#no one would care if i were dead.

[shmingleping]

I can't do this shit anymore. I just can't take it. I'm in the worst mental and emotional pain that I feel I've ever been in, and that says a fucking lot considering how bad it's gotten in the past. And im on my own with it. I don't know what to do with the massive amount of embarrassment, shame, guilt, and deep self-hatred. I don't feel it's possible to forgive myself and move forward from the fact that I completely fucked up my life; not only that but I did nothing about it for over 10 years which just allowed me to get worse and worse without fully knowing how badly I ruined myself until now, all just because I was afraid of doing the simple things people have to face everyday knowing they were probably unsure and scared as well but knew it would only be temporary and that that jump into the unknown wouldn't last forever and would actually lead them to more happiness than they ever thought possible. How can I forgive myself for ruining the years of my life that are usually dedicated to finding yourself, having new interesting experiences, learning so much more than what just a classroom could teach, going out of your comfort zone, and making the kind of friends you usually get to have for a lifetime? I can't. I can't tell myself that it's ok that I didn't get to do that, most especially because I'm the entire reason why it didn't happen. I've been alone for so long, that anytime anyone, like random strangers or someone from my past pops up in my life (whether their doing or by my seeking them out) I try so hard to hold on to them in such a way that I become the worst possible toxic kind of person who more than likely ends up driving them away by my words or actions... even if they treated me poorly at some point I am willing to take any kind of human interaction that isnt from the only person I actually have in my life (my mom) . Who I love (do I even now what love is? I feel like I'm just a fake, selfish, manipulative piece of shit person) She's so kind to me but I don't deserve it. By fucking up my life I unintentionally ended up completely ruining hers too. She isn't living the life she wants, and that's so fuckjng unfair of me to do to her, especially when I take into account the shit she had to deal with in her life before I took her dreams and threw them away simply because I was selfish and scared and fucking stupid. I hate myself. Even if somehow for whatever reason all of that could be "fixed" I still wouldn't be able to move passed those emotions of hate toward myself. I hate the way I look. Everything from head to toe is grotesque. I'm fuckibg disgusting. No amount of healthy food or workouts and weight loss will make that change. My mind and personality are also such shit I can't stand it. I just want to crawl into the enormous hole I started digging for myself 12 years ago and never have to come out. My life will never be what I wish it was. I've done too much damage and wasted too much time. I was doomed from the start just by being who I am. I just wish I could cease to exist without hurting anyone (aka mom; no one else will care I i can promise you that). I fucking hate myself so much I can physically feel it. I shouldn't exist. I should have never have existed. Fuckjng kill me.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

MDZS x Brazil (1985)

(Yes. Real movie dialogue)

[swampthingking]

andrew’s definitely gotten in trouble with his pr manager for tweeting things along the lines of:

“no mania inducing medication will compare to the euphoria i will feel the day donald trump drops dead”

[tommygotwrittenoff]

i just think if roles were reversed and buck was the one saying those gay ass lines to eddie, eddie wouldve proposed like four seasons ago

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Well, at least Fukuzawa got his wish granted, I guess.... he's finally inside Fukuchi <3

[sonknuxadow]

it just hit me that the movie is coming out next month imgonna throw upppppppp

[perenians]

oh merrill...

[celtrist]

Why does Vassago already have merch, we haven't even met him yet

[13reasonstoeatthatcake]

I really want to know how Lilith Sorrengail feels about trying her best to get her youngest daughter away from whatever it was that her dad supposedly found in the Archives after Brennan 'died', just to get said daughter even more involved with the tyrrish rebellion two: electric boogaloo.

[definegodliness]

Had a dream last night

Best movie you'll never see

[crittertalez]

ik most of the wc fandom seems to hate how jayclaw talked to frostpaw/dawn while she was in her coma but honestly i just cant see it as anything but comforting or at the very least not as outrageous as others see it being. like im sorry but i cant look at this

and go auuuugghhh how dare jayclaw tell his dying daughter she doesnt need to live for other people and it should be her choice what she wants to do and she should choose what makes her happy. do i like the idea of frostdawn having given up and died? not exactly? but with how this scene transitions into tree busting in to be like NO YOU HAVE TO STAY ALIVE BECAUSE THE FATE OF YOUR COUNTRY LIES SOLELY ON YOU i honestly think jayclaw is being way kinder here by telling her no you deserve to be happy youre allowed to do whatever you want

the *best* option here is that jayclaw or someone else tells frostdawn that if she chooses to live it should be for herself and not for anyone else. but no one tells her that! no one! frostdawn is what, just over 1 year old? shes barely an adult (in cat ages, 1 year = 15 human years, ~18 months is when they get into their 20s and by 2 years theyre actually an adult and not a junior. at 15 months like frostdawn shes like a high school graduate) and yes she should get to live! but not because her country Needs her. and between the way shes treated by the other riverclan cats and how jayclaw treats her here ill take "father in the afterlife gently reassures his dying child that she'll be okay and deserves to choose what will make her happy and what will make sure she suffers the least" over "grown ass adults tell this teenager that she Needs to save her country and everyone she loves will die if she's not there to talk to God for them"

[edwinisms]

I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term “sacrificed edwin” paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserve– considering that wasn’t really, actually their intention.

they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didn’t know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to them– a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.

teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; they’re really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.

[ludinusdaleth]

i am 100% saying this with a bias as a ludinus fan and do not consider this some canon intention (mooostly) but just in the same way lucien was a ghost of a lost m9 member, destined to be in their party but in an echo of another life, i consider ludinus, in a way, the same - if more wraith than ghost. if lucien looks at the mighty nein and swears he cant recognize them as molly screams in his head they're family, ludinus looks at the bells hells and recognizes them instantly as himself, utterly alone but not alone, as some tiny part of him in essek's voice says "you should try friends sometime", and another screams that it's far too late.

[thatonesmartkidfromschool]

Dog got put down today and the saddest I've been all day is because of pokemon angst. What the hell is wrong with me. Why can't I care.

[winepresswrath]

i am absolutely a nicki girl by the way it's just that much like show!lestat my love for him is so pure he doesn't even have to be hot. he can be an ugly crier with a floppy lil wig it only inspires tenderness.

[kyouka-supremacy]

Well.