#no i shouldnt let it get to me
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block button lookin so fine rn
#im seeing an influx of Things#that. tho general comments. just make me feel like im somehow an inadequate member of fandom#as if im not doing something right and that's so funny like 'lmao why r u even here ur not doing it right'#people can have their opinions#that goes both ways#but if no harm is being done#can we maybe not bitch about people just doing their thing in their own corner. a corner you don't even fucking touch#goes for shipping goes for content goes for aus goes for all of it#fandom stops being fun when everyone starts complaining about other people#thats how you demotivate and lose creators and artists#i just want this to be as negative-free a space as possible#that's what i need my fandom experience to be#because without fandom community there's no point in me writing anything#but lose the community and lose the compassion. and what the fuck am i doing with my life?#im just existing in what feels like a fucking pit of vipers#days like these are the days that make me want to delete things so badly. so so badly#feel like there's just so much shit flying around these days... cant please anyone....#no i shouldnt let it get to me#easier said than done#she just started her period and everything is personal#but that's what happens when everyone thinks theyre the dogs bollocks and an authority on something#uuuuuu..#to delete later
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Ages ago, I promised a sequel to my Ruthlessness sketches with my new Poseidon design, and well... See, I had a very specific vision for this, my beloved 🫶 favorite song in the whole entire musical. And I guess I was finally brave en- I mean, found the time to bring it to life. Enjoy 🙈🌊🔱
@glisten-inthedark look at what I've done now
#epic the musical#own art#epic the vengeance saga#epic poseidon#epic odysseus#get in the water#Look at him he's still so ✨extra✨#cw suggestive#cw nudity#at least i guess kinda?? nothing is technically visible but#guys i cant be the only one to whom this song has very VERY strikingly h*rny undertones#it's not just steven's suddenly quite sultry voice either#just think about how this is essentially “get into the water - which I control entirely - with me :)”#poseidon's trying to make him submit himself to him it's another power game#but this time it's so much more intimate#i mean the whole of get in the hundred strike is about brutal intimacy so i shouldnt be surprised ig#me omw to ruin this song for y'all forever i guess#just if you think about the implications what killing him in this way���drowning him—might entail before he would actually die#complete control and envelopment ... you have imaginations guys#use them to follow this train of thought further in this direction and you will realize#my guy could literally just impale him with his trident or sth#but nope—“drown. Get into my domain. Get into (an extension of) me. Submit your whole being to me. let me envelope you wholly."#or “grant me a moment of total control over you before i end your life just in the way that I imagine and see fit”#this is made so much funnier by the fact that poseidon completely fails to make odysseus submit in any way#and ends up submitting himself#yes i am doing 600 strike doodles next i shall have fun#i guess i should tag this even though this is genuinely not ship art just a part of the power game and poseidon's general h*rniness#odyseidon#poseidon x odysseus#odysseus x poseidon
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Me: hey brain, can we think normal things tonight?
Brain: PALEONTOLOGIST!DEAN FINDS AN ANGEL THAT GOT BURIED DURING THE EXTINCTION OF THE DINOSAURS.
Me: *quietly* ...what the fuck
Brain: Dean is working on an excavation in a cave system when he uncovers this. fcking HUMAN BEING WITH *WINGS* AND *TOO MANY EYES*. PRESERVED IN ROCK IN THE SAME STRATA AS THE DINOSAURS. And ofc Dean is really freaked out and scared of this thing, but then he notices that the figure is curled forward over something, and as he looks closer he sees the skeletons of a nest of baby raptors that the "human" figure was holding tight to its chest, like it was trying to shield them from something. And he realizes that this... Thing... died protecting them.
Except the "human" figure isnt a skeleton, its preserved fully in the rock. Or perhaps...
#also submitted for consideration: archeologist!Dean ends up in one of those “they found something they shouldnt have oOoOoOoO” scenarios#and unleashes a fallen angel#but instead of anything horrific and civilization-ending they're gay and in love and having gay sex now#...what.#destiel#deancas#supernatural#spn#???????#sorry someone let grade-school-me out of the subconscious for a sec. i was a Dino Kid#yes ik the extinction wasnt one big event but YOU GET THE VIBES#also funny concept: Cas actually succeeded at protecting the baby dinos and they were preserved along with him#Dean now has a VERY confused and sad biblically-accurate (hot) angel who doesnt know what humans are#AND a clutch of baby velociraptors
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You’re starting to act just like your fascist Reggie—censoring others and trying to dictate what can and cannot be discussed in fandom. Telling people they can’t talk about politics because you, living in a first-world country, can’t handle it? You’re the one using real-world politics to justify a fictional ship with a fascist. Have you thought about how people who are genuinely anti-fascist might also dislike it in fiction? You can’t control fandom. If you want to like fascist characters, then just own it. While fiction might not feel like reality to you, for many, it is reality. Have you considered that the characters and headcanons you enjoy might reflect deeply personal experiences for others? Not everyone has the privilege to separate fiction from reality like you do.
hi feed, this message was brought to you by someone who has clearly never interacted with me ever !
WDYMMM "telling people they can't talk about politics" 😭😭 i fear that's my ENTIRE niche across two social media platforms. i fear my entire thing is politics in a fandom space + the real world. i fear that's literally what i'm known for. what ��
i was gonna ignore this but i have so many receipts that i thought okay ! finna answer ! why not, let's entertain this <3 (below the cut because it's long)
assuming that this is a response to this post where, after watching elon perform two nazi salutes on stage, i said "hey! maybe you should stop calling people in fandom nazis for reading about a fictional character!"
what i alsooo said on that post is that it's important to discuss politics in literature (see here: doing a masters degree in english literature + politics <3). because absolutely! the DEs are crafted in a way that reflects historic events and absolutely, that's something we can discuss!
what we should also discuss is that whilst art imitiates life and life imitates art, the two do not directly reflect one another - if i read about wizards, i am not a wizard. if i read a crime book, i am not a detective. and if i read fanfic about regulus black? i am not a facist.
in regards to the censorship comment: this here is an entireeee video i made about censorship and puritanical views in fandom spaces and why this is a Bad Thing To Do (though i fear you will disagree with it because i am saying that people can read and write whatever but alas, no censorship here x)
using real world politics to justify a ship? no, not at all. i do not think ships in fandom need to be "justified" because, again, they are fiction. can they be discussed? absolutely! my tiktok is @/messrsrobyn and you will find countless videos where i dissect fandom, characters and ships. again, this is kind of my whole thing <33 nice to meet you <33 but rather for me? that post was made as a building up of (1) the mass of people in fandom during the tiktok ban saying that words have meaning when american writers say british words "wrong", but throw buzzwords around like it's nothing and (2) this is a place for escapism and safety, which is needed now more than ever and whilst discussions about politics are important, this? this ask? this is not a discussion. this is hostility, much like people just commenting "nazi" with nothing else on a jegulus post.
discussions can be had! absolutely! my entire thing is discussions in fandom. but right now i'm trying to discuss this when you have given me nothing to work with but false claims and hostility - see how this doesn't work? but alas, i'll try :)
do people read jegulus and think "wow i love voldemort and the death eaters!!! i agree with what the did here :D" or do they read jegulus and enjoy the complexity that comes with a character like him? do they enjoy how, with a character with such little canon lore, people explore things? or yk what, do they sometimes read him as a muggle where none of this matter because there's do DEs? yeah, because it's fiction. and liking a fictional character does not have repercussions on the real world.
calling someone a facist/nazi only for teading about fictional characters does - it is so incredibly important that we read immoral literature. i'm rambling now but i'm not even talking just about fandom. we NEED books that discuss these topics and we need to explore the characters within them. we NEED politics and immorality and everything like that in books because that is how we learn, understand, and prevent. reading them does make you immoral - see here: queer books being banned in the us for containing "immoral themes" and main characters doing things they deem had and awful alongside INCREDIBLYYYY important books like the handmaids tale, to kill a mockingbird, 1984, fahrenheit 451 etc etc.
we need to read these. we need to engage with them.
but in a fandom space, we also need to acknowledge that these are not real people. these are fictional characters and there's a big difference between engaging with a character because you are justifying their actions, and engaging with a character because you enjoy Exploring their character and Understanding them in as many ways as possible 🙂↕️
but we agree!! whilst fiction may not feel like reality to some people, to many it is! so have we considered that when people come to escape from the real world for a bit, or people have family members lost to past regimes; are about to enter 4 years of another regime or are holding their breath waiting for european elections to see if another far-right populist party gets in, it might sucklk to have this thrown around?
imagine dealing with alllll of that in reality, not knowing what on earth is going to happen tomorrow or what the future holds for you and the people you love, and then being called a facist online because you read about Fictional Character Regulus Black. whilst your life literally crumbles apart because of it. you are now being called the same thing that the man oppressing you and everyone you love is, because you read FanFiction.
and then finally ahem:
"not everyone has the privilege to separate fiction from reality like you do"
if you click here, you will find a tumblr post i made about this exact thing :D about how we can't separate fiction from reality
see here also: a post about the books jkr publishes under the robert galbraith pseudonym and about how we, again, cannot separate fiction from reality.
if you click here you will find my jkr playlist on tiktok which has videos in about how, again, we cannot separate fiction from reality.
what we also can't do, mind you is call someone a facist for reading a fictional character.
there is big difference between "hey! this character has facist undertones if applied irl, we could discuss this!" and "You Are A Facist For Reading It"
instead of coming and ranting to someone who has spoken extensivelyyyy about politics in this fandom space - both with fandom material and with elections, gaza, the uk riots etc etc - and is a huge advocate of dicussions and debates, put this energy into something productive.
like actual facists. real world politics and what you could be doing at a local level to help reduce the harm of Actual Facists that are in power right now. not people taking a break from Actual Facism to read fanfiction.
ta x
(p.s i'm a homeless, chronically-ill, gay, trans man. what privilege do i have in THISSS fandom space of JK ROWLINGSSSSS worlds, to separate reality from fiction? 😭)
#asks#this is such a WILD ask i probably shouldnt have answered it#but this has been a shite few days and it's 5:30am#and you annoyed me x#anyway! have some receipts. sorry this is so long!#would love to stay and talk but (completely random fun fact) i'm actually guest lecturing today at 8 :/#yeahhhh it's about book bans and censorship because yk. politics and english student#plsplspls anon 🥺🥺 do you have any notes 😖😖 i'm just so uneducated#sorry im getting mean i promise im not mean you just annoyed me x#can confirm messrsrarchives on tumblr is not a facist#incase any of yall were wondering x#byebye this was fun lets not do this again actually
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the tadpole/brain damage thing. its like. chekovs gun to me. obviously theres very little mechanical support ingame for having a disabling injury, aside from maybe an optional voluntary decision to drop the INT score, but similarly to choosing to write intention into the lack of dark urge Lore responses from the party, i just like to make mountains out of molehills and force game mechanics into In Universe Character Problems
like when dirge repeatedly mentions that he thinks the tadpole is doing something beneficial for him, that its helping him, it isnt JUST the power-hungry psionic ambition in him. its a parasite, that needs a host. it needs a LIVING host, or its own chances of survival plummet. and dirge gets tadpoled right after a life threatening injury to the tadpoles preferred habitat. neither of them want to die!! dirges body tries to recover, but cant in part BECAUSE of the tadpole (the netherese stasis magic rejecting outside influence and binding it to its host, having an unejectable foreign object in the injury site, etc), but its not like the tadpole WANTS its host to have a life altering injury
its not like its malicious (except when it comes to Hive Activity, and then it can be a right bastard), it just cant live any other way. it cant help what it is. halsin calls the illithid life cycle abberant and unnatural, but brood parasitism exists throughout the natural kingdom. is the wasp egg evil for having been laid in a caterpillar?
its first moments of life outside the brine pool, and its new home, its new life, its host, its caregiver, its food supply, is bleeding and dying and falling apart and trying to fix itself but cant and its trying to heal around you but it cant but if it doesnt do anything youll both die, so this larva, this tiny worm of psionic potential and instinct, does what it can. holds its host together with whatever force it can muster, soft gelatinous body (perfect for compreesing flat and squeezing through small orifice openings) keratinizing outside the acidic environment of the brine, its four oral tentacles (its only source of motion and movement when so young and soft, dragging itself along as best it can) made for interweaving with dense synapse clusters to passively absorb the psionic imprint of its host, now desperately intwined with bleeding meat just to try and hold it all together. driven by survival instict and a vessel of psychic potential, forced into passivity by the commands of the Elder, further forced by circumstance to leverage all its great gifts to keep its host standing long enough to eventually eat
my thought is that the reason why dirge still gets the cutscene of the emperor tadpoling him at the beginning of the game, is that the original tadpole orin forced on him is just so weakened and exhausted by months of effort trying to keep him alive through kressas experiments and meddling, that the emperor, currently in thrall to the absolute, feels the need to replace it with a fresher healthier specimen, which then cannibalizes and absorbs the previous one, and then just has to go back to doing the same shit as the last one.
i think that dirges tadpole isnt as twitchy or squirmy as the others because of it. that when omeluum gives him a psychic MRI, the tadpole is just burrowed down and its tendrils stretched like a dense net throughout dirges brain tissue, only moving or writhing occasionally but definitely not as mobile as usual, its web of tendrils especially twisted near dense scar tissue at the back of his head. this worm is already so fucking weird and the circumstances for this mind flayer MRI have already introduced a bajillion different variables that need accounting for, that i dont think omeluum immediately groks the specifics of whats going on but CAN peg the "you have brain damage and your worm is fucking Weird" situation fairly easily. but i dont think it gets enough time in dirges head to get a full understanding of what the tadpole is doing FOR him
cuz like. imo its definitely objectively helping. its a psychic information bank specifically designed to interface with a human brain. the reason why dirge isnt experiencing too many of the side effects of brain damage is because the parasite is doing its best to mitigate them. memory issues, brain fog, disorientation and balancing issues, theyd all be significantly worse without the parasite. when he brings up how he feels its helping him, objectively hes right and its not even the kickass psychic powers hes right about.
like it doesnt cure EVERYTHING, he has chronic migraines that are sensitive to light, and before he asks halsin to make medicine, he starts every morning puking his guts out when the morning sun makes him so nauseous he cant hold dinner down. even without the Urge Nightmares, he has insomnia and just cant meaningfully sleep. but keeping track of what day it is, remembering what happened a few hours ago or the other day, standing up from a sitting position and not immediately wobbling and/or collapsing, retaining his old muscle memory. all shit the parasite is helping with
which is why i cant help but fixate on those moments immediately after defeating the absolute. like oh thats juicy
#bg3 durge#bg3#bg3 dark urge#bg3 the dark urge#durge#the dark urge#long post#dirgecore#dirgeposting#god. visibility tags DONE time for tag RAMBLES#anyways permanently disabled dirge my BELOVEDDDDDD#also makes mintharas hypocricsy more enjoyable. because like i feel like she places a lot of value in effort and ability#so when someone is disabled i feel like she interprets that as a weakness of will to not find a way to thrive or persevere regardless#but just straight up makes an exception in that logic for dirge#because she KNOWS him and knows WHY hes disabled and why there isnt much to be done for it.#so its not his fault and he does enough and he shouldnt blame himself. everyone ELSE tho#shes very much a ''i wouldnt let it stop me'' kind of person. except when it very much does stop dirge but its fine cuz hes her slayer#she does this logical leap for things a lot. like when shes fond of someone or something she suspends a lot of her more critical beliefs#wizards are stupid and blow themselves up. except for you 💜 if ur dumb enough to get betrayed u probably deserved it. except for karlach 💜#if you dont push through ur injuries ur lowkey bitchmade. except for MY special little guy 💜💜💜#nuanced evil lovergirl my FAAAAAAAVE
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Look I know Lucifer isn't the best dad ever but I feel like people who say he's a bad dad are purposely ignoring the context of the show. It is very much implied that he thought Charlie wanted nothing to do with him, and Charlie thought he wanted nothing to do with her. Lucifer’s still dealing with trauma from Heaven and his fall and probably will for the rest of time plus he's dealing with what would probably qualify as clinical depression, and simultaneously dealing with trauma, clinical depression, and autistic traits (which Lucifer absolutely has; I do not say, as an autistic person, that Lucifer is a massive autistic mood for no reason) is a fucking NIGHTMARE.
I'm not saying Lucifer shouldn't take responsibility. He should. But he's already doing better than my dad frankly. Lucifer hits me in the daddy issues, I wish my dad made an effort to be more active in my life. Lucifer is fucking trying, and that's better than a lot of people can say about their dads.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel lucifer#like i said hes definitely not the best dad but hes also not the worst. hes trying#thats both better than he was doing and better than a lot of people get#(i do think stolas is a better dad but his and lucifers circumstances are also completely different)#if lucifer hadnt bothered helping charlie then yeah id say hes a bad dad#but he put his instinct to avoid the thing that gave him trauma (heaven) at all costs aside for charlie#he was able to acknowledge that yes hes been a shit dad and could be doing better#he made an active effort TO DO BETTER#he actively made a change about himself for the sake of being there for charlie and that alone is better than most people can do#he wasnt a bad dad on purpose. he thought charlie didnt want to see him and acted accordingly which made his mental health problems worse#and his mental health problems being worse made it harder for him to function let alone be charlies dad#again im not saying he shouldnt take accountability just that people dont acknowledge why he was absent for so long#(me being me i blame lilith for making lucifer think charlie didnt want to see him and making charlie think lucifer didnt want to see her)#maybe this is littered with bad takes and my perspective is clouded by daddy issues. idk lol
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Maybe this is just me griping but I think we need to get rid of the category of "exempt workers". I think if you have federal standards that protect people from overwork you shouldnt get to say "oh yeah and anyone who gets a salary or works on a computer or has a job that needs a degree or does paperwork doesn't get that". Make the Fair Labor Standards Act apply to all workers actually
#my posts#i super love all the worker solidarity posts about what you shouldnt let employers get away with#those rules just dont apply to me or anyone i work with
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"Angry robin" "violent robin" "misbehaving robin" shut up and accept my alternative; spunky Robin. Determined and head strong, can out-stubborn the Batman, has a strong moral-backbone and does what he thinks is right regardless of what anybody else says, Robin. Jason who was sassy and quippy and made crude jokes with a smile on his face. Jason who hid in Bruce's cape and whispered gossip to him. Jason who, if Bruce refused him something, could keep bothering endlessly until Bruce caved. And also dramatic Jason. If Bruce tells him no, it becomes a whole theatrical show; a monologue, a narration, embellishments, and falling onto the floor in his grief upon the fact his cruel father has denied him once again.
(Jason who has suffered through abuse and homelessness and poverty and starvation, who is the Fight out of Fight or Flight, who's built up defenses and walls and when pushed and triggered responds with the thing that's always protected him; anger. He's sweet and kind and funny, and when he sees a pimp hitting a prostitute he gets furious and responds with violence.)
#my dc posting#dc#jason todd#jaybin#im having so many thoughts abt jaybin and he is so important to me#in one fic he went on a hunger strike bc alfred didnt eat w them and did it for so long they had to compromise#i love a jaybin 100% willing to menace and bother batman until the man folds. as is his right#the thing abt jason's backstory is that it shows him unwilling to suffer for a home#ma gunn's is bad; he gets beat up and she tries to get him to help rob a place. so he leaves! and rats the whole thing out to batman#and shows up himself cus he didnt think he had been believed#and lets not forget the fact he hit batman with a tire iron and called him a 'big boob'!#the boy's got moxie!! let jaybin be crass and angry and sassy and flawed and traumatized without reducing him to 2d caricature of a 'troubl#d kid'#i dont like a jason who did nothing but use excessive violence and disobey orders and be cocky and all that shit#i like a jason who was. oh yknow. a complex person!! a child/teen who has been fucking abused!!!#you shouldnt erase the fact that jason's reaction/response to stressful situations and triggers IS anger#it's not an indication that he was always gonna become a criminal/red hood or whatever. get outta here w that shit#but like. let us not go so far in the other direction we forget to have him react and be affected by the abuse he's suffered#anyway. if anyone should be a drama-queen it should be jaybin. once he becomes truly comfortable w bruce he should dial it up to 11#a lot of red hood's appeal (to me&many others) is that he is an 'imperfect' victim. meaning he is angry and flawed and doesnt suffer quietl#but is loud and obvious abt it#so when i see jaybin written as the opposite its like. man whats that about#anyway. jaybin is good and cares and wants to help and protect people. and by god if i ever see anybody writing#him having arguments with bruce about the no kill rule WHILE robin again im gonna throw hands istg-#my tags are like a hidden treasure box. most of what i say is in here lmao
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is this anything
#really letting that brainrot get to me lately#dbh#detroit become human#dbh connor#connor rk800#girl so confusing is really dbh coded to me#and apple too a little bit#probably shouldnt tag with brat on tumblr#uhhh#charli xcx#brat charli xcx#charli xcx x dbh i guess
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'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'
#cw blood#SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten#its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then#fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something#also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve#but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere#ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP#THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed#kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me#from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream#and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him#she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she#is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK#I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs#LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH#THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED#TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER#oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much
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in a some kind of an effort to make myself visible i guess. heres my art links
fic blog / fic tag on main blog / ao3
art tag
gif tag
ko-fi shop for bracelets
#i just. feel invisible again. sorry#i shouldnt let it get to me but seeing 99% of my efforts being ignored just hurts. like in general not just with art#but this is the easiest to try to push so. whatever#at least if im as bad as i feel rn i would like someone to tell me. so i can stop wasting my time trying#i dont know anymore. i wish i could stop caring so much whenever i do try. lmao#just reblogs would be nice. maybe peep at things. i dont know#im tired#night is an absolute mess on main
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iwaizumi hajime the type to run to the store for you at some outrageous time like 2am—
—in nothing but his sweatpants, sleep shirt hastily thrown on. it’s thinned out from each wash and is way too faded to be worn out; there’s a hole or two somewhere on the sides. and his hair’s all messed up, sticking out every which way with a bit of sleep still in his eyes.
he’s yawning through the aisles, slides smacking against the store floor as he looks for what you need. self check-out is mechanical at this point, movements memorised.
when he comes back home—to bed, you’re sat up against the headrest, waiting. he drops the paper bag beside you and climbs under the covers, slinging an arm around you as he whispers in your ear, lazy and sleep-laden while his eyes fall shut, “need anything else?”
#iwa hours early today but let me tell u.#i need HIM.#nEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW#i shouldnt think abt his voice sounding sexy but it is it is it issssssssssssss#iwaizumi x reader#hes so sleepy he doesnt care aksnskjx#wolf clawing his chest photo#he also does everything without complaint btw like he hates being woken up in the middle night#and for sure the first few times this happened he was grumpy af but#he’s gotten used to it and softened through the years and he doesnt mind it anymore now#he comes back to bed and hes clingy bc if u arent feeling well what else can he do apart from getting things for u?#i love him#and hes also so hot#fuck#hajime#shotorus.bubble#this is so unedited i just need to feed myself LMAO
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something i didnt say over here but probably should-
i, in truth, dont know if im actually as annoying or "childish" or aggressive as i feel like im being
i feel like, i got a uniquely bad case of autism obsession and over-emotionality, constantly guilty for feeling so much, like me failing to keep my own emotions under control is purely a failure on my part, like i shouldnt feel this much, i am not allowed to feel like this, no one else seems to fail it like i do, over and over again i get overwhelmed by my own feelings and even if it isnt a full breakdown-
(meltdown? which i think is soemthing else and honestly ..... i do not want to have ever again, its the ultimate loss of control where i dont even feel like im piloting my own body, like im possessed by something, which is not really something that happens online, that is a thing that happens to me rarely in real life)
- i still feel so overwhelmingly stupid, like you jsut watched yourself turn into a toddler screaming bloody murder bc mom didnt buy the thing you wanted, and then are suddendly back to yourself but to everyone else you didnt change at all so everyone looks at you like you just lost your mind over nothing and thats just how you are normally
that together with being online and people likely seeing only a fraction of who you are, plus my tendency to ... be like this mostly when im not liking something just .... makes me feel so damn guilty, maybe something like public shame too? or the old problem of feeling like a burden?
i dont know, i cant seem to imagine people can see me like that and not be annoyed or weirded out by it, especially when they only realyl see that side of me, and i feel so damn guilty for it, the class weirdo who randomly starts to cry over seemingly nothing like i have always been, and i shouldnt be, i should have grown and gotten better and be in control at all times by now i just ... "havent tried hard enough"
#ganondoodles talks#personal#thanks to the people that did reach out#and those who said they dont read it like that#i just ... still feel like im being that way when i shouldnt#theres an acceptable level of how much you can feel before it gets 'weird'#and i keep letting myself exceed it#i have lost people over me being too much like that#and theres barely a day where i dont feel guilty for it#i cant blame them obviously#i blew up unreasonably after all#and the guilt never leaves#it never leaves me alone- anytime i have tried to fix it i made things worse#i should be better at this at this point- why do i keep failing it#no matter how far i think i get there will always be a point where i will fail at it#and it will add to guilt bc the pile never gets smaller- you can only add to it#each time feels worse .....
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cherik coparenting wanda and pietro?!?!?! share with the class!!!!!!
chat youre going to kick my ass for this but i dont have the exact issues on hand rn i can only summarize that during the ultimate comic runs, charles and erik run the mansion together for a while and look after A School's Worth of mutants (of which include wanda and pietro)
#snap chats#FORGIVE ME FOR THIS TRANSGRESSION I PROMISE TO BE BETTER I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS I SWEAAARRR#ik the ultimate verse is like. Top Five Darkest Places To Traverse BUT THERES SOME GOOD BITS FROM IT#like that famous quote of charles saying something along the lines of#'meeting another adult mutant was a greater feeling than falling in love' or something and#'even our wives knew how close we were/we would talk to each other for days' and all that#ALL OF WHICH CHARLES SAYS RIGHT BEFORE LEAVING GABY AND DAVID TO BE WITH ERIK#god i should read the ultimate comics in full shouldnt i. again forbidden places to traverse theres a lot of shit#we did get miles out of it tho ..... theres that ... and charles' squirrelflight-looking-ass cat#AND those quotes. we must never forget those quotes#gotta make a cherik bible at some point and put them shits there#on that note... if anyone does have the issues or where i should even start reading the ultimate comics... let a brother know ...
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I feel a horrible awful sense of guilt whenever I push others out of front bc I got too excited about something they saw. Like no please come back I wanted to be excited with you wait :(
#yotepost#system stuff#i HATE myself ugggggghh#why does our brain let me do this MAKE IT STOP#i always feel bad about it because like. its stupid i wasnt even the one who really saw that i dont deserve to be here rn.#im a terrible awful host bc shouldnt i be there and let others get excited abt what they want to without pulling something like this 40%#<- of the time
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Y'all what are we doing shipping izuku and shota aizawa. MR aizawa..... ERASERHEAD.. and izuku midoriya. Like I can "pass" the time skip vers.....no, no I can't.
Izuku is like 23-25 in ts I suppose it's not TOO bad bc he's still canonically an adult, BUT WTF???? Aizawa is maybe like in his 40s and mind you.....IZUKU USED TO BE HIS STUDENT. am I the only one finding this weird🙁🙁
what's even worse..
WHAT??? dawg.
#wrap it THE FUCK up#i cant#i shouldnt letting this shit get to me#aideku#aizawa x deku#barfing#sobbing#this is#this is hell#this is worse than bakudeku#and bakudeku is starting to grow on me#very very VERY slowly
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