#no one even had time to process ANYTHING | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

meganechan05 · 2 years ago

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ターセルス・ミルーリア・ダ・パーゴ

"I don't care if I go to hell. As long as I can take this one with me."

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acotars · 19 days ago

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vent in the tags sorry it’s a big bummer

#i’ve been so excited about my april reading challenge i was staying up to date mostly and everything was awesome #and then last week i spent 10 hours in the ER with my teenage brother. it was truly i think one of the most traumatic days of my whole life #so i slipped and didn’t read anything bc i was too busy with this nightmarish day #the next day i stayed home from work and just took care of him while both my parents were out of town #i got a little back on track w my reading but i knew i would be out of town this weekend #so i went to the bookstore and stocked up on a couple physical copies for the beach #i was truly so excited #and then we had a death in the family #so i canceled my trip and stayed home to grieve w family #and of course truly of course that is the most important thing #and it feels like there’s a hole in my heart and i’m tired and confused and grieving all the time #and i’m also concurrently so sad about fucking up my reading challenge.#grief is weird and i know it’s a trivial thing to be upset about but in between bouts of crying about my grandpa .. i literally just want to #break down and cry about my fucking reading challenge #it’s so dumb even as i type it #but that’s where i am in all honesty.#and i have to go to work tomorrow bc my job sucks. so maybe ill read at my desk in protest.#i just really want to sleep all day for the next week. but i can’t.#bc either my mom needs me or work needs me and both are important bc my mom is my mom and work pays my bills #but i wish i could have one full week to sit in the dark and process everything alone #anyway!!!!!!!!#if you read all this yeesh sorry #pers #tag novel #to delete

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ganondoodle · 5 months ago

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Have you been assesed for adhd?

nope, though im pretty sure i got it ... or its something similar bc although also not officially diagnosed there is no way im not autistic OTL

the only things i have been .. 'diagnosed' with is anxiety and chronic depression, though both of which by a therapist that got arrested for fraud and harassment (hahaha .. ._.) and im not sure how much weight that can hold both bc of .. THAT and bc i honestly have no idea how much a therapist can do (its been many years since then too) and the only meds he ever offered me where like .. drugs ('herbs')

i have been thinking of asking our family doctor about it but im rather afraid of whatever process i gotta go through to get anything that might help since im sure its also not JUST adhd that causing all this (and ... im afraid it could impact how i am treated ... like if they know im autistic are they not gonna take me seriously anymore or stop me from making choices about myself.. welp theres the anxiety ndfjkgndfknvgfdk)

(and a new therapist is pretty impossible bc theres a really big problem of not enough therapists around ESPECIALLY where i live ... also fear bc of the previous one .. haha ._, )

#ganondoodles answers #ganondoodles talks #personal #i am german so whatever process it is in america is not gonna be how it is here #.....also doesnt help that i nearly got put in a ... mental health .. facility (idk what its called in english) when i was younger #and uuh .. barely managed to make them not do it #one of the scariest moments in my life #mom made the plan with my oldest sister in secret and drove me off to the doctor .. idk if they told me just before and forced me to go #or literally on the parking lot of the doctor .. i think it was the latter #being out on a parking lot and being talked down to by my sister (who never tried to talk to me about anything mental health wise btw)#AND by the doctor .. i had to convince him to not do it .. literally so scary #-and mom about putting me in some facillity .. cant even describe it .. to me it was pure horror #im sure those facilities arent that bad or soemthing but i felt like they where trying to kick me out and into a prison #i do NOT do well anywhere that isnt home #AND doing the thing i haven been trying to make it clear makes everything a thousand times worse-#-talking about it behind my back and then just doing things without me gettign any say in it and then given no choice #its literally the worst thing you can do!!!!#sorry TMI perhaps but!!! many things have happened!! bad!!

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front-facing-pokemon · 2 years ago

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#tropius #HE SO APPY!!! FUCK!!! HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS ONE #i've never looked at tropius up close before i didn't even know they had a little helmet and shit. this is WONDERFUL. they're SO appy #i hope you all appreciate this as much as i do because this is very good. i don't even know anything about tropius. jack SHIT. except that #they're so appy. and i will accept this. i gotta work but i've been too busy thinking abt how appy they are #i also started the process of remaking my main blog. bc it just had a lot of posts on it all the way back to way back in my past #and i felt like it was weighing the whole blog down and making me not want to use it. and that blog needed some housekeeping for me to want #to associate myself with it. so i'm currently in the process of coming up with a new URL before i start really renovating #so the hunt for miss ffp starts anew or something. unless i've lazily replied to you in a comment once and you remember my url #i've done that to a few of you. demifiendcruithne is one. shoutouts to you demifiendcruithne you're the best #then there was that one who assumed i use windows. despite recognizing that i'm “rather techy.” yuck!#had to respond to that one to clear up any suspicion that i might be a windows user. this is all totally unrelated and also will be #totally irrelevant by the time this post gets up anyway. hopefully. y'know if i haven't come up with a new url by then then #i mean. that's my fault. but this isn't gonna post until july 23rd. 10 days from today. so. hopefully!#see you all then

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northern-passage · 2 years ago

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i've been thinking a lot about the word "representation" and what it means and how it's changed over the last few years, particularly when it comes to the writing/publishing landscape but also in movies and tv shows… and i really don't like it anymore. to be clear, of course i think it's important to have diversity in your work, i'm not saying i hate the concept of representation. but i do really dislike the way it's used now, and i really just hate the word itself

in a broader sense it's just become a marketing tool. i'm not impressed by any publisher or author who just describes their book by listing all of the minorities/identities the characters represent as if that should be enough. it feels very gross, very exploitative and disingenuous. it also really bothers me because it's always marginalized identities- which i understand Why, but it feels very othering to me (and again. Very exploitative as an advertisement). you would never list out "cishet able-bodied white man" as a character description to pat yourself on the back over. so why do it to everyone else? why insinuate that one is the "default" and the other one is "special"? (and when i say this i'm mainly talking about advertisements/marketing. i understand why people would specify about characters in descriptions with the plot, but i don't like to see an ad that's just "this book has gay people!" with nothing else)

which then leads me to my other point, which is that a lot of people treat "representation" as if it's "too hard." like "oh i don't know enough to write about that, i don't have that experience, etc" which is a fair way to feel! however… it's weird that people only say this about writing trans characters or characters of color. i'm writing a story right now with a character who is really into motorcycles. i personally do not know that much about motorcycles, so i researched what parts are what & what different kinds of models there are & what basic bike care looks like. i guarantee Most people will have to google something at some point in their writing process. so what's the problem? it also, again, feels very othering when authors treat certain groups of people as "impossible" to write, "too hard" to understand. they are just.. people. you write them as a person. and then you figure out the rest later.

and i think part of the refusal or fear to write something outside of your experience is because of the way representation is treated as So Special. these characters are So Special that they aren't allowed to be anything other than "representation." they're Not allowed to be characters with complex emotions and interesting motivations, they have to just be Trans or Gay or Disabled or whatever. they're not allowed to be people. which means, at the end of the day, we loop right back around to where we were at the start….

there is bad representation. there are depictions of certain marginalized people that are harmful and that are damaging, i'm not trying to minimize that or argue against it at all, in fact we should all be mindful of that while writing and reading. but i also think it's possible to swing too far in the opposite direction as well and put certain groups of people on a pedestal and not allow them to do anything at all but be Perfect Representation, if that makes sense.

#anyways. is this anything #sorry i dont have anything insightful to say at the end here i just wanted to ramble #especially abt the way ppl market books now it like. genuinely disgusts me #cannot imagine marketing tnp in that way. my characters are many things AND they are trans. and their transness #is not just a flashy feature for attracting attention #also i do understand the fear of 'getting it wrong' but that's why you have beta readers or even actual sensitivity readers #that's why you ask for feedback. especially in this space like... people will give it #that's what makes sharing your process and early draft in this community so rewarding #and there's also just the reality that no matter what you do some people will Not like it 🤷#and ime a lot of ppl look at representation very individualistically #as in it's only good representation if it represents Me #which sucks. and you're never going to please those people #ANYWAYS also to be clear this is not a vague or meant to be targeted at any one person please don't be fucking weird #this is just some thots i've had recently esp since ive seen the representation conversation pop up quite a few times #and since i've been doing research for characters in my other project #personal

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chiimeramanticore · 3 months ago

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waow

#before anything else i must warn this is going to be. unorganized thoughts mostly #in the last year or so ive tried to regain confidence that i am in fact plural and am not just faking it #or mistaking other symptoms for DID. shake off the denial y'know. as is so signature for this damn disorder #a diagnosis probably wouldnt even make me feel more sure lol. and also getting diagnosed for this specifically is like #the final boss of psychiatry to put it lightly lol #but when it quiets down in headspace ur always gonna feel like. maybe its over. whatever that was #it was just me and brandy for a while #but guess who had a godawful night and then a godawful morning and split a new alter ‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥#he hates it here! he might hate me for creating him! im not sure !#hell im not even rly sure if im juno or brandy rn lol. my mind is just so messy today #i woke up.. when did i wake up. like 9:30 i think and its 1pm now and i haven't gotten out of bed #i don't even remember all that time passing . i couldve sworn its only been like an hour. two at most #on the one hand this has all been kinda terrible and mentally exhausting but at the same time. hey cant say im faking now LMAO #the other hand is brandy. the other hand is absolutely brandy. i am tired lol #im only posting this here so i can just like. process it i guess #ive had a weird time finding an outlet to just spew random thoughts into since leaving twitter so. sorry #idk if anyone's expecting this of me but i always kinda feel like i need some level of professionalism on this account #keyword some. i know this is tumblr #but idk if these very open posts are. annoying? weird? uncomfortable? entertaining somehow?#i know I know theres no point in worrying abt how others percieve you . knowing that hasnt stopped me from doing it lol #i dont remember where i was going w this. maybe i didnt have a goal in the first place #idk if you read this far i dont rly need u to act like u didnt see it cuz like. wouldnt have posted it otherwise #but idk why i am posting. idk what i want out of anyone who has read all this #maybe just. interact w this post in some way idk. it's actually kinda grounding for me if you can believe it #bleghh im thinkin of cheating on my weed break just to treat myself after all this. weed + a long walk would fix me

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deadbeandrop · 6 months ago

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i always feel like there's such an underappreciated aspect of lumpus being the one to have feelings for slinkman (over the years) which is that there's something so Hilarious about him wanting to dump his head in a vat of acid because he's thinking stupid mushy shit, or Worse, about this Thing again

who also does not pick up on this at all and just thinks he's being weird again

#camp lazlo #talk #shipping stuff #scoutmaster lumpus #slinkman #slinkman.jpg is always there for us #you love your silly little slug don't you scoutmaster lumpus...#''an underappreciated aspect'' there's only like 3 people in the world who've ever written in-depth thoughts about them in general syd #it's just so easy for me because i also see slinkman doing anything and i'm like (holding my head in my hands) wtf #My Beloved Slinkman Calms Me Down #i think about it a lot though because before i started joining in over here #slinkman being the one with the crush is what i would see like 99% of the time #but i Literally had to actually go and plot things out for lumpus to get better before i could see slinkman liking him back #and that's also why i have this Entire larger picture here #where in the grand scheme of things i'm not even really imposing on canon in that way...#i'm not really planning for tension to be at the forefront there #its some other weird shit going on. y'know. until other stuff gets revealed in the past and the future #the whole process here is like a 30-year journey we're taking the advanced course and still not ending with anything labelled #so i do get it especially with lumpus being preoccupied with jane #and yet still not for a moment have i subscribed to slinkman having feelings first ☝️

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mishkakagehishka · 7 months ago

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I'm honestly fully ready to just call my bank and tell them to do a chargeback but i'm giving the college bureaucracy a chance first. But as i said. I don't care who does it and how i get it, those €80 are gonna be back in my bank account by the end of october or so help me

#i didn't even tell youse about the fun i had at the student office #i got there i asked the guy at the counter what's happening with my enrolment process bc it has been on ''process has started'' for a week #and then some. this guy tells me they're testing a bot or whatever that automatically ''starts'' the process when the payment has been #received. so i'm like okay wtf. he goes to check my request manually but i notice he's looking at the one with a page of text #and that's my second request where i explained i want my money back so i go hey hey hey that's actually my refund request #this man goes and asks why i enrolled if i hadn't had all my exam grades marked yet #i look this man in the eye and say ''i wanted to ensure i'd be enrolled on time'' and he goes quiet #because i'm assuming he realised i tried to enrol the very day enrolments opened and here i was two days before they closed in the #student office asking wtf was happening to my enrolment process #so anyway. he goes and tells me i need to cancel my enrolment and enrol again and that he'll forward my refund request but can't #guarantee anything. and i'm like sure fine but now my scholarship page says i don't have to pay anything #so like whatever decision you lot make my bank is gonna know i made a payment i didn't have to make #and that if you refuse to refund me i'm getting a chargeback. so you know.#in any case i did all i could to make sure i was enrolled on time and still had to be on edge bc i had to restart the process two days #before the enrolment period ended. i deserve those €80 and then some

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its-captain-sir · 6 months ago

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Thanksgiving break literally could not come sooner I can't take this anymore

#I'm emotionally drained physically exhausted and mentally wrung out #it's all too much and things just keep hitting one after another and i barely have time to process any of it #i literally did not even have the time to cry today.#i had to just keep soldiering on even though i heard one of the most heartbreaking things #this coming week is honest to god going to be one of the most difficult in my life for so many reasons #and i can't do anything except just let it happen nonstop and try not to drown under the weight of everything #it sucks. and i don't know how much longer i can keep it all up #megan.txt

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mech-pilot · 1 month ago

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me every single day in my head: oh haha wow if i'm already this bad i can't imagine how bad the trauma exhaustion is gonna hit when i move out

me in real life: * gets even like 1% stressed out and starts mentally wanting to go limp and hard switch with amnesia *

#m #v #p #like maybe actually i am already doing quite badly and it seems i'm processing a lot 😃#i genuinely keep getting these like entire head ''headaches'' that feel like a painful mental tension i can release by just hard switching #to avoid my triggers and stressors which is like ok system works but also um this is very bad for my stress tolerance lol #for the record i haven't had any major unlocks since my big trauma reveal this time last month so this is all latent stress and grief #i still haven't even gotten to the worst one yet. i know what to look for in it.#google how do i not feel like passing out thinking about anything other than my distractions / interests

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neverendingford · 1 month ago

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#tag talk #vent #also I'm gonna complain because I had another experience of “I look dumb because I assumed things followed rules and they don't”#okay so most heavy machinery uses keys (as opposed to numberpad locks) right? right. so I'm renting out a boom lift to a guy and we finish #finish the rental process and I go out with him to unlock it and get it hitched up to his truck. and I'm like oh right you need the key.#so I go in to the key box and there's a shit ton of keys and they're supposed to be organized and of course they're not organized at all.#so I take a picture and text it to my tool tech and then call him to be like hey which fucking key goes to the 35' boom lift???#and he gives me a vague description that matches 3 keys so I'm like okay I'll figure it out from here. and I check and all 3 keys have #have different teeth. now most times the same brand and type of equipment will just have the same key. a kubota key will turn on most kubota #but they have different teeth. so I'm like okay I'll just try each key. it's only 3 keys it'll be easy. so I go out and I try the first key #and it turns. cool. problem solved right? I get suspicious and try another key. it also turns. I get worried. I try the third key. it works.#I'm now concerned because they're literally keyed differently. so I get worried they they all turn but maybe they won't really all Work #now in retrospect I realize that it's not that complicated. like those cheapo locks that have a “key” but really can be opened by anything #but I'm stressed. the inspection process already crashed on me once. and I'm alone and behind schedule for closing up shop.#and because I learned a rule as a kid. locks can't be opened by different keys. and I had 3 different keys.#so I call my tool tech again and I'm like man I don't know which is the right key they all turn in the starter #(it's electric so it's not like an engine turns on or anything.) and my tech is very clearly confused and I'm panicking because this guy's #been trying to rent this boom lift for the past thirty minutes and the program crashed and now this green kid doesn't know which key to use #and anyway. I realize all too late that any of the 3 keys would work (even though they're. once again. literally KEYED DIFFERENT)#and I have a mortifying moment where I just.. hand him the key and am like “any of them would work”#and I've been sleeping like shit the last few days so I've been stuttering like hell and he's been giving me sympathetic looks the wholetime #and anyway I'm gonna go down myself in the bathtub or something I feel like a fucking idiot #need one of those “be patient I have autism” shirts or something.#and like.. I'm MAD. because keys are supposed to work how keys work. I got taught how locks work and now they work differently??? ughhhhh #I know it's stupid but I'm mad because it's a stupid little thing and now I look like a fucking idiot and I'm not and yet I am #I know if I were R this wouldn't bother me and I would laugh and be able to slow down my mind enough to speak slowly and clearly #but I can't I'm not her I'm not wearing my armor right now I'm stuck weak and stupid and I know I'm venting I know I know I know I know #I should add the vent tag so people can block this accordingly. so you can ignore my- no calm down buddy don't get that self pitying okay?#hey it's alright. I'm gonna post this and we're gonna have a chat okay?

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berryblu-soda · 11 months ago

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Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:

fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure

ALSO-

*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!

#ALSO DO NOT READ THE TAGS IF YOURE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME!!!!#ENDED UP VENTING AGHHHHH- (<- amongus ref in 2024???? l+ratio) (no but seriously stay safe; im not sure if i should add a cw???)#no but like the cars themselves?#FOLDED-#ive seen photos of worse ones of course lol (ty internet <3)#but we´re all in agreement that if it had hit anywhere else at that speed it wouldve been BAD Bad-#like; severe injury to the leg at least; drivers door wouldve crumpled; thankfully it hit the tire mostly #our car got what seems to be the lesser damage and theyre still debating if it counts as total loss xd #also oh goshhhh #so i usually go and say goodbye to my dad when hes headed to work; i did it that day as usual; car was already halfway out the driveway #my dog also loves to go and she was already in the car #but my mom (taking my dad to work) said she´d need to stop by the store after dropping dad off; so she handed her back to me #last minute descision-#my dog is a small kinda elderly chihuahua and wouldve been on my mom´s lap when they crashed #no seatbelt for her obviously #she wouldve gotten injured so freaking bad if she was there ):#overall feels like we dodged a life altering accident by a hair #i wasnt even in it and im still shook hahaha #i always go say bye to dad if hes leaving for work no matter if im pissed off or sad or whatever #half out of habit; half bc i know anything could happen at any moment and id rather not have been too proud to say goodbye #dammit im crying now hahaha #saying again; everyones fine!!!!! please remember to hug your loved ones !!!!!!#shut up sheo #but oh gosh too many reminders of death as a constant recently #that happened about a week after a cousin died; i hadnt seen him in forever but his family went to our church growing up; he was my age #it was a dull and distant pain even then to hear the news but it still hurt; i didnt go to the funeral #did go to the one a couple days later tho; for a family member i truly didnt know; it was a car crash i think #a special kind of heartbreak from meeting his mom and seeing his kids running around #now that i realize it; as im writing this; i hadnt stopped to process just about anything hahaha #freaking sobbing at 9 in the morning smh!!!!!

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drygrasses · 5 months ago

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Found out that Solmare is going to stop updating Obey Me’s story at the end of the year :( The game will technically still exist but it’ll just be reruns of old events, no more new content. There’s definitely not enough time to wrap up the current plot threads in any meaningful way, so the story is just gonna be abandoned I guess. This is 100% a money issue. Man. I don’t know. I’m just sad

#I’ve been playing this game for three years #it sounds cheesy to say it like this but it’s been there for me #it’s been consistency I’ve never had in anything else in my entire life #like I can’t even describe it without sounding dramatic #I don’t know. I don’t know #this is also the second time I’ve been really enjoying a little vacation/break and then received really bummer news about something I love #something I knew would never be permanent but was not ready to say goodbye to #not ready for it to be over #I’d have two nickels but it is weird it’s happened twice #god I sound SO dramatic like no one died it’s just a game #but I guess for me it’s not just a game #maybe I’ll process it and think about it and feel better. maybe I won’t #me stuff

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kastukj · 3 months ago

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I hate micro transactions and permanently limited content I hate micro transactions and permanently limited content I HATE MICRO TRANSACTIONS AND PERMANENTLY LIMITED CONTENT