#no!!!! shut up!!!!!!

[goldensunset]

[maudiemoods]

If life is a never ending loop of dirty dishes and laundry then that means life is a never ending loop of home cooked meals and comfy clean clothes

[mindboogling]

I love making a gag character for D&D, forgetting they’re just a gag character, and then take a step back to look at the original ref

[taahko]

i think some of you dont like narratives or stories or characters i think you just like fanfiction tropes

[mroddmod]

the queen of the disco or whatever

[hamletthedane]

I just found the earliest email I ever sent from my email address, and it’s the funniest goddamn thing I can possibly imagine a fourth grader sending her teacher:

(Context - my fourth grade teacher was on maternity leave, and the class had conferenced at recess regarding the poor state of the classroom goldfish’s tank. We decided to inform our (24yo, new mother) former teacher of the dire situation, and I was selected as the duly appointed representative for this solemn communication.)

[erros429]

roommate texted this to me……..

[stairset]

I'm sorry but I will never ever use goon as slang for a guy who jacks off a lot or whatever it apparently means now. A goon is a guy in a clown mask and purple tank top who sees a caped crusader swooping down to beat up him and his buddies and yells "IT'S DA FREAKIN' BAT!" and I will accept nothing else.

[regina-cordium]

Guy just walked in with a shirt that said “I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them” and frankly I’m obsessed

[everythingwasnormalhere]

pls rb if you think cuddling doesn't have to be s3xual

im tryna prove a point to my bf's mother help me out

[bisexualsoup]

yesterday i was insane about that fictional man. today i am insane about that fictional man. tomorrow? take a wild guess brother

[aaronstveit]

"if i was orpheus i would simply not turn around" yes you would. if you were orpheus and you loved eurydice, you would. to love someone is to turn around. to love someone is to look at them. whichever version of the myth — he hears her stumble, he can't hear her at all, he thinks he's been tricked — he turns around because he loves her. that's why it's a tragedy. because he loves her enough to save her. because he loves her so much he can't save her. because he will always, always turn around. "if i was orpheus i would simply —" you wouldn't be orpheus. you wouldn't be brave enough to walk into the underworld and save the person you love. be serious

[churroach]

Full of Desires

[stuckinapril]

[taahko]

>go to cvs for toothpaste and cold medicine

>hit button for employee to open the toothpaste case

>grabs it before i can

>"i have to hold this at the front for you until you check out"

>go to cold medicine aisle

>ring bell for employee to open the cough medicine case

>nobody shows up

>ring again

>nobody shows up

>check case

>case is unlocked

>take cold medicine and go to check out

>grab toothpaste from unmanned register

>have to use self checkout

>scan cold medicine

>"age verification needed please wait for employee"

>employee comes over and cards me and then leaves

>finish self checkout

>walk through literal piles of discarded receipts at exit door

another beautiful non hostile day in our great country