long jet ride of getting into character and banter with Clark he ended up here, talking to some random reporter.

He looked over at Clark (he got to play Oliver Brown/Wilson who was a full time actor in mostly comedy, romance, and action movies and the two met on a red carpet for charity event and they "instantly clicked") who was on the other side of the room making small talk with one of their targets while the reporter was asking 'how is your husband doing, I haven't gotten the chance to talk to him yet?'"

"Oh, he's doing amazing and he looks amazing while doing it too?" He and the reporter laughed and nodded at each other. "I mean what the heck are we all doing?"

"I've heard a rumor that he night be a co-star for you in your upcoming movie." The reporter says.

"Well who said that?" Bruce asks, a playful glint in his eyes.

"He did!" The reporter laughs at Bruce's expression of surprise but then exceptance.

"Well to be honest with you we haven't started shooting the film yet but from what I hear the budget for this film is top tier and they've started wrapping up auditions." Bruce answers. "But if the producers decide the want him in it then they'll let him know, I mean we would be happy to have him, he's a fantastic actor and a wonderful person to have around and just lights up any room he walks into." Bruce was mentally cringing at his answers, he wasn't used to playing the "happily married with two dogs and a house".

"Aww, that's so sweet." The reporter coos at him and he just smiles back. "Oh, speak of the devil!" The reporter says and Bruce feels a hand slide across the small of his back and onto his waist and pull Bruce closer to Clark so now they're shoulder to shoulder.

"Oh hey, we were just talking about you." Bruce says, doing his best to smile and make it look like he was in love.

"All good things I hope," Clark grins at Bruce then the reporter who laughs and immediately starts asking questions. Bruce allows himself to zone out a little bit while Clark answers said questions and just look at him at the reporter.

He didn't expect Clark to be so good at this. And none of his movements or touches seemed forced or nervous and he seemed completely relaxed and comfortable. He zoned back in just in time to hear Clark turn and flirt with him with a wink before continuing on with what he was saying. He would have to take back what he to Diana, Clark was really good at this. Almost better than Bruce was.

Bruce spots one of their targets lingering in the corner, sipping on champagne. "Our target is sitting in the corner, I'm gonna go talk to him before we have to walk out onto this red carpet for photos." He whispers in Clark's ear, head turned far enough away from the reporter that she can't try and read his lips. Clark laughs like Bruce said something funny and nods and Bruce excuses himself from the conversation.

He bullshits his way through a conversation with this target who doesn't really know who he is but is too drunk to ask questions. He gets the information out fairly easy and then spots Clark walking the red carpet and quickly joins him.

Clark slips his hand around his waist again and when he can't hold his waist he grabs onto Bruce's hand as they walk.

Later in the evening when the event is drawing to a close, Bruce is talking to one of their targets. He's making small talk and asking about the man's hobbies since he's already gotten the information he needed.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Clark walking over but decides to ignore him and continue his conversation. Once Clark reaches him he does what he's done all evening and puts his hand on Bruce's waist. He's done it so much Bruce now notices when the warmth of Clark's hand isn't there. He trys not to think about that right now though and just smiles and Clark and continues talking.

He isn't looking at Clark when he decides to lean in and kiss him. It isn't the first time it's happend this evening but he usually did it on his cheek or temple but this time decides to go lower and touches down onto his neck.

Without thinking Bruce squeaks mid sentence and scrunches his neck into where Clark's head is to rid of the sensation on his neck because oh my gosh it tickles. He chuckles despite himself and glances over at Clark. To any outside person his glance appears to just be a couple sharing a look maybe could even be taken as a way to flirt with them. To Bruce and Clark it means "do NOT do that again, I swear to everything on this green earth I will rip your arms off".

Clark just grins and (thankfully) doesn't do it again. But if Bruce knows his best friend then he knows there's more to come.

After what feels like an eternity of the host thanking everyone for coming and explaining why he decided to set up the event and thanking the sponsors, he and Clark and finally back up in their room.

They get undressed in mild silence until Clark dares to break it.

"Soooo.." Clark starts and Bruce can practically hear the grin he's wearing. "ticklish, huh?"

Bruce eye rolls. "Stow it, you just caught me by surprise." He says while taking off his shirt and putting on comfortable shorts.

"Oh really?" Clark says and Bruce can feel the sharp poke to his side coming but he was too slow to avoid it and let's out a shout, turning around to face Clark with a scowl on his face.

"That's not the reaction a nonticklish person would have."

"It's a character, doofus." Bruce says but keeps his hands out in front of him to protect himself from any more pokes.

"Ohhh, okay." Clark says and it appears that he decides to drop the subject for the time being.

The two get into bed and Bruce lays down on his back, thinking about all that had happened over the past two days, how many targets they had left, information they had gotten, how good Clark was at his role, his hands on his waist and his back and his neck and kissing him-

His thoughts were interrupted by the same person he was thinking about. Clark had rolled over onto his stomach and poked Bruce's side. He didn't react because he was slightly expecting it but he did look over at Clark.

"You're really not ticklish?" Clark asked. "I thought all humans were ticklish, it's a defense system isn't it?" Bruce sometimes forgot Clark wasn't actually human. He had to learn human customs and culture and how their bodies worked so he could pretend to be one.

"It's common for people to be ticklish but most grow out of it after childhood because their sense have been dulled by time." Bruce answered.

"That makes sense." Clark replied. "What happens if I do this?"

Clark reached out and Bruce expected him to try and tickle him in some way but all he did was reach out and wiggle his fingers just barely above Bruce's stomach and sides. Bruce instantly tensed his stomach and felt his face heat up from his cheeks to his ears. He just hoped it didn't show on his face.

Clark noticed the reaction he got from that and continued even after Bruce smacked his hand away.

"What's wrong, Bruciee?" Clark said, that mischievous grin of his plastered to his face again. "I'm not even touching you."

"I hate you." Bruce grumbled, glaring at his best friend. Clark just laughed and continued.

Bruce finally had enough and rolled over onto his stomach, face in his pillow, hoping Clark would get bored when he couldn't see his face or any reactions and go to bed. (spoiler alert: he was wrong.)

Clark took the liberty of his new work-space which was Bruce's back and started to drag his fingertips across the whole of his back, admiring the goosebumps left in his wake.

Bruce smushed his face further into the pillow hoping it would spare him the embarrassment of dying to Clark Kent and smother him to death. If he made it out of this alive he was going to kill Clark.

"Wanna hear a nursery rhyme?" Clark asked. Bruce wanted to shake his head no but he didn't want to give the satisfaction of an answer, and a small part of him wanted to see where this was going. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Walking through the jungle," Clark said slowly in a sing-song voice while walking two fingers up Bruce's back. "X marks the spot," Clark drew an X over his back with his fingers. "dot, line, dot, line, dot dot dot." Clark did exactly as he said, poking his back whenever he said dot and tracing a line down Bruce's spine whenever he said line.

"Heree come the spider to bite you in the neck!" Clark scurried his fingers up Bruce's back until they reached his neck to scribble in the crooks of his neck. Clark almost got Bruce to squeal, but he did manage to get him to scrunch up his neck. "Tight squeezeee," Clark reached down and squeezed his sides a few times. "cold breezee," Bruce swore that Clark used his powers to make his breath colder as be blew on his back and at his ears, which tickled like hell. "now you have the tingles!"

Bruce let out a sigh of relief from the rid of tickle-y sensation. He was holding in more laughter than he thought he was.

He thought Clark was done until he started over, doing his little nursery rhyme of torture (he was being dramatic, he knew that, but it was the only name that felt appropriate) for however many more times, sometimes with the words and sometimes without, til Clark finally got tired and turned off the light.

He let his body fully relax for the first time since early today. He felt his muscles release all the energy contained inside of them and from Clark's terrorizing he actually felt tired.

He was almost asleep until he felt a poke to his side, and five minutes later a cold breeze directed at his ears. He rolled over to glare at Clark just in time to see him jump on top of him and start digging into his ribs. Clark started vibrating his hands into his ribs at an inhuman speed, causing Bruce to dissolve into laughter instantly.

Bruce tried to protect his ribs and throw Clark off at the same time but managed to succeed in neither. It tickled so bad, the electricity of the tickles racing through his body and lighting him up like a firework. He shoved his face deeper in the pillow, hoping to find some means of escape in there.

"Poor, Bruce." Clark laughed from above him. "Too ticklish for his own good." Clark made sure to say that directly in his ear so that his breath tickled him. Bruce screamed at the feeling, squirming more than ever.

"G-get off of mehehehe!!" Bruce laughs, resigned to his fate but praying that maybe pleading will work.

"Be quiet, you're gonna wake people up." Clark replies, ignoring Bruce's whines and protests. "There's something I wanna try."

Bruce quiets himself but strengthens his struggles more than ever. Unfortunately a regular human doesn't do much against superman who is over 200 pounds of pure muscle.

Clark leans down and starts pressing kiss after kiss on Bruce's neck, starting at the nape of his neck and moving towards the crook of his neck and next to his ear and Bruce freaking giggles. If there's one thing Bruce thought he didn't have the capability to do anymore, it would be to giggle.

But of course, Clark Joseph Kent would be the only one to get it out of him. And of course it's like this.

"You- wait, do-hohoho-don't! Kehehent!!" Bruce spluttered through his giggles, eyes starting to tear up in his mirth.

"Hm, what's that?" Clark said into his neck om the part right below his ear so that the vibrations from his voice would tickle him too. "Sorry, can't hear you over all these giggles."

Clark was ecstatic about being able to get The Batman, Mr. Sour Face Grumpy Pants, The Broody Knight himself to freaking giggle.

Clark let Bruce roll over onto his right side to try and protect himself even if it didn't help much but he knew that Bruce liked to have the feeling of some control.

"Okay, okahahay!!" Bruce laughed freely, pushing at Clark's shoulders as he dove back in to kiss the front of his neck, even daring to throw in some nibbles.

He reached down a pinched Bruce's taut stomach as well, feeling the muscles jump away from his touch and shake with deep laughter.

"Y-you win, you wihihin!" Bruce cackled, shoving at Clark's face with one hand and covering his stomach with the other.

Clark stopped hearing the desperation in Bruce's voice. He leaned back to admire his work. Bruce's neck was covering in some red spots where Clark had kissed him and his face was bright red all the way from his cheeks to his neck. Clark felt his heart race a little bit looking down at Bruce and realized he was still straddling him. He slid off quietly and they sat in silence for a while while Bruce caught his breath.

"I hate you." Bruce muttered, glaring at Clark. It would have been more effective of his face wasn't still red.

"I love you too." Clark smiled brightly at him.

Bruce eye rolled and flopped over onto his stomach but otherwise didn't move his position from the near middle of the bed. "Mention this to anyone and you're dead."

"Noted." Clark chuckled underneath his breath and lay down next to Bruce, finally letting sleep engulf him.

Surprisingly, Bruce slept the best that night than he had in a while.

For the next few days Clark stayed close to his side, always either touching him or talking to him not that he minded.

But every time he'd try and talk to someone and Clark was with him, he'd take the opportunity to sneak hands into his suit jacket and make Bruce wiggle away from him or press a kiss to his neck or ears just to see him scrunch up.

Bruce always laughed it off in the moment but as soon as they were back in their room it was all glares and scowls meanwhile Clark was ever the ray of sunshine.

He didn't know why he didn't get Clark back, he knew he was ticklish (ridiculously so even, Diana had shown him one time when she snuck up on Clark and tackled him to the ground, wiggling fingers into his sides and scribbling on his neck. He suspected Clark might be extra sensitive to tickling because he was never exposed to it as a child and was also an alien). Maybe it was because he thought Clark wouldn't tickle him anymore if he did and he was just getting used to Clark touching him, he wasn't ready for the touch to stop.

He was shocked by his own thoughts but shook them off. He would deal with his feelings for Clark later.

The mission ended rather well and soon enough they were on a jet flying back to one of Bruce's mansions where Diana would be waiting for them. They'd have a team meeting next week to discuss the information according to Alfred, whom was driving the jet.

Bruce set his phone down and looked out the window, thinking about all that had happened the last few days. He didn't know what was going on between him and Clark and he was okay to let it go for now and just enjoy the feeling of warmth that spread through him whenever he looked at the brown haired dork.

He glanced over at Clark who immediately fell asleep as soon as they got into the jet, chair leaned back and arm thrown over his eyes. Bruce smiled and looked away again. Yeah, he could get used to this.

I kinda went a little free hand for some parts (I'm not great at writing anticipation and such but I'll improve) but I you liked it!

(I very briefly proof read it but not too much because I have school in the morning so if there's mistakes then I'm sorry 😭)

[howdoyousleep3]

never in my life have i wanted a Daddy more than i do rn 😭

[k3nnyonly1]

Royalty Wally belong to @neonross

[jrueships]

' you throw Such a Friendly Balllll 🥰🥰'

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Update on my hebrew music: I have been listening to so much israeli and hebrew music that it's almost outnumbering the english music I am being recommended. Do I get a trophy for this...

Stop making good music guys 😭😂