#no judgement from me I love a good deep dive!

[eightypercentjack-blog]

I really love this post because for whatever reason Frenchie as a character overall, and Kimchie as such an interesting and adorable pairing, have been a gigantic comfort to me during recent bleak times. I also love to overthink, overanalyse and daydream about things so when you invited comments and I saw this opportunity for those things to combine I completely ran with it! They, both individually and together, have become some of my favourite characters of all time from anything. So, between that fact and an entire night of insomnia......!

What would have happened if Little Nina hadn’t kidnapped Frenchie? We saw those secret smiles on Kimiko and Frenchie’s faces. I want to see the conversation that happened when he came back from his quiet freak out at the coffee machine.

Me too! Although the moment they finally kiss properly at the end of S4 is so gorgeous I’m ultimately glad we had to wait. The scene after he’s kidnapped and Kimiko starts to fear she’s somehow upset him by kissing him and that he isn’t coming back makes me so sad, she looks so lost and concerned and of course we know he would never have been mad at her, would certainly never have left her and I’m always relieved when she gets grabbed too because I can’t wait for her to know that he didn’t abandon her. I think if he’d had the chance to go back he would have let that little smile that was starting to show fully form and he’d have gone back to her looking happy. Things would have been awkward initially for sure but I think he would have reassured her it was unexpected but fine and they would have talked about what they mean to each other and maybe they would have still been scared at that point to risk changing what they had by going down that path but I think it would have been a really sweet start of them realising they could be more and taking it very slowly but steadily from that point on.

Why did Frenchie leave after Kimiko kissed him? Was he overwhelmed? Scared? Did he not feel that way at the time?

I think he was just shocked, I think it’s easy for the audience to forget that we see the song and dance routine, we get to see and hear how she really feels about him but none of that happens for Frenchie. He is literally just sat there listening to music with her and worrying about Nina and then boom, she suddenly kisses him completely out of nowhere. The last time he tried to get closer to her that way it was awful timing and she violently rejected him, he’s worked on building this beautiful bond of trust and care between them ever since but we have to assume he didn’t expect anything else to happen and was never going to make a first move again regardless. So I think he’s just totally taken aback and needs to leave to process what just happened. I think maybe he is a little scared at that moment too, he nearly lost her, he’s being threatened, he’s never had a connection so pure before and it’s so sacred to him….so I think the poor guy just needed a moment to process.

How the hell did they get back to the office after escaping Nina? Frenchie was butt naked and in rough shape. Kimiko was in a hospital gown, covered in blood. Cherie was not much better. That must have been an interesting Uber ride.

I wonder about this all the time and can’t deny I very much wish there was fanfic of it! That moment where she unlocks him and he’s still naked and she’s still drenched in blood must have been very strange and intense. And it would have taken time as well, she didn’t have her powers back so breaking the bike lock would have required much more thought and effort. I always imagine it would have been a traumatically tender moment and they must have sought out whatever they could cover themselves with initially.

What is Frenchie’s famous cassoulet recipe?

This I can’t help with since unlike Frenchie I absolutely suck at cooking :D

In season 1, they are running for their lives, hiding from Vought in this safe house. At what point was Frenchie like, “Ah yes, this is the perfect time to bake madeleines with this feral girl. Add eggs, flour, and butter to the supplies list.”?

I love this!! I guess while they’re lying low and wondering where Hughie was they had some time to kill and Frenchie opted for the comfort tactic he describes in S2. The ‘port in the storm’. I think it’s just one of his natural instincts (and one of his less controversial ones!) and something he thinks will bring some peace and order in the middle of chaos. I think as well it’s a way of opening up communication since he can teach her and she can learn from him and she can realise that he’s a safe space for her.

In a bonus scene is Season 2, Frenchie tells Cherie that he would never sleep with Kimiko. Was he lying to her? Or lying to himself?

Firstly, I’m extremely glad they deleted that scene. Everything about it is kind of awkward and would have had an impact on everything after – they could have explained it but it would have just made things more complicated. But to answer, I think that he’s lying to himself but he doesn’t even know he’s lying to himself at that point if that makes sense. I think initially he really believes that this is something so magical and special that behaving how he has with so many others would somehow ruin that indefinable chemistry between them so he’s committed to not even exploring it. But I absolutely don’t think that’s the same as him not having feelings for her from the start. I think he’s declaring to himself/Cherie that he ‘wouldn’t sleep with her’ because he’s very much already thought about it.

When exactly did Kimiko figure out what “mon coeur” means?

It dawned on me the other day that he is so wonderfully fluent in KSL by S4 that they must spend HOURS together with her teaching him. It’s not like a spoken language he can go away and learn in his own time, or an established language he can learn from other people. He can literally only learn it directly from close physical proximity with Kimiko. So much of their bonding and joy and shared experience must come from that and I wish we saw a lot more of it. I think we can assume that she learns the meaning towards the end of S2 or during S3, if I was her it would be the first thing I’d ask him. But does he downplay the significance of it? Does he have some explanation for why he felt compelled to call her his heart a day after meeting her? I guess we’ll never know but that moment where she tells him she sees the same in him when we know she must understand the meaning at that point is so beautiful. And I think he’s so oblivious to what she’s really saying there because she’s saying she sees the good in him because of how he treats her but she’s also basically saying he is her heart in return. So cute.

He still looks totally cute but I would like to understand the reasoning behind Frenchie’s very elaborate, kitten whisker-y facial hair in Season 4. Choices were made!

I call his look in S4 ‘stubble slices’ and I absolutely love them! I think they look so good, especially in that final episode. I think the reasoning really was probably just that they looked cool af.

Speaking of, he spent a not insignificant amount of time in prison. Why does he look so hot and perfectly groomed? When Butcher sprang him from prison, did he let Frenchie stop by his apartment to do a line up before his reunion with Kimiko?

Very good question but I think it’s just impossible for him to not look hot. This man looks cute as hell with a skunk cut, zebra pants and a weird mustard gilet thing in S3. He’s just that ridiculously beautiful.

Are Frenchie and Kimiko roommates? If they are roommates I want a whole season of domestic scenes with these two.

No, I think we see that they aren’t but I too would love domestic scenes of them, would honestly happily watch a show just about them.

Do they share clothes?

In the first episodes she’s in she’s wearing what we can assume are his clothes till she starts wearing her own stuff after they go to the motel. And in S4 after he chops off her leg she’s sat with his jacket around her (adorable) so I think they probably still do/still would.

Does Cherie come over to hang out? I’ve always been curious about how Kimiko feels about her.

I don’t know how often they saw her but I guess we can assume Kimiko has some kind of positive perception of Cherie because she trusts her to give her the hit jobs in S2 and to not tell Frenchie about it. I think she’s probably glad he has this constant in his life, someone he can always turn to besides her. I also really love that despite how deeply he feels about Kimiko, when they’re all kidnapped by Little Nina, he refuses to choose between the two women and absolutely wants to protect them both. I think from that Kimiko can see how genuinely loyal he is and how much he cares about people in his life.

When they came to M.M.’s apartment after escaping Nina, did they stop by Costco to pick up a bottle of Kirkland Signature whiskey or did they already own it?

Based on my experiences working the alcohol and cigarette kiosk in a shop for 8 years when I was younger, I think they stopped by Costco and rocked up to the counter in a total state and the cashier just rolled with it.

When exactly did they fall for each other? And when did they each come to the realization that they were in love with the other? I feel like we were a tiny bit cheated out of some scenes of unrequited sexual tension because Eric Kripke dragged his feet about these two getting together for too long. (And my theory is up until the beginning of this season, he only caved because the chemistry was undeniable and the fans wanted it.)

Had to complete the rest and come back to this one last! This point corresponds to some of my absolute favourite aspects of Frenchie and Kimiko. One of these is that Tomer and Karen have such absolutely stratospheric natural chemistry that it defied whatever the writers wrote down, or whatever they intended. I think the crew even talk about it, even Kripke talked about it as well I think, that they realised they’d managed to cast two people who physically cannot seem like they don’t absolutely adore each other whether they’re supposed to be indicating that or not. I’ve never seen a human look at another human with more love than whenever he looks at her and they’re only playing characters on a show. Another of my absolute favourite Kimchie aspects is that, while Kripke was there trying to insist they were ‘just friends’, whoever runs the Amazon Prime youtube account was unashamedly shipping Kimchie to their heart’s content and doing stuff like calling them ‘couple goals’ and producing videos on their tips for a great relationship three seasons before they were ever officially together. I salute you Amazon Prime for being the biggest Kimchie stans of all of us! Similarly, Karen especially was just so blatantly Team Kimchie and it was adorable.

But…I don’t know that at least some of the writing team didn’t *always* envision them together. When Frenchie very first sees Kimiko, it’s moments after they have him mock M.M. for being a devoted one-woman man. The next thing we know he’s distancing himself from Cherie, not really showing interest in anyone else, risking his life for her and going on a mission to learn an unofficial sign language from scratch. They have Kimiko put her tongue in his mouth the minute she thinks she’s cured from the V and could have a ‘normal’ relationship. In that much-misinterpreted ‘we’re family’ scene, they slow dance to a love song while she rubs his arm muscles. Cause I came to the show so late I have never been so confused as when I became aware of there being a scene that people thought ruined their hopes of it being romantic and then getting to that moment and being like ‘this scene, really THIS scene!?’ Because I have never seen two characters more obviously in love in my life than in that specific scene. And Kripke himself, who I’m very familiar with as a Supernatural fan, claimed all this platonic stuff then personally directed their perfectly written, dreamily soundtracked finale kiss complete with cute touches like the focus on her going up on her toes to reach his lips. I think they dithered and weren’t sure how to execute it all but I think at least some of the team were Kimchie stans themselves from day one.

Speaking of that, I think the short answer is that they were always in love, they just didn’t know that’s what it was. The moment he meets her is framed so much as basically love at first sight. He goes from not knowing her to absolutely devoted in mere hours. And it might seem less explicit from Kimiko’s side but from day one she never hurts him even when her emotions are flying. She grabs his hand for comfort and clarity multiple times despite being in this super frightened, feral state. I personally like to think that near the end of S2 when she asks him to dance that she starts to realise she has or could fall in romantic love with him and then by the dance routine in S3 I think she feels for a second she could have a normal life and she wants to share it with him. And I think she’s utterly in love with him from that point on, including during the family scene and everything else (they don’t even try to show her not be in my opinion) but there’s way bigger things going on, she still has so much guilt to overcome etc so she buries it and pretends she’s ok seeing him with someone else. Then I think with him it really is a case of it’s always been there but he just hasn’t known what it is because he’s loved people dearly before, including Cherie and Jay, but from what he says we can guess he’s never been *in love*, he’s never had someone who was ‘The One’. I think he’s scared of that, terrified to ruin it, terrified to lose her, ashamed of the darkest parts of his past. And then at the end of S4 when she’s like ‘dude, I know your sins, I know the world might end but I want you’ I think he takes a beat and finally lets himself take the risk and be loved back.

Did Kimiko really sleep with the Jitterbean barista or was she just overcompensating?

I personally think she totally made that up, and I think he also totally thinks she made that up. I think those scenes where she’s drunk are so well done, she’s in that perfectly relatable middle ground between genuinely wanting him to be happy even if it’s not with her but maybe also seeing an opportunity to try and make him jealous because she so blatantly wants him and neither the characters nor the writers were fooling anyone.

How does Frenchie know the signs for “penis” and “vagina?” I can’t see Kimiko needing to use those words with her brother. So did she and Frenchie create those signs together? And how did it come up in the first place???

I guess it depends exactly how KSL works, maybe it’s possible to figure out what those words would be in the language once you know enough of it. And I guess as the only speaker of it she probably wanted a word for everything she might ever need to say. But also since we know they must have spent lots of time talking together in order for him to become fluent we can assume they spent time talking about Frenchie’s past, including Cherie and Jay, and the need for signs meaning penis and vagina probably came up pretty quickly in that context!

Frenchie was totally in a throuple with Cherie and Jay, right?

Speaking of, yes, absolutely

Will Frenchie now act extra territorial around Kimiko when they get coffee? He doesn’t strike me as a jealous guy but I could see him making an exception for her.

I agree, he’s not the jealous type at all and I don’t think that would change necessarily but he is extremely protective so I could see him maybe acting in a way people might perceive as jealousy at some point when really it’s just that he’s so devoted to her

Will Frenchie take Compound V?

I think if it was a choice between losing Kimiko and taking V he would take it but I really kind of love the idea that the drug addict ends up being the one character that never touches it

After he sawed off Kimiko’s leg, did he spend the rest of the day carrying her around while she healed?

We know he sat her down and wrapped his jacket around her to comfort her while she healed which is so sweet. But her limbs grow back so quickly he probably didn’t need to do that much. Love how easily he picked her up though when it happened.

What happened to Frenchie’s mother? How did he escape his father?

This is something I’ve thought about as well, I guess we assume that he never saw his beloved Mama again which is so sad. He really did have one of the worst childhoods/backstories of any character in the show and I love that we get to see the contrast between an abusive childhood resulting in someone like Homelander or the worst parts of Butcher, but also in someone who ends up full of so much empathy and tenderness and who desperately wants to undo and atone for his sins. I think we can guess that he escaped his father either by fleeing to America or by Little Nina taking him off his father’s hands. Or just by him eventually being old enough to outrun his father. Perhaps his father died, but if he did I don’t think we’ve been given any indication that Frenchie would have killed him.

Why does Frenchie know so much about bombs and bioweapons?

I think a combination of him being naturally very smart and very curious, and realising that he would need some kind of skill to survive. When they got into robbing banks he probably realised it gave him a unique gift to offer in comparison to most thieves, and especially when it came to potentially taking down Supes.

How did he end up moving to The States? How did he become friends with Cherie and Jay? I feel like I could watch multiple seasons of a Frenchie prequel.

I would also love a Frenchie prequel. I think we could imagine so many ways this went down and I absolutely love the ‘Frenchie episode’ in the hospital where we see so much of his backstory.

How is Kimiko going to get out of prison? How will she rescue Frenchie? And how will he react when he finally hears her voice?

I think one thing we know for sure is that she will be devastated, furious and she will want her man back asap so she’ll move heaven and hell to rescue him. I think we’ll see her truly get to use her powers to fight for him as she describes in S3. Because so many people didn’t initially realise that she speaks in the scene where he’s taken away I like the idea of a scene where he doesn’t initially realise either. He’s just so happy to see her and speak to her it doesn’t dawn on him she’s using her voice and then as he slowly realises I think he would be shocked but so happy and proud. I really really want as much happiness as possible for these two, I truly don’t care who else has to die for them to get their happy ending at this point (though I am super soft-hearted and would ideally like to see all the Boys survive, with maybe the exception of Butcher because sacrifice and finally resting for good really makes sense for his character arc).

24 unanswered Frenchie and Kimiko questions

What would have happened if Little Nina hadn’t kidnapped Frenchie? We saw those secret smiles on Kimiko and Frenchie’s faces. I want to see the conversation that happened when he came back from his quiet freak out at the coffee machine.

Why did Frenchie leave after Kimiko kissed him? Was he overwhelmed? Scared? Did he not feel that way at the time?

How the hell did they get back to the office after escaping Nina? Frenchie was butt naked and in rough shape. Kimiko was in a hospital gown, covered in blood. Cherie was not much better. That must have been an interesting Uber ride.

What is Frenchie’s famous cassoulet recipe?

In season 1, they are running for their lives, hiding from Vought in this safe house. At what point was Frenchie like, “Ah yes, this is the perfect time to bake madeleines with this feral girl. Add eggs, flour, and butter to the supplies list.”?

In a bonus scene is Season 2, Frenchie tells Cherie that he would never sleep with Kimiko. Was he lying to her? Or lying to himself?

When exactly did Kimiko figure out what “mon coeur” means?

He still looks totally cute but I would like to understand the reasoning behind Frenchie’s very elaborate, kitten whisker-y facial hair in Season 4. Choices were made!

Speaking of, he spent a not insignificant amount of time in prison. Why does he look so hot and perfectly groomed? When Butcher sprang him from prison, did he let Frenchie stop by his apartment to do a line up before his reunion with Kimiko?

Are Frenchie and Kimiko roommates? If they are roommates I want a whole season of domestic scenes with these two.

Do they share clothes?

Does Cherie come over to hang out? I’ve always been curious about how Kimiko feels about her.

When they came to M.M.’s apartment after escaping Nina, did they stop by Costco to pick up a bottle of Kirkland Signature whiskey or did they already own it?

When exactly did they fall for each other? And when did they each come to the realization that they were in love with the other? I feel like we were a tiny bit cheated out of some scenes of unrequited sexual tension because Eric Kripke dragged his feet about these two getting together for too long. (And my theory is up until the beginning of this season, he only caved because the chemistry was undeniable and the fans wanted it.)

Did Kimiko really sleep with the Jitterbean barista or was she just overcompensating?

How does Frenchie know the signs for “penis” and “vagina?” I can’t see Kimiko needing to use those words with her brother. So did she and Frenchie create those signs together? And how did it come up in the first place???

Frenchie was totally in a throuple with Cherie and Jay, right?

Will Frenchie now act extra territorial around Kimiko when they get coffee? He doesn’t strike me as a jealous guy but I could see him making an exception for her.

Will Frenchie take Compound V?

After he sawed off Kimiko’s leg, did he spend the rest of the day carrying her around while she healed?

What happened to Frenchie’s mother? How did he escape his father?

Why does Frenchie know so much about bombs and bioweapons?

How did he end up moving to The States? How did he become friends with Cherie and Jay? I feel like I could watch multiple seasons of a Frenchie prequel.

How is Kimiko going to get out of prison? How will she rescue Frenchie? And how will he react when he finally hears her voice?

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

the art & science of parenting 101 ─ p. js

↳ summary ── the art & science of parenting 101 (PSY1009): in this interactive course, students will explore the psychological, social, and biological foundations of parenthood. through a mix of theory and hands-on practice, you'll master the art of raising a simulated baby—aka the 'robot child'. late-night feedings, tantrum taming, and crisis control are all part of the deal.   what you didn't expect to be part of the deal? getting paired with jay park—the last person you'd trust to raise, well, anything. you’re pretty sure he couldn’t even take care of a pet rock. now, you’re stuck co-parenting this robot baby together for 40% of your final grade.  warning: sleep deprivation is guaranteed. and maybe, just maybe, some unexpected feelings for your disaster of a partner. good luck! 

↳ pairing ── jay park x y/n [ft. enha members!]

↳ genre ── e2l!au, college!au, (fake)parenting!au, he-fell-first, she-fell-harder type beat lolz || fluff, crack

↳ ✎ᝰ. 20.5k [ONCE AGAIN -- this was not intentional..if you know me i just have too much fun writing sometimes & get too attached to the characters...]

↳ contains ── mentions of parenting & parental neglect (sorta, only a smidge of like five words), crack! bc if you know me i self indulge in crack whoops, jay & y/n being opposites & school rivals, jay's annoying smirk like a million times, reader & jay are psych majors, jay's also a photographer, cheesy ass kisses, jay & reader are awkward! so awkward! there’s SO much tension . but in a cute awkward crush way

↳ addie's ✉ .ᐟ ── omg it’s finally done. tell me why it took me so long to finish, i promise i didn’t mean to but life’s been busier lately :’) aNyways! ugh i luv writing e2l!jay for some reason,,,he fits the trope so well in my eyes heh but i hope you all like him & the characters as much as i enjoyed writing them !!! as busy as i am i love indulging in my crack x enha writes :P hope u enjoy & tell me what you think <333

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・

Welcome to PSY1009, The Art & Science of Parenting 101! Throughout the next 12 weeks, we’re going to dive deep into the wondrous world of parenting—dirty diapers and all. To kick off our course, we’re starting with our campus-famous project: raising your very own robot baby for the first half of the semester (with the help of your assigned partner, of course). Before our first class, we ask that you complete this pre-project questionnaire on your current views and opinions about parenting. No pressure—there are no right or wrong answers (maybe only judgements from your future robot offspring)!

Q1 – The Art & Science of Parenting 101 aims to apply different psychological approaches to parenting. What theories and methods do you believe are important to parenting? 

Y/N's Submission [8:25AM, September 18th]:

"I strongly believe that effective parenting revolves around a strict routine, which can be reinforced through the principles of operant conditioning, as developed by B.F. Skinner. Proper feeding schedules, consistent nap times, and regular development check-ins are essential—I think a structured timetable would ensure a baby's needs are met efficiently and consistently. With a set schedule and a focus on developmental milestones, I believe we can maximize a child's growth potential, even if it's just a robot baby.”

Q2 – What do you expect to learn and gain out of this co-parenting experience?  

Y/N's Submission [8:29AM, September 18th]:  

"I expect to confirm that a well-organized system is the key to successful parenting. I want to test my hypothesis that if you follow a set structure, yes, even with a robot baby, things will run smoothly. I am hoping that this experience runs smoothly with no unnecessary surprises.” 

✭・.・✫

Satisfied with your answers, you click 'submit' and close your laptop, feeling a wave of satisfaction as you settle into your seat—center of the second row—as you wait for the 9AM lecture to start.  

It's 8:30AM.  

You're the only one in the room.  

Yeah, you're a little early. So what? One can never be too prepared. You've waited for this course forever, and you're determined to not only ace it (like you do with every class) but to dominate. So yes, coming early is characteristic of you, as you want to ensure you get the best seat in the classroom: center of the second row—center to get the best view of the professor's podium, and second row to be close enough to show you're engaged, but not close enough that it screams, Look at me, I'm a tryhard!  

It's clear you've come prepared. Plus, this class isn't just any ordinary elective—it's the elective to take. Only the top students majoring in psychology get in, available only through direct invite by the professor. If you were invited to PSY1009, it meant you were the crème de la crème of psychology students. The best of the best. The elite. The— 

Your train of thought is derailed when an all-too-familiar figure strolls into the room with that signature smirk. Backpack slung lazily over one (1) shoulder (as if two straps are too much effort), hair clearly still bedhead status, wearing whatever clothes he fished off The Chair (you know, the one—where all questionable, semi-clean laundry lives). 

He strolls past you—of course—and plops down right in front of you.

Front row.  

Try-hard. 

"Y/N, fancy seeing you here," Jay Park spins around, a knowing look plastered on his face, eyes gleaming. "I missed seeing that frown of yours all summer." 

"What are you doing here, Jay?" You roll your eyes and scoff at his comment. "Don't tell me you got into this class. It's for serious students."  

Jay's grin only widens to your despair. "Contrary to your deeply misinformed opinion, Professor Kim actually loves me. I'm a great student."  

“I don’t believe it,” you deadpan back. “You never turn your assignments in on time, and quite frankly, I'm surprised you were even able to find this classroom."  

Jay shrugs, unfazed. "What can I say? Professor Kim doesn't just look at deadlines, she looks at talent. Guess that says a lot about me, huh?"  

You mumble something under your breath about ‘talent for procrastination’ but before he can fire back, Professor Kim walks into the room, cuing the silence of all the students who've filled up the class.  

"Good morning, class! I'm so happy to see so many familiar faces."  

Jay turns his head back towards the front of the room, as you instantly straighten up, flashing your favorite professor a smile. This is officially the fifth course you've taken with Professor Kim. It's no secret you’re one of her biggest fans—the countless early mornings you've spent waiting at your computer, finger hovering over the ‘enroll’ button the second registration opens so you can be one of the first students to sign up for her classes have proven that. Challenging but rewarding, her classes are always worth the effort.

And yet, for reasons beyond your comprehension, Jay Park—Jay Freaking Park—somehow always ends up in the same classes. Every. Single. Time. It’s like a curse.  

A loud, messy, procrastinating curse…

…that just so happens to have a side profile almost as annoyingly good that it only pisses you off more. 

You wonder if he’s actually here to learn or if he’s just here to spite you. Because, honestly, the amount of classes you’ve shared with him is no longer a coincidence. Five semesters in a row? Suspicious. 

But realistically, and unfortunately, Jay does study the same major as you, which means those last five semesters? Oh, those were five long semesters of endless debates on discussion boards, in-class duels over psychological theories, and the infamous showdown for the TA position in Professor Kim's Intro to Psychology course. And the worst part? Neither of you got the job because Professor Kim—in a diplomatic twist that made zero sense to you—deemed you both 'equally qualified.' So, the job went to the third best candidate instead. Tough luck.  

You open up your laptop again, opening a perfectly organized Google Doc, ready to take notes on whatever pearls of wisdom Professor Kim is currently bestowing about your upcoming project—which, in hindsight, you should really be paying attention to. You should be. But something so ridiculous, so blood-boiling, pulls your attention elsewhere.  

Jay's desk is completely...empty. 

No laptop. No notebook. Not even a measly little pencil. Did he bring an empty backpack? Or did he just walk in here like he's casually waiting for someone to present him his grade on a silver platter? He's just sitting there like this is a casual hangout—probably expecting his robot baby to parent itself while he simply supervises.  

Before your self-induced inner monologue spirals into complete rage, you suddenly hear your professor's voice cut through the class, breaking you out of your mental rant.  

"Y/N and Jay." 

Wait. What?

Your head snaps up so fast it's a miracle it didn't pop off your neck and roll away.

You blink. You must have misheard.

"Y/N and Jay," Professor Kim repeats as if she could read your confused expression, voice too nonchalant for the life-wrecking news she's about to deliver: "You two are partners."  

The words hit you like a bus. No, not even. The words hit you like a bus driven by a T-Rex that flips over, crashes into a building, and explodes into a million ashy pieces. And there you are—standing right in the middle of the wreckage, somehow (and unfortunately) still alive to suffer through every second of it—while Jay, smug as ever, whips around in his seat to face you.  

And of course, there it is: that look of his that screams 'This is going to be so much fun for me, and so much pain for you.' 

"Guess we're parents now, Y/N!" Jay chimes, his voice dripping with so much sarcastic enthusiasm you swear he just got handed an Oscar for Most Annoying Human. If that tone were a substance, you'd bottle it up and use it as insect repellent. On him. Repeatedly.  

You blink at him, you're sure—you're praying—this has to be some elaborate prank. Maybe Jay bribed Professor Kim with his rare attempt at turning in an assignment on time just to mess with you. Or maybe the universe just hates you and this is your karma for stealing your roommate's last ramen packet that one time a year ago.  

But no, Professor Kim keeps rattling off other pairs like it's business as usual, as if your entire academic career and sanity isn't currently being flushed down a metaphorical toilet, while you sit there, paralyzed, your brain rapidly melting into a useless puddle from the sheer thought of being paired with him.  

"What's wrong, Y/N?" Jay teases as he leans over the back of his chair towards you, puppy dog eyes on display. "You don't want to play house with me?"  

You narrow your eyes at him, mentally wielding your imaginary bug spray like it's a holy weapon. 

"I don’t," you reply flatly. "In fact, I’d rather perform open-heart surgery on myself with a plastic spoon than co-parent with you." 

Jay’s eyes light up as his hand goes to his heart. "Aw, you really know how to make a guy feel special. This is why I like our little relationship, you know?" 

"Relationship?" You scoff loud enough to make the people sitting three rows behind you to glance in your direction.

You bring your voice down to a whisper, leaning towards him. "The only thing we have in common is a shared oxygen supply." 

"See, that’s the spirit," he says, turning back to face the front like he didn't just ruin your life.

And somehow, that pisses you off even more. Is it his voice? His stupidly perfect hair? The fact that he has the audacity to breathe in your general direction? At this point, he could literally sneeze, and it would still feel like a personal attack.

Is it too late to switch majors? Or schools? Maybe even countries? Surely, restarting your entire college career as a super senior would be better than spending the next six weeks parenting with Jay. Jay Park, who has probably never held anything more fragile than a Red Solo Cup.  

Jay Park, who is just sitting there, all calm and collected, clearly loving every second of your misery.  

While you're frozen in pure, unadulterated horror.  

Your grade? Plummeting as we speak.  Your robot baby? Probably going to need therapy by day two. And you?  

You're screwed.

Q1 – The Art & Science of Parenting 101 aims to apply different psychological approaches to parenting. What are your current theories and methods that you believe are important to parenting? 

Jay’s Submission [10:09AM, September 18th]: 

"I think babies need more freedom to explore and make their own choices, even if that just means grabbing random things. Bowlby's attachment theory leans towards a secure attachment, but I don't think that means hovering over them 24/7. It's about being there when they really need you, not scheduling every second of the day. I also believe letting babies learn through their own experiences is key. Strict behaviorism, such as Skinner's, sounds exhausting and I don't think a rigid system is what makes a good parent. Babies are messy, and that's okay." 

Q2 – What do you expect to learn and gain from this experience? 

Jay's Submission [10:12AM, September 18th]:  

"I'm hoping to learn how to be a responsive, yet flexible parent without overcomplicating it. The goal is to find balance between being hands-on without hovering. And, I think this whole robot baby thing will teach me how to handle unpredictable situations—because no matter how much you plan, life is going to surprise you. And also, being able to say I know how to change a diaper under 30 seconds sounds pretty cool :)" 

✭・.・✫

Jay's screwed.  

Like, completely, utterly, hopelessly screwed. 

He was already kinda skeptical he’d make it past his 40s if he kept living the way he does, but now? Now, he’s not even sure he’ll survive the next 24 hours. Why? Well, today’s the first official meeting with you—as co-parents—at the campus coffee shop at 12PM sharp. 

It's 12:17PM.  

He's late.  

Seventeen whole minutes late. To your meeting. And you're basically the human embodiment of an atomic clock. You’re probably sitting there, checking your watch every few seconds, calculating his absence down to the millisecond. Jay can practically feel the murderous vibes you’re radiating from halfway across campus.  

And while Jay sometimes finds your need for punctuality weirdly endearing (but don't tell anyone that), he also values not getting scolded on a Saturday morning (12PM is still morning to him, don't judge), especially when he could be sleeping in.   

As the café comes into view, Jay considers just throwing the towel in. Maybe he could fake a sudden illness, or better yet, skip town and maybe fake his own death or something. 

There's no point. Knowing you, you'd probably hunt him down for sport.  

With a sigh, Jay pushes open the door to the café, bracing himself for impact.  

And there you are. Exactly how he imagined.  

Seated at a small table by the window, papers perfectly aligned, laptop open, and two different colored highlighters placed meticulously side by side. Your foot taps in perfect sync with the café's background music, your eyebrows knitted together in focus, and your teeth chewing your bottom lip as if you're about to crack the Krabby Patty secret formula. The window next to you allows the afternoon sunlight to spill through and reflect off of you, making you look...dare he say it...almost pretty.

If Jay wasn't fearing for his life, he might have actually stopped to admire the view. Might have.  

When Jay finally reaches your table—17 minutes and 46 seconds late (but who's counting)—you look up, meeting his gaze with a look that's somewhere between not surprised but definitely not impressed. 

"Well, well," you say, quirking your mouth up ever so slightly that Jay thinks he might see you smile for the first time in, like, ever. "Look who finally decided to join us! Must be nice living on Jay Standard Time."  

Jay flashes his usual, unbothered smile as he pulls out the chair across from you.

"Oh, c'mon, Y/N. Seventeen minutes is nothing in the grand scheme of life."  

"Yeah? Tell that to our future robot baby when you're seventeen minutes late to feed it and its batteries die."  

"Yikes. That got dark quick," Jay's mutters, grin wavering. "But hey, glad to see you're finally accepting the fact that it's our future baby!"  

"Future robot baby," you peer your eyes at him from above your laptop. "Anyways, did you read the guidelines?"  

Jay rubs the back of his neck as he leans back into his chair. "Uh, define 'read'."  

Without missing a beat, you slap a packet of papers down on the table.

"Here's the breakdown. Feeding schedules, emotional development tracker, diaper changes, mood swings—the whole shebang. We're going to have to approach this strategically."  

"Woah, okay," Jay's eyebrows shoot up, his brain trying to catch up with the words you just spewed at him. "First, how the heck is a robot going to develop emotionally—that's a little scary if you ask me. Like, dystopian, Black Mirror, scary. And second, since when is parenting just following a spreadsheet? Isn't part of it, you know, winging it?"  

At the words 'winging it', your eye twitches so violently, Jay half-expects you to reach across the table and strangle him with his own hoodie strings. 

"Winging it?" You shut your laptop and lean forward. "Winging it is exactly how we end up with a malfunctioning robot baby that starts a fire and fails us. Parenting is all about structure, consistency—"  

"—and having a little fun," Jay cuts in, mouth quirked with mischief. "I mean, what's parenting without some chaos?"  

"Chaos," you mutter, narrowing your eyes at him, "is what you bring into my life on a daily basis."  

"Yeah, and yet you secretly love it," Jay shoots back, leaning in to meet you, as if daring you to disagree.  

You stare at him, unblinking. It's either you're plotting his slow and painful demise or seriously considering what he just said. No in-between.  

And yet, somehow, Jay almost finds it endearing how you can look like the world's most innocent golden retriever while also simultaneously sending him six feet under with just one agonizing glare. Almost.  

Finally, you sigh, "This isn't a joke, Jay. This is 40% of our grade."  

"And I'm 100% ready!" Jay shoots back with a wink, to which you respond with a full-body eye roll.  

"Oh yeah? Alright, Mr. Ready-for-Anything, what's your brilliant plan?"

"Hmm," Jay leans back in his seat, folding his arms behind his head as if he's got it all figured out (he doesn't). "Well, for one, I was thinking maybe...shifts. We split responsibilities based on our schedules. I'll take the baby on certain hours, you take it other hours, and we'll spend our free days together. And if we're not together and there's a baby crisis, we stay on call." 

In complete honesty, that came from out of nowhere. Jay didn't even know any ideas were subconsciously cooking up within him until the words tumbled out of his mouth before he realized it. But there's no way he was going to tell you that, not when you don't immediately tear his idea to shreds. In fact, you actually look...impressed? 

Or so he thinks. Jay definitely needs to get better at this whole 'reading your expressions' thing.  

"Huh," you murmur to yourself, fingers tapping against the table. "That's...not the worst idea you've ever had."  

Jay feels elated. Validation? From you? Phew, this means his life is spared. Thank god.  

Jay flashes you a satisfied smile and while you don't return it, he hopes you're secretly softening. Just a little. Behind that straight face, you're probably low-key impressed, but no way are you letting him see that.  

"Don't get too excited," you say, as if you've got some sixth sense for whenever Jay throws a mental victory parade. "This is only day one. Of, like, 42. We've got a long way to go."  

"Okay, okay," Jay raises his hands in surrender, though there's no hiding the smirk on his face as he still mentally takes the win. "Message received. Let's just figure out our schedules?"  

You nod, pushing your laptop aside to make space for a sheet of paper you've already prepared—because of course you're prepared. It's like you're about to whip up some elaborate high-stakes legal contract that probably involves blood signatures.

"Okay," you say, clicking your pen, picking a bright blue that basically stabs Jay's eyes by simply existing, but whatever makes you happy, I guess.

You write 'Jay's Schedule' at the top, neatly highlighting it with a pink highlighter that somehow hurts even more. Jay wonders if this is a secret ploy to blind him into submission. He wouldn't put it past you.  

"What's your typical weekly schedule like?"  

Jay squints, clearly thinking hard, as he tries to remember what a 'typical' week looks like for him. Mostly it's a mix of spontaneous decisions, power naps, and gym sessions sprinkled between classes.  

"Uh...well," Jay rubs the back of his neck. "I usually sleep in until like 11...sometimes noon, depends on the vibe, you know? Classes after that, gym a couple times a week, maybe? And, um, naps are non-negotiable. Make sure you pencil those in too."  

Your pen freezes mid-air, hovering like you're considering whether to throw it at his face or not.  

"Naps? Non-negotiable? For someone who wakes up at 11AM? We're raising a child, Jay, this requires commitment!"  

Jay raises a calm eyebrow. "Hey, sleep is very important for brain function! You wouldn't want me underperforming as a parent, right?"  

Your eye twitches. "No, Jay. That's already my biggest fear."  

But instead of escalating the snark, you bite your lip, clearly restraining yourself from unleashing a full lecture on time management. Jay struggles to stifle his own laugh at your reaction. If looks could kill, you'd have him buried under six feet of color-coded charts and to-do lists by now.  

Finally, you sigh, accepting your fate and jotting down ‘Jay’s naps: apparently crucial for survival’ in your notes with a frown drawn next to it, while Jay gives you an approving nod from across the table. 

"Alright, my turn," you flip the page over with dramatic flair, carefully writing 'Y/N's Schedule' in the same stab-your-eyes-blue and pink highlight combo as Jay mentally braces himself for what's to come.  

"So," you continue, starting with that no-nonsense tone that's clearly meant to be serious—but to Jay, there's something almost charming about how strict you are. "I wake up at 6."  

Jay's brain immediately short-circuits. Forget charming.

You’re downright crazy. 

"6? As in AM? On purpose?"  

You blink back at him, as if he's the one saying something ridiculous.

"Yes, Jay. On purpose."  

His mind reels, purely amazed, yet utterly horrified at the thought. 6AM? Who does that? He's seen 6AM before, sure, but only when he's stayed up all night, probably cramming for an exam. His mornings start at 10AM at best, and that's very, very rarely. There are birds chirping at 6AM. Who wants to live in a world where birds chirp you awake?  

When he doesn't respond—still in pure shock—you keep going, undeterred by his obvious existential crisis.

"I usually have class at 8AM until 1PM, then I try to pick up a shift here," you gesture around the very café you two are in, "and then—"  

"Wait, wait," Jay holds up a hand, needing a mental pause button. "You work here?"  

"Yeah," you nod, like it's the most casual thing ever. "Why, is that surprising?"  

Jay squints at you. He's never considered the idea of you pulling espresso shots and dealing with caffeine-deprived college students—he's always pegged you more as a 'quiet math tutor for third-graders' type. Or maybe someone who sells cute stationery at the campus bookstore, organizing pens in rainbow order or something. But now that he's picturing it, yeah, it kind of makes sense. Maybe that's why you're so uptight all the time—too much exposure to coffee fumes. Or, more likely (and evidently), you're just an insanely busy person.  

He likes the coffee fumes theory better.  

"I guess not," he admits, then surprises even himself by adding, "that's kind of impressive, though."  

He gives you a genuine smile, and you blink back, as if searching for the hidden jab that's usually lurking beneath his words. But it's not there this time...oddly. Slowly, your expression softens, and you give him the tiniest of smiles.

"Thanks? It's alright, I guess."  

It's nothing big—no, not at all—but Jay feels a weird sense of accomplishment at your reaction. Better than nothing. 

He leans in over the table, all faux-innocence—eyebrows raises, large puppy eyes and all.

"Does this mean you can get me a free coffee?"  

You lean in too, mirroring him, and he's not sure why his heart skips a beat at the close proximity. 

"Yeah...no. Nice try."  

Jay groans, throwing himself back in his chair dramatically. Worth a shot.  

"Anyway," you continue, totally unfazed, "I usually work here until 5, then Mondays I have a study group for Econ 301, and club meetings scattered throughout the week."  

Jay's head spins for maybe the nth time since he's sat down. Honestly, you lost him way back at 'class until 1PM.' Your schedule is like some kind of twisted Sudoku puzzle, except much more intimidating.  

"So...you're, like, busy...all the time?" he asks, the words tumbling out of his mouth as his brain tries to process how anyone can function like this.  

You give him a look that almost convinces Jay himself that he's the crazy one here.

"Yes, Jay. I am."  

"Wow, okay. So why did you even take this class? What happened to being committed? You don't even have time to breathe."  

You narrow your eyes, and he swears you're about to launch into some motivational TedTalk.

"It's called efficiency, Jay. Also, I like to challenge myself. That's what parenthood is about, after all."

Jay stares at you like you've just self-declared yourself a cyborg.

"Oookayyy," he drawls, dragging out the word because, honestly, he's 99% sure you've completely lost it. The remaining 1%?  

It's slightly impressed by your sheer, terrifying level of commitment. He's over here winging life, including this conversation, while you've practically mapped out the rest of your entire existence. 

"Do you even, like, sleep? Or is that optional for you?"  

"Sleep is for the weak," you shoot him an amused glance, half-joking, half-serious.

Jay raises an eyebrow. "Good to know I'm weak, then."  

You stifle a laugh, but Jay catches the brief twitch of your lips before you quickly compose yourself. He’s known you for so long, and yet, this might be the first time he’s seen even a hint of your guard slipping. It’s subtle, barely there, but he notices. And for some reason, it makes him smile. You’re always so put together, so serious—but this small crack in your armor? Jay can’t help but appreciate it.  

Maybe, just maybe, he could get you to soften up more if he tried hard enough.

And yeah, he’s definitely going to try. 

But before he can try to tease you more, you snap back into business mode, instantly scribbling down more notes.

"Alright, so let’s just split the baby's care based on my work schedule and your...nap schedule, apparently."  

Jay leans back in his chair, catching that flicker of amusement in your voice—despite the serious look on your face—and he fights the urge to push a little more. There's something about that side of you—not the one behind the cold wall you've built of color-coded schedules and deadlines—that he wants to see more of. Somehow.  

"Works for me,” he shrugs and grins at you, “but if the baby's anything like me, it'll nap a lot. You might have it easy."

"And if it’s anything like me,” you mutter, barely pausing, “then it’ll easily get annoyed by you.”

Jay catches the ghost of a smile on your face, barely noticeable unless you were looking for it—which he definitely is. It’s enough to keep him intrigued. He leans forward, resting his chin in his hand like he’s watching some fascinating show. 

You don’t notice him staring—or maybe you do, but you’re too busy pretending you don’t. Either way, there’s a small, almost imperceptible shift in your body language that Jay senses. Your shoulders aren’t as tense, and you don’t look like you’re mentally calculating how many minutes you have left before you can escape this meeting.

Jay decides to take advantage of the moment. “So…do you think our robot baby is also going to be a superhuman genius? Like in a you way?” 

You finally let out a laugh, to his surprise, and he feels so satisfied he has to bite his lip to hold back a smile. “Definitely, but also part crazy. Like in a you way.” 

Jay chuckles, mentally declaring this conversation a victory. Your laugh fades but for a split second, he catches you studying his face like you’re trying to figure out what his deal is. And he doesn’t mind it at all—because, for once, you’re not giving him the usual death glare that sometimes seems permanently reserved for him.

Then, just as he starts to settle into this very rare, almost… pleasant vibe between you two, you suddenly snap back to reality, capping your pen and standing up. 

Jay frowns as he watches as you turn towards the coffee bar, not ready for this conversation to end just yet.  

"Wait, where are you going?" he blurts out, sounding more tragic than intended. 

You pause, turning back with a look that sends his pulse tripping.

"Do you want a free coffee or not?"  

The following Monday, at exactly 9:55AM, you and Jay are handed your robot baby—Jisoo, as Jay somehow convinces you to name it after his favorite celebrity—at the end of your class.  

You didn't even try to put up a fight. The moment Jay's eyes lit up at the idea, you knew you'd already lost. After three whole minutes of bickering and one PowerPoint titled 'Why Our Baby Deserves to be Named After Star Quality,' you realized there was no saving it. He had arguments. He had fan chants memorized. For a robot baby. Your robot baby. 

"Admit it, Jisoo has star quality," Jay beams, proudly looking down at the robotic baby in the baby carrier that came with her.  

You look from Jisoo to Jay, then back to Jisoo, unimpressed. "It's a robot, Jay. Not your bias."  

"Bias or not, she deserves only the best," Jay just shrugs, unbothered.

He glances down at the robot, which blinks its eyes open and closed with a soft whirring noise, its chubby plastic arms flopping lifelessly by its sides.  

There's a beat of silence as you both stare down at it, unsure of what to do next.  

"It's kind of creepy, right?" you finally mutter, breaking the knowing silence between you two.  

Jay snorts. "Not even 'kind of.' A lot."

He leans in to inspect it, his brows furrowed, "So, does it just…sit there?”  

"No, it's on schedule. It says here it won't eat for another three hours and it has a clean diaper, so everything should be fine. Babies are predictable once you understand their needs, Jay," you huff, already pulling out the meticulously detailed notes you took during class.

Jay lifts an eyebrow as he turns to face you, "Right...because in real life, babies are totally like robots and are totally predictable. Got it."  

You open your mouth to respond, probably with something unnecessarily snarky (you don't know what yet though, you haven't gotten to that part yet), when a loud, high-pitched wail shatters the air, cutting through the now-empty classroom you two are in. The robot baby's face contorts into an exaggerated crying expression, its mechanical arms flailing (which you didn't even know was possible) like it's preparing for takeoff. 

"What the—" Jay instinctively jumps back like Jisoo is a grenade on her last few seconds.

"Why's it doing that? What did you do?"  

"I didn’t do anything!" You snap, panic slowly rising as you flip through your notes quickly. "It's not supposed to be crying! It shouldn't be hungry, and it's definitely not tired yet!"  

The wailing intensifies, vibrating through the room as the cries echo louder and louder, Jisoo clearly not caring about your carefully crafted timeline. You glance down at your schedule. Why is it crying?  

You groan and snatch Jisoo out of the carrier, awkwardly holding her in a way that's probably not safe for any life form, real or otherwise. The wailing doesn't stop. In fact, it gets louder, as if Jisoo's personally offended by your existence.  

"Hold her!" You quickly thrust her into Jay's arms, a horrified expression written all over his face. "You deal with it."  

"Deal with what? It's a robot!" Jay stares at the baby in his arms like it's going to explode. "Oh god, are we even sure this is safe?"  

"Yes, Jay! It's a baby!"

You're sure you're borderline going insane from the combination of the screeching baby and Jay's apparent lack of brain cells.  

Jay's eyes widen as Jisoo practically vibrates with the force of its cries. He tries to mimic the way you were holding her, cradling her against his chest like she's made of glass. It doesn't help. Jisoo keeps wailing, and now Jay looks genuinely distressed. 

"Uh, shh, little buddy, it's okay...Should I, like, burp it? Sing to it?"  

“Sing?” You give him a look like he’s completely lost it, but Jay’s already humming off-key under his breath. 

The baby, predictably, continues screeching. 

You both just stand there, staring at the baby, then at each other, the panic palpable in the room. Jay continues bouncing it lightly, as if this will magically solve everything.

“Does it have an off switch?” he asks, glancing at you like you've parented a robot baby before. 

You continue to frantically flip through your notes, pages rustling in a blur. “No, Jay! We can’t just turn off our baby!” 

“Well, I don’t know, Y/N, but I’m pretty sure babies aren’t supposed to sound like they’re summoning a demon!” Jay retorts, his tone climbing the ladder of panic. "Maybe she's hungry or something."  

“It can’t be hungry, it's not supposed to be!" You’re still too busy scanning your notes as you shake your head in disagreement.

Jay just shakes his head, gently cradling the baby even though he's sure it's about to lift off into space from how much it was shaking right now. 

“Sometimes you can’t schedule everything, Y/N. Maybe it just needs a bottle, like, right now.” 

The idea frustrates you. “But it’s not time yet. If we feed it off-schedule, it’ll mess everything up for the day.” 

The baby’s cries reach a shrill pitch, like it’s protesting your protest. Jay looks at you, then back at the crying baby, then back at you again. 

“I think it’s already messed up, so maybe we just... feed it?” he says, half-grinning, half-exasperated. 

You hesitate. It feels wrong. Babies are supposed to follow patterns, stick to a routine...or so you thought. You let out a frustrated sigh, your brain bleeding from the sheer sound of the glass-breaking screams.  

“Fine,” you mutter, grabbing the bottle from the supply bag. “But if this throws off the whole schedule, it’s your fault.” 

Jay grins, but there’s something softer in his expression behind it as he watches you struggle with the bottle...and your need for control.

“Deal.” 

You hand the bottle to him, and he places the nipple into the baby’s mouth. The wailing stops almost instantly. The sudden silence is deafening, and both of you are stunned for a moment, looking down at the baby who’s now peacefully drinking. 

You let out a small gasp of relief and turn your head up to look at Jay, who's widened eyes meet yours.  

Jay lets out a held breath. “Well. That was traumatic.” 

You roll your eyes, though there’s a slight twitch at the corner of your lips as you mutter, “I think I just lost three years of my life."  

Jay watches as you carefully take Jisoo from his arms and place her back into the carrier, making sure everything is in order. He’s still catching his breath, but he glances at you—relaxed, for once, after the panic—and it makes him feel something weird. He almost laughs. 

“I dunno,” he says, a little teasingly. “I think we handled that pretty well.” 

“Great, now just five weeks and six days of this left." You give him a look, but there’s a tiny, fleeting smile this time. "I just don't understand why it was crying. It's not supposed to need food until—"  

Jay cuts you off with a chuckle. “Y/N, it’s a baby. Real ones don’t run on algorithms. They just... cry when they need something. Like this little gal. I mean, you can't exactly schedule crying, right?” 

The silence stretches for a moment as you watch him, realization dawning a little slower than you’d like to admit. “I guess,” you mutter reluctantly, earning yourself a content-looking Jay.  

"Look at us—team effort," Jay says, as he beams a smile to you before glancing at Jisoo. "We're naturals at this whole parenting thing."  

"Yeah, okay," you roll your eyes, but the smile on your face says differently as you reach out to unnecessarily fuss with the small blanket in Jisoo's carrier.  

Jay's eyes light up at your response.

"A smile? The Y/N gave me a smile? Admit it, we make a great team, huh?"  

You scoff, but the look on your face proves there's no bite to it—Jay knows there's no bite to it.  

Maybe, just maybe, he has a point.  

You'd never admit it to him, though. 

Not yet.  

To your pleasant surprise, the past two weeks have been...weirdly smooth. Like, suspiciously smooth. You and Jay have somehow managed to fall into an actual routine—dropping off and picking up Jisoo like two semi-functional adults who almost know what they’re doing. You still wouldn’t call it 'seamless', as Jay himself struggled with having a consistent schedule for once in his life, but at least you’ve gotten through the weeks without major incidents or spontaneous combustion. So far.

That doesn't mean you'll admit to anyone—least of all yourself—that you and Jay might actually make a decent team. His parenting methods are still objectively abysmal...to you, at least. I mean, just the other day, he almost put Jisoo's diaper on upside down. Upside down. You didn't even know that was possible, but leave it to Jay to surprise you more and more.  

Despite his questionable approach to baby care, Jisoo's still alive (you think), and somehow you've managed not to explode at him yet (key word: yet). So, that's...something, I guess.  

Today, though. Today is a different beast entirely.  

It's Sunday, and miraculously, you've managed to give yourself the evening off. No café shift, no emergency club meetings. The stars have aligned, and for once, you have free time. And what did you decide to do with this rare gift from the universe?  

Spend it with Jay. Parenting. Together. In his apartment.  

You blame Professor Kim for this cruel twist of fate. Something about submitting photographic evidence of co-parenting. After all, this is a partner project.  

Teamwork, she called it.  

You like to call it pure suffering.  

Which brings you here, standing outside Jay's apartment with a tote bag of baby supplies on one shoulder, Jisoo's carrier on the other, and a silent prayer on your lips. If this apartment is even half the disaster you're imagining—frat house, landfill, or some unholy combination of both—you're fully prepared to turn around and run for the hills.  

You take a deep breath, bracing yourself for whatever horrors await behind the door, and knock three times.  

Precisely five seconds later, the door swings open, and...yep, there's Jay. His hair is a mess, his clothes are rumpled, and you can't tell if he's been a) napping, b) playing video games, or c) all of the above.  

"Hey," he greets you with a lazy grin, eyes half-lidded like he's still half-asleep.  

It's 6PM.  

You stare at him, deadpan.

"You look like you've been hit by a truck."  

Jay snorts as he raises an eyebrow.

"You should see the truck."  

Before you can fire back with something equally sarcastic, you catch a glimpse of his apartment over his shoulder, and—you blink, confused. Wait. Wait.  

Well this can't be right.  

You were expecting a disaster. Maybe a few pizza boxes, a stray sock on the floor, some suspicious stains on the couch. But no.

Instead...it's clean. Like, really clean.  

The floors are spotless, there's a shelf with neatly stacked books, and are those...framed photos on the walls? Like, actual art? Your own apartment doesn't even have actual art, just print outs from Walgreens of photos you thought were cute on Pinterest and your Justin Bieber posters you got from a magazine back in high-school. Now you're starting to feel ashamed.  

You do a double-take, your brain struggling to process what's happening, as Jay still stands in front of you, confused at your gawking.

"Y/N? You good?"  

You snap your mouth shut, as you spot a vacuum neatly tucked in the corner of the living room.

"I...I'm just surprised you even know what a vacuum is." 

"You'll learn I'm full of surprises, Miss Y/N," he says, casually leaning against the doorframe as he looks down at you, his gaze making you shift in your stance in front of him. "Come on in."  

You step inside cautiously, like you're waiting for something to jump out at you—maybe a camera with someone saying 'You've been pranked, this isn't Jay's actual apartment!'  

But nope. His apartment is just...nice. It smells like eucalyptus and citrus, for crying out loud.  

You set Jisoo's carrier down on the couch, the robot itself still fast asleep, as your eyes scan the room, still half-expecting to find a hidden mess somewhere. But instead, something else catches your attention.  

On the wall, next to his kitchen, there's a collection of professional-looking photographs, all framed neatly. This is what caught your eye earlier from the doorway. You find yourself slowly walking closer to get a closer look: landscapes, city stresses, a few candid shots of people—all in the same style, same camera quality, same angles. You tilt your head, intrigued.

Jay comes up behind you to see what you're looking at and you turn to him, "Are these...yours?" 

"Oh," he scratches the back of his neck, looking almost shy. "Yeah. I do some photography sometimes. Just a hobby."  

You blink up at him. Jay Park? A photographer? This was not on your Jay Park Bingo card. 

"Huh," you say, before realizing how dumb you sound. "I didn't know you were into that."  

"Well, there's a lot you don't know about me, Y/N. Full of surprises, remember?" Jay replies, his head tilting to match yours with a cocky smile, which—ugh, okay fine—makes you feel just the tiniest bit flustered. Not that you'll admit it.  

"Oh, really?" You raise an eyebrow. "And here I thought your only hobbies were napping and showing up late." 

"That's just the surface level," he says with a wink, walking over to his coffee table and grabbing his laptop. "I was actually editing photos before you showed up." 

Intrigued, you follow him to the couch and sit beside him as he flips open the laptop. You squint at the editing software on the screen—full of layers, sliders, and all sorts of professional-looking tools that immediately make your head hurt. Jay scrolls through the images, and honestly?

They’re good. Really good. Like, if you didn’t know better, you’d think some of them could be in a magazine. And not the kind of magazine you got your Bieber Fever posters in.  

"Wow," you say, nodding, genuinely impressed. "That’s… actually really cool." 

Jay freezes, his head snapping toward you with a look of disbelief. He stares at you, eyes narrowing like you’ve just broken some unspoken rule.

"It's been ten seconds...you just gave me an actual compliment without a sarcastic follow-up."  

You let out a small giggle, "Geez, you always make me sound like some soulless witch or something."  

"I mean… soulless witch might be a bit much. But, like… emotionally unavailable overlord? Hmm, maybe," Jay grins, leaning back in mock thought.

You burst out laughing before you can stop yourself, the sound catching Jay off guard. He looks at you, wide-eyed, like he’s just witnessed a rare phenomenon. And maybe he has—because even you can’t remember the last time you laughed this freely.

"Wow. I should annoy you more often," Jay smirks, clearly way too satisfied with himself. You’re not entirely sure if he meant it to sound that smooth, but your brain certainly processed it that way. Heat rises to your cheeks before you can stop it, and you quickly clear your throat, a small, flustered smile playing at your lips. 

You try to gather yourself, praying your voice doesn’t betray you.

"Don’t push your luck, Park," you manage, but the teasing edge in your voice is softer than usual—way softer. And, of course, Jay knows it. You know it. You’re still smiling, and—unfortunately for you—so is he. 

Jay suddenly clears his throat as he shifts in his seat, "So...should we order like a pizza or something? Are you hungry?"  

And because lately the universe apparently has a personal vendetta against you, your stomach chooses that exact moment to let out a sound—one that resembles between a whale’s mating call and a frog being strangled. 

Jay stifles a laugh, trying to act casual but failing miserably, "Okay… pizza it is." 

“Shut up,” you mutter, giving him a playful shove that’s just enough to make him fall back into the couch cushions. 

"No, you tell your stomach to shut up," Jay snickers, grabbing his phone to place the order. 

You’re about to fire back with something—anything—but a soft wail interrupts you from the baby carrier. 

"Someone needs attention," you say, scooping Jisoo up and cradling her in your arms. “It’s about time for her to eat anyway.” 

As you juggle Jisoo with one hand and dig through the baby bag for her fake bottle of milk with the other, Jay watches you from his spot on the couch, a curious look in his eyes.

“While you feed her, I’ll take care of the pizza. I’m guessing you’re more of a plain cheese type, huh?” 

You freeze for a second, then whip your head around to give him a mock-offended look.

“First, you think I’m a soulless witch, and now boring? I at least add pepperoni and sausage. Give me some credit.” 

"Okay, okay, noted," Jay lifts his hands up in surrender, "So adventurous. I'll remember that next time you call me irresponsible."  

You roll your eyes at him as you adjust Jisoo in your arms, holding the bottle steady at her mouth. It’s quiet for a few moments, the only sounds being the soft hum of your fake baby and Jay tapping on his phone. 

Suddenly Jay puts his phone down, turning to you with an unreadable expression. “You’re really serious about this whole parenting thing, huh?” 

You blink, still rocking Jisoo in your arms.  You're thrown off by the sudden shift and sincerity in his tone.  

“Well… yeah. I think it’s important, you know? Responsibility, structure… that’s what makes people feel safe. Especially kids. They need to know they’re taken care of.” 

Jay’s expression shifts as he listens, a more thoughtful look settling on his face.

“You're a strong believer of that, aren't you? Structure and schedules and all that?"  

His voice is a lot quieter now, lower, and you realize you've never really had a serious conversation (that wasn't a class debate) with him before—at least not long enough to hear this version of Jay. The serious Jay. And if you're being honest, it's making you a bit flustered. You hesitate, hoping your voice doesn't crack or something equally embarrassing.  

“I mean… I guess so. I was raised that way. My parents always had everything planned out. It was like...nothing ever went wrong because there was always a system, a backup plan.” 

Jay raises an eyebrow, leaning forward a little in his seat.

“But didn’t that feel, I don’t know... suffocating? Like, what if things don’t go according to plan? You can’t control everything.” 

Your first instinct is to scoff, but something stops you. It's a valid question, and for some reason, you don’t feel the need to throw up your usual defenses for once. That's new.  

“Maybe sometimes,” you admit. “But I don’t know any other way. It just feels like if you’re not prepared, things fall apart. And that’s the worst feeling—like watching everything crumble because you weren’t ready for it.” 

Jay is quiet, studying you with an intensity that feels new. His teasing smirk is gone, replaced with something more serious.

“Yeah, I get that. I didn’t have a lot of structure growing up. Parents were kinda… there, but not really. I think that’s why I don’t plan much. Life happens whether you’re ready or not.” 

You blink as you sit back in your seat, absorbing his words. It’s the first time you’ve really thought about Jay outside of his 'laid-back' image of him you've had in your head, and honestly, you’re surprised by how heavy his words feel. 

“But…you’re actually good with Jisoo,” you say, almost cautiously, unsure if you’re diving into uncharted territory. “You’ve been handling this project better than I thought you would.” 

Jay laughs softly, shaking his head as he looks at Jisoo in your arms.

“It’s just a robot baby, Y/N. No big deal if I mess up.” 

"It’s not just about the robot baby,” you counter, realizing you're saying more than you intended. “You actually care. You’re not graded on how well you change diapers or keep her entertained, but you’re still putting in effort. You’re trying. And that matters.” 

There's a beat of silence as you see Jay pause. For once, he doesn't have a comeback. Instead, he's just looking at you—really looking at you—like he's trying to figure something out, and you feel the heat slowly creeping back onto your face. You're sure you're turning an unflattering shade of red under his gaze on you, and part of you, no, all of you, is begging for him to say something immediately before you combust.  

Then, with a suddenness that almost makes you jump, he leans over and nudges your arm lightly.

“Okay, Dr. Phil. Don't go getting all soft on me now."  

You let out a playful scoff to mask your relief, thankful for the release of tension in the air. But something about the conversation lingers in the air, hanging like a question neither of you is ready to ask. And despite the teasing, your mind can’t help but circle back to how Jay had looked at you—serious, curious… something else. 

Before you can dwell on it too long, the doorbell rings. Saved by the pizza gods. Jay springs up from the couch to answer the door, and you gently place the now-snoozing Jisoo back in her carrier. The conversation still swirls in your head as you watch Jay grab the pizza, too caught up in your thoughts to not even question how suspiciously fast it arrived. 

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, watching Jay at the door from your spot on the couch, your thoughts too heavy for someone who is literally holding a pizza box. 

For someone who sure likes to plan everything out, you definitely weren’t prepared for Jay Park—and how he's quickly becoming the exception to every rule you've ever made. 

✭・.・✫

The first thing that jars you awake is a piercing scream—Jisoo's, of course. Your eyes shoot open as you squint into the dim light, your eyes adjusting and blinking your way out of the accidental nap you fell into. You're trying to make sense of your surroundings through your blurry vision when...it hits you.  

This isn't your room. You're still at Jay's apartment, wedged into the corner of his couch, and apparently, you fell asleep. Post-pizza-food-coma style. And also apparently, your mutual robot child has decided now was a perfect time for a meltdown.  

The second thing you notice is the faint background noise of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire still playing on Jay's TV in front of you. Your memory jogs back to when you two finally came to a consensus on which movie to watch over dinner, and naturally, the deciding factor ended up being 'young Robert Pattinson,' and no, it wasn't your deciding factor. You didn't expect Jay to even have an opinion on this, but apparently, his love for Cedric Diggory is a hill he's willing to die on.  

And then...that brings us to the third thing. A sound from the other end of the couch—Jay's soft snores. You two must have dozed off at some point during the movie somehow and of course, he's still passed out cold, totally oblivious to the screams of robotic despair coming from the baby carrier seated between you two. You glance over at him, out cold with his head tilted back, looking completely unbothered by Jisoo's increasingly offended screams.  

But even through all these realizations, what really slaps you awake, more than Jisoo or Jay or Cedric Diggory, is the smell. It hits you like a rogue sock to the face, and for a moment, you're convinced that Jay definitely has some biological-grade garbage decomposing somewhere in the apartment after all. The smell is like a powerful, radioactive wave, and all you can think is, What in the world is this guy hiding in here? And why is it now coming to life?  

You sit up from your spot, still half-asleep, and follow the foul scent in horror until you realize the source.  

Jisoo.  

Sure, you have changed Jisoo's diapers plenty of times over the last two weeks, but before? There was no smell. At most, you get these weird, vaguely sticky robotic poops in her diaper that barely registered. Now? Now it’s like Professor Kim somehow remotely gave Jisoo a software update and coded her to emit a scent so pungent that it feels borderline illegal. You're convinced this is Jisoo’s final boss form—peak realism unlocked—solely just to spite you and your nostrils.

While you’re here on one end of the couch, one button away from confirming an Amazon Prime order to ship over a bottle of bleach for you to dip your nose into, Jay is still in blissful dreamland, not even flinching. You stare at him in disbelief, hoping your sheer mental outage might magically wake him up. No such luck. 

You grab the throw pillow that's wedged under you and chuck in right at his face.  

"Jay!" You're still half-asleep, so your voice comes out like a strangled whisper, somewhere between pleading and passive-aggressive murder.  

Jay jolts, sitting up with a sleepy yelp, blinking in confusion.

"Huh? What happened? Is Cedric okay?" His panicked gaze darts around the room wildly before they finally settle on you, across the couch. 

"What happened?" You raise a finger to the screaming, stinky, betrayal-machine between you two. "That happened, Jay. Jisoo happened."  

Jay blinks slowly, squinting at Jisoo, his brain clearly struggling to boot up, and then makes the fatal mistake of sniffing the air. The realization suddenly dawns slowly, and you can see the look of horror hit.

"Oh my god, how is she even capable of...of that?!" His voice breaks three octaves as his hand shoots up to pinch his nose.  

"I don't know!" You squawk, equally traumatized. "She's never done this before—I didn't even know she could!"  

Jay groans and rubs his eyes, hoping this is all a bad, bad dream. No such luck, yet again. He glances around helplessly. "So, uh, who's changing her?"  

You shoot him a glare as you get up from the couch and start looking for the baby bag.

"We're changing her, Jay."  

"We?" Jay winces, inching towards Jisoo with all the enthusiasm one has when approaching a radioactive waste barrel. He slowly reaches down to take Jisoo out from the carrier and he starts muttering to himself.

"Great. Fine, this is fine. Just another bonding moment with our adorable robo-daughter." He finally picks her up, reluctantly holding her at arm's length like she's a ticking time bomb. It's so ridiculous that, despite the war-crime-level smell permeating the room, you can't help the small laugh that you let out.  

"What?" Jay glares at you, though a look of amusement tugs at his lips. "You think this is funny?"  

"No," you say, barely stifling your giggles. "It's just—you're holding her like she's about to explode."  

Jay gives you a doubtful look, "Y/N, I'm not convinced she's not about to explode."  

You shake your head, still giggling as you shuffle the carrier off the couch and lay out a blanket, turning Jay's couch surface into a makeshift changing station.

"Alright, c'mon. Lay her down and hold her legs up. I'll handle clean-up duty. And maybe...brace yourself."  

Jay exhales like a man about to face his greatest fear. He gently lays Jisoo down and lifts her legs up with the tips of his fingers, his face still contorted as if you're both dealing with a toxic hazard. At this point, it probably is.  

"Oh my god," he breathes. "This is it. This is how I die."  

You crouch down in position so you're at level with the couch and say a mental prayer before you pull open the tiny diaper. The moment you do, the both of you immediately recoil as a scent that should not even be allowed to exist wafts up and fills the room.  

“Oh god.” 

The scent is so ungodly it feels like it came from the depths of hell itself and punched you both right in the face. It doesn’t just waft up—it attacks. You’re pretty sure you lost at least another three years off your life from one breath alone. 

"That's not legal," Jay chokes as he flings himself back at the sight, dropping Jisoo’s little toes in the process, flailing around as if the air itself betrayed him. "There's no way that's legal." 

You freeze in sheer horror, staring at the scene before you: Jisoo’s somehow realistic poop smeared across every surface of her bottom it possibly could spread to, the stench intensifying with every passing second.

Jay starts pacing the room, spiraling into an existential crisis.

“No, no, no, this isn’t normal. This is—this is a crime scene! This can’t be right.” 

“Jay,” your voice is muffled as a hand tries to cover both your nose and mouth from the contaminated air, “Jay, focus!” 

Jay looks at you from across the living room, wide-eyed and pale, like a deer caught in headlights.

“You expect me to—in this economy—” 

“Grab. The. Wipes.”

Jay groans and he stumbles back towards you, hesitantly rifling through the baby bag. His hands finally find the pack of wipes and he peers over your shoulder from behind you, as if you’re his shield. 

“Are you just gonna stand there, or are you going to help?”

“I am helping,” Jay protests weakly, waving the pack of wipes like they’re a magic wand that might save you both.

You roll your eyes and turn back to Jisoo, “Okay, grab her legs again. I’ll wipe.” 

His eyes watch in horror as he reaches over you to take hold of the robot’s feet. With a deep breath, you start furiously scrubbing Jisoo’s little body, trying your best to breathe as minimally as possible, sticking your hand out towards Jay whenever you need a new wipe. 

“I signed up for fake parenting, not surviving a biohazard. This isn’t bonding; this is trauma,” Jay incoherently mumbles, placing a wipe in your hand. 

"I think this trauma is exactly what we're supposed to be learning and 'bonding' from," you retort, carefully tossing a soiled wipe into the designated waste bag.  

"Oh, so Professor Kim is forcing us to bond over mutual suffering? Very sweet," Jay deadpans as he hands you another wipe. 

"Exactly. Parenting at its finest."  

Finally, after you definitely lost three years of your life, the horror show is over. Jisoo is cleaned, diapered, and—somehow—actually looks peaceful for once. Like she didn't just commit a crime against humanity. 

Jay exhales, looking at her with a newfound joy. "Well. She's definitely...less terrifying when she's not screaming and emitting toxic fumes."  

You plop yourself on the couch and cradle Jisoo like she's a tiny, innocent angel instead of the cause of your collective suffering.

“I’m genuinely afraid to know what they put in her system for this to happen.” 

Jay collapses onto the couch beside you, visibly relieved, "Whatever it was, we did it. We survived. We did that." 

You can't help but laugh, still a bit punch-drunk from the adrenaline and exhaustion of it all, "We better get an A+ on this project."  

Jay chuckles, leaning his head back against the couch. The room falls into a brief silence, just the two of you sitting there, basking in the weird accomplishment of it all. Then, as if on cue, you both start laughing—a deep, exhausting kind of laugh that two people only share after a 'you had to be there' type moment. There's something about the whole ordeal—how ridiculous, how hilariously awful it was—that just makes it impossible to not laugh.  

"Now do you think we make a pretty good team?" Jay grins, nudging your shoulder with his.   

You roll your eyes at him, "I don't know...depends."  

Jay raises an eyebrow, "Depends on what?"  

"Depends on whether you can make it through the rest of the project without crying again," you quip, lips twitching into an amused grin.  

Jay gasps dramatically, clutching his chest. "Excuse you, I did not cry. My eyes were sweating from Jisoo's toxic fumes. A completely normal biological response, thank you very much."  

"Sure, Jay," you deadpan, shaking your head.  

"Besides," he continues, leaning back smugly, "I did all the heavy lifting. Literally. I held the live grenade."  

You snort, glancing down at Jisoo in your arms before handing her off to Jay, "You're unbelievable."  

"And you're stuck with me, partner," he grins back, rocking Jisoo in his arms. "You too, Jisoo." 

You lean back into the couch, watching Jay coo at the now-peaceful baby. Somewhere between his flair for over-the-top dramatics, his secret love for young Robert Pattinson, and (for some reason) endearing passion for photography, you realize…maybe Jay Park isn’t the complete disaster you thought he was. 

"Yeah," you murmur, a small smile tugging at your lips. "I guess I really am stuck with you."  

And for the first time since this ridiculous project started, you don't mind that as much as you thought you would.  

Jay would like to make a few things clear. 

First of all, none of this is his fault. 

He hopes you understand that, as his thumbs fly over the keyboard of his phone like his life depends on it.

Because, in a way, it does. 

Jay [11:32 AM]: “i swear it’s not my fault, but my friend, jake, his entire load of laundry is now the color of strawberry milk. and apparently i’m the only one that can help him. can i drop jisoo off with you for like… an hour? tops?” 

He stares at his phone, waiting for your response like you hold the key to his survival.

Because, in a way, you do. 

He hears Jisoo coo from her carrier, like even she knows how dire this situation is. Finally, his phone lights up with a buzz. 

Y/N [11:33 AM]: “i’m volunteering at a dog adoption event on campus, but sure, drop her off here :)” 

Jay blinks at his phone. A dog adoption event. Of course, you'd be saving puppies on a Saturday. Of course. Like some kind of unreasonably perfect human. And here he is, about to save a fully grown man from having to wear solely pink t-shirts for the next week.

Fantastic.   

With a sigh, Jay turns to Jisoo, who blinks back a stare that can only be described as the (robot) baby equivalent of good luck, bro. 

By the time Jay reaches campus, he's bombarded with the sight and sound of...dogs. Dogs everywhere. It's as if he's entered the chaotic lovechild of a Disney movie and a petting zoo, complete with wags, barks, and the smell of kibble. And then he sees you. 

You're smack in the middle of a fenced playpen, laughing, surrounded by every breed of fluffy chaos imaginable and passersby cooing 'aww' at the sight. And what a sight it is.  

You look ridiculously happy, and for some reason, that makes something in Jay's chest feel weirdly tight. He wonders what it must feel like to be able to make you smile that widely, that brightly. It's unnerving. He's not used to seeing you so relaxed, so content—or maybe he's just not used to noticing how good you look when you're not glaring at him.  

"Y/N!" a voice calls from the volunteer tent, snapping Jay out of his daydream. Jay watches from the distance as you haul a golden retriever pup into your arms and walk over to the tent, naturally falling into conversation with your friend and immediately organizing papers. Meanwhile, Jay stands there, dumbfounded at your unbothered, graceful rhythm that you seem to fall into like second nature. 

Jay thought he had you figured out, filed neatly in his mental drawer of uptight-control-freaks-that-happen-to-smell-like-roses-and-have-perfect-smiles, but now? Something about the way you look—so confident, so caring, so...natural—catches him off guard.

Now, you're like some serene multitasking goddess in the middle of pure chaos.  

That brings us to the second thing Jay would like to clarify (more so to himself): he definitely doesn't think you look good in, like, an attractive sense, or anything insane like that. Absolutely not. He just is simply impressed at how you seem to manage and carry yourself quite elegantly. This is pure admiration. Admiration, okay?  

But...while he's here, staring in 'admiration', it suddenly hits him—you're not just good at taking care of Jisoo. You're good at taking care of everything.  

And that makes his heart do a weird flip.  

The realization that he's been staring for way too long jolts him back to the present. Focus, Jay. There's a Jake somewhere out there, lost in a sea of pink underwear.  

Jisoo carrier in hand, Jay manages to push his way through the dog-packed crowds until he reaches you, but the second you turn around, flashing him that wide, carefree smile that he's still not used to, he's back to stumbling over himself.  

He’s 99% sure he audibly gulps. 

“Oh, Jay, you made it!” you say, shifting the puppy to one side of your arms to free a hand to grab Jisoo's carrier immediately. Your smile is disarmingly genuine. Jay thinks he may need to sit down.  

“Uh, yeah—um, thanks for taking Jisoo," he swallows, his voice barely steady as he's unsure what this feeling is that came over him. He doesn't know if it's the fact that he's seeing you in a completely different light right now, carrying both a live, adorable puppy, and a (not-so-live) baby, but something is different, and he's at a loss for words. "You look pretty—uh…busy.”  

He curses himself. Busy? Really? 

“Oh, no biggie,” you give him an easy, encouraging grin, one so casual that it really shouldn't make his knees feel like Jell-O. "Honestly, I'd be out here every weekend if I could. But you of all people know my schedule."  

Of course, you'd say something like that. Jay tries to think of a normal response, but his brain is spinning with all sorts of not-normal things about you—like how you look so aggressively pretty right now. 

And it’s a little infuriating. 

"Yeah, no, totally," Jay clears his throat, scratching the back of his head. "Because who doesn't want to be covered in dog hair and slobber for fun?"  

You roll your eyes, smiling. "Says the guy who's about to be knee-deep in a laundry crisis. Isn't that a little messy, too?"  

Jay huffs, feeling himself return just a little bit back to normal. “Listen, Jake’s a special case, okay? You can’t just leave him in that pink laundry disaster and expect him to survive.” 

"Right..," you laugh, rocking back and forth on your feet, your smile lingering as a comfortable silence falls between you.  

Maybe it's the way you're looking up at him, or the fact that a literal golden retriever is currently nuzzling into your neck, but Jay is doing everything in his power to keep his cool. You're looking at him in a way that isn't remotely judgmental (for once), and it's throwing him completely off-balance.  

Before Jay can pull it together and say something else, another voice calls your name, waving you over to a different table. You turn back to Jay, giving him an apologetic glance.  

"Do you mind watching Jisoo—and, um, this puppy—for a sec?"  

Before he can answer, or even process your words, he's standing there with an actual puppy in one arm, and Jisoo in her carrier in the other, and his life has become a circus he never auditioned for.  

"Sorry! They just need me real quick!" You say with a grateful smile as you hurry off.  

As you rush off with another apologetic smile, Jay's brain, for better or for worse, decides that grin of yours is now his mental screensaver. He watches you go, dumbly smiling before he catches himself. 

Not attraction, he reminds himself. Totally not attraction.  

He looks down at his arms—one occupied by a carrier with a robot baby, the other holding a wriggly puppy.  

"Bet no one's ever been in this situation before," he mutters, awkwardly standing there as he waits for your return. Honestly, Jay has never felt so awkward or nervous before. Right now, he feels like the epitome of the standing emoji, just simply existing and there, waiting for your next command and hoping he doesn't screw it up.  

Jay tries to hype himself up. You can do this, Park. It's just a dog. And a baby. And you. You've got this. You totally have everything und— 

Before he can finish his mental pep talk, the sound of your laughter rings from across the event, making Jay's head snap over in record time. He tries not to look—he really does—but the sound is too angelic to not. But right when he does look over, he immediately wishes he didn't. 

You're standing there between two of your friends, and you're giggling. With some guy he's never seen before. And this guy, is nudging your shoulder and making you laugh so hard you're practically doubling over. He feels a distinct twist in his chest. 

Jay’s definitely not jealous. Nope. Not even a little. It's just...curiosity. Pure, innocent curiosity about what that guy could possibly be saying to make you laugh so hard. Because Jay has never seen you laugh like that with him—ever.

And suddenly, the longer you continue laughing with that guy, Jay feels something hot and uncomfortable bubbling up inside.  

Fine, it’s jealousy.  

Definitely jealousy.

He scowls at himself. Now he’s basically a bitter standing emoji, clinging to Jisoo and a puppy while glaring from afar. 

And there Jay stands, bitterness levels maxed, holding both a puppy and a robot baby, while across the way, your roommate Esther gives you a knowing smirk while you're recovering from your giggling fit. Your giggling fit which was caused by Heeseung making a comment about how he stepped in dog poop more times than the average human-being accidentally should.  

“You didn’t tell me that was Jay Park,” Esther says, trying not-so-subtly to sneak a glance at the bitter standing emoji himself, awkwardly shifting his feet in the distance, avoiding to look in your direction. “You said he was annoying, lazy, and a pain to be around. You didn’t mention he’s a total cutie.” 

“He was annoying, lazy, and a pain to be around,” you scoff, though you're clearly not thinking that right now as you catch a glance of him trying to balance both the puppy and Jisoo. "But...I don't think he's so bad anymore."  

You definitely don't add that he's a total cutie. Okay, maybe you think it, but saying it out loud is a whole other thing.  

“Oh, so you totally like him,” Heeseung snickers from your other side, nudging you again.  

You make a sound that's half out-of-tune trumpet, half hiccup, before breaking into a laugh to cover your sudden panic.

"No, I don't!" You clear your throat, trying to stay cool.  "We're just—look, we're just stuck together for this project. That's all. Even if I did like him, which I don't, he definitely doesn't like me back. We're probably just going to go back to bickering with each other to no end."  

“Right,” Heeseung chimes in, giving you a look that says he's clearly unconvinced. “Just saying, though—someone who doesn’t like you wouldn’t be staring at you like that, and looking at me like I just committed a first-degree crime just for breathing in your direction."  

You follow Heeseung’s gaze and, sure enough, you catch Jay trying to look casual while bouncing the puppy and acting like he totally didn’t just get caught. Your eyes meet, and he does a 180 so fast he nearly launches Jisoo into orbit. 

You quickly turn back to your friends, heat rising to your face as you catch Esther and Heeseung giving each other a knowing look before smirking at you. You roll your eyes and grab the both of them by the back of their shirts, turning them in the direction of the event, "Okay, okay, enough with the delusions. Shouldn't you guys be signing off some puppies or something?"  

"Don't say we didn't tell you so!" Esther calls after you as you turn on your heels towards Jay, furiously convincing yourself that they're so wrong.  

There's no universe in which Jay Park, the Jay Park, would ever be into you. The Jay Park, who can get any girl he wants, the Jay Park who's just too different from you, the Jay Park who you proclaimed your school rival (self-proclaimed). Absolutely not.  

When you get back to him, Jay’s desperately trying to look natural—so, naturally, he’s scratching the puppy’s belly while Jisoo clings to his chest like a tiny koala. Your heart gives a little traitorous squeeze, but you ignore it. Get a hold of yourself, Y/N.  

“Looks like he likes you,” you say, trying to sound casual as you nod to the puppy, who's squirming excitedly under Jay's attention. 

“He’s adorable,” Jay replies, blushing faintly as he shifts the puppy around.

“So, uh, everything okay over there?” he asks, totally not imagining a deep, romantic conversation to explain your laughter. 

You’re caught off-guard, blinking, wondering if Jay somehow became psychic and caught onto your previous train of thoughts about him, until you realize what he meant.

“Oh! Yeah, they just… needed help with paperwork.” 

Jay’s expression hardens ever so slightly as he tries to imagine a world where paperwork could possibly be that funny.

“Cool, cool,” he nods stiffly, side-eyeing Heeseung in the distance who’s still chatting with Esther. 

"Well," Jay shifts awkwardly as clears his throat, "I should get going to Jake. He's probably in tears by now, honestly."  

You frown at that, and Jay instantly self-identifies himself as the worst person on the planet. He barely resists the urge to apologize for everything he's ever done, from breathing in your direction to any other crime against humanity he's committed in your eyes.  

"Aw, come on," you say, teasingly, though even you're not sure why. It's just...fun having him around. "Stay a little longer. For the puppies!"  

Jay opens his mouth, fully ready to decline when he catches sight of your expression—those big, pleading eyes that make it impossible to say no. 

And that's it. He's doomed. Right then and there, Jay knows he's doomed.  

Is Jay currently surrounded by more puppies than he ever thought could physically exist in one place?

Yes. 

Does he think your puppy eyes are somehow cuter than all the puppies combined?

Annoyingly, also yes.  

And so, Jay would like to make some new things clear, for the record:  

First, there is no way any of this is his fault. If Jake ends up crying over outfit choices and demands to know why Jay ditched him for puppies, Jay has a rock-solid explanation. He’ll explain the situation, which obviously couldn’t be helped. Hanging out with you? Totally justified. Perfectly valid.  

And second, well—Jay would like to clarify that it's official now. Whatever he was feeling before?

Yeah, definitely attraction.  

Your fingers drum against your blanket. You stare blankly at your bedroom ceiling. You let out another deep sigh. You toss and turn, adjusting your position for maybe the hundredth time. It's no use.

You're bored.  

And that, in itself, is a shocking revelation. You're never bored. Your schedule is usually packed to the brim—between assignments, club meetings, work shifts, and impromptu Save the Puppies campaigns, there's hardly room for boredom. But today?  

Today, life has gifted you a rare stretch of free time. No assignments to finish, no midterms to study for, no dog adoption events or café shifts. And apparently, you have no idea how to handle that.  

You turn to look at Jisoo, who's chilling in her spot on your bed next to you, not having a single ounce of consciousness for you to share your boredom with.  

With another sigh, you grab your phone and scroll aimlessly through your apps. You eventually land in your Photos app and swipe through mindlessly until a recent picture stops you in your tracks.  

It's a selfie Jay took of the two of you, Jisoo sandwiched between your faces. The infamous day of the pizza-night-turned-accidental-nap-turned-godforsaken-poop-incident. You'd submitted the photo to Professor Kim as proof of your co-parenting efforts, but now, looking at it again, you can't help but smile.  

It's strange. The memory should be traumatic—okay, it is traumatic—but in hindsight, it's also...kind of fun. The chaos, the banter, the way Jay somehow managed to make everything feel less overwhelming just by being there.  

Funny enough, that day was also the last time you remember having any sort of free time, and you remember complaining that you had to spend the day with Jay of all people. But now, looking back at it, you honestly did have fun. Being with Jay was...fun.  

Your thumb hovers over the screen for a moment before it unconsciously drifts towards the Phone app. You hesitate, realizing with a jolt that you're one tap away from calling Jay. It's like your brain suddenly shut off and something took over you. What's gotten into you?  

You blink at Jay's contact on your phone, your thumb still hovering over his name.  

No. Bad idea.  

You don't need Jay to entertain you just because you're bored. You're perfectly capable of having fun on your own...obviously. Obviously, even though the last hour of groaning and ceiling-staring suggests otherwise.  

Besides, Jay's probably busy doing...whatever it is Jay does at 4PM on a Saturday. Napping, probably.  

And what would you even say? Let's hang out? Like some middle schooler asking out their crush? Not to mention, you already have your 'Jisoo' plans in two days, so it's not like you have an excuse to see him.  

You sit up abruptly, shaking your head as if to clear the fog of ridiculous thoughts. Seriously, do you even hear yourself right now? Looking for an excuse to see him? Since when did you need excuses for anything, let alone something as absurd as spending more time than necessary with Jay Park?  

This has to be some kind of stress-induced meltdown. It's the only logical explanation. All those late-night study sessions, midterm panic attacks, Jisoo diaper changes, and endless extracurriculars must've finally fried your brain. And now, here you are, teetering on the edge of reason, actually wanting to see Jay Park.  

Great. Now you have a new problem.  

Because as much as you try to convince yourself otherwise, the truth is glaringly obvious: you want to see him. And that, more than any amount of free time or boredom, is the real problem. 

You've officially lost it.  

I've officially lost it, you chant in your head as your thumb hovers dangerously close to Jay's name on your screen again.  

I've officially lost it, the words grow louder, taunting you, as you hover over the call button. 

I've officially lost it, your thoughts scream as you give in, pressing down and watching in horror as your screen shifts to Calling Jay Park. 

And now, your heartbeat picks up with every ring. You can't decide what's worse—him answering or him ignoring the call. Maybe if he doesn't pick up, it'll be a sign from above that you're better off leaving this madness alone. Maybe—

"Hello?"  

Your train of thought screeches to a halt.  

"Y/N? Are you there?"  

"I'm here!" You blurt out, your voice jumping two octaves higher than usual. Real smooth, Y/N.  

"Hi...what's up? Are you okay? Is something wrong?" His voice is soft over the phone, a little concerned, like you're about to tell him Jisoo had another diaper emergency.  

You falter for a moment, staring at the ceiling like the answer might be written there.

"No! Nothing's wrong! I just—uh–" Quick, think of something normal!

"I was wondering what you're up to."  

"Me?" He sounds genuinely surprised, and you can practically hear the smile in this voice. At least, you think. Or, once again, you've officially lost it. "I'm at the campus gallery, setting up for my photography showcase. It's tonight."  

The campus gallery. His photography.  

You blink, this is news to you. You vaguely remember Jay asking if you could watch Jisoo tonight, and he hadn't given you a reason back then, but this is why he couldn't be on Jisoo duty today. Because of his showcase.  

"Wait, really?" You ask, hoping the interest in your voice doesn't show too much.  

"Yeah. I didn't mention it? Guess I forgot," he chuckles lightly. "It's not a big deal, just a student showcase. I'm just setting up now, making sure my pieces are hung straight and stuff."  

You swallow, a sudden wave of curiosity washing over you. You find yourself smiling to yourself, feeling a wave of endearment wash over you for some reason. The idea of Jay being completely focused and serious about a passion of his is...it's nice. It’s hard to reconcile the carefree, sarcastic guy you know with the thoughtful perspective he must have to capture the kinds of photos he does. 

"You should come by," he says suddenly, breaking you out of your thoughts. His voice is casual, but you think you catch a small, hopeful note in it. "If you're free, I mean. No pressure."  

You hesitate, your mind racing. Go? Don't go? It's just a showcase. It's not like it means anything. Right?  

"I'll think about it," you manage, trying to sound nonchalant.  

"Cool." There's a smile in his voice again. "Let me know. I'll save you a front-row seat."  

"Front row seat? For a gallery?" You deadpan, rolling your eyes as if he can see if over the phone.  

"Hey, I'm just being a good host."  

"Hmmm," you smile to yourself again. "Maybe. We'll see."  

But your decision was made the second he suggested that you should come. 

It doesn't mean anything. Friends come support each other all the time, right? Wait—

Are you and Jay even friends? You shake your head, trying to dismiss the warmth starting to spread in your chest.  

It's just photography.

It's just Jay.

Nothing to overthink here.  

✭・.・✫

“Okay, Jisoo, in and out,” you whisper to the robot baby in the carrier that's perched in your arms as you stand frozen outside the campus gallery doors. "We're just stopping by to say hi. Two minutes max. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. Nothing dramatic."  

Jisoo stares back at you, wide-eyed and unhelpfully silent, which you take as strong moral support.

"Thanks, Jisoo," you mutter, like a lunatic seeking validation from a robot.  

Maybe you shouldn't even go in. It's basically the end of the event anyway—what are the odds he'd even notice you didn't show?

Slim. Probably. Right?  

It's not like you didn't have a valid excuse for your lateness. You did have to change Jisoo’s diaper before you left, and that was a whole thing. But let's be real. 

The real delay?

The real delay was you standing in front of your closet for a solid half hour like a contestant on America's Next Top Existential Crisis. What do you even wear to casually drop by someone's photography showcase? Something that says, Hey, I'm effortlessly supportive, but I totally don't care if you notice me (yes I do).  

Spoiler alert: that outfit does not exist.  

And then—because clearly, you love to torture yourself—you spent another thirty minutes pacing around your room trying to figure out why you cared so much in the first place.  

It's Jay. Jay. The guy who thought sticking googly eyes on Jisoo's bottle would make her drink faster. Why are you stressed? Why are your palms sweaty?  

But despite all that, you somehow made it here, standing outside the gallery with your stomach doing flips like you're about to walk into your own trial. You made it all the way here, so might as well go in, right?  

You swallow hard, adjust your grip on your emotional support robot baby, and push the door open. 

And there he is.  

Center stage, right where he belongs—or at least where he seems to thrive. Standing in front of a massive wall of his framed photographs, the studio lights catch his profile just right. It's almost unfair, like he's been personally photoshopped by the gods themselves. He's surrounded by a small crowd, gesturing animatedly with his hands as he speaks, his smile so bright you're convinced it's starting to hurt your eyes.  

But his eyes? There's this sparkle in them. Not the usual playful glint you've grown used to, but something deeper, softer. You've never seen him look so alive, so utterly in his element, and it's doing weird things to your chest. 

You can't help but wonder—what does it feel like to make him look that happy? Not that it matters, obviously.

It's just a thought.

A completely useless, irrelevant, go-away-right-now kind of thought.  

If you weren't busy trying not to trip over your own feet and accidentally drop Jisoo, you might have stopped to take it all in. To admire the way he looks standing there, talking about something he clearly loves, like he's found this magical pocket of the universe where nothing else matters. Might have.  

But instead, your thoughts screech in a halt, jolting you out of your daydream.  

Abort mission. This was a terrible idea.  

Why did you come here? Why is your face hot? Can Jisoo smell fear?  

Before you can think of a single coherent reason to not turn around and bolt, Jay glances up. And he spots you.  

His eyes light up even more—if that's even physically possible. "Y/N?" He calls out, grinning widely.  

Great. Now you're here. He's happy to see you. You're standing in the middle of his gallery with a robot baby that can most definitely smell your fear.  

Fantastic. Just fantastic.  

Jay's voice cuts through your existential spiral, "Y/N!" He's waving you over as he calls out your name again, like you're a long-lost friend who's just returned from war. 

Well, to be fair, you are fighting a war—against your own dumb feelings.  

"Hey!" You croak, trying to sound casual but ending up somewhere between a dog's favorite squeaky toy and a rusty car horn. You internally flinch at your own voice.  

"Wow, you came," he says, his sweet smile still on display as you shuffle over to where he's standing. "And you brought Jisoo! My biggest fan."

He reaches out to cup Jisoo's cheeks, and you almost smack yourself in the head for feeling jealous over your own robot baby.  

"Yeah, well," you start, trying to sound nonchalant. "I figured, you know, project partners should support each other...teamwork and all that."  

Jay raises an eyebrow, clearly trying to stifle a laugh, "Right. Teamwork. Totally."  

You shift your weight from one leg to another, awkwardly looking up, eventually landing your eyes on the wall behind him, scanning the photos on display. Each photo is so him—a little chaotic, a little bold, but somehow...strikingly beautiful. There's a photo of a rainy city street, the light catching every droplet; a close-up of a sunflower against a brilliant sky; a candid of a kid laughing, his face tilted up toward the sun.  

You suddenly feel a weird, warm pull in your chest. It’s one thing to see Jay cracking jokes and making sarcastic comments during late-night baby meltdowns. But this? This is a side of him you’ve never seen before—one that’s thoughtful, intentional, passionate. 

You don’t realize how long you’ve been staring until Jay speaks up, his voice softer now. “Do you like them?” 

You blink, startled, and then nod a little too quickly. You hope he doesn't notice (he does).  

"Yeah. I mean...these are really good, Jay. You're–" you cut yourself off, realizing you're about to say something embarrassing.

''–talented," you finish lamely.  

"Thanks," Jay tilts his head, looking almost shy. "That means a lot, actually."  

His voice is so genuine that it throws you off. You weren't prepared for this level of sincerity. It makes your stomach flip in a way that's both exciting and mildly terrifying.  

Jay gestures toward the wall, his hands shoved into his pockets like he's trying not to fidget.

"I wasn't sure if this was your kind of thing, thought you'd be busy and stuff, but I'm glad you came. I, uh..," he scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, "I was kind of hoping you would."  

Oh.  

Oh?  

OH.  

Your brain immediately short-circuits. He hoped you'd come? Like...in a we're-in-this-together-as-project-partners way, or in a please-let-this-mean-something-more-than-project-partners way? Is this what cardiac arrest feels like? Should you call someone? Should you call him? No, wait, you're already talking to him—focus! 

You clear your throat and try to channel every ounce of chill you simply do not possess.

"Well," you say, attempting to keep your voice steady and failing miserably, "I'm here."  

It comes out barely louder than a whisper, and you immediately regret every life decision that's led you to this moment. But then Jay smiles—soft, something smaller, more private—and it's like the world shifts slightly off its axis.  

"Yeah," he says quietly, his eyes meeting yours with a warmth that makes you forget how to breathe. "You are."  

And just like that, the noise of the environment dissolves, and the rest of the world shrinks to nothing but the space between you and him. The moment feels impossibly big like it might swallow you whole, and yet so small it could shatter with the slightest breath.  

You're pretty sure you're about to combust. Explode. Turn into a human firework fueled entirely by sheer tension and whatever it is that's happening right now. God, why does he have to look at you like that? Like you're not standing here internally unraveling?  

You break eye contact to glance down at Jisoo, and you're positive she's giving you a look that screams, Stop being weird, you two.  

"Anyway!" You blurt out, desperate to break the tension.

"Which one's your favorite?" You gesture to the photos, your eyes darting anywhere but his own. 

He laughs, and the sound is warm and unguarded, "C'mon, I'll show you."  

He grabs your free hand without thinking, tugging you toward the far end of the wall. And just like that, you're helplessly following him, heart racing again, wondering how the hell you got here—and why you never want to leave.  

So much for in and out.  

Jay pulls you towards the far end of the gallery, his hand wrapped around yours like it's the most natural thing in the world.  

It's not.  

Your brain is in full-blown meltdown mode. Red alerts, sirens blaring, a voice screaming, "WE'RE HOLDING HANDS, PEOPLE!"  

But there's no way you're about to let him see how much this is affecting you, so you shove the chaos down, pretending like your hand isn't currently experiencing the touch equivalent of fireworks...and hoping that it isn't sweaty.  

"This one," Jay says, stopping in front of a photo that's somehow both ordinary and magical. It's a simple shot of your campus football field, taken from the bleacher stands. You've stood in those very bleachers too many times to count—for school events, games, the occasional half-hearted attempt to pretend you like sports. But somehow, in this shot, the field looks...different.  

The grass glows like it's soaked in liquid gold under a sky caught between dusk and twilight. The field is empty, yet it doesn't feel lonely. There's something about it that Jay managed to capture—like it holds a thousand stories and secrets, quietly hopeful in its stillness.  

"It's beautiful," you murmur, the words slipping out before you can catch them. 

"Yeah," Jay lets out a breath. "It's my favorite spot on campus. I go there a lot when I need to think or just...get away a bit."  

You glance at him, startled at the sudden vulnerability in his voice. Jay never strikes you as someone who gets lost in his head; he always seemed too confident, too effortlessly sure of himself. But right now, he's not looking at you—he's staring at the photo, like he's seeing something beyond it.  

"I took it on one of those days—I was just overthinking a lot about life. About who I am, I guess," he continues. "I didn't think it'd turn out good or anything, but...I don't know. It felt right."  

Your chest tightens. There's something so raw in the way he's speaking, like he's letting you see a side of him he usually keeps hidden. It makes you wonder how many other layers Jay Park has, and why it feels so important to uncover them all.  

The silence between you stretches as you watch Jay continue to study his own photograph. There's a softness in his gaze, a quiet vulnerability that makes you feel like you're seeing him a way few people ever do.  

But then he blinks, breaking the moment, and suddenly he's looking at you. You stiffen, panic bubbling up at the possibility that he might've noticed you staring at him.  

"Sorry," he says, his voice carrying a self-deprecating chuckle. "It's really cheesy and stupid."  

You find yourself shaking your head before he even finishes his sentence.

"No! Not at all, really," you blurt out, the words stumbling over themselves in their rush to escape. You feel the heat creeping up your neck, mortified at your sudden intensity.  

Jay raises an eyebrow, amused, but doesn't say anything, so you clear your throat and try again, softer this time, "I mean it. You have a good eye, Jay."

You mean it more than you've meant anything in a while, and you hope he knows that.  

For a second, he just looks at you, like he's taking note of something, his head tilted ever so slightly. And then, slowly, his lips curve into that small, genuine smile that makes your chest feel annoyingly warm.

"Thanks, Y/N."  

Your heart does a little somersault. Oh great. There it goes again.  

And as if Jisoo can sense the moment might be getting too serious, she lets out a cry. You stumble back, jump scared enough by the loud and sudden sound, and Jay reacts instantly, steadying you with his hands on your shoulders.  

"You okay?" He asks, his face so close that you can now confirm there are literal, actual flecks of gold in his eyes. Of course there are.  

You blink. I've officially lost it. Completely, utterly, hopelessly, lost it.  

You nod, your voice stuck in your throat. Am I okay? No. No, you are not okay. You are decidedly not okay.  

Jay clears his throat, stepping back—though his hands linger a beat longer than they probably need to, but still a second too short than you should probably want to. 

You want to scream into the void.  

"Looks like it's time for Jisoo's dinner," he says lightly with a small chuckle. 

You fumble for words, your brain still offline.

"Uh—yeah. I left her bottle at my place, and I should probably get going anyways," you manage, your voice a little too breathless for comfort.  

Jay glances at his watch, pausing for a moment before looking back at you, something hopeful flicking in his eyes.

"I'm pretty much done here," he says, tilting his head towards the door. "It's late. Let me walk you home."  

You hesitate, torn between insisting you're perfectly fine on your own (you're not) and letting him (you want to). But the way he's looking at you—like it's no big deal, like he simply wants to—makes the decision for you.  

"Okay," you say, quieter than you mean to, and before you can second-guess yourself, Jay's already taking Jisoo's carrier from your arms, effortlessly shifting it onto his own.  

"Let's go," he says, flashing you a small smile that feels like a punch to your stomach in the best way possible.  

And just like that, you're walking side by side into the cool night air, your breaths visible in the chill, easily falling into a comfortable rhythm as you walk through the quiet campus, the streetlights above casting long shadows ahead of you. 

There’s something easy about walking with him like this. It shouldn’t feel this natural—your heart’s doing somersaults and pirouettes like it’s auditioning for a circus—but it does. You steal a glance at him, and he’s focused on the path ahead, his profile calm and soft in the glow of the lights. 

"So," Jay breaks the quiet as he stuffs his hands into his jacket pockets, "Can you believe the project's almost over?"  

You let out a small laugh, tilting your head, "Honestly, no. Feels like just yesterday I was praying you'd drop the class."  

Jay laughs, a sound that seems to echo in the quiet environment.

"Wow, Y/N. I thought we were bonding."  

"We were," you tease, turning to him with a barely concealed smirk. "I just also thought you were going to be a disaster of a partner."  

He scoffs, giving you a mock-offended look, "I proved you wrong, right? I was amazing since day one."  

"You handed Jisoo to me like she was a bomb, Jay," you remind him, unable to stop yourself from laughing.  

"I was assessing the danger!" Jay protests, his grin widening. "And excuse me, I've stepped up. I've made bottles, I've cleaned her, I even know how to put on a diaper the right side up!"  

"Jay, the fact that you had to learn which way was right side up is concerning in itself," you manage to let out with a giggle. 

"Details, details," he waves a dismissive hand. "Point is, I'm practically father of the year."  

You roll your eyes, but you're smiling. A sharp breeze suddenly hits the both of you, and you visibly shiver from the lack of warmth your outfit provides. All that time choosing an outfit, and you still couldn't pick a weather-appropriate one. Stellar, Y/N.  

And of course, Jay notices immediately. Before you can so much as form a protest, he's shrugging his jacket off and draping it over your shoulders, your body immediately stiffening as his hands brush against you lightly in the process.  

You open your mouth to say something—anything, even just a whispered thank you—but Jay beats you to it, sparing you the effort of finding actual, coherent words. 

“So,” he says casually, like he hasn’t just sent your brain spiraling, “what do you think you’ll do when it’s over?”

"Uh," you blink, still needing a second to reorient yourself. "Sleep, for once."  

Jay laughs again. "Fair. You deserve it. But you'll miss me, right?"  

"Not even for a second," you deadpan without hesitation.  

"Liar," he teases, bumping your shoulder lightly.  

You reach your building all too soon, the doors looming in front of you like an unwelcome reminder that this walk, this moment, is about to end. You stop just before the steps and turn to face him, rocking on your heels.  

"Okay, maybe a little," you admit, shrugging. "But only because you make me look like the competent one by comparison."  

"Wow," Jay shakes his head, but there it is again. The smile—the small, amused one that makes his eyes crinkle just enough to be unfairly attractive. 

You glance up at him, wishing the walk had been just a few blocks longer. Or a few miles.  

"Well," you say finally, forcing your gaze away from his own. "Thanks for walking me. And for carrying Jisoo." 

You reach for Jisoo's carrier, and Jay hands it over without hesitation, but not before shrugging like it's no big deal.

"No problem," he says. Then, as you're adjusting the carrier on your arm, he adds, "And thanks again, Y/N. For coming tonight. It really meant a lot."  

Your heart does that stupid fluttery thing again it's been doing all night, and you're starting to think you need a medical consultation.  

"Yeah, well," you clear your throat. "Partner support, you know?" You sound dumb, Y/N. Dumb.  

Jay smirks, but there's something gentler in his expression now, a flicker of something you can't quite name. 

"Goodnight, Y/N. And goodnight, Jisoo," he says, giving a small wave to the baby carrier, making you giggle slightly.  

He takes a few steps back, his hands slipping into his pockets, and gives you one last smile before turning to walk away. But before he gets too far, something bursts out of you, unwarned.  

"Jay!"  

He stops, turning on his heels, his brows lifting in surprise. "Yeah?"  

You step forward, closing a bit of the distance between you, suddenly hyper-aware of how your voice wavers.

"Um, I was wrong. You're...not all that bad." Why am I doing this? "I'm sorry if I've been...you know, intense. These past few years."  

Jay blinks at you, his surprise turning into something softer. You take a deep breath, pushing through the self-inflicted awkwardness. 

"You've been a really good partner," you add, offering a small, genuinely smile. "And well...you're pretty cool."  

His studies your face for a moment, the look longing and careful, like he's piecing together something fragile. A faint smile tugs at his lips, and there's a warmth in his expression that sends heat rushing to your cheeks.   

For a moment, the two of you just stand here, caught in the glow of the streetlamp. The world around you feels distant, like someone's hit the mute button on everything but the sound of your heartbeat.  

Jay's smile widens ever so slightly, and he nods, his voice quiet but firm, "I'll see you around, Y/N."  

He takes a few steps backward, his gaze holding yours until he finally turns and starts walking away. You watch him disappear into the night, the outline of his figure fading with the streetlights, and only then do you realize you've been holding your breath.  

As you step into your building and climb the stairs to your apartment, the night replays in your head on a loop—his laugh, his smile, his everything.  

When you finally reach your door, you lean against it for a moment, his large jacket still wrapped around you. Your thoughts crash into you all at once, and two things become alarmingly clear:  

You are completely, utterly, hopelessly in like with Jay Park.  

You're in so much trouble.  

“Congratulations, everyone!” Professor Kim clasps her hands together at the front of the classroom, a wide smile on her face. “You’ve survived six weeks of parenting. Hopefully, you’ve learned something useful—and that it hasn’t scared you off from actual parenthood one day. Each baby had a monitor tracking its status, so I’ll be extracting that data, combining it with your progress reports, and factoring it into your grade.” 

Jay leans toward you from his seat next to you, his breath warm against your ear.

“That’s a little creepy…she’s going to take Jisoo apart? The poor thing.” His smirk is half-guilty, half-amused, and you have to bite down on your lip to keep from laughing out loud. 

This is new. Six weeks ago, he was Mr. Front-Row Enthusiast, and sometime between then and now, you’ve somehow managed to convert him into your next-row-back partner. He’d grumbled at first when you insisted about your theory that the front row screamed try-hard, but since then, he doesn’t even glance at the seats up front anymore. 

“Grades will be out soon! I’ll see you all next week,” Professor Kim announces. “And don’t forget to submit your reflection posts!” 

The shuffle of bags and jackets fills the room as students thank her on their way out. Slowly, the lecture hall empties, until it’s just you and Jay lingering at your seats. 

“Well,” you say, slinging your bag over your shoulder as you stand. “That’s it. No more parenting lessons for us.” 

Jay heaves a dramatic sigh, his lips pulling into a pout that’s far too endearing for your peace of mind, “I can’t believe it. I already miss Jisoo.” 

You chuckle lightly but feel an odd tug in your chest, “Right? I got so used to carrying her and her baby bag everywhere. It’s weird not having her around.” 

And it is weird. You never thought you’d feel this way about a glorified hunk of plastic and wires, but now, without Jisoo, something feels…off.  

Or maybe it’s not just Jisoo. Maybe it’s the fact that this project, unexpectedly enough, turned into an excuse—a reason to spend so much time with Jay. Now that it’s over, what happens next? 

The thought hangs between you as the two of you head out of the building. The campus is alive with the hum of students, the energy buzzing around you as everyone heads to their afternoon classes. You both stop outside, standing awkwardly side by side as the silence stretches. 

No more 'Jisoo days' to plan for. No more excuses to text. No more shared tasks or inside jokes. 

Will he go back to his front-row seat, forgetting these last few weeks? Or will he—will you—pretend none of this ever happened? 

Jay shifts beside you, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes flicker to yours, then away again, as if he’s waiting for you to say something first. 

“Well,” you finally say, breaking the quiet because it’s just too heavy to bear. “I have to head to my next class.” 

“Right. Yeah,” Jay says quickly, too quickly, his hands both fidgeting with the straps of his backpack. “Makes sense.” 

He hesitates, his mouth opening like he’s about to add something, but then he stops. You notice the way he’s looking at you, like there’s a thousand things he wants to say but can’t figure out how to start. You feel that familiar heat creep up your neck, the same one you tend to get whenever you’re around him nowadays.  

“Alright,” you finally say, shifting on your feet. “See you around, then?” 

Jay’s lips turn up in a small, almost longing, smile, “Yeah. See you.” 

He doesn’t move, though. Neither do you. It’s like both of you are waiting for the other to take a step away first, and the pause grows longer and longer until you can practically hear the universe screaming at you to just go already. It’s getting unbearably uncomfortable for all of us, Y/N.  

And when you finally start to turn, before you can even take three steps, his voice stops you. 

“Hey.” 

You glance back over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah?” 

Jay scratches the back of his neck, looking like he’s fighting some kind of internal battle.

“Uh, you were also a really good partner. You know, with Jisoo. I mean, you were kinda terrifying at first with all your color-coded schedules and spreadsheets, but…” 

His smile softens, and his voice drops a little, “You were great. Really. I think I learned a thing or two from you.”  

Your stomach flips in a way that’s both infuriating and addictive. 

“Thanks,” you say, trying to sound casual even though your brain is short-circuiting. “Means a lot from someone who had to Google which way a diaper goes.”  

He laughs, the sound bright and warm in the cool air, “Okay, one time, Y/N. Let it go.” 

“Nope.” You grin, turning fully toward him now, your nerves settling under the familiarity of teasing. “You’ll never live it down. It’s my parting gift to you.” 

Jay presses a hand to his chest, feigning hurt, “Wow. I pour my heart out, and this is what I get in return?” 

“Exactly.” 

He chuckles again, shaking his head before finally stepping back, breaking the invisible bubble that’s been holding you both in place.

“Alright. I’ll see you, Y/N.” 

“Bye, Jay,” you say, forcing yourself to turn and start walking away.  

You make it a few steps before you hear his voice a second time, softer this time, almost hesitant. 

“Y/N.” 

You glance back, your heart skipping a beat. 

Jay looks at you for a moment, his expression unreadable, before his lips curve into a small, lopsided smile.

“Text me when you get home later tonight, okay? After your day is done.”  

You blink, caught off guard.

“What?” 

“Just…so I know you got there safe,” he says, shrugging like it’s no big deal. But the way his voice dips at the end betrays him. 

Your chest tightens in a way that officially feels dangerous. But you know you never want to get enough of this feeling.   

“Okay,” you manage to say, the word quieter than you meant, but it was the most you could muster up with the bubble stuck in your throat.  

Jay nods, his smile widening just a little.

“Good.” 

And this time, when you turn away, you can’t stop the smile that sneaks onto your face. 

✭・.・✫

By the time you get home, it’s late, and the apartment is quiet. Esther is nowhere to be found—probably out with Heeseung or at the library pretending to study. You toe off your shoes and drop your bag by the door, the routine feeling strangely empty without Jisoo’s carrier on your arm and her baby bag strapped to the other.  

With a sigh, you find your way to your room and collapse onto your bed, scrolling aimlessly through your phone. Jay’s parting words have been echoing in your head all day, barely letting you focus during the rest of your classes—“Text me when you get home.” 

You hover over your messages for a second longer than necessary, typing and deleting a draft once, then twice, then a third time, before finally hitting send: 

Y/N [8:52PM]: home safe 👍 

You stare at the screen for exactly three seconds before flinging your phone across your bed. You roll over, face buried in your pillow, half hoping he doesn’t reply so you don’t have to overanalyze the significance of a thumbs-up emoji. 

But, of course, your phone buzzes almost instantly. 

Jay [8:53PM]: good 👍 sleep well. 

A small, ridiculous smile tugs at your lips. You really shouldn’t be this giddy over such a mundane exchange, over a thumbs up emoji, but somehow, here you are. 

And that’s when you start going insane. You shoot up from your spot in bed.  

Why did he tell you to text him? Does he say that to everyone? Or was it just…you? And why does he keep looking at you like that? You’ve never been the kind of person to spiral like this, but lately, everything about Jay has you unraveling in ways you don’t know how to handle.

Clearly.  

You groan, flailing your arms like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

“Get it together, Y/N,” you mutter to yourself, but it’s no use. Every little interaction from the past six weeks replays in your head on a loop—his laughter, his stupid jokes, the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by a sharp buzz from your phone. You glance over, half expecting a random notification (the other half hoping Jay double texted you) but instead, it’s the one you’ve been waiting for without realizing it: 

Professor Kim: Final grades are posted! 

Your heart leaps. Practically fumbling with your phone, you open the grading portal, scanning the page with a held breath. And there it is, staring back at you in bold letters: 

Semester Project Grade: 100% 

“YES!” you exclaim, punching the air like a successful cartoon character. You’re grinning so wide your cheeks hurt, practically bouncing in bed. It’s the kind of happiness that makes you feel like you’re going to burst if you don’t share it with someone. 

And there’s only one person you want to share it with. 

Before you know what you’re doing, your closet doors are wide open, your hands rifling through. Your hands land on his jacket—the one he lent you after the showcase—and something about it feels right. You shrug it on, ignoring the way it smells faintly like him (and comfort), and grab your keys without a second thought. 

By the time you realize what you’re doing, you’re already halfway to Jay’s apartment. It’s not like you had a plan—just this overwhelming need to see him.  

Because somehow, he’s become the first person you want to share everything with, want to experience every moment with, want to feel every feeling with, and that thought is both exhilarating and terrifying all at once.  

But you’ve never been so sure of anything else before.  

Your breath hitches as you reach his familiar door, hand raised to knock. You hesitate for a moment, suddenly aware of how ridiculous this is. Who shows up at someone’s place at this hour, unannounced, just to tell them about a grade? What if he already saw it and didn’t even think twice? You look insane, Y/N. Insane.  

But then you think about the way he looked at you earlier, the way he smiled when he said “good job.” 

And you knock.  

✭・.・✫

Jay doesn’t know what’s happening. One second, he’s on his couch editing photos, and the next, someone’s trying to break down his door. At least, that’s what it sounds like. The pounding is so aggressive it makes his mug of tea tremble slightly on the table. 

Heart racing, Jay tosses his laptop aside and scans the room for a weapon. Nothing. Great. In a flash of panic, he grabs the TV remote because, sure, it’s sleek, ergonomic, and maybe intimidating in the right light. 

Bracing himself for certain doom, he yanks the door open— 

���Oh.” 

It’s you. 

At his doorstep. 

Unannounced. 

In his jacket. 

Jay flatlines. All he can do is stare at you in the oversized jacket—his oversized jacket—looking like you walked straight out of one of his dream scenarios. The rational part of him is trying to keep it together, but the feral part of his brain is screaming She’s in my clothes. Marriage now. 

You tilt your head, studying his expression.

“Jay? Are you…okay?” 

He blinks, realizing he’s been standing there for a good five seconds with his mouth slightly open.  

“Uh. Yeah. Totally. Uh—what’s up?” 

“Well first, why are you wielding a TV remote like it’s a sword?” 

Jay glances down at the remote in his hand, then back at you.

“…I thought you were a robber.” 

“A robber?” you repeat, struggling not to laugh. “What kind of robber knocks?” 

“I don’t know, maybe a polite one!” 

You let out a giggle and shrug, “Fair enough. But anyway, I’m here because—did you see?” 

“See what?” He frowns, confused, and still recovering from his adrenaline rush. 

“Professor Kim posted our grades! We got a 100%!” 

Jay stares at you for a second before the words sink in.

“Wait—what? We got a hundred?” 

“Yes!” You’re practically bouncing, a bright smile lighting up your face. “A perfect score, Jay!” 

He laughs and steps forward, grabbing your shoulders in his hands.

“No way. We actually did it?!” 

“We did it!” You beam back, jumping up and down. “We crushed it!” 

Jay’s grinning so hard his cheeks hurt, but he doesn’t care. There’s something about seeing you this happy, standing in his doorway like a whirlwind of energy, that makes his chest feel way too full, too complete.  

And for a moment, the two of you are just standing there, caught up in the moment, smiling at each other like idiots. 

When the excitement dies down, Jay notices the way you’re still slightly breathless, like you’d run all the way here.  

“Wait,” he squints. “You could’ve just texted me, you know.” 

“Oh,” you shift your weight, suddenly looking a little shy. “Yeah. But I just…wanted to see you.” 

Jay blinks. His brain is once again malfunctioning.  

“Oh.”  

Oh? 

OH.  

“Yeah. So…here I am,” you add, failing miserably to conceal the wobble in your voice.  

“Here you are,” he repeats, his voice back to that soft tone that knows how to make your heart go into overdrive.  

His eyes flicker to yours and stay there as the air between you suddenly feels heavier. Charged. 

“Is that all?” Jay asks, his lips twitching into a teasing smile. 

“Uh,” you clear your throat, looking anywhere but at him. “I guess.” 

Jay leans against the doorframe, studying you with that stupidly charming smirk of his, “Well, then.” 

“Well, then,” you echo, fingers fidgeting with the hem of his jacket like it’s the most fascinating thing you’ve ever encountered (spoiler: it’s not. That would be Jay’s face. But we’re not admitting that just yet). 

Neither of you moves. Not even a millimeter. The silence stretches so long that you’re pretty sure somewhere in the world, a Netflix show just autoplayed its next episode. 

Then, suddenly, Jay watches as your face cycles through the emotional Olympics: panic, resolve, regret, and whatever it is that makes your eyebrows do that cute scrunch thing he secretly loves. 

“I should go,” you say, finally breaking the silence, your voice quieter now. “Sorry for barging in like this.” 

You look down at your feet, hands still mindlessly playing with the sleeve of his jacket. Jay’s stomach twists at the sight—at the quiet, unsure way you’re suddenly retreating.  

No. Absolutely not. He doesn’t know where his bravery is coming from (he suspects it’s sheer desperation), but he refuses to let you leave like this. 

Before you can fully turn away, Jay reaches out and gently grabs your sleeve, tugging you back like you’re his favorite person in the world—which, spoiler again, you totally are. 

“Wait,” he says, pulling you close enough that you bump into his chest. Both his hands find their way to your waist, steadying you with an ease that feels practiced. Like it’s where his hands were always meant to be. 

And that's when Jay knows for sure: he likes you. He likes you bad. Painful highlighters, confusing spreadsheets, and all. He likes the way you carry your stubbornness like a badge of honor. He likes the way you chew on your pen when you're deep in thought. The way you turn his every sarcastic comment into a competition he's somehow thrilled to lose.  

“You forgot something,” he murmurs, his voice soft and low as his eyes search yours, then your lips, then your entire face.  

Your heart stumbles, your brain short-circuits, and you’re pretty sure your face is now the color of a stop sign. 

“Oh, uh, the jacket?” you stammer, looking down at where he grabbed your sleeve, grasping for any logical explanation. “You’re right. Sorry, I almost—” 

But before you can finish, Jay does something both incredibly bold and incredibly reckless. He leans in and presses his lips to yours. 

For a moment, you freeze. This isn’t real. Is this an alternate universe where Jay kisses you instead of just driving you insane? 

But then, the realization sinks in—Jay is kissing you. Like, actually kissing you. And wow. 

The first touch of his lips sends a rush through your entire body, like every nerve has suddenly woken up all at once. He’s hesitant at first, almost like he’s giving you the chance to pull away, but when you don’t—when you finally let go of all the confusion, overthinking, and denial—you lean into him, your hands both instinctively reaching up, gripping the fabric of his shirt to ground yourself as you kiss him back, now realizing how much you desperately wanted this.  

And that’s all the encouragement Jay needs.  

His hands tighten on your waist, pulling you flush against him, his fingers brushing the hem of the jacket you’re wearing—his jacket, you remember with a strange, fluttering thrill. The kiss deepens, gentle but insistent, a slow, breathtaking unraveling of all the tension that’s been simmering between you for weeks. 

It’s like the air shifts around you, the space between you collapsing into nothing. You feel his breath, warm against your skin, and the faintest hitch in it when your hand moves up to lightly curl against the back of his neck. 

He’s so close, and everything about this moment feels right—his familiar scent, the steady warmth of his hands on your waist, the way he tilts his head slightly to meet yours like he’s memorizing the shape of you. 

Your heart pounds, the world spinning just a little too fast and too slow all at once. It’s electric, and dizzying, and somehow everything and nothing like you imagined (because, yes, you’ve imagined it—so what?). 

Jay pulls back just slightly, his forehead brushing yours as he grins, his voice a playful mumble against your lips, not wanting to break the kiss, “You can keep the jacket.” 

Your laugh bubbles out before you can stop it, your forehead dropping to his shoulder as you clutch at his arms for balance.

“Seriously? That’s what you’re thinking about right now?” 

“I’m a multi-tasker,” he replies, deadpan, his lips turning into a teasing smirk as he leans in and steals another quick kiss. He starts to pull back again, but you don't let him—your hand catches his sleeve as you dart up and chase his lips for one more peck, light and fleeting, but enough to make him smile like a fool.

You're completely, utterly, hopelessly obsessed with him.  

"Besides," he adds, the words smug as his arms tighten around you, "I've already sacrificed my jacket. Might as well give up my dignity too."  

You roll your eyes, “You’re still an idiot.” 

“And yet, I’m the idiot you kissed back,” Jay fires back, brushing a strand of hair from your face.  

You shake your head, your voice soft and teasing, “You’re so—” 

The words trail off as you meet his gaze again, and before you can even think about stopping yourself, you tilt your head up, close the remaining distance between you, and kiss him first this time.  

Jay freezes for a second, caught off guard, before he fully melts into the kiss again, one hand instinctively curling around your waist to keep you as close as possible. There's no hesitation now, no teasing, no holding back—just the two of you in the quiet of his doorway, and the overwhelming certainty that neither of you wants to let this—this moment, this feeling—to end. 

When you finally pull back, Jay’s eyes are sparkling, his gaze holding an undeniable warmth. 

“You know,” he starts, voice light but tinged with something deeper, “if you keep doing that, I might start thinking you actually like me or something.” 

You raise an eyebrow, leaning in just close enough to make him squirm, your smirk playful. 

“And if you keep talking,” you murmur, your voice low and teasing, “I might change my mind.” 

Jay blinks, momentarily stunned, before letting out a breathless laugh, his arms instinctively circling your waist again, pulling you just a little closer.

“Noted. Say less. I’ll shut up forever. You’re stuck with me now.” 

Stuck with Jay? As in a more-than-project-partners kind of way? 

Yeah, you think, meeting the smile he’s giving you. 

You don’t mind that idea one bit. 

Now that the six weeks of parenthood is over, we ask that you write a reflection post in response to your pre-questionnaire answers we asked you at the beginning of the project. Were your expectations met? Exceeded? Any surprises along the way?

Y/N’s Submission [11:15AM, October 30th]:

Parenting, even with a robot baby, turned out to be nothing like I expected. I’ve learned that no matter how much you plan, babies (and life) have a way of completely ignoring your carefully crafted schedules. It was frustrating at times, but it also made things…unexpectedly fun.

Speaking of unexpected—let’s just say my partnership for this project caught me completely off guard, in the best way possible. Turns out, some surprises are worth breaking the plan for :)

Jay’s Submission [11:30AM, October 30th]:

Honestly? I expected surprises, but I wasn’t ready to lose three years of my life over a diaper change—or nearly go deaf from tantrums. Safe to say, I learned the hard way that being a little prepared isn’t such a bad idea.

But here’s the thing: turns out, babies (and certain project partners) have a way of growing on you. Who knew spreadsheets and sleepless nights could actually be…kinda great? I guess what I’m saying is, sometimes the best things aren’t planned. And also, I know how to change a diaper in 30 seconds now. The right side up :)

.・。.・゜✭・.・���・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・

the end! let me know what you think °ʚ(*´꒳`*)ɞ°

m. list here!

tag list (tenk u for all the luv): @neozon3nha @duckling-niki @somuchdard @jkslvsnella @jjongstar111

@haechsworld @joieouioui @zl-world @getoxo @onlyjjong

@puma-riki @e-r-i-15 @st4rwon

@jayla240 [ wouldn't let me tag you,,,sorry! i also had to format the tags weirdly to get this to work :') ]

cue all tags now...

[amourdivine]

୨ ♡ ୧ DOES YOUR CRUSH LIKE YOU BACK? ୧

Hello everyone! Happy December and welcome to another pick a card. This pick a card reading is all about your crush and whether or not they like you back. Feedback, likes and reblogs help me grow my platform and are highly appreciated! If you liked this reading, please consider tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.comvia paypal! xo ♡

INSTAGRAM ୭ YOUTUBE ୭ MASTERLIST ୭ PAYHIP

›    none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise. ›    personal readings are available!

HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PILE.  take a few deep breaths and look at each picture separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later!

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ༉ ‧ guardian of the memory.

king of swords, five of pentacles, seven of swords rx. bottom of the deck: two of cups.

This is such an interesting pile and I do not say that very often. So, your channeled song is a very, very dear song to me which is from a game soundtrack, it's traditional Chinese, but the story is about a mermaid and a time lord who fall in love. She gives up their memories of each other to save their lives, so they eventually forget one another and once they re-encounter, there are bitter feelings and they dislike each other, but there's a lingering feeling of something familiar, something more, something which they do not acknowledge or cannot express, despite the ambiguity and the coldness of their relationship.

For your crush, they may have rejected you, but much like the story from the song, it's getting hard to deny that they like you, that there is something more. This person cannot stop thinking about you and the truth is starting to come out. If they have treated you coldly, ignored you or simply seemed aloof, it is because they're trying to distance themselves from these feelings. Your crush may have self-sabotaging tendencies. To some, I'm picking up their love language is sarcasm (lol).

This person tends to be more on the rational side, they could be an air sun, rising or mercury and therefore, it's hard to pick up on their feelings. No wonder why you're here, pile one! But rest assured, their feelings are catching up to them and it won't be long until this person realizes the feelings are very, very mutual. Yes, they do like you back - just wait a little until they come to terms with it.

channeled songs and messages. mutual by shawn mendes, avoidant, left on read, 5:55, on your door, drive by, 2016, instagram filters, situationship, "i need to know", "in my feels", drake, rap, kendrick, fool for you.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐖𝐎 ༉ ‧ never gonna give you up.

the well, knight of pentacles, three of swords. bottom of the deck: judgement.

You're not getting rick-rolled, pile two. The song above is a cover by Hazlett, with a very gentle, soothing melody. Yes, this person does like you back but they are recovering from a very painful heartbreak. Although they want to come towards you, they're taking their sweet time because they don't want to make the same mistakes.

When this person loves, they love deeply, they pour and pour onto others. This time around, they want to make sure this connection is worthwhile. This person is not looking for a fling, for a one night stand or a situationship. They want something solid but they're evaluating you first in order to make sure this new love won't bring back old feelings.

They could be going through a major change in their life and for most of the people in this pile, it seems an internal change. They want to make sure they've learnt from their lessons and will not dive into anything headfirst. Therefore, expect slow movement for this person. If you're okay with that, then it shouldn't be a problem. Approach them with pure intentions and honesty. Try to show them you have character, that you can be a good friend and partner to those around you. They do not like mind games and want something stable, long-term for themselves.

channeled songs and messages. mature, old enough, "your man", r&b, bruno mars, "got game", bouquet, flowers, knight in shining armor, traditionally masculine, beard, dark brown hair, side profile, drawings, 777.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 ༉ ‧ just to feel your touch.

six of cups, four of wands, page of pentacles, the star. bottom of the deck: wheel of fortune.

So many cards wanted to pop out, lol. You even got an extra one. So, this pile is oddly specific and may not resonate with everyone. Therefore, if it's the case, please feel free to choose another pile!

This crush of yours is someone you have known for quite some time, years or at least seven, eight months. They could be close to your family or you and this person feels like home to you, they bring you safety and comfort. This may also be a queer relationship and therefore there's hesitation, hopeful thinking involved.

Both of you are too scared to cross the line at this point because there's no telling what the future will hold. You are mirroring each other, worried about blurring the lines between romance and friendship because there are some risks involved - your family or theirs may not approve, you'll face prejudice or straight up be rejected by one another (even though both of you are on the same page). Maybe they're in a relationship and you don't want to be disrespectful.

Regardless of the specifics, this person does like you back, very, very much. You fill them with fondness and soft feelings. Whatever the future holds is not yours to control. This relationship is very positive and healing. The odds are in your favor, pile three!

channeled songs and messages. "best thing", "mine", country songs, 2006, 2007, nostalgia, childhood, y2k, banter, play fighting, youtube, camera records, liminal spaces, weirdcore, nostalgiacore.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 ༉ ‧ always thinking about you.

death, the hanged man, the hierophant, ten of cups. bottom of the deck: the magician rx.

This is another highly specific scenario, so take only what resonates for you. It seems your crush is already in an established relationship already, some kind of commitment that makes them very happy. Regardless, they do not really know how to feel about you, pile four, to be honest. You may be the third party in this situation and they may have promised to end their relationship to be with you, but this person is procrastinating making a decision between you and someone else.

There is trickery, deception and not-so-pure intentions here. If they are single, then this person may have alluded to something more with you, perhaps a family, or a relationship, something stable and long-term, but they do not intend to follow through. While you may have had something, their feelings for you have changed and they're not being quite honest about it.

I get a really two-faced feeling from this pile. This person could do and say something, but do something entirely different in the next. Even the channeled song says "I'm making for the door / you're making other plans". They could be trying to juggle you or someone else, as I mentioned, but it seems like they've got other plans and they're not being fully honest with you about it. I'm sorry, pile four, you deserve better!

channeled songs and messages. "double talk", secrecy, obsession, the devil, "what are you up to?", moving on, doe eyes, gemini, libra, taurus, aquarius, baby on the way.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2024 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content!

DISCLAIMER. tarot is a divination tool, it’s not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i don’t take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings. be mindful ♡

[warblogs17282]

Look, I like reading Stolago fanfics and all that, but I'd be lying if I said that Stolago shippers don't come out with some of the worst takes I've ever seen in regards to Stolitz, so allow me to weigh in my opinion on this.

Short Answer: Stolago would not work in canon.

Long Answer:

Point 1: The 'is Stolago an incest ship' debate.

We don't know. It's implied that Paimon has given birth to a lot of children and can change animal forms, making it very possible that Stolago is an incest ship, but at the same time, that doesn't automatically mean that Vassago is biologically related to Stolas, so I can't make a judgement on this point until we know more about Vassago's character.

Point 2: But Stolas went with the BTB guy!

Pay close attention to Stolas and Blitz after the BTB guy asks Stolas to dance with him, notice how Stolas was basically silently asking Blitz for permission to dance with the BTB guy, and Blitz also silently gives permission for Stolas to dance with the BTB guy. So it's not like Stolas just went 'oh cool this guy wants me, fuck you Blitz I'm fucking dancing', and that silent act of asking for permission proves my point.

Also, Stolas was very drunk during this section, and we know people who are drunk don't tend to think very clearly, so I really cannot blame Stolas for having that dance with the BTB guy, especially when we factor in the cocktail of everything being emotionally heavy for Stolas, and Stolas generally feeling alone and isolated during most of the party.

Plus, Stolas has no history with the BTB guy at all, so even if it does turn into a one night stand for Stolas, there's not gonna be much emotional connection between them. One of the main reasons Stolas fell for Blitz like he did is because of their shared history, all those years ago at the circus.

What was the point of me mentioning all of this exactly? The point is that Stolas and Vassago also have no shared history with each other to what we know, plus, Stolas quite literally says in s2 e1 "my first ever friend!". Plus, it expresses my dislike of the 'Vassago could be a rebound for Stolas' that I've seen float around a few times.

Point 3: Stolas has moved on/will move on from Blitz.

Ah yes, this Stolas?

The same Stolas that silently asked Blitz for permission to go dance with the BTB guy?

"would be an indicator I didn't want to talk right now."

"Seeing you right now is hard!"

Notice the phrase of "right now" that's used twice?

Stolas at no point said he never wanted to talk to Blitz again, only that he wasn't comfortable with doing so right now, because the emotions associated with that night are still very heavy and hard to process for Stolas.

This fact is further backed up by the fact that Stolas never blocked Blitz's phone number.

one more, this Stolas? for the car trip home.

Point 4: "Blitz is just an asshole who feels no remorse for the things he's done to others."

I could dive deep into Blitz's character to disprove this point, but I'll let the examples do the talking for me.

Moxxie: Do you remember what you said to me after my first day with the company?

Blitzo: ...Not really.

Moxxie: I remember. You told me I did a good job and that you were proud to work with me. I feel like you wanted to say something more judgmental, but... you said that because I needed it... And it helped.

Blitzo: Look, I'm hard on you, because I know what you're capable of, Mox. You care too much about what everyone thinks except for... me, because, y'know, my opinion is correct, but just... keep doing a good job. 'Kay? You shoot 'n kill good, you escape things easy... you can be strategic and cold-blooded when you need to, aaaand don't expect any more compliments; I'm maxed out.

Moxxie: Thank you, sir.

Blitzo: You know my name... Use it.

Moxxie: Thanks, Blitzo.

This Blitz?

This Blitz?

This Blitz?

THIS BLITZ??????

There's plenty of other examples I could put here, but I'll leave it here.

Point 5: "Blitz will just move on eventually."

Do you all seriously think that Blitz saying "your boring as fuck monogamy" wasn't foreshadowing Stolitz happening?

The Blitz that's angry that the BTB guy is 'stealing' Stolas?

The Blitz that admits the only person he actually wanted to sorry to was Stolas?

The Blitz that lets Stolas dance with the BTB guy without causing much of a scene, despite how much it hurt him to do so?

Plus, not to mention all the times in the past where it's been shown that Blitz cares for Stolas, including his wellbeing.

Point 6: "Stolitz has no chemistry"

I'm not even gonna bother covering this point, you clearly haven't been paying any attention to the show at all if you unironically think that Stolitz has no chemistry.

Point 7: "What about a love triangle?"

lost-romantique has already made two great posts on the matter, go check that post out.

Finally, I'd like to briefly talk about how Stolago being canon would undermine the plot of helluva boss by quite a bit.

Stolitz is one of the key relationships in the show, and the show revolves around Blitz, including his relationships, so naturally Stolitz is one of the key things for Blitz's character growth, so ending Stolitz for Stolago permanently would stunt Blitz's character growth quite significantly, undermining the plot of the show as a result.

Not to mention it'd also undermine Stolas' character growth as well, considering one of the main things that Stolas needs to work on is the classism, and rebounding to another prince won't help with Stolas unlearning his biases and such, overall making Stolago a rather bad idea for the plot as well.

Plus, even if Stolago was to become canon, it most likely isn't lasting more than an episode anyways, because this scene in the trailer could imply to us that Stolitz is getting a new beginning.

Another thing is that we know nothing about Vassago at the moment, and the things we can imply about him in regards to his title of prince points more to Vassago being a support figure/friend for Stolas (something Stolas badly needs atm) rather than a rebound for Stolas.

I will repeat, I enjoy Stolago in fanfiction and such, but can you all at least admit it's a bad idea in canon and to stop hating on Blitz so much and accept both Stolas and Blitz for the fact that they're both lovable and flawed characters please?

[amyrahrose]

Again

A sin.

It should be a sin how I moan shamelessly at the feel of his tongue licking and sucking on my clit. It should be a sin how I arch my back off of the bed and begin tugging on his jet black hair to sink his face further into me. I know it’s wrong, but God how I love the feel of this man between my legs.

Nobody can make me feel the way he does. 

From the chills that runs up my spine whenever he sucks my clit, then pampers it with a delicate kiss. Or the goosebumps that cascades across my skin when he looks up at me, eyes piercing into my soul as he devours me, drains me of my energy, giving me exactly what it is I need, and then some. 

“You still here with me baby?” He breathes out below me. I whine at the lost of his mouth on my pussy. 

“Yes.” Is what I want to say, but nothing came out. That’s nothing new though, I’m always at a lost of words whenever I’m laid out in-front of him like this. The only thing I’m capable of doing is nodding my head weakly as hump my pussy back into his face, wanting to feel connected to him again.

He only chuckles at my response and dives back in to eating me out. 

I sigh, content with the feel of his tongue back onto me. 

I’m enamored, obsessed. I never want this feeling to end, I never want to know what it’s like to not have him like this, between my legs, eating me out as if it’s his last mean.

“Just like that Toji, fuck right there baby. You’re eating this pussy so good.” I praise him. I gasp at the feeling of him sucking on my clit harder and humming his appreciation at my praise. 

Oh how I love this man. 

I try to hold on to this feeling just a little longer, but the band tightening in my stomach indicates just how close I am to the finish line. I whimper at the anticipation of my orgasm and also the dread of knowing it’s ending so soon.

“Relax baby, I’m not going nowhere, I promise to give you more.” Toji reassures me. I clench around his tongue, exhilarated at his declaration. 

He grips my inner thighs harder, pushing me down more into his face. Against my better judgement, I sneak a look down at him just to have my breath get hitched in my throat. 

The sight of this man, feverously eating me out, eyes half-lidded with a fire raging behind them, drawing me in, beckoning me to my finish. With a heavy breath I warn him of my orgasm nearing.

“Cum for me baby, cum on daddy’s tongue. Make a mess for me.” Toji’s deep voice orders. On cue, I’m arching completely off of the bed, disappearing into him. The slurping from Toji only ignites the fire in me more, dishing out all I have to give into him. 

“Good girl, good fucking girl. I’m so proud of you baby.” Toji praises as he scoops me into him arms, connecting us in a heated teeth-clashing, tongue wrestling make-out session. We both moan into the kiss, chest burning due to lack of oxygen. I force myself to pull away, resting my forehead against his.

We lock eyes, our souls intertwining into one another, with only sounds of our ragged breathing feeling the room. I give another quick kiss to his lips before I’m leaning into him, next to his ear.

“Again.” I breathe out.

Hope you guys like it. It's my first time writing, but I'm obsessed with JJK, especially Toji.

[shibaincubus]

Authenticity

In todays age it's easy to get fed trends stereotypes etc. and we adopt them thinking that they are beneficial to us

We distort ourselves cause it's what everyone is doing and are prone to idolise people and putting them on a pedestal

Looking up to people is not the problem but it gets to a point where it's literally concerning.

࣪ ִֶָ꩜ Girl at this point you are emulating them. Loosing your real beautiful self࣪ ִֶָ꩜

Authenticity=Confidence

You can maxx out everything in confidence but if you are not authentic are you even confident? Or are you too insecure to show your real self.

Emulating someone does not make you that person. You will not get an ounce of the aura they have.

Inauthenticity is like people pleasing

Just like people pleasing we are letting others/society dictate who we are and diminish our uniqueness

You are feeding your energy to other people and you are in they're energy vortex

That's just wasting your energy -> makes you shine less

It's a silent killer tbh and kills your confidence

It's giving servant energy tbh.

Is this what you want??? Is this you???

Ways of inauthenticity

It's a spectrum

Not saying your opinions/pretending to like something

TO

straight up making a persona

Reasons: Fear of Judgement-> Insecurity-> Escapism-> Perfectionism - -> People pleasing and a lot more

We can put this definition into 3 examples

#1 -> You are someone with strong opinions, different mindset than others etc. You want to have a high social status. You feel like your real self is diminishing the chance to get one because it's soo 'different' from others -> "in a bad way"(your thoughts)

-> To gain my status I have to deform myself even if it just makes me insecure and gives me the opposite that I want INSECURITY

#2 -> You feel like your real self is not your highest self so you are trying to chase it in the internet by posting a 'stage self'. The more follower you gain the more dissatisfied are you with your real self.

-> My real self isn't good enough in reality and not even in the internet ESCAPISM

#3 -> You are in a slump, but you don't want to lose your face in front of other people. Even your closest friends and family. So you are keeping up a fake appearance to ignore your feelings and hoping that your problems will disappear

-> I don't want to burden anybody and feel indebted. I should help them with their problems not give them some. It just destroys my cultivated image PEOPLE PLEASING/PERFECTIONSIM

────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ─How to gain your authentic self back

Explore yourself Start by diving deep into who you are. Think about your values, strengths, and what really matters to you. Reflect on what you enjoy and what you don’t in different areas of your life, like school, hobbies, and friendships. 

You can keep a journal where you can track every new resolution; ramblings and things you find out about yourself.

Practice Self-acceptance

Accepting yourself and practicing self love can make you more comfortable in your real self. There are countless inspos out there.

Remember mistakes don't diminish your worth. You have to be willing to express who you are without worrying about what others think.

Stand by your beliefs and values, even when it’s tough.

Surround Yourself with Authentic People

Make sure you’re hanging out with friends who encourage you to be yourself. These relationships should feel safe, where you can share your true feelings without fear of judgment. Practice being honest with the people around you. Sharing your thoughts and feelings can strengthen your friendships and help you feel more authentic.

Create Daily Habits

Develop a daily routine that reflects who you really are. This might include mindfulness practices, setting boundaries, or doing activities that resonate with your values.

Reflect Before Decisions

Before making important choices, take a moment to reflect. Make sure those decisions align with your true self so that you can stay true to who you are.

Overcome People-Pleasing

People pleasing and being unauthentic are going hand in hand. They are literally soulmates.

People pleasing is a complex issue that has to be addressed from the root.

To make this post compact, I will not write my stance to people pleasing here because I already did an extensive post with everything you need to know about it

Causes to Solutions

Click me to overcome people pleasing

────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ─

Being authentic is reclaiming the it girl energy that you already have. It's a hard journey but 100% worth to complete it to the end

[tarotwithdanise]

What does it feels like to have your first kiss with them?

+ Perks of some cute moments with them.

꒰⠀from left to right ; intuitively choose the pile your mind, heart and soul desire for. if you are having trouble choosing the right pile for you, here’s some tips you can do ; (1) take a deep breath (2) close your eyes (3) ask guidance from your guides (4) finally open your eyes and you can choose the right pile for you by the guidance you ask from your guides. if you are still having trouble by choosing the right pile for you let me know because i am willing to help and guide you.

Pile one

1. Your first kiss with them

cards : knights of wands-two of pentacles-the justice-the devil-king of wands-five of pentacles-ten of swords.

The first kiss at the carnival where the main character was sending their lover away, it was the honeyed and wild exchange kiss but also one of the agonizing moments of their story. In the midst of a noisy crowd two souls become one to share this instant liberation of butterfly feelings. There's a heavy emotion weighing the feelings of this two souls, this feels like in between of you wanted to let go and wanted to stay because there's intense passionate feelings that's being hold here. I think this is finding a solution and steadiness into a issue, making the other lover go away for the good of this situation, it may feel for their other significant to feel stabbed ten times but they have to because love is about risking - it will never stay on the side of positive and happiness sometimes it's on the other side.

how it's being interpreted?

knight of wands + kind of wands - feelings = wild + honeyed

two of pentacles - place = carnival

five of pentacles - how it goes after = sending their lover away

ten of swords - what moment = agonizing

2. Perks of cute moments with them

cards : three of swords-the emperor-nine of swords-knight of pentacles-seven of swords.

[3oS] scenario one : a couple let the the rain pouring to their faces freely ; a sad and nostalgia moment under the rain.

[Emperor] scenario two : someone working all day long and their lover planned to surprise something fun, incredible and one memorable memories for the both of them.

[NoS] scenario three : someone who's been attacking and letting themselves drown to many negative thoughts and then this other one, trying to calm them down or just be there for them to feel atleast their present so they won't feel alone.

[KoP] scenario four : a couple saving up money for their future purpose like goals and so, it might be slow progress but it will be steady and worthwhile.

[SoP] scenario five : a couple sneaky going out at night to attend fair or dive bar.

Pile two

1. Your first kiss with them

cards : knave of swords-ace of pentacles-temperance-nine of wands-the high priestess-three of pentacles-the judgement.

The first kiss with them will be happening at the art museum or in front of your house after a date. The first kiss with them will be feels more into thirsty, like you wanted more and eager to kiss them more. It's feels like you become admirer of your partner's lips and as well you will feels very secured about it. This kiss will bring to you as if you were reached the ecstatic, someone like has been on cloud nine. This is a moment, where both of you feels like you wanted to cherish each other. After that, you think that you were on the right track, that you finally found the right one for you. This is when the stars align on each other so you can finally have a better and worthwhile romantic relationship. The Universe has a bigger plan for you, for this relationship.

2. Perks of cute moments with them

cards : six of pentacles-five of pentacles-the hanged man-three of cups-the sun.

[SoP] scenario one : person a buying special gift for person b.

[FoP] scenario two : a deep, serious and sorrowful moment in a cold snowy day.

[Hanged Man] scenario three : a fun and heart pumps rapidly while trying bungee jumping.

[3oC] scenario four : a catching up reunion with friends or family.

[Sun] scenario five : having a good time at summer season.

Pile three

1. Your first kiss with them

cards : the moon-queen of wands-nine of swords-ace of cups-ace of pentacles-the sun-king of swords-four of wands.

The first kiss feels enchanting, hopeful and mesmerizing. The moment you wanted to balance your own emotion and physical touch. This maybe happening after a celebration you have with them perhaps that maybe one of you might feel a little hot about that. This will be pure love kiss where everyone and everything feels like stopped and only the two of you in this world. It's like the pain you've been through has gonewild, like you were set yourself free. I think this first kiss will be happening when you both are out of country ; somewhere that may neither one of you place or living. This kiss seems like an eclipse, a collies of sun and moon - where both of them are barely see and frequently misses each other but the world will stares them in amazement when they collide.

2. Perks of cute moments with them

cards : the magician-the justice-ace of pentacles-queen of cups-seven of cups.

[Magician] scenario one : a couple learning new skills or hobbies together like language lessons, cooking, baking or painting.

[Justice] scenario two : a couple spending their time volunteering in a community charity.

[AoP] scenario three : a couple hugging while lying on the green grass ground while feeling being safe and protected.

[QoC] scenario four : a person who have a brown and hazel eyes making a poetic message for their lover.

[SoC] scenario five : a couple choosing jewelry in a accessories shop or if not, a person choosing a sweet candies for their lover in a candy shop.

Pile Four

1. Your first kiss with them

Ohh, this one is a friendly kiss. The first kiss is accidental like as I said you and them are friends and so the kiss will be quick but you both will feel the spark of electricity. I see shyness and awkward will be happening between you and them aftermath. I also see maybe your friends keep teasing you about this accident kiss lol. Like enjoy doing it because you are blushing so hard. I see that you maybe feel very attracted to them but not that deep not until you two get accidentally kiss each other. I think someone pushed this person that why they suddenly kissed you, this kiss will both leaving you sleepless at night on that day. This type of kiss that when a couple remembered it, they will be laughing so hard about this moment.

2. Perks of cute moments with them

cards : nine of wands-knave of pentacles-the world-the high priestess-the moon.

[NoW] scenario one : being protective to one and another.

[KoP] scenario two : a couple who is loyal to each other's no matter how miles they far away from each other.

[World] scenario three : a lovers who will do everything for their children so they won't be experiencing what they had gone through.

[HP] scenario four : a couple visiting someone who is astrologer or psychic to know what's cards and stars talks about their relationship.

[Moon] scenario five : a couple going to a stage theater or cinema to watch.

© tarotwithdanise ── all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter, or repost my work with or without my explicit permission.

[bonesbonesbones69]

A HARROW THE NINTH FANMIX

I know I’ve put out a number of fan mixes at this point but this is my favorite one.

Track list:

New York (St. Vincent)

Moderation (Florence + The Machine)

Heavy Cross (Gossip)

How To Be Eaten By A Woman (The Glitch Mob)

Ballad of the Thin Man (Bob Dylan)

Spent Gladiator 2 (The Mountain Goats)

Foreign Object (The Mountain Goats)

Drive It Like You Stole It (Glitch Mob)

Cosmic Love (Florence + The Machine)

Francesca (Hozier)

Wear Black (The Mountain Goats)

I'm about to get VERBOSE under the cut, join me if you want a deep dive on why I chose these songs. Or just listen to the playlist and draw your own conclusions :)

NEW YORK (St. Vincent)

You know how Gideon's death kind of haunts the entire 'Harrow the Ninth' narrative, because you can't stop thinking about it even though Harrow doesn't remember it and the book isn't mentioning it? But it's so present, the negative space in the story creating a very clear Gideon-shaped outline?

This song is first to set the tone for the playlist in the same way. It's a good song about grieving someone who fit with you in a way nobody else did or ever could.

It's about the bits that go:

you're the only motherfucker in the city who can handle me /can stand me /forgives me

It makes me a little crazy. Especially the forgiveness bit. Kind of brings forward the depth of what Harrow lost when Gideon died.

MODERATION (Florence and the Machine)

Like a fine wine, this song pairs excellently with thinking about harrow giving herself a lobotomy.

Want me to love you in moderation? Do I look moderate to you?

I've never heard of anyone loving someone LESS moderately than harrow when she carved up her own brain about a girl. Someone said in a tumblr post somewhere that 'most people just get breakup bangs'. YEAH THEY DO. but that's our mistake for thinking harrow was going to do anything other than the most insane possible thing.

This song is ominous and heavy, evokes religion and fear, the concept of love used as a threat.

It's perfect.

Actually let's talk real quick about the religion part. This isn't going to be hugely cohesive but it's important to me and I think you'll get what I'm going for:

The lines:

Bow your head in the house of God Little girl, who do you think you are

Can be read like the narrative voice is taking on the persona of God, loving in the powerful and unknowable way God might love. Loving in a way you have no say over. Interpreting Harrow's actions with this lens is like a fucked up mirror, consider: Gideon spent her childhood beaten down by a heavily religious society, the figurehead of which was Harrow herself, beating Gideon down sometimes literally but more importantly, figuratively. Now Harrow continues the role of religiously executing power over Gideon's experience, this time with absolutely ferocious love.

Also LAST THING I PROMISE but there's a quiet vein of self-hatred in this song, lurking just behind all of it. A real judgement of the self for having this power and impulse.

So it's perfect.

HEAVY CROSS (Gossip)

Actually you know what lets have MORE songs about harrow's lobotomy. It's a rich vein.

Most of the songs on this playlist make me a little crazy, and this is absolutely one of them. The manic, dangerous, committed tone (and religious undertones) continues from moderation to heavy cross - but what heavy cross brings to the table is the CHOICE.

We can play it safe, or play it cool Follow the leader or make up all the rules Whatever you want, the choice is yours So choose I checked you If it's already been done, undo it

THE CHOICE

And also, oh my god, "it's already been done, undo it". This song made the cut just for that line, and over time I just liked it more and more on here.

I'm skipping over saying a lot of the obvious stuff as I talk about these songs - assuming you're already connecting "whatever you want, the choice is yours, so choose" to harrow making the choice to stop the lyctoral process. And choosing to undo what's already been done. Right? Are we both there already? Cool just making sure.

HOW TO BE EATEN BY A WOMAN (The Glitch Mob)

I'm not done with songs about harrow's lobotomy yet. But this one's a little about Gideon

Ok also I feel the need to say - YES I did put a six minute electronic instrumental in a fanmix, but give it a chance!! It's evocative.

I went to the glitch mob specifically when I was putting this playlist together because I wanted music that felt confusing and dark and bad (the good kind of bad, in the way music can be). Something to mirror the way it felt to read harrow the ninth.

And then I saw there was a song titled 'how to be eaten by a woman' and I added it to the playlist without even listening to it first. And then I listened to it 50 times and now it's going to be on my Spotify top 100 I just know it.

Anyways this one stayed in the playlist as an homage to the confusing and inarticulate things that happened to Gideon and Harrow, as Gideon both was and was not quite eaten by a woman.

BALLAD OF A THIN MAN (Bob Dylan)

Ballad of a thin man is my all time favorite Bob Dylan song and it is exactly the same amount of stupidly ominously confusing as the events of harrow the ninth.

Now could I go on and on about this song?

Yes, and I will.

I’ve never found a source concretely sharing what the fuck this song is actually about. To me, it’s about being confused, outside, and alone. To Wikipedia and opinionated blogs it’s about the mainstream man encountering counter-culture, maybe queer culture. Sometimes theorists think it's about sex but there's not really enough evidence to say concretely.

In the context of this fanmix it’s about not knowing what the fuck is going on because you forgot you gave yourself a lobotomy.

Also frankly sometimes the way this whole series is written feels like one of the interactions described in this song:

You raise up your head and you ask, ‘is this where it is?’ And somebody points to you and says, ‘it’s his.’ And you say, ‘what’s mine?’ And somebody else says, ‘well, what is?’ And you say ‘oh my god, am I here all alone?’

I mean what the fuck is that about??

Like you're trying to have a conversation, but the person you're talking to is clearly having a completely different conversation and is not interested in explaining themselves one bit. Which is something that's happened many times in Harrow the Ninth.

And I mean - the REFRAIN -

You know something's happening here But you don't know what it is Do you, Mr. Jones.

I love that the song speaks directly at Mr. Jones, that he's a specifically named man rather than a general figure.

It makes the tone of the song so cruel and damning - you, Mr. Jones, are dumb as fuck and alone. You think you're smart, you're used to being smart and knowing what's happening, but you don't anymore. You're a lost idiot now. And nobody is going to help you.

Harrow is Mr. Jones that's what I'm saying. Do you get it. Do you agree. She's Mr. Jones.

SPENT GLADIATOR 2 (The Mountain Goats)

This is the title track because nothing else sums up the wretchedness of harrows existence on the mithraeum like this does:

Stay in the game. Just try to play through the pain Like a fighter who’s been told it’s finally time for him to quit Show up in shining colors and then stand there and get hit

I barely know what else to say about it.

The next song in this playlist is also a mountain goats song. As a best practice I think it’s a little gauche to put two songs by one artist back to back on a playlist, but these two absolutely HAVE to be back to back.

The reason is the joy I feel coming out of this song, and hearing the first couple notes of the next song, and thinking… yeah, it’s time to go fucking crazy.

FOREIGN OBJECT (The Mountain Goats)

This one is about the time harrow stabs someone in the eye with a foreign object

I personally will stab you in the eye with a foreign object

It's about harrow jamming her own teeth into the saint of duty's eyes, and also about the soup thing. This song is about being backed into a corner and fighting desperately with unexpected weapons.

Fun fact, the song itself was written explicitly about wrestling - which means that the term 'foreign object' should be translated in the wrestling context, meaning an object from outside of the ring. For example, a classic folding chair. So, considering this, we must admit that harrow doesn't actually literally use a foreign object. She uses her own teeth and bone marrow. Her objects are downright domestic.

But I think we can all agree she's got the spirit.

DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT (The Glitch Mob)

OK OK I PUT A SECOND SIX MINUTE LONG ELECTRONIC INSTRUMENTAL ON THE FANMIX!!!! BUT -

really there's so much general bad feeling happening in harrow the ninth that having chaotic instrumentals feels like the only way to even START to capture it.

So here's a song about Gideon waking up in Harrow's body and trying to figure out that weird and upsetting event while also fighting some fucked up bees and learning some weird stuff about her parents and also dying like at least 4 times while all this was happening.

COSMIC LOVE (Florence and the Machine)

I like my playlists to be a bit chronological - it's an urge I can never quite thwart, I love to mirror a narrative. So all the songs about Gideon are at the end of the playlist, when she shows up. Man, we all missed her. I missed her. Didn't you miss her??

The stars, the moon they have all been blown out you left me in the dark

I don't have that much to say about this one, I find it incredibly self-evident. I'll make up for how fucking long-winded I was about 'Moderation' and 'Ballad of a Thin Man' by cutting this short.

FRANCESCA (Hozier)

Some of these songs are so exactly what I want on this playlist that I actually have LESS to say about them, because I think you can interpret the same things I'm interpreting just by listening to the song.

So listen to the song and then lets be insane about it together!!

This is about Gideon's sacrifice, and Harrow's rejection of that sacrifice. And Gideon's butthurt feelings about that.

My life was a storm, since I was born How could I fear any hurricane? If someone asked me at the end I'd tell them put me back in it (Darling) I would do it again.

I mean

"I gave you my sword. I gave you myself. I did it while knowing I'd do it all again, without hesitation, because all I ever wanted you to do was eat me."

Are you insane about it yet? I'm insane about it.

WEAR BLACK (The Mountain Goats)

The playlist is coming to an end.

Let's let ourselves be gently outro'd by the soft waves of John Darnielle sharing with us what it means to carry mourning with you throughout your life.

Wear black wherever I go Wear black wherever you are

[childofflamesandmoonlight]

I would really appreciate some help with interpretation on this deity identification reading! I didn't use a specific spread, but pulled one card from every deck I own - usually this works really well for me, but this time I can't quite put my finger on who this deity is. I have some vague ideas, but I would love to hear your interpretations.

Thank you in advance!

Here are the cards I drew (plus some notes from the imagery and the guidebooks):

Demon of the Day - Camio:

"Be mindful of arguments and disputes. It can feel good to win but not at the cost of a relationship."

Birds, blackbird, trush

Gaelic, Irish or Welsh origin

Dispute, eloquent verbal debate, persuasive argument

Understanding the language of animals and the noise of the water

Angels Among Us - Jesus:

Forgiveness, compassion, love, peace, kindness

Spiritual teacher, spiritual activist, healer

Christian origin

Higher wisdom

Without judgement

Goddesses Among Us - Atargatis:

Mermaids, mer-magic

Transformation, change

Deep diving

Assyrian or Mediterranean origin

Fertility

Protection

Heartbreak, challenge, powerful emotions

Ocean, water, depth

Grieving

Healing

Shadow work

Legendary Ladies - Estsanatlehi:

Transformation

Native American origin

Sky and earth

Linestrider Tarot - Five of Swords:

Conflict

Tension

Disagreements

Inflexibility black-and-white thinking

Compromise

Isolation

Defeat, failure

Interpersonal difficulties

Hollow victory

Selfishness, hurtful behavior

Resentment

Trust issues

Numbers: 5, 59, 14

Associated birthdays: January 20 to January 30

Associated plants: mistletoe, capsicum, calamus root

Pastel Mini Magic Tarot - Ace of Pentacles:

New beginnings

Opportunities

Potential

New financial or career opportunity

Manifestation

Abundance

Wealth

Business

Cat Tarot - Ten of Cups:

Happiness

Togetherness

Home

Family

Divine love

Blissful relationships

Harmony

Alignment

Star Spinner Tarot - The Hermit:

Seeking the truth

Introspection

Retreat

Assessment

Soul-searching

Being alone

Inner guidance

Mondays Tarot - Death:

Change

Ending

Rebirth

Renewal

Transformation

Under the Roses Lenormand - The Snake:

Snake

Deception, lies, tricks

Betrayal

Seduction, temptation

Jealousy

Manipulation

Disappointment

Difficulties

Distraction

Loss

Falseness

Hypocrisy

Indecision

“The other women”

Arcana Lenormand - Lily:

Bees and butterflies

Flowers

Sensuality

Sex

Virtue

Morality

Ethics

Wisdom

Thera-pets - “You don't have to be perfect to be lovable”:

Red panda

Mushroom Spirit - Rosy Bonnet:

Mycena rosea

Poisonous

Pink

Similarities

Details

Looking closely

Not making assumptions

Research

Don't be fooled by appearances

Looks can be deceiving

The Citadel - The Walker:

The Unknown

Journey

Birds

New experiences

Transition, transformation

Finding answers

Moving on

Voice of the Souls - Learning:

Palm reading hand

Evolution

Learning new things, new abilities and skills

Number 13

SOTW Imbolc - Consecrate tools:

"I will claim what is mine, what I see beyond the hidden. Gifted spirit, by tongue my words spill with purpose."

Establishment

Displaying spirit

Claiming ownership

Conscious decisions

Taking what is meant to be yours

Embracing what is before you

No doubts

Fully invested

Permanent fixture

SOTW Beltane - Maiden:

"Demand what is yours and take back what was taken. Reclaim until you've gathered all of you."

Bees and butterflies

Reclaim

Divine manifestation on earth

Powerful, sacred beings

Direct channels to the gods

Embracing your freedom

Power

Inner warrior

Divine feminine

Primal force of creativity

SOTW Litha - Sunbathing:

"The dance of stillness is calling for you to live in its embrace."

Flowers

Spiritual strength

Restoration

Rest

Self-care

Healing

Relaxation

Meditation

Prayer

Spiritual nourishment

SOTW Mabon - Crow:

"Pay close attention to the winds; there's a message making its way."

Crows

Something's coming

Messages

Pay attention

Important signs and clues

Warning

Trust your intuition

SOTW Samhain - Elders:

"Birthed from seed within the belly of the moon, they are the wise felt touches over our hearts and felt deep within the marrow of our spirit."

Wisdom

Experience

Storytellers

Keepers of knowledge

Compassion

Sage advice

Slowing down

SOTW Yule - Father Christmas:

"How did thy get here? Lost perhaps? No worries at all! Gather yourself and clear the frost for the good still lives in you dear."

Naughty or nice?

Kindness

Mindfulness

[yourstardarling]

One last thing before Libra season ends. I feel like Pisces and Libra placements make a very compatible connection. It’s because both signs have a desire to keep things peaceful. So whenever they connect they will try their best to make sure they understand each other. Since they are signs that thrive on duality and seeing different perspectives, they can mirror different sides to one another without getting judgement of being fake. It can lead to a very harmonious union and I can tell they will fuel all of each other’s delusions. However, since they always wanna keep things peaceful they might struggle with keeping each other accountable when there is an issue. Aside from that, these signs make a great duo.

Libra can help Pisces get out of their comfort zone more and explore the beauty of life through relationships, glamour and learning how to have good conversations. Pisces can show Libras the significance of having deep emotional connections, dive deeper into their own beliefs and give some wisdom about life. These are two signs that really adore the idea of love and see the importance of it in their daily lives. They are literally the embodiment of two love birds wanting to bring more love to the world around them.

This is just my observation, but remember to always look at other placements as well guys in order to see compatibility. Also, the connection I’m referring to can me romantic or platonic, but I was mainly focused on the signs as friends. To all Pisces and Libras let me know what y’all connections have been with one another. I’m curious to see!

[torturedcoveydepartment]

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT ANALYSIS

I had some left over time in class today, and guess what. EVERYTHING about the tortured poets department is so clear to me after my deep-dive analysis on the little snippet of lyrics that Taylor posted on her socials. The glass isn’t stained anymore.

“So I enter into evidence. My tarnished coat of arms”

This paints us a picture of a courtroom, which applies to the terms used, as well as the song- and album’s title. She enters into evidence, which she also understands. Tarnished is synonymous with losing luster and “shine”. Coat of arms is a symbol which brings honor to family name (often seen on weapon shields). Taylor Swift’s name has been beaten multiple times by critics and slammed with hate storms. However, she’s still standing. But with a tarnished image ish.

“My muses, acquired like bruises. My talisman and charms”

You might think of muse as a good old friend - which is totally true. But it’s in fact a person or imaginary being that brings the artist inspiration. Those muses acquired like bruises, and from past albums we know colors are significant. “And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue” as an example from All too well (10 minutes version). Therefore, my interpretation is that the people who betrayed her, or treated her unfairly, which she later on has written songs about are referred to as bruises - and that’s what she’s in court for. People having opinions on “the morality” of her past lovers being metaphorically written into music. Talismans is an object that brings luck. Keeping the owner safe. As an example, her favorite number 13. My first thought when analyzing this was “OH MY GOD WITCHY EVERMORE” btw.

“The tick, tick, tick of the love bomb. My veins of pitch black ink”

A timer before the relationship blows up. After all there’s something called “love bombing”, a use of overt affection to manipulate the other part into staying. We can also see former usage like of ticking noise such as “I laid the groundwork and then just like CLOCKWORK. The dominoes cascaded in a line” and “Tick tock on the clock I pace down your block. I broke my own heart cause’ you were too polite to do it”The pitch black ink is 100% a wave to creativity and her thoughts flowing into her art. An insight into how her mind works. This supports my thought of the song being about the world’s judgement.

“All’s fair in love and poetry. Sincerely the chairman of the tortured poets department”

There’s a saying “all’s fair in love and war” which points to a situation where people don’t follow the usual rules of behavior, an event where you don’t have to obey. Taylor has replaced war with poetry, which is so incredibly beautiful. Sticking with rules isn’t required in poetry. The entire point is your freedom of self-expression. AND THAT’s why it’s the tortured poets department. The feeling of being told what’s right and wrong about THEIR EMOTIONS. The chairman is the one in charge of the committee or organization, and they are stating this. The world’s critical structured thinking is suffocating.

This might be all wrong. BUT I DON’T KNOW IT FEELS REASONABLE? Taylor Swift is such a TALENTED, MASTERMIND, MASTERPIECE, BEAUTIFUL ARTIST

[rednite-dork]

How does your mc react to Sebastian killing his uncle? Would love to hear your take on it

Oooohhhh, I DO have some takes on this!!~

This also accidentally turned out to be like a deep-dive into their relationship, so sorry anon.

I guess I should say first that my MC lived in Muggle world, with no touch of Wizarding world before Hogwarts, so she was quite clueless with all the different 'forbidden' spells and stuff. So, when she met Sebastian and he was like 'yeah some people think these spells are dangerous, but I think they are neither good or evil, they're just tools', my MC was like '... ok I trust ur judgement, ur the one who's been living in this world longer than me anyways.'

As the story progressed, she was uncomfortable with some of the spells Sebastian used, and chose to never learn the Unforgivables, but still wanted to help him find a cure for Anne. She did occasionally mentioned Sebastian that 'ok y'know some of these spells are kinda fucked up, maybe we shouldn't get used to using them??' but, as we know, those warnings went into deaf ears. (she kind of sided with Ominis, but still understood Sebastian's stance on saving his sister.)

When Sebastian killed his uncle, my MC was really distraught of what happened. She kind of even felt guilty of enabling Sebastian chase that relic, and she was feeling a mix of emotions - anger, disappointment, shame, etc. But when she saw how Sebastian was truly regretful of his actions, she felt torn. Sebastian was still her friend and while he definitely deserved a punishment for his actions, she didn't want to ruin his life.

When they had a talk with Ominis of whether or not they'd turn Sebastian in or not, I'd say they thought about it for a long time - before settling with not to send him to Azkaban. Azkaban was permanent, irreversible punishment for a tragedy that shouldn't have happened. "An accident," she wanted to believe it was. Then again, she also remembered that 'to perform an unforgivable, you really have to mean it.'

So, after what happened in the catacomb, she wanted to kind of... distance herself from Sebastian at first. In my mind, the questline happened before the main storyline's ending, so she was quite distant, wanting to clear her head and her mental turmoil at first before she could talk with Sebastian again. Also, she had those trials to deal with so they kept her busy and were a good reason not to talk with him, even if Sebastian asked.

After Professor Fig's death, they kind of had a heart-to-heart. I don't think it was that easy for either of them, both were hurt about what happened in the school year, but they managed to get into an understanding of some sort. It was a long talk, and there were definitely tears from both ends. It kind of made their bond a bit stronger.

TLDR; In the beginning, my MC was mad and upset, and wanted to distance herself from Sebastian, but after Fig's death, they had a talk and kind of??? became friends again??? but with both of them having a bit of a healing to do y'know. Taking things slow in a sense of a friendship continuing.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

OC deep dive

Thanks @mrbexwrites here and @winglesswriter here!

Rules: answer the questions for your OC(s)!

Previous deep dives:

Lexi, Maddie, Ash, Gwen

Noelle, Rose, Kelsey, Robbie, Akash, Hye-Jin

This time, I will do Jedi, Carmen, Carla, and George: the main guys born and raised in Alium.

What uncommon/common fear do they have?

Jedi - evil, failure, losing bonds

Carmen - clutter, germs, privacy violation

Carla - closing eyes in the shower, wasting potential, losing people again

George - boredom, rejection, losing Carla

Do they have any pet peeves?

Jedi - people being disrespectful

Carmen - inconsistency

Carla - lack of regard for personal space

George - judgemental people

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

Besides the obvious...

Jedi - books, journals, holographic images of his loved ones

Carmen - closet organizers, very organized desk, calendar

Carla - books, computer display, papers pinned all over the wall

George - multiple tech projects he's working on, a science journal, gaming console

What do they notice first in a person?

Jedi - anything that can indicate their powers

Carmen - height probably?

Carla - hair or eye color maybe

George - way too fast to be able to determine what he saw first

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Jedi - 8/10

Carmen - 6/10

Carla - 5.5/10

George - 9.5/10

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

Jedi - freeze

Carmen - fight

Carla - flight

George - fight

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

Jedi - not a big family; holds his family dear and deep so I guess is kinda a family person

Carmen - no to both but the people she truly considers family she sees in a very flattering light

Carla - not technically, but grew up with a lot of people around and is a family person

George - same upbringing as Carla but not a family person

What animal represents them best?

Jedi - maybe an owl

Carmen - some kind of cat

Carla - definitely a cat but much more calmer than Carmen

George - squirrel

What is a smell that they dislike?

Jedi - idk I feel like there is a specific plant he hates the smell of

Carmen - body odor

Carla - probably something like the smell closest tend to have idk

George - specific chemicals in the lab

Have they broken any bones?

Jedi - yes

Carmen - no but I'm not ruling it out

Carla - yes

George - yes

How would a stranger likely describe them?

Jedi - “Oh, that guy? Yeah he's usually on his tablet, maybe reading a book or something. Sometimes I'll see him type away like he's got something super important to write down. He's always kinda following Carmen around. Not sure what his deal is.”

Carmen - “Oh, I'm not going near her. She has this threatening energy around her. Like she'd kill me. At least she'll lecture me in my face, and I don't want that. I hear her bark is worse than her bite, though. But I wouldn't intentionally upset her.”

Carla - “The young girl who's always in her own head? A little off-putting, actually. She seems like she's completely lost in her mind. She'll stare off into space for hours. I don't think she likes people very much.”

George - “Pretty talented speedster. He repaired my replicator once. He had it done very quickly. He didn't do a lot of talking except to imply we were idiots. Don't think he meant it to be rude, though, he just seems to be oblivious to everything but his work. But again, he was good at his job.”

Are they a night owl or a morning bird?

Jedi - both (insomnia)

Carmen - both (bad sleeping habits without the excuse)

Carla - night owl

George - morning bird

What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

Jedi - loves seafood, hates bacon (from a spiderpig specifically)

Carmen - loves savory foods, hates cheese

Carla - loves chocolate, hates nuts

George - loves salty chips, hates citrus

Do they have any hobbies?

Jedi - journaling, researching, reading

Carmen - unironically says organizing is a hobby but she'll sometimes turn on an audiobook

Carla - reading, writing poetry, watching TV, daydreaming (yes, she'd list daydreaming)

George - programming, tinkering, video games, research rabbit holes

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises?

Jedi - eh, not too big on surprises, but he would greatly appreciate the effort

Carmen - hell no, hates surprises, she'd just be pissed

Carla - is pretty neutral on surprises themselves, but I think she'd cry over the thought of throwing her a birthday party in general

George - does not actually like surprises that much since he'd much rather do the planning himself, but he'd be chill and nice about it

Do they like to wear jewelry?

Jedi - only if we count watches

Carmen - yes, she has some jewelry on that won't get in her way

Carla - yes, some, such as a necklace and earrings

George - yes, some, including a necklace and earrings

Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

Jedi - neat

Carmen - very neat

Carla - a little sloppy

George - very sloppy

What are the two emotions they feel the most?

Jedi - passion, guilt

Carmen - anger, grief

Carla - loneliness, reservation

George - excitement, gratitude

Do they have a favorite fabric?

Maybe maybe not I'll just say that they'll like Alii fabrics I haven't come up with yet <3

But I think Carla and George would have synthetic bearfalo skins

What kind of accent do they have?

All four would have specific regional Alii accents.

Jedi - grew up in Sector 2, spent formative years in Sector 8, spent most of his life in Sector 9

Carmen - grew up in Sector 9 with her uncle from Sector 3

Carla - has only lived in Sector 9

George - same as Carla

✨Jedi intro✨

✨Carmen intro✨

✨Carla intro✨

✨George intro✨

Tagging @paeliae-occasionally @sarandipitywrites @mk-writes-stuff @theelfauthor @diabolical-blue

+ ANYONE ELSE

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet

Blank questions below the cut

What uncommon/common fear do they have? Do they have any pet peeves? What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom? What do they notice first in a person? On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?What animal represents them best? What is a smell that they dislike? Have they broken any bones? How would a stranger likely describe them? Are they a night owl or a morning bird? What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love? Do they have any hobbies? Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises? Do they like to wear jewelry?Do they have neat or messy handwriting? What are the two emotions they feel the most? Do they have a favorite fabric?What kind of accent do they have?

[ratsoh-writes]

(Hmmmm.... because you insisted I send in a matchup, here you go. Have fun, lol! Also.. just so you're awareI don't really mind if it's platonic or not, I just want to see what you come up with.)

The Basics:

Height: 5"8

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Demisexual

Soul Trait: Kindness

Personality Type: Introvert

Love Languages: (Giving) Words of Affirmation (Receiving) Quality Time

Enjoys:

I like reading, video games, watching anything animated, and deep diving into fandoms. I adore animals of all types, so I need someone who is willing to at least tolerate pets. (Bonus if they enjoy them as much as me). This extends to the typical cats/dogs, to more "exotic/uncommon" animals like reptiles.

Dislikes:

The horror genre... just in general. (So no scary movies for me).

And spiders...

Personality:

I've got some social anxiety, so I'm easily flustered and have difficulty speaking to strangers. But once I know you I can be talkative... especially if you have the same interests as me. I'm always willing to help out a friend if they ask me, and I'm loyal to a fault. At least half of the stuff I do will probably be said or done in an overly sarcastic/dramatic way mostly because that's my sense of humor. You'll also catch me talking to myself a lot. No reason why. I guess it helps me sort out my thoughts... either that or I'm daydreaming and talking/acting it out.

Pet-Peeves:

People who don't take care of their things. Like, if you ask to borrow something, I expect you to return it in the same condition. But why wouldn't you do the same thing with your own stuff? Don't you want it to last?

People who shoot down others for enjoying something. It doesn't matter if I'm interested in the thing personally or not, if it makes someone happy I will listen to them talk about it. So it bugs me to see people tear someone else down when they just want to enjoy something.

People who ask for my opinion on something, and then blatantly ignore it. Why did you ask if you didn't want to know?

I don't mind messy people, but I prefer to keep my personal space clean and organized... so just repect that please. Don't go mess it up for no reason.

Hmmm you could work with a lot of the skellys so I had a ton of choices to choose from. After a bit of back and forth, I match you with…. FINN! Seaswap sans!

Finn is a total cutie patootie, a true sweetheart, just an all around good guy. He’s easy to talk to, friendly with every one and totally non-judgemental. Finn is great for someone a tad eccentric as he isn’t bothered at all. In fact he loves that they stay true to themselves! After all every one is a big nerd about something. Your thing is reptiles, his is collecting and coming up with scout badges. In fact.. can he borrow a snake for his scouts reptile handling badge? Don’t worry, your little baby will come pack perfectly fine, if a tad spoiled for the day lol.

Finn is a great listener. He remembers whatever his SO tells him, whether that’s tasks they need done, or just details about their wants and likes. He wants to understand his partner so he puts extra effort into keeping his metaphorical ears open.

While Finn is more of the sporty type, he does have experience with video games thanks to his brother. He doesn’t play on his own but is always down to play in groups or with a friend. He’s surprisingly good at shooters, even if he apologizes every time he kills someone lol.

One downside about finn is he’s 100% a people pleaser, and sometimes will reluctantly agree to things he really shouldn’t do. So he needs a partner who’s willing to put their foot down whenever someone is trying to take advantage of him.

[fallowhearth]

David Graeber and David Wengrow, The Dawn of Everything: A New History of Humanity, 2021

This is not a review. It will probably be a bit of a ramble about my approach to reading history and thinking through why I bounced off this so many times. This is also about letting myself off the hook - I'm going to let this one remain unfinished. I don't need to finish reading it.

After I dropped out of grad school (highly recommended), it took me a good few years to be able to stomach picking up a history book again. But, I do really enjoy the discipline. There's a reason I wanted to do it as a career. I eventually found a way back in - from YouTube video essays, to a few podcasts, to reading history from outside my field. I had the most success with ancient/pre-modern histories; obligatory Tides of History plug as I've loved all the deep dives into genetic history and archaeology (and gotten quite a few great book recommendations). I don't have any particular knowledge in these fields, I don't have the language skills or context to interpret sources myself, I've never even taken an ancient history course. So reading these I have no option but to basically rely on the expertise of the historian, to see what they say about various topics and about each other. It's the opportunity to read history like a layperson, and hey, it's pretty interesting!

On the one hand, Dawn is engagingly written - I'd call it kind of magazine style? - and tells a compelling story. But, the whole time I'm wondering, but is any of it true?

My impulse when reading something from within my area of academic expertise is to go and take a look at some of the sources myself. It's always a useful sense-check; it's due diligence. History is by its nature kind of subjective. Historians don't just deal in lonely facts (to paraphrase someone whose name escapes me), but in interpretation and argumentation. Everything has been passed through several human filters before a historian even looks at it. So, in a room full of historians you respect, you can have a lively, contentious discussion where no two people have quite the same reading of the source. There's a skill you pick up after a while - you get a sense for the range of defensible interpretations of a particular piece of evidence. You'll feel more affinity for part of that range, based on the things you believe about how the world works, your particular axe to grind, other things you've read, niche academic beef, etc.

I'm confident I've read at least a few of the sources Dawn uses, and I've definitely read within adjacent bodies of sources. So, I have an incredibly strong need to go and take a look at the specific things they're basing their argument on. I trust my own judgement; I want to establish that range of defensible interpretations, I want to see what readings I'd pull out first, I want to see what the distance is between Dawn's point on that range and mine. The problem is that I can't. Even if I wanted to dive back into the archive, I literally don't have any of the institutional accesses that would allow me to. Also I really don't want to. So I'm constantly feeling this itch I can't scratch at the back of my mind while reading Graeber and Wengrow's work.

The broad version of Dawn's thesis is something like: 'humans have experimented with diverse ways to live and organise their societies across space and time, in ways that are not accommodated by the teleological models developed within the colonial context'. I'd say, yeah, I pretty much agree with that! (In fact it's a thesis I'd love to nail to the doors of many popular history writers.) But I get the same sense reading Dawn as I did reading various provocative works of global history (many of which I really like): the broad thesis is generally defensible, but it falls apart on the page-to-page level. Of course I can't actually confirm this since, well, I haven't done my due diligence!

[robot-diver-and-poison-punk]

Greetings rotomblr. "Yo fuckheads!"

I am WYD-01 of the elementbot line.

"and I'm Roya an ex rainbow rocket grunt from another world and has beedrill genes" - roya

And after some mulling and processing over it we've decided to do a move from the old blog due to it being too cluttered.

"and we wanted to have a more organized mess rather than a complete mess."-Roya

Regardless I'll start off 1st as agreed.

I'm as said before WYD-01 of the element bot line refer to me as they/them. I prefer to do deep diving underwater as a hobby. I'll be posting some of said dives on this blog

Keystone the lokix: he/him rash nature, wears a navy and silver scarf, is very aggressive for the most part and is much stronger than average. Irritate him at your own risk.

Judi the Pheromosa: she/they Adamant nature, wears a wide brimmed, black sun hat with a gold strip, curious to the world around her, and is less strict about cleanliness, sadly this led to them being an exiled sheep.

Magic the Alpha Galarian Mismagius: quirky nature, is what seems to an alpha due to their size, is a troublemaker, and is the leader of all the misdreavus in this beach house. they also recently evolved during at a halloween party

Grave O'Neil the spiritomb: ??? Nature, was found in my house and forced my hand to catch them, is also a trouble maker like magic, has a strange liking to coffee grounds (they eat them somehow when no one is looking)

Pot lid the Klinklang : recently transferred from a kalosian shelter thanks to an event, evolved during the naming of Tafiū, really likes jazz

<<Dredge the dhelmise>>: quiet nature, is barely heard in general, clings on to me the most, was found in a double shipwreck.

Tafiū the Delta bisharp: jolly nature, had just evolved during the naming of them, is a Delta Pokemon from the Torren region, was given to me by pri- I mean Roya

A shiny clawitzer who has yet to be named, bold nature, seems to be through dozens of battles and the scars show.

"Alright enough shit from ya it's my turn"

"Names Roya and as said before I'm ex rainbow rocket and part Beedrill. I love poison and dark types, and I practice polearm and staff based combat as a hobby. (And Mecha enthusiast) anyways here's my own team!"

Reacta the delta vespiquen: Delta and starter over at the Torren region, has a mild nature, wears a orange tuxedo vest, and prefers to tend to be a neat freak. loves Petrol

Spines the cacturne: relaxed nature, found somewhere in a desert area i cannot remember where, wears a poncho, likes to eat and hog sour berries. A bit too friendly for his own good sometimes (loves hugs but tends to forget he's a Cacturne)

Dagger the sharpedo: found in torren, hasty nature, likes to be blunt on what he does, and will stare at you judgementally.

Petrol the Dragalgae : hatched in an egg, bashful natured, im trying my best to care for this lil guy till hes ready to go battle if he desires to. He's recently getting

Alia II the shiny Mega beedrill: ace and partner pokemon, is a shiny, adamant nature, wears a cap like mine own but green and black, is the 2nd beedrill i own, likes to be with Reacta and petrol (will protect with her life). She's decided to stay permanently mega evolved after an incident...

a weavile that joined my team without consent: somehow snuck their way in while i was in the wild area of galar, impish natured bastard, likes to scheme behind others, hates ribbons for some odd reason...

Kliff the shiny alpha Sneasler: was given to me by a stranger as a sneasel during my time at hisui, prefers to laze about in the sun for the most part but is no slouch in battle despite this. naughty nature.

A shiny Mareanie I have yet to name: Caught on Route 9 of Akala Island and trade to me by Water bucket's electric brother. This little guy ain't all too interested in fighting, but certainly packs a punch when it counts! Also mild natured.

"welp thats it for us intro wise, now go home you lazy fucks."

Roya please you godamn prick do not call strangers on this site lazy fucks when you're one as well.

"fuck you"

fuck you too.

// Hey yall this is mod wiral, i've decided to move house from the old blog. it was getting too messy for me and i couldn't bring myself to do all that work to brother with that. anyways there are TWs for death and water related fears here. wyrdo has a major hatred towards plasma but has relaxed on it since then, roya's hate for rocket is immense and has a major dislike to cults. nonetheless these kind of things are welcomed to interact. ENJOY!

//pelipeper mail is on

Other blogs

@flowroma-town-apiary

@snowbell-glass-bar

@veil05thegrasselementbot

@slateport-welders-union

@amperage-speedway

@miss-fairylight-magician

@skyborne-kalosians

@average-escavalier-enjoyer @acedarrowslingers