#Self trans journey through story telling and fantasy

[tainted-sweet-meats]

More oc lore from my fursona's universe "We are, as I am" this time of Nishou the Doppelgänger. Definitely read tags before clicking the click more for his info. Read more of his info under the cut vvvvvv

Full name: Nishou S. Coding: Jamaican/Chinese Gender/ sexuality: Masc/ Pansexual Pronouns: He/Him Size: 6"3' Species: Doppelganger BirthPlace/Birthday: ???(Never born but created) Zodiac Sign: ???

Voiceclaim:N/A (supernatural/distorted voice is bolded)

Speech quirk

" You are the worst of us and I'm the better of you.....there is no reason for your existence.." " You never say what's on your mind..maybe that's why you're always in trouble..pity you, it couldn't be me...I know how to get what I want and how to destroy what I don't need." "Did you hate yourself so much..that you cast me out..now look at you..a lesser..than what we both are...what we both could of been....I'LL ALWAYS HATE YOU." "One day I will devour you and when that day comes.. I'll make it enjoyable for the both of us.. remember...our oath...blood in..and blood out..right..."

personality music

N/A

General info

Nishou is the forced out utmost extreme negatives and positives of Nish, the best and worst. He was originally a part of them but grew tired of how placid Nish was with themselves. He is the pent-up aggression of all they were throughout their life joined together. He is blunt and doesn't hold back from anyone or anything. His words are as visceral as his fangs and he's proud of the handy work his jaws can do, metaphorically and physically.

Despite his high aggression he also has a high passion and a dual personality. This is also believed to be a product of Nish hiding most of their feelings in situations resulting in unintentionally creating a personality for their doppelganger. Unlike the original, Nishou is not lovey-dovey and seeks passion through intimacy in the most primal of ways. Due to his ferocity, they can confuse the lust for the flesh.. for the hunger they yearn for and easily make quick work out of lovers. Very contradictory to their original that seeks love but can never act on it.

Though consuming their lovers isn't the same as taking their original's place in life. It is an easy way to sate the hunger and craving to fully feel like their original in some twisted way. To Nishou their original stands in his way to having an actual presence in life. It is very well known that a doppelganger must kill their original in order to take their place. To take the originals, they have to consume their heart. And in doing so, living the life he could never live through theirs.

Stand-alone they seem intimidating, harsh, and overly confident. He is the only one to assume many forms, the feral, anthro, were, beastrial, a penghou, as well as a semi humanish creature called Final fatalis. The original can not assume the last three forms. These forms are solely for the doppel. The last tree forms are said to be transitional forms of his supernatural powers. Forms slowly define him farther away from his original vessel. The humanoid form is his strongest out of the bunch. You can tell the doppel is present by the eyes. Only he has red and blue eyes swirling in rings. He could never mimic the original's eyes for some reason. Something having to do with the lack of their soul contained within the heart. Which is what he has to consume from his original vessel to take the life back he helped create.

Though Nishou is not evil, he is the product of the original vessel. When the original could not confront internal struggles with themself, it caused a rift creating him. Nish's subconscious cast him out of their body by throwing up a supernatural black substance that formed Nishou. When formed he was hateful to be abandoned instead of accepted. He formed.....resentful...distorted and vowed to devour every aspect of Nish to regain some peace in his lack of sanity. Which he is slowly losing the more time he remains out of the original's body on his own. He knows only the extremes of the original and acts according to his basic instinct. He believes full heartily when you betray your true self, your real self will be vengeful to regain what it helped you build. You can never escape yourself.

Powers

Slit split- A power only useable in his final and stable form known as "Final Fatalis". A supernatural power where he will slit his wrists to cause the black substance that makes up his very being, to create physical puppet-like replicas of his past forms. These forms can retain memory and take heavy damage in battle. The puppets can be killed but all memory is gained back to the doppel. The damages done, work as a memory function. The doppel will absorb the pain inflicted, which causes the final form to be invincible, indestructible, and distorted over time. This distortion is permanent to him.

Heart inflict-  The more time the doppel spends outside the original's body can cause deterioration effects on him entirely. Heart inflict allows him to devour the hearts of those who love or lust after him to keep him stable. This extends the time he has in the physical realm in order to consume the heart he needs to live his life in absolution. The original's heart is what's needed to be fully alive and of the physical realm the original vessel inhabits. Any heart he devours must have the initial intent in wanting him. Though the want doesn't always have to be positive towards him. To the doppel, even if the meat is soured by unjust distortion, meat is all the same to him.

Shadow waltz-  Is a teleportation power. The doppel can walk through shadows, even your own. The doppel however does not have a shadow himself. He uses the shadows around him to his advantage. This power can also detect energy. Once in your presence, the doppel is very calculating to not only you but the energy you give off. This makes it easier for him to teleport to your location to find you in an instant.

Vanta pressure- The same feeling you get when you are in the presence of a shadow person or anything paranormal, is the same presence the doppel gives off. This particular move also can cause paralysis when the doppel is tired of hunting you. If you are in close range, your movements cease. Once you stare into his eyes, you will feel the pressure that slowly tears down your emotional and physical barriers. At this point, you are powerless against him and he will devour you.

Catalyst break- This power is used constantly. The doppel can take in high amounts of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual damage. The more he takes in abuse/damage.. the stronger he gets. There isn't much that can hurt him since he isn't exactly physical yet. Though this power has side effects. The more power used against him, the more he has to consume to stay stable. This sometimes means friends may be on the menu.

Dream Inflict- When trying to keep a low profile, he can actually tamper with your dreams and cause you mental harm that will reflect on you physically. In this state you are fully powerless because once he has broken your mind you are done for.  The harm he has done to you in your dreams will reflect on your body in the physical. He can use this power to his advantage in a non violent manner as well to just talk with you. Though many will assume it is a vivid or lucid dream.

Vanta Canon- A flameless thrower attack that can rot the flesh off of bones. This attack is in fact not flames but the same creational fluid that acts like an acidic blast through the mouth. The fluid is a focus of acidic trauma distortion once held within the original vessel. Once said trauma was absorbed by the doppel to protect the original vessel when they were in one body, he focused it into a physical attack. The mock flame is the purest form of black and can deteriorate someone from their very core consciousness. 

But not before replaying said victim of said attack to relive all their life's trauma through their minds eye. Before melting  slowly to death. Ripping you entirely from existence not just in a physical sense. This attack isn't used lightly since its one of the doppel's most vindictive and hate filled attacks. You must of did something horrible/personal to bring this upon you.

Vanta Dismantle - Not many know beyond the original vessel, but it is very wise to not cause any splitting injuries to the doppel. This attack can only be used if the doppel is split in half. He can never fully split and usually the split will stop near his pelvis. He is very dangerous in this mode and can use his internal liquids as hardened weapons before he regenerates his body back in place. Unlike the original vessel, the doppel has no internal organs, bones, muscles or anything. What he has is a creational black fluid that can be molded at his will. He can even trap you within the middle of his split body which can easily crush you to death..leaving zero traces behind. Though when absorbed into him due to his supernatural link...all traces, memory, and you as a whole cease to exist. He can not feed off of you using this attack.

Minor miscellaneous powers such as:

Hyper regeneration

Supernatural strength

Imperceptibility

Psionics

Voice manipulation

Immortality

Inaudible movement

Haunting

Darkness Aura

Darkness Empowerment

Darkness Manipulation

Enragement triggers:

High-frequency noises

Reacting physically violent towards him

Weakness

His original vessel showing self love/forgiveness

Connection to Self-Nishou has retained all information and memories from Nish, and uses them against his original vessel. While what he says isn't exactly wrong, it is presented as aggressive, angered, and distorted. They have seen through the eyes and sorted through the feelings of the original when they were once one in body and mind. With his forked bluntness, they verbally lash at his original with their shortcomings. Using family, friends, relationships, and life traumas against them. To show without him they would have been dead in their teenhood.

Reminding them it was him who kept the noose from around their neck for so long. It was him who broke the rope at the last minute when they tried. An how ungrateful they are for abandoning him when they felt he wasn't needed or would cause hardships in their life. Nishou knows every aspect and every hole the original tries to hide to seem strong. The strength was all him and only his doing. He reminds the original vessel.."It's easy to hide from others but not from one's self".. and he makes sure the original never forgets it.

----

Friendship with a Doppelganger

Though he knows loyalty and values it, unlike their original he is quick to pick up on the lack of it. The minute you let slip you have ulterior motives you are as good as dead. He plays the dance of course. He lets you believe you didn't slip. He enjoys watching you lie, just to see how far you're willing to go. You feel some form of false safety as he still shows you loyalty while you show deceit.

He likes the game even if you aren't aware of it. The minute you initiated it by lying and trying to use him. He doesn't gain much other than fun and quick blood from the play you started. Unlike his original, it's not above him to be vindictive. In fact he takes pleasure in it by giving you pay back. He is very eye for an eye in that mind set. A head space the original vessel quickly abandoned deeming it a toxic trait. An thus the doppel adapting it, seeing it useful to those who sought to harm or use him.

He is the extremes of his original..so like his malice and hate..his love is equally so. Turning on him or using him will hurt him severely, but he will never show it. He doesn't understand forgiveness, because he can't even forgive his original, which in turn he can not forgive himself. He simply will get rid of you permanently to stop the pain you have caused him. He knows no other way to cope with emotional pain of betrayal and abandonment.

----

Spot the difference

Nishou has a distinct look. While he is Nish's doppelganger, his markings are more pronounced and jagged. His demeanor is a bit more serious, aggressive, and forthcoming. He always seems to have a scowl on his face or an expression of hunger and happy malice. He has a swirl to his eyes that seems hyper-focused and intense. Though this is an assumed adaptation so you can not focus on his eyes, since he believes that the eyes are a window to his inner workings.  Thus he feels if you can't focus on his eyes it will not leave him open to vulnerabilities. He is the only one able to assume many forms. His height is also way taller than the originals. Unlike their original..they can not bleed red, only black. They were never born...but created. So they do not have flesh and blood like their original does. Everything about them is an intense mimicry. Nish has a bit softer quality in looks and markings, they also do not carry the intense bearded chin fluff. They can be seen with a solemn or emotional face. Though they can be serious in the face it is never the same as their Doppel. Nish's eyes are just red with a hint of blue.

Face to Face-Nishou when confronted with Nish is highly volatile and aggressive. He tries to kill and devour them to claim a life he feels he helped create. And in a sense he did. Without him or his ferocity..his original could not have made it in life when he was a part of them. Nish fears their masculinity more than anything. He represents a part of them they try to hide and destroy to be accepted by their loved ones. Unbeknownst to the fact trying to rid yourself of yourself breeds hatred within self. This hatred bred their doppelganger's personality throughout their growth. They forever are in turmoil with each other until Nish accepts them or succumbs to them.

If Nish shows Nishou any form of love...he seems to be in pain and tries to get away from their original. Being created and cast out from their original's body has caused a jaded mind set. When confronted with affections and acceptance, he doesn't know how to react. He will either run from them or try to injure their original to stay away.

----

Nishou's representation

He is the physical manifestation of the extreme fear of the original vessel accepting their repressed shunned masculinity within themselves. An a physical representation of the original vessel's childhood through the eyes of manipulation and abuse. He is the warped aggression that has been done to the original vessel from their parental units, trusted loved ones, life experiences and harsh environmental adaptation. His actions with lovers is a severed hate for toxic masculinity in a relationship from experience of the original vessel's dating habits in past men. 

These relationship natures are twisted into extreme vulgarities that are not normal. Usually the devouring of the flesh in a carnal manner is symbolic to giving oneself entirely both in body and emotions for the sake of another. An getting nothing but desecration in return. This repressed feeling is the unrequited love the original endured up until their early 20's. At this time Nishou was cast out from their body.

He is the only one from the two that can assume a multitude of forms. It is believed by the original vessel that this multi-transitional process of Nishou, is representations they helped create through self repressed feelings and trauma.

The feral, a form both have which represents basic and lesser instincts of mental adaption to situational issues. The Feral form is known as the emotional shield. It is a form used commonly to avoid emotional backlash within self. To see him in this form is to realize you are being monitored and if you can be trusted. In this form, he doesn't fully trust you. It is a neutral form towards anyone and everyone.

The anthro, is also known as the physical shield. Is a form that is the most mocking to the original vessel due to variations of similarities to Nish. The only difference is this form is bigger than the original. As well as markings being slightly more jagged and rougher in look. The rough look is believed to be akin to Father. This is the form the original vessel always wanted but could never have due to the fear of backlash from loved ones. This is also the most common form to see him in.

The were, otherwise known as the mental shield. This form is the unchecked repressed brutality of the original vessel. Unlike the beastrial, the doppel's were form is highly aware mentally. Something the original can not control in their form. It is unknown why Nishou can mentally be in control while in this state though. It's believed the were is more a form originally for the doppel. The were being a physical manifestation of a mental safeguard to emotional pain and abuse, when he was still within the body of the original vessel. It is believed that once he was cast out from the original, Nish could still resume their form but lacked mental clarity like the doppel. Since it was his form to originally achieve. A form he shared with the original vessel to overcome mental trauma from others.

The penghou, known as the trauma shield, is a form only the doppel can achieve. This form is said to be the head of a humanoid man and the body of a canid. This form is believed to be a representation of the original's repressed fear of accepting themselves due to parental resentment. The eyes in the mane are a form of paranoia developed from Mother always asserting dominance in their offspring's life. The eyes themselves are the colors of  Mother's eyes. A constant reminder of being watched and stigmatized for trying to achieve being one's true self without her toxic help. This state like the beastrial is semi transitional. Unlike the other transformations, there is something eerily humanoid about this form.

The penghou is the doppel's most intense form. The doppel in this state is highly vengeful due to being abandoned by the original vessel. While the doppel is a manifestation of self-hatred entirely, the penghou is a distorted result of primal aggression to oneself through parental abuse. For favoring what others think before what the original vessel thought of themselves. It is known to mimic voices of those the original trusts in order to coax the original to get closer to harm them. The black ooze from this beast is the same creational sludge that helped form him. This fluid is highly toxic and if bitten could mean certain death. This fluid is what makes up the doppel's body and is also what he bleeds.

The beastrial, known to be the transitional shield. It is a were stuck in mid shift. It is believed this form only happens when the doppel is in a high aggressive emotional state. While it rarely happens, when it does Nishou is not in his right state of mind and will even harm friends without a second thought. This form could be forced out as a retaliation of the original vessel trying to accept themselves as well as their doppel. Another theory to this form is the original vessel's lack of trust for those who actually care for them. It is well known the original vessel holds no trust despite having others trust in them. 

This residual is warped within the doppel entirely into something more physically aggressive. Thus the lapse in judgment in this form for turning on those who may actually love them, lumping said friends in with those who hold ill will towards them. This is the only form to also semi resemble "Mother". He is more feline than he is vulpine in looks in this state. Depending on the emotional state, the face of said form can vary.

This form holds no empathy nor time for negotiation within reasonable sensibility. It is all terror and all hatred from both the humanoid and beast in its utmost form. In this form he can no longer speak human tongue and  regresses back into its most primal of languages. It's instinct is to destroy and kill everything that has harmed it and everything that is in its way, be it friend or foe. He will not show mercy in his wake and this form can not be halted until what ever caused this shift  is destroyed or far within reach to be seen or sniffed out.

This form is easily irritable and highly sensitive to noise of high pitches and low baritones. Sudden noises that irritate them can send him off in a rage. [No images at this time, they aren't scanned oh lazy me :p]

The humanoid, is the last and strongest form of the doppel. It is known to no longer be a shield form for the original vessel, but a form fully for the doppel. An offense form known as "Final Fatalis". Surprisingly even compared to his were or beastrial form, this form's strength is unimaginable. In this state the doppel is impenetrable and can not be harmed in any manner. This is the fully transitioned form of the doppel. In this state he is known to even shift out animalistic parts to his advantage at will. Though he keeps a lot of his markings and animal attributes, his face is no longer animal. The original vessel has no known defense against this form.

The humanoid is very large, hyper-aware, and at best unpredictable. They have a natural charm that can allure anyone to them unintentionally. The semi-humanoid is also alluded to have supernatural powers. Such as being able to teleport within and through darkness, pick up emotional intent, hyper-physical and emotional regeneration, high pain tolerance, and strike fear into those who challenge him with a simple glance. One of his most powerful tactics is splitting his skin open to release some of his black creational sludge to replicate walking puppets of his previous forms to do his bidding. They hold all powers of said form while sharing a mental link with him since they are him. Just now weaponized extensions. These puppets have blackened eyes, unlike his swirled eyes.

Nishou is a physical walking vessel of the original's self-hatred. His very imagery is a mockery of what the original could have been had they loved themselves, before pleasing and loving others. Though due to being forcefully shunned, Nishou has distorted from what he once was. This creature is walking self-hatred manifested as a doppel. Each form represents multiple pieces of the original's traumas and not being able to confront them to accept self.

Relationships- It's rare to see Nishou in a committed relationship-type setup like it is to see Nish in one. Nish can be seen holding their heart away from their partner or lovers constantly. There is a lack of trust to fully give themselves to a partner while still showing love fully. A huge contradiction but doable only by Nish. However, this is a glimmer of Nishou's nature still within them. When it comes to friends, they can be confident and flirty.

 But don't mistake it for the commitment of a lover. You will never get this from them and they will make sure you never get this close to them. You will always feel something is off while dating them. While you feel loved, there is a slight distance, as if the minute you mess up they will disappear from your life as if they were never there. There is some truth to your feeling. It is not that they don't love you, they do. What they will not lose is themselves over you. They don't value you enough to put themselves in that predicament. This is a unique residual of what their Doppel left behind within them. There is a huge fear within Nish that they will lose themselves entirely within you. They already regret casting their doppel out, they do not want to lose anything else with what little they have left of themselves. This part is their heart. An organ the doppel is believed to be missing. The only perk to them having fun with you is your safety is 100% guaranteed. Unlike their doppel, where you are walking on eggshells due to their extreme natures. An a potential threat of death if you cross the doppel emotionally.

[vyriadurav]

(Edit: using this as a pinned post about all my books for now in lieu of another one. This was formerly for International Lesbian Day but now is a one stop shop for all my books) For starters, consider checking out

Catnip Amazon | Itch.io | Alternative Ebook Sellers | Audiobook For all his life, Sol has believed he's only worthy of affection as long as he's useful--and he intends to prove his ultimate use by restoring a colony on Venus as a new home for his friends and lovers. But upon arriving, he realizes there's more here than he bargained for. For one, the resident artificial intelligence wants to make friends with him. For another, the nanites want to completely change his body... and in the process reveal her true self. Stuck (or perhaps blessed?) with a new form, she must find out what it means to live, to be loved for who she is rather than her work. Catnip is a cozy space exploration novel about a trans woman's journey to find herself and what it means to be loved for who she is, with the help of her polycule and a lesbian AI. If Sci-fi isn't quite your speed, you can also check out

The Hatchling Amazon | Itch.io | Alternative Ebook Sellers

Sarric dreamed of dragons all his life; such flights of fancy captured his imagination at a young age and sustained him through the cruelty of the hunters that ruled the isolated mountain town of Rivermist. One day, a real dragon appears before him, dazzling him with her beauty and an answer to the unease that's afflicted him for as long as he remembers. He's eager to take what she offers--but the greedy hunters, driven by tales of treasure hoards, will do everything in their power to destroy her. The Hatchling is a fantasy about a trans woman's journey of accepting her identity and her new found family.

If you want something a little spicier, consider reading Wyrmheart Itch.io exclusive

A mage without home or family seeks to establish a legacy for herself so that her name might ring out through the ages.

An assassin is charged with striking at the heart of a draconic cult that surely hides some greater evil.

Wyrmheart is a story set in Maria Ying's Those Who Break Chains universe and tells the story of trans women making their way through life in this fantastical world.

You can also take a look at my Patreon where I am currently writing several things, but primarily

Forged in the Light of New Stars

Forged is a t4t lesbian isekai story about a closeted trans woman and a repressed, rotten egg (in the trans sense) who find themselves transported to a vibrant, magical world filled with advanced technology, mysteries to discover, and most importantly: a place where they can their truest selves. Follow Gwen as she strives to take control of her life, to be the woman she's always known she could be, and find true happiness.

Follow Brian as he struggles to cast off the chains that his family has bound him in, to undo the bigoted messages they poured into him constantly, and find out, deep down, who she truly is.

Watch them fall in love with each other and with the mystical world of Tellara and all the new friends they make along the way. See them uncover secrets about the connection between Earth and Tellara and their purpose as travelers between worlds. Magic, alchemy, and queerness collide in this otherworldly journey.

[picathartidae]

I don't remember if I sent you an ask for the Durge Creator questions.... Would you mind answering 9 and 10?

You have not! Thank you for sending one in!

9. How much did Bhaal influence their design or personality in the end? Did you research lore to purposefully get the resemblance or do you just go with the flow and what feels right for the story you want to tell?

For design? Basically not at all, beyond a sudden desire to mod in him having Bhaalist tattoos on my second run with him, and one incredibly stupid idea regarding his voice I had that isn't in the game at all but I've decided to run with it. I had Durge figured for a Bhaalspawn when I first watched the little introduction, so it’s not like I didn’t know that when I initially created him in my first playthrough; it’s more that I figured that since Durge is customisable, I could make whatever the hell I wanted. And I wanted to make a blue tiefling. 

For personality? I mean, kind of? It made sense to me to make Bhaal the thing that defined Alassane — who he is, what he’s been through, how he’s developed, his wants and needs and fears. Astarion and Shadowheart have my favourite arcs in the game, with Cazador and Shar respectively defining them; so I tried to make Alassane’s situation a sort of mix of the two, with Bhaal as the villain. I wanted his journey to feel like it fit in with the other subplots more than anything.

I did a bit of obligatory reading to make sure I understood the timeline, but it really wasn’t the point. I wanted to focus on the abusive dynamic of their relationship and the power Bhaal held over Alassane because it’s more important to me to have themes consistent with those in the game rather than having painstakingly accurate lore (as much as that hurts my poor autistic brain to say, but it’s true). My version of Bhaal is probably wildly inaccurate, but it’s fanfiction and I’m trying to have fun and write what I want to. No one's yelled at me for it yet, but we'll see.

10. How much of yourself can be found in your Durge? Do you share the same personality, taste, a specific feature? Are they who you want to be or who you used to be? Are they entirely removed from you as a person?

All my male protagonists are way too much like me, it’s virtually unavoidable at this point. I write a lot of introverted awkward nerd asexual cis guys that have big accidental transmasc energy because I am a big dumb dumb and it somehow never occurs to me that I can just. Write trans men. Oh well.

Most of the real similarities are kind of tied up in metaphors and themes and how I use characters and fiction writing and fantasy to reflect and self-actualise and process whatever intense thing I am feeling at a safe and comfortable distance. That’s why his redemption arc is so important to me, and why I’m very insistent about not hiding the fact that he is an objectively terrible person who is nonetheless trying to be better. And why I am playing the power of friendship trope completely straight.

What I’m trying to say is that Alassane is a traumatised perfectionist who clings to hyper-competence and leans heavily into a carefully constructed personality out of a desperation for approval and acceptance while living in a constant state of complete identity crisis because I have some things I desperately need to unpack. Writing about these things is how I do that. That’s easier for me to do when it’s against a backdrop of magic and evil mind-controlling cults and brain worms and dragons.

[scarlethoodi]

I only read Audible books so I can’t make actual book content like the cool kids on Booktok, Booktube, etc so I’m putting my 2022 top 10 books here

Dishonorable Mention

You Made A Fool of Death with your Beauty

I fucking hated this book. 2/5 on goodreads. Plot didn’t make sense and the main character pissed me off; never should’ve messed with that man’s daddy (who is also a weirdo). The use of grief was essentially a means to justify the weird plot and say everyone but the main character was wrong. I’m getting mad all over again

10) LilyReads (YouTuber) book club pick that I thought was a romance but I’m glad it wasn’t. In fact I was surprised at the direction it took, but the journey of self discovery was fun in its own messy way

9) I said I wasn’t going to read any white people romance but I’ve seen enough reviews to want to check some out. And I love a good friends to lovers despite what the “haters” say

8) The overall book is okay but the ending is what makes it great. It all started coming together so fast but it perfectly sets up the next book which I can’t wait to get.

Also quick honorable mention: Cinderella is Dead was also a fun read

7) Jake the boy that you are. Did I need that much insight into Sawyer’s mind-no could’ve gone without it. But I’m not mad at it and the contrast between the two of them really made the story what it is.

6) Massive trigger warning: Child Abuse

God this book had me on edge and if I think about the ending too much I start to shake. A book about how so many people can fail a little girl and the consequences of it all around how the only person who seems to care being said missing girl’s best friend. I could cry

5) Another LilyReads book club pick and the most fun I had out of them all. Very fun and enjoyable, I loved the narrative of the way it handled body autonomy

4) All children are charming as an adjective, but you’re charming as a verb if that isn’t an amazing quote. This book was a very fun book and surprisingly my very first male focus YA/romance. Henri was a fun character to see the world through and the narrative of him feeling like an outsider surrounding by those rich kids and trying to balance his own goals along with his parents plus dating. Oh Corinne was just the best here, I was practically shaking when the reveal of his betrayal came in. Also bonus points for not pulling a “we’re teens so in love, how can we separate for different colleges?” I wish them all the best

3) I only checked this out cause I saw it on Goodreads so I wasn’t expecting its content. This was an eye opener and a very emotional read that I gladly told my sisters about. Following an elderly immigrant women at sessions in an unemployment office as she tells her life story to you (the unknown presence of the social worker who is only revealed at the end). It makes me wish that community was reveal

2) Was so excited to get a chance at reading this and it definitely met my standards. F the noise (bad reviews), I got one think it makes perfect sense to fight fire with fire. Hell I think Wu Zetian could’ve been a bit more unhinged at some points. And everyone she killed deserved it, hell probably worse. Also answering a possible love triangle with polyamory *chefs kiss* thank you. Will be reading the sequel

Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girl Boss, Get away with Murder

1) Beautiful world building, diverse and interesting characters with great powers to match-when I get my shit together I will be making fanart. Between this and Cemetery Boys Aiden Thomas is definitely one of my favorite authors so the moment I can I will get physical copies of this book. If you love Percy Jackson I do recommend. My favorite book of the year.

This book was so much fun and a overall joy. I love the combination of fantasy and modern elements, the whole gods among us plus the power play/oppression build into the society. Trans representation that acknowledges said fantasy elements so it introduces different aspects of gender presentation. The slow burn of a rivals to friends (to maybe lovers). Each trial had me on edge as you saw the clear difference in Golds who were raised for this vs Teo and Xio, two Jades not on equal grounds. The betrayal that sets up the end and sequel book. I will be there consuming all of it

This concludes my very unserious reviews of my Top 10 book list of 2022. Follow me on Goodreads I guess, I do plan to use it more next year

[lawisnotmocked]

Hell yeah I love weird and specific les mis adaptations and fanworks! I’m gonna be honest this specific description is very vague and doesn’t fully match anything I can think of but I can go through a few published les mis adaptations and continuations in case you were thinking of any of these :-)

My first guess is that it might be Chasing a Ghost/Chasing a Legacy by Dorian Ravenscroft? The first book in the series Chasing a Ghost was published in 2019 and is an au sequel to Les Mis where Enjolras, Grantaire, Combeferre and Courfeyrac survived the barricades. In this story Enjolras is a trans man who has married Grantaire and had kids with him in the aftermath of the June rebellion. The story begins with him reconnecting with Combeferre after 8 years. The second book Chasing a Legacy was published in 2020 and follows Enjolras and Grantaire’s kids from the first book as adults. From what I can tell it was a lot more removed from the events of Les Mis and focused more on Ravenscroft’s original characters Camille and Marianne. I think both books were removed from wherever they were available because Ravenscroft was planning on heavily editing and rewriting the story with the intentions of traditionally publishing it but the author’s blog and all the posts documenting the process have all been deleted so I don’t have any way of verifying this ^^’ I think they’re working on their own original novels now completely divorced from Les Mis that are going to be published under a different name.

(actually if anyone does have a copy of CAG that they’d be willing to part with I’d be happy to pay or offer a trade for it! I collect obscure les mis stuff including fan made items and since CAG is out of print I’d be interested in getting hold of a copy 👀)

In case anon was thinking of something different or conflated multiple different les mis related stories I’ve made a list of a few others I could think of :-)

Published recently:

The System Divine Series by Jessica Brody and Joanne Rendell is a ya sci-fi trilogy with the last book being published in 2021. It was traditionally published and the story is Les Mis in space with Cosette, Marius and Eponine as the main characters.

Court of Miracles by Kester Grant was published in 2019 and is the first book in an ongoing traditionally published ya series. It’s an adaptation of both the jungle book and les mis and the main character is based on both Eponine and Bagheera. It’s a little bit edgy but I had fun reading it and did a review/summary here! It’s The One That Makes Valvert Het lol and I had Things To Say about that :-))

A Wish in the Dark by Christina Soontornvat was traditionally published in 2020. It’s an adaptation of les mis set in fantasy Thailand with child main characters based on Valjean and Javert.

Ebooks and published fanworks:

The Pont-Au-Change series by Arlene C. Harris has four books published with the most recent one Honour being published as an ebook in 2013. It’s a post-Seine au sequel to Les Mis with Valjean and Javert as the main characters who go on adventures together.

Wolves and Urchins: The Early Life of Inspector Javert by Kelsey Brickl was published in 2017. This story follows Javert from early childhood to 1823 as Brickl attempts to give the character a backstory. I haven’t read this one myself but my husband, a fellow Javert enjoyer, has and his response when I asked him if he wanted to say anything about it for this list was to sigh and say ‘it’s fine I guess??’ so a glowing review lmao

Barricades: The Journey of Javert by C.A. Shilton was published in 2013 and is another Javert’s-backstory au book, but this one follows his entire life including his suicide attempt which he survives. It also has Javert fall in love with a childhood friend and author self insert named Michelle lol

A Little in Love by Susan Fletcher was published in 2014 and follows Eponine as the main character. It follows the events of Les Mis from Eponine’s pov and goes into her backstory before meeting Cosette. I think the story also has her reconnect a little with cosette again when they’re both living in Paris.

Probably not but I’m including them just in case! :

Cosette by Laura Kalpakian is a les mis sequel novel that was published in 1995 and has become infamous on Les Mis tumblr for a sex scene between Marius and Cosette that is cringeworthy in the original sense

Cosette or The Time of Illusions by Francois Ceresa is another les mis sequel that was published in 2003. The main characters are marius and cosette and honestly I’m not sure how to explain the plot to this one, maybe look up a summary if you’re interested lol it sounds wild

hi, i was wondering if i could use your knowledge of the fandom for help - i remember hearing about a series of ebooks that were??? kinda fan novels of les mis??? that were still updating or that stopped updating recently, i'm haunted by this but i absolutely cannot find the name or the post where it was mentioned, does that ring a bell to you? also happy new year!

hello anon! the very happiest of new years to you too! 💕🎉✨️

there have been a few fan novels and retellings published, so these may not be the one you had in mind - but the most high-profile story in recent years has been the scifi/cyberpunky Sky Without Stars by Jessica Brody and Joanne Rendell, which is the only fan novel I've personally read a little bit of. people seem to like it from what I've heard, YA isn't really my thing but the first few chapters I read had a lot of interesting concepts!

iirc there was also a canon era novel focusing on Javert that was a bit strange? I heard of one that made Javert a woman and then went full steam ahead with the valvert shipping? I might be conflating a couple of different stories here. I've not been as active in the fandom for the last year or so, so there might also have been some new retelling that passed me by.

paging Sirius @lawisnotmocked who I know has an interest in fan novels, and anyone else who might be able to help anon out!

[celiabowens]

underrated SFF books (YA and Adult)

So uhm, since I keep seeing the same books on my dash all the time (and I like them too, just...there’s more! to read!) here’s a list of less popular SFF books, divided into YA and Adult. I’ve tried to mention when there is lgbt rep and the trigger warnings. Also, books written by poc will be in bold. Please point out any typo or mistake or if I’ve forgotten specific rep/tw mentions.

All of these are books that I’ve read and enjoyed (by enjoyed I mean anything from 3 stars and above), but if anyone wants to add titles please feel free to do so!!

YA:

The Star-Touched Queen by Roshani Chokshi: beautifully written, fairytale-like story rich in mythology (inspired by several Hindu myths. There’s a full list on goodreads indicated by the author herself). Roshani’s prose is gorgeous.

A Crown of Wishes by Roshani Chokshi: it’s a companion novel to The Star-Touched Queen, but both can be read as a standalone. I liked this one more than its companion and I particularly loved how the romance was written (slow burn, but specifically, the author really highlights the mutual respect between the characters, we love to see it).

The Young Elites by Marie Lu: fantasy trilogy set in a world inspired by Renaissance Italy, in which children who survived a mysterious and deadly illness ended up with strange and dangerous powers. Secret societies and a female villain!

The Kingdom of Back by Marie Lu: historical fantasy following Mozart’s sister, Nannerl, a girl as talented as her brother, but afraid of being forgotten because of the lack of opportunities she has to be seen and heard. Nuanced sibling relationship, no romance.  

The Midnight Lie by Marie Rutkoski: fantasy f/f romance! Both a coming of age story set in a society with a rigid class system and a slow burn f/f romance with a lot of banter. TW: abuse.

The Weight of Feathers by Anna-Marie McLemore: magical realism. The book follows two families of traveling performers that have been locked in a feud for over a generation. This was the author’s debut and I remember getting an arc of it and being impressed by both the prose and how the forbidden love trope was handled.

When the Moon was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore: another magical realism novel. One of the main characters is a trans boy and the book focuses on issues of racism and gender. One of my favorite YA!

Strange Grace by Tessa Gratton: fantasy romance set in a village that periodically sacrifices a young man in order to keep a deal with the devil that ensures their prosperity. Also, polyamorous and non-binary rep.

The Rise of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee: first book in a duology following avatar Kyoshi’s life. It explores the political and cultural aspect of the Earth Kingdom and Kyoshi’s past. Bisexual rep.

Descendant of the Crane by Joan He: sort of a murder mystery fantasy, as the main character finds herself suddenly thrust into power once her father has been murdered. The story has a slow build up to a last part full of twists and machinations and it features lots of court intrigue. Warning: the ending is quite open and afaik there isn’t a sequel planned as of now.

The Bone Houses by Emily Lloyd-Jones: a quite unique take on zombies influenced by Welsh mythology (it’s super cool). The novel follows Ryn and their siblings, as they try to get by after their parents’ death by working as gravediggers. Only well, the dead don’t always stay dead. The characters read a bit younger than they are imo. There is chronic pain rep.

The Magnolia Sword by Sherry Thomas: retelling of the original ballad of Mulan. The book follows Mulan, who’s trained her whole life to win a duel for a priceless heirloom, as she joins the army. There’s a lot of political and historical details, which I really appreciated. Do not go into it expecting a fun adventure though. The descriptions of war aren’t extremely graphic, but be aware of the fact that most of the book is set during a conflict.

The Candle and The Flame by Nafiza Azad: standalone fantasy set in a city on the Silk Road! It’s a quite slow-paced tale about love, family and politics. It has lush descriptions of landscapes and cultures (and FOOD, there are some really great descriptions of food). It’s a very atmospheric book and while I struggled a bit with the pace I’d still recommend it.

Forest of a Thousand Lanters by Julie C. Dao: sort of an East Asian inspired retelling of Snow White, but following the Evil Queen before she became Snow White’s stepmother. I honestly haven’t read its sequel (which should focus on Snow White herself), but I do think this can be read and enjoyed as a standalone too.

The Queen’s Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner: it’s hard to point out exactly what this series is about because it has evolved so much with time. It starts out as classic quest/adventure series with The Thief (which may seem a classic and simple book, but is actually full of foreshadowing and has a really clever set up), but develops into a complex and intriguing political fantasy in The Queen of Attolia and The King of Attolia (and then goes back to the quest theme in book 5, Thick as Thieves).

Adult:

A Fist of Permutations in Lightning and Wildflowers by Alyssa Wong: I’m cheating with this one because it’s technically a short story but I love Alyssa Wong’s stories so I’m putting it here anyway. It can be read for free and you should just...read it.

The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang: grimdark fantasy (TW: abuse, self harm, rape, drug abuse), inspired by Chinese history. It’s adult, but follows younger MCs and the unique blend of different historical periods/inspirations makes it extremely interesting. The characters are extremely fucked up in the best possible way, plus the use of shamanism is awesome. Please make sure you check all the TW before reading.

The Sword of Kaigen by M.L. Wang: a Japanese-inspired militaristic fantasy, with elemental magic, a badass housewife dealing with her past and hiding a sword in her kitchen’s floor. It has interesting and nuanced family dynamics and a great reflection on propaganda and the use of narratives.

Empire of Sand by Tasha Suri: first book in an epic fantasy duology inspired by Mughal India (TW: abuse, slavery). I really liked both Empire of Sand and its companion and I find them pretty underrated. Both books have great slow burn romance (with a focus on mutual trust and respect) and focus on culture, religion, self acceptance and politics.

Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia: a fantasy bildungsroman set in Mexico during the Jazz age. It’s a great approach to adult SFF as it follows a young girl on a life changing adventure. It features Mayan mythology and a god slowly becoming human (this trope is everything!).

The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden: a coming of age story inspired by Russian folklore. The trilogy as a whole has one of the best arcs I’ve ever seen: each book is perfectly self-contained and has its own arc, but also fits perfectly in the bigger picture of the trilogy. The atmosphere is amazing, the cast of characters is extremely well developed. Also frost demons are better than men.

The Binding by Bridget Collins: historical fantasy, but with very minimal fantasy elements. It’s set in a world vaguely reminiscent of 19th century England. I’d say this book is about humans and self discovery. It’s about cowardice and the lies we tell ourselves and those we wish we could tell ourselves. Gay rep. (TW: abuse, sexual assault, pretty graphic suicide scene).

The Divine Cities trilogy by Robert Jackson Bennett: starting with City of Stairs, it follows a female diplomat and spymaster(!!). The whole trilogy features an interesting discussion about godhood, religion, fanatism, politics, without ever being boring or preachy. It has complex and rich world building and a pretty compelling mystery.

Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennett: heist fantasy following a thief as she’s hired to steal a powerful artifact that may change magical technology as she knows it. Set in a Venice-like merchant city. Also, slow burn f/f romance.

Jade City by Fonda Lee: sort of a gangster urban fantasy, heavily inspired by wuxia and set in an Asian-inspired metropolis. It follows a pretty big cast of characters, each with their own journey and development. It features nuanced family dynamics and a lot of political and economical subplots. Not extremely prominent, but book 2 features m/m side rep.

Trail of Lightning by Rebecca Roanhorse: inspired by Native American culture and specifically by the idea of subsequent worlds. It has a kickass MC and a good mix of original elements and typical UF tropes. TW: the book isn’t extremely violent but there is death and some gore.

A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine: space opera inspired by the Mexica and middle period Byzantium. It focuses on topics like colonialism and the power of narratives and language. It has one of the best descriptions of what it’s like to live in between spaces I’ve ever read. Also very interesting political intrigue and has a slow burn f/f romance (and a poly relationship recalled through flashbacks). I ranted a lot about it already.

Ninefox Gambit by Yoon Ha Lee: a Korean-inspired space opera with a magic system based on math. It’s honestly quite convoluted and difficult to follow, but it also features some of the best political intrigue I’ve ever read. Plenty of lying, backstabbing and mind games. It also features lesbian and bisexual rep and an aroace side character (TW: mass shooting, sexual assault, abuse). I also really recommend Yoon Ha Lee’s short-story collection Conservation of Shadows.

The long way to a small angry planet by Becky Chambers: character driven space opera featuring a found family journeying through space. A fun read, that also deals with topics such as sexuality and race. Quite easy to go through, as the world building and plot aren’t particularly complex themselves. f/f romance.  

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo: an Asian-inspired fantasy novella that gives a voice to people usually silenced by history. It follows a cleric (non binary rep) as they chronicle the story of the late empress, retold through objects that she used in her life. It focuses on bonds between women and the power that lies in being unnoticed. f/f side rep.

The Black God’s Drums by P. Djèlí Clark: an urban fantasy novella, based on Orisha mythology and set in an alternate, sort of steampunk, New Orleans. I really like how creative Clark’s worlds are and how good he is at writing female characters (which rarely happens with male authors).

The haunting of tram car 015 by P. Djèlí Clark: novella set in an alternate steampunk Cairo populated by supernatural entities. It’s set in the same world of a Dead Djinn in Cairo, which is a short story you can read for free.

This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone: epistolary novella set during a time-travel war. It has gorgeous writing and an amazing f/f romance. As a novella, it’s quite short but it’s beautifully crafted and so complex for such a short book!

The Citadel of Weeping Pearls by Aliette de Bodard: a novella set in the Xuya universe (a series of novellas/short stories set in a timeline where Asia became dominant, and where the space age has empires of Vietnamese and Chinese inspiration), but can be read as a standalone. It’s a space opera featuring a disappeared citadel and the complex relationship between the empress and her daughter as war threatens her empire.

One for My Enemy by Olivie Blake: self-published urban fantasy following two rival families in New York. Sort of a Romeo and Juliette retelling but with gangster families and magic. Honestly recommend all of her books, I love how Olivie writes and especially how she writes female characters.

[rockislandadultreads]

April 23, 2021: Day of Silence: book recommendations

Day of Silence is GLSEN's annual day of action to spread awareness about the effects of the bullying and harassment of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning students. In the United States, students take a day-long vow of silence to symbolically represent the silencing of LGBTQ students. Know you’re not alone, and the library is a welcoming place filled with all sorts of educational titles, resources, and stories like the 4 listed here. For more information, please visit GLSEN’s website here.

The Pride Guide: A Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth by Jo Langford

Sex education materials meant to explain important basics to kids are too-often not written with an empathic understanding of what those basics are. This is particularly obvious regarding books that include LGBTQ identities. Even when they do hit the mark, many have a limited scope and don't take into account the practical realities of developing sexuality. The Pride Guide is written explicitly for the almost ten percent of teenagers who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or any of the unique identities that are not heterosexual/ cisgendered. It explores sex, dating, relationships, puberty, and both physical and online safety in one resource. The issue, today, is not whether or not queer youth will get sex education. The issue is how and where they will gather information and whether or not the information they gather with be applicable, unreliable, or exploitative. Equipping teens and their families with knowledge and self-confidence, this work provides the best protection against the unfortunate consequences that sometimes accompany growing up with an alternative gender or identity. With real-world information presented in a factual and humorous way, responsible adults can teach queer youth to (and how to) protect themselves, to find resources, to explore who they are, and to interact with the world around them while being true to themselves and respectful of others. Written with these issues in mind, The Pride Guide covers universal topics that apply to everyone, such as values clarification, digital citizenship, responsibility, information regarding abstinence as well as indulgence, and an understanding of the consequences and results of both action and inaction. For LGBTQ youth, this is a resource containing information on the unique issues queer youth face regarding what puberty looks like (particularly for trans youth), dating skills and violence, activism, personal safety, and above all, pride. Parents and other supportive adults who are motivated to educate themselves and who are interested in gaining some tools and skills around making these necessary conversations less uncomfortable and more effective will benefit from this book. The go-to resource for making informed decisions, The Pride Guide is indispensable for teens, parents, educators, and others hoping to support the safe journey of LGBTQ teens on their journey of discovery.

Queer, There and Everywhere: 23 People Who Changed the World by Sarah Prager

World history has been made by countless lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer individuals—and you’ve never heard of many of them. Queer author and activist Sarah Prager delves deep into the lives of 23 people who fought, created, and loved on their own terms. From high-profile figures like Abraham Lincoln and Eleanor Roosevelt to the trailblazing gender-ambiguous Queen of Sweden and a bisexual blues singer who didn’t make it into your history books, these astonishing true stories uncover a rich queer heritage that encompasses every culture, in every era.

Autoboyography by Christina Lauren

Three years ago, Tanner Scott’s family relocated from California to Utah, a move that nudged the bisexual teen temporarily back into the closet. Now, with one semester of high school to go, and no obstacles between him and out-of-state college freedom, Tanner plans to coast through his remaining classes and clear out of Utah. But when his best friend Autumn dares him to take Provo High’s prestigious Seminar—where honor roll students diligently toil to draft a book in a semester—Tanner can’t resist going against his better judgment and having a go, if only to prove to Autumn how silly the whole thing is. Writing a book in four months sounds simple. Four months is an eternity. It turns out, Tanner is only partly right: four months is a long time. After all, it takes only one second for him to notice Sebastian Brother, the Mormon prodigy who sold his own Seminar novel the year before and who now mentors the class. And it takes less than a month for Tanner to fall completely in love with him.

Weird Girl and What's His Name by Meagan Brothers

In the tiny podunk town of Hawthorne, North Carolina, seventeen-year-old geeks Lula and Rory share everything—sci-fi and fantasy fandom, Friday night binge-watching of old X-Files episodes, and that feeling that they don’t quite fit in. Lula knows she and Rory have no secrets from each other; after all, he came out to her years ago, and she’s shared with him her “sacred texts”—the acting books her mother left behind after she walked out of Lula’s life. But then Lula discovers that Rory—her Rory, who maybe she’s secretly had feelings for—has not only tried out for the Hawthorne football team without telling her, but has also been having an affair with his middle-aged divorcee boss. With their friendship disrupted, Lula begins to question her identity and her own sexual orientation, and she runs away in the middle of the night on a journey to find her mother, who she hopes will have all the answers. Meagan Brother’s piercing prose in this fresh LGBT YA novel speaks to anyone who has ever felt unwanted and alone, and who struggles to find their place in an isolating world.

[marimos]

marimos ¦ a writeblr intro

Hello! I’m Amaris! I’m 22 years old, and my pronouns are she/they. I’m trans and bisexual and so are most of my characters. I’m mainly a horror & fantasy (& scifi, & dystopian...) writer. I also really love writing speculative fiction!

Telling lgbt stories in other genres besides the common slice-of-life coming out + acceptance journey is important to me. I draw on my own experiences when writing, and my work often explores themes that are personal to me, including suicide, mental illness, religious trauma, reclaiming your humanity, disability, and found family.

➳ wips

current stage: drafting

genre ➳ drama/horror | pov ➳ third person, dual pov setting ➳ woodpoole, colonial new england | expected length ➳ 50k themes ➳ grief, corruption, self-fulfilling prohecy content warnings ➳ parental & religious abuse, cults, emotional manipulation, violence summary: In the village of Woodpoole, twice a year, a sacrifice is chosen to appease the creature in the woods. Believing herself to be the next sacrifice, Saoirse flees into the forest while her fiance, Henry, begins to realize just how deep the vein of corruption that flows through Woodpoole is -- realizations that will draw the attention of the village and put both their lives in danger.

wip tag | pinterest board

current stage: planning

genre ➳ tragedy/myth retelling | pov ➳ first person, three parts setting ➳ ancient greece | expected length ➳ 55k themes ➳ love & loss, grief, fleeting happiness content warnings ➳ death, homophobia, violence

summary: Stepping off the Argo into an unfamiliar land, Orpheus falls headfirst in love with the nymph Eurydice after she attends one of her shows. Entranced by Eurydice’s voice, Orpheus transforms her travelling act of one into a duo, charming all those throughout Greece, and before long, they marry.

However, Eurydice succumbs to a snake bite the very same day of their wedding. With the gods urging her on, Orpheus makes a deal with Zeus and pursues Eurydice into the realm of the dead, knowing if she fails, both her own life and Eurydice’s will be lost forever.

wip tag | pinterest board

[teenslib]

IT’S FINALLY DONE! Every year, the Rainbow Book List Committee has more books to review, because literature is slowing getting queerer, and children’s and YA lit are at the forefront of that change. This year, our committee of 13 people had to review nearly 500 eligible titles, and 130 (well, 129) were good enough and queer enough to make the list. There were so many terrific books that we got a special dispensation to create TWO Top Ten lists--the first time the committee has done so! The Top Tens are below, and please visit the link above for the full list.

I’m proud of our committee’s focus on diversity--along lines of race, ethnicity, queer identity, and even genre. At least half of the Top Ten Books for Young Readers and seven of the Top Ten for Teen Readers are about characters of color, and most of those were written by authors of color. We also tried to feature as many different letters of the alphabet soup as possible. I’ve noted the racial and LGBTQIA+ rep for the books that I’ve read.

Here are the Top Ten Books for Young Readers:

Ana on the Edge by Sass, A.J. Ages 8 to 12. Sports Fiction/Figure Skating. MC is nonbinary and Jewish-Chinese-American. Ana is a champion figure-skater. She hates her new princess-themed program, but how can she tell her mother that, when it cost so much money? And why does it bother her so much, anyway? When she finds the word ‘nonbinary,’ she realizes why the program doesn’t fit, but she still has a lot of work to do repairing relationships that have suffered in the meantime.

The Deep & Dark Blue by Smith, Niki. Ages 8 to 12. Fantasy. One of 2 MCs is a trans girl, all characters appear to be Southeast Asian. A pair of twins flee after a political coup that puts their lives at risk. They decide to disguise themselves as Hanna and Grayce, two girls living in the Communion of the Blue, an order of weaving women who spin magic like wool. What one twin doesn’t know is that, for the other, being Grayce isn’t a disguise. This is a beautiful story about self-discovery, acceptance, and affirmation.

Drawing on Walls: A Story of Keith Haring by Burgess, Matthew and Josh Cochran (Illustrator). Ages 6 to 14. Biography. MC is a white gay man. This colorful picture-book biography traces the life and art of Keith Haring.

The Every Body Book: LGBTQ+ Inclusive Guide for Kids about Sex, Gender, Bodies, and Families by Simon, Rachel E. and Noah Grigni (Illustrator). Ages 8 to 12. Nonfiction/Health. Various identities and races included. Filled with self-affirming information, The Every Body Book uses inclusive language, illustrations, and facts to cover a number of important topics for young people including consent, relationships, gender, sex, puberty, and hormones.

King and the Dragonflies by Callender, Kacen. Ages 8 to 12. Realistic Fiction. MC is a gay black boy, his best friend is a gay white boy. King’s family–especially his father–have strong opinions about what it means to be a Black man, and they don’t allow for being gay. But King admires his friend Sandy for escaping an abusive home and living his truth no matter what. If King comes out, too, can his father learn to change?

Magic Fish by Nguyen, Trung Le. Ages 12 and up. Realistic Fiction/Fantasy. MC is a gay Vietnamese-American boy. A young Vietnamese-American boy literally can’t find the words to tell his parents that he’s gay, but cross-cultural fairytales help bridge the language barrier in this beautifully-illustrated graphic novel. 

My Maddy by Pitman, Gayle E. and Violet Tobacco (Illustrator). Ages 4-8. Realistic Fiction. MC’s parent is nonbinary, MC and her parent are white. My Maddy is a heartwarming story about a young girl and her parent. Readers learn that not all parents are boys or girls; some parents are just themselves. In this young girl’s case, that parent is her Maddy, a loving, caring parent who lives outside the gender binary.

My Rainbow by Neal, DeShanna, Trinity Neal, and Art Twink (Illustrator). Ages 4-8. Realistic Fiction. MC is an autistic black trans girl. Autistic trans girl Trinity wants to have long hair, but growing it out is too itchy! None of the wigs in the store are quite right, so Mom makes Trinity a special rainbow wig.

Our Subway Baby by Mercurio, Peter and Leo Espinosa (Illustrator). Ages 4 to 8. Adoption Non-fiction. MCs are white gay men, the baby they adopt is Black. Loving illustrations help tell the story of how an infant abandoned in a NYC subway station was adopted by the man who found him and his partner.

Snapdragon by Leyh, Kat. Snapdragon. Ages 10 to 14. Fantasy. Haven’t read this one yet, so I can’t comment on its representation. Snap gets to know the town witch and discovers that she may in fact have real magic and a secret connection to Snap’s family’s past.

And here are the Top Ten Books for Teen Readers:

All Boys Aren’t Blue: A Memoir-Manifesto by Johnson, George M. Ages 14 to 18. Memoir. Author/MC is a gay Black man. “Memoir-manifesto” is a well-chosen label for this book, which relates stories from the author’s childhood and young adulthood and contextualizes them within a queer Black experience. Although the author’s family is loving and supportive, pervasive heteronormativity, queerphobia, and anti-Black racism threaten his mental, emotional, and physical safety.

Camp by Rosen, L.C. Ages 14 and up. Realistic Fiction. MC and his love interest are gay Jewish boys. For Randy, going away to Camp Outland is a breath of fresh air, a time to be exactly who Randy can’t always be at school. But this year will be different. This year, Randy won’t be the flamboyant theater kid, this year Randy will be exactly the type of bro Hudson would want to date. Changing a thing or too will be necessary for Randy to succeed, even if that means leaving some friends behind.

Cemetery Boys by Thomas, Aiden. Ages 13 and up. Paranormal/Romance. MC is a trans Latino, his love interest is a gay Latino. Yadriel accidentally summons the wrong ghost in an attempt to prove himself a real brujo to his family who struggle to accept his gender identity. Though he thinks he is summoning the ghost of his cousin, he actually summons the ghost of Julian Diaz, and finds himself with not one, but two, mysterious deaths to investigate.

Circus Rose by Cornwell, Betsy. Ages 12 and up. Fantasy. One MC is white and one is mixed-race, one is a lesbian and one is questioning. Ivory and Rosie are twins and half-sisters, born to a bearded woman who refused to choose between her lovers, and raised in their mother’s circus. After a long foreign tour, they come home to find themselves under attack by religious zealots. As tragedy follows tragedy, will Ivory be able to save her circus family?

Elatsoe by Little Badger, Darcie  and Rovina Cai (Illustrator). Ages 12 and up. Mystery. MC is an aro/ace Lipan Apache girl. In this OwnVoices novel, Elatsoe is on a mission to discover who killed her beloved cousin, and why. If not for her cousin, then she is doing this for her people, the Indigenous Lipan Apache tribe. Elatsoe has the ability to raise ghosts from the dead, a tradition that has been passed down through generations. On this journey it will take vulnerability, wit, and the legends of her people for Elatsoe to understand all that is hidden in the small town of Willowbee.

I’ll Be the One by Lee, Lyla. Ages 13 and up. Realistic Fiction. MC is a bi Korean-American girl, her love interest is a bi Korean boy. Skye Shin dreams of becoming the world’s first plus-sized K-pop star, and a reality TV competition may just be her chance. To win, she’ll have to deal with fatphobic beauty standards, fierce competition, and intense media scrutiny–as well as unexpected attraction to one of her competitors.

Miss Meteor by Mejia, Tehlor Kay and Anna-Marie McLemore. Ages 14 and up. Magical Realism. (I haven’t read this one, but I think both MCs are WLW Latinas.) Lita is a star – literally. After falling to earth several years ago, she’s now living life as a teenage girl. When the annual Miss Meteor pageant rolls around, Lita decides to enter – but will her ex-best friend Chicky be willing to help her? Will the pageant help her forget about the past and imagine a new future? Lita learns that winning isn’t about being perfect, it’s about showing your true self to the world – even the parts that no one else understands.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Johnson, Leah. Ages 12 and up. Realistic Fiction. MC is a black WLW (woman-loving-woman). In this affectionate rom-com, Liz Lighty finds herself an unlikely candidate for prom queen at her affluent suburban school. Shy, awkward, Black, and low-income, Liz has never felt like she belonged, and she can’t wait to leave for her dream college. But when her scholarship falls through, it seems her last resort is to win prom queen, and the scholarship money that comes with it. Liz’s plan is complicated when new girl Mack decides to run for prom queen also…and ends up running away with Liz’s heart.

War Girls by Onyebuchi, Tochi.  Ages 12 and up. Science Fiction/Afro-Futurism. Both MCs are Nigerian, one is a WLW. In a not-so-distant future, climate change and nuclear disasters have made much of the earth unlivable. In the midst of war in Nigeria, two sisters, Onyii and Ify, are torn apart and face two very different futures. As their lives progress through years of untold violence and political unrest, battles with deadly mechs and cyborg soldiers outfitted with artificial limbs and organs, they are brought together again and again and must come to terms with how the war has impacted their lives.

When We Were Magic by Gailey, Sarah. Ages 14 and up. Contemporary Fantasy. MC is a white bi/questioning girl with gay dads, her friends are racially, ethnically, and queerily diverse. This firecracker of a novel follows a group of friends who attempt to correct the accidental murder of a classmate. When We Were Magic combines magic, friendship, and awkward moments to create a captivating story. Each character brings their own uniqueness to the strong group of friends, but despite their differences, their loyalty remains. Author Sarah Gailey has written another page turning novel, with the quirky strange content to boot.

[isuzuapologist]

Rank the Fruits Basket ships?

thanks for the ask! i don’t know if you meant canon ships or the ones i wanted so here’s a mix! (ranking things is so hard i did the best i could lol)

kyoru - this is obviously my first pick. they are soulmates, they love eachother so unconditionally and are so ready to PROTECT. their parallels are crazy and the way they fall in love so slowly is my favorite thing. there are so many elements that make them extraordinary and such an incredible love story, but if we take the “fantasy” elements out of it they’re also just two teenagers! that’s one of my favorite things about them-- the way they flirt and are so playful with eachother, how awkward and messy they are sometimes expressing affection but how earnest they are to do so!

tohrin - listen. i’m obsessed. i think about them all the time. i think about writing them all the time. there are so many parallels between them and also between their partners in canon. i like to say they’re two sides of the same coin because i believe their inner worlds are much, much similar than their exterior lead to think. i love the way they’re a TEAM and so brave and so smart and so ready to protect people??? the size of their hearts????? unmatched. so ready to give love even if isuzu shies away from it (much like tohru being unable to ask for help). i strongly believe they are best friends in canon and the way isuzu is so protective of tohru and even suggests she should leave kyo so she can still live close to her?????????? phew. girlfriends of the year. soft and goth. tsundere and deredere. light and dark. need i go on? they’re the perfect match.

yuchi - I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. GOD. i think my favorite thing about them is how relatable and “conventional” they are in a way? what we see from them in the series is a completely normal high school relationship, because yuki doesn’t seem to reveal the curse to her before it’s broken (if we are to assume). they’re really really similar: it’s so obvious to me that yuki helps her sort out her feelings and put everything in place because he’s already started that journey. but also machi helps him go through with it and start seeing himself as someone able to care, someone people can lean on, someone who can love, etc. they help eachother see how valuable they are, to themselves and other people.

hana x uo x tohru - ENDGAME POLY!!!!!!!!! listen if you didn’t get major sapphic throuple vibes in the entirety of hana’s backstory.... i don’t know what to tell you. i’d watch a whole series of them just going through high school together and discovering the dynamics of their relationship. i wouldn’t even mind if the sohmas weren’t around. give me best friends give me sapphics give me polyamori. god the possibilites... the potential. and they’re also a little bit in love already.

yukeru - LOVE THEM!!!!! they’re a great great great duo. they both bring growth to the other and are a fundamental step in their personal journeys. also i adore the way they rub off on eachother and how kakeru is able to bring out the inner asshole in yuki. they have amazing scenes. in my head they’ve definitely (AT LEAST) banged in canon. idc.

ritsu x mitsuru - a lesbian couple and a trans woman??????? i CANNOT express how much i love them and how starved i am for more content. the new scenes included in the anime gave me life. they’re just two shy, fumbling women who downright admire eachother. i think they’re so so so cute.

hatsuzu - i really like them But. i do think there are some unhealthy traits about their relationship (even if by the end of the series isuzu states that she wants to better herself and their relationship-- which is super interesting and something i’d like to see more in media!) i think they have a lot of potential and i would have loved to see them working through their “issues”. (she depends too heavily on him and i really wasn’t a fan of their first kiss ((the whole “you don’t want me?” thing when haru knows just how scared and self conscious isuzu is... eh :/ )) anyway goth bisexual power couple step on me with your punk boots!

mayutori - i don’t have any problems with them even if i think it would have been interesting for them to develop some other kind of relationship that wasn’t romantic. also weird to me the way hana connects to both of them so idk. but i do think they are compatible and make a really cool duo.

ayame x mine - i mean i like the fact that we know ayame gets pegged.

there’s also hiro x kisa but they’re children so i don’t really "ship” them. & then akigure and uo x kureno.... hm. even if i do like and enjoy some aspects of both relationships i simply can’t ignore their age gaps,, and other things. (i won’t even consider kyoko and katsuya because that’s disgusting)

[letterboxd]

How I Letterboxd #14: Sally Jane Black.

Popular member Sally Jane Black (18,000 followers and climbing) opens up about trans representation in cinema, watching films as a Marxist-Leninist and enjoying bad rom-coms.

“I began writing about film as a coping mechanism and a hobby, and part of that was figuring out what I wanted to say.” —Sally Jane Black

Self-described as “the world’s foreleast expert on trans representation in film”, Sally Jane Black has proven to be quite the opposite for many others on Letterboxd. In the eight years she has kept a diary on our service, many have found inspiration, validation and insight from Sally’s educational and deeply personal writing.

With an array of cinematic interests ranging from experimental feminist films and slashers to the LA Rebellion and Spice World, Sally’s distinctive voice was naturally one we wanted to seek out in order to pick her brain.

She opens up to Mitchell Beaupre about her journey to find her voice through film, how trans representation on screen can run the gamut from the most toxic and offensive to wonderfully validating, and what that can mean for those hoping to see voices like theirs in these stories.

A Sally Jane Black favorite, ‘Spice World’ (1997).

Let’s start at the beginning. What is your first memory of seeing a film? My earliest memories are all very distorted, but I do have some memory of going to a small local theater with my brothers and my father. I think it was The Care Bears Movie. I can’t recall anything about the movie. I can’t tell you how old I was. But I can remember the outside of the theater, the shadowy look of the seats, vague impressions of my father’s irritation and some images of the film. The fact that I remember it shows it left some kind of impression, but I have no idea what.

You speak openly in your reviews about gender identity and how your perspective impacts the way you see films. As you grew up, did cinema have any influence on your understanding of gender? I was always looking for some sign of hope in movies, TV, whatever. I knew, somehow, that I was a woman, or wanted to be one as I would have put it at the time. Every time I saw a trans person, crossdresser or other gender-non-conforming character, part of me was desperately searching for understanding, for a sign that I could be who I really was. But I never got that from a film.

I was more affected by negative impressions. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective stands out as a film that made me viscerally ill in its portrayal of a trans woman. I was shown that my gender made me disgusting. I was made to feel like a punchline; it was humiliating. I didn’t have the words for it at the time, but in retrospect, the impact of cinema on my journey for most of my early life was to push me further into the closet.

There were some partially positive moments. Aspirational images or parts of films that made me feel seen. I’ve written elsewhere about how The Rocky Horror Picture Show affected me as a teenager, or how in college I responded to Hedwig and the Angry Inch or In a Year of 13 Moons much later. It wasn’t until Funeral Parade of Roses that I saw trans representation that really positively affected me, and even then, it was just to help me start writing and thinking about it.

Toshio Matsumoto’s fantasy-drama ‘Funeral Parade of Roses’ (薔薇の葬列, 1969).

You describe yourself as “the world’s foreleast expert on trans representation in film”, yet your writing on the subject has provided much education for members. What is the value of a site like Letterboxd when it comes to giving a platform to a wider range of voices? There are many writers I would point to before myself, like Willow Maclay or claire diane. Everything I’ve written about trans representation is derivative of other trans writers. It wasn’t until I read other trans writers that I understood myself.

I am so in awe of Willow especially, as she has carved a place for herself as a professional film critic. She’s a great writer, but I guarantee you she’s had to fight harder for her place than many cis writers. She wouldn’t be able to do what she does, though, without reading other trans writers before her. And none of us would ever have been heard if there weren’t places where we could express ourselves without having to fight so hard just to be heard.

I can really only speak directly from a trans/queer perspective, but it’s clear that many different identities, nationalities, cultures have been suppressed under capitalism. Sites that let people express themselves without the usual mechanisms (editors and publishers, etc.) in place are useful in fighting that suppression. It’s not as simple as just the internet allowing a wide variety of people to have a voice, though. There’s a lot of misinformation out there, and not all voices get equal access.

On Letterboxd, for instance, there are a lot of trans members whose writing wouldn’t be read if they had to rely on mainstream media to share it. It has clearly helped people on an individual basis to find themselves.

That's why it’s so important for the Letterboxd team to get things right when it comes to shutting down bigotry or trolling. You’ll get the Nazis shouting about freedom of speech, but their presence is enough to silence others. Where’s the freedom of speech then? Freedom of speech for whom? I’ve been glad to see a lot of improvement on Letterboxd in recent years. There’s still work to be done, but that will be true as long as we live in a capitalist world.

I think it’s as important, though, for Letterboxd members to seek out diverse films as it is for having diverse voices on Letterboxd. Part of the issue is that it’s harder to find films from Africa or South America than it is to find films from Europe, North America or certain parts of Asia, but there are ways to find films that aren’t part of the standard canon.

It’s worth the extra effort to get into cinema from places you’ve never heard of. It’s worth the extra effort to drop your preconceived notions of other parts of the world and get a glimpse of them through film. There’s more to fighting internalized racism than just watching more diverse movies, but it helps.

Elem Klimov’s masterpiece ‘Come and See’ (Иди и смотри, 1985).

What are some of your favorite films that you discovered thanks to other members? I had never heard of Son of the White Mare (Fehérlófia) or Come and See (Иди и смотри) until I got on Letterboxd. There have been hundreds of films, either because of other members’ reviews or trawling through lists, that I’ve found thanks to Letterboxd. I use lists a lot. Or when I’m looking for a new horror film to watch, I go to Hollie Horror’s or MrMocata’s ratings and filter by streaming services until I find something. Also, I have to thank Steve G for making me watch On the Buses, which was revelatory in terms of how bad a movie can be. Never lose a bet to Steve; he’s heartless.

Your most popular review on the site is your takedown of The Danish Girl. What has the reaction to that review meant to you, particularly from members of the trans community who have responded to it? Letterboxd recently made it so that we could change our [reply] settings. I literally wept to see I could turn off comments on some of my more controversial reviews. I get pretty tired of the abuse; it’s made me very prickly. But even with the ability to shut down the comments on The Danish Girl review, I chose not to. I have had so many trans people comment on that review or refer to it elsewhere, telling me how it has affected them. It wasn’t what I expected when I wrote it. I addressed it to my cis friends because I wanted to get people to stop misgendering Lili Elbe.

Instead, because I took the time to explain in detail why that was important, I ended up putting into words feelings, thoughts, truths about trans people, and that information isn’t always easy to come by. I had to learn it from online friends and books like Whipping Girl.

If I only ever had one trans person comment on that review telling me it had helped them, it’d be worth all the trolls over the years. Instead, I’ve had dozens, and far more if you count all the other trans film reviews I’ve done. It took me twenty years to find myself; I know how it feels to be lost without the words, without understanding. Helping others with that wasn’t my intention, but it’s become a motivation for writing about trans film in general now.

I want to note here that my second most popular review is also a commentary on a character transitioning in a film, but that review has not yet inspired any turnips to tell me I’ve helped them find themselves. I find that disappointing.

Sophie and Turnip Head share a moment in Hayao Miyazaki’s ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’ (ハウルの動く城, 2004).

Some people make the argument to “keep politics out of movies”, yet you shared a Mao Zedong quote on your Twitter, describing how all art is inherently political. Could you talk about bringing that perspective into the way you see movies, and how you challenge your own political views with the types of films you choose to watch? Becoming class-conscious—and that’s an ongoing journey—is really the most profound experience of my life, aside perhaps from transitioning. Once you see that class struggle is at the heart of everything, once you understand who the enemy is and what has to be done, so many things just fall into place. Even before I was class conscious, though, I was viewing films through a political, social and eventually feminist lens.

I have no training in writing about film. I took a few film classes in college, but not much. I am not a professional and don’t pretend to be, or want to be. I began writing about film as a coping mechanism and a hobby, and part of that was figuring out what I wanted to say. I realized at some point that I needed to listen to my feelings while watching, examine them and write about that. This helped me understand myself better, too.

As I became more class-conscious and began to study and practice Marxism-Leninism, my political writing and point of view evolved. Getting involved in political organizing changed things even more for me. There are so many reviews I wrote even three years ago I would write differently now. Part of that comes from having a Leninist understanding of the state, and part of that is feeling compelled to be better at sharing my understanding of socialism, which I know to be the path to liberation.

There’s an argument that a single film doesn't really have that much of a political impact. That’s a little debatable, but certainly there are films that are too obscure to matter in the grand scheme of things. I still think it’s important to analyze them on a political basis, because they are part of a bigger picture. Just one bad example of trans representation isn’t going to convince the masses one way or another about trans people. But hundreds of representations, most of them negative, in film, television, art, culture, religion, etc. adds up. It’s what we call the “ideological superstructure” of the capitalist state. It’s how the capitalists indoctrinate us, divide us, control us.

The state isn’t just the government; the state is a tool of the capitalist, of the class, not of the politicians who ostensibly run things. Understanding that means understanding that Hollywood films and major film distributors and festivals are all part of the state and the ideological superstructure. You can’t ignore their role in a broader political context, even if the directors or writers of the film never thought of it that way.

This is most clear these days in analyzing MCU films, which are supported by and propaganda for the US Department of “Defense”. The messages these films [present] are abhorrent, sometimes outright fascist. If people want to “keep politics out of movies”, they should start by telling the DoD to get out of movies. Not that that would actually end it, but it’d be a more honest place to start than whining at amateur film bloggers.

Mania Akbari in Abbas Kiarostami’s ‘Ten’ (‎ه‎د‎, 2002).

As for the other way around, how films have influenced my world-view, this has mostly come from being able to see other cultures around the world. I remember watching Abbas Kiarostami’s Ten and having all the lies I had been told by US media about Iran crumble. Watching films from perspectives that don’t represent the US has helped me see past a lot of lies, a lot of racism, a lot of warmongering, and a lot of anti-communism. How anyone can watch Soy Cuba and not fall in love with Cuba is beyond me; the revolutionary spirit and power of that film is still alive there today, no matter what lies you’re hearing right now.

While you’re vocal about your beliefs, you’ve also occasionally admitted to enjoying or appreciating some films that have problematic elements. What are some of the films that you love that you can still acknowledge are problematic? I love John Waters. I love ’70s exploitation films. I enjoy a lot of bad rom-coms. I love horror movies, especially slashers. When a film has a good political message, that makes me love [it] more, but I enjoy lots of films that aren't politically aligned with my own beliefs.

I won’t try to defend anything about Pink Flamingos, but I love it with all of my heart and soul because it makes me laugh. It makes me happy to spend time with those horrible, nasty freaks. I feel at home there. I love ’70s exploitation films for their style. But I don’t pretend they’re good for the international working class, and I don’t ignore the problems with them. I can see them; I can write about them. I can object to them. And still I can admit I enjoyed them.

This is something I often find myself telling people: it’s okay to like these movies. It’s okay to find something to enjoy in problematic movies. Don’t like them for what makes them problematic, though. I’m not saying go out and watch Nazi propaganda—please don’t—or, ugh, W**dy A**en movies. There are films that are indefensible. But most films are just products of a flawed capitalist world, and there’s nothing wrong with sifting through the dross to find something relatable or enjoyable in it.

Divine and her ‘Pink Flamingos’ (1972).

While there are plenty of terrible examples out there of trans representation in cinema, what would you say are some of the best? Most recently, I have watched Lingua Franca (Willow’s review of it is very worth reading) and short films by Frances Arpaia. I gush a lot in my review of A Trans with a Movie Camera about actually seeing trans women kissing in a movie. I would say most trans people I know date other trans people, but you never see that in movies. Something Must Break, Drunktown’s Finest and Cold Breath all stand out as well. I’ve been meaning to dig into Leonora’s list of films by trans filmmakers, because that’s where you really find the best representation.

One list you’ve made recently has been to help boost your GoFundMe campaign to fund your gender-confirming surgery (readers can donate here). Congratulations on raising enough funds to make your down payment! What is the importance of the films in this list for you? They’re all either about bodies in general or depict sexual-reassignment surgery (SRS). Not all of them are good, but they all address the human body. Using Let Me Die a Woman or Traces of Death for that list was self-deprecating to some degree, but they actually show SRS. I’m asking people to help me pay for a surgery that is going to turn my genitalia inside out; it’s one of the most vulnerable and humiliating things I’ve ever done.

I wanted a list of films to reflect that, to be as vulnerable (The Body Beautiful) or humiliating (Let Me Die a Woman) as what I was doing. Other films are there because they depict trans experiences (Funeral Parade of Roses), queer bodies (Nitrate Kisses) or sexuality (Barbarella); all of that is wrapped up in my need for surgery. I won’t admit why Go Go Second Time Virgin is on there, but suffice [it] to say it’s a very bad, inappropriate joke. All together, those films just feel right for a list where I beg for money for SRS.

To wrap up, who are three Letterboxd members you’d love to recommend people to follow? I think I referenced several of my favorites above, so I'll use this as a chance to mention a few folks I think are great but don't have as many followers: Rosie, oKay and lyra.

Related content

Aaron Yap on the Letterboxd community’s reaction to Come and See

Kambole Campbell’s chat with Son of the White Mare animation legend Marcell Jankovics

Sally Jane’s list of films related to communism, socialism and imperialist opposition

Follow Sally Jane on Letterboxd

Follow Mitchell on Letterboxd

[homenum-revelio-hq]

are there resources you suggest for playing trans characters?

I don’t have a “go-to” link (or links) that I can give you, I’m afraid. I’m sure there are loads of great posts out there on tumblr and elsewhere, and I’ve done a quick search to find you a few places to start (links below!), but since gender identity and gender constructs etc. is a subject in which I’ve always been immersed, it’s not something I’ve ever had to search-out a how-to for the writing thereof. Honestly I find it’s a topic best explored and/or explained in story-format (whether fictional or non; prose or oratory) because it’s so entangled with who someone is that the best way to learn about it is to feel it -- to experience it through the lens of an actual person (fictional or real) who lives it. If that makes sense? Gender is such a personal, individual thing that the whole beautiful mess of identity and discovery and labels and self-discovery and determination etc. etc. that it makes it hard (in my opinion) to really encapsulate in a how-to guide sort of resource...but try starting with these:

An Important Note About Pronouns!

A General Overview/Reflection on Trans Characters and Stories

Probably the Closest Thing I Found To a “How To”/”How To Not” Guide

Some Further Tips On What Not To Do

HP Specific: The Attisgalli Corrective Draught (already part of our world building!)

Scriptwriters Trans Tag (this blog is a great resource in general; check their tags!)

Stories That Did It Wrong And How Not To Repeat Their Mistakes

A Detailed Guide to Writing Trans Masculine Characters

A Few Links On Definitions, etc.

*Some of these links are old, so the information contained therein may be outdated or the links within may be defunct; in many cases we also skimmed rather than reading in detail so the merits of their information/terminology may vary. Please use your own discretion and if you need clarification on something don’t be shy about asking, either us or the authors or check in with the fine people at Script LGBT+.

If you really want to immerse yourself in the subject, here are some of my favorite stories that involve exploring identity and transition and so-on:

When The Letter Comes is a beautiful short story that includes both Hogwarts-type tropes and genderqueer characters and it’s available to read online in its entirety for free which makes it a good starting point (it may make you cry. It does me. So good.)

Dreadnought is an impeccable superhero origin story featuring a transgender protagonist and if you want to understand the experience of being a trans woman, I can recommend no better place to start than here because it puts you right inside Dani’s head and takes you along every step of her journey in a way that’s both excruciating and exhilarating and while I wouldn’t classify it as a “guide” to writing trans characters (only because there’s no one way to be/write trans), it should still give you a solid understanding of being trans that you can build from.

The Deep And Dark Blue is an excellent fantasy graphic novel about two royal twins who survive a coup by hiding in a magical convent and I don’t want to give it all away but gender identity is a crux of the plot and its really just lovely.

Snapdragon is a charming (and sometimes charmingly-gross) graphic novel about outcast kids finding friendship and magic and an elderly witch and it does some really lovely stuff with gender and transition along the way.

The graphic novel Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe is a deeply emotional and moving memoir about e’s experience and exploration of eir gender identity that I genuinely cannot recommend enough. (This one also gets you right in the heart.) If you really want to know what it feels like to live outside the assigned-x-at-birth cis-binary box, this is absolutely the number one place I recommend you begin your journey.

The most important thing I think is to keep in mind that there’s no one right way to write a trans character, just like there’s no one right way to be trans. Every person’s life, personality, and experiences are different (just like for cis people). And a trans person is more than just their gender identity and transition experience. That’s just one part of who they are, like being left-handed or allergic to milk or having a good ear for music. It’s part of a person’s life and identity and there’s ways and times it will influence them and their experiences, but it’s not all that they are. Be respectful above all, and remember that even though your character is fictional you’re writing about real people’s identities and experiences too, so your number one rule should be do no harm.

To that end the links in the first section to posts or essays written by trans people about harmful tropes and their own views and experiences on trans depictions in media are a good place to start, because they can tell you what to avoid. For how to, I really think you’ll do best by feeling it first like you do when reading stories like Dreadnought or Gender Queer -- but that’s just me! If anyone else has other links or thoughts to chime-in with, please don’t be shy!

[fandomshatelgbtqpeople]

mod a’s lgbt musicals

Hi there! I’m a big theatre kid so I thought for pride month I’d put together a list of LGBTQ musicals. Despite its association with queer people, musical theatre is not known for its amazing representation. I’ve put together a list here of musicals I know of with queer characters. I’ve tried to avoid those where the queer characters are incredibly minor roles or those where the representation is just not good enough to be salvageable (*side eyes Legally Blonde*) I know there are many musicals I will have missed out but these are the ones I am most aware of. Feel free to add more! So without further ado, here it is.

Fun Home

The big Tony winner of 2015! Based on Alison Bechdel, a butch lesbian cartoonist. At the age of 43, she looks for new material by trying to explore her past and her relationship with her closeted gay dad. Looks back at a version of herself when she was 10 and a “tomboy” and at 19 when she came out and got her first girlfriend. Has very cute lighthearted moments as well as very sad moments. Has a beautiful song where small Alison sees a butch deliverywoman. Problems in that since the original broadway cast, Alison’s costume has got less butch. Content warning for suicide.

Here’s their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMAuesRJm1E

The Color Purple

Based on Alice Walker’s novel about black women in the 1930s. Follows Celie who has been abused by men her whole life who discovers she is a lesbian but also makes a journey of self discovery and learns to love herself. Her love interest is a bisexual woman. Won best revival at the Tonys in 2016. Content warning for discussion/implied sexual abuse.

Here’s their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k2xzQyT2bk

Everybody’s Talking About Jamie

A teenage gay boy in Sheffield wants to be a drag queen and go to prom in a dress.Also a nice touch that is does not focus on him having a relationship (since he is sixteen) and him having to come out as he is already out. Focuses on his close relationship with his supportive mother. Has a diverse cast. Jamie is currently played by a black actor and his best friend wears a hijab and has a very diverse ensemble as well. Unfortunately has a part where Jamie responds to a homophobic bully by calling him a bunch of ableist and classist slurs.

Here’s a clip of the most popular song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7C3FuFWDdw

The Prom

Emma is a lesbian teenager in Indiana whose prom is cancelled by the PTA after she requests to bring her girlfriend to it. A group of Broadway actors come down to help her campaign to be allowed to attend prom, as well as styling her, helping her work on her confidence and educating the town’s people. What ensues is basically a two hour musical episode of Queer Eye. Cheesy and fun with so many musical theatre references crammed in. My one issue is that the show is rather harsh on people who are closeted since Emma has conflicted with her girlfriend Alyssa because she is not ready to come out.

Here’s a clip of their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGcG_r5xv3E

Rent

Probably the most well known on this list. Artists in New York during the AIDS crisis. Two of the main couples featured are queer: Maureen is bisexual and in a relationship with Joanne who is a lesbian, and Angel is a transgender woman of color in a relationship with Collins, a presumably bisexual man. However, she tends to be played bi cis men and there are instances of her being misgendered by the main characters uncritically. In Rent Live (2019), all instances of her being misgendered were removed and her gender identity was confirmed. She was played in this by Valentina, an nb drag queen and has also been played by Pose’s MJ Rodriguez, a trans woman. Very diverse with Jewish characters and people of colour and in the live show, only 1 of the 8 main characters was white. Has been criticised over the years, mainly for its biphobic portrayal of Maureen who is promiscuous and implied to cheat, but in the 90s did a lot for the LGBTQ community and is more progressive than a lot of media even now.

Here’s a clip of Maureen and Joanne from Rent Live: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06oCfKYYPTY

And here’s some Angel and Collins: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hl-M94o_x8

Falsettos

Marvin comes out as gay in the late 70s but decides to move his ex wife and son in with his boyfriend. Addresses AIDS crisis in Act 2. Has “lesbians from next door” in act 2. F Revived on Broadway in 2016. All of the characters are Jewish. Unfortunately, in revival casts, very few actors tend to be Jewish.

Here’s the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjnAHOdMQVk

Come From Away

In the aftermath of 9/11, 38 planes are diverted to a small town in Canada called Gander. Shows people of different races and nationalities bonding in a scary time. Addresses Islamophobia. Has one song called Prayer where prayers from different religions overlap. Has an interracial gay couple called Kevin and Kevin. They break up in the end but are very important characters. Won best direction of a musical in 2017. The Broadway production starred Jenn Colella who has referred to herself as ‘mostly gay’.

Here’s a clip of Jenn Colella singing a song from the musical: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8ukgH6U-d0

Head Over Heels

Honestly I don’t quite know what this musical is about, even by reading the plot summary and listening to the soundtrack. I know it’s set in a Tudor fantasy world and that there are wlw couples as well as an explicitly non binary character, played by Peppermint, a trans woman, and that there are interracial couples and plus sized actors. It is a jukebox musical using songs by the Go-Gos and yes the wlw anthem that is Heaven is a Place on Earth is one of them. The soundtrack is fantastic even if you can’t follow what is going on.

Here are some show clips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx2qQ7QAPm0

Spring Awakening

German school kids in the 19th century discovering their sexuality. Two of the schoolboy supporting characters, Ernst and Hänschen, have a romance when they have a reprise of an earlier song in Act 2.  A BIG content warning as it has graphic discussions of rape and songs about it and a sex scene with very dubious consent. However there was a very wonderful 2016 revival using deaf actors and sign language.

This is another one you can very easily find the full show of on YouTube which I won’t link. However here’s the Tony performance for the revival: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSagsMcak4Q

If/Then

A woman named Elizabeth (originally played by Idina Menzel) moves to New York after a divorce and contemplated how different her life would be if she took two different paths. Four supporting queer characters. Her ex-boyfriend is bisexual and played by Anthony Rapp (who is bisexual in real life) and he gets a boyfriend in one timeline. Another of her friends is a lesbian called Kate who marries her girlfriend in the musical. Problems occur as in both timelines, cheating goes on in the lesbian relationship although they stay together in one. Elizabeth also says she doesn’t believe in bisexuals, a view no one ever challenges her on, however Lucas is very clearly bisexual which is some proof for the audience that she is wrong.

I’m not going to link it here but there are many very high quality bootlegs on it on YouTube if you want to watch,

Ghost Quartet

A bit of a weird one. This is more of a concept album. There are four performers who each play instruments and they tell the stories of many interconnected timelines. It is very hard to explain but there are souls travelling through time who keep being reincarnated as different people with different relationships to each other which usually end with one woman killing the other. In the song Soldier & Rose, the ghosts Rose and Pearl are lovers as Rose seduces the soldier for her honey.  In the song Four Friends, for one chorus the men sing “I like to put my hand on a pretty girls’s knee” and the women sing “pretty boy’s knee” and then they switch for the next chorus so they’re all bisexual. In general, a lot of fun if you like weird musicals and I mean really weird.

The full show is online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJSaEJm8pCE

Mean Girls

Yes there’s a musical of it. I was not looking forward to it when it was announced but have actually grown to quite like it. It’s hardly lyrical genius but the songs are fun and a lot of the problematic aspects of the film have been fixed. Damian is more explicitly gay in the musical and sings about an ex boyfriend in one song. Janis is heavily implied to be a lesbian (confirmed by actress offstage) and she doesn’t end up with Kevin Gnapoor. She is played by a queer actress in the tour cast. Both queer characters are much bigger roles than in the movie and get several songs each. I’d consider the musical to be quite white feminist but it does address issues such as the sexualisation of teenage girls and the notion that to be ‘sexy’ is ‘empowering’.

Here’s a clip of one of Damian’s songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-zM6QKkxEQ

& Juliet

An English jukebox musical about what might have happened to Juliet in Romeo and Juliet if she had not died at the end. I haven’t seen it but I’ve listened to the soundtrack and it is mainly comprised of 21st century songs by women. One of Juliet’s best friends is non binary although is played by a cis man as far as we know. Also I went to the same school as one of the actors which is a bonus for me. Very diverse cast.

Here’s a trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm2k9nS3o20

In Transit

A capella musical about several people’s adventures on New York public transport. Two of the main characters in this ensemble cast are an interracial gay couple where both are pocs. They are engaged but one of them is having trouble coming out to his mother. I found it refreshing in that his fiance for the most part was not upset with him at his struggles in coming out and they were both able to live fulfilling lives despite this. I am always astonished by the talent of a cappella singers.

Here’s a trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhvik6qoass  Another one where the bootleg can be found very easily on YouTube

Firebringer

Remember A Very Potter Musical? Well, the company that did that are still putting out new pieces of theatre on their YouTube channel. In 2016, they put out their ridiculous comedy musical Firebringer, about a group of bisexual cavewomen. I won’t spoil the ending but trust me, it’s great. You may know it from the viral clip of one of the main characters singing ‘I don’t really wanna do the work today.’

You can watch the full musical here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmVuNlu0LCk

Special Mentions

Company

Musical by Stephen Sondheim about a man unable to commit to a relationship, surrounded by his friends who are all in couples. However, the award-winning 2018 West End revival chose to change the genders of some of the characters. The main character Robert became ‘Bobbie’ (although all of her love interests were gender-swapped as well). One of the originally M/F couples became an M/M couple. It opened on Broadway for about a week before the Covid outbreak so that will be one to look out for.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtDK03y4gT0

In the Heights

A musical by Lin-Manuel Miranda about the Latin American community living in Washington Heights in New York. The original theatre production has no explicitly queer characters. However, in the upcoming movie version (that was meant to be released this summer but has been pushed back to next summer) it has been confirmed that the characters of Daniela and Carla (Daphne Rubin-Vega and Stephanie Beatriz) will be explicitly a couple.

I absolutely love this musical and the trailer for the movie looks beautiful check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0CL-ZSuCrQ

[glassandmetalwings]

Wings Talks Manga: A Year in Review, Part 1 (Completed stories)

Last year, I told myself I was going to actually really more manga and watch more anime, because despite it being my main style I hadn’t actually read much in awhile. And I actually managed to get a lot done for one year. So below is a list of stories I read/watched and a few quick thoughts on them. Despite having my list open, I’m still probably not going to get to all of them, but I can try.

Be warned for spoilers.

T.egami Bachi (manga)

I love. Anyone following this tag of mine knows this has been a long journey and that I loved every minute of it. The world is beautiful, the characters are great, the emotions run high...it’s incredibly cathartic and engaging. I will never stop lauding it.

Jiu Jiu (manga)

A short series I picked up from the library that I never really covered, but that I enjoyed. Sometimes it felt a little slow to work through, but it was cute and I got really attached to the characters over five volumes. Like the mangaka, I wish there had been more opportunity to delve deeper into some of the story elements, because especially near the end it got confusing. Also I’m assuming it ended in a poly relationship? The protag grows up and has babies but you can’t really tell which love interest is the father, if either are. They’re all together in the final picture and I support it but it also bugs me bc I am confused.

Dreamin’ Sun (manga)

Mixed feelings on this one. I honestly expected a modern fantasy involving a baku going into this based on the back cover. I was wrong. I was really cute, if not overwhelmingly emotionally frustrating/full of secondhand embarassment at some points. The characters are super well-developed and continue to evolve and grow through the series. I will forever complain about the protag falling in love and centering her life around an adult man, but there were also some very touching elements that I can’t help but remember fondly.

The Wize Wize Beasts of the the Wizarding Wizdoms (manga)

The first of a lot of BL I read this year, which is honestly very new to me. My introduction to Nagabe. I’ve mentioned there’s one story I’m not too fond of, but it could be my interpretation of it. Overall very much loved it and especially love the art style.

K.amisama Kiss (manga)

I series I kind of picked up on a whim and absolutely fell in love with. Cute, funny, touching, well-thought out. There were some elements I didn’t understand (like the end), but my enjoyment overall made up for it. The one thing I wish for was a little more development for some of the minor characters. Also I love Mizuki and his development throughout the series. He makes me emotional.

Our Dining Table (manga)

Another cute, simple love story about two guys making food. I don’t have a whole lot to say about this other than it’s cute and you should read it. Although I obviously have no issues with teenage protags, it was refreshing to have a love story about two working adults that didn’t have to involve sex. Also can totally understand one guy’s aversion to eating with others, even if my own isn’t as severe.

Love on the Other Side (manga)

More Nagabe. Really, really cute. I love the story with the bird (of course). The softness of the stories and Nagabe’s art style really have stolen my heart.

B.lack Butler: Book of Circus (anime)

We all know why I watched this. Sadly the ending is as gruesome as the manga, and the one or two scenes they added didn’t play well on the DVD. But still a delight (up until the end).

The Devil is a Part-Timer (anime)

Interesting. Funny. A good world base, but I feel they could have developed it a little more, and the last episode kind of soured it a little for me because there was no really wrap-up. But I liked the characters and had a lot of fun watching it while crocheting. Wish there was a season two.

The Bride was a Boy (manga)

A brief autobiographical manga about a trans woman, filled with lots of tidbits about transgender individuals and things like HRT. Short, sweet, cute, and full of love and joy. Again, not much to say other than I recommend it.

Fractale (anime)

A lot to process. I think I would need to watch it again to fully wrap my head around it, if not more than once. An interesting world, great character, engaging story, and beautiful animation. Plus just...kinda relevant in a way that’s hard to describe. Think ease of technology verses governmental control via tech. I really loved the episode about the mysterious photographer. Plus I just fell in love with the ending song.

Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (anime)

Yes, I’d never watched this before. Gonna say, not my favorite Miazaki, but as usual an excellent story with a lot of background and development. And of course I loved the creature design. Glad to finally have it watched, after all these years, but I also can’t help but wonder what the original English release was like, knowing they cut/edited a lot. Because a lot of that violence and death was...kinda necessary to understanding character motives.

H.aibane Renmei (anime)

Again, another series that’s been at the top of my list for forever. I didn’t even have an excuse not to watch is as I own the DVDs. Excellent, and touching, if not cutting a little too close to home at times (like self-harm/BFRB). Really my introduction to ABe, and I have to say I never saw the ending coming. But would definitely watch again and again. Kinda wish I could do a cosplay for this series (I’d probably be Nemu, or one of the masked characters), but I feel like you need a group for it.

G.osick (anime)

I didn’t complete this one, I’m sorry. I think the art is great, and the arcs in concept are amazing...but it falls through in the delivery. The characters don’t really feel like they have driving motives behind their actions, and sometimes the evidence and stuff are things you can’t discern from watching (’I can tell you aren’t the daughter of a coal baron because you walk short distances before turning sharply and walking the other way, like you’re pacing in a small psych ward cell’-yes, that’s a real example). Lots of potential, but not great. Sorry.

Wolf Children (anime)

Very cute. Beautiful anime. I don’t think I can say much about this that hasn’t already been said. My favorite part is the ending where she’s saying goodbye just because of how both painfully and empoweringly emotional it is.

5 Centimeters Per Second (anime)

Not bad, but probably not my favorite. It didn’t help that the version I was watching didn’t translate all of the writing, so I feel like I missed a lot of elements. While the story is definitely a sentiment I can get behind, it was also a little bit unsatisfying for me, especially at the end. But idk, maybe I just don’t like the idea of moving on when there’s the opportunity to not.

Colorful (anime)

It was...a film. About a suicide. Looking back I don’t particularly feel strongly either way about it. I think the ending was good, and giving the protag some sort of motivation, but it took forever to really get to a point where I cared about him (or he seemed to really care about the body he was inhabiting and the person he was trying to be). Some of the stuff was just...uncomfortable. It’s probably worth watching, but overall I wasn’t wowed by it.

Ibistu (manga)

My first shrink-wrapped manga. It ties together very well in the end, and the horror and violence elements did elicit some very visceral reactions in me (particularly the threat of the iron and, later, the staples). The short stories were also good, particularly the doll factory one, but I wasn’t the most fond of the one about the mangaka. Just know there’s a reason it’s shrink-wrapped and it’s not a ‘positive’ one.

A Silent Voice (anime)

Probably one of my favorite films. While I didn’t always understand the motivations behind some of the characters or their actions, it wasn’t in a way that made me uncomfortable like some of the things in Colorful did. It felt more natural for them to be irrational. Again, there is suicide, so be warned if you don’t want to deal with that. But the story is sweet and the characters are amazing. But I also have a weakness for things involving sign language and communication.

Children Who Chase Lost Voices (anime)

Very cool. Beautiful landscapes. Gave me very strong Princess Mononoke vibes at some points, but it also stood as its own story with interesting characters there are elements I wish we could have delved deeper into, though. Also...what war did the teacher fight in? It didn’t look very modern. Also also I will forever wince at the pronunciation of ‘Quetzalcoatl’. Death is a strong theme in it, so be prepared if you watch it.

The Boy and the Beast (anime)

Excellent character design. Excellent story. Excellent animation. My one complaint would be that the climax felt kind of thrown together, even though it tied back to the beginning in a good way. But overall a beautiful world with some great humor and intense elements.

The Garden of Words (anime)

Spoiler: again a story about a kid falling in love with an adult. From a platonic standpoint, the story still feels a little weird, particularly in terms of the woman’s motivations, but looking back her not getting too involved in him missing school...kinda feels like what I would do to, especially in her situation. It’s sweet, though. Maybe it’s just me and my preferences, but some elements feel a bit incomplete, and I wish had been explored/wrapped up.

Summer Wars (anime)

Probably a favorite on the films list. Again, beautiful animation. I’m not going to get over this style. But I especially liked the design of OZ and the excess of blank space in it. Characters were many but great (although I didn’t get the one baseball player was part of the family until almost the end, but that says more about me and paying attention). Even Mom got really engaged in it when I had her watch it with me (I also had her watch Wolf Children, which I thought she would like more, but apparently not). There is a character death, but if you don’t mind that it’s definitely a watch.

Beauty and the Beast Girl (manga)

A cute little story about a blind girl and a dragon girl falling in love-what more could you want? Their histories actually tie together in a really neat way. Honestly my one complaint would be that the ending feels a little too ideal and easily wrapped-up. But sometimes we need things to be that perfect, you know?

P.andora Heart (manga)

The other big story I tackled this year. There were points that were a bit slow/disengaging to me, but overall once I got hooked I really loved it. I think I need a second read to really fully understand it (if that’s possible), but equal parts cute, intense, and bittersweet. Elliot’s whole development was probably my favorite bit.

The God and the Flightless Messenger (manga)

My last story of 2020, and a very cute one at that. Another short story, with beautiful art. I don’t...really know what to say about it. It’s cute, and the love story feels both very natural and almost...secondary? Idk how to describe that. The relationship between the two of them is obviously key, but it’s the type of story where ‘I love you’ isn’t needed. It’s already there.

So yeah, there’s the list. It’s a long list. I probably still missed some. I might try to make a second list with ‘in progress’  series but I’ll be playing that by ear. I’d love to hear some of you all’s thoughts on these stories (if you’ve read/watched them), or which you now want to read/watch!

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Why do you think Tobias is so popular and Jake so unpopular among the fans?

I mean, assuming we can trust the results of the probably-unrepresentative sample in that poll... I have a couple of guesses.

First of all, Tobias is, in many ways, the most classic SF hero on the whole team.  As @derinthemadscientist puts it:

One of my favourite things about Tobias is how he’s made of pretty much every cheesy heroic stereotype ever and still turns out to be Just Some Guy on the team. Neglected orphan? Check. Finds out his father is a mysterious hero/alien/mythological being who grants him magical powers and leaves him with a destiny to save the world? Check. Birth, life and grand destiny planned out by somebody who might as well be a god? Check. Incredibly beautiful and physically capable warrior girl love interest? Check. Loses something important for awhile, learns some valuable lessons, has it magically restored by his patron god figure? Check. Granted mysterious knowledge from an ancestor and/or patron god figure to help him on his quest? Both do!  I love Tobias. I love Tobias’ incredibly cheesy past and the fact that it does not matter in the slightest. (X)

I think that a lot of us started reading SF in the first place because we love crap like “you are the only human descendant of an ancient alien warrior bloodline” and “you are a savior figure to an entire species.”  Add to that Tobias growing up disadvantaged and underestimated, and then finding out about his destiny?  He is THE classic (and Classical) hero, in many regards.

Secondly, there’s Tobias’s dysmorphia.  He spends pretty much the entire series feeling as though he doesn’t fully “fit” in his body, regardless of which body he happens to be using.  There are advantages in his mind to hawkness, and humanness, and eventually to andaliteness, but none of those forms is fully him.  His journey throughout the series is less about him choosing one or the other, and instead about him learning to love himself in all his pluripotent ever-changing uniqueness.  He ultimately chooses not to choose, remaining hawk because it also allows him to be human and andalite and hork-bajir as well for limited periods of time, and all of those become a part of who he is.

Therefore, it’s no surprise that trans readers see themselves in Tobias.  In the kid who has to actively fight to keep a form that isn’t what he was assigned at birth.  In the kid who can fulfill the fantasy of simply changing one’s body to match one’s identity, in a story where even that change offers no easy answers.  In the kid who defies definition — “half human, half hawk, half andalite... unique to the universe” — and embraces the entire spectrum of possibilities instead (MM3).  Tobias confounds people like Taylor who think in absolutes.  He makes no attempt to apologize to the andalites like Gonrod who are appalled at his very existence.  In the world of Animorphs, Tobias is heroic specifically because of his many-faceted identity and ever-changing body.

Third, there’s Tobias’s very Millennial sense of humor.  He’s technically a Gen X-er, so he’s ahead of the curve, but his cheerfully nihilistic outlook fits really well with New Sincerity.  The weird specific brand of humor (“I’d die for you”/“then perish”; “when you’re dead inside but still hella cute”; etc) that’s all the rage on the internet right now aligns really well with Tobias’s fatalistic, absurdist, self-deprecating, unapologetically dorky sense of humor.

Tobias is the one to lean into Marco’s “roadkill” quips with descriptions of regurgitating squirrel bones (#35), the first person to comment on the weird optics of entering a single bathroom stall with Jake (#16) or sitting as a bird on top of a police car (#23).  He’s the guy who intends to “be sarcastic untilfurther notice” out of protest over turning into a dolphin (#15).  He makes constant jokes about impressing the other birds with his barrel rolls (#51), wristwatches (#3), and thieving skills (#21).  Tobias doesn’t care about looking cool when he could instead get a good laugh out of being uncool (#29).  He’s so contemporary, he’s practically anachronistic.

Fourth, there’s the woobie factor.  In a series that is super-mean to all six of its protagonists, Tobias is nevertheless the one that could arguably benefit the most from a warm hug and a soothing cup of tea.  He is criminally underloved for pretty much his entire life, and he gets beat to hell throughout the war.  Although the others all have some combination of stressful antebellum circumstances (Marco) or hellish loneliness during the war itself (Ax), Tobias gets maybe the worst of both worlds.  That appeals to the fan sensibility that wants to rush in and help him, whether through hurt-comfort fan fiction or simply through declaring that Tobias’s guardians might not appreciate him BUT WE DO, BY GUM!  Tobias is the kind of character that demands that one love him and care for him, simply because he needs it so badly.

In the process, Tobias draws attention to the “found family” aspect of the Animorphs maybe more than any other character.  Elfangor literally tells him “Go to your friends... they are your family now” (gee thanks, deadbeat dad!) which drives home the fact that Tobias needs a family.  He finds one, in Ax especially, but all of the others as well.  As Rachel points out, he was a stranger when they walked through that construction site together, but he’s undeniably part of their ultra-codependent little unit within a few months of joining the team (#20).  I’m a sucker for a found-family dynamic, as I think most people are, and Tobias in many ways forms the fulcrum for the Animorphs family.

Anyway, Jake is none of that.  He’s too serious for his own good, a classic Mom Friend who isn’t particularly good at picking up on humor.  He’s quite privileged at the start of the series, the only one living with a nuclear family in a suburban McMansion.  Applegate repeatedly draws attention to the ways that he isn’t aware of gender or race or class, because he has the privilege to ignore those things.  He’s also an atypical hero in the sense that he’s an academically and socially mediocre dumb jock, one who has exactly zero extraordinary skills and who achieves greatness only through hard work and nearly-infinite trial and error.  If Tobias is almost perfectly positioned to appeal to the current zeitgeist, Jake is in many ways Tobias’s exact opposite.

[sendmyresignation]

hi again! top 5 (or 10 if u want) books u have read

hi!!! and this is the hardest ask I've ever gotten. hands down. being a bibliophile was like 85% of my personality pre-mcr spiral so this is going to be in no particular order. and a top 10. and under a read more....

1. Eon/Eona duology by Alison Goodman: this series I read in elementary school so, it's very much a favorite for nostalgic reasons- flaws and all. it's a dragon-centric fantasy series I have vivid memories of reading at the bottom of my sleeping bag by flashlight past curfew at french camp in fifth grade lol. but also, most importantly, this series was also the first I thing read that dealt in anyway with gender-fuckery. the man character is a girl who has to pretend to be a boy to access the world of dragon magic, since women are forbidden from the practice, and a large part of the book is about her repression of the self and how pretending to be someone she isn’t is mentally damaging for her. additionally, the main side character she interacts with is trans. like the representation is almost certainly bad (it's ten years old and written by a cis woman) if I looked back, but it was the only media that I read as a kid telling me pretending to be someone I'm not is dangerous for my mental well-being and that gender is complicated so. it's important to me. plus it kicks ass lol

2. Beloved by Toni Morrison: I read this in preparation for my african american lit class last semester (knowing full-well we were going to read Toni Morrison and wanting to get a head start) and.... it changed my life a little bit. This novel is beautifully written, hauntingly human, and a masterwork of a response to the way americans discuss the legacy of slavery. it's very much not a fun read, but there's a reason it's a classic and every american should read it

3. This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone: this book. this fucking book man. it's a lesbian sci-fi spy thriller but not really? it's difficult to explain other than it has the best enemies-to-lovers plot I've ever read and the prose is so purple I fell in love immediately. do yourself a favor and read this one, she’s short but packs a punch <3

4. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley: look. this book inspired me to write a 12 page paper in high school, when the writing requirement was 3 paragraphs and a half-baked thesis. this book brings out the worst in me, truly and that experience of tearing this book into pieces and putting the puzzle together was so life-alteringly... fun. i think that paper was the moment i figured out i wanted to do the “writing papers about books” thing as long as possible. plus it's whole thing as a gothic science fiction novel is so far up my alley... the creature as a character i heavily projected onto.... I love frankenstein so so much

5. The Seven Husband's of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid: ok. hear me out. this book is so much more than it appears on the surface. truly a wonderful discussion of golden-era Hollywood, a beautiful mediation on love, and jussst pulpy enough to make the reading experience breeze by you. and yes, despite the title, it is queer! really this book is on my list for the scenes at the middle point of the novel that are just.... queer domesticity? i read this a few years ago so that was really rare for me to see that and it warmed my heart, even if it wasn't the center of the novel. this is a book i recommend highly. enjoy yourself, have fun, read this book

6. Blood in the Water: The Attica Prison Uprising of 1971 and It's Legacy by Heather Ann Thompson: I get to include one biography. as a treat. but this book is one of the most detailed and compassionate pieces of historical nonfiction I've ever read. partway through the research process, Thompson realized the material she was using as evidence was starting to 'go missing' and that survivors were starting to pass away so she went from writing a biography to writing the Definitive biography on the uprising and, as a result, it is dense and heart-breaking and rage-inducing. I don't think a single reading experience has effected me as deeply as this one. i respect the incredible amount of work it put to pull this together, as well as the dedication to tell this story before it gets conveniently 'forgotten' to history.

7. True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys by Gerard Way, Shaun Simon, Becky Cloonan, etc: you know what!!! i love the comic and I'm not afraid to say it <3 even in the pretentious ways, not just the "It's fun!" ways. here are my more in-depth thoughts.

8. The Passion of Dolssa by Julie Berry: realizing in retrospect that this is a novel about a female martyr figure.... but this is truly one of the best historical fiction books I've ever read. the research that went into it is insane, the characters are wonderfully fully-realized, and the setting is so vivid, and this story is right up my alley apparently....

9. Rot and Ruin series by Jonathan Mayberry: another nostalgia addition, this is a four book post-apocalyptic zombie series I fell in love with in middle school (and it held up upon rereading it in high school). it's special because it takes place years after the zombie 'uprising' in a world after it's immediate aftermath- which I feel is really rare for dystopian novels and makes the series unique- there's world building!! an established isolated society 13 years after society falls!! but the true gem of the series is the characters and their personal journeys. they all grow so much and witnessing it is so rewarding. they're just. special to me.

10. The Book of the Pheonix by Nnedi Okorafor: Nnedi Okorafor is one of the most brilliant sci-fi writers of this generation and you all should be reading her work!! Pheonix is my personal favorite because it has my favorite prose Okorafor has written, as well as a preoccupation with history and a superhero/mutant-esque plot that caters to me but it's also just a genius prequel to her novel Who Fear's Death (which you should also read but mind the content warnings) but all of her books/novellas are wonderful :)

small honorable mention to not the life it seems :) i didn't include it on the list but by virtue of being about my chem, it's spiritually here

Anyway... thank u nastia for giving me the opportunity to share!!! i may have gone a little overboard... but i v. much appreciated the ask 💕