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Rafe was so hot this season. Need more of him plsss Can you do Topper sister reader getting caught touching herself and then they start sexting and she ask him to fuck her? reader is 18, of course!
I have a few more Rafe requests in the work. Please keep them coming, I miss this man (and JJ!!)
Warnings: 18+, smut, brother’s best friend, sexting, daddy kink, protected p + v,
—
Rafe never bought your sweet and innocent bullshit you put up in front of people. He knew that under your appearance, under the preppy clothes, the big doe eyes and the angelic laugh, you were anything but innocent.
Him and Topper have been friends for over ten years, and have been hanging out almost everyday. He watched you grow two feet taller, and when your little girl body turned into a woman’s. He saw you. He studied you.
It wasn’t until that afternoon the boys came back from the golf course that Rafe had his confirmation. Topper told him to use your bathroom since the main one was being reconstructed, thinking you weren’t home, but when Rafe walked into your room, he saw you naked on your bed, humping your pillow. It wasn’t just any pillow. It was the one with the face on it — a pillow pet, you had called it. The nose of the turtle was rubbing perfectly on your clit, drawing out the softest whimpers and mewls.
He watched for a few seconds in silence as you rocked down on the pillow back and forth, a smirk curling on his lips.
‘’Having fun here?’’ he said in a teasing tone, snapping you out of your bubble.
‘’What the fu—’’ You turned around, startled, and saw Rafe standing in your doorway. ‘’Rafe! What are you doing in my room?’’
‘’Just needed the bathroom,’’ he explained. His eyes trailed down your body, seeing it for the first time. ‘’Didn’t know you were busy.’’
You threw a plushie at him, hitting him square in the chest. ‘’Get out!’’
Rafe laughed and obeyed, closing the door behind him. ‘’If you want to do some naughty things and not get caught, you should lock the door.’’
୨୧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖୨୧
Since that afternoon, Rafe couldn't help but shift his eyes to you whenever you were around. Now that he knew what was underneath the skirts and girls tops, his imagination had free rein. He was careful, though, making sure your brother never caught on —Topper would kill him if he knew the things he was thinking about you. He made it crystal clear to Rafe and Kelce: you were off-limits.
You didn’t care about your brother’s rule though. Rafe was your brother’s hot best friend. Every girl in Kildare was begging to get in his pants — and now you got it too. But it didn’t cross your mind until the other day when he walked in your room. Maybe it was because you’d always known him, seen him as a kind of second big brother. But now? That image had changed, and there was no going back.
One evening, Rafe was hanging in his bedroom, ready to go out with nowhere to go since Kelce had bailed on him for a Tinder hook up. The asshole. Rafe was annoyed, but there was nothing he could say to make Kelce choose beers over sex. To be fair, He would choose sex too.
He had texted Topper, but he was at Ruthie’s, which meant Rafe was completely on his own tonight. He’ll probably smoke a bit of weed and watch some porn later, a cozy evening. But Wheezie was still home and Rafe promised her he had quit smoking.
As he waited, his phone buzzed on his bed where he left it. Rafe picked it up, confused when he had received a picture from an unknown number. It was a faceless girl in a delicate sheer pink cami, and her tits looked fantastic. He frowned as he typed ‘who’s that?’. Must be a mistake.
A reply came five seconds later.
You: You don’t recognize my tits Rafey?
Instantly, he knew it was you. It was a nickname you gave him when you were younger. No one but you called him that — Rafey.
Rafe: How did you get my number?
You: Stole it from Top’s phone 🤭
Rafe: Naughty girl
You: Did you like it?
Rafe: Like what?
You: My pic! 📸
You: [picture attached]
It wasn’t the same picture. Not exactly. This time, your sheer cami was pulled up and your tits were completely out.
Rafe cursed and ran a hand through his hair. How did that happen? It was clear that you sent this picture with the intention of initiating something with him. But why was this happening now? What made you go and send him a picture of your tits tonight? You never flirted with him before, or showed signals that you were interested.
He reached down to rub himself over his pants as he typed a reply.
Rafe: Fuck those are nice 🥵
You: They’re cold…🧊❄️ Can you come warm them up?
Rafe had to do a double take when he read your message to make sure he hadn’t misread it. Can you come warm them up? It was right there on his phone screen. He looked down at his pants, tented and tight, and groaned. He wasn't sure if he should go through with this or not. Did he want to go to you? Absolutely. Should he break his best friend’s trust for a good fuck?
Rafe: As long as you warm me up too.
He sent a picture of his tented pants, which he was incredibly hard under.
You: Waiting for you 💕
୨୧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖୨୧
When he arrived, Rafe turned off the truck’s headlights and made sure the neighbors didn't see him. The lady that lived in front of the Thornton house was a country club member and loved to spread gossip around. It wasn’t unusual for him to be at the Thornton’s, but Topper’s truck was not in the driveway.
The last thing he needed was her spying through her curtains.
You were sitting on your bed in a pair of panties your mom didn’t know you owned and your pink cami, waiting for Rafe to show up. Tannyhill was seven minutes away, he shouldn’t be long.
‘’Hi, Rafey,’’ you greeted with the most innocent smile and doe eyes.
Rafe shook his head, tsking. ‘’Uh, uh. Don’t play that game with me.’’
Your lips curled into a smile. ''Took you long.''
He rolled his eyes. ‘’What’s the hurry? Are your parents coming home soon?’’
You shook your head. ‘’I’m just so fucking horny.’’
Rafe laughed out loud. He never heard you speak like that, so raunchy and bold.
You stood on your knees and lifted your cami off, leaving you topless. Your nipples were peaked and pretty, as if greeting Rafe. ''Are you gonna come and warm them up?''
No need to ask twice. Rafe pulled you onto his lap and put his large hands on you, groping and playing with your tits. His calloused fingers kneaded into the soft flesh expertly. He found your hardened nipples, pinching and rolling them between his thumbs and forefingers, causing you to whimper at the sensation.
‘’You like when I give your tits attention, uh?’’ he murmured, his breath hot against your skin.
You nodded, shifting so your needy cunt would come in contact with Rafe’s rock hard erection. He noticed what you were trying to do, and a smirk played on his lips before he attached them to your neck.
‘’Can't get enough?’’ Rafe asked between kisses. ‘’Didn’t know you were such a needy little thing.’’ His hips rocked up into yours, grinding his thick cock against your clothed cunt.
The friction sent sparks of pleasure shooting through your body, making you whimper and cling to his shoulders. ‘’Rafe.’’
‘’I'm going to fuck this sweet cunt until you can't walk straight,’’ he promised darkly, nipping over the sensitive spot where your pulse raced, making you gasp and arch into him.
You’ve thought a lot about Rafe touching you these past days. You knew from overheard conversations with the boys — and talks around the island — and that he was experienced, that he knew how to please a girl. He had a reputation. And goddamn he didn’t disappoint.
One of his hands left your breasts to slide down your stomach, slipping beneath the waistband of your panties to rub over your folds...which were slick with arousal. Rafe groaned. ''Fuck, you're already soaked.'' He rubbed slow circles over your clit, feeling how swollen it had gotten. ''Did you grind on that turtle of yours before I arrived? Turtles are an endangered species or some shit, can’t torture them like that.’’
A laugh bubbled out. ‘’Rafe…’’
‘’What?’’
‘’Don’t want you to make me laugh. Want you to fuck me,’’ you said, looking right into his blue eyes.
Rafe raised an eyebrow, holding your gaze. ‘’You want my cock, babygirl? Want me to fill this pussy up real good?’’ His fingers dipped lower, teasing your entrance before pushing inside.
Your walls clenched around him.
‘’Rafe…’’ you whined again.
‘’Okay, okay.’’ He kissed your jawline sweetly, then removed his hand from your panties and swiftly stripped them down your legs. ‘’Might keep these as a keepsake,’’ he joked, holding your lacy thong.
If you hadn’t been so horny, you would have argued with him to get it back — you didn’t have many and you really liked this pair —, but all you could think about was the beast in Rafe’s pants pounding into you and making you scream. He could get you on your fours like a dog or fold you like a little pretzel if he wished.
You just needed him.
You reached for his belt and worked to unbuckle it, but Rafe pushed you back and told you to bend over your vanity. His request surprised you, but you complied. The cool air on your wet cunt made you shiver. You never tried that position before.
You could hear the sound of Rafe undressing — the rustling of fabric, the undoing of a zipper and the clinking of his belt buckle on the floor. You wanted to look at him — at his cock, more precisely —, but he was already behind you, a hand on your back, making you lean down lower, and nudged your legs further apart.
The air leaked out of your lungs in a squeaky rush when he pressed the tip, gently tearing through your tight walls. The sensation had you gripping the edge of your vanity.
‘’You okay, baby?’’ he asked with genuine concern in his voice.
You nodded. ‘’Y-yeah.’’
Once the first uncomfortable thrusts passed, you forgot about the initial pain and felt the pleasure flow through your body. Rafe gripped your hips tighter, fingers digging into your soft skin as he picked up pace. The vanity creaked, a rhythmic beat that matched your increasingly frantic movements.
Your tightness enveloped him like a vice as he pounded into you mercilessly. Christ, you felt incredible. Each deep stroke dragged a gasp from your lips, and he reveled in the sounds of pleasure you made.
''You feel so fucking good, baby,'' he grunted, gripping your hips and digging his fingers into your soft flesh. ''Is this what you wanted when you stole my number through Topper's phone? For me to fuck your tight cunt?''
Tears were pricking your eyes, your mouth hanging open while wanton sounds kept spilling out. ''Yes, Daddy!'' you uttered out.
The word slipped without noticing, sending a jolt straight to Rafe’s cock, making him throb inside you. ‘’That's it, baby,’’ he growled, even more turned on. ‘’Let Daddy know how much you love being fucked.’’
He pistoned into you harder, the force causing your breasts to bounce with each thrust. The obscene slapping of skin against skin echoed through the room, adding to the soundtrack of your other sounds. It looked like a scene straight from a spicy booktok romance.
Rafe brought a hand around your neck, forcing you to look up. “Look at yourself.”
You lifted your eyes to the reflection in the mirror. It was a view that was erotic. Seeing yourself nude and flushed along with him, and feeling it at the same time was nearly mesmerizing. The look on your face was hazy, strained, and blissful, eyes half-lidded and lips parted. You locked eyes with Rafe through the mirror, and he kissed below your ear.
Behind you, sweat was sticking to Rafe’s smooth chest, but he didn't slow down. He must have really good stamina. You locked eyes with him through the mirror, and he kissed below your ear.
‘’Are we putting on a good show?’’ he asked, his voice hoarse and low. His words made your cunt clench around Rafe like a vice. He threw his head back with a groan, his whole body tightening. ''Fuck, you're gonna cut my blood flow if you keep squeezing me like that.''
You wanted to stop, but you couldn’t. You had lost all control of your body, gasping and clenching and rutting hard against Rafe until you came with a drawn-out moan. You shivered through your orgasm and Rafe's steady thrusts.
When he started to shake, you swallowed hard and found your voice. ‘’Come on, Rafey. Fill me up. Cum deep in my pussy, Daddy!’’
That pushed him over the edge, his whole body spasming, cock forced all the way in and filling up the condom. Your chest heaving, trying to catch a breath as he rode out the high, grunts and groans leaving his lips.
You've never heard anything sexier.
When he was finished, Rafe pulled out and stepped back, leaving alone on your wobbly legs. You started to lose balance, and quickly grabbed the vanity's edge.
‘’Shit, you good?’’ Rafe asked, his tone hovering between concern and smug satisfaction.
You gave a small nod. You just needed to sit.
His eyes scanned slowly down your body. ''Fucked you that good, uh?'' he said with a smirk, teasing.
You shot him a playful glare, going to sit on your bed. ‘’Fuck you, Cameron.’’
Rafe laughed as he removed and tossed the condom in your trash. ‘’Just did, Princess.’’
God. Could he be more exasperating?
He checked on the way back, reading something that made him frown. ‘’Eh, I gotta go.’’
‘’Now?! We just fucked.’’
Although this was a casual fuck and that it’s usually how it ends, you didn’t want him to leave right after. You didn’t expect him to cuddle, but you had hoped he would stay a little. To talk or watch something on Netflix.
Rafe dressed quickly, explaining that Wheezie needed to drive her to her friend’s house because Rose’s car was not starting.
Before exiting your room, he called your name. ‘’You sound so pretty when you cum.''
Your cheeks flushed and you hid your face with a pillow. ''Rafe...''
The corners of his lips curved into a smug smile. He wasn’t done. ‘’Oh, and I liked when you called me Daddy. It's hot.''
—
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#rafe cameron x reader#rafe obx#rafe cameron#outerbanks rafe#rafe x reader#rafe outer banks#outer banks#rafe fanfiction
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Looking out for you
Summary; Rafe has the best intentions, despite not acting on them in the best way.
Warnings; mentions of sa, use of drugs (weed), angst, arguments, stalking, obsession, Rafe being nice, soft sweet sex with Rafe, fem oral, multiple orgasms.
You’re sat on your bed scrolling through Instagram when your door crashes open, a blinding mess of dirty blonde hair flying into your room.
You know immediately that it’s your brother, as he’s the only one who would fly into your room with no invitation- and your parents were away in Rome for the summer, leaving you and Topper to fend for yourselves.
Topper takes a seat on the edge of your bed, chest heaving like he’s just ran a marathon, cheeks flushed.
You perk an eyebrow, locking your phone and looking over at him. “What do you want Top?”
He raises a finger at you, other hand clasping his chest.
“Cmon Topper, I don’t have all day.”
He gulps, nodding his head before trying to talk.
“So I was at a party with Rafe and I stepped away for one second to answer Rhi’s phone call and when I came back he was fighting with JJ Maybank,” he pauses, swallowing. You sigh, not sure what this has to do with you, until he continues.
“I only overheard the end of the conversation but to sum it up they made a bet, about you. Who could sleep with you first- and I know that’s fucked but you’re my sister and I had to let you know so now you-”
“Wait, what? Fucking what?” You ask, incredulous. He nods his head, sharing the same confused face you’re sure you have.
“I don’t have anymore details, but now you know if either of them try anything.” He looks at you, finally able to breathe properly. “Don’t let them try anything, okay? Rafe is my best friend but he’s not a good guy.”
Your mind is racing with thoughts- JJ Maybank, a name that sounded familiar, but left a small distaste on your tongue. You couldn’t put on where you’d heard it from. And Rafe- Rafe fucking Cameron, your brothers best friend who you were absolutely sure hated you.
“Topper, what the fuck?” Is all you manage, and he nods his head again. “I know, I know it’s fucked and that fucking pogue better stay away otherwise I’ll beat his ass.”
You immediately connect the dots.
“What, as in thee pogue JJ? Sarah Cameron’s pogue friend?”
“Yep.”
When you were friends with Sarah, before she went off to be with those pogues, she had introduced you to them and you could remember one of them acting really weird around you. The more you thought, the more his name sounded familiar. It was the creepy one.
Your mind is racing and you groan, head falling back onto your head board. Men.
“Okay, thank you for letting me know Top. You can leave now.” He looks shocked for a second, before nodding, standing, and leaving your room, shutting the door behind him.
-
The next morning when you wake, and check your phone, you see a text message from your friend, Maddison. She’s invited you to a little shopping spree on the boardwalk, and who are you to say no?
You could do with some shopping.
It’s when you’re getting out of the shower and wrapping your towel around your body that you hear something clink in your room. You know your brother is out on his boat, as he is every Saturday- so who the fuck is in your room?
You grab your hairbrush off your sink, hoping it will suffice enough as a weapon and slowly open your bathroom door.
The person is stood at the other side of your room, back facing away from you as they look out the window.
It doesn’t take you even two seconds to throw the brush at them, it landing square in their back with a large thump, before falling to the floor.
“Get the fuck out! I’ve got more where that came from!” You tell, only hearing a chuckle in response. You recognise it from somewhere, but don’t put the voice to the face until they turn around.
Rafe Cameron.
“No because what the fuck are you doing in my room you freak?” You shout, gripping the edge of your towel tighter. He doesn’t move, almost drinking you in while in the towel and you suddenly feel more naked than ever.
You remember what your brother told you last night.
“Hey doll, lovely way to ask me how I am,” he chuckles again, fingers brushing against your bed as he looks up at you.
“No, I will not ask you how you are when you’re in my room without me allowing you to be,” you scoff. “So get the fuck out. Topper is on his boat if you need him.”
He smirks at you, moving around the edge of your bed.
“I’m not here for him, sweetheart. I’m here for you.” He moves closer to you and you take a few steps back into your bathroom.
“Look, I know about your stupid little bet with that creepy pogue. I want nothing to do with either of you so leave.” You tell him, voice faltering as he steps close enough to touch you.
Yes, Rafe Cameron was incredibly attractive. Beyond attractive. But that did not change the fact that you thought he was an absolute psychopath, him being in your room all the proof you needed.
“I’m not going anywhere until I explain to you. I knew Topper would run his mouth without telling you what actually happened.”
What actually happened? What could he possibly mean by that? When he made a bet about sleeping with you.
“How about you get dressed so I’m not so distracted and then I can tell you, yeah?”
You can’t lie to yourself, you’re intrigued. There’s a little tingle between your legs by the way he says he’s distracted by you but it disappears the second you remind yourself about the bet. You slowly nod your head and disappear behind the bathroom door, grabbing your dressing gown to cover yourself with.
Rafe is sat on your bed, mindlessly zoned out as he waits for you. You stand at the edge of it, arms crossed over your chest. “Explain.”
He smirks up at you, still eying you up despite the more covered choice of clothing.
“JJ Maybank has a very unhealthy obsession with you. To the point where I’m concerned for you. He’s a weirdo. He said he’s gonna be fucking you soon and you’ve been flirting with him.” You’re lost for words.
“I’ve never even spoken to him.” You say, voice small. You knew he was creepy but you didn’t think it went this far.
Rafe nods his head. “I told him to shut the fuck up because you’d never date anyone like him and that when he made this bet, and I agreed. I figured I’d come speak to you and get you to pretend we’ve had sex so he leaves you alone but topper got here first and ran his mouth.”
“We’ll, thank you Rafe but I can manage myself.” You say, holding your chin high.
He chuckles, again. “I don’t doubt that princess. He’s unhinged, that’s your issue.”
Your phone pings and you look down at it, to see that Madison has text you saying she’ll be setting off for you in five minutes.
You sigh. “Look, I’ve got plans. Can you just go? I really can’t be bothered with whatever you’re spewing and I’m not stupid. I won’t sleep with either of you.” He nods his head, jaw clenching and unclenching as he stands from your bed.
He towers way over you, one of his hands coming up to grip your chin. “You need to be careful, doll.” You immediately slap him away.
“Get the fuck out of my house. The only time you’re welcome here is if you’re with Topper.” His jaw is clenched again and he nods, pushing his hands into his pockets and walking out without saying another word.
Fucking hell. You grown out loud, hand coming up to run over your face. Fucking men.
-
“He said what?” Madi exclaims, almost knocking over her cocktail in the process of disbelief. You nod your head, taking a sip from your own as you lean closer to hear her in the crowded bar.
“It’s insane, isn’t it? I’m still trying to wrap my head around it myself,” you sigh, eyes searching the bar. It’s crowded, Friday night drinkers out in full force. You think you see a flash of messy blonde darting through the flocks of people, but the thought leaves your mind before it can even form.
“I mean, if Rafe Cameron were wanting to fuck me I wouldn’t say no,” madi giggles and you roll your eyes at her, wooing over someone who just isn’t that great.
“It’s not just that though Mad, it’s like he has some perverted older brother watch on me, as if he feels the need to fight my battles for me- and he’s yucky anyway. He’s slept with half the cut,”
Madi giggles again, twirling her straw in her drink. “Speaking of,” she blushes cherry and you follow her eyes to see Rafe stood at the bar, mouth moving but eyes locked on you. Your brother stands next to him, completely obvious to where Rafe’s attention actually is. He notices you looking right back at him and waves, cocky smirk on his features. You scoff, rolling your eyes.
Of course he’s here. You’d never admit that Rafe was hot, or that sometimes you had to close your thighs when he did that stupid smirk. No, never. Not even to madi.
“He’s so totally into you.” She gushes, grabbing your hand from across the table. You loved Madison, but sometimes she just didn’t get it. Rafe had been your brothers best friend since you were five, and you knew better than anyone that he was bad news. The more that you thought about it, the more it wound you up.
“Well I’m not into him, or JJ Maybank for the matter. They can both go to hell,” you mutter, seeing that same flash of blonde out of the corner of your eye. You clear your throat, excusing yourself to the toilet.
The bar that you’re in is notorious for having their toilets as far away as possible. It’s like they don’t want you to go. As you’re pushing open the ladies toilet door, something grips your bicep and you yelp, feeling yourself being pulled back.
“Rafe Cameron, really?” You immediately recognise JJ’s voice. It’s gravelly, a hint of anger laced in. “I thought we had something special,” he continues, fingernails gripping your bicep so tight you can feel the bruise already.
“I don’t know who the fuck you think you’re talking to, let me go,” you demand. If there was one thing your dad taught you to do well, it was to defend yourself.
He scoffs, other hand reaching up to grip your chin. You wriggle, trying to escape his grip, to no avail.
“I’ve seen the way you look at me, you want me. Why sleep with him when he’s a psycho?” JJ asks, tightening his grip on your chin so you’re no choice but to look at him. You had to give him that, Rafe was a psycho. But not like this.
“You look like you’ve got seven std’s, JJ. I can assure you I do not want anything to do with you,” you snap back, ripping your arm out of his grip when he softens, obviously not expecting you to say that. You finally step back and begin a fast pace down the corridor- not making it very far before he’s grabbing you again.
“You’re so fucking spoilt- but goddamn, it’s hot. I could fuck you right here,” he’s pressing all up against you from behind, whispering in your ear. You grit your teeth and reel forward, hands clawing at his around your arm.
“I’d let go if I were you,” you grit and JJ laughs.
“You gonna slick Rafe on me? I don’t see him here. You’re mine,” he hums, hand sliding down your dress.
“If that had moves an inch you’re more than a dead man.” You hear, looking up to see Rafe Cameron charging towards the two of you. You’re unsure if you’re thankful or not.
“Here he comes, your little guard dog,” JJ huffs in your ear, hand sliding lower. You gather every ounce of strength in you and reel backwards, back of your head smashing into the front of his. JJ cries out, letting go of you and grasping his now bleeding nose.
Rafe looks surprised almost as he pulls you into his side, arm wrapping around your shoulders. This feels different, safer. You’re glad he’s here.
“You broke my nose you bitch,” JJ yells at you, crazy eyes meeting your own. Rafe laughs, almost pitiful at the scene.
“Be lucky I didn’t get my hands on you, Maybank. Now fuck off, before I change my mind.” JJ eyes you both, contemplating before eventually stepping past you.
“This isn’t over,” he comments, before disappearing round the corner. You finally breathe, shoulders wracking and shaking with what you realise are cries. This could have been a lot worse.
“Hey, hey, I’ve got you,” Rafe soothes you, rubbing circles into your back. He pretends not to notice how your dress is almost at your hips as he pulls it down for you.
“I’m just looking out for you, I promise,” he whispers. “You’ve seen what he’s like now. You know I’m just protecting you,”
You nod. You couldn’t imagine what would have happened had he not appeared when he had. You hated to admit it, but you were thankful for him being here afterall.
“Let’s get you home shall we? I’ll get topper to take Madison home.” All you can do is nod, gripping Rafe’s side for dear life as he leads you out of the bar.
-
“Here, we’re home,” rafe squeezes your thigh, where his hand has been the entire drive back to your house. You’re thankful he’s allowed you to sit in silence, you don’t think you’d have the words to talk.
Rafe jumps out of his truck, rushing round to your side to open the passenger door.
“I’m okay, Rafe, honestly. Thank you,” you pull yourself out of the seat, hand searching through your bag for your keys. Rafe follows slightly behind you, waiting for you to unlock the door before standing on the step.
You hesitate in the doorway. You could really do with not being alone right now. You’re not scared, or necessarily wound up over what’s just happened, but you’d appreciate the company. Whether it be Rafe Cameron or not.
“Do you wanna stay?” You rush out, turning to face him. He’s leaning against the doorframe in what you now notice as a blue knit sweater and some black pants, all of which fit him perfectly.
“Don’t have to ask me twice doll.” He grins, hand reaching out to squeeze your hip. It’s a nice feeling, and the blush on your cheeks doesn’t go unnoticed by Rafe as he uses the grip on your hip to slide himself past you into the house.
You shut the door, locking it while thinking to yourself. You’re not sure if you’ll regret this or not, but that’s a problem for later.
“I’m gonna go get a bath I think, but you can make yourself at home in my room while I do,” you tell him, waking up the stairs. Rafe’s quick on your heels, constantly keeping close to you. You open your door to your room, flicking your lamp on that illuminates the room in a soft pink hue.
Rafe immediately kicks his shoes off and plops ontop of your sheets, grabbing the remote for your tv like he’s been here millions of times before. It feels comfortable, not a single ounce of awkwardness between the two of you. You kick your heels off and walk around to the other side of the bed, opening the bedside drawer. You reach in, taking a grinder and little tube of weed out.
Rafe whistles. “Who would’ve thought?” You raise an eyebrow, dropping some of the nuggets into your grinder and reaching into the draw for some papers.
“You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you,” rafe grins at you as you giggle, rolling the weed into the paper and using your tongue to stick it down. You think Rafe is watching you in awe, but you’re not sure.
You finish off the joint, putting all the supplies back into the drawer and reaching for your lighter before shutting the drawer.
“Do you want some?” You ask, standing up and walking to your balcony door. Rafe nods and follows, taking a seat on the chair next to you. You spark the joint and take a long puff, sinking down into the chair.
You twirl the joint inbetween your fingers before offering it to Rafe, who takes it between his lips and takes a puff.
“What happened to the bath?” He asks, taking another puff before passing it back to you. You shrug.
“I remembered I had weed and that’s better.”
“Can’t argue,” Rafe responds, watching as your lips wrap around the joint. You can immediately feel it, all thanks to your dealer getting the best stuff.
“That was crazy,” you suddenly say, thinking out loud. Rafe agrees as you pass him the joint again, taking another puff. “Like? You said he was crazy but I wasn’t expecting that. Thank you for being there.” You ramble, grabbing the joint from him and taking another puff.
“He genuinely thought we were together you know,” you tell Rafe, passing him the joint again. It’s almost already gone.
“I told him that we were,” rafe says, handing you it back. “You can finish it sweetheart,”
“You told him we were together? I thought-” you stop mid sentence, unable to form any thoughts.
“I told him that so he’d back off. Obviously didn’t work, he’s lucky I wasn’t there sooner.” You can hear the anger in his voice. You take a final puff of the joint, dabbing it out on the table before flicking the end somewhere off the balcony.
You narrow your eyes, turning to Rafe. “Why do you care so much?” He turns to you, lax as anything as he speaks.
“Because I do, always have. I wish you’d believe me when I say so because I’m not lying. I care about you a lot.”
Your mind is running a thousand miles, unable to stop. “But you’re an arsehole,”
Rafe grins. “Ouch, that hurt, princess.” You clench your thighs together. He certainly has a way with words.
“You are though- you’ve never been nice to me,” you pout, resting your chin on your hand.
“Because I was scared.” He sighs, looking out at the night sky.
“Scared of what?” You ask, oblivious. If you weren’t high, it would’ve hit you like a ton of bricks by now.
Rafe laughs. “Scared of my feelings for you.” Oh. OH.
It’s like the brakes have finally begun to work. The car you’ve been driving skids to a halt, and it all finally makes sense. Rafe likes you.
Rafe Cameron likes you.
“I just can’t control myself around you, princess. I kept my distance in the beginning because I wasn’t a good person but I’ve changed. I can manage to be near you now without wanting to bend you over something for my own selfish reasons.” Your mouth is agape. Rafe finally looks at you.
“JJ Maybank claiming to have fucked the girl I’m so passionate about pissed me off. I wanted to rip his head off his shoulders. I thought telling him we’d fucked would be enough to keep him away.” There’s a pool of your arousal building in your panties, hearing him talk about you like this. If he’d have taken one look into the thoughts you’d had of him this would’ve been a different story a long time ago.
“I don’t want to fuck you for my own sake. I’ve been a selfish man in the past, but I do care about you. I wish you’d let me show you.” There’s a note in his tome that makes you realise he’s sincere.
You eventually find your voice. “Show me.”
Rafe’s eyes meet your own. “What?“
“Show me Rafe. I mean it.”
He’s leaning over the table in less than a second, grasping your head between his hands and capturing your mouth in a kiss. One of his thumbs swiped over your cheek and you let out a whimper, Rafe pulling the both of you up to stumble together on the balcony.
His lips leave yours and wander down your neck, hands wrapping round you and lifting you onto the table. You gasp, hands gripping his shoulders as he kisses down your neck.
“You’re on my mind all the time,” rafe whispers through kisses, working his way back up to your lips. He pulls you into a kiss again, pushing himself between your open legs. You feel his bulge press against your now weeping heat and you moan into his mouth, a sound he swallows right up. You’re slowly grinding against him, hands searching all over his back and his hand push your dress up over the curve of your thighs.
“So fucking beautiful,” he murmurs, eyes drinking in every part of you. You’re thankful you decided to put your pink panties on today, as he seems specially transfixed on them and one of his fingers lingers at the edge.
“May I?” He asks, eyes searching yours. You nod, but that’s not enough for Rafe. He grips your chin, forcing you to look at him.
“Words, princess, cmon.” You about cream just from his words.
“Please touch me Rafe,” you whimper, finding your voice. Rafe grins, hand lingering at the edge of your panties finally pulling them to the side to look at your cunt. His fingers toy with the edge of your panties, before slowly pushing through your folds with intent.
It’s so dirty, on your balcony where anyone could hear. “All wet, just for me huh? Seems like you wanted this too yeah?” He tells you, holding your chin down so you can watch his ministrations on you. It’s down right wrong, how hot this feels right now. You can feel yourself dripping onto his fingers as he pushes a solo digit into your hole, groaning as he does.
You reach forward to palm him through his pants but he stops you. “Ah, this is about you. I don’t give a shit about myself right now.” He slips another finger in, setting a steady pace as his lips find yours.
You find yourself grinding on his fingers, listening to the small bouts of praise Rafe gives you and the way his fingers set a faster pace.
“It feels so fucking good,” you moan, writhing ontop of the table. Rafe moves his thumb to circle your clit and it’s over for you, crying out as you spill onto his hand and relax onto his shoulder for support.
“Cmon doll, I wanna taste,” Rafe tells you, lifting you from the table and taking you inside. There’s some shitty reality tv playing in the background but you don’t care for it much as Rafe lowers you onto your bed, pushing your dress further up and pulling your panties down, throwing them somewhere in the room.
He wastes no time, lowering himself down to your still sopping cunt and diving straight in. You feel him everywhere all at once, hands darting down to his head in an effort to grip something.
You feel one of his long fingers prodding at your hole again and you welcome it with a whimper, nails scratching his head.
“You’re so fucking sweet, could stay here for hours,” you clench around his fingers and Rafe smirks.
“You like when I talk baby? Good girl, so wet for me.” He coos, lips attatching to your clit once more. You cry out, squirming as he gives you everything like he’s known your body for years. His free hand reaches up and pulls down your dress, grasping your nipple.
“Rafe, I’m so close,” you whine, thighs locking around his head. He slurps, pushing another finger into your cunt.
“Give it to me sweet girl, cmon. Make a mess for me.” He demands, curling his fingers inside you and it’s over again, your high crashing like a wave over you and Rafe takes everything you’re giving him.
“Good girl, good fucking girl,” he praises you as he comes up, nose, mouth and chin covered in your slick. You’re aware that the weed is heightening your senses, but you had no doubt that Rafe knew what he was doing.
“You think you can give me more?” He asks, fingers still toying with your cunt. You nod, absentmindedly- fucked from just the first two.
“Ah, cmon, use your words doll,” he’s hovering above you, eyes searching yours.
“Please Rafe, please fuck me.” He grins, hand leaving you as he goes for the belt on his jeans.
“Take your dress off for me sweetheart,” he tells you and you do as you’re told, revealing your pink lacy bra. “That too,” he points to it and you reach behind you, unclasping your bra and throwing it somewhere in the room.
When Rafe frees himself from his boxers, you’re shocked. He’s large. Massive even.
“Lay back for me, just like that. Good girl.” He praises you, hands all over your body Ashe captures your mouth in another kiss. You feel his tip push into your hole and you gasp, legs trying to close.
“Cmon sweetheart, let me take care of you yeah? Make you feel good.” Rafe grips the base of his cock as you open your legs, allowing him to slide in. You gasp, never having felt this full before. Rafe chuckles like he knows, and gives you a second before he begins a slow pace.
It’s so much. You can’t keep quiet, especially when Rafe puts his thumb on your clit again and begins whispering into your ear.
“So fucking tight, so good for me aren’t you,” you moan, whimpering yes back as he continues to fuck you starry.
“M’not gonna last long,” you cry, gripping his bicep. He nods, drawing tighter circles on your clit. It makes you mewl out, nails scraping down his back. Rafe groans, punctuating his thrust as you do.
“You’re all mine now, I’m gonna make sure you’re always looked after. Fuck, you feel so fucking good, cum for me.” He demands, and his words bring you right there. His next thrust is angled just right and you whine out, pussy clenching around his dick in a way that makes Rafe see stars.
It’s like you were made for him.
“Where do you want me to cum sweetheart?” He asks, and through heavy breaths, you tell him.
“Inside. Birth control.” That makes Rafe’s hips stutter, his release painting your walls as he finally stops, keeping his dick inside you. You’re both heaving, and Rafe can feel his cum and your own seeping out of you. He reaches over and grabs your chin, pulling you for a kiss.
“Meant it. You’re mine. Gonna take such good care of you.”
-
More one shots of this ?
#x reader#smut#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#outerbanks rafe#rafe smut#rafe cameron smut#rafe x reader#rafe fanfiction#rafe imagine#rafe fic#rafe cameron fic#obx#obx season 4#outer banks#rafe one shot
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funniest supreme court cases:
tanner v united states: if you're on trial and the jurors get wasted at lunch and snort coke in the courthouse bathroom and smoke weed during breaks and nap during the trial that's fine actually. their deliberations are still sacred and the verdict they return is final. they cannot give testimony about whether they or other jurors were high out of their minds while judging your case. according to the supreme court juries can be high as fuck and sentence you to life in prison or whatever they want it's fine it's fineeeee!
morse v frederick: if a high schooler cannot hold up a banner that reads "bong hits 4 jesus" on the sidelines of where they're passing the olympic torch, thereby displaying said banner on live television, without retaliation from his principal, then what is the point of the first amendment?? according to the supreme court educators can crack down on student speech which promotes drug use, even if said student is not on school property at the time of the speech. booooo supreme court we hate your pussy
illinois v caballes: i cannot even properly explain this one but imagine you are transporting like the Maximum amount of drugs possible to fit inside of your car and you are therefore trying to drive as normally as possible and speeding a little bit on the highway. you get pulled over for the speeding (bad luck) but the officer is just writing you a ticket he isn't searching the car or anything so you're gonna be fine! and then the cop's friend on the radio is like yooooo hold that dude there i got this sick new drug sniffing dog i wanna try out!!! so this guy's cop buddy shows up and uses his drug sniffing dog on you for no reason just for funsies and they find your $250,000 stash of marijuana. and you say um hey they did not have probable cause to search my car and the supreme court says drug dogs aren't searches actually so it's fine. your rights are not vindicated. you are roy caballes and you are the unluckiest man alive.
in re gault: fifteen-year-old gerald gault was sentenced to six years in a juvenile detention center for allegedly prank calling a neighbor. this is actually the one case on this list with a good ruling because the supreme court was like um. actually perhaps the fourteenth amendment should apply to children. but BEFORE they did that this poor kid got imprisoned for like a third of his LIFE for a prank call that he might not have even made it might have been his friend. this country is not serious.
berghuis v thompkins: which is not actually a funny case but the supreme court ruled that in order to invoke your right to remain silent, you must declare that you are invoking your right to remain silent. remaining silent does not count as invoking your right to remain silent. absolutely beautiful reasoning from the brightest legal minds of our nation.
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After your nephew overheard his parents talking about you being gay, he went and asked them if he could go spend the weekend with you because he really liked spending time with you and you hardly saw him around anymore. They said sure and he said he'd have his buds drop him off at your house after his soccer game after school Friday. You were surprised but happy about the request, you liked your nephew, he was a good kid, smart, a masculine straight confident jock like you wish you had been in school. After his friends dropped him after the match Friday, he just stormed in the door, no knock, no doorbell, he scared the shit out of you. You laughed and said hey buddy! He dropped his gym bag on the floor and said "pick it up you stupid faggot" and you were shocked and horrified. As you stood there not saying or doing anything, he punched you in the gut and you doubled over. "What didn't you understand faggot? Pick up my gym bag asshole." He was so angry and aggressive that your naturally sissy fag self did what he said, you didn't want to get punched again. "Follow me," he said and you did, into your bedroom. "I'll be sleeping here in the master bedroom, you can sleep in the guest room," he said. " Now put down my bag and get on the floor." You almost mindlessly did what he said, still stunned and afraid of him. He sat on the floor and kicked off his sneakers. "Sniff my stinking socks homo, I've been wearing the same pair all week at practice and at the match today, where by the way I scored the winning goal, I bet you wish you were like me you old fag, don't you?" he said and laughed. You hesitated, you couldn't believe what was happening. Then he slapped you across the face with his stinking socked foot. "Sniff it bitch," he said. You stuck your face into his socked sole and started sniffing as ordered. Ya, they smelled like he'd been wearing them for a week. He said "Now remember this, as you're pathetically sniffing your teenaged nephew's socked feet at his orders, you do whatever I tell you to do this weekend. Buy me and my buds beer. Pay for weed. We're gonna steam anything we want on your TV and computer and you're gonna pay for it. You're gonna go to the store and buy anything we want to eat. Got it bitch?" You instinctively said "Yes Sir." Everything he said he'd make you do happened that weekend, and that wasn't the only time he made you sniff his sweaty smelly dirty socked feet AND his buddy's. They all laughed at you. When he left Sunday evening he said "I'm going to start coming over here most weekends so get used to it faggot" and walked out the door into one of his buds cars who was picking him up.
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Sooo, yesterday's MASM episode, huh?
Why is Moonblock, Moonstone, whatever you wanna call him, the way he is? He doesn't make any sense! I'm not going to talk about anything they do in gaming videos, because that's just the VA's bullying eachother, like frinds do.
Pulling Sun along on their adventures as a way to try and bond, helping him (however reluctant that help may be) whenever Sunny goes to him for something, fixing him up during the night, while Sun is sleeping, knowing and making him his favourite cookies (once), wingmanned him a handful of times (the one where he told Sun, Roxy and Foxy to go get ice cream, which turned into the Roxy and Sun date episode, was very sweet of him) ect.
But then turning around, calling him mean names, yelling at him, hitting him, laughing and encouraging when others are jackasses to him (like when Bonnie hung him from the ceiling, and he was up there for days. crying.), joining in on when a child as a form of playing, wanted to stab him - and yeah, sure, he may be made of metal and plastic, so he would've been mostly fine if the kid stabbed him, but just like with the rabbit shooting him with fake bullets, that still hurts, - stabbing him just in general with a sword, blowing him up, letting others shove grass and weeds down his throat and jumping on him from higher and higher with more and more force (which actually could've seriously injured him. they're heavy machines, who were not made to whitstand other heavy machines jumping on them), hitting him and letting him be hit by others with a shopping cart, that half-assed apology in 'Sun Begins His VILLAIN ARC With Eclipse??!!' episode, which kind of sounded condescending if you ask me, basically going "Welp, I tried" when Sun still refused to go back "home", and all the other other sins the little space rock has, but we'd be here all night and I have to watch my bloodpressure.
He clearly wants to be friends with Sun, or at least wants to spend time with him, as I already mentioned. He wants to be close-ish with him. And he claims he likes him, just like how he likes everyone else in the Plex.
But that just feels like he said it, one so Sun wouldn't leave, and two so he doesn't have to directly tell him he likes him.
He sometimes acts almost exactly like the stereotypycal *giggling and kicking feet in the air* "My crush/bestest friend forever and meee <3", but in the most assholeish Karen way of "If A bOy PuLlS yOuR hAiR aNd Is BuLlYiNg YoU! ThAt MeAnS hE iS cRuShInG oN yOu!"
Like, "Oooh I'll write me and Sun's name together as the password🥰! But throw in someone else's name aswell, so if he ever finds out I can just say it's me and my two friends!!"
Make it make sense!
This post was meant to be about how the way everyone acted in yesterday's episode 'Sun Continues His VILLAIN ARC And Plans REVENGE...' felt heavily like it was backtracking. But I kind of got sidetracked with talking about the little space rock.
How "Yeah, I only was an ass to you and abused, so you would reach your literal breaking point, snap and go join Eclipse, so I could try and catch him. Proud of ya, or whatever I'm supposed to say, here's a plush... Still going to shoot you. Because why not." and "Ohh ya know, stabbing people is just Foxy's way of showing he loves you! Classic Foxy teehee!" just felt like some poor attempt at damage control. Same with suddenly everyone wanting to hang out with Sun, the one time he wanted to be left alone.
I'm not counting Freddy, his IQ is room temperature on good days, and I mean it in the nicest of ways. As nice as can be.
But why do suddenly everyone else want to hang out with Sun, like he's suddenly the most interesting of people. Though they're still hitting him with gokarts, insisting they need to look at something at the back of his head (a bump which may or may not have even been there), and when he rejected the idea of them looking at his head, clearly uncomfortable, they surrounded him, held him down, and forcibly checked his head and then fixed(?) it.
And then when he wanted to be alone again to cry, they still wouldn't leave him be. The rabbit actually wanted to watch.
In short, because I truly lost where I was going with this post and just started ranting, yesterday's episode felt like everyone attempting to backtrack a little, but falling back into the comfortable habits, the little space rock confuses me (what do you want?! do you want to be friends? do you want to hold hands with him in the most romantic of ways? do you just view him as a sentient punching bag?! do you just want to keep him around and fix him up, so he can do all the daycare stuff so you don't have to?!), I hate the rabbit so much, same with the gator and the fox, disappointed in the others, and Sunblock. Deserves. Justice.
#moon and sun minecraft#masm#masm sun#masm freddy#masm roxanne#masm bonnie#masm foxy#masm moon#I really lost where I was going huh#rant#i guess???#yeah. rant#little space rock why are you so weird?#there's no other word to describe it#putting your and Sun's name together as the password is quite peculiar#like writing your names under a little umbrella#but then having someone give him a drink which explodes upon consumption?#rant over I have a pair of episodes to catch
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Hi! This is not a request or anything like that, I just want to share an annoyance I've had recently and I don't feel like any other side of Tumblr can understand/ relate to it. (I also don't except a reply, I just need to rant a little).
I have a thing for ghosts, like the supernatural kind. Absolutely love it so much, and it's usually hard to come by stories (spicy stories) written about / with ghosts. So when I find someone posting about it, I follow and bookmark if the stories are good (which I've done with your blog! Absolutely LOVE your ghost stories)
However, in the last few years, the game "Gall Of Duty" have had a rise in fame with one of their characters named 'Ghost', so now when I'm searching for stories about spicy ghosts, I find 95% of them are about that character.
Don't get me wrong, I do have a mask-kink and there are some really good stories about it out there. It just makes it a lot harder to find stories about supernatural ghosts, cause when I search for it I have to spend a good amount of time weeding out the character from the supernatural.
And yes, I know I can add 'supernatural' to my tagged searches, but not all stories about ghosts are tagged with the supernatural (often, oddly enough, are the stories not tagged with that).
And because I have ADD, my brain doesn't always put ghosts under the category 'monsters', so I kinda forgett to add that to my searches as well.
It's just a small annoyance, I do admit that. But it's just annoying when i am in the mood and kinda just want to to do a quick search and then ending up spending a couple of hours trying to find what I actually am looking for.
Idk, just thought someone could relate, and maybe have some tips?
Lots of love?
X
Hi anon! I understand the frustration, I'd say your best bet is to block the Call of Duty tag so those don't show, or maybe follow the monster blogs to find the stuff directly from the source. I don't know if those advice would work, maybe someone else has an idea. :)
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June is the month for weeding.
#tiger’s roar#…yeah so. good thing things never did take off with this random FB friend#just quietly unfriending people putting homophobia onto my feed#i may not be able to like and comment and post how I wish#but no one can stop me from Looking at the pride posts and pride merch#no one gets to say anything about my weeding#just like they don’t get to say a damn thing about how I vote when things reach the ballot box#I may not get to be vocal#but I can quietly currate my own feed and vote in ways that protects myself and others
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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just in case anyone thought i was exaggerating about how stupid my coworkers think i am today one of them told me i could write "turbid which is like the scientific word for cloudy" on a urinalysis sticker. i have a college degree in a science
#god and the worst part is i think theyre partially correct#like i'm not As dumb as they think i am but i am definitely stupider than i used to be and it is driving me completely insane#i genuinely don't know if its the depression or chronic weed use or like i'm just suddenly brain damaged in the last 6 months or so#but it's really really bad. i think it has gotten a little better since starting my current antidepressant but my short term memory is like#unbelievably bad. it was never good but i literally cannot remember anything now. i have to stop thinking about this or i will start crying#my intelligence has always been like one of the things i have a weird complex about due to not getting an education until high school#and being barely socialized etc and it was more or less all i had going for me#and now it's like. ok i got nothing lmao#i don't even think it's covid brain damage because i felt this way before i got covid#although it definitely got worse after getting the job but i think thats a combination of not knowing what i'm doing + being treated like#garbage + sleep deprivation#my therapist who i haven't seen in months because he was stressing me out thought i was smart as hell for some reason. which was flattering#but like i said he was stressing me out. he had too good of a read on me and i can't get over my trust issues with men#“you should go to therapy about that” you might say and you would be right but. well#me
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sigh
#getting Taylor fatigue perhaps#thinking about.. a lot of stuff on ttpd#today Florida was playing in the store and the “weed or little babies” line slapped me in the face and then I couldn’t stop thinking about#how cringey it was for the rest of the afternoon#and then I kind of mentally went down a spiral of other Choices I don’t love#and like!! idk I did like a lot of songs on ttpd#some of the Silly was fun#fell into the anti ttpd tag and people do love to dunk on so high school and imgonnagetyouback but I don’t really have anything against thos#like! let her have fun! Aristotle/grand theft auto!#but there’s also a lot of other choices (specifically lyrically) that I just…. hm.#the reason I stopped listening to the title track too#there’s *some* good lines in there. a couple good lines. but there’s too much cringe the whole I can’t listen to that song#and I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I’m not trying to say anything specific.#I’m not mad about everything and especially compared to the actual antis I definitely enjoy the album more than many of them do#but also. not like the Crowd of Swifties does#and yeah just in general. things about her behavior recently are Very Disappointing#*gestures vaguely*#so idkkk#ik i have talked about this before on the other side of the argument like. if you hate Taylor why are you still here you hater???#and I don’t hate Taylor but I don’t really like her very much either. idk and I continue to like A Lot of her music#and idk idk#I’ve been thinking this on and off since ttpd release#and some days I like her less than other days#but maybe I’m thinking it’s just time for me to take a step back.#I don’t want to become a hater so if I have anything to rant about I’ll try to keep in it some tags like this or just in my group chat#but yeah. if I am less interested in or inclined to talk about Taylor and my swiftie mutuals wonder. that’s why#I’m still 100% down to talk about the music though!!! but maybe I’m going to become one of those people who are asked if they like TS and#they’ll be like “mmm I like her older stuff”#maybe that’s where I’m headed
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im so disappointed in my art lately . im not a beginner artist, but i feel like everything i do looks like i am . i feel like it would only be acceptable for a beginner . i havent made any progress since i was 11 . today is not a good day
#artist problems? except i barely even count as an artist atp#non serious vent sorry#i dont usually textpost because i much prefer just sticking it in the tags and hoping i forget about it#but i dont have anything to post. i literally have not been able to make anything at all.#does any other artist feel like this?#i know everyone says they feel like this but i cant decide if its comforting or condescending#all the other artists say “oh i hate my art!” when their art is good because its just the artists eye or whatever its called#and on one hand its comforting because everyone hates their art#but on the other hand its so discouraging because if you hate your art so much#how does mine look? how bad is mine?#i dont like talking abt weed bc its kinda weird for a 14 year old but i feel like the only times i can draw without crying -#- is when im high#i dont know i need to take a break or something#might focus on writing but everything is just so frustrating to me lately#i cant promise literally anything anymore because everytime i get excited to create its just GONE so fast#becaus i cant like anything i make#i keep searching for some kind of art advice that will actually help but i never can figure out how to apply it#and most of it is just “keep practicing!” as if i havent been practicing since i was 8 years old#i feel like at this point i have to just start all the way over but i dont even know how#at this point i would rather art regress than keep churning out the same mediocre garbage ive been drawing since 2022#and its not even that im pressuring myself to draw. its that all my art has just looked the same for so long and im so frustrated#i literally cannot draw anything without crying anymore its really upsetting#anyway sorry for the negativity on main :( this blog has kinda become my diary and im just an overdramatic teenager or whatever i dont know
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also like. life update. since coming to college i think i've decided i want to be less online in general, because i don't think it benefits my mental health to be on any online website too much. i know i still have strong ties to fandom and whatnot but i'm trying to reconcile my relationship with the things i've created knowing the headspace i was in when that happened; cs is more of a diary to me than anything, at least where i'm at currently. i DO want to be on discord more this break because there's people i want to VC and catch up with-- but ultimately i think i'm like exactly the worst kind of person to operate with any kind of stability on the internet so we're going to mess around with what that looks like for me for a while. love u guys and once finals are officially up in two days i'll be back to say hi :]
#nightmare.personal#i just think like. idk. i don't really know how to compassionately phrase this#but i realized with all the stuff happening in the world that like.#it's just far better to host those conversations and do those actions irl?#for a lot of reasons. one of the major ones being that its easier to weed out people in real life who are like#wildly antisemitic and awful shit like that. vs being online its like people do that for breakfast#it's also just easier to do meaningful things. so then kind of from that i was just thinking and like#it's weird! because i don't miss the act of posting or opening discord or anything#but i miss the people. but also the way you interact with online friends is so distinctive?#like i can't just get everyone's phone numbers. it'd kind of be sick if i could but you know. everyone feels diff about internet security#so like i'm constantly drawn back to tumblr because i miss people and same with discord#but i don't really adore being on here that much so it's like. really weirdly perplexing#i'm also so goddamn bad at keeping up online friendships and everyone i know here has the patience of a saint#which i deeply appreciate it's also just kinda like.#if we were here in person i could so much better convey my appreciation for you all#so i just hope you know that i do appreciate you. it's weird.#i also have to separately reconcile with the fact that i'm an evolving person IRL#but online that comes at a lag? so like i don't even know how anyone perceives my personality#because it's not that i ever really faked it its just kind of like. we all start somewhere#i don't know what i'm saying. it's disorienting is my point.#i guess i could fix this if i got the discord or tumblr app but#i'm not going to do either of those things but like. i don't know#i wish i talked more regularly to people but the actual process of doing that feels so odd to me#i dunno. we party
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#guess my insurance does have rental coverage#BUT I had to apply it before my accident???#so it’s worthless right now#that’s sooooooooooo cool#I wanna smoke and forget about everything for a bit#but 1 I don’t have a car so I can’t#and 2 even if I did I’m out of weed and have $10 to my name#sooooooooo#here we are#should eat something#but I don’t wanna do anything#just wanna lay here and stare at the ceiling for a bit#I swear I literally can’t win right now#just one thing after another after another after another#went to an interview for a RETAIL job#don’t get me wrong I’m not saying it’s an easy job or anything like that#but sorry retail stores are ALWAYS hiring and ALWAYS looking for help#so the fact that she never got back to me was just rude?#like you’re telling me there’s no where in the store that you would want to hire me#ok ok ok that’s fine#gonna try and apply for more jobs today#I just feel hopeless right now#I’m tired of life#does any of my followers have a kink for sending sad girls money?#cause I swear if someone sends me money I will give them the sloppiest head#(in thought cause ya know distance)#anywhoooo I wanna scream and cry and bang my head against the wall hehe#shut up rosie
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tim replicating this look stiles gave lydia when if lucy gets shot in the finale is something so personal to me.
#*and this is icarly!#the rookie#tim bradford#lucy chen#chenford#otp: you know me so well#stydia#remember this?#remember how the sight of her sickly pale and bleeding out on his dad's office floor completely stopped him in his tracks??#i don't think lucy has endured any real serious injuries since her dod?#maybe a few scrapes and bruises here and there but nothing life threatening ya know??#ngl that's one of the reasons why i'm leaning so much on it being lucy who gets shot#like ik 5x21 is a crossover ep and they're doing a dod thing with laura based off the promo#which btw 🙄🙄#but the written synopsis says that lucy is going undercover again???#and i don't think it's a mission that's related to laura????#maybe that uc mission will she goes on will tie into the finale and that's why she specifically is targeted?????#IDK I'M JUST PULLING THINGS OUT OF MY ASS TO NOT HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE FOR ANYTHING I SAY ABOUT THE S5 FINALE#CAUSE I AM 99.9% OF THE TIME WRRRROOONNG#i'm just running on weed and no sleep an am spit balling here
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lol researching how to grow pot rn and wowzers this is intense.
#maybe net year if i grow a fourth plant i'll take after my childhood neighbor and just throw it in a pot and leave it alone for four months#apparently the plant was massive and had an insane amount of buds with literally no upkeep#but nah#reading up on how a single plant can provide 1/2lbs worth of weed and im like YO#and here i am gonna do 3 plants.#i prolly will make some edibles honestly especially with the shake (stems leaves etc)#cause you know i aint about wasting anything#but no seriously it's so intense the amount of fertilizer you need to keep track of#i worked under the table at a dispensery when i was 14 and it was HARD FUCKING WORK and i was only pouring the fertilized water into the#pots and cleaning out the buckets and lifting the soil and transplanting when it was time for a repot#but that was also indoor plants and im doing outdoor which is way easier#i wont have to adjust the lights or the temperature or the fan.#but yeah like i said i wasnt even working out the fertilizer back then or the space requirements i was just doing whati was told#now i have to figure all this shit out on my own lol#but no i figure if i fit it into a cage that my plug is able to grow 6 massive plants in... i should be able to have 3 absolute hugh mongus#plants by fall. im gonna let them get as tall as they possibly can#i found out they can get over 10 ft tall earlier and it made me full on chuckle at the idea of my 5'0 self being towered over by a plant#x2 my height.... (not only one plant--but three.) and then SMOKING that shit#they say one plant lasts around 8 months of smoking.#besties those three plants are gonna last me 8 months of smoking LOLLLLLL#i could even make money from this honestly#i dont really like edibles but i know the people around here go fucking wild for them#catch me outsideeeee
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I once was talking with my pharmacy manager about... democracy, about how while there's plenty of stupid people in the world we'd all probably prefer didn't vote, that it was very very hard to actually make a line that makes sure only wise people vote while keeping all the idiots out
And I basically said to him "think of all the doctors and pharmacists you know who are smart, well educated people, who you 100% don't think make good choices"
From the look and his face, I'd say that spoke to him (it's incredible how many smart idiots there are in the world, isn't it?)
Anyway, I make that point because it much more addresses the whole concept of... lets call it democracy of the fit
Like it sounds great till you actually take even one second to think about it. It's almost like trying to draw any line in the sand for who it's ok to disenfranchise is not only dumb and ineffective, but also super dangerous. Ah man, I'm sorry, you scored too low on this test which happens behind closed doors and is graded by my political ally... it's not like you disagreeing with me had anything to do with that
(I'd hope we don't even need to touch on why the idea that testosterone levels are a really stupid useless way to decide who gets to vote, cause if that's true then we don't even have to disenfranchise anyone, we can just give out steroids and have the best country in the world... or is it only naturally produced T that makes you a free thinker?)
oh hey just in case anyone who left twitter is wondering how things are going over there
last night elon tweeted a 4chan screenshot (with bonus antisemitic text in the OP image) advocating for only “high status males” in government and the implied repeal of women’s suffrage. Cool cool cool
#as if elon musk is a free thinker instead of someone that gets lead around by the nose nonstop#and seriously; you'll forgive me if I give hormone levels absolutely zero credit when it comes to intellectual inner workings#...mhh... I'm reminded of someone I know who was talking to me and saying he thought that low testosterone#was causing him to have trouble focusing on things#and it's like... my dude...#you have ADHD; just the other day you were talking to me about when you were younger and spent years talking to a therapist about this#and how they had you on medications to help you with your ADHD... and... you're not on any meds right now#perhaps you less need testosterone and more need... your ADHD meds#but to be clear; this is the guy I'll refer to sometimes on here as Dr Jekyll and Mr Dumbass#cause he's capable of being either real smart; or saying the stupidest edgy shit you've ever seen#...and... I honestly feel like there's a strong correlation between which of those he is and how much weed he's been smoking#but like... people get way to fixated on estrogen and testosterone... especially dudes getting fixated on... well... both of those actually#'the soy has too much estrogen; it'll make me a woman' that's... that's not how any of this fucking works#'if I just got on testosterone everything would be cured for me' often... you hear those ads and they talk about stuff like hair loss#I had a teacher in high school who was bald specifically cause he had too much testosterone#he was quite literally a big bearded bald mountain man; lived up in the mountains with no running water#would come into town on his motorcycle and shower at the YMCA and then taught at our school; everyone still to this day loves him#real great teacher in a lot of ways... and I think he'd be the first to say you're stupid of you think his testosterone is what makes him#people are their choices and their thoughts and their actions; not just a readout of hormones#just such an idiotic shit show of an idea on how the world works#'oh lets just have a council of high testosterone men... and autistic' my dude you're being fucking weird and fucking stupid#I'd love if only people with good ideas could vote; but there's literally no way to make that happen#and lets be blunt that no one would agree on what that looks like; and in the end that's called a dictatorship#where a select group of people who are so smart that they'll always vote for the leader has a sham democracy#so we're not doing that; and since we're not doing that I'm just telling you that there's no way to weed out stupid voters#and again; T levels is the stupidest of them all; cause if that's true just give everyone steroids#this is just so stupid; and it's being said by someone who can't even understand how stupid they are#(which... is most people who spout alpha bullshit; which anyone who knows anything knows alpha stuff in wolves was dropped)#(and the person who said this actually has no value was the person who put forward the idea)#(realized his model was messed up by the situation the captive wolves were in and it wasn't actually true in the larger world)
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