#neg? kinda?

[our-inspire-verse]

Kiba: realizing that microdosing on cbd is helping me hold a front for long, solid periods.

Realizing that I've been rapid-switching and struggling with anxiety, delusion, and other ptsd related symptoms, which is dragging me into a depression and making me unable to be there in ways i would like to be. For myself and others.

Realizing that i had opportunities to stock up. Didn't. And thinking with a headshake at all those times Mitten's hubristic nature made her laugh in the face of gentle waste. "Another hit won't hurt. I know what you're thinking, 'save it!' I tell you, we are living, my love!" She would cackle.

(Bout to be a long ish post. Meant to just check in briefly but i like to talk. )

Tisk tisk. This is why occasionally we tell her no. No, we will not get drinky drink. We are saving money. "It is only 2 dollar!" Yes. I am aware. How many 2 dollar have you spent? How many are we making? When will we make more?

And the quastion circles back, my little feathery feline. When can we start properly dosing on cbd again? Mitten. When will we have more.

Her stupid little cat smile. Silly little masochist. She knows it could be some time. She knows what we are feeling, and sure it could be good to suffer and feel what she so missed: the very low and agonizing sensations of being in pain. We have a perspective that controlled, healthy pain, is very necessary for healing. However: we could simply dose for sleep, for tummy problems, and unsolvable brain scrambles. Meditation could not save us on the porch, or in the office(references to things.) Water, walking, calm and nature cannot always be the only solution. As I've lived for a long time, I've solved on my own. I have fought and clawed and suffocated. All alone.

And Mitten and the others, of course, have always been there, but together we are isolated. But cbd, preferably thc and flower, hopefully one day edibles mostly, have always made us feel closer. More real, together. Louder. Warmer. Clarifies us, makes it so i can hold a front. So a switch does not hurt and feel dizzying. I just wish it did not come at such a harm to very specific parties. I just want to be a comfort and helpful, but things strain, and i am weak in my little dog knees.

I'm so so weak lately and my mind is faltering. Headaches, pretty regularly if i fight too hard against the dying of my light, if i rage against my self loathing and succeed especially, as I've successfully and painlessly done this past year, i falter and fail now. I cannot hold front, none of us can. We cannot see who we are, and even the most formed and solid headmates find themselves half there and floating away and possibly regressed or scared. I do not fear that i am addicted to cbd, i know who i am and how i am processing and what addiction does feel like. I've avoided it with this successfully this far.

My issue is that others may perceive it that way if i reveal what desperation i feel. Truly, it is the mark of a man who found a very helpful, consistent and aquirable remedy, and a man who took his rest from it for health, as well as for proof of his comfort in lifestyle as one who can regulate and self care. It is the mark of someone, long past the promised date of return to the substance, and unable to come back. Unable to ground, or process, or meditate the way i need to be doing to stay stable in an insanely unstable environment. I'd pay a dollar per hit at this point. Give me 1 boof off a boogn. Please.

[onyxedskies]

forcing myself to be productive because in less than two weeks school will be out and i'll be able to rest so i can't take a rest day and ruin the momentum

[inkskinned]

sure i find you in my hair and under my pillow and in the car. but i know in my heart you are picking me out of your teeth. i know i am burning through your sundays, sticking to your ceiling.

i hope i'm in every bitter cup of coffee and every candle wick and every bath. i hope my shadow flickers under your door so the empty hallway i have left behind is a swift dart of nothing more. i hope you find me in notebooks and stop signs and fleetwood mac - like i am marginalia on your life, i want my fingerprints burned into your days like acid.

i loved you, and you know i loved you, and for the rest of your life i will be the person you broke. for the rest of your life i hope the shame of that runs like a cattle dog, bites at your heels. i hope every time your cup is full or the moon is a toenail or a cat is purring or a laugh is in your belly or the sky turns pink while the sun is setting - i hope you remember that someone loved you, and you crushed them in your palms. you extinguished every future i lit. i hope that haunts you.

i hope you never fucking forget it.

[sophfandoms53]

Anyway shout out to Dewey who constantly looked like he was having the worst time of his fucking life in the pitches

Just an 11 year old pissed off at the world it seems😭

[unamusedyams]

thoughts on edgeworth.

[onionninjasstuff]

brought to you by @scatterbrainedbot's tags

[lonelydragoness]

yet another past-midnight scribble

[sleepsucks]

[fakakta-art]

my band au jason todd based on peter steele and type o negative

[maycanady]

tvarchive’s tv appreciation week 2024 day two: favorite male character

MICHAEL C. HALL as DEXTER MORGAN DEXTER (2006 - 2013)

[thesmokinpossum]

If My Body Could Speak, Blythe Baird | The Godfather, Mario Puzo | My Father's House, Sylvia Fraser | To The Daughter Who Secretly Longs For Her Mother’s Affection, Lynne Shako | Storms from Jupiter, Wanda Deglane | DO NOT REPLY, @filmnoirsbian

[bemp0]

Negative man

[stealingyourbones]

Short DPXDC Prompts #1005

the entire town of Amity suffers from lead poisoning (contaminated drinking water. Oddly for them, this also makes them harder to detect via Kryptonian senses.

[sysig]

Rainbows (Patreon)

[the-king-of-lemons]

[rise-my-angel]

"But Rhaenyra was princess of Dragonstone, of course she lived there for years away from the court."

YES, THAT IS THE PROBLEM. DRAGONSTONE IS THE PROBLEM.

Having the seat of Dragonstone be for your heir to the Iron Throne is a terrible idea. It is a distant and very isolating castle on a small island that effectively cuts off its residents from the rest of the world to the point they don't feel attached to the country they intend to rule, and the people do not feel attached to their will be ruler.

Maintaining their original island seat by sending the heir to the Iron Throne there is a bad idea. We saw it with Stannis. He was isolated on Dragonstone for so long that when war was inevitable, Renly was able to charm most of the Stormlands bannermen into his army, when rightfully they should've recognized Stannis. But they didn't. Because Renly was always present in the Stormlands and in Kings Landing, and Stannis was not.

Yes Rhaenyra was just living on an island she had the rights to as the heir, but thats the problem. The heir should not be isolated on a small and inconsequential island for much of their adult life before inheriting the throne. That tradition of the heir being the Prince or Princess of Dragonstone is the problem in the first place. The heir should be required to live in Kings Landing, and attend court as much as possible.

Not live squared away alone and isolated where they will forget the world and the world will forget them.