#nishinoya incorrect quotes

[fattuccini-afraido]

Daichi: I heard Yamaguchi's in jail?!

Tsukishima: Yeah, from something he didn't do.

Daichi: What didn't he do?

Noya: Run fast enough.

[northescere]

Haikyuu!! as things my friends and I have said (part 2)

edit: part 1

Once again some of these have been edited slightly to make more sense in Haikyuu context. 

warning: idk like one sexual joke

——

Tendou: Put whatever the fuck you want on pizza, just not in front of the Italians

——

Daichi when someone falls asleep during study group: Can you please kick him and wake him up

——

Tanaka: Noya what’s with the all caps bro

Nishinoya: I HAVE AN EXCUSE I GOT AN ANEURYSM TRYING TO DO MATH

——

Hinata: (stepping onto the court and inhaling) Smell that volleyball scent

Kageyama: (frowning) Body odour? 

——

Bokuto: I remember I once read that male tits are one of the most useless body parts. But what will gay people bite on when they’re fucking?

Kuroo: The feet? Obviously they would bite on the feet

Kenma: What the actual Hell

——

Sakusa: My lap is cold for some reason

Atsumu: Need someone to sit on it?

——

Suna: just backwards shrimp

Osamu: that is NOT how you solve scoliosis

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Tendou: If crossing lights are shaped like people, why aren’t traffic lights shaped like cars?

Ushiwaka: (eyes going wide)

——

Tanaka (talking about Zyrtec): IT DOESN’T WORK.

Saeko: THEN DOWN THE WHOLE FUCKING BOTTLE, RYUU. TAKE IT LIKE A SHOT (aggressive drinking movements)

——

Terushima: I won’t find a shit husband, I’ll find a piss husband

——

(texting)

hoshiumi: im amazing. I know everything 

hirugami: are you god 😟😟😟

hoshiumi: no

hoshiumi: im a threat start running

——

counsellor: has anyone here ever had a disagreement with their parents?

oikawa: I once had an argument with my dad over the existence of aliens

[kozukenbsf]

low quality haikyuu is my therapy

[fos-tis-zois]

Tanaka (texting Kiyoko): sends a voice message Kiyoko: I'm a little busy, is it urgent? Tanaka: No don't worry, listen to it later <3 ~few hours later~ Kiyoko: plays the message Tanaka: THERE'S A FIRE IN THE APARTMENT WHAT DO I DO- Additional: Nishinoya screaming in the background

[haikyuu-tmblr]

Tanaka: Now that we’ve gotten arrested, who do we call? Nishinoya: We could call Suga, but I feel safer in jail-

[xypheris]

Oikawa: I’m a gift to humanity. Iwaizumi: Can we return you?

[nykie-love-anime]

Google Search History

- the team during practice break - Suga: Hey guys what’s the last thing in your search history? Hinata: Why do I have no friends? Kageyama: Why isn't 1 a prime? Yamaguchi: Are unicorns real? Nishinoya: Why are there school? Tanaka: Why is my gold fish swimming upside down? Tsukishima: Why does my cat want to kill me? Y/N: Are babies dishwasher safe? Ukai: - off to the side quietly talking to himself - Ukai: Why the fuck are you guys like this?

Masterlist

[lemon-pie-enjoyer]

Incorrect Haikyuu quotes x reader pt.4

featuring Karsuno 3rd year Y/n, certified chaos enabler and tired senior

(No pronouns used.)

pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4, pt.5

-----

Y/n: I hate to disagree with you, but-

Daichi: Please, you love to disagree with me. Its your favorite thing to do.

-----

Hinata: Good morning!

Y/n: Is it? Is it really?

-----

Suga: What’s up with Nishinoya? He's been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Tanaka: He's just a little overwhelmed.

Suga: Why?

Tanaka: Y/n smiled at him.

-----

Tsukishima: When I first met you, I didn't like you.

Y/n: I'm aware of that.

Tsukishima: But then you and I had some time together.

Y/n: Uh-huh?

Tsukishima: It did not get better.

-----

Y/n: Any idiot would know that.

Nishinoya: I knew that!

Y/n: See?

-----

Daichi: Are you laughing at that video of Hinata and Kageyama fighting?

Y/n: No.

Y/n: I'm laughing at the comments.

-----

Tanaka, trying to convince Daichi to do something for him: C'mon man, just think about this! I’m your hottest friend.

Tanaka: No, that’s Y/n… I’m your nicest friend.

Tanaka: No, Yaichi… I’m your friend!

-----

Daichi: You three, explain right now!

Y/n: It was Nishinoya.

Tanaka: It was Nishinoya.

Hinata: It was Nishinoya.

Nishinoya:

Nishinoya: …fuck.

-----

<3

[tendou-satori-chocolatier]

nishinoya: didn't you hate it when teachers would coffin skate your phones

tsukishima: when they what 💀

[stellar-haikyuu]

haikyuu characters as messages i've sent/received in group chats (pt. 1)

Daichi: welcome to the chaos

Suga: i think coach is gonna lecture them, wanna watch?

Asahi: i hate waiting in the hallway THE ANXIETY IS KILLING ME

Kiyoko: i want to be more participative... but i also don't want to be perceived all the time

Tanaka: what if i don’t want to follow the call time

Ennoshita: I literally show up to all of my classes Nishinoya: what about physical education? Narita & Kinoshita: shhh that’s not included

Kageyama (and literally all of Hinata’s rivals): god, the chokehold that tiny ass things have on us

Hinata: i was fighting for my life trying to remember the english word for rice

Tsukishima: so apparently, i have a spotify niche mix called Murder Ballad

Yamaguchi (on his friendship with Tsukishima): nothing bonds people more than talking shit about someone you both dislike

Yachi: my inner graphic designer has AWAKENED

Takeda: they're coach ukai antis? i will change their minds.

Ukai Keishin: there’s a crazy old man next to me. he literally just told his buddy on the phone “fuck him, i want to punch him so bad”

Saeko: GUYS you will not believe this... i ran into all our coaches hanging out

masterlist || part 2 →

[fattuccini-afraido]

Tanaka: Do you believe in conspiracy theories?

Noya: No.

Tanaka: Would you like to start one?

Noya: Absolutely

[northescere]

haikyuu!! as things my friends and I have said

Some of these were edited a little to make more sense in Haikyuu context :]

Tendou: Coach Washijo has to let us summon Satan in the middle of practice.

•••

Atsumu: Why v@pe when you can suck watermelon lollipops? •••

Terushima: You cannot aggressively beat the Camila Cabello out of me •••

Shirabu: Some people should be shot, but some people get to be president again, ha ha ha.

•••

Tendou: My insanity would probably be the most potent drug in the world

•••

Oikawa: I’m a homosexual, heheheheheh

•••

Nishinoya: See, you can achieve greatness even with short legs

•••

Tendou: Arson is good. It’s a great pastime. Like, bored? Go burn down a building!

•••

Hinata: BYE DAICHI-SAN

Daichi: I’m not for sale

•••

Shirabu: I feel like a spear went through my head right here (points to middle of forehead) and came out at the back here

Tendou: I’M A UNICORRRN

•••

Ukai Keishin: (spectating Karasuno antics) Some people end up in the zoo

•••

Kageyama: (on the way to the training camp) oh my god I will EAT the next traffic light that turns red

•••

Semi: What about you? Don’t you say that you eat children?

Tendou: I mean I do but that’s different because I’m a human

•••

Nishinoya: ROLLING ON THE FLOOR GOING FERAL CRUNCHING ON THE FLATSCREEN TV LIKE A MEIJI CRACKER

•••

Ushiwaka: I am at Daiso. Need anything?

Tendou: sanity 

•••

Sakusa: Are you fucking dumb?

Atsumu: Yeah, how’d ya know?

•••

Tanaka: I’LL KILL YOU ALIVE— oh wait crap I made myself sound stupid again

•••

Yaku: one more time Lev makes a height joke will rip off all of his hair and then shout ‘WIG SNATCHED’ really loud

•••

Tendou: I’ll bring you on a date night in Paris

Ushiwaka: what?

Tendou: what?

•••

Kyoutani: I have this urge to bite people. But not in a sexual way, just NOM

[haikyuu-incorrectquotes]

Nishinoya: The eagles won last night

Asahi: Oh, did you watch the game?

Nishinoya: *covered in blood and scratches* What game?

[fos-tis-zois]

Tsukishima: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. Hinata: What if it bites me and it dies!? Kageyama: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Hinata, learn to listen. Yamaguchi: What if it bites itself and I die? Nishinoya: That’s voodoo. Tanaka: What if it bites me and someone else dies?! Tsukishima: That’s correlation, not causation. Sugawara: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? Yachi: That’s kinky. Tsukishima: Oh my God. Hinata: What if I bite myself and nobody dies? Tsukishima: You're just stupid.

[kozukenbsf]

NEW HAIKYUU ILLUSTRATION!!! YESSS!!

[xypheris]

Bokuto: dramatically throwing himself on the floor Life is pain, Akaashi! Akaashi: stepping over him You stubbed your toe, Bokuto-san. Get up. Bokuto: clutching his foot IT STILL HURTS THOUGH!