#and like not to psychoanalyze or whatever lol

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I know we skirt around and sometimes talk about the ~trauma~ of it all, but I think seeing how loudly Taylor and Travis support each other on main (while still carving out a private life together) really starts to illuminate to an even clearer degree how many of Taylor's choices and actions were a response to all of ~that~ in the last decade or so (and particularly since 2016).

Again, which is not to say it's all bad, and many of them were choices she needed to make at the time for her own health and I'm sure there are some things from the time period she's continued to keep with her, but it's just really striking that she's, like, in full bloom now. And as a lot of people here are saying, she's probably more like herself these days than she'd been in the last decade. It's getting to the point (at least for me) that sometimes I can't even imagine her the way she was in the last few years because she just seems soooooo much more comfortable in her own skin. Which is silly, because that was as much her as the person she is now, she is an amalgamation of all those parts of her (just like any other person is).

But you just see *how much* she just loves so freely -- not just romantically but in everything she does -- and it's even sadder to think about how she felt like she had to slice off all these parts of her and like she had to accept a certain way of living (and being loved) in order to survive and have a life of her own.

I'm just really happy for her that she seems to be healing every passing day and is just embracing everything coming her way.

ok gonna word vomit more in the tags

[snekdood]

Idrc if you wanna find the politics in every piece of media you consume but personally i dont really care to all the time like idk. Like idk sometimes i just wanna enjoy shit w/o constantly thinking about the underlying politics or whatever? Sometimes its hard to ignore if its super rw based but still, a lot of other shit i just feel like im investing more energy into this shit than was intended for most ppl like idk. The underlying political implications of spirited away. Idk i just dont really care lol

[gyarustarrr]

LORE LORE LORE!!!🗣️🗣️🗣️ (This is super long and my English is horrible for a native speaker so bear w me)

ILL BE REAL I DIDNT PUT MUCH THOUGHT INTO A REASONABLE BACK STORY but bcuz shes a self insert i had to make a mention for my bestie who can EASILY be in the pressure universe fr <3

Pre-lockdown: I think itd be unique that if Sebastian was used to give humans gills then Phanny can be used to find immortality cuz who doesnt love when a corrupt corporate entity tries to find the cure for death, happens all the time lol. I say for the important parts shes fused with an immortal jellyfish, my favorite jelly which im extreme jelly of 😼😼😼😼, and i would say that its possible that she could live forever IN THEORY with the dna of that jelly but that would have to be tested lmaooo.

I believe because shes also able bodied (mostly) she would be given similar jobs as Sebastian so shes not depressed, rotting, or lashing out. Not sure if they'd work together but she's observant and being a psychologist, she def psychoanalyzing the hell outta everybody in the facility out of boredom. She seems happy but ofc its a coping mech to make the best out of the absolute horrors around her, still emotional unstable and freaks tf out frequently. Once Sebastian frees everybody, she's free to roam and sees what Sebastian is doing. She asks to assist him in his goal but she only plays a part once Seb handles BIDNESS on land during lockdown. Post lockdown she scavenges for data and whatever here and there but shes mostly left alone or out of most of his operation, yk,,,working with Mr Lopee and all. She really tries to get close with Sebastian (despite emphasizing hes a married man, YEAH SURE BUDDY YOU'RE LIKE 32, WHATEVER MAKES U FEEL BETTER💀) and being the drama fiend i am, i think having a "moment of weakness" would lead to their complex semi romantic possibly toxic dynamic.

Fight: And as i did my research its highly debatable if Sebastian is telling pAInter the truth about getting them both out. Phanny would believe this without question cuz if he can make a plan and has all these skills and resources, he should be able to take everyone (this also includes other peoples inserts and ocs who are experiments because it makes the setting more lively and interesting). I even thought of a cool ass line my homie thought was cold asf for argument dialogue between Phanny and Seb about taking everyone back up to the surface.

Just to summarize: Phanny mentions how noble Seb is after making progress with his escape plan, assuming that he'll take at least as many people as possible including Phanny. Sebastian at this point is already trying to push her away post weakness moment and he know damn well he's just doing this for himself and never accounted to leave w/ a whole damn facility of sentient experiments. He just wanna see his mom again and hes already working in private with Mr Lopee i mean this is a one man escape plan. This ofc shatters Phanny cuz from what hes saying, nobody and he mean NOBODY is getting out of here with him. Hes not a savior and hes not responsible for people he dont even know or fuck with like tf?? And Phannys like OKAY? Nobody's asking you to be JESUS but can you at least be Moses?? Free us so we can all get justice! Explain why you can't take a handful and come back once u take this damn company down?? What about your promise to pAInter? To ME.

Ofc it ends in a big brawl, think Mark getting his shit rocked by his own dad (Omniman from invincible) and they just have this heartbreaking dialogue and they split ways.

Post fight + breakdown: After this, Phanny is basically losing it. I even have a vision for this if it was actually in game and she was an actual character with weight to the gameplay. Like crying and wailing in the vents and pipes, shit breaking, Phanny not being seen for a majority of the game until shes physically stopping u from going through doors and rushing the player. Not to kill them, she loves the expendables and protects them but if she really has to if it means Sebastian can get out/she gets to see another day then...

Plus i drew what that would look like in my last post where shes just standing in the dark in the corner blocking the door. Even if shes not blocking the door she's obviously going through something and can't be interacted with, she just follows the player with her eyes and breathes heavily. If its not that then shes crying by the the water and interacting with her gets the player a DEVIOUS side eye or no response.

Pre-breakdown + if she were actually in the game: I can't really explain why she would help the expendables WITHOUT knowing removing the crystal will indirectly end their lives, i actually havent evaluated that yet but shes friendly to expendables, takes free trade in exchange for shiny objects, and can be seen hanging out with or talking to Sebastian, or passing by in the water/halls. She's capable of killing the player entirely by accident due to her tentacles hanging from the ceiling which she chills in and dying to her makes her scream or apologize (before Sebastian says something snarky) since shes strictly against killing and never willing.

Announcing ur presence helps her know shes in the way. Typical interactive npc shenanigans. Maybe even saving expendables from certain attacks but these are rare interactions in the game. She's overall friendly and if she were real, she'd prolly be a fandom fave (ofc not on Sebastian's level, LETS BE HUMBLE YALL😭) because shes so polite and her tragedy comes near the end where the player isnt even aware of how she became hostile in just a few hours of the run. Her story would hardly happen in game and itd be one of those things a creator would have to mention outside of their game for fans to know abt yk?

Its typical for creators to just drop the craziest lore ever about a character but they're purposefully vague or literally like oh yeah time constraints so we scrapped it lol.

ALRIGHTY CLASS, ANY QUESTIONS? (typing this on my phone was so crazy guys ik its a lot but trust me its DECENT lore </3

[delmondo]

sorry to gloat. i'm so endlessly flattered by the game dev scene over here seriously glazing tf out of me (yes homo) and continuously upholding me as the token erudite guy. no seriously. i'm so grateful that not only am i appointed this role, but i'm being given a real chance to speak about technical artistry to a room full of industry playas and professionals next month.

like seeing yourself on candid camera, vertigo floods in as context and hyper-awareness of your identity occurs to you all at once. you're not used to viewing yourself as someone to whom people give a second thought.

having found my confidence, my voice, and my identity what felt like only a handful of years ago allowed me to really emboss myself in the community as like, "A Guy". i enter a room and i'm apparently blessed with enough of a commanding presence to have folks calling my name, rotating and shimmying through the pub just to, no joke, sit me down and get me to harangue clumsily about the depth pass and depth fail methods for shadow volume rendering.

if i may meander, can i just say that there's something endlessly charming in theory about being erudite-- your shit is air tight, you're a real bonafide professional and all that shit-- but being a complete cocksure (lol cock) slickster smooth talker, within reason. you smell me? i think this is probably why i feel so allured by Jimmy McGill's character, whose portrait adorns my phone's lockscreen. didn't bother to psychoanalyze that until now.

within the last few years, i feel like i've been making only a faintly conscious effort of curating this identity for myself, and here i am in almost a flatly fatalistic fashion. i became what i wanted to be because i wanted it. and i want what i wanted to be because i am who i am. or whatever. i'll leave it as an exercise to you to try and wring a drop of wisdom out of such a truism.

[hazelnut-u-out]

What would your ideal Morty therapy appointment look like (assuming that he went alone)? 🤔

Going to try to answer this even though my brain feels like mush, lol.

So, there are quite a few things I'd like to see. Obviously, I wouldn't expect a single episode to actually tackle every aspect of what therapy would realistically look like for a character like Morty, but hey-- at this rate, every episode aside from 'Fear No Mort' that's attempted to psychoanalyze him hasn't done the best job, I fear... *cough cough*

Anyway, here are some of the things I'd like to see addressed in an actual therapy setting (importantly, not some other form of psychoanalysis, like the Fear Hole, Roy, etc.):

Autism/Pilot Disability

It bothers me every day that the writers never followed up on that throw-away line about Morty having a disability in the pilot. Obviously, I headcanon that he's autistic (I mean, surely that's half of the dynamic with Rick right there, lol). I personally think that Rick and Morty have some autistic traits that present to the opposing extremes. For example, I think Rick struggles with hypo-empathy and Morty with hyper-empathy. I think Rick excels in math where Morty excels in English/literature. I think Rick struggles to mask and Morty is high masking. Rick just doesn't people please to survive in the same way Morty has been socialized to. (Most of this is my interpretation of the characters, but there are scenes that back up my points, as I'm sure you've caught onto, haha.) I think it would be cool to see Morty open up about feeling ostracized from his peers, struggling to make friends his own age, struggling with feelings of being 'behind'/weird/awkward, and how all of that made him the perfect victim. This is probably the least likely of my wants to be addressed in a therapy setting. I think that if they confirm it, it'd be in a pretty lowkey way, similar to what they did with Rick. I think the cold open for 'Mort: Ragnarick' might've actually been an indication that Morty isn't neurotypical, but we knew that already. I actually sort of headcanon Goldenfold's class as a remedial math course because of how simple the math seems to be, though I'm sure it was initially just some math they threw in for the pilot.

2. Grooming...

This is a tough one to include. Morty has been with WAYYY too many older women throughout the course of the show, but Planetina in particular gives me the chills. I would love to see how that's impacted him, or maybe even how his abusive dynamic with Rick and his neglectful relationship with his parents pushed him into that vulnerable position even more.

3. Mommy Issues (or neglectful parenting in general)

This one is a good follow-up for the last one. Morty's dynamic with Beth in 'A Rickconvenient Mort' is something I literally get up in the middle of the night just to think about. It makes my chest ache. I think it's because I know exactly how it feels to be Morty in that situation. When your parents constantly downplay your own feelings, put you in dangerous/vulnerable situations with reckless abandon, and completely shut you out emotionally it can feel like they just want to ruin your life when they try to protect you. To be honest, the show's dynamic wouldn't exist without Beth's negligence. Morty has two moms and neither of them have really tried to protect him. Even Jerry failed him.

4. Crying.

Idk, just lots of it. He deserves to cry about whatever he wants and be validated.

5. Justifying Rick's Actions

I would LOVE to see Morty try to explain Rick's actions away to someone who actually cares if he's being abused. I could see Morty say something to a therapist, there be a negative reaction or uncomfortable silence, and him try to say: 'It's really for my own good, though, you see...'/'You just don't know Rick the way I do. I'm the only one who really gets him...'/'It would break Mom's heart...'/'He would never hurt me on purpose...' Then to have a professional get in there and really debunk that internalized manipulation? I would die (in a good way).

5. Trauma Responses

They've sort of been hinting at this for a bit, but I think the whole point of Rick's improvement-- at least, in Morty's case-- is 'too little too late.' Rick may be getting better, but how is Morty supposed to trust him? Especially when Rick has been 'nice' for the express purpose of hurting him before? Even in his everyday life, I'm sure he has those moments of anxiety/dread/odd behavior because of the shit he's been through.

There's more, but my brain is fried right now, so maybe I'll revisit this ask later. Anyway, this was fun to think about! Thanks for asking! <3

[thevirgodoll]

Any tips for a first date? - Makeup,Hair,Outfit Ideas💋Plus mannerisms,do’s and don’ts 💅🏾

First Date Tips💕

Disclaimer: Everyone has their preferences but this is what I find to make the most sense 🩷

General Beauty Tips:

Stick to what you know. This isn’t the time to try something new with your look. You want to be as confident as possible.

Play up your best features. For example, more blush to accentuate your cheekbones or lip liner for stronger lips.

Less is more. People across all identities can generally agree on this. While we do want to have some sense of glamour, we never want to overdo it.

Wear comfortable shoes! You never know what y'all could end up doing.

Bring gum or portable mouthwash with you. You need to make sure that breath is FRESH. You don't want something stuck in your teeth either... yikes!

Put powder in your purse so you can go touch up. I suggest going to the bathroom at least once to double check on yourself or at least have a mirror to look at yourself in.

Mannerisms, Do's & Don'ts:

DON'T: Chew with your mouth wide open! If you are talking and your mouth is full, cover your mouth with your hand as you speak.

DO: Put your cloth in your lap so no crumbs/etc spill all over your outfit.

DO: Wipe your mouth with your cloth/napkin.

DO: Make eye contact if you can, if not look between their eyes lol. But eye contact is the most powerful thing on a first date.

DON'T: Go on a date you're uncomfortable with. If they want to walk around a park and that freaks you out, say so.

DON'T: Feel pressured to have your date a certain way. Whatever is YOUR preference, stick to that. But DO be open to creative date ideas.

DO: Engage in creative conversations. Small talk can get tiresome after a while. It helps a LOT if you guys have been on the phone/Facetiming up until this point because it makes it less awkward.

DON'T: Talk about how badly you want a relationship. It's not wise to show desperation, from you or the other person lol.

DO: have a friend you trust and keep them up to date on the entire date. That friend or family member should be ready if something goes wrong. But that friend or family member should also be hyping you up!

DON'T: let them know how much you've been FBI stalking this person. Background checks are imperative, but they don't need to KNOW you've done this let alone dug through their tweets dating back to 7 years ago lol.

DON'T: even think about doing drugs! You need to be SOBER! Unless this is your partner, I DO NOT recommend drinking on this date!!!

DON'T: Overly judge, psychoanalyze or nitpick this individual. AVOID getting too personal omg. While you do want to hit important topics and need to (cause what if they're an incel lol), keep it light and positive. Some reservations DO need to be kept to yourself to not make it overly awkward for both of you.

DON'T: even think about talking about that ex! Better yet, don't tell them anything about them except that it was good and y'all decided to go separate ways. I wouldn't share that something might've occurred until y'all are way more personable. I know it's HARD, but you don't know this person girl!

DO: Use discernment and keep your guard up.

DO: Keep things light, soft, and feminine. You have the power. Don't cuss too much (unless y'all are friends like that), don't go off about things that you hate, just chill. They need to walk away wondering about you rather than thinking about everything you've said.

Things to consider:

As far as the touch barrier, it's all about the vibes you personally have. How personable are you and the other person? What happens after this date is your choice. Only do what YOU are comfortable with.

Have you both been talking up until this point? Personally, I like to talk on the phone for a few days before and familiarize myself. Texting is not the vibes. Y'all are not pen pals!

Have you vetted this individual before this date? What are their views on paying for dates? Are they the romantic type? Have they shown any red flags up until this point? If you haven't vetted them, get ready to. AND DON'T GO EASY ON THEM JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE LONELY! THEY ARE REPLACEABLE! 😭

Make a list of your icks! Are they a sloppy eater? Do they show manners during dinner to the waitress/etc? If doing an activity, do they include you, or are they more worried about themselves? Make a list of what you expect to see also. For example, I expect at least the bare minimum: told I'm beautiful, flowers on a first date, and for the door to be opened lol.

What is the safety level here? Are the two of you acquainted enough for you to get in their car? Remember, this is objectively a stranger (unless otherwise proven). What are the plans that y'all have? The safest rule is to ALWAYS drive yourself in case something goes wrong, and always go somewhere well-lit. Don't drive too far out, either... that shows inconsideration on their behalf for your well-being.

What is the relationship you have with this person? Do they show intention with you even while y'all aren't out and about? Have they made their intentions clear?

If you are comfortable enough, plan the next date. If not, politely remove yourself. Everything weighs on behavior even BEFORE the date, in my opinion.

Here is a bit of a mood board for the first date. Have fun, girl, and just relax. Keep these things in mind but remember YOU are the one they are pursuing, not the other way around. YOU hold the world in your hands. Don't ever go through things as if you need to impress this person. Do THEY impress you? Food for thought. Keep me updated! 🎀

[tricodekus]

Hiiii I'm watching the Tsukki omegaverse poll on Twitter and wow it's neck and neck!! Personally I voted alpha but the alpha Hinata and omega Tsukki has me all 😳 I keep imagining Tsukki all blushy and uncomfy with his omega status dealing with alpha Hinata... would Hinata be all smug and >:3 and be all kabedon-y with Tsukki? Or be more intense and get that really focused stare he gets sometimes, like... you know, the one when he asks Ushijima, "if Seijoh is fertile ground, then what is Karasuno?" or whatever? Just unsettle Tsukki with his intensity ^_^

I wouldn't change my vore or anything because I'm more a tsukkiyama with omega Yama type, but... if you ever drew alpha Hinata omega Tsukki I'd probably go feral, LOL.

Hi there!! So I was thinking about this really hard and I just have to put a disclaimer: I LOVE alpha tsukki! Alpha tsukki who takes care of yama (or hinata) and covers them in his scent. He's a little posessive but his mate certainly doesn't mind. Now. With that being said. Let's psychoanalyze omega tsukki.

HAHA just kidding. Well sort of. LIKE just think about it.

Tsukki who grows up taller than all the other kids. He's prickly, yes, but only because he doesn't really like socializing with anyone that's not yamaguchi. Everyone's like, OKAY this guy is for certain an alpha!!! And then his first heat hits like.... Would that not be an amazing read? I know I would read that. And what's more, is that Yamaguchi could be the first to notice his scent sweetening, into something sugary like lemon cake. (This is my choice of his scent ofc)

Omega tsukki who hates hates hates his status because not only does it kinda contradict him, but people also treat him far differently than when he hadn't presented! Let's be honest he probably uses scent blockers like 24/7 and it's probably super unhealthy for him. But he's not going to let anybody know that he's an omega. Especially in front of people like Kageyama and Hinata.

But let's fast forward to when everyone knows that he is an omega, (And now we're getting into more shippy territory.)

TSUKIHINA: I feel like especially when Hinata grows up,, he's like a very NEEDY alpha but he's very playful as well. He's the type to bite constantly. Everywhere. It probably pisses Tsukishima off that he's so wild but at the same time it gives him comfort. I also feel like Hinata is the only one to treat Tsukishima like an equal despite his omega status. I mean, both middle blockers, but also he recognizes his talents off the court, etc etc normal tsukihina stuff. With everyone else, tsukishima would just be waiting to be teased for not looking/acting like a traditional omega. And I don't think Hinata would act super intense with him. More playful, because he knows Tsukishima is "his'" lol.

TSUKKIYAMA: And ofc with tsukkiyama, I think someone on twitter mentioned that Yamaguchi does become the captain and order everyone around. And this just came to me, but I just realized that Tsukishima always thought that he would always get ahead of him in that regard. (So really, Tsukki would be submissive to Yams all along, lol.)

And those are my thoughts! Thanks for the ask!!! I quite enjoyed talking about this. :)

[prettyboykatsuki]

ZERO PLEASE PSYCHOANALYZE ME infj middle daughter <3

infj middle daughter.... KJSDKJS

infjs are in my opinion the most polarizing mbti type and predictably misunderstood though it's not usually in the way they assume they are misunderstood. they are well known for being passionate, empathetic and having a strong sense of justice and all of these things are true. from very young they grasp onto to nuanced social structures and develop a sort of persona to deal with them though that behavior is not as intentional with them as it is with their counter types lol.

infjs are all-in-all, driven by a sense of grandeur in relations to these traits. in early childhood and adolescence, infjs tend to split rather evenly two way. whether that being standing by the odd elements of themselves that socially outcast them or purposefully obscuring their sense of self and melding in perfectly with whatever crowd they choose. the latter tends to manifest regardless of their former as they grow into adulthood and their teenage years.

several formative of experiences usually contribute to infjs understanding the extent of their empathy and the intensity of their own emotions will isolate them. they grow up like really especially impacted by their surrounding circumstances and it imprints harder on them then it does others. they develop a unique sense of persecution towards a very unknowable entity AND a set of strong principles dictated by them.

infjs rarely stray from the path they set themselves on unless something shakes their beliefs foundationally. this sense of idealism is often mystified in other discussion about the type but, it is merely an anchor for infjs to latch onto when they feel they've obscured their own identity beyond their reach and get gloomy. it tethers them. that sensation isn't uncommon for extroverted feeling types, but infjs have the most difficult time with grappling it as it usually feels at odds with their own characters

while infjs tend to take on the burdens of other people and insert themselves in their lives - they are guarded and evasive about their own emotional state and often cluless to their innermost thoughts. whats ironic about them is that they feel an insecurity about their sense of self and use other means to define it (usually some other passion project or work or hobby etc) but other people in their lives can very clearly give them defining traits and qualities.

because their sense of self is defined by what they consider their work, they are extremely prone to perfectionism and even more dangerously prone to complete and utter burn out. this internalized pressure and refusal to open up leads them to what is in my opinion most overlooked about them which is their sense of pessimism in relation to what they consider important.

yes its true that infjs are altruistic, kind, compassionate etc - they are also an enormously brooding type when they come under a bit of pressure and act in extremes at detriment to themselves and later to hubris. they are often so well intended they see less harm in continuing to erupt than simply allowing someone else to bear their burdens along side them. sometimes this comes off as patronizing. its rare they realize the extent of it because they're so absorbed in whatever negative train of thought there is and it's immensely difficult to snap them out of that.

this archetype is very common in medias featuring infjs just as the rogue, lonesome bastard with a taste for justice. in real life it manifests as a period of unimaginable angst. they isolate for a period and grow farther into their pessimism before forcibly remembering they are impacted by other people and feeling cringe after seeing their friends again. its very easy for infjs to fall into cycles of this angst

infjs are truthfully more impacted by their relationships than they are actually willing to admit to anyone, even their partner. they show affection in acceptable ways but infjs are usually not actively seeking romantic partnership (this is partially their romantics and partially their pickiness). when they do find it by happenstance, there's a really visceral aspect to them that leads them to act more subdued than they actually are. its a little difficult for them to admit also that your influence on them is that strong. they grow kind of prideful after being self-aware and measured about their own emotions and to feel that out of control makes them both want to give into you but want to pull away from it at the same time which i find funny.

they believe in their mysticism and and fantasy and greater notions of fantasy so much so they get caught up in. they're a type that gets along well with many sorts of people but gravitate towards people offer them a sense of grounding. they can make friends with anyone but in terms of their deeper connections - someone with a strong sense of realism or rationale appeals to them. they often like people who wear similar masks to them but are more... hm... calculating in a sense.

overall i think infjs are a little slow on the uptake about their patterns of harm and they will Go On if they dont figure it out sdkjsd. relying on other people isnt a show of weakness and you're not so special for carrying peoples burdens while not allowing them to carry yours u are just being angsty for truly no reason at all. also that inexplicable anxiety you feel about not knowing your true self is nonsense. stop biting off more than you can chew to upkeep whatever thing you've conjured up in your mind is so much more harmful than simply not doing that even if the latter feels more disastorous at the time

its fine to be a more dorky. you've grown enough into yourself to be more honest about your thoughts and the people you've impact can piece you together even if u cannot

[giallos]

a thought (or two) on found 1x11

apologies for armchair psychoanalyzing BUT: the show is still playing coy, imo, but after 1x11 it def comes off to me like they've been writing sir as being erotomanic wrt gabi (i'm basing this observation on him seeing her notebook doodles, believing they were about him with no logical reason for it, and imagining a bond between them that didn't exist). or maybe it didn't start that way for him, but he ended up becoming romantically/psychosexually obsessed with her during his years of stalking her, or whatever. but that's how it's coming off. (thinking also about his comment during the episode with the stalker, when he told gabi that stalkers stalked because of an unfulfilled fantasy, and then trent revealing to gabi in a later episode that sir stalked her for 20 years.)

i get they don't want to go TOO dark because it's network tv and all, but i've been suspecting this since at least 1x2 (if that was the episode with the stalker, i don't really remember) and the flashback scenes tonight kind of confirmed it for me.

i might come up with actual thoughts or meta on tonight's episode. just wanted to get that out of my brain rn, lol.

[threepoint14art]

Loon drawing :D love her im killing her

Heavily inspider by the song "Bouquet Garni" by nilfruits! it's really good I reccomend checking it out :9

hey girl, ever have breakdowns and the only way you can somehow hold yourself back from going full insane is thinking back to all the shitty videogames you consume in the comfort of your own room? if so then you have something in common with her !1!1! hasashgihasg breakdown (videogame flavored)

I'll go a bit more in depth on him under the cut since I figured we changed quite a tad about her and I want to spread wisdom (our AU) to the world

So I'll start with design choices and then I'll move to his general character ヾ(≧▽≦*)o So:

The things coming out from his neck are antennae! they make her have really good hearing which SUCKS when you are overwhelmed (which she is, always) so rip!

His eyes have no pupil because arthropods and insects have them freaky eyes now <3

He has blue and red dyed hair to match the animatronics color scheme (thought the red is not very obvious here since he's tilting his head), though the white bits of his hair are not actually dyed! they are like that because he's a ladybug and they have those white spots on the sides of their little heads!

-His hands are segmented like that because of an arbitrary rule I made to make arthropods more recognizable amongst them bears and foxes and allat, since a arthropods are segmented I applied that to their articulations! fun fact, insects like Loon or Cami (We made her a mantis I'm sorry) have a division on their neck, while arthropods that are NOT insects, like Owynn, completely lack that! that's because insects are divided in 3 parts (head thorax and abdomen) arachnids are divided in 2 (thorax and abdomen) ((not exactly called that but semantics)).

-He has little ladybug earrings and actually he matches with Malva!(Usagi) ((we changed her name lol)) ((her last name is visco haha get it malva-visco))

-In general I made his hair darker, gave him a bit of acne amongst the freckles and made him more tan because we love melanin in this house

Now for,, character changes,,,

So first of all, he/she swag, bigender, Loon when masc and JJ when fem though it fluctuates too, good for her gettem. We obliterated that Malva crush, gone, exploded into pieces, and also she's ecuadorian now, gettem.

We turned that pathetic nervous shy thing of his into something way worse </3 She is still introverted and all that, but the main thing is that she does not like going outside! gamer goes outside challenge impossible, she does NOT like leaving his house shut-in guy who if outside for long enough has a breakdown, clings to Malva because they are best friends and she's like "safe" she's like a safe zone. Loon cannot function in social/public settings at all and just clings, which is also why a lot of people mistake him as "having a crush on her" even though they are a bajillion percent platonic

He's a bit of a cringefail loser and also a bit creepy lmao, always on her phone always trying to zone the hell out and think about a silly videogame, but also just nosy, hit antennae and insect stuff lets him 1) look wherever without people being able to tell, and 2) listen to stuff. So yeah, his ass sorta psychoanalyzes people and snoops through stuff to kinda distract herself from the horrors of being outside, which is why in this AU she's dating Owynn T-T sorta like the animatronic she isn't like actually out to get you, but instead acts like some sort of aid for the real enemy, which is Owynn, so yeah. Enabler and snoops through shit AKA has good info for Owynn's insane as shit ideas, insane of her but whatever.

Also given how in this Au we cranked the animal motifs to a thousand, being a little "bug" and then being next to like, a bear is terrifying to her, so besides being scared of just existing outside, she's also scared of people as a whole because little insect vs big animal, rip.

And i think that's most of it, if anyone read all of this and has any questions feel free to ask T-T sorry if the formatting SUCKS it's the first time I've tried putting something this long on tumblr <//3

[privatelife]

not to be too online this is gonna read so embarrassing but my sibling wasnt available so i cant talk to them abt it lol

but ive been in a terrible mood all day bc sometimes RARELY i try to interact with my moots on various websites just little comments here and there. i dont do it nearly enough im very isolated in life and online but if i feel the need, i like to just say a couple words, yknow, human interaction. like if we follow each other i figure it's cool to engage in small ways ? anyway a twitter mutual hornyposted abt d*vid h*ward thr*nton and i thought it was funny and agreeable so i replied "REAL" i didnt think anything of it. i wouldnt have even given it a second thought if she ignored it entirely i was literally just taking a break from work scrolling twitter whatever not serious. but she responded almost immediately "i dont share..." and that was it. so then ive felt all day like i did something stupid and wrong lmao I KNOW IT'S SO UNSERIOUS she couldve been joking for all i know. but we've interacted maybe once before so i cant even tell. i kinda dont think she was joking tho 😭

if i may psychoanalyze myself for a second i think this tiny interaction triggered my rejection sensitive dysphoria real bad cause it like reinforced my idea that there's just something inherently wrong and unlikable abt me and that i shouldnt even bother interacting with other ppl. im at a point where i dont really believe that so much anymore but i still would like to feel "accepted" by cool ppl with similar interests to mine someday lol. i have one (1) real friend now and that's positively effected my view of myself immensely BUT we don't share a lot of the same interests so it's like, i can talk all day long abt certain things that are important to me and they'll gladly listen, but they don't get it the way others might. and vice versa! i love them dearly and wouldnt trade them for the world but i do at the same time wish i had Other friends who are into idk. horror movies, b movies, the music i like etc. you know. i think that's a perfectly normal thing to long for 😭 it seems like every time i reach out for that it never ever works in my favor :( ive mostly accepted im a weirdo with weirdo interests nobody gets me im too cool whatever blah fart sound... but why cant we all be weirdos TOGETHER. wheres the CAMARADERIE

i suppose a therapist would say keep trying! you're doing great! but oof it just really left my brain in tatters for the day. over something so dumb !!!! stupid and dumb !!! anyway at the end of the day i still can, should, must, and will fuck the clown man.

[tauforged]

i am psychoanalyzing myself on main because otherwise im going to just let all this shit fester for way too long . i think the biggest thing that’s really really bothering me is that i feel like shit is hanging in the balance in that i have no idea what’s being said about me behind my back and no way to play defense if i don’t even know it’s happening. like that shit with the anons getting sent to random people about my mental illness? fuckinf weird. i wouldn’t have even known it was happening if a few very considerate people hadn’t given me the heads up (and if the asker hadn’t seemingly slipped up and sent one to my boyfriend which is . lol ) but like that still has me really freaked out. it’s hard to not still feel on edge when there’s still messages from [redacted] sitting in my inbox and dm history that i can’t bring myself to delete because my memory is so poor that without being able to look back at the exact wording i will misremember it and be absurdly harsh to myself over it. but also having it there just reminds me. vicious cycle.

whatever im just. in a funk. again. when have i not been in a funk lately though tbh

[sevenstevearmy]

We found this the other day, the top part was a letter to my Gram (RIP) but the bottom part was a story I made up to send with it as a child (both penned by my father) and you can see the little dino I drew to go with it. That black rectangle is an anti-deadname censor bar lol. I'll type out the story for both screen reader users and anyone who can't read my dad's penmanship which is likely a lot of people.

"Everyday in the deep dark forest, there was a small tiny little monster. He was lost one day. He had to go home but he couldn't find his way. And then he was clearly looking for his mom and the dinosaur that was with his mom. He couldn't find his mom or the dinosaur. He looked high and he looked low. He only found the mother dinosaur. His mom was not with her. The end."

So feel free to psychoanalyze me or whatever. I'm going to tag this in a way that seems very funny to me.

[belle-of-a-time]

It’s not my place to psychoanalyze my coworker but god DAMN she needs a therapist and STAT! Girl is SUPER traumatized from like her whole life and she keeps bringing it up like “oh haha that’s just like my mom! She hated me and wished I was a boy so she belittled and body shamed and bullied me my whole life” “lol my first two husbands were awful and abusive (they were cops) glad I divorced them” “I can’t stand being in the same house as my fiancé and kids, haha they’re really awful”

Idk maybe some of it is just straight people bullshit but I DO NOT want to open whatever can of trauma worms she’s got so I sort of just sit there like “😕 yeah hha ha…”

[queermania]

So I just read a post canon fix it fic that I'm struggling with. The concept was Dean is still alive and rescues Cas from the Empty because he's in love with him too then instead of getting together Dean decides he needs to get his act together so he goes to AA and AA has a rule that you can't date anyone for the first year. So Dean goes through all of this while living with Cas and basically stringing Cas along or I guess not stringing him along because it does lead to them getting together at the end of the year so I guess my problem is just that I don't understand why he would need to wait a year to be with the guy he loves. It's almost infantalizing like poor Dean can't be trusted to make a decision about who he loves because he's an alcoholic. Alcoholics and addicts aren't children who can't be trusted with feelings. Sorry I just got really mad. Lol.

i've been sitting on this for awhile because this is a complex issue and when it comes to dean winchester specifically, i think any conversation about his relationship with alcohol necessitates a discussion about what constitutes addiction, what constitutes being an addict, what constitutes recovery, what constitutes sobriety, etc. and that's not really a discussion i'm equipped to have on tumblr dot com.

but i will say that i've seen push back on the one year rule floating around tumblr and other social media sites for years now. there seems to be this misconception that the rule is a sort of extension of the idea of "if you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to" and from that perspective, i get the push back. but that's not why the rule exists. it's not even a rule. it's a guideline, and it exists to protect people in recovery, not coddle or infantilize them, or strip them of their independence.

people who are suddenly sober after months or years of using are vulnerable–emotionally, mentally, and physically. their brain chemistry is literally different. they're in a position they haven't been in for a long time (if ever) and it's very common for people recovering to try to sublimate their addiction with attention from another person. it's kind of like a smoker who is trying to quit and ends up snarfing down chocolate. anything to staunch the craving.

obviously sublimating drugs with romance or sex isn't good, but the real issue is that it leaves already-vulnerable people perfectly positioned to be taken advantage of. and this isn't me trying to psychoanalyze a situation. it's a known phenomenon in recovery communities—that predators go after recovering addicts in the early stages of their recovery—to the point that it's a "joke." people (typically men but not always) who are farther along in their recovery prey on the newbies. out here the joke is that they're 13th steppers (like they've completed the full 12 steps and the next one is to take advantage of someone who is just starting out). "watch out for jim. he's a 13th stepper." i'm sure the terminology varies from place to place but the fact that it's a long-standing "joke" in the community says a lot.

but anyway, that's the point. it's not that addicts aren't equipped for love or whatever. it's that when you're that early in your recovery, you're vulnerable. your self-esteem is at an all-time low. you have no experience with setting and maintaining boundaries. you're most likely isolated (or at least alienated) from your family and friends. you're lonely. you're overwhelmed with emotions. you'd do anything for someone to love you and be proud of you, and if you can't get that, negative attention is still attention.

and those are problems even if someone has the best intentions. it's very easy to fall into patterns that are bad for everybody.

now i have no idea if this is what's happening in the fic. i haven't read it. i don't even know what fic you're talking about. personally, i have complex feelings about dean and his relationship to alcohol (and "recovery"). i also have very complicated feelings about the traditional ideas of addiction and sobriety in general. but i felt compelled to defend the one year rule at least a little bit. i'm not saying it's a perfect rule and should be followed to the letter, but it exists for a reason and that reason is a good one.

[beevean]

Hey it’s so called this morning’s anon back with more things to say I suppose…

I supposed I wanted to elaborate on some things, I know you said you didn’t wanna start discourse but I really wanted to elaborate on what I meant by that proshipping comment. The term proship, from what I heard, has gone from let people ship what they want and if you don’t like don’t look to… This person is a disgustingly vile subhuman and their death should be celebrated.

Funnily enough I openly ship problematic stuff, but I constantly over complicate things to prove that I’m still better than ‘those guys’, to say that I have morality and ‘they’ don’t… But it’s so fucking exhausted. My life wasn’t good and moral and pure so why does my art have to be?

I’m sick of fearing I’ll have someone genuinely threaten my life because I cope differently than them. Ironically I used to get mad when people say it was their coping mechanism, calling it a shitty excuse to be a whatever [You can insert all kinds of fun and degrading terms there] and yet… I was doing the same thing.

So yeah… I don’t like everything but I’m realizing that everything has its place and if that makes me a proshipper then fuck it I guess I’m a proshipper

[After reading all those kind messages I wanted some way to reveal myself because surprise you actually know who I am! But I wasn’t sure how to do that without outing myself so openly… I read your Hevor fic and told you about it on Discord, it’s the only thing we ever discussed. So yeah if you manage to figure me out based on that alone then congratulations! Purity culture is ruining my life so bad I can’t even say my own name! ;3]

fdjskfksdngksjdhk talk about efficient secret codes lmao. Yes I understand now 😄

That's pretty much what happened. "Proship" started as a countermovement to the "anti" culture budding around 2016 who were all like "Sheith is actually incest because they're like brothers and that's gross guys!!!!", and at first it meant simply "ship and let ship", but then it got twisted into meaning "someone who enjoys problematic ships/ships with incest, pedophilia and/or abuse", which inevitably leads to "this person has Something Wrong with them and they're a Bad Person who Hurts people like me with their Degenerate Art! Pedo alert pedo alert! PUNISHMENT FOR A THOUSAND YEARS".

The problem is that "enjoys" means a lot of things :^) there is a difference between "aww they're so cute <3", "welp this is a kink now", and "wow this would be incredibly fucked up but I am intrigued to explore this story". But nuance is not allowed, apparently.

(fun fact: I don't really go through proship blogs because I swear they all ship sibling incest. I hate sibling ships lmao, especially when they're wholesome. But of course they're all in the "will accept anything" community, after being pretty much shunned and painted as horrible abusers who deserve to be hurt and worse - and just because I don't want to see those ships, that doesn't mean I think they're bad people who condone real-life abuse. So yeah, proship is not about having all the grossest ships in the world, you can be exclusively into the most vanilla M/F ships ever and still think "yo do what you want I'll respect you from a distance")

I also hear similar stories like yours, of people who twist themselves into pretending to be antis and be morally "purer" than others when in private they were doing the same things they were insulting others for, just with tons of shame and denial. Not judging you and I'm happy when people realize that this behavior is harmful, definitely more than being into the Problematic lol... I'm just disappointed and frustrated that the internet culture has come to this. I reiterate my points about surrounding yourself with friends who don't make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells.

Also real talk: you don't really have to psychoanalyze yourself. Maybe your tastes are tied to an easily identifiable reason, or maybe they aren't or the reason goes too deep to explore without outside help. In any case, it doesn't matter. You don't have to justify yourself in any way, let alone showing to everyone the "I'm Coping With Trauma" badge in the hopes they will forgive you - because it doesn't work. It's never about the mental health of victims, it's about "i feel icky and i don't want to :("

Disgust is not harm. You (general) have every right to be disgusted by something - I myself am not above it :P But it's not a personal attack against you, and it's your responsibility to walk away and coping with your feelings in private.