#neg? kinda?
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Kiba: realizing that microdosing on cbd is helping me hold a front for long, solid periods.
Realizing that I've been rapid-switching and struggling with anxiety, delusion, and other ptsd related symptoms, which is dragging me into a depression and making me unable to be there in ways i would like to be. For myself and others.
Realizing that i had opportunities to stock up. Didn't. And thinking with a headshake at all those times Mitten's hubristic nature made her laugh in the face of gentle waste. "Another hit won't hurt. I know what you're thinking, 'save it!' I tell you, we are living, my love!" She would cackle.
(Bout to be a long ish post. Meant to just check in briefly but i like to talk. )
Tisk tisk. This is why occasionally we tell her no. No, we will not get drinky drink. We are saving money. "It is only 2 dollar!" Yes. I am aware. How many 2 dollar have you spent? How many are we making? When will we make more?
And the quastion circles back, my little feathery feline. When can we start properly dosing on cbd again? Mitten. When will we have more.
Her stupid little cat smile. Silly little masochist. She knows it could be some time. She knows what we are feeling, and sure it could be good to suffer and feel what she so missed: the very low and agonizing sensations of being in pain. We have a perspective that controlled, healthy pain, is very necessary for healing. However: we could simply dose for sleep, for tummy problems, and unsolvable brain scrambles. Meditation could not save us on the porch, or in the office(references to things.) Water, walking, calm and nature cannot always be the only solution. As I've lived for a long time, I've solved on my own. I have fought and clawed and suffocated. All alone.
And Mitten and the others, of course, have always been there, but together we are isolated. But cbd, preferably thc and flower, hopefully one day edibles mostly, have always made us feel closer. More real, together. Louder. Warmer. Clarifies us, makes it so i can hold a front. So a switch does not hurt and feel dizzying. I just wish it did not come at such a harm to very specific parties. I just want to be a comfort and helpful, but things strain, and i am weak in my little dog knees.
I'm so so weak lately and my mind is faltering. Headaches, pretty regularly if i fight too hard against the dying of my light, if i rage against my self loathing and succeed especially, as I've successfully and painlessly done this past year, i falter and fail now. I cannot hold front, none of us can. We cannot see who we are, and even the most formed and solid headmates find themselves half there and floating away and possibly regressed or scared. I do not fear that i am addicted to cbd, i know who i am and how i am processing and what addiction does feel like. I've avoided it with this successfully this far.
My issue is that others may perceive it that way if i reveal what desperation i feel. Truly, it is the mark of a man who found a very helpful, consistent and aquirable remedy, and a man who took his rest from it for health, as well as for proof of his comfort in lifestyle as one who can regulate and self care. It is the mark of someone, long past the promised date of return to the substance, and unable to come back. Unable to ground, or process, or meditate the way i need to be doing to stay stable in an insanely unstable environment. I'd pay a dollar per hit at this point. Give me 1 boof off a boogn. Please.
#im trying to be civilized but literally America's government having the grip on all our throats like it does#is really really making it hard not to react to the trauma a prey animal would feel(i am)#it's bad enough. give me free hormones. give me free high quality weed. give me free food and housing and art supplies.#neg? kinda?#positive. im gonna say pos.#system babbles#kiba#osdd#actually osdd#actually plural#system posting#weed#drugs#tw#cw#idk if that stuff bothers anyone who follows me but yea i do SHMOke and yes its a personality trait ple3ase goed leave me alone#plants not chemicals my ass im a chemist and a gardener I'm dual majored baby. i believe in science and magic bc a true scientist believes#in evidence supplied to him and answers he will never reach. im so smart. someone pleaseeeeeee give me acid i will straight up.#drug me ohhh ny God my brain is too huge
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forcing myself to be productive because in less than two weeks school will be out and i'll be able to rest so i can't take a rest day and ruin the momentum
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How Bill was defeated and captured by Ford in my Gf AU! He basically just tricked Bill into accepting a deal that trapped him within Ford's mind and under his control :]
He may have gotten a little out of hand though....
>:)
Next post :]
#i am on a ROLL these days so have one last comic before I peace out for like another month or so#I KNOW I keep forgetting to draw Ford's sixth finger and I am SORRY alr#something something toxic relationships can lead you to adopt some negative attributes#and behaviors both as a shield to the abuser but also as a sword#Bill pushed Ford too far and Ford pushed back- what can I say?#my art#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#gravity falls au#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#bill cipher#gravity falls bill#billford#<-kinda?? not really??#tw eyestrain#tw scopophobia#tw eye contact#tw graphic violence#HWINEBHABWNAJCAHOWEEATOWEUB AU
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sure i find you in my hair and under my pillow and in the car. but i know in my heart you are picking me out of your teeth. i know i am burning through your sundays, sticking to your ceiling.
i hope i'm in every bitter cup of coffee and every candle wick and every bath. i hope my shadow flickers under your door so the empty hallway i have left behind is a swift dart of nothing more. i hope you find me in notebooks and stop signs and fleetwood mac - like i am marginalia on your life, i want my fingerprints burned into your days like acid.
i loved you, and you know i loved you, and for the rest of your life i will be the person you broke. for the rest of your life i hope the shame of that runs like a cattle dog, bites at your heels. i hope every time your cup is full or the moon is a toenail or a cat is purring or a laugh is in your belly or the sky turns pink while the sun is setting - i hope you remember that someone loved you, and you crushed them in your palms. you extinguished every future i lit. i hope that haunts you.
i hope you never fucking forget it.
#warm up#this is pretty negative idk it's more a creative writing thing#bc im kinda like.#i have mostly kept my mouth shut about stuff but isn't it nice to go apeshit once in a while#i only feel this like 30%#bc im like. well this is a pretty negative way of processing#but it is a step of processing#and sometimes we gotta be like. u ever just want that person to BURN#(good news for those in the BURN stage: it's almost done. ur almost out.)
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Anyway shout out to Dewey who constantly looked like he was having the worst time of his fucking life in the pitches
Just an 11 year old pissed off at the world it seems😭
#insane he ended up being so happy go lucky in canon#like in the art book they talk about the character shift dewey had once ben auditioned#and he made them realize they could take a more comedic approach with him#but initially dewey’s character seemed very negative and irritable#they had the label ‘the bad boy’ of the 3 on him for a bit too#bc of the massive chip on his shoulder and how unsatisfied he was at the time#and tbh you can see bits of that in the pilot#dewey’s character and overall demeanor is very different in the first two eps of s1#i LOVE my boy as the bright impulsive ball of sunshine and danger that he is#but this original pitch of him intrigues me a lot#like i can talk about pitch!dewey for hours bc#kinda feels like wasted potential idk LMAO#bc he didn’t entirely disappear at least in s1 so#just a lot of dewey thoughts#bc that’s my boy🫶#ducktales#ducktales 2017#dewey duck
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yet another past-midnight scribble
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Thinking a bit more about this Steve Has Older Siblings AU I’ve got going on (here, here, and here). Specifically about Richard Harrington’s first wife, and two things:
1. She’s a saint. Theresa Kline (former Harrington) stood by her husband through multiple extramarital affairs but a not-quite-yet nineteen year old mistress with a baby was her breaking point. She bowed out gracefully.
Richard married his mistress and Theresa moved on. She never said a bad word about him to her kids or to anyone. She never spat an insult at the child that ruined her marriage or about her baby boy.
Though, she didn’t have to.
Her kids said enough bad things about Steve and his mom on her behalf to fill a book. They never miss an opportunity to remind Steve that while both their parents were from two of Hawkins’ more influential and wealthy families, his mother was a high school dropout homewrecker and a whore that didn’t love him.
Even after his siblings tried fixing their relationship with him, they all still take shots at his mom. Jason’s favorite analogy seems to be that him and his siblings are ‘purebred’ and Steve is a ‘mutt.’
Or, well. It was until Robin heard it and said, “Pure? Like the Nazi’s ideology?? Yikes.”
2. I realize that this AU does not really contradict anything important in the Officer Noodles (and also here) universe. You’d just have to make Angela Harrington Callahan’s little sister.
#I think there’s another officer noodles post out there but god forbid my blog let me see something I posted#I think Theresa would’ve always been really nice to Steve when there were functions that both families had to attend#but Steve’s parents talked so negatively about her that he was always kinda suspicious#she would send a Christmas gift with the kids for him when they did the holiday with their dad#it was hit or miss if he actually received it#he used to kinda wish she was his mom but then would feel so bad about it that it’s make him feel sick#steve harrington#stranger things#phil callahan#Officer noodles#Steve Has Older Siblings AU
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brought to you by @scatterbrainedbot's tags
#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt#villain pb&j duo#ZACH UR IDEAS MADE ME SO GIDDY#lil guy just spends an hour standing w his hands stuck in the microwave waiting for something fun and explosive to happen#not realizing that THE DOOR IS OPEN#test successful ig??#negative results: our house is still standing#i kinda hate how this brush looks but drawing with it feels amazing#super weird duality
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Every time I see “BuckTommy bones” I know it’s supposed to be negative, but I can’t help but think “umm, yeah they do. They’re boning up a storm over there.”
oh they bone alright
#anon#ask#bucktommy#911#the people saying bt bones as some kinda negative thing is so SAD. get a job kiss a girl do something
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Negative man
#larry trainor#negative man#doom patrol#doom patrol hbo#doom patrol fanart#digital art#fanart#my art#art#i kinda wanna do prints once I finish my doom patrol drawings but I feel like no one would buy them
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my band au jason todd based on peter steele and type o negative
#jason todd#dc#dc comics#batfam#red hood#my art#in my head hes in a band w kori and roy called the outlaws and it kinda has type o negative vibes. bc i love them
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tvarchive’s tv appreciation week 2024 day two: favorite male character
MICHAEL C. HALL as DEXTER MORGAN DEXTER (2006 - 2013)
#tvweek24#dexter morgan#dextermorganedit#michael c. hall#dexter#dexteredit#tvedit#horroredit#my gifs#flashing gif#don't bash nb or os etc on my post pls i will block lol#i don't need that kinda negativity in my life
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If My Body Could Speak, Blythe Baird | The Godfather, Mario Puzo | My Father's House, Sylvia Fraser | To The Daughter Who Secretly Longs For Her Mother’s Affection, Lynne Shako | Storms from Jupiter, Wanda Deglane | DO NOT REPLY, @filmnoirsbian
#connie corleone#carmela corleone#the godfather#web weaving#this is...quite negative towards carmela i guess#so i just want to make it clear that i actually really love her as a character and i actually can understand how she became who she was#she was a woman born in the late 19th century raised not just in a patriarchal society but a CATHOLIC patriarchal society#who therefore grew up learning that she was primarly defined by her relationship to her husband and her capacity to be a 'good wife'#so i totally understand why she would take some type of sick pride in knowing that her husband never 'had' to hit her#but like...that entire part of the book was legit hard to read and Carmela was really not that much better than Vito there#so it's kinda hard for me not side eyed the shit out of her when she blame Connie for being a neglectful mom#like geez Carmela I wonder why your daugther might be struggling I'm sure it has nothing to do with anything you did or refused to do...#i'll say that she did end up being concerned for Connie and trying to help so she definitely deserves some points here#unlike Vito's dumbass who was just like 'it really hurts me to know that my daughter is being hit all the time but i can't do anything :('#'I'll tell her it's all her fault and that she deserves to be hit that will surely help somehow'#Vito really spent the entirety of this book being like 'nothing and I mean NOTHING matters more than blood (conditions very much applies)'#domestic violence mention
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Short DPXDC Prompts #1005
the entire town of Amity suffers from lead poisoning (contaminated drinking water. Oddly for them, this also makes them harder to detect via Kryptonian senses.
#like it kinda makes sense#dpxdc#bones prompts#danny phantom#they're completely fine tho bc its also infused with ectoplasm making them free from-#-negative effects. because hand wavey science. cause that's what i dOOOOooooOOO!
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i feel like y’all don’t fully grasp how fucking FIRE this suit is
#i am LOVING all the negative refs#ALSO I MIGHT BE REACHING BUT ON THE 2ND PIC RIGHT ARM THE WOOD GRAIN KINDA FORMS AN EYE#LIKE WHAT???!?!???#fandom#tpoh#the property of hate#tpoh rgb#rgb tpoh
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