#no one knows this but my dad killed jfk

[sliceocheese]

IS YOUR BIRTHDAY ON THE JFK ASSASSINATION DAY 😭

helllllllllllllllllllll yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa >:)

[inbabylontheywept]

The Mormon Heretic Casts a Curse

So, this is a sequel piece to The Mormon Heretic and the Leviathan. @apolloendymion requested that I write some more of the stories, and this is another one. I'm going to put a trigger warning here that the story does involve partner abuse. Not from the heretic, but just... as a detail. Also, I guess, some medical stuff that involves death. It's Old Testament shit. Take it as you will.

Mormon seminary has four separate courses about the four separate parts of their canon. It’s on a constant rotation, and my particular ordering was Old Testament, then New Testament, then Book of Mormon, then Doctrine and Covenants. 

I got the Mormon Heretic for my OT year, which is 100% the best year I could have possibly got him for. And, also, absolutely the worst, because at that time I was a very orthodox Mormon, and this guy couldn’t have fucked with my brain worse if JFK’s dad gave him an icepick and a waiver. 

At that time I had an abysmal understanding of the OT, and to call my experience with it jarring would be an understatement. I learned that Elohim is a plural word. I learned that OT God itself doesn’t deny the existence of other Gods, and in fact relished challenging them to contests. The whole experience was so insane to me that I stayed after class one day to ask the teacher how he managed to bridge the divide between the OT and the NT. They're insanely different theologies, and he really refused to mince words about it.

He listened to my concerns, and I cried a little because I was fourteen and beginning to realize that there was something fundamentally wrong with the religion I was born into, and when it was all said and done he said that tomorrow he would teach the story of how he squared away the differences between OT God and NT God. 

And he did. 

I can remember having a sense that something was strange when we arrived at the building. There was a crosswalk where the exiting teenagers would pass the entering teenagers, and normally people would discuss the lesson as they passed. The group we passed just looked shell shocked. 

I sat down. The class arrived. Heretic stood up, and went to the front of the class, and he began his tale: 

He had a little sister that got married at nineteen. She then started making visits to the hospital. 

He, like his family, assumed that she was just clumsy. He was clumsy. He’d had multiple surgeries on his shoulders and his elbows and his knees because he kept doing dumb things to himself.

She was not clumsy. Her husband was beating her. 

She got a divorce. Heretic was old when the story was being told - I think in his early sixties? - and the divorce went shockingly well for the time. Sister was not blamed, husband was ostracized from both families, and life found a way to continue in its slow way. 

Heretic was, at that point, a new teacher in the Church Education System (CES). He was trying to be a spiritual guy, and teach spiritual lessons, but he just wasn’t doing a very good job because he was really, really, murderously angry with the guy that had hurt his sister. 

Sister had moved on. Or, he thought she had, he was hardly telepathic, but he felt like she’d let go and started her life anew, and her parents had supported her, and even her in laws had supported her, and things should have been easy to let go of, but they weren’t. And every day that he tried to let go, he got more and more angry, and every day he tried to pretend he was fine he ripped the wound wider, and one day he taught a spectacularly bad lesson and came home and wanted nothing more than to kill the man that had beat his sister. He instead said a prayer. I cannot quote it verbatim, but this is very, very close to what was said. “God, I know that I must forgive to be forgiven, but I want nothing more than to see that animal choke to death on his own shit.”(I know for a fact that the choke on shit part was in it. It is not a common thing to hear a seminary teacher say “shit” in the middle of class. It is also integral to the rest of the story) If this was a book, there would’ve been an immediate result, but instead Heretic felt a strange peace, grabbed ahold of it like a lifeline, and resolved to go to therapy. Which is how he got into Jungian analysis. Finding therapy in the deep South in 1980 was pretty wild. Jump cut forward to the early 2000s. Heretic has moved on. Sister is remarried. He is at peace with the world, but he gets a call from his sisters old in-laws. 

And the in-laws say that yes, they have ostracized the abuser for the last twenty years, but they got a call from him a few hours ago to please, meet him at the hospital, because he was sick. 

And the abuser was, in fact, very sick. He’d been vomiting for days. The doctors couldn’t figure out why, but they knew that at the present rate, they were running out of time. He was going to have some kind of exploratory surgery as a hail Mary, and the guy wanted a blessing first. 

And so the family had gone to Heretic, to ask him if he would be willing to bless the man that had beat his sister. It is one thing, to feel like you have forgiven someone enough to move on, and another to wish good things upon them. But Heretic had spent years and years in therapy, and he developed on an incredibly spiritual path, and he said that yes, he would bless the man before the surgery. 

And he did. 

The surgery found that the man had a benign mass in his colon. It wasn’t spreading, but it had grown large enough to prevent food from going around it. Without an exit, things had built up back to the entrance. The man was throwing up because there was nowhere else for the shit to go. Worse, during the surgery he thrown up and some of the mix had managed to drain back into the man’s lungs. He survived the knife, but the combination of fecal matter and acid inside his lungs had created an infection that he failed to survive. He drowned in his own fluids. 

He drowned in his own shit. 

Now, at that point, the class had no idea where this was going. We were a bunch of children, hearing a story about this insane divine retribution, but the Heretic continued. 

And with tears in his eyes, he told us that God had answered his original prayer only after he had fully and truly forgiven that man. That if he’d wished death on another human being in anger, in rage, and then received it, it would have damned his soul, but that as soon as he was at peace, as soon as he could wish life and love upon the man that had wronged his kin, justice could be brought down. And be believed it, with his entire heart. He spoke about how God wants to give us what we want, but that he loves us so much that we will not give it to us until we have reached the point where it is not poison to us. We will have our revenge, but only when it is meaningless to us. When the only lesson that could be grabbed from it is that God heard us the first time, and held back out of love. Then, we will see those who had wronged us choke on their shit.  

The bell rang after that, and we left the class in a daze. When we went across the crosswalk, no one spoke a word to the students crossing the opposite way. We were all too busy thinking. 

[kennedycore]

do u think jfk was pressured to be president

This is a tricky question to answer but I'll try my best:

Joe Sr. was originally grooming Joe Jr. to be president, and he was the one who was going to run for congress after WWII, not Jack.

So, at that point, I don't think it crossed Jack's mind at all to run for office. Joe was designated as "The One" and their dad was going to spend all of his efforts into getting Joe Jr. elected.

According to his friends, Jack originally wanted to be a journalist or a historian/author. He wrote his first book, Why England Slept, went to fight in WWII, came back and had a stint as a foreign correspondent travelling around Europe and writing political articles for Hearst Newspapers (which you can read on the JFK library site).

However....

We do know that Joe Sr. severely messed up his kids by making them hypercompetitive and cut-throat with each other. Joe Jr. literally died because he couldn't stand that JFK, his younger brother, was regarded as a war hero after PT-109 and he wasn't, so he took on an insanely dangerous mission in a last effort to be heroic and ended up being killed during said mission. That absolutely was influenced by the fact that Joe Sr. had high expectations of Joe Jr. in politics, and Joe wanted to earn medals from the war for his future career and father's pride.

The common belief is that after Joe Jr. died, Joe Sr. shifted his hopes of a Kennedy presidency to JFK, who was very uncertain of what he wanted to do in his life. He briefly tried being a reporter, like I mentioned earlier, and then quit and entered politics.

Jack graduated with a degree in government and had always described politics as "a noble profession". So maybe the interest was always there? But he just didn't think of it as a reality since the spotlight was on Joe Jr. Ultimately, no one really knows.

Personally, I do think he was pressured, whether directly or indirectly by his father, to become president. Maybe he would've entered politics if Joe was still alive and took on the role that Bobby had later on, of being "the second in command", but had Joe Jr. lived, Jack in my opinion absolutely would not have been president.

TLDR: Too complicated to give you a specific answer since it involves factors like Joe's untimely death - but in my opinion, I think he was pressured by his father since Joe Jr. wasn't around anymore to fulfill their father's dream of becoming president, and Joe Sr. was hellbent on having a Kennedy become POTUS.

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

The Kennedys

Almost as we go back in time, in the beginning, the Kennedys were like the American Royal family, and we praise and liked by a lot of people, they had this liking and following, they obviously also had the other side, this happens with politics all time and we’re always given a certain agenda.

So I think you have to go do your own research, and find something in between the narrative you can see both, in one saying which I like to say is two things can be true. So what I wanted to talk about was the Kennedy curse.

The Kennedys were a big family who grew up in around Long Island, and the East coast of America, Jack Kennedy had a few sisters, one of which could rosemary, who then you could not be any sort of crazy, and it was all sort of branded is the same kind of, they were either schizophrenic or hysterical, hysteria.

Where is there is more labels which is a good and bad thing, but I think more of a good thing because, things get treated for different ways, if I’m being honest, a lot of mental health has not improved as well. Help with your mental health seems to be really hard.. Rosemary Rosemary, not acting how a Kennedy should, she skipping school, meeting with boys, and just doing normal teenage things. You’d probably call her nowadays, autistic or BPD.. but nothing out of the ordinary. anyway the father secretly has his daughter a lobotomised and this is another sad fact, ladies is 80% of lobotomy patience were women. so the evil dad gets her lobotomised for these behaviours that weren’t even that you know, for that time, maybe for that class also.

Anyway, he keeps it a secret from the family  years later to come ! But they talk about the Kennedy curse , two of the Kennedys , died in praying crashes along with JFK’s son his mother didn’t want him to die and wish was for him not to get on an aeroplane of course , like every other story . They must have deep family trauma that didn’t get solved in their lifetime ,,,,, and then two of the brothers to get assassinated . So this thing is real .

So as per usual lobotomy failed of course . And then the family didn’t visit her from many years later and until because I were kept in it it was kept a secret even the mum didn’t know .

But they were all about keeping up appearances , and very popular in there , establishment , and obviously . I can’t even imagine how the mum must’ve felt like where has my, the same time I’m thinking and I’m bombastically side eyeing the mum, she must’ve known. unless he said I’ve sent her off to a camp and only I can talk to her because that’s what those generations were like back then.😭🧐🤨😫 poor rosemary though, I hope she had a better life in a care home. Then around those sick fucks.

Then JFK Junior, he had a tumultuous relationship with his lady friend, were on an off for many years, soulmate kind of relationship, like very heavy karmic, which led them both, being killed in a plane crash, with him his wife and her sister. I even think how good-looking JFK Junior is when his parents weren’t that good looking, but he got the. Best Both of them. But their relationship was very erratic and they have arguments in the street and he have his dog and his bike..

[brothermoth]

See I need to share my dad's lore because someone needs to study this man like a bug. We plan to donate his body to science so a bunch of medical students can see the most brain damage a person can possibly have without losing major bodily function.

Now, my grandparents moved around a bit when their kids were little, but my dad spent most of his childhood in rural New York and the middle of bumfuck nowhere in a cottage (it's a shack, make no mistake) on the shore of lake Erie. His parents did not know what the fuck he was doing at any given moment. This guy was diagnosed with ADHD in the SEVENTIES. Do you even know how bad he had to be to get diagnosed in the 70s??

He was a menace of a child but his parents put him in tball instead of getting the little bastard some much needed Adderall. He was super athletic all his life (didn't pass those genes on to me, unfortunately) but this also went along with deeply concerning injuries in the way every boy in the 70s had at one point or another.

He has:

-had his EAR ripped almost completely off while playing middle school football — he duck-taped it back on and it just kinda healed itself

-fell into a storm cellar backwards and got knocked out when he was like 5

-been hit in the head by a hockey stick and knocked out

-had his head smash through a wooden door playing floor hockey in gym class

-broke his leg that one time and then tried out for his highschool wrestling team with the cast on (he got on and ended up being captain)

-broke his thumb and didn't tell anyone, then had to have it re broken at the doctor's

-got knocked out in at least 4 fights

-had his knee replaced in his early 30s, drove himself to the gas station to buy a 12 pack, then fell down the stairs with said 12 pack, smashed half the bottles, and popped stitches out

-broken the same toe at least twice; the nail turned black and fell off the first time

-broke his nose falling out of bed like three months ago

-lost a tooth playing hockey

-cut the tip of his thumb off with a hand saw while camping; duck-taped it and continued camping for another 3 days

-has had at least 20 fishhooks caught in his hands

-had Bell's Palsy a few years ago (he was fine he just couldn't eat soup for a while and it was hilarious)

-had too many drinks and burned off his fingerprints on the side of a mini fire pit (the kind that looks like a paint can), laughed about it, and went golfing the next day with huge blisters on his fingers

~~~~~

I'm missing so many. So many. It's a miracle he reproduced. He has so much brain damage but he's fine, he just ignores it.

~~~~~~~~~~Robert's Greatest Hits~~~~~~~~~~

[In Boston] "Oh yeah that used to be an IRA bar. I think I'm still banned for getting into a fight."

"You know my buddy REDACTED? Yeah he got electrocuted once. Almost died, I visited him in the ICU a couple times, he's fine now though."

"I went into a gas station in rural Florida once, super hungover. My buddy went in and came out with tears in his eyes saying don't go in there, so of course I had to. Guy at the counter had a wooden peg leg like a pirate, and there was a nail screwed in. Attached to the nail was a chain and at the end of the chain was a super sickly looking chicken. Weirdest thing I've ever seen, I think."

"You know that plane crash that killed JFK Jr? His girlfriend he was with—i dated her in college."

"Who's that singer? Dupa Loopa or whatever"

~~~~~~Unhinged Information~~~~~~~~

—his childhood babysitter was the actress who now voices Eda from the Owl House (I've met her twice she's very nice. I fell down the back steps of her mom's cottage once)

—He used to bring home water moccasins (y'know, the venomous snakes) and show them to his very terrified mother

—they had a golden retriever named Toby and nobody can remember if she was a boy or a girl

—while cleaning out the basement he found his ID card from the World Trade Center when he went for a business trip...ON AUGUST 10TH OF 2001

—he lived in Boston in his 20s and took a bet while absolutely hammered to run the Boston Marathon, did it hungover and placed like 200-somethingth

—ate a spider by accident one time because he thought it was a bread crumb from his sandwich

—will drive out of his way just to see car accidents

—man's a sympathy vomiter

—will pet literally any animal. If it's small and sweet he's immediately just ready to commit a crime for it

—likes to pick fights with cops but only if they're rude first. He has gone to court to fight 14 dollar parking tickets just out of spite (and somehow he always talks himself out of it)

—swears to god he's seen aliens

—has hardcore puzzle autism. He'll stay up until 1 am just to get 12 more pieces and will finish a 1200 piece puzzle in a day

—also fish autism I swear to God

—you can put this guy in the middle of nowhere and he somehow always knows where north is

[omaegorverse]

could you give us a timeline for the omaegorverse? i've been studying the family tree for a solid 3 days now (genuinely a few hours a day it's becoming a problem) and i need to know more. oh beloved oracle satisfy my craving for insane asoiaf aus tell me moreeee

OK listing the history below seperated by kings

have maegor era from the 40s to 66 AC, peak omegafication dark evil era everyone's a little scared. several harsh long winters. jaehaerys viserra daenys born. getting raised poorly. jaehaerys is beaing beat, viserra is the golden child, daenys is viserys' comfort doll. maegor has cemented his rule and has rhaena on his side through hostages.

jaehaerys i era 66 through 92. got leadership beat into him by maegor. viserra is gotten herself kicked out of the westerlands (married into the lannisters, killed her husband and his mother to have blood magic twins, pissed everyone off) and is now girlbossing through the riverlands married into harrenhal. in 77AC viserys and daenys do a dragon dream murder suicide at the god's eye. jaehaerys has six kids with his wife maris hightower. she kills him cos his dick led him to hole (a hightower bastard) which led to their daughter dying (the bastard convinced him to wed their daughter maegelle to lord hightower).

aegon ii 92 AC through 99 AC. in his mid-twenties when he ascends to the throne. his reign is mostly marked by a civil war between him and his twin brother aerion, mostly over their sister helaena who aerion kidnapped (helen of troy.) they both die fighting above dragonstone.

viserys i 99AC through 120AC. DYNASTIC CRISIS after aegon dies because one of aegon's wives (daenaera velaryon) locks herself and her children (including aegon's heir) in dragonstone and a great council decides on aegon's brother viserys inheriting as king regent. marked by aegon's other wife jocasta lannister's consolidation of power to back the inheritance of her sons with aegon over daenaera's. also marked by viserys' insane wife alyssa arryn going ham with a priestess of r'hllor

120-128 PRINCESS REGENT DAENERYS TARGARYEN. she swoops into power as regent for aegon's descendants via daenaera in order to curb jocasta lannister. pretty good queen. more jocasta power-grabbing, + her son jaehaerys

128-136 aegon's grandson daeron i turns 14 and asks his great-auntie dany for the throne back please. he's a bit sheltered and is here for glory doesnt care much for rule or power. does a dorne conquest, assassinated by jaehaerys who, while daeron was doing war, had been consolidating allies at court. jaehaerys killed daeron while daeron was at his peace wedding with the princess of dorne. red wedding teehee. all secret of course, officially it was dornish rebels who wanted to stay independent but like everybody knows it was jaehaerys

136-144 jaehaerys ii son of aegon ii finally gets his throne. has like two dozen kids. originally his faith wife was alysanne tully and his blood wife was aerea bastard daughter of helaena and aerion, but aerea died and he remarried to viserys i's blood magic baby alysanne targaryen. has several concubines. his kids are a powder keg and he gets JFK'd by his daughter elaena, whom aerea died birthing

144-147 short reign of aegon iii. his elder brothers viserys and maegor were also JFK'd and he was stuck with the throne. hamlet if his dad was claudius. his younger brothers aemond and aerys cause problems for him. dies of over-exhaustion trying to solve the JFK mystery and also rule the seven kingdoms and deal with his horrible little brothers

147-184 reign of aerys i targaryen. religious fanatic groomed by the faith in love with his half-sister. his reign is marked by sharp shift towards faith of the seven. in 168 the faith pretty much fully wrest control from him (aerys' bastard nephew hugor via prince aemond siezes power and becomes high septon) and convince him to set up the 'faith protectorate' which makes him something like a constitutional monarch and puts the faith devout in control. his reign is marked by civil war. the north secedes in 161 AC, dorne is ruled by daeron i's sister daena who is masterminding rebellion, and the hightower declares war on the high septon and aerys which yes sounds insane but theres reasons. aerys ends up deposed by his son daeron. also the faith protectorate and aerys actually do a lot of pro-peasant stuff and removing power from nobles and thats a lot of the reason why they rebel.

184-204 reign of daeron ii. daeron is the third son of aerys and after an attempt to rescue his sisters from the maidenvault (yeah i had aerys make a maidenvault. aeyrs i baelor on steroids) got sent to a septry in the stormlands but his mother snuck him out and into dorne where daeron i's sister daena is wed to the prince of dorne. goes to war with his father and wins, forces him to abdicate. reign marked by fixing his father's mistakes and getting beat up by remnants of the protectorate loyalists. his wife gets merked and he gets domed but survives with some brain damage. his son baelor mercy kills him

204- reign of baelor the bloody. son of daeron who gets his epithet when aged 9 he kills some assassins/rebels when they attack the red keep. doing his reign and family now so its iffy, but he's married to rohanne martell the rosy dawn epic queen. cheats on her with a twink and she kills the twink. not sure on his death

im gonna keep the family tree going till 300AC when turbo-long night hits and everyone gets blowed up. anyway hope this helped lmfao im sure its VERY confusing 😭

[plssendbones]

does the kid from joyboy have a name? I love that song so muchohmygod. also I know you mentioned that your characters lore wasn't really that important but if possible can we at least get an idea of it? ^_^ I love your music so much btw/nf

Joyboy fella does not have a name yet- (only characters from my songs up to the quick brown fox have names)

I DO PLAN TO HOST ANOTHER LIVE STREAM WHERE WE NAME THEM HOWEVER!!! I wanna do that after I finish the next song I’m working wwwwwwww.

As for character lore there isn’t much but here’s a few random facts

- the doll from twister belong to a boy in a once family of five. The boy was the only survivor from the tornado and the lyrics from twister are basically him having survivors guilt.

- the guy from wiretap is in prison for tax fraud

- smile for them silly has a dad and a brother! Her brother hates both of them!!!

- cautionary girly met tsublinky when she was going to write a story about them but they ended up becoming friends and are now dating. (Charlie isn’t that good of a person but tsublinky tries to help her become one)

- I killed JFK girly is autistic and is the cousin of Joyboy the boy. They don’t talk to often, they have their own problems and are trying to get through them.

- The quick brown fox manly man is apart of a larger story but he has a friend named coral. (they look like this)

The whole song also takes place in Damian’s dreams (that one part where he was in bed was when he was awake)

- the woman from my proclivity is basically the mother figure of the group of tense and contempt people, despite some of them being older then her. She likes snakes and Law and Order.

- DUCK DUCK GIRLY, is an arsonist and former member of the marine core. She once was on a ship by herself, the boat didn’t survive.

- joyboy the boy is trans, he has his own problems and acts in a way beyond his control. He’s getting better tho

- Existential undead (the first) was based of the vocaloid Vivi, she was s singer with imposter syndrome.

- Existential undead girly (the good one) was friends with Vivi, they are no longer friends. She is a singer with imposter imposter syndrome.

THATS ALL FOR NOW.

[beardedmrbean]

Oh yeah the king family thing, it’s not like there was this big assassination of a very important person in Dallas who had the nickname Jack and it shook the world…who might have ended the Cold War sooner.

And his supposed killer was murdered before he was even questioned

And another character who filled his position wasn’t killed as well…

Okay allegedly it was the cia, but the FBI really think that the King family would buy their claim after wire tapping MLK own fucking home and sent that letter saying he should kill himself?

Oh and the Malcom x thing, I mean when you are a powerful figure that left an extremists group saying that white people was made in a lab by a bitter black guy. Not shocking who killed you

(Got a feeling the government payed NOI to do that hit?)

And Anna Frank thing, I presume her diary came out in the 50’s. Given that people had a panic about Pixar Turning Red the Asian female mc had LE GASP hormones(not to mention she tame af compare to the….less that ideal stuff I see women in fandom make) lords knows how many fathers and mothers would have heart attacks learn that their “innocent” daughters might be doing private if they read Anne Frank unedited diary

Fuck I sound like I’m on Epstein list

Oh yeah I heard about that academic paper, I mean leftist basically made the black version of birth of a nation with women king. And the majority of radfems goes uncheck and they have positions of power in institutions.

We only learn about the horrors the Nazis did, not the fact they had a “eat the rich” as the left don’t want to admit a lot of Jewish people that Hitler targeted was well off

Oh yeah the king family thing, it’s not like there was this big assassination of a very important person in Dallas who had the nickname Jack and it shook the world…who might have ended the Cold War sooner. And his supposed killer was murdered before he was even questioned

For some reason I read this like 3 times and each time even though I knew it's JFK you're talking about my brain added a "Ruby" to Jack, which I suppose works since jack ruby is the guy that killed lee harvey oswald.

The X-Files did a episode where they went into a lot of different stuff that CSM did, if you know the show at all.

"Musings of a cigarette smoking man" It's a really good one, actually works as standalone that you don't need to know anything about the show to enjoy.

Mallcolm X stuff is nuts, I don't think the feds bothered with him though, it's farrakhan all the way there. If there was a firm move towards improved race relations he might just lose his cash cow, it's not just politicians that profit from the status quo, look at any social movement out there who's original stated goal was achieved.

Title IX and the Civil Rights Act should have been the stop and then nothing else legislative needed, but nope that didn't happen.

1948 for the Diary, there was just a lot of sexual stuff, bisexual to be more specific I believe, talk of her period, things you would imagine a girl that age would be talking about really, like you said, but not in 1948 you don't get that published around the globe then.

I'm good with keeping the sanitized version the one used in schools too, at least till college maybe I don't know.

We only learn about the horrors the Nazis did, not the fact they had a “eat the rich” as the left don’t want to admit a lot of Jewish people that Hitler targeted was well off

You also aren't going to learn that there was quite a bit of socialism mixed into the nazi deal, collectivization, hitler youth indoctrination centers where you learn that your duty is to your fatherland and your fuhrer,

My dad sings in the chorus for the local symphony, guy in it was hitler youth, said it was like a summer camp, but he was part of a group that did tours and sung patriotic songs so he lucked out, also lucked out that his mom kept him home from that last trip.

But ya there's a lot of that they can't bring up today, because it looks too much like socialism (because it is) weren't before because socialism bad nazi bad was good enough, for the most part.

Should have done better on that sadly ______________

Sorry this took so long I was facetiming a friend I never really get to do much more than text with.

[hoodoo12]

Foul Play

If you haven’t heard of it:

“ Foul Play is a digital, immersive, improvised comedy murder mystery game from the minds of folks from Broadway, tabletop gaming (Dimension 20, Dungeons and Dragons), and comedy (Upright Citizens’ Brigade, The Phoenix). Think of it as “Clue,” but improv comedy, but “Sleep No More,” but digital. “

The one I bought a ticket for was "The True Real Life of Real Life People", a murder mystery set in a reality TV show. Alex Brightman was the "host" and many other actors including Rob McClure played characters who came back to the show for a "special reunion". Like a murder mystery party, no one had much time to prepare who they were playing and had to open cards to find out more information about themselves and the plot. Then they--and the audience--had to work to find out who killed the victim.

What I discovered it that with twelve different cameras + so many characters it is hard to solve the mystery of ‘who done it’, but it was silly fun to watch with lots of laugh out loud improv.

There’s a discord server where people can talk (mostly just repeating funny lines so no one missed them, lol) and solve the mystery. I personally gave random updates to another Beetlejuice fan who wasn’t watching it, so I’m sure it seemed super weird without context. That was part of the fun, so you get them too:

It is weird af and I don't really know what is happening, so I am just watching Alex and Rob

It is improv and as we know, Alex is really good at it 

His character is Jimmy F. Pop. Someone said, "Jimmy, fuck--" and he replied, "No one has used my middle name in so long! James Fuck Pop."

Now there is a zombie apocalypse, lol

ROB IS MAKING WEAPONS

He is going from room to room for weapons!

Now he had a sieve as a helmet and a garage can lid as body armor

Now Alex is laying in a bunkbed like he is in a coffin

Alex just said, "I am Jimmy Fuck Pop corn and I don't care"

His character has extreme daddy issues

HE IS SO SWEATY

He mistakenly called someone else Jimmy. That person called him out and he said he was recently diagnosed with narcissism

"We as men are a nightmare."

"She is a motherfucking zombie."

Now he is painting his nails for why?

NOW WHITE NAIL POLISH ON HIS FACE FOR WHY

Redneck uneducated Rob is trying to save everyone even though he "just heard his mom eat his dad over the phone."

NOW HE JUST DROPPED HIS CHARACTER AND SAID HIS REAL NAME IS ALEX BRIGHTMAN A CHARACTER HE'S BEEN DOING FOR YEARS AND IS NOW SAD HE CAN'T DO A MENAGE A TROIS

"Time for a makeup tutorial at the end of the world. Chose black. The color of anger. The color of lust. The color of ants. This will be our little secret: I killed JFK."

He just asked for a show of hands would like to eat Rob's ass

A DOUBLE CROSS?!!?!

IT'S ALL TWISTY

(I did not guess the killer correctly but that's okay. It was a fun way to watch improv weirdness on a Friday night)

[cutepastelstarsalior]

Cooke high live blog part 3 (final)

Episode 9

Joan house burn down :(

Abe for some reason wants to help solve conflicts??? That’s new.

Joan and Cleo having to share a room!!

Dr calling him, Mr b, and the robot dog family <3 their so husband coded. <3

Ghandi and jfk trying to peep on the girls…. :/

Joan don’t call Cleo a slut and whore that’s so mean, and you know, bad.

Is it just me or is this show getting more and more sexual?

THE HUSBANDS ARE FIGHTINGGGGGGGGG!!!!!

Is both cute and interesting to see Abe trying to act like his clone father. It makes me wonder if all the clone have some sort of internal struggle with trying to hold the expansion with the originals? I know Joan was wondering if she’s hear voices like her mother…

This post is getting to long

Episode 10

I think these episodes on Hulu are out of order…. Episode 9 was supposed to be before 8, and this one; 10 was supposed to be after 8….

……,Ponce is giving me bad vibes. Like, I think he’s going to kill himself vibes…

JFK getting defensive when Ponce tries to be emotional and talk about feeling. It’s neat to see how angry jfk gets, like on a psychological level…

Did this dude actually die from littler????? I’m mean technically he drowned in his own blood….Wait. That makes me wonder, when a clone dies, would the government just like, revive or recline the clone? Because the clone is of a famous person, I don’t think the government would be that willing to let the clones die..

Doc. Dude let the man grief/say goodbye to his son.

Something something jfk trying to sleep in the coffin with ponce…something something grief and love and poetry….

I forgot that ghandi was accidentally sent to jail…

JFK crying!!!! Him seeing the ghost of his dead best friends!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH nice. Nooooooo jfk wishing for his friend back 🥺🥺🥺

Awe cleo comforting jfk

Hmmm don’t know how to feel about the jail rape stereotypes…..😬

“He was white and privileged” wow. Never thought I’ll heard that from a show from 2003? Interesting.

Joan gives Abe a frohead kiss :) Abe gives a forehead kiss to jfk :)

Episode 11

Omg a Christmas episode :0

“It’s been a year since the United Nations abolished religious holidays in favor of the non-offensive all inclusive snowflake day” what……wait didnt one episode it showed ghandi reading a scroll?

Cartoon holiday are cool :)

Why is their winter clothes only scarfs???

Abe having to clean dishes…:mood. :/ why don’t their job have one of those big dishwashers?

Holy shit??????? Omg my gi why they have Abe eat glass???? Why did I find it funny???

Mr b lounging on a bear rug <3

Kind of what to see fanart of Abe with scars on his mouth…

:0 claymation!???!!!!

This world feels slightly dystopian. Cars greeting assistants? A holiday to get rid of the other holidays that was successful in a year???? Clones??? 👀

Joan thinks of her, her grandfather, Cleo, and Cleo’s mom as family :)

Interesting to see Abe with anger issues

DID JOAN PUT FUCKING RAZOR BLADES IN THE FOOD?????

God please tell me there art of Abe with scars.

Episode 12

HELEN OF TROY???????? Greek mythology/greek gods are real??

The random gore is sometimes so jarring….

Makeover time whooo!! :)

Marie having a crush on ghandi is cute

Whoo jfk helping ghandi!!

Forgot to mention this, but the background colors for this show is cool. They usually solid colors a lot, and it’s mostly either cold colors; blue, purple, green; or warm colors of red, yellow, pink, and orange too. It’s cool :)

I didn’t know. I didn’t know you didn’t have a mom. Iconic.

Why is abe and Cleo in a gradient void?

Interesting to see Abe being confused on his feeling for Joan or Cleo. It does feel a bit random tho…

Episode 13

Last episode babyyyyy!!!!! Oh thank god. These post is so long…

Did…did Abe get a different foster dad? I swear he looks different…

👀 oh hey it’s all the pass side characters/antagonists!!! Cool

Joan and jfk having an emotional but random talk is neat.

Doc stabbing the actor in the eye….then wore the bloody very Carrie of him. (I never seen Carrie)

Did ghandi make out with 10 guys?????

Pounce’s ghost with Jesus????

Conga line will save the day

Stamos and the doc were total exs…..

:0 gasp Joan and jfk made out

Wow. That how it ends. Everyone frozen in the meat locker.

Hmmmm. I can see why this show was popular, but I can also see why it faded out of people’s memories. It’s a 13 episode show from 2003, there not a lot to talk about.

The show is decent. You have to get over the black humor/racist jokes, lots of sex stuff, and random gore, but AFTER those, it’s pretty ok? I think the only people that had like, character development was Abe and maybe Joan?

Season 1

4/10.

[phantoms-lair]

ReDMC 4 snippet (Ashley finds out)

Leon breathed a sigh of relief as the last Ganados fell, then went about the annoying task of pulling the axes, machetes and pitchfork from his body. Sure he could have dodged them, but any weapon embeded in him was one that couldn't harm - he heard the click of a gun. Ashley.

Ashley stood on a corner of the room, pointing his own gun at him with trembling hands. "You're one of them." She accused.

"Rude." said Leon, putting his hands up. At this point he knew didn't have much to fear from conventional gunfire, but his gun had been modified for demon. But it was his own fault. He'd gotten used to working with people in the know and forgot how disturbing watching him fight would be to an ordinary girl. "I am one hundred percent parasite free, I'll have you know."

"Then what are you?" Her voice was still shaking, as was her arms, which compounded her own atrocious trigger discipline. He couldn't blame her though. She must have been so scared when her rescuer turned out to be another monster. And truthfully he didn't think telling her he was a demon would make her feel any better. Time for a half truth. "I'm what you get when super soldiers have kids."

"Super soldiers?" Lovely bit of sarcasm in her voice.

"My Grandfather." Leon continued, gracefully dropping to a crosslegged sitting position on the floor to look less threatening. He'd had lots of practice trying to be none threatening. "Created by this psycho named Mundus to basically conquer the world for him. Except Gramps said nuts to that, wiped out Mundus's army and got Mundus locked up for life. Met my Grandmother, and had a couple of bouncing baby boys who were capable of doing things grown men shouldn't be capable of, much less children. Grandma must have been a saint." He wished he'd had a chance to meet her, even if she wasn't his actual grandmother, Dante had made her sound like a amazing woman.

"Sadly, Mundus being locked up, not dead, came back to bite the happy young family as he sent an assassin to murder Grampa. Now Grampa was pretty much invincible in a straight fight, but against an assassin sent by the person who knew all his weaknesses? Grampa died and Grandma tried to run with the boys but the assassin eventually caught up with her too."

"Neither of the brothers were in a great place after that. Dad became a mercenary. My uncle got taken in by a bastard promising revenge and got himself killed. Dad went into a depressive funk at losing his last living relative and went on a blackout drinking bender that, nine months later, produced a new relative. Me."

They were out of history of the 'Redgrave' Family and into the carefully crafted story he and Dante had come up with. "When she found out she was pregnant, the woman went back to the bar, but Dad had only been passing through and the bartender didn't know where to find him. After birth she decided nine months with me was enough and put me up for adoption. A while later Dad passed through town again and heard he had a kid. He tracked her down, she wrung him out. But as she didn't want anything to do with me, she couldn't tell him where I was."

"Dad eventually tracked me down and saw I had been happily adopted by a nice normal family that didn't have to worry about assassins or the type of enemies mercenaries make and decided maybe I was better off without him. At least until my first day at work, which was the last day of Raccoon City's existence."

"You were there." Ashley's voice was small. She must have been a child at the time, but the destruction of Raccoon was a major thing. Kid of like what his adopted parents said the JFK assassination was like for them.

"Yeah, and it's where I had to face that I wasn't normal. I was always a little stronger, a little faster, healed up quicker. But there, with my life on the line? Normal and I parted ways permanently. It terrified me, but it let me pull more survivors out that I could have otherwise." Ada, Ben, Sherry, Claire. Without the strength of his demon side who knew if he or any of them would have survived. "Dad met me afterwards. It was like looking into the future and seeing myself in twenty years, the resemblance was that strong. But I have answers. And you do too. So can we continue this rescue, or are you going to try and kill me with my own gun?" Ashley still looked hesitant. "You could have gotten this gun from me at any time, couldn't you?" "Probably." Leon admitted. "But I don't like.. acting against other humans." Ashley raised an eyebrow. "I'm 3/4th human, That still counts." "And how human are those?" She gestured to the Ganados he's killed.

"Zero. They're the corpses of humans being manipulated by a demonic parasite." "Demonic?" "Don't tell me it doesn't fit." Honestly, like with Hunnigan, he'd rather anyone else give the 'surprise demons are real' spiel. He was trying to convince them he wasn't going to turn on them, let someone else bare that bad news. "The point it, by the time the parasite matures, the host is already dead." "And if I was infected, would you kill me?" "If you were infected with the egg or larval stage I'd move Earth and Hell to save you. As an adult- is that really what you want?" He gestured to the dead ganados, many of them with the parasite tentacled form slumped where the person's head used to be. "Is that what you really want to be your final disposition to be? Remember at that stage you're already dead and it's just the Plaga using you as a skin suit."

"I don't want any of this." Ashley screamed.

"Neither did I," said Leon quietly.

[crazy56u]

Tonight should be fun; not only can I actually see the episode live for the first time in weeks, but it’s a time loop episode, so my friend already hates it on principle!

Welcome to the Hellivator: 1962 Edition.

"Yeah, everything looks good, no explosions today."

Gotta give Ben props, though, he knew on sight he had to salute.

Why are you berating the janitor, Robert Picardo?

"You are now in our state of the art control room, if you needed proof this is 1962."

"Today isn't about me, Melanie." Robert Picardo set up the bomb, calling it.

Buttons and do-dads caused Chernobyl, Picardo.

Being in 1962 at ground zero of Not Chernobyl = Quantum Leap

JFK had a busy life in Quantum Leap. He gave his moon speech the day the experimental reactor exploded, he ended the Cuban Missile Crisis the same day a kid almost shot his neighbor during a blackout, and Sam almost shot him in Dallas.

"Gotta split", the rough draft for Jimmy Neutron's existence.

Robert Picardo has shitty luck: He dies the same day the reactor explodes.

Flying cars by 2000, good fucking luck.

I love how slowly they're realizing all those deaths were a cover-up.

Time to nuke this shit.

"Why is the coolant draining?" Why did the government cover up all your deaths? Think.

And show's over, roll credits!

"Why is Ben flatlining?" Why did the reactor explode? Think.

Addison, calm down, the episode just started, Ben ain't dead yet.

Take 2! Ben, you're the Glasses Man now.

"Eugene, you feeling okay?" "I just got exploded?!" "... ... ...kay."

"What kind of 'Groundhog Day' is this?" The kind involving nukes, keep up.

"Obviously, we are dealing with a time loop. Ben just said that."

I love how Ian immediately realizes what's going on after one recursion.

Welcome to the reactor, it's still blue.

"When this nuclear reactor reaches activation, you're gonna see some serious shit!"

"We think you're in a time loop." "That's impossible. I mean, I know I just said I'm in one, but, you know, fuck you!"

Magic just flat out summarizing the plot of the episode in case you didn't get it from the promo.

So, of course Janis is still being held prisoner.

Look, Janis, two birds, one stone: You fix the time loop, you tell Ben to trust no one. Everyone wins!

"Okay, how do I save everyone's lives this time as Eugene... Run in screaming like I detected a fire at a movie theater, got it!"

"Look, if I don't have a pen, we all die!"

"Look, I know Kennedy does a speech, do not fuck with me, we don't have the time!"

Ben, you are acting super fucking suspicious.

"I pulled everything I could on time loops. You ever hear of 'Source Code'?"

I am just waiting for the episode where Ben does a leap, and afterwards, time has been altered, and Janis has just been part of the Project from the start, and no one else notices.

"Hey, Ben, I found the bomb!"

"Okay, Ben, disarm the bomb!" "I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT!"

"That's it?!" Ben, there's 44 minutes left.

There's death #2!

Take 3! Melanie, get banished into the Mirror Dimension!

Addison is about to murder Janis in cold blood.

Translation: This situation is so rare, they couldn't do it in OG Quantum Leap.

"Where was Ziggy two explosions ago?" "Jen, shut the fuck up about Ziggy, she's still trying to remember how to talk."

Ben, don't talk to ghosts in the elevator.

I still think Robert Picardo planted the bomb. I mean, one in five chance, I got good odds.

"Our facility is the safest! It won't ever explode more than five times!"

"You're not passionate about clean energy?" "It's 1962, what the fuck do you think?"

Eugene looks and sounds like he killed someone in Reno just to see them die.

Okay, so, theory: What if the person who planted the bomb wasn't on the elevator? There was a secret sixth person who got off after everyone else got on?

Okay, if this place is a front and Robert Picardo is a transparent holographic piece of shit, then yep, he did it. Watch me be wrong!

"There you are! How'd Ben explode the third time?"

"I'm glad Ben didn't die... but why does it feel like he did?" ...you answered your own question.

It would be awesome if somehow, during this heart-to-heart, Ben died five more times.

Ernie Hudson really wants Scott Bakula to come back to the show, and you can take that to the bank.

Take 4! Robert Picardo's taking a piss break, Ben, get in there!

"Look, I know you hate me, we need to speed through this, there's a 60% chance I didn't actually plant the bomb, we got NO TIME!"

Controversial Opinion: Coffee is poison no matter what you do to it.

"Look, I should be the one playing Addison! ME!"

Watch as Janis just fucks them over anyway.

"Ziggy doesn't think Ben can leap into the same person twice." Ziggy forgot Jimmy LaMotta exists.

Ben, why the fuck were you openly talking to her in the middle of the room?

Take 5! Janitor Time!

"Control, the janitor's acting suspicious."

And there goes Robert Picardo's lower back.

"Welcome to Quantum Leap, what you thought was Groundhog's Day was actually Rashomon, get fucked."

I love how Addison is now just openly pointing out the plot holes.

Also, Ben loved "Rashomon" more than Addison. Fact.

"How dare you talk about blowing up a nuclear reactor to a ghost!"

"Look, maybe if we just shut this down, we're fucked, pack it up and go home."

...so, Ben should've just opened that letter on the first go around.

"Kill the project or I will. Hugs and kisses, You Know Who."

"What's going on?" "Saving the fucking day!"

...I'm actually kind of sad Eugene was the bad guy. I was joking with that Reno comment.

"You're smarter than you look. I said it once, I'll say it again."

...so, because they were gonna take the Project away, Robert Picardo decided to sell out. Baby.

"Loo, I hate nuclear weapons, just let me blow us all up!"

...so, Ben accidentally caused the nuke in one go around, hot damn...

"Look, you think blowing up a nuclear reactor will change shit?! I'm from the future, bitch! LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT CHERNOBYL!"

Okay, to be fair, he aimed for the shoulder, that's what we in the business call an insurance policy.

"I will miss this song." Just Spotify it.

...Ben, don't compare yourself to Eugene. He wanted to cause Chernobyl, you want to save Addison's life. Calm down.

And cue Janis causing shit indirectly!

I'm calling it now: This technically proves my theory correct. Ben is gonna leap into Magic, and get Janis onto the Project.

"Look, I just wanna be friends, so here's a plot point- (EPISODE ENDS)"

[Next Week: Ben leaps into 2012, and has to do a Very Special Episode.]

Seriously, I think they just set up the plot of the season finale with Magic's talk with Jen...

[Also, this post is late because my internet conked out without me knowing.]

[porciaenjoyer]

HII . uhm do you have any cool booth facts .... i think his Interesting & sometimes have thoughts on him but many so i would like to know YOUR thoughts about him. also heresa charles j guiteau fun fact because i apparently do have thoughts about that guy. his dad believed he was possessed by satan which then spurred him to go "no actually im gods special guy he talks to me & im going to preach a new gospel". also he chose an ivory handle for his gun to kill garfield because he though it would look prettier in a museum. weird guy

first of all YEAH guiteau was so weird. they (booth, guiteau, czolgosz, and oswald) were all such strange individuals and the same goes for like. everyone who attempted to assassinate a president. there have been some really weird attempts in general too! a guy planned to crash a plane into the white house to kill nixon but it didn’t happen and the plane never even took off. another guy decided not to kill jfk after seeing him with his family. then of course there were the attempts against jackson (jackson beat the guy up) and theodore roosevelt (shot right before a speech, gave the speech anyway) and ford (two attempted assassinations in the span of 16ish days) …. and a lot more that i don’t care to mention.. but hm yeah this reminds me where the hell is the encyclopedia of assassinations that i ordered from thriftbooks. i have no idea when it’s going to be delivered.

my coolest and most favourite booth fact is that in 1864, booth and his two brothers edwin + junius brutus jr starred in a production of julius caesar. this was the only time they all acted together. the play was just for one night to raise money to build a statue of shakespeare in central park (side note i’m going to see that statue in march!!!!!!!!). stay tuned for my booth website if i get more time to work on it bee tee doubleyou..

[liothediabolus]

Transcript copied from @cat-ghost​

"Wait, there's time in the afterlife?" Striped shirt guy asks with a hint of confusion.

Two men are inside what appears to be a white room, sitting at a table. The subject of the video states; "You get one minute in the afterlife to ask any question you want."  

The man in a striped shirt speaks first, "When does the time start?"

The guy sitting across from him in a suit replies without hesitation, "It already has."

Suit guy nods before adding, "Here there is, yes."

"Wow," The other guy exclaims while glancing around. "Uh, okay —"

"—Fifty seconds," Suit guy suddenly reminds the other.

"Okay, uh... so there's an afterlife." Striped guy states more than asks which is quickly followed by a response from suit guy.

"Yes."

"Uh," Striped guy elongates the vowel as he thinks up a question before quickly asking. "Are aliens real?"

Suit guy quickly replies with, "Yes."

"Did they crash in Roswell and —?"

"—Nah, no." Suit guy interrupts, shaking his head lightly.

"Okay..." Striped guy softly tetters off before perking up quickly at another thought. "Okay, did my dad love me?"

"Yeah," Suit guy says gently while nodding.

"How many pounds of hair did I grow in my life?"

"Eighty-five pounds."

"How many, uh, pools of pee did I fill?"

"Point eight percent of an olympic size pool."

"That's it?"

"That's actually a huge amount."

While glancing behind him, striped shirt guy asks. "Is my grandfather here somewhere?"

Suit guy let's out a short burst of air with amusement, almost like he wants to laugh. "No."

"Did I ever have a shot at hooking up with a celebrity of any kind?"

"Yeah."

"Who?"

"Arianna Huffington."

"Who killed JFK?"

Without any hesitation, suit guy replies swiftly. "It was a secret service agent in the car in front of JFK. He hears the shots from the book depository, and he turns to fire toward Ozwald, and he gets JFK through the head."

"What is the craziest thing that has ever happened in the entire universe?"

"David Blaine."

"If a tree falls —"

"—yes." Suit guy quickly fills in with a roll of the eyes.

"Is the moon landing a hoax?"

"No."

"Should I have gone to law school?"

"Yes!" Suit guy explains while throwing his hands up.

"Okay, there was this time," Stripe guy starts while looking at the table as if trying to form the question into a coherent sentence with his hands, "when I was a kid and I had this bowl of corn puffs, and I remember there was another spot next to it and —"

Suit guy starts nodding, "It was bird poop, yes. You ate bird poop."

"I knew it!"

"Did my girlfriend cheat on me?"

"No."

"Did she know I cheated on her?"

"She does."

"Will I go to hell for that?

"Yeah."

"What!"

"What?"

Striped guy's voice raises even more, "I'm going to hell!?"

"Yeah."

"For cheating on my girlfriend?!"

"Among other things," Suit guy explains.

"What other things?!"

"Like, jay walking. Uh," Suit guy elongates the vowel while looking away, thinking of what else. "You had impure thoughts. You cussed a few times."

"Uh, well," Striped guy strains for a follow up question, stumbling over his words. "When you're in hell is there a way to get out of hell?"

"No," Suit guy says quietly before speaking up at a normal tone to remind the other how much time is left. "Fifteen seconds."

Striped guy sighs heavily, "Are there other dimensions?"

Suit guy nods, "Mhm."

"Did I live a good life?"

"Uh, it was okay — middle of the road. Like a four out of ten."

With a smile, Stripe guy follows up with, "What's the smartest question I can ask in this situation?"

"It's that one."

"God." Stripe guy exclaims with exaggeration in his tone. "Uh, did I have a soul mate?"

"Yeah, her names Heather. She's from Denver. You guys have never met."

"Did we... ever come close to meeting?"

"You're at a Black Anges Steak House. You had like back-to-back booths, and you just never turned around."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Santa Claus."

Stripe guy smiles again, "Really?" His voice sounding in awe of the idea.

"Nah, not really."

Striped guy's brows furrow, tone in now disbelief. "So, you lied?"

"No, yeah," Suit guy sounds like he is suppressing a laugh again, "I was making like a joke. I'm allowed to make jokes from time to time."

"Have you lied about any of the other stuff?"

This time Suit guy sounds a little meek, "No."

A short moment of pause fills in the gap before striped guy starts to question all of this. "Am I... actually dead?"

Suit guy starts to smile while leaning back a little. "Okay, no."

This results in stripe guy looking around again, more confused than ever before. "Then where am I?"

What was once perceived as a white, never-ending room crumbles away — revealing itself to be a makeshift box the entire time. A woman approaches looking irate, stomping over, along with a camera and mic guy.

"You cheated on me!?" The woman asks, voice uneven.

Suit guy swivels in the chair to face toward the viewer, "That's right!" He proclaims while standing up. "You're on an episode of PERVETORY." He continues to walk away from the couple while speaking, "The show where we catch real life cheaters with fake afterlife confessionals." On screen images pan between the woman and striped man while suit guy is still speaking, "We drugged you, dressed you, dragged you to this park, built a box around you, and interviewed you. All to find out the truth." Sounds of photos being taken resembling mug shot sound effects can be heard. "The truth that you're a cheater."      

The video suddenly rewinds back to moments later where stripe guy is asking if his girlfriend knew he cheated on her. The audio replaying multiple times before some funky tunes start playing, cuing in the credit scenes.

"Tune in next time for more PERVETORY."

[bigavidmostallsportsfansaftyco]

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[coopercythedog]

I have a dream A song to sing To help me cope With anything If you see the wonder Of a fairy tale You can take the future Even if you fail. Sam Carmichael. Bill Anderson. Harry Bright. Gentlemen, I have to go. Thank you very much. Take care. Morning, Rodney. Taxi! JFK, please, as quick as you can. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I missed you. Oh, no... We're... - We're... ALL: Sophie, Ali, Lisa! We're the greatest, bestest mates! I'm tough. - I'm tall. I'm tiny. - ALL: And we're gonna rock this place. Sophie, it's beautiful. - I want one. He did well, didn't he? I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm so glad you're here, because I have a secret and I can't tell anybody else. Sophie, you're knocked up? - No! No! No! I've invited my dad to my wedding. You are joking! You found him at last? - No! No, no, no, no, no, not exactly. Okay. You know what my mom always said when I asked about my father. It was a summer romance, and he'd gone long before she realised that she was expecting me. And I'd always kind of accepted that that's all I'd ever know. Well, I was ransacking some old trunks and I found this. It's the diary she kept the year she was pregnant with me.

Sophie! 'July 17th. What a night!' I don't know if I want to hear this! - I do! 'Sam rowed me over to the little island.' That's here. That's Kalokairi. 'We danced on the beach, and we kissed on the beach, 'and dot, dot, dot.' What? 'Dot, dot, dot.' That's what they did in the olden days. Stop it! 'Sam's the one. I know he is. 'I've never felt like this before.' Honey, honey How he thrills me Honey, honey Honey, honey Nearly kills me Honey, honey I've heard about him before I wanted to know some more And now I know what they mean He's a love machine Oh, he makes me dizzy Honey, honey Let me feel it Honey, honey Honey, honey Don't conceal it Honey, honey The way that you kiss good night The way that you kiss me good night The way that you hold me tight The way that you're holding me tight I feel like I wanna sing When you do your thing So this guy Sam's your father! - The plot thickens. 'All this time, Sam's been telling me he loves me, 'and now he's announced that he's engaged, 'so he's gone home to get married, 'and I'm never going to see him again.' Poor Donna. 'August 4th. What a night! 'Bill rented a motorboat, and I took him over to the little island.' Bill? Sophie, wait. - Hang on. 'Though I'm still obsessed with Sam, 'Bill's so wild. He's such a funny guy. 'One thing led to another, 'and dot, dot, dot.' 'August 11th. Harry turned up, out of the blue, 'so I said I'd show him the island. 'He's so sweet and understanding, I couldn't help it and 'dot, dot, dot!' - Dot, dot, dot! Oh, my God! - Here come the bridesmaids. Donna! Look at you! God! Stop growing! You sound like you're having fun already. - Oh, we are. I used to have fun. Oh, we know! Honey, honey Touch me, baby Honey, honey

I'd heard about you before I wanted to know some more And now I'm about to see What you mean to me I'm trying to get to Kalokairi. When's the next ferry? What? - Monday. Bollocks! - Yeah, my sentiments exactly. Bride or groom? Bride, although I've actually never met her. BILL: Ahoy, there. You guys need a ride to Kalokairi? Excuse me, coming through. I have a senior citizen with me. Thank you. My mother needs a perch. Mother? We're the same age. Yeah. Well, parts of us are. Sailor. No. TANYA: Oh, he has your book! Oh... Stavros, Stavros. Stavros. It's just a fish. You are so clever. We're going to look fabulous tomorrow. I want the perfect wedding, and I want my father to give me away. Better be a wide aisle. I will know my father as soon as I see him. Sky! Come here, gorgeous. SKY: Put me down. I'm getting married tomorrow. Please be careful. So? There are pins in the dresses. What do you think? Oh, yes! 'Oh, yes.' If you had your way, it'd be a three-minute wedding in jeans and T-shirts, washed down with a bottle of beer. You make me sound so unromantic! I just thought we should save our money for travelling. Well, we're not going anywhere yet. Anyway, please leave. We're very, very busy. I'm just getting some props for tonight. LISA AND ALI: Ooh! For his bachelor party. Why haven't you told him you've invited your dads? Because he would say that I'd have to tell my mom. Donna's absolutely gonna kill you when she finds out. By the time she finds out, it'll be too late. I feel like there's a part of me missing, and when I meet my dad, everything will fall into place.

BILL: More open! HARRY: I'm on it. I'm on it. That's good. That's it. Come on, Cleopatra. My shoe! Will you look at what the tide washed in? For one night. - And one night only. Donna and the Dynamos! - Donna and the Dynamos! Look at you! You baby! - Look at you! You look fantastic! You look like an old hippie! She looks fab. These are new, though. Where did you get these? Husband number three! Dynamos! Dynamite! - Dynamos! Dynamite! ALL: Sleep all day and... All night! TANYA: So, any men at this wedding? Gorgeous Greeks of independent means? Here we go! Husband number four! No! Not for me, for her! - He's coming! For her, now that her book is a bestseller, and she's got the whole world stuffing, what, mushrooms? Various vegetables? It's time to find Mr Right! Oh, please. Boring! Great couple of role models you two are for Sophie! A serial bride and a little hermit over here! That's me! I'm a lone wolf! So, when are the lovebirds flying the nest? Oh, God! Who knows? You know, I do not know what is going on in that child's head sometimes. She wants a big white wedding, and she and Sky are making all kinds of plans for the hotel. Sometimes I think they'll never leave. Yeah, but do you really want her to? Well, I want what's best for her. Of course not! Sky! Come meet my backup girls. Backup girls, my ass! TANYA: Backup girls, my ass! He's the leading man at tomorrow's shindig. SKY: The lucky man. - Hello. You must be Rosie. - I am. How are you? - Very well. And you must be Tanya. I've heard so much about you. - All bad, I hope. Yes. - And all true. Donna... Here, let me get them. I know who you are. You're Bill Anderson, aren't you? Bloke in a Boat in Botswana. - Yes, I am. You know, your books are a godsend on dull business trips. Now, I may look like I'm pondering my securities, but in reality, I'm trekking across some remote corner of the planet. You should try it for real sometime. No, certainly, I'll never be the spontaneous adventurer. You're a close friend of Donna's? No, I haven't heard from her for 20 years. SAM: Really? - And then this invite, out of the blue. You know, that's a coincidence, neither had I. Going about! - You got it! Right. Wait... I've got it. Fine. Fine. You should have brought the iron lung. Why did I wear stilettos?

Auntie Rosie! - Hey, hey! Look at Sophie. She's gotten so beautiful! - I know. Come here to me. Sophie Sheridan, you get more gorgeous every time I see you. You do. I bet you don't remember me. - Not with all that plastic surgery. Of course I do, Auntie Tanya. You haven't changed at all. I'm so happy for you. - Look at my baby, her whole life ahead of her. Oh, please, I'm getting married. I'm not joining a convent! She's feisty. I love that. - Yeah. She's a chip off the old block. If she were more like me, she wouldn't be getting married at 20. Or married at all. I meant to get the laundry down before you came. Tanya's going home! And you'd think with all this new technology, they would figure out a machine that would make the beds. And if they did, you'd be going along behind it, making them again. I know you, Mom. But I am good at modern... Tell them about the Internets. He's gonna put me on the line. - Online. SKY: I'm designing a website. I just think this place has so much potential, and no one knows we're here. So, if I market it really, really well, then, hopefully, people will come flooding in. We just want this to be the ultimate romantic destination. This was once supposed to be the site of Aphrodite's fountain, you know, the goddess of love. And if you drank the water, you were supposed to find true love and perfect happiness. I'll have a glass of that. - Yeah, I'll have a bucket. TANYA: Aphrodite's spa? Well, I thought you didn't want boatloads of tourists. Oh, no, not boatloads, no. But, you know, a few more would be nice. Okay, now, the thing about the toilet, if it doesn't flush right away, just go and come back in a while, and it should... Nothing works around here, except for me. I've been running this hotel for 15 years, and I have never had a day off. Oh, my God! Sorry. I work all night I work all day To pay the bills I have to pay

Do you feel it? The earth moved, darling. We're falling apart here. Don't think about it, come on. Let's go have fun. Tanya's packed for a world tour. Oh, Donna. Donna! Does she wear it or floss with it? TANYA: Floss you. Is it edible, Tanya? Listen to this. 'The world's most luxurious moisturiser 'contains flakes of 24-carat gold 'and extracts of donkey testicle.' You're just jealous. At a thousand dollars a dollop. Tell you, that's the price you have to pay if you wanna drink before 11:in the morning. And we do. - We do. Hi. May I help you? Sure, we're here for the wedding. I'm Bill Anderson. - Huh? I'm Bright, Harry Bright. Sam Carmichael. You are expecting us? Oh, my God. Yes! You're not Donna's daughter? I thought you looked familiar. Sofia. It's Sophie. - Well, Sofia is the Greek. Well, I'm named after a Sofia. I used to have a great-aunt living on the mainland named Sofia. Would you mind if we see our rooms before we see your mother? Sure. It's just that I'd quite like to freshen up... before the big reunion. No! No! I mean, yes, but come this way. Come on! Oh, my God! I got a crack in my courtyard. I gotta go fix it. Hey, listen, Donna? Donna. - I'm serious. Move. Sit down! She won't let me go! - I know... I know you're going to make a fortune with web's... 'With web's...' - With Sky's site. I know you're gonna make a fortune with Sky's website, but... - It's good. Are you gonna be okay until then? I think Tanya is offering to pawn her bling.

No, seriously, Donna... - Oh, my God. Do you need a loan? - No, sweet. Oh, God, I'm just whining, you know me. I don't need to be taken care of. Yeah, but are you being taken care of? What do you mean? - Are you getting any? Oh, you mean... Down, boy, down, boy. No, it takes too much energy. Yeah. Just more plumbing to be maintained, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, God, I'm so glad that whole part of my life is over. You know, seriously. I do not miss it at all. Then it's just right here. Good. Where's Donna? Hey! Okay. Up you go. Hmm. You know, I don't want to seem ungrateful for the scenic tour, but might I be shown my room now? Well, don't hold your breath, Harry, but I think this is your room. Can we see Donna now? I sent the invites. My mom doesn't know anything. Well, she's done so much for me, and she's always talking about you guys and the good old days, and I thought, what an amazing surprise for her that you are all gonna be at my wedding. Hang on, Sophie. I can't be here. The last time I saw your mother, she said she never wanted to see me again. That was years ago. Please, it would mean a lot to me. Listen, I can see that you've been to a great deal of trouble. Might I suggest that we all reconvene on your boat? Good idea. - Nope. Why? - It's an adventure, Harry. It's good for you. - Oh, I see. Okay, when I sent the invites, it was a long shot that you'd even reply. And now you've come all this way for a wedding. Surely there must have been some special reason for you to be here. Like some siren call, maybe? You're a little minx, you know that? You're just like your mother. I'm glad my boys haven't met you. They'd never recover. You have sons? - Yes, two. And someday, I'd like to bring them here.

no, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen, she can't know. I'm going to go. Please stay. Promise me that you'll not tell anybody that I invited you. Okay? Promise? You got it, baby. - It's a promise. I might regret it, but okay. - Okay. There wouldn't, by any chance, happen to be a trouser press on the island, would there? Harry? Bill? I was cheated by you And I think you know when So I made up my mind It must come to an end Look at me now Will I ever learn? I don't know how But I suddenly lose control There's a fire within my soul Just one look and I can hear a bell ring One more look and I forget everything Mamma mia Here I go again My, my How can I resist you? Mamma mia Does it show again? My, my Just how much I've missed you Yes, I've been broken-hearted Blue since the day we parted Why, why did I ever let you go? Mamma mia Now I really know My, my I should not have let you go

Thanks for the mamma Mia script