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honeycreammilkshake · 13 days

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"you are me."

i have a lot of thoughts on this whole scene, both shipping and non-shipping ones. the relationship between yuuji and sukuna is honestly the most fascinating and complex one that i have seen in anime, and one of the reasons for that is just how much these two actually understand each other, which i don't think a lot of people realize. yuuji and sukuna see right through each other, more than anyone else does, and i think that's why their bond is far more personal than it seems to be.

yuuji and sukuna are enemies. they hate each other for their opposing ideals and characteristics. yuuji is caring, empathetic, protective, kind, and willing to put his life on the line for both friends and strangers. sukuna is narcissistic, self-absorbed, indifferent to suffering, murderous, unfeeling, and unconcerned with any life other than his own. they seem to be polar opposites in every way, so why would yuuji say something as contradicting as "you are me" to sukuna?

i think it's widely overlooked just how complex yuuji's character is. he's overall a "sweet" person, but he isn't very stable (he has been described by quite a few characters as being a bit "crazy"), he has a high tolerance for disturbing or gory things (he took learning about curses and fighting them very easily), he doesn't question the danger he's been put into (he actually runs headfirst into it), and he can be really violent and vengeful as well.

this is all explored very well in his confrontation with mahito, where he also says "i am to you" to the curse.

why are these scenes so different? mahito and sukuna both killed people yuuji knew and cared about as well as strangers that yuuji would die to protect. shouldn't yuuji be approaching sukuna with the same hate, disgust, and vengeance that he shows to mahito? shouldn't he be lashing out and making sukuna pay for all that he did?

why is he showing his "crazy side" to mahito but not to sukuna?

to give some context to this scene with mahito, the curse wanted yuuji to accept their similarities. and, in the end, yuuji did.

yuuji is acknowledging that he serves as nothing more than a weapon to keep killing the curses of the world, perhaps with no other deeper purpose than that. just like curses only exist to bring misery and prey on humans, yuuji's sole existence at this point is just to act on the orders of sorcerers: to keep eradicating curses and eventually help kill sukuna by dying with him. he doesn't need more meaning or roles than that.

but sukuna doesn't see yuuji as just another cog. he doesn't respect yuuji, true, and he loathes to give the brat any kind of credit. but he knows yuuji is the only one who really, truly cares about sukuna's devastating impact. the death of innocent strangers doesn't affect others quite as much as it does yuuji (even nanami in the vs mahito arc noted how much yuuji cared about the suffering of others).

and many of the other sorcerers are also not as horrified or repulsed by sukuna's actions as yuuji is. in fact, sorcerers and curses alike look up to sukuna. gojo actually seems to respect the king of curse's lifestyle. it feels like yuuji is really the only one to truly despise sukuna for his actions and ideals.

and sukuna knows this. sukuna knows how much the suffering of others gets to yuuji. which is why he gives yuuji such special treatment: he saves a unique brand of torment just for yuuji that he doesn't really give to anyone else.

sukuna intentionally returned control to yuuji's body just for yuuji to witness the massive damage and death that sukuna's domain expansion caused. it killed thousands of people, innocent strangers included.

it led to yuuji breaking down, even wishing for his own death. but yuuji is strong and, deep down, sukuna knows this. yuuji doesn't give up and instead uses his rage to fuel his fight with mahito, where he snaps and shows us his vengeful side. he doesn't need any other reason than mahito being a curse to want to kill him, over and over. that is yuuji's purpose. which seems like an uninteresting and boring one to someone like sukuna.

but for all that sukuna keeps calling yuuji uninteresting and boring, he shows a lot of investment in yuuji's growth and in their fights.

he's even invested enough to show disappointment when yuuji lost to choso. (if he thought yuuji was so weak, why did he seem so bothered by yuuji's loss here?)

and then sukuna looked surprised and curious when choso got hit with some kind of false memory empathetic attack that included yuuji in it. he's having a lot of strong reactions to someone he claims isn't interesting enough for him.

sukuna also loves to aggravate yuuji, somehow knowing how to provoke a strong reaction from him.

there's a lot of interesting things about this scene, one of them being that yuuji refers to sukuna as a "curse" which is technically untrue. sukuna is a sorcerer who used a set of cursed objects to send his soul into the future, but he isn't a curse himself.

but to yuuji, sukuna is nothing more than a curse because he doesn't show any sort of positive traits. sukuna's mindset reflects that of a curse since he only exists to please himself and loves to cultivate the kind of negative emotions curses are born of (fear, hate, jealousy, selfishness, etc).

there's also a clever reference to sukuna being a cannibal through yuuji saying "let's see if you can chew up me and my suffering." yet what we've seen throughout this story is yuuji essentially cannibalizing sukuna by eating his cursed fingers, which he calls the taste really gross. so i wonder... what would yuuji taste like to sukuna?

every human has a unique taste but all of them are fleeting to sukuna. there's no actual meaning or savoring to it. it's just a way for him to pass the time until death.

both yuuji and sukuna are cannibalizing as a form of destruction. but while yuuji is eating the cursed fingers so that he can hold all of sukuna inside of him for them to be exorcised together, sukuna was eating humans simply because he wanted to. he ate whatever he wanted because he was at the top. he is an apex predator with no real rivals or threats. it was for a completely self-absorbed and depraved indulgence while yuuji is giving up his life on this plan to save others.

yuuji and his suffering is the complete antithesis to how sukuna's eating only serves himself. which is very interesting to see when yuuji challenges sukuna to "chew him up." yuuji is proving to be more predator than prey and is far more of a challenge than sukuna wants to admit.

but maybe something about yuuji's resilience does please sukuna? maybe he actually finds worth in yuuji never giving up?

though he still underestimates and discredits yuuji's strength, he actually looks impressed with yuuji and seems even a bit eager to take him on again.

for someone who claims to find yuuji not worth his time, sukuna is showing yuuji far too much special treatment that he doesn't give to anyone else. he even calls yuuji a specific name (kozou) that he doesn't use with anyone else. others are just various offensive terms, but only yuuji seems to have a name just for himself.

sukuna is a really contradicting and complex character, and his relationship with yuuji really shows that.

i've seen a lot of anti-sukuna sentiment after his death, and i understand why a lot of fans hate him and celebrated when he died. however, i think a lot of fans have this somewhat inaccurate view of him being nothing more than a static villain with zero complexities and no chance of any kind of character development.

some of sukuna's most underrated and interesting traits are that he is actually pretty smart (he has an overall plan and is making all the right moves to get there), he's cultured (a poetry snob who hired a chef just to cook him humans instead of eating them raw, and perhaps he even knows more about flowers than he lets on), he shows respect to those he deems worthy and even seeks to learn from them, and he might not actually be the most "evil" person in jjk (which I consider to be kenjaku, but that warrants another post).

overall, sukuna is and has always been more than what he first seems, but a lot of fans don't want to see this or they overlook it.

after sukuna reveals he was an unwanted curse of a child, there was pushback against fans who interpreted this line as sukuna having a tragic backstory that explained his current self.

i understand why these fans don't want sukuna to be a sympathetic villain and i've read posts on how gege writes his villains to be intentionally unsympathetic.

from here (https://x.com/soukatsu_/status/1520796590612566022)

sukuna is the perfect example of a villain that is unsympathetic. he is horrifyingly strong, lives as he pleases, murders people for fun, is a literal cannibal, acts and appears monstrous, and makes our protagonist yuuji suffer over and over again. he represents exactly all the ideals and traits yuuji despises and the two of them are fighting each other because of this.

however, one thing i want to point out is just because sukuna is completely unsympathetic now doesn't mean he couldn't have had an actually tragic past that made him into this.

i believe that sukuna was seen as a curse from his birth on. much like how jogo wanted curses to be the true humans (sukuna calls this jogo essentially wanting to become human) sukuna became purely curse-like to escape being human. whether or not you empathize with him is irrelevant, because after he became the king of curses, sukuna has committed countless irredeemable horrors that even i, as a sukuna fan, don't ever want him to be forgiven or easily justified for doing.

having a tragic past doesn't justify his crimes, it only provides a catalyst for them. it explains why he, who was born human, became more of a curse than some curses are. you don't need to have sympathy for him after that. just like he has no sympathy for those he considers weak and inferior, he has no more reason to be a tragic character.

a lot of people acted like sukuna potentially having a tragic past that turned him into the monster he is now makes him "uncool" or "uncharacteristic" of himself but, to me, it makes his character all the more detailed without changing the fact that he is still purely "evil" and irredeemable.

but does this all make him incapable of character development?

i personally believe that yuuji has been affecting sukuna throughout the whole series, especially in these last few chapters.

i recently came across a post on reddit on why sukuna could never be more than a static villain character. one of the arguments was that gege never intended for sukuna to have any kind of redemption arc.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/Jujutsufolk/comments/16vphxl/sukuna_is_different_from_other_strongest/?rdt=36326)

(now, i couldn't find the original source where this interview came from, and it's not worded very well so i'm thinking it's been quickly translated. and there's always missed meanings and alterations to the original message when translations have been made, especially with japanese. i'm also not sure if the "him" being referred to is mahito or sukuna, but i'm assuming it can apply to both of them.)

this post was made about a year ago, so i assume this interview with gege is also a bit dated now. i think gege is intentionally vague in their interviews because they don't want to reveal too much, but my own interpretation of this post is that gege never intended for sukuna to get any sort of redemption because he is incapable of being redeemed through any kind of love.

and i agree with that. i don't want sukuna to get redemption. what he has done is unforgivable and i don't want him to get off easy for it. but him showing character development is not the same as him getting redemption. and him being affected by love isn't the same as him fully accepting it either.

in these last few chapters, yuuji has offered mercy to sukuna multiple times, despite how even he himself considered it to be a lost cause.

as i wrote earlier, yuuji is the only character who really understands how terrible and curse-like sukuna is. he hates sukuna on this fact alone. yuuji told mahito that his purpose is to kill curses, and sukuna - in the end - is nothing more than just another curse.

so why did yuuji suddenly change all that up and show empathy and genuine concern for sukuna in these last few chapters? why was he trying so hard to convince sukuna that they can co-exist?

one of my sukuita-cult friends (flight-of-death) pointed out that during his fight with yuuji, sukuna explicitly recalled his conversation with kashimo about not needing another person to fulfill him.

while sukuna saying he didn't anyone else to fulfill him was relevant during his discussion with kashimo, it's very interesting that he was remembering his own exact words about it while facing down yuuji, who was making sukuna doubt some of his previous statements.

my friend has convinced me that sukuna and yuuji have found a "reluctant fulfillment" in each other. and i think this is proving to be very much possible.

yuuji was alone most of his life. without wasuke there for him, he could have turned into a ruthless monster like sukuna. yuuji has so much physical and emotional strength, but it was the catalyst of wasuke's death that motivated yuuji to use that strength for good. he might have chosen to be selfish and only concerned with his own wants and needs like sukuna did, but wasuke provided the role yuuji needed to be the selfless person he is now.

i think that yuuji, in all his loneliness, found a kind of closeness to sukuna, even if it was unwanted. and sukuna has definitely been affected by yuuji, too.

as sukuna is dying, megumi finally regains control. he notices how sukuna seems to be scared of death.

sukuna genuinely does look concerned about dying. his mouths are in the shape of a grin but are turned upside down and look more like actual dread. for someone who claimed that eating people was only a way to pass the time until death, sukuna now looks unwilling to die.

i think that this shows that sukuna gained some sort of respect for life, even if it was only in his will to keep living. he does seem to want to keep existing, and it's interesting that it's what yuuji offered him.

yuuji was created by kenjaku to be sukuna's vessel. the sorcerers wanted to use yuuji as a vessel to hunt down all the cursed fingers so that yuuji and sukuna would die together. no matter how you see it, sukuna and yuuji were bound to end up either living or dying together. that is their fate. but now that he has more power in making his own choices, yuuji seems to genuinely want to share the kinder fate with sukuna: to live together. and if you think about it, them coexisting makes a lot of sense.

sukuna has been described as a natural disaster, so how can yuuji have any kind of empathy for something as devastating and unfeeling as an earthquake or a tsunami? in truth, the human race has been coexisting with natural disasters since the beginning - especially japan, which has weathered many terrible calamities. yuuji is a lot like the embodiment of the resilience and strength needed to survive such disasters, so i think he's more than capable of handling a life with sukuna, especially if sukuna is far more subdued.

and sukuna being allowed to live isn't redemption at all. though it would be a form of character development for him, it would still be one of the most selfish things he could do, as it would mean condemning yuuji to an indefinite amount of time with sukuna.

but yuuji seems to want that. he is willingly offering up the rest of his life to sukuna, for them to live together.

personally, i don't consider this to be a form of redemption in any way. he is proving sukuna's mindset wrong, not forgiving him. just accepting his nature and still offering a way to coexist.

i think that by offering this to sukuna, yuuji would essentially become that person that sukuna claims he doesn't need to feel fulfillment. but it's clear to me sukuna wasn't satisfied with his life in the past, since he couldn't offer an explanation to kashimo about why he chose to cross the ages as cursed objects. he is obviously lying or beginning to doubt his own words.

and i think that's why he chose death.

accepting yuuji's mercy, finding that fulfillment sukuna denies needing, would be very un-curselike of him and he can't have that. he would rather be seen as an inhuman monster than something capable of accepting love.

so in the end, sukuna is doing exactly what gege said he would: rejecting love and rejecting anything that makes him less of a curse.

but yuuji isn't easily pushed away. he kept coming back for wasuke and i think that if he really does care that much about sukuna, that if he's wiling to live with him even if no one else accepts it, he won't let sukuna go without more of a fight either.

they can still find fulfilment in each other. they are capable of coexisting. and if sukuna decides to make that change, it doesn't necessarily mean he's completely broken character. and if they don't get to survive together in this lifetime, there's still a good chance for change if they're reincarnated.

#omg this was way too long im so sorry #please forgive me #i just went and put all my thoughts into one oversized rant #that is too incoherent and could be so much shorter #i think i need to stop writing these until i can do it better #tysm for reading it all if you did #i hope it made some sense #please correct me if im wrong with anything #honey posts #sukuna ryomen #ryomen sukuna #itadori yuuji #sukuita #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #meta

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child-of-helios · 4 months

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hello. I've a rather stupid question. I've only read the books once, as a kid, and I don't understand why people hate calpyso x leo. whys it so bad? why does everyone seems to hate it on here?

xxx,

eurydice

First of all, this is my first ever ask, I've made it mother :D Secondly, I'd gladly explain! Though please note that it really has been a good while since I've read the books too, so my memory is kinda foggy :] Warnings for: Slight mentions (but not too much) of rape, pedophilia and mental illness (oh boy this is a tough one)

So, I have made a post abt this before, but it was written in a fit of rage so not my proudest moment (but my most popular post, oops). Anyways, I feel that the hate towards Calypso x Leo is because of a few reasons. 1. It simply didn't get enough development to feel worth it imo. Similar to Jason x Piper, I felt like there wasn't enough there to warrant a canon ship. There is also the fact that personally, I thought that their dynamic was more of a familial or that of siblings, which made me uncomfortable. I would've much rather have them be friends. 2. The uncomfortable age gap. It feels very weird because while yes, Calypso was depicted as a teenager, she is thousands upon thousands of years old. The fact that she fell in love with a literal child is incredibly weird. It was weird enough with Percy, but at least they didn't end up dating. With Leo though, she did end up dating him and the age gap feels very odd. Its even weirder knowing she had a relationship with Odysseus, who by that point was a pretty old dude so she was probably very mature and an adult (though she doesn't act like it). 3. Calypso is kinda a rapist. In the Odyssey myth, she forces Odysseus (a married man) to sleep with her. I'm sorry, but I can't support any relationship involving a rapist unless its rapist x prison cell. It makes me uncomfortable because she could very well take advantage of Leo, a mentally ill teenager with self-esteem issues. 4. Her toxic treatment of Leo. Calypso was very pissed when Leo arrived on her island, rightfully so after what she had gone through, but even then her treatment of his was outright cruel, especially compared to that of Percy and Odysseus. She made him sleep outside, exposing him to the elements after he got flung through the air and ended up on her island, which must've caused some damage. Then after they started dating, I still felt uncomfortable reading about the two, because their dynamic just didn't work, and I don't recall her apologizing to him for her treatment of him. 5. Leo's arc was thrown away. I think the worst of all, is how this impacted Leo's character. He should've had an arc where he learnt to love himself, but because of Calypso he didn't. I think the moral was supposed to be: 'even if you're mentally ill or have problems, you still deserve love!' but it came over more as: 'ignore your issues and get all your love from someone else.' Isn't it more important for kids to learn about self-love? And as an extra: what could've been. I think that Leo shouldn't have gone back for Calypso, that that ship shouldn't have happened. I prefer him going back to Echo and them learning about self-love together as buddies (and maybe evolving into more than that). Echo was stuck in an abusive relationship with the Narcissist, so I think it would a good arc for them both. I also think that if you really wanted a romance, Jason x Leo would've been much better. We know that Rick can write good gay romances, we know that Piper turns out to be a lesbian, so why not make Jason and Leo gay? I think it would add much more to the tragedy of Jason's death, but that's for another post (and this one is getting too long already oops). In conclusion, I think Caleo is bad for many reasons, but especially because it didn't have enough time to develop and the dynamic was simply too creepy for me to get invested in. Sorry for the super long post- Have a lovely day :D

#pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #leo valdez #heroes of olympus #hoo #percy jackson #anti calypso #anti caleo #calypso #rick riordan #jason grace #leo x jason #odysseus #the odyssey

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shadowserenity28 · 11 months

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Obey Me boys as dads

I won’t be doing Luke for obvious reasons and I won’t do Raphael and Mephistopheles either because I don’t really know them. Anyways, here are my headcanons on what the Obey Me boys would realistically be like as dads. No sugarcoating, no idealism, no fangirling, though other headcanons I have about them will come into play. I will theorize about what they would be like as dads based on their personality and relationships to each other. So without further ado, let’s begin:

warning: slight spoilers for Simeon

Lucifer

With Lucifer, it is pretty easy to imagine what he would be like as a father given he acts like a father towards his brothers. And in all honesty, he is downright abusive. His go-to method of punishment is hanging his brothers from the ceiling or threatening them to do horrible things to them like feeding them to Cerberus. Not to mention that, given he is the Avatar of Pride, he can’t admit he’s wrong.

If he had a child, Lucifer would treat them no different than his brothers, given he basically raised them, too. I do believe he would be able to teach his child well, but not without giving it mental health issues. He would give physical affection such as cuddles and kisses, and I do believe he would love his child like he loves his brothers. However, the child wouldn’t actually feel loved because he’s always being so harsh on it.

Mammon

Mammon would be a decent dad, though he would definitely teach the child how to steal. Given he is the punching bag of the family and gets the most shit from Lucifer, he would do everything in his power to protect his child from that treatment. I do think he would spoil his child with gifts and spend time with it by playing with them. He would also teach him all kinds of gambling games and take them to casinos once they’re old enough.

However, Mammon would be oblivious to obvious dangers for a child and underestimate a child’s stupidity. He’s the type to let the kid run over the kitchen counter and not think of the possibility it might fall, but he would also learn whenever his behavior was pointed out because he really wants to keep his child safe.

Leviathan

Leviathan would raise his child to be an otaku. He will teach it all about the Tale of the Seven Lords and all his favorite anime. He would be more of a buddy dad, not really good at teaching him life lessons because he can barely get his own shit together. If his child displays any interests he doesn’t share, he would find it difficult to engage in their hobby. He would probably self-loathe, thinking his child doesn’t love him or that he’s a terrible father.

Generally, he would constantly question his abilities as a father and spends many nights crying that he’s not good enough. But his child would genuinely feel loved, they might think their father is wimpy, but would never think of him as a bad father.

Satan

Satan would really struggle not lashing out at his child every five seconds. He’s the type of dad to get irritated whenever the kid asks for his help. He did not prepare for having to give his child 99% of his attention and gets frustrated that he can’t do the things that calm him down, like reading and petting cats. That causes him to lash out at his child more than necessary, which in turn makes the child fear their own father.

However, I can imagine that he becomes a better dad over time and bonds with his child by reading to them and taking them out to cat cafés. Still, he’s the Avatar of Wrath, and those anger issues don’t just go away.

Asmodeus

Surprisingly, Asmodeus would be a great dad. I imagine him being very fond of children. He loves their innocence and wants to protect it at all costs. While he is called narcissistic by the game itself, he isn’t actually narcissistic. He’s vain and openly loves himself, but that’s not the same as being a narcissist. Asmodeus is capable of loving others, such as his brothers, Solomon and MC.

Asmodeus would shower his children with affection and will never miss a chance to tell them how much he loves them with hugs and kisses. Also he would definitely have the most children because… lust. I don’t think he would play favorites, he would try to treat them all equally. He would not accept self-loathing, he wouldn’t want any of his children to suffer any kind of depression or body dysmorphia as he’s been through that himself. He would strictly keep his sin away from them, though once they reach the age he would be the best out of all the brothers to have the birds and the bees talk.

Beelzebub

Beel would also be a wonderful dad. He would definitely make sure his child is well-fed and exercise with them as soon as they can. He would constantly look out for his child, his biggest fear being something happening to it. He would definitely have some war flashbacks, thinking about how he failed to protect Lillith and desperately wants to make sure he doesn’t repeat his mistake.

Beel would also make sure to attend every game or school event his child has. He wouldn’t even let his gluttony control him enough to miss that.

Belphegor

Honestly, I think Belphie would lowkey not want any children. To him they’re a hassle and too much work for the Avatar of Sloth. If he did end up having a child, he wouldn’t be doing any of the hard work. No changing diapers or feeding them, and gosh someone get them to shut up so he can sleep. He’ll probably get earmuffs so he doesn’t have to listen to the screaming.

Belphie would spend time with his child when he’s in the mood, mostly teaching it mischief to annoy Lucifer. He would also come to enjoy napping with the child once he realizes they sleep well when he’s with them.

Diavolo

Diavolo is the chaotic, but often absent dad given he’s the future king of the Devildom. He wouldn’t have much time for his child because of his duties, so the child would mostly grow up with nannies. However, whenever Diavolo has time, he will use it to give his child the best time possible. He would take it to all kinds of amusement parks, fun fairs and other events and give them all the toys they want as a way to make up for his lack of presence.

Diavolo would also be pretty irresponsible, like Mammon he would underestimate the dangers certain activities pose for a child. but unlike Mammon, he wouldn’t learn from his mistakes, thinking it’s fine as long as nothing happens. And even if something happens, he would be like “Welp, better be careful next time” instead of not letting a next time happen.

Barbatos

Barbatos would be an emotionally distanced dad. He would not be absent, in fact he would carry his child around everywhere because he believes nobody could look out better for his child than himself. Given he’s a timelord, he would also want to monitor them in case they inherited his power, so that they don’t tear apart time and space.

Given his stoic personality, he wouldn’t be good with showing his emotions and showing how much he loves his child. However, he shows them by baking with them, letting him help with his chores and teaching them. His punishments are harsh, but not as over the top as Lucifer’s and he would never even threaten to hurt his child.

Simeon

Simeon is basically a dad to Luke already, though I don’t think either of them think of it that way. Unsurprisingly, he’s the religious dad, and there’s a chance he unintentionally gives his child the same religious trauma he suffers from himself. He’s a good but strict teacher, seeing how he lets Luke find answers to certain questions, which I believe is a good approach to teach independence and problem solving skills. He’s the type who helps his child through emotional turmoil through rational solutions, trying to teach them the “proper�� way he himself has strayed from, and he paid the price.

Simeon was demoted from a seraph to an archangel for defending the brothers during the Great Celestial War, and later to a human for stealing the Ring of Light. He believes he has strayed from the right path and wants to set things right by making sure the same doesn’t happen to his child, but in the process of doing that he unintentionally gives them religious trauma, which might cause them to fall from grace even harder than himself.

Solomon

Don’t give this man a child. The child would probably die of food poisoning before it can walk.

If you'd like to see this for twisted wonderland or enstars, let me know.

#obey me #obey me headcanons #headcanon #obey me solomon #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #dad headcanons #obey me shall we date #obey me nightbringer #obey me fanfic

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hauntedselves · 10 months

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Clinical Formulations of Narcissistic PD

Clinical formulations and case conceptualisations are introduced in this post.

These are all generalisations and theories of how NPD develops, not something that is supposed to be true for everyone with NPD.

Psychodynamic model

Freud suggests parents either overvaluing or neglecting (or both) a child can lead to NPD & especially inability to form healthy, lasting relationships and regulate self-esteem

"In other words, [NPD] is the outcome of insufficient gratification of the normal narcissistic needs of infancy and childhood."

Kohut theorises that narcissists' ability to form a cohesive sense of self and others was developmentally arrested in childhood, resulting in grandiosity & idealising others

"Narcissistic injury" = fragmentation of the self

Kernberg suggests grandiosity & exploitation result from maternal emotional abuse

Grandiosity is an "emotional escape valve"

Grandiosity & entitlement mask the "real self" that is "split off"

The real self unconsciously holds rage, fear, envy, deprivation

Defensive structure is same as BPD but difference is grandiosity

Biosocial model

NPD is primarily the result of environment, especially "parental indulgence and overvaluation, learned exploitive behavior, and only-child status"

Special treatment from caregivers leads children to believe that the "world revolves around them", and therefore they expect the same outside the home

When special treatment outside the home doesn't happen, they "experiment with demanding and exploitive tactics and subsequently develop considerable skill in manipulating others"

"At the same time they come to believe that most others are inferior, weak, and exploitable."

NPD is self-perpetuating through sense of superiority, lack of self control, sense of entitlement, and dismissing of those who reject their world / self-view

Cognitive-Behavioural model

Key feature of NPD is self-aggrandisement

Core beliefs:

> Deserving of special treatment

> Not bound by social norms and rules

Conditional beliefs:

> Others should be punished for not recognising their specialness

> To maintain that special status others should be subservient to them

Instrumental belief:

> Always strive to demonstrate their superiority

> See themselves as special, superior, entitled to special favors and treatment, and vulnerable to loss of status

> View others as inferior but potential admirers

Main pattern of behaviour is "seeking prestige, power, position, and wealth as a way of reinforcing their image of superiority", using "manipulation and guile" if necessary

The primary schema is superior & special (/ entitlement & grandiosity)

> Superior schema "shaped by flattery, indulgence, and favoritism"

> Special schema shaped by "rejection, limitations, exclusion, or deficits"

> Common denominator is the belief that the individual is different in some way

Three subtypes:

> Self-centered impulsive type

> Ruthless impression-management type

> Acceptance-oriented impression-management type

> Each type is centred around an impulse control deficit developed in childhood

> "Specifically, these individuals learned to seek reinforcers without having to work for them. This resulted in their development as self-indulgent, egocentric, and impulsive individuals."

> Ruthless & Acceptance-oriented types focus on creating favourable impressions with others, but struggle with long-lasting healthy relationships because of their empathy deficits

Interpersonal model

People with NPD were raised in an environment of "selfless not contingent" love, leading to insensitivity to others' needs

The caregiver was over-adoring, but there was also a constant threat of a "fall from grace", with pressure to be the perfect child

The constant overbearing love means that any criticism or disappointment hits very hard

"In short, there is extreme vulnerability to criticism or being ignored, together with a strong wish for love, support, and admiration from others. Noncontingent love and presumptive control of others is expected and even demanded. If support is withdrawn, or lack of perfection is evident, the self-concept degrades into severe self-criticism."

Integrative model

People with NPD are hypersensitive

Seen as exceptional children, leading to pressure to perform

As children likely had highly developed speech and interpersonal skills

Life purpose: "I’m special and unique, and I am entitled to extraordinary rights and privileges whether I have earned them or not."

World-view: "Life is a banquet table to be sampled at will. People owe me admiration and privilege."

Goal: "Therefore, I’ll expect and demand this specialness."

Defense mechanisms: rationalisation and projective identification

Parental injunction: "Grow up and be wonderful—for me."

"The illusion of specialness, disdain for others’ views, and a sense of entitlement lead to an underdeveloped sense of social interest and responsibility. This, in turn, leads to increased self-absorption and confirmation of narcissistic beliefs."

- From Sperry, Handbook of Diagnosis and Treatment of DSM-5 Personality Disorders (2016)

#len sperry #handbook of diagnosis and treatment of dsm 5 personality disorders #personality disorder concepts #case conceptualisations #clinical formulations #pd info #npd #npd info #dogpost

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galene-gothic · 11 months

Text

𝖠𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗇𝖾𝗑𝗍 𝗈𝗋 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝗂𝖿𝗂𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗇𝖾𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗ PAID SERVICES

︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱

Your current or next significant connection is going to be a situationship, I wanted to read only relationships but this situationship came through very strongly so I’m just going to interpret this for you. They’re someone who feeds off of social and romantic attention with no intention of committing. They’re someone who’s mean and only cares about themself. They lack self awareness. They’re someone who feels like everyone blames them unfairly, this is funny because they’ll be the one victim blaming and gaslighting you. If you have a narcissistic mother or an unhealthy relationship with your mother, this person is going to be similar to your mother, even if you do not realise it when you’re with them, after things end, you’ll notice similarities. They’re a know-it-all and act like they’re all that but in reality, they are crippling with insecurities. They’ll not be focused on you and they’ll be giving you just enough to keep you in their life (probably just empty promises or a few sweet moments here and there). I hate to say this like this but this frustrates me. This person clearly doesn’t deserve you, they won’t even be able to fulfil your basic needs. ‘Vampire’ by Olivia Rodrigo is how this situation is going to turn out for you. I’m not even sure as to why you’ll be sticking with them, they’ll literally put in no effort and show no passion. They’ll be possessive and territorial over you.

However, they’ll not treat you right because they’ll not find you good enough to commit to. Also, you’ll be letting a lot slide so they’ll continue mistreating you because you keep on allowing it. They’ll be really critical of you and take a lot from you, completely drain you out but won’t give you even the slightest amount of respect. They’ll be bread-crumbing you, giving you just enough attention and appreciation to not lose you completely but will never give you what you deserve and require. You’ll convince yourself that you’re satisfied because of the affection and attachment that you’ll feel towards them. This is so major, they’ll teach you enough common sense, discernment and self respect to never let someone like them into your life again. They’ll be someone really arrogant and a show-off. At some point, you’ll literally feel abused (could be anything emotionally, physically, mentally). They’ll say something and treat you as if you’re an object and not a person at all. They’ll act very selfishly and make everything about themself. You’ll be forced to leave people behind, your social life will be dying and you’ll be going through a really lonely time, they’ll make you feel really shitty. You’ll have forgiven them many times already by then but they’ll still be leaving you in a position where you have to watch everything you say just so you can avoid fights.

You’ll start feeling a lot of guilt towards yourself for putting up with such poor treatment. You’ll start regretting them. They’ll start feeling like a bag of stress to you and you’ll see the opportunity to move on without regrets and you’ll take it. A lot of uncertainty is going to be involved in the situation but you’ll choose your integrity and feelings above that person so you’ll feel like it’s only fair if you get away. Your nervous system and mental state will be all over the place at that time so the fact that you’re choosing yourself is very admirable. You’ll think that it’s just ‘cause and effect’, they treated you like shit so you walked away. They’ll treat you so bad that you’ll feel like you can basically survive anything. After leaving them behind, you’ll feel like you’re already over the worst. You’ll learn a lot of life lessons from the situation. Things will collapse completely but you’ll be left with a chance to build something completely new. The way you’ll remember them is “I survived them”. This connection will be very important as you’ll stop wanting to involved in such situations. Due to how they’ll treat you, you will also be kind of defensive at times (when involved with them) but you’ll always apologise when you feel like you’ve done something wrong and try to make things better but they won’t have it in them to do the same thing. You’ll be very understanding with them and will try to be there for them through hardships but they’ll be nowhere to be found when you need them. You’ll learn and grow from this, take care and all love.

︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱

Your next partner is someone who’s patient, practical and responsible. They’re also someone who really values loyalty. They’re ambitious and persistent. They’re someone who works hard and likely has a strict routine. They’re very reliable but yeah once they get angry, it’s a bit of a show. They’re very stubborn too. They have a lot of responsibilities and stress in their life though. They work very hard and push themself to the limits. They can be over ambitious and burn themself out though. They take a lot onto themself and work under a lot of pressure. They’re also very serious about their goals. They’ll be very intentional in regards to you, they’ll be focused on you, there’s something about you that just inspires them and hypes them up. They’ll be determined to overcome any obstacles when it comes to you, they’ll be willing to work hard for your relationship. They’ll see how desirable you are and they’ll express it to you, they’ll make you feel like the most desirable person on earth. They’ll understand your thirst for knowledge, for experiences and they’ll think that you’re something on a different level. They’ll be interested in figuring out the deepest parts of you, in uncovering your deepest fears and darkest secrets. They’ll be truly tender with you and that’s exactly what you’ll want, someone who is willing to listen to you and take care of you. They’ll be affectionate and will try to be there for you. They’ll write love letters for you and send you romantic messages. They’ll be sensitive to your needs and kinda treat you like a kid. They’ll also act kind of childish and playful around you. They’ll have a very big crush on you.

Also, it will be very difficult for them to contain it. They’re going to admire your beauty and you’ll be able to catch them all flustered. Like the energy will just speak volumes about how they feel towards you. There will be an electric current between the both of you and also a strong psychic connection/ communication. The moment they’ll enter a room, they’ll look around for you. They’ll treat you the way an admirer treats one he or she admires. The dynamic between the both of you will include a lot of stimulation but you won’t be able to give up the craving for more. You’ll feel so passionate and excited regarding each other. You’ll act really youthful and childlike with one another. You’ll be fearless which will lead to you being reckless. You’ll also be really childlike with one another. Before the both of you even date, there’ll be a lot of impatience surrounding the situation for the both of you. You will just want to rush into things and most of you are going to do it. This relationship is going to interrupt with your plans. There’s something about the both of you being a power couple but still very incompatible. The chemistry between the both of you is going to fog your incompatibility though, you’ll still compliment each other regardless of your incompatibility. You’ll make bad decisions in this relationship but through each other, you’ll find different passions. You’ll learn more about yourselves. You’ll be loyal to them but you’re going to act obsessed with them. You’ll also let your mental health get the best of you. You’re going to be quite secretive about a lot regarding yourself and it could prove to be a setback in some way.

You won’t even be able to resist them though and it’ll be the same way with them, but you could end up using their irresistibility towards you against them if you aren’t careful. Frankly, you could end up acting really manipulative towards them. There might be something about them that will trigger you and you’ll hate-love them. You will meet them at a time where you’re processing a lot of anger and resentment or they’ll just make you tick off for some reason. They’ll feel like there’s a lot of trouble between the both of you. The way you’ll be acting will cause them to start thinking negatively because you’ll just shatter their dreams of you. They’ll feel like they have to make a decision concerning you because they will be feeling really dissatisfied and sad. For some of you, you’re going to be able to work it out and have a good long term relationship. For the rest of you, this relationship is going to take you one step closer to your ultimate love by shedding light into parts of you that need healing. You’ll start trying to manage life better after things end, you’ll start getting things that you want too, one at a time. From the relationship, you’ll learn about the importance of not being too aloof, having integrity and some of you will learn that rumours can ruin people’s lives (you’ll probably be involved in rumours if this is the case). You’ll learn that playing stupid games wins you stupid prizes. You’ll also learn that overindulgence is not good. You might also realise that you don’t really have true friends. You’ll learn how to be more mature and loving. You’ll start coming in terms with your sensitivity and kindness. You could end up being too loving though, make sure not to become a people pleaser, alright? Take care !!

︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱

Your next significant partner is someone who is very passionate about, they’re someone who tries to expand their potential. They are someone who truly believes in themself and gives their best. They have a lot of ideas, to the point they find them overwhelming even. They have a lot of potential for really great things. They’re someone who’s had important breakthroughs in life and are into self improvement. They’re taking action and are optimistic right now. Their past is still negatively affecting them though. They’re someone who is pretty secretive too. They’re still stuck in unhealthy cycles. This is very conflicting, they have strong personal values or are developing them but they weren’t the best person the past. They are also very realistic but still so delusional? They feel trapped by a missed opportunity of some sort. They’re still emotionally immature and possibly even depressed. They can be someone very resentful because of their tendency to obsess. They overlook what’s obvious in order to believe the little stories in their head when it comes to love. They’re very realistic regarding everything else though. They’re still very naive and can be very gullible to love bombing, they’ve possibly fallen victim to it before. They’re manipulative and really lonely. They lack proper communication skills. The relationship between the both of you is going to require really big effort of one of your part.

I’m sorry but this person could still not be over their past relationship or something like that. This relationship is not going to be long term. Despite, how qualified you might be for them, they won’t be noticing your greatness. You’re someone who pretends to be happy even if you’re not and that’s exactly what you’ll be doing when you’re with them. It will start off exciting for you but you’ll start feeling like you deserve better as you continue to be with them, somehow, your self esteem will be so low that you will feel like no one else would want you though. You’ll be feeling quite oppressed in that relationship. They will probably downplay the things that you say to them, etc. That relationship will be extremely stressful. You’ll also start feeling quite passive aggressive towards them. I’ve heard something like “women aren’t crazy, they’re driven to it”, you don’t have to be a woman but it could apply to you during and after this relationship. You’ll be too scared of having difficult conversations here. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is just a situationship as well. You’ll feel stagnant and stuck in the situation. They’ll act like things will inevitably come to an end but they won’t be ending it properly. It’ll be obvious that they’re still emotionally attached to their past. They’ll be avoiding ending things but they won’t be treating you right either. They’ll treat you like you’re a burden.

They’ll act like you disappoint them with everything that you do. They’ll treat you as if they are settling for you. You need to be very careful here because they’ll be lacking self awareness and emotional maturity. They’ll just act like things are hopeless and like you’re not all that important. At the beginning though, they’ll be trying to act as if they’re happy. They’ll be angry at you for some reason but it won’t have much if anything at all to do with you. You’ll learn how to pay attention to details because of this connection. You’ll learn how to use your intellect against people to be honest (probably unintentionally). Before entering a relationship with them or getting involved with them, you’re someone who has little to no fear of changes. Someone who knows how to take changes for the best or for the worst, someone who knows how to leave the old things behind. You’re also someone very quick to change perspective though. After your relationship or connection with them, you’ll become someone really successful, generous and strong willed. You’ll become someone who’s more free with expression of anything (including affection) but knows how to be harsh when things come down to it. You’ll gain some sort of an enlightenment. You’ll become someone indecisive though, and someone who prioritises having friends and lovers who treasure you and are on the same level when it comes to character. All the best and take care 🩵.

#intuitive readings #pick a card #astro notes #pick a photo #pick a deck #pick a picture #pick a gif #astrovations #astrology #pac #pac reading #tarot pac #astro observations #tarot pick a card

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theerurishipper · 11 months

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Just saw a post that said Adrien is a love bomber... are we really throwing buzzwords around for the sake of salting on Adrien, the abuse victim? Love bombing is an emotional manipulation tactic, and it is usually paired with the cycle of abuse. Adrien is not abusive. He is not emotionally manipulating Marinette. He is showing her affection. I guess we're demonizing showing our loved ones any sort of affection now...

Yeah fr, people will throw around all kinds of words istg. This is the definition of love bombing:

Love bombing is a tactic in which someone “bombs” you with extreme displays of attention and affection with the intent to manipulate you. Although being showered with "love" can seem positive at the beginning of a romantic relationship, love bombing can lead to gaslighting and abuse. Psychologists caution it might be a tactic used by a narcissist or sociopath in an attempt to control you.

Anyways, Adrien doesn't do this. In fact, this is what Gabriel does to Adrien. From this article:

In a relationship with a pathological predator, love bombing is combined with intermittent reinforcement to create a sense of instability and longing in the victim. Intermittent reinforcement (in the context of psychological abuse) is a pattern of cruel, callous treatment mixed in with periodic affection. The abuser hands out rewards such as affection, a compliment, or gifts sporadically and unpredictably throughout the abuse cycle. This causes the victim to perpetually seek their approval while settling for the crumbs of their occasional positive behavior.

This is exactly what Gabriel does. Whenever it seems like Adrien is rebelling against him because he is tired of Gabriel's neglect, Gabriel will offer him a little concession. Adrien is rebelling against him? Fine, let him go to school. In this way, Adrien doesn't rebel against his father anymore, and Gabriel can keep him under his control, because now Adrien will continue to believe the best of his father and will continue to try and earn his love. Another example is in Gorizilla. Adrien gets tired of Gabriel stopping him from seeing his mother's movie, and sneaks out. Later, Gabriel allows him to watch the movie, and throws in a little bit of gaslighting in there, essentially blaming Adrien for not being open with him and making him feel guilty, when it's his own fault his son didn't open up to him, which is because he's a neglectful asshat.

This is Gabriel and Adrien's relationship. Adrien stays with his father and tries so hard to please him, because Gabriel has instilled in him that love is something conditional that is to be earned. And whenever it seems like Adrien is breaking away from this mentality, Gabriel will do something "nice" for him, which will bring Adrien right back, because he's an abused child who wants to believe the best of his father and wants his love and affection.

Again, to quote the article:

As author Adylen Birch writes, “Creating fear of losing the relationship and then relieving it periodically with episodes of love and attention is the perfect manipulation.” Much like the way a gambler at a slot machine becomes addicted to playing the game for a potential win despite the risk of major loss, a victim in the abuse cycle can become attached to the idea of getting a return on their investment in the relationship despite the toll it takes on their well-being.

There's actually an example of this in the show. From Illusion:

Adrien: Speaking of which, Dad, I'm not really comfortable with having my face on all these rings. That's actually why I didn't want to be a model anymore, to avoid that. Do you understand? Gabriel: Of course, I understand, my son. But that's the point; it's just an image, it's not you! And since this image frees you from your obligations, we, the Agrestes, are able to spend more time together. But if you'd rather everything went back to the way it was before, just say the word. Adrien: (wears the Alliance ring on his index finger) You're probably right.

Gabriel even explicitly says what he's doing, which is holding the threat of going back to their previous relationship over his son's head to emotionally manipulate him. To refer back to the article, he creates the fear of losing the relationship in Adrien, and then makes a big deal of showing that he cares so much about Adrien and his future, and he makes him breakfast. This is love-bombing. And so, Adrien goes along with whatever Gabriel wants as long as he doesn't lose it. And so, he continues to do what Gabriel wants, which is to accept the Alliance rings and his image being used in ways he doesn't want. And true enough, Adrien goes back to defending his father after he finally worked up the courage to confront him for his shit in the beginning.

Adrien: My father? But Nino, he's changed, he's making an effort, and it's the first time he's coming to school!

I could go on, and there are several examples of this in the show, but then we'd be here forever. But I highly recommend that article. I just read it, and it is literally Gabriel and Adrien, oh my god. It's very informative and I think we should all be aware of this.

But anyways, back to your question anon (sorry for the tangent). Adrien doesn't love bomb. Adrien is just very affectionate. He doesn't withdraw affection from anyone, he doesn't make them settle for scraps. He doesn't try to manipulate anyone, he doesn't gaslight anyone, he doesn't try to make them seek his approval. Adrien is always kind and loving towards everybody he cares for.

In fact, Adrien does the exact opposite. He fawns over others, and he tries to earn their love and approval. This is because of Gabriel's abuse. And to accuse him of love bombing is so disgusting. Honestly, people just throw those words around like candy. But then again, I've seen what the side of the fandom that might have said this usually says, and it's usually the same victim-blamey abuse apologist rhetoric, so I'm not even surprised.

Thank you for your ask!

#MLB #Miraculous Ladybug #Adrien Agreste #Chat Noir #Gabriel Agreste #Meta #My meta #Asks #ML Fandom Salt #Abuse tw #Abuse cw

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ria-ragdoll · 11 months

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small things

small things that they do

cw: mentions of narcissism & the red flags of them

feat; bsd characters. (ada ver.)

nakajima atsushi.

dear darling over here will show his love to you through the little things, like simply asking if you're okay or if you need a hug. usually most of the time when he asks if you want any sort of affection, it's his silent way of saying that he wants your affection as he's just too shy at times to voice his love to you. but at times he will get enough courage to say that he loves you, but with him it's like sharing a secret in the dark night, where it's simply just the two of you and sappy feelings that make his heart jump in excitement. sometimes he'll even crack a joke if he feels up to it, sweet boy thrives off of seeing that people feel better because of him. he wants to see just how much he can do to help others, even in the expense of his own happiness, so as long as you're with him and happy, he wouldn't need anything else in the world. atsushi is hurt, causing him to be needy and clingy, he'll stick around you for a while but then suddenly distance himself, not wanting to be a nuisance. it's an annoying process, but it's a way that shows that he cares and loves, even if it's manipulative in a way. he'd do anything for you to the point of leaving you if it made you happier. so if you show your love to him in a faint way, a faint touch or simply just a smile, it's going to remind him that he's doing the right thing, and that he's doing good. atsushi is simple but sweet, a true romantic at heart, some flaws too, poor boy is trying his best. but, atsushi would do anything for you, you're truly the only thing that matters to him

dazai osamu.

dazai is a very narcissistic person, manipulating others for his own gain, it's in his port mafia black blood. but he's been trying to better himself, ever since he was given the chance to abandon the port mafia for a better life. the love he tries to show you is like being vulnerable with someone who won't criticize you for it, it feels good, maybe even a little forbidden at some times, but you enjoy it. dazai will whisper sweet nothings in your ear as you pass each other during work, he'll annoy you as you work, but it's his way of showing love, very tough love. there will be scarce touches throughout the day, sometimes even risque ones, another way of his love. but there will be times where in the comfort of your home will his heart be shown barren to you, blood, guts and all the other crap he has piled on him. he'll wear less layers as your relationship progresses, leaving him in his striped blouse and khakis and less bandages. it might not seem like much, but it's like walking around naked, you'd have to be comfortable to do that, it's a silent way for dazai to show that he trusts you. his way of love is truly silent, it might seem like he would scream out to the world that he loves you, but he also loves you enough to say it to the person who matters, the person who gave a faint reason to live in his dull life.

edogawa ranpo.

ranpo is obviously very clingy and high maintenance from first impressions, believing that just because he's smarter than everyone else he then deserves special treatment. he's very narcissistic in his own way as well, but it's mainly unintentional, he lacks the normal amount of care and love he should have been given. that then causes his over clinginess and over exaggerated personality, he lacks attention and he found that being like that then gave him the attention he looked for. he's not above becoming better either, it's how he's grown up and still has that child like mentality, but there are times when he's truly vulnerable and acts like his age. when he puts on his childish front, he'll cling to you as if you're the thing keeping him tethered to the world, maybe even share a snack if he deems that you're deserving of it. he'll drag you away from your work, so days like these are never productive, even when you whine and beg for him to let you go he won't listen at all, throw some praise in the mix and he might think about it, only if you promise to praise him more. but then during the times of solitude when it's just the two of you alone, no longer in the agency for the day, he becomes silent, quietly doing things and staring blankly at walls or even his snacks. the atmosphere of being around others fuels him, causing his loud and childish nature, but the moment he's alone he then acts his age. he'll actually be more bold as well, telling you softly to not go when you're about to go grab something from the kitchen. it's almost like he's in a state of depression, but it's just how he truly is, silent and soft. it's like watching the sunset with the person you love most, it's a soft moment, sometimes even useless to some, but in the end it's a sense of vulnerability where you share secrets without any words. his true love is like that, quietly looking out for you, using his insight to subtly help you. love is a very foreign topic for him, he used to view it as useless and unnecessary, but with you he's slowly warming up to the idea of loving someone.

i was gonna add fukuzawa but i gave up .⁠·⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠(>⁠▂⁠<⁠,)⁠´⁠¯⁠`⁠·⁠.

— r

#bsd #x reader #open requests #— ria talks!#ranpo edogawa #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #dazai osamu #atsushi nakajima #atsushi x reader #dazai x reader #ranpo x reader #ughh its basically just a char analysis but the fandom has got to accept the characters actual personalities:(((

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oxygenbefore1775 · 1 year

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am i wrong giving my all making you stay tonight

➥zeke x fem!reader

➥tags: canonverse, the year is 850 just before zeke is deployed to paradis

➥cw: major mentions of hatred towards eldians, star-crossed lovers and forbidden relationship trope, zeke is a narcissist and a dick here, the reader is also not that nice tbh, twisted marriage proposal and all that comes with it, zeke has some morbid fascination with his death, derogatory treatment from zeke (it's hella toxic); nsfw! (mdni) but it's at the very end so don't hesitate to scroll all the way down if you wanna skip all the explanation to them fucking, rough fucking, man handling, prone bone, kinda dacryphillia, talking during sex, one instance of hair tuggung

➥wc: 8.4k — no beta we die like my sleep schedule while writing this

➥summary: the night zeke tells you about his upcoming mission on paradis doesn't go without its consequences.

➥a/n: so i have this huge-ass zeke fic that i'm writing in my mother-tongue and because i'm sooo original w my content on tumblr rn i'm just gonna translate some parts of it here with some alterations - prepare for some incoherent shit, i warned you, that's like the most delulu zeke i have ever written

He is not to be trusted.

There's a deceit lacing his each word.

Cold and cunning, he was nonetheless charming. You would be lying if you denied the scorching languor that the ice of his blue eyes kindled in you.

Fleeting sentiments filled your mind in his presence, renderring you deaf and numb to your own thoughts. Not to mention his words, their poison failing to fill your absent body as you often lost the thread of the conversation. A lopsided grin curled his lips whenever you found yourself confused and unable to answer his simplest of questions, yet again, your thoughts a molten and twisted mass. You knew no end to his teasing for your frivoulness that he elicited from you with naught but a look.

Who were you, compared to the War Chief Yeager? Neither wits nor status was on your side to rebuke his taunts. Courage was failing you, fleeing at the mere sight of the red gracing his left arm. Retaliatory jabs never landed, the harsh words melted at the tip of your tongue before ever reaching him. How he reveled in seeing you like this, feeble and helpless. Just some stupid Eldian girl, that's what you were in his eyes. Unfit to be by his side.

And yet, he yearned for it nonetheless. Otherwise there was no other explaination to the slight arrogance bleeding into the way he spoke to you, leaving no other interpretation but that of a hunter taunting a mortally wounded beast. A whim, display of power, oversaturated and evident.

Occasionally he would condescend to your polite and humble requests, presenting them in a way that painted him as virtuous, as if you should be overflowing with gratitude and praises for his mere consideration of your proposals. He, however, never stooped to an open request himself, whether it be willful ignorance or inability to put thoughs into words. In such cases you were left to rely blindly on your own insight, forced to navigate through the murky water of his genuine intentions.

But witnessing this facade of complacency that masked his features most of the time disappear never failed to amuse you. How easily it could be shattered with a simle act — merely increasing the distance between you by a few steps during your routine strolls or better yet vanishing entirely from his line of sight amidst the crowd. That's all it took for the cold arrogance to crumble away and give way to a barely palpable unrest as he sought to bridge the unfavourably long gap that had grown between you unbeknownst to him. Not too close, though, being wary of avoiding the contact between your bodies.

The game he played to you was cruel yet he persisted in subjecting you to it, time after time. The true nature of his motives eluded you. The shadow of pleasure he took in poisoning your thoughts was hard to deny. Until he inhibits you whole, there would be no stopping to the suffocating hold over you. You were keep falling victim of this, though, the torment gnawing at your body and mind.

His unbroken gaze was the image etched in your memory for eternity. As well as the burning need to keep you near, by his side. Like you not staying at his apartment for the night could cost him his sleep. Like not laying his eyes one you could cost him his peace.

He remained oblivious to the fact that you noticed all of this. How could he possibly entertain those suspicions? A stupid Eldian girl would never. And still...

His gait lacked definition for someone who got the military drills beaten into him from the young age. Strange — even the deepest of thoughts usually failed to lure out a reaction from his body. Always static and phlegmatical, now he paced up and down the room, forgetting you were here in this room with him altogether.

With quick glances, you attempted to read his expression whenever he would pass your form curled up on the couch, and all in vain. His features remained an unpenetrable mask robbed of any emotion. Maybe it was the coffee. Shifting your gaze to the table covered with dirty mugs, your assumption had some reasoning behind it but you quickly brushed it off. He'd been like that long before resorting to the caffein.

Hesitation coursed through your every movement as you struggled to come up with a proper reaction. As intriguing as it was to find out what exactly had been plaguing the mind of steadfast War Chief, you couldn't muster up the insolence of striking up a conversation first. Who were you to inquire, anyway.

"One could hear your thoughts from a mile away."

His voice shook the cushioned silence of the room, bearing the same shadow of amusement he usually graced your way, as if the last hours weren't filled with restless pacing. Looking up to meet his gaze, a spark of amusement melted the cold of his eyes. The chance to divert his churning thoughts towards such a trivial remark seemed to bring him a little relief.

He prompted you with a quirk of his brow. "Speak what is it you have on your mind, or else you might burst."

There was that grin again, dark and painting his features in shadows. You shifted on the couch, nails digging into the flesh of your palm. At this point, each word you were going to say hardly veiled any obscurity since he'd already knew the nature of her question. He liked being proven right.

"Nothing really," your voice lacked the lively rebuke that usually sounded in your constant bickering back and forth, his unrest had seemed to rub off onto you as well. "You just seem off."

Your overtly careful choice of words elicited his soft chuckle. For a few moments he looked down on you, pondering just how much of information he should tell you. If he should tell you. After all, it was the knowledge not meant for the likes of you, civilians.

The light-hearted tone of his voice bore a stark contrast to the atmosphere and the words he was saying. "They're sending me to the island." His lips pressed into a thin bloodless line once he fell silent, his unbroken gaze on your face.

A deep line etched between your eyebrows. Still puzzled, you looked up at him searching for some sort of visual purchase.

The island of devils — any warrior would be elated at the prospect of proving their worth to Marley in battling the spawns of Paradis. Yet this sense of pride never captivated Zeke. More than anything, frustration seemed to have bled into his fair features.

Question, perhaps stupid in its naivete, plagued you so you let it leap off of your tongue. "Is this good or bad news?"

"And what do you think?" He retorted, pained playfullness still lingering in his voice. "When you send four Titans to an important mission and this is followed by five years of silence, how good can those news be?"

The air in the room became thick with smoke and smell of tobacco — Zeke must've lit a cigarette without you noticing. Your nose wrinkling, you slid to the other side of the couch where the gray thick cloud couldn't reach you. Uncanny thoughts soon started festering in your mind.

You cringed at your own way of thinking yet you couldn't help but to ask once more. "Are you—" unflattering crack snaked its way into your voice. "Is it going to be for a long time?"

He must've found your seeming worry endearing. His shoulders trembled in a fit of silent laughter, taking amusement in you. Like a pet who suddenly pulled a trick unbefitting of their intelligence. Artificial light cast dark shadows on his face as he neared the kitchen table, taking a sip from one of the half-empty mugs.

"I can only imagine." He stole a gaze at you, eager to capture the row of fleeting emotion painting your features. "Those four must've done a gravely mistake and now fear to face the punishment or died a long time ago. Now they expect me to clean up after them." Benevolent grin tugged at the corners of his lips. "Warrior children, what a joke to Marley's army."

You shunned the way you had received the news. The insolence to fear, to assume the worst when you'd come to imagine him away on his mission was unacceptable of you, stupid Eldian girl. Your mind shouldn't be a harbor for such doubts. Zeke Yeager is a powerful warrior, the strongest in the unit. The red armband akin to the blood he'd spilt as an honorary Marleyan, a testament to hsi long service for the country. The island devils would be a little challenge for someone like him as his strength a prowess doomed him to imminent success. Your eyelashes fluttered as you sought solace in embrace of your arms, hiding your face in between your knees, away from his piercing stare. And yet you had the worries and you let them slowly eat away at you.

A temper tantrum would hardly influence Marley's decision and rid you of your predicament, but it didn't make you backtrack on your blind desire nonetheless. And he'd be thrilled to see your tears, especially if he was the cause of them.

Solitude started to weigh over your head like a dark stormy cloud. To be apart for such a long time rang so foreign to you. Foreign and cruel. Being at Yeager's side bore its benefits which you didn't hesitate to reap and now that the threat of those upsides being ripped away from you hung in the air, you felt... annoyed. You smiled to yourself at the fact that you'd finally been able to pin down your emotion. Annoyed sounded about right. And nothing else.

Noticing your downcast look, he decided to seal off your state with another barbed remark. "Spare Liberio your distraught sentiments. You weren't supposed to know about this in the first place. And I'd like to keep it that way in the eyes of the other people."

The ice in his gaze was persistent as he locked eyes with you. Not persistent enough to prevent the lopsided grin from twisting your lips.

In a fit of distorted glee, you inquired, your voice barely above whisper, "Why did you tell me about this then?" The words dripped with a mix of curiosity and spite, as if you had unraveled a hidden agenda beneath his carefully constructed facade. Your eyes bore into his, searching for a glimpse of vulnerability or truth amidst the web of deceit that surrounded him.

He was never easy to nail down so you didn't believe your luck when you caught a glimpse of emotion, as weak and light as the candle's flame, flicker in his eyes. And you didn't care for the nature of it — be it the amazement at the precision of your question or the anger with your insolence — it pleased you as long as it wasn't the usual cold spite. You found comfort in the knowledge that he, just like you, may be subservient to something other than his logic. That you're not the only one affected by the news of departure. The satisfaction was short-lived though as his features quickly acquired the same expression as before, a blank canvas you couldn't read.

The nicotine must've cleared his senses seeing as he scoffed at you in a condescending rebuke. "So that you won't make any fuss once you find the house empty." His hand reached to rest under your chin but you didn't accept the gesture, turning your head the other way. Stubborn behavior befitting the image of a stupid Eldian girl he painted you as in his mind. "It's still very much a secret mission so only limited number of people are allowed to know."

His touch rejected, he returned to the table, from which he continued keeping his unwavering gaze on you.

Did his remark suggest that his family was included in this selected group? Meaning, he went out of his way just to tell you? And for what? For you not to worry? Watching him form the corner of your eye, you couldn't help but to adore the stark discrepancy between his words and actions.

"I'll consider this your act of courtesy towards me." You shot back meekly, the tone of your voice suddenly growing more humble. At least you would have the satisfaction of having last word even if it meant resorting to your obsequious self.

Now, after a cigarette or two, he appeared utterly unfazed as if he weren't gambling with his own life by venturing onto the island of devils. When it came to his life, he never seemed to hold it at great value. You were the one to do it in his stead.

Curiosity took the better of you as you turned your head to face him, a hint of concern seeping through your facade. "How dangerous will it be? If the other Warriors had been on the island for five years, then those devils must be strong enough to pose a threat." You couldn't help but shudder at the thought of the mission potentially stretching beyond five years for Zeke. As capable and talented as he was, five years to his life were something that he just didn't have.

Zeke leaned back in his chair, the lazy twirling of smoke rising up out of his cigarette in contrast to the sharpness of the sneer that quickly appeared in the depths of his eyes. "For someone so uninvolved in the military campagns of Marley you seem to have too many questions about this mission. What's with the constant inquiries?" His words dripping with misleading benevolence.

His question momentarily silenced the room, knocking the air out of your lungs. Perhaps you indeed asked too many questions for someone of your station, someone who's supposed to be in a strictly comradely relationship with Zeke. You felt the tension growing more palpable the longer you kept him waiting. The glint in his eyes spoke volumes, a mix of amusement and knowing, hinting at the fact that he'd already got himself a satisfactory answer to his own inquiry. Part of you sensed that he'd guessed it right.

Nonetheless, you rushed to state the opposite in a futile attempt to undermine his own conclusion. "I think it's only logical of any Eldian to take interest in this mission." You pursed your lips before speaking again, feeling how artificial your words sounded leaping off your tongue. "The fate of the whole world depends on its outcome, does it not?"

At this point you'd grown too weary of him, his presence already intoxicating as it is. Why'd he brought you into his house? Just to tell you about his leave, take joy in seeing you shedding a shred of worry towards him but to mock you later for expressing those? Your drilled, bordering on automatic, response didn't win any favour with him yet managed to amuse him to some extent, evident in the way a mischevious grin split his face as he stood up from his chair.

His steps rang louder and louder with him approaching the couch you were sitting on. You let out a relieved sigh, cradling the hope that he'll finally grant you with leave, having had his share of playing games with you.

His eyes told otherwise. "No." He simply shook his head, denying you the last opportunity to leave his house. "I'll argue that there's more to it."

With that, his voice took on more sweetness that he usually allowed himself whilst talking to you which surprised you. At this point of your conversation he'd usually stoop down to tasteful taunts, a stark contrast to the moderation he was currently excercising, making your mind teem with thoughts.

"All the correspondence is forbidden for the Marleyan warriors whilst on the mission. Were you aware of that?" Still lacking a full comprehension of his motives, you nodded your head, your eyes big and doe-like. Nonetheless, he accepted your curt response, elusive benevolence seeping through his features. "Not if it's meant for the close family members, though. Also honorary Marleyans, like me. On that front Marley had been exceptionally allowing."

Again with the obscureness, as if expressing his thoughts in straight sentences would rob him of his last breath. Still, you continued to look at him, your eyes fixated on the enigma that was the fleeting chain of emotions lacing his features. The tips of your ears burning, the supressed frustration at having to sit here and listen to him welled up inside you. His monologue had just took off yet he was already dousing you with mental excercises you were unwilling to solve at this late hour.

Feather-light touch grazed against your temple, his fingers tucking an unruly strand behind your ear, bringing you back to the sound of his musings. "Wouldn't you be worried not knowing about my whereabouts on the Paradis?"

You rushed to deny his groundless assumptions but you found your lips too heavy to utter a word. Thus, he continued, a sliver of benevolent amusement in his tone. "Who knows, perhaps I would be captured or even killed and you would have no idea of my fate?"

The words sounded strange coming from him. He never paid any mind to the morbid consequences that may happen to him whilst on a mission and now that he was shedding light to it in front of you, it filled you with more confusion.

Still, you leaned in closer, intrigued by this newly discovered oddity of his, wanting to her what else he had to say.

"Aren't you?" He called out to you yet there wasn't a hint of condescention to his voice. As if he genuinely took interest in your answer, waiting for you to respond.

And you did answer, with a shallow "yes" whispered in the room. Usually you refrained from such vulnerability as this was often followed with barbed taunts, punishing you for the display of affection to someone as unfeasible as him. But this time, he seemed to had welcomed it.

The spark in his eyes was warm, an exception of his facade you rarely got to see. "Well, I just might help you to get rid of your worries. Would you like that?" You let him touch under your chin, lifting your gaze to see his.

In that moment, the fog of confusion clouding your mind began to lift, revealing glimpses of his true nature. Your eyes widened in surprise as you finally captured what was lurking behind the blue irises. He captured your gaze, too, as well as the sudden recognition, hence the smile, soft and warm, melting the curve of his lips as he opened his mouth to speak. You didn't have to listen to him to know what he was about to say yet it didn't substract from the surrealism of the situation.

"Be my wife."

Out of all the blows, this was by far the most cruel and perverted. The idea seemed too far-fetched, too out of reach for it to have any meaning behind it. You had grown accustomed to his teasing, his banter and the way he seemed to enjoy keeping you on your toes. Can this be another one of his games? Another way to rattle your composure?

Your gaze quickly turned skeptical. You couldn't risk remaining vulnerable in his presence and at this moment. You kept waiting for the mask of pretense to slide right off his face, for him to announce that he had indeed tried to trick you. Yet it stayed all the same, as if the expression was genuine, eyes brimming with inviting warmth like before. Still, doubt lingered within you.

Why should this day be a precedence? An upcoming operation on Paradis couldn't possibly cause this shift inside him. He'd been on other missions before and never before had his unwavering level-headedness left him.

He is not to be trusted. The words that were still echoing in your head are not to be trusted. The mantra sealing your lips, you tried to ward off the terrible temptation to give into what he was saying. He wouldn't hesitate to drag you through the mud if he finds out that you'd fallen prey to his words.

"You can't mean that." It was your final verdict. If he wasn't the one to aknowledge it then you had to be.

The smile on his lips gave way to a lopsided grin, as if your response didn't come as surprise to him. So it had been a game after all, you mused as you allowed yourself a mental praise for your own foresight.

"But I can." The rebuke remaining soft, he kept looking at you, waiting for your eyes to meet again.

It was of no use to you, though. All that you would see in the icy pools would be either that inviting warmth again or a blind wall. And neither of those would cast any light on what had been truly driving his actions all along.

The air felt silent and still. This — all of this — wasn't happenning to you. No night being spent at his house, no awkward pause between you two, no twisted words of proposal. It was all too much for the likes of you, common Eldian girl.

Regardless of your thoughts, he rushed to crush them, bringing you to the undeniable and inevitable reality.

He called out to you again, "So what?" the grin that seemed to appear on his features so often suddenly faded. "Will you be my wife?" You could only chuckle at his courtesy to having finally asked you, instead of bluntly stating his wishes.

With that, he sanked down on the sofa cushions, sitting next to her. The knowledge of his taunts, sometimes ruthless in their nature, implored you to momentarily refrain from answering his question and allowing him to continue, instead. The sincerity had no place in the words he was directing towards you. His statements were not to be held at face value, you had to remind yourself.

Nevertheless, you succumbed to the temptation that had been gnawing at you for a long time as you let your head fall onto his shoulder, the precise movement leaving no room for interpretation of your intentionall gesture. He would be hardly angry with you for such a display of weakness. Quite on the contrary, as your begrudgent vulnerability flattered him immensly.

The weight of the gone day suddenly crushed over you in waves, robbing you of any strength. "A lovely young captain's wife." The saccharine in his tone started to taste bitter. "Mrs. Yeager who would wait for her husband to return from military operations, her body and and soul devoted to him only. Who would meet me with joy and every evening after a working day take off my boots for me."

Wrinkling your nose, you otherwise didn't let your momentary disgust become apparent to him via your posture.

Alerted by your silence, he turned his head in your direction. His breath, hot and tart with tobacco, seared your face. "What do you say?"

Wife. The time had long come for you to forget this word. At this moment and in your position, it was an unthinkable thing for you. Who were you in comparison to the prized asset that Zeke was to the country? He was also no exception, even if the red armband signified otherwise. Bound by his service to Marley, he would never be allowed to dedicate even a sliver of his attention to something not pertaining to his warrior duty.

But on rare occasions you granted yourself the indulgence but also the freedom to your own dreams and you intended to do it today as well. Even if it was the first time for you to voice your hidden desires to someone else, let alone someone who figured in your dreams so often.

The warmth slid along her thigh where he ran his palm across your skin in a thoughtless caress, his touch radiating with heat. Just as thoughtlessly, you caught his movement, taking two of his fingers into your palm.

Being an Eldian in an internment zone, your fate had been sealed long ago yet you found comfort in the knowledge. With your future set in stone, you had all the freedom to fantasize about your chimerical impossible life.

Soon enough you started speaking, your words bearing the same bliss that his were. "Then your huge bath would be all mine and I would bathe in it every day. Definitely with bubbles. And you wouldn't be able to tell me anything against it."

Your ears caught a faint chuckle escaping his lips, accompanied by a subtle exhale.

The prospect of sharing a life with the captain held an irresistible allure. Despite all the taunts lacing his words, a grain of truth resonated within them. This was perhaps the best outcome an Eldian from the internment zone such as yourself could ever hope for. A sharp-tongued and occasionally unbearable husband aside, the advantages of such a union far outweighed the disadvatages. As the capitan of the warrior unit, his duties would often take him outside of Liberio, leaving you to revel in the opulence of your home for many days and even weeks to come.

Contrary to his words though, you would hardly harbour any sentiments over him not being by your side as he had teasingly described to you. Your heart would be unlikely to languish in lamenting the frequent separation, seeing as the luxury of your home would occupy your whole mind, sparing not a single thought for your warrior husband. Even in your sweetest dreams the love that typically exists between the spouses was conspicuously absent in your marriage. Such an emotion was barred for the two of you, as you remained essentially strangers to one another.

Your eyes dropped to the entanglement of your fingers from which he was in no hurry to free himself.

You started to forget yourself, as the most sincere of words weighed heavy on the tip of your tongue. "But also the coffee that you would brew every morning. I really like it."

His lips momentarily twitched, as if your timid praide had either amused or touched him.

A casual impudence found its way into his retort. "Oh no. After I get married I won't go into the kitchen at all so it will all be the responsibility of Mrs. Yeager." He dragged out the last words a little. "I don't want a wife who can't even make me coffee."

The warmth of his body enveloping you, you pulled your knees to your chest and settled into the comfort of your position. Usually, neither of you was insolent enough to seek proximity in each other's presence in this way. Besides sex, your bodies rarely touched, but at this moment it was all too tempting to mind your self-restraint. And yet, your move didn't provoke irritation in him. Instead, it seemed to have awakened a temporary surge of affection within him. He even opened his arms wider, as if embracing you more deeply. However, you couldn't ignore the subtle stiffness in his gestures, a reminder of the hopeless underlying truth about your relationship. You two were far from being a married couple and the likelihood of you ever becoming spouses seemed increasingly remote.

Possible or not, the illusion was sweet enough to numb the cynicism of your predicament.

Yet another breath of his scorched the shell of your ear. "But will you teach me? How to make coffee?" Your inquiry laced with naive politeness, you smiled as you felt his chest, a barely audible hum rumbling the air. "Will my husband have any other expectations of his poor tireless wife?"

In a feigned attempt to challenge him, your palm closed around his fingers even tighter, as if she wanted to attract even more of his attention to her.

This ploy of yours appeared to be succesfull, seeing as his hold of you grew closer. "Your husband would like you to spoil him with your cooking every day." He said with a soft chuckle. "Not that I have tried your food but that is all trivial. My regeneration can withstand the effects of any poison so your cooking would hardly deal any damage to me, no matter how disgusting it may be."

You fell silent at the lack of a proper rebuke, letting yourself get lost in this moment that you doubted you would see again any time soon.

And you were proven right. Just as you began to embrace the newfound comfort of your position, your hopes to have this moment last a bit longer were swiftly shattered. The warmth in his voice dissipated, replaced by a chilling tone as he leaned in to whisper into your ear. "Why deceive yourself?" His words dripped with cold determination. "I know all too well why someone like you would like to meddle with someone like me."

With no further explanation, he presented you with his armband, bright red fabric carelessly thrown onto your hand. The shift in his disposition was so sudden that you took a second to even register the feel of rough cloth against the skin of your palm. Disturbed by the intrusive nature of his inquiry, you tried to pry yourself away from him yet he didn't let you, his fingers finding their place under your chin to turn your face to him. The pools of his blue eyes were colder than ever, studying your expression, not losing sight of each fleeting emotion painting your features, as if the silent observation would provide him with more answers instead of just asking you directly.

Yet you didn't feel fear. In all the time that you had known each other, he never gave you the reason to be afraid around him. This surely had to be attributed to his charms since his each action, no matter how twisted or condescending, held a certain allure over you. Even now as you were pinned down in your place and forced to continuosly look back at him, all you could feel was frustration welling up inside you.

Your exasparetion started to overflow, evident in the way your brows knitted together. "You're hurting my neck," you voiced your discontent in a soft manner, only to be met with his unamuzed gaze.

He only got closer to you, your bodies pressing up against each other, his lips so near to yours that your mouth began to water at the bitter taste of tobacco dancing on your tongue.

Your protests were heeded, and he released his hold on your chin, seemingly satisfied with gazing at you. Another whisper, hot and sibilant, flowed into your ear. "It was hard not to notice, you stared at it too often." Instinctively, your hand tightened its grip on the red fabric, drawing it closer to your chest. "But I can understand your fascination with that thing. What is it that you want exactly?"

Considering all his past actions, his question sounded almost too caring, too soft and too thoughtful for someone like him. Were you a bit more perceptive in that moment, perhaps you would have been touched by his genuine interest but instead you couldn't help but to feel exposed. Maybe you did stare at it too much, as hardly a conversation with him went by without your excessive attention being drawn to some piece of fabric instead of the person it belonged to. You hoped that he hadn't been awake during the nights when you dared to harbor enough insolence to take the armband from his nightstand and pose with it in front of the mirror, the reflections of you with a red ring circling your left arm looking so dreamy and beautiful.

Hardly any Eldian in the internment zone didn't want to be an honorary Marleyan, and you were no exception. In fact, you were the most trivial showcase of this bold desire. It can give you a better life and safety and freedom, most of all. Freedom to go beyond the stone walls of the internment zone, even if for just a while.

In all your life you never came to think that the armband could be attained through the means Zeke had proposed to you not so long ago.

You were thankful to him for still keeping his composure. At least one of you had to. "So what is it? Everything, I assume?" You felt his breath hitch as soon as you answered with a curt nod. "Then everything it is. And I will give it to you."

The right words were coming hard to you yet you couldn't wait any longer to voice them. Pulling away, you finally put some distance between you two, finally free from his suffocating warmth. "Are you hearing yourself right now?"

Your attempts to reason with him were quickly put to rest with a single gaze he graced your way. The intensity in his eyes made your words falter on your lips, as a knowing smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Right now, each of my word has weight so listen to me while I'm still talking."

Surprisingly, it worked. But it wasn't for his concise argument but rather the oddly familiar expression in the depths of his eyes. As you gazed deeper into those pools of blue, you saw a reflection of your own yearnings, a crack in his flawless facade. A pained smile bent your lips as you reveled in the realization that Zeke had given way to the same sentiments as you. And you thought once that he was insusceptible to this. A dark chuckle escaping your lips, the gravity of your predicament started to set in. Fools, both of you.

In a haste you took off his glasses before kissing him. You didn't want the metal frame to poke you in the eye again should the angle be not right.

His lips felt dry against yours, the tart taste of tobacco doing little to prevent you from sliding your tongue into his mouth. He smiled into the kiss as he felt you settling back into his embrace, the cushions collapsing under the collective weight of your bodies.

Your aggressive initiative was a welcome dynamic, with you quickly straddling his lap as he was left to take in the feel of your body. The coil in your stomach began to wind up with each painstakingly slow movement of your hips. The sloppy sounds of kissing rang loud in the room, interrupted only with your breathy whimpers whenever you grazed your sweet spot.

It took him all his strength to pull away, fake and long-soiled paragon of self-restraint lacing his tone when he spoke to you. "The couch would be too narrow for this." The voice barely above whisper.

With that, he grabbed you under your knees, drawing your legs closer to his body for a better purchase. Instinctively, you wrapped your hands around his neck and leaned into his chest so you wouldn't fall when he picked you up. His fingers sank into the pillowy flesh of your thighs as he carried you into the bedroom, your body barely a burden for him. A curt laughter rose from your chest and got lost in the tussels of his fair hair. You hadn't thought him to be so strong outside of his Titan form.

The springs of the mattress wailed as he let go of you, initiating your short fall. He looked down on you, his movements suddenly lacking resolve but his eyes still transfixed on your form. Reluctant to give any more thought to the ponderings teeming his mind, you didn't intend on waiting idly for him to join you. In the growing heat of the room your clothes became a nuisance, just another one of the barriers standing between you two.

Your fingers untypically spry for the state that you were in, you reached for the rows of buttons on your clothes, unburdening yourself layer by layer all the while watching him watch you.

Evidently, the sight of your naked form helped him come to his senses quickly as he stepped closer to the edge of the bed. In a bout of anticipation coursing through your veins you extended your arms towards him in an alluring invitation, starving to taste the tobacco on your tongue again.

All the same dark grin of his told otherwise. Instead of granting you the satisfaction of having his mouth on yours, he grabbed the hold of your hips to flip you over, tight grip sure to leave marks on the skin in the morning to come.

His weight came crushing over you, knocking the air out of your lungs and pinning you in place. Although he was using both of his hands to support his body, with each at the either side of you, it brought you little relief.

"Like I was saying," his lips pressed against the shell of your ear, you felt as if the reverberations of his voice reached your brain. "Marley allowing me to marry is more real than you think. Don't think they would refuse their most valuable asset in such a trivial matter. Maybe I'll even start winning more wars for them."

Your mind refused to give any more attention to his words, demanding a tangible satisfaction instead. You tried to arch your back in hopes that the sudden contact of your pelvises would make him forget his musings, forcing him to stoop down to the same level that you found yourself on, but it was all futile. Under the immense pressure your lower torso was rendered immobile, as if fused with the plush mass of the mattress.

The skin on your shoulder tingled with faint prickles where he rested his chin. "The armband, as significant as it may seem, is not the solution to each of your problem in the internment zone. A glorified scrap of fabric signifying that you're just a bit less miserable than all the others, that's what it is, really." he spoke, his voice tainted with sullen knowledge.

You absolutely hated how he remained so stationary while in arguably the most compromised position and how you lacked the power to change it. "Then why are you willing to go through the trouble of giving me one?" You hissed into the cradle of your palms, tone brimming with impotent dissatisfaction.

The next moment you felt him grabbing a fistful of your hair, with a violent tug forcing your head to turn to the side, your neck almost snapping from the sheer power of the motion. You were met with his gaze, angry yet at the same time seemingly insulted by your insolence to question his motives again. You responded in kind, your eyes watching his lips in anticipation of yet another one of his countless self-serving musings to be voiced. But you didn't hear any. He let go of your hair just as suddenly, nudging you to face away from him.

Sitting up straight, his body weight shifted towards your thighs as he was straddling them. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed his shirt falling to the ground. The sound of the belt buckle coming unfastened was the next thing you heard, the soft clang of the metal clasp filling you with thrill.

His hand snaked its way to your abdomen, pressing against the small of the belly to make you raise your hips and you felt happy to oblige, displaying yourself nicely to him. His touch lingered on you for quite some time after that as both of his hands traveled to the back your thighs, absentmindedly caressing the supple flesh in lazy broad strokes. A surge of goosebumps cascaded across your body, each wave driven not only by his scorching touch but also by a sudden flash of realization.

He must have noticed how shamelessly wet you were. The positioning of your hips left barely any room for his imagination and presented him with the delectable view of your slit, slick covered and pulsing with heat. Exasperated, you bit down on your lower lip to supress a desperate moan all the while he took his sweet fucking time to revel in the way your cunt flutterd around nothing begging to be filled. As much as you wanted to feel him inside you, you kept your pleas to yourself, left solely at the mercy of his self-restraint which you hoped had started to diminish already. You'd rather die than make your weakness for him known again, as if your body wasn't enough of an indicator already.

Eternity might have passed but he eventually moved, shifting some of his weight back onto his arms as he mounted you.

You couldn't help but gasp at the way your walls enveloped him, struggling to take his girth at first. A drawn-out raspy fuck emitted from his chest once he entered you, his motion slow yet persistent as he slid his cock deeper inside you. Careful not to harm you, he halted whenever your breaths became too shallow and frantic from the stinging of the stretch, not moving any further without your leave.

Minutes later you felt him reach the deepest part of your cunt, the immense pressure from his continuous thrust built at the bottom of your stomach, so unbearable that it rendered all the other sensations non-existent. There was no way he couldn't feel your body tensing up below him. Nonetheless, he kept on pushing, as if trying to break you. Even as you tried to get away from the uncomfortable feeling, he stopped you, putting his palms over yours as another way to pin you down. The weight of the pressure bore down on you relentlessly, within mere seconds, tears began to bead on your lashline, threatening to cascase down your cheeks and fall onto the sheets.

The skin of your nape grew hot where he doused it in kisses. Twisted sense of comfort welled up inside of you in hopes that his caresses, so out-of-place yet so warranted, would at the very least provide some relief to you. It seemed that he would persist until you fully succumb to him. A whispered praise poured into your ear once all the struggle left your body and your flesh became pliable to him.

Only then did he back down. Letting you catch your breath as one of his hands traced its way to your face, brushing a strand aside to get a better look of your eyes glistening with tears.

Little did you know that it would be the final act of gentleness he bestowed upon you for a long time, leaving you yearning for more. You didn't even had the time to savour it as he set a new unforgiving pace.

Beyond the tingling sensation of his cock dragging against your walls in a brutalizing manner, sharp hissing grazed your ear. "Why in hell would I go through the trouble of giving you one," he tantalised, each of his thrusts only adding to the mockery. "So you won't forget that you're mine while I'm be away".

"Mine and safe," he murmured then, confident that you won't hear him.

It wasn't his voice. It sounded so unlike him in this moment, frail and vulnerable, but you were the only people in the room so it must've been him.

A jolt of pleasure railed through your body with the tip of his cock hitting your sweet spot over and over again, driving you wild. Your pleasure became apparent to him as well, his motions gaining more precision to increase the blissful sensation for you.

Struggling to form words you nonetheless tried to, your lips and tongue heavy. "So this is what comes with being your wife?" You couldn't believe the tenderness lacing your tone at this moment. The sentiments were a cruel thing, not something you were supposed to have towards him, nor he towards you.

His reply was overtly eager, as he leaned closer to you, your bodies pressing together almost seamlessly. "Pretty much," his voice rang in your ear. "You must admit that you're very fortunate."

You craned your neck to face him, curiosity sparkling in your eyes. Taking in your alluring look, he couldn't resist the glowing skin of your shoulders, so transfixed on tasting the salt of your sweat on his lips that he ground to a halt inside you.

All you could do was rile him up even further, a chuckle escaping your lips. "Oh yes, the prospect of having you cater to my every whim sounds like a remarkably enticing endeavor on my side."

As your words hung in the air, a mischievous glint danced in your eyes, reveling in the effect they had on him. The corners of his mouth curled into a sly grin, mirroring your own playful demeanor and growing heavy with somber tone. With that, his hold on you became tighter, his hand groping at the fat of your thighs.

His hips snapped against yours with such a force that you nearly mewled, feeling the reverberations of his thrust echoing throughout your body. "Enjoying it while you can." His voice dropped to a low, husky timbre, tinged with a hint of challenge and sneer. "You've got only five years left for that."

This level-headed bordering on indifferent demeanor in a blind disregard of his own words struck a nerve with you. You gulped some air, desperate to conceal the outburst within you.

You wished he hadn't remind you of the imminent futility of your secret musings. You wished he would just carry on with pounding into your leaking heat with no thought to it. As he moved inside you, sinking his cock inch by delicious inch, the pleasure of it faded even if your own body continued having visceral reaction to the process, your gummy fluttering around his girth. Now, only lament had residence in your mind. If it wasn't for your unfortunate fate of having been born as Eldians, perhaps you could have a chance at a normal life. Without the constant thoughts of him slipping away.

His resolve undying, he pressed your body deeper into the mattress, the pressure of his hands driving the air out of your lungs all the while his cock kept winding the coil in the pit of your stomach.

"Widowhood would suit you so good."

His voice remained just as mocking as before, as if the life that was put on the clock wasn't his. You, on the other hand, were precisely the one not entertaining such remarks. "Tell me." You could barely make out the words amongst the squelching sounds. "Tell me, will you mourn me? Funeral would be hard to organize, admittedly, with no body left for you to bury, but-"

You rushed to hide your face in the sheets. You heard enough. You didn't want to hear anymore of his taunts.

The words still reached your ear. "Will you cry for me like a good wife should for her husband?" He came to a halt deep inside you yet again, ready to break you should you not answer. "I've never seen those eyes cry before. So will you or will you not?"

The satisfaction wouldn't come so easily to him as you remained motionless under him. Only your shoulders quivered with subtle tremors, betraying the hidden distress that stirred within you. As simple thing such as breathing brought you a lot of struggle so you could only hope that your poise would last through all of this.

"It's not like I've taken your tongue away," he mocked.

A gesture of feigned compassion, you felt his fingers card through your hair, lulling you into false sense of security in hopes of luring out a desired reaction out of you. The sweet tone of his voice came off as cruel and mocking as he coaxed you for an answer, his fingers toying with your clit only adding to the torture.

Sick twisted pleasure, that's what he was getting from all of this. Your answer to his inquiries evident to him, he nonetheless wanted to hear it falling from your lips, dry and bitten at.

Yet, when he spoke again, his voice shed all its malice, barren as it trembled slightly. "At least remember me after I'm gone, would you do that for me?" He called out your name and it sounded vulnerable coming from him, his tone etching deep within your memory.

With a lump forming in your throat, you struggled to find your voice as well as enough air to form a response. There was no purchase for your mind as a scorching wave of orgasm coursed through your body, your face contourting in pleasure and your cunt squeezing in around him. With that, the last bit of poise left you and you broke down completely.

"Yes!" you pushed past your lips, hot tears streaming down your cheeks and your shoulders shaking with each sob.

In this moment you suddenly grew unaware of your surroundings, deaf to his whispers pouring into the ear and numb to the tingling stretch of your core as he was chasing his own high.

The skin of your inner thighs soiled with his seed, you would normally rush to the bathroom to wash away the stench of sex but this time you thought against it, curling up on the bed instead once he rolled off of you. Only now you began to feel the weight of your confession. Why did it have to be you alone to crack under the surge of sentiments that held immense power over you?

He decided to stay in bed as well, watching you struggle to come to terms with what you had just said, complacent grin plastered across his face. Evidently, you made him very happy this night.

"When are you leaving?" you asked in a raspy voice, watching him as he watched you in the enveloping darkness.

His fingers reached for a stray strand, sliding it behind your ear. His tone was thick with mindless glee. "In a couple of weeks, plenty of time for me to convince Marley to green light the marriage." The kiss he left on your lips acquired a bitter taste with time. "What will you say?" At the lack of suitable words, you just nodded dumbly.

He is not to be trusted.

There's a deceit lacing his each word.

But as you gazed deeper into his eyes, glinting in the dark shroud of the night, you let him deceive you yet again.

(phew)

#zeke x reader #zeke yeager x reader #zeke x you #zeke yeager x you #zeke smut #zeke yeager smut #aot smut

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