#nemam me

[limetameta]

subjektivni osjećaj 21h je trenutno i hoću da spavam qq ovo nema ni 19h lele

[pinelews]

mini houštiny update

stránky snad budu mít buď dneska nebo příští týden hotový (zpoždění://)

příští týden určo půjde komiks do tisku

budeme mít ale ve středu maturák, tak to bude dost šílený

v úterý jsem dělal sítotisk:] viz foto motivu co se pak vysvěcoval:], pak sem hodím i nějaký foto textilu až budu mít hezký fotky

budu ještě dělat plyšáka hvězdy a plakát (snad risografií!!)

mini houštiny update over, pak dam asi vedet az se pujdou tisknout strany atd

[idgafabyou]

imam dnevnik, male vježbice radim kognitivne terapije, zato što ne virujem materi a drugima još i manje

[jokeroutsubs]

Šta bih ja [updated lyrics SERBIAN+ENGLISH]

Šta bih ja u ovoj crnoj noći bez tebe radio?

U ovom gradu nemam kuće ni adrese U ovom gradu nemam nikog koga znam U ovom gradu svakakva se čuda dese Gužva, buka, haos, a ja sasvim sam

U ovom gradu mene žene strašno vole Kažu da sam tako sladak i drag U ovom gradu ne mogu da mi odole Dok na oči mi pada mrak

A ja samo čekam i žudim Za trenutkom kad ćeš zvati Da ti kažem da za tobom plače, tuguje i pati I treperi srce moje kad ti čuje glas

Draga, šta bih ja u ovoj crnoj noći bez tebe radio?

Ovom gradu ko da nigde nema kraja Sedam dana traje ko godina U ovom gradu samo internet još spaja me Sa licem kojeg volim ja

A ja samo čekam i žudim Za trenutkom kad ćeš zvati Da ti kažem da za tobom plače, tuguje i pati I treperi srce moje kad ti čuje glas

Draga, šta bih ja u ovoj crnoj noći bez tebe radio?

Šta?!

Šta bih ja u ovoj crnoj noći bez tebe radio? --- [ENG TRANSLATION]

What would I do in this black night without you?

In this city I have no home nor address In this city I have no one I know In this city all sorts of miracles happen Crowd, noise, chaos, but I'm all alone

In this city women really love me They say I'm so cute and kind In this city they can't resist me While darkness falls over my eyes

But I'm just waiting for and craving The moment when you'll call To tell you that, because of you, my heart cries, grieves and suffers And trembles when it hears your voice

Darling, what would I do in this black night without you?

This city seems to have no end Seven days seem to last a year In this city only the internet still connects me With the face that I love

But I'm just waiting for and craving The moment when you'll call To tell you that, because of you, my heart cries, grieves and suffers And trembles when it hears your voice

Darling, what would I do in this black night without you?

What?!

What would I do in this black night without you? Translation by @moonlvster Listen to Šta bih ja on all the streaming platforms

[tisisvestodruganecebit]

Nije da se one ne trude. Sve će uraditi samo da te izbrišu. Tebe, koju nisam imao. Tebe, koju nisam poljubio. Tebe, s kojom nisam spavao. Tebe, koja pozoveš s vremena na vrijeme čisto da se uvjeriš da sam dobro, da si dobro, da smo dobro i nastaviš s tim da te nemam. Tebe, vječno svoju. Nasmijanu. Nikad moju. Tebe, koja si me podsjetila šta je prava žena. Sve njih, lako obrišem. Njihove tragove na sebi, oko sebe. Tebe, ne mogu u sebi. U životu. Ne umijem da te sakrijem u očima, u pogledu i uzdahu. U pauzi između riječi, kad pričam o ljubavi. Ti se ne brišeš.

[cigarete-i-poezija]

Mjesec juni,

Muško mentalno zdravlje,

Zabranjena tema,

Za mnoge,

Počevši od mene,

I moga oca,

Koji je plakao,

Onog dana,

Kada sam mu rekao,

Kada se neko ubije onda se svi pitaju,

Zašto se nije nikome obratio,

Veći strah u očima u životu nisam vidio.

I dan danas žalim te riječi,

Jer svaki njegov pogled,

Kada me gleda dok pušim cigaretu,

Ispunjen je strahom...

Dugo vremena sam razmišljao,

O tome kako bi bilo da odem,

Jer ja,

Nemam kome da pričam o tome kako sam,

Potiskujem emocije,

Kao i većina muškaraca,

I svoje traume i rane liječim,

Kroz alkohol i cigarete.

Smršao sam deset kila,

Ali dobro sam,

Nemam vremena da razmišljam o depresiji,

Jer ipak,

To bješe šala mnogima,

I zajebancija koju niko ne shvaća ozbiljno,

Jer baš tako,

Ni ja nisam shvatio zašto je alkohol rješenje,

Do onog dana kada su mi javili,

Da je čovjek,

Koji me je odgojio,

Borio se sa demonima,

Za koje ja nisam mogao ni zamisliti da postoje,

I tako to bješe,

Kroz osmijeh i veselje,

Odluči oduzeti sebi život,

U nadi da će pronaći mir,

Koji na ovoj zemlji nije mogao naći...

Ali po riječima mnogih,

To je izlaz koji koriste samo kukavice,

I naravno ja ga ne krivim,

Čak ga i razumijem zašto je to uradio,

Plakao sam,

Ne mogu reći danima,

Jer evo plačem već četvrtu godinu otkako ga nema,

Ali dobro družimo se,

Kada mogu uzmem nam po pivo,

I kutiju cigareta,

I sjedim na njegovom grobu,

I pričam mu o svemu što se događa otkako je otišao.

Molim vas,

Nemojte ići,

Ako vaše vrijeme nije,

To nije rješenje,

Ja sam mu oprostio,

A i ako ga ima nadam se i da je Bog oprost mu dao,

Plačite,

Vrištite,

Smijte se,

Zovite,

Volite,

Pričajte,

Molim vas,

Ostanite ovdje s nama,

Naći ćemo rješenje,

Zajedno ako treba,

Budite jaki,

I pustite suzu kada je teško,

Plakati je zdravo,

I pričajte s voljenim ljudima,

Pitajte kako su,

Onako iskreno a ne iz čistog bontona,

Puno ljubavi šaljem svim muškarcima koji prolaze kroz teške trenutke,

Vidim vas,

Čuvajte se i budite dobro.

[aristotels]

Kad idem kod psihe Nikad nema Slobodnog parking mjesta A ionako mi auto ne radi Pa idem autobusom I svejedno se raspizdim Oko toga šta nema parkinga I šta autobus uvik kasni A ponekad i ne dođe Uglavnom shvatili ste (Ako ste se ikad vozili Prometom) I dođem tamo I onda me ona pita Kako sam Šta kako sam Tri autobusa nisu došla A vanka je četrdeset I nitko nije napisao obavijest BUS NE DOLAZI A ni ne prolazi Kako sam, kažem: ljuta sam I ona pita zašto sam ljuta Odakle da počnem Ljuta sam, ljuta Radi globalnog zatopljenja I radi svastika na zgradama I radi toga šta Hajduk loše igra I ljuta sam jer se u Palestini Ratuje do krvi I jer nikoga nije briga I jer više ne broje tijela nego kilograme I jer je jedan otac htio pokopati svoje dijete I dali su mu vreću raskomadanih ostataka Koja je težila 18 kilograma I rekli nek to pokopa O jebote, ljuta sam I ljuta sam jer u Sudanu ljudi umiru od gladi I ljuta sam jer su otkazali TV seriju koju volim I ljuta sam jer imam previše posla A još sam ljuća kada nemam posla I ljuta sam jer sam u PMSu I ljuta sam jer čovjek nije mogao pokopati dijete (Onu vreću od 18 kilograma Izmiješanih kralježaka i kostiju) I ljuta sam jer nikoga nije briga za ništa I ljuta sam jer nitko drugi nije ljut I ljuta se osjećam poput psa svezanog U dvorištu, u kućici I laje li ga laje i nitko ga ne čuje I ljuta sam jer je sve poskupilo I jer burek košta 2 ipo eura I radi apartmanizacije i radi turista i radi neovlaštene gradnje Govorim joj, ne pitajte me Radi čega sam ljuta Mogli bismo ovdje biti danima Ne samo jedan sat kojeg imamo Mogli bismo stajati i nabrajati I razdvajati i prebrojavati (Kao ostatke u onoj vreći) Jer ja sam, vidite Ljuta na čitav svijet Možemo uzesti popis stanovništva I početi nabrajati Od slova A pa nadalje Uključit ćemo i one japanske znakove I nećemo stati Dok svakoga poimence Ne nabrojimo.

[puuta-heinaa]

Me, trying to convince my friend that Demoni has easiest lyrics to remember (as 30% of it is kad nemam tebe) without knowing one word of Slovene.

Demoni in reality:

[belog-grada-crna-princeza]

[28.07.2024.]

"Razumi me. Nisam ja kao običan svet. Imam svoje ludilo, živim u drugoj dimenziji i nemam vremena za stvari koje nemaju dušu." - Čarls Bukovski

I posle toliko godina.. ne znam šta da očekujem od sebe. Znam samo da mi je na momente koža pretesna, da mi tada na licu piše sve ono što niko ne čita, da im svojim pogledima vrištim u lice, "spasite me", usne razvučene u osmeh sakrivaju sve to i lažem se, u redu je. A šta (mogu) da urade, u to nisam sigurna, ili je i to laž koju gutam umesto tableta jer. Nisam. Bolesna. I nema svrhe i ne sećam se skoro ničega iz tog perioda, a opet možda sam jedino tad bila kao "dobro". Menjam raspoloženja na nekoliko minuta i jedna neodmerena reč, jedan hladan pogled, jedan film koji se pokreće u mojim moždanim vijugama me bacaju u ponor, i kako? Kako? Kako to izdržati? Hajde mi kaži, kako živeti u ovoj glavi? Umem da odglumim ulogu, samo vidiš u meni raste bes, mržnja, prezir prema svetu koji tapše na kraju te scene i još veći prezir prema onoj koja me osuđujuće gleda iz ogledala, u mraku, kada se zavese spuste. A kad bi upoznali nju, ne bi je voleli, ne vole je, beže od nje i sklanjaju poglede; mislite da ja ne bih pobegla? Osuđena sam na nju, pogrešnu, nikad neće biti prava, nikad vam neće biti po meri(lima). Hajde reci, koga da izaberem? Ako me voliš, ne spašavaj me(ne), heroji m(en)i nisu potrebni. Ovakve kao ja se uvek snađu. Spasi nju, njoj je potrebnije; zavoli je takvu, nesavršenu, nepromišljenu, neuklopljenu. Nauči je da se prepusti, ona će umeti da veruje da ćeš je uhvatiti kad krene da pada, još uvek ne vidi ništa osim dobrog na ovom svetu. Oni je zbog toga lome na delove, žele da unište u njoj isto ono što su drugi uništili u njima i to je taj začarani krug, ona zariva očnjake u svoje meso jer ipak se svete samo slabi. A valjda se sveti i sebi, jer nije uspela, da ih spasi od njih samih. I možda ni ti nećeš, ne možeš, spasiti me od mene same. Znam(o) kako se ta igra završava, zar ne? Skoro je godina prošla, od kako sam otišla i od one koja je jedina videla sve, nikad se nisam ni šminkala kad sam je viđala, znaš li? Nisam se sređivala za nju, nekad se nisam čak ni češljala, želela sam da joj pokažem svu ružnoću u sebi i gledam kako zgađeno sklanja pogled. Umesto toga, u njenim očima, rečima, postupcima, videla sam samo ljubav i nežnost i beskrajno razumevanje u koje sam želela da se ogrnem i zauvek ostanem tu, sakrivena od celog sveta. Nije bilo dovoljno, kao što mi je i rekla da neće, jer ja moram da želim da mi se pomogne i možda je vreme da pogledam istini u oči. Ne znam kako da prestanem da potapam brodove koji dolaze da me odvuku na obalu, a previše se plašim da sam potopila i onaj poslednji. Sada kada plivam iz sve snage, možda je uzalud, možda je kasno... Molim te, oprosti mi, nemoj me kriviti ako odustanem, a još važnije: nemoj ni sebe. Jer to ja tebi nikad ne bih oprostila.

-Katarina

[nostalgicandecko]

Postao sam teret

Kako sebi

Tako i drugima

Barem tako mislim

Iako bi ljudi oko mene poricali

Ali teško da će moći protiv moje tvrdoglavosti

Postao sam teret

I mislim da se sve to dogodilo kada sam odlučio da promenim sebe

Kako fizički

Tako i psihički

I sada

Posle skoro godinu dana

Shvatam da to možda i nije bila najbolja odluka

Nemam više neke ljude u životu

A i ove koje imam

Osećam kao da sam im teret

Kao da me vuku sa sobom donekle

A onda me ostave da istrunem negde

Javio bih se nekad nekom

Rekao mu koju sam knjigu pročitao

Kako je ona uticala na mene

A opet ne javim se

Ne želim da im smetam

Imam reči koje bih napisao

A opet ne napišem ih

Jer mislim da ljude briga za ono što imam da kažem

I nije to do tih ljudi

Do mene je

Jer na kraju krajeva

Kako da očekujem da me neko sasluša

Kad ni ja samog sebe ne mogu saslušati

~ D.K.

[roses-lovers-world]

nemam prava nikoga da savetujem što se ljubavi tiče

ja sam se zaljubila u momka koji mi je rekao da će se povući ako ja ne budem mogla psihički da izdržim to što se mi samo vidjamo i to što nikada nećemo biti zajedno, a onda me u momentu kada sam odlazila zagrlio kao što se grli neko kog voliš dok odlazi negde daleko

[theraggedygirl11]

Kad nemam tebe sa mnom su moji demoni

Part 1

SUMMARY: Kris is a succubus, but he hates what he is and what he's forced to do for his demon sire. Then he meets a photographer, Damon, and something special blooms between them.

PAIRING: Kris Guštin/Damon Baker

WARNINGS: (kinda implied) drug and alcohol abuse, implied non-con (not between Kris/Damon), sex (not too explicit), hurt/comfort, angst/fluff, swearing

WORDS COUNT: 2.434

LINK: AO3

NOTES: Before diving into the first chapter of this short fic, I'd like to thank @anxious-witch for beta-reading it and giving me really good advice while I was writing it and @lahobbitdiazeroth for fangirling with me, even if she's not in the fandom (kinda).

This is my first ever work I publish in English. I got inspired by Hazbin Hotel and Damon's photoshoot with our guys, and I had to write something.

I'm sorry for the angst you'll find in it, but you know who to blame.

If you want to listen to the song that inspired me, here's a link. There's also an English version (and maybe one in your own language, this series got translated into many languages). Keep in mind that it mentions toxic relationships, abuse and trauma.

È un inferno tutto mio (This hell is all mine)  

Me lo sono scelto io (And I chose all of this)  

Tu sei il mio veleno (You are my poison)  

Dammi il tuo veleno (Give me your poison) 

Non possono farne a meno (I can’t help it)  

Mi scivola in gola e va giù (It slithers into my throat and goes down)  

Veleno, ne sono pieno (Poison, I’m full of it)  

Anche questa notte per me forse è l’ultima (This night could be my last one too)  

Dimmi che ti piace, baby (Tell me you like it, baby)  

Sono tuo, fa ciò che più ti va (I’m yours, do whatever you want)  

Un giorno tu mi ucciderai (One day you’ll kill me)  

Col tuo veleno (With your poison)  

“I took enough pictures.” Said the photographer after a couple of hours, smiling at his model.  

Kris looked at the guy in front of him, hair almost as black as coal and deep dark brown eyes, then stood up from the ground. He was used to being alone with other men, but the more he was with this human, the more he felt a weird feeling growing inside of him. He didn’t know how to name this sensation.  

“May I go, then?” Kris asked.  

“Yeah, sure. I’ll call you when the pictures are ready.” The photographer nodded. “If you need to recompose yourself, you can stay here, I’ll give you some privacy.”  

“No, don’t worry. It’s ok.”  

Kris glanced at the human, then went to the wardrobe area to change his clothes. He felt his eyes on his body. Why was he feeling so uncomfortable? God damn, he was a fucking succubus, he shouldn’t feel like this when a human was staring at him! Because that photographer was enchanted by his beauty, right? He should be.  

But Kris  perceived this specific human in a completely different way because he was looking at him differently, like he wanted to analyse him. Look right into his soul. If only he still had one.  

* * *

Another night, another lover, another soul to bring closer to damnation. It didn’t matter if it was a male or a female human being. He still enjoyed the physical proximity, the skin-on-skin contact, the moans. He was still a demon that fed on pleasure and sexual intercourses.   

But that night his mind flew to another place, even if the man above and inside him was extremely gorgeous and he liked how he moved and his attention on him. For a moment he saw that photographer instead of this random human. He didn’t even remember his name. But, just for a second, he imagined he was there, with him, loving him.  

He closed his eyes and let an intense moan out. No, he needed to focus on this other man, on his soul, his job was to corrupt it. Thus, he closed the image of the photographer in a small and secluded corner of his mind and gave all his attention to this stranger.  

At the same moment, not so far from where Kris was, that same photographer, whose name was Damon, was checking the photos he took of that beautiful and young man. His mind went back to a couple of days before when he had met him in a cafe in the centre of Ljubljana. He was alone at a table, his glance was wandering around observing the people in that place. Damon had noticed a trace of sombreness in his bright blue-greenish eyes.  

He decided to approach him, talk to him, be friendly to him before asking him to take some pictures. The guy seemed kind, but there was a trace of sadness even in his voice. And he could see it even more in his photos. Kris, that was his name, was trying to be seductive, but that gloom was still perceivable behind his piercing look.  

Damon stopped his scrolling on a photo where Kris was standing against a wall, head slightly tilted on a side, hair covering one of his eyes, an arm raised and bent behind his head. He was wearing a simple white shirt with long sleeves. His golden necklace with a purple heart was visible around his neck. The heart was hidden by the shirt, but he knew it was there because he had seen it.  

Maybe he could contact him and try to talk to him to see if he could help him in some way. He seemed like he needed to talk to someone.  

The next morning he tried to call him. Someone else answered the phone, he didn’t recognize the voice.  

“Hello?”  

“Hello. Is... is this Kris Guštin?” Damon asked.  

“This is his phone, yes, but I’m a police officer.”  

“A police officer? What happened?” He pressed, apprehension in his voice.  

“The guy was arrested yesterday evening. He started a fight in a pub. He was completely wasted, high and drunk.”  

Damon’s eyes opened widely. His face paled. “Is he still at the police station?”  

“Yes. Are you a friend of his?”  

“Kind of, yes.”  

“You can come and take him away, if you want. He won’t be charged, he’s an habitue here.”  

“I-I’m coming.” He quickly replied, then ended the call. An habitue? Drugs and alcohol? Was he so that deeply stuck in his bad situation?  

He immediately went to the police station, without thinking twice about it. Kris was locked in a cell, alone and with handcuffs on his wrists. He looked like a model even in that moment, back laid against the wall, vacant eyes staring in front of him like he was lost in his own world. And that usual gloom in them.  

“Your friend here came for you, Guštin.” Said the police officer.  

The demon turned to look at him and was surprised to see the photographer. He stood up and got closer to the entrance of the cell. The police officer freed him from the handcuffs, then gave him his phone back and let him go with Damon.  

“Thank you.” Whispered Kris once they got out of the police station. He let his phone slip inside one pocket in his trousers, then put his hands in his jacket pockets.  

“I know you don’t know me, but what happened? Is... is everything ok?” Damon was more than worried, Kris could hear the concern in his words.  

“Yes.” he replied. “Everything’s ok.”  

“You used drugs. You drank, a lot. That’s not ok.”  

“I’m fine.” He almost snarled at him, turning his head towards the photographer. “Why did you come, anyway?”  

“I wanted to talk to you.” Damon explained. “You seemed lonely and sad. I was worried.”  

Kris blinked and winced a bit. He was truly worried? His senses weren’t wrong, then.  

“I’m... fine, I told you.”  

“I know you don’t know me.” He repeated then continued. “But I’m here, if you want to talk to me.” The human smiled shyly, yet he could see friendliness in his eyes. He didn’t perceive any lust coming from him.  

“Thanks.” He murmured.  

* * *

In the next weeks Kris kept doing his job as succubus. Almost every day he had at least one new lover, male or female it didn’t matter. His sire chose each new prey for him and he couldn’t refuse.  

But he also started going out with the photographer. He learned his name, Damon. He was a lovely person. He didn’t talk much, however he compensated for it with his presence. His closeness was uncomfortable at the beginning, but after a few times the demon started appreciating it.  

The moments spent with Damon quickly became the most awaited ones for the succubus. He started laughing at his jokes, he talked more, he even shared some bits of his life, obviously he kept them pretty vague. He couldn’t tell him he was a demon. He needed this friendship. He missed being human, having friends to hang out with.  

Kris loved when Damon talked about his job. He could almost physically touch the passion he radiated when explaining his art and his vision.  

“And you saw all of this in me?”  

“Yes. And even more.” Damon nodded, then looked at him. “There’s a whole world behind those sad eyes and I wanted to eternalize them.”  

“A world behind them?”  

“Yes. I see that you are happier since we started hanging out, but there’s always a shadow in them, sometimes it’s nearer, sometimes it’s in the back, but it’s always present, lurking around. There’s something in your life that makes you feel sad, that maybe you’d like to change but for some reason you can’t.” He gently touched one of Kris’s hands.   

The demon was petrified. How...? He read right through him like an open book. Was it because he was an artist? Did artists like him have a different way of seeing life and people?  

“I want you to know that I’m still here for you, if you want to talk about whatever is making you feel this lost.” Damon looked right into his eyes. Kris felt his heart falter.  

He wanted to scream, to say out loud that he didn’t want to be a succubus anymore, that he was tired of being a slave and following every order his sire gave him, that he just wanted to become a human again, go back and not say “yes” to that contract. His mouth opened to speak, but no sounds left it.  

Damon was human. He wouldn’t understand. He would probably think that he was crazy, that drugs and alcohol destroyed his mind and his ability to think with clarity. He was his little happy bubble in between a huge red and black world overruled by pain, suffering and damnation.  

“It’s... complicated, Damon. Too complicated.” He whispered in the end, closing his eyes. A tear ran down his face, but never reached his chin because a gentle touch caught it.  

“When you are ready, Kris.” Damon murmured with a tender voice. “Only when you are ready. I’ll wait, even years, if it’s necessary for you to be comfortable enough to speak about it.”  

Kris startled and sobbed. His heart was hit by an invisible dagger. How could a human soul be so kind? How could two creatures so different like them meet? Damon behaved like a blessed soul from heaven with him, a damned soul transformed into a being of corruption.  

Damon took Kris into his arms and gently stroked his hair. The succubus grabbed his shirt, he was his safety net and he didn’t want to let him go.  

But he had to. His sire called him that evening and he punished him for behaving like a pathetic child with that human. This time he had three lovers, three muscular men. He felt stronger, the energy radiating from them was so delicious and so invigorating that he had to close his eyes because his head was spinning, but they were rough and violent with him. And so went on for seven days.  

Damon saw Kris again a week after their last afternoon together. He appeared in front of his door during a night storm, completely wet and with a tired, distant look in his eyes.  

“Kris, what happened?” He immediately asked.  

“Can-can I come in?” Kris replied, his voice was trembling and his entire figure was shaking. He wrapped his own arms around his body.  

Damon let him in, closing the door behind him, then rushed to get a big towel from the bathroom. He put it around Kris while guiding him to the couch. He sat down next to him.  

“Dear, what happened?” He asked again.  

Kris slowly showed his trembling arm, the interior part of his forearm was filled with small red holes, clearly signs of syringe pricks. His hand was twitching. Damon turned white.   

“Who did this to you?” He pressed, extremely concerned. “You need to go to a hospital, right now, you could have an overd-”  

“I’m fine.” Kris managed to say. “I-I will be. Few hours.”  

Kris moved his arm nearer to his body, but Damon grabbed his wrist with care. “You could die.”  

He shook his head vehemently. “I won’t die. I can’t die. Not like this.”  

“Kris, you are a human being, drugs can kill y-”  

“Stop worrying about me!” he shouted. “I will be fine.” He repeated it like a mantra. If he kept saying these words, they would become true eventually, wouldn’t they?  

He closed his eyes. “P-please, I just need a safe place to stay. You... you are the only person I know here.”   

Damon let him take a shower, a long and hot one. He also lent him some dry clothes and prepared some food for him. Kris ate without saying a word while keeping his eyes low. His hands suffered less spams, the drugs’ effects were dissolving pretty quickly.   

Damon continued observing Kris. The summer storm outside didn’t give any sign of wanting to calm down, in that moment there was a bright lightning and a loud thunder. The thunderbolt lighted up the whole room and Damon noticed a weird shadow around Kris, like he had some sort of wings closed behind his back. He shook his head, he must have been tired to see things that didn’t exist.  

An hour later Kris was sleeping in Damon’s bed, his face was more relaxed. Damon was totally awake on the other side of the bed. He was observing the younger man. He didn’t see anything else weird on him, but he remembered he noticed some weird shadows in some of the pictures he took months ago.   

Damon grabbed his laptop, opened it and searched for those photos. He observed them attentively and he saw something indeed. In some of them the “wings” were barely visible, but they were there. In other pictures he saw weird horns rise from his forehead. In some others there was some sort of tail around Kris.  

They were just shadows or reflections, but those elements were there. Was this possible? Or was it a weird coincidence? Kris didn’t have wings or a tail, or even horns! He turned to look at him while he was sleeping. Should he ask Kris what was that?  

Damon put away his laptop and laid down, turned towards Kris. In the dim light of the room he examined him: he seemed relaxed and peaceful while he was resting, he couldn’t see anything weird on him. Could he really be some supernatural creature? While he kept thinking about this possibility, he slowly drifted off, the tiredness winning on his restless whirl of thoughts. 

[toskadosta]

izvini

Nisam fer a nisam vala i neka

Iznova pravim greske i nestajem na neko vrijeme

Nekad kratko nekad dugo

Pa koga drugog da krivim

Nego samu sebe

Ne znam vise ni sta radim

Ne znam kome da se okrenem

I sta da ti kazem u ovim pjesmama

A nisi zasluzio da odem bez traga

Mada nemam odakle ni otici.

Al vazda imas neki dio mene

Sazet je u tvojim poemama

Znas li da dobijem svaku misao prva?

Znas li koliko se lose osjecam

Sto ne mogu bas da ti pruzim ono sto si zamislio?

Uvijek mi poeme o tebi budu najduze

Hoces li razumjeti da je ova o tebi?

Moram li opet da kucam

Tvoje ime na nekim drugim alfabetima

Ili mozda morsevom kodu

Ili ces procitati i shvatiti o cemu se radi?

Nisam vise ni sigurna da li me citas kao prije

Nabra se ovih mojih rijeci kao pjena u moru

A opet sustina izgleda da nestaje

Hocu da kazem,

Izvini.

Sramota me da to kazem po ko zna koji put

Pa se nadam da ces to vidjeti

Kroz ove malene stihove

O jednom malenom tebi

Negdje daleko od mene

I negdje daleko od moje sramote.

Izvini.

[bojesvemira]

Molitva spasa

Znate bila sam na litici pukotine strune sjetila sam se bake šta bi mi ona rekla, kada stojiš na litici strune svoje potra��i Boga u kući njegovoj. Pa sam za vapajom, za odlukom potražila pomoć, gazeći ulicama grada tog mojega kojeg više i ne poznajem toliko. Uzeh one svijeće žute čiji mi miris uvijek sjeća na ruke njene, ne znam šta ću ne znam kuda ću, razmišljajući o osobi za kojoj me srce vodi a noga mi pokraj pogrešne šeta, srce mi govori da obrnuto nije. Upalim šibicu pa svijeću i izgovorih; “Predajem ti svoju dušu i svoj život u ruke, i odluči, te učini onako kako je za mene najbolje. Ti znaš kome sam ja suđena,molim te, učini da se dogodi dobro, učini da budem srećna. Ne ostavljaj me samu u ovom surovom svetu, potreban mi je neko, potrebna mi je ljubav. Molim te za ljubav, jednu iskrenu, uzajamnu, obostranu,nežnu, večnu, koju samo ti možeš podariti čoveku i ženi da budu jedno. Molim te Sveti Oče, usliši mi ovu molitvu u ime Gospoda Isusa Hrista Sina Tvog, Duha Svetoga i Prisnodeve Marije” Sjedim sa rukama sklopljenim gledam u svijeće kako radosno gore kao da im je prvi, uzimam brojanicu sjetim se očiju njenih, i dođe mi sutra sa zagrljajem čeličnim i tim očima nježnim i pokloni mi ljubav vječnu da straha u grudima nemam. Hvala ti za sve što je došlo i što znam otići neće!

[tisisvestodruganecebit]

Kao inače, svađali smo se zbog gluposti i besmislica.

Tu noć je kiša padala, tako da nismo mogli puno hodati.

Kada je kiša napokon prestala, krenuli smo prošetati, a zatim kući.

Tu smo se posvađali, a nedugo nakon, kiša je krenula ponovo da pada, ovaj put još jače.

Odgurnuo sam je od sebe i tako stajao na kiši.

U par sekundi čitavo tijelo je bilo mokro, zadrhtala je.

Rekao sam joj da mi je život bez nje upravo ovakav, kao kad kisnem - sve je ružno, nemam gdje pobjeći, nema me ko spasiti.

A ona je ta koja ima jedini kišobran na ovom svijetu.

[zadig-fate]

more videos from stožice, the way bojan pointed to his heart during the lines "kad nemam tebe / sa mnom su moji demoni" just made me melt inside