#no one should ever have to experience this hell

[drdemonprince]

im really envious of u. I like reading your writing and the stories you tell about sex and stuff and it sounds like u have a lot of fun. I don’t no if I will ever be able to live like that. im autistic and very inhibited is probably the best word. I find it hard to meet new people and go new places. a few times I have gone to local munches but been too introverted to say anything to people and I just sit there feeling self conscious and silly. they have been really nice. but I haven’t made any friends or anything. I feel like I need someone to take me under their wing kinda and give me an in. It seems like I’d really enjoy it a lot but don’t no how to make my way in. I don’t feel confident enough to just use apps and hook up. especially as im so new to it all and dont no what im doing really. I’ve read what you say about going to the social gatherings and stuff but what if im too shy to say anything? I don’t no how to be more uninhibited but I feel like that’s what I need.

please keep in mind that I was not doing any of this shit until I was like 32 years old. up until then I was in only a handful of relationships, mostly ones I had stumbled into through no agency of my own, and I had never really lived out any of my kinky desires. hell I had barely even gone out to a club or a concert or anything on my own, certainly not very often, let alone a sex club or something like that. I had to practice socializing on my own terms, and trying new things alone and scared and finding what was valuable in them despite those feelings a lot. like many many years a lot.

I didn't really venture out into the gay bath house or any of the cruising bars until I had a partner who was interested in taking me to them. that provided me with an in and an emotionally safe anchor with which to explore. I am also indebted to friends who showed me around places like steamworks and explained to me the nonverbals of cruising, which I then went ahead and put in my own cruising guide.

to this day I still have a much better time at events like puppy play night when I go with some homies and can spend some time joking around with them and using their support to help meet people before eventually breaking off and wandering into a back room to get laid. I still routinely have nights where I will go out on my own and do very little but sip from my drink and stand around awkwardly for four hours, maybe dance a bit, and go home.

cruising is an exercise in patience. you are never guaranteed any particular outcome or experience. you work with what nature gives you, and you learn to find some appreciation in simply being there and bearing witness. 9 times out of 10 you get turned down or there just isn't a spark. happens on the apps too.

shooting your shot and getting turned down is a successful consent negotiation. everybody has done everything correctly and it ended the only way that it should have. there's nothing to do but dust yourself off, not take it as some dramatic declaration of your life worth, and go at it again.

I recommend visiting cruising spaces with a friend. and just going purely for voyeuristic and anthropological reasons the first couple times. The only way you become a person who can do this stuff is by doing it, a fuck ton of times. message a lot of people. Go to a lot of events.

at some point you have to find the very act of going to be motivating and enjoyable in some way. thankfully I am fascinated by humans, enjoy dancing, like having a little drink or an edible and wandering around, and treat it all as very valuable writing fodder. you have to find what set of motivations work for you. because it's not about instant success or gratification ever. It is always a lot of waiting and watching and wondering what the night is going to bring, and making peace that often it will bring nothing at all except for being alive amongst others.

keep at it though. start really small. I am so glad that I got to this point, because yeah my life is really interesting and sexually gratifying and fun. but it also is entire weekends of just standing around nursing a drink and doing nothing and looking like an NPC. happens to the best of us

[parker-artio]

So I saw a post about how Dick was probably still loosing his teeth when he started as Robin, but it made me think… So he just radiates the vibes that he needed braces growing up, so, obviously I feel like he needed an expander, or even still has lingual braces (since those are usually a long time thing). Which humored me for a bit, but then I started to think: Imagine one of his younger siblings need braces too, and he just FUCKS with them. Makes them think they’re about to die.

So please enjoy…

“So you will need braces…”

Damian thought his ears were playing tricks on him, this man who made barely enough money to support his family by working in a place where he poked and prodded in people’s mouths just told the demon head heir- the son of Batman that he needed braces??

Impossible. His teeth were perfect. His parents teeth were both perfect. How would his be imperfect?

As he handed his father the paper that said he would need braces he laughed a bit and ruffled Damian’s already messy hair, “You should go ask Dick about his experience with braces. He had… a time with them.”

Damian squinted. Richard had braces?

When Dick came home from the store and found a small Robin perched on the back of his couch, he didn’t even flinch. Honestly if he did flinch at this point everyone should be more worried.

“Damian, how may I help you today? Is it on helping people from breaking in? Or on how to wait till someone’s home to enter their place?” He asked placing the bags down. Damian didn’t find humor in his words as he got up from the couch and sat down at one of his kitchen tables.

“Richard, what was it like having braces?”

Dick feels a smile grow on his face. Not one of happiness. No. One of excitement. One that reminded him, this kid was (insert age from 11 to 14 here) and only started to learn about simple domestic life from a first person view (insert 1 to 4 years here) ago. But braces?? Oh. He had no fucking idea.

Jason didn’t need them. Tim didn’t need them. Cass was never considered. Duke- well he actually had no idea.

But Dick, did. Everyone knew that. There was a picture of him boldly and proudly smiling with them at 16. (Probably the biggest smile he ever made in his teenage years.)

“It was terrible!” Dick gasped dramatically, draping himself over the edge of his table. Who said Jason was the only theater kid in the family? “I thought I was going to die every day! I had to give up my favorite foods! I- *SNIFF* I had to give up vegetables!”

Damian blinks. What the hell?

[kyluxtrashpit]

NSAIDs I can survive without, even if it makes periods terrible. Caffeine though, can I survive in the sense of continuing to be alive? Yes. Can I survive in the sense of accomplishing basic things, like work tasks and cleaning and even doing fun things like hobbies? No, it’s a struggle when I’m constantly exhausted and taking 2 involuntary naps a day lmao. I had to get rid of a frying pan the other day because I let it soak in the sink for too long without actually cleaning it and it ended up ruined, cause I’ve been too tired to manage scrubbing it for over a month now. I’m sure there are people out there who can function with 0 mg caffeine in their system, but I am not one of them, not when I have a sleep disorder, anxiety, and depression constantly limiting my energy. Caffeine is the thing that can get me to approximating normal function. Also apparently it helps with headaches, cause I’ve had a headache like every second day for weeks now and I’m well beyond the point where that could be physical withdrawal. Plus chocolate tastes good and never being able to have it again is like. Never being able to see a rainbow again. Or never being able to feel the sun on your skin again, if you’re a warm weather fan. Small thing, but load-bearing. It really removes a lot of moments of happiness

My condolences on your anxiety though, cause I know how terrible anxiety can be, even though mine has rarely been gastrointestinal. But these gastrointestinal adventures of mine have left me with nothing but sympathy for those who experience it just forever because now that I’ve gotten a sample of it, I genuinely don’t know how anyone can live a fulfilling life like this. Anyone with GERD should be given $1 million a year for the rest of their lives as compensation for their suffering

So. Stomach update. As I haven’t given one here in a while lmao

After the first month of the medication (plus an ultrasound that came back normal), the reflux problems came right back so I went to another doc. He said okay, here’s more pills, take them twice a day, and we’ll also do a barium swallow x-ray. Also apparently I was being way too careful with food, so the bright side is I can eat most things again (yay) but the downside is I had to cut caffeine completely 100%. And it’s awful

Anyway. I had the barium thing yesterday (it was also awful lmao) and doc called me today with results and. Everything is normal? No signs of inflammation, polyps, GERD, any reflux at all, or an ulcer. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary

Which like. That sounds great. But while I’m not having the reflux or pain right now I still feel like I’m burping more than usual? And that was one of my symptoms. So he said to finish the pills, taking the last week of them once a day instead of twice, and then see how it goes. And never take NSAIDs again

I hope this just means that I did have an ulcer and maybe it’s just in the final stages of healing and couldn’t be seen, so once I finish the pills it will definitely be gone and I will never have this issue again. But I’m also worried cause like. If my entire upper GI and all my abdominal organs are normal and I never did have an ulcer and there’s no signs of anything else being wrong. Then what the fuck is it? Will it go away? Or is this just my life now? Cause while I’m glad I can eat mostly freely again, ZERO caffeine is just not sustainable

Idk. Maybe I’m getting worked up over nothing and it will be completely gone in ~3 weeks when I finish the pills. I really really hope so. I’m just also really worried that it will come back again and then wtf do I do cause I can’t do this forever and if they can’t find anything wrong with me, then how they hell do I fix it?

[turnedpalefromlackofsun]

i wrote a fanfic

[hana-bobo-finch]

a strange trend in my favorite characters I realize is that I tend to heavily gravitate toward somewhat obscure, antagonistic forces

[july-19th-club]

favorite type of villanous characters are the ones whose motivations boil down to

like they dont even have to have any stakes in the broader situation. they just have take pleasure in destruction

[quietwingsinthesky]

the apartmentverse urge to make the assassins weird immortals due to interacting with the apple who all survive to the modern day and have to Deal with mundane things like public transport…

[ageless-aislynn]

Friends, my time has come.

I mean, it's a shame there's no option for "you sold me a computer infested with demons and basically your idea of tech support is 'Wow, sucks to be you'" but I made do with what I had. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

guys i need to be dancing at a house party tipsy with someone im attracted to so bad btw. ive never been to a house party in real life (though id quite like to at least once) but i really have been desperately needing that specific (probably awful for me) sensory and social environment so bad lately

[arolesbianism]

I may be failing my plan to not make any isat aus. So there's this guy her name is Euphrasie right. What if I took her and combined what could be 3 separate au concepts into one. And in the process forced myself to go back and reread a bunch of shit to make sure I know how to maximally fuck over this sad wet puppy of a woman

[kirbyddd]

guess whos about to find themselves steward of a half century of irreplacable hardware🫣

half of it was literally mine anyways and i left it in the hoarder pile where i knew it could remain untouched for years til i escaped to a stable living situation where it could be set up safely.

thats... still not happening anytime soon, and may never. but the pile's gotten so much more extreme and filthy it's being actively destroyed where it is now so i gotta emergency airlift it to the less dangerous situation. scary stuff either way

[arovalentines]

i love making things poorly its so important for the creative spirit that you learn to love being an amateur

[magpigment]

i find it rlly funny when i make a character and i’m just like. tumblr would love them. tumblr would be all over this character. why isn’t tumblr obsessed w them already. and then remember they exist only in my mind :(

[unproduciblesmackdown]

already thinking "and by 'religious' really i mean 'christian'" re: how the term "religion" is not really useful when it's largely like, from a christian perspective, what is considered "equivalent" of christianity, see: perhaps a "rival"/obstacle to some person or group being considered christian....and even if not thinking about converting anyone, resulting in some at best misinterpretation / misrepresentation based on framing it through/as [element of christianity] and limiting of any more accurate language

like how tumblr recommends me a post about someone thinking about "religion" in general and concluding that it's Weird and perhaps Wrong for anyone who is a "true believer" in their religion(tm) to Not be proselytizing / trying to Convert everyone. like yeah why isn't everyone being an evangelical christian, they ought to be, benevolently informing all those around them that they're going to hell, otherwise. don't see any problem with this conclusion, or that someone's getting antisemitic in the notes already in agreement, or that That's Not How This Works and you don't just know how All "Religion" works based on considering it to be an alternate version of christianity (which in itself doesn't All work like that either)

[mental-illness-bingo]

If you think it's a personality trait or a good or even a neutral thing to hate children just fucking block me. You're pathetic and you don't even deserve for me to bother to argue with you. Enjoy your weird obsession with vilifying a group of people with next to no neurodevelopment or life experience I guess. The rest of us will be here having a real personality, a life, and being tolerable to be around.

i feel like a lot of the 'i hate kids' crowd would be more tolerant if they understood that due to a kid's limited experience of the world that 4 hour flight might just be the longest they've ever had to sit still for or that trapped finger might literally be the most pain they've ever felt in their short life or they might not have ever seen a person with pink hair ever so of course they want to touch it or nobody's told them yet that they can't run around the museum and they only just learned cheetahs are the fastest animals so of course they want to put that to the test. how were they supposed to know etc etc.

[slowlyfoggydestiny]

Soo it happen again huh