#nie huaisang loves all his children

[khattikeri]

one of my favorite things about mdzs is that for how heavily its plot involves politics of classism and misogyny... even the characters most directly impacted by it can't and don't free themselves from it. literally the closest exception is mianmian.

meng yao being the "son of a whore" wasn't some sort of commie awakening for him that led him to wanting everyone to be socially equal. he played the political game, climbed the ladders, sucked up to and backstabbed and murdered people, including other prostitutes who actually had nothing to do with how he and his mother were treated at the brothel he grew up in.

he put in so much extra excessive effort for even a fraction of the same respect that members of gentry cultivation clans got. and he did deserve to be treated more humanely! but he feeds into the exact same system that created him, leading to his own undoing.

his efforts were for a fragile upward mobility that was never going to hold up. he never surpassed his origins nor did he empower others in similar stations, because the society he lives in is not one that would accept that.

the second he got caught and all those crimes exposed, he was scapegoated to hell and back, replacing wei wuxian as society's terrible one-sidedly evil boogeyman overnight.

speaking of not-quite male gentry, i think it's interesting that wei wuxian explicitly doesn't try to climb the ladders in BOTH lives, knowing full well that anything he does will be punished just for the sheer fact that he is wei wuxian.

wei wuxian is scolded for giving intelligent and correct answers in school. lan wangji does the same and is praised.

wei wuxian occasionally lounges around with fellow disciples and is punished. jiang cheng does the same and mostly escapes.

wei wuxian refuses to carry his sword around in public (after losing his golden core, which nobody knows) and is scorned as an arrogant upstart. nie huaisang has been doing the EXACT SAME THING for YEARS and nobody bats an eye.

unlike jin guangyao, wei wuxian knew subconsciously from the start that his acceptance was superficial and that he could be cast out any time. when he was 10 and recently taken in by the jiangs, he canonically would not eat or use "too much" food and water because he thought they'd find him a nuisance for "wasting their things" and kick him back out.

now away from just the classism, yu ziyuan is a proud and strong noblewoman in a society that belittles and derides women for everything they do. her strong cultivation doesn't matter. she's victim to the vicious rumors of her husband loving another woman who is strong like her but apparently had a more likeable personality.

it doesn't matter even if jiang fengmian didn't cheat or that wei wuxian is wei changze's son with cangse sanren; yu ziyuan can't bear with the humiliation of herself (and by extension her children) not being "good enough". she's ridiculed for "failing" in that one duty as a wife, mother, and woman.

she lashes out and takes out that anger on everyone present for years, giving her children lasting trauma and also being a key element in how the jiang family and yunmeng jiang sect are effectively wiped out at the hands of the wen clan.

madam jin doesn't even have a name outside of the fact that she's married to jin guangshan. i don't even remember reading anything that indicates if she's a strong or weak cultivator, or what, which in itself proves that to most people, it doesn't matter. she's "just" a woman.

of course she's angry at her husband's affairs and all the bastard children they bring in. but she also can't do anything about them, so she lashes out at the few people she can: servants. non-cultivators, probably. those very same bastard children.

shoutout to meng yao getting shoved down a flight of stairs at age fourteen, because if madam jin tried that move against her husband instead, it would make her lose even more face, which as a noblewoman she'd never do.

and that's not getting into how jiang yanli is consistently sidelined for being physically weak.

that's not getting into how mianmian was actually a good cultivator, but was mocked by everyone around her for trying to stand up for wei wuxian when everyone was turning on him. how everyone scoffed at luo qingyang's words as "just some lovesick woman" who "obviously wants to marry or bed him since he saved her".

luo qingyang is the only one of these characters who HASN'T died. she didn't play society's games like jin guangyao. she didn't dig her heels in confidence of her own abilities like wei wuxian.

she didn't bitterly lash out like yu ziyuan and madam jin. she didn't gently accept it like jiang yanli.

she just LEFT.

she married an ordinary merchant and cultivates separately from mainstream cultivation society, and therein found her own peace and happiness.

mxtx doesn't bother with particularly class conscious or feminist vocabulary to hand-hold readers into understanding these disparities, but that choice highlights them & the deeply entrenched politics of their society even more. i really love it.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

Aug 31st

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1. Just wondering if there is a fic out there where jwy wakes up during the core transfer to realise what is going on and refuses the surgery?

There are quite a few No Core Transfer fics but has anyone read or written something like this? Would love for Jwy to know how much he is loved without wwx ripping himself apart for it

Please and thank you 💝💝💝 @theladypeartree

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2. Hello, thank you for this opportunity! Does anyone know of any fics where the characters look or act unusually young for their age due to cultivation/golden core strength? Like, they are treated as children longer because they have an overall longer life expectancy? Or fics which explore how cultivation affects the life expectancies of cultivators in general? Thank you so much!

🔒the inconstancy of moths by spookykingdomstarlight (T, 9k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Reincarnation, Moth Spirit WWX, Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pining)

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3. the world needs more canon compliant/divergent sub/bottom lwj. please provide with your favorites, thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

A Narrow Bridge by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 700k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Getting Together, First Time, Pining while fucking, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Angst with a Happy Ending, CQL Verse, almost everybody lives/almost nobody dies, epistolary-ish, canon-ish side pairings, radishes) I can't recall for sure as it's been a while since I read it, but I think this fic has LWJ bottoming

🔒Blessed is The New Moon by Anonymous (E, 9k, WangXian, Bad Sex, Good Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Porn with Feelings) Nie Huaisang gifts the boys some lube as a joke which leads to a revelation. A fair amount of angst for the premise but HEA.

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4. Currently desperately craving some really really long wangxian! Over 100k please, canon dynamics preferred, and the bit that's hardest to filter for: no extensive positive inclusion of Jiang Cheng. I'm more open to cr!era stuff with him as a secondary character but adult JC particularly I would like mostly off-screen. @strinak

Just go forward like you mean it by tawaen (M, 101k, WangXian, WWX & WN &WQ, WWX & JYL, NHS & WWX, Canon Divergence, WWx does not attend the Wen indoctrination, WWX saves Lotus Pier, Inventor WWX, No Golden Core Transfer, Sect Leader JYL, JC Has No Golden Core, Bad Parents JFM & YZY, Not JC Friendly, but he gets a happier ending than canon so don’t look here for bashing)

Dispersing Clouds by dreamingofcake (E, 283k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Abusive YZY, Canonical Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (Background Character), Background Character Deaths, child deaths, Canon JC, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Cultivation Sect Politics, Homophobia, Heteronormativity, Feelings Realization, WWX is Not Oblivious)

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 859k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) Not sure if this one hits the 'no positive JC portrayal' criteria. He's in the early chapters as it starts during CRSA & he does get whacked with a clue-by-four a couple of times so he's sliiiightly less entitled, but he's still a cranky jerk & after the guest disciples leave he barely appears (I also haven't read the last 3 chapters, set during SSC, so no idea on his portrayal in those)

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5. hello! for the next ITMF, fics where WWX adopts XY and shows him what kindness is? Kind of like those YillingWei AUs where XY becomes WWX's disciple (please rec some lesser known ones if you know of any, I feel like I've read all of the popular ones already), thank you!!

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6. I'm in a mood for some good Apocalypse AUs. I like happy endings but since it's apocalypses it might not be feasible so perhaps no brutal endings, if you know what I mean? Like make me cry my eyes out but not from despair/unhopefulness? Also please no Non-Con/Rape, at least not with main pair and not explicit 🙏

The Edge of Night by Hobbsy3 (M, 277k, WangXian, XuanLi, Modern AU, Zombie Apocalypse, Yúnmèng Siblings Dynamics, Accidental Baby Acquisition During a Zombie Apocalypse, Junior Quartet, (except they’re all babies), Angst with a Happy Ending, Minor Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Gore, Ensemble Cast, Worst Zombie Fighting Team Ever, Found Family) Amazing Zombie AU

Darkness Before the Dawn by Selenay (E, 64k, wangxian, Zombie Apocalypse, Modern With Magic, Necromancer WWX, Reunions, toddler A-Yuan, There Was Only One Bed, There are zombies but not graphically horrific zombies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Find a home in the middle of an apocalpyse)

when the sun goes out by travelingneuritis (E, 176k, WangXian, Modern Cultivation, tech cultivation, Necromancy, Angst with a Happy Ending, insecurity around adoption, Dad!WWX, dad!lwj, Grief/Mourning, Mistaken Identity, Mood Whiplash, Body Swap, sex tears!, Falling In Love, Consensual Somnophilia, apocalypse (localized), Smut, unrealistic sexual stamina, Flashbacks, Time Skips, Illustrations) this fic jumps around in time so only part of it is During the Apocalypse, but highly recommend this fic

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7. Wangxian fluff. Pls😭😭😭just them married fluff.😭😭😭😭km traumatized. Pls. Just loads of happiness @honestlyewww

A Lifetime of It (Please, and Thank You) by misscam (M, 5k, WangXian, Wedding, a mix of series and novel, Humor, Fluff, Angst, some naughtiness, Switching)

coop d'état by wolfsan11 (G, 4k, WangXian, Fluff and Humor, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Post-Canon, Chickens, WWX-centric, Post-Canon Modao Zushi Novel, Married WangXian, therapy chickens)

Dear Hanguang-Jun by cavaleira (M, 8k, WangXian, background ZhuiLing, Fluff, Established Relationship, Humor, Post-Canon)

Where the Lonely Ones Go by CSHfic, VSfic (T, 23k, WangXian, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Case Fic, Night Hunts, Fluff, Established Relationship, Mystery, Married Life, Domestic Fluff, Haunting, Kid Fic, Post-Canon, gratuitous use of empathy)

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8. Thank you for this amazing blog!! I am actually ITMF fics where LWJ initially misunderstands WWX and is pretty rude/cruel/hurtful to him which contributes to WWX whump(essentially him being super hurt yet still trying to act as if everything is okay or so). I have read a couple of fics with this trope but I don’t know how to find more so it would really great if you could recommend some fics along these lines. Thank you!!!

Couldn't Scream Couldn't Shout by mermorgie (T, 42k, WangXian, LXC & WWX, LXC & LWJ, LQR & WWX, JZX & WWX, WWX & NHS, LWJ & NHS, WIP, Not for JC stans, Muteness, Sign Language, references to selective mutism, Homophobic JC, canon JC characteristics, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Anxiety Attacks, Pining, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Supportive Sibling LXC, JZX Tries, LQR Tries, Protective JZX, Scheming NHS, Bisexual JZX, LWJ is Bad at Communicating, WWX Has ADHD, Autistic LWJ, WWX Has a Fear of Dogs, Jiang Family Bashing)

🔒 Warming up (to him) by barisan (T, 9k, LQR & WWX, WangXian, Hypothermia, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Temporary Character Death, Medical Inaccuracies, YZY Abuses WWX, JFM Bashing, pre-wangxian, Good Uncle LQR, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort)

Concord by Deastar (T, 41k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Gusu Lan Sect Rules, Depression, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

the earthquake in the room by phnelt (E, 39k, WangXian, College/University, Modern: No Powers, Canada, Getting Together, Mentions of lwj/others, background NieLan, background QingMian, inter-faculty romance, strangers to lovers to frenemies to lovers, mostly book characterisation, Background XuanLi)

For you by 10thNoNamePerson (T, 16k, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Canon Divergence, No War AU, Teen Wangxian, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Jealous WWX, Soft WangXian, No Sunshot Campaign) they both misunderstand each other but it's lowk Lan Wangji’s fault 😭

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9. Hi! I’m itmf fics where it’s assumed that lan yuan is wei wuxian or lan wangji’s child or both. Thanks

Wei Wuxian, God of Fertility by tired (T, 19k, WangXian, Family Feels, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack, the juniors get REAL drunk, Gossip, POV Multiple, surprisingly not an mpreg fic, Kissing, Self-Esteem Issues, Discussion of Porn and Sex, Post-Canon, SOFT SOFT SOFT, married wangxian, Fluff and Humor, PSA: touching forehead ribbons gets you pregnant)

Lan Yuan's War by BurningTea (G, 196k, LSZ & LWJ, LWJ & LXC, WangXian, LWJ & WQ, WIP, Time Travel, Dad LWJ, Sunshot Campaign, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Rumours, Lots of rumours about LWJ, several people worry about LWJ, CQL Verse, Mental Health Issues, LWJ is very much not okay, Time travel has consequences, Sick LWJ) if the requester doesn't mind WIPs.

sing to the clouds in summer by stiltonbasket (G, 28k, JC & WWX, JC & JL, wangxian, JL & LSZ & LJY & OYZZ, 13k words of JC figuring out that LSZ is his nephew, ft. LXC and NHS the overprotective uncles, and LWJ giving JC death glares, Family Secrets, Reconciliation, Sad JC, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, [Podfic] sing to the clouds in summer by read_by_Sophie (Sophie))

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10. Hello! I just finished reading "The Blame Game" and am itmf for any wangxian fics where someone who isn't Lan Zhan or Wei Wuxian time travels and fixes canon. Thank you!

Time, Time, Time by skeletonofaplant (G, 44k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, LSZ & WWX, JYL & JL & JZX, LJY & LSZ, Time Travel Fix-It, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Angst, Fluff, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Time Travelling Junior Ensemble, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, Humor) The Juniors time travel (though it ends with the fixing canon merely implied as something that will happen)

Resilience. by Vrishchika (T, 7k, wangxian, time travel, not JC friendly, golden core transfer fix-it) JC time travels in this one, though it's less about him fixing things & more trying to make things how he thinks they should've gone & failing

💖 With Surgical Precision by metisket (T, 20k, WQ & WN, WQ & WWX, WangXian, Time Travel, Families of Choice, sibling bonding through murder) WQ time travel

Back To The River (So Learn To Swim) by kalany (M, 83k, CSSR/JFM/WCZ/YZY, JYL/JZX, WangXian, Fix-it fic, self-reincarnation, going back to try again, autotransmigration, time travel adjacent, Pregnancy, access to appropriate obstetrics care, Childbirth, lots of childbirth, there are so many children, Unplanned Pregnancy, but they are very much wanted, but it's discussed to make sure, Polyamory, Polygamy, survival sex, unwanted pregnancy ending in termination, abortion as victory, this fic has an agenda and it is access to reproductive health care, on-page death of a child, Murder of a Child, But he deserves it, it's XY if that matters, WRH doing WRH things, JGS doing JGS things, calling JGS a rapist, which he is and we're going to use that word in this fic, non-explicit discussion of sexual assault, Sexual Coercion, brief glimpse of sexual assault, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Sexism, most of the people in this fic are coded non-neurotypical, asexual JC, bisexual JFM, bisexual YZY, Bisexual CSSR, bisexual WCZ, falling in love when you don't expect it, does it count as found family when it's your husband​, Sect Heir JYL) is YZY time travel where she fixes everything (or most things) featuring sect heir JYL and eventual YZY/JFM/CSR/WCZ polycule

Never Again by Hauntcats (T, 67k, WWX & WN & WQ, JC & WWX, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, major character death, Canon Divergence, Angst, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Time Travel Fix-It, Not JC Friendly, Dark, BAMF WWX, mentions of abuse, Not Everyone Dies au, XY doesn’t have a happy ending) Another WQ time travel one

Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing) LQR time travel

And They Lived Happily Ever After… by Morgana_avalon (G, 51k, WangXian, Zhuiling, Time Travel Fix-It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Canon Universe, Canon Related, set before the ambush happens at Qiongqi Path, Canon Divergence, Bunnies, Good brother JC, Good JZX, CQL Verse)

Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It)

❤️ nevermore, nevermore by agloeian (T, 120k, lan sizhui & everyone, wangxian, canon divergence, time travel fix-it, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst w/ happy ending)

Sail Away Sweet Sister by sami (M, 73k, WangXian, YZY/CSSR/MDM Lan, MingLi, Time Travel, EXTREME Canon Divergence, Wide Focus Narrative, Some People Live/Not Everyone Dies, Most Named/Canon Characters Live, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Families of Choice, Parenthood, this work contains a major tonal shift, Fluff, Angst, Underage Sex, not particularly explicit, but not at all ambiguous, PTSD, Only a tiny bit, Unforeseeable consequences, The butterfly effect, Slightly Dark JYL, Asexual Characters, but that’s not really the focus, Canon-Typical Violence)

🔒💖 The blame game by apathyinreverie (T, 13k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, WWX & WQ, LXC & WWX, canon divergence, time travel fix-it, possessive LWJ, oblivious WWX, fluff, siblings, romance, golden core reveal, golden core fix-it)

Moments of Revelation by meyari (T, 133k, ChengSang, WangXian, XiYao, Canon Divergence, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel Fix-It, Self-Sacrifice, Torture, Chronic Pain, Chronic anxiety, Grief/Mourning, PTSD, Chronic Mental Health Issues, Families of Choice, Original Supporting characters, Unreliable Narrator(s), Demonic Possession) Jiang Cheng goes back to when he lost his core and fixes everything. The author Meyari also has various other character time travel fixes in other fics, Meng Yao and Su She and I think others, but those are even more divergent

Back in time by Liebing23 (T, 32k, WangXian, Time Travel, Alternate Timelines, Fix-It of Sorts, Angst, Family Feels, Good Kid LSZ, LSZ Needs a Hug, Sad JL, JL Needs a Hug) the juniors time travel and fix some stuff!

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11. hi! I love this blog, I've found so many great fics and hidden gems just from scrolling through past ITMF posts! For the next ITMF, are there any fics similar to a paper friend by soft_wanning? just any fics where wwx is lost as a paperman and lwj helps him find his way back to lotus pier and that's how they meet

stray cat strut by ScarlettStorm (E, 54k, WangXian, No War AU, the world's least mysterious casefic, Comedy, Shenanigans, Slow Burn, a disgusting amount of magically necessary forehead smooches, switch rights) Wwx is cat, not paper man, but I found the vibes to be very similar and suuuper cute

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12.

Hi, I’m in the Mood for a Fic in which abusers get severe consequences or the system/traditions are challenged (with great success). If possible, some of the following scenarios:

Wei Wuxian has enough of getting whipped for no valid reason and starts standing up for himself (not just verbally, and especially NOT just talking back while still accepting punishment) but by attacking back or some other form of brutal revenge. 

a modern AU where jiang yanli and/or jiang cheng cut off contact with their parents for their treatment, anything where they put themselves and their brother above their abusive parents

Lan Zhan does not accept his punishment and kills(or at least successfully fights off) any elder that attempts to whip him. 

Lan Zhan or Lan Xichen destroys the wall of rules and makes the sect more friendly for all

someone invents democracy and various sect leaders are voted out - can be crack or serious

anyone going against “that’s how it’s always been” / “that’s how it’s supposed to be” and winning against all opposition, I’m ok with the character being OOC/more powerful than makes sense, 

basically anything where bad people are punished for being bad even if it doesn’t make sense because of their social standing

I will be grateful for any recs, thank you :) @hushtalks

The Wrong Man by Remma3760 (Not Rated, 125k, WangXian, Sect Leader LWJ, Evil JGS, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Reveal) LWJ becomes sect leader & uses his new power to reform the sect's rules & approach to discipline, & the plot is basically The Bad Characters Get Punished

Work of Heart by Witch_Nova221 (T, 17k, WangXian, Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, soft romance, Artist WWX, Musician LWJ, College/University, Modern, Roommates, Friends to Lovers, Family Drama, Emotional Manipulation, Financial Issues, Bad Parent YZY) The Jiangs lose business deals because of their abuse of Wei Wuxian

🔒 Step by step by apathyinreverie (T, 12k, WangXian, Modern AU, JFM and YZY Bashing, not particularly Jiang family friendly, Guilt, Fluff, past angst, Flashbacks, Protective LWJ, Soft WWX, adorable a-yuan, Friendship, Family, Getting Together, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff) The Jiangs lose business deals because of their abuse of Wei Wuxian

Meet you at a different place by tawaen (M, 57k, WQ & WN, WN & MXY & WQ, WQ & WWX & WN, Eventual WangXian, Ghost General WN, Ghost WQ, Canon Divergence, WQ comes back to haunt the cultivation world, Bad idea to kill the one person who didn’t kill anyone, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Wen Remnants Deserve Better, Sīsī Deserves Better, MXY Deserves Better, POV WQ) Wen Qing's ghost gets revenge against those that wronged her family & Wei Wuxian

A Life Without Regrets by naqaashi (M, 146k, WangXian, JFM & WWX, JC & WWX, WRH & WWX, LXC & LWJ, LQR & LWJ, LWJ & NHS, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Crack Treated Seriously, musical cultivation, Slow Burn, Pining, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Murder Husbands, PTSD, BAMF WWX, Demonic Cultivation, POV WWX, Cultivation Sect Politics, Worldbuilding, No Yīn Iron, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Artist WWX, Musician WWX, Night Hunts, Fate & Destiny, Bad Parent JFM & YZY, Golden Core, Cultivation Theory, Sentient Burial Mounds, Father-Son Relationship, Dysfunctional Family, Grief/Mourning, Parent-Child Relationship, Angry WWX, Pining WWX, WWX is Not Okay, No Golden Core Transfer, BAMF LWJ, Pining LWJ, POV LWJ, Angry LWJ, One-Braincell Wangxian, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, WIP) is a time travel fic where Lan Wangji destroys the wall of disciplines and he & Wei Wuxian change the world for the better.

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13. Hello! I was wondering if you have any good recs with protective/overprotective Lan Zhan who will be dammed if he lets anything happen to Wei Ying ever again?

Also I just wanted to say you’re incredible and I genuinely appreciate all the work you do for us poor Wangxian fans!

🔒 Revenge is a Side Dish Best Served With Tea by merakily (G, 7k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Protective LWJ, Petty LWJ, Fluff and Humor)

💖 Nice work if you can get it by deliciousblizzardshark (M, 11k, wangxian, protective LWJ, genius LWJ, post-canon, fluff & humor, getting together, chief cultivator LWJ)

I Have Arranged to Tie You to Me by xxxMiaHikarixxx (G, 82k, WIP, WangXian, Lan protective team, Time Travel, Past, LWJ oriented, Arranged Marriage, Boys In Love, Soulmates, Fix-It, Jiang siblings, not jiang parents friendly, Soft LWJ, Protective LWJ, Genius WWX)

🔒 As good as by apathyinreverie (T, 6k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Fix-It, Canon Divergence, not a good uncle LQR story, but also not not?, Golden Core Reveal, Kind Of, Golden Core Fix-It, Also kind of, Addiction, Manipulation, not between wangxian, just...War politics, Sunshot Campaign, Not As Dark As The Tags Make It Sound, Possessive LWJ, Protective LWJ, Tired WWX, Genius WWX, Dual Cultivation, LQR is too old for teenage drama, Developing Relationship)

my rivers tilt towards you by perfectlyrose (T, 26k, WangXian, Canon, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Fairy Tale Elements, dragonji, mentions of, Madam Yu’s A+ Parenting, First Meetings, Romance, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort)

🔒 Heart of hearts series by apathyinreverie (M, 40k, WangXian, Dark LWJ(Ish), Amnesia, WWX gets to be Not Okay after the BM, Hurt WWX, Recovery, Caring, Protective LWJ, Possessive LWJ, some definite manipulation but not everything is as it seems, not nearly as dark as the tags make it sound, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It Kind Of, Domestic WangXian, Fluff, WWX Goes to Gusu, Possessive WWX, WWX happily atticwifing away, Sunshot Campaign, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, ridiculously self-indulgent, Not Cultivation World Friendly)

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14, Hi! I read "By the emperor's decree - sweetlolixo" and am itmf fics where people have the mindset "wangji is a serious child, always has been" "Lan wangji doesn't smile or have fun" and all variations where most everyone even Lan zhan's family are sorta intimidated and kept at arm's length by his blank face and then they see him with Wei Wuxian and get the surprise of their lifetime cuz then he's smiling, joking, not punishing for rule breaking seriously, being just as shameless and working to fluster Wei wuxian more as well as proud to show off all the marks he leaves on his husband. It could be any AU!

By Heart by Meseem (T, 28k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Amnesia, Memory Loss, Canon Divergence, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, amnesiac time-traveler lwj, POV LWJ) iirc in one chapter Lan Xichen is surprised by Lan Wangji admitting that he likes Wei Wuxian, and overall a bunch of people get surprised by how much he let's him get away with

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15. Itmf a fic where wwx is abandoned after the battle of nightless city against wen ruohan, causing major canon divergence. Maybe the public turns against him, maybe his death is faked (by himself or others - he did pass out in public and was vulnerable to others for a time), maybe someone tries to 'remove a potential threat before he can become one' after that display of power, maybe he runs away, or is lost on the battlefield w/ disfiguring wounds and amnesia, etc. tldrwarwonbutwwxnogohomewothers

🔒this house is loved by ribena (T, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, WWX lives, Memory Loss, Cottagecore, Developing Relationship, slight angst, introspective and a little rambly, Happy Ending, Feelings)

❤️ The Third Young Master of the Qishan Wen by KouriArashi (T, 139k, wangxian, xiyao, chengqing, romance, angst w/ happy ending, hurt/comfort, politics, revenge, families of choice, pining) This fic is already very canon-divergent (it's an AU where wwx is adopted by the Dafan Wen) but it has pretty much the plot point requested

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16. Hello

I'm in the mood for a WangXian fic that's set in the genre of Dark Academia. I've been reading Grimoire by WithLoweredVoices recently, and really enjoyed it. Do you know of any similar fics? @shenmiao98

Marks of weakness, marks of woe by Song_of_Storms (E, 48k, WangXian, WIP, College/University, Modern with Magic, Dark Academia, Rivals to Lovers, Dark LWJ, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Murder Mystery, Minor Character Death, Familiars, Fencing, Nonbinary NHS, Poison, Aftermath of Poisoning, Tagged Explicit For Later Chapters, LWJ's canonical inability to distinguish between immediate hatred and immediate attraction, furthering the LWJ/JZX/MM friendship agenda, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Intrusive Thoughts) If the requester of 16 doesn't mind a WIP

~*~

17. I read fic Turn Left by kianspo, where Lan Zhan was kidnapped from Gusu sect and grew up outside of it (on the streets and then with Xiao Xingchen on Baoshan Sanren mountain). I’m in the Mood for a Fic with similar topic, where Lan Zhan grew up outside of Gusu Lan, be it in different sect or as rogue cultivator (without Gusu Lan sect rules). I would like to find more fics with this particular trope (not modern au). The plot after it (family reunion, wangxian) doesn't matter as much. Thank you.

no step had trodden black by Stratisphyre (T, 32k, wangxian, LQR & WWX, JYL/JZX, canon divergence, madam lan lives, past rape, golden core reveal, hurt/Comfort, referenced to attempted suicide & suicidal thoughts, canon-typical violence) Lan Wangji grew up as a rogue cultivator with his mom

The Dreams of Youth by sami (E, 86k, wangxian, time travel, fix-it, family, not lan sect friendly, canon typical violence & gore, childhood friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, mothers who live, some people live/not everyone dies) If the requester doesn't mind a time travel story, four-year-old Lan Wangji leaves the Lan sect with his mother

Xiao XingChen's travelling sect Series by The Silverfish (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 43k, WangXian, SongXiao, Time Travel, Children, rogue cultivators, Not Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, small town, Murder Mystery, Parental XXC, Cultivation Conference, Bad Parenting, World Travel, Monsters, Bugs & Insects, Sailors, Sea Monsters, Pirate Treasure, Ocean, Flirting, Bad Flirting) Another time-travel one, in which LWJ is raise (well "raised", he has adult memories and maturity) by Xiao Xingchen

Sail Away Sweet Sister by sami (M, 73k, WangXian, YZY/CSSR/MDM Lan, MingLi, Time Travel, EXTREME Canon Divergence, Wide Focus Narrative, Some People Live/Not Everyone Dies, Most Named/Canon Characters Live, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Families of Choice, Parenthood, this work contains a major tonal shift, Fluff, Angst, Underage Sex, not particularly explicit, but not at all ambiguous, PTSD, Only a tiny bit, Unforeseeable consequences, The butterfly effect, Slightly Dark JYL, Asexual Characters, but that’s not really the focus, Canon-Typical Violence) (link in #10) Also Sami's got another time-travel one where LWJ grows up in the Jiang Sect (ljw is not the time-traveler in this one)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[esoteric-oracle]

//long rambles ahead!

I think what really lingers with me about MDZS is that it's not a novel with a cathartic ending at all. It's a bittersweet story that leaves you slightly hollow. Yes, it's a beautiful and epic romance. It's a piece of social commentary interwoven with a love story and murder mystery. It's a cautionary tale. But it is also very much a tragedy. It's a story about being too late, second chances, and moving on.

By the time the truth of everything JGY and JGS did comes to light, it's 13 years too late. Everything that mattered has already happened. Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan are long dead. Jin Ling is still an orphan. Wen Ning is dead, and sometime in the future, his death will be permanent. Wen Qing was burned to death at the stake for no fault of her own. Nie Mingjue has already spent ten years in a no-doubt agonizing state of un-death, and Lan Xichen will have to bear the guilt of loving both Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao, and by doing so, forsaking them both. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng's once-close bond is irrevocably broken, and the woman who sowed the seeds of resentment when they were still children will never face the consequences of her vitriol.

People sometimes say MXTX was too hard on the side characters, and only gave the Wangxian a happy ending, but what stuck with me after finishing the story is how… sad things are. Yes, Wangxian finally get the happy ending they've deserved for nearly 20 years - but at the same time, it's not a happy ending where the people who've wronged them get the consequences they deserve.

Wei Wuxian will spend the rest of his life haunted by guilt and loss, over what happened to Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan, over the loss of the Wen remnants. The rest of his years won't even be lived in the body his parents gave him.

Lan Wangji will spend the rest of his years wondering if he'd chosen to stand with Wei Wuxian when it mattered - would his son have had to grow up without his birth family?

Nie Huaisang is left wondering if his brother had been a little less trusting and had never taken Meng Yao in as a Nie deputy, would his brother have died a less wretched death? Would he have been forced to stoop to ruthless machinations and manipulations to seek some semblance of justice?

Wen Ning will have to live with the knowledge that if he'd been a little less kind, if he'd let Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng die that fateful day - his family would still be alive. The Wens would've won the war; Wen Qing might've even succeeded Wen Ruohan.

No one really gets the ending they deserve. MDZS isn't a story where good people get happy endings, and bad people get their dues. Sure, Jin Guangyao's crimes are revealed and he faces the consequences of his actions. But what about the people who stood by and made him into a monster? If anything, the side characters and antagonists who survive get better than they deserve. The real villain of MDZS - society - will never face retribution. Those cultivators who always believed in their own bigotry and righteousness over and over again, will never face justice.

Do you think those cultivators and the public will ever feel any regret for the innocent people they condemned to death in their own prejudice and blind self-righteousness? Do you think the people who gathered at Nightless City to call for Wei Wuxian's death considered for one second that he was the biggest reason they won the war? When the cultivators who sacked the Wen settlement at the Burial Mounds threw the bodies of the Wens into the blood pool, do you think that was a sign of shame?

Do you think Jiang Cheng will ever regret leading a siege on a small settlement of innocent farmers? Do you think he's haunted by condemning to death the same people whom he owes his life to?

Do you think those people like Yao-zongzhu will ever feel an ounce of remorse for so easily believing rumours and hearsay, and spreading speculation and vitriol about innocent people?

Do you think that unnamed cultivator out there will ever lose a single minute of sleep over smashing in Wen Popo's head?

In the years that follow, Wen Ning will have apologized a hundred times for lives he did not take, crimes he did not commit, because of the name he bears. People, both in-universe, and even readers, will condemn him for actions he could not help, for doing the right thing. But did Jiang Cheng ever apologize for killing his family? Did the Jins ever apologize for their horrific treatment of people in the labour camps?

People will continue to demand that Wei Wuxian apologize for causing the deaths of their friends and family. But how is Wei Wuxian meant to do that? No one ever apologized to him for taking his family away. No one ever apologized for condemning the Wen Remnants to death for crimes they took no part in. The Wens were his family too.

There's so much potential for bitterness and corruption in MDZS. Instead of saving everyone, Wei Wuxian could've stood aside and let the people who tried to kill him die. MDZS could've been a story of succumbing to hatred and grief, but it wasn't. MXTX could've gone on and on about how society wronged the protagonist, but she didn't. The narrative is one of forgiveness and moving beyond past grievances. The story chose to close the story on a positive note. I truly love that aspect of MDZS, where MXTX leaves just enough room for hope and love at the end.

A-Yuan will finally get his closure about the family he lost as a toddler. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian get their happy ending together after being separated by nearly two decades by war, miscommunication, cruelty, and death.

Wei Wuxian will never regret protecting survivors of an attempted genocide, because it was the right thing to do.

And Wen Ning will still stand in the way and take a fatal blow meant for Jin Ling, despite everything the Jins and Jiang Cheng did to the people he loved.

Because they chose love. Characters like Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning and Lan Wangji have the chance to move on and live a happier life because when they could've succumbed to hurt and fury and resentment, they chose to be kind and do the right thing. Wangxian get their happy ending because they learn to recognize the toxicity of the cultivation society's self-cannibalizing prejudice, and chose to pursue righteousness above personal benefit.

MDZS isn't a story about good people getting good things. Just look at what happened to Xiao Xingchen. There's really nothing satisfying or cathartic about everyone's fates at all. There's no promise about society facing the consequences of their mob mentality or Wangxian actually changing the world together. Even in TGCF, for all its makings of a love story, we get the promise of societal change once Jun Wu is deposed.

It has all the makings to be a tragedy or tale of vengeance of epic proportions - but instead, it's a love story. It's a story about making the best of what you've got, and staying true to yourself and your morals, even if that's sometimes a bitter pill to swallow. It's a story where everything that could go wrong went wrong, but the characters still managed to fight their way to a better ending by choosing kindness. At its core, MDZS is a testament to choosing compassion over cruelty no matter how tragic and hopeless life gets, no matter how long the journey gets. Even though the happy ending is more personal and only applies to the specific characters, even though we don't actually get the promise of their society becoming a better place - we still have the hope that Wei Wuxian's second chance brings. The hope that sometimes, no matter how cruel the world is, some people who deserve it still get their happy endings. That's what makes MDZS such a memorable work of art. That's why it stays with you.

[askew-d]

today i had an idea. that recess therapy channel, but make it wangxian.

teacher lan wangji, who recently adopted a-yuan, carried out his son’s desires to create a youtube channel interviewing other kids. he’s totally inept at it in the beginning, but fortunately his brother helps. and who would've thought? his son ends up making friends and he really finds children’s minds fascinating.

until their channel gets quite big. like, two million subscribers kind of big. other people interviewing him kind of big. and soon enough, his brother says, “wangji, huaisang wants to be part of one of your videos! he said it looks fun!”

nie huaisang didn’t have a large fanbase without reason. he was a well-known digital influencer with over ten million followers and a good writer. though lan wangji finds him odd sometimes, he accepts it. it couldn't bring any harm.

famous last words.

after nie huaisang, a lot of celebrities wanted to join in. lan wangji imagined it was for that facade of selling a good-hearted image inside the industry, but as long as a-yuan seemed to be enjoying, he continued.

in the two years he had the channel, he progressed to five million followers, hosted many top-tier artists along, interviewed hundred of kids — some more enthusiastic than others, that’s rather true — and received some proposals from famous entertainment companies to work with them, which annoyed lan wangji.

he continued being a teacher, a father and a host content creator for long, and one day, his son was checking his emails with him and jumped in excitement, “baba! look, look!”

lan wangji looked. it was a request from a certain wei wuxian’s agency, that, he later discovered, was one of the singer’s a-yuan and his close friends have been listening to lately. apparently, his rock band was very influential internationally, and when having a tour around china once more, he wanted to join for a video (why would his thirteen-year-old a-yuan be interested in rock music when humanity had the classical ones, he could never imagine).

lan wangji accepted, because again, it couldn’t do any harm.

well, maybe he should learn more about that expression, since wei wuxian was absolutely infuriating.

he was just a handsome, dauntless man in tight black pants and an oversized hoodie with the shiniest smile he has ever seen who got his son's favour in just minutes of conversation and could not, for the love of god, stop teasing lan wangji. lan wangji shouldn't be that affected by someone. he shouldn't be affected by the way he didn't care about social manners and plastered himself on lan wangji's side all the while he interviewed the kids as if they were intimate, but oh, what one shouldn't do truly wasn't how one acted or felt.

he found out that wei wuxian did have a good voice, although he secretly thought that he wasted it with those loud songs about rebelling against the government. he found out that he was exceptionally careful with children, withholding a balance of fun and wisdom; he had that carefree creativity and treated their worries with seriousness, struggling not to let them think he judged them childish. lan wangji was truly amazed at his character, and soon, they had recorded about four videos together.

and when it was all uploaded, the comments and views exploded. people focused more on them together than on the kids. it became the most viewed videos of his channels in no time.

"lan zhan, the numbers are growing each day! i'm so happy for that," wei wuxian said on the phone afterwards (when he proposed the idea of exchanging numbers, lan wangji was hesitant, but wei wuxian insisted that it was for them to share bunny videos, so he gave up on fighting the man, but weeks passed and they still talked more about their lives than just sharing said content). "but tell me, lan zhan, i think my amazing presence did bring some touch to your channel, won't you treat me to something as a sign of gratitude? you told me your family had a rule on being polite..."

they did have one. lan wangji told him once and it was enough to be engraved on wei wuxian's mind. he sighed and said, "mn. does wei ying want to have dinner with us tomorrow?"

wei wuxian laughed in apparent joy, and he shook his head slightly. it would be good to have someone over for dinner once in a while, beyond his brother. maybe he'd even buy some wine and meat for him, just as he said he liked.

lan wangji talked to wei wuxian some more, the other explaining about how his band would perform the upcoming sunday. they also talked about children, books and traveling. and on the other side of the room, a-yuan giggled in mischievousness.

[s2pdoktopus]

Since I have been rambling here a lot I will also ramble about my dear mdzs children

So these four are made because I joked about populating the female species in MDZS and then I made more...

Disclaimer: I am not Chinese so these names are very much like when Anime grabs random names for English characters. They don't make sense.

First RongQuan

I completely forgot what Chinese characters I grabbed for her name (something that means melting, I think?

The design idea for her is that of a simple looking woman

She became a disciple because she wanted to and her father loves her very much he used his family ties to get her in. Upon entering, it became very clear that he has absolutely no talent for cultivation. This, and the well known fact that she's here because nepotism, made her the subject of many disciples' teasing. To compensate for her lack of talent she became a push over, doing many menial tasks to contribute to the sect. She's too tired to feel mad about the treatment most of the time.

Post-canon:

She's doing the same thing she's always done. Her mother fears that being involved with a sect riddled with so much scandal might ruin her marriage prospects. She thought about agreeing with her mother for a solid minute but ultimately decided that if men can't handle being involved with her as a Jin disciple, they can't handle her at all and politely rejected to do as her mother asked.

Lan FeiRi

I also completely forgot what her name's Chinese characters are. (One of them is the character for sun, I think)

Her design idea is that of a fairy, I tried to make her hair have the silhouette of a butterfly for this. It's also why I chose something that would spell FeiRi lol

She is a child orphaned by a demonic cultivator and adopted by a Lan couple. She cultivated a little late so her cultivation isn't as good as it could've been but she's average on power, overall. She exudes nearly the same tranquil energy as Lan XiChen. This is just a facade though, she absolutely loves it when people she deems evil get the justice she thinks they deserve, she can be sadistic. The ultimate two-faced individual, she could be smiling on the outside but seething on the inside, caring on the outside but laughing out in joy over others' suffering on the inside.

Post canon:

She absolutely hates that the grandmaster of demonic cultivation is living just a few minutes away.

(she has one of my favorite designs among the mdzs ocs I made)

Nie QiaoLu

Again, I forgot what her name means.

I designed her last. I didn't know if my designs are outrageous already so this is me dialing back down. But she looked too simple with straight hair so I made it wavy.

She is the strongest female cultivator in her age group, She is a distant relative of Nie Huaisang. She used to be a quick-tempered child but when the reality of the Nie cultivation sunk in, she sought to find a way to minimize the possibility of qi deviation. Instead of finding some new techniques she found Hanguang Jun. She thought, surely, by imitating him she will be less susceptible to qi deviations and so she went ahead and lived her life with such belief. As if the natural consequence trying to imitate one of the twin jades, her social skills were stunted and she is disconnected from her emotions.

Post canon:

She came back to rejoin society and the first thing she heard was Hanguang Jun's recent marriage. Her reaction was, "Oh. Congratulations to him, I guess?" She's still unaware of the things happening around her. Someone needs to anchor her to the ground. (Her head is so empty she might just float away, never to be seen again...)

Ok. The Jiang kids I made plenty of first of all:

Yu Lilai

I do remember that her name is supposed to mean "beautiful future".

Lilai already has a whole post explaining her. She is my favorite to use of the bunch in the silly comic stuff I made because there's no stake in her. She's the kind of gag character you will see in an anime who has an eccentric yet loving and supportive family.

She's also my favorite of the bunch :3

I have no height chart for these kiddos anymore

Jiang Lian

Jiang RenJi (courtesy name)

His given name means "to unite" and the courtesy name means "sturdy foundation"

He is a distant relative of the main Jiang family. His great great grandmother left the sect to live a civilian life away from Yunmeng. He reentered the Jiang sect when he was eight because he heard about Jiang Cheng's story and felt really bad for him. He wanted to help rebuild his ancestral home.

He is the responsible and ever-so-reliable Shixiong! He is the guard dog to the sheeps that are the baby disciples. Though he lacks Lilai's talent in combat or XinXue's silver tongue, he is the person the baby disciples trust the most. A sturdy leader, fitting his name.

Xiao XinXue

You know how Wei Wuxian is abbreviated to WWX and Jiang Cheng is JC? Yeah. XinXue's name is just so it can be abbreviated to XXX. XinXue name means "new blood" I forgot what Xiao is supposed to mean though.

Her family was killed by demonic cultivators and Jiang Cheng saved her. She is also the first orphan the Jiang sect save whom they eventually took in as a disciple.

. She harbors a deep hatred for demonic cultivation and doesn't think anything is wrong with punishing them. In essence she represents the irl people who just hate Wei Wuxian and an answer to people who think demonic cultivation users are just poor unfortunate souls who had no choice.

She's wrong in some points and justified in other points. No one is telling her to let go of her anger but her friends, Lilai especially, are quick to tell her that she needs to direct that anger to the right place (and not to a man who was dead during the death of her family). She goes to RenJi to vent whenever she needs it.

(and RenJi is always there to tell Lilai that she really needs to be more gentle with her wording)

She's usually very mischievous. It's difficult to be mad at her because seeing her happy is a far cry from the catatonic girl they nursed back to consciousness. Surprisingly, she is the most nurturing of the disciples. It's an unspoken agreement that she handles the other traumatized kids they will save.

I planned to make more characters with funny abbreviations like, XD, LOL, OWO, etc but it's tiring to look for Chinese characters...

Finally, the nebulous existence of

Jiang Xie

She never had a name first, then someone asked and I had to give her a name. Then I forgot what the name was and I have no internet to look. For the first time she's gonna get referred to by name in a drawing so I just put Xie and was done with it. Then I forgot that it was Xie lol. I finally looked up Chinese characters to make names for others and I named her MiFu (overflowing blessing, something like that) then I saw the comic again where she is Xie and well Xie it is. Thankfully it could mean harmony which fit her despite her chaotic tendencies.

She was never planned to be anything beyond the first comic thingy. As someone who only watched the worst version (the anime/manhua) finding out that the temple scene is different from what really happened, especially people's outrage about it compelled me to both make something silly about it that can comfort the traumatized grape. Lol.

Then some people really liked her, I did have some not funny ideas in my head so I just drew that. Sometimes others would comment stuff that gave me ideas so I made those. In a sense she's a group effort I guess. She just developed like that. She is a joke character at her very core though. I wanted to hit a balance of funny innocent children stuff without making her just a walking ball of gags.

Ultimately she's a good kid who likes helping people by suggesting solutions only children would think of (Jin Ling has no dad? Swear brotherhood with her so they can share her dad!) It usually doesn't help but it makes the receiver of the advice feel better more often than not. Promising to break the legs of her loved ones' bullies is her love language.

[robininthelabyrinth]

A prompt: I'm still in love with Second madam nie. Anything from her POV, maybe including her favourite person, nie mingjue?

ao3

"Send Huaisang to my office. Immediately."

Nie Mingjue’s order went out, and no sooner out than fulfilled, even if Nie Huaisang did show up looking disgruntled and a little disheveled, as if someone strong had hoisted him up over his protests, thrown him over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and whisked him away when he'd much rather be in his room reading or in a shop buying something. This was precisely what had happened, so Nie Huaisang felt entirely justified, even if his brother frowned ominously at his not-befitting-an-heir-of-a-Great-Sect appearance. 

Still, his brother refrained from scolding (for once) and merely said, "Close the door."

Nie Huaisang did, his interest reluctantly piqued. 

"Something political that I'm not supposed to know about?" he asked. "Or...?"

"Or," Nie Mingjue confirmed, and produced a letter. "Your mother wrote to you."

Nie Huaisang couldn't stop himself from wrinkling his nose.

Nie Mingjue noticed. "What's the matter? You don't want to hear from Second Mother?"

Actually, no.

Neither Nie Huaisang nor his mother had ever managed to properly explain to the bull-headed Nie Mingjue that certain types of people simply couldn't abide sharing space with another of their own kind - yes, even their own children, yes, even from a young age - and as a result he worked tirelessly to maintain his little brother's relationship with his long-absent, presumed-dead-by-most-people mother over both their protests. His persistence and earnest insistence that familial relationships were important was a little cute, actually, but it did mean that it was awfully hard to skive off without actually engaging. 

Of course, the same was true on his mother's side. Nie Huaisang had to suppress a snigger at the thought of his brother hunting down and officiously scolding a fox in some forest somewhere with instructions to write more often.

"Are you going to read it?" Nie Mingjue prompted, and the expression on his face suggested that the answer to the question was required to be 'yes' and also 'right now, in this room, while being watched’. Nie Mingjue would never be so rude as to actually interfere with or eavesdrop on Nie Huaisang's correspondence, but previous experience had already shown him that listening to Nie Huaisang's claims of wanting to read it later or in private would only result in the letter not being read at all, whether due to negligence or it "accidentally" being destroyed in a fire or somesuch.

Damn Nie Huaisang's former self for having used up all the good excuses too early!

"Oh, all right," Nie Huaisang grumbled, and settled himself down to read. At least he could be fairly sure that the content would be about a subject of his liking - after all, the only thing Nie Huaisang had in common with his mother, other than a shared bloodline, was a fondness for his older brother.

-

Hey, pigface -

(Rude as always, Mother.)

I would say that I hope you're doing well, but I don't actually care (it's mutual!) and I'm sure that if there was anything wrong with you, my darling pork bun would have already conveyed it to me. (Almost certainly true.) He'd be ever so distressed about it, the poor tasty little lamb, so you'd better keep yourself in one piece for his sake, you hear me? (Like Nie Huaisang was going to get anywhere near danger anyway. She wasn't wrong about how much Nie Mingjue would worry, though, so Nie Huaisang reluctantly agreed with the sentiment - he'd be able to point to that when his brother ever so politely inquired as to what his mother had written. See, a positive interaction! They were capable of it! Mostly!)

As for your delicious older brother...(She'd better not say anything about Nie Huaisang stopping him from getting into danger, because that was impossible; Nie Mingjue and danger were practically best friends) well, I will only say, if he dies, you are to avenge him.

(Obviously.)

Now, I'm equally certain that you don't give one fig for my own state of health (completely correct), so I won't bore you with that. I will say that your cousin in Dongying is doing very well (that was good, Nie Huaisang had liked him, though of course he'd liked the fact that the man lived all the way away in Dongying even better) and his musically inclined partner sends you in particular his regards. (He'd probably mispronounced it.) I'll spare you how he mangled it (called it!) and tell you instead that he is still proficient in that song you taught him (aww, how cute). I enclose some little tricks that you might find useful (please no) assuming you ever endeavor to be useful (never!)  

Now, onto the most important subject (about time) - how is my tender little zongzi doing? (What a stupid question, she literally saw da-ge when she gave him this message.) He seemed fine in person, but you know he doesn't want to burden people with his troubles (sad, but true) and he is especially cautious when there's a chance that the person in question wants to help out (that's because certain people thought the only way to help any situation involved murder and/or eating people). I expect at least four pages of his day-to-day activities (psst, like Nie Huaisang was going to strain himself to do something like that) in exchange of which I will provide a brand new illustrated set of your preferred brand of picture book (...damn her for knowing his weaknesses). 

Stay alive and in your own territory (same to you, Mother), and best wishes to my best little savory dumpling in the world, may he be ever delicious and ready to eat.

(Stop being weird, Mother.)

(Also, he wasn’t hers, he was Nie Huaisang’s.)

-

"No signature, as always," Nie Huaisang observed, and Nie Mingjue snorted.

"Like anyone could mimic how your mother talks."

Nie Huaisang thought about it, then shrugged in agreement. 

"How is she doing?"

Nie Huaisang gave his brother an incredulous look, which (rightfully) made the older man flush. 

"I have no idea how to tell," he defended himself. "I just want to know that she's not facing any difficulties, that's all. She'd never admit it if she was."

Only da-ge, Nie Huaisang thought fondly, and also No wonder she likes him so much.

It was, he had to admit, the one area in which his mother had impeccable taste that completely accorded with his own. 

His da-ge was simply, unquestionably, the best.

[rosethornewrites]

NR, E, & M reading since 8/13

Finished

Not Rated:

There was a boy, by caesteves

"And the boy, who never stopped smiling despite every reason he had to cry, saw himself forgetting the voices of his loved ones. Their faces, the happy moments. Perhaps he was supposed to live a life of broken memories."

(Or, after a strange night-hunt, Wei Wuxian wakes without his memories.)

A different road, by ARavenIsBlack (2 chapters)

What if Lan Wangji never went back to find Wen Yuan, or couldn't find him?

Grown up a beggar and thief, Wen Yuan struggles to survive after a long winter. Then, two people come by that seem much richer than any other that stop by their lonely village. But trying to steal from them backfires horribly and Wen Yuan is left desperate.

Explicit:

A Matter of Time, by mrcformoso (8 chapters)

When Lan Wangji went back in time to the first time he met Wei Wuxian, he thought it would be on their spar on the rooftops. He thought of how much he would have to change their interactions through the Cloud Recesses, how he would have to find a way to split Wei Wuxian from the Jiangs…

But when he came to his body, he found himself holding out a toy drum to a little child, a little A-Ying, in the streets of Yilling.

'Huh.' Lan Wangji thought as the little boy smiled up at him. 'This will be easier than I thought.'

Or: After Wei Wuxian’s death, something broke in Lan Wangji. He would do anything to get the love of his life back, safely in his arms. Even rewrite history.

A Matter of Choice, by mrcformoso (2nd in a series)

Things have been moving so fast and in so many different directions that Wei Ying never got a chance to sit down and settle, to think. It was only now, now that the war had ended, and they have returned home that Wei Ying felt the weight on his shoulders, the gravity of the situation.

Wei Ying’s mind was clashing, fighting and tripping over itself. Two vastly different childhoods wrestled in his soul, experiences and traumas he never thought of in years reared its ugly head. Not only that, but he knows what – or who – was behind it all. He knows the end goal. He knows the role he plays.

He has one year before his marriage. One year before he makes his choice.

Or: After the Sunshot Campaign, during the one year before his marriage to Lan Zhan, the barriers in Wei Ying’s mind fell and he must reconcile the aftereffects of regaining his memories, alongside the knowledge that his choice will decide the fate of the cultivation world.

Wei Laoshi, Poonslayer, by FeelsForBreakfast

Lan Wangji comes to two conclusions, almost simultaneously. The first, is that Nie Huaisang is messing with Wei Ying. The second, is that Wei Ying has never had sex in his life.

Or: Lan Wangji goes to Yunmeng, realizes that Wei Ying is a virgin, and takes decisive action.

Mature:

Back To The River (So Learn To Swim), by kalany (18 chapters)

Yu Ziyuan has been dead for over a hundred years, so it's a bit of a surprise when she dies.

One minute she's watching the youngest Lan daughter bow to her ancestors—it still baffles her that Wei Wuxian counts her as an ancestor, and that he's filial enough to have had a plaque made for her, but here they are—and the next she's choking on blood, her eyesight dimming. Wei Wuxian, she thinks furiously, what have you done now?

Then she wakes up.

Because her bladder is full.

Yu Ziyuan finds herself back in Lotus Pier, before any of her children have been born, and decides that things would go better if Jiang Yanli is the heir, not Jiang Cheng. One change leads to another, and another, and another.

And is Cangse Sanren flirting with her?

Things do not always go smoothly, but sometimes the family you find is the one you should have had all along.

lay down what's impeding you, by Karillith (2nd in a series)

"Just because I do not post them myself does not mean I cannot appreciate and acknowledge a thirst trap when it is in front of me."

Wei Wuxian's brain short-circuits for the millionth time in the last 24 hours. He's not sure what freaks him out more--that Lan Wangji agrees that it is, in fact, a thirst trap (a good one? please say it's a good one), or that he doesn't post them... but that he could have them.

Or,

5 times Lan Wangji makes thirsty comments at Wei Wuxian, and 1 time Wei Wuxian manages to do it back on purpose. Picks up where worst case scenario ends, but can be read as a standalone.

Unfinished

Not Rated:

Beiming: To Lament- 33 Reasons to Change the Past, by ravenhg (🔒)

It had been one week since Wei Wuxian’s life ended.

One week since his love, his life, his everything, had been ambushed by remnants of Jin Guangyao and Su She’s followers.

Wei Wuxian really should have known better.

“What will you do, gongzi?” Wen Ning asked quietly.

Wei Wuxian smiled, his eyes burning like coals.

_____________________

Or:

After the death of the most important person in their lives, Wei Wuxian and Lan Qiren choose to return to the past to prevent everything. This changes things.

In the End, by Sciatic_Nerd

What if, when Jiang Cheng felt he was forced to choose between protecting his beloved older sister or his loyal brother he remembered that Wei Wuxian always found the worst trouble and he never, ever remembered to guard his back.

Or, what if Jin Guangshan never managed to tear the Twin Heroes of Yunmeng apart.

Explicit:

The "Patriarch" Was Supposed to be Ironic (or, Wei Wuxian, Chief Cultivator), by groignequi

Wei Wuxian makes a wish he didn't intend; Lan Wangji creates a path forward.

___

The form flickers, letting curls of smoke form something like a smile, and responds, “What is it you want, patriarch?”

And Wei Wuxian, incautious at the wrong (the right) moment, says “A way to fix all of it.”

He hears the reply: “As you wish.”

He knows he’s made a mistake the second the form disperses, moving too fast and in too many directions to be called back and subdued.

___

Only a few hours later, in Koi Tower, a visiting handmaid finds her madam crying over rumors about her daughter’s marriage.

The Threads of Fate, by WaitForTheSnitch

“What would you do if you could have him back?” Nie Huaisang asked him, a bit too seriously as he leaned forward.

“There is no way for a dead cultivator to return,” Jiang Cheng scoffed, not even willing to entertain the thought.

“Perhaps, perhaps not,” Nie Huaisang shrugged, “Even if he came back, that wouldn’t do much to help, would it? Your sister is still gone. His reputation still damaged.”

“Stop speaking in riddles,” Jiang Wanyin growled, “What did you come here for, Nie Huaisang?”

“I asked you what you would do for your brother back,” Nie Huaisang started, “I would do anything to have mine back, Jiang Wanyin. And I’m here to offer you that same choice. Because our brothers’ deaths never should have happened. They happened because of schemes and plots. They happened because of lies and deception. Your brother was made to be a villain and was led to his death because he was too powerful. Mine was murdered because he stood in the way of Jin Guangshan.”

There's nothing Jiang Cheng wouldn't do to have his siblings back. And when Nie Huaisang comes to him with a proposal to save them by changing everything, he doesn't even hesitate to agree.

Only with Time, by adrian_kres

Thirteen years ago, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were arranged to be married as is tradition. Throughout their thirteen-year-long "courtship," things were not always as they seemed. Now, newly married, old secrets have ripped open wounds they thought were closed, and they must work together to rebuild a trust they never had and a love they always did but couldn't see.

Told from alternating points of view between LWJ and WWX with frequent flashbacks to memories of their "courtship".

The Second Hand Unwinds, by trulywicked (🔒)

Sent back in time without his husband after a night hunt gone wrong, Lan Wangji is determined to ensure that Wei Wuxian’s safety and in the process hopefully mitigate, if not prevent, the war.

Through marriage among other things.

Mature:

Army Dreamers, by Forever_Marie

Lan Wangji finds Wei Wuxian in the field with strangle marks and other horrible injuries after Lotus Pier falls.

He takes him back to Gusu.

(一日三秋) One day (seems like) three autumns, by SpicyRamen_10969

13 Years ago, Wei Ying disappeared.

13 years later, two teenage boys find a man collapsed and bleeding on the side of the road.

This is the story of how Wei Ying finds himself going from homeless to living with his childhood best friend, Lan Wangji, and finally getting the help and love he needs and deserves.

(Un)Hidden truth, by Sarah_R

After watching his husband; his son; nephew; brother and little radishes dying in front of him one by one because of a source of resentful energy; Wei WuXian dies too as he destroys it.

But instead of darkness; he finds himself back in the past when he had just gotten kicked out of the cloud recess and everything looks so peaceful he can’t stand it. No…no no no he really can’t go through this hell again. Not again. Not after everything was supposed to be over.

Not knowing that Lan WangJi has been thrown back in time as well; he tries; and fails at taking his own life by slitting his throat open in the middle of lotus pier and so; he decides to show everyone the future.

If he’s going to live this hell again; he’s going to change it and if these people are suddenly so determined to keep him alive; then he’s not going to let them die either.

It doesn’t matter if they end up hating him just as much as he hates himself.

(Or; another time travel fix-it which happens to be a watching the show fic as well! With our favorite baby boy and his husband; all their ducklings and their very much alive family and friends from the past.)

[oleander-eat-ice]

Prompt Submission by @yiling-laozu-is-loml

Canon divergent. What if Madam Yu, pissed and vengeful but smart enough, marries Wei Wuxian off to Nie Mingjue?

CANON SOURCE: Please only use novel and donghua as source material and avoid everything that has to do with untamed/cql. For appearances and outfits, please refer to the donghua.

Bottom Wei Wuxian only please! the number of children they have depends on you but I'd love it if they had at least 2!

Trigger Warning/Content Warning: Underage Wei Wuxian, arranged marriage so Dubious Consent, Male Pregnancy/mpreg, violence/Canon Typical Violence (Sunshot Campaign), gore (because Nie Mingjue will look hot panting while covered in blood), age difference.

Canon divergent. What if Madam Yu, pissed and vengeful but smart enough to plan something as a form of revenge, marries Wei Wuxian off to Nie Mingjue after the Xuanwu Cave incident? How will it affect the war now that he retains his core and becomes part of Nie clan? How will love bloom between spouses with duty (mpreg possible...boypussy? omegaverse? foxxian? up to you) and war.

Nie Mingjue agrees because he remembers what its like to be young, lost and not knowing where you stand and Nie Huaisang will get better access to his bestie and Wei Wuxian's talent means that Nie Huaisang will be protected.

16 year old Wei Wuxian, 20 something Nie Mingjue (26??). They do consummate the marriage (dubcon, painful sex for Wei Wuxian who bears it for duty, its only good for Nie Mingjue), they forget Wei Wuxian can get knocked up and he does, during the war.

He still aids war efforts but doesn't lose his core. Nie Mingjue falls in love faster because competence kink and wwx falls in lust first and then love because lets be honest, if he sees Nie Mginjue covered in blood, surrounded by his enemies corpses baxia in hand, he'll totally climb him like a tree the minute all enemies were down and Nie Mingjue will enthusiastically go for it because sex with Wei Wuxian is marvellous! mostly a falling in love during the war amidst uncertainties sort of AU

Oh and Wei Wuxian definitely calls him "A-Jue" because I am a sucker for this. What Nie Mingjue calls him is up to you!

Do Not Wants: Nie Mingjue to have been in a past serious relationship, still having sex with someone else in the fic, children from other partners (as in, Wei Wuxian has to be the only real serious commitment), miscarriage and unhappy ending.

If you put Jiang Clan in the fic, please ensure they either have bare-minimum interactions with Wei Wuxian, are operating in the background and have no plot-related things OR outright Jiang clan bashing. I dont want JC/WWX reconciliation, nor do I wanna see Jiang clan positively please.

I'd love to be informed if anyone(s) writes this prompt. If you do, please lmk so I can read and be happy. And if you need to bounce ideas about it with someone? hmu! :D

[sillygoofyqueer]

Finished reading the latest chapter of losing hope and if you’ll excuse me, I just have to…. *distant squeals of happiness*

I’m SO happy you took some of my suggestions!!! When I was reading I kept being like “OMG!! THEY DID THE THING!!! THE THING I MENTIONED!! AND THEY DID IT PERFECTLY!!!!” Like, the LWJ and JC rivalry?? Immaculate. Perfection. Could not be done better. (Though I am a little curious as to why LWJ scares JL) also Wwx in his natural habitat of teaching the small children? Adorable. I Want To Hug Him So Bad.

Also seeing Nie Huaisang get properly introduced??? I’m in love??? Huaisang is my fav character aside from Wwx so I’m happy to see him being a scheming little shit who is Scary while still retaining his whimsy as an artist who still enjoys his hobbies. Him planning the Jin clan’s downfall with his favorite advisor as he watches the Jin clan’s propaganda? Iconic. I do love the little tidbit of NHS planning to break WWX out tho. Very sweet and makes me smile. (Slightly unrelated but it’d be funny if he’s in the middle of painting when shit starts going down because I SWEAR TO GOD that people ALWAYS need me for SOMETHING whenever I start painting so it’d be cool to see a character share the struggle)

Can’t wait for Jiang cheng to realize that all his struggles are still from his shixiong. (Why do I feel like he’d going to have an aneurism when he finds out?) in the meantime I hope Jin Ling is ok and that his uncle (JC. Not JGY) helps him through it. Especially as he can relate with wwx leaving for Reasons and Not Really Saying Anything. It is nice to see Jiang Cheng parenting JL tho. Even if every time Wwx is mentioned in his pov it is Heartbreaking. Also… *sniff sniff* is that XiCheng I smell??? Maybe I’m just crazy bur that seemed sus…

As always LWJ getting *concerned* is both heartbreaking (pain over Wwx getting hurt) and a little funny (the mental crisis of your crush being alive after 13 years).

As always, thank you for writing Four and please remember to take breaks and overall take care of yourself. I wish I could give more kudos <3333

Hi, hello, I'm dead again, you've killed me, you have to now wait three business days for me to be raised from the dead. I'm so glad you think I pulled off your suggestions well!! I was biting at Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji rivalry and I could not rest before I dropped it in, and I'm so going to make it a running thing - it's going to be soo funny because you have the idea of Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian like "you?? Oh god no" and then Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji like "I come armed with spice!""Oh yeah? I have this flour that I'm going to drop all around the castle!" Madly in love with the fact that you like Nie Huaisang, because I love him sooo much, he's so iconic. He gets dragged into everything when he just wants to affect the plot from the sidelines like any normal schemer! On the topic of the Jin Clan propaganda play that Nie Huaisang was watching I (and I'm not afraid to admit this) was listening to "Shia LaBeouf" by Rob Cantor and was like...well, now I have to have a little nod to this. It's my life. Soooo, Jin Clan propaganda. It was so funky, and I need you to understand how stupid the play is in that regard - it was why Nie Mingjue liked it so much. There was no hidden messages (apart from the propaganda). Also, keep an eye on Nie Ziyi...he's going to be fun to play around with. I can't wait to write Jiang Cheng's reaction to Wei Wuxian, but that's for later on teehee. He's going to have SO many emotions, and we all know how he reacts when he's feeling emotional. There's going to be so many tears. SO many. He and Jin Ling are both going to be infuriated at Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian's just like "man, I can't catch a fucking break, can I?" after trying to hide from them for a long time. Wei Wuxian, mentioned in Jiang Cheng's pov? Nahhhhh, I don't know what you're talking about, it's just an unnamed shixiong I swear (/j of course). Also Xicheng? In my fanfiction?.................................ANYWAY Lan Wangji is really going through it, alright? He is both concerned but also HIS BBG IS BACK AFTER THIRTEEN YEARS?? HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO REACT? I like the idea of the juniors watching Lan Wangji trip over himself when Wei Wuxian laughs or something and just going "Ohhhh, he's down bad, I see..." Once again, I'm vibrating intensely with the love you show my fanfiction and I'm dead. On the floor. Sobbing screaming etcetera. You motivate me and it makes me lose it.

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

White lies

Time to out myself as NieLan shipper I guess.

Special thanks to @apho-sappho for pitching and brainstorming this idea with me <3

This is part of my LWJ and NHS are besties agenda, this time modern AU flavored

Enjoy!

Wei Wuxian sighs, contently, as he takes his place on top of Lan Wangji, thoroughly sated and impossibly cuddly after their third round of the night. Lan Wangji can't help stealing a little kiss from his red lips, eyes trailing over the mess of bitemarks on his neck and collarbones. He looks really good like that, hair messy and eyes glassy, his skin bearing the proof of what they've just done.

"We really need to buy Huaisang a bottle of something for letting us do this at his place." He says, a finger tracing over Lan Wangji's jawline.

"Mn. Bourbon. It's his favorite."

"My, my, no wonder your brother thinks the two of you are actually dating."

"Wei Ying."

"I mean, you do know a lot about him. That's a prerequisite for a relationship, isn't it?"

"You know it's nothing like that." Lan Wangji rolls his eyes as he runs a hand through Wei Wuxian's hair to disentangle it. "My brother thinks if he likes a Nie, everyone should."

"To be fair, they are quite attractive." Wei Ying pretends to think. "They're also rich."

"I am also rich." Lan Wangji defends, irrationally jealous. Wei Ying laughs and kisses him.

"Anyway," he continues, "we can't really blame him, can we? The Nies are a catch. And it's cute, for him and Nie Mingjue to date, and you to date Huaisang too."

"He is not at all my type." Lan Wangji huffs. "Only you are."

"Of course you'd say that now that you got me in your bed." Wei Wuxian teases, "It would be a bit disrespectful not to."

Lan Wangji's eyes glint with mischief. "I thought you liked disrespectful."

"Shameless, Lan Zhan! You know that's not what I meant!"

Lan Wangji kisses him to hide a laugh.

"No, but if you think about it, you and Huaisang have been friends since you were children, right? There's, like, a friends-to-lovers trope right there."

"Wei Ying."

He laughs and kisses Lan Wangji himself, slow and playful, before he decides he wants to ask more, actually. "For real now, what was your brother even thinking pairing you up with Nie Huaisang of all people?"

"He believed we were... compatible. Since we have been friends for so long. And he and Nie Mingjue arranged these accidental dates for us."

"Accidental dates?"

"Like inviting us out to the movies and them not showing up, making reservations for two people instead of four and the likes."

Wei Ying giggled. Lan Wangji continued.

"They would also spy on us, but we always noticed them."

"How did they not give it up? I mean, I love you but you can get pretty awkward."

A deep sigh. "Huaisang decided it would be convenient to lean into it. He could use me as a cover up."

"Why, cause you're so good and so rule-abiding?"

"Mn. He would lie that we are going out together and instead go do whatever else he wanted that his brother disapproved of."

"Like right now?"

"Exactly."

"Where even is he?"

"I believe he went clubbing. Nie Mingjue has forbidden him from doing so after he maxed our three credit cards last time."

"Kind of iconic if you think about it. I'd love to have the money to do that."

"I can give you mine if you want. My card doesn't have a spending limit."

But before Wei Wuxian can make some dirty joke about that, Lan Wangji's phone goes off, Nie Mingjue's name lighting up the screen.

Lan Wangji sighs, sliding his finger over to answer. "Yes?"

Nie Mingjue's voice, barely above the noise around him, comes through. "Is my brother with you?"

"Yes."

There is an unnatural pause after.

"Try again."

Lan Wangji pales only a little bit. "Pardon?"

"My brother is currently sucking face with a stripper at the same nightclub I am in with Xichen. So, as I said, try again."

Lan Wangji's grip on his phone falters. "I have nothing to say in my defense."

"Good. Your brother is... out of it, but a talk is in order tomorrow."

Another unnatural pause.

"And say hello to Wei Wuxian for me." Nie Mingjue says and hangs up, his voice carrying proof of the teasing smile on his face.

Tomorrow is going to be a very interesting day.

[allthelittlecreepycrawlies]

SangYao Horror(Ish) Ideas, Part Three

(with bonus SangYu)

Purge AU

Jin Guangshan is a wealthy club owner/politician who sells the addresses of his bastard children and their mothers to rich and bored purge gangs for ludicrous amounts of money. 

Meng Shi was killed by one such gang but had managed to hide her son so well (after drugging him so he wouldn't try to come save her) that he survived.

As an adult, he's living in an apartment above the bar he works at. 

Unbeknownst to him, the residents of another apartment down the hall are Mo Xuanyu and his mother, more names on Jin Guangshan’s list. 

And unbeknownst to Jin Guangshan and his murderous cronies, the owners of the bar downstairs, one Nie Mingjue and his younger brother Nie Huaisang, are both survivalist-trained and are very protective of their turf, their employees, and the other residents of the building. 

If the purge attackers manage to get away with just injuries, they'll be very lucky. 

(At one point, Meng Yao gets cornered by one of the purgers who's armed with blades of several types and lengths, only for Nie Huaisang to pop up out of nowhere and beat the guy to death with a barstool, even as it breaks in the process. 

Wow. 

He might be in love.)

-------------

(I might have posted a snippet of this one already, I'm a little too out of it to tell.)

When Meng Yao goes to Koi Tower for the first time, it's discovered (to his surprise) that he's part yao. 

A disgusted Jin Guangshan decides that banishment is too nice a punishment, but execution might get some nosy people suspicious, which could lead to people discovering the boy was his. 

Not wanting Meng Yao anywhere near Koi Tower, he has Meng Yao dragged off to some falling-apart mansion of a disgraced magistrate near the border and sealed in, then offers a bounty to anyone who can kill the monster "haunting" the house. 

Many try, but Meng Yao, having realized his own father is sending assassins after him, taps into his yao side in a desperate bid for survival and kills any comers. 

Eventually, he's forgotten about by everyone except his father, who despises the fact that he's not dead yet. 

Years later, Nie Huaisang is caught in a wild thunderstorm that blew in as he was escaping from a kidnapping party of Wens. 

Terrified, exhausted, wounded, and now soaked, he ducks into the first empty house he comes across, passing out almost the moment he falls across the threshold. 

The pursuing Wens, realizing where they are, see this as a bonus opportunity. Not only can they recapture the Nie heir, they can force Jin-zongzhu to owe their sect for getting rid of his little problem. 

One strides forward and grabs the unconscious Nie Huaisang by the hair, but then there's a growl out of the shadows…

---------------

Thinking about a SangYao/SangYu haunted romance.

Nie Huaisang is on a trip with a bunch of other grad students (he's the only art conservationist) to a supposedly haunted temple on an island.

Being from an extremely old family well-versed in ritual, Nie Huaisang is the only one who can actually see the ghosts, and it turns out the official story (the ghosts were all plague victims) is only partially true. Yes, a plague wiped everyone out, but they all moved on.

All the ghosts that are still around arrived afterwards, when a noble notable for his womanizing started having any bastard children dumped there. 

He crosses paths with Mo Xuanyu first because Mo Xuanyu just can't help being curious about this guy in particular who is so careful with and fascinated by the murals (even the not-as-good additions Mo Xuanyu himself made while he was still alive).

It scares the hell out of him when Nie Huaisang looks right at him and asks if he worked on any of them and it takes Mo Xuanyu a week to get up the nerve to make another appearance.

But while he's in hiding, his half-siblings start showing up, unable to keep themselves from being intrigued that someone has made contact with one of them.

Jin Guangyao, understandably, is one of the most suspicious of this stranger's motives, but once he's decided Nie Huaisang is harmless good company, suddenly Nie Huaisang has like 20+ ghosts vying for his attention because all they've ever had is each other and their mutual unhappiness about what their father did to all of them.

It's gonna be a weird summer. Imagine the messages sent back home to his brother.

'Hey Da-ge, having a great time studying old art, trying not to kill my fellow students, miss you. Oh, BTW, I seem to have acquired a gaggle of ghost besties/bfs/gfs. Is it okay to bring them home with me?”

---------------

Haunting AU with Huaisang being the ghost for a change.

Meng Yao as the "human" exorcist. This is his first case just out of his apprenticeship under his mother. 

(There aren't any cultivation sects in this one, just powerful noble clans.) 

He arrives at the seat of the Nie Clan having followed rumors and his own sense of Trouble. 

His investigation turns up a nasty little conspiracy. 

In this timeline, Huaisang's mama had never become er-furen (papa nie and da-furen had always intended it, but Something would always come up before they could set up a private ceremony, and then suddenly it was too late because she died in childbirth), so Huaisang was "just" the child of a concubine. When he was a toddler and it became evident that he was probably going to be sickly all his life, a handful of retainers decided to "solve" the problem of their lord and lady having to care for a pitiful child who wasn't even in line to inherit. So they lured the boy out of his room one night and took him out into the forest. 

It wasn't a gentle death at all. 

The pain and terror and anger warped the poor child's spirit into something unrecognizable as having previously been human. 

He succeeded in killing one of his murderers, but the rest had ended up dying in a clash with another noble clan, robbing him of his revenge and leaving him too twisted and hurting to be able to communicate with his family. 

Once they hear the truth Papa Nie and Da-Furen beg Meng Yao to give Huaisang relief instead of simply exorcizing him. 

It's much more difficult to do, but he succeeds, and the result is a ghost who looks like the teenager Huaisang would currently be if he had lived. The lord and lady and Mingjue all insist on letting him reside in the household as a peaceful ghost, and also insist that Meng Yao feel free to use their home as a base to return to whenever he is exhausted from work or travel. 

(And of course he's free to visit his mother whenever he likes.) 

Naturally, this ends in an unorthodox romance because once he's free of his misery, Huaisang is a very cuddly (and halfway solid, if very chilly) ghost.

---------------

Slay the Princess AU

Feat Nie Huaisang as The Princess

Newly-legitimized Jin Guangyao as the Main Character

And Jin Guangshan as The Narrator

Jin Guangyao being forced into the position of having to kill Nie Huaisang no matter what he tries.

And some of his efforts only make things much worse for him when Nie Huaisang revives.

Because Huaisang very much doesn’t like betrayals or efforts to trick him.

The only time they get any peace is the ending where Jin Guangyao gives up and kills him immediately, followed by taking his own life after being trapped as a result.

They may be stuck together for eternity as ghosts, but it gives them time to sort out the bullshit that led them to this fate and maybe even fall for each other?

[i-will-cry-you-a-river]

Lan Xichen jumped off Shuoyue, trying to get down where he had seen the flash of gray amongst the green forest as soon as possible.

"Nie Huaisang?" The younger Sect Leader was curled up, breathing heavily like he had been the one fighting off the yao instead of Lan Xichen. He whined, and Lan Xichen dropped onto his knees to gather him in his hands.

How could he let this happen to A-Sang?!

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry," Nie Huaisang whined, folding into himself as if he wanted to take the least amount of space he could.

"No, no, it wasn't your fault! I should have paid more attention to you!" He pulled the younger cultivator closer, warming up his almost frozen body.

"I can't do anything right," Nie Huaisang sobbed. "I'm sorry, I ruined- I'm not worthy- I... I'm sorry!" The young man in his arms looked so pale, so distressed, it broke Lan Xichen's heart.

"What? No! A-Sang, you are so good! It is my fault for not paying more attention to you! It is my fault that I took you here instead of staying in your room as I promised you!"

"You don't mean that," Huaisang sobbed, "I don't deserve you, I don't deserve to be a Sect Leader, I don't deserve anything good! I always mess up everything! Da-ge's right, I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough!" He tried to move, he tried to hide, but Lan Xichen didn't let him go. There was no way he could let him go.

"A-Sang," the Lan Sect Leader whispered, heartbroken and desperate. How could he think like this?! Nie Huaisang was so precious, so lovely and the only person the Nie Clan would ever accept as their Sect Leader after Nie Mingjue. He was loved and adored and they - all of them - did something very wrong if he thought otherwise.

"Nobody wants me, nobody even likes me," he muttered, miserable.

Lan Xichen was shocked. He never- nobody who knew A-Sang and wasn't jealous of him ever thought of him as unlikable. He had some difficulties with accepting his new role after Nie Mingjue's sudden death, sure, but he was so good! He knew when he needed support, and he helped his people so much! Knowing how to delegate was an important part of being a leader, and even if he couldn't handle things himself, he chose the right people to do in his stead.

He was liked. He was loved. He was wanted.

"No, A-Sang, that's so not true!" He slipped an arm around Nie Huaisang, ready to carry him home. "You are loved. You are loved so much, and I'm here to tell you. Always. I've got you," he murmured into A-Sang's ear. The younger cultivator was whimpering, eyes moving rapidly behind his eyelids, and Lan Xichen was afraid that the gas the monster spewed affected Nie Huaisang more than "just" bringing forward his fears.

"'m not...," the Nie mumbled, his bottom lip trembling, tears sliding down his cheeks. Lan Xichen wanted to kiss them away, he wanted to give the world to Nie Huaisang, but first, he had to take them home, safely.

Standing up with his precious cargo in his arms, protected and loved, he said, "You are so good! This is only the monster's power talking. You are loved and I will do anything in my power to show it to you how much people care for you."

The fierce protectiveness he felt towards Nie Huaisang was nothing new. He adored him ever since the first time he saw the tiny little boy with huge eyes peeking out from behind his much bigger Da-ge, so cute and curious. He loved him since the first time A-Sang dragged him to his aviary, showing him all the pretty birds he patiently cared for. He had been in love with him since his first time in Cloud Recesses, where he had been so lively and mischievous, always getting up to no good, yet always managing to avert the attention from himself. He had been protective over him ever since they were children, and he knew it was never going to change. Not his want to protect him, nor his need to make sure nothing and nobody could ever hurt him.

He softly crooned as Shuoyue flew them towards the Unclean Realm, until the sobbing stopped and Nie Huaisang's breathing evened out. It didn't take long to reach the fortress, Lan Xichen hurrying to make sure his beloved was safe amongst his people, warm and comfortable in his room.

"I have you. No one can hurt you, not anymore. I will protect you, I will keep you safe," he promised to the sleeping man, his fingers tightening on the slack body.

"L'Huan..." Nie Huaisang mumbled his name as they finally arrived to Nie Huaisang's room with the help of the worried Nie disciplines who made sure they would get to there uninterrupted, trusting that Lan Xichen would protect their leader.

"Sssh," he shushed the sleeping man, "I'm here."

"Don't leave me," he whined, his slender, yet strong arms dragging Lan Xichen down into the bed, so he could cuddle up to him, while still sleeping. "Love you. Please, don't leave me alone. I'm so lonely."

The confession broke something in Lan Xichen. He stared at him for a while, his previously abandoned wishes and ideas came back with tripled force, knowing that what he was going to do was selfish, but he didn't care. He only cared about Nie Huaisang. And if he wanted Lan Xichen to stay with him? He would stay with him.

"I love you too, A-Sang. I love you and I'm not leaving you. Never again."

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Feb 1st

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1. Hey! Thank you so much for your hardwork!

So I've been looking for this fic for days now, I just cant find it. I can't remember if Wwx is the omega but its an abo fic where wwx had 4 children i think. And he thinks theyre all dead but theyre not. He definitely had 2 daughters? Or was it one? But basically there was this scene where they all reunited in the jingshi and they were crying.

Can somebody help me find this fic please? THANK YOU :") @losing-victor

FOUND! I think the fic for #1 of the most recent Fic Finder, where WWX has kids and they reunite in the Jingshi, may be Like The Butterfly by Setari (T, 18k, wangxian, WIP, Fix-It, Not Everyone Dies AU, Next Generation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Unresolved Emotional Tension) on AO3. It’s part of a series ‘The Wei Family’, with three stories total.

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2. Hello all! I am looking for a fic where Wei Wuxian is blind and the Jiang he grew up with know but the Lans don’t know until the lectures when Lan Qiren yells at Wuxian for taking sloppy notes and he is like “I can’t see, how can I tell if my writing is sloppy?” It is not “Close Your Eyes, Feel My Heartbeat” by ThatDesiGirl, I just reread it to check. Any guesses? Thank you!

FOUND? The Darkness Before Dawn by PsycheStellata707 (M, 113k, WIP, WangXian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, Time Travel, Attempt at Humor, PTSD, Oblivious WWX, WWX-centric, Blind WWX, Sentient Burial Mounds, Self-Indulgent, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Oblivious Pining, Not Canon Compliant)

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3. Hi; for fic finder, could you help me find shapeshifter!WWX fic? Its an old fic. Its a series too i think (3 fic with the first in the series completed and the second part is WIP). I think its tiger WWX (not sure). After WC throws WWX to burial mound, WWX shift to tiger. He cant shift back to human. He hunts the wen in tiger form. He help NHS when he is in the river. NHS was attacked by the wen (either wen or a yao). They then goes to Qinghe. In Qinghe, JWY and LWJ bring back WC to Qinghe to interrogate him. But WWX sees WC and bite him to death. I think WWX is the one who killed WRH too. He bit WRH to death i think

In the second part of the series, after war it was found out that WWX is shapeshifter and many wants to kill (?) Him. The last time i read this, it still only has 1 or 2 chapter.

That all i can remember. Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

FOUND! The Tiger has Destroyed his Cage by updatebug (G, 54k, WangXian, Shapeshifters, Fix-it fic, Animal Pelts, Tiger WWX, Found Family, adopted family, Yungmeng Siblings, Canon appropriate angst and violence, Gratuitous OCs)

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4. i read this a while back but can't remember the name of it, if anyone can find it or knows the name please let me know .

Nie huaisang, lan zhan, Jiang chang active a time travel array. Huaisang and land zhan did NOT know JC altered the array to erase WY. LZ eventually forces JC to fix it and bring WY back.

When JC altered the array to bring WY back he messed up somewhat and the price was his own core disapp //

I read a FF a while back and cannot remember the name of it, if someone could help me out, I would LOVE to reread it.

Years after Wei WuXian died, Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang want to travel back in time to save Wei Ying and Nei Mingjue. NHS and LWJ finds an array but realize they cannot activate it without Jiang Cheng's help.

However they didn't realize that JC changed the array until they were back in Cloud Recess lecture. LWJ punches JC and

JC had erased WWX from existence. Eventually LWJ made JC fix it and bring back WWX.

After WWX is brought back he reveals the gold core transfer along with other secrets.

However when JC redid the array and brought WWX back is made his own core slowly disintegrate.

They do save the Wen Remnants and and Wen Qing actually helps LWJ finish destroying JCs core when he is challenged to a dual.

@prissyp2014

FOUND? The Way It Wasn’t by KouriArashi (T, 72k, WangXian, XiYao, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, (eventually haha), Slow Build, Family Feels, Moral Ambiguity, Eventual Happy Ending)

FOUND? Not This Time by Marinelifeclub (M, 93k, WangXian, SangNing, NieLan, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Angst Dark LWJ, Protective LWJ, YLLZ WWX, Resentful WWX, Established Relationship, POV Alternating, Sunshot Campaign, Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Minor XuanLi, not for jc fans, eventual 3zun, Kid Fic)

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5. Hello! For the fic finder/s, thank you in advance. ♡

For days I've been trying to find this fic. I'm not sure with the details like if wei wuxian is a farmer here or older (i think he is a farmer though) but what I remember is lan wangji making advances to wei wuxian while sleeping (wei wuxian here is known as a heavy sleeper ) but at some point wei wuxian got awake during those and from then on anticipate what lan wangji gonna do, so he knows what lan wangji is doing and there's a number of that that happens. Also, lan wangji is running out of time because he was about to go to the main central or the palace to take an imperial exam (? I'm not sure if that's the term) anyway, he was going with lan sizhui to take that exam. I'm not sure if he goes on the day of the exam but I vaguely remember that he confess his feelings to wei wuxian before or on that day. Then they did the everyday. ヾ(＠゜▽゜＠）ノ

FOUND? #5 is "like the waves return to the shore, again and again" but it's been deleted. There's a link to a cache on the @wangxianficrecs blog around Jan 20, maybe Mod Kay can help?

Regarding #5, I have that story saved. So, if anyone wants to read it, send an ask for WangxianFicRecs or a message to @the-last-d-boy with your mail adress and I'll send it to you. ~Mod Kay

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6. Hi! I've been trying to find a fic (I believe it's a time travel au where Lwj and Jc, or just Jc I'm not sure, travel back in time), but the only scene I remember is a scene where Jc for some reason gets mad with Wwx during the Sunshot Campaign after finding Wwx in the woods around the war camp (I don't remember what Wwx was doing). Jc hits Wwx with zidian and Wwx is sent flying into a tree. Jc gets scared after Wwx doesn't get up and goes see if Wwx is ok, only to find out Wwx's heart is no longer beating. Lwj (I don't remember if he arrived after Jc hit Wwx or if he was already in the woods with Wwx), then, manages to make Wwx's heart beat again by performing CPR on him.

can't find the fic, but I remember it. Maybe these details will help. Lan Wangji found out about WWX not having a core after he gets back from being missing (I think by grabbing his wrist maybe?), but Jiang Cheng doesn't know. He didn't expect that hitting WWX with Zidian would be much of a problem for him and he's totally freaked out when WWX collapses and LWJ starts doing CPR which is what you'd do for a non-cultivator

FOUND? these colours fade for you only by doodlebutt (T, 36k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everybody Lives, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, ...eventually, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, bed sharing, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Sunshot Campaign) it isn’t a time travel fic, but it has the scene where jc hits wwx with zidian

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7. Completely unrelated to my last ask, I’m looking for a Dragonji fic where his hoard is bunnies. Lan Xichen tries to talk to him in the bunny field but he’s just chilling in his dragon form with the bunnies finding him Good. Lan Xichen flies to the Burial Mounds for desperate negotiations with Wei Wuxian. Eventually Wei Wuxian mentions that Lan Wangji didn’t have any bunnies until WW gave him some. LX has some realizations from that. @any-mouse

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8. hii!! i was searching for a fic where lwj finds wwx's corpse at the BM and things happen. i don't know much but it was cracky. i hope you can find it!! thanks already :D @for13years-i-play-inquiry-foryou

FOUND? (we make) a good pair by gamayuglagay (gracon_bacon) (E, 1k, WangXian, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Necrophilia, Foot Fetish, Vajankle, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Crack Taken Seriously) Warning: NECROPHILIA

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9. I read this time travel fic a while ago which I can't find!

I vaguely remember a lot of dimension travel and a-yuan js sort of helping wei wuxian doing the said travel and a-qing is also there. in one part they reach the past but like not really cultivation world (not sure on that) and meet lan xichen, there's also lwj and wwx of that world who help them get back, there's an spaceship and stuff and I think wen qing was also there maybe?

i just realized that the request i sent was way too vague and so is the summary of the fic, which I was misled while looking for it. also if u could add this to the ficfinder post, to explain why this is the fic I was looking for, it is very confusing I'm sorry!!

apparently it wasnt a-yuan who was helping wwx, but rather an original character and its more parallel universes than time travel!! its abeautiful fic!!

FOUND! counterpart by queensmooting (E, 37k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Parallel Universes, Multiple Selves, Kid Fic, some child endangerment (everyone will be fine), lwj can and has gotten pregnant, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, bittersweet ending (ymmv))

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10. hello! i'm looking for a fic where wwx and lwj have a biological child (i'm not sure if it's a-yuan). i think this fic has an omegaverse setting? lwj doesn't know about the child until a bit later on and even then he's unsure bc when he sees the child and asks wwx, wwx tells him to ask again the next time they meet (or he'll tell him more? i'm not sure). but they don't meet again bc wwx dies at qiongqi path on the way to jl's 1 month celebration via a bunch of arrows courtesy of jin zixun and co. he brought along wn and his child, but wn brings the child to cloud recesses secretly, so jzx doesn't die due to wn. i remember there was a scene where they brought wwx's body to jinlin tai and stripped him naked to scan for the hundred holes curse scars, and jins were creepy about it. lwj was dissociating in this scene and he's sorely disappointed in his brother for not helping stop them. please help, i've been thinking abt this fic for days now 😭 @aracchiii

FOUND! 🧡 Born to Blossom, Bloom to Perish by LadyMithiel (M, 113k, WIP, WangXian, A/B/O, Mpreg, Angst, Mostly Canon compliant)

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11. Hi!!! I'm trying to find a fic (it's an one-shot, if I remember correctly) that happens during the Sunshot Campaign. One of the soldiers sees Jc and Wwx fighting, and they see Wwx flinching, and trying to back away. This soldier (I think they either were sexuality assaulted or knew someone who was sexuality assaulted and reacted like this towards the abuser, I don't remember which one it is now), and they find Wwx's reactions to Jc way too similar to the reactions of someone towards their abuser and comments this with another soldiers. The "Wwx reacts towards sect leader Jiang like someone who was sexuality assaulted does" comment spreads around, and soon becomes rumors that Jc did rape Wwx. Wwx is confused by how suddenly everyone is sympathetic towards him, treat him with care and don't let him alone with Jc. One of the last scenes is Jc mad because Wwx "tarnished his reputation", Wwx not understanding shit of what's going on and Jc getting real scarry. They were in a secluded place, I think. Lwj is walking about and sees Wwx backed away on a tree while Jc is looking really agressive, Wwx looking scared, and he (who has heard of the rumors), goes like "nope, he's not about to take Wy against his will again. Not on my watch" and totally trashes Jc (I don't remember if only verbally or also physically).

FOUND? might be chapter 15 of Vrishchika's short prompts?

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12. heyyy, I read the summary of this fic some time ago and I can't find it anymore.

I think it was a modern au in which wwx dies and lwj is looking for him. might be modern with cultivation or maybe wwx just disappeared and everyone thinks he's died. I dont really remember a lot, help me out.

I'm pretty sure he dies though.

FOUND? when the sun goes out by travelingneuritis (E, 176k, WangXian, Modern AU, Modern Cultivation, tech cultivation, Necromancy, Angst with a Happy Ending, insecurity around adoption, Dad!WWX, dad!lwj, Grief/Mourning, Mistaken Identity, Mood Whiplash, Body Swap, sex tears!, Falling In Love, Consensual Somnophilia, apocalypse (localized), Smut, unrealistic sexual stamina, Flashbacks, Time Skips, Illustrations)

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13. I'm looking for a fanfic where wwx gave his golden core to jc but then developed a black one, and if he uses too much demonic cultivation he can die or something like that. also I don't remember if it's from the same fic or not but I think the annoying cousin of Jin z dies from a curse

FOUND? 🧡 a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (M, 180k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, arranged marriage) 

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14. hello! how are you doing?

i once read a ff in which WWX is rescued/saved/something like that by the Lan Clan i think in the middle of war or something but WWX helps Lan Clan to tackle the problem of crops with his yin energy talisman/array. i hope you will be able to find it (i know its not enough information 😭) @let-it-be-rainbow

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15. hello im looking for a fic where wen ning shoots an arrow at wrh and it hits him in the eye. i think it's a time travel fic but im not sure. also wn asks wq like uncle isn't a good person, is he. i appreciate the assistance

hello im anon on the latest ff #15. sorry, but it's not the fic i was looking for. i remember it being multiple chapters, also the sunshot campaign did happen. the part where wen ning shot wrh was during the final battle of ssc and he was at a high vantage point with wq away from the fighting

NOT FOUND! 💖 Where The Arrow Points by Nillegible (G, 4k, WN & WQ, WN & WWX, WWX & JC, WIP, Time Travel Fix-It, No Sunshot Campaign, Because Um. Wen Ning murders Wen Ruohan, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, really)

SIMILAR The Ghost General by English is my death (Lena013) (T, 5k, WN & WWX, WN & WQ, WN centric, BAMF WN, Time Travel Fix-It, what's a conference without someone killing their uncle?WN murders WRH, WN Lives, Ghost General WN, WN looks into his uncle's eyes before killing him, Fierce Corpse WN, Canon Divergence) Actually, I just read the italicised part of the ask for 15, so my suggestion is definitely not it. But it did have time travel WN killing WRH with an arrow!

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16. Hi I’m looking for a specific fic that I thought I had saved, but alas😑

It’s a ‘watching the memories’ type of fic. With protective Jiang Cheng, Lan Xichen, Lan Zhan and juniors.

Anyway I don’t remember much but what I do remember is that the story is set after guanyin temple and that they watched a memory of wwx going about his birthday alone. Qiren and many others were assholes to wwx who just wanted to spend the day with his husband and son, but was constantly denied and berated.

This in turn lead to JG, LZ and LXC I think being angry and protective on his behalf.

That’s all and thank you for the endless effort you all put into finding all these fic’s. @ravenwithwings

FOUND! Music Heals All Forms Of Misery by idontknowwhatimdoinghalfthetime (T, 63k, WIP, WangXian, Fix-It of Sorts, Songfic, Past Character Death, Heavy Angst, Self-Esteem Issues)

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17. Hi hi! Im looking for an Ao3 fic where WQ and WY go to cloud recessess because theyve negotiated protection for the wen remnants with the Lan Clan. The condition is that WY must be purged of all resentful energy, which he and WQ think will kill him, and they believe the Lan clan knows it. Theres a scene where during the purge Lan Zhan realizies whats happening and asks Wei Ying why he would think the Lan wanted to kill/harm him. Pretty sure its a happy ending, or at least hopeful!

Thanks so much, hope youre all well! @la-voce-to-me

FOUND! decay by antebunny (G, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, the fluffiest ending, Hurt/Comfort)

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18. Hi, I am looking for a Wangxian fic that has a lot of twin jade feels I think its starts after the burning of Recesses where both jades are captured by WX and a lot of bad things happen to LWJ after which he ends up forced to work in a brothel where he meets WWX who came to rescue JWY and maybe JZX from the indoctrination and I also remember that LXC was allowed to visit Lan Zhan but only when he was drugged to sleep and that WX knew that the jades kept in line only cause of the other. It probably followed canon divergence and it was a complete fanfic. the story is pretty hazy in my head so I am hoping someone remembers it. thank you.

FOUND! Alter by Solmae (E, 162k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Drama & Romance, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, Rape/Non-con Elements, Gang Rape, Forced Prostitution, PTSD, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, Explicit Sexual Content, Sexual Slavery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Torture)

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19. I remember reading a fic where Wei Wuxian was taken as a prisoner, I think maybe by the Nie, and everyone expected him to practice Inedia while kept captive just for him to become extremely ill from lack of food, revealing his lack of golden core. Everyone freaks out a bit

FOUND? ❤️ whipstitch by curiositykilled (M, 131k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Dysfunctional Family, Torture, WWX Lives, but basically no one else, Case Fic,   Cultivation Sect Politics, Past Abuse, WWX Whump, YL WWX, JL Needs a Hug, JL Tries, Yunmeng Bro Reconciliation, Past Character Death, Body Horror, Non-Consensual Body Modification, POV Alternating, Flashbacks,   Eventual Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Suicide Attempt, PTSD, Depression, Not A Fix-It, Mouth Sewn Shut)

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20. Hi👋🏽

I love looking through your fic-finder posts and discovering ‘new’ fics to read !

I’m trying to find a fic taking place after the SunShot Campaign, where WWX takes the role of a Jiang Elder instead of Head Disciple. I’ve tried looking for it by AO3’s filter but was only able to find a similar fic series - Rest of Resolution by MarbleGlove.

Details: WWX somehow fools the JGS into thinking WWX is older than he actually is (Lan Qiren is in on the joke too). @animewatching

FOUND? Like a Water-Worn Stone by meyari (T, 41k, wangxian, major character death, Hurt/Comfort, very little hurt, lots of comfort, Chronic Illness, Serious Injuries, Self-Medication, Disability, PTSD, Depression, Self-Worth Issues, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aftermath of war, Aftermath of Violence, Prisoner of War, Identity Issues, Warning: Jīn Guāngshàn, enslavement (discussion of), abuse (discussion of), actually very fluffy despite the warnings)

FOUND? Elder, an Aesthetic by MarbleGlove (G, 8k, JC & WWX, Fix-It, Post-Sunshot Campaign)

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[jaimebluesq]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤(if you want to!)

Thank you sweetie!! Am always happy to help with some positivity and horn-tooting ;)

He's No Bully, He's My Friend - Urban fantasy where the main character (Nie Huaisang) is homeless and comes across a pit bull that he befriends, and it turns out the dog is a cursed human (Jiang Cheng) with connections to MC's dead brother. It was a very emotional experience getting into the mindset and experiences of the character and their circumstances, and it's writing I'm very proud of.

Reality is Overrated - A "stuck in a dream world" fic inspired by the Superman plot "For the man who has everything" - Nie Huaisang wakes up in a world where he has his father, mothers, his brother and his brother's wife and children (all of whom are either supposed to be dead or never existed), and is told he has some memory issues because of an accident. His life seems perfect and happy, except for a single annoying man (Jin Zixun) who insists that none of it is real. This was such a fun story to think through and came together eerily well, and I'm very proud of it.

A Night at the Purple Peony - Nie Huaisang goes to an underground place geared toward those who enjoy the 'company of their own kind', disguised complete with mask so he can't be recognized. He meets someone and seduces them, then has some fun before they part - and finds out some time later that it's someone he knows. I enjoyed writing it SO MUCH even though it's mostly smut, and it launched me on a new ship that's become my happy little pool noodle (NHS/JZXun)

Mercy - I broke my own heart writing things istg. Nie Huaisang is given a 'gift' from Jin Guangyao that has him reevaluating his plans for vengeance against him for kiling his brother - so instead of continuing his plan to destroy the man and everything he holds dear, he gives him a quick death with his reputation intact. I delved into some heavy topics in this one (e.g. past child sexual abuse), but I think I did so well and respectfully, and got to do one of the things I enjoy doing most - exploring the relationship between Nie Huaisang and Jin Guangyao/Meng Yao.

A Knight in Shining Shop-Vac - A middle-aged man (Jiang Cheng) has been re-evaluating his romantic life and takes a chance on Grindr and he gets his first match - and the guy (Nie Huaisang) immediately asks if he knows a good plumber because his pipes are busted. The original premise was supposed to b more humourous, and though I have some humour in there, it's more about JC's confusion about himself, his longing for connection to another person, and how he and Nie Huaisang connect. It's a middle-aged baby-gay thing, and it's very dear to me - and I was honestly surprised at how many people enjoyed it too!

*** Honourary Mention to: The Catalyst - I decided to leave it out of the top 5 because it's still a WIP, but it's one I've been working on for almost as long as I've been in the Untamed/MDZS fandom and has been a true passion project of mine. Nie Huaisang accidentally comes across someone who gives him information that can change his world, and he ends up going on a quest to discover the truth - and learns many other things along the way. It's endgame romance/slow burn, but the focus is very plot-heavy and I'm really proud of so much of the writing and plotting in it :D

Thank you again for the ask!

[ibijau]

It's @veraverorum 's birthday, and like every year they get a custom fic to celebrate. This year, it's twisted fem!xisang and it comes with a bunch of warning, so I'd advise to check them on AO3 before reading (also it is somewhat long at 18K, so maybe AO3 might generally be comfier to read)

Nie Huaisang looks up from the corpse, her still innocent eyes reddened by the many tears she’s spilled over the night. She seems so small, so young, an impression made worse by those men’s robes she’s wearing that are, as always, too big for her.

“What if Jin-furen came to Qinghe?” she shyly whispers, flinching when everyone present turns to look at her. “It’s just… you’ve said she can’t stay in Lanling, and it might look bad if she goes home to Gusu, so I thought… well, and Da-ge and her used to be friends, right? And… and since Jin-furen had nothing to do with this…”

The attention becomes too much for that little mouse of a woman, and with an embarrassed squeak she hides behind a fan, half apologising for daring to speak at all.

“If the child is a boy, it’ll have a claim to Lanling Jin,” Lan Qiren muses. “The only direct claim left that sect recognises, in fact.”

Jiang Cheng nods, one arm protectively wrapped around his nephew’s shoulders. Jin Ling, all clad in bright purple, huddles closer to his uncle, his gaze fixed on the body on the floor. 

His other uncle, who had firmly usurped his birthright. 

His other uncle, who the boy had loved in spite of politics. 

His other uncle, who had threatened to kill him in a desperate bid to escape the consequences of his crime.

It would hardly have been Jin Guangyao’s first time killing a child.

“Nie-zongzhu, do you really understand what you’re offering?” Lan Qiren asks, in the gently condescending tone people can't help using when talking to Nie Huaisang. “My niece’s husband killed your brother.”

“I know, I know,” Nie Huaisang pitifully whispers. “But that was him, not her. And she killed him now, didn't she? And we’ve been friends for so long, and… I can’t just do nothing, can I?” she sobs. “I’m always useless, but at least this I can do. Lan-zonzghu, please let me protect my friend!”

A few tears spill on her pale cheeks, her expression a perfect mix of weakness and determination. Lan Qiren is fooled, which does not surprise his niece. Stern as he wants to appear, he’d always had a secret fondness for pitiful children. Besides, he arrived when everything was finished already. 

He doesn’t know.

It is more surprising when Jiang Cheng notes that it might not be a bad idea. He was there. He heard Wei Wuxian make his accusation. Perhaps he’s thinking ahead, wondering if he can seize Lanling Jin for his nephew, or at least some of its territories. Jin Ling has long been declared a bastard, barely allowed to keep the name Jin at all, but it’s no weaker a claim than Jin Guangyao himself had, especially if Wei Wuxian confirms the rumours were wrong. With the right support…

And Lan Xichen knows too well the importance of support in those things. Without her, Jin Guangyao would likely never have become sect leader. 

Lan Qiren, after some hesitation, takes his niece by the arm and leads her aside. He tried to take her hand first, until he noticed the blood. It stains her dress, too. Her round stomach caught so much of it. Lan Qiren, kindly, does not speak of it. They need to decide together what is to be done, he tells the others, but that is a lie, whether he knows it or not. 

Lan Xichen knows her uncle has already decided, if that can even be called a decision. There is no choice. Gusu Lan could already so easily be accused of covering up for Jin Guangyao’s crimes, after their long closeness with the Jin sect. So if they welcome his murdering widow, his son perhaps… and as for staying in Lanling, it can’t be considered, not unless Lan Xichen wants to be poisoned alongside her daughter and her unborn child before the week is over.

There is only one option.

If he were there, Lan Wangji might have objected to this plan. Wei Wuxian would have anyway, and Lan Wangji would have followed his lead. Wei Wuxian would have said something, although whether that would have swayed Lan Qiren or made him more determined to send his niece to Qinghe… but it’s pointless to wonder. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian disappeared long ago, to enjoy their hard-earned happiness. 

Lan Xichen is alone, and she can only blame herself for it.

Still she smiles at her uncle, trying to comfort him, trying to convince herself that he’s more worried about her safety than about politics.

“Shufu, I will go to Qinghe,” she says. "It's the best option."

Her voice hardly trembles, something she wonders at. 

She doesn’t want to go to Qinghe, and that too amazes her, when it was once one of her favourite places, where the two people dearest to her lived. 

Perhaps this is part of her punishment, for helping her husband, for killing him.

She can’t imagine anything worse than living in Qinghe, now that Nie Huaisang hates her.

-

Nie Huaisang’s skin tasted like the juice of the mangoes she’d been eating, sweeter than a sugary candy. Lan Xichen licked her friend’s chin, her cheek, and then into her mouth where the taste was sweetest.

Somewhere on the back of her mind, Lan Xichen knew this was not something she was quite allowed to do. She’d been sternly warned against kissing boys, against giving in to their desires. But Nie Huaisang wasn’t a boy, so it was fine, it did not break any instruction she’d been given. 

Besides, Nie Huaisang was the one who had started this. 

They'd been having a snack together, enjoying a warm afternoon of late spring in Lan Xichen's room. Nie Huaisang, who was a bit of a messy eater apparently, had licked her own fingers in a manner that made something boil in Lan Xichen’s stomach. She must have noticed Lan Xichen's expression and taken it for disapproval, because she had then grabbed Lan Xichen’s hand to clean her fingers in the same manner. 

It had just been a joke, a way to tease Lan Xichen.

The first time, it had been just that. Then Nie Huaisang had eaten a few more pieces of mango, sucking languorously on them while looking Lan Xichen in the eyes. Her hands had gotten messy again, worse than before, and…

Lan Xichen was more serious than most girls her age, but she’d wanted to prove she could be teasing too. She’d been the one to suck on Nie Huaisang’s fingers this time, eliciting the most amazing sounds from her friend. It had brought Lan Xichen’s attention to Nie Huaisang’s mouth, so pink and shiny from juice, messier than her hands, and…

It was just teasing, nothing more, Lan Xichen told herself as she straddled Nie Huaisang and kissed her deeper, chasing the flavour hidden under the mangoes’ juice, the taste of Nie Huaisang herself. Any moment Nie Huaisang would push her away with a laugh, and complain that Lan Xichen was messing up her pretty dress.

Any moment…

But instead Nie Huaisang’s arms wrapped around her neck to pull her closer. Lan Xichen felt her friend’s chest pressed against her, the soft warmth of her breasts, their movement every time Nie Huaisang gasped or whined into the kiss. They were so close, closer than Lan Xichen had ever been to anyone, and yet not close enough. Not until Nie Huaisang stretched her legs and rearranged them so one of her thighs was rubbing between Lan Xichen’s. 

It was Lan Xichen’s turn to whine into the kiss, the sensation so intense that it gave her pause. She pulled back as much as Nie Huaisang’s hands on her neck allowed, and watched the younger girl.

Nie Huaisang, her face red, her lips redder, looked back at her with a smile that made Lan Xichen’s blood boil no less than the leg between hers did. It was an innocent smile, without a trace of guilt. Surely if what they were doing were wrong, Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have looked so happy? And no one had ever warned Lan Xichen against this, so it couldn’t be forbidden.

Lan Xichen kissed Nie Huaisang again, rubbing against her, chasing pleasure, letting Nie Huaisang chase her own when Lan Xichen pressed a knee between her thighs, certain that nothing which felt so good could be bad.

When it was all over, when Lan Xichen, breathless, lay draped over her friend on the floor of her room, trying to grasp what had happened, only knowing she’d soon want it again, Nie Huaisang laughed.

“Jiejie, we are in such a state!” she exclaimed. “My dress is all wrinkled, and yours is even worse!”

Lan Xichen nodded, floating too much for words. Blindly she reached for Nie Huaisang’s hand, and when she found it she held it tight, never wanting to let go. 

Her dress was a mess, stained with mango everywhere Nie Huaisang had groped her, damp from her pleasure, from Nie Huaisang’s. She’d have to try and wash it herself, or the servants might report to her uncle that she’d been up to mischief. He'd scold her, and maybe send Nie Huaisang back home. 

Her uncle could never know. 

Lan Xichen never wanted to be apart from Nie Huaisang again. 

“How did you know how to do that?” Lan Xichen asked when her voice returned.

In the midst of everything warm and pleasant, she couldn’t contain a spark of ice at the thought that someone might have shown Nie Huaisang how to play like that. But Nie Huaisang merely shrugged and laughed.

“I don’t know, I just thought it would be fun. It was, right?”

Lan Xichen hummed, and sat up to press a brief kiss to Nie Huaisang’s lips, squeezing her hand gently. 

“Do you want to play like that again someday, A-Sang?”

Nie Huaisang couldn’t nod fast enough.

“If I have to be stuck in the Cloud Recesses, we might as well have fun,” Nie Huaisang said. “Especially now that your uncle has recognised me and kicked me out of his lectures on the boys’ side.”

“He’d have tolerated it better if you hadn’t only gone there to joke around with the students,” Lan Xichen gently scolded while tucking a strand of hair behind Nie Huaisang’s ear.

Nie Huaisang shrugged, perhaps because she couldn’t see what the fuss was about. There were not many girls in the Nie sect, so she’d more often played with boys, though she wasn't boyish in the least. Now that her brother had sent her to Gusu to keep her safe in case the Wens tried something, Nie Huaisang struggled a bit to adapt to life among women, since she was used to running wild and doing as she liked. Lan Xichen was her only female friend. 

Before, Lan Xichen had felt sorry for her. Now, she was glad. 

She didn’t want Nie Huaisang to do what they'd just done with other girls.

“Anyway, this is way more fun than the lectures,” Nie Huaisang said with a grin. “I really want to do it again. But next time, let’s undress, so we don’t dirty our clothes.”

Lan Xichen fell breathless. Her eyes went to Nie Huaisang’s breasts, who had felt so soft before through the fabric of their dresses. She thought of touching them, of licking them maybe, the way she’d done with Nie Huaisang’s fingers and tongue. Just that idea made her stomach heat up with the same flames as before.

“Actually, we should already undress,” Lan Xichen said. “To… to put on something clean. I’ll lend you something.”

Nie Huaisang smiled, looking as pleased as she’d been when Lan Xichen had offered her some mangoes, an eternity before. Then, without waiting, Nie Huaisang started fiddling with the ties of her dress, as if she couldn’t wait to be nude. The ties were a little too tight though, Nie Huaisang a little tired from their game, so Lan Xichen had to help her.

When she touched them, Nie Huaisang’s breasts were even softer and warmer than she’d imagined.

And when Lan Xichen took one in her mouth, Nie Huaisang’s gasps were more beautiful than any piece of music she’d ever heard.

-

The small house that Lan Xichen is given in the Unclean Realm is simply decorated, little more than a peasant’s cottage really, hidden from the rest of the sect by some high bamboo. A few flowers and bushes constitute its garden. 

Perhaps Nie Huaisang means to punish her by refusing her the luxury to which she has become accustomed during her ten years in Carp Tower. Unless she remembers how Lan Xichen used to complain against that excessive luxury forced upon her, and how she longed for the simplicity of the Cloud Recesses.

Jin Yan finds the change harder to process than her mother does, but of course Jin Yan has never known anything except Carp Tower. She’s been crying a lot since Jiang Cheng gave her back to her mother, having rescued her from Lanling. She cries about her toys, about her dresses, about the pretty things she misses.

She cries about her father too. Every night on their way to Qinghe, she's asked when he will come home. She’s been told he’s dead, but she’s not quite six, death is hard to understand. Lan Xichen indulges her at first, until one night Nie Huaisang comes into their room at an inn just when Jin Yan is begging for her father.

That night, Lan Xichen scolds her daughter and forbids her from ever speaking about her father.

“He has done great evil,” she sternly explains to the sobbing little girl. “He has hurt many people, and he was punished for it. He was a very bad man, and you must not miss him, nor speak about him. Do you understand?”

Jin Yan nods, sweet and obedient even when she doesn’t understand things.

Jin Yan still cries. Sometimes she will say why, whining about dresses and trinkets. Others she won’t, and Lan Xichen knows her daughter misses her father, because all the evil he caused cannot matter to a child who adored him. If she could, Lan Xichen would explain a thousand times, comfort her daughter a thousand times, let the child babble about the man who always treated her well, no matter what he did to her siblings.

Lan Xichen can’t do that.

Not in their position. 

She has to protect her daughter, even if that means scolding her for something as natural as missing her father. 

Nie Huaisang warns her, when they reach Qinghe and she brings them to that cottage they must now live in.

“This is a prison, not a home,” she tells Lan Xichen. “If you don’t follow my rules, if you are not grateful enough, I will make you regret that the Jins didn't poison you.”

“I’ll be on my best behaviour,” Lan Xichen promises.

“Make sure of that. Or else your children…” Nie Huaisang pauses, and laughs. “Ah, but perhaps threatening them won’t do much? You’ve been so willing to let the others die, perhaps you care as little as he did?”

She laughs and laughs, as if Lan Xichen’s misery were the height of amusement to her.

Lan Xichen can’t even hate her for it.

She wishes she could hate her.

It would be easier to hate her, if she didn’t remember loving Nie Huaisang more than life itself.

Nie Huaisang was a different person then, a sweet and pretty girl who lived for pretty dresses and kisses. And yet when Lan Xichen watches that woman who hides behind fans as she sets the world on fire, she can almost glimpse again at the girl who owned her heart.

-

It broke Lan Xichen’s heart to return to the burned ruins of her home. Everything once familiar had become foreign, making her feel unwelcome in the place she’d been longing for during those harrowing weeks away.

She had missed her father’s funeral, which she minded less than she ought to, and her uncle’s coronation, which mattered more to her than it did to him.

She had nearly died, more than once, and although she was coming home, she knew she would soon risk her life again. Her uncle wanted her to help him in the Cloud Recesses, he’d said as much, because a girl’s place was at home. However Lan Xichen had already borrowed some male robes so she could disguise herself and join the Sunshot Campaign. She was as strong as any man in their sect, stronger than most, in fact. Why shouldn’t she fight for their freedom too?

She knew her uncle would forgive her, someday. 

She hoped she would survive to be forgiven.

But before she could throw herself into harm's way, Lan Xichen needed to sleep. All those weeks on the run, she'd barely slept. Luckily the women’s side of the Cloud Recesses had been less damaged, and her room was still there, nearly intact. The shadows of night helped her pretend she couldn’t see everything that had changed there too. Exhausted and hopeless, Lan Xichen dropped her ruined dress for the last time, knowing when morning came she would put on a disguise.

But as Lan Xichen stood in the cold air, nearly naked, she realised she was not alone. There was someone in her bed, curled under her blanket, with just one shapely leg sticking out. Had it been anyone else, that would not have been enough to recognise this person. But Lan Xichen had spent so much time between Nie Huaisang's legs, she would have known her by touch alone. 

Poor Nie Huaisang, sent there for her own protection once more, Lan Qiren has said, though he had not informed his niece that her friend had made herself at home in her room. Perhaps he didn't know. She must have been so bored. Nie Huaisang hated everything about the Cloud Recesses, except for the game Lan Xichen and her played behind locked doors. She must have come there to find some comfort, in this place where they had been so happy.

The night was not warm. Lan Xichen, staring at that exposed leg, was moved by pity and longing. She knelt down next to the bed and pulled gently on the blanket, trying to cover Nie Huaisang without waking her. In spite of her efforts the other girl quickly stirred awake, even sitting up and grumbling against waking so early.

Nie Huaisang’s grumbling ceased as soon as she recognised Lan Xichen.

“Jiejie, are you a ghost?” she whispered.

“I don’t think I am,” Lan Xichen replied, offering her hand for Nie Huaisang to touch so she could find out for herself.

Nie Huaisang ignored that hand and instead threw herself in Lan Xichen’s arms, pressing their lips together. She was still warm from sleep, and the heat of her skin almost burned Lan Xichen, making her realise how cold she’d been.

“I was so scared for you,” Nie Huaisang sobbed against Lan Xichen’s mouth. “I thought you were gone, I thought they’d killed you! Jiejie, I love you so much and I thought you were dead.”

Freezing at those words, Lan Xichen tried to pull away, but Nie Huaisang only clinged to her more tightly.

“No, I don’t care what you say!” Nie Huaisang insisted, glaring through heavy tears. “Other girls aren’t like that with their friends! You know it’s something else! You can’t keep saying I’m not really in love with you, not when… jiejie, if you’d died… I love you so much, if you’d died I would have died too!”

“Girls can’t love other girls,” Lan Xichen whispered, trying to convince herself more than Huaisang.

“Why not? You said one time that Wangji is in love with a boy! Isn’t it the same?”

“It’s not. Men are… boys are… they can…”

Men could be trusted to fight for their families when their home was attacked, instead of being sent running for fear they’d be captured and raped. Men could live their lives as they pleased, break any rules they wanted, as long as they were confident enough. Men could love whoever they wanted, and never be shamed for it.

Men could do everything.

Lan Xichen ached with envy.

“If you were a boy, would you love me?” Nie Huaisang asked, pressing a kiss to Lan Xichen’s jaw. “Would you take me as your cultivation companion?”

A shiver ran through Lan Xichen. Something like that… if things were that way… and yet even with all the pain it caused her to be dismissed, she did not wish to be other than she was. In the morning she would wear men’s clothes and borrow a man’s name to go to war, but only as a last resort.

“I wouldn’t want to be a man,” Lan Xichen said.

“What if I were one?” Nie Huaisang stubbornly suggested. “Would you love me then?”

That sounded wrong too, for some reason. Lan Xichen didn’t want Nie Huaisang to be anything but the sweet, plump girl she was. She wanted to love Nie Huaisang as they both were, even while being unsure it was possible at all.

“If you were a boy, we’d be married already,” Lan Xichen still retorted. “I could be yours, truly yours.”

Nie Huaisang kissed her again, gentle and devouring in turn, slowly but steadily dragging Lan Xichen in bed with her.

It was stupid, when Lan Xichen desperately needed sleep, but she needed this even more.

They stayed awake until dawn, sometimes exchanging caresses, other times trading tales of their time apart. Lan Xichen told Nie Huaisang things she’d kept hidden from her uncle, gave her a truer account of events, even when it would scare Nie Huaisang, simply because to lie would have been unbearable. She talked about Meng Yao, who had hidden her in a brothel, the safest she’d been that whole time. Nie Huaisang in turn confessed what she hadn’t told her brother about her time as a prisoner of the Wens with other juniors, boys from both sides trying to touch her just because she was an easy target, how Wei Wuxian had gotten in trouble sometimes to protect her and other girls.

Wei Wuxian was likely dead now, and Meng Yao had disappeared back to his ordinary life, but they agreed they both owed these men a debt, one they hope to repay someday.

As they watched the night sky colour with the first shades of sunrise, Nie Huaisang clung tighter to Lan Xichen, knowing light would bring new separation. Lan Xichen almost wanted to reconsider her plan and stay in the Cloud Recesses to steal what happiness was still to be found in the world.

She had to go, though.

To help her family, to uphold their ideals, certainly. But she now had more selfish motives as well.

If she could prove she was as good as any man, would she be allowed to keep Nie Huaisang at her side, the way men’s passions for other men were tolerated if their reputations were great enough?

“I’d be a good husband for you,” Nie Huaisang whispered against her neck. “I would let you do as you pleased. You’d still go on Night Hunts, and I wouldn’t force you to stop cultivating, like other husbands do sometimes. I wouldn’t care that you’re more powerful than me. You’re stronger than anyone, anyway. Well, except Da-ge, maybe.”

“I’d love to be your wife,” Lan Xichen replied, tracing patterns on Nie Huaisang’s back with one finger. “I don’t think anything could make me happier.”

She felt more than saw Nie Huaisang’s smile against her skin, and sighed.

To be married, to be together forever, with no one ever able to separate them…

She would cling to that dream, when she was fighting the Wens.

-

It takes Lan Xichen a few days to realise what has changed in Nie Huaisang since they’ve arrived in Qinghe. She thinks at first it is merely that the other woman no longer plays her pitiful comedy around her. Nie Huaisang still hides behind masks where others see her, but she lets herself be as vicious as she likes around her prisoner. She knows how worthless Lan Xichen’s word has become, so why bother hiding?

Why she still visits Lan Xichen at all is apparently the topic of much gossip among disciples of Qinghe Nie and servants. Some think it is pity, others suspect Nie Huaisang still desperately needs advice to rule her sect. The truth is more simple.

Nie Huaisang likes to see Lan Xichen suffer.

That is why she comes so often. It is why she will play with Jin Yan with sincere affection one moment, and the next subtly threaten to crush the girl’s eyes like ripe grapes.

Nie Huaisang has always been passionate. If she cannot love, she will hate, there is no middle ground.

Lan Xichen would sooner die than admit she’d rather cause hatred than indifference. That is her secret to bear, another one to add to the pile. This particular secret she hopes to take to the tomb. If Nie Huaisang knew, she would make herself indifferent, just out of spite.

So Lan Xichen bears with Nie Huaisang’s disdain as well as she can. She hears her daughter threatened, her choices mocked. Even her unborn child is used against her.

“If it’s a boy, I’ll drown him myself,” Nie Huaisang cheerfully remarks one morning, as they sit together in the garden around Lan Xichen’s cottage.

Jin Yan is playing far enough that she can’t hear them, or Nie Huaisang wouldn’t dare to be so openly cruel. She takes too much joy in making the little girl love her, perhaps so it will cause greater pain when she kills the child. Dozens of times, Lan Xichen has thought of warning her daughter against sect leader Nie. Dozens of times she’s decided Jin Yan is safer if she doesn’t know, if Nie Huaisang can be entertained by her innocent trust.

“I can let you have girls,” Nie Huaisang goes on, shuffling closer so she can nuzzle Lan Xichen’s neck as tenderly as she used to do. “They’ll be weak willed, like you. Easily sent to a man’s bed and bred for children like their mother, should they start to pose a problem. But a son you might raise to want revenge, and I can’t tolerate that.”

Lan Xichen’s hand goes to her stomach, already round enough that it makes everything difficult. She has a month more to go, give or take, and she does not know what sex her child will be. People always told her that mothers knew these things, but every child she’s given birth to has been a surprise.

“What a mother you are,” Nie Huaisang sneers, covering Lan Xichen’s hand with her own, the way she’d done when Lan Xichen was expecting Jin Rusong, trying to feel the movement of a son that wasn’t hers, a son she often said she wanted to claim. “You cry for them, but you’ve never protected a single one of them. If it were me…”

“But you always said you would never bear children,” Lan Xichen replies without thinking. “You used to say you didn’t have the temper for it.”

“I don’t,” Nie Huaisang agrees, pulling back and sitting a little more stiffly. “I’d argue that after letting four children of yours die with hardly a tear, you hardly have the temper for it either. But of course you’ve always been so desperate to lie to yourself, to think you could be normal. How has that worked out for you, jiejie? Is normality worth the price you paid for it?”

It isn't. 

It never was. 

Even when she agreed to marry Jin Guangyao, Lan Xichen had known she was making a mistake.

She’s only now realising how great that mistake was, though. Because being here, as Nie Huaisang’s prisoner, exposed to Nie Huaisang’s hatred… living like this is still better than what her life with her husband had become.

Inside her cottage, within her garden, Lan Xichen is the only mistress of her life. She doesn’t need to worry about Carp Tower’s endless gossip. She doesn’t have to mind Jin Guangyao's reputation, the threats against his position. There are no parties to oversee, no sect leaders' tempers to mollify. She gets to play with her daughter, to teach her as she likes. Jin Yan is thriving, too, eager to learn, curious about everything now that she’s allowed to be.

For this, too, she paid a terrible price.

But Lan Xichen minds Jin Guangyao's blood on her hand less than she once minded the loss of everything dear to her.

“If you had any dignity, you’d find poison for yourself and your bastards,” Nie Huaisang says as she stands up. “Or you’d have used your sword to end it all. But if you had any dignity, you wouldn’t have ended up like this in the first place.”

Lan Xichen says nothing. 

She does not say that Nie Huaisang had every poisonous flower torn from her garden the day she arrived there, right in front of Lan Xichen, taunting her the whole time that she would not so easily escape. She does not say that Nie Huaisang has confiscated her sword and only allows her to train with it under supervision from her disciples, that there are no sharp objects in her cottage, nor even any pottery Lan Xichen might shatter to use their shards as a knife.

Lan Xichen doesn’t understand this new game they’re playing. 

She doesn’t think she’s meant to understand.

All she can think, as she watches Nie Huaisang leave the garden, is that she’s finally realised what felt so different about the other woman.

For years now, Nie Huaisang has taken to wearing men’s robes, as do the few other women in Qinghe Nie. Because she is small, because her body is plump, those robes never fit well, somehow too big and too tight at once, making little sect leader Nie a ridiculous sight for the decade she’s been ruling.

Today, though, the robes are perfectly tailored to fit her. 

-

Jin Guangyao's visit was unpleasant to begin with.

But no, Lan Xichen couldn't think that about the man who had saved her, the man who had saved Nie Mingjue too, and ended the war for everyone. His visits could never be unpleasant. 

A little ill-timed then, maybe. 

It had been a lovely morning up until then. Nie Huaisang had arrived at the Cloud Recesses just the day before, intending to stay there some weeks, as had become her habit since the end of the Sunshot Campaign. Lan Xichen and her had made love all night, and were now nestled together on a sofa while Nie Huaisang read aloud a book of poetry she'd brought. 

Life couldn't get better than that, Lan Xichen had thought several times that morning. They were so happy together, and lucky enough to be left to their happiness. 

Marriage, the one threat to their lives, was no threat at all these days. Not when Nie Mingjue had already proclaimed he would respect his sister's choice to remain an old maid. Not when nobody wanted to marry Lan Xichen, the reputation she'd earned as a hero of the Sunshot Campaign making every man fear they'd end up chained to a new Madam Yu. 

They were happy, and with this being their first chance to be together since the death of Wei Wuxian, they were determined to let no one come in the way of their joy. 

But Jin Guangyao was not just anyone. When Lan Xichen was informed she had a guest, she reluctantly made herself presentable and forced Nie Huaisang to do the same. 

Jin Guangyao looked to be in a pitiful state when he arrived. Makeup couldn't quite hide the black eye which  his cultivation wasn't good enough to heal. But he still smiled as he greeted his two friends, and after some polite small chat, explained the reason for his presence. It was an awkward request, one he looked truly sorry to be making, one he made with the certainty it would be denied, and yet his circumstances since the death of Jin Zixuan had become so dire that he had to try even this. 

When he was done explaining, Lan Xichen asked for some time to think about it. She sent him to the men's quarters, where her uncle would welcome him like a guest while she made up her mind. 

As soon as they were alone again, Nie Huaisang exploded. 

"I can't believe he dares to propose again! Does he have no self respect?" 

Lan Xichen, who until then had been too shocked to know how to feel, couldn't hide a small grimace. At least this time Jin Guangyao hadn't tried to first ask Nie Huaisang, perhaps because she'd turned him down so rudely when he'd done that after the Sunshot Campaign. His father would probably have preferred to see him married to Nie Huaisang though, because that would have given Jin Guangshan something to use against Nie Mingjue. 

If he had asked Nie Huaisang, Lan Xichen might have suspected Jin Guangyao of trying to please his father. But he had asked her instead, and that meant Jin Guangyao was just desperate for help and protection, now that his half-brother's death was somewhat blamed on him. 

"His position is a difficult one," Lan Xichen remarked. "He's the heir but only barely. He's Jin Guangshan's best option, but that man is so set in his ways he'd rather let his sect collapse after his death than allow A-Yao to rule. But like A-Yao said, if he had support…" 

"You're not thinking of accepting, are you?" 

Lan Xichen guiltily looked away, fearing the anger that was sure to show on Nie Huaisang’s face. She didn't want to accept, but she owed Jin Guangyao so much, she had the power to help, and he'd looked so desperate… 

"You already have a husband," Nie Huaisang hissed. "You can't marry him, you're married to me!" 

"You know it's not the same," Lan Xichen sighed. "Our marriage isn't… Even your brother wouldn't count it as binding."

Nie Mingjue had watched them take their bows, certainly, and he was supportive, allowing his sister to run to her wife as often as she pleased. But at the end of the day, Nie Mingjue was a practical man. He knew their marriage was a game of play pretend, just as Lan Xichen knew it.

The only one who refused to see things that way was Nie Huaisang. 

"I married you!" She cried out, breaking into tears. "I'm your husband and you're my wife! How could I let you go to some man, let you bear his children…" 

"I won't!" Lan Xichen protested, taking her hands. "You heard A-Yao, he said he wouldn't ask anything of me in private. I would stay faithful to you!" 

"But having children isn't a private thing," Nie Huaisang sobbed. "If this marriage is all about saving his image, he'll need at least one son!"

"He promised," Lan Xichen insisted, though she was less sure now. 

But they were friends, Jin Guangyao and her, and aside from a proposal at the end of the year and this new one right then, he'd always treated her the way he'd have treated a man. He didn't want to marry her out of love or lust, so surely he wouldn't want to sleep with her. She couldn't conceive of taking to bed someone she didn't adore (she couldn't conceive of taking anyone who wasn't Nie Huaisang) and surely a man as gentle and respectable as Jin Guangyao had to be the same. 

Nie Huaisang and her argued a while longer, until Lan Xichen had to leave for a lesson to some of the younger girls. Nie Huaisang refused to kiss her before she left. She was too busy crying her heart out, her pretty round face made blotchy by the strength of her tears.

Those tears had dried by the time Lan Xichen returned, but Nie Huaisang still didn’t come to meet her wife at the door. She remained sprawled on the sofa, her face hidden in the book of poetry from which she had been so lovingly reading that morning.

There was no point in talking to Nie Huaisang when she was that angry. All Lan Xichen could do was weather the storm, and show how sorry she was.

Without a word, Lan Xichen went to fetch her guqin and set it up. That alone was already a plea for forgiveness; when she played for herself she favoured the xiao, but her husband preferred the sound of the guqin. In case the message wasn’t clear enough, Lan Xichen also picked a melody Nie Huaisang particularly loved.

That song finished without so much as a glance from Nie Huaisang, as did the next one. By the third piece, though, the poetry book finally lowered and Nie Huaisang stared at her wife with a pensive expression.

"Do you think his father would really kick him out?" Nie Huaisang asked during the moment of silence that followed the third song.

"I think that's the least cruel thing Jin zongzhu might do," Lan Xichen honestly replied, stretching her fingers before starting another melody. A simpler one this time, so she didn’t have to think about it too much as they spoke. "You know how he is. You've seen how he treats A-Yao. If he really wants to blame him for Jin Zixun and Jin Zixuan going to confront Wei Wuxian alone that day… A-Yao will probably be killed, and no one inside the Jin sect will dare to protest, not even the allies he's made."

Nie Huaisang waited for the end of that song to speak again.

"He saved Da-ge," she mumbled hesitantly. "I probably owe him too for that, don't I?" 

That particular debt was less clear than Lan Xichen's own. Nie Mingjue resented having been saved by a man he'd grown to despise, and seemed to consider that merely allowing Jin Guangyao to live in spite of certain things he'd done during the war had erased his debt.

"I don't want you to marry him," Nie Huaisang went on, while motioning that Lan Xichen should continue playing. "You're my wife. But… I don't want him to die either. He's so nice, when he's not trying to propose. And you'd be dead without him. Just for that, I have to like him. And if I like him… I should want to help, right?"

Lan Xichen frowned, and stared at her own fingers to avoid seeing her husband’s expression.

"Choose whatever you want," Nie Huaisang said at last. "As long as you don’t break up with me, I’ll accept anything.”

Lan Xinchen’s fingers struck the strings too roughly, producing a dissonant note that hurt her ears.

Why did Nie Huaisang have to choose that moment to be selfless? She never cared about the lives of others, never paid politics any attention, why change now, when Lan Xichen had been counting on her lover’s selfishness to give her an excuse to turn down Jin Guangyao? If Nie Huaisang had gone on crying, if she’d begged Lan Xichen to refuse, of course Lan Xichen would have done anything to please her. Jin Guangyao’s friendship wasn’t worth risking her cultivation companion.

But if Nie Huaisang gave in to reason, Lan Xichen’s only chance at selfishness vanished.

If Lan Xichen had to choose alone, of course she had to be kind, of course she had to help her friend the only way she could.

She did not want to be kind.

She wanted to stay like this forever. She wanted to help her uncle by being his voice and ears in the female half of the sect, comfortable in the home she had known all her life, the home she had fought so hard to defend. She wanted to teach juniors of her own sect during the day, and spend her night with her true husband, the woman she loved. 

Lan Xichen wanted and wanted and wanted.

But she was lucky to have had that much already. Compared to her father, to her brother, she’d been happy for so long. And Jin Guangyao had been so desperate earlier, he’d only bothered her because he had no choice, because he feared for his life, because he was scared of what would happen if he was no longer around to desperately push the Jin sect toward more righteousness with what little power he had.

She owed him that.

Do not be selfish, the rules said, and she owed Jin Guangyao so much.

That night, she told him he could talk to her uncle about marrying her. Jin Guangyao looked both relieved and sincerely sorry when she gave her answer. It comforted Lan Xichen a little, she took it as proof that it would really be a marriage of convenience and nothing else, that they would live together as good friends rather than spouses.

And yet, just as Nie Huaisang had predicted, on their wedding night Jin Guangyao started arguing for at least one child. Lan Xichen gave in, feeling shamefully naive for having believed she could stay faithful to her true husband. Just one child, she made him promise, and he assured her he’d never dare to ask for more.

She almost cried when she felt Jin Guangyao inside her, though he tried to be gentle. Her reaction, combined with the fact she was no longer a virgin, caused Jin Guangyao to try to comfort her after. Things happened during a war, he said, and he promised he wouldn't pry into what happened to her.

Lan Xichen tried to feel grateful for his kindness. 

She only was truly grateful when he finally left her bed.

-

Rainy days are the worst in the little cottage. The rest of the time, it doesn’t matter that this place is small. If Lan Xichen wants some quiet, she can go in the garden with Jin Yan and let the little girl run among the bamboo. But when the weather turns bad, and it often does in the Unclean Realm, the little house really feels like the prison it is.

It doesn’t help that Lan Xichen has been feeling unwell since yesterday. It started lightly, some vague aches in her limbs last night, and something like the threat of a headache in the back of her skull. Since this morning her entire body has been feeling heavy, enough so that she can barely move. She’s managed to do her normal chores until lunch, taught since childhood to push past any temporary weakness, but once she sat down to eat, she found she simply couldn’t get up anymore.

Jin Yan still has plenty of energy, though, and keeps asking her mother to play with her, to tell her a story, to sing her a song. Instead, Lan Xichen offers to give her a cultivation lesson.

It’s what her uncle used to do, when Lan Wangji and her were young and he wanted them to stay quiet. Lan Qiren had known how much they wanted to become great immortal heroes, so he always had their complete attention. And while his niece and nephew meditated, he was sure to have a moment of quiet to rest or take care of sect business.

Just like them, Jin Yan is an eager student. She’s desperate to do good, maybe thinking her mother will be less sad if she works hard. At least, Lan Xichen vaguely remembers having thoughts of that sort once she started realising her uncle and her mother weren’t very happy people (neither was her father, she supposes, but him she hardly ever met).

The lesson goes well at first. Jin Yan controls her breathing very well, better than Lan Xichen thought she did at that age. The little girl is getting into the flow of meditation when Nie Huaisang comes into the cottage, drenched from the heavy rain and dripping everywhere on Lan Xichen’s floor.

“I wanted to make sure you weren’t cold,” she said with a charming smile. “Oh, you’ve lit a fire, wonderful! I was worried… it gets so much colder here than it does in Lanling!”

Of course Jin Yan is delighted to have a visitor. She runs to Nie Huaisang, radiating pride.

“Nie-jiejie, mommy is teaching me cultivation!” she announces. “I’m very good at it!”

“Fancy that,” Nie Huaisang says with a pout. “My little Yan-er, already cultivating… But is that really useful?”

“Yes!” Jin Yan replies with a grin. “I will be a great cultivator! I will help people and be strong! I’ll have a sword, and I’ll kill bad people! Just like mommy!”

Nie Huaisang smirks. Lan Xichen blushes.

She’s not the one who filled her daughter’s head with stories. It’s just things Jin Yan picked up, hearing people talk about the Sunshot Campaign. Lan Qiren might be to blame as well. As stern a parent as he was for his brother’s children, he’s always gone soft around his great-niece and has delighted her many times with tales of her mother’s youth, how she went to war for her people.

Someday, Lan Xichen will have to let her daughter know what sort of a person she really is.

Not today, though. She prays to any god listening that it doesn’t have to be today. She doesn’t have the strength to face Jin Yan's reaction to the truth. 

“My oh my, is your mother some sort of a hero, then?” Nie Huaisang asks, to which Jin Yan can’t nod fast enough. Nie Huaisang laughs, and smiles at Lan Xichen. “And now you’re teaching your daughter. But I must repeat my question, jiejie. Is this all really useful? I can’t imagine you did much of that in Lanling.”

Lan Xichen looks away.

She used to complain to Nie Huaisang about how much she missed the way she lived in the Cloud Recesses. The woman married to a sect leader is not allowed to live as she pleases, least of all when his reputation is perpetually one misstep away from destruction.

When she unsheathed her sword to kill Jin Guangyao that night, it was the first time in years that she’d had a chance to use it.

“Maybe you should teach your daughter more useful things,” Nie Huaisang muses. She crouches next to Jin Yan, and pokes her gently in the rib. “What does my YanYan say? Should she give up on cultivation and learn something useful, like how to bow elegantly, or how to balance a budget?”

“What’s a budget?” Jin Yan asks, even as she already shakes her head.

“Oh, it’s a very terrible thing,” Nie Huaisang assures her, poking her again. “The very worst. It’s deciding if there’s enough money for sweets, and then buying cabbage anyway, because sweets aren’t allowed for grownups. Do you want to learn that, instead of cultivation?”

“No!” Jin Yan shrieks, laughing. “Nie-jiejie, I wanna learn to be like mommy!”

“But your mother did more budgeting in her life than she did cultivation,” Nie Huaisang assures her with a falsely severe expression. “If you want to cultivate, you can’t count on mommy at all. But maybe if you went to class with my disciples… wouldn’t you like that, YanYan? And then, you’d be Nie Yan, how cute would that be!”

Of course Jin Yan just laughs and laughs, delighted by her dear Nie-jiejie’s nonsense. If Lan Xichen were not so unwell, she’d pick up her daughter in her arms and beg Nie Huaisang to leave them alone. But her body feels so heavy that just the thought of getting up makes her want to cry.

Maybe it’s not just the weather after all.

“Well, jiejie, will you let me give my name to your daughter?” Nie Huaisang asks with a cruel smile that turns into a frown when she turns her eyes to Lan Xichen. “What’s wrong with you now?”

“I’m just a little tired,” Lan Xichen replies as lightly as she can. “I’ll be better tomorrow.”

Unconvinced by that lie, Nie Huaisang gets back on her feet and comes closer to press a hand to Lan Xichen’s forehead. Her skin is freezing, when it always used to feel so warm.

“A slight fever perhaps,” Nie Huaisang notes. “And you looked off yesterday too. I’ll have someone come check on you later.”

“It’s fine,” Lan Xichen protests. “I’m fine,” she insists when Jin Yan trots to her and clings to her skirts. “Mommy is just a little tired from making a baby, it’s normal. We’ll continue the lesson tomorrow.”

“Yes, mommy is working so hard,” Nie Huaisang sneers. “Making babies is what she’s best at. It’s all she’s good at, maybe.”

Jin Yan turns to stare at Nie Huaisang, a puzzled expression on her face, as if she can feel her mother’s pain, but can’t quite understand that her funny Nie-jiejie is the one causing it. Nie Huaisang is soon back to the more charming version of herself anyway, advising Lan Xichen to rest, ruffling Jin Yan’s hair and kissing her cheeks. When she leaves, she promises again to send a doctor their way, because she would hate it if anything happened to Lan Xichen and her unborn child.

She might even mean it.

-

To Lan Xichen’s immense relief, she fell pregnant almost immediately after her marriage. Jin Guangyao kept his word, and stopped visiting her at night. As for Nie Huaisang, she immediately flew to Lanling to be with her wife. 

It was unwise to announce that pregnancy to anyone so early. But Lan Xichen refused to keep any secrets from Nie Huaisang. A wife shouldn’t hide these things from her husband, she told herself, and Nie Huaisang was still her husband, in a way Jin Guangyao would never be.

More than that, Lan Xichen desperately needed the company.

Life in Lanling was so much worse than she had expected it to be. Madam Jin couldn’t go a day without insulting the bride of the bastard who had taken her son’s rightful place. She didn’t dare to hit Lan Xichen the way she still did sometimes with Jin Guangyao, because the Lan sect would never have borne with such an attack, but words could do worse damage than blows. And Jin Guangshan did not help the matter, with the way he sometimes looked at his daughter-in-law. Lan Xichen tried to avoid him, especially on nights when he’d had too much to drink.

But with Nie Huaisang at her side, none of that mattered anymore. With her cultivation companion helping her, Lan Xichen found renewed strength to defend Jin Guangyao when others attacked him where she could hear, until no one dared speak openly against him except for his father and his father's wife. Not only that, but Nie Huaisang’s presence initially felt like an implicit message that Nie Mingjue too supported his former deputy.

That impression was maintained for the first few months of Lan Xichen’s pregnancy, when Nie Huaisang came to see her every week, spending more time in Lanling than she did in Qinghe. But during the fifth month of Lan Xichen’s pregnancy, there was an incident caused by a guest disciple of the Jin sect, an unpleasant boy called Xue Yang. An entire sect had been slaughtered, Lan Xichen was told, and Nie Mingjue was demanding justice.

After this, Nie Huaisang was not allowed to visit Langling anymore.

She still wrote, of course. She wrote many letters that Lan Xichen had to burn after reading, lest they be discovered by the servants she doesn’t quite trust and used against her or Jin Guangyao. Nie Huaisang’s letters were full of tears, full of love, full of desire. More importantly, they carried concerning news regarding Nie Mingjue’s health, whose temper had been degrading in a manner that could only mean one thing for a leader of Qinghe Nie.

Back in the Cloud Recesses, no one would have batted an eye at Lan Xichen travelling to the Unclean Realm to play healing songs for her oldest friend. But Carp Tower was not the Cloud Recesses, and Lan Xichen was no longer the First Jade of Lan. She was merely the Young Madam Jin, a wife, a future mother, a walking womb. Jin Guangshan and his wife might not care much about the child she was carrying, the unwanted offspring of an undesirable bastard, but they were quick to take its existence as an excuse to restrict her liberty. Lan Xichen was discouraged from practising with her sword, or to improve her cultivation until the child was born. She could not be allowed to be alone anymore. Her meals were closely watched. And, naturally, she was strictly forbidden from going to Qinghe.

“Those things are not your concern anymore,” Madam Jin said when Lan Xichen begged her to intercede in her favour. “A girl your age has no place in politics. Not to mention Nie zongzhu is a dangerous man, one who has positioned himself as an enemy to your husband’s father. If you went, people would say we are selling off our daughters to appease that man.”

“I am grateful that Jin-Furen now sees me as her daughter,” Lan Xichen had replied, much to Madam Jin’s displeasure who must not have intended to grant her that title. 

A pitiful victory, and one Lan Xichen would use someday.

Until then, she changed her plans. If she couldn’t play Cleansing for Nie Mingjue, someone else would have to do it. It was lucky, then, that Jin Guangyao was a gifted musician, that he had been tasked with dealing with Nie Mingjue on account of their former collaboration.

Jin Guangyao learned the melody.

Nie Mingjue’s temper improved, as did his patience.

Nie Huaisang returned to Lanling, almost as cheerful as she used to be.

Lan Xichen was happy again, or as close to it as she could hope to be these days.

It did not please Madam Jin, the way her daughter-in-law would sometimes disappear with her dear friend Nie Huaisang. Of course Lan Xichen tried to be serious and dependable, because Jin Guangyao was counting on her. But sometimes the rules and habits of Carp Tower felt too ridiculous, too pointless, so she exaggerated the aches her pregnancy caused, just to steal an afternoon in bed with Nie Huaisang when she visited.

Like this, with her true husband curled against her side, hidden in a comfortable bed, Lan Xichen thought that life wasn’t so bad. Nie Huaisang and her talked about the child, pretending it was theirs, that no one else had been involved in its conception. Lan Xichen hoped for a boy, so she wouldn’t have to go through that again. But Nie Huaisang thought a girl would be nice too, a pretty little girl that would look like her mother and be just as brave and clever. A boy would belong to the Jin sect and be closely watched by everyone, while a little girl wouldn’t matter as much and thus could go on extended holidays in Qinghe with her mother. Lanling was fine and all, but Nie Huaisang missed having her wife in her own home, and Nie Mingjue often complained that letters were not the same as seeing his friend in person.

Soon, Lan Xichen hoped.

Everything was fine now, she told herself. It had been no small sacrifice to marry Jin Guangyao, but she was glad she had done it, because it had solved so many problems.

That contentment lasted a few more months, until Lan Xichen was nearly ready to give birth. She’d been sent into confinement for the last two weeks of her pregnancy, with no visitors allowed except close family, not even Nie Huaisang. Madam Jin, who’d never been fond of that close friendship, had firmly ordered that Nie Huaisang in particular wouldn’t see Lan Xichen until after the birth. 

Lan Xichen, isolated from the world, had no idea what went on behind the walls of her room. She thought sometimes that the servants looked at her funny, that Jin Guangyao was oddly nervous. He assured her that he was not, and although Lan Xichen recognised that as a lie, she assumed he was worried about the birth to come, as many fathers were. Even among cultivators, it was not without risks.

Perhaps that was why nobody shared any news with her. They had to fear a shock would harm her and her child. She wouldn��t find out anything had happened until the hundredth’s day celebration. Only then did Madam Jin and Jin Guangyao finally sit her down to explain what was sure to be on everyone’s mind during the party, just so she wouldn’t be caught by surprise when other sect leaders asked her what she thought of those events.

Even when they finally told her, details were sparse. Madam Jin stuck to the official version, because that was all she knew, all she wanted to know. Jin Guangyao, who had seen it unfold, would have known more, but he was reluctant to talk about those events.

There could have been the option of asking Nie Huaisang at the party. She would have known, too.

Lan Xichen loved Nie Huaisang too much to ever ask her any questions.

All she knew, then, was that after weeks of peace, there had been a new argument between Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue. It concerned Xue Yang, once again. But this time their argument had taken a turn for the worse when Nie Mingjue had suffered a Qi deviation in public. It shouldn’t have been possible, not with Jin Guangyao playing Cleansing for him every week, and yet it still happened. Nie Mingjue had attacked blindly all those who’d been in his path as he tried to kill Jin Guangyao, even wounding his own sister. His rampage only ended when he finally dropped dead.

Jin Guangyao, out of friendship and pity for Nie Huaisang, had stayed at her side after the incident. He would have preferred to return to the woman he’d married, who would soon bring his first child into the world, but Nie Huaisang needed his help too much. She might have been Nie Mingjue’s heir, chosen by him years before, her support within the Unclean Realm was limited, and she might have been ousted if Jin Guangyao hadn’t been there for her.

And so it was that the new sect leader Nie buried her brother on the same day Lan Xichen gave birth to her son Jin Rusong.

-

Having become a mother five times already, Lan Xichen recognises the first pangs of childbirth as soon as she feels them in the middle of the night. She should wake Jin Yan and send her daughter to fetch the Nie sect’s doctor. This pregnancy, unlike her previous ones, has not been proceeding easily. In fact, she’s been forced to keep to her bed for the last two weeks. The Nie doctor says it must be the shock of everything that has happened in the past year finally catching up with her. Nie Huaisang, less kindly, has accused her of taking poisons, and had the cottage searched, the servants interrogated.

Lan Xichen took no herbs to get rid of a child she never wanted in the first place. But as he feels the ebb and flow of pressure against her back, she considers staying silent and letting herself bleed to death on her bed, her fate never discovered until morning. But it would be Jin Yan finding her, and that is too cruel for a little girl whose life already won’t be happy. Lan Xichen can’t do much for her daughter, but she can live, and protect her a little longer.

Jin Yan wakes up quickly when Lan Xichen shakes her. She grumbles at first, but when her mother explains what’s going on, when she is given a mission, Jin Yan cannot hop out of bed fast enough. She’s desperate to meet this new little brother (“Nie-jiejie said to pray for a boy!”) and barely throws on a coat before she runs out of the cottage to warn whoever she can find.

For what feels like an eternity, Lan Xichen is left alone. She controls her breathing the way she’s learned to, but very soon the pain is too intense for that, worse than anything she’s ever felt. 

She really might die like this.

She might die and Jin Yan will be left at Nie Huaisang’s mercy, which is no mercy at all.

She can’t let another of her children die.

Overcome with fear and pain, Lan Xichen bites down screams of anguish. Even when the doctor finally arrives, followed by Nie Huaisang who carries Jin Yan in her arms, the terror does not abate. Not when the doctor takes one look at her and advises that they send for a midwife in Qinghe, an old woman who knows better than him how to deal with a difficult birth.

“We’ll see about that,” Nie Huaisang replies, and through her agony Lan Xichen can pretend she hears concerns in the voice of the woman who once loved her. “Just do what you can for now.”

In her arms Jin Yan is crying and begging for her mother. Nie Huaisang ignores the child’s cries and carries her away.

Nie Huaisang always hated the sight of blood. Even for the joy of watching Lan Xichen die, she won’t subject herself to something that disgusts her.

It is a long and difficult birth. Lan Xichen is too weak. The child is not presenting itself right. She has lost too much blood. She hears the doctor mutter to his assistant that even if she manages to give birth, she’s likely to die soon after.

But at last the old midwife arrives, much sooner than anyone would have expected. Nie Huaisang must have sent someone flying to get her. In a moment of delirium, Lan Xichen imagines that perhaps Nie Huaisang went herself, that she still loves her enough for that.

It would be a pretty delusion to die with.

But Lan Xichen doesn’t get to die just yet. She has to survive and hear her child’s first cry, weak at first, then loud enough it seems to drown out every noise around her.

Another child she never asked for.

Another child that is taken from her immediately after the birth, though she begs with all the strength she has left to see it, to hold it at least once.

“I’ll give it to you when I’ve washed it,” the old midwife barks as she leaves the cottage, Lan Xichen’s newborn in her arms.

It’s a lie Lan Xichen has heard before. They said the same about the daughters that came after Jin Yan. Back then she had strength, but she didn’t know better, she didn't think a father could order the death of children whose sex he doesn't like, that his orders would be obeyed. 

She knows now, but has no strength to protect her child. 

Even breathing is too much effort after that excruciating birth, and all too soon Lan Xichen feels her mind slip to darkness, still wondering what will become of her children if she dies.

-

Lan Xichen did not cry when her father-in-law died, though she made sure to play the part of a grieving daughter. The last thing Jin Guangyao needed was for someone to point at his too cheerful wife and accuse him of something insane, like having murdered his father somehow.

But really, Lan Xichen, to her mild horror, is glad that Jin Guangshan is dead.

Once Jin Guangyao became sect leader, things changed for the better in Carp Tower. He finally had the power to enact all the reforms he had dreamed of, and he lost no time in doing so. New rules were set in place to help commoners who needed it but couldn’t pay Lanling Jin’s usual prices. Xue Yang, who had been freed after Nie Mingjue’s death, was sent back to a cell and then, at Lan Xichen’s insistence, executed for his crime. She found no pleasure in his death, but she had hoped Nie Huaisang would, when Xue Yang’s crimes had been the reason her brother’s health degraded so quickly.

Poor Nie Huaisang didn't react quite the way Lan Xichen expected when her wife shared the news. She just blankly stared at Lan Xichen, miserable and pitiful in her ill-fitting men’s clothes. 

"Just think," Lan Xichen insisted. "Da-ge can rest in peace now."

Her mouth twisting into a monstrous grimace, Nie Huaisang started sobbing so heavily that she hardly seemed able to breathe. 

She’d always cried easily, but never quite like that. Worse still, she wouldn't let her wife hold her or comfort her in any way, just crying harder every time Lan Xichen tried something. 

After that day, Nie Huaisang's mood turned more sour than it had ever been, causing her friends to worry that she might try to kill herself out of grief and despair. 

Of course Lan Xichen came to Qinghe as often as she could, once Jin Rusong was old enough to be left with a wetnurse for longer periods. She was Madam Jin now, her mother-in-law having all but left public life after her husband’s death, knowing she was not loved enough to stand against the new sect leader. Lan Xichen was Madam Jin, and she could do as she pleased… within reason.

What pleased her was to go the Unclean Realm to see her true husband.

She went every week when she could (she rarely could). And even when she was stuck in Lanling for one reason or another, trapped by the duties of a sect leader’s wife, she would ask Nie Huaisang to come visit her. 

Those invitations were seldom accepted these days.

It just wasn’t possible, when Nie Huaisang struggled so much with her new position.

Both Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao tried to be there for her. They advised her on how to lead her sect. They guided her on dealing with other sect leaders, who were so unkind to her. They comforted her every time another disciple left the sect, tired of her weakness.

Two years after Nie Huaisang rose to power, no one would have called the Nie sect a great one anymore.

Four years after Nie Mingjue’s death, and his sect might as well have died with him.

It broke Lan Xichen’s heart to see her friend’s legacy so ruined. It hurt also to see Nie Huaisang so pathetic. Sometimes Lan Xichen could hardly believe the little fool she would hear tales of was truly the same person as the passionate and clever girl she had secretly married, all those years ago. She would have taken it for mere gossip against one of the world’s few female sect leaders. Yet whenever Jin Guangyao went alone to help Nie Huaisang, the stories he brought back made it clear she really was as stupid and clumsy as others said. She only made an effort if Lan Xichen was there as well, and even then it was shocking to see how her mind and heart had been broken by loss.

Lan Xichen’s son would have made a better sect leader than Nie Huaisang, and he was four.

But the comparison was unkind, because Jin Rusong was an exceptionally bright little boy. He did not speak much, didn’t play well with other children except for his cousin Jin Ling, but he could read simple characters already, and kept asking to start learning sword fighting. Every day Jin Rusong reminded his mother a little more of her brother, who had been an equally serious little boy. Lan Wangji must have noticed the resemblance as well and he doted on the little boy. Sometimes the two of them would sit in silence together, never saying a word, and yet apparently having a great time.

Whatever other regrets she had about her life, Lan Xichen was glad she had her son.

Jin Ruson was such a sweet child that even Nie Huaisang, who never found joy in anything these days, loved him as much as if he were hers. Nie Huaisang called him her son, on those rare moments when Lan Xichen and her still stole time to be alone. She certainly spoiled Jin Rusong the way Nie Mingjue had once spoiled her. There were no trinkets too pricey, no clothes too expensive, for the child of her wife.

Sometimes, Lan Xichen felt compelled to protest against those gifts. Nie Huaisang’s sect wasn’t doing well enough to afford such extravagance. It brought too much attention to their close relationship. It was just too much, and Lan Xichen’s education was horrified that anyone could spend so much on anything so frivolous.

Lan Xichen certainly protested when Nie Huaisang came to a discussion conference held in Lanling and brought a colourful bird in a pretty cage. It was an important conference, one that hoped to finally determine whether all the sects would come together to build a series of watchtowers to make it easier for isolated areas to be helped. This was not the time and place to force Jin Rusong’s parents to think on how to accommodate a pet they’d never asked for.

“But jiejie!” Nie Huaisang whined, her lips already trembling as if she might cry. “I just wanted to be nice…”

“Mama, please,” Jin Rusong had begged as well, pulling on his mother’s robe, pointing at the pretty bird with the other. “Please?”

Lan Xichen was already weak to either of them on a good day. When the two people she loved the most attacked together, she was powerless. She’d asked a servant to watch over Jin Rusong while Nie Huaisang and her went to find a place to put that bird until it could be dealt with, preferably somewhere quiet where they could steal a few kisses.

Lan Xichen would never see her son alive again.

He would be found, a while later, his little throat slit. The servant girl who’d been watching him laid on the floor, stabbed multiple times through the chest. 

Lan Xichen remembered screaming and gathering her son’s corpse in her arms, begging him to wake up.

Her child, her son, her precious Jin Rusong. Her little boy who was so much like his uncle, who smiled so rarely but was always happy when she played with him.

Her child.

While the guests of the conference gathered around her to witness this tragedy,  Lan Xichen distantly felt Jin Guangyao’s hand on her shoulder.

“We will find who did this,” he hissed through tears of his own. “Whoever killed my son will learn that my mercy has limits.”

It was a promise he immediately set out to make true. Before Jin Rusong was even buried, Jin Guangyao was following some leads regarding possible murderers. He never rested, hardly ever saw Lan Xichen, hardly spoke to her either, desperate to avenge his only son. He owed it to Jin Rusong, he said. He owed it to Lan Xichen, too, because no mother should have lost her child that way.

Abandoned to her grief by Jin Guangyao, at least Lan Xichen had Nie Huaisang to comfort her. Her true husband had stayed in Carp Tower even after all other guests had left. She couldn’t bear to leave Lan Xichen to deal with this alone, she’d told her wife. Not when she knew too well what loss of such a magnitude did to a person.

Without Nie Huaisang at her side, Lan Xichen might have gone insane, or she might have let herself die. But her husband made sure she ate and drank, that she slept when she needed to sleep, that she washed sometimes, that she was never alone with her grief.

Nie Huaisang who didn’t stutter or cry so much during the days she spent comforting her wife. Suddenly she was no longer the little fool they’d all grown used to, although she hadn’t quite reverted to the gentle girl Lan Xichen had fallen in love with, either. A coldness of heart sometimes pierced through even her best attempts at taking care of her wife, like a storm raging under the surface.

If Lan Xichen had been less broken, she might have wondered about that. 

But by the time she had recovered enough to notice something was wrong with Nie Huaisang, Jin Guangyao was ready to reveal what he had found about his son’s murder.

He would announce it that day, he’d told Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang over breakfast. The entire sect was to be present, so an offensive could be immediately launched against the culprits. Lan Xichen too had to be there, but it brought her little comfort. It would not bring her back her son to kill the murderer, and revenge on the scale that Jin Guangyao was planning went against her Lan education. She did not like that her presence at his side would be taken as support and approval on her part. She did not like that to be absent would have weakened Jin Guangyao’s position too much to be considered.

She was combing her hair, getting ready for this new ordeal, when Nie Huaisang joined her. She’d gone to check on the bird she’d gifted to their poor son, a bird she would now take home with her whenever she left. It was the only time she ever left Lan Xichen alone, and when she came back her eyes were always red. It seemed for the first time in her life, Nie Huaisang wanted to keep her tears to herself.

That morning, she looked to have cried a lot as she leaned against the wall near Lan Xichen’s mirror, but under the wetness still clinging to her eyelashes, there was an air of determination.

“It was Jin Guangyao who killed him,” Nie Huaisang said. “Your husband just wants to blame Wang-zongzhu to get rid of him.”

Lan Xichen’s hands froze in her hair and she turned to stare in shock.

“Is that what people are saying?” she asked. “Are the servants gossiping? Is that… are they really accusing him of…”

She broke into tears once more, sick with horror. Even after all this time, even after everything Jin Guangyao had done to bring peace and safety to the world… would gossip never end?

“Think about it,” Nie Huaisang insisted. “What did Wang-zonghu have to gain from Rusong’s death? Nothing. What does Jin Guangyao have to gain? Everything. Now everybody who opposes him will be siding with a murderer. He’ll get his towers. He’ll get anything he wants. And all he had to do…”

“Stop!” Lan Xichen cried when she realised her husband wasn’t merely warning her of rumours. “A-Sang, don’t tell me you think he’d do something like that? A-Yao isn’t… he’s not… Do you have any idea how much he cried? Do you know how much it broke him? He’s been blaming himself so much…”

“Rightfully so, since he organised it,” Nie Huaisang coldly remarked. “I know he did it. I cannot prove it, but I know it.”

“You cannot prove it because he would never do that.”

Nie Huaisang pinched her lips and glared at Lan Xichen, her disgust apparent.

“So you trust him more than me?”

Lan Xichen hesitated, but eventually nodded.

“Yes. About this, I trust him. That was his son, Huaisang. His son, his only child! What sort of a monster would…”

“The sort who knows he owns a womb that can give him more,” Nie Huaisang said with a shrug. “He convinced you once. He’ll convince you again. Maybe it’ll be easier now. Maybe he can breed you like a mare, one new child every year. You’ll need more than one, from now on. After all, they could die, right?”

Lan Xichen’s hand clenched on her comb, letting its teeth dig into her palm.

“Stop that!”

“I should not have let you marry him,” Nie Huaisang mused. “If I had known he’d turn you against me, I’d have fought harder to keep you. I trusted you too much. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“I’m not against you,” Lan Xichen objected. “You’re against us! I don’t know how you can say such things against A-Yao, after all he’s done for you… you wouldn’t be in your position, without his help!”

Nie Huaisang flinched, and twin tears rolled down her cheeks.

“I know that,” she hissed. “Better than you do. And if this is your choice… fine. Enjoy your life as his prized bitch, Xichen. But don’t get too attached to the children you give him. Who knows how long the next one will live, right?”

The comb in Lan Xichen’s hand flew toward Nie Huaisang’s face before Lan Xichen knew what she was doing. She must have put all her strength into it, because Nie Huaisang yelped in pain. She brought one hand to her cheek and found it bleeding.

“A-Sang, I didn’t mean…” Lan Xichen started to say, only to stop when her husband glared at her.

She’d never seen Nie Huaisang so angry before.

She hadn’t even known that Nie Huaisang was capable of such wrath. Not her Huaisang, her sweet little husband, who laughed easily and cried easily and never let anything bother her for long.

Without another word, Nie Huaisang left the room. Immediately, Lan Xichen knew the woman she had called her husband would never come back to her. 

She was not sure she would have wanted her too. 

Not after Nie Huaisang had said such awful things. Not after she’d wounded Nie Huaisang.

Lan Xichen just finished getting ready, and went to join Jin Guangyao so he could demand the extermination of the sect that had killed their son. She listened as he rallied the Jin sect against those murderers, and decided she would never tell him the horrible things Nie Huaisang had accused him of. Poor Jin Guangyao would be too hurt, if he knew what their dear friend thought of him.

As for the Wang sect, it never stood a chance. Every man in it was slaughtered. Every woman and children, too, as an example. It was no less than what they’d all done to the Wen sect after the war, and it would send a message that crime would not be tolerated. Lan Xichen knew her brother and uncle thought less of her for having allowed this, when it went against the principles of the Lan sect. She thought less of herself as well, but she convinced herself she had to support Jin Guangyao, that it was the only way the world would ever know peace.

A month after their son’s death, Jin Guangyao started hinting that they couldn’t stay without an heir, not when his position remained more fragile than he’d believed. He hated to ask this of her, he knew how the loss had affected her, he wasn’t ready to be a father again, not so soon after tragedy, but it simply couldn’t be delayed too long.

Bred like a mare, a new child every year, Nie Huaisang had said.

Lan Xichen did not want more children. She had not even wanted Jin Rusong, no matter how much she had grown to love him.

When she agreed to Jin Guangyao’s request, after a few weeks of nagging, it was less to please him, and more out of spite against Nie Huaisang.

-

A girl.

It’s a girl.

Lan Xichen almost wishes it had been a boy, because the world has no kindness in store for children of Jin Guangyao, because an early death might have been kinder. She cries when the newborn is finally given to her. Another child she never wanted. Another child she’ll have to teach herself to love.

But Jin Yan smiles when she’s introduced to her new sister, as happy as if the baby is a present just for her, and Lan Xichen remembers that she’s done this before, that she can do it again.

“Will this one stay?” Jin Yan suddenly asks when the new baby’s little hand clenches on one of her fingers.

Lan Xichen says nothing. What can she say to her daughter, who saw her pregnant three times, who only got to meet one of her siblings, and then only for such a short time? Two little sisters who were dead at birth, or so Lan Xichen was told at the time, and a boy who died less than a week after his hundredth day celebration.

In Jin Yan’s experience, siblings aren’t meant to stay long.

But Nie Huaisang, sitting on the bed with them, smiles at the little girl.

“Don’t worry, Yan-er, I’ll make sure nothing happens to this one,” Nie Huaisang promises, ruffling the child’s hair with affectionate warmth. “There is a good doctor here, better than you had at home. And I know you’ll be a good sister. You’ll have to help your mother, you know. Being someone’s jiejie is a big responsibility.”

Jin Yan promises, and she gets to hold her new little sister, with some help from Nie Huaisang. And then Nie Huaisang too holds the baby, rocking it gently, the same way she once did with Jin Rusong.

The way she did to Jin Ruan, the day he died.

Lan Xichen has been wondering about that day since the moment she’s understood who Nie Huaisang really is. She is now wondering again, watching her still nameless daughter in the arms of a woman who maybe killed her second son.

There are questions Lan Xichen will never ask.

Questions she doesn’t need to ask.

She can sleep more easily if she pretends she doesn’t know the answer.

The month after the birth of the child who Lan Xichen eventually decides to call Jin Xiu is a peaceful one. The Nie doctor visits daily to make sure she’s recovering well, and the old midwife comes twice because she says she doesn’t trust cultivators of the Nie sect to know the first thing about newborns. Nie Huaisang too comes to the cottage every chance she has. Sometimes she plays with Jin Yan, who now adores her. Other times she takes both Jin Yan and Jin Xiu in the garden so Lan Xichen can sleep. On occasion she dumps both children with the wetnurse she’s hired and sits on Lan Xichen’s bed to feed her sweets and chat about inconsequential gossip or the latest poem she’s obsessed with.

Nie Huaisang is so good at playing the part of a perfect husband, even though she hasn’t called herself that in over half a decade. Sometimes Lan Xichen lets it fool her. She allows herself to pretend this is truly their life, that they’re raising children together, that Nie Huaisang loves her, that she loves Nie Huaisang.

Nie Huaisang never lets her pretend too long.

“Why didn’t you give your daughter a different last name?” Nie Huaisang suddenly asks one day while cutting a mango in a bowl for Lan Xichen.

Lan Xichen stares at the fruit, bright yellow, shiny with juice. Nie Huaisang’s fingers are sticky with it already, just as they had been on a happier afternoon, half a lifetime ago.

“Yan-er wouldn’t understand if her sister had a different name,” Lan Xichen replies.

“You could always change her name too,” Nie Huaisang points out, smiling as her knife slices through a piece of mango. “Or are you so attached to the legacy of your husband?”

“I married him. That never made him my husband.”

Nie Huaisang raises one eyebrow. Once, she used to smile when Lan Xichen said this. It was a promise whispered between kisses, a reminder that Jin Guangyao was her friend and nothing else, that her heart only belonged to the woman she truly counted as her husband.

Once, they used to be happy.

Lan Xichen doesn’t even know why she said this.

“Open your mouth,” Nie Huaisang orders, pressing a piece of mango against Lan Xichen’s lips, who immediately obeys.

The fruit is sweet and melts against her tongue, leaving Lan Xichen wanting more.

It tastes like love used to taste.

“Another?” Nie Huaisang asks softly.

Lan Xichen nods and opens her mouth again.

Nie Huaisang smirks, and empties her bowl on the floor. Yellow pieces of fruit fall with a wet noise. When Nie Huaisang stands from the bed, she makes sure to step on them.

“You’ve ruined the taste of mangoes for me,” Nie Huaisang says. “I don’t see why you should still get to enjoy them. And as for those Jin daughters of yours…”

Lan Xichen takes a sharp breath, fearing the worst.

“From now on, they’ll be named Nie,” Nie Huaisang announces. “I find that I like them well enough, which is more than I can say about you. I’m letting you keep them for now, but once they’re old enough they’ll join my other disciples and only visit on special occasions. I understand it is something of a tradition for murderous wives of your family?”

“Huaisang…”

“Maybe next time you’ll think twice before invoking the past,” Nie Huaisang says with a smile. “You’ve chosen who you wanted as your husband, now live with it.”

She leaves soon after that, but the smell of the mango linger in the room, and its taste haunts Lan Xichen's mouth.

Maybe for her too that taste has been ruined. 

-

Jin Yan’s birth had brought Lan Xichen’s little joy. A boy would have been better, everyone made sure she understood that. Jin Guangyao couldn’t completely hide his frustration over that child that was of so little use to him, and that frustration infected Lan Xichen as well, who had disliked this pregnancy more than the first. Without Nie Huaisang’s visits to distract her, without her sweet husband’s letters between those visits, she had been left entirely at the mercy of Jin doctors and Jin traditions, bored out of her mind. And now, because she’s been unlucky enough to give birth to a girl, Lan Xichen knew she’d have to go through that ordeal at least once more. 

She did learn to love her daughter, in time, but only out of desperation.

The child after Jin Yan was another daughter, who died after being taken away to be washed. A weak heart, Jin Guangyao told her as they both cried over this unexpected loss. Lan Xichen hadn’t even had a chance to hold that baby, had never even seen her face. She didn’t get to mourn, not really, not when Jin Yan needed her, not when she had so many duties as a sect leader’s wife, not when as soon as she had recovered from the birth, Jin Guangyao started hinting that they should try again.

Their third daughter too had a weak heart, and also died on the day of her birth. Lan Xichen, who during the whole pregnancy had monitored the baby’s heart out of fear something like that would happen, didn’t know what to think. Checking the pulse of an unborn child was no easy task, she might have done it wrong. She had to have been wrong, or else it meant someone had killed her daughter. Lan Xichen refused to let her thoughts linger on that possibility. 

She didn’t want to accuse… it was only Nie Huaisang’s poisonous words clouding her judgement.  Jin Guangyao would not. He’d always dreamed of a large family, he’d told her so.

He’d told her, also, that he dreamed of having sons, legitimate sons, so his succession wouldn’t be marred by the sort of tragedies that his father had encountered when his only heir died prematurely. One girl was fine, for alliances, but what they needed was at least two sons to be safe, though Jin Guangyao was willing to settle for just one, if Lan Xichen felt he had already asked too much of her.

Some nights, during her fifth pregnancy, Lan Xichen found herself plagued by dark thoughts. She remembered Jin Guangyao’s carefully concealed irritation when she had refused to have another child until Jin Yan was a year old, how even then she’d complained how difficult it was to balance a pregnancy and a toddler. She had warned him they’d need to wait longer next time, that no matter how many wetnurses they hired, it took too much out of her. But with those undesired girls out of the way, she had no excuse not to start trying for a boy immediately.

How convenient.

Terrible thoughts indeed, which she blamed on Nie Huaisang, the woman who wasn’t even her friend anymore, and on the heightened emotions her pregnancy caused.

Jin Guangyao would never.

He mourned both little girls.

He was a good father for Jin Yan.

He was an even better father for Jin Ruan, when finally Lan Xichen gave birth to another boy. He doted on the baby, bought all manners of toys for him, and made sure he was dressed in the finest silks. Jin Guangyao had done the same with Jin Rusong, of course, and Lan Xichen had never questioned it, but now she couldn’t help noticing he wasn’t nearly as doting with little Jin Yan.

But of course, that was natural. Boys just mattered more, Lan Xichen’s whole life had been shaped by that fact.

And Jin Guangyao wanted only the best for his son.

That, apparently, included the certainty that Jin Ruan would inherit the Jin sect.

But no, even that was an unkind thought. Jin Guangyao hadn’t wanted… he’d had no choice, the elders of his sect had left him no choice. It wasn’t his fault.

It had been something of an open secret for years that Jin Ling had probably been conceived a little before his parents’ marriage. The dates didn’t quite make sense otherwise. And these things happened of course, especially for couples as deeply in love as Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan had been.

But around the birth of Jin Ruan, a new rumour spread, one much darker than an engaged couple's indiscretion. People spoke of Jiang Yanli visiting Yiling, around the time Jin Ling would have been conceived. She’d met Wei Wuxian there, while wearing a bride’s dress, and stayed several hours with him inside an inn, while his fearsome Ghost General guarded the door for them, threatening all those who dared approach.

It would have been nothing more than a rumour, but a former disciple of Yunmeng Jiang swore that he had accompanied Jiang Yanli on that day. Worse still, several current members of Yunmeng Jiang gave weight to those accusations when they tried to explain what had really happened, which backfired when it only confirmed the reality of that visit.

After Jin Ruan’s hundredth’s day celebration, Jin Guangyao advised Jiang Cheng to take his nephew to Yunmeng for a while, for his own safety.

Two days after Jin Ling had left, a group of Jin elders pressured Jin Guangyao into declaring his nephew illegitimate. Jin Guangyao was heartbroken, and assured everyone that he did not believe those rumours against his nephew, but those elders had threatened secession if he allowed a possible child of Wei Wuxian to rule over their sect. To protect Lanling Jin, to protect Jin Ling himself, Jin Guangyao had to remove him from the line of succession.

Three days later, Jin Ruan died in Nie Huaisang’s arms.

It hadn’t been Lan Xichen’s choice to spend any time with Nie Huaisang. But for years already, Jin Guangyao had been working on a reconciliation, even when neither of them would explain why they’d fallen out, nor indeed admit that they no longer got along. It saddened him, he would tell Lan Xichen, that his two dear friends had argued, that they even avoided each other’s company. More importantly, it made his friendship with Nie Huaisang suspicious to some, especially when she relied so much on him to rule her sect. Lan Xichen knew Nie Huaisang too well to think she’d ever take a man as her lover, but others couldn’t know that, and she hated that people would think Jin Guangyao capable of betraying the woman he married. To protect his reputation, Lan Xichen agreed to make an effort to be more cordial toward Nie Huaisang next she saw her.

And she saw her next right after that business with Jin Ling was dealt with.

Poor Jin Guangyao had only just been forced to exile his beloved nephew, and now he had to deal with Nie Huaisang’s most recent series of problems on top of that. He’d been eager to help, as always, which impressed Lan Xichen a little more with each passing year, when everything she had once loved about Nie Huaisang now irritated her. Once Nie Huaisang had explained the problem, Jin Guangyao had offered to write some letters on her behalf, and he’d gone to do so, leaving Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen alone.

Nearly alone.

Little Ruan was in his mother’s arms, while Jin Yan hid in her mother’s skirts, at once fascinated and worried by this stranger who dressed so oddly. Even after all these years, Nie Huaisang still hadn’t fixed her men’s robes (another source of irritation, how hard could it be to not look so silly?) and little Jin Yan was trying so hard not to say anything rude. But it wasn’t just the children with them. Jin Ruan’s wetnurse was never far. Female disciples came at one point, to complain that their favourite teacher was thinking of defecting, now that Jin Ling had left for good. A number of servants were coming and going to ask for instructions, to check how to deal with the last remains of the hundredth day celebration, or notify that they weren’t sure how to finish packing Jin Ling’s things to send to Yunmeng.

Lan Xichen wouldn’t have known how to behave, had she believed alone with the woman who thought she had married a murderer. But in public it was easier to act with grace and politeness, to chat with Nie Huaisang as if she were one of those wives of sect leaders who Lan Xichen often welcomed in her home. In response, Nie Huaisang was indecisive and whiny, just as expected.

Later on, Lan Xichen couldn’t remember why she had handed Jin Ruan to Nie Huaisang. It couldn’t be that the other woman had asked for it, not when she’d never hidden she wasn’t comfortable with children until they were old enough to walk and babble. It must have been Lan Xichen’s own idea, then. Maybe she had hoped that Nie Huaisang would stop snivelling for a moment if she was busy holding the baby. But then there had been an issue with Jin Ling’s things, yet again. Jiang Cheng had just sent a letter containing a precise list of every possession of his nephew’s that should be sent to Yunmeng.

With another guest, Lan Xichen would have set the letter aside for later. But she felt Nie Huaisang had lost the rights to her attention, and this was urgent business.

She’d made it halfway reading through the list when Nie Huaisang started panicking.

“Jiejie, there’s something wrong with the baby!” she cried.

Lan Xichen elected to ignore her.

There had been ‘something wrong with the baby’ four times already that afternoon, usually Jin Ruan blinking too little, or salivating too much.

“Jiejie, he’s not breathing!” Nie Huaisang shrieked, and this time Lan Xichen did look up from the letter, more irritated than worried.

Had it been anyone else holding her son, anyone else screaming like this, of course she would have reacted faster. But Lan Xichen had grown immune to those antics, and tended to assume Nie Huaisang’s mood changes could be safely ignored.

But the wetnurse rushed to Nie Huaisang’s side and took the child from her. It was only when that woman too cried in anguish and went pale that Lan Xichen truly understood that something terrible had happened.

By the time Jin Ruan was given back to her, his face and hands were already blue, his limbs limp in a way sleep would never have explained.

They never really figured out what had killed him. 

The doctors who inspected his little body found nothing wrong with it. It appeared he had really just stopped breathing all of a sudden. Babies could be so fragile, as Lan Xichen knew too well. And yet, while he had taken the death of their daughters in stride, Jin Guangyao immediately started throwing accusations of poisoning now that it was a son who had died.

Nobody accused poor little Nie Huaisang of course. She’d cried and cried so much when she’d understood that Jin Ruan had died, blaming herself for what had happened, threatening to kill herself because surely it was her fault, surely she must have held him the wrong way. 

No matter how many times everyone told her she’d done nothing wrong, she tried to use this new tragedy for attention and Lan Xichen, forced to control her grief and guilt, hated her for it.

Nie Huaisang was annoying and self-centred, as she’d always been, but that did not make her a murderer. Besides she had nothing to gain from such a death, Jin Guangyao quickly pointed out, nor did she have allies who could have pushed her to it. In fact, Jin Guangyao himself was her only ally, the only reason the Nie sect’s territories hadn’t yet been fully devoured by ambitious neighbours. Nie Huaisang was an idiot, but even she wasn’t stupid enough to turn against her only friend. She could have been manipulated into taking part into a plot perhaps, but she had been thoroughly interrogated about the events of that day and Jin Guangyao was convinced of her innocence.

Instead, accusations were aimed against Yunmeng Jiang, which had been given some reason to dislike Lanling Jin and whose sect leader was renowned for his cruelty. Meanwhile, Jiang Wanyin rightfully argued that there was a history of infant death among Jin Ruan’s siblings, proving it must be Jin Ruan’s parents who just couldn’t give birth to a healthy child. This, combined with Jin Ling’s eviction from his father’s sect, permanently soured the relationship between Lanling and Yunmeng.

After this new tragedy, Lan Xichen informed Jin Guangyao that they would not have any more children. There was only so much grief her heart could take, only so many children she could lose. Jin Guangyao was disappointed, but he respected her choice and he promised he would never ask again.

Jin Guangyao kept his word, too, and for a little while they merely focused on raising Jin Yan.

Jin Guangyao never complained whenever people whispered that it was his rotten blood that caused his children to die. He tried to spare Lan Xichen whenever people worried about the future of the Jin sect, now that its only heir was a girl, in a sect that did not allow them to lead. Jin Guangyao endured all this and more. Sometimes Lan Xichen would find him crying alone in his office, but he always put on a brave smile, always told her she did not need to worry, that he would find a solution, that he had already asked so much of her, that he couldn’t possibly demand more than she had already given.

Lan Xichen could only see her dear friend suffering for so long before pity became stronger than her broken heart. Two years after Jin Ruan’s death, she offered that they try for a child again. Their last one, she said, and maybe they would be lucky this time.

They would have to be lucky.

Odd rumours had started reaching them when Lan Xichen made that new concession. Stories of Wei Wuxian returning to life, scouring the countryside with his Ghost General once more. Someone even swore to Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao that Wei Wuxian had called onto Wen Ning specifically because Jin Ling had been in danger, and wasn’t that proof Jin Ling had to be his son? It had to be why Wei Wuxian had killed Jin Zixuan, so many years before, that person said. He must have wanted to steal his son back from the Jin sect… and then didn’t it confirm they’d been right to kick that orphan boy out, that son of a monster, who had probably cursed his little cousin Jin Ruan as revenge, using his father’s methods?

It was nothing but gossip, the whole lot of it. Lan Xichen eventually learned the truth when her uncle wrote to give a more accurate account of the situation. The Ghost General had been spotted indeed, but Mo Xuanyu, who had controlled him, had been firmly proven to not be Wei Wuxian, even Jiang Cheng himself had confirmed it. And besides, that was almost the least interesting part of the story. Lan Xichen was more curious about the cursed arm her uncle mentioned, as well as Lan Wangji’s new friendship with Mo Xuanyu. Jin Guangyao’s half brother was not someone Lan Xichen knew well, but she knew what he’d tried to do to Jin Guangyao. And yet if Lan Wangji had decided to involve him in his investigation, it had to mean Mo Xuanyu had used his years away from the Jin sect to redeem himself.

How very interesting..

But all of that interested only her. Everyone else focused only on the sensational tales of Wei Wuxian and his secret child.

Lan Xichen was almost glad when she very quickly realised she was pregnant.

With everything going on in the world, at least here was some good news for Jin Guangyao, who was so worried about his nephew’s future, and all these horrible rumours he had to deal with.

And who knew.

Maybe they’d be lucky, and finally the Jin sect would have a male heir once more.

Poor Jin Guangyao deserved that much, after he’d suffered so long.

-

Nie Yan is in class with other children her age, and Nie Xiu has been sent to the garden with the wet nurse. Having isolated Lan Xichen once more, Nie Huaisang closes the door of the cottage.

Lan Xichen braces herself, unsure if she’ll have to endure kindness or cruelty this time. Unsure which is worse.

“Jiejie, don’t look so scared,” Nie Huaisang purrs, stepping closer. “I’m not scary, am I?”

She’s terrifying. Or at least, Lan Xichen is terrified. Not just because of the things Nie Huaisang is capable of doing, the things she’s capable of saying.

Lan Xichen is terrified because for the first time in years, Nie Huaisang isn’t wearing men’s robes. Instead she came to the cottage wearing a flowy dress in the style she so loved as a youth, decorated with pretty embroidered flowers and birds. Her hair is done up in the fashionable style that her brother once complained was unpractical.

Nie Huaisang was pretty as a girl, but today she’s beautiful enough to make Lan Xichen’s heart ache.

This outfit is for her, she knows.

She’s not sure if it’s meant to please or torture her.

She’s not sure there’s a difference anymore, when it comes to Nie Huaisang.

“Jiejie, won’t you tell me I look nice?” Nie Huaisang whines, in exactly the same tone she used once, when fishing for compliments was one of her favourite games.

Lan Xichen feels a decade younger when she looks at Nie Huaisang.

She feels like the girl who secretly married her true love, with only her best friend as witness.

A girl who thought that she’d already experienced all the hurt the world had in store for her, because surely nothing could be worse than the war she’d just survived.

A girl who still believed in happiness.

“Jiejie, won’t you touch me?” Nie Huaisang begs so prettily. “Jiejie hasn’t touched me in so long, don’t you want me anymore?”

Lan Xichen isn’t a girl of twenty anymore.

She’s given up on happiness, on love.

She knows no matter what Nie Huaisang lets her have now, it will quickly be soured by hateful words.

She still takes Nie Huaisang in her arms, still presses her lips to those of the woman she once loved. Nie Huaisang’s mouth opens to let her deepen the kiss, the taste of her unchanged by tragedy.

It’s dizzying, how little has changed. The way Nie Huaisang’s breasts feel just as soft, her sex just as wet. Her moans still sound like a melody. Lan Xichen, after a decade of giving, allows herself to take and take everything she can have.

She’d forgotten how good it can be, to be in bed with someone who knows her body better than she knows it, someone she wants as she’s never wanted anything else.

Lan Xichen doesn’t know how she survived without this.

When it is over, they lay entwined and sweaty on a ruined bed. Lan Xichen had forgotten how good that was, too. She’d never allowed Jin Guangyao to stay with her, after their attempts for children, and he’d never asked. But Nie Huaisang is wrapped against her side, her skin burning and soft, and she’d missed this more than she’d missed making love.

“My wife is thinking too much,” Nie Huaisang yawns cutely. “What can she be thinking about, I wonder?”

Something in her voice is… off. A warning that the time for joy is over, that she’s getting ready to hurt Lan Xichen again. Lan Xichen has learned to recognise that shift over the weeks of her imprisonment in Qinghe.

And if she must hurt anyway…

“This wife wonders when her husband stopped loving her,” Lan Xichen replies, gazing at the ceiling above them.

Nie Huaisang chuckles lightning, nuzzling Lan Xichen’s shoulder.

“But jiejie, two girls can’t be in love,” she says. “That's what you always used to say, don’t you remember? You must have been right. I must never have loved you, if I can now hate you so much.”

That’s a lie. Lan Xichen can doubt many things, she’s been wrong so often, but she knows that Nie Huaisang loved her, that she loved Nie Huaisang. In a world of shadows, this is one absolute truth she can cling to.

“Are you going to kill me someday?” Lan Xichen asks.

“If I wanted you dead, I’d have left you in Lanling,” Nie Huaisang replies with a grin, stretching to kiss Lan Xichen’s throat with tenderness. “Death wouldn’t be nearly enough for what you’ve done to me, to Da-ge, to the world. No, this is the only appropriate punishment, jiejie. Everything you’ve ever wanted, and yet none of it.”

Shivering, Lan Xichen finds that she really can’t think of anything worse. Losing her daughters maybe… but she’s not much of a mother, she’s survived so much loss, she’d survive again.

“Isn’t it a punishment for you too?” Lan Xichen wonders “When you hate me this much?”

Nie Huaisang bites her in answer, hard enough to make Lan Xichen moan.

“It has its rewards,” Nie Huaisang chirps. “I like knowing that you’re so pathetic, you’re happier with me now than you ever were with him.”

Lan Xichen hums, and lets her fingers run through Nie Huaisang’s hair.

It’s not untrue that she’s happier now. She’s a prisoner certainly, but back in Lanling her actions were also constantly restrained and questioned too. Here she is allowed to cultivate as she pleases. Nobody sneers if her hair isn’t perfect, if she dresses more simply because it’s practical. Here, her daughters are allowed to play in the dirt and stain their clothes. She can read cultivation books without being accused of neglecting her other duties, she can read novels and not be taken for a bad example. And Nie Huaisang, cruel and vicious and hateful, Nie Huaisang who killed her son, Nie Huaisang who made her kill the man she married, is still the person whose company makes Lan Xichen happiest.

Lan Xichen would rather be hated by Nie Huaisang than loved by Jin Guangyao.

Maybe that is why she lowers her head to capture the lips of the woman who was once her husband. She kisses her while her hands start wandering again on that adored body, ready to steal more pleasure, for as long as Nie Huaisang’s cruel games  will allow it.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

13, 16, 21, and 24 (any fandom of your choice) for the ask game?

13. worst blorboficiation

oh it's wei wuxian in mdzs, no questions asked. while I blame cql for a lot of it, I also think that fans who prefer the novel canon have just conveniently forgotten that wei wuxian did in fact peel pieces off of wen sect cultivators and feed pieces of his enemies' bodies to ghost children. (go re-read his killing of wen chao; I don't have the book open in front of me right now.)

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

lan furen 🤷‍♀️ I'm not gonna be a buzzkill or anything like that, and I think I've said I've read and enjoyed some lan furen xiyao fic in the past. I just don't understand (or quite frankly agree with) this trope being popularly viewed as a happy or desirable arrangement for either jin guangyao or lan xichen. I know I for sure have already written about why I don't think jgy would be satisfied being anyone's furen, but I don't think lxc would be happy either. it would smash too many buttons for him vis-a-vis his parents' marriage--that, and he would not be happy while jgy is unhappy.

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

besides the smutty parts of the extras? nie huaisang's revenge quest. maybe 'overhyped' isn't the right word, because there is a big part of me that remains mesmerized by nhs's transformation from whimsical and harmlessly selfish young master into a manipulative monster who destroys himself and all his remaining key relationships in pursuit of vengeance. I love that shit. what I don't love is the prevailing popular interpretation of his character and revenge quest in this fandom, which asserts that what he does is just and justifiable, or that he was only 'pretending' to let his sect languish and fail. because even if you're only letting your sect languish and fail as part of your commitment to the bit, you... still have to fundamentally fail in your obligations as sect leader to make that happen.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

literally anything to do with jin guangyao's relationship with mo xuanyu and qin su. no, homies, he was not down to fuck his siblings. can we please stop resurrecting this dead horse just to kick it some more. let that horse rest.