#no i am not binary. yes i am more masc in gender than fem. yes i still id as a woman and wlw/sapphic. leave me alone

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

i don’t know how to explain this but categorising everyone's experience as masc or fem based on their perceived or assigned sex at birth is literally just misgendering nonbinary people. like this isn’t meant to be cruel or anything but transmasc and transfem aren’t actually inclusive terms if they categorise nonbinary people as masc or fem based on their genitals. i'm not saying you can’t use them but like categorically that makes them almost exactly as inclusive as calling everyone born with a vagina who’s trans a trans man and calling everyone born with a penis who’s trans a trans woman. it’s still forcing nonbinary people to call themselves by gendered terms to participate in trans discussions because these are pushed as ways for trans people to identify themselves as in all situations. i am not saying terms like that aren’t necessarily useful but they're incredibly dysphoria inducing terms to be considered a primary way to identify and calling myself one of them based on my genitals literally feels the exact same as if i have to identify myself based on my perceived sex because i am neither male nor female and forcing me into one of those categories feels like being forced to closet myself regardless of whether it’s matching my assigned sex or not.

[linneastarron]

"i love weird queer identities!" y'all can't even handle nonbinary people presenting even remotely binary

[kierancampire]

I have some more gender questions

So I must admit, I am struggling with understanding trans non-binary, my brain is having difficulty with this one. But it's been less than a month since I heard about it, I only just heard the term "trans umbrella" for the first time yesterday, also still very ill and tired, so this all is new to me and I think with time I'll get it, but for now, even after explanations my brain is struggling with it. I accept that people identify that way, I personally just am struggling to understand it is all

But I think one thing that will help, if anyone could answer, and again I am sorry if I word things poorly or say anything offensive, that's why I'm asking, to better understand to not cause offense. Anyway, yes I have some specifically non-binary questions that I think will help me better understand non-binary and also trans non-binary

So what is the difference between personality and gender identity? As an example, yes, for many years I severely struggled with being a man/male, and didn't really like being viewed as one. But I sort of changed what being a man means to me personally, and while society as a whole may not agree with it, for me it helped me embrace being a cis man but I don't view that as gender, I just view that more as personality. So how do you differentiate what's just your personality and the things you like/dislike, and what is gender identity?

But to go on further, and this is my second question. So I do believe that too many things are unnecessarily gendered, and I do believe people should be allowed to enjoy things outside of social constraints, for instance I don't think it makes you any less of a man to wear dresses or make up, and I find it stupid that toothbrushes, vitamins, razors and such are gendered. Then again in myself, I am aware I have "traditionally female" interests, like baking, knitting, fruity/floral scents, in a sense art, and yes, I do have a few "women's" clothing, but I personally don't believe these things make me less of a cis man and I feel no shame in liking them. But while I have seen others share this view, I have noticed at the same time that trans/non-binary people will wear dresses and make up to be fem, but have short hair and jeans/graphic tees to be masc, but doesn't that inherently go against the ideology that these things aren't gendered?

And a sort of third question tied to the other two, yes, as shared, there are many "traditionally feminine" things about me, yet I personally see those more as personality than gender as it is things I enjoy as a person that I feel aren't tied to my gender identity, and happily I see myself solely as a cis man. So what is the difference in myself and others where they either feel these things are gendered, or that it makes them feel they do not belong to one gender? Because I do feel in my position maybe others would view it as a binary/gender issue and struggle with their gender identity, but for me it is just personality and not gender? So what makes people view these things differently to me?

Again, I must admit I have always silently really struggled with either not feeling like you are male/female, or that you change between the two or even more, I've never said anything out of not wanting to cause offense, but it is a thing that my mind just struggles to understand. So if others could help me understand how they view the relation/separation of gender and personality, and even what gender means to them, that'd help me a lot. I truly really do want to understand it, but I think like the idea that trans isn't solely binary, even after answers/explanations it may take more time, thinking, and maybe more questions to understand it. I truly do accept people feel this way, but I just want to understand why they do

I guess something I should add on actually is my lack of care in a personal sense. As I have shared in the past, people in cat groups constantly think I am a woman and call me she/her all the time, but I just never correct people on it as I don't care, and I think that's why I have never put my pronouns in my bio, I don't care. I prefer to be called he/him, especially by friends and family, but I guess that's the thing, people who know better I expect them to address me as a cis man, but for others, I just don't necessarily care, as long as they aren't calling me an insulting name it's whatever. But again, I think this causes an issue in my personal relation to gender identity/personality and how others perceive it, as an area I don't care about, others care greatly for, so it's hard to fully understand the difference in views, which again I accept it, just not necessarily fully understand it

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hello!!

How are you?

I’ve been feeling stressed out about a lot of things recently and everytime I’ve felt like this in the past it’s you who always helps me out! So I’m back… (not sure it’s a good thing)

Ok so firstly let’s discuss my sexuality. So for the past 3 years I’ve identified as bisexual. I basically like all genders but do have a preference. For example, I am more attracted to masc presenting people than fem presenting people, but I also prefer queer people more often than not. Does this make sense?

This makes me bi, right? Bc I have preference?, bc sometimes I wonder if I could be pan, but pansexual is with no preference (?)

Alrighty, second thing on my mind is the dreaded gender. I’ve been questioning for about 10 months now and I feel like I’ve made progress and I wanted to talk to you about it! So I was that anon and go was spamming your asks back in like December and January bc I was so confused about what gender identity I could be. I asked about almost all of them and you truely helped me so much!

I thought I was faking it as I’m like older than most people when working this stuff out (19), but you reassured me that I wouldn’t be faking it if it was keeping me up. You also said I could be genderfluid, like you. I remember you said you had similar experience to what I was describing: I did look into that and it’s still something I think about. I know I’m not cis. Sometimes I do relate to being a ‘girl’ (as uncomfortable as that makes me feel, it’s the truth). (I am afab). I know I’m definitely not a man. And I had thoughts that I could be agender.

I’ve come to conclusion that I am non-binary, possibly genderfluid, in which fluctuates from agender to demigirl to nonbinary. (Still discovering it all though). I just wanted to come on here and thank you so much for all the help and guidance that you provided! It really means a lot and you are the most amazing human in the world for that! 🫶🏼

Ok now lastly I am a uni student, and I have placement in 2 weeks. I’m going to a school to teach… yes I’m going to be a teacher (like you!) Clothes were the initial issue with placement as clothes always make me feel dysphoric, but you helped me with that as well! The thing that’s keeping me up lately is the title of what the students will call me. Most teachers go by Ms/Miss/Mrs/Mr and then their last names. I don’t want that. I know I’ll end up being called Ms ______, which makes me sad. What do students call you? Do you think it’s bad if I just tell them I want to be called by my first name or is that unprofessional? I know this is silly and I shouldn’t be overthinking it but it’s making me feel uncomfortable and sad so I thought I’d ask you for advice. (I also don’t know how I feel about Mx being used for me).

Again Cas, thank you for all the help you have provided me these last few months! I am so glad I found your blog when I did bc you have helped me in more ways than I ever could have imagined! I am so so grateful for you and I hope you have everything you want in life bc you deserve it!

Enjoy your day/night :)

Hi!!!

Yes, I remember you!

Okay so for sexuality...I think this is a matter of opinion, to be honest. Like, I've read completely different things and I am by NO means an expert. But in MY opinion? If you have the ability to be attracted to anyone, regardless of gender, that would be pan. Even if you have preferences. But if you're strictly only looking for certain genders, that would be bi. I hope that makes sense? Like there's a difference between having a preference and not being attracted at all.

I'm so glad I could help you with your gender! With teaching, have you ever considered just going by your last name? I think it might not be a good idea to go by first name, just because that brings you on a 'friend-level' and some kids will take advantage about it. But just your last name isn't gendered, and also give you some authority.

I'm so so glad I could help you, and please feel free to write again!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: impressive anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

[ivys-thick-juicy-thighs]

didn’t realize you reblogged ask games :( better late than never!!

pride: 4, 9, 10?

distracting: 14, 16?

also if you need help with writing stuff (i saw a post), my dms are always open. 🤍

Hey kitty!

Pride:

4. Are you "out" to your family and friends?

Technically yes, but I’m no contact with them now. With like basically all of them, sooo. Yeah.

9. When did you realize you weren't cishet?

Ironically, I first realized that I wasn’t straight while at bible camp (went four years in row from 9-14). Raised in a very conservative area, and didn’t have the words to explain what I was feeling yet. Until I made a tumblr for the first time at 18 (it’s gone now), and learned what bisexuality is. So I thought I was bi for a while. And THEN, it was a few years later watching a try guys video, where they got styled by high schoolers. When Eugene walked out, I was like OOOOHHHHHH ok im pan. That’s what I am.

As for gender stuff, I didn’t realize that until I was 23. Strangely, it was a photography course that made me realize it. It was the part where they were talking about branding, and I decided on a cutesy name sidy.photography (based on part of my deadname). There was just some weird foreign feeling with that, and eventually after a few days I realized “OH WAIT! HOLY SHIT! I WANNA BE CALLED SID” and that woke up a whole other beast and long story short, I started off genderfluid, then nonbinary, then trans masc and non binary. That’s where I am now.

10. Something that gives you gender euphoria (whether you're cis or trans):

So this is also interesting. For me, wearing makeup makes me feel more masc, even like full glam. And shaving my head makes me feel more fem. Idk man 🤷

Distracting:

14. Favorite game?

I’m going to full senior citizen with this and say cribbage.

16. Favorite instrument?

Oooohhhh I had to think about this for a while. I’d have to give you a top three because I can’t decide.

Harp because well, HELLO

Piano because well, HELLO

Cello because well, CELLO

[idyllic-affections]

i, for one, would love to hear your queer harbinger hcs! my personal favourite is transmasc wanderer (its practically canon to me)

side note, im not sure if ill be sending alot of asks, but can i be 🐌 anon?

YAY omg... okay i will gladly share my queer harbinger hcs because i have a hard time believing that any of those people are both cis and het! and yes of course... hello 🐌 anon <3 also @zeldadou, i know you were also interested in seeing my hcs!

this doesn't include all the harbingers. as of right now, these are just my major and more detailed lgbt+ headcanons. slight nsfw but not really? just brief discussions of sexual attraction and how it relates to the harbingers' identities.

dottore never paid any thought to his identity, since it didn't benefit or affect him at all (especially back in his akademiya days), but he is very very much attracted exclusively to men in my brain. yeah he went on a date with a girl, but... you know. he also murdered her. so. yeah... also he's demisexual; he just does not feel any sexual desire unless it is directed towards someone he deeply cares about and has a strong bond with. he and pantalone are married, trust me fr /j /lh

columbina is genderless (she/it pronoun user) and lesbian. her angel motifs make me feel like it has no gender at all. after all... angels are eldritch. demons are reflections of human sin, but angels? they were never human. that is how i, as a writer, see the differences between angels and demons. so columbina, in my silly little brain, is genderless. or agender. or voidgender/gendervoid. who knows? but it has not a single ounce of gender in her body.

arlecchino is non-binary & lesbian. she likes women. who can blame her tbh.... she also has no pronoun preference and just presents in a more masc way to her underlings & her orphans (hence why they call her father, and why her underlings call her lord rather than lady if i recall correctly. also yes i am a short hair arlecchino enthusiast).

scara is transmasc & asexual. i know, i'm bold for saying that he's ace LMAO but fr, as of right now, i see him as asexual. i don't know why. i don't have a real reason for this one. however, i can explain him being trans--ei modeled him after herself, so... yeah. you guys see where i'm going with that one? yeahh he's transmasc i just know it 💥💥💥

pantalone is transmasc, demisexual, & demiromantic. why is he transmasc? i don't know. i don't have a real reason. i just feel it in my heart! his gender presentation is very androgynous and can be either masc or fem leaning--he's just secure in his identity like that yknow.... but i can explain why he is demi. being the richest man in teyvat, he obviously has to worry about being used for his mora. his attraction to people he doesn't have a very deep conmection with has generally faded since he's gotten to where he is in life.

childe is bisexual, but he doesn't 100% realize it yet! he's still in the closet. all his coworkers can tell, though. they know.

[kiddarachnidd]

hiiiii!! quick switcherooney to this account because unfortunately for me, stranger things is still pretty popularly liked, but I want to switch to some into/across the spiderverse stuff, so… intro!

Hi, my name is Elliot, I also go by Elli.

My pronouns are he/him and I am a trans guy. I write fanfiction and stuff, think of this as my little corner of tumblr where I post my spiderman shit!

I will primarily write ‘x male reader’s, but people are more than welcome to request gender neutral/non-binary reader as well. let’s go over some comfort stuff for what I ask that people don’t request.

Yes!

trans man/non-binary reader

platonic/familial relationships (instead of ‘x reader’ it would be ‘& reader’, wouldn’t be tagged as such but it would say that.)

angst

headcanons

ships/character x character (within reason, if I don’t like it even if it falls within reason I won’t write it)

super-reader (reader w/ powers/spider-man reader)

No!!

NSFW (sfw fic requests only please <3)

Black reader/reader of color (I am white, so I wouldn’t be able to write well for these kinds of requests!! I also feel like it’d be taking spotlight from writers of color so I apologize </3)

Fem reader

Writing romantic stuff for canon lesbians/sapphics (im masc aligned, sorry </3)

proship/comship (including but not limited to: !ncest, agegap, etc.)

Yandere (shit makes me uncomfy)

Real people (sry shit just makes me uncomfy as fuck)

songfics (I personally just don’t like them. At all. I may make one where it’s like..a character singing but it will NOT be a songfic unless I’ve lost my mind and if that happens y’all just hit me over the head with a 2x4 and take me out of my misery)

I think that’s it BUT if you have any questions feel free to ask! I am more than willing to answer any questions about writing stuff for those interested <3

I more than likely will be posting some of my art on here as well if it has to do with spiderman or anything similar because I’m almost done w my spidersona <<3333 don’t judge im cringe like that okay. Okay.

That’s all for now!! Stay safe!!🕸️ *whachow*

[romana-after-dark]

Romana I am thinking about Him.

Would Lorenzo love me even though I'm afab?

Short answer: Yes!

Long answer:

This brings up an interesting question

What is Lorenzo’s sexuality?

Here’s what we know

1. Lorenzo gets married to Zach, an cis man

2. Lorenzo said little one wasn’t his type, her brother (Zach was)

3. In the Lorenzo Zach bonus chapter, Lorenzo says he was married to a woman but had an amicable divorce when she realized before him that he was gay

Now, in the early 2000’s and late 90’s people knew what bisexuality was but there was (and often still is) this idea that you have to choose one, same with gender. You were male or female. Now we know we can be both or neither. Sexuality and gender is far more complicated

Despite my lil Drabble for Angela I don’t think Lorenzo is the most attracted to fem presenting at least off the bat. He was married but other than stating his wife asked for the divorce bc she knew he was gay before he figured it out, we don't know much about their relationship. We knew they were friends for a long time and dated for a long time and lorenzo proposed bc thats what you did after dating for years. His wife was a cisgender woman.

Lables are complicated.

I call Lorenzo gay, because in the story that's what he is and there was no reason to subvert that as he loves Zach and they are v happy together. There was no reason to dive into the complexitites of what Lorenzo's sexuality is because he is not the center of either story and although I could have went into that, there was no need. Additionally, given the world falling apart in early 2000's, there is not the langauge or understand of gender, sex, relationships, attraction etc that there is now, especially not to the common person.

What we do know about Lorenzo is he is an open, relaxed, loving person, who loves Zach, little one, Ellie and his family from before very, very much.

I think his first go-to when looking for a romantic or sexual partner is someone masc (much like me, I am bi sexual but def a preference towards men. Doesn't mean I'm not attracted to women and non binary people) I don't think any of that means he wouldn't be open to exploring with someone non binary, generfluid, and so on, whether or not they are AFAB. And if he makes a connection, if he falls in love, then dammit he falls in love. I think he probably did love his wife outside of their friendship, it just wasn't right.

We'll never really know, because Lorenzo is happily married and monogamous, and him and Zach are together forever.

When it comes to sexuality I see Lorenzo as that Creed meme from the office. "I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s I made love to many, many women – often outdoors in the mud and the rain – and it’s possible that a man slipped in. There’d be no way of knowing. "

V much a go with the flow kind of person. He has his go-to's but that doesn't mean every else is disqualified.

And know you, knowing your fun energy, goofiness, and good heart i bet he'd fall tf in love so fast he wouldn't know what hit him.

[asymmetricallyanxious]

Hey! I’m gonna talk about neopronouns, xenopronouns, and nounself pronouns for a second!

Before I get started, this is not an invitation for bad faith arguments. I will be deleting bad faith comments and blocking the user who comments them. This is specifically for people who use neopronouns and people who support them/genuinely want to learn more. Anyone who wants to argue can go somewhere else with their punching down shit.

Disclaimer #2: I am a trans masc, I identify as some type of masc, I use he/him pronouns and I’ve never personally used any of the types of pronouns I’m going to be talking about. So! I am not an expert and if anyone has a genuine question or correction I’ll do my best to respond.

Now! Onto the post lol

So I’ve been seeing some things recently surrounding the use of neopronouns, xenopronouns and nounself pronouns that has made me a little upset and uncomfortable. For those who may not know neopronouns are defined as any pronouns which are not traditionally used (for English would be he/she/they/one/it) so any pronouns that is not typically used and usually it’ll be a word that was made specifically as a pronoun or a word that is not typically used as a pronoun that a person may use as a pronoun for themself. Xenopronouns are a little different and the definition is not as clear but from what I understand (lmk if I’m way off base) is a pronoun that is not usually linked to a gender identity but is more linked to the identity of a person without regard to their gender. (IE. DID alters, otherkin, etc.) and nounself pronouns are quite literally a noun used as a pronoun (star/starself, bug/bugself, fae/faeself) and can be linked to gender identity or not usually used by neurodivergent (particularly autistic people) as a more comfortable pronoun to be referred to.

Now with the basic info out of the way, I wanted to talk about the rise in punching down I’ve seen among trans people. Listen, as a trans person I understand the fear running rampant in the world right now. I understand that life feels unstable right now and many of us are holding tight to whatever we feel might help us. I also understand that my identity comes with a lot of privilege as a white skinny transmasc. That being said, that is not a valid reason to tell other people how they can or cannot be.

It breaks my heart to hear people in my community being the loudest bullies against people that are also in my community. Let me make one thing very clear: transphobes will never tolerate trans people. We make them uncomfortable, scared, and irrationally angry at every conceivable level. There is no amount of “socially acceptable” that will keep a transphobe from hurting a trans person. There just isn’t. The reason the trans community is facing so much hatred and suppression right now is BECAUSE OF TRANSPHOBES!!! There is not a single trans person in the world who was so trans they cause someone else to be transphobic. That’s not how it works. And looking more “acceptable” as a community will not change irrational hate. Ever.

People who use neopronouns/xenopronouns/nounself pronouns are doing so because it makes them more comfortable. The same way that he/him pronouns can make binary transmasc people more comfortable. The same way that she/her pronouns can make binary trans fem people more comfortable. They are pronouns. They are a language tool. They are not hurting anyone, least of all the trans community. Can it be confusing to people who refuse to try and understand? Yes! Is it uncomfy for some people? Sure! Is that a dogshit reason to look down on another human! Absolutely!

I am so fucking tired of people who should be the ones who understand continually hurting others. We cannot dictate to others who they are any more than others can dictate to us who we are. The trans community should be the first to recognize that. The transphobes WANT us to fight each other. If we fight each other and hurt each other we are making their jobs easier!

No one is forcing anyone else to befriend someone who uses “different” pronouns. No one is forcing anyone to USE these pronouns. Please for our communities’ sake stop hurting each other. Stop hurting my family. This is despicable and dangerous behavior and is actively killing people. “Stopping neopronouns” will not make them “take us seriously”. Neopronouns are not “the reason we’re losing our rights”. That is the kind of infighting that a transphobe loves to hear about, and it’s heartbreaking.

Do not do the work for transphobes. Please. For your own sake shut the hell up instead of screaming your insecurities at other people. Please, ask yourself who you’re really scared of. Please, listen to the people who are hurting just as much as you. The world is scary. And it hurts. And it kills. Please don’t make it worse.

And to all of the people out there who use neopronouns/xenopronouns/nounself pronouns, I love you. You are beautiful and worthy of respect. You are real and amazing and I wish I could take all the garbage out of the world, but instead all I have is a virtual hug and an assurance that you deserve better. Please know that the loudest voices are often the ones that are the most afraid. You are not the enemy, you are not the problem, and you will never be evil or ugly or stupid for the words you surround yourself with. You are the curator of your own breathtaking story and you do not owe yourself to anyone. Please take care of yourselves and remember you are valuable.

[vtoriacore]

(This got explicit in the sexual sense (just for context it's not elaborate) im sorry you can still delete if you don't wanna answer)

Kay so I'm queer

A walking pride rainbow if you will

Then I'm also asexual, and majority know what asexuality generally represents

So when it comes to gender, as per cis men and women, I'm unsure if I can still be interested in 'men', cus we all know how boys are like (and I'm in the worst continent to look for a boyfriend in X_X )

So I've constantly asked myself 'What is it that a man could give me that women would still be able to provide, but is more common and easier to obtain from them?'

And the top answer I could get from that was ✨cock✨ (trans women would still provide and I'm greatful)

But then I'm asexual????? And I don't think I want a meat stick in me besides when I wanna start a family

And strap ons still exist sooooo

So then I asked myself 'what else can they provide???'

All I can come up with is muscles, strength, height and deeper voice

All of which women can very much still provide

So the question is

Am I under the bisexual umbrella? Even doe the only genders I see are society's cis quota cus they keep trying to shove it down our throats, yet for queer peeps gender is just another detail of identity, so aren't I pan cus gender doesn't really factor into my attraction?

Or am I lesbian? Cus time and time again the universe seems to be trying to convince me to just be queer and woman lover all the way

What do you think

hmm this is actually very deep and im so FAR from a professional so don't take my opinion to heart bc im not qualified for anything but

okay in short it seems to me like maybe you're attracted to femininity and fem aligned genders? it doesn't have to be sexual or anything (but even if you're asexual, that shit is a whole ass spectrum with levels to it so could still be possible and normal!!).

bisexuality is attaction to more than two genders (it's the definition!!) so you can still be attracted to masc aligned people, yes! but if you fully do not see gender even if you're asexual, but rather find people romantically appealing for who they are then id say you could be panromantic? gender as a whole is so damn complicated too, bc it makes pansexuality in particular a bit difficult. i used to think i was pan but then i had a preference for 'women' because of some traits society put on them such as being more emotional (which are stereotypes) so i then reverted to being bi. but if you find that you prefer fem aligned people then maybe you're biromantic with a preference for them? if you still hold attraction to men or masc aligned people then you still are bi yes. you could very well be sapphic actually tho if you find that fem aligned (or masc - but not cismam and non-binary too!) hit different depending on your own gender.

basically, this shit complicated as fuck and i think you're biromantic! BUT always go with the term that feels right to you! if you're fine identifying as queer that's perfectly fine! or if you feel panromantic is right then that's also fine? or bi and pan for short if your asexuality is also complicated because lord knows that shit took me so long to figure out fr. this was deffo an interesting rant so thanks for sending it in! i probably didn't help bc as you can see i know next to nothing JDNDJFB someone more qualified could probably answer better

[redheadbigshoes]

please read this with an open mind, i tried to word this in a way that comes off correctly and kindly (im autistic so im bad with tone across text and i noticed with other anons you've been defensive and im just trying to come at this in a way that doesnt read hostile)

if butch & femme was just synonyms related to purely the presentation of masculinity and femininity everyone and anyone could claim the words butch or femme regardless of their gender, sexuality, ect - including non-queer people. butch and femme are ingrained in lesbian culture for reasons larger than just the performance of presenting masculine and feminine, and play a larger role in ones identity than just outward appearance. yes they are rooted in both of those things but - and i dont mean to come off wrong so please do not take this unkindly because i do not mean this so! - i think many lesbians misunderstand the use and culture of these words and their function in both the past and present. this is why that anon mentioned gnc femmes (which i am one actually!) and is why non-binary lesbians like me with disconnects from femininity due to the complexities related to sexuality (specifically the societal issues related to a lack of attraction to men) + gender identity can be femmes without being necessarily directly connected to femininity/performing femininity traditionally and instead in a gnc way.

again, it's not just butch = masc (or as a gender identity) and femme = fem (or as a gender identity), though that is the roots, there is far more to it and it is not fair to call us chronically online for trying to provide more information, i largely agree with a lot of things you say but this particularly was very hurtful to read from you - especially since you are a fellow femme. i know you are likely already aware as a femme - that people already misunderstand butch and femme as lesbian identities and that is all we are trying to combat :(

Thank you for writing this in a nice and respectful way. The only reason why I was defensive with the other person was because they didn’t do that. If you respect me I will respect you back, that’s how I always act.

I don’t think you understood me when I was talking about butch and femme still being rooted in masculinity and femininity respectively. I know butch and femme are not terms only related to being masculine or feminine, I even said that in another ask. I said they’re still rooted in masculinity (butch) and femininity (femme), saying that doesn’t mean I think they only serve as a description of being masculine or feminine.

I’ve said more than once that I know butch and femme are way more than just being masculine or feminine. I think you either didn’t see the posts where I said that or you completely misunderstood them. So when I was talking about chronically online people I was referring to people who completely ignore the fact that even though those terms are not only related to masculinity and femininity, they’re still rooted in that.

It would be so great if people simply asked before making assumptions about things I said 🫠 I really don’t mind you asking if you’re not sure about something I said.

[juudaimes-true-form]

You really thought it was inclusive to say fem-aligned and masc-aligned? Is that all you people think there is? Y'all really created a new binary and said fuck multigender people and the flexibility of their identities. Why are we creating flags with specific gender meanings for the stripes? That's not inclusive no matter how many stripes you put on the flag. Why are you so happy to exclude people?

We’ll walk through this line by line. It's a little long so I'll leave it under a read more 👍

1. You really thought it was inclusive to say fem-aligned and masc-aligned?

Yes, I do. There are a plethora of identities that fall outside of man, boy, woman, and girl that still align with these. Like demi-girl and demi-boy. By adding fem- and masc- aligned, it’s a nod to the viabinary spectrum who are non-binary and experience gender similar to binary ones. Furthermore, I feel it’s more inclusive than simply saying masculine and feminine identities like most of the current options do. 

2. Is that all you people think there is? 

No. I am well aware that there are genders that fall completely outside masculine and feminine or beyond human gender understanding entirely (like xenogenders). 

3. Y'all really created a new binary and said fuck multigender people and the flexibility of their identities. 

While I don’t know anything about you, anon, I can with certainty say that I am multigender. I don’t often use the label since I prefer bigender but I do know that falls under multigender. I understand how flexible gender and its expression can be. 

In the flag I shared, the starting with a fem and ending with masc is a holdover of convention at the time. That can make it seem like everything else is sandwiched between these two identities which, I agree, isn’t flexible to the array of experiences anyone can have. It’s not purposeful and I don’t hold it against the creator because as I said it was a common trait –even in the original and other remakes of the bigender flag. 

To lestis’ credit, the red-orange stripe (the one directly under the red) tries to honor the flexibility in multigender people and acknowledge other non-binary genders and all the ways they coexist or shift. 

Could it be better? Of course! I’m not too certain what you mean by creating a new binary though. 

4. Why are we creating flags with specific gender meanings for the stripes? 

Not certain what you mean here! Saying masculine identities doesn’t conflate to a specific gender, neither does saying feminine identities and neither does saying nonbinary identities. None of the stripes have specific gender meanings. I think you’re the one conflating qualities of an identity with a specific gender here. 

5.  That's not inclusive no matter how many stripes you put on the flag.

I agree! Never will we include every single identity in a single flag. Especially with multigender identities, there’s a lot of combination, fluidity, and nuance that won’t come across. The same criticism can be leveled at every version and redesign of the bigender + other gender identity flag. I don’t think that should stop us from trying though. And as we’ve tackled, none of the stripes represent a specific gender, the stripes that do mention identity try to do so in a way that covers multitudes of expressions and identity. 

I think lestis’ redesign does the best it can. It was the first flag I’d ever really felt represented with after accepting my bigender identity. But that’s just me, I’m not saying that everyone should also like lestis’ flag. The point of me adding it to the @/bigenderpolls thing was just so more people could see it. I don’t often see people adding lestis’ redesign as part of the bigender flag options and, for a long time, I’d honestly considered being flagless (which was a little disappointing but fine with me) because the other options just didn’t resonate with me. 

6. Why are you so happy to exclude people?

Honestly attacking me personally doesn’t do much for you here. I am not happy to exclude people. I don’t have to prove that to you and, frankly, I’m not sure how I’d even go about proving that anyhow. 

To put this into context: You are saying I am happy to exclude people because I tried to bring attention to the specific flag I used and hoped others would enjoy too. Like that is, ultimately, the start of all this. 

You don’t know me. I don’t know you. But I would guess that you didn’t plop questions like these into the original blog’s inbox or anyone else who reblogged the original post with their opinions on the options. 

I don’t have to defend myself to you, anon. You can look through my blog or whatever but if you already have the opinion that I like to exclude people then I doubt anything I say will change your mind. 

You’re welcome into my dms if you really want to continue this conversation or you can block me and move on from this dummy (<- me). Either way, this isn’t a discussion I feel comfortable continuing over anon asks. I don’t think I’ll be answering another one of these. 

Thank you for stopping by though!

[porcelaintoybox23]

I’m quite confused about fandom’s tendency toward non-reversible positions in mlm ships. Why? I can understand a preference, but a lot of people are like physically repulsed by the thought of their ship switching.

Maybe I’m letting the ORV fandom be a stat instead of an outlier, but people are very weird about it. I’m generally a switch with all my ships, so that could be why I’m lost. I was looking through the ORVintro hashtag and someone literally wrote “ew” about Dokjoong/Joongdok being reversible. I’ve dubbed myself CEO of tumblr’s Dokjoong tag, but a lot of that fervor is because the fandom sees Dokja as this “uwu twink” that gets railed, which feels a little ooc to me.

I guess something about it feels heteronormative. The smaller man is dubbed more fem, submissive, and is always the bottom. The bigger guy is more masc, aggressive, dominant and tops. It’s hard not to see a reconstruction of binary gender roles. I instinctively have an issue with this because I’m a very small cis woman. Femininity = weakness and submission is a concept that makes my skin crawl. When I was into the MCU, I had to dig to find Tony ship fics where he wasn’t made more effeminate than canon and wasn’t the bottom or sub.

I know if this gets some traction someone will say that I’m policing ships. I’m literally discussing my own confusion and perceptions. It just weirds me out a little and that makes me want to ask about this to challenge my view. I could just have a weird bias that needs to be worked out. Yes, I am being the change I wish to see but it’s a lonely battle.

Also, because I don’t want to make this a separate post, If we’re doing mpr*g with our resident idiots, wouldn’t that make more sense with Joonghyuk? He literally becomes a woman in canon. Yes, I am peddling non-binary, genderfluid Joonghyuk.

Edit: I’m not really inquiring anymore, I have a stance on it. If you attack someone bc they use any variant of a ship name not restricted to sexual positions get a life. If you see red because someone tagged the reverse name on a post to their own blog, get a life. If you’re trying to police how people tag things, don’t post things online. Not everyone speaks your language and not everyone reads your bio or dni or whatever else. If others want to use this post for discussion, have at it. I’m done with it

[babyjask]

I need caffeine, mental stability, and my least favorite thing to admit to need, help. MOST of my Tumblr posts are jokes or my art, BUT I am also a writer... er, more I want to be a writer. I've written short stories, fanfics, poems, and auto-biographical cathartic word vomit before, but now I'm trying for the big guy, a real book. A real, full novel. All original characters, setting, and storyline. And, I've done quite a bit of that already. I have a solid idea and base for the story and the characters... but I could still use some help here. So, basically, I wanted to throw out some of my ideas and plans and I wanted you guys to give me opinions and things you might like to see come of the story if you were to read it.

In this world, there are the mortals and the immortals, different races fall into different categories, immortals like elves, fae, and nymphs, are typically unkillable, one can only be felled by a weapon of magical origin. And since the war between all the races a thousand years ago, the immortals tend to keep to themselves, hidden away in their magic cities. One day a seemingly mortal man is found unconscious and bleeding out with an arrow through his shoulder just outside elf territory. The elf that found him took him in and with the help of others nursed him back to health. When the man expressed no interest in going back to the other human and even exhibited fear toward the prospect of going back, the elf offered to let the human stay was him as he had the space anyway. Slowly the elf and the human get to know each other and start to fall in love with each other. The elf teaches the human how to read, write, and fight. They spend almost all their time together. Through the skills, the elf thought him, the human learns that he is not in fact human, but chooses to keep it to himself. Later the elf and the human get into a fight and the human reveals that he is not in fact human in a desperate attempt to get the elf to see that he would be fine, but it only makes things worse. They separate after the fight and the "human" gets captured by the people who had imprisoned and tortured him before he'd been found by the elves. Once the elf comes to terms with the new information, he goes to save the "human" from the actual humans, and take him back home. They have to adjust to their new life together, but they get their happily fucking ever after. Because gay boys need a happy ending goddammit.

Also, just some extra world information that fits into the story without really being plot, but the elves are a gender non-conforming race, so the main elf character is actually trans masc/afab/ftm and there are also non-binary, gender fluid, trans fem/amab/mtf, and agender elves, it's just a normal thing for them. (yes, there are still cis elves, but the point is as a society, it's perfectly normal to change your gender identity) (I basically ctrl alt deleted transphobia in elven society)

I have fully thought out all the details for the main three characters (the elf, the "human", and another character I intentionally left out of my brief description to keep things vague) if anyone wants to know more about them.

Other than that, any questions, ideas, opinions, or encouragement that you guys have I am open to and would love to read and possibly incorporate into the story. Any help you can give is appreciated, even if it is just liking this and telling me you want to read more, sometimes all I need is encouragement and to know that people actually want to read what I'm writing. Thanks!

[sincerelywhiterose]

Hi there! Happy (almost, where I am) pride month!! I was just wondering what your definition of bisexuality is, because I keep hearing different definitions, so I’m not sure what to believe! Since you’re bisexual, I felt you’d be a reliable source to get this info from!

Thanks for asking me this question! It always makes me happy when people actually go to bisexuals for information on our sexuality. That being said, bisexuality is complex and nuanced- many people in this community define their attraction somewhat differently, which I will explain a little more below.

In short, bisexuality is attraction to potentially all genders. It's inclusive of the binary genders, of course, but nonbinary identities as well- there's no nonbinary look. If you're attracted to people who 'look like men' and who 'look like women,' you will by default find some trans and nonbinary people attractive too.

It's for that reason that the definition of 'attracted to two genders' is inaccurate. Furthermore, it's not a 50/50 split either (or 33/33/33 split when counting androgyny as a class of gender presentation). Some bisexuals do have a more or less evenly-split attraction, yes, but that's not the case for many of us. That split can fluctuate too- sometimes we might find ourselves more attracted to men, sometimes women, sometimes androgyny. This is a huge source of misconceptions in reference to bisexuality, as many outside of the community think that the gender split is always even and set in stone when it's really much more complex than that.

Then there's the whole aspect of being 'gender-blind,' which is often falsely seen as something bisexuality cannot be. I can't say I know of a single bisexual (myself included) who is more attracted to a person's gender than the actual person themself. Gender can play a role in how we experience attraction to an extent (using myself as an example, I feel somewhat differently about men/masc people than I do about women/fem people in a way that's difficult to articulate but nevertheless present in my attraction), but that isn't true for many bisexuals. Many have similar feelings regardless of the gender or presentation of the person they're attracted to. Neither of those is in any way 'wrong' or 'lesser,' and are just two different ways that some people experience their bisexuality.

At the same time, there are plenty of people, bisexual and not, who have slightly different definitions of bisexuality. Some continue to see it as outdated or binary, which again is not the case. Others define it as 'attraction to some genders, but not all.' In my opinion, that makes no sense... if you're attracted to at least masc and fem people, you will potentially be attracted to people of any given nonbinary identity too, and how would you know what genders you're not attracted to unless you ask every single person you think is cute for their gender?

Okay, that ended up being way more than I'd planned on writing. Even then, there's still a ton of nuance in regard to bisexuality that isn't as close to the forefront as what I discussed here. It's a complex identity with a lot of misconceptions attached to it, and those multiple layers of falsehoods make it hard to define a sexuality that is fairly difficult to pin down precisely.

TLDR: while definitions of bisexuality can vary, at its core it's attraction to people of potentially any gender; it by default includes trans and nonbinary people; attraction to masc vs. fem individuals is often not 50/50 and those values can also fluctuate; and bisexuals may or may not be gender-blind. Anything described by the above can be considered bisexuality.

[spiderfreedom]

Like in the petition, the user claimed there was an obvious discernible difference between males and “non-binary” individuals, an issue that quickly became a point of contention in the comments. “They could just be non-binary, gender queer, etc, or that could just be men trying to get a leg up. No way to know,” one user wrote in response, to which the original poster replied: “They all have he/him on their lanyards and it’s extremely clear they identify as men and are here to take opportunities away from the actual women and [non-binary] attendees.” But the attempted defense was quickly undermined, with some users calling the original poster a “TERF” for failing to include gender-diverse non-binary people. “Nonbinaries, including he/him nonbinaries, belong at grace hopper and are welcome there. TERFs like you are the ones who shouldn’t be there,” one comment reads.

I feel like this is the end game of turning 'women's groups' into 'women and non-binary' groups. And also, the end game of declaring the borders of gender to be unpoliceable borderlands, less we risk excluding someone.

If there is no meaningful way to distinguish between "he/him masc-aligned AMAB non-binary people" and "men", and you allow the former but not the latter, then that means every "women and non-binary" event is de facto open to men. There is no way to say "I am sorry, but you do not belong here." To do so is, apparently, an unconscionable act of gender policing. For the people afraid of 'gender policing', it is better for 'events for non-men' to fall into disrepair than to attempt to do anything about it.

And so we reach the dilemma. If you make a border around a category, like womanhood, then you can assure that the people within that border have at least some verifiable commonality. Some people may be excluded, but the community can continue. If you say there are no borders, then there is no way to be sure that the 'he/him AMAB butch fem-aligned non-binary' person coming to your event isn't a malicious troll. Now whether your event remains a safe space for marginalized people depends entirely on whether malicious male actors choose to target you or not.

Being that many self-identified non-binary and trans fem people also have violent and traumatic pasts at the hands of men, you would think that some level of border policing would be required to make a safe space for them. Like, even if you don't care about 'cis' women, if you only care about non-binary and trans fem people - presumably they are going to this woman/non-binary only event because they do not want to be around men! But you cannot promise them that safety unless you exclude people! And yes... that means you may exclude someone who thinks that isn't fair.

You have to decide what is more important: creating a safe space for marginalized groups by risking excluding some people, or deciding ostracizers are evil and risk your group becoming a general purpose space that no longer protects the people it was supposed to. I pick one, because borders can be negotiated so long as they exist. But the destruction of women-only spaces is unacceptable considering how long and hard we fought to have them.

They all have he/him on their lanyards and it’s extremely clear they identify as men and are here to take opportunities away from the actual women and [non-binary] attendees.”

By Reduxx Team September 28, 2023

A major networking conference focused on centering women in computing is facing backlash from some participants after a flood of males were allowed to attend, reportedly due to the event’s inclusivity policies.

Created in 1994 and inspired by the legacy of Admiral Grace Murray Hopper, the AnitaB.org Grace Hopper Celebration purports to “bring the research and career interests of women in computing to the forefront.” While the conference was historically focused on women, recent developments in its gender inclusivity policy saw its branding open up to “non-binary” participants as well.

In its most recent Press Release on the conference, AnitaB.org deemed it “the world’s largest gathering of women and non-binary technologists.”

But the week-long conference, which costs $650 to attend for students and academics but over $1,200 for the general public, is facing heat this year after some female attendees noticed a “significant number of men” attending the event.

In a now-scrubbed Change.org petition, one female attendee calls on the Grace Hopper Committee (GHC) to provide women who purchased the pricy tickets a full refund, and commit to banning men in the future.

“GHC (2023) is named after our pioneering female programmers, who have paved the way for gender equality within the tech industry. This event was established with the intention of empowering women by creating a safe space where they can connect, learn, and thrive. However, by allowing men to participate, GHC fails to uphold its own mission,” petitioner Agnes Lu wrote in the description.

The petition was uploaded on September 26, but deleted on September 27. A cached version of the page shows that it had collected over 2,700 signatures in the 24 hours it had been active. The reasons for removal are currently unknown.

Similar sentiment was shared on Reddit as a conference attendee posted “why are there so many men at Grace Hopper?”

Posted two days ago, the user wrote: “I’m seeing entire groups of just men, at a conference that’s sole purpose is to give opportunities to WOMEN and non-binary individuals in a male dominated field. I attended last year and did not [see] any male identifying student attendees. This is genuinely infuriating.”

The user goes on to articulate in the replies that there are a limited number of networking slots available and internships are fiercely competitive.

Like in the petition, the user claimed there was an obvious discernible difference between males and “non-binary” individuals, an issue that quickly became a point of contention in the comments.

“They could just be non-binary, gender queer, etc, or that could just be men trying to get a leg up. No way to know,” one user wrote in response, to which the original poster replied: “They all have he/him on their lanyards and it’s extremely clear they identify as men and are here to take opportunities away from the actual women and [non-binary] attendees.”

But the attempted defense was quickly undermined, with some users calling the original poster a “TERF” for failing to include gender-diverse non-binary people.

“Nonbinaries, including he/him nonbinaries, belong at grace hopper and are welcome there. TERFs like you are the ones who shouldn’t be there,” one comment reads.

“Lots of NB go as he/him. The only way you could possibly know is if you asked them,” another claimed.

On X (formerly Twitter), users debated how males could be “gate-kept” from the conference without being exclusionary, to which few solutions were provided.

The conference was held in Orlando this year, in tradition with previous years, but has announced it will relocate for the next iteration due to changes to recent state legislation regarding LGBT people.

In a statement on their site, AnitaB.org claims that Florida has introduced an “onslaught of legislation that not only devalues women and non-binary people and, at the intersections, those who live as members of the LGBTQIA+ community but is also aimed at erasing Black history.” It states that the 2024 conference is being arranged to be held in another location.

One of the featured speakers this year was trans-identified male Sasha Costanza-Chock, who describes himself as a “researcher and designer who works to support community-led processes that build shared power, dismantle the matrix of domination, and advance ecological survival.”

Costanza-Chock spoke on a panel with Alejandra Caraballo, a trans-identified male attorney, on the “Intersection of Tech and Social Justice.” The panel was described as “diving into the critical intersection of technology and social equity and explore how technology can inadvertently become a barrier for underserved groups.”