#be two choices with gendered terms based on their genitals at birth

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

i don’t know how to explain this but categorising everyone's experience as masc or fem based on their perceived or assigned sex at birth is literally just misgendering nonbinary people. like this isn’t meant to be cruel or anything but transmasc and transfem aren’t actually inclusive terms if they categorise nonbinary people as masc or fem based on their genitals. i'm not saying you can’t use them but like categorically that makes them almost exactly as inclusive as calling everyone born with a vagina who’s trans a trans man and calling everyone born with a penis who’s trans a trans woman. it’s still forcing nonbinary people to call themselves by gendered terms to participate in trans discussions because these are pushed as ways for trans people to identify themselves as in all situations. i am not saying terms like that aren’t necessarily useful but they're incredibly dysphoria inducing terms to be considered a primary way to identify and calling myself one of them based on my genitals literally feels the exact same as if i have to identify myself based on my perceived sex because i am neither male nor female and forcing me into one of those categories feels like being forced to closet myself regardless of whether it’s matching my assigned sex or not.

[thechekhov]

Hi! I saw on a post that you're agender and I'm kinda questioning my gender (again) but what interested me more about that post was that you said you believe that gender is a social construct and I'm not really familiar with that theory. I was wondering if you could explain to me what the whole idea is? (bc I kinda only feel like a have a gender in social situations? In my head, my dreams and how I picture myself in the future, I'm genderless idjskahwksjejensj) Sorry for bothering you if I did.

This is a BIG topic and it opens a LOT of wormholes. 

We’re gonna do this in pie slice statements that will hopefully help explain what I mean. Please keep in mind I’m going to simplify many things for the sake of readability.

1) What is a social construct? 

Social constructs are ideas that are negotiated by social groups. Something being a social construct does not make it ‘not real’. 

For example, money is a social construct. Yes, we have cash - coins, credit cards - but these are physical props that are REPRESENTATIVE of the idea of currency. You have some form of credit to your name - the money is a socially agreed-upon idea of value being represented by bills in your hand, by numbers in your bank account. 

[Description: Two humanoid figures are standing side by side. The right-side figure is holding a rock in its hand. 

Right side figure: Let’s agree that this shiny rock is worth 2 sheep.

Left side figure: Sounds fake but ok.]

Technically, countries are also social constructs. We, as a society, negotiate what a country is, and this can be changed.

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of a dotted line drawn on the ground. The left figure is pointing down at it while the right figure watches, its arms crossed.

Left figure: Let’s pretend that everything on this side of the imaginary line is mine.

Right figure: ...ok but my house is over there.

Left figure: ... for 3 shiny rocks you can come visit.]

Does that mean canada isn’t real? No. (I mean, obviously canada ISN’T real, but we all agree to pretend it is.) The thing that makes it real is that we are in agreement, and all follow the social rules of pretend to make it seem like the Canadian border, the idea of Canadian citizenship, etc... is an objective fact. (It’s not. These are in fact, negotiable limits and parameters. We have laws in place to define it in legal terms, but those laws can be changed, or may change in the minds of communities. That’s why it’s a construct.)

By that same token, I hold the view that gender, as we largely perceive it in modern society, is a construct. Why? Because it is not inherent; we, as a society, negotiate its meaning. 

2) What is gender? 

People will probably fight me on this and that’s fine, but here’s my (simplified) understanding of gender (from someone who personally has none)

Gender is a social category negotiated by cultures based on your assigned or desired role in your community that influences, among many other things, your physical appearance, your role in family units, your expected position in jobs, etc. 

How I think it happened:

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of the panel, both holding children-looking figures. The one on the left is wearing purple. The one on the right is wearing green.

Green figure: Hey, I’ve got an idea. What if we separate the babies into two groups based on physical traits they have no control over?

Purple figure: Wh-- okay...?

Green figure: And then limit the jobs they can do and the community ritual involvement available to them based on that!

Purple figure: ... I feel like this is going to backfire on us someday.

Green figure: Nah, it’ll be fine.

The past panel is a dramatic closeup on the purple figure’s face - which is featureless - betraying a deeply doubtful emotion. It says nothing.]

Important points to remember: what gender looks like, what the limits are, what the expectations are... are not inherent to any human biology. We make up gender roles. This is evident in the fact that across the world, gender roles differ by culture. The positions people of a certain gender are allowed to take up are different. What is perceived to be ‘girly’ or ‘boyish’ is different across cultures. 

Simply speaking - currently the (western) model we have, dumbed down, is:

You are assigned male at birth because of physical characteristics

You are raised being told to ‘toughen up’ and ‘boys don’t cry’ and encouraged not to show emotions

You are taught to wear male-coded clothes and discouraged from female-coded fashion choices

You are given more opportunities to participate in sports, encouraged to engage in physical activity, etc

You are not expected to need time off for child-rearing 

Here’s where gender as it works in society breaks down into being not a real thing but instead something we thought up: 

Nothing about having a penis necessitates wearing pants. Nothing about having XY chromosomes means you need to keep your hair short. Nothing about your genome makes the experience of nail-polish different for any human being. 

All of these are arbitrary traits we decided were allowed or not allowed to a specific group of people based on entirely unrelated physiology. 

Even if we delve deeper, there is MORE variation among individuals of the same ‘sex’ than there are, on average, of members of the ‘opposite sex’ when compared to each other. 

Many people use the excuse ‘women are physically not as strong as men’ to say that this has an evolutionary aspect driving these cultural, historical, socially-constructed gender requirements. 

But if there was a physical reasoning behind the culturally-set gender-limited job expectations, then we actually WOULDN’T need a traditional binary gender system to sort ourselves into categories. It would simply be decided as a meritocracy - stronger individuals, regardless of gender, would be given physically-demanding jobs. (Also we know that many jobs thought to be ‘traditionally male’ are just the result of sexist bullshit, so this reasoning doesn’t fly any further than I can throw it which is, coincidentally, not very far. Politics is one such area. Doctors are another. We can go on but I think you get my drift.)

My own example of this is an anecdote when my grandparents came to visit my partner and I in Japan. While we were driving down to Tokyo, my grandmother - who has a PhD in entomology - began to say that driving is a masculine activity and women shouldn’t be driving as it was ‘un-woman-like’. My partner almost immediately fired back that in Japan, studying insects or having any interest in them whatsoever was considered a heavily masculine-coded activity. In Russia, there is no such assignment, and my grandmother was left silently blinking in confusion, unable to come up with any excuse except ‘well, all cultures are different, I suppose...’

Do either of these things inherently have a gendered aspect? Of course not! But we assign gendered ideals to them anyway.

3) If gender is made up and constructed by society, then does that mean trans people aren’t real?

No.

Even if you agree that gender is a social construct, trans people are still real. TERFs don’t get a pass. Why? 

Because gender - as a social construct - still affects our everyday lives, dictates our social position in our community. Transitioning is still a thing that has to happen. The fact that you are NOT easily able to decide your own gender and are ostracized for wanting to transition, abused for dressing the way you want to be perceived, and bullied for wanting people to refer to you with different pronouns - all those are the effects of a social construct that has very REAL impact on our lives.

This is also why I dislike defining trans-ness by dysphoria. Because transgender people are not only their suffering - the suffering is coming from the outside!! Many trans people remember not being concerned about their gender identity in their childhood, because they did not yet perceive the world as being hostile to their desire to fulfil a specific role in society. The issues and self-hatred and dysphoria begins when they express wanting to be themselves - a life which they are forbidden from pursuing based on physical characteristics they were born with.

Does this mean we should try to remove gender from society? If we constructed it, we can deconstruct it, right?

Realistically, I highly doubt this is possible. Gender is so ingrained in our daily lives that it would be difficult. Nor, I would say, would it be necessary to achieve world peace. 

Having social groups - having gender - isn’t inherently a bad thing. The bad thing is when we limit those social groups to specific basic human rights, like voting, or when we forbid them from transitioning from one to another based on things that are out of their control. 

Also, I’m not saying genitals and secondary sexual characteristics aren’t real. Please don’t bother sending me that angry message, I’ll ignore it, I promise. 

But the concept of gender IS something we thought up and maintain and negotiate with each other to this very day. It’s not granted to us by a higher power, nor is it a constant, unchanging thing. It’s a part of the human experience and like everything, it has the potential to evolve - as a concept in our communal memory, as well as on an individual level, for people who feel they want to be perceived differently. 

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk!

[freyfall]

Hey sorry to bother, but i don't thing I've really seen any sexism in the fandom? I might have just missed it, but would you be willing to elaborate on it a bit? You don't have to if you don't wanna

CHOKES

I’ll elaborate under a cut because a lot of the sexism I see is rooted in the ns/fw side of the fandom. I’ll be talking explicitly so don’t click if you’re not prepared for a conversation about sex and ectoplasmic genital shit. Also... it’s long.

God, where do I even start? This post covers a lot of the base issues with the fandom, though most of what OP said had to do with queerphobia. The issue with writers and magic genitalia in the fandom boils down to the fact that so often - so often - I click on a fic to read and heteronormativity slaps me in the face. One dominant (male-identifying) partner with male genitalia, one submissive (male-identifying) partner with female genitalia. And okay, I get it, some couples are like that. It’s not bad to write something like that as long as it doesn’t rely on sexism or queerphobia to explain away the choices. But then it’s... every fic. Every. Fic. I click on. 

Actually, I’ll give you some numbers! I’m going to look at the UTMV kinktober fics I’m keeping up with and see what kind of ratios there are. I won’t name them out of politeness, but here we go. Out of 4 Kinktober 2020 series on A03 with, so far, 23 or 24 chapters each, here’s how the gender and sex of the characters play out:

In terms of biological sex, the majority were male/female* with two partners, making up almost half of the fics read (42 out of 94). Out of said fics, 35 had a dominant** male and submissive female dynamic, 4 had a dominant female and submissive male dynamic, and 3 were unclear or there was no such dynamic. Only one out of the 42 fics had the female character identify as a woman. (Furthermore, she was genderbent.) 

The runner-up was the ‘other’ category, which encompassed the following: no genitals present, only one set of genitals present, odd genitalia (such as tentacles), or unspecified. This category made up 26 out of the 94 fics. Of the 26, 20 of them fell into the ‘one set of genitals’ category, with 14 male and 6 female. The male fics were split evenly between dominant and submissive males, and the females were all written as submissive. 

None of the other categories were nearly as popular, with the next one down the line only having 9 fics out of the 94. This category was male/male with two partners. The next one, male/male/female with three partners, had 8. Of the 8 fics, all of them had dominant male and submissive female dynamics.

The female/female with two partners category only had 3. Only one of the three fics portrayed a lesbian relationship where both characters identified as women. 

The other categories were as follows: m/m/m with three partners, m/m/m/f with four partners, m/m/m/m with four partners, m/m/f/f with four partners, m/m/m/m/f with five partners, and m/m/m/f/f with five partners. These categories only had 1 fic each. Each and every fic with a female partner had the female partners playing submissive roles.

It’s important to note that out of the entire roster of fics, there were 3 women. One of them was a genderbent character in a m/f fic, and the other two were in a lesbian f/f fic. Why the lack of women? Why constantly portray those with female genitals as men?

Going back to the post I linked at the very beginning, I do want to cover my bases - I understand that male characters with biologically female genitals and sex characteristics can be a hugely needed source of rep for transgender people, especially those who are transmasculine. As a transmasculine person myself, it’s important to me that male characters with female bodies exist. Having a casual environment where men can have whatever genitals they want is, in theory, rather progressive. However, three things:

Never in all my time in this fandom have I ever seen one of these characters stated explicitly as transgender. None of the fics in the study above did, either. 

In the UTMV, when writing skeletons with magical genitals, having male or female genitalia is seen as a choice. It erases the need for transgender characters. It erases transgender narratives that deal with transition, discomfort, coming out, and dysphoria. If you can pick whatever kind of body you want, why would there be a need for being trans? There’s no easy way to determine a ‘male’ or ‘female’ skeleton, erasing the concept of gender assigned at birth and erasing the struggles that trans people may face.

None of the characters have bodies that might align more closely with transgender folks who medically transition. No top surgery scars, no bottom growth. No breast tissue growth on male bodies, nothing. Of course, why would that exist in the first place? Magic erases the need to portray bodies with quote-on-quote ‘imperfections.’ None of the bodies portrayed even step a toe out of the cisgender box - such as perhaps portraying female genitals with a flat chest or male genitals with breasts. None of that was found in the study, and I don’t recall fics like that outside of the study, either.

So clearly, most if not all authors are not attempting to portray any sort of transgender character when writing them this way - which begs the question, why write men with female bodies? 

While I was taking these statistics, I had a conversation with my partner in which they said something that applies here:

“[Every AU character] being Sans is a problem on its own, but when you have the power to make whatever character a woman, how you approach that says a lot. What people do is that they give a male character female parts and it’s only for sexual purposes. So like, the entire existence of [the female body] in the UTMV serves only for sex and that’s just kind of not good.”

Keeping this quote in mind, the short answer to the question I posed above is this: sexism. In this fandom, the female body, femininity, and being a woman in and of itself is objectified, hyper-sexualized, and exoticized... in that order, respectively. I’m not just using these as buzzwords, I promise you.

The female body is objectified. The same as the quote above, female bodies aren’t seen as something that someone will just have in a non-sexual context. After reading 94 smutfics, their treatment of the female body tends to start looking the same. The female body is for sex. That’s it. Giving or showing a character with breasts, even clothed, is seen as the display of a sexual object, even though breasts are visible on (cis) women in everyday scenarios. In sexual scenarios, the female body is never portrayed realistically, either. Female arousal and preparing the female body for sex - compared to its counterpart, the male body - is wildly unrealistic. Yes, this is porn, and there’s bound to be realism issues, but in comparison, female sexuality is much more unrealistic.

Femininity is sexualized. Characters act feminine for sexual appeal... and only for sexual appeal. Because a character acts feminine, they’re more sexually appealing to their partner. Feminine clothing, such as dresses or skirts, are seen as sexual. 

Being a woman, in and of itself, is exoticized. This isn’t even a staunchly NSFW issue. I’ve been asked if my male characters, explicitly stated to be bisexual, would have sex with a woman. My partner has received asks about ‘what would happen if (insert male character here) met a woman.’ Genderbends of male characters into female characters are seen as cringy, childish, or fanservicey by default. Women aren’t treated as a normal occurrence. When genderbends do happen and people like them, it’s often in a sexual way. “She’s so hot/sexy.” “Step on me, queen.” 

It most likely doesn’t help that all of the popular AU characters in the fandom are men. It creates an environment where women are scarce and hardly represented, leading to unnatural assumptions about them.

I’m not sure how to close this off, so... TLDR; women are normal people. Stop exoticizing them. Stop objectifying the female body. Don’t use trans/queer characters as a scapegoat for your sexism. 

Sincerely, a bigender lesbian who’s sick and tired of all this.

-

*‘Male’ and ‘female’ are used to refer to biological sex. When I talk about gender, I will say men and women.

**When I say dominant, I mean ‘in control’ of the sexual situation. This was determined by considering factors such as written personality, physical position, and how they behaved. Vice versa for submissive. I don’t intend to use these terms as an equivalent to what they mean in BDSM language, though several of the fics attempted to or did portray BDSM relationships. I also do not mean these terms to be equivalent to ‘top’ or ‘bottom’. 

[ceres20]

Since JK has been getting a lot of hate lately, I wanted to voice my own opinion on the same. A lot of actors and celebrities and "important people" have come out and criticized her. She's been called a TERF, Bigoted and a lot of other things, that I do not have the mental space to get into at the moment. But here's what I have understood: 

 1. The trans debate is a relatively new one. Believe it or not, there is not much information about the long term consequences of hormone therapy. Even less on Hormone therapy on children. This means that all your current research is short and medium term, and there are no set rules regarding who is a prime candidate for therapy. In fact, there is already speculation that people who have other mental health concerns or those who are on the autism spectrum have a higher chance of also being diagnosed (or misdiagnosed) with Gender Dysphoria. Worst is self diagnosis. So many people (more than 40% of those who identify as trans) are taking hormones without prescription and without full information about the consequences, which remain unknown. I must remind all of you, that absence of evidence does not amount to evidence of its absence.

 2. There is no evidence based debate on transitioning children especially since it has irreversible consequences on their mental, physical and economic situation. Moreover, there are articles every day about over enthusiastic docs who want to diagnose children based on which toys they play with and what clothing they wear. What happened to telling our boys it's ok to play with Barbies and girls that it's ok to play with trucks and dirt? There is a reason for this lack of research. Gender Dysphoria has become a quick way for the medical industry to earn easy money. They thrive on medicating a population that may as well not need it. There is lack of initiative by the health care providers to commission studies that look into long term impact or even study current "conflicting" but negative evidence of of Gender Affirming medical interventions. What's shocking is that female to male transitioners who undergo phalloplasty face painful and lifelong urological consequences (over 80 percent of the cases), and yet many transitioners are lured by positively written papers that only consider short term effects of the same, with fleeting caveats about lack of longer term studies. 

 3. Sex is real. It has real consequences. Even the most universally celebrated feminist thinkers such as Simone de Beauvoir, acknowledge first, that there is a biological difference between the two sexes (There are only two sexes- intersex conditions occur in 2 out of 10,000 cases, and most of those who possess intersex conditions are outside the “norm”. Sexual Reproduction is necessarily Binary in nature, since there are only two types of gametes sperm and ova). However, Gender is a collective social imagination. There is no male brain and no female brain- just as there is no male kidney or female liver. The only organs that are different are the sex organs. So what does it mean when a girl child says they don't identify with the other girls? Does that mean she herself is not a girl? That she's a boy all along? No! None of the other girls who are "girly" know what they're doing either. They're simply conforming to society's ideas of how they should or must behave in order to fit in. It's the same for the boys. There is no definition of Feminine or Masculine because these concepts are unreal, figments of imagination and social impositions that dictate order in society. Whether you're female with chest hair or a beard (hirsutism) or a male with a "feminine" voice or gait- don't let anyone tell you who you are or who you should be. For too long have males looked down upon the female sex- considered to be imperfections or weak. They're defined as being "non-men" or those who simply lack a penis- the symbol of male virility and power. We need to take back the narrative on what it means to be female. We need to ensure that our biology doesn't become the cause of our social and economic slavery. As we finally step into the public sphere and reclaim the space that's rightfully ours- we need to demand sex based rights which include child care leaves, menstrual leave, etc to truly allow the women to participate to the fullest of our capabilities. 

4. What is REAL is our biology. The physical difference between men and women that makes every woman cautious in a strange man's presence. If there was no difference, male on female violence would not be so rampant. Females do not WANT to get raped, but the other choices include fight and lose or fight and die. On an average, the female is shorter than the man, has less muscles, lower lung capacity and strength. The difference between them is most stark in competitive sports. Usain Bolt's record in 100m dash is 9.58 seconds. The women's record is 10.49 seconds. Yes, in comparison to men's this is worse than average. A record broken easily by high school boys. But does this mean women shouldn't compete? No! They should compete among themselves! A *very* recent paper by Swedish Scientists (W. Anna, 2019) shows how cross hormone therapy doesn't get rid of muscle advantage of transwomen over biological women. An average female athlete has testosterone in the range of 0-2.4 nmol/L which is WAY below what an average transwoman athlete posseses. Olympic games have revised the testosterone limits to 5 nmol/L to allow transgenders to be included in women's sports. But anyone with any understanding of biology can understand how stark and unfair the difference is. By allowing them to compete on the same footing as females in sports, we're allowing a figment of imagination to override biological realities.

5. There are real consequences of biology. We need to be truly inclusive of all people, irrespective of how they look or behave. We don't need make up, or dresses or high pitched voices to be considered female.We don't need to be giving birth, bleeding or taking hormones to be females or males. We are who we are without having to declare ourselves to be Men or Women. Without the social baggage imposed on either of those roles. Unfortunately we know that as long as there is a power imbalance, there is exploitation. This is true for groups as well as sexes. If one half of the sex is physically stronger, then the other half needs safeguards to ensure this power difference doesn't translate into violence or oppression.  This means females need safe spaces from males. Period. 6. Let's have debate on gender and sex, it's consequences and effects. Let's truly help the communities who require our help- those with dysphoria and intersex conditions. Let's not impose sex normalisation on intersex children. Let's love them and their bodies, let's promote their interests and well being. Let's not normalize gender stereotypes by believing in fiction over fact. Let's embrace people for who they are! Let's get rid of sex based oppressions including genital mutilation (practised widely in certain African communities), female foeticide (practiced widely in South asia, where it's estimated that more than 45 million women are missing as a result), untouchability during menstruation etc. These are real SEX-BASED oppressions. Still, in many nations Females are terminated at birth or before for simply not possessing a penis. Male Privilege exists even before Gender takes its course. To fix these, we need sex based rights! 7. Let's not shut down, or brand people for that would mean giving into the age of post truth. Let's debate, discuss and spread awareness. Let's not be ready to berate but lend a sympathetic ear. Shutting down Gender critical feminists, blocking them so that they can't air their lived grievances, verbally or physically assaulting them- seems to be the chosen preference of many extreme trans activists (note: not trans people). Let's condemn any kind of abuse.

[theparanormalperiodical]

A Brief History Of Transphobia In Horror Movies Feat. A Small Window Into The Reality Of Being Trans Cause Let’s Face It It’s Way Scarier Than Any Horror Film

It combined the eerie atmosphere of supernatural horror with the twists and turns of a psychological thriller - by all means An Incident In Ghostland (2018) was a great film.

It drove an innovative plot around tight bends of classic horror tropes and brought us skidding back to the ultimate psychological horror ending: we never really know what’s real and what’s not.

But this film should’ve crashed within the first 15 minutes.

And all that should be left in the wreck is a lipstick in the shade ‘Harlot Red’.

We already know that the struggle for trans rights - let alone with trans representation in the media - is a worthy fight. It has not been helped by the horror genre.

It’s time to change that.

It began with Buffalo Bill.

“Would you f—k me? I’d f—k me.”

It’s one of the most iconic horror films that have been put on the silver screen. But the thing is, when people were walking out of the first screenings of The Silence of the Lambs in 1991, they were traumatised by the disgusting acts Hannibal Lecter would commit on-screen.

They were not protesting Lecter’s former patient as they swiped on makeup, tucked their genitals between their legs, and paraded their desired body in the mirror. This quick pre-murder ritual is the most prominent portrayal of transgender identities, even if - as Lecter says - they are not trans.

From the scenes in the film to the pages of the novel it’s based on, we see Buffalo Bill’s gender dysphoria, but Lecter instead suggests their apparent trans-ness is rooted in something else - something far more sinister, something that never actually gets explained.

All we know is they want to create a ‘woman suit’ by murdering women and skinning their bodies.

Buffalo Bill thus brought to light a portrayal of gender dysphoria that claimed those that were questioning their gender identity were obsessed by gender.

So obsessed, in fact, they would go to extreme lengths to fulfill their desires by killing women and taking their ‘parts’ for themself.

This is also explored in another horror classic: Psycho (1960).

This film defined the horror genre, and put the slasher on the map. And if slasher films weren’t guilty enough for their portrayal of women, they further followed the J.K. Rowling school of thought and gave trans women a new separate character-arc.

Norman Bates is yet another horror icon known for dressing as a different gender, and then killing women. Whether they’re doing so to protect their identity or to keep the memory of their mother alive, we see another man don a wig, pull on a dress, and whip out a weapon of their choice.

The only difference is that Norman does become his mother (and thus a woman) on a permanent basis - only when he is officially declared insane and institutionalised.

The more deranged they become, the more crimes they commit, the more of a woman they become. By officially crossing the gender lines, they officially become monsters.

“But weren’t Norman Bates and Buffalo Bill based on a true story?”

Ed Gein was a serial killer who murdered countless women, mutilated their bodies, and used their body parts to create various household furniture and items of clothing. But it was Gein’s creation of a ‘woman suit’ that would allow them to crawl into their beloved mother’s skin which confirmed that they were the original inspiration behind these movie villains.

Despite debate on whether Gein was in fact transgender, a majority believe via police evidence and interviews that they would identify as trans by modern standards.

This brings us to an important point:

To an extent, these films portray trans peoples accurately. Funnily enough, trans people are actually people (shock horror). This means that they can in fact be murderers.

But what these films don’t get right is that they all portray trans people as exactly the same. Like, exactly the same. As in they could at least have tried to be a bit more imaginative.

So, when I was watching An Incident In Ghostland one Sunday evening, I was reminded of the same trope yet again. Well, not reminded, per se. ‘Smacked in the face’ is probably a better phrase to use.

But thankfully, Ghostland did throw in something different.

They chuck in a character that belongs in some found-footage haunted asylum movie!

*Slams laptop shut*

In Ghostland we see two sisters get stalked, held captive, and sexually assaulted and raped by a mentally impaired man and a trans woman. But despite the dominance of the scenes involving the torture, assault, and rape of the women, I want to focus here on the decor of the house they were held captive in.

The house was full of hundreds of vintage dolls.

From the striking image used on the movie poster to the garish aesthetic one can only imagine was inspired by Annabelle, dolls that are painted, dressed, and positioned for use by the woman and the man is central to the plot.

Its the dressing of the sisters in traditional feminine outfits and the application of doll-like makeup to join the other dolls in the house which fits the trope we just can’t escape from.

(No matter how fast we run.)

The Candy Truck Woman, as she is also known, dedicates herself to the process of holding their victims captive and making these women into traditionally feminine objects. It’s the process of creating extreme femininity that defines her role.

Well, that and the portrayal of her trans identity which only goes as emphasising her masculine features. This is embodied by the death of the villain:

Her wig gently slips off her head just before her corpse slumps to the floor.

This suggests that her trans identity is intrinsically linked to her crimes. When she dies, the girls are finally free from her control, and the doll facade ends. She too is apart of the facade. She is reduced to being a bloke in a wig.

The only redeeming feature of this movie?

She is correctly gendered by the credits as the Candy Truck Woman.

*flips through notes*

Yep, that is literally it.

So, why are trans people - specifically trans women - given such roles in the horror genre?

It’s been 60 years.

It’s been 60 years since Psycho earnt its status as the ultimate horror film. But still, to this day, we are presented with horrific portrayals of trans women. It isn’t their acts that define them, however.

If Buffalo Bill was murdering women and comfortable with their gender identity, it would just be another tragic tale of a brutal act. Buffalo Bill is horrifying because they dress like a woman and then commit the acts.

Unfortunately, this link ultimately suggests that those that identify as trans either are or can become mentally unhinged. From there it’s a short trip to becoming obsessed with gender and whoops they’re cold-blooded killers!

And for the uninformed, this almost appears to follow basic logic.

Take me as an example - I’m a cisgender woman. 

Because I am not trans, I do not know what it is like to feel like I was born in the wrong body. It’s hard to understand how it is to be trans when one is not. However, just because I don’t fully understand it because I have not experienced it does not mean trans feelings, experiences, and rights do not matter.

To many, this lack of understanding - especially in past eras when being trans was labelled with far more outdated terms and concepts like ‘transvestites’ - can feel uncomfortable. This is what horror preys on.

You don’t always need a jumpscare to be afraid.

You don’t actually require a demonic nun to keep you from turning the lights out.

By simply being presented with something we don’t quite get, by just seeing something that doesn’t quite click in our brains, we are immediately made uncomfortable.

And that can make us afraid instinctively.

The only way to overcome this fear is, well, to face it! Ultimately, this can be reduced back to the lack of representation and awareness of trans issues and trans rights.

It’s time to talk about Insidious (2010).

Outdated tropes are just that - they are outdated.

They belong back in decades gone by. They no longer make sense in our society.

But the problem with the demonisation of trans women is that it is still shipped out via the big screen. And Ghostland is not the only offender.

Insidious will always be one of my favourite horror universes. And yet it was the first to show me how the horror genre is still propagating the same image of trans women.

One of the most iconic monsters in the franchise is that of Parker Crane, the spirit of a serial killer who was forced to adopt a female identity by his mother as a child. Her abusive actions result in him murdering innocent women while dressed as a woman.

Sure, Insidious pins his murderous actions less on their gender identity and more on the abusive actions of his mother, but the fact is it’s the same story of a man dressing up as a woman and killing women.

And even the finer details of The Bride in Black’s story are replicated in other movies tapping into the same trope.

Sleepaway Camp (1983) features a similar character to Parker Crane. At the twist ending, we realise that the serial killer is Angela, a supposedly innocent girl at the camp. How do we know this?

Because Angela is revealed to have a penis. And, of course, that means she has to be batshit crazy and a killer.

*eye roll*

Angela was assigned male at birth, and their abusive parents forced them to dress like a girl, just like Parker. But yet again we stumble into another damaging forced narrative that demonises trans women:

As they had a troubled childhood, they were trans. And as they were trans, they were thus a dangerous person.

The filmmakers drive this home further by the final image closing the film: all we see is their female face embodying clear mental instability and their male body. It is meant to be disturbing, it is meant to be shocking. Pull out the pencil, connect the dots, and here we are.

What we see is upsetting, and that means trans people must be, too.

She is yet another ‘bloke in a wig’.

And if that wasn’t enough, Angela also provides us with the final segue into an LGBT-wide problem with the entire film industry.

(Mmhmm, it gets worse.)

Movie plot twists have always been praised, pulled apart, and memified via #edgy humour - they are the lifeblood of the film industry. And pumping through its veins is an eternal struggle to properly represent the LGBT community.

One of the ways that this occurs is that LGBT characters often feature as plot twists. They are there to shock us, to surprise us, to be the punchlines of the jokes.

Gay people are the shock twist when they turn down another character’s advances citing “they just don’t swing that way”. And trans people are the shock twist when they are revealed to be murders.

It’s a simple formula which ignores the fundamental complexity of humanity - and it’s this search for simplicity which stops the fight for equality in its tracks every time. We have to accept that people have experiences beyond our own, and these experiences are complicated and new and confusing and uncomfortable.

But they are real.

And they matter.

Only by addressing this complexity and listening to these real stories can we realise that it’s okay to be wrong and it’s okay to better ourselves via learning.

Okay, fine - so everything’s terrible.

Yes. And it gets worse.

Trans women in horror always follow the aesthetic presented by the concept of the monstrous-feminine, a concept erected by Barbara Creed:

Female monsters are abject beings that are a compilation of all the disgusting parts of being a woman.

You know, like periods and leg hair.

The films called out in this article follow this closely, but present this via extreme contrast between the male and female body. By confirming that they are abject and out-of-place beings, the trans women thus become the ready-made female horror monster - the alternative to the Final Girl.

They’re the Blair Witch, they’re the alien from Alien; but in some bittersweet way, they’re finally seen as the women they are.

However.

This portrayal isn’t exclusive to the horror genre. It’s not even restricted to the big screen.

Horror might have it wrong, but we can do our part to do things right. We need to learn, listen, and discuss how it really is to be trans.

Here are just 6 facts to start the conversation:

Trans women are not destined to be murderers. In fact, there is a day dedicated to those killed by transphobia - the Transgender Day of Remembrance (20th November).

A project dedicated to monitoring the murders of transgender people began in April 2009 due to the significance of transphobic-motivated violence (The Trans Murder Monitoring Project).

Last year was the second deadliest year for trans people on record (The Trans Murder Monitoring Project).

At least 48% of trans people fear using public toilets due to fear of discrimination and harassment (Huffington Post).

At least a third of trans students in higher education have received negative comments or experienced negative behaviour from staff in 2018 (Stonewall).

45% of trans people between the ages of 11 and 19 attempted to commit suicide in 2018 (Stonewall.)

In 2019, at least 26 transgender people were murder with some of the cases clearly inspired by anti-trans bias. Most of the victims were transgender women of colour. (This fact came from @macaronimarine​)

If you’ve got a fact or you’ve got an experience to share, I’d love it if you could add it. And if you haven’t completely given up on the horror genre, why not follow this blog and join me for a weekly article on horror films and the paranormal?

I also post a new real ghost story everyday!

Got a ghost story to share? DM me to feature on my archive of real ghost stories.

[sid-ridiculous]

LGBT+ vocabulary

40 words you need to know if you’re a member of / interested in the LGBT+ community.

agender / gender neutrois / gender neutral / genderless - a person with no (or very little) connection to the traditional system of gender, no personal alignment with the concepts of either man or woman, and/or someone who sees themselves as existing without gender.

androgyny - a gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity  

aromantic - experiencing little or no romantic attraction to others and/or has a lack of interest in romantic relationships/behavior. Aromanticism exists on a continuum from people who experience no romantic attraction or have any desire for romantic activities. Many of these different places on the continuum have their own identity labels (see demiromantic) 

asexual / “ace” - experiencing little or no sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in sexual relationships/behavior.  Asexuality exists on a continuum from people who experience no sexual attraction or have any desire for sex. Many of these different places on the continuum have their own identity labels (see demisexual). 

bicurious - a curiosity toward experiencing attraction to people of the same gender/sex (similar to questioning). 

bigender - a person who fluctuates between traditionally “woman” and “man” gender-based behavior and identities, identifying with two genders (or sometimes identifying with either man or woman, as well as a third, different gender). 

bisexual - a person who experiences attraction to some people of their gender and another gender. (mostly thought of as their own and the opposite gender) Bisexual attraction does not have to be equally split, or indicate a level of interest that is the same across the genders an individual may be attracted to. Often used interchangeably with “pansexual”. 

butch - a person who identifies themselves as masculine, whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally. ‘Butch’ is sometimes used as a derogatory term for lesbians, but is also be claimed as an affirmative identity label. 

cisgender / “cis” - a gender description for when someone’s sex assigned at birth and gender identity correspond in the expected way (e.g., someone who was assigned male at birth, and identifies as a man). 

closeted - an individual who is not open to themselves or others about their (queer) sexuality or gender identity. This may be by choice and/or for other reasons such as fear for one’s safety, peer or family rejection, or disapproval and/or loss of housing, job, etc. Also known as being “in the closet.” When someone chooses to break this silence they “come out” of the closet. (see coming out) 

coming out - 1 noun : the process by which one accepts and/or comes to identify one’s own sexuality or gender identity (to “come out” to oneself). 2 verb : the process by which one shares one’s sexuality or gender identity with others. 

demiromantic - little or no capacity to experience romantic attraction until a strong sexual connection is formed with someone, often within a sexual relationship. 

demisexual - little or no capacity to experience sexual attraction until a strong emotional connection is formed with someone, often within a romantic relationship. 

fluid(ity) - generally with another term attached, like gender-fluid or fluid-sexuality, fluid(ity) describes an identity that may change or shift over time between or within the mix of the options available (e.g., man and woman, bi and straight). 

FtM / F2M; MtF / M2F - female-to-male transgender person; male-to-female transgender person. 

gay - 1 experiencing attraction solely (or primarily) to some members of the same gender. Can be used to refer to men who are attracted to other men and women who are attracted to women. 2 an umbrella term used to refer to the queer community as a whole, or as an individual identity label for anyone who is not straight (see LGBTQ and queer)

gender binary - the idea that there are only two genders and that every person is one of those two. 

gender expression -  the external display of one’s gender, through a combination of clothing, grooming, demeanor, social behavior, and other factors, generally made sense of on scales of masculinity and femininity. Also referred to as “gender presentation.”

genderfluid - the internal perception of an one’s gender, and how they label themselves, based on how much they align or don’t align with what they understand their options for gender to be. Often conflated with biological sex, or sex assigned at birth. 

gender non-conforming - 1 a gender expression descriptor that indicates a non-traditional gender presentation (masculine woman or feminine man). 2 a gender identity label that indicates a person who identifies outside of the gender binary. Often abbreviated as “GNC.” 

genderqueer - 1 a gender identity label often used by people who do not identify with the binary of man/woman. 2 an umbrella term for many gender non-conforming or non-binary identities (e.g., agender, bigender, genderfluid). 

hermaphrodite - an outdated medical term previously used to refer to someone who was born with some combination of typically-male and typically-female sex characteristics. It’s considered stigmatizing, inaccurate and offensive by the intersex community and shouldn't be used to refer to them. (See intersex.)

homosexual - a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex/gender. This [medical] term is considered stigmatizing (particularly as a noun) due to its history as a category of mental illness, and is discouraged for common use (use gay or lesbian instead). 

intersex - term for a combination of chromosomes, gonads, hormones, internal sex organs, and genitals that differs from the two expected patterns of male or female. Formerly known as hermaphrodite (or hermaphroditic), but these terms are now outdated and derogatory. 

lesbian - women who are primarily attracted romantically, erotically, and/or emotionally to other women. 

lipstick lesbian - Usually refers to a lesbian with a feminine gender expression. Can be used in a positive or a derogatory way. Is sometimes also used to refer to a lesbian who is assumed to be (or passes for) straight. 

outing -  involuntary or unwanted disclosure of another person’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or intersex status.

pansexual / “pan”- a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions.

queer - 1  an umbrella term to describe individuals who don’t identify as straight and/or cisgender. 2  a slur used to refer to someone who isn’t straight and/or cisgender. Due to its historical use as a derogatory term, and how it is still used as a slur many communities, it is not embraced or used by all LGBTQ people. The term “queer” can often be use interchangeably with LGBTQ (e.g., “queer people” instead of “LGBTQ people”). 

stealth - a trans person who is not “out” as trans, and is perceived/known by others as cisgender. 

transgender - 1  a gender description for someone who has transitioned (or is transitioning) from living as one gender to another. 2 an umbrella term for anyone whose sex assigned at birth and gender identity do not correspond in the expected way (e.g., someone who was assigned male at birth, but does not identify as a man). 

transition(ing) - referring to the process of a transgender person changing aspects of themself (e.g., their appearance, name, pronouns, or making physical changes to their body) to be more congruent with the gender they know themself to be (as opposed to the gender they lived as pre-transitioning). 

ze / zir -  neopronouns that are gender neutral and preferred by some trans* people. They replace “he” and “she” and “his” and “hers” respectively. Alternatively some people who are not comfortable/do not embrace he/she use the plural pronoun “they/their” as a gender neutral singular pronoun.

[misshorrorotaku]

Jesus christ @thestrippershateyou this post is a fucking shitshow.

Anyway, I didn’t want to reblog that entire thing, but there were a few things in @lion-h-e-a-r-t’s rantings that I wanted to address.

First off, this. Sexual Dimorphism in humans is minimal, to the point where it’s near non-existant. It’s there, but it doesn’t cause any significant physical difference in the build of a male and female human. Even without the existence of trans people, there are a LOT of males and females who can and sometimes do pass as the opposite sex without making a massive effort to. Even our skeletons are not different enough to accurately tell a male and female apart based on them. And also, no one’s trying to disprove sexual dimorphism. Sex isn’t a binary and intersex proves this. If it was binary, intersex variations wouldn’t exist.

Also, Gender is not Gender Roles. Terfs can scream all they want, the rest of the world doesn’t define gender as gender roles (if they did, the term “gender roles” wouldn’t exist).

Considering the “most” that they speak of is typically sex-trafficking victims, and women pressured into porn, no, it is not a fact that most women in sex work want out. Thousands of sex workers want to be sex workers, and typically are very anti-radfem because radfems refuse to listen to them.

To radfems the only sex worker voices that matter are the ones that they can use.

Oppression is not based on sex, and calling sex work “paid rape” is insulting to both sex workers and rape victims. It implies that sex workers don’t have any agency (which isn’t a shock coming from radfems. To them, women only have agency when radfems agree with their choices) and that rape is comparable to having “being paid” as a condition for consenting to sex.

Also, it’s fucking hilarious that they say “sex workers don’t have any self-respect.” Literally every sex worker I’ve ever met has more self-respect than any non-sex worker. Turns out sex workers aren’t all a bunch of cowering teenagers being forced at gunpoint to undress. In fact, none of them are because that falls under “sex trafficking victim.”

Here’s where they show their ignorance of trans women most. Statistically trans women commit far less violence than cis women. And as radfems themselves have demonstrated, cis women are a bigger threat to eachother in bathrooms than trans women are.

Also, being let into the women’s bathrooms keeps us safe. As does women’s shelters, which are literally built to help women (which includes us).

And even cis women prisoners who are deemed too much of a danger to other cis women prisoners are housed in male prisons. Terfs are so ignorant of even that, yet they think they can fool anyone????

Face the fucking music already. Trans women aren’t a danger to cis women and letting us into these spaces is not a bad thing. Stop fearmongering and get your heads out of your asses.

And last, but absolutely least:

That is not actually something we can verify. The vast majority of humans do not get their chromosomes checked, not even at birth. Doctors just look at your junk and say “this one’s a boy/girl” and that’s that. We have no idea how common combinations like XXY, XXXX, XXXY, etc. are because most humans do not ever get their chromosomes checked. So that’s strike 1 in this paragraph.

Strike two is claiming to not be against trans rights, yet thinks labeling trans women a danger for no better reason than their genitals and forcing trans women to be in danger for the feelings of cis women (and yes, it is feelings. Sexual assault in bathrooms has not increased by any significant margine since self-ID came into effect. The supposed consequences they scream about have not come to pass) is something that should be done.

Nevermind the whole completely not understanding what transgenderism is thing, strike three comes when they pull the same tired old “there’ll be predatory males in female-only spaces!” scaremonger. Again, this is a non-issue. Accepting trans women into women’s spaces has not harmed cis women at all. But actively trying to keep us out has. Even Cathy Brennan was villainized for opposing an attempt to hurt trans people, despite it literally coming at the cost of harming the LGB and Women. Terfs don’t truly care about women. They just want to hurt trans women. Incidences like Cathy’s there proves that.

Alright, I’m done. :3

[imadethisblogfor1post]

What is gender? Please send help

Content warning: ignorance about transgender issues, discussion of sexism, well-meaning-ally-who-doesn’t-quite-get-it-ism. Callouts welcome and encouraged.

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I want to start by saying that despite my profound lack of understanding about what gender is, I don’t want to invalidate anyone. I want so badly to be a supportive ally to trans and nonbinary folks, and at first I did a lot of reading to try to understand, but no matter how much I read, I stayed confused. So eventually, I gave up. After all, I don’t have to have a deep understanding of an identity to know that people are deserving of respect. If calling someone a particular name or using a particular set of pronouns will help them know that I love and respect them, then of course, of course, I will do that. Nothing I am about to say changes that.

The only problem is, not understanding makes it really hard to call out bigotry, because I don’t always see it. This post was triggered by a recent transphobic tweetstorm by JK Rowling, and I think I get why most of those were bad, but with some I’m still more sympathetic than I’m comfortable with. This continues a trend I’ve seen for a while: some of the most helpful pieces of reading material have been posts from radical feminists that I found myself nodding along to, only to find that the point of the post my friend was sharing was the attached comment and call-out. These served as huge wake-up calls, but it still wasn’t enough to explain to me what I wasn’t getting. More than that, even after the call outs, even after knowing that some of the points of the original post were transphobic, I sometimes can’t help feeling that some part of it rang true. Therefore, my problems as an ally come in two parts. One, I deeply lack the understanding to call out bigotry in others and myself, and two, there are some real conflicts between the feminism I subscribe to and certain aspects of trans ideology (ideology is not a good word to use here, but I’m at a loss for what else to call it)(sorry).

I’ll start with the second— it’s the worse one anyhow. The crux of the problem is this: there are distinct consequences to being assigned female at birth. We are treated differently, we are socialized differently, and no matter how progressive your parents are, it’s impossible to completely escape. Put simply, cis women and trans women do not experience 100% the same types of oppression. This is not to say either experiences more or less pain, this is not to say either is more or less deserving of support, this is not to say that we as feminists should not strive to be intersectional (we should). All I am saying is that inclusion cannot come at the expense of erasing or silencing the experiences of people who were assigned female at birth.

I have a few specific concerns on this matter - these are the points that make me sympathetic to radical feminism (even when I see them called terfs, as ashamed as I am to admit it).

One, we need to be allowed to use words about female anatomy without being called terfs. It’s not okay to exclude people and imply that all women have uteri and all people with uteri are women, but it needs to be okay to talk about uteri.This one comes up less often, but when it does come up I find myself extremely indignant. I am sincerely sorry that talking about anatomy triggers dysphoria, but in a world where female anatomy is treated as inherently explicit, and people have been silenced in legislative settings simply for using those anatomical terms, we can’t afford to be silenced within our own communities. 

Two, it’s not okay to shout people down for how they experience attraction. I really shouldn’t have to say this, but too often I’ve seen lesbians pressured or called transphobic for not being interested in being with someone with a penis. It’s not uncommon for lesbians to experience compulsory attraction to men before recognizing their sexuality. That, combined with the prevalence of sexual violence against women and people who are assigned female at birth, makes me extremely skeptical of anyone whose response to rejection is to attempt to shame them into changing their mind. Again, I’m sorry, and it sucks that it causes dysphoria, but no one is entitled to anyone else’s attraction. It is not okay to pressure anyone else into a relationship or sex, regardless of the circumstances. I myself am gray-ace and panromantic - suffice to say I don’t really get how being attracted to genitals works, but if that’s how it works for them, then that’s how it works for them. If we need different words for “hi I’m attracted to the gender of woman” and “hi I’m attracted to female anatomy” then so be it, but honestly people probably shouldn’t have to disclose that much information right out the gates, and both should be allowed to call themselves lesbians. There’s a balance to be struck here, but I’m sick of seeing lesbians alienated for this, and it needs to be addressed.

Three, there need to be spaces for people who were assigned female at birth, without people who were assigned male at birth (unless they are invited as a guest). As mentioned above, sexual and gender based violence against AFAB people is incredibly common. A lot of us have trauma around it. We need spaces where we can talk about those experiences without being shouted down, the same way trans people need spaces to talk about their experiences. This is a bit of a slippery slope - obviously there need to be intersectional spaces as well, and it’s not okay to exclude people, as long as everyone is being respectful. But it’s important to make space for all of us, and understand that our experiences are not uniformly the same.

I’m not sure why this has been such an issue. Some part of me that I hate to acknowledge suggests that part of the problem is that people who are assigned male at birth tend to be more entitled than people who are assigned female at birth, simply because that’s how they were taught and socialized when they were younger, but that brings up a whole slew of other issues, and I’d hate to paint with too broad a brush. Perhaps it’s just that the fight for inclusion needs to be fierce and thorough, and any space where one isn’t included is treated as an attack, even if that isn’t the intent. No matter the reason, we need to understand that we are not all the same, and that’s not a bad thing. 

In a roundabout way, this brings me to my other barrier to being a good ally: I just don’t *get* gender. It’s not that I haven’t tried. As I mentioned early on in this post, when I first realized how much I didn’t understand about gender I did so much reading. I watched videos. I listened to podcasts. I went to a workshop (though truth be told the workshop did more harm than good). And what I got is this: it sounds like there’s a common experience, some strong internal certainty that composes gender identity, that says “I am a woman”, or “I am a man”, or “I am neither”, as the case may be. I have never felt this certainty. There is no emotion that tells me I am a woman, there is no internal compass, there is no sense of “no, that’s not right” when I imagine myself as a man, except a sense of unfamiliarity with the idea. As far as I’m concerned, I’m a woman because that’s what I’ve always been, and that’s how I’ve always been treated. It would be odd to use he/him pronouns for me because no one’s ever done that, and it would cause confusion, but that’s about the end of my issue with it.

This is, of course, directly in conflict with much of the narrative around gender these days. There must be something I’m missing, but I can never seem to pin down what gender actually *is* and every analogy and metaphor seems to confuse me even more.

Gender must not be biological sex, because trans people exist. Nonbinary people exist. Both are valid, and for all that I’m not a very good ally, I know that much.

Gender must not be personality traits, because, that’s personality. There are people on all areas of the gender spectrum with all types of personality traits. Don’t tell me that women can’t be brash, that men can’t be sweet.They are.

Gender must not be how you dress, because hey, we should all be able to dress however we want! How you dress doesn’t change your identity. (This part is gender expression though I think, if I’ve followed the articles correctly) Butch women exist, feminine men exist, androgynous people exist, all are valid.

Gender must not be gender roles, because honestly, fuck that. Gender roles are a tool of patriarchal oppression, and I’m not about to sit here and that be all there is to gender identity. If it helps you feel more at home in your skin then more power to ya, but that can’t be all there is.

So then, what is it? What is left? This isn’t a rhetorical question. I have genuinely tried to find answers to this and I have never been more lost. When I went to the trans allyship workshop mentioned above, I was told by the others at my table that to them being a woman was being nurturing, valuing family, being empathetic, being a caretaker. I was so relieved that we ran out of time before it was my turn. I don’t know what being a woman is to me, it’s just what I’ve always been. The only thing it has ever meant was shame about my body, shame about my period, enduring r*pe jokes and kitchen jokes from my guy friends, always having to be the one to “seduce the guard” when we played d&d, and other, darker things I don’t want to mention. It’s only ever been painful, and fearful, and ashamed. On the one hand, it means I’m inclined to believe trans women when they say that gender isn’t a choice— after all, who would choose this? But on the other, I know there must be more to this, something that I’m missing because my identity is too deeply rooted in oppression. I am ripping those roots out one by one, but they go deep, and I’m scared that without them I won’t have any point of reference left.

I want to understand gender, but even if I never do, I will always respect the identity and pronouns that people claim as their own. It is never my intent to dehumanize, or exclude. I want to be able to call out bigotry, I want to be able to stand up for my trans and nonbinary friends, I want to be sure that I don’t say something to them that causes them harm. 

But at its core: I don’t get it. What is gender? What makes a gender what it is?

Again, this is non-rhetorical. If you have the time and energy, I welcome any information, any resources, any anecdotes, anything at all to help me understand. I’ve looked, hard, but I won’t pretend to have read anywhere near the full lexicon of literature on this subject. If I’ve said something that upset or angered you, please don’t hesitate to call me out. Yell at me, if that’s what this post inspires, and I’ll do my best to learn from it, or at the very least maybe it will serve as a wake-up call for someone else. Or, if you agree, I’d be grateful to know that too. It can get pretty lonely feeling like there’s some manual to gender that everyone else has that somehow I never got.

TL;DR: What is gender? I want to learn but I’m hella lost and struggling to be both a trans ally and a radical feminist, and I was so afraid of offending anyone that I literally made a blog just for this post, which is silly because I don’t even really use my main blog. I just know that if you’re looking for callouts, this is where you go.

[parentsnevertoldus]

Characteristics of Patriarchy

From CADTM.org

cw// violence against women, r*pe, sexual violence

Male domination cannot be reduced to a sum of individual acts of discrimination. It is a coherent system that shapes all aspects of life, both collective and individual.

1) Women are “overexploited” in their workplace, and in addition, they perform many hours of housework, but housework does not have the same status as paid work. Internationally, statistics show that if both women’s paid professional work and their housework are taken into account, women are “overworked” compared to men. The separation in terms of household chores and family responsibilities is the visible face (thanks to feminists) of a social order based on a sexual division of labor, that is a distribution of tasks between men and women, according to which women are supposed to devote themselves first and foremost and “quite naturally” to the domestic and private sphere, while men devote their time and efforts to productive and public activities. This distribution, which is far from being “complementary”, has established a hierarchy of activities in which the “masculine” ones are assigned high value and the “feminine” ones, low value. There has in fact never been a situation of equality. The vast majority of women have always performed both a productive activity (in the broad sense of the term) and various household tasks.

2) Domination is characterized by the complete or partial absence of rights. Married women in 19th century Europe had almost no rights; the rights of women in Saudi Arabia today are virtually non-existent (generally speaking, women who live in societies in which religion is an affair of the State have very limited rights). The rights of Western women have increased considerably, partly under the influence of the development of capitalism, which needed them to work and consume “freely,” but even more, as a result of their own struggles. Women have continued to struggle collectively for more than two centuries to gain the right to vote, work, unionize, exercise their motherhood freely, and to full and total equality in the workplace, family, and public sphere.

3) Domination is always accompanied by violence, which can be physical, moral, or in the realm of ideas. Physical violence may be conjugal violence, rape, or genital mutilation: this violence can go as far as murder. Moral or psychological violence may be insults or humiliations. In the realm of ideas, violent acts are represented in various ways, such as in myths and various forms of discourse. For example, among the Baruya (an ethnic group from New Guinea) where male domination is omnipresent, women’s milk is not considered to be their own product but the transformation of male sperm. Obviously, this representation of milk as being a ‘by-product’ of sperm is a form of appropriation by men of women’s power to procreate. It is also a way to codify the subordination of women in the representation of the body.

4) Relationships based on domination are often accompanied by discourse that represents social inequalities as natural. The effect of this discourse is to make people accept these inequalities as an inevitable destiny: they have natural origins, and cannot be changed. This type of discourse can be found in most societies. For example, the Ancient Greeks referred to the categories of ‘hot’ and ‘cold’, and ‘dry’ and ‘moist’ to make a distinction between “masculinity” and “femininity”. Aristotle offers the following explanation: "The masculine is hot and dry, associated with fire and a positive value; the feminine is cold and moist, associated with water and a negative value (...).” It has to do, he says, with a different nature in their aptitude to ‘cook’ blood: women’s menstruations are the incomplete and imperfect form of sperm. The perfect/imperfect, pure/impure relationship Aristotle establishes between sperm and menstruations (and therefore between the masculine the feminine), has its origins in a fundamental biological difference. Thus, a form of social inequality codified in the social organization of the Greek city-state (women were not citizens) is transcribed as being natural, through the representation of the body.

In other societies, other “natural” qualities are associated with men and women, also resulting in a hierarchical ordering of the two genders. To cite one example, in Inuit society, the cold, the raw, and nature are associated with men, whereas the hot, the cooked, and culture are associated with women. Just the opposite is true in Western societies, in which man is associated with culture and woman with nature. We can thus observe that with different “natural” qualities (cold and hot for women, for example), the ultimate result is always a hierarchical social order of men and women, and whatever the “natural” quality may be, it is always less good in women.

My goal is not to deny that there are biological differences between men and women; however, observing a difference does not mean automatically accepting that there is inequality. Likewise, when a set of “natural differences” is exaggerated in a society, not between various individuals but between social groups, we must suspect that there is a social relationship of inequality hidden behind the discourse of difference.

This discourse of “naturalization” is not specific to the dominance-based relationship between men and women; it may also be used to refer to the situation of blacks. For example, some discourses have justified the various forms of exploitation and oppression of blacks by referring to their congenital “laziness”. A similar assertion was made about workers in the 19th century: at that time, their inability to escape from poverty was explained by the fact that in was in their “nature” to be drunkards from father to son. This type of discourse tends to transform the individuals involved in social relationships into “species” with definitive “qualities.” As these qualities have natural origins, they cannot be changed, which justifies and legitimates the inequality in relationships of exploitation and oppression.

5) If there are no social struggles, discourses based on “naturalization” can be easily internalized by the oppressed. For example, as far as women are concerned, there is the commonly held idea according to which it is because they bear and give birth to children, that they are “naturally” more gifted than men for taking care of them, at least when they are young. However, young women are often as unprepared as their spouses in the first days after a child is born. On the other hand, they have often been prepared psychologically (through education and the norms that permeate society) for this new responsibility, which is going to require them to learn new skills. This distribution of tasks concerning young children (which means that women are almost exclusively responsible for the actual care given to babies) is not in the least bit “natural”; it is a question of social organization, of a collective choice made by society, even if it is not explicitly formulated. The result is well known: it is mainly women who must do what they can to “reconcile” professional work and family responsibilities, to the detriment of their health and professional situation, whereas men are deprived of this continuous contact with their young children. This naturalization of social relations is unconsciously (subtly) codified in the behavior of the dominant and the dominated, and pushes them to act in accordance with the logic behind these social relations: in Mediterranean societies, for example, men must obey the logic of honor (at any moment, they must be ready to prove their “manliness”), whereas women must adhere to the code of being discrete and docile while serving others. The result of this discourse of “naturalization”, expressed by the dominant, is that individuals of both sexes are labeled, assigned a single identity, and in some cases persecuted or at least mistreated, in the name of their social origins, the color of their skin, their gender, sexual orientation, etc. In Western societies, the white, middle class, Christian, heterosexual man has been and is still to a large extent the reference model. Only a person with these types of characteristics could (can) pretend to be a complete individual who can speak for humanity. All the others - black people, Jewish people, g*psies, gays, immigrant workers, and their children, and women (who can, in fact, be burdened by several of these “afflictions” - had to, and must still today, justify themselves to enjoy the same rights as the dominant group.

[phroyd]

WASHINGTON — The Trump administration is considering narrowly defining gender as a biological, immutable condition determined by genitalia at birth, the most drastic move yet in a governmentwide effort to roll back recognition and protections of transgender people under federal civil rights law.

A series of decisions by the Obama administration loosened the legal concept of gender in federal programs, including in education and health care, recognizing gender largely as an individual’s choice and not determined by the sex assigned at birth. The policy prompted fights over bathrooms, dormitories, single-sex programs and other arenas where gender was once seen as a simple concept. Conservatives, especially evangelical Christians, were incensed.

Now the Department of Health and Human Services is spearheading an effort to establish a legal definition of sex under Title IX, the federal civil rights law that bans gender discrimination in education programs that receive government financial assistance, according to a memo obtained by The New York Times.

The department argued in its memo that key government agencies needed to adopt an explicit and uniform definition of gender as determined “on a biological basis that is clear, grounded in science, objective and administrable.” The agency’s proposed definition would define sex as either male or female, unchangeable, and determined by the genitals that a person is born with, according to a draft reviewed by The Times. Any dispute about one’s sex would have to be clarified using genetic testing.

“Sex means a person’s status as male or female based on immutable biological traits identifiable by or before birth,” the department proposed in the memo, which was drafted and has been circulating since last spring. “The sex listed on a person’s birth certificate, as originally issued, shall constitute definitive proof of a person’s sex unless rebutted by reliable genetic evidence.”

The new definition would essentially eradicate federal recognition of the estimated 1.4 million Americans who have opted to recognize themselves — surgically or otherwise — as a gender other than the one they were born into.

“This takes a position that what the medical community understands about their patients — what people understand about themselves — is irrelevant because the government disagrees,” said Catherine E. Lhamon, who led the Education Department’s Office for Civil Rights in the Obama administration and helped write transgender guidance that is being undone.

The move would be the most significant of a series of maneuvers, large and small, to exclude the population from civil rights protections and roll back the Obama administration’s more fluid recognition of gender identity. The Trump administration has sought to bar transgender people from serving in the military and has legally challenged civil rights protections for the group embedded in the nation’s health care law.

Several agencies have withdrawn Obama-era policies that recognized gender identity in schools, prisons and homeless shelters. The administration even tried to remove questions about gender identity from a 2020 census survey and a national survey of elderly citizens.

For the last year, health and human services has privately argued that the term “sex” was never meant to include gender identity or even homosexuality, and that the lack of clarity allowed the Obama administration to wrongfully extend civil rights protections to people who should not have them.

Roger Severino, the director of the Office for Civil Rights at the Department of Health and Human Services, declined to answer detailed questions about the memo or his role in interagency discussions about how to revise the definition of sex under Title IX.

But officials at the Department of Health and Human Services confirmed that their push to limit the definition of sex for the purpose of federal civil rights laws resulted from their own reading of the laws and from a court decision.

Mr. Severino, while serving as the head of the DeVos Center for Religion and Civil Society at the Heritage Foundation, was among the conservatives who blanched at the Obama administration’s expansion of sex to include gender identity, which he called “radical gender ideology.”

In one commentary piece, he called the policies a “culmination of a series of unilateral, and frequently lawless, administration attempts to impose a new definition of what it means to be a man or a woman on the entire nation.”

“Transgender people are frightened,” said Sarah Warbelow, the legal director of the Human Rights Campaign, which presses for the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. “At every step where the administration has had the choice, they’ve opted to turn their back on transgender people.”

The Department of Health and Human Services has called on the “Big Four” agencies that enforce some part of Title IX — the Departments of Education, Justice, Health and Human Services, and Labor — to adopt its definition in regulations that will establish uniformity in the government and increase the likelihood that courts will accept it.

The definition is integral to two proposed rules currently under review at the White House: One from the Education Department deals with complaints of sex discrimination at schools and colleges receiving federal financial assistance; the other, from health and human services, deals with health programs and activities that receive federal funds or subsidies. Both regulations are expected to be released this fall, and would then be open for public comment, typically for 60 days. The agencies would consider the comments before issuing final rules with the force of law — both of which could include the new gender definition.

Civil rights groups have been meeting with federal officials in recent weeks to argue against the proposed definition, which has divided career and political appointees across the administration. Some officials hope that health and human services will at least rein in the most extreme parts, such as the call for genetic testing to determine sex.

After more than a year of discussions, health and human services is preparing to formally present the new definition to the Justice Department before the end of the year, Trump administration officials say. If the Justice Department decides that the change is legal, the new definition can be approved and enforced in Title IX statutes, and across government agencies.

The Justice Department declined to comment on the draft health and human services proposal. The Justice Department has not yet been asked to render a formal legal opinion, according to an official there who was not authorized to speak about the process.

But Attorney General Jeff Sessions’s previous decisions on transgender protections have given civil rights advocates little hope that the department will prevent the new definition from being enforced. The proposal appears consistent with the position he took in an October 2017 memo sent to agencies clarifying that the civil rights law that prohibits job discrimination does not cover “gender identity, per se.”

Harper Jean Tobin, the policy director of the National Center for Transgender Equality, an advocacy group, called the maneuvering “an extremely aggressive legal position that is inconsistent with dozens of federal court decisions.”

Health and human services officials said they were only abiding by court orders, referring to the rulings of Judge Reed O’Connor of the Federal District Court in Fort Worth, Tex., a George W. Bush appointee who has held that “Congress did not understand ‘sex’ to include ‘gender identity.’”

A 2016 ruling by Judge O’Connor concerned a rule that was adopted to carry out a civil rights statute embedded in the Affordable Care Act. The provision prohibits discrimination based on race, color, national origin, sex, age or disability in “any health program or activity” that receives federal financial assistance.

But in recent discussions with the administration, civil rights groups, including Lambda Legal, have pointed to other court cases. In a legal memo presented to the administration, a coalition of civil rights groups wrote, “The overwhelming majority of courts to address the question since the most relevant Supreme Court precedent in 1998 have held that antitransgender bias constitutes sex discrimination under federal laws like Title IX.”

Indeed, the health and human services proposal was prompted, in part, by pro-transgender court decisions in the last year that upheld the Obama administration’s position.

In their memo, health and human services officials wrote that “courts and plaintiffs are racing to get decisions” ahead of any rule-making, because of the lack of a stand-alone definition.

“Courts and the previous administration took advantage of this circumstance to include gender identity and sexual orientation in a multitude of agencies, and under a multitude of laws,” the memo states. Doing so “led to confusion and negative policy consequences in health care, education and other federal contexts.”

The narrower definition would be acutely felt in schools and their most visible battlegrounds: locker rooms and bathrooms.

One of the Trump administration’s first decisive policy acts was the rescission by the Education and Justice Departments of Obama-era guidelines that protected transgender students who wanted to use bathrooms that correspond to their gender identity.

Since the guidance was rescinded, the Education Department’s Office for Civil Rights has halted and dismissed discrimination cases filed by transgender students over access to school facilities. A restrictive governmentwide definition would cement the Education Department’s current approach.

But it would also raise new questions.

The department would have to decide what documentation schools would be required to collect to determine or codify gender. Title IX applies to a number of educational experiences, such as sports and single-sex classes or programs where gender identity has come into play. The department has said it will continue to open cases where transgender students face discrimination, bullying and harassment, and investigate gender-based harassment as “unwelcome conduct based on a student’s sex” or “harassing conduct based on a student’s failure to conform to sex stereotypes.”

The Education Department did not respond to an inquiry about the health and human services proposal.

Ms. Lhamon of the Obama Education Department said the proposed definition “quite simply negates the humanity of people.”

Phroyd

[the-mira-life-project-mtf]

‘Transgender’ Could Be Defined Out of Existence Under Trump Administration

     The Trump administration is considering narrowly defining gender as a biological, immutable condition determined by genitalia at birth, the most drastic move yet in a government wide effort to roll back recognition and protections of transgender people under federal civil rights law.

     A series of decisions by the Obama administration loosened the legal concept of gender in federal programs, including in education and health care, recognizing gender largely as an individual’s choice and not determined by the sex assigned at birth. The policy prompted fights over bathrooms, dormitories, single-sex programs and other arenas where gender was once seen as a simple concept. Conservatives, especially evangelical Christians, were incensed.

     Now the Department of Health and Human Services is spearheading an effort to establish a legal definition of sex under Title IX, the federal civil rights law that bans gender discrimination in education programs that receive government financial assistance, according to a memo obtained by The New York Times.

     The department argued in its memo that key government agencies needed to adopt an explicit and uniform definition of gender as determined “on a biological basis that is clear, grounded in science, objective and administrable.” The agency’s proposed definition would define sex as either male or female, unchangeable, and determined by the genitals that a person is born with, according to a draft reviewed by The Times. Any dispute about one’s sex would have to be clarified using genetic testing.

     “Sex means a person’s status as male or female based on immutable biological traits identifiable by or before birth,” the department proposed in the memo, which was drafted and has been circulating since last spring. “The sex listed on a person’s birth certificate, as originally issued, shall constitute definitive proof of a person’s sex unless rebutted by reliable genetic evidence.”

     The new definition would essentially eradicate federal recognition of the estimated 1.4 million Americans who have opted to recognize themselves — surgically or otherwise — as a gender other than the one they were born into.

“This takes a position that what the medical community understands about their patients — what people understand about themselves — is irrelevant because the government disagrees,” said Catherine E. Lhamon, who led the Education Department’s Office for Civil Rights in the Obama administration and helped write transgender guidance that is being undone.

The move would be the most significant of a series of maneuvers, large and small, to exclude the population from civil rights protections and roll back the Obama administration’s more fluid recognition of gender identity. The Trump administration has sought to bar transgender people from serving in the military and has legally challenged civil rights protections for the group embedded in the nation’s health care law.

     Several agencies have withdrawn Obama-era policies that recognized gender identity in schools, prisons and homeless shelters. The administration even tried to remove questions about gender identity from a 2020 census survey and a national survey of elderly citizens.

     For the last year, the Department of Health and Human Services has privately argued that the term “sex” was never meant to include gender identity or even homosexuality, and that the lack of clarity allowed the Obama administration to wrongfully extend civil rights protections to people who should not have them.

     Roger Severino, the director of the Office for Civil Rights at the department, declined to answer detailed questions about the memo or his role in interagency discussions about how to revise the definition of sex under Title IX.

     But officials at the department confirmed that their push to limit the definition of sex for the purpose of federal civil rights laws resulted from their own reading of the laws and from a court decision.

     Mr. Severino, while serving as the head of the DeVos Center for Religion and Civil Society at the Heritage Foundation, was among the conservatives who blanched at the Obama administration’s expansion of sex to include gender identity, which he called “radical gender ideology.”

     In one commentary piece, he called the policies a “culmination of a series of unilateral, and frequently lawless, administration attempts to impose a new definition of what it means to be a man or a woman on the entire nation.”

     “Transgender people are frightened,” said Sarah Warbelow, the legal director of the Human Rights Campaign, which presses for the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. “At every step where the administration has had the choice, they’ve opted to turn their back on transgender people.” After this article was published online, transgender people took to social media to post photographs of themselves with the hashtag #WontBeErased.

     The Department of Health and Human Services has called on the “Big Four” agencies that enforce some part of Title IX — the Departments of Education, Justice, Health and Human Services, and Labor — to adopt its definition in regulations that will establish uniformity in the government and increase the likelihood that courts will accept it.

     The definition is integral to two proposed rules currently under review at the White House: One from the Education Department deals with complaints of sex discrimination at schools and colleges receiving federal financial assistance; the other, from health and human services, deals with health programs and activities that receive federal funds or subsidies. Both regulations are expected to be released this fall, and would then be open for public comment, typically for 60 days. The agencies would consider the comments before issuing final rules with the force of law — both of which could include the new gender definition.

     Civil rights groups have been meeting with federal officials in recent weeks to argue against the proposed definition, which has divided career and political appointees across the administration. Some officials hope that health and human services will at least rein in the most extreme parts, such as the call for genetic testing to determine sex.

     After more than a year of discussions, health and human services is preparing to formally present the new definition to the Justice Department before the end of the year, Trump administration officials say. If the Justice Department decides that the change is legal, the new definition can be approved and enforced in Title IX statutes, and across government agencies.

     The Justice Department declined to comment on the draft health and human services proposal. The Justice Department has not yet been asked to render a formal legal opinion, according to an official there who was not authorized to speak about the process.

     But Attorney General Jeff Sessions’s previous decisions on transgender protections have given civil rights advocates little hope that the department will prevent the new definition from being enforced. The proposal appears consistent with the position he took in an October 2017 memo sent to agencies clarifying that the civil rights law that prohibits job discrimination does not cover “gender identity, per se.”

     Health and human services officials said they were only abiding by court orders, referring to the rulings of Judge Reed O’Connor of the Federal District Court in Fort Worth, Tex., a George W. Bush appointee who has held that “Congress did not understand ‘sex’ to include ‘gender identity.’”

     A 2016 ruling by Judge O’Connor concerned a rule that was adopted to carry out a civil rights statute embedded in the Affordable Care Act. The provision prohibits discrimination based on race, color, national origin, sex, age or disability in “any health program or activity” that receives federal financial assistance.

     But in recent discussions with the administration, civil rights groups, including Lambda Legal, have pointed to other court cases. In a legal memo presented to the administration, a coalition of civil rights groups wrote, “The overwhelming majority of courts to address the question since the most relevant Supreme Court precedent in 1998 have held that antitransgender bias constitutes sex discrimination under federal laws like Title IX.”

     Indeed, the health and human services proposal was prompted, in part, by pro-transgender court decisions in the last year that upheld the Obama administration’s position.

     In their memo, health and human services officials wrote that “courts and plaintiffs are racing to get decisions” ahead of any rule-making, because of the lack of a stand-alone definition.

     “Courts and the previous administration took advantage of this circumstance to include gender identity and sexual orientation in a multitude of agencies, and under a multitude of laws,” the memo states. Doing so “led to confusion and negative policy consequences in health care, education and other federal contexts.”

     One of the Trump administration’s first decisive policy acts was the rescission by the Education and Justice Departments of Obama-era guidelines that protected transgender students who wanted to use bathrooms that correspond to their gender identity.

     Since the guidance was rescinded, the Education Department’s Office for Civil Rights has halted and dismissed discrimination cases filed by transgender students over access to school facilities. A restrictive government wide definition would cement the Education Department’s current approach.

     But it would also raise new questions.

     The department would have to decide what documentation schools would be required to collect to determine or codify gender. Title IX applies to a number of educational experiences, like sports and single-sex classes or programs where gender identity has come into play. The department has said it will continue to open cases where transgender students face discrimination, bullying and harassment, and investigate gender-based harassment as “unwelcome conduct based on a student’s sex” or “harassing conduct based on a student’s failure to conform to sex stereotypes.”

     The Education Department did not respond to an inquiry about the health and human services proposal.

     Ms. Lhamon of the Obama Education Department said the proposed definition “quite simply negates the humanity of people.”

A version of this article appears in print on Oct. 21, 2018, on Page A1 of the New York edition with the headline: Trump May Limit How Government Defines One’s Sex. New York Times.

[safehavenlgbtq]

LGBTQ+ Dictionary

Abrogender:A person whose gender is fluid and always changing.

Abroromantic:A person who has fluid romantic attraction that is always changing.

Abrosexual:A person who has fluid sexual attraction that is always changing.

Acephobia:Range of negative attitudes that one may have/express towards asexual individuals.

Advocate:A person who actively works to end intolerance, educate others, and support social equity for a marginalized group.

Aegosexual:A person who feels arousal but does not want to participate. The disconnection between oneself and the sexual target.

AFAB:A person who is assigned female at birth.

Agender:A person who does not identify themselves as having a particular gender.

Ally:A typically straight or cis-identified person who supports, respects, and fights for equal rights with members of the LGBTQ+ community.

AMAB:A person who is assigned male at birth.

Androgyny(ous):A gender expression that has characteristics of both masculinity and femininity.

Androromantic:A person who has romantic attraction to men, males, and/or masculinity.

Androsexual:A person who has sexual attraction to men, males, and/or masculinity.

Anongender:A gender that is unknown to yourself and others.

Aromantic/Aro:A person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. A lack of interest in forming romantic relationships.

Asexual/Ace:A person who experiences little or no sexual attraction to others. A lack of interest or desire for sex or sexual partners.

Baby Dyke:A lesbian who is young and new to being a lesbian.

Bear:A gay man who is often larger, has more body hair, and is more masculine presenting.

Beard:A person of the opposite gender that dates/marries a closeted lesbian or gay man to cover up their homosexuality.

Bicurious:A person who is curious about having sexual experiences/attraction with people of the same gender/sex. A person who has an intense interest in bisexuality, but may not fully be confident in classifying themselves as such yet.

BifiA person’s self-proclaimed ability to, based on stereotypes, determine whether someone is Bisexual. Bisexual Wifi.

Bigender:A person whose sense of gender identidy emcompasses two genders.

Binder:A piece of clothing used to flatten the chest, often worn by transmascualine or androgynous identifying people.

Biphobia:Range of negative attitudes that one may have/express towards bisexual individuals.

Biromantic:A person romantically attracted to two genders. This attraction does not have to be equally split.

Bisexual:A person, physically/sexually attracted the same gender, and other genders. This attraction does not have to be equally split.

Bottom Surgery:Surgery for the construction of a male-type genitalia, or for a female-type genitalia.

Bull:A gay man who is very built/muscular.

Bull Dyke:A lesbian who is notably masculine in appearance or manner. Most masculine of butch lesbians.

Butch:A lesbian who is masculine.

Chapstick Lesbian:A lesbian who is somewhat of a "tomboy." They tend to not fully fit the extremes of a stud or femme lesbian, but a blend of the two.

Cisgender/Cis:A person whose gender identity and biological sex assigned at birth align.

Closeted/In The Closet:A person who have not disclosed their sexual/gender identity. Whether for safety reasons, social pressure, or otherwise.

Coming Out:Process by which one accepts and/or comes to identify one’s own sexuality or gender identity.

Constellation:An arrangement or structure of a polyamorous relationship.

Cub:A gay man who is a smaller Bear. Usually a younger/less mature Bear.

Deadname:The birth name of a person who has since changed their name.

Demiboy:A person whose gender is only partially male.

Demigender:A person whose gender is only partially connected to a certain gender.

Demigirl:A person whose gender is only partially female.

Demiromantic:A person who does not experience romantic attraction unless they have formed a strong emotional connection.

Demisexual:A person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they have formed a strong emotional connection.

Diesel Dyke:A lesbian who drive a truck. Typically more masculine.

Drag King:Someone who performs masculinity theatrically.

Drag Queen:Someone who performs femininity theatrically.

Dyke:A lesbian. Usually referring to a more masculine lesbian, but not always

Dykon:A lesbian icon.

Dysphoria:Term used to express distress experienced as a result of the sex or gender they were assigned at birth.

Faggot/Fag:A gay man.

Feminine of Center(FoC):A range of terms of gender identity and gender presentation for folks who present, understand themselves, relate to others in a more feminine way. Feminine of center individuals may also identify as femme, submissive, transfeminine, or more.

Feminine Presenting:A person who expresses gender in a more feminine, for example in their hairstyle, demeanor, clothing choice, or style. Not to be confused with Feminine of Center, which often includes a focus on identity as well as expression.

Femme:A lesbian who's notably feminine in appearance or manner.

Folx:A general neutral term for a group of people.

FTM/F2M:Abbreviation for female-to-male transgender person.

Gay:A person who is homosexual. An umbrella term used to refer to the LGBTQ community as a whole, or as an individual identity label for anyone who does not identify as heterosexual. Commonly used to refer to a homosexual male.

Gaydar:A person’s self-proclaimed ability to, based on stereotypes, determine whether someone is LGBTQ. Gay Radar.

Gender:The feeling of being male, female, both, or neither.

Gender Binary:Idea that there are only two genders; male/female and that a person must be strictly gendered as either.

Gender Expression:External display of a person's gender, through a combination of dress, demeanor, social behavior, and other factors, generally measured on scales of masculinity and femininity. Also referred to as “gender presentation.”

Gender Fluid:A gender identity that varies over time.

Genderflux:A gender intensely changes over time.

Gender Identity:Internal perception of a person's gender, and how they label themselves.

Gender Neutral:Nondiscriminatory language usage that can apply equal to people of any gender identity.

Gender Non Conforming(GNC):A gender expression that does not match either masculine or feminine gender norms.

Gender Normative/Gender Straight:Someone whose gender presentation reinforces ideal standards of masculinity or femininity.

Genderqueer:A gender umbrella term. A gender that's anything other that male or female.

Gender Roles:Socially constructed and culturally specific behaviors and appearance expectations imposed on men and women.

Grayromantic:A person who does not want to have romantic affiliations very often, but does sometimes experience romantic attraction and desires.

Graysexual:A person who does not want to have sex very often, but does sometimes experience sexual attraction and desires.

Gynoromantic:A person who is romantically attracted to women, females, and/or femininity.

Gynosexual:A person who is sexually attracted to woman, females, and/or femininity.

Hasbian:A woman who used to identify as a lesbian, but now dates soley men.

Heteroflexible:A person who primarily has heterosexual attractions but who has willingness to partake in homosexual activity, or minimal desire to.

Heteroromantic:A person who is romantically attracted to memebers of the opposite sex.

Heterosexual:A person sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex. Also known as straight.

Homoflexible:A person who primarily has homosexual attractions but who has willingness to partake in heterosexual activity, or minimal desire to.

Homophobic:Umbrella term for a range of negative attitudes that one may have towards members of LGBTQ community.

Homoromantic:A person who is romantically attracted to memebers of the same sex.

Homosexual:A person who is sexually attracted to members of the same sex. Also known as gay.

Hormone Replacement Therapy(HRT):Taking hormones to enable a person's outward appearance to conform more closely to one’s inner gender identity.

Internalized Homophobia:Experience of shame, aversion, or self-hatred in reaction to one’s own feelings of attraction for a person of the same sex.

Intersex:A person whose combination of chromosomes, gonads, hormones, internal sex organs, and genitals differs from the two expected patterns of male or female.

Kiki:A lesbian who is comfortable with either a passive or aggressive partner.

Lesbian:A woman who is attracted romantically, erotically, or emotionally to other women. A homosexual woman.

LGBTQ:An acronym for (L)esbian, (G)ay, (B)isexual, (T)ransgender, (Q)ueer, and more in the community.

Lipstick Lesbian:A lesbian with a highly feminine. Is sometimes used to refer to a lesbian who is assumed to be (or passes for) straight.

Masculine of Center(MoC):A range of terms of gender identity and gender presentation for folks who present, understand themselves, relate to others in a more masculine way. Masculine of center individuals may also identify as butch,stud, aggressive, boi, transmasculine, or more.

Masculine Presenting:A person who expresses gender in a more masculine, for example in their hairstyle, demeanor, clothing choice, or style. Not to be confused with Masculine of Center, which often includes a focus on identity as well as expression.

Metrosexual:A man with a strong aesthetic sense who spends more time, energy, or money on his appearance and grooming than is considered gender normative.

MOGAI:Acronym for (M)arginalized (O)rientations, (G)ender (A)lignments/Identities, and (I)ntersex.

Monogamy:The practice of, desire to, or orientation towards having one partner.

MTF/M2F:Abbreviation for male-to-female transgender person.

Mx.:Title that is gender neutral, replacing Mr., Ms., Miss, Mrs.

Non Binary:A person who identifies with or expresses a gender that is neither entierely male nor entierely female.

Omnigender:A person whose gender is vast and diverse of multiplicy.

Omniromantic:A person who experiences romantic attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions.

Omnisexual:A person who experiences sexual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions.

Otter:A gay man who is very hairy, with a thin or athletic build

Outing:Involuntary or unwanted disclosure of another person’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or intersex status.

Packing/Packer:Wearing padding or a phallic object in the front of the pants or underwear to give the appearance of having a penis and male bulge. Often used by trans* males.

Pangender:A person whose gender is vast and diverse of multiplicy.

Panromantic:A person who experiences romantic attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions.

Panscan:A person’s self-proclaimed ability to, based on stereotypes, determine whether someone is Pansexual. Pansexual Scan.

Pansexual:A person who experiences sexual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions.

Passing:Term for trans* people being accepted as, or able to “pass for,” a member of their self-identified gender/sex identity (regardless of birth sex). Or an LGB/queer individual who can is believed to be or perceived as straight.

Polyamory:The practice of, desire to, or orientation towards having ethically, honest, consensually non-monogamous relationships.

Polygender:A person whose gender is many, but not all.

Polyromantic:A person who is romantically attracted to multiple, but not all genders.

Polysexual:A person who is sexually attracted to multiple, but not all genders.

Queer:An umbrella term for someone who identifies as part of the LGBTQ+ community.

Questioning:A person who is unsure about or is exploring their own sexual orientation or gender identity.

Romantic Attraction:An emotional affinity for someone that evokes the want to engage in romantic behavior.

Romantic Orientation: .Type of romantic, emotional/spiritual attraction one feels for others.

Sex Reassignment Surgery:Surgical options that alter a person’s biological sex.Some refer to different surgical procedures as “top” surgery and “bottom” surgery to discuss what type of surgery they are having without having to be more explicit.

Sexual Attraction:Affinity for someone that evokes the want to engage in physical intimate behavior.

Sexual Orientation:Type of sexual attraction one feels for others.

Sexual Preferences:Types of sexual intercourse, stimulation, and gratification one likes to receive and participate in.

Skolioromantic:A person romantically attracted to genderqueer and transsexual people and expressions.

Skoliosexual:A person sexually attracted to genderqueer and transsexual people and expressions.

Stem:A lesbian who identifies between Femme and Stud.

Stud:A masculine lesbian. Also known as ‘soft butch’.

They/Them/Theirs:Gender neutral pronouns.

Third Gender:A person who does not identify with either man or woman, but identifies with another gender.

Top Surgery:Surgery for the construction of a male-type chest or breast augmentation for a female-type chest.

Transexual:A person who identifies psychologically as a gender/sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth.

Transfeminine:A gender used for a person AMAB but identify as a gender close to female .

Transgender(Trans*):Umbrella term covering a range of identities that transgress socially defined gender norms. Trans with an * is often used to indicate that you are referring to the larger group nature of the term. A person who identifies psychologically as a gender/sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth.

Transition(ing):The process a trans* person undergoes when changing their body appearance either to be more congruent with the gender/sex they feel themselves to be and/or to be in harmony with their preferred gender expression.

Transmasculine:A gender used for a person AFAB but identify as a gender close to male.

Transphobic:Range of negative attitudes that one may have/express towards transgender individuals.

Tucking:A practice, well-known in both trans and drag circles, of putting one's penis between and behind one's legs, so that it's not visible from the front of the body.

Twink:A gay man who is slender but masculine, with no body hair.

Wolf:A a gay man who is lean, muscular, and semi hairy.

Ze/Hir:Alternate pronouns that are gender neutral.

[umyikesiguess]

“You don’t need dysphoria to be transgender.”

“You don’t need dysphoria to be trans.” 

This is a sentence that can make people feel strongly. This is a sentence that has sparked up countless debates. People push and pull on either side of the argument until the sentences exchanged dissolve into petty insults; into worthless exchanges. No one seems to get anywhere.

I think the biggest problem here is that lots of people see this as an open debate, when in reality there truly is only one correct side. This correct side has scientific analysis and data to back up their reasoning, while the other side simply makes claims based off of their own opinions of what exactly gender is. Definitions are not taken into account. Data is not taken account. The only thing taken into account is one’s own warped definitions, opinions, and sick ideas of “inclusivity.”  

Another problem that usually arises is truscum leave areas of the conversation open, instead of closing and filling in all of the gaps. This leads tucutes to jab at areas where the argument has not yet been developed, only briefed upon for fleeting moments. They take words and twist them, purposefully misunderstanding them to make up for their lack of any real argument.

So here, in this post, I will leave nothing up to debate (well, you can still express your opinion and explain why or why not you agree or disagree with me, but factually, I will be correct), I will tie all loose ends. I will cite my sources and be thorough. I will fill in the gaps.

Truscum, terf, tucute, feminist, transphobe, lgbt, cishet, and so on, I welcome you all to read this post and give me your input.

Now, onto the main post: You need dysphoria to be transgender.

Firstly, let’s get some definitions out of the way.

Google defines the word “Transgender” as, ‘denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.’

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word as, ‘of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth; especially : of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity is opposite the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.’ (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/transgender)

“Gender” is defined by Google as, ‘the state of being male or female (typically used with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones).’

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “Gender” as, ‘the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex.’

The term “Gender Dysphoria” is defined by Google as, ‘the condition of feeling one's emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one's biological sex.’

And by Merriam-Webster Dictionary as, ‘a distressed state arising from conflict between a person's gender identity and the sex the person has or was identified as having at birth; also : a condition marked by such distress.’

Keep in mind (tucutes especially), I am not choosing to define these words the way that they have been defined. These definitions have been worded carefully and are based upon factual evidence. How you or I may define these terms is irrelevant, because these are the correct definitions, and they have already been decided upon. Unless new data comes up stating otherwise, which I doubt will happen, these definitions are static.

Now that we have defined these key terms, we should move on to the argument, and it’s simple, this sentence will sum it up: You need dysphoria to be transgender.

Why, though? Isn’t being transgender just an identity? And can’t anyone identify as whatever they please? And after all, gender is on a spectrum, and non-dysphoric transgenders aren’t hurting anyone. Maybe truscum should stop being gatekeepers---the LGBT community doesn’t need that kind of negativity.

These are common arguments I see tucutes making. First, I’m going to address the “why?”

Now, my favourite place to gather information from is the DSM. If you’re not already aware, the DSM stands for Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM) (and before we go any further, I do want to say that the DSM I’m using for reference is two editions out of date. The current version of the DSM does not include transgenderism in it, as the DSM stopped considering it a mental illness in 2013 [https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/where-transgender-is-no-longer-a-diagnosis/]. Furthermore, recently the WHO (World Health Organization) changed the classification of transgenderism, following in the DSM’s footsteps, just five years after the fact. However, despite the fact that my references are slightly out of date, I assure you they are reliable sources, and that the diagnosis that I present is still valid.) The DSM is basically just a big book of diagnoses for any and all mental illnesses. It is a book used religiously by psychiatrists, and me too.

The DSM I’ll be using for reference is the DSM-III (https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-009-9562-y) (which by the way, links countless references that you can check out.) In this book, we see the diagnostic criteria for transsexualism (transgenderism, GID, GD, or GI, whichever term you choose to use is fine. Though some of these terms may be classified as out of date, they all mean the same thing) as (a) sense of discomfort and inappropriateness about one’s anatomic sex, wish to be rid of one’s own genitals and to live as a member of the other sex, the disturbance has been continuous (not limited to periods of stress) for at least 2 years, absence of physical intersex or genetic abnormality, not due to another mental disorder, such as Schizophrenia.

Here what we see is what I’ll call The Pattern of Distress.

Now, if the criteria provided by the DSM doesn’t cut it for you, then let’s take a look at some other symptoms of transgenderism.

Psychology Today has this to say about transgenderism.

‘Gender dysphoria (formerly gender identity disorder) is defined by strong, persistent feelings of identification with the opposite gender and discomfort with one's own assigned sex that results in significant distress or impairment. People with gender dysphoria desire to live as members of the opposite sex and often dress and use mannerisms associated with the other gender. For instance, a person identified as a boy may feel and act like a girl. This incongruence causes significant distress, and this distress is not limited to a desire to simply be of the other gender, but may include a desire to be of an alternative gender.’

(https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/gender-dysphoria)

Now, what I want to address first is what I called the Pattern of Distress.

From each symptom of transsexualism, we see one consistent thing: Distress is caused by one’s biological sex. This is the key symptom of transsexualism, and this distress is otherwise known as Gender Dysphoria.

“A sense of discomfort and inappropriateness:” Distress. “Wish to be rid of one’s own genitals:” Distress. “The disturbance is continuous:” Distress.

All of these symptoms include distress. This distress is Gender Dysphoria, which is needed to transgender. You know why? Because distress is a key symptom of being transgender, and distress is equivalent to Gender Dysphoria.

Transgenderism and Gender Dysphoria are synonymous. Which is another thing I want to briefly touch on. In the medical world, these two words are, more or less, the same, and warrant the same diagnosis.

So, I think I’ve proved my point significantly. There’s no way around it: Gender Dysphoria is needed to be transgender.

Now, let’s move on to arguments I see tucutes commonly using. The most used argument that I’ve seen is anyone can identify themself however they please. The only way to be transgender is to identify as it. However, this argument lacks any evidence to support it.

Firstly, this implies that being transgender is simply a choice. If all you have to do is identify as transgender to be transgender then hypothetically, anyone could be transgender. And then, if being transgender is a choice, that would mean that it’s not a serious condition, and therefore things like top surgery, bottom surgery, and HRT would no longer be covered by insurance, and would be classified as cosmetic procedures. There would also no longer be a medical diagnosis for transgenderism, and it would not be a valid disorder, because, after all, you can just identify yourself as transgender and then you are. By that logic, being transgender is clearly just a choice and a choice does not warrant the need for a diagnosis.

Furthermore, what would be the incentive for people to not discriminate against people who identify themselves as transgender? After all, who would make a conscious decision to become the other gender. Who would pay thousands of dollars to mutilate themself in an irreversible way. Who would want those pink, puffy scars on their chest, or the pain of taking hormones? Surely only a freak would. So again I ask: What would the incentive be? (Also any discrimination would not even be classified as such because being transgender would a choice.)

See, this wishy washy idea that anyone can be transgender as long as they identify that way is extremely dangerous. It’s important to consider the consequences before we decide that being blindly all-inclusive is a good idea. We must consider the risks that these ideas pose. All of them.

But, now, let’s go into why someone can’t just identify as transgender and...be it.

First we must ask the question: Why is someone transgender? What makes this disorder valid?

The simple answer here is that there is an observable neurological difference between the transgender brain, and the cisgender brain.

‘In particular, researchers are identifying similarities and differences between aspects of the structure and function of the brains of trans- and cisgender individuals that could help explain the conviction that one’s gender and natal sex don’t match.

The results may not have much effect on how gender dysphoria is diagnosed and treated, notes Baudewijntje Kreukels, who studies gender incongruence at VU University Medical Center in Amsterdam. “It’s really important that it will not be seen as, ‘When you see [gender dysphoria] in the brain, then it’s true.’” But the insights from such research could go a long way toward satisfying the desire of some transgender people to understand the roots of their condition, she adds. “In that way, it is good to find out if these differences between them and their sex assigned at birth are reflected by measures in the brain.”’ (https://www.the-scientist.com/features/are-the-brains-of-transgender-people-different-from-those-of-cisgender-people-30027)

‘Several studies have looked for signs that transgender people have brains more similar to their experienced gender. Spanish investigators��led by psychobiologist Antonio Guillamon of the National Distance Education University in Madrid and neuropsychologist Carme Junqu Plaja of the University of Barcelona—used MRI to examine the brains of 24 female-to-males and 18 male-to-females—both before and after treatment with cross-sex hormones. Their results, published in 2013, showed that even before treatment the brain structures of the trans people were more similar in some respects to the brains of their experienced gender than those of their natal gender. For example, the female-to-male subjects had relatively thin subcortical areas (these areas tend to be thinner in men than in women). Male-to-female subjects tended to have thinner cortical regions in the right hemisphere, which is characteristic of a female brain. (Such differences became more pronounced after treatment.)’ (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-there-something-unique-about-the-transgender-brain/)

The cause of these neurological differences is not yet known, and it is extremely difficult to pinpoint where they stem from, however, it is speculated that it starts from the development of the baby in the mother’s womb.

‘One prominent hypothesis on the basis of gender dysphoria is that sexual differentiation of the genitals occurs separately from sexual differentiation of the brain in utero, making it possible that the body can veer in one direction and the mind in another. At the root of this idea is the notion that gender itself—the sense of which category one belongs in, as opposed to biological sex—is determined in the womb for humans. This hasn’t always been the scientific consensus. As recently as the 1980s, many researchers argued that social norms in how we raised our children solely dictated the behavioral differences that developed between girls and boys.’ (https://www.the-scientist.com/features/are-the-brains-of-transgender-people-different-from-those-of-cisgender-people-30027)

So, if there is a clear difference between the brain of a cisgender person and of a transgender, and this clear difference is the cause of Gender Dysphoria, then that means that you cannot just identify as trans and just be it. You must have the transgender brain (which causes Gender Dysphoria) to be trans.

Now, onto the whole, “gender is on a spectrum” myth.

There’s this idea that’s been going around that is less than factually correct, yet it spread like wildfire simply because it allowed Tumblr’s narrative on gender to flourish.

Is gender on a spectrum? No. Biologically, there are only two genders, and there always will be. Now, I know some people will be happy to argue that gender is different from sex (I used to be one of those people), and while there are only two sexes, there can be millions of genders. And gender isn’t biological; it can shift and change...but this simply isn’t right. (Take a look at the definition of “Gender” again.)

You see, there is a clear difference between the male and female brain (this is part of the reason why transgenderism is valid.) An example of this is brainmass; a male brain is slightly larger than a female’s (for more information on the neurological differences between the sexes, you can read this wiki article, though it is a little dry https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroscience_of_sex_differences.) And (with the exception of intersex people) you will either have a female brain or male brain. Your brain will usually correspond with your sex, the only exception to this is transgender people, who have a brain that acts more like that of the opposite sex.

Therefore, gender is not on a spectrum. Nor is is a feeling. Nor is it something that can shift or change. Gender is innate; biological; ingrained in you from birth. And though it’s fun to think that you can shift throughout the “gender spectrum,” and be a boy one day and a girl the next, it is impossible.

(I think people are mistaking gender with gender expression. These are two separate things.)

“But non-dysphoric transgenders aren’t hurting anyone. Let people live!”

See: Firstly, this implies that being transgender is simply a choice…

The last argument I’ve come across is that truscum are gatekeeping, and I’m gonna give it to you straight: We are. And we have to. You know why? Because we cannot blindly accept everyone into the trans community. The more we accept non-valid trans people into the community, the more we water down what it means to be transgender. The more we water down the severity of the condition. The more our community becomes a joke to society. And the more we are at risk to the demedicalization of transgenderism, to the shift of surgeries and HRT from medical procedures to cosmetic. The more we are risk to discrimination not even being classified as such.

All of these are things clear issues that come along with supporting a factually incorrect narrative. I understand that wanting to include everyone stems from a place of kindness; of not wanting to hurt anyone, but sometimes people need to be told “no.” They need to know where they belong and where they don’t, and they need to understand that being transgender is not quirky, cute, or fun. It’s a serious, painful disorder that is not to be taken lightly.

[polyputthekettleon]

Month 1 on HRT Round Up Post

It's been one month since D started HRT! There have been some really cool things happening, along with the occasional big and little bumps (lots more on those in other posts). Based on what I've read, her body has responded VERY quickly in comparison to many other people's experiences. For what it's worth, she's in her mid-thirties and had a pre-HRT testosterone level of around 300, and has only been taking estradiol, not an anti-androgen. Additionally, in case it helps clarify things, she and I are polyamorous, I am very sexually and physically expressive with my partners and having a lot of sex and touch in my life is important to me, and I'm about a 2.5 on the Kinsey scale (I can feel sexual attraction to people across the gender spectrum, though I lean a bit more androphilic than gynephilic). Also, my emotional experience of this past month was incredibly heightened, thanks to my anxiety running out of control (so much so that I'm now taking pills for it, phew!), and the stuff that felt like HUUUGE problems for me may be far less of a huge deal for other people.

Month 1 On Estrogen

Week 1

The night she got her prescription was pure joy. The clinic she went to practices informed consent for hormone therapy, and in my partner's case that resulted in her only having to go to two appointments -- one initial consultation so her provider could order lab work to make sure she was healthy (she made sure to fast the morning prior to her appointment, so she could get her blood work done right away!), and then a few days later, an appointment to make a treatment plan and get her prescription. She declined an anti-androgen to start and made a plan with her provider for her to take 2mg of estradiol daily. We walked out of that appointment with her *bouncing* all the way to the car because she was so excited, picked her prescription from the pharmacy the moment it was available, and she took the pill while we were still in the drug store's parking lot. I have never seen her so happy and at peace than after she took that first pill. Seriously -- in the face of such beautiful, sublime JOY, any lingering anxiety I had been feeling over the changes that these pills might cause and what those changes could mean for my relationship with her dissolved faster than that blue tablet under her tongue (at least for the next few days). She was euphoric, and I rose right with her.

After 3-4 days, she would feel warm and tingly and extra cuddly starting about half an hour after she took her pill every morning, and her nipples were feeling more sensitive. She also described feeling like she had more emotional energy and generally just feeling very happy, and characterized it as her brain going "NOM NOM NOM NOM ESTROGEN," as it finally received the hormone that had been missing. It was so exciting and fulfilling for me to get to witness her joy, and we shared some *really* enjoyable touch and sex during this phase. In one I will say, in one encounter, she described her skin as feeling "on fire," and pretty much everywhere I touched or kissed made her gasp and moan. It did not suck, AT ALL. Something else that had started to shift prior to HRT became really significant and noticeable to me at this point (I'm including it because aspects of it may have been impacted by her hormones changing): she became less interested in penis-in-vagina penetrative sex (she uses different terms for her genitals, but I'm using penis here for clarity), and started preferring to orgasm under her own stimulation, or just skip the orgasm entirely (there were lots of "mini orgasms," though, and those were super fun). As someone who gains a lot of pleasure and satisfaction from being an active participant in my partners' orgasms, and who has felt a LOT of anxiety over how HRT was going to impact my sexual connection with my partner, this change was hard for me to sit with, and I struggled to feel sexually connected with her as this became more commonplace over the course of the week (pre-HRT and during this first week, we tended to have sex at least every other day, sometimes a couple of times a day). Additionally, in the back of my mind, I was worried about what things would look like if/when she lost her sex drive, whether it would come back, and how I would feel if penis-in-vagina sex entirely stopped being an option for her and me. It had always been something she and I enjoyed immensely with each other, and I felt SCARED that without that particular flavor of interaction, our connection would suffer. This was quite different from what I observed in her response to the possibility of no longer getting erections -- she stated that while she would prefer to still be able to become and stay erect, she was "along for the ride" wherever the hormones would take her.

Within 7 days, her energy really started to dip, and I noticed that she was no longer waking up with erections the way she had prior to taking HRT. She started splitting her pills in half so she got some estrogen in the morning and some in the middle of the day, which helped with her energy levels somewhat, but she still slumped HARD whenever the estradiol had been fully processed by her body, and she looked and acted absolutely exhausted and out of fuel at night.

Week 2

By 10 days, her sex drive was nil and her energy was super low between estradiol doses. This coincided (unsurprisingly) with her not experiencing any erections and also having zero desire to receive touch in a sexual context. The lack of energy and sexual desire also reduced her interest in giving touch, sexual or otherwise. This hit me hard: between her exhaustion and the inaccessibility of one of our favorite ways to connect, I was hurting and missing my person, a lot. I also really struggling to feel desired in my relationship with her, since she literally wasn't feeling desire, even when she very considerately provided occasional sexual stimulation to me (and expressed her enjoyment at seeing me enjoy that stimulation). It was very challenging for me to attempt to receive from a partner who didn't want anything given back when previously in our relationship sex had always been very much about an exchange of pleasure, and the experience brought up a lot of feelings of shame on my end. This week was HARD to get through, and I credit therapy, friends (including folks on here), and my very lovely other partners as the support that helped me get through without directing all my anxiety her way and/or remaining in a near-constant state of crying (though there was a fair amount of that, too). For her sex drive vanish so soon after starting hormones, and for it to feel so completely gone felt VERY disorienting to me, and it kicked off a fresh wave of fear and feeling like I was losing my partner*. I found out later that she was missing our sexual connection too, and honestly, it felt really, really good to hear that I wasn't alone in feeling frustrated about the absence of her sex drive - I wish I had asked her sooner and hadn't tried to bury my feelings. [* For the record, before someone goes off in the comments about it: I know that I have not lost the person who is my partner, and that she is living more as herself than ever before, and that this is a beautiful, happy thing that is happening in her life. I know, and I am ecstatic for her. HOWEVER, grieving the loss of the male persona I thought was my partner for two years is a feeling that I have been working with, and if there's anything that years of going to lots and lots and LOTS of therapy have taught me (heh, I must be in my 30s!), it's that it's important for me to feel and acknowledge ALL of my emotions without judging myself for having them or attempting to censor them, so that I can actually process stuff and not get stuck. Thanks for coming to my TED talk!]

Somewhere between the 2- and 3-week mark, she reached out to her doctor and asked if she could increase her estradiol dose because her energy was so incredibly low and was impacting her work and her ability to show up for her kids. The doctor agreed and increased her prescription to 4mg a day. She tried just taking two whole pills, one in the morning and one in the middle of the day, instead of continuing to split them, but she found that breaking the estradiol up into 4 doses of 1mg apiece and spreading her doses 3-4 hours apart helped her energy and mood feel the most stable (note: there are 1mg estradiol tablets out there, for those who don't want to mess with splitting their pills). The increase in estrogen did indeed improve her energy levels -- it also made her INCREDIBLY emotionally volatile for a few days after increasing her dose. She described the feeling as wanting to cry and kill everyone at the same time. It reminded me of the hormone drop I experienced in the days after I gave birth, and her other partner compared it to her own cis experience of PMS mood swings. Once my partner's body adjusted to the new level of estrogen, the random crying spells stopped, BUT she has expressed that it's now just generally easier for her to cry, and I've observed that she gets teary more often these days than before she started HRT. Another thing she noticed at this point is her muscle strength starting to lessen, which I understand felt bittersweet for her. Since deciding to start HRT, she's been working to reframe muscle loss as not being something that's going to keep her from doing the stuff that she enjoys (woodworking and blacksmithing, in her case), but instead being something that may ask her to learn a different approach to some of her work. That reframe has seemed to be empowering and reduced the feeling of HRT's effects meaning a choice between transitioning in the way that feels best to her and her being able to pursue her passions. One more thing: somewhere around this point, I noticed a shift in her body's smell. She started to smell sweeter on her skin. Just a subtle note, but definitely a change.

Week 3

Around the beginning of Week 3, her sex drive started to make an appearance again, along with occasional erections. She had been taking Cialis prior to starting HRT, but has since stopped, so it isn't clear how much of the change in the behavior of her erections is due to her antidepressant's side-effects no longer being countered by ED medication, and how much is due to lower testosterone levels. That said, her penis is now less likely to become fully erect, and her erections seem more easily impacted by her emotional state than before; if she's feeling really, really good they tend to happen, but a shift in mood can make her penis flaccid very quickly. Her feeling aroused also doesn't always equate to her getting or sustaining an erection anymore, which is more similar to my experience of how cis clitorises tend to behave. I felt a HUGE sense of relief when her sex drive returned, and my perception is that she was quite happy about it as well. That said, while she has a sex drive again, it's different than it was before - her libido seems to be lower (though of course, this could also be for non-hormonal reasons), and instead of having sex 3-6 times a week, we're having sex 1-2 times a week (if a two-week sample size is enough to judge by, and it might be higher if we saw each other every day, but alas, the perils of polyamory 🤷🏻). While she and I have continued to enjoy penetrative sex sometimes, that way of interacting is making up a smaller portion of our sex life than before. I'm enjoying, and she says she is also enjoying, me approaching her body more like how I approach sexual interactions with cis female partners --- lots more touch and kisses and nibbles all over her body, making sure to emphasize her breasts and nipples with both my hands and mouth, and lots of oral and manual stimulation on her entire pelvic/genital/upper thigh region, anywhere that seems to feel good. Her stomach and neck/back areas started to become more sensitive during this time as well. It's been really exciting to explore and find new spots to touch and play with on her body.

Also by Week 3, it became undeniable: her breasts started to grow!! Just teeny ones, but it became clear that there is more fat there than there was before, and they hang like breasts do when she lays on her side (in their gorgeous teeny tiny way). They also started hurting more; prior to this week her breast tissue been sensitive and a little sore, by this point they felt sore to brush up against or tap on them. Righty started out bigger than Lefty, but Lefty started to hurt too (and spoiler alert: by Week 4 Lefty showed more growth). I've been avoiding putting too much pressure on them, and I'm being extra careful when I handle her breasts and nipples. Another change: one day, I noticed that her skin on her back had become softer to the touch, as well, which was kind of the coolest, most magical thing for me. For whatever reason, I hadn't believed the thing about estrogen making skin softer, but sure as hell, there the proof was right under my fingertips, super soft skin. It was WILD. One more thing that happened this week: her ejaculate tasted sweet. Especially her pre-cum, which was sweet like sugar. Her cum was less tangy than usual, but not really to the point of the candy-sweet that I've heard some people talk about. Still a definite different flavor -- and when she came back into the bedroom after cleaning up post-sex, she said it smelled different as well.

Week 4

This past week (Week 4), she shared that me running my hand over the bottom of her ribs on her stomach was feeling particularly erotic to her, which is something that previously didn't do anything pleasurable for her, and that the physical sensations of touch in her genital area and when she orgasms have changed, becoming more spread out. Orgasms are definitely seeming to be rarer than they were pre-HRT, but she also seems to be feeling more readily sated with sensation without orgasm. I am also adjusting -- honestly, it's so nice to have ANY sex back in our relationship, I am just happy that it's happening when it happens!! She also noted that when she ejaculates, the little globules in her cum that she's used to seeing aren't there. Her breasts have also progressed all the way to SORE now, and she can fill out the cups of a AA bra she bought. I can feel the difference on her chest; there is a distinct dip between her breasts that used to be much smaller, and I love running my hands (LIGHTLY) all over her chest. Finally, at the very end of this week, I realized with absolute delight and surprise (as well as some passing disorientation weirdness, because her face looked different than the face I'm used to seeing) that I could actually see something different about her cheeks. They really are looking fuller and softer, just ever so slightly. And she says it seems like the circles under her eyes have lessened a bit. Maybe it's the increase in nutrient-rich food she eating and the improved sleep she's been getting -- or maybe it's the subcutaneous fat shifting around courtesy of estrogen. Or both! Either way, it felt really cool that when I saw a FaceApp feminized picture of her that she made way back at the beginning of her gender exploration journey last year, I had to do a double-take before I concluded it wasn't just her with a particular make-up look on or something. It's not so much that she looks exactly like that image (though they do have a lot in common); it's more that I see the HER in her face, instead of the HIM I used to see, and judging from HRT's effects so far, I am certain that more and more people will be able to see her too. And I am so very excited to be there for it.

[stagenurse19-blog]

Skin marks removal.

Why Fat Freezing Is a Great choice.

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Content

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Does Massaging help With Cellulite?

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Cryopen ®. bid Farewell To protuberances, Skin labels and So a Lot More!

Why Do ladies get Cellulite?

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As a matter of fact skin doctors say that it might impact as much as 95 percent of females at some time in their lives. The lymph liquid apparently has leukocyte which pick up microorganisms, toxins and also other waste from our blood. Brushing your body with completely dry brush is intended to boost "lymph flow". It's recommended that you not just apply to your skin as a lotion yet that you consume it as well. But you'll start to observe a distinction with a healthy and balanced diet and also workout. Obviously, cellulite is regular in those of all sizes and shapes.

Whilst a poor diet plan triggers cellulite, dieting as well hard or way too much can additionally trigger issues. Hormone variables (estrogen is claimed to be one of the most crucial hormonal agents to initiate as well as aggravate cellulite, as well as modifications in metabolic rate can additionally activate cellulite formation.

benefits Of Cryotherapy Lipoglaze Treatments.

My consultant asserted to have actually carried out 20 treatments in the last week alone. This is despite a disconcerting absence of proof to show these treatments are effective or safe. The FDA located cases of vaginal burns, scarring, pain throughout sexual intercourse, and repeating or chronic pain triggered by genital rejuvenation treatments and also concluded that "the complete extent of the dangers is unknown". While it has actually accepted laser and energy-based gadgets for clinical usage, consisting of the destruction of unusual or precancerous cervical or genital tissue as well as genital growths, it has not authorized their use for "genital restoration". We are a luxury skin rejuvenation and also charm center situated just outside Leeds, West Yorkshire.

' Such a hormonal agent circumstance can show up physiologically while pregnant, menopause, along with while taking hormonal birth controls or throughout hormone substitute therapy' says Dr Dressmaker. Nonetheless, what experts do recognize it that there are things can aggravate it. To obtain professional intel, WH asked Specialist Skin specialist Dr Justine Hextal of The Harley Medical Team to address your leading cellulite inquiries. If your own is playing with your confidence, then know that there are a couple of roads that you can attempt, to reduce its appearance. " Structure muscular tissue through exercising will certainly assist lymphs move more easily via fatty areas, accelerating your all-natural detoxing system", says Dr Rhodes. ' Writing this has actually made me know just how much I have actually permitted my mind to bully my body'.

Can I reserve Today?

' I think this may well help the look in the short term however I can not see how it will certainly have a clinically considerable long-term result. ' While there's no such thing as a remedy, I think there is worth on massaging skin to aid the microcirculation and to promote lymph circulation,' details Dr Hextal. While no diet plan or food team is the source of-- or solution to-- your cellulite, certain points may offer to intensify the problem. Hormonal discrepancies are considered as an essential reason for cellulite.

Do facelifts get rid of wrinkles?

A facelift is a great answer for jowls, loose skin, and heavy sags. It will also work to reduce the appearance of wrinkles, but will not remove them entirely. As mentioned above, a facelift cannot stop your body from aging. It will help to refresh your look and make the wrinkles less pronounced on your skin.

INITIA An effective and also flexible diode laser for basically 'pain-free' hair elimination on all skin kinds. Those that market literally intrusive procedures, the ASA said, "may be asked to provide complete information along with details concerning those who monitor and also administer them". The organisation said experts "must have pertinent as well as recognised certifications" and that "marketing professionals ought to encourage customers to take independent clinical recommendations" before going through such treatments. The ASA does have standards for how therapies making use of lasers are marketed yet it has not yet explored their use in vaginal renewal procedures, nor has it considered treatments that use ultrasound. In the UK, it has actually come to be much more typical for personal clinics to supply this non-surgical therapy, which is also marketed as "genital tightening up" or a vaginal "lift". A quick search on Google or charm booking web site Treatwell makes lots of pinch hit facilities providing some kind of vaginal restoration procedure in the UK, the majority of which use lasers and other "energy-based" gadgets.

I was informed that females might securely start having sex once again three to 5 days later as well as must stay clear of "warm therapies", such as saunas, for 3 days later on. The clinic likewise advises against utilizing tampons, which might cause irritability, if a woman has a period within 7 days of the therapy, and also warns concerning a harmless clear discharge which might likewise take place. A big percent of the aforementioned activities are those affecting the skin tone. The good thing with this type of genital firm therapy is that it's not invasive at all. It's visual in nature as well as relies on using HIFU to help in strengthening the state of your genital canal. For ladies who truly believe they have a loosened vagina and also intend to do something about it, gladly, there is a service that is both pain-free as well as totally free.

You might have a catheter put in at the beginning of the treatment to drain pee out of your bladder.

You will certainly have a general anaesthetic to make sure that you're asleep during the therapy.

It may be suitable for men that have cancer that requires dealing with in only one area of their prostate.

On the early morning of your HIFU treatment, you'll be offered an enema to clear your bowels.

Focal HIFU deals with a smaller location of the prostate and also takes one to two hours.

These males will certainly have regular tests to keep an eye on the cancer that is not treated.

Some men that have focal HIFU have only one location of cancer cells in their prostate.

Toxic substances, which can develop in your layers of fat, and excess liquid, are after that eliminated in your waste. Those like avocados, and also cold-water fish help reduce inflammation while complex carbs consisting of quinoa as well as lentils give you energy to train.

When you're using your body lotion, massage therapy it well right into your upper legs as well as various other potentially dimply areas. The most effective cellulite creams that deserve your time and cash money include Nivea Q10 Plus Farewell Cellulite Gel-Cream 200ml, ₤ 9.99 from Amazon.com and also, while it's even more of an oil, Weleda Birch Cellulite Oil, is an excellent choice. Grocery store shelves are rupturing with creams, potions as well as pills that claim to beat cellulite, however you can maintain it inexpensive as well as simple with the adhering to tricks. Recognizing what cellulite is, exactly how it is created, and also the leading reasons are crucial for specialists to be able to effectively deal with as well as fix the issue areas as well as make a distinction for every single client.

Why do facelifts fail?

Failed facelifts and other surgeries like rhinoplasty fail much more often than you think. We frequently see patients for consultation for revision surgery due to a failed outside procedure. Instead, the vast majority are due to errors in thinking and strategy due to gaping deficits in medical/surgical education.

As evidence of the expanding appeal of genital restoration, the therapy has actually been the subject of a discussion on ITV's popular This Morning program, along with including in an episode of The Real Housewives of Cheshire. One facility informed Refinery29 UK that a lot of women that concerned enquire about genital rejuvenation did so since they had seen it on the reality program. While genital renewal treatments are being supplied in several private clinics, at-home devices can also conveniently be bought online, such as the vSculpt for "pelvic floor toning and vaginal renewal treatment" (valued at ₤ 375).

How long does it take to look normal after a facelift?

Though “recovery” – i.e., the amount of time it will take for you to get back to a relatively normal routine after your facelift – is about two weeks, the time it takes for all of the residual swelling, bruising and changes in skin sensation to resolve themselves is a full year.

Does Massaging help With Cellulite?

Some individuals simply have genetics which are inclined to cellulite advancement, and also some characteristics such as gender or a sluggish metabolic rate can have a result. Smoking can trigger cellulite to be more common, in addition to not working out or standing/sitting in the same place. It triggers dimples as well as a lumpy look, which is normally most obvious on the butts as well as upper legs. Below's all you require to find out about "orange peel" skin and also how to tackle tackling it. Female's Health and wellness participates in various associate marketing programs, which indicates we may get paid compensations on editorially chosen items acquired via our links to merchant sites. ' There have actually been research studies that reveal some enhancement of topical applications applied twice a day for six weeks, but there is no proof of clinically significant renovation.

female's health.

Cryopen ®. bid Farewell To verrucas, Skin marks and So much More!

Vaginal rejuvenation therapies are non-surgical, generally entailing a tool that discharges a laser or warmth, which some centers recommend monthly or every 6 weeks, with individuals allegedly seeing "benefits" after one or two treatments. Maybe said that the language used to market vaginal restoration therapies-- which promise a "tighter" and/or "a lot more youthful" looking vaginal area-- gas physical insecurities among females. Part of the reason centers can provide solutions like vaginal renewal (as well as other non-surgical cosmetic procedures such as fillers) is since there is practically no law over exactly how they are conducted.

Wong also worries the need to consume foods abundant in vital fatty acids. You utilize it to massage on the cellulite - it sets you back ₤ 19.95 from Holland & Barrett. This kind of therapy uses a rubber section cup to promote blood circulation. The idea is to create even more oxygen and work out contaminants by obtaining the blood to circulation. If you have cellulite on your bottom and upper legs, bows as well as lunges are the most effective actions. As a matter of fact, lots of Hollywood A-listers swear by consuming a plate of asparagus prior to a red carpet look since it's so proficient at reducing bloating. Various other skin-strengthening foods include oily fish, poultry, grapefruit, tomatoes, apples, spinach, carrots and also avocados.

Our beauty parlor proprietor Christine is a totally Registered General Registered nurse with over 40 years experience and over ten years experience as an Aesthetic Registered nurse Expert supplying non invasive injectables. They all have several years experience in the market in between them. Mens facelift treatment are staffed with pleasant beauticians who are dedicated to make each customer really feel extensively spoiled. Situated on Reading's lively Oxford Roadway, CoLaz is a sophisticated charm center offering the most recent treatments for males and females. Being experts in hair removal and also skin care remedies through different strategies, you can choose from the likes of; waxing, threading, electrolysis, laser, micro-needling, chemical peels, plus more traditional treatments.

How do you sleep after a facelift?

After a facelift, it makes sense to sleep on your back. However, you must also sleep with your head elevated for 2 to 4 weeks following the surgery. This position prevents facial strain, swelling, and general discomfort. Prop your head up with a stack of pillows and place extra pillows at the sides of your face.

Not just does this offer wide spectrum security however it resembles spraying yourself from leading to toe with a cooling face haze. Consisting of 40 percent mineral water and hyaluronic acid, it's lightweight, rejuvenating as well as hydrating. Viewing as UV rays accelerate this procedure, put on the best SPF moisturisers to prevent diminishing your skin's collagen reserves.

Can plastic surgery make you prettier?

Plastic surgery often springs from a desire to look younger and more attractive. A recent study published in The Journal of the American Medical Association found that while facial plastic surgery reverses about three years of visual aging, it doesn't make you prettier.

" There is no evidence to recommend that non-surgical 'genital renewal' gadgets are effective in enhancing vaginal muscular tissue tone or improving genital cells." When I asked what the therapy included, I was offered a demo of the "FemiWand" gadget, which heats up to 65 degrees Celsius and also turns while inside the vaginal area. Fascinated, I agreed to pay ₤ 20 for an examination at Vivo Center in London's Fitzrovia. The professional informed me they would certainly not deal with anyone with a pacemaker, anybody on medicine that would disrupt the therapy, any person on their duration or anyone under 18. I asked if the clinic checks whether or not a woman's vaginal canal is 'abnormal' before providing the procedure and also was told it does not. I was likewise informed a woman as young as 19 as well as 21, had undertaken the therapy and that it was "incredibly prominent".

According to patient info given by the General Medical Council, organisations that offer only non-surgical cosmetic treatments, such as dermal fillers or Botox, ought to do so in a secure and also suitable atmosphere. Regional councils are responsible for licensing and also monitoring facilities that use special therapies, for instance those that utilize warmth, light or vapour. I was ensured the treatment was pain-free (as a result of "the quantity of fatty tissue in the location"), although I was informed I "might really feel a little bit of pain" but only if there was "action in the location".

Fat Freezing Solihull

Cellulite doesn't discriminate, as well as can appear regardless of shape or body type, so you could locate it on your thighs, bottoms, arms or tummy, whether you're a dimension 8 or a size 18. It is additionally genetic, so if your mum experiences right stuff after that you could discover you're more likely to get it as well. Never be without your much-loved Boots items with our global delivery options. Sadly there are numerous variables that affect the on-set of cellulite.

[trans-fax]

hey, you! show me the trans fax!

are you confused about trans stuff? it’s so complicated even some trans people don’t fully understand all the nuance. wild, right? never fear, because this is a new series of basic trans info that will hopefully help everyone on and off the LGBTQIA+ spectrum understand a little better. onward to the basics!

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CISgender = someone whose gender corresponds with their assigned sex at birth TRANSgender = someone whose gender does not correspond with their assigned sex at birth

someone's Assigned Sex At Birth (ASAB) is determined by a) visual genital examination, b) surgical genital alteration.

visual sex assignment is not a scientifically or medically accurate way of determining someone's biology, much less their gender. sex assignment does not include any medical tests such as: karyotype (chromosomes), hormone panel, ultrasound or physical examination (to identify internal intersex conditions).

the most common sex assignments are Assigned MALE At Birth (penis, scrotum, no vaginal opening) or Assigned FEMALE At Birth (vulva + vaginal opening + small phallus. this phallus can be naturally small or surgically altered to be so). on rare occasions, an intersex child - or, a child with genitals that have a combination of the above features - will not be forcibly assigned male or female, but they're usually still assigned a gender.

your ASAB has very little to do with your actual bodily functions, and NOTHING to do with your gender!

[ vocab to remember: trans, cis, ASAB / AMAB / AFAB, intersex ]

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what is gender? some people think it is a literal extension of your genitals, but that's extremely far from the truth.

gender is hard to explain. it is a feeling that usually has very little to do with your biology (that is, your actual factual biology, not your ASAB). some people think gender is neurological, some think it is spiritual, but here's one thing it isn't: tethered to your genital appearance or reproductive abilities.

--

did you know that intersex people make up the same percentage of the population as redheads? that's a lot of people who have genitals that can't be described as a simple 'penis' or 'vagina!' there's also sex chromosome abnormalities - some people go their entire lives not knowing that their chromosomes are not a simple XX or XY figuration!

[ vocab note: the scientifically false assumption that (man = male = XY = penis) & (woman = female = XX = vagina) is called the gender and sexual BINARY ]

both intersex people and people with sex chromosome abnormalities can have ANY gender. a man who finds out he has Klinefelter's syndrome (two or more X chromosomes in addition to a Y) is not suddenly a woman, right? of course not!

apply this same principle to all people of all biological realities. you don't have to have a fertile uterus or two X chromosomes to be a woman. you don't have to have a functioning penis or a flat chest to be a man.

beyond that, you don't have to identify as a man OR a woman at all! many more people than you realize, historically and in modern society, exemplify gender diversity. judaism, for example, has six genders. six! indigenous americans can have two (or more) spirits in one body, which result in a person with no gender, or multiple genders that may or may not include man/woman. some people simply do not feel they have a gender.

anyone who is transgender but does not identify as solely a man or a woman is NON-BINARY.

you shouldn't tell someone that they have to identify as a man or a woman based on their ASAB, and you also shouldn't force them to pick one or the other. to do so ignores biological fact, cultural and spiritual history, and individual autonomy.

think about the people around you and the assumptions you make about them. did your nana really feel like a woman? did you ever ASK?

[ review & thought experiment: intersex people cannot be tied to a binary sex assignment. is it okay to tell people with in-between biology that they can't have an in-between gender experience? ]

--

okay, so now... what about sexuality?

this one's easy. anyone can be attracted to the same gender or multiple genders. it doesn't matter what your gender is, or your chromosomes, or your hormone levels and what kind of puberty you went through, or if you're sterile or reproductively capable.

if you are a man with a penis, you can want to sleep with a man. if you are a man with a vulvovagina, you can want to sleep with a man, as well, and still be a man! a gay cis man and a gay trans man are both gay men.

meanwhile, a trans person who has an interest in multiple genders isn't confused. their gender is not related to the scope of people they find attractive.

here are some sexuality terms you might recognize from the LGBTQIA+ acronym. (it's a great idea to look up the rest of them on your own.)

gay, lesbian = a person who is attracted exclusively to their own GENDER (not sex!) bisexual, pansexual = a person who is attracted to MULTIPLE genders. remember that since "man" and "woman" aren't the only gender options, people with multiple gender attraction (MGA) can experience a LOT of personal nuance - try not to make assumptions.

[ vocab to remember: binary & nonbinary, gay & lesbian, bisexual / pansexual / MGA ]

--

before we go, how about reproduction?

that, too, is a simple answer. every couple on this earth will at some point face the question of whether or not they're going to have kids, whether that be through natural pregnancy, in vitro fertilization, a surrogate, fostering, or adoption. if you don't want children, that's an easy answer! if you do, it's not.

ALL couples face troubles with reproduction, not just members of the LGBTQIA+ community. you could have a straight couple who are both cisgender, but one or both partners could have a reproductive tract that does not function. one or both partners could be intersex, or have abnormal sex chromosomes, or have a hormonal disorder that affects sperm production or menstrual cycling.

when you look at it this way, the reproductive choices made by a couple where one or both are trans don't sound particularly strange, do they? people do what they must in order to have a child. for a cis woman - maybe she's a lesbian, maybe she is a single woman who wants to be a mother - that might be artificial insemination. for a trans man, the easiest option might be carrying his own child. a trans woman may choose to have sperm cryopreserved before she starts HRT and risks stopping sperm production.

no one's reproductive choices make them any more or less gay, cis, trans, or MGA.

--

do you have any more questions? i know this is a lot. we've been told so many things through our lives about sex, gender, and biology, but the more research is done, the less rigid the boundaries seem.

while it can be difficult to accept that the world is so much different from what you were told, the common ground uniting all of us should be mutual respect and kindness. please go forward in life keeping this in mind, and don't challenge people on their private biological reality, gender, or gender expression. also, respect people's pronouns!

you've reached the end of trans-fax basics. i hope it helped. :D