#nishinoya incorrect quotes

[fattuccini-afraido]

Daichi: I heard Yamaguchi's in jail?!

Tsukishima: Yeah, from something he didn't do.

Daichi: What didn't he do?

Noya: Run fast enough.

[northescere]

Haikyuu!! as things my friends and I have said (part 2)

edit: part 1

Once again some of these have been edited slightly to make more sense in Haikyuu context. 

warning: idk like one sexual joke

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Tendou: Put whatever the fuck you want on pizza, just not in front of the Italians

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Daichi when someone falls asleep during study group: Can you please kick him and wake him up

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Tanaka: Noya what’s with the all caps bro

Nishinoya: I HAVE AN EXCUSE I GOT AN ANEURYSM TRYING TO DO MATH

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Hinata: (stepping onto the court and inhaling) Smell that volleyball scent

Kageyama: (frowning) Body odour? 

——

Bokuto: I remember I once read that male tits are one of the most useless body parts. But what will gay people bite on when they’re fucking?

Kuroo: The feet? Obviously they would bite on the feet

Kenma: What the actual Hell

——

Sakusa: My lap is cold for some reason

Atsumu: Need someone to sit on it?

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Suna: just backwards shrimp

Osamu: that is NOT how you solve scoliosis

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Tendou: If crossing lights are shaped like people, why aren’t traffic lights shaped like cars?

Ushiwaka: (eyes going wide)

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Tanaka (talking about Zyrtec): IT DOESN’T WORK.

Saeko: THEN DOWN THE WHOLE FUCKING BOTTLE, RYUU. TAKE IT LIKE A SHOT (aggressive drinking movements)

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Terushima: I won’t find a shit husband, I’ll find a piss husband

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(texting)

hoshiumi: im amazing. I know everything 

hirugami: are you god 😟😟😟

hoshiumi: no

hoshiumi: im a threat start running

——

counsellor: has anyone here ever had a disagreement with their parents?

oikawa: I once had an argument with my dad over the existence of aliens

[kozukenbsf]

low quality haikyuu is my therapy

[fos-tis-zois]

Tanaka (texting Kiyoko): sends a voice message Kiyoko: I'm a little busy, is it urgent? Tanaka: No don't worry, listen to it later <3 ~few hours later~ Kiyoko: plays the message Tanaka: THERE'S A FIRE IN THE APARTMENT WHAT DO I DO- Additional: Nishinoya screaming in the background

[haikyuu-tmblr]

Tanaka: Now that we’ve gotten arrested, who do we call? Nishinoya: We could call Suga, but I feel safer in jail-

[nykie-love-anime]

Google Search History

- the team during practice break - Suga: Hey guys what’s the last thing in your search history? Hinata: Why do I have no friends? Kageyama: Why isn't 1 a prime? Yamaguchi: Are unicorns real? Nishinoya: Why are there school? Tanaka: Why is my gold fish swimming upside down? Tsukishima: Why does my cat want to kill me? Y/N: Are babies dishwasher safe? Ukai: - off to the side quietly talking to himself - Ukai: Why the fuck are you guys like this?

Masterlist

[lemon-pie-enjoyer]

Incorrect Haikyuu quotes x reader pt.4

featuring Karsuno 3rd year Y/n, certified chaos enabler and tired senior

(No pronouns used.)

pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4, pt.5

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Y/n: I hate to disagree with you, but-

Daichi: Please, you love to disagree with me. Its your favorite thing to do.

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Hinata: Good morning!

Y/n: Is it? Is it really?

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Suga: What’s up with Nishinoya? He's been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Tanaka: He's just a little overwhelmed.

Suga: Why?

Tanaka: Y/n smiled at him.

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Tsukishima: When I first met you, I didn't like you.

Y/n: I'm aware of that.

Tsukishima: But then you and I had some time together.

Y/n: Uh-huh?

Tsukishima: It did not get better.

-----

Y/n: Any idiot would know that.

Nishinoya: I knew that!

Y/n: See?

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Daichi: Are you laughing at that video of Hinata and Kageyama fighting?

Y/n: No.

Y/n: I'm laughing at the comments.

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Tanaka, trying to convince Daichi to do something for him: C'mon man, just think about this! I’m your hottest friend.

Tanaka: No, that’s Y/n… I’m your nicest friend.

Tanaka: No, Yaichi… I’m your friend!

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Daichi: You three, explain right now!

Y/n: It was Nishinoya.

Tanaka: It was Nishinoya.

Hinata: It was Nishinoya.

Nishinoya:

Nishinoya: …fuck.

-----

<3

[tendou-satori-chocolatier]

nishinoya: didn't you hate it when teachers would coffin skate your phones

tsukishima: when they what 💀

[haikyuu-incorrectquotes]

Nishinoya: The eagles won last night

Asahi: Oh, did you watch the game?

Nishinoya: *covered in blood and scratches* What game?

[lele-11]

Suga: Will you be the “A” to my “gay”?

Tanaka: Will you be the “I” to my “bi”?

Nishinoya: Will you be the “I” to my “pride”?

Kageyama, stuttering: Will- uhm erm, uh.. g-gay?

[fattuccini-afraido]

Tanaka: Do you believe in conspiracy theories?

Noya: No.

Tanaka: Would you like to start one?

Noya: Absolutely

[northescere]

haikyuu!! as things my friends and I have said: part 3

part 1, part 2

I’m coming to realise that the interactions between my friends and I are very shiratorizawa coded.

Anyways dirty jokes ahead don’t read if you aren’t comfy with it

——

Tendou: So I was watching a show about the lift on the cannibalism ban in Thailand—

Ushiwaka, mildly horrified: Cannibalism?

Tendou: WAIT NO I MEANT CANNABIS

——

Tanaka: I’ll swallow your brains whole

Nishinoya: What brains

Tanaka: Oh yeah what brains

Nishinoya: We don’t have brains

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Bokuto: What did he say? That he’s a penis?

Kuroo: (wheezing) he said he’s a pianist

Bokuto: OH

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Tendou: Reon, tell him that I don’t have rabies

Reon: … (turns to Semi) I think he has rabies

Tendou: Betrayal

——

Kageyama: I had an alpha fish—

Tsukishima: Alpha fish.

Kageyama: No wait I meant betta fish

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Tanaka: My entire life is a joke

Nishinoya: It’s okay, life is a circus

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Ukai Keishin: (taking a picture of Karasuno) Looks like a volleyball cult group 

——

(texting)

Atsumu: I’m the smartest

Osamu: No me

Atsumu: monke

Atsumu: SHIT

Atsumu: *NO ME

Osamu: ???💀

——

Tendou: I have MAD skills

Shirabu: You don’t have mad skills you’re just mad

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Kuroo, climbing down the stairs: HYDROGEN

Kenma, turning around to look at him: Bitch what the fuck

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Daichi: I need to go to dunkin donuts to redeem a voucher

Hinata: You need to redeem a wild teacher??

Kageyama: You need to redeem a vulture???

Daichi: VOUCHER

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Sakusa: I think one day I’m gonna have to put you on a leash

Atsumu: (raises eyebrows)

Sakusa: NO 

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Sugawara: No but Canadians speak French

Nishinoya: What? Really? 

Sugawara: Yeah?

Nishinoya: I thought they spoke maple leaf or something

——

Tendou: (checking receiptify) The fuck is Norwegian indie

Semi: Do you stan anyone from Norwegia?

Tendou: (wheezing) NORWEGIA???

Semi: OH FUCK

[kozukenbsf]

NEW HAIKYUU ILLUSTRATION!!! YESSS!!

[fos-tis-zois]

Tsukishima: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. Hinata: What if it bites me and it dies!? Kageyama: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Hinata, learn to listen. Yamaguchi: What if it bites itself and I die? Nishinoya: That’s voodoo. Tanaka: What if it bites me and someone else dies?! Tsukishima: That’s correlation, not causation. Sugawara: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? Yachi: That’s kinky. Tsukishima: Oh my God. Hinata: What if I bite myself and nobody dies? Tsukishima: You're just stupid.

[hitoshi-yuuto]

Yachi : My mom is calling… hi mom.

Yamaguchi : Come on guys, stop. She's trying to talk to their mom!

Tanaka & Noya : *loud fake sexual noises*

Daichi : EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Kageyama : *is asleep*

Hinata & Asahi gets really close to the phone : Tell her I said hi!

[nykie-love-anime]

Parenting Life

Ukai: - after taking a week off - Ukai: So how is the parenting life treating you so far? Sugawara: - on his tenth cup of coffee in a span of 3 hours - Sugawara: Karasuno is the light of ours lives Daichi: - from another room - Daichi: Yeah a light that won’t fucking shut off Ukai: - silently laughing to himself - Sugawara: He’s fine, he is just tired Nishinoya and Tanaka: - screams - Daichi: - screams back - Kageyama: - chasing Hinata with a chair -

Masterlist