#and like not to psychoanalyze or whatever lol

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I know we skirt around and sometimes talk about the ~trauma~ of it all, but I think seeing how loudly Taylor and Travis support each other on main (while still carving out a private life together) really starts to illuminate to an even clearer degree how many of Taylor's choices and actions were a response to all of ~that~ in the last decade or so (and particularly since 2016).

Again, which is not to say it's all bad, and many of them were choices she needed to make at the time for her own health and I'm sure there are some things from the time period she's continued to keep with her, but it's just really striking that she's, like, in full bloom now. And as a lot of people here are saying, she's probably more like herself these days than she'd been in the last decade. It's getting to the point (at least for me) that sometimes I can't even imagine her the way she was in the last few years because she just seems soooooo much more comfortable in her own skin. Which is silly, because that was as much her as the person she is now, she is an amalgamation of all those parts of her (just like any other person is).

But you just see *how much* she just loves so freely -- not just romantically but in everything she does -- and it's even sadder to think about how she felt like she had to slice off all these parts of her and like she had to accept a certain way of living (and being loved) in order to survive and have a life of her own.

I'm just really happy for her that she seems to be healing every passing day and is just embracing everything coming her way.

ok gonna word vomit more in the tags

[vivimura]

PAIRING ~ dropout!pjs x fem!reader

SUMMARY ~ an argument with dropout fwb jay over what your futures would be like after you graduate escalates.

GENRE ~ angst, suggestive.

WORD COUNT ~ 1.125k

ᯓ★ first fic! hope you guys like it lol.

"i wanna settle down by twenty five."

he chuckled, his eyebrows shooting up at your cute and almost innocent confession. “settle down… at twenty five…?” he repeated your words back to you, his eyes slightly widening in fake surprise. “baby girl, you’re twenty one. you barely just started college and you’re already thinking of marriage.” you wore a motivated smile on your lips and shrugged. though, his hostility stung. "you don't think about that stuff? you're like- twenty five soon." he let out a scoff, his smirk returning. “marriage and kids aren’t really in the cards for me,” he simply replied back, his hands now making their way down your thighs. “i’ve got better things to think about.”

you scoffed and rolled your eyes. "yeah? like what kind of weed to buy next? whom to hook up with?"

he chuckled at your comment before he shook his head. “there’s gotta be more to life than just working a boring job and popping out babies.” he mumbled, his breath fanning over your skin as he now leaned his face against your neck. “i want to live life to the fullest, travel, experience things. you can’t do that if you’re at home changing diapers all day.”

you remained silent, simply looking into his eyes as you tried imagining what the future would entail for the two of you, and if the two of you were even in touch. "we really are different people." he chuckled at that as he looked up at your face again. he didn’t reply, he already knew that himself. “trust me, i know,” he said simply, the smirk never leaving his face. he kept his eyes on your face for a moment, studying your features carefully before his smirk widened into a smug “and it’s cute how you think that marriage and kids are like a magical fix for whatever problems you come up with.”

you frowned, his words poking you in ways you weren't a fan of. "it's cute how you think traveling the world will fulfill the inner loneliness you've had after having grown up in a shitty household." your reply was low, and you knew it. but you were too riled up to care. he raised his eyebrows at that, his gaze hardening as he looked at you with a cold, almost annoyed look. “watch your mouth, baby,” he said sternly, his smirk now gone and replaced with a steely look. his hands grabbed your thighs tighter, nails digging into the skin. “i don’t appreciate you psychoanalyzing my life like you know anything about it.” "and i just love you being judgmental of my ambitions." you sarcastically grumbled, flashing an almost mocking sweet smile.

“i’m just being realistic,” he deadpanned back while he leaned his body farther forward, effectively making you lay down against the headboard of the bed. he was now on top of you, his body between your spread legs and his face hovering just a few inches above yours. he looked down at you with an almost icy cold look. “there’s more to life than just marrying some college prick and popping out babies.”

"are you, though?" you tilted your head, not backing down under his piercing gaze. "are you sure you're not just jealous that you'll never be that guy in my life?" he let out a scoff at that, though his expression darkened as a small, almost unnoticeable frown formed on his lips. “you really think you’re so special?” he asked, his eyes narrowing into a glare, his hands still gripping your thighs. “you think you’re so unique that you’ll get some perfect happy ending like those white chick movies?”

you bit the inside of your cheeks, glaring right back at him defensively. "I'm an ambitious woman with genuine plans for life. the hell are you? a pathetic dropout who deals drugs for a living? I mean, what if you get caught, huh?"

he let out a scoff at that, not even a hint of humor in his expression as he continued staring down at you. “pathetic dropout who deals drugs?” he repeated your words back to you, his grip on your thighs getting even tighter, his nails digging deeper into the skin. “i make more money than those little preppy boys your daddy wants you to marry.”

"yeah, and you'll probably overdose or go to jail before those preppy boys do!" you hissed at the stinging feeling of his nails. he let out a scoff again, that icy cold look never leaving his face as he looked back out at you. “and what if i do?” he asked with a shrug. he didn’t care whether he ended up in jail or with a needle sticking out of his vein. “you’ll go to college, find some rich boy, marry him and pop out a mini you. and you’ll sit in your white picket fence house with two point five kids and your husband who can’t get you off.”

your eyes flared in anger. but fuck, why were his replies irritating you as much as they were turning you on? "oh, and what the hell do you know about getting me off!?" he stared down at your lips, a familiar cocky grin beginning to form on his own. "you forgot that I've been the one getting you off since, what-, three months now?" he mocked. "don't deny it. you've almost squirted on my face a few-" your eyes bulge out at his filthy words, and you bring your hand up to cover his mouth to cut him off. your ears burn in pure embarrassment. "jay, I swear to god-" he let out a loud laugh that was muffled by your hand, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he looked down at you. he smirked under your hand, his hands still grasping you by the thighs. he slowly pulled your hand away from his mouth, but his hold on your wrist didn’t loosen. “so you do remember,” he said in a cocky, teasing tone, a smirk on his lips. "you're seriously fucking pissing me off." your hands formed fists on the soft material of jay's duvet. god, you wanted nothing more than to wipe that stupid smirk off his mouth. he continued to chuckle at your pissed off demeanor, his smirk only growing wider and his grip on your wrist only getting tighter. he leaned down closer to your face, his face now only inches away, and he made sure to lock his eyes with yours and hold your gaze, not breaking eye contact. “it’s true though, isn't it? nobody can make you feel as good as I do." you let out a frustrated sigh, feeling a certain wet, sticky feeling appear between your legs. "it's not. seriously. quit it, park." "nah." he chuckled sinisterly. he caught ahold of both your wrists, pinning them with his single right hand with ease. his naturally sharp jaw was clenched in a way that only made it sharper in an intimidating way. suddenly, he brought his free hand to cup your heat covered just by a flimsy pair of shorts. "park-" your eyes widened and you squirmed in his bed, trying to wriggle your hands out of his grip. "sh-sh-shh.." "I'll show you what's better than a two point five."

[ceedak]

can we get a ceedak timeline 🤔 i feel like there’s a lot idk abt them fr 😭😭

yes u absolutely can i could talk about them forever and ever 🥳🥳

disclaimer: i do wanna say this is just from what i’ve gathered because i didn’t become super fixated on nfl rpf until last year </3 one day i’ll do a legit deep dive like an insane person and update with all my findings…

second disclaimer: im delusional yes and a part of me straight up thinks that they’ve had to have hooked up at least once bc i love to psychoanalyze people i'll never meet but i’ll make sure to say when i’m being fully delusional KSDJFHSKDS

putting it under a read more because i’m sure it’ll be much longer than necessary

also i will reblog this and add links to some videos!!

SO before i get into like when ceedee was drafted and such i wanna talk about how invisible string coded they are because i love shit like this sm

both were born in louisiana only about an hour and a half apart from each other until ceedee moved to texas as a child after hurricane katrina hit (he’s said he’s moved around a couple of times as kid in interviews before)

dak went to mississippi st. in college and ceedee’s dream school was LSU (rival colleges… 🚬) but he had committed to oklahoma (also they wouldn’t have met or anything in college anyway because dak was drafted in 2016 and ceedee started playing in college in 2017 but i digress it makes my brain light up anyway lol)

when dak was drafted he was projected to go like late second round/early third round of the draft but 🗿 he got into some trouble beforehand (driving under the influence) and ended up falling to the 4th round (after the front office kept trying to trade up to get a different backup QB)

dak also had to compete for his spot as a backup and was named starter after romo was injured in 2016. this was dak’s rookie year and he led them to the playoffs - almost to the nfc championship game. after this he basically took the job from romo

okay so FAST FORWARD to the 2020 draft. ceedee was projected to go top 10 and he fell all the way to SEVENTEEN so the cowboys were able to grab him then (drafted bpa instead of for need)

idk all of this is just very <333 to me that so many things managed to fall into place just right and they managed to find each other on the same team out of THIRTY TWO teams it makes me weeeep 🤧 also just something else that i think is very cute because i truly am a little insane: ceedee was born april 8th and dak’s jersey number is 4 and ceedee’s is 88 so 4/8 ALL THE DOTS CONNECT SOMEHOW…

so we’ll go through a teensy bit about dak i suppose and then ceedee this won’t be too long

dak: baby of his family and has two brothers. his parents divorced when he was little and he was very close with his mom before she passed away in 2013 (he’s started a foundation since then for cancer research and suicide prevention/mental health). went to mississippi st, cowboys starter his rookie year, etc etc. he also lost his brother to suicide in 2020 and he’s said before he feels a responsibility to live on and carry his and his mom’s legacy throughout his life. he’s like suuuuuper underrated in the league i feel and a lot of cowboys fans are complete assholes to him all the time it makes me so mad cos they could literally never ever make me hate him - he makes me so weepy 😭😭😭 umm but yeah he’s donated a ton to children cancer funds too and donated during BLM protests and things like that - he won the walter payton man of the year award. he just had a baby and got engaged in october (remember for the yaoi LOL) ok im gonna stop here cause i don’t wanna rant too much lol

btw i know what you are dak prescott:

ceedee: MY BELOVED… my favorite my absolute favorite. he has two brothers and two little sisters. idk if he’s the eldest or not tbh i see different things all the time that he’s the second eldest whatever not that important i guess. so blah blah college blah blah - he wears 88 on the team because that’s considered really special to the cowboys franchise and is reserved for elite receivers. idk he’s the most beautiful man ever and he does a lot of donating too - i know he participates in a lot of football youth camps a lot to help kids out and he likes to provide meals to families around thanksgiving and christmas time. a loooot of cowboys fans have criticized him for not being that much of a leader and pouting a lot on the sidelines (which he does sometimes… my mimir) but i think this last season he’s reaaaaallyyy taken a step into more of a leader type position especially with dak being out and he’s proven himself more than enough. he LOOOVES spending money on clothes it’s so cute… gonna be a sad day when the class war happens and i’m faced with cedarian lamb. ummm i also legit think he’s gay and closet is made of glass but whatever

see this is the problem i never stfu but okay CEEDAK what you actually asked about ksjdksjdks

PRE-2020 SEASON: this was before ceedee was drafted (some stuff i found last night) and this is what i mean when i say i haven’t done like a deep dive into these things bc i’m sure there’s soo much more but this kinda gives the general vibes

“I was like a little kid at the playground,” CeeDee tells us. (on the first time Dak texted him to invite him over to his house, says it was surreal.) august 21, 2020

and i actually hunted the exact clip down where he says this: (will reblog with link - skip to 4:25 he talks for like a minute or so - sorry the audio’s funky it’s because of covid so all the reporters weren’t in the room i’m pretty sure) DELUSIONS: you can’t tell me ceedee wasn’t nursing a crush here idgaf

2020 SEASON:

ceedee’s rookie year

personal stuff happened with dak before the season started - this is when he lost his brother to suicide and he’s been really outspoken about mental health since then. on top of that he broke his ankle during week 5 of the season (and tried to snap it back into place by himself on the field). dak was performing on like a sort of insane level before the injury happened so </3 what could’ve been and all that… the what-ifs of it all… so that year they weren’t able to play together as much

Oct 11, 2020: “CeeDee Lamb said he texted Dak as soon as he got out of the shower. Thanked him for everything he’s done for him and they were gonna hold it down for him until they see him on the field again.” (after the game dak got hurt in)

POST 2020 SEASON:

"He came back from his second surgery about two months ago so he’s walking around, rehabbing, doing everything right," Lamb said Wednesday. "It’s great to see, especially when you seen him go down. You saw the look in his eyes and you saw how sad he was and how much this game meant to him. Just to see him smiling again, happy again, being with his guys is a great deal."

"First day he kind of caught me by surprise with his arm strength," Lamb said. "He knows the little nuances of the game to be better. He makes it easy to follow him, if you will."

2021 SEASON

ceedee’s second year, he was in a WR room with amari cooper (currently on the bills) and michael gallup (now retired) blah blah season happened whateverrrr but AFTER this season the front office (i’ll always be mad about this lol) traded amari to the browns for a 5th round pick 💀 hence THIS!!! which i consider the #Real beginning of ceedak:

“Dak Prescott asked for CeeDee Lamb’s locker to be moved next to his: ‘My two other locker mates left, so I was a little lonely. With him being young, hopefully he’s my WR until I’m done playing. Just bring him closer, more conversations, he’s right there to talk and communicate.’”

said he had no doubt ceedee could become his "main guy"

here’s some fun stuff i found from 2021 too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3hCmIZN-YI&ab_channel=DallasCowboys (7 min mark this was after a game winning td in overtime against new england)

“CeeDee Lamb on game-winning 35-yard TD: ‘It was the best feeling ever, honestly.’”

2022 SEASON:

https://youtu.be/T73xGDsFiVo?si=Qn_dwK1yfnHPiMya talks about dak here at 7:50 “all i need is him” 🤧

he’s actually said this a couple times lol he says shit like “we’re all we got” about each other - he’s said it this most recent season too so <3

dak injured his thumb this season though so he was out for like 7 weeks i think i can’t remember off the top of my head lol but again another season where they didn’t get to play much together

fun 2022 stuff:

“Last year, Cowboys caked Dak in the face on the field for his 28th birthday. On his 29th today, CeeDee told us they planned to do the same in the locker room. Hoped Dak would think he was safe after no cake on the field, and then locker room ambush.”

“Scene here: Dak was talking to us at his locker. CeeDee walks past wearing metallic red lens sunglasses indoors and eating chicken. Says the key to following up ass-kicking is ‘keep kicking ass.’”

“Dak on CeeDee’s vibe: Yeah, cool as hell - says ‘keep kicking ass’ while he’s eating.”

“Dak Prescott walked by during our interview with CeeDee Lamb - QB1: CeeDee’s that dude! / WR1: Happy birthday, Dak!”

link posted in reblog: skip to 2:30 he almost says he loves dak lol also very

2023: THE SEASON OF CEEDAK!!!

https://youtu.be/7_WRIzb5fPA?si=R0TETc2qtW0IOP5P the infamous "was gonna take him out for dinner tonight" clip is from this aka what got me hooked on ceedak lol (this interview is just so good in general i love ceedee sm - def recommend watching! such a nice look at his personality)

this is where my delusions take over i deadass think they hooked up at LEAST once around this time lol maybe end of 2022 season maybe early 2023 season IDK but anyway during this year the offense was soo wack for a couple of weeks until the bye week and then ceedee made some noise about it bc he felt like he wasn't being as utilized (which is true i'm so serious mccarthy was SUCH an annoying coach lol) but quotes:

“Cowboys WR CeeDee Lamb said Dak Prescott approached him and said: ‘If you have a problem with anything, just come up to me and we’ll talk about it.’ Lamb said he and Dak worked on getting on the same page their first day back in the building after the 49ers loss.”

Dak: ‘I mean, a frustrated player that feels like we all could’ve done better and feels like he can change the game, I understand it. I really do. So it’s in the sense of just communicating with him… CeeDee is a guy that I’ll never lose confidence in and trust who he is and understand why he’s frustrated. But at the end of the day, he’s a leader. It’s about him leading other guys and picking other guys up and him just trying to make sure we’re all pushing our best. That’s where the frustration is, we have to remove that. And he will. He’s a young player that’s growing by the day and he’ll only get better. He’ll be better because of that.’

but after they switched the offense around dak and ceedee went craaaazyyy - ceedee was named all pro, dak was in mvp talks (should have won it to be honest i'm sorry lamar i still love you <3) but 2023 cowboys will seriously haunt me forever lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sudQu72KDXs&ab_channel=NFLonFOX

DELUSIONS: dak announced he was having a baby like two weeks after this game SO let’s just say…. maybe…. perhaps… they were hooking up… ceedee probably knew before the public did - not saying that’s why he seems a little upset at the beginning of this clip cause who knows 🤷‍♀️ like i said DELUSIONS but… i can’t help it when the timeline timelines don’t shoot the messenger

also i do wanna mention that dak’s fiance follows a loooot of cowboys players on ig but she does not follow ceedee and he doesn’t follow her AGAIN just delusions…. but… iykyk 👀

sooo they were poppin off in 2023, ceedee was breaking records and shit, won nfc east, went to the playoffs and then i DON'T wanna talk about it i have my theories about wtf happened during that playoffs packers game but 💀💀 anyway the offseason before the 2024 season was genuinely the worst of my life because BOTH ceedee and dak had to get extended and jerry jones (who is the worst) waited until after training camp to get them both signed lol so ceedee wasn't participating in training camp at all which affected them in the beginning of the 2024 season which was a complete mess A MESS but here's some fun stuff after ceedee signed his extension/during that offseason

“Remarkable. That’s who CeeDee Lamb is. … He’s special. He’s just getting going and as long as I’m here, he’s gonna keep stacking these records year after year.”

“CeeDee Lamb strongly defended Dak: No one deserves the criticism that he gets. The way he gets talked about is crazy.”

2023-2024 OFFSEASON:

worst months of my life lol ceedee was holding out for his new contract and didn’t get it signed until like… august i think? anddd dak was signed fucking three hours before kickoff the first week of the season lol i HATE this front office

but here’s some fun quotes after ceedee was signed:

CeeDee Lamb: “We were texting quite a bit. Obviously I missed being out there, competing with him… for is being so in tune together and all it takes is one text message or one conversation, one phone call… for us both… having the same passion for the game, same love for the game. I want what’s best for Dak and vice versa. Shout out to him too for getting that bag, too. We’ll be together for the next five years.”

Dak Prescott on CeeDee Lamb’s added muscle weight: “He’s wearing a lot more sleeveless shirts. As long as the speed is there, and it looks like it is (in practice), I’m fine with however big he is.” LMAO??

Dak Prescott: “I peeped the biceps. He’s wearing more sleeveless shirts now.”

Dak Prescott recently on CeeDee Lamb: “He’s talented. He works hard. He’s special. He’s the best receiver in the league for a reason. And I’ve seen Instagram videos. I know you’ve seen him. He’s working. And he works hard. So I have no angst, no worries about when he gets here that we’re not going to pick up where we left off. And when you're a stud like that and you’re smart like he is and you’re good at communicating, that makes that process that much easier. So it’s not like we’ve got to build something. We’ve got that. We just got to reignite it when he gets here.”

on how much ceedee worked with dak at the field at dak’s house even though he was staying away from the team: “Often. I would say quite often. Anytime that I’m back in town, and he’s obviously back here, I hit him and then… it’s very… good having a rich quarterback.”

Dak Prescott’s thoughts on the tandem of him and CeeDee Lamb being compared to legendary duos like Joe Montana and Jerry Rice: “I think that says a lot just cause we’ve only done it for four years and you just named some of those duos that did it for their whole careers. But then again, I feel like we can be better than all of them… so love the comparisons, they sound good and all, but hopefully one day people are saying these next duos and next tandems can be like me and CeeDee.” (i will kms over this quote one day)

i’m sure there’s things i’m missing but this is already sooooo long lol so

2024 SEASON:

WORST SEASON OF MY LIFEEEEEE / ceedak angst era

the front office set this team up to fail and let like a ton of players walk in the offseason, didn’t use free agency, injury riddled team, had a bunch of rookies starting but anyway just gonna go game by game really quick because this is when i was locked tf in and it’s more recent so ?? more detail seems alright when it's necessary also i wrote so many half-finished post-game fics this season to cope with how terrible it was i’m cryingggg it was insane

cowboys vs browns: i was at this game :) good game they won

cowboys vs saints: blocked this game out actually!!!

cowboys vs ravens: fake ass comeback also the game ceedee CRASHED OUT on the field lskdjslkdjsskjdsk which is so funny bc i literally love lamar sm and was so excited to watch but… my players wanted to make me MISERABLE

this was said a day or two after the game by ceedee (bc he fumbled during it and then wasn't there for post game media people andddd was yelling at dak on the sideline 🗿)

“Our relationship has, if anything, gotten stronger. Don’t let what, what’s out there fool you. We’re brothers to the end. We know that we all we got, and I tip my hat off to him. I got the utmost respect for him.”

“So with that being said, everything is gonna come out - the energy, the passion, the love, the fight - and then we’ll make up in the end. So no, no craziness now. Don’t.”

dak also said something about his rhythm with ceedee being a “rare feeling” which… okay internalized homophobia but i CANNOT for the life of me find the actual quote i’ve searched through my gallery but it’s not there </3 if i find i’ll add later (i’m pretty sure it was after the baltimore game but i can’t remember)

cowboys vs giants: this is a tremicah game no need to mention ceedak idt - nasty ugly win but whatever

cowboys vs steelers: dak prescott giving me a heart attack 12 fucking times during this game

cowboys vs lions: don’t wanna talk about it! i’m a hater! always will be sorry!!! ben johnson statpadding on my sorry ass terrible team i was SICKKKKK

BYE WEEK: my trials and tribulations…. my nfl rpf…

CeeDee Lamb on getting in some extra work with Dak Prescott during their bye week: “We love our bye weeks. We took advantage of it. We got right. We used every opportunity to get better and I feel like it’s going to show. We got on some routes, and obviously the timing is everything. We needed that.”

now ummm this is the week dak got engaged so. which is really funny because after the announcement post on ig ceedee went GHOST on instagramksjdjks like i went back to check because i’m crazy (these are delusions btw) and he had been posting like once a week… maybe once every two weeks PRETTY consistently like for at least a couple of months but after the engagement happened there was pretty much nothing for like… almost two months?? ummm which AGAIN i’m not saying anything i’m not insinuating anything buuuuut…… buuuuut….. also it’s really fucking funny because in this same interview ceedee dropped that he left the country during the bye week but didn’t post it on socials at all so i’m like ohhhh… you’re coping w the engagement… i see LMAO anyway

cowboys vs 49ers: sigghhhh….. lets get into it

SO this was a loss but two ceedee touchdowns.. i’m leaving with something!!!

“Yeah, I found CeeDee,” Prescott said when reflecting back on Lamb’s breakout in the Bay Area. “He did a good job of getting open, running all of his routes hard no matter where he was, if he was the one or if he was backside on a concept. Loved his intentionality in the game. He kind of said something like that to me during the game, midway through the game, like ‘Yeah, we’re back.’ And that was before, I think, his two touchdown drives. So just him even playing with that confidence, communicating that, it gives me a lot of confidence.”

super hopeful right maybe they'll really connect again and things'll be fine LOL

cowboys vs falcons: worst game ever dak tore his hamstring off the bone like a fucking idiot and ceedee sprained his AC joint and would not stop going back out into the game i was ready to kms

cowboys vs eagles: not talking about it idc

cowboys vs texans: loss because ofc but whatever ceedak hugged before the game tho so i didn’t gaf about the loss - i can’t find the clip rn but if i do i’ll post it

cowboys vs commanders: this is when i accepted they were tanking and then they decided to just be elite for whatever reason lol made me so happy though ceedee was so happy <33

cowboys vs giants: whatever

cowboys vs bengals: worst fucking game of my life nothing to do with ceedak but one of my other fave player’s (i also ship him w ceedee idgaf) knee EXPLODED so that was so much fun to deal with

cowboys vs panthers: i still can’t believe bryce young decided to forget how to play football in this game im crying

cowboys vs tampa: again they just wanted to be elite for whatever reason

cowboys vs: eagles: don’t wanna talk about it idc

cowboys vs commanders: WHATEVER thanks for the 12th draft pick ashton jeanty you will be a cowboy

SO. that’s basically where everything's at lmfao worst season EVERRRRR with ceedak ANGST um but yeah hopefully 2025 will be better... i’m cautiously optimistic because their old coach is finally FINALLY gone because he was really limiting them and their ability you know? 2023 season was amazing and then 2024 started and it was like… mccarthy just reverted back to his old scheme that wasn’t working. it was really annoyingksdkskds. but the new coach (despite it seeming like a silly hire) had a decent press conference (that ceedee didn’t attend bc he was playing around in paris LOL) andddd he seems to be setting up a nice staff around him so hopefully hopefully hopefully 2025 is a lot better and ceedak will save me again… can’t wait for training camp omg

anyway if u read all this i’m SO sorry i hope it’s… expansive enough?? i wanted to include kind of how it’s been through the years and i had a lot more to add for 2023/2024 because that’s when my adhd was just like Yea let’s hyperfixate on this so. been stuck here for awhile and i’ll probably be stuck here for years and years and years <3

[gyarustarrr]

LORE LORE LORE!!!🗣️🗣️🗣️ (This is super long and my English is horrible for a native speaker so bear w me)

ILL BE REAL I DIDNT PUT MUCH THOUGHT INTO A REASONABLE BACK STORY but bcuz shes a self insert i had to make a mention for my bestie who can EASILY be in the pressure universe fr <3

Pre-lockdown: I think itd be unique that if Sebastian was used to give humans gills then Phanny can be used to find immortality cuz who doesnt love when a corrupt corporate entity tries to find the cure for death, happens all the time lol. I say for the important parts shes fused with an immortal jellyfish, my favorite jelly which im extreme jelly of 😼😼😼😼, and i would say that its possible that she could live forever IN THEORY with the dna of that jelly but that would have to be tested lmaooo.

I believe because shes also able bodied (mostly) she would be given similar jobs as Sebastian so shes not depressed, rotting, or lashing out. Not sure if they'd work together but she's observant and being a psychologist, she def psychoanalyzing the hell outta everybody in the facility out of boredom. She seems happy but ofc its a coping mech to make the best out of the absolute horrors around her, still emotional unstable and freaks tf out frequently. Once Sebastian frees everybody, she's free to roam and sees what Sebastian is doing. She asks to assist him in his goal but she only plays a part once Seb handles BIDNESS on land during lockdown. Post lockdown she scavenges for data and whatever here and there but shes mostly left alone or out of most of his operation, yk,,,working with Mr Lopee and all. She really tries to get close with Sebastian (despite emphasizing hes a married man, YEAH SURE BUDDY YOU'RE LIKE 32, WHATEVER MAKES U FEEL BETTER💀) and being the drama fiend i am, i think having a "moment of weakness" would lead to their complex semi romantic possibly toxic dynamic.

Fight: And as i did my research its highly debatable if Sebastian is telling pAInter the truth about getting them both out. Phanny would believe this without question cuz if he can make a plan and has all these skills and resources, he should be able to take everyone (this also includes other peoples inserts and ocs who are experiments because it makes the setting more lively and interesting). I even thought of a cool ass line my homie thought was cold asf for argument dialogue between Phanny and Seb about taking everyone back up to the surface.

Just to summarize: Phanny mentions how noble Seb is after making progress with his escape plan, assuming that he'll take at least as many people as possible including Phanny. Sebastian at this point is already trying to push her away post weakness moment and he know damn well he's just doing this for himself and never accounted to leave w/ a whole damn facility of sentient experiments. He just wanna see his mom again and hes already working in private with Mr Lopee i mean this is a one man escape plan. This ofc shatters Phanny cuz from what hes saying, nobody and he mean NOBODY is getting out of here with him. Hes not a savior and hes not responsible for people he dont even know or fuck with like tf?? And Phannys like OKAY? Nobody's asking you to be JESUS but can you at least be Moses?? Free us so we can all get justice! Explain why you can't take a handful and come back once u take this damn company down?? What about your promise to pAInter? To ME.

Ofc it ends in a big brawl, think Mark getting his shit rocked by his own dad (Omniman from invincible) and they just have this heartbreaking dialogue and they split ways.

Post fight + breakdown: After this, Phanny is basically losing it. I even have a vision for this if it was actually in game and she was an actual character with weight to the gameplay. Like crying and wailing in the vents and pipes, shit breaking, Phanny not being seen for a majority of the game until shes physically stopping u from going through doors and rushing the player. Not to kill them, she loves the expendables and protects them but if she really has to if it means Sebastian can get out/she gets to see another day then...

Plus i drew what that would look like in my last post where shes just standing in the dark in the corner blocking the door. Even if shes not blocking the door she's obviously going through something and can't be interacted with, she just follows the player with her eyes and breathes heavily. If its not that then shes crying by the the water and interacting with her gets the player a DEVIOUS side eye or no response.

Pre-breakdown + if she were actually in the game: I can't really explain why she would help the expendables WITHOUT knowing removing the crystal will indirectly end their lives, i actually havent evaluated that yet but shes friendly to expendables, takes free trade in exchange for shiny objects, and can be seen hanging out with or talking to Sebastian, or passing by in the water/halls. She's capable of killing the player entirely by accident due to her tentacles hanging from the ceiling which she chills in and dying to her makes her scream or apologize (before Sebastian says something snarky) since shes strictly against killing and never willing.

Announcing ur presence helps her know shes in the way. Typical interactive npc shenanigans. Maybe even saving expendables from certain attacks but these are rare interactions in the game. She's overall friendly and if she were real, she'd prolly be a fandom fave (ofc not on Sebastian's level, LETS BE HUMBLE YALL😭) because shes so polite and her tragedy comes near the end where the player isnt even aware of how she became hostile in just a few hours of the run. Her story would hardly happen in game and itd be one of those things a creator would have to mention outside of their game for fans to know abt yk?

Its typical for creators to just drop the craziest lore ever about a character but they're purposefully vague or literally like oh yeah time constraints so we scrapped it lol.

ALRIGHTY CLASS, ANY QUESTIONS? (typing this on my phone was so crazy guys ik its a lot but trust me its DECENT lore </3

[delmondo]

sorry to gloat. i'm so endlessly flattered by the game dev scene over here seriously glazing tf out of me (yes homo) and continuously upholding me as the token erudite guy. no seriously. i'm so grateful that not only am i appointed this role, but i'm being given a real chance to speak about technical artistry to a room full of industry playas and professionals next month.

like seeing yourself on candid camera, vertigo floods in as context and hyper-awareness of your identity occurs to you all at once. you're not used to viewing yourself as someone to whom people give a second thought.

having found my confidence, my voice, and my identity what felt like only a handful of years ago allowed me to really emboss myself in the community as like, "A Guy". i enter a room and i'm apparently blessed with enough of a commanding presence to have folks calling my name, rotating and shimmying through the pub just to, no joke, sit me down and get me to harangue clumsily about the depth pass and depth fail methods for shadow volume rendering.

if i may meander, can i just say that there's something endlessly charming in theory about being erudite-- your shit is air tight, you're a real bonafide professional and all that shit-- but being a complete cocksure (lol cock) slickster smooth talker, within reason. you smell me? i think this is probably why i feel so allured by Jimmy McGill's character, whose portrait adorns my phone's lockscreen. didn't bother to psychoanalyze that until now.

within the last few years, i feel like i've been making only a faintly conscious effort of curating this identity for myself, and here i am in almost a flatly fatalistic fashion. i became what i wanted to be because i wanted it. and i want what i wanted to be because i am who i am. or whatever. i'll leave it as an exercise to you to try and wring a drop of wisdom out of such a truism.

[hazelnut-u-out]

What would your ideal Morty therapy appointment look like (assuming that he went alone)? 🤔

Going to try to answer this even though my brain feels like mush, lol.

So, there are quite a few things I'd like to see. Obviously, I wouldn't expect a single episode to actually tackle every aspect of what therapy would realistically look like for a character like Morty, but hey-- at this rate, every episode aside from 'Fear No Mort' that's attempted to psychoanalyze him hasn't done the best job, I fear... *cough cough*

Anyway, here are some of the things I'd like to see addressed in an actual therapy setting (importantly, not some other form of psychoanalysis, like the Fear Hole, Roy, etc.):

Autism/Pilot Disability

It bothers me every day that the writers never followed up on that throw-away line about Morty having a disability in the pilot. Obviously, I headcanon that he's autistic (I mean, surely that's half of the dynamic with Rick right there, lol). I personally think that Rick and Morty have some autistic traits that present to the opposing extremes. For example, I think Rick struggles with hypo-empathy and Morty with hyper-empathy. I think Rick excels in math where Morty excels in English/literature. I think Rick struggles to mask and Morty is high masking. Rick just doesn't people please to survive in the same way Morty has been socialized to. (Most of this is my interpretation of the characters, but there are scenes that back up my points, as I'm sure you've caught onto, haha.) I think it would be cool to see Morty open up about feeling ostracized from his peers, struggling to make friends his own age, struggling with feelings of being 'behind'/weird/awkward, and how all of that made him the perfect victim. This is probably the least likely of my wants to be addressed in a therapy setting. I think that if they confirm it, it'd be in a pretty lowkey way, similar to what they did with Rick. I think the cold open for 'Mort: Ragnarick' might've actually been an indication that Morty isn't neurotypical, but we knew that already. I actually sort of headcanon Goldenfold's class as a remedial math course because of how simple the math seems to be, though I'm sure it was initially just some math they threw in for the pilot.

2. Grooming...

This is a tough one to include. Morty has been with WAYYY too many older women throughout the course of the show, but Planetina in particular gives me the chills. I would love to see how that's impacted him, or maybe even how his abusive dynamic with Rick and his neglectful relationship with his parents pushed him into that vulnerable position even more.

3. Mommy Issues (or neglectful parenting in general)

This one is a good follow-up for the last one. Morty's dynamic with Beth in 'A Rickconvenient Mort' is something I literally get up in the middle of the night just to think about. It makes my chest ache. I think it's because I know exactly how it feels to be Morty in that situation. When your parents constantly downplay your own feelings, put you in dangerous/vulnerable situations with reckless abandon, and completely shut you out emotionally it can feel like they just want to ruin your life when they try to protect you. To be honest, the show's dynamic wouldn't exist without Beth's negligence. Morty has two moms and neither of them have really tried to protect him. Even Jerry failed him.

4. Crying.

Idk, just lots of it. He deserves to cry about whatever he wants and be validated.

5. Justifying Rick's Actions

I would LOVE to see Morty try to explain Rick's actions away to someone who actually cares if he's being abused. I could see Morty say something to a therapist, there be a negative reaction or uncomfortable silence, and him try to say: 'It's really for my own good, though, you see...'/'You just don't know Rick the way I do. I'm the only one who really gets him...'/'It would break Mom's heart...'/'He would never hurt me on purpose...' Then to have a professional get in there and really debunk that internalized manipulation? I would die (in a good way).

5. Trauma Responses

They've sort of been hinting at this for a bit, but I think the whole point of Rick's improvement-- at least, in Morty's case-- is 'too little too late.' Rick may be getting better, but how is Morty supposed to trust him? Especially when Rick has been 'nice' for the express purpose of hurting him before? Even in his everyday life, I'm sure he has those moments of anxiety/dread/odd behavior because of the shit he's been through.

There's more, but my brain is fried right now, so maybe I'll revisit this ask later. Anyway, this was fun to think about! Thanks for asking! <3

[nyxreads]

Rate them:

Rowaelin x Feysand x Nessian x Manorian x Elriel x YreneChaol

Rowaelin 1000000/10

Enemies to lovers. Fated mates. Slowburn. Rowan who never stopped searching for Aelin and rescued her. Rowan who's the only one against Aelin sacrificing herself to save the world. And the patience he showed after rescuing her. That man's literally ready to give up the world for her. Aelin taking the risk just to save Rowan from Maeve. Their power dynamics. They're just THE power duo.

“I love you. There is no limit to what I can give to you, no time I need. Even when this world is forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you.”

Feysand 1000/10

(a little) enemies to lovers because I think they're more friends to lovers haha. Fated mates. Yearning. The flirting back n forth lol. When Rhys found out she's his mate but didn't forced her instead he was content to just love her and save her. When (before finding out she's his mate) Rhys was ready to die with her, that scene still got me. It's the way they really see each other. It's just that acosf happened and yknow 💀

"And then—then I learned your name. Hearing you say it…it was like an answer to a question I'd been asking for five hundred years."

Nessian 6/10

I'm so so sorry. I'm not really a big fan. I tried to be as open to this couple as possible and the best way I could. It's lacking of something I can't even point out. The love story just didn't sold for me. I mean, this is just my opinion and alot of people loved them (good for them)

Manorian 9/10

My roman empire. The way they didn't even ended up together kills me inside. It's like I'm gonna read a future sjm book someday talking about two kingdoms with their rulers who loved each other but chose not to be together. All those build-up, all those tension and sacrifices and they were still not together.

And through the darkness of his memories, through the pain and despair and terror he'd tried to forget, a name echoed in his head.

YreneChaol 7/10

Listen, not a big fan of Chaol 🫠 but I love my girl Yrene. Honestly I remember more of her solo moments and her bravery than their scenes together. Happy for them tho. I loved Nesryn and Sartaq better.

ELRIEL 10000/10

Forbidden love. THE Yearning. Friends to lovers. Azriel questioning his religion for her. Ready to die for her. The insane build-up. The way Az is not letting go of Elain after saving her even tho he's the one bleeding. Elain noticing his headaches and giving him a remedy for it. The way they always bond in the garden and he's always listening to her. Elain finally having her choice.

‘I’m getting her back.’

Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azriel’s hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows.Nesta said, ‘Then you will die.’

Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, ‘I’m getting her back.’”

She shook her head, devouring the sight of him as if not quite believing it. "You came for me."

Idc what anyone says, I'm not psychoanalyzing and ruining a character to fit in whatever narrative they want. This is a romantasy anyway.

This is jusssst all my opinion of them. Please don't come at me.

[dufferpuffer]

I think I’m in the minority of people who like canon lupin but also like alpha/dom lupin. I mean if I had to psychoanalyze him, almost all of his traits, behaviors, and desires make him seem pretty damn sub-y, HOWEVER it’s not like he doesn’t enjoy exerting power over others, look at how he interacts with snape in POA! It’s subtle and it comes with a smile but that’s still a type of dominance. I just think he would want to stay away from what we usually imagine (and what’s usually depicted of him in these scenarios) as dominance, the super aggressive kind. And I mostly see him doing that because of his issues with being perceived as aggressive (but I guess I also could see him leaning into the shame in a sexual way, but whatever).

So I always liked the idea of him as a switch, but someone who leans heavily to the sub side because he’s more into it but also because it’s more comfortable. Sorry for the ramble lol

I yap a lot about trying to work out Canon Remus and all that, the things Remus would 'most likely' do… But I am not against fanon interpretations. Even the wacky ones. (It's just unfortunate that we don't differentiate… sigh…)

Saying that - I see your point. He does absolutely take joy in manipulating others successfully, and keeping Severus under his heel, and pulling his pants up to be really fucking hot a good leader.

He also just… likes letting loose. It is difficult for him… but the times where he just stops worrying are the best times of his life. His Patronus is a wolf - I think because the times where he has accepted the wolf in himself are when he is happiest. He struggles with temptation, trying to hold off until... POP.

By the time it comes to actually being romantic/sexual... The trust and vulnerability that involves… The way his condition specifically affects how he can act with others, how others will perceive him… It's so messy that I struggle to see him being able to cope.

But when he actually feels comfortable with someone? Yeah. I think he gets a 'switch' license. He can be more dominant. Add whatever kinky sprinklings you want into there - he probably has complex feelings about shame or being in control etc.

Basically: there is no way he was anything but a sub to Tonks at first... but did he sub on their wedding night...? Doubt it lol

NEVER BE SORRY FOR RAMBLING ABOUT FUCKING REMUS all caps because it is important, get it tattooed like a tramp stamp

[sturionic]

Yo im looking for some advice

I want to come out of my shell and start contributing more to the world around me after years of being shut down and silenced

Im not good at speaking or forming sentences in conversation or delivering my true thoughts

I want to be confident enough to speak instead of nod when peers say something to me

Its agonizing being this way. I want to do so much and i want to be a part of the community and help the people around me but that is quite difficult when i am too scared to speak or do, despite how badly i want to

I know youre just some guy but i admire your dedication and outlook. My head and heart are full of potential but something is holding me back

You dont gotta psychoanalyze me or anything but if you have anything to say id love to hear it, even if its critical

Hey anon <3

Indeed lol, I am just some guy, and I won't psychoanalyze you. But I can say one thing confidently: You being “this way” is a testament to your resourcefulness. Silence is a strategy that has worked for you at some point (and may still be useful at times in the present.) Try to see yourself this way as you read these next bits: a fundamentally resilient & resourceful person who is simply learning how to apply these tactics with more nuance.

The best analogy I’ve heard about anxiety is that it’s like driving a truck through deep snow. For whatever reason, your brain has been driving the truck down the same path over, and over, and over again. As a result, the snow on this path is compacted and very easy to drive on.

You can’t erase the path. It’s already there, and your brain knows the way well. What you can do is break a new path. It’s slow and difficult work, but eventually you can make an off-ramp from your usual highway: one that is just as smooth and wide and compacted. When you’re in a moment of profound anxiety, a split-second turn down an easy safe path is much easier than breaking new trail through dense snow.

In the context of community organizing, the way to start building off-ramps is to start very small. (Sending an ask like this is actually an incredible step to take - you made a decision to safely and deliberately seek out contact, and thank you so much for putting your trust in me there. I hope you admire yourself for it as much as I do.)

Local libraries and community centres often have low-pressure events & programs that are essentially ways to just get out and coexist with other people. Some examples I love and attend frequently: my local library’s writing sessions (sitting around a table in silence for two hours, working on whatever writing project you want) and my community centre’s ‘gardening work bees’ (same thing, but out in the garden.) Or maybe there are more activity-driven ones that will speak to your desire to help in a more tangible way: picking up litter, doing grocery runs for disabled folks, etc. The point is to get your brain to start building a path that associates other people with safety, rather than danger. Because it's fundamentally true: we're safer as part of a community.

Once you feel more up to the ‘talking’ bit of it, here’s a hot tip: start with seniors. Old people are often very lonely and have a lot of talking stored up, so socializing with seniors is easy mode: you just get to sit back and listen to a bunch of cool stories from their lives. (Little kids are exhausting but another fun socializing bet. Again: not as much talking on your end, a lot of listening, a lot of fantastic games, very safe except from small flailing limbs.)

And then you keep working your way up from there, slowly and surely building your off-ramps reinforced by safe, mutually caring, and rewarding experiences.

Let me clarify: this is critically important work, and not just as a way to build up to activities more popularly perceived as activism. Even if you’re not organizing a food drive or whatever, you are still benefitting the people around you. If you benefit from working silently next to someone at the garden, then they are also benefitting from you - just you, existing, as a quiet and unthreatening human being by their side. We all need this. This is the basis of community, and the essential building-blocks for community organizing.

I hope this helps, and my inbox is always open to you!

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

ZERO PLEASE PSYCHOANALYZE ME infj middle daughter <3

infj middle daughter.... KJSDKJS

infjs are in my opinion the most polarizing mbti type and predictably misunderstood though it's not usually in the way they assume they are misunderstood. they are well known for being passionate, empathetic and having a strong sense of justice and all of these things are true. from very young they grasp onto to nuanced social structures and develop a sort of persona to deal with them though that behavior is not as intentional with them as it is with their counter types lol.

infjs are all-in-all, driven by a sense of grandeur in relations to these traits. in early childhood and adolescence, infjs tend to split rather evenly two way. whether that being standing by the odd elements of themselves that socially outcast them or purposefully obscuring their sense of self and melding in perfectly with whatever crowd they choose. the latter tends to manifest regardless of their former as they grow into adulthood and their teenage years.

several formative of experiences usually contribute to infjs understanding the extent of their empathy and the intensity of their own emotions will isolate them. they grow up like really especially impacted by their surrounding circumstances and it imprints harder on them then it does others. they develop a unique sense of persecution towards a very unknowable entity AND a set of strong principles dictated by them.

infjs rarely stray from the path they set themselves on unless something shakes their beliefs foundationally. this sense of idealism is often mystified in other discussion about the type but, it is merely an anchor for infjs to latch onto when they feel they've obscured their own identity beyond their reach and get gloomy. it tethers them. that sensation isn't uncommon for extroverted feeling types, but infjs have the most difficult time with grappling it as it usually feels at odds with their own characters

while infjs tend to take on the burdens of other people and insert themselves in their lives - they are guarded and evasive about their own emotional state and often cluless to their innermost thoughts. whats ironic about them is that they feel an insecurity about their sense of self and use other means to define it (usually some other passion project or work or hobby etc) but other people in their lives can very clearly give them defining traits and qualities.

because their sense of self is defined by what they consider their work, they are extremely prone to perfectionism and even more dangerously prone to complete and utter burn out. this internalized pressure and refusal to open up leads them to what is in my opinion most overlooked about them which is their sense of pessimism in relation to what they consider important.

yes its true that infjs are altruistic, kind, compassionate etc - they are also an enormously brooding type when they come under a bit of pressure and act in extremes at detriment to themselves and later to hubris. they are often so well intended they see less harm in continuing to erupt than simply allowing someone else to bear their burdens along side them. sometimes this comes off as patronizing. its rare they realize the extent of it because they're so absorbed in whatever negative train of thought there is and it's immensely difficult to snap them out of that.

this archetype is very common in medias featuring infjs just as the rogue, lonesome bastard with a taste for justice. in real life it manifests as a period of unimaginable angst. they isolate for a period and grow farther into their pessimism before forcibly remembering they are impacted by other people and feeling cringe after seeing their friends again. its very easy for infjs to fall into cycles of this angst

infjs are truthfully more impacted by their relationships than they are actually willing to admit to anyone, even their partner. they show affection in acceptable ways but infjs are usually not actively seeking romantic partnership (this is partially their romantics and partially their pickiness). when they do find it by happenstance, there's a really visceral aspect to them that leads them to act more subdued than they actually are. its a little difficult for them to admit also that your influence on them is that strong. they grow kind of prideful after being self-aware and measured about their own emotions and to feel that out of control makes them both want to give into you but want to pull away from it at the same time which i find funny.

they believe in their mysticism and and fantasy and greater notions of fantasy so much so they get caught up in. they're a type that gets along well with many sorts of people but gravitate towards people offer them a sense of grounding. they can make friends with anyone but in terms of their deeper connections - someone with a strong sense of realism or rationale appeals to them. they often like people who wear similar masks to them but are more... hm... calculating in a sense.

overall i think infjs are a little slow on the uptake about their patterns of harm and they will Go On if they dont figure it out sdkjsd. relying on other people isnt a show of weakness and you're not so special for carrying peoples burdens while not allowing them to carry yours u are just being angsty for truly no reason at all. also that inexplicable anxiety you feel about not knowing your true self is nonsense. stop biting off more than you can chew to upkeep whatever thing you've conjured up in your mind is so much more harmful than simply not doing that even if the latter feels more disastorous at the time

its fine to be a more dorky. you've grown enough into yourself to be more honest about your thoughts and the people you've impact can piece you together even if u cannot

[thevirgodoll]

Any tips for a first date? - Makeup,Hair,Outfit Ideas💋Plus mannerisms,do’s and don’ts 💅🏾

First Date Tips💕

Disclaimer: Everyone has their preferences but this is what I find to make the most sense 🩷

General Beauty Tips:

Stick to what you know. This isn’t the time to try something new with your look. You want to be as confident as possible.

Play up your best features. For example, more blush to accentuate your cheekbones or lip liner for stronger lips.

Less is more. People across all identities can generally agree on this. While we do want to have some sense of glamour, we never want to overdo it.

Wear comfortable shoes! You never know what y'all could end up doing.

Bring gum or portable mouthwash with you. You need to make sure that breath is FRESH. You don't want something stuck in your teeth either... yikes!

Put powder in your purse so you can go touch up. I suggest going to the bathroom at least once to double check on yourself or at least have a mirror to look at yourself in.

Mannerisms, Do's & Don'ts:

DON'T: Chew with your mouth wide open! If you are talking and your mouth is full, cover your mouth with your hand as you speak.

DO: Put your cloth in your lap so no crumbs/etc spill all over your outfit.

DO: Wipe your mouth with your cloth/napkin.

DO: Make eye contact if you can, if not look between their eyes lol. But eye contact is the most powerful thing on a first date.

DON'T: Go on a date you're uncomfortable with. If they want to walk around a park and that freaks you out, say so.

DON'T: Feel pressured to have your date a certain way. Whatever is YOUR preference, stick to that. But DO be open to creative date ideas.

DO: Engage in creative conversations. Small talk can get tiresome after a while. It helps a LOT if you guys have been on the phone/Facetiming up until this point because it makes it less awkward.

DON'T: Talk about how badly you want a relationship. It's not wise to show desperation, from you or the other person lol.

DO: have a friend you trust and keep them up to date on the entire date. That friend or family member should be ready if something goes wrong. But that friend or family member should also be hyping you up!

DON'T: let them know how much you've been FBI stalking this person. Background checks are imperative, but they don't need to KNOW you've done this let alone dug through their tweets dating back to 7 years ago lol.

DON'T: even think about doing drugs! You need to be SOBER! Unless this is your partner, I DO NOT recommend drinking on this date!!!

DON'T: Overly judge, psychoanalyze or nitpick this individual. AVOID getting too personal omg. While you do want to hit important topics and need to (cause what if they're an incel lol), keep it light and positive. Some reservations DO need to be kept to yourself to not make it overly awkward for both of you.

DON'T: even think about talking about that ex! Better yet, don't tell them anything about them except that it was good and y'all decided to go separate ways. I wouldn't share that something might've occurred until y'all are way more personable. I know it's HARD, but you don't know this person girl!

DO: Use discernment and keep your guard up.

DO: Keep things light, soft, and feminine. You have the power. Don't cuss too much (unless y'all are friends like that), don't go off about things that you hate, just chill. They need to walk away wondering about you rather than thinking about everything you've said.

Things to consider:

As far as the touch barrier, it's all about the vibes you personally have. How personable are you and the other person? What happens after this date is your choice. Only do what YOU are comfortable with.

Have you both been talking up until this point? Personally, I like to talk on the phone for a few days before and familiarize myself. Texting is not the vibes. Y'all are not pen pals!

Have you vetted this individual before this date? What are their views on paying for dates? Are they the romantic type? Have they shown any red flags up until this point? If you haven't vetted them, get ready to. AND DON'T GO EASY ON THEM JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE LONELY! THEY ARE REPLACEABLE! 😭

Make a list of your icks! Are they a sloppy eater? Do they show manners during dinner to the waitress/etc? If doing an activity, do they include you, or are they more worried about themselves? Make a list of what you expect to see also. For example, I expect at least the bare minimum: told I'm beautiful, flowers on a first date, and for the door to be opened lol.

What is the safety level here? Are the two of you acquainted enough for you to get in their car? Remember, this is objectively a stranger (unless otherwise proven). What are the plans that y'all have? The safest rule is to ALWAYS drive yourself in case something goes wrong, and always go somewhere well-lit. Don't drive too far out, either... that shows inconsideration on their behalf for your well-being.

What is the relationship you have with this person? Do they show intention with you even while y'all aren't out and about? Have they made their intentions clear?

If you are comfortable enough, plan the next date. If not, politely remove yourself. Everything weighs on behavior even BEFORE the date, in my opinion.

Here is a bit of a mood board for the first date. Have fun, girl, and just relax. Keep these things in mind but remember YOU are the one they are pursuing, not the other way around. YOU hold the world in your hands. Don't ever go through things as if you need to impress this person. Do THEY impress you? Food for thought. Keep me updated! 🎀

[tricodekus]

Hiiii I'm watching the Tsukki omegaverse poll on Twitter and wow it's neck and neck!! Personally I voted alpha but the alpha Hinata and omega Tsukki has me all 😳 I keep imagining Tsukki all blushy and uncomfy with his omega status dealing with alpha Hinata... would Hinata be all smug and >:3 and be all kabedon-y with Tsukki? Or be more intense and get that really focused stare he gets sometimes, like... you know, the one when he asks Ushijima, "if Seijoh is fertile ground, then what is Karasuno?" or whatever? Just unsettle Tsukki with his intensity ^_^

I wouldn't change my vore or anything because I'm more a tsukkiyama with omega Yama type, but... if you ever drew alpha Hinata omega Tsukki I'd probably go feral, LOL.

Hi there!! So I was thinking about this really hard and I just have to put a disclaimer: I LOVE alpha tsukki! Alpha tsukki who takes care of yama (or hinata) and covers them in his scent. He's a little posessive but his mate certainly doesn't mind. Now. With that being said. Let's psychoanalyze omega tsukki.

HAHA just kidding. Well sort of. LIKE just think about it.

Tsukki who grows up taller than all the other kids. He's prickly, yes, but only because he doesn't really like socializing with anyone that's not yamaguchi. Everyone's like, OKAY this guy is for certain an alpha!!! And then his first heat hits like.... Would that not be an amazing read? I know I would read that. And what's more, is that Yamaguchi could be the first to notice his scent sweetening, into something sugary like lemon cake. (This is my choice of his scent ofc)

Omega tsukki who hates hates hates his status because not only does it kinda contradict him, but people also treat him far differently than when he hadn't presented! Let's be honest he probably uses scent blockers like 24/7 and it's probably super unhealthy for him. But he's not going to let anybody know that he's an omega. Especially in front of people like Kageyama and Hinata.

But let's fast forward to when everyone knows that he is an omega, (And now we're getting into more shippy territory.)

TSUKIHINA: I feel like especially when Hinata grows up,, he's like a very NEEDY alpha but he's very playful as well. He's the type to bite constantly. Everywhere. It probably pisses Tsukishima off that he's so wild but at the same time it gives him comfort. I also feel like Hinata is the only one to treat Tsukishima like an equal despite his omega status. I mean, both middle blockers, but also he recognizes his talents off the court, etc etc normal tsukihina stuff. With everyone else, tsukishima would just be waiting to be teased for not looking/acting like a traditional omega. And I don't think Hinata would act super intense with him. More playful, because he knows Tsukishima is "his'" lol.

TSUKKIYAMA: And ofc with tsukkiyama, I think someone on twitter mentioned that Yamaguchi does become the captain and order everyone around. And this just came to me, but I just realized that Tsukishima always thought that he would always get ahead of him in that regard. (So really, Tsukki would be submissive to Yams all along, lol.)

And those are my thoughts! Thanks for the ask!!! I quite enjoyed talking about this. :)

[romanbridgers]

a thought (or two) on found 1x11

apologies for armchair psychoanalyzing BUT: the show is still playing coy, imo, but after 1x11 it def comes off to me like they've been writing sir as being erotomanic wrt gabi (i'm basing this observation on him seeing her notebook doodles, believing they were about him with no logical reason for it, and imagining a bond between them that didn't exist). or maybe it didn't start that way for him, but he ended up becoming romantically/psychosexually obsessed with her during his years of stalking her, or whatever. but that's how it's coming off. (thinking also about his comment during the episode with the stalker, when he told gabi that stalkers stalked because of an unfulfilled fantasy, and then trent revealing to gabi in a later episode that sir stalked her for 20 years.)

i get they don't want to go TOO dark because it's network tv and all, but i've been suspecting this since at least 1x2 (if that was the episode with the stalker, i don't really remember) and the flashback scenes tonight kind of confirmed it for me.

i might come up with actual thoughts or meta on tonight's episode. just wanted to get that out of my brain rn, lol.

[thegeminisage]

oh IT'S fucking star trek update time. last night we watched "improbable cause" and "the die is cast" and MWAH CHEFS KISS WHAT AN EVENING.

improbable cause:

GOING INTO THIS. i knew odo got tortured by garak. so as you can imagine i was quite beside myself because i like both of them so much. but whatever direction i was expecting that to go this was not it

firstly i love the idea that julian and garak get into these heated literature conversations and julian values it so much he has to have obrien replace garak when he's gone. i don't think obrien did a very good job...considering all the racketball julian has doggedly put in while keiko was away he should have stepped up!!

secondly please don't say caesar. it was a good setup for garak's dramatic irony later though.

delavian chocolate gift and giftback. girl what on earth was that. GAY PEOPLE.

from garak and odo's first scene together i was like damn...they're both so good at picking up on tiny cues and analyzing people...they're both so smart...this is crazy...i had no idea. side bar i love that in that scene odo was like if kira wanted you dead you would fucking be dead. so true. support your woman

cry wolf story. "never tell the same lie twice." AAAGHGHGHGH IT'S ALL TRUE ESPECIALLY THE LIES

THE FACT THAT. ODO PUT TOGETHER GARAK BOMBING HIS OWN SHOP. like i NEVER would have figured that out he is SO smart. AND him knowing for sure garak had no idea why the romulans were trying to kill him!! god garak and odo really are unstoppable force immovable object. it's like L and light except better. i can't believe i didn't see the potential of trapping them in a room together until now

the parallel of garak insisting on going with odo and then odo insisting going with garak...except the first time it turned out to be nothing and the second time they both regretted it

odo's shot at the romulan uniforms lol. he didn't like those 80s shoulderpads

odo's SHADY dealings with that cardassian...odo has such a checkered history considering his circumstances. also, the next person who mentions that cardassian neck thing i am going to jump thru my computer and kill them in real life

i cant believe also that tain was gonna kill his fucking housekeeper...justice for housekeepers. also, justice for garak, who looked like he hade that promise at gunpoint but alsmot died trying to keep it

GARAK TELLING JULIAN TO EAT THE ROD. really really really funny. i kind of wish there HAD been a rod back there specifically so we COULD see julian eat it.

ODO AND GARAK PSYCHOANALYZING EACH OTHER NO HOLDS BARRED TOTAL BEATDOWN

hi good morning hello hi. hello. they were playing verbal chess. defensive and offensive moves. odo is at a slight disadvantage here because he's incredibly frank and garak has 100 layers minimum to everything he's ever said but their skills at reading one another are perfectly parallel and their hesitation to rip each other apart is 0. there was bloodshed. it was delicious

AND YOU KNOW WHAT. MAYBE THIS EPISODE WAS A LITTLE BIT ABOUT KIRA

"is there one person just one in this whole universe that you care for" and if a telepath had been in the room the name KIRA would have been shouted in flashing lights and all capital letters at 100db. it was on his face. you could SEE IT

and i MAINTAIN that if garak saw them speak even two words to each other about something besides work he would figure it out instantly. he's just not around kira that much because of how forcefully she projects her incredibly intimidating disapproval.

the bit about the racial slur for the romulans. firstly, it WAS smart, secondly, it was also funny, because right before tain pointed it out i was like damn that's a slur

garak already smiling when odo is trying to talk him out of rejoining the order. most terrifying way ever to end an episode when i know he's getting tortured later

the die is cast:

and in literally the FIRST SCENE after the switch what is garak doing? panicking. tain is like, yeah i'm gonna kill that housekeeper you love and garak immediately wants to protest and then he immediately freaks out about wanting to protest. i can't believe you can see it all on his face under all that makeup...

sisko LITERALLY choosing to disobey orders to go get One Guy. picard would have let his ass die. and it means so much to me because 1. he got a message and wryly told kira to disregard it 2. if he AHDN'T been there odo and garak would have died. like, he got there in JUST the nick of time 3. him stopping obrien from knocking out the traitor but warning that guy "i'd stay away from o'brien if i was you" lmaooo 4. "we're gonna get singed at that range" "not as singed as they're gonna get, ENGAGE" nobody has ever served like sisko serves. he's so FUCKING cool, dude, i can't get over how great he is

the torture scenes were just like the psychoanalyzing scenes except this time there was actual violence involved, even though they never touched each other. "the only common enemy we share is tain the difference is you don't know it" caesarcore unfortunately. garak trying to wiggle out of it and then realizing this is the price of admission if he wants back in. knowing odo is hiding something because it's what HE would do and they are BASICALLY THE SAME GUY. odo's sarcasm ("oh nooo mister garak pleeease don't torture me have mercy 🙄") turning to annoyance to fear to RAGE. AUGHGHGHG

like, it's exactly like that one scene in atla where zuko is talking to iroh in prison but the bars are only visible around zuko's face. odo is spitting such venom at garak that HE IS ALSO BEING TORTURED. garak didn't realize until tain talked about killing his housekeeper that he didn't have the stomach for it anymore but odo knew from the very beginning. odo never asked garak to make it stop GARAK BEGGED ODO TO MAKE IT STOP. LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME

"tell me something anything lie if you have to but say it PLEASE" like ARE. YOU. KIDDING ME

only odo could walk into a torture chamber and have the torturer begging for it to stop and only garak could start torturing someone and then beg them to break. SAME GUY. it was PERFECT. whatever way i imagined this was bad and wrong and less stellar than what they actually did, which was FUCKING insane

and then after all that the secret just being a personal one. not useful at all. "i hope it was worth it" and odo slides into the bucket and garak puts his head in his fucking hands. MWAH

AND THEN LATER. SAYING ODO NEVER BROKE. and it's kind of a lie but it's also kind of true because odo didn't break FIRST. garak did. you could imagine odo broke because garak begged him or because he couldn't take anymore but in every sense that matters he outlasted his torturer.

garak almost dying to save the world's worst guy <3 like he really promised that housekeeper. he definitely deserved the black eye odo gave him in the sense that he deserved some pain back but in another way didn't deserve the compassion behind it because anyone else in odo's position would be tempted to let him die. so much for "odo doesn't have feelings" ie garak's earlier hypothesis. like the way in the shuttle he says later you know i get it i too want to go home (and unsaid: but i can't stomach the people who live there and what they do and what they stand for even though i miss them horribly). THEY ARE THE SAME GUY. i loved their little last-minute goodbye int he shuttle and then sisko's unexpected rescue. WOW what a sequence!

the changelings would take odo in a heartbeat and STILL he says no because he loves the people he's surrounded himself with :( <3 ESPECIALLY KIRAAA

loved the plot twist of the romulan changeling btw. "no changeling has ever harmed another" i really really really hope odo is the first. ik it would make him sad but it would make ME so happy

and then. of course. the final scene. tng would never do this. tng would have them rescued, they'd nod at one another, the credits would roll. but the mirror scene...

like, i expected garak to look at himself, you know? like damn who am i what have i become i was miserable when i went back and i'm miserable here

BUT IN THE REFLECTION WAS ODO. SAME GUY

the sheer amount of nerve it took not to show odo's face for this...to have odo a blurred silhouetted refection and to keep the camera on garak...nobody's pussy pops like ds9's does.

AND ODO JUST. 1. INVITES HIM TO REBUILD 2. INVITES HIM TO BREAKFAST???

CONSTABLE I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T EAT I DON'T

HE DOESN'T EAT. BUT HE WANTS TO GET BREAKFAST.

these two men literally saw each other break and realized they're the same guy and now they're gonna get BREAKFAST. i'm gonna kerm

i was forseeing odo hating garak for the rest of the series. lifelong enemies. etcetc. i was NOT predicting garak breaking first and odo forgiving him because he understands and then they start a fucking BRUNCH CLUB??? where they don't talk about kira

10/10 episodes and experiences. like, hit me with that holodeck shit next time, who cares. i am fucking invincible.

TONIGHT: voy's "faces" and ds9's "explorers," though i sadly realized just a little while ago that the source i used for my airdates for this spreadsheet was not good...possibly we have been watching them ever so slightly out of order for some time...i'll have to check the true extent of the damage later tonight.

[threepoint14art]

Loon drawing :D love her im killing her

Heavily inspider by the song "Bouquet Garni" by nilfruits! it's really good I reccomend checking it out :9

hey girl, ever have breakdowns and the only way you can somehow hold yourself back from going full insane is thinking back to all the shitty videogames you consume in the comfort of your own room? if so then you have something in common with her !1!1! hasashgihasg breakdown (videogame flavored)

I'll go a bit more in depth on him under the cut since I figured we changed quite a tad about her and I want to spread wisdom (our AU) to the world

So I'll start with design choices and then I'll move to his general character ヾ(≧▽≦*)o So:

The things coming out from his neck are antennae! they make her have really good hearing which SUCKS when you are overwhelmed (which she is, always) so rip!

His eyes have no pupil because arthropods and insects have them freaky eyes now <3

He has blue and red dyed hair to match the animatronics color scheme (thought the red is not very obvious here since he's tilting his head), though the white bits of his hair are not actually dyed! they are like that because he's a ladybug and they have those white spots on the sides of their little heads!

-His hands are segmented like that because of an arbitrary rule I made to make arthropods more recognizable amongst them bears and foxes and allat, since a arthropods are segmented I applied that to their articulations! fun fact, insects like Loon or Cami (We made her a mantis I'm sorry) have a division on their neck, while arthropods that are NOT insects, like Owynn, completely lack that! that's because insects are divided in 3 parts (head thorax and abdomen) arachnids are divided in 2 (thorax and abdomen) ((not exactly called that but semantics)).

-He has little ladybug earrings and actually he matches with Malva!(Usagi) ((we changed her name lol)) ((her last name is visco haha get it malva-visco))

-In general I made his hair darker, gave him a bit of acne amongst the freckles and made him more tan because we love melanin in this house

Now for,, character changes,,,

So first of all, he/she swag, bigender, Loon when masc and JJ when fem though it fluctuates too, good for her gettem. We obliterated that Malva crush, gone, exploded into pieces, and also she's ecuadorian now, gettem.

We turned that pathetic nervous shy thing of his into something way worse </3 She is still introverted and all that, but the main thing is that she does not like going outside! gamer goes outside challenge impossible, she does NOT like leaving his house shut-in guy who if outside for long enough has a breakdown, clings to Malva because they are best friends and she's like "safe" she's like a safe zone. Loon cannot function in social/public settings at all and just clings, which is also why a lot of people mistake him as "having a crush on her" even though they are a bajillion percent platonic

He's a bit of a cringefail loser and also a bit creepy lmao, always on her phone always trying to zone the hell out and think about a silly videogame, but also just nosy, hit antennae and insect stuff lets him 1) look wherever without people being able to tell, and 2) listen to stuff. So yeah, his ass sorta psychoanalyzes people and snoops through stuff to kinda distract herself from the horrors of being outside, which is why in this AU she's dating Owynn T-T sorta like the animatronic she isn't like actually out to get you, but instead acts like some sort of aid for the real enemy, which is Owynn, so yeah. Enabler and snoops through shit AKA has good info for Owynn's insane as shit ideas, insane of her but whatever.

Also given how in this Au we cranked the animal motifs to a thousand, being a little "bug" and then being next to like, a bear is terrifying to her, so besides being scared of just existing outside, she's also scared of people as a whole because little insect vs big animal, rip.

And i think that's most of it, if anyone read all of this and has any questions feel free to ask T-T sorry if the formatting SUCKS it's the first time I've tried putting something this long on tumblr <//3

[privatelife]

not to be too online this is gonna read so embarrassing but my sibling wasnt available so i cant talk to them abt it lol

but ive been in a terrible mood all day bc sometimes RARELY i try to interact with my moots on various websites just little comments here and there. i dont do it nearly enough im very isolated in life and online but if i feel the need, i like to just say a couple words, yknow, human interaction. like if we follow each other i figure it's cool to engage in small ways ? anyway a twitter mutual hornyposted abt d*vid h*ward thr*nton and i thought it was funny and agreeable so i replied "REAL" i didnt think anything of it. i wouldnt have even given it a second thought if she ignored it entirely i was literally just taking a break from work scrolling twitter whatever not serious. but she responded almost immediately "i dont share..." and that was it. so then ive felt all day like i did something stupid and wrong lmao I KNOW IT'S SO UNSERIOUS she couldve been joking for all i know. but we've interacted maybe once before so i cant even tell. i kinda dont think she was joking tho 😭

if i may psychoanalyze myself for a second i think this tiny interaction triggered my rejection sensitive dysphoria real bad cause it like reinforced my idea that there's just something inherently wrong and unlikable abt me and that i shouldnt even bother interacting with other ppl. im at a point where i dont really believe that so much anymore but i still would like to feel "accepted" by cool ppl with similar interests to mine someday lol. i have one (1) real friend now and that's positively effected my view of myself immensely BUT we don't share a lot of the same interests so it's like, i can talk all day long abt certain things that are important to me and they'll gladly listen, but they don't get it the way others might. and vice versa! i love them dearly and wouldnt trade them for the world but i do at the same time wish i had Other friends who are into idk. horror movies, b movies, the music i like etc. you know. i think that's a perfectly normal thing to long for 😭 it seems like every time i reach out for that it never ever works in my favor :( ive mostly accepted im a weirdo with weirdo interests nobody gets me im too cool whatever blah fart sound... but why cant we all be weirdos TOGETHER. wheres the CAMARADERIE

i suppose a therapist would say keep trying! you're doing great! but oof it just really left my brain in tatters for the day. over something so dumb !!!! stupid and dumb !!! anyway at the end of the day i still can, should, must, and will fuck the clown man.