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I like watching my partner play games cause they let me make little decisions on their game, like what they should wear or which skill to upgrade
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Wouldn’t it be really funny if Rapunzel just, forgot about Varian’s whole villain arc in convenient moments?
Like Varian is suspected by some villager of conspiring with criminals and she’s just like “Why would Varian be around criminals lmao?” Or he commits some petty crime (against someone who totally deserves it) and when he’s accused she’s just like “Varian has never done anything wrong in his entire life!”
Varian: pranks Frederic by putting thumbtacks on his throne, puts blue dye in Nigel’s shampoo, steals classified documents for shits and giggles, sneaks in fake documents within real documents, replaces the guards swords with inflatables, blackmails uppity nobles, goo bombs Kiera and Catalina’s treehouse, dyes all of Lance’s clothes hot pink, and steals Eugene’s makeup.
Rapunzel: Varian is such a silly little guy. What a sweet lad.
#Everyone else (including Varian) is just like “Raps no”#Idk which is funnier#her genuinely forgetting#or#Her totally remembering and just acting like this to f with everyone#(‘everyone’ being people who are mean to the sweetest little lad)#raps can be a shit if she really wants to#esp around Eugene and Varian#This would also be a good way to get people to stop bringing up Varian’s crimes of which he’s already been pardoned from and made up for#Lance and Eugene join in too#Lance: oh you mean Varian? Yeah he’s such a nice dude I don’t think he’s ever even hurt a fly#Behind closed doors they all make jokes about Varian’s crimes but in public they try to prevent it from being brought up#Unless Varian specifically wants to talk about it#Which he would (sometimes) in an effort to prevent others from following in his footsteps#I like to think he helps Raps reform criminal justice and the prisons#And he helps Eugene and Lance reform orphanages in Corona#Dangit I made this joke kinda introspective#Also I don’t imagine Varian as quite the terror I made him out to be in this post#That’s Kiera and Catalina#But I like to think he bottles up his anger and when he’s pushed he acts out in the form of borderline dangerous pettiness#Varian is the tired middle child with anger issues#tts#tangled the series#rapunzel's tangled adventure#varian#rapunzel#freckle siblings
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Regarding your cerebrocrustacean headcanons mentioned in the previous ask: they very well could be somewhat canon given how, when asked if Albedo and Dr. Psychobos would be willing to work together, Derrick J. Wyatt responded with "Psychobos seems like a total team up slut, he'll team up with any villain any time" (his words, not mine).
Which he likely meant in the sense of "Psychobos is so power-hungry he'll team up with anyone in order to get ahead", but with your headcanons and the fact he never talks much about his personal life in mind, you could alternatively interpret it as "Psychobos is so desperately lonely he'll accept anyone he has even the slightest similarity with into his clique, even members of a species he's violently xenophobic towards" (probably to cope with/serve as a rebound for his mancrush Azmuth friendzoning him /lh /hj).
Now all of this is making me realize that it was a massive missed opportunity in Omniverse to not have Psychobos' demeanor do a complete 180 around the people he works with compared to everyone else (whether sincere or a thinly-veiled manipulation tactic) if not solely for a few jokes. Especially him acting like an affectionate father figure towards Malware (whether he likes it or not) solely so he can rub it in Azmuth's face that "I'm a FAR more attentive and caring parental figure towards your creation than YOU ever were, and I use the term loosely".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN DJW SAID 'TEAM UP SLUT' HAHAH WHAT!? dear god it's true it's on the wiki what the fuck what the fuck assdfjhghsdlfkgfkl-!
I mean, look at his already canon group; Khyber, allegedly the greatest huntsman in the galaxy, teaming up with Dr Psychobos to make a little watch that can sample (specifically predatory) animals; and Malware, a technology absorbing mutant mechamorph, working with the cybernetically enhanced (also listed as a mutant???) cerebrocrustacean in order to make said watch- if liking the concept of animals and incorporating machines as part of oneself is enough to get into Dr Psychobos' clique well, he's certainly stretched what that means far enough to at least snag two others into his initial team up. Same can't be said for Attea and the incurseans which seems to be more of a sponsor type relationship, and Maltruant commissioned him to repair his body but violated the trade agreement so whether or not Psychobos would do business with the incurseans again, he's already squarely sequestered Maltruant in the outest of out-groups :P
Hah, the 'Dr Psychobos adopting Malware specifically to stick it to Azmuth' bit reminded me of a signing-the-adoption-papers version of the 'I throw my used car batteries in the ocean' thing- something along the lines of; [psychobos voice] "You are the most calamitous individual I have had the pleasure of meeting, and I use the term loosely." [malware voice, threateningly] "I have devoured and absorbed the specs of the Omnitrix." [psychobos signing adoption papers] [malware, experiencing the affects of cerebrocrustacean in-grouping and having no frame of reference on how to deal with it] "What the fuck is happening-"
#ask#anonymous#dr psychobos#malware#malware ben 10#cerebrocrustacean#khyber is mentioned technically but like he's just there for clique demonstration#ben 10#heartbreaking: the worst person you know included you in his in-group and loves and respects you just because you shared one interest#i will draw this it's a visceral image it's just that it's not now because i am exhausted :P#does psychobos having an in-group suddenly make him a good person- no#does psychobos having an in-group that does not care about what species is in it make him a good person- also no#he's a jerk which severe xenophobia and like the encephalonus IV equivalent of like- sigmund freud#but also not freud because freud is a fraud that only became the father of psychology because psychologists around the world disavowed him#but like- an infamous figure which controversial opinions but ultimately- being so well known he is the face of the collective#that collective being cerebrocrustaceans as a whole because god damn it why did dr psychobos have to go for ben 10? for fucking azmuth!?#even assholes have in-groups it's kinda how assholes spread (well they can spread in other ways but that's not relevant to the current topi#i would be nice though if the allegedly greatest huntsman and the chronically unloved mutant experienced cerebrocrustacean in-group respect#khyber would be off-put as a solo one-man show (well there's also zed but he doesn't even gender her right let alone treat her well)#malware would be so inexperienced with interactions even slightly positive he'd kinda mostly be too stunned to do anything but stand silent#dr psychobos as per usual talks and talks as if bouncing back against a wall (because really he might as well be)#but so long as his treatment towards his in-group keeps them around longer (with the bonus of not getting stabbed in the back hopefully)#then far be it from he to complain whenever his fellows come back with their parts of his little pet project
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— HE’S AN OPOSSUM. NOT RAT.
two mass murderers and an opossum? that’s a family! and one i had the privilege the honor the absolute dream of getting to commission the fantastic @schoute to bring to life in this absolutely stunning and delightful piece of jestiny, john, and specialest little guy hank. not only did scouty produce this absolutely beautiful scene, she was a blast to work with every step. if you ever have the opportunity to commission scouty, i highly recommend — no, demand — that you take it!
#HAD TO PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN MYSELF FROM GUSHING SPECIFICS IN THE POST BODY BECAUSE IT ENDED UP BEING AN ENTIRE WALL OF TEXT BUT UM.#the way every single little hair is expertly placed with flawless detail?? (i am including the pit hair in that tHANk YOU again)#the way each expression is more perfect and priceless than the last?? (seriously i cannot stop looking back and forth between the three)#the gorgeous lighting and detail on the background??#in AWE. absolute awe.#THANK YOU SCOUTY I TREASURE THIS SO MUCH#otp: stop bothering these nice folks#oc: deputy jestiny ellen#oc: hank the opossum#ch: john seed#jestiny images#arts and commissies
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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One TF fandom argument that confuses me is when people put Megatron and Starscream versus each other like, when people say that it's "unfair that Megatron gets redemption but Starscream doesn't" (in regards to IDW1) because like. One, IDW1 in phase 2 was written by like 4 different writers, so you can't try to claim that there was some unified vision where the nonexistent Singular Writer of IDW was like "no Starscream isn't allowed to have nice things."
And second, I don't think the writers would even think of it that way? It's not like the writers were like "okay we have one Get Out Of Jail Free Card and we're going to spend it on Megatron, sorry Starscream maybe in the next reboot you can get it." The divisions fans make between X character likers and Y character likers are completely made up fandom drama and sometimes I feel like people don't understand that the writers aren't privy to fandom infighting/drama and wouldn't write Megatron and Starscream in opposition to each other as if one character's gain must come at the other's expense.
And finally............. IDW1 Starscream literally does get to be portrayed as a more morally gray person, have his feelings shown and treated as human, even make some friends/have people treat him nicely? IDK what fucking comics people are reading where they think that Starscream is treated as an evil villain with no redeeming qualities at all. Maybe it's the same Starscream fans who shit on TAAO/Scott or something, that's the only way I could explain it.
#squiggposting#discourse#plus like i feel like SS just becoming happy and a good person doesn't really make sense for his character#because his thing is that he's unpredictable and mercurial and you never really know what he wants or what he'll do#making him 'a good guy' would fly in the face of the archetype he is which is a scheming manipulator out for his own ends#and i really liked idw1 SS because he's like. he's a piece of shit he's a little meow meow he's traumatized he's a tyrant#as his actions and thoughts and conscience shifts from one plot to the other he does kinda good things but then does bad things#he makes you go from 'well maybe he's not so bad' to 'WHAT THE FUCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT'#because with SS he's not. one. thing. like you can't predict him you can't box him into being on one 'side' or the other#he's on his own side and sometimes his own side happens to include a conscience or people who try to make SS be nicer#sometimes IDW SS pursues his own selfish aims and sometimes he has moments of weakness where he decides he'll be nice#the entire 'will he or won't he' plot of whether SS would be a dick or be nice was part of his whole appeal#also megs' redemption arc is mid anyways#if anything i feel like i could argue phase 2/3 SS is more interesting and has a better emotional arc than M#and i'm not even a SS fan + i like M way more
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"Do you not realize it? Do you... truly not see what this means?"
The next Destiny Bond update is in progress! ❄️✨ –> Check out the latest part here 🔷 –> New to the series? Follow from the start! 💜
#we back for the winter season bois :} ☃️#got some Particularly Fun parts I wanna have done before the end of the year--that I'll hopefully have time to do over the term break !!! 💫#it's actually so? insane? how we're nearing the end of the year already??????????????HUH#just a little over a week and some Ridiculous cramming I'll have to pull off (no thanks to past me sdskjfs) before I'm free for the holiday#I mean I'd--still have freelancing to do of course but without the looming dread of actively avoiding college responsibilities at least /lh#it's even more insane somehow looking back on when I actually started this whole comic that spiraled Wildly out of controlSKDJFNSDFS#to think that this all started from a prompt I had a few days after my birthday--into its own whole story I wanna see through is---#honestly something I'm really proud of. something I'm really happy I got to do for myself since it's-above all a passion project if anythin#I'm a lot slower these days what with juggling my own mental crises here and there on top of work for sure#but I get to come back to working on this whenever I find myself feeling down or with some free time to unwind and it's--really nice 💖💕#and we're still in the beginning I swear to god we're still so early I'm so sorry this is gonna take so longSDHFIUSHDNFKJSDHS#but it bears repeating how thankful I am to everyone who's joined along for this ride- who've been so wonderful and patient thus far#to know that even a handful of people out there tune in to this silly ol thing and are genuinely excited for its sporadic updates--#--has been a definite highlight in what's been a- Ridiculously--almost comically cruel year (in ways I can't begin to express skjdfnsdfs)#and what with this holiday season being all about giving and gratitude---I want to emphasize on how thankful I am for all of y'all 💖💖💖#I'll see what surprises I can sneak in to my schedule these coming weeks- the insanity of these following updates included hehee ✨#Destiny Bond comicverse#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#pokemon#pokemon fancomic#pokemon gsc#pokemon hgss#comic wip
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maybe its the presentation like i said and also that ive muted the game and turned off battle animations so it goes faster but man. im coming to the brutal realization that my kanto issues probably dont stem from gen 1 as much as they do with pokemon yellow
#like. i LIKE pokemon yellows concept. i adored its manga adaptation in spe and i love pikachu and walking with pikachu#and i love the anime and all its references#but like. theres SO much charm that gets lost in that transition#i already said so with the sprites and all but pokemon yellow feels less like a game made out of love#and more like a product. yknow? i mean they all are but yellow just feels off in co#comparison to what im playing now#and its in little ways like all the antagonistic pokemon in the anime being unavailable and the really bad anime sound effects#like i didnt know the original pewter city did have a singing jigglypuff using the original soundfont#i thought it was a hasty anime reference made to justify the games existence. but now i know the anime jigglypuffs a nice homage to this one#and like that little jingle was infinitely nicer than the bitcrushed anime voice#i mean some if it is nice like team rocket being there but even they feel misunderstood sometimes#like theyre just smacked in sometimes and they just spout their motto#they dont do any of their jokes and meowth doesnt even talk. does meowth talk in lgpe? i dunno#but i do know that they dont even get their teams right. what is with nostalgiabait rocket references#that dont even bother to include any pokemon they had besides arbok and weezing. they have other pokemon!#in gen 1 alone you have victreebel and lickitung! maybe even growlithe if you wanna get fancy#ntm wobbuffet is constantly abandoned#ik ive said i dont like team rocket cause i got so burnt out on them in the show but like it stings more to see them and they arent even#arent even authentic. just their likeness slapped onto an npc to go ‘’wow remember the pokemon animes first season! that was nice!’’#(the pokemon they get replaced with arent even nice when they gotta do that. i love scyther but jessie wouldnt own a scyther)#she would sooner freak out at a scyther or turn it in to giovanni before actually using one#echoed voice
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wait, you have kirby fanfics?! where can i find them??
aaahh none of them are public, so there's nowhere to find them sorry!
they are more like random scenes or explorations or one-shots written out of order than anything start-to-finish that i could ever post.
but that is one of the reasons i have such clear and thorough answers for questions about awtdy or characterisation/headcanons in particular. i've spent a long time with the story and characters and there's over 150k words in the document my gf and i share 😅
it might not be start-to-finish but it is fundamentally "complete" as a narrative. that's also one of the reasons i don't take suggestions for plot points or anything like that; the plot is already scripted. we already know how everything goes! i do love seeing when folks theorize about it though!
a lot of the comics i draw are 1:1 scenes from the writing, so you're still kinda seeing it? maybe i'll release some tiny little snippets one day, but i'll probably never post any of it in full
#i'm a little self conscious about my prose in a way i'm not about comics#but there are certainly parts i'm really proud of and wish i could share haha#the 150k does not include dot points or conversations where we worked out the original plot and timeline in a creative frenzy#this is what i mean by being so excited about feeling creative again after my burnout.. it's nice.#asks#awtdy au#starflungs personal tag
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Broke: Knuckles moves in with the Whipples and becomes a Whipple Also Broke: Knuckles barely has anything to do with the Whipples, full Wachowski kid Woke: he should have both. Let him have a large support group. Like a tribe would.
#besides it just rubs me the wrong way for him to ditch one family for the other#i may prefer him being the wachowskis and I'm a little bitter that paramount fucked up many things#including showing nice moments with him and the Wachowskis#just let the boy have a bond with both families#idk#knuckles show makes me feel bad things#i'm trying to think nicer things to do with it
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it remains one of my greatest bookish tragedies to date that i have been a fan of asoiaf for 8 years at this point and have yet to encounter anyone in real life that i can either (a) convince to read the books despite them being unfinished or (b) pick their brain for an extended period of time about all their opinions
#people i have met in real life who like asoiaf include ones like 'guy i have met like 4 times who used to give my sister rides to college'#i'm in an asoiaf-related discord but it is large and terrible and people keep being mean to each other#and the last time i tried to post my thoughts on themes someone started lecturing me#about valyrian genetics in a frankly very condescending and annoying way#i like making my silly little posts on tumblr but it would be nice to have real actual people to discuss it with#pie says stuff#asoiaf#my life#my sister does not like asoiaf which is her right. none of my irl friends want to read and unfinished series. pls help my crops are dying
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📝?
If you could make one AU canon, what would it be?
oh SO many. so many. but i think AU where clear sky was never redeemed and is the main bad guy of the series. which is impossible bc he is introduced in arc 5 but i really really want it and it makes so much sense.
they could tie it into skyclan’s exile! he could be overseeing all the dark forest stuff! if we want to lean hard into my version of the AU, eldritch clear sky who created/caused the creation of the dark forest!! it would also be thematically appropriate then for him to face off with the other founders in the great battle, a reenactment of the first battle way back in dotc. and it could be interesting with the whole “embrace what you find in the shadows, for only they can clear the sky” thing and skyclan’s return in general—their founder was EVIL, how can we just let them come back?
plus i just love dotc and i want it to have more relevance. i know why it doesn’t, but i still want.
#a little birdie asked me#warrior cats#ask game#knowyouronion#ty for the ask <3#runners up include deputy longtail and ex-loner!aroace!nightcloud#the nightcloud one changes nothing plot-wise but makes her motivation for the crowfeather thing (needs her own statement of loyalty#doesnt care much about being mates with anyone else so why not)#and i think its fun#longtail deputy actually would be such a nice conclusion to his character arc and fic some of the ableism but WHATEVER#most of my other aus that come to mind rn are either extremely universe-breaking#like ‘most of the cats die after oots’ or ‘tnp actually has lasting consequences on clan relationships’#OR they’re only cool as aus and wouldnt work as canon#like swiftpaw lives aus are only so much fun bc he died the way he did in the first place#i think#idk its after midnight and now i’m second guessing myself so i will stop talking in the tags GOODBYE
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my tags on the post i just reblogged got me thinking so here’s my current stream of consciousness
#i refer to ages 12-16 as my ‘church girl era’ bc that’s when i got really deep into christianity#like i went to church twice a week (regular sessions on sundays small groups on tuesdays) and to church events trips camps etc all the time#i even got baptized when i was 13 bc my siblings and i weren’t baptized as babies#like church was such a huge part of my life but i think it only became that bc of the specific church i went to#it was a nondenominational church and the environment was very chill for lack of a better word#and the social aspect of it was really what got me into the actual religion#i HATED going there when we first moved here bc i didn’t know anyone and i was so painfully shy#then in middle school i made a bunch of friends who went to the same church and suddenly it was so fun#that’s when i started going on tuesdays bc we would play games and have contests and stuff like that before the actual small groups#so it felt more like a club my friends and i were in than a church#but once i had those friends and i was comfortable being there i genuinely started to get more invested in christianity#bc i was actually paying attention to the sermons instead of just thinking about how anxious i was the whole time#so by the time i started high school i was very actively christian for the first time in my life#but somehow i drifted away from it just as easily as i fell into it#i started playing lacrosse when i was 15 and we had practice most weeknights so i couldn’t go to small groups anymore#and then our church merged with a bigger church in the area so we became a new branch of that church instead of a little community church#and the merger changed so much about the way the church operated that a ton of people just stopped going entirely including me#and it only took a few months for me to realize that i just didn’t really believe any of it or feel connected to it anymore#and idk even years later i still have love for a lot of those people and that part of my life#but it’s interesting how as soon as i lost that social community the church gave me i was completely disconnected from the religion itself#and at this point in my life i can’t see myself ever identifying as a christian again partly bc i just can’t get myself to believe in god#and partly bc of all the awful christians out there although i firmly believe there are still so many christians who are good people#for example my church was always accepting of the lgbtq+ community which obviously was and is super important to me#but yeah i just can’t see myself ever being religious again but at the same time i still find myself missing it sometimes even now#the community was clearly a huge part of it for me but it was also such a nice feeling to be so into the faith or wtv you want to call it#like i’ve always known my own values/morals ofc and i also love other forms of spirituality but actual religion is such a unique thing to me#like i don’t want to be christian again but i do miss the feeling of being christian/religious in general if that makes sense#and at least for me there really isn’t any substitute that can give me that same specific feeling which is honestly really sad to me#anyway. idk where i was going with this but if any former christians (or other ex religious people) want to weigh in i’d love your thoughts#lj.txt
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It's just a fact that nothing I do matters or has any impact
I can prove it, and I do mean that
I wouldn't want to because I think it would bother people, but I have... endless proof
#functionally I don't exist#I exist only in the sense of a vague technicality in that I'm physically present and all the think therefore kind of trash#but I have zero impact or interaction with the world#it's not that unlikely that I'm a hallucination haunting a keyboard#a figment of my own imagination#...the only sad part is if that was true at least I could just stop dreaming myself alive#instead of having to take more concrete and failure prone measures#but I genuinely do not and never have existed#and I really can prove it a thousand times over#but... I think it would be upsetting to have it all laid out; so I never will lay out the proof#besides; even if I said every last thing that would just sink into the void too#... I could say a lot more but I won't#there's questions I'd love an answer to but... but there's reasons I can't ask them including I already have and never got a response#...shame I won't even have anything to drink on my birthday I don't think#...if only I could dissect myself and place myself in neat little piles for medical folks to use as parts#if only if only if only#what I wouldn't give for a crumb#mm tag so i can find things later#or less kindly; what I wouldn't give to be able to breath these feelings down the world's throat#see how you like it when lockdowns are enough to make you squeamish#just bitter on that one cause everyone talked big about how sad it made them... but not a shred of anything given my way#when that's just a normal day everyday forever for me#I literally forgot about lockdowns being a thing on a regular basis#my life then and life now are the same except I don't have to drive to the trailer to clean; just have to go to the storage room#so that's nice at least#but I see the exact same amount of people every day as I did then#you could make some money killing me you know; and I'd film a clip making it clear it's all my idea#only problem is I'd have to trust you with people I like despite you being willing to kill... but maybe I would if you get it's a mercy#eh... I can't even say what I really think... I should go to bed#and I can't even talk about the stuff that got me thinking on this
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I want to talk about why I think this is the one of the most important Falin panels:
So, Falin is really nice, right? It's one of the first things we really learn about her. She's kind even to the monsters of the dungeon - choosing to ward the party rather than fight spirits and cause them needless harm.
In the above early flashback in chapter 11, we see Marcille fawning over Falin's kindness, calling her an angel. Namari calls her soft-hearted. We see Falin choose not to fight even when a zombie attacks - instead she resolves the confrontation with a hug. After the flashback, the first thing Senshi says is that Falin "sounds like quite the person," which Marcille strongly affirms.
At this point in the story, all we have seen of Falin are these impressions; she is a healer, an angel, a caretaker with an infinite well of kindness towards everyone she meets - both friend and foe.
And honestly, that remains most of what we have to go by to understand her. The only times we get to see Falin on the page, alive and just herself, are in the opening and closing pages of the story and in the brief period of time after she is resurrected.
Nonetheless, we do have some more details to work with. For one, there is the scene that The Panel is from - a short memory in chapter 75, when Marcille flashes back to while she's dying. In that scene, Falin prepares to teleport them all out, and says that she's sorry "if there is a person at [their] destination." And that's when we get The Panel.
If you teleport someone or something into another person, the person teleported into is likely to be, at minimum, severely injured. They could die.
We can see a lovely little horrifying example of exactly why in one of the Daydream Hour doodles:
So, hmm. That's not... that's not SUPER nice. Certainly not displaying the same "kindness to all, friend and foe included" we saw represented earlier. On a basic level, this adds some nuance to Falin's kindness. We see it break a little, when pushed to the limit. We see her chose to protect the people she loves above all else.
Which makes sense! As Laios says when the Winged Lion accuses him of similarly being motivated more by his friends' safety than everyone else in the dungeon, "...most people, aside from virtuous do-gooders, would feel the same way."
So, we can take The Panel as simply showing a moment of weakness for Falin. A time when she was pushed to her limits, and that "most people" selfish side of her shone through.
However... I think there's a little more going on with Falin than just her being an angel 99% of the time, except just that once. I love The Panel because I think it helps us understand that Falin isn't just motivated by kindness - she also has a desire to avoid seeing people in pain.
Isn't that the same thing?
No, no it very much is not.
Let's look at a short comic from the Falin section of the Adventurer's Bible, because I think it illustrates this point perfectly. The group is complaining about how much Marcille's healing hurts, and comparing it to Falin's, which "doesn't hurt a bit." Marcille retorts with the following:
Now, the punchline of this comic is that, despite Marcille's sentimental assertion that she's "thinking of [them]" by letting her healing magic hurt, they all still prefer to be healed by Falin.
But hey, this wouldn't be the first time that Dungeon Meshi hides a very real character beat or insight in a gag, so let's think about this somewhat seriously.
If Marcille is right (and she knows a fair bit about magic, so we can assume that she has at least somewhat of a point), then what Falin is doing isn't kind. I suppose if someone specifically requested to not feel the pain, it could be kind, but that's not really what happened here. She is the one who felt badly about the others being in pain, and she is the one who decided, without telling them or giving them a choice in the matter, to take away that pain.
Both Marcille and Falin are healing the party, but Marcille is doing it in a way that accomplishes the task in the most straight forward way, without any additional interference. Falin is going out of her way to perform the healing in a way she is more comfortable with. A way that avoids pain.
Going back the The Panel, I don't think its a coincidence that the only time we see Falin (well, non-chimera Falin) willing to do something that could hurt someone is when any potential pain will be far away from her. If she got someone hurt or killed by teleporting the party to the surface? Not only would it be far out of her sight, but she'd be dead before she had to deal with any consequences of that action.
Falin is not a confrontational person. She doesn't push when Marcille won't tell her the truth about the resurrection, and she comforts Laios about her own death - both of those things happening in the only full chapter she is alive and conscious in the whole story.
We also know that she considered accepting Shuro's proposal, despite not having any special feelings towards him, and that Falin never explained to Marcille that she wanted them to share a meal together. When she brought Marcille various foods at the academy, she just accepted Marcille's confused rejection and gave up.
And lastly, we know that she is still in contact with her parents, despite the neglect and abuse she suffered at their hands. Although the way someone chooses to handle contact with abusive or bad family is a complicated topic, which I don't want to overly simplify, I do I think this fact gets at the heart of how she handles conflict.
So many people that Falin loves have hurt her. There are understandable hurts, like Laios leaving the village, or Marcille not understanding the food. And there are bigger, far less justifiable hurts - like her parents neglecting her throughout her childhood, and sending her away to be alone at the magic academy.
It doesn't seem like Falin has ever confronted any of it directly.
And the unhealthy aspects of this kind of avoidance of pain and confrontation is one of the things that the story of Dungeon Meshi is all about. We see Laios grapple with it before he goes to kill Falin, and we see Marcille acknowledge it at the end of the story, when she tells Laios that she has come to terms with Falin's death:
Eating is a part of life. Consuming other living things is a part of life. It isn't really possible to avoid that pain - you can only hide from the truth of it. You have to be selfish everyday. You have to eat - to choose to live. To choose to take up space.
And this is something Falin embraces, too. She comes back to life, after all.
We see her choose to come back to life.
And how does she make that choice? She eats. She consumes, and then she is asked a question by the manifestation of hunger itself:
Do you want to eat more?
There is a double meaning in the Winged Lion's final words on the next page.
When I first read this, I took it as him saying: life is cruel. You will suffer. You will feel more pain.
But perhaps, especially for Falin, this also means: you are choosing a path where you must cause pain. Where you must consume. Where you must take, and must be selfish. Because eating is the special privilege of the living, and it is their burden, too. In order to stay alive, she will need to keep eating.
And she chooses that. Chooses to be selfish. It's why her resurrection scene is so important, and it's why The Panel is so important. Because Falin coming back isn't the ultimate reward for all of the party's hard work.
It's her choice. Just like it was her choice that started everything in the first place. But this time, she doesn't choose to accept causing pain for the sake of Marcille and Laios. She does it for her own sake.
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#dunmeshi analysis#I love it when dungeon meshi says. the trauma was real and it changed you#and the way you are because of it isn’t anything to be ashamed of#but you have to keep living. you have to chose to keep living.#and you can#dungeon meshi spoilers
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