#no interns harmed

[incendavery]

disclaimer: i have not harmed myself in any way, and i dont plan to.

these comics are a safe place for me to explore and externalize the intense feelings ive been dealing with. i am also taking practical steps, such as talking to my therapist and getting my medications adjusted.

if you are having urges to harm yourself or take your own life, please reach out to someone you trust to seek help.

[ciderjacks]

Someone made a really well written post on chilchuck and misogyny, but its not able to be rbed so im just sharing my analysis of it here. Bc i love this topic. I love it so much.

[wormboyfriendcentralstation]

i love the contrast between ishmael and heathcliff's revenge plots because ishmael was willing to steer a boat into a whale of skyscraper proportions to tear that old lady limb from limb with her bare hands, whereas heathcliff was trying really hard to increase his credit score. ishmael is here not speaking of hubris. striking the sun if it insulted her. she is madness maddened. she is that wild madness only calm to comprehend herself. in the meantime, heathcliff has trodden on the bathtub mixed timeline moonshine landmine that cathy made in her basement

[babsaros]

dear season

[aritany]

On Identity: The Truth

Content warnings: homophobia, transphobia, references to self harm and suicide.

I’ve been keeping secrets my whole life.

I’m 10 and I’m listening to my dad at the dinner table, who I know to be the most trustworthy person in the world. He talks about the legalization of marriage between two people of the same sex and asks us to consider the implications. Where do we draw the line in the sand? Legalizing gay marriage paves the way for legalizing pedophilia, after all. If a union between two men or two women isn’t disrespecting the sanctity of marriage, what’s next? Marriage between men and animals?

I’m 11 the first time I hear it: “It doesn’t matter how low I set the bar for you, you still can’t reach it.”

I’m confused and afraid—I’m trying so hard—but I hear it then, and again, and again, spoken low in disappointment, shouted with a vein popping in her forehead, cold like a fact, and it sinks in, bone deep.

I’m 12 with my first crush on a girl. I’m not confused, I know that’s what it is—I want to kiss my friend, and I already know not to talk about it. Never to talk about it. It isn’t safe.

I’m 13 and doubting. I throw myself into fitting in. I pick the right boys to like and I go overboard, and I do like them, I do, I do, I want them to like me, I want to be their friend. I want to be their equal, but that’s not quite how the story goes, so I settle for trying to hold hands with somebody I desperately crave respect from, but that’s wrong too, I learn. 

I’m 14 and convicted. How could this be wrong? I brush hands with a girl in choir and we meet eyes and I know. I watch a gay kiss on TV and I sob into my hands and I tell no one, no one, no one.

I’m 15 and I come out to my mom, haltingly, with the terminology that I have, because the thought of hiding forever—keeping quiet through one more dinner—kills me.

She tells me no. She tells me I’m wrong.

I look in her eyes and I understand: it’s not an option, and it never will be.

I’m 15 and I do my best to stop there.

It doesn’t work.

I’m 16 when I first hear my mom say that you can love someone and not approve of their lifestyle. I wonder what kind of love that is. I wonder how that kind of diluted, half-hearted, patronizing love can be enough for anyone. I wonder if she’s thought about how that feels, to be told that who you are—not by choice—is fundamentally wrong.

I’m 16 and a boyfriend is a shield. The right choice, so I make it, and it’s even almost fun. I love being his friend. I’m afraid of anything more.

I’m 17 and my youngest sibling whispers, “So am I.”

My heart breaks for the pain they’ll experience, as they too are taught, painstakingly, how to hate themself. Which parts of themself have to be kept hidden, which parts are shameful. They sit at that dinner table and hear the rhetoric that pushed me to the brink and over it, and I hope they’re stronger than I am.

They aren’t.

I’m 18 and my mom works at a college for the performing arts. I sit and curdle quietly while she talks about her genderqueer students. Misgenders them behind their backs. Deadnames used flippantly. She knows better, after all. She can be the expert on somebody else’s identity. They’re mentally ill, all of them. None of them are happy. They’re searching for something only God can provide.

I’m 19 and I come out as bisexual to the man I’m certain I’m going to marry, tearing the secret out like a bandage fused to skin. He tells me of course it’s fine, that he supports who I am. Of course people like me should have rights, of course. I laugh, relieved. Later, I find out this moment was almost a dealbreaker for him, and I wonder how much was ever real.

I’m 20 and I’m out. I’m 20 and I’m free. I’m 20 and I believe, because I’ve been told, that I am loved for who I am. All of who I am. I still flinch when I hear a car door slam.

I’m 21 and I’m searching for the connection to my womanhood. I’m searching for what makes a woman a woman. I’m reading gender theory and talking to friends around the world and wondering exactly what it is that I’m missing.

What does the rest of the world know that I don’t?

I’m 22 when my marriage ends because my body might not be attractive to my husband one day, and my parents email him in support and solidarity, expressing sympathy, and I’m not surprised.

I’m 22, and standing up for who I am has cost me everything. A spouse, two sets of parents, financial security, a city’s worth of community, more childhood friends than I can count. My parents tell me to go back in the closet so my ex-husband will love me. To them, his frustration is understandable, of course—by presenting androgynously, I’m betraying my marriage vows, after all.

I wonder, stunned into silence, where I promised to look like a woman.

I’m 23 when I come out to my parents for the third time; not as bisexual, not as trans, but as hurt. 

I lay out the pain of the last decade as succinctly as I can, hoping they’ll hear. When I assert that yes, to be in relationship with me, use of my name and pronouns is a requirement, my mother jokes, “Well, we don’t negotiate with terrorists.”

It’s not a joke.

I see the flash in her eyes, the instant regret as she laughs it off like it’s funny, but it isn’t.

The kid sitting at the dinner table knows it’s not a joke. The kid who listened to countless lectures on the morality of queerness knows it’s not a joke. The kid who stood with shaking hands and tried to bleed out the bad knows it’s not a joke. Years of casual bigotry taught me how to hate myself, which parts of myself I should cross out and ignore, which parts of myself I should be ashamed of.

I’m 23, and I have finally unlearned shame, and when I ask my parents to see me, the joke is that I’m a terrorist. I’m unreasonable.

The shock of it becomes a balm, later on.

Some jokes aren’t funny.

Some jokes aren’t jokes at all.

I’m 24 and I’m learning that it’s scary to be alone. Bigotry made me an orphan and made us strangers, and knowing that it’s the right choice to stand up for myself doesn’t make it any easier. I’m learning the only way out is through, if you’re not squeamish:

Cut off the part of yourself that’s 7 years old standing outside of their bedroom because the nightmare had teeth and claws and they are the heroes that will hold you close and make it warm again.

Amputate.

Cauterize.

Don’t let them see you bleed.

I’m learning that the wound takes a long, long time to close.

I’m 25 as I write this, and I am proud of who I am, even if I’m still bleeding. All of who I am. It’s taken a long time for me to let that person see the sun, but here we are, basking in the glow. Those wounds are healing. I am visible for everyone else who whispers, “So am I.”

Your sunshine will come. Your sunshine will come. 

Your sunshine will come.

[beeftendergroin]

just spending his unpaid breaktime efficiently as a child soldier ❤️

[withthewindinherfootsteps]

…What’s this?? WWX not being a self-sacrificial idiot??

It’s almost like… that isn’t a personality trait…

[o-berriesandhotsauce]

Gary Operation Blackout brain damage actually intended to be 100% canon. oh my god

(This is from a leak of internal staff documents going around discord right now.)

[happyk44]

Something something Percy wishing he loved Nico in the same way because he can't stand the idea of hurting him, even though Nico has never needed Percy to love him in the same way or even to love him at all.

[painsandconfusion]

Harmless

Whumping the Whumpers - Part Forty-three

(tw: broken bones, hand whump/gore, foot whump/gore, body horror, strangulation, unconsciousness, genuinely like a lethal amount of bone damage, hammer, buzzy bright lights that make the autism go weh)

[Previous | Masterpost | Next]

Ethan’s boots clodded against the stairs as he made his way back down to the workshop. As much as he hated to agree with Nate, there was a spark of fear curling through him now. He’d been that man’s punching bag for far too long. He thought those days were over, but now here he was with a broken nose, black eye, and bruised around the throat from those same hands he thought were long rendered harmless.

To put both his and Nate’s worries to rest, he needed to put an abrupt end to that fear and worry.

Ethan unlocked the workshop door, slapping on the industrial, buzzing lights.

Crawford groaned, curling in on himself like a drunkard who passed out in an alley rather than making his way home - business suit ripped and muddy as he hides from the first rays of morning light.

Ethan moved closer to the broken man who was chained to the ground in the middle of the room. Chained by the neck, too. Nate wasn’t feeling merciful, evidently. Just a short chain ‘round his throat that was padlocked to the floor.

Efficient, Ethan supposed. Full body mobility and absolutely nowhere to go.

“M’ sssorry-” the broken man choked out. Pleading for mercy long after the crime he didn’t regret. One he’d gladly do again if he weren’t so afraid of the consequences.

“No you’re not,” Ethan responded coolly. Distracted. Focused on the wall of tools. “Don’t need to pretend you are.”

“B-ut y-”

“It won’t change anything. Just save it.” He wasn’t feeling the sadism. Not today. Not right now. Right now, this was a chore. Incapacitating the bastard so he wouldn’t ever be able to lay a finger on Ethan again.

Ethan selected a simple club hammer. Iron, he assumed. Polished to a shine on the square ends but left router and dark throughout the middle. Attached by a sturdy handle that could shunt the great weight of the tiny thing without buckling or splintering.

He wandered closer, earning a squirm from the man on the ground.

“..pl-leas-”

“Put your hand out on the ground,” Ethan ordered simply, crouching nearby.

A whine muffled out of Crawford’s curled form. His hands tucked in even closer - up against his chest.

Ethan’s teeth grit. “Either you listen, or I break whatever I have to to get to your hands.”

A silence with another whimper followed. The man still didn’t move.

“Alright,” he sighed, shifting forward onto one knee. Without warning, he swing the bludgeon down, cracking through the man’s shoulders. 

Ethan never could get used to the screams in this room. Maybe some day, but not today. There wasn’t enough softness in this room to steal away the sound and muffle it away. Not even a bit. It just echoed and rang, searing at his eardrums and clanging against the walls in an unending refrain.

He didn’t mind too much. Just enough that he made yet another mental note to bring earplugs. He never did, regardless of how many times he swore that the next time he went down he’d use them. He simply enjoyed the little sounds too much to mind the screams. Earplugs did keep the pain back, but they also took away all the little grunts, whispers, and wheezing, strained breath. They kept back the murmurs and minuscule pleas. The scraping rattle of the chain and the squeak of feet kicking against the polished floor.

It wasn’t like Ethan was a stranger to pain. His ears could ring. So what if he was half deaf by the time he was fifty? Plenty of people give up the same just to attend concerts. He was doing this for a far nobler cause and with a much higher satisfaction rate.

Ethan brought the hammer down twice more- on his bicep and elbow. One cracked, though he wasn’t sure which.

Unable to pull back against his grip, Crawford’s ruined arm was easily pried out by Ethan’s grip. He pinned the wrist down to the cold floor with a knee, then started again.

Fingers barely make a sound when they break. They’re so tiny and brittle, it’s a wonder they’re so useful in the body. Why don’t they break every other day? Anatomy was a wonder to him. One day, he’d study properly and learn to truly appreciate the human body. Its limits and its wonders alike.

Seven hits. Thirteen. Nineteen. Twenty-two. He stopped to reach down, gripping the mangled and mushed bit of flesh. Feeling the broken bones scrape against each other.

A quick glance to Crawford’s face told him the man was either dissociated or on the brink of unconsciousness. Maybe both.

He gave the hand one more squeeze before pulling out the other arm. The muscles there only gave vague hints at resisting, so he was able to pin that one down more easily.

Again, the smashing. The screams. The emptiness of the hand.

It reminded Ethan of rubber gloves. When you’re a child and fill it up with water at the sink. Tie it shut and play with the little blob that’s almost a hand. It had much of the same texture. Flopping fingers barely staying in place. Palm able to bend backwards more easily than the wrist. Soft and hot and difficult to keep a grip on.

He let it stay there as he swiveled around to the feet. Bare toes already bruised against the ground from struggles throughout the past three weeks that they’d had him here. He pinned down an ankle, finding no resistance at all. Ethan looked up to Crawford again. Unconscious, though half sentient through it. Breathing ragged and shallow with eyes almost completely closed. Limp.

Fortunately, Ethan wasn’t here today for the sadism. Crawford didn’t need to be awake or responsive for this session. In fact, he wasn’t sure he wanted Crawford much longer at all.

The hammer came down again and again, shattering the feet into bloody globs on the floor. Chipping up the bone to break his ankles and kneecaps as well. Swing and crunch. Swing and crunch. Swing and crunch.

He desperately wished he could get this man under an x-ray. See just how many bones he was breaking.

Ethan didn’t know how long he worked. He kept going up the arms and legs, feeling at the boneless structures for hints of sharpness and any seconds that were too firm. Then he would strike them as he had the rest. Break the something down to nothing again.

Ethan didn’t make his way back upstairs until the squid fucking itch at the back of his skull was satisfied that Crawford was utterly and irrevocably harmless.

[Previous | Masterpost | Next]

(tags: @prisonerwhump @whumpawink @wormwriting @distinctlywhumpthing @whump-cafe @jo-doe-seeking-inspo @azayta @batfacedliar-yetagain @there-will-always-be-blood @siren-of-agony @whumpworld @deltaxxk @whumpasaurus101 @pickywhumpreader @whumpberry-cookie @morning-star-whump @nailevislev @throwawaywhumper @the-mourning-star @d-cs @pigeonwhumps @suspicious-whumping-egg @snakebites-and-ink @whumpedydump @whumplr-reader @rainbowsandwhumperflies @starfields08000 @crystallizedme @lumpofsand @taterswhump @starsick1979)

As always, lmk if you want to be added to the tag list!

[blindmagdalena]

Maybe this is stupid but how do you handle liking Homelander but him being like Yknow a piece of crap and the whole r wording. Cuz I have some sort of stupid attraction to him but it makes me feel all sorts of guilty and gross and maybe that’s bc I already have mental issues and worry I’ll be punished or ridiculed or something bc of it and idk. It sounds really dumb but idk how to get out of the weird funk cycle bc I don’t like using the “it’s just fiction” either bc that doesn’t make me feel any better. Feel free to ignore this I’m just having a moment 😭

aw, darling. i'm saying this gently and kindly with my whole heart: introspection. me telling you why i'm okay with loving a fictional character isn't going to help you come to terms with the fact you do, especially since "it's just fiction" IS enough for me.

Homelander does not have victims. you cannot have Homelander arrested. no one you know or will ever know has been harmed by the text and images that combine to create this non-existent figment of our collective imaginations.

it sounds to me like your guilt/shame is primarily coming from your fear of judgement. that's not surprising given how heavily influenced fandom has become by puritan ideology. people ARE extremely cruel to one another these days for their preferences in media. you have to make the choice to break away from that. connect with people you feel safe around. no one is morally superior for their preference in fiction.

and also like... i'm not comfortable with EVERYONE in my life knowing how much i like Homelander. i absolutely have friends i would be embarrassed to try and explain it to. but i don't have to! it's not their business, it's mine.

having empathy for a fictional (and very tragic!) character does not make you a bad person any more than enjoying horror movies or violent video games would. please don't let anyone convince you that it does.

[the-woman-upstairs]

It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.

[tainted-sweet-meats]

More oc lore from my fursona's universe "We are, as I am" this time of Nishou the Doppelgänger. Definitely read tags before clicking the click more for his info. Read more of his info under the cut vvvvvv

Full name: Nishou S. Coding: Jamaican/Chinese Gender/ sexuality: Masc/ Pansexual Pronouns: He/Him Size: 6"3' Species: Doppelganger BirthPlace/Birthday: ???(Never born but created) Zodiac Sign: ???

Voiceclaim:N/A (supernatural/distorted voice is bolded)

Speech quirk

" You are the worst of us and I'm the better of you.....there is no reason for your existence.." " You never say what's on your mind..maybe that's why you're always in trouble..pity you, it couldn't be me...I know how to get what I want and how to destroy what I don't need." "Did you hate yourself so much..that you cast me out..now look at you..a lesser..than what we both are...what we both could of been....I'LL ALWAYS HATE YOU." "One day I will devour you and when that day comes.. I'll make it enjoyable for the both of us.. remember...our oath...blood in..and blood out..right..."

personality music

N/A

General info

Nishou is the forced out utmost extreme negatives and positives of Nish, the best and worst. He was originally a part of them but grew tired of how placid Nish was with themselves. He is the pent-up aggression of all they were throughout their life joined together. He is blunt and doesn't hold back from anyone or anything. His words are as visceral as his fangs and he's proud of the handy work his jaws can do, metaphorically and physically.

Despite his high aggression he also has a high passion and a dual personality. This is also believed to be a product of Nish hiding most of their feelings in situations resulting in unintentionally creating a personality for their doppelganger. Unlike the original, Nishou is not lovey-dovey and seeks passion through intimacy in the most primal of ways. Due to his ferocity, they can confuse the lust for the flesh.. for the hunger they yearn for and easily make quick work out of lovers. Very contradictory to their original that seeks love but can never act on it.

Though consuming their lovers isn't the same as taking their original's place in life. It is an easy way to sate the hunger and craving to fully feel like their original in some twisted way. To Nishou their original stands in his way to having an actual presence in life. It is very well known that a doppelganger must kill their original in order to take their place. To take the originals, they have to consume their heart. And in doing so, living the life he could never live through theirs.

Stand-alone they seem intimidating, harsh, and overly confident. He is the only one to assume many forms, the feral, anthro, were, beastrial, a penghou, as well as a semi humanish creature called Final fatalis. The original can not assume the last three forms. These forms are solely for the doppel. The last tree forms are said to be transitional forms of his supernatural powers. Forms slowly define him farther away from his original vessel. The humanoid form is his strongest out of the bunch. You can tell the doppel is present by the eyes. Only he has red and blue eyes swirling in rings. He could never mimic the original's eyes for some reason. Something having to do with the lack of their soul contained within the heart. Which is what he has to consume from his original vessel to take the life back he helped create.

Though Nishou is not evil, he is the product of the original vessel. When the original could not confront internal struggles with themself, it caused a rift creating him. Nish's subconscious cast him out of their body by throwing up a supernatural black substance that formed Nishou. When formed he was hateful to be abandoned instead of accepted. He formed.....resentful...distorted and vowed to devour every aspect of Nish to regain some peace in his lack of sanity. Which he is slowly losing the more time he remains out of the original's body on his own. He knows only the extremes of the original and acts according to his basic instinct. He believes full heartily when you betray your true self, your real self will be vengeful to regain what it helped you build. You can never escape yourself.

Powers

Slit split- A power only useable in his final and stable form known as "Final Fatalis". A supernatural power where he will slit his wrists to cause the black substance that makes up his very being, to create physical puppet-like replicas of his past forms. These forms can retain memory and take heavy damage in battle. The puppets can be killed but all memory is gained back to the doppel. The damages done, work as a memory function. The doppel will absorb the pain inflicted, which causes the final form to be invincible, indestructible, and distorted over time. This distortion is permanent to him.

Heart inflict-  The more time the doppel spends outside the original's body can cause deterioration effects on him entirely. Heart inflict allows him to devour the hearts of those who love or lust after him to keep him stable. This extends the time he has in the physical realm in order to consume the heart he needs to live his life in absolution. The original's heart is what's needed to be fully alive and of the physical realm the original vessel inhabits. Any heart he devours must have the initial intent in wanting him. Though the want doesn't always have to be positive towards him. To the doppel, even if the meat is soured by unjust distortion, meat is all the same to him.

Shadow waltz-  Is a teleportation power. The doppel can walk through shadows, even your own. The doppel however does not have a shadow himself. He uses the shadows around him to his advantage. This power can also detect energy. Once in your presence, the doppel is very calculating to not only you but the energy you give off. This makes it easier for him to teleport to your location to find you in an instant.

Vanta pressure- The same feeling you get when you are in the presence of a shadow person or anything paranormal, is the same presence the doppel gives off. This particular move also can cause paralysis when the doppel is tired of hunting you. If you are in close range, your movements cease. Once you stare into his eyes, you will feel the pressure that slowly tears down your emotional and physical barriers. At this point, you are powerless against him and he will devour you.

Catalyst break- This power is used constantly. The doppel can take in high amounts of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual damage. The more he takes in abuse/damage.. the stronger he gets. There isn't much that can hurt him since he isn't exactly physical yet. Though this power has side effects. The more power used against him, the more he has to consume to stay stable. This sometimes means friends may be on the menu.

Dream Inflict- When trying to keep a low profile, he can actually tamper with your dreams and cause you mental harm that will reflect on you physically. In this state you are fully powerless because once he has broken your mind you are done for.  The harm he has done to you in your dreams will reflect on your body in the physical. He can use this power to his advantage in a non violent manner as well to just talk with you. Though many will assume it is a vivid or lucid dream.

Vanta Canon- A flameless thrower attack that can rot the flesh off of bones. This attack is in fact not flames but the same creational fluid that acts like an acidic blast through the mouth. The fluid is a focus of acidic trauma distortion once held within the original vessel. Once said trauma was absorbed by the doppel to protect the original vessel when they were in one body, he focused it into a physical attack. The mock flame is the purest form of black and can deteriorate someone from their very core consciousness. 

But not before replaying said victim of said attack to relive all their life's trauma through their minds eye. Before melting  slowly to death. Ripping you entirely from existence not just in a physical sense. This attack isn't used lightly since its one of the doppel's most vindictive and hate filled attacks. You must of did something horrible/personal to bring this upon you.

Vanta Dismantle - Not many know beyond the original vessel, but it is very wise to not cause any splitting injuries to the doppel. This attack can only be used if the doppel is split in half. He can never fully split and usually the split will stop near his pelvis. He is very dangerous in this mode and can use his internal liquids as hardened weapons before he regenerates his body back in place. Unlike the original vessel, the doppel has no internal organs, bones, muscles or anything. What he has is a creational black fluid that can be molded at his will. He can even trap you within the middle of his split body which can easily crush you to death..leaving zero traces behind. Though when absorbed into him due to his supernatural link...all traces, memory, and you as a whole cease to exist. He can not feed off of you using this attack.

Minor miscellaneous powers such as:

Hyper regeneration

Supernatural strength

Imperceptibility

Psionics

Voice manipulation

Immortality

Inaudible movement

Haunting

Darkness Aura

Darkness Empowerment

Darkness Manipulation

Enragement triggers:

High-frequency noises

Reacting physically violent towards him

Weakness

His original vessel showing self love/forgiveness

Connection to Self-Nishou has retained all information and memories from Nish, and uses them against his original vessel. While what he says isn't exactly wrong, it is presented as aggressive, angered, and distorted. They have seen through the eyes and sorted through the feelings of the original when they were once one in body and mind. With his forked bluntness, they verbally lash at his original with their shortcomings. Using family, friends, relationships, and life traumas against them. To show without him they would have been dead in their teenhood.

Reminding them it was him who kept the noose from around their neck for so long. It was him who broke the rope at the last minute when they tried. An how ungrateful they are for abandoning him when they felt he wasn't needed or would cause hardships in their life. Nishou knows every aspect and every hole the original tries to hide to seem strong. The strength was all him and only his doing. He reminds the original vessel.."It's easy to hide from others but not from one's self".. and he makes sure the original never forgets it.

----

Friendship with a Doppelganger

Though he knows loyalty and values it, unlike their original he is quick to pick up on the lack of it. The minute you let slip you have ulterior motives you are as good as dead. He plays the dance of course. He lets you believe you didn't slip. He enjoys watching you lie, just to see how far you're willing to go. You feel some form of false safety as he still shows you loyalty while you show deceit.

He likes the game even if you aren't aware of it. The minute you initiated it by lying and trying to use him. He doesn't gain much other than fun and quick blood from the play you started. Unlike his original, it's not above him to be vindictive. In fact he takes pleasure in it by giving you pay back. He is very eye for an eye in that mind set. A head space the original vessel quickly abandoned deeming it a toxic trait. An thus the doppel adapting it, seeing it useful to those who sought to harm or use him.

He is the extremes of his original..so like his malice and hate..his love is equally so. Turning on him or using him will hurt him severely, but he will never show it. He doesn't understand forgiveness, because he can't even forgive his original, which in turn he can not forgive himself. He simply will get rid of you permanently to stop the pain you have caused him. He knows no other way to cope with emotional pain of betrayal and abandonment.

----

Spot the difference

Nishou has a distinct look. While he is Nish's doppelganger, his markings are more pronounced and jagged. His demeanor is a bit more serious, aggressive, and forthcoming. He always seems to have a scowl on his face or an expression of hunger and happy malice. He has a swirl to his eyes that seems hyper-focused and intense. Though this is an assumed adaptation so you can not focus on his eyes, since he believes that the eyes are a window to his inner workings.  Thus he feels if you can't focus on his eyes it will not leave him open to vulnerabilities. He is the only one able to assume many forms. His height is also way taller than the originals. Unlike their original..they can not bleed red, only black. They were never born...but created. So they do not have flesh and blood like their original does. Everything about them is an intense mimicry. Nish has a bit softer quality in looks and markings, they also do not carry the intense bearded chin fluff. They can be seen with a solemn or emotional face. Though they can be serious in the face it is never the same as their Doppel. Nish's eyes are just red with a hint of blue.

Face to Face-Nishou when confronted with Nish is highly volatile and aggressive. He tries to kill and devour them to claim a life he feels he helped create. And in a sense he did. Without him or his ferocity..his original could not have made it in life when he was a part of them. Nish fears their masculinity more than anything. He represents a part of them they try to hide and destroy to be accepted by their loved ones. Unbeknownst to the fact trying to rid yourself of yourself breeds hatred within self. This hatred bred their doppelganger's personality throughout their growth. They forever are in turmoil with each other until Nish accepts them or succumbs to them.

If Nish shows Nishou any form of love...he seems to be in pain and tries to get away from their original. Being created and cast out from their original's body has caused a jaded mind set. When confronted with affections and acceptance, he doesn't know how to react. He will either run from them or try to injure their original to stay away.

----

Nishou's representation

He is the physical manifestation of the extreme fear of the original vessel accepting their repressed shunned masculinity within themselves. An a physical representation of the original vessel's childhood through the eyes of manipulation and abuse. He is the warped aggression that has been done to the original vessel from their parental units, trusted loved ones, life experiences and harsh environmental adaptation. His actions with lovers is a severed hate for toxic masculinity in a relationship from experience of the original vessel's dating habits in past men. 

These relationship natures are twisted into extreme vulgarities that are not normal. Usually the devouring of the flesh in a carnal manner is symbolic to giving oneself entirely both in body and emotions for the sake of another. An getting nothing but desecration in return. This repressed feeling is the unrequited love the original endured up until their early 20's. At this time Nishou was cast out from their body.

He is the only one from the two that can assume a multitude of forms. It is believed by the original vessel that this multi-transitional process of Nishou, is representations they helped create through self repressed feelings and trauma.

The feral, a form both have which represents basic and lesser instincts of mental adaption to situational issues. The Feral form is known as the emotional shield. It is a form used commonly to avoid emotional backlash within self. To see him in this form is to realize you are being monitored and if you can be trusted. In this form, he doesn't fully trust you. It is a neutral form towards anyone and everyone.

The anthro, is also known as the physical shield. Is a form that is the most mocking to the original vessel due to variations of similarities to Nish. The only difference is this form is bigger than the original. As well as markings being slightly more jagged and rougher in look. The rough look is believed to be akin to Father. This is the form the original vessel always wanted but could never have due to the fear of backlash from loved ones. This is also the most common form to see him in.

The were, otherwise known as the mental shield. This form is the unchecked repressed brutality of the original vessel. Unlike the beastrial, the doppel's were form is highly aware mentally. Something the original can not control in their form. It is unknown why Nishou can mentally be in control while in this state though. It's believed the were is more a form originally for the doppel. The were being a physical manifestation of a mental safeguard to emotional pain and abuse, when he was still within the body of the original vessel. It is believed that once he was cast out from the original, Nish could still resume their form but lacked mental clarity like the doppel. Since it was his form to originally achieve. A form he shared with the original vessel to overcome mental trauma from others.

The penghou, known as the trauma shield, is a form only the doppel can achieve. This form is said to be the head of a humanoid man and the body of a canid. This form is believed to be a representation of the original's repressed fear of accepting themselves due to parental resentment. The eyes in the mane are a form of paranoia developed from Mother always asserting dominance in their offspring's life. The eyes themselves are the colors of  Mother's eyes. A constant reminder of being watched and stigmatized for trying to achieve being one's true self without her toxic help. This state like the beastrial is semi transitional. Unlike the other transformations, there is something eerily humanoid about this form.

The penghou is the doppel's most intense form. The doppel in this state is highly vengeful due to being abandoned by the original vessel. While the doppel is a manifestation of self-hatred entirely, the penghou is a distorted result of primal aggression to oneself through parental abuse. For favoring what others think before what the original vessel thought of themselves. It is known to mimic voices of those the original trusts in order to coax the original to get closer to harm them. The black ooze from this beast is the same creational sludge that helped form him. This fluid is highly toxic and if bitten could mean certain death. This fluid is what makes up the doppel's body and is also what he bleeds.

The beastrial, known to be the transitional shield. It is a were stuck in mid shift. It is believed this form only happens when the doppel is in a high aggressive emotional state. While it rarely happens, when it does Nishou is not in his right state of mind and will even harm friends without a second thought. This form could be forced out as a retaliation of the original vessel trying to accept themselves as well as their doppel. Another theory to this form is the original vessel's lack of trust for those who actually care for them. It is well known the original vessel holds no trust despite having others trust in them. 

This residual is warped within the doppel entirely into something more physically aggressive. Thus the lapse in judgment in this form for turning on those who may actually love them, lumping said friends in with those who hold ill will towards them. This is the only form to also semi resemble "Mother". He is more feline than he is vulpine in looks in this state. Depending on the emotional state, the face of said form can vary.

This form holds no empathy nor time for negotiation within reasonable sensibility. It is all terror and all hatred from both the humanoid and beast in its utmost form. In this form he can no longer speak human tongue and  regresses back into its most primal of languages. It's instinct is to destroy and kill everything that has harmed it and everything that is in its way, be it friend or foe. He will not show mercy in his wake and this form can not be halted until what ever caused this shift  is destroyed or far within reach to be seen or sniffed out.

This form is easily irritable and highly sensitive to noise of high pitches and low baritones. Sudden noises that irritate them can send him off in a rage. [No images at this time, they aren't scanned oh lazy me :p]

The humanoid, is the last and strongest form of the doppel. It is known to no longer be a shield form for the original vessel, but a form fully for the doppel. An offense form known as "Final Fatalis". Surprisingly even compared to his were or beastrial form, this form's strength is unimaginable. In this state the doppel is impenetrable and can not be harmed in any manner. This is the fully transitioned form of the doppel. In this state he is known to even shift out animalistic parts to his advantage at will. Though he keeps a lot of his markings and animal attributes, his face is no longer animal. The original vessel has no known defense against this form.

The humanoid is very large, hyper-aware, and at best unpredictable. They have a natural charm that can allure anyone to them unintentionally. The semi-humanoid is also alluded to have supernatural powers. Such as being able to teleport within and through darkness, pick up emotional intent, hyper-physical and emotional regeneration, high pain tolerance, and strike fear into those who challenge him with a simple glance. One of his most powerful tactics is splitting his skin open to release some of his black creational sludge to replicate walking puppets of his previous forms to do his bidding. They hold all powers of said form while sharing a mental link with him since they are him. Just now weaponized extensions. These puppets have blackened eyes, unlike his swirled eyes.

Nishou is a physical walking vessel of the original's self-hatred. His very imagery is a mockery of what the original could have been had they loved themselves, before pleasing and loving others. Though due to being forcefully shunned, Nishou has distorted from what he once was. This creature is walking self-hatred manifested as a doppel. Each form represents multiple pieces of the original's traumas and not being able to confront them to accept self.

Relationships- It's rare to see Nishou in a committed relationship-type setup like it is to see Nish in one. Nish can be seen holding their heart away from their partner or lovers constantly. There is a lack of trust to fully give themselves to a partner while still showing love fully. A huge contradiction but doable only by Nish. However, this is a glimmer of Nishou's nature still within them. When it comes to friends, they can be confident and flirty.

 But don't mistake it for the commitment of a lover. You will never get this from them and they will make sure you never get this close to them. You will always feel something is off while dating them. While you feel loved, there is a slight distance, as if the minute you mess up they will disappear from your life as if they were never there. There is some truth to your feeling. It is not that they don't love you, they do. What they will not lose is themselves over you. They don't value you enough to put themselves in that predicament. This is a unique residual of what their Doppel left behind within them. There is a huge fear within Nish that they will lose themselves entirely within you. They already regret casting their doppel out, they do not want to lose anything else with what little they have left of themselves. This part is their heart. An organ the doppel is believed to be missing. The only perk to them having fun with you is your safety is 100% guaranteed. Unlike their doppel, where you are walking on eggshells due to their extreme natures. An a potential threat of death if you cross the doppel emotionally.

[trans-axolotl]

I really don't think it's appropriate for you to be making jokes about s*x work when you're not a s*x worker. S*x workers face a lot of discrimination and it's not funny.

😭😭😭 anon lmfaooooooo read the room, i literally have talked about being a sw on here u do not have the right to come into my inbox and talk to me like this

[milkywayco]

a funky little au that i have, that absolutely doesn't work in canon, that pre death touya was eraserhead's intern. does this only exist because dabi/touya and aizawa are two of my favorites? absolutely. but imagine, touya 'died' at 16 between internships with aizawa. then, 8 years later, dabi is there and trying to drag endeavor to hell, and aizawa can remember who touya was. the kid who was always pushing himself, who loved his siblings, who once accidentally almost burned down aizawa's apartment (or wherever they were staying for the internship) trying to cook with his quirk. the kid who he unofficially adopted. the kid who shouto reminds him of so much. and dabi is so different but it's easy to see how touya could become him. aizawa can still see touya in there. an adult, who never hurt him, who's willing to try to save him (although, he'll protect his students from dabi if/when it comes to that). alternatively, dabi had no major crimes before the league. imagine, he doesn't want kids involved in this. imagine, once the league has bakugou, he realizes that even if they're the path to endeavor, using children to get what they want reminds him too much of how endeavor used him. how endeavor is using shouto. so, he calls aizawa. calls a number that he memorized at 16. and he tells him where bakugou is, maybe he helps aizawa get him out, maybe he lets bakugou go when aizawa is outside.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Harry Kim saying Naomi is lucky to be born on Voyager and that he would have given "anything" to have her life when he was a kid...