#n its so so hard because christmas shit makes it worse but i always feel so bad because people Like christmas

[genekies]

screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

[weebsinstash]

So, hear me out, but; what if y/n was totally aware that Miguel is into them? It's flattering, having this huge, incredibly dangerous man that's really obviously weak in the knees when you give him doe eyes, or lean over him and press your chest up against his back to point at something on his screen. You never treat it seriously, always flitting in and out of Nueva York and in and out of Miguel's reach. Teasing, flirting, but never going further than that, simply enjoying the attention and warm fuzzies that come with making a man break the mug he's holding because you stretched and your shirt rode up enough to expose your belly.

And it's not like he's gonna do anything bad! It's just flirting, and he's a fellow Spiderperson! You're all good people here... Right?

This is kind of different but similar but, I find myself drawn to Reader inserts/characters that like, maybe if they don't hate themselves, are like inherently incapable of even considering that someone might like them romantically, like you're not constant gloom and doom but you find the concept of someone loving you romantically outright wacky crazy

Miguel throws a lil tiny experimental flirt towards Reader to test the waters, and Reader flirts right back because they think he's JOKING. Miguel takes that as a sign and starts giving you more compliments and little flirtatious remarks and you just think this is like, platonic teasing, that he's ribbing you, you think Its Like A Friend Thing Like A Gimmick, and it takes him a while to notice you have absolutely no idea he's being 2099% serious when he makes those corny comments about how he gets lost in your eyes, saying shit like he's the hunky male lead from a telenovela or something

Combine this with the alternative dangerously risky concept of "Reader who jokingly says foul/raunchy shit" which is also a Val/Reader concept I've had. But like. Idk. Miguel sees you slurping a soda or sweet drink or idk even smoking and he jokes like "wow those are some lungs" and without blinkijg before you can even consider the consequences you hit him with "yeah I can suck dick like this too" and he chokes on his own food in shock, red as a tomato. Or Reader jokingly slaps his butt like some real football locker room go team shit or maybe you're teasing him and telling him he's "fat" and he has to excuse himself while the skin is still stinging because, oh my GOD did you just give him the biggest hard-on and it's about to EXPLODE--

Just accidentally making him totally crazy about you because you're literally too doubtful of him potentially having feelings for you or being interested in you in any capacity besides platonically that you accidentally act your unhindered full charisma self. You're too doubtful of him loving you to be self conscious and embarrassed of anything you say or do and think he just sees you as like, a sibling. Someday you'll learn to regret all those times you jokingly kissed him on the cheek because you thought it would gross him out or the time you got too drunk on spiked eggnog at the Christmas party and kissed him right on the mouth, but like, almost as you would a brother or a cat, as you coo how handsome he is, hes such a pretty boy, and "why hasn't he found himself a wife yet-- wait shit I am so sorryyyyyyyy i forgot 😥" because. You know. poor guy. But also. Gotta love the dilf factor

Ughhhhhh there really are a lot of us feeling the "baby trapping" energy from this man. Miguel who pokes holes in condoms because the second you get pregnant "oh, in that case well, I'll take responsibility and marry you and we can raise the baby :)" which I mean, considering his losses that's its own significant undertaking for him, that entire process and line of thinking is some sort of combination "healing" while getting ten times worse. Not to say he doesn't adore you or the thought of having kids with you, just... he might not be considering the most noble of methods anymore, for anything really. Getting drinks with you and biding his time until the alcohol slowly loosens you up and he gets you alone and you're too tipsy and sex hungry to stop and realize he isn't using protection until he's, you know, finishing inside of you. He'll use a drunken one night stand to try and weasel his way into dating you, if you're not already pregnant from that one night. I mean shit he's just so like large and imposing and just, God, he's hot though, I feel like it would be so hard to not visibly be flustered at the very least, and he'll use any reactions you make as cues for what he can try next. Even just suddenly grabbing your hips or waist or sides and making you suddenly squeak and he can tell by the look on your face that he's totally getting you hot even if maybe you're embarrassed and might not inherently want to act on anything (yet? Imagine wanting that Thick Dilf Dick and being physically attracted to him and respecting him and so you legitimate pursue him if only hust for sex and somehow you Accidentally Unlock The Crazy In Him)

One day you think he's just a harmless coworker, the next day you're finding he's got extensive stalker ass records for you, pictures, videos, just surveillance things, and he's not quite as Charming and Valiant to you anymore. In fact you're just about starting to realize all those comments he made that made you swoon before are now starting to make your skin crawl, but hey, just like you stumbled upon his secret, he stumbles upon you and catches you red handed, and well, he's sorry you found out this way but he was going to confess to you more seriously eventually right? Is THIS enough of a clear signal for you yet?

[imlivinginyourtrashcan]

Hi hey hello halloween was 2 days ago so here are my southpark halloween headcanons cuz im a spooky gremlin all year (Possible part 1 cuz i write alot and idk if tumblr has a word limit)👍

Cartman:

His costume is either really extra or really basic because he forgot until last minute.

Its usually inflateable like a dinosaur, pizza or...other things.

Usually the one to pick the route they go on when trick or treating so he can get the most candy, but it backfires because of all the walking.

The type of mf to eat his candy while hes out trick or treating (me too, i get it)

He steals the entire take 1 bowl you cant change my mind. Also the type to grab aggressive fistfuls when someone says to just take one or two pieces of candy

Thinks haybales and haunted houses are gay

Will throw fake decorations at you as a joke, but the realistic ones that make you yell (severed hands, bugs, etc)

His house isnt that decorated since i KNOW Liane is the cool mom who gives out full sized candy bars but its the inside that counts

Takes pumpkin carving VERY seriously. But doesnt do that much, or he tries and gives up.

A dumbass when it comes to candy trading. Always falls for the tricks Kyles got

Kyle:

I love kyle, but you know hes dressing up as the most basic things every year...hes TRYING THO HES TRYING

Takes Ike with the boys when hes old enough

Tries to match costumes with Stan but stan always forgets

The BEST at carving pumpkins. Gut feeling Kyle is an art kid.

Thinks haybales are gay but is "ironically" scared of haunted houses

His mom is extra with decorations. You just know it

Secretly takes 3 pieces of candy from a take 1 bowl

Gives what he cant have to Stan since he cant eat pork n gelatin has pork in it 👍

Cartman tried nabbing his candy once and he whacked him with the candy filled pillow case he had

Expert candy tracker. That man knows which house has what and he is ON IT

Nightmare before christmas enjoyer, will i explain? No

Stan:

Hes like Kyle with the basic costume thing, just worse. Way worse

He is a ghost...almost every single year cuz he forgets to go costume shopping and he just says "fuck it" and uses a white bedsheet

Takes what he can get; he knows Shelleys gonna steal his shit anyway

That doesnt stop him from trying to hide it

Likes haybales but TERRIFIED of haunted houses he will NOT get in one

Mediocre pumpkin carver at best

His house aint decorated nor does it have candy cuz of randys ass. Forgetful ahh

Kenny:

Cant really afford costumes so stan, kyle and cartman help him DIY costumes

Also the kind of mf to grab the entire take 1 bowl

Makes it his MISSION to get all the candy he can get

Kinda eh on Haybsles, LOVES haunted houses

His house is never decorated, his family cant afford that

Good at candy trading cuz he can do puppy eyes

Really good at pumpkin carving, he just cant be the one getting the pumpkins.

Horror movie FANATIC!!! HE LOVES HORROR MOVIES!!!

He dies a lot that day very sad for him

Butters:

Rarely aloud to go out trick or treating, mans is ALWAYS grounded

When he CAN go out he cant ever stay out late which sucks so much

His costume is always something cute/creative, bro would probably go as like, an oc of his one year (projecting so hard i did this in the 4th or 5th grade)

Gets people to check his candy for him, hes scared of getting hurt or poisoned

Wants to go to the houses that have fruit or toothbrushes. It always goes like:

"Can we go to Ms Firkles house?" "The one that gives out apples?" "Yeah!" "Fuck is wrong with you?"

Loves Haybales, thinks theyre so fun

TERRIFIED of haunted houses, will not even STAND in a 100 ft radius of a haunted house

Flinches/Cries/Screams whenever a halloween decoration jumpscares him or is too loud

Horrified of horror moves

Not allowed to carve pumpkins, too dangerous. But he likes painting them!

Obeys the "take 1/2/3" rule like a good boy

His house is decently decorated, nothing extravagant

Craig:

Oh you know he is a "this is my costume" mf

Either that or something space related

Always the first in front in his group (Tweek, Tolkien, Clyde, Jimmy and Himself) cuz hes pretty unphased by everything

Loves carving pumpkins, him and tweek do the cute pumpkin carving stuff couples do

Cant eat most of the candy since he has braces, but he gives it to Tweek so its not a waste

Will hold Tweeks hand during horror movies, haunted houses and haybales.

A six flags fright fest enjoyer

This mf will look you dead in the eye and pour an entire bowl of candy into his bag if there arent any cameras or signs

The kind of mf to joke inside a ghost tour and purposefully try to piss off the ghost by flipping it off

The most undecorated house ever. Its like halloween doesnt exist to the Tuckers

Tweek:

He buys cool costumes but his makeup is so shaky and rushed since his ass cant sit still

Chugging pumpkin spice like a maniac

Terrified of any and all halloween activities. Jumpscare him and he will scream

Doesnt take candy from people or bowls, he stands awkwardly behind everyone and investigates his candy thoroughly before putting it in the bag

Either that or he'll have craig triple check it

His house is always decorated since Tweek Bros always has halloween specials and stuff

Does not sleep for the entire month of halloween, he survives on pumpkin spice and pure anxiety

Helps around the coffee shop by refilling candy bowls and doing halloween chalkboards (they look like scribbled messes but whatever)

The middle man in the group, he doesnt feel safe in the front or back

Carries Pepper spray with him when trick or treating, always very cautious to the point his friends grill him for it a little. Better safe than sorry

Clinging onto Craig half the night, the insomnias getting to him

Legally not aloud to carve pumpkins. He will accidentally knick his fingers

Loves halloween baking though, he does burn at least something and panics.

Clyde:

Oh you know hes the kind of mf to dress up like the glow in the dark stickman

Grabs aggressive handfuls of candy regardless of if its from a bowl or person

An absolute crybaby. Will cry when he sees the decorations

They cant decorate his house since hes a baby

Likes the pumpkin carving tho!

Always runs to thr house with full sized candy bars

Jimmy:

He is def going as an inflateable t rex/banana

Tells more jokes to people in hopes of getting more candy

Carves a wee wee into his pumpkin. He thinks its funny

Pretends to be scared on haybales to make Clyde feel better

His house is the one with custom decorations its so great

Scary movie enthusiast, joking and calling the characters dumb the whole time

He. Fucking. Loves. Frightfest

Hc that when hes older hes a scare actor part time

Admires the decorations

Tolkien

Bro probably got like, a ren faire costume yk? Like a count or something

Tolkien just seems likke the guy to go to ren faire every year

Expert pumpkin carver

Takess his friends to halloween fairs every year

The most overdecorated house (rich kid core)

Always saying the thank yous and happy halloweens when noone else will

Bro printed out a map of their trick or treat route

He takes some of his friends to ren faire too. Craig thinks its gay as shit

Likes the haybales, and the shit rides at the halloween fairs

Creeped out by haunted houses tho

[shoezuki]

im gon be venting sorta kinda for a hot second here

so like this time if the year is extremely hard for me because christmas is something my child abuse was really. notable around because it was when i had to spend time with my horrible dad and his entire side of the family. which i aint hidin to say yknow i dont care. but its like. hard. really hard. this month hasnt been kind to me

i have been having trouble Talking to people and engaging with people. literally right this second im trying to build up the courage to even go onto the t’echnocord smp because i havent been on in weeks. the last time i did i had a panic attack. same with my hade’s server i aint been so active there but i been trying

but like i am doin a lot here instead. i scream into the void of the tech.nocord. mostly because how my anxiety and trauma manifests the most is i am So tempted to just cut myself off from absolutely everyone. a few years ago i literally deleted all social media and went dark. idk what it is but im tyring

i been gettin more asks here and shit n honestly thats been really helpful. the streams too its all. a really good distracted. so if youre readin this n you ever sent me anything, thanks.

[swinterr]

fic rec vi ♡

hi!

this is a another new set of fic rec and i’ll probably do a compilation of genre (?) just like the first ones.

made some changes like tidying up a bit and adding summary, for those that doesn’t have any summary i’ll try my best to add my own summary (it will probably be shit tho, i ain’t making a smut summary guys, i’m not confident in my describing a fic ability but i’ll try my best. if its in italic it means i made the summary hehez )  if the summary is shit, i made it okay.

read and support the fic and authors here: the fic rec ♡

a for angst

f for fluff

s for smut

// for series or list

nct 

jeno

no title by @tyongf-nct | s

- smut blurb.

body guards and boyfriend by @pastelsicheng | f

-  sometimes the only way you can really get some alone time with your boyfriend is by making his job hard.

lipstick smears by @kopikokun | f

-  jeno never thought trying to get his makeup artist’s attention would be this hard.

jaehyun

[10:30] by @moonttaeil | 

- a lockdown moment.

[2:40] by @nct-jungjaehyun | f a

- cute quality fluff time with bf!jae with a dash of angst.

[11:41] by @jeongvision | f 

- family time with apples.

just like magic by @starryhyuck | f s

-  jung jaehyun’s body count is almost as high as yours. however, after yuta spreads a nasty rumor, you learn that jaehyun’s always imagined those girls to be you instead.

love to hate me by @moonctzeny | s a 

-  you and jaehyun meet as sm trainees, developing a friendship until he debuts and you decided to leave the company and pursue a solo career. when you reunite again in a music show and he acts like he barely knows you, you stubbornly begin a series of hate-brimmed sex rendez-vous. your touch-and-go relationship continues on, until a song collaboration will force you both to deal with all your repressed feelings for each other.

moving on by @ddeonghwaa | f a

- reader has been chasing jae for some time but when she moved on jae suddenly enter the picture.

sun&moon by @ppangjae | f a

-  asking jeong jaehyun to accompany you to your family’s 1-week christmas vacation as your boyfriend has its consequences. one can surely get through 1 week of pretending to be in love with an enemy, right?

snack run with a snack by @kopikokun | f 

-  on your usual movie night with the members, they assign you sudden snack collecting duty. you’re a little peeved, but at least jaehyun offers to tag along. Unfortunately for you, things really aren’t going in your favour tonight.

lover boy by @neoct-zen | f s

- bunch fics of lover boy jae and reader.

jungwoo

one more time, please by @haequarius | f s

-  you don’t know what you and Jungwoo are, but you are certainly weak for him.

jealous by @whiplashsan | s 

-  jungwoo is all smiles and sunshine until he gets jealous, and he just so happens to get jealous over the smallest things when it comes to you.

doyoung

sugar, spice and everything not nice by @alreadyblondenow | s

-  doyoung getting your ring size wrong, unprotected sex, kitchen sex, slight fingering, wedding tragedies.

no title by @ncteaxhoe | s

- dom!doyoung, rough? i need holy water.

the little one by @ethaeriyeol | f 

-  a gift of life; female reader x husband!Doyoung; fluff, light angst, married au

lucas

exquisite taste by @weishenkonbini | s f

- smut but with a fluffy ending.

for you always by @labyrinthsofyou | f

-  in which you surprise yukhei when he forgets about your date.

6:19 by @cozykpopblurbs | f

- a cute fluff ft kun and winwin.

10:18 pm by @nctsoftarchives | f

- reader supports lucas at his superm debut stage. 

16:47 by @sichengssmile | f s 

- a fluffy smut. lucas a big boi.

missed you by @tokyobts | a f

-  after you and yukhei broke up, yukhei still has feelings for you. he reaches out to you at school and tries to get you back. at first you avoid him but later his actions manage to make your heart flutter. you’ve come to a sudden conclusion that you maybe still want him in your life.

johnny

34 + 35 by @domjaehyun | s 

- you and your husband johnny decide to take your marriage to the next step.

i couldn’t wait a little longer by @alreadyblondenow | s f a

-  you two were never together longer than two days, but the feelings, oh the feelings that you have for each other is clear as the day. it was a never-ending try of making the relationship official. johnny tried, you tried but it never happens.

what happens in korea, not stays in korea by @alreadyblondenow | f s 

-  a week vacation in korea for your sister’s wedding became even more exciting when a famous dj had a crush on you. johnny was sure that it’s love at first sight. not putting both of your careers on the line, you two had no regrets when the time comes and you finally leave.

laundry day by @immabiteyou | s

- a domestic fluffy smut.

make a wish by @sluttyten | s f a

-  you’re jungwoo’s sister, and he’s made it clear he wants you and Johnny to have nothing to do with each other. so you and johnny start fake dating to piss him off.

want it all by @sluttyten | f s 

-  you are entirely innocent to the point of being naive. johnny is not innocent, but he loves that you are because it means he can teach you everything you don’t know.

sungchan

wish i was her by @softsungchan | f a 

-  you wished you were her, laying in Sungchan’s arms and feeling his warm breath on your neck, giggling about sweet nothings whispered into the starry night. You wished for it to be you, the girl he liked.

2:21 am by @the32ndbeat | f 

- sungchan being whipped, thru a text message.

haechan

14:52 by @ukiyoexo | f

- a cute haechan and reader ft the reader’s baby sister moment.

prince’s order by @nsheetee | f

-  prince haechan nurses you after you faint, and orders you to stay with him until you feel better.

sweet treat by @markresonates | s

-  haechan takes you for ice cream but all you can think about is sex with him.  when you act like a brat, eventually you end up in the bathroom. with no panties. 

clingy by @love-mi | f 

-  I’m not clingy! I just love your company and constantly want to be around you and have your full attention at all times

mark

hyuck is always right by @luvrenjun00 | f 

- ceo!mark x reader ft baby donghyuck. a tooth-rotting fluff.

taeyong

snow storm by @whereisten | f s 

- a fluffy smut whilst a snow storm.

1:59 by @smoll-tangerine | f

- reader and taeyong ft my favorite game (where i always die first) among us!

bts

taehyung

is this allowed 1 2 by @seokiie  | f s

- how were you supposed to know bts would be filming at your coffee shop today? how were you supposed to know a certain curly-haired boy would take a liking  to you?

cabin pressure | f by @jiminrings | f 

-  pilot!y/n who accidentally became famous bc of a viral post about her, best friend!jimin!, taehyung having a shy lil crush on you aND ot7 being meanies for a tad bit :((

art major!tae and biochem major!yn | f by @jiminrings | f

-  tae’s cold and probably needs a friend more than he needs a model, y/n feels this nEED to take care of him, a term of enderment then a dash of emotional constipation and a sprinkle of jealousy :D

gank mid lane by @kimtaehyunq | f s 

- gank / verb: (in a video game) use underhand means to defeat or kill (a less experienced opponent)

birthday surprise by @ephemeralkookie |

-  like every year, you prepare a little surprise for your boyfriend’s birthday, one that you’ve been preparing for days. and after a very tiring day, taehyung only wants to spend the night in your loving arms.

jungkook

cookies & cream | s by @1kook | f s 

-  jungkook will watch a thousand cheesy christmas movies if it meant making you happy. (and maybe having his dick sucked.)

unholy night | s by @ephemeralkookie | f s

-  after a christmas day passed with the Jeon’s family, Jungkook decides to transform the holy night into an unholy one.

‘a short’ abstinence | s a by @seokiie | s a

-  maybe blue-balling you boyfriend (who has an insanely high sexual drive) wasn’t the best.

in which she’s done with him by @minstrivia | a

-  jungkook angst/fluff where he always pushes oc away (who confesses her feelings but was cruelly rejected) and insults her but she always comes back to take care of him when he’s drunk or picks him up from his one night stands and she finally decides to leave him alone.

bad influence by @noteguk | s 

-  in which you know jungkook is a bad influence on you, but you can’t avoid falling for him every time.

jock!jk and shy art major!yn by @jiminrings | f

-  established relationship ft. jock!jk and shy art major!y/n, y/n gets an unexpected pep talk and jungkook doubts himself, and either so much tears or so much dUST according to kook

special affair by @1oserjk | f

-  sugar daddy au except it’s just jk spoiling u thru animal crossing

fairy of shampoo by @ironicarmy | f s

-  sundays are for relaxation, house cleaning, and happiness.

abstract ft bob ross by @mimithings97 | f

-  paintbrush in one hand, joint in the other and you sitting on his dick is what jeongguk wants. and what jeongguk wants, jeongguk gets.

badboy!jungkook by @jungshookz | f 

- badboy!jungkook falls for good girl reader ft the boys and the reader’s apple. 

growing by @lesgetittkookie | f

- dad!jungkook teacher his daughter how to walk. super super cute family/domestic fluff.

quiet, baby by @bratkook | s 

- i don’t how to write a summary on smuts so imma just put this. reader and jungkook doing something in the subway.

still want that by @whatifyoulivelikethat | s

-  fucking min yoongi ex-girlfriend? a terrible idea. being hopelessly in love with her at the same time? an even worse idea. knowing he was being used and still doing it anyway? ah, Jeon Jungkook, what are you doing? part 2 of savage love.

desiderium by @jeonggukingdom | f s 

-  “we’ve been at it like rabbits, how are you still so horny?”. a newlyweds!au smut.

chapstick by @softyoongiionly | f s

- based on the time Jungkook said he needed someone to scold him so he’d remember to put lip balm on. or jungkook’s had a really long day and the only that can make it better, is seeing you. 

lover boy by @jingukk | f 

-  jungkook likes you. a lot.

unexpected confession by @sunkissedjk | f

-  you gathered up the courage to confess your feelings, but it seems everyone in school knows about it before you could even find him.

string attached by @ephemeralkookie | s

-  jungkook is what we can call your sexfriend. No strings attached, just you and him having fun and releasing the huge pressure and stress of being idols. But after spending an entire day together, you realize that maybe he’s not just your sexfriend.

no title by @himbojk | f s 

- dilf jk.

astro

eunwoo

ceo!eunwoo by @m0onbean

no title by @yutopiada | f

- a cute idol!reader and eunwoo moment at a music show.

disney by @bangchan-sonyeondan | f

- a cute date with eunwoo at disney. reader likes vintage things hence using a disposable camera.

baby, it’s cold outside by @fresh-outta-jams | f 

- a cute cold christmas fluff with eunwoo ft. the boys. reader went to the boys’ place for a sweater and cocoa gift exchange.

got7

yugyeom

cruel brothers by @imsarabum | f

-  jackson and jaebum have always acted as if they were your big, overprotective brothers. so when they both walk in on you and yugyeom in a very intimate position, things get a little tense!

txt

soobin

a special night by @gyuluster | f

-  an intimate insight on the first night of choi soobin’s wedding, consisting of kitchen floors, witches and an eternity of love.

boughs & branches by @jeogiyall | f 

-  decorating the tree with boyfriend! choi soobin from txt! fluffity fluff fluff with a lot of cute fluff thrown in and a dash of christmastime fluff. 

sleepy binnie by @immabiteyou | s

-  “i’ll let you do anything if you just touch me now. “ a sleepy soobin smut.

cake by @immabiteyou | s

- reading waiting for mc soobin with the guys. a cute fluffy smut moment.

kpop oc/s

seri by @ggukkiedae

anyway, thank you again for the writers please take care and be safe!

please free to recommend your favorite fic that i haven’t feature yet.

if the links won’t work and i labelled some fics wrong please let me know and i’ll try to fix it as soon as possible!

support the fic and the writers!

[yourwildsimp]

Journal

This did not at all go where I thought it would, but it’s here. This is my first X Reader I’ve done so if you have some input, it would be greatly appreciated-

includes: Levi, Y/N

warnings: Mentions of dark thoughts

length: 2,535 words

"Cadet!" 

You were quick to glance over your shoulder, wondering how you've messed up this time. You were just about to leave the mess hall, so you were probably going to be scolded for being the last one out, or for not eating again. Levi always snapped about how he needs you at your best.

"You forgot this," the captain said, his stoney blue eyes narrowing as yours widened, "Or did you leave it on purpose?"

It was your journal, the one you were always buried in whenever you could be. You did leave it on purpose, hoping someone would find it and save you from yourself. Hoping that someone would notice all of the changes in your behavior, hoping someone would hear your silent screams. Yet, seeing that it was Levi fucking Ackerman who returned the journal? You wished you had kept suffering alone.

"And it has so many…" Levi hesitated, almost like he was trying to find the right words to string together. "So many horrific thoughts written inside of it."

You could practically feel how serious he was while he gripped your prized possession just a bit tighter. You couldn't handle the growing silence, so you broke it.

"I should know. It's mine, after all." He didn't find your joke very funny. 

Levi opened his mouth, picking his next words carefully, "What's going on with you? You haven't been yourself recently."

You mentally swore, fingers twitching at your side. Levi didn't fail to notice, making his abnormal concern grow.

"What do you mean, Captain? I'm perfectly fine." As much as you wished the forced chuckle in your voice would change his way of thinking, it didn't.

"I'm more than certain something is happening with you," his voice grew more pointed as he stared at you, "There's no point in trying to hide it. Just spit it out."

"Why would you even bother asking?" Your muttered question left your lips before you could stop it.

"I want to know because I care about you. That's something a lot of people can't say, so don't go off wasting my support," Levi's tone didn't change and you sucked in a much needed breath. 

You wearily watched him place the journal on one of the long tables in the room, the soft thud reminding you of how many hours have gone into fruitless attempts of venting out your pain.

"Stop being stubborn and tell me what's going on, cadet." He inched closer, and you stepped back in response, eyes darting to the table.

"Once again, Jean and Eren left their spots disgusting. Do you want me to clean up, or would you rather chew them out yourself?" You gave a tight smile, forcing yourself to look back at him.

"Don't change the subject," he growled, a strange blaze flaring up in his eyes. Levi noticed how you tensed and he sighed to calm himself. "The things that you wrote in that book," he started, never once looking away from you, "Those were some seriously dark thoughts, and if you honestly do feel that way, you need to talk about it. So, stop trying to be the coldhearted badass and let me know what's running through your mind."

He sounded like a parent trying to convince a child to admit they broke something. It was a bit frightening in all honesty. 

You didn't say anything, teeth digging painfully into your tongue so you would keep quiet. You had just now noticed you'd been staring at the wooden floorboards this whole time, and yet you didn't stop.

Levi noticed that you weren't going to contribute, so he did it himself.

"What are you afraid of? Do you think I'm going to be mad at you?" 

You could've kicked yourself when your panicked chuckle wormed its way into the one-sided conversation. 

"Look at me," he demanded. You didn't listen, a thick gulp being your only reaction. "Cadet, look at me." This time it came out as a snarl, and you obeyed out of pure fear. 

Levi shut his eyes for just a moment, a heavy sigh leaving him as he tried to compose himself again. You both knew that he wasn't great with feelings, but he was trying. 

"I'm not mad at you. You can tell me whatever you're going through and I'll listen. Don't ever be afraid to let someone know how you feel, that is the only way someone can understand you." You had to clench your jaw to keep a snarky remark from making the situation worse. "Stop hiding from people, stop holding on to these emotions, and thinking that by some miracle things are going to work out by keeping silent. Things don't ever work out that way, and it only prolongs the pain. It only gives time for shit to get worse. So, stop being an idiot and just tell me what's going on already." 

"You sound like you're speaking from experience," you muttered after letting his words sink in. 

You didn't get a response, so you let your gaze lower, but not drop completely. Levi waited for you. The Levi Ackerman patiently waited for you to let go of some agony. So you did.

"Sometimes," it was difficult for you to refill your lungs with fresh air, "I get these recurring dreams that make me think about the things I'd kill to forget." A fly could be heard over your quiet voice, but you had spoken, and Levi found it a big step forward.

"I see," he spoke more to himself than anything. "So that's why…" 

His words trailed off as he remembered walking past the cadet sleeping quarters in the ungodly hours of the morning and often hearing whimpers of fear and sleepy pleads for directions on what to do. His eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"You've been having those, too, haven't you?" He paused, knowing damn well that the night terrors weren't anything but a small piece to the puzzle. But it was progress. "It's not uncommon. Everyone gets those nightmares."

You resisted the urge to insist that's the reason why your problems weren't such a big deal.

"Having thoughts about the people that you've lost, the people that you'd cared about," Levi tightened his jaw, taking a deep breath through his nose and not saying anything for a heartbeat. He changed his wording, "You're allowed to feel. You're allowed to grieve and to be angry, to be hurt." It was like he was reading from the list of your emotional insecurities.

It was starting to get painfully tense, so you attempted to redirect the topic of choice.

"That's funny, considering who's speaking. You only seem slightly agitated whenever you hear about the trouble Eren is constantly causing. I'm surprised you don't have grey's, old man," you laughed in spite of yourself, the noise tense and borderline frantic.

"Writing these thoughts in this book," of course he wouldn't budge. The man's like a stone wall, despite his height. "It's probably your way of coping with what’s happened to you." 

You swallowed, glancing away before sucking on your tongue to distract yourself.

"But, you have to be able to talk to someone as well, to be able to hear your problems leave you." Levi didn't say anything after that, quietly observing how you tilted your head up to stop your brimming tears from falling.

He surprised you by taking a seat on the table's bench, a good four or five feet from your journal. "Come here," he said gently, patting his legs, "You look like you need to be held. If you feel comfortable, that is." 

"On your lap?" You asked, chest tightening. You knew all it was going to take was one hug- just one god damned hug- and you'd crumble.

"Yes, on my lap. Come on," Levi couldn't care less about your height or weight, none of it bothering him in the slightest. 

You hesitated, the exit door seeming all too tempting. You didn't leave, though, and it wasn't because Levi would catch you if you were to run, nor that he would only confront you more forcefully in the future. You knew you needed this- that's the whole reason you had left your secrets behind. But, fuck, it was so hard to make yourself sit on his lap.

"There we go." His encouragement nearly ripped you to shreds.

"What are you? Santa Claus?" You mused, eyes burning holes into your lap with how determined you were to look anywhere but. 

"Go on, let it out," Levi pushed you to speak again, this time far more effective.

"Let what out exactly? My Christmas list?" Your voice cracked, heart painfully throbbing.

"Come on, cadet," Levi breathed again, sickeningly gentle eyes looking at you.

"I wish for a cup of hot chocolate with cookies on the side," you forced a twisted smile on your face as burning hot tears started to slip down your cheek. "Maybe at least one good night's rest. O-Or a chance to go back in time." 

You were breaking down, caving in on yourself as you choked on a sob.

"I've got you."

But you weren't alone. The captain was rubbing comforting shapes into your back.

You shook violently, tremors growing worse before you gave in completely. Harsh sobs thrashed your body as you buried your face into Levi's chest, letting every bit of your pain out.

"It's alright," Levi's voice warded off the ringing in your ears. "It's going to be okay. Do you hear me? You're going to be okay."

Promises of betterment and words of comfort soothed you as you soaked his uniform with tears. Tears that you've held in for far too long, tears that represented your suffering.

"You did all you could. Stop blaming yourself for whatever happened or you'll never be able to move forward. If all you keep doing is holding onto the past, you'll stay stuck in this shitty, painful cycle," Levi told you exactly what you needed to hear as he alternated between pats and rubs on your back. 

He took a deep breath, and you heard his heart rate kick up as your crying quieted, though you didn't- couldn't- stop.

"I had two friends who died on the same damn day. People I considered my family- gone, just like that. People I'd just met, people I had just been acquainted with that morning, died later that day, too," he shared his pain, opening castrated wounds all for you. "Sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers," he listed, voice wavering before he righted himself, holding you closer. "Dead. Gone. And who was in charge? I was." You felt his chest steeply rise and fall as you sniffled. 

"There are things that you'll have to live with, situations you'll be placed in that you'll have to get through." His thumb and index finger captured your chin, forcing you to look at him. "I just want you to remember that you don't have to find a way on your own. You don't have to feel like you need to take all the burden, all the pain, by yourself." 

The hand that was on your back navigated to the Scouts emblem on your jacket, gently thumbing at it. 

"That's why you have us," there was a smile dancing in his voice, though it never quite reached his face. "We can support each other." 

Your tears had calmed down to a few rogue leftovers, and you found yourself ready to slip off of his lap. Levi didn't seem to mind the massive wet stain that bled through his white button-up and onto his peck. Didn't seem to on the outside, but you knew he was a cleaning fanatic.

"My office, my doors, are always open," his tone turned sarcastically bitter, "Unless I have paperwork to fill in, or I'm cleaning up Jaeger's damn mess." He relished the small giggle that left your lips. "If neither of the two are happening, you can always come to me."

He narrowed his eyes at you, lightly flicking your forehead.

"You hear me? Always, cadet." He gently smiled at you. "Not only are my doors open, but my arms are open, too." 

You glanced away to hide the sparkle in your eyes. Your attention returned to the captain, however, when a warm hand found itself on your shoulder.

"I know that feeling of thinking everything is your fault," he swallowed, casting his gaze down before looking back at you. "That feeling of being disappointed in yourself, down in the gutter, beating yourself up and wishing that it was you instead." There was a solemn look in his eyes before he spoke again, "I know that feeling, and I know how it eats you alive." 

Levi pulled you in for another hug, resting his chin on your shoulder as he shuddered in another breath. 

"I also know the feeling of being comforted. Of being reminded that there is a tomorrow, and that things can get better." He gave you a small squeeze before pulling away, both hands on your shoulders now. "That if you make it past today, you can make it past tomorrow, too." 

He allowed you to sit back, and the words he spoke were more than welcomed.

"After everything that you've been through, there is no storm that comes your way that you're not strong enough to face," the proud gleam in his eyes spoke volumes. "And, if you feel like you can't handle it alone, you can face it with me by your side. I'll always be here to brace the storm with you."

Nothing could prepare you for what he said next.

"That is a promise, cadet."

Levi never made promises- not like this. The only thing he's ever promised was to dropkick Eren if he ever went so long without showering again.

"Now breathe," his voice reverted back to that gentle, but commanding tone. He took a deep breath with you, in and out before staring you dead in the eyes. "Everything is going to be okay. It might not be perfect, but we will make it through this. Every battle has an end. Don't go giving up until you find your ending." You felt the grip on your shoulder tighten, his Adam's apple bobbing as he continued, "Please... Hold on for me." 

That left you picking your jaw off the floor before Levi mentioned it, not able to do anything but nod. You, a cadet, had gotten him to say please.

"There is so much to live for in this life," he noticed your doubt before you even said a word. "Let's start living for the people who don't get to, who don't have a choice."

A comforting silence settled into the atmosphere. Levi smiled before standing, mentally double-checking if you were okay. "Oh, and one more thing?" You perked up when he spoke.

"I'll break your fucking legs if you talk about me being soft, cadet."

Ah. There was the Levi you knew.

"Wouldn't dream of it, captain," you said gently, proudly saluting him as he walked towards the back exit.

You would never know, but an extremely proud smile graced his features as he watched you hesitate before throwing the journal away.

[deepperplexity]

Black Clouds

Title: Black Clouds

Request: Hi! I just wanna start off by saying i love you’re writing ❤️ I was wondering if you could write a snape x fem reader where the reader is thinking about committing suicide because she feels like she's not worthy of living and she believes that he could have someone better and Sev notice that something is wrong and uses legilimency to find out the issue because she doesn't want to open up with anyone and he's shocked by what he sees and tries to help her. I'm sorry if that's too specific and if you don't feel like writing it, don't worry ❤️

A/N: First of all, before I say anything about this request, I want to tell EVERYONE who feels suicidal to find and ask for help. YOU ARE NOT UNWORTHY OF LIFE. This request hits home for me and I was deliberating if I should write this or not as it’s such a sensitive subject for me personally. But, that’s actually all the more reason to write it. Suicide is a hush-hush subject in society when it really should not be - this is something we ALL need to talk about and we ALL need to make sure that everyone feels safe enough to ask for help. And, as you all know by now, I am all for writing about sensitive/taboo subjects that need to be addressed more. 

Secondly, if you are suicidal or harm yourself in any way - THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE LESS WORTHY. You are worth all happiness, help, support and care in the world - you have a place in this world and it is ever-changing. What is today may be different tomorrow, what happened yesterday may impact what happens the day after tomorrow. There is always a new dawn to meet and a new sunset to cherish. If you are reading this, you are alive and fighting - go you! Like, seriously, it is fucking hard to be alive in this world but you are doing it! You are fighting, even on bad days, you are fighting and winning! Thank you for being here, thank you for staying with us, thank you for gracing the world with your presence and life! ❤️

As I mentioned this hits home and I will do my best to do this request justice as it is so damn important. I do want to mention this is fiction and I do not personally stand behind all the things that characters do even if I write it. Characters have their own will and sometimes that overrules my will as a writer (also, sometimes it’s just needed to get a good story). To intrude in one’s mind is not something I find to be a good thing - but as my loyal readers already know its a thing I use often because its fun to write and Severus just wants to bloody do it all the time; that man as no sense of privacy boundaries when it comes to others, let me tell you… So just keep this in mind whenever you read fiction - just because someone wrote it does not mean it is something they stand behind or condone. If that were the case the world would be way more bonkers - just think of all the murders and rape and war and devilry stuff authors write about O.O 

+A/N: I was writing with a female reader in mind but as I edited this I noticed nothing actually states that it is a female so the reader is GN - I hope Nonny doesn’t mind.

Pairing: Snape x Reader 

Setting: Post Second War, Spring 2003, Your home at Rosewood Hill 

Word count: 3540

Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, Angst, (Age Difference), Fluff, Mental Health, PTSD, Anxiety, Emotional Rollercoaster, Kissing...

Prologue:

You, like many others who had survived the horrible battle at Hogwarts in 1998, suffered from a series of illnesses. Survivors guilt, depression, anxiety, panic attacks and lately the thoughts had begun to overwhelm you. Collectively one could call it severe PTSD but to simply group all the different emotions and disorders like that simplified it a bit too much. Some parts were PTSD, of course, but some things had haunted you long before the battle. Like your struggle with self-worth, your anxiety and the intrusive thoughts that popped up more often than not. The fact that you had been mere 19 years old when you fought for life, justice and all things good probably made the experience even harder to handle. 

Fortunately for you, something good had come from the war. Love. Your previous professor, Severus Snape, had been severely injured - actually, he had been at death's doorstep - but pulled through after several months of care where you as a nurse partook in his recovery daily. He made a full recovery under yours and others care and once he was free to leave the hospital he had asked you out on a date. You had accepted happily and then everything just sort of happened. You fell in love, got married, moved to Rosewood Hill and renovated a rundown house together as money was tight - but it all turned out quite good in the end. Well, except the fact that things weren’t good. Not at all…

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3

You had been unable to sleep in the early hours of the morning. Flashes of memories and the sound of screaming paired with falling bodies kept you company. It had gotten worse since Christmas four months ago. That was when it had snowballed out of control completely. You blinked and sighed before you carefully left the bed, and Severus, behind to get some coffee as you tried to keep the intruding thoughts at bay. 

Lately, despite all the love and happiness in your life, you had been feeling less and less worthy. Of life, of Severus, of everything. You did your best to hide how you felt. You smiled, you laughed, you baked and cleaned, did all of your hobbies and made sure Severus wouldn’t see how you were hurting inside. Made sure he wouldn’t notice how tormented you were by the mere fact you were alive. 

He had enough to deal with, he was so strong that it nearly brought tears to your eyes. He had been through pure hell. Had struggled and fought with all his might year after year while he was hurting, so deeply. You couldn’t fathom how he did it, how he survived and lived on. How he could stand it all. All the thoughts and emotions. Everything. What you felt simply couldn’t be anything to measure with against what he must have felt for so long. It pained you that your thoughts were so selfish, that you had such pain and hurt inside of you when he had a stronger right to claim such emotions. Weakling, worthless, unuseful piece of garbage...

The coffee burned its way down your throat and you winched slightly. “Careful, love,” the gruff voice of your husband echoed out. It startled you as he always slept late and the sun wasn’t even up yet. You smiled at him as you tried to arrange your face into a happy one. He arched a brow at you and you chirped out a ‘good morning, honey’ to him. He grumbled  at you, “no morning is good before nine.” You simply laughed at him as he grabbed a giant mug and poured it full with black coffee. 

“Why are you up so early?” He grumbled after a few sips, you shrugged and cradled your own cup of coffee in your hands. “I just couldn’t sleep, figured I’d get a headstart on the day,” you smiled out and he huffed. “You’re mad,” he grumbled and you shrugged again. “Why are you up?” “You left, the bed felt empty.” You smiled at him but couldn’t help the piercing thought that he would sleep better if you weren’t by his side at all. 

You snuggled up on the couch with a thick book, something to escape into. Something to cradle and lose yourself in for a few hours as Saturday passed by ever so slowly. You didn’t notice that Severus took up a place right beside you before he placed your legs over his own with gentle movements. He made sure the blanket covered your feet and then held a steady grip around your calves. You glanced up at him from the book with a smile etched to your lips. He arched a brow at you. 

“What?” you asked quizzically, his hands squeezed your leg for a moment before you felt his tender fingers stroke back and forth. “That is the question I would like to ask you, love.” You raised your brows ever so slightly before you closed the book. “What do you mean?” “What’s wrong, love?” he asked in a hushed tone and you smiled reassuringly at him. “Nothing’s wrong,” you said, “why would anything be wrong, darling?” 

Severus looked at you for a moment before he let out a small breath through his nose. His eyes left yours as he looked down at his hands placed on your legs. They were rough and pale, they were hands that you loved. “Do not lie to me, (y/n). Something is wrong. You are, not yourself anymore. Tell me,” he said gently yet firmly. You smiled wider before you placed your hand on his forearm. “Darling, nothing is wrong, I promise. I’m fine and happy, I have you.” 

For a long moment, there was nothing but silence and you felt as if your plastered smile might have failed you at any moment when he finally looked at you. “Love, do not lie, it does not suit you. Just, tell me.” You patted his arm as thoughts raced through your mind, wondering how you could reassure him he did not have to deal with your shit when he probably had so much to deal with from his own thoughts already. 

“Darling, come here,” you said and he leaned towards you. You stroked away one side of his black hair and hooked it behind his cute ear before you gently caressed his cheek and kissed his lips tenderly. I will not fail you, was the one thought that spun through your mind over and over as you tasted him. “Everything is great,” you whispered as you broke the kiss, “I’ll go make some tea for us. You seem a bit tense.” He nodded at you but there was sadness in his eyes that you could not ignore even if you stood and walked out to the kitchen.  

Your hands were shaking as you poured water into the kettle. The cups rattled as you placed them on saucers. Your breathing faltered over and over as you tried to calm your heart. Too close, too close, too close, you thought as you placed tea bags in the cups. I need to do better, he can’t see, I can’t worry him. He’s got too much of his own stuff to deal with, I can’t be a burden to him. I don’t want to burden him anymore… 

A small, glinting tear rolled down your cheek as you bit your lip to keep a sob at bay just as the kettle screamed. The water swirled as you poured it, stained by the tea in a gentle pattern before it all gained the same deep colour and you felt as if you yourself had been stained a deeper, darker colour throughout the depths of your heart.  

You had avoided him a tad after the tea. You busied yourself with laundry, cleaning, changing sheets on the bed and dusting. Not until evening came and Severus had set the table with a divinely smelling dinner were you forced to be still and in close proximity to him. Now, some might have thought this was just because you didn’t want him to notice it all, see it all, know it all. But no, no that was not the reason you had avoided him. At least not completely. 

You wanted to tell him, talk to him, get help. Or something along those lines. At the same time, you felt shame, pain and an array of doubt as to how he would react but also regarding your infliction of pain through verbally admitting what you felt to the one you loved so deeply. The storm inside you that was black clouds of endless dust that howled about your insignificant worth made you feel horrible in every way. Yet, the one thing you did not want was to hurt him. Drag him into the storm. Pain him with your selfish thoughts when you knew, knew what he had been through - for years . 

I have no right. No right to feel like this. I should be happy. Should be grateful. I’m alive, I have a home, a man who loves me and the world is safe again. I know I should feel all these things. Should be filled with love and joy. He survived, we found each other. Yet, he is just so damn much and I’m just, not worthy of any of it... 

“(Y/n), talk to me,” he said all of a sudden as he put down his cutlery. You lifted your head, allowed your eyes to meet his and tugged your lips up into a smile. “Darling, I don’t understand what you’re going on about. I’m fine, everything is good. I’m good.” “You are not good!” The sudden change of his tone startled you for a second. His gaze was intense and penetrating. As if he looked through you. You gasped as you felt his intrusion in your mind and you had no chance of blocking him out. 

He saw everything. Every little thing that you had desperately tried to hide from him. The hurt, the doubt, the horrors of your mind that filled your days with anxiety and sorrow. He slithered through your mind with such power and speed you barely had a chance at breathing as your mind raced with thoughts you had wanted to hide. But, it is as they say. If someone says ‘do not think of an elephant’, what do you think of? An elephant. And that elephant was all of your fears combined with all of the pain. 

His eyes watered and you stood with such speed that the chair toppled. “Severus-” you breathed out with a mixture of emotions that were nothing but bad. Your lip quivered as tears rolled down your cheeks before you dashed out of the kitchen and ran towards the bathroom. You closed and locked the door a mere second before he pulled at the handle. “(Y/n). Open the door,” he said with a slight shake to his voice. But you simply curled up in the tub and hugged your legs, your knees against your forehead as tears wet your clothes and skin. 

He banged at the door, twice, and you shivered. He saw it, he saw it, he’ll hate me, he’ll be furious with me. I have no right to feel this, I’m not worthy of, anything… The fear of him feeling such things towards you made you nauseous and afraid. “Please, love, open the door. Let me in,” he said through the wood that separated you. But you didn’t move. Then a click was heard and he had used the unlocking spell to let himself in. You hugged your knees tighter. Buried your head with more force as you tried to stop the sobbing that wanted to crawl its way out of your mouth from the depths of your chest. 

You felt his hand on your back as you heard the ruffling of fabric as he lowered himself beside the tub. “Love, please,” he whispered and pain was evident in his voice. You curled up further, as much as you could. I hurt him. I hurt him just like everyone else has done. You’d be better off without me, I know you would. I’m such a fucking coward, why haven’t I just- just- just ended it?! I’m not worthy of breathing the same air as you. I should have died. I should have died with the others. Someone else should have lived, I should have died in that war. “Love, don’t.” 

It was too late when you felt his presence in your mind as your dark thoughts buried you in such cold depths you barely registered that he lifted you out of the tub. His arms wrapped beneath and around you. His thin lips pressed themselves against your head and you let go of the clawing sob. It escaped through your quivering lips and Severus tensed. 

“Love, you are my everything. My whole world. You, are the very reason that I am living. You are-” “Unworthy of your love,” you breathed out in a hushed whisper. To say the words out loud felt as if someone drove a piping hot branding iron down your throat. “It is I who is unworthy of you ,” he whispered against the top of your head as he sunk to the floor and cradled you, “I should have seen, noticed, I should have been there for you like you have always been for me. I am so sorry, love.” 

Had this been one of those stupid romance novels I would have been all smiles and happy by now. To hear you say that. I would have been cured of these feelings. But apparently, life is not like that… The thoughts and feelings you had had for so long had not lessened in any way. Had not disappeared just because of his adoring words. They were as strong as ever. But now, now there was also the pain of having hurt him and made him feel unworthy or lesser. It was agony and you had no way to deal with it other than to cry. 

Darkness had fallen long before you finally stopped crying. Everything in your body ached and you knew Severus was stiff and sore from the odd position on the hard floor, with you in his lap. “I am so sorry, love,” he whispered for the umpteenth time. “I’m tired,” you whispered back as your mind kept spinning with all the things you had tried to bury. To hide. Things from before the war and after the war. Life, death, loss and gain. “Let’s get you to bed,” he simply said and the thunder in his voice felt subdued. A mere distant rumble and it made you feel strange.  

He rose with you in his arms, carefully cradled as if you would break with any hasty motion. You felt the stiffness in his movements, yet he didn’t say a word about it. He simply carried you through the hallway and placed you on the bed with gentleness. You turned and laid on your side as your mind echoed the words ‘insignificant, worthless, unbearable’ over and over and over as Severus pulled the cover up over you. “I’m so sorry, love,” he whispered before he kissed your head, “I will help you, in any way I can. Please don’t, don’t leave me...” 

The room was silent after those words and a moment later you heard him take a shuddering breath before he left. You were alone. In that moment, something desperate clawed in you. A fearful thought crossed your mind and pain travelled through your veins as if they were freezing with an ice-cold breath. He’ll leave me now, he’ll see that I’m not worth anything. That, that he is better off without me. Strangely enough, that scared you. Even if it had been the very epicentre of your dark thoughts and agonizing pain lately it was different now. He knew now. Perhaps it was the end and all you had feared was actually true? That you meant nothing, was worth nothing. Nothing at all.  

You shivered, turned to lay on your back and grabbed the cover to take it off but at that moment the door opened. You turned your head only to see a broken man in the doorway. His eyes glinted with unshed tears and his shoulders slumped. He looked nothing like your Severus. Nothing at all like the powerful and strong man you had fallen for.

“I will never leave you. I love you, (y/n).” You looked at him as the words vibrated through you in a low tone. “I would have been dead if it were not for you,” he continued and the words elicited a gasp from you. You could not even fathom the idea of a world without Severus. Such a place couldn’t even exist in your wildest fantasies. He was everything. “A world without you, would be worthless and empty. You are everything to me and I want to keep you forever, here, with me. No matter how selfish that may be, I need you with me. Or I shall perish.” 

Your heart fluttered with a need for his love as his words landed somewhere in the darkest parts of your mind. The parts where screams and falling bodies lingered. The part where dark clouds of dust swirled with sorrow and pain. The part where no dawning light had shined for years. There his words landed, settled. A small crack in the clouds allowed a single ray of sunshine to come through as gentle words of thankfulness for all who had survived could be heard, even if they were muffled by distant memory and buried beneath all the bad things. 

You removed the cover and sat up slowly. As your feet touched the carpet something jolted in you. You ran towards him, slammed your body into his so harshly that he took a staggering step back as his arms wrapped themselves around you with such haste you were nearly surprised. “Please, love, please. Stay and go through this with me. Together,” he breathed out and you nodded as new tears leaked from your eyes. “I will-, will try…” It was the only kind of thing you could say as you clung to that tiny sliver of light in the depths of the darkness. That tiny little ray of warmth that was your beloved and his love for you. 

 Epilogue: 

It had been nearly six months. For six months he had guarded you, tended to you, helped you through the pain and anxiety attacks too many times to count. He had cred, you had cried and several times it felt hopeless. As if nothing would ever change the darkness that clung to you on the inside, in the depths of your mind. 

But he had encouraged you, supported you, helped you in all ways possible. Even on days when you wanted to run away from it all and give up, he made sure you could see light and feel warmth. He had confided in you as well. His fear of losing you, his pain in seeing you turn into someone he did not know, the anguish of not knowing and not being able to help. The horror that had raked through him each time you had shut him out with lies of how great and good everything was. His fear that he was not enough for you, that he was not what you wanted. 

But now, after months of hard work, tears, open communication and desperate attempts at surviving through it all you felt lighter. The dark clouds of dust were nearly gone as light bathed most of your inner self; a warmth spread like the gentle breeze of a summer night. It was thanks to him, to your beloved, and your own hard work. Your own strength and determination to not yield and succumb to the darkness. Even on days when it was most tempting to escape it all swiftly. 

You had fought. Struggled. Won battle after battle. Some battles were lost but the war was being won, one fight at a time. You did that. You fought on and conquered the pain, the sorrow and despair. The abysmal voice that echoed horrendous words of unworthiness and shame had nearly been silenced and replaced with a growling noise of power and love. His voice, his sound, it saved you time and time again as you allowed love to actually unfold and be a part of your life. As you allowed yourself to be alive even if you were not always sure you should be. 

You did not give those thoughts more than a swift glance as they passed by in your mind. They were not worthy of your emotional investment. They were false and wrong. You would not succumb to them no matter what as you had finally found your will to live accompanied by a need to do so happily - despite everything your mind had whispered, you were worthy. You just needed help to break free of the darkness and see yourself for the worthy person that you would always be. No matter what, you would always be worthy of life.

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3

A/N: I want to say thank you to the Nonny who sent this request and I want to yet again remind everyone that you are worthy of all good things and being suicidal or harming yourself does not take that away! If you are harming yourself or have suicidal thoughts, find and ask for help! You are worth it, worthy of help and of life! Thank you for being here with us. ❤️

Taglist:  @lizlil​ @snapefiction @darkthought15​ @monstreviolet @flowerdementia​ @marvelschriss​ @simpforsnape​ @once-upon-an-imagine​ @ravennight41​  @morphineisouthoney​ @setsuna-meiou31 @meteoritewolf69​ @bionic-otp​ @elizabeth-baelish​ 

Want to be tagged? 💚 You can tag yourself HERE! Or tell me and I’ll gladly tag you! 😍

[Feb:2021]

[rubysunnday]

Dear Mother,

A/N: Inspired by the post about what Mrs Shelby’s name is. It’s also inspired by my first ever fic on here, The Letters, since it’s almost been a year since I posted it. 

Her name had become a taboo. No one dared to mention the same of Mrs Shelby - the woman who’d thrown herself into the Cut because she went out of her mind. It was always “Mrs Shelby” or “the Shelby’s mother”. 

Her name had died with her. She didn’t even have her name on the grave. Just mother. 

Y/N Shelby didn’t even know her mother’s name. It was nowhere to be seen within the walls of the house and there was no record of it in any photo album or bundle of letters. 

She was a ghost - a nameless whisper on the wind. 

Y/N never asked about her mother’s name. Her brothers had told her she’d died from an illness - slowly wasted away before their eyes until she was no more. It was the truth, in a way. Her mind had give up and her body had followed not long after. 

She’d thrown herself into the Cut and had sunk to the bottom - like Ophelia when her lover had murdered her father. Left behind was an already broken and bruised family who’s eldest members were about to go to war. 

Y/N didn’t remember her mother. She didn’t remember the screaming, the crying, Tommy trying to shield her, Finn and Ada from their mother as she went out of her mind. 

Committing suicide was no way to go. A mother committing suicide was another thing entirely. How could she be so selfish and abandon her children? 

That was were the fear and suspicion of the Shelby’s had begun. All because of their mother. And they used it to their advantage, quickly becoming the most feared and respected family in Birmingham.

But no child should have had to grow up hearing whispered secrets about their mother and how it wouldn’t be long before the children followed her into the cold, icy depths of the Cut.

Y/N Shelby had no mother. Polly tried her best but she was never a maternal person - the loss of her children had damaged her beyond repair - and Y/N missed the nurturing nature mother’s apparently had. 

She didn’t remember her mother. There were pictures of her in Tommy’s house - of her with John, Arthur, Tommy and Ada. She looked beautiful - like a Hollywood movie superstar. She was picture perfect, smiling at the camera with a loving hand on John’s shoulder and her arm around Arthur’s waist. 

It was a snapshot of a forgotten time - before the demons invaded her mind and ripped her soul from her mind. And it wasn’t a true snapshot, not really. She’d suffered with the demons for years before that image, but it only got worse.

But Y/N took that image of her mother - looking perfect and like a porcelain doll. And she wrote her a letter. She introduced herself, told her what she looked liked and what her favourite things were and put it in her desk draw.

For the next twelve months, Y/N wrote a letter to her mother every day. She poured her heart and soul out to this invisible woman who’s name no longer existed and who’s image was frozen in a dusty photo on her brother’s desk.

8th April, 1923

Dear Mother,

I turned nineteen today, Nothing spectacular happened - I had a nice meal out with Ada and went riding with John and Arthur. Tommy vanished off to London - again - and I didn’t see him all day. Not quite sure what I’ve done to piss him off but, alas. 

Polly gave me your necklace today The string of pearls you bought with the first bit of money Arthur made. I’m wearing them, and your engagement ring, as I write this. I look like a proper lady with my new dress on...

It’s been sixteen years since I last saw you. I’m doing alright without you but it’s hard. I see Ada with Karl and Polly with Michael and my heart aches for that. But i know I can never have it and will never have it. 

I hope you’re alright, wherever you are, mother.

All my love,

Your ever loving daughter, Y/N x

As the days and the weeks went by, the bundle of letters got bigger and more tattered. She told no one about her little ritual - she knew they wouldn’t approve. Her family never dared mention their mother for fear of bringing about a curse.

Y/N was never that superstitious. No curses existed - it was just poor luck and death threats. 

1st August, 1923

Dear Mother,

I feel like I’ve almost caught you up on the past sixteen years. The Great War, Tommy’s wedding, both of John’s weddings and his gaggle of small humans he calls children. There’s almost nothing else to say to you.

Not that you’re actually here, that is. I doubt you were ever really here.

I wrote my brothers letter when they were in France. That was different, though, because they wrote back and sent me little things. I still have the violet John sent me from the Somme. 

I have all your things. No one else wanted them - they say they’re cursed or some shit like that. I was never that superstitious, it’s just life attempting to play God. No one has a say on who gets to be a survivor and who gets to be a martyr. 

I like to think of you as Ophelia. She sang to herself as she drowned, oblivious to her death. I hope you were like that, finally at peace with yourself as you floated down the Cut with the fallen flowers and leaves around you like a halo. 

There’s me trying to romanticise your death. No one even mentions you by name so forgive me for trying to make you seem more alive than apparently you are.

Well, you’re not alive are you. You’re dead. 

You have a grave. It’s up on the hill by the old tree that was used for hangings back in the day. Near Tom’s house. It’s an alright spot, I suppose. Nothing special. No one ever visits you, however. Your name isn’t even on the pebble someone put there as a marker.

We couldn’t afford a headstone. We can now but Tommy would murder me if he knew I did that. He hates talking about you.

No one ever tells me about you. All I have are a few photos that are practically falling apart and your clothes and jewellery. 

Anyway, I need to go. Family meeting and all that shit.

Your ever loving daughter,

Y/N x

By the time Christmas came, Y/N’s desk drawer was full of letters to her non-existent mother. Each letter was bundled together by month with colour coordinated ribbons for each month. February was purple, September orange and so on. 

She’d told her mother everything she’d ever wanted to. Her first kiss, her first love, her first break up, the time she got shot, the numerous times she almost died. 

She had no need to tell her anything anymore. Her mother felt so much more real to her now than she ever had before. 

She made her decision on Christmas Day evening. Everyone else was inside Arrow House watching the children open their last few presents and drink the remaining of the wine and whiskey. 

Y/N slipped outside, grabbed her horse, and rode up to the hill were the old hanging tree had once been. Her mother’s grave sat to the left of the tree - a tiny mound of earth with a pebble as its only marker. Y/N dismounted from her horse and approached the grave, clenching the letters tightly.

Twelve bundles. Almost 365 letters. 

Y/N found some twigs and branches and made a small fire at the foot of the grave. A moment later it roared into life and crackled away, casting an orange glow over her face.

She spread Tommy’s coat out on the ground and sat down, cross-legged, in front of the fire, clutching the letters. For once, she wasn’t wearing a dress belonging to her mother. Instead it was a mismatch of her brother’s old trousers, shirts and waistcoats. 

She started with the first of January. 

Y/N untied the ribbon and pulled out the first letter, the date neatly scrawled on the top left of the envelope. She read it through once, flipped it over to look at the address and then put it on the fire.

The paper curled as it burnt away, the writing fading into nothing but ash and sparks. 

The second of January followed suit before the first of January had even finished burning. 

Each letter curled and burned in the fire, the words and the sentiments becoming nothing more than ash. 

Fifteenth of February quickly followed the fourteenth. 

Twenty-eighth of April was followed by the twenty-ninth. 

Each and every letter was add to the fire until she was only left with one. 

25th December, 1923

Dear Mother,

I’ve told you everything. 

There’s nothing left to say, now. I’ve spilled my darkest secrets and untold stories to you. 

I’ve moved on, now. I still wish I had you around but I’m coping with it. I wish you were more than just words and pictures and jewellery. But nothing is fair. 

I’ve burnt all the letters and I hope the words reach you. I hope their spirit and their meaning reach you and reassure you that your daughter is doing fine. 

You used to be mine but now you belong to the world.

I only wish I’d learnt your name.

All my love

Your ever grateful and loving daughter,

Y/N Miriam Shelby

[moonbeambucky]

Hey Neighbor (Part 9)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Word Count: 3827 Warnings: fluff

Summary: You had a plan and then life came along with one of its own. With your future almost derailed you worked hard to get yourself back on track and finally everything seemed to be going right… that is, until your new neighbor moved in.

A/N: A huge thank you to my wonderful beta Sam @buckyofthemyscira​​​​​​​​ Feedback is always appreciated!

PART 8 | HEY NEIGHBOR MASTERLIST

The lobby of Stark Industries is bright and almost blinding compared to the dull grey that looms over the city outside. To make matters worse, the sky would darken into a deep black in just a few hours, a depressing casualty of setting the clocks back.

It was mid-November with winter closing in. You bundle up your coat, adjusting your scarf before daring to step outside. You were having a conversation with Steve, or at least you thought you were.

“He’s been like this all day,” Mr. Lee said, laughing as a confused Steve finally picked his head up from his phone.

Steve apologized as his cheeks turned pink, again. He was texting Peggy and he just couldn’t help the way he felt about her. They had gone on a few dates since they met on Halloween weekend and Steve was one-hundred percent smitten.

“Well anyway, I have to head to Metro-Gen now so you boys have a good afternoon,” you said, saluting them before stepping outside.

Your internship was going well. It had only been a few months but you were very comfortable working in this type of environment. You were familiar with the hospital and some of the ER staff other than Sam. You assisted Elena with her cases and tried not to forget everything you’ve ever learned while under pressure. It was scary but exciting and most of all you were happy to provide assistance and care to those that needed it.

When the weekend finally came you were thrilled to finish up your hours at the hospital. You were cold and tired, and really wanted to take off your bra immediately. Wanda was coming over which was rare since she and Sam became official. Any time he had off they tried to spend together and you understood it, especially with the hours required for his job but you really missed her and were happy to finally hang out after so long.

“So you seriously can’t eat this?” you said, taking a hefty dip of guacamole onto your chip.

“Uh yes I can bitch, don’t hog all the guacamole,” Wanda joked, pushing you aside as she grabbed the dish for herself. “I just can’t eat the chips.”

Wanda was always trying new diets, not that she ever needed to be on one. She was doing the Keto diet now and while you applauded her commitment you could never give up carbs like that.

She sat cross legged on your couch, moving her fork around her bowl absentmindedly as she worked up the courage to speak. “So I wanted to ask you something…”

A pang of anxiety hit your stomach as it tends to do whenever someone says those words, but you tried to remain neutral, wondering what Wanda was going to say.

“I know we usually have Thanksgiving together but Sam happened to be off this year and I know it’s really soon but he invited me for dinner at his parents’ house and I haven’t said yes yet because I wanted to speak with you first because I know it’s our tradition to do something together but– ”

“Wanda!” You had to shout her name so she could stop and take a breath. You smiled at her, letting her know you were okay with her having Thanksgiving with Sam. “I’m really happy for you,” you said against her ear as she leaned over to hug you.

That night you thought about Wanda and Steve, how they both got into a relationship on Halloween. Meanwhile, the only thing you got that night was a blister on your heel.

“Hey neighbor.”

Bucky’s voice echoed from down the hall as he stepped out of the elevator, seeing you locking your door, with a laundry bag at your feet.

With everyone’s new relationships and Natasha prepping for a case no one has gone out since Halloween and things definitely felt a little weird.

“Hey,” you replied shakily, offering an awkward smile in return.

The truth was you were still upset with Bucky on Halloween. Well, not just you but the whole group. It had been weighing on you each day that passed without seeing him. The closer Bucky got to you and his door, the more nervous you felt and you really wanted to get this off your chest.

“Bucky… sorry this is out of the blue but…” You chewed on your lip trying to figure out exactly what to say.

His brows knit together. “Is everything alright?”

You forced a tense smile, wishing you hadn’t said anything in the first place, especially with the way concern filled those ocean blue eyes of his.

“Yeah I just…” With another big sigh you pushed the words out. “I thought it was kind of rude for you to ditch everyone on Halloween without saying goodbye. I know we’re not that close and you don’t owe me or anyone an explanation for wanting to leave or whatever but I don’t know, I just… needed to say that.”

Your lips pressed together firmly, feeling your heart pound rapidly against your chest as you waited to face whatever backlash there was after sharing your feelings.

Bucky sighed, letting his shoulders slump down. “I’m sorry Y/N. Honestly, that’s not how I wanted that night to end. But you were talking with that guy so I didn’t want to interrupt anything and everyone else had each other so I thought I’d do my own thing.”

“Guy? What guy?” You wondered out loud. When Bucky described him you realized he was talking about Bruce. “You thought something was going on with me and that guy? No, no. He’s a friend from work, just a friend.”

“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to block… anything… just in case.” Bucky chuckled, flashing his bright teeth as he smiled. “Still that was a dick move of me so I’m sorry.”

You accepted Bucky’s apology, feeling a little better about why he left the way he did. It didn’t mean he wouldn’t have left with that girl anyway, not that you care, because you don’t. Although now that most of your friends were in relationships you were feeling a little envious. It’s not that you didn’t want to date but you were too focused on work and school at the moment.

“Well I guess I’ll see you later,” you said, picking up your laundry bag.

“Wait!”

Throughout your conversation one thing stuck out the most in Bucky’s mind, when you said you weren’t close. He really thought you were and he’s not sure why it affected him so much but he wanted to change that and make it right.

You’ve definitely become a good friend of his even if you hadn’t gotten off on the right foot. And maybe he’s been a little busy lately, he hasn’t kept up on the group chat and didn’t think about how his lack of communication impacted anyone else. You were his friend, and so were Steve, Sam, Natasha, Clint and Wanda. He wanted to do better and be there for everyone so he might as well start now.

“If you wouldn’t mind the company I actually need to do my laundry too.”

There wasn’t any hesitation as you nodded back to him, your lips pulling into a smile that grew wider when he returned one of his own. Bucky took a few minutes to gather his laundry and together you walked a few blocks to the laundromat.

It wasn’t too crowded for a Sunday afternoon which was a pleasant surprise so the machines were pretty available. Bucky shared his detergent with you which was kind, saving your quarters from buying the single use packs the shop offered.

You sat beside him on uncomfortable chairs, bouncing your leg to keep warm as you shivered. There was some heat circulating through the room, a muggy wet heat that poured out every time someone opened the machines to check on their still damp clothes. Bucky was a good distraction, keeping you focused on your conversation as you caught up on what’s been going on in your lives.

“Thanksgiving’s going to be a little weird this year with Wanda and Steve doing their own thing but it’s alright.”

Bucky heard the disappointment you tried to hide in your tone but your face didn’t mask the emotions as well. He listened as you explained this was your tradition since you moved to New York. Since you couldn’t afford to fly home for both Thanksgiving and the holidays you had to choose, and so every year you spent the day with friends.

“Why don’t you spend it with me?” he asked, watching as the corner of your mouth slowly began to turn upwards into a smile.

“With you? You don’t go to your parent’s house?”

Bucky’s expression softened, “Normally I do but this year they’re flying out to spend Thanksgiving weekend with Rebecca.”

“Where does she live again?”

“It’s ‘they’ and Arizona.” Bucky rubbed the chill from his arms despite wearing a jacket. “Kinda wish I was there right now,” he chuckled.

The machines shook for their final spin cycle and you and Bucky got up in preparation to grab your clothes.

“You didn’t want to go with them?” you wondered.

“I’ve got a lot to work on plus I’ll see Bex soon, they usually come in for Christmas. So… is that a yes? I know I’m not Wanda or Steve but I’m still your friend.”

Bucky’s expression was hopeful as he awaited your answer. A beaming smile spread across your face as you replied, “Yes. I’d love to have Thanksgiving with you!”

If you looked at Bucky’s browser history over the last few weeks you would find a lot of food related searches: How to cook a turkey, how long to cook a turkey, how to cook a turkey fast, easiest way to cook a turkey, simple Thanksgiving dinner, Thanksgiving for 2, best Thanksgiving sides.

He wanted to make your Thanksgiving special but truthfully Bucky wasn’t the best in the kitchen. He could cook a few things but the idea of making a full Thanksgiving dinner was daunting and he couldn’t exactly ask his mother for help.

Since it was going to be just the two of you he finally found his answer– Thanksgiving dinner on a sheet pan. Bucky wrote out the list of groceries he needed, making sure he had everything needed so he could prepare the dinner.

You were working a full day at the hospital so Bucky had extra time to prepare for your arrival. His clothes were folded neatly, placed in his drawers that could now actually close. He made his bed, well he made sure the pillows were straight and draped his comforter over everything neatly. His instruments were gathered together neatly beside his desk and he made sure his bathroom was clean. Bucky spritzed his cologne in the air for good measure to make sure everything smelled nice.

Once that was done it finally dawned on him that he didn’t have a table. “Good job Barnes,” he scolded himself as he cleared away the last remaining clutter on the trunk that served as his coffee table. It would have to make do.

Bucky opened the package he bought at the store, a harvest themed tablecloth that was entirely too big for the trunk but with a few extra folds he made it look alright. It was an extra touch he hoped you would be happy to see. Checking his phone Bucky began to prepare the food, hoping to time it right for when you were coming by.

“No, no, no,” you cried, passing another bakery that was sold out of pies.

You hadn’t planned this properly. Not one bit. With Bucky preparing dinner you offered to bring the dessert and for some reason you thought making pumpkin pie from scratch would be easy. You were very wrong.

By the time you got home last night you were too exhausted to even look at the recipe. You needed sleep and had no shame in going to bed pretty much right away. The fact that it gets dark before five o’clock definitely helped you justify your early bedtime.

The genius idea you had was to wake up a little early so you could make the pie crust which might have worked out if you hadn’t overslept. Yes, despite the extra sleep you got your body wanted more.

Although you made it to work on time you ruined any shot at trying to snag a pie from any bakery along the way. Now you were headed home, defeated and upset with yourself for ruining Thanksgiving.

You trudged through the hallway, sighing heavily as you stood outside of Bucky’s apartment. Your knuckles rapped against the door, waiting for him to answer. Bucky pulled open the door with a smile that dropped the moment he saw your face.

“Y/N, is everything okay?” His hand came upon your shoulder as he offered comfort.

With another deep sigh you shook your head, “No… well yes.” You reconsidered your words, not wanting to worry him. “I ruined Thanksgiving.”

His mouth opened but Bucky didn’t speak, silently wondering why you think you’ve ruined something that hasn’t happened yet.

“I said I would bring dessert and I wanted to bake but I was too exhausted, so I thought I’d get something from the store but everything was sold out and now I feel like a shitty friend.”

Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the way you pouted so seriously over something as insignificant as dessert.

“Hey, c’mere,” he said, opening his arms. You rested your head against Bucky’s chest wrapping your arms around him as he rubbed circles on your back through your jacket. “You didn’t ruin anything, doll, I promise.”

With a few more reassurances from Bucky you pulled away from his embrace, feeling a little better even if part of you was still disappointed. You told him you would be over in a few minutes, desperate to change your clothes.

Bucky’s door was unlocked and you let yourself in, now wearing a loose sweater and black leggings that would allow you to feel comfortable as you stuffed your face, and casual slip-ons your feet thanked you for. Bucky was equally casual, in a dark grey t-shirt and black jeans so you didn’t feel bad for underdressing.

You stepped inside seeing the coffee table set up in a themed tablecloth and a scented pumpkin candle that smelled delicious as it spread throughout the room.

“Dinner should be ready in a minute or so. Can I get you something to drink?” he asked as you set your bag down beside the couch.

“Wine, I guess?” You weren’t really picky to be honest, happily taking the glass of Pinot Noir as Bucky poured for you and himself.

Bucky barely had a chance to take a sip before the alarm on his phone was going off, his reminder to take the food out of the oven.

“I hope this is okay,” he said, pulling out the sheet pan of turkey breasts surrounded by stuffing, green beans and sweet potatoes.

Your mouth was watering as you inhaled the enticing aroma. “Mmmm it looks delicious. Do you need any help?”

Bucky shook his head, telling you to relax. It was hard, because even though you were still pretty tired from the day you felt like you should be doing more than sipping wine on his couch. You stared at Bucky as he stood in the kitchen, dividing the food amongst two plates.

The muscles of his back were entrancing to watch as they moved beneath his shirt. Dropping your gaze you couldn’t help but stare at the way his jeans hugged his butt.

“You like what you see?”

Bucky’s voice seemingly came out of nowhere as you hadn’t realized he was looking over his shoulder.

“What? No, I’m… tired and stuck in a comfortable stare,” you laughed quickly, masking the awkwardness of definitely getting caught staring at his ass.

Bucky chuckled under his breath. He placed both dishes down, proud of the work he had done. Pressing his lips together Bucky had hope written across his face as he waited for your reaction.

Your hand came up to cover your mouth as you tried to chew fast enough so you could tell him how delicious it was. A smile stretched across his face, happy that he made you happy, and then Bucky began to dig in.

There wasn’t much to watch after deciding to skip over all the football games and sitcom reruns but choosing from Netflix wasn’t much better. There were a dozen cheesy, romantic Christmas movies but neither of you wanted to watch any of those.

“Oh how about this?” Bucky asked as he flashed by Nailed It! Your eyes lit up with delight as you nodded your head. If there was one show that made you feel better about your baking skills it was watching these hilarious disasters.

Bucky had the cutest laugh. The sound itself wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but the way that his whole face lit up while he was laughing. The joy reached his eyes first with crinkles pulling at the corners, his nose scrunched up reminding you of a bunny, and that smile… Bucky had one of the nicest smiles you’d ever seen because it had the power to make your own greater just by looking at it.

You were crying with laughter as the contestants revealed their cakes, each one somehow more horrifying than the last. By the third episode you found yourself comfortably resting your head against Bucky. It was nice to have someone to hang out with like this again especially since Steve had rightfully been spending most of his free time with Peggy.

“I hope you don’t get your baking skills from this show. Maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t make pie,” Bucky teased. Your immediate response was to playfully smack his leg. “Ow I’m kidding!”

“It would have been good, a thousand times better than this,” you gestured towards the screen.

Bucky cocked his head to face you. “So let’s make it now.”

Your head shook rejecting his suggestion. “It takes too long. The dough needs to rest for a while after you mix it and I don’t want to eat pie at two in the morning. Not when I have to get up early again.”

With another day off from Stark Industries you’d be spending a full day at the hospital, trying to chip away at all those hours you needed to do.

“It’s still early, we can make something right? Cookies? Is that the same dough?” Bucky asked, because even though you had to be up early he still wanted to spend time with you and he could also go for dessert.

“It’s not exactly the same but I have all the ingredients. Do you want to make cookies?”

Bucky’s stomach rumbled as if on cue making both of you laugh.

Since it was easier to bake in your apartment you helped Bucky clean up the dishes you made in his, feeling it was rude to leave things a mess. Bucky didn’t want you to clean but you at least insisted on rinsing the plates clean and since you were at the sink anyway you ended up washing most of them.

You didn’t see the way Bucky smiled while watching you. This was probably the only time he’s felt comfortable having a woman linger in his apartment. His flings all begged to draw out their time, promising him pancakes or the best eggs and bacon he’s ever had. As hard as they tried, he shut them all down ushering them out quickly but things with you were different. You were friends and closer than he would ever be to any of the random names in his phone.

In your apartment Bucky helped gather the ingredients needed. Counter space and New York didn’t exactly go together, not in your price range, but together you cleared space on your kitchen table and set everything up there.

Bucky ignored his phone that rang as he cracked eggs into the large bowl you were using to mix everything together in. He picked up the bag of chocolate chips pouring a generous amount in the dough, not that you minded; the more chocolate the better!

Together you scooped up balls of dough onto a baking sheet and placed them in the oven.

“Bucky!” You turned to find him swiping his finger through the bowl of raw dough and eating it.

“What?”

“You can’t eat that you’ll get sick!” you protested, taking the bowl away from him and washing it before he could risk his chance of getting E. coli any further.

He sucked his finger into his mouth, smiling, “No one has ever gotten sick from eating raw cookie dough.” His comment had you look back, blinking in silence. “Okay well I’m sure someone has but it’s never happened to me.”

“I want you to enjoy these cookies Bucky, not vomit all over the place.”

He brought over the rest of the bowls that needed to be washed, this time taking over and returning the favor since you washed his dishes. “You mean you wouldn’t take care of me if I got sick?” He pouted, tilting his head and raising his eyebrows.

“Not a chance,” you said teasingly, unable to hold back your smile.

Checking your phone you pulled out the cookies just in time for them to be crisp and chewy. After letting them cool you let Bucky take the first bite this time, watching as his eyes rolled back as he let a sinful moan slip.

“So fucking good. You’re amazing.”

This isn’t the first time you’d heard similar praise coming from Bucky, and combined with the orgasmic look on his face it made you turn away with embarrassment, now having a visual of what things might be like at night on the side of the wall. You grabbed a cookie to distract your mind, biting into buttery perfection with a massive amount of chocolate thanks to Bucky’s heavy hand.

“Thanks for a great Thanksgiving Bucky. Tonight was awesome,” you said, kissing him on the cheek before wrapping your arms around him.

“You’re welcome Y/N,” he murmured against you, squeezing back a little tighter, both of you now aware of the friendly kiss you had given him.

Bucky left with a dish containing most of the cookies at your insistence. He couldn’t help but eat a few more when he was back in his apartment. Before getting into bed Bucky listened to the voicemail he received earlier.

“Hi James, it’s Mom. We missed you tonight. I don't know why your deadline was on a holiday but I hope you finished everything. I set aside some leftovers in case you wanted to come over tomorrow. Call me back. I love you.”

PART 10

[prose-for-hire]

All I want for Christmas is you

[This is a (late) part of my 12 Days of Chirstmas fics]

Pairing: Spike x fem!reader

Request: Hi! A spike request angst for the holiday collection. Where spike and the reader get into a massive fight and he says some really hurtful things. So its really awkward leading into Christmas and the reader considers leaving him. But then spike gives the reader a present on Christmas like a sorry present that changes her mind :)

Requested by: Anon

Warning: Spike and reader fight and say mean things. Swearing. Very light sex references.

A/N: I use the ambiguous phrase ‘jewellery’ rather than explaining what the object is because it’s a reader insert and some people like certain items and some people don’t like any jewellery (blame Buffy and Dawn sorry)

You and Spike loved each other, you knew this. But you and Spike also argued. All the time. You had broken up and got back together more times than you could count. It was a ‘can’t live with him, can’t live without him’ situation. And you were just going in circles.

This particular time, finds you and Spike finishing decorating the crypt. It had been fun, by all accounts. You had even got a tree. He had managed to distract you a lot, making an hour’s task lasting the entire day.

When you were loved up, it was bliss. It was fierce passion. Often languid and sensual. Even giddy and fun at times.

He hugged you from behind, closing his eyes as he inhaled, kissing the back of your head. His hands started to wander from your hips and you closed your eyes in delight. Pressed against him felt so right.

“Did you hear that?” You said, your eyes snapping open. It was bells. Little, twinkling Christmas bells. It was eerie, not cheery. You hadn’t bought any bells.

Spike groaned in frustration and looked around as if you had gone mad. You were always doing this. Driving him wild. Teasing him so.

“What in the buggering hell are you goin’ on about?”

“There’s something…” You said cryptically as you looked around, which irritated him to no end.

“It’s nothing, just- come here”

“Spike! Why don’t you listen to me?” You pouted slightly, hoping it was entice him to take you seriously, check if there was a threat. But it did the opposite.

“Oh, right, and what’s your plan then? Why don’t we scream and run away. That’s about the form of your fighting skills anyhow ain’t it?”

“Just shut up – it’s Christmas” You snapped, looking at him as if he needed to drop it. But this just irritated him, as if you were chastising him. Like he was someone you could control. Emasculate.

“Poor little y/n, making things up for a scrap of attention again” He stuck his lower lip out and tilted his head to the side, in a way that nobody would describe anything other than patronisingly, “You don’t know who you are, not without me” He added the end after a pause.

“You’re the one that followed me around for months on end before I agreed to date you!” You bit back. This is where everything tended to go south. Fast.

“Yeah? Well we’re only together after last time ‘cause I took pity on you and took you back – saw how I left you wantin’ thought we might as well. You’re attractive at least” He leaned in and took your chin, moving you to face him as he insulted you. You held back tears. He was supposed to love you, why was he always so mean?

“Fuck you, Spike!” You shouted, grabbing his wrist and moving him from touching you before adding, “You’re such a self-assured pig!”

“Yeah, you love it” He purred.

“I hate you”

“No, you don’t” He stated. Before dragging his voice out almost sing-song like but in a humourless way, “You want me. You need me” He bit his lip, moving closer and closer, making you shiver. He was trying to charm you into submission. Again.

Well, it wouldn’t work… not this time anyway.

“You’re the one that wouldn’t leave Buffy’s doorstep until I came back with you! You’re obsessive! You’re a slave to love, no - to pain, Spike!” You stated, moving away from where he had started to back you against the wall.

“Slave to you” He offered, that look in his eye. Offering to forget about it, although he had been the one that had been cruel. His look offering making up. In bed, wherever you wanted. He would even apologise if it meant you wouldn’t leave him again. But you were still mad, still angry at the way he spoke to you.

His look almost made you back down, he was hard to resist. You were addicted to each other. Even when you were fighting it could switch to sex so easily. To hot passion.

But not today.

“No. You’re not. You don’t want me. You want drama, a fight. I’m sick of it! Forget it” You shouted, continuing, “I mean it this time, Spike! We’re done!”

“Love, you don’t mean that – we’re-”

“Finished!” You ended his sentence for him, “Get out!”

“No- I’m the one with my name above the door, you don’t bloody pay the rent” He said, backing away from you as you had that look in your eye. You could be downright vindictive.

“Neither do you - it’s a crypt, you don’t pay shit!”

“You wouldn’t throw your fella out just before Christmas, would you, love?” He tried as you had walked him out of the front door, throwing his leather duster at him. He caught it in a ball and clutched it to his chest.

He sighed exaggeratedly. He really didn’t want to have to rough it somewhere, exposing himself to possible sunlight. He wanted you again. He cursed himself. Wished he had just kept his mouth shut.

But you weren’t so innocent. If he hadn’t created an argument, you would have done. It had been in the air. Building up over weeks.

“Bloody women!” He screamed at the door you had unceremoniously slammed in his face. He heard you slide the bolt across the door and he kicked it for good measure, howling in pain and hobbling away.

To add insult to injury, as he stalked through the streets trying to find a suitable crypt it had started to snow. The first bloody snow here in centuries and he had been caught up in it. It couldn’t get any worse.

Shit. Why did he have to think that? He rounded the corner and almost ran straight into the Slayer. He had been dragging his feet, kicking a stone until he looked up and saw her.

“There a reason you’re terrorising the sidewalk, Spike?”

“None of your business”

“Y/n’s kicked you out again hasn’t she?” Buffy’s face lit up as his face gave away she had guessed correctly.

She enjoyed seeing him like this. She was your best friend and she thought (no, knew) that you were too good for him. She told you all the time. But you were both too swept up in the animal attraction. In the possessive, heated entanglement you couldn’t escape if you wanted to.

“Betty the do-good…-er” Spike floundered. It wasn’t his best line. He was ridiculously sad. Mourning the loss of his relationship with you again. He craved you, he wept for you. There was a deep aching in his chest the further he walked from the crypt. The further he walked from you.

“That was tragic. You weren’t kiddin’ when you said you were bad” Buffy said, not able to hide the smile at her own joke.

“Yeah, well, just lost the love of my un-life here. Give a bloke a break” He snapped, sniffing and trying to wipe his eye on his sleeve subtly. Buffy rolled her eyes but for some reason, before she went over to the crypt to collect you and the overnight bag you had packed and re-packed more than you can count, she turned back to him.

“You know she feels the same. Maybe it’s time to let go, Spike. Or buy jewellery. I hear girls like jewellery” Buffy shrugged.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t know” He muttered, luckily she didn’t hear it or she would have spun back and staked him on site. She only hadn’t before the previous interaction because she knew you would never forgive her.

Your relationship was infuriating. And not just to you and Spike. It had a ripple effect, it was a part of your friends lives too. One day you would be shouting and screaming, the next passionately making love on the nearest surface. It was exciting and painful, like whiplash from a rollercoaster. The rollercoaster that was y/n and Spike.

It had been a few days now. You were staying at Buffy’s. She was a good friend to you. No matter how many times you and Spike yo-yo’d between love and hate she was there for you. With as little judgement as she could.

She comforted you while you cried, heartbroken despite Buffy being sure you would manage to find it in your heart to forgive him yet again. You clutched the mug of hot chocolate she had made, complete with marshmallows. She had learnt well from Joyce.

Dawn had slipped you some of her freshly baked sugar-cookies that she had made specially to cheer you up. She had decorated them with little Christmas characters which made you smile at her.

The girl adored your relationship with Spike, whether rightly or wrongly. She looked up to you, wanting to emulate a passionate relationship like that herself when she was older. It was like you were in a romance novel or something.

What you and Buffy didn’t know that since you had moved in, Dawn was Spike’s spy. She was, for the price of $5 and scary stories from his past, she told him all about what you said and how you were feeling. He now knew you were upset, missing him. Wallowing the same as he was. Well, good. But now, he had to make it up to you. He made Dawn help him brainstorm into the night.

She wanted to do it, she was sure it was for a good cause. In the name of true love, obviously.

Spike walked her back to Buffy’s where the Slayer was pacing and you were watching out for her to come home. You were going to give her the heads up that Buffy wasn’t pleased that she had gone awol. The snow had fallen thick now, anything could have happened and Buffy was scared Dawn was hurt.

You saw her then, with him. Your heart rose and your eyes glistened. You watched him trudge beside her, the white glow of the snow lighting up his face, making his cheekbones more prominent. He took a final drag of his cigarette before throwing it away, his eyes finally meeting yours through the window.

You walked to the door and unlocked it, whispering to Dawn that Buffy was gunning for her before turning back to Spike.

“Love…” He started. You just shook your head, you were still hurt.

“Goodbye, Spike” You said pointedly, closing the door on him once more. This time you turned with your back against the door, sliding down it as you started to cry. Dawn worried that it would take more than the Christmas gift they had been planning to win you back as Buffy scooped you up. She suggested that there was plenty of Christmas films you could watch, to take your mind off things. You nodded, leaning against her shoulder debating yourself whether to run after him or not. Buffy decided against any heavy romance-based films as you continued to sniff.

Eventually, Christmas Day came and it was the first that you spent without him in years. You usually made up before. You spent the entire day with a fake smile plastered on your face, not just at the slightly misjudged present from Anya (it was a vibrator, because you were on your own. You opened it in front of Dawn not realising and Buffy had to cover her eyes).

You thought about him the entire day. You ached, pined. You almost braved the thick snow, that you had almost been snowed in by, more than once before one of your friends distracted you with something.

As night fell, you gave up hoping. That was, until, there was a sharp knock at the door. His knock, you knew it. You had slammed the door in his face too many times not to know that knock. You sprinted over there, swinging the door open.

“Spike” You breathed, smiling. You had felt his absence so painfully.

“I know, I’m not stopping, wouldn’t wanna interrupt the touch-feely bollocks I’m sure is in full swing about now” He said and it made you smile, You loved the way he spoke. His accent. The way he phrased everything as if he had crafted it just for your ears.

He handed you a surprisingly well-wrapped gift as you smiled down at it, “It’s- for me? But I didn’t have time to get-”

“You know the only gift you could give me worth anything would be you” He admitted, which was how you felt for him. You didn’t need this, but you knew this was his way of apologising.

You opened the present and gasped, smiling wider. It was jewellery, just the kind you adored with a little gem that sparkled in the moonlight. You looked over at him, how could you ever have doubted him? He did his best by you, he always did. You knew who he was when you had started dating, just as he had known who you were.

“Spike, I’m sorry for how-” You started, but he shook his head, taking your hand.

“This- the way we- it’s not right, I know it” he admitted that the way things were, the bad seemed to take over the good. He lived in hope, though. He was convinced that this time it would be all love, “But I want you, I burn for you – it’s why the gem’s that colour, see? You’re the only one for me, the only one I could ever love through it all” He said it so honestly. So sincerely.

You invited him in after you whispered your own affections, much to everyone else’s chagrin. You showed them the gift and Dawn cheered, telling you she helped. You grinned at her and Spike had to convince Buffy not to stake him again. You both stayed in the living room for a moment, listening to the rest of them talking and just gazing into each other’s eyes.

Then you were kissing. His lips on yours hotly, you had missed this so bad. His lips were made for yours. He drank you in, all of you. Your flaws and your perfections.

He loved your everything. The good and the bad. And you matched his message. He felt it, deepening the kiss. Forgetting where you were for a moment. Until he heard your friends mutter insults at him.

He picked you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist. All the while, you had barely stopped for breath. You never wanted to part from him again. You were pressed close to him, willing him even closer.

His lips caught any exposed skin on your neck, your jaw as he carried you without word upstairs. You looped one arm around his neck, the other against his jaw so you could catch his lips again with heightened desire.

The others just watched you leave, trying to ignore the way you were all-but grinding against Spike in anticipation. None of them were surprised by the turn of events but they weren’t exactly pleased either.

Buffy, Xander, Willow and Giles all shared a look as you and Spike thudded against the walls as you walked along the corridors upstairs trying to find a room to slip into.

They all wondered how long it would last this time as you gave yourselves a very merry Christmas.

[bts-hyperfixation]

Taehyung, 2, 21, 27. Preferably a Smut with some angst and surprise me with the scenario. Could it be a mafia au?

Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year – 18+

Taehyung Mafia AU

Warnings: Anal play, definitely some unclean sex practices, unsafe sex, mentions of death threats

I am so sorry about how late this is!

“Look baby, I already said I’m sorry I’m not going to be home for Christmas.” Tae sighed rubbing his temples as you refused to turn back to face him. You’d been fighting over this for a while now.

“It’s not that you won’t be home for Christmas Tae. It’s that you won’t be back for your Birthday or New Years either and I’m sick of it!” you finally deign to look at him. It’s clear he is close to snapping at you, but you are tired of the shit. You knew it was going to be hard to be with him, especially after you found out what he really did for a living, but you weren’t going to let this one go. This year alone he had missed: valentine’s day, your graduation, your birthday, his mother’s birthday, and Halloween, and you would be damned if he missed the next three holidays as well.

“You know damn well there is nothing I can do about this Y/N! You need to just drop it.” He huffs fixing you with his most intimidating stare. Unfortunately for him, you became immune to that look a long time ago. He was scary man to everyone else, but to you he would always be a teddy bear. It was long established he would never hurt you. You just stared right back. Your own evil glare far more threatening.

“I bet you could do something. You’ve never even tried! You are at his beck and call regardless of the day or time. I bet if we ever actually got round to setting a wedding date, he would call you away from the alter and you’d just fucking go.” Something akin to hurt flashes across his face but you don’t stop. “Namjoon cannot be your be-all and end-all Tae, one day you are going to have to be a big boy and make a decision for yourself.”

“What do you want me to do Jagi? Do you want me to let Namjoon shoot me for not being there? He will you know, shoot me dead, or worse you. Look I was a stupid kid when I entered into this, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m in. Namjoon calls I answer, or I die. That’s it no grey area.” His gaze softens when he sees the panic in your eyes, tears welling in the corners. The thought of Taehyung turning up dead because of you too much to handle. He reaches out his arms for you and you slot yourself in. You take a minute to inhale him, burying you nose into his jacket.

“I just miss you Tae.” Your voice muffled by his suit. He holds you tighter to him and kisses your head. He moves one hand to smooth down your hair.

“I know Y/N-ah I miss you too, but we have tonight so let’s make the most of it.”

A short while later you are wrapped up on the sofa. Taehyungs arm is wrapped lazily around your shoulder as you lean into him, trying to forget that he won’t be there in the morning. The hours tick by and episodes of the show on the tv keep ending. The two of you are fast asleep in one another’s arms. By the time you wake up the world is way too bright. You squint your eyes to look out the floor-length patio window.

“Tae… Taehyung wake up!” you tap at his arm panicked as he grumbles for you to leave him be ‘just a little longer’ “Kim Taehyung wake your ass up. I think we are snowed in…” his eyes snap open at that. Fear registering on his face when he sees the two feet of snow that was still growing. He glances at his phone.

*3 missed calls Namjoon*

NJ: Where are you?

NJ: You’re late

NJ: Don’t make me take away your little toy to regain your attention.

NJ: Kim Taehyung if you do not respond to me, I will be forced to take matters into my own hands. DON’T make me.

He hides the screen from you a little too late. Bile rises in your throat, but he sends you a reassuring look as he rings back Bangtan’s leader.

“This better be good.” You hear through the receiver.

“Hyung, I’m sorry I’m not there. It appears I’m snowed in. I’ve spent the last few hours trying to figure a way out. The windows are too protected and the doors all open outward. It appears we did too good a job fortressing my home from others that even I can’t get around it.” You hear a low grumble come from side of the phone as Taehyung’s boss considers the excuse.

“I can’t spare anyone to bail you out… as soon as your free make your way here… I’ll be checking in.” with that the line goes dead. You both let out a breath in relief and settle back into the warmth of one another.

“Looks like I’ll be home for Christmas after all.” Taehyung says trying to break the silence.

“Guess I’ll have to think of a present to give you now…” you joke, untangling yourself from him and the blanket. You sway your hips a little too much as you move away.

“I think you might be my present.” He licks his lips as he stares at your bum.

“I don’t know? Shouldn’t you be looking for a way back to your Joonie?” you tease bending over more than necessary to pick something up off of the floor.

“Looking at the snow, I just don’t think there is anyway for me to possibly escape until after my birthday… New Years even?” he makes a big show out of being disappointed, but he can’t stop the smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.

“No, no, you should at least try.” You turn back to face him, batting your eyelashes in the most overexaggerated way you could. Your arms pull in a little to accentuate your cleavage.

“Keep doing that and your gonna end on the naughty list.” He growls, abandoning his ruse mush quicker than you.

“I don’t know what you mean baby. You really really should try to get back to Namjoon, I imagine Bangtan’s entire operation is going to shit with out you.” You casually check your nails, attempting to look bored.

“I just got handed a get out of jail free card. I’m going to use it.” He fireman lifts you off the floor and spanks your arse. You squeal and wriggle but its no use. He throws you on to the bed, barely giving you a moment to recover before he is discarding his shirt and straddling you. His mouth latches on to your throat leaving blooms of purple all over the exposed skin. He is ruthless in his marking, needing the world to know that you are his, even if that world will only be you and him until the snow melts.

You whine as he nibbles at the most sensitive area of skin right below your ear. You can feel his satisfied smirk against your skin.

“Still want me to try to get back to work?” he teases. You just wrap your hands in his hair and pull his mouth to yours. Tugging at his curls, you don’t let him go until you can’t breathe anymore. You weren’t exaggerating when you said you missed him. it’d been a long time since the two of you had been intimate. He hovers above you for a moment. His signature boxy grin plastered on his face. He takes all of you in. Hair splayed underneath you, blush colouring your cheeks, lips plump from the kiss. Perfect. Perfect and his.

“What?” you can’t read what he is thinking. Having gone from full on to heart-eyes in a matter of seconds has you extremely confused.

“Let’s set a date. I’ll tell Namjoon to go fuck himself, just pick a day and I’m all yours.” He nuzzles back into you waiting for an answer.

“May, just as the weather gets better.”

“Deal.” His lips return to yours, this time it’s much softer. All his love for you going into this one kiss. “Now let me ruin you.” He pulls at the hem of your t-shirt, dissatisfied when it doesn’t immediately come off. He rips it away instead. You pout a little at the loss of a good shirt, but he draws your attention back quickly. Hot opened mouth kisses trail up your stomach from your navel to your bare chest. His tongue circled one of your nipples, flicking the sensitive bud until its standing at attention. He tweaks it between his fingers making you grimace at the pleasurable pain.

“Please Tae…” you moan

“Please what jagi? How am I supposed to know what you want if you don’t tell me.” His feigned innocence dripping in his tone.

“Please Tae I need you.”

“Need me where?” he is practically laughing at how desperate you sound.

“I need you to shove your tongue so far inside of me I see stars.” Not a man to need to be told twice he dives straight between your legs. He makes quick work of your pants and underwear. You bend your legs and angle your hips towards him. You can feel the vibrations of his laugh flutter against you as he brings his lips to your core licking up your arousal before setting to work. He wraps and arm over your hips to stop you from writhing underneath his touch. So sensitive from not having his touch in so long. You cant help the jolt as his tongue slips from between your folds to between your cheeks, playing with the tight ring of muscles there.

“Tae” you try to make it sound like a warning, but it comes out more of a whine.

“You said you needed my tongue inside of you. You didn’t say where inside of you. You need to be more specific with your wording baby.” He doesn’t give you chance to respond before pushing into your hole. You keen at the sensation. The arm that was holding onto your waist makes its way to your clit, rubbing lazy circles in the opposite direction. He keeps the pressure just like that for a little while, lulling you into a false sense of security. You settle down and enjoy the lazy pleasure. You should’ve known better. Once your guard is down, two of the fingers from his free hand thrust inside of you. He curls his fingers, immediately finding the most vulnerable part of you. He takes his tongue away from you so he can watch as your face crumples in pleasure.

The orgasm that had been slowly building in the pit of your stomach is suddenly about to be ripped out of you. Your back arches as another finger stretches you out, inching you over the edge. His tongue returns between your cheeks as you ride out your high, pushing yourself down on the fingers he has left inside of you.

“God, I hope this snow never melts.” You pant

“Me too,” he tries to move back up and kiss you, but you push his face away.

“Oh hell no, you need to go brush your teeth before we go for round two. Next time warn a girl before you do that.” You laugh as he grumbles climbing off of you with an evident tent in his slacks. He shuffles fake dejected into the bathroom.

Masterlist

Christmas stories 🎄

[a-simple-imagine]

Day 4 - Like a Child

requested by anonymous:  “would you consider a plot where the reader gets turned and all but then at some point tries to save one of the children the True Knot has captured and how that affects the dynamics between Rose and the reader”

Pairing: Rose the Hat x fem!reader

Words: 1.1k+

A/N - Haven't written for Rose in a while but rest assured i never stop thinking about her. We will return to our regular hp related programming soon. 

Warnings - minor mentions of violence, murder and guns. 

It was a cold winter night deep in the heart of December. Snow trickles down from the sky, crunching beneath the boots you stole from Andi as you head towards Rose's caravan. Crow had summoned you, saying the Rose needed a word. There were many things it could be about but yesterday was the most obvious cause. A folksy tune grew drifted along the icy wind as you approach the door. Knocking just twice before opening the door. It was like stepping into a sauna with the temperature difference but you were grateful to be out of the cold. Brushing off some of the stray flakes of snow that were beginning to melt into your hair.

"Shut the door, you're letting the heat out," She commands and without a second thought you spin around to pull it closed; a final shiver spilling up your spine. You always liked Rose's home; it had a certain bohemian charm that many of the others lacked. Plus it was bigger; a lot bigger than yours. Rose herself was nestled into the corner with a tea and her hand and a blanket covering her crossed legs. The hat she never left home without was set next to her like her own little child. Crow was also present but he was sat at the table nursing a glass of rum, maybe? Whiskey. You didn't know or frankly care. Swaying on the balls of your feet in the centre of the room, you wonder if you should take a seat or would that be rude? What did she even want? Turning to the TV, you watch as a blonde woman wearing a police vest charges up the stairs with her gun drawn. Shifting between looking at Rose and Crow, you decide you should just leave. Spinning sharply on your heel, you head for the door. "Stop," She states just as your fingers grace the cold metal of the door handle. "We need to talk."

"Then somebody talk, I was beginning to think I was invisible." You declare dramatically. Turning back around you return to your spot. Rose looks at you for a moment, you could feel her eyes drift over you like she was inspecting every inch of your body. Your lips curl up into a teeny, tiny smile as your eyes meet.

"Do you know why we need to talk?"

If it was about yesterday then yes but just in case it wasn't you didn't really want to bring it up. "You missed me? You cooked me dinner?"

The woman sighed much in the way a fed-up mother does with their child. When you first met Rose, she was much scarier. Then again that may have been because you thought she was trying to kill you. Then it turned out she wanted you to join her weird little psychic cult as you liked to refer to it. You accepted before reading the terms and conditions and ended up in deep shit but not until after some really great sex. Now, though, she was a lot... softer? That didn't feel like the right word but still. "You can't try to let the kids go,"

Oh, that. Yesterday, you may or may not have tried to let a little kid named bobby go but in your defence, you weren't properly briefed on the whole murdering children part. "That was one time, ages ago, Rose. In the wise words of Queen Elsa from the hit animated Disney movie, Frozen. Let it go."

"Ages ago?" Crow Daddy pipes up; you had almost forgotten he was here.

"You mean yesterday?" Rose ponders. "Did you think we'd just forgot?"

"The past is in the past,"

"Can you take this more seriously?" Crow reprimands, earning him a less than favourable look from Rose.

After taking a final sip, Rose placed her mug down and moved to the edge of the bed so that her legs dangled over the edge. "Stop quoting Frozen and look at me." You sigh softly, glancing towards the floor. You really didn't want to look at her anymore. When was the last time she hoovered in here?  "Look at me."

"What?" You snap a little as you look up. You almost immediately regret it, taking a few steps backwards to further the distance between the two of you."

"You can't go doing that, okay?" Why was she being so nice about this? You look to Crow, half expecting this to be a trap. "If it wasn't for Crow and this god awful holiday, I probably would have killed you but he is forcing me to see reason. It's the holidays blah blah blah." You don't really know what to say to that; plus you're too worried about making the entire situation worse so you keep your mouth shut. Rising from her seat, Rose approaches you like a lion stalking its prey. You swallow hard as she stares you dead the eyes before grabbing you by the chin, forcing you to look at her. Her fingers pressed harshly against your skin as a smirk settles on her lips. "Do it again sweetheart and I'll have your head. Do you understand me?" You nod quickly and thankfully, she lets go.  "Tell me, are you part of the true knot?"

"Yes." Your eyes follow her as she saunters into the kitchen. Grabbing the metal kettle and filling it with water.

"That's right. And you chose to join, correct?"

"Well...." It was either that or die so was it really much of a choice?

"Correct?" she said a little more firmly.

"Correct." You repeat.

"So why are you acting like a fucking idiot and letting our food source go? It's hard, I get it but we need to survive so you either get on board or leave simple as."

You bow your head a little, sinking into yourself like a reprimanded child because that's exactly what this felt like. I guess that made Crow Daddy the father in this situation? Weird. "Sorry."

"I wanna give you something?" Rose announces as she pops the kettle onto a burning hob.

"A Christmas present?"

Her brows furrow. "No. A job."

"Oh," That made much more sense. "What job?"

"I want you to start helping Crow with tracking and if you do a good job, I won't make you do the hard part. You can just enjoy the spoils."

"Okay." Was that better? Not really but you weren't about to argue with her about it.£

"And," She saunters back over to you; her hand gracing your cheek. "I'll even get you a present but you have to wait until Christmas day."

Hearing this, you can't help but perk up a little but could she be trusted? You offer her a smile. A smile you're sure she can see right through. "Alright, I'll help Crow."

"Good. Now leave before I change my mind." She shoves your head away from her hand and returns to her place on the bed.

"I have a question-"

"Now," she intervenes sharply, pointing to the door and this time you scramble to the door without another word.

[violetnotez]

HC: S/o With a Good Luck, Bad Luck Quirk

@mrsadfacestudio: SO how about Bakugou, Midoriya, Todoroki, Tamaki and Mirio react on their crush having a good luck/bad luck quirk? Like Y/N says "I feel like today will be great day!" They live close by to Y/N so as they were about to ask to walk with them. As she walk on the side walk, shit goes down. Y/N is passing a building that exploded behind her. She walk far enough so when the building fell, it didn't land on her

Alrightie I hope I did this to the best of my abilities, so I’m sorry if the quirk description isn’t accurate to your ask! Excited to write for Tamaki though since this is my first time, so forgive me if Tamaki’s isn’t the best! ✨🌸

AU: Reader has agood/bad luck quirk, where they can manipulate the luck of themselves or others around them(sometimes without realizing it)

Pairings: Midoriya x reader, Shoto x reader, Tamaki x reader, Mirio x reader

RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS CLOSED

Izuku

◦oh he is just be so amazed by your quirk-it’s so different from any one he has ever seen or heard of!

◦ he is going to have a full journal dedicated to you and is always lending a hand to help you with training if you ever need it!

◦ he knows you can hold your own, but this boy is going to constantly work himself into a frenzy over worrying about you

◦he’s just so overprotective he really can’t help it!

◦ one day as he was walking to the grocery store to grab some produce for his mother, he heard a large explosion

◦ Izuku turned around, seeing a dark plumage of smoke rising, his heart dropping-you had told him last night you were deciding to take a run in the morning

◦And of course you said you were taking a run right in that area

◦He instantly dropped the groceries, taking off at an intense speed, his hands fumbling with his phone as he desperately tried to call you

◦you weren’t calling him back, making his anxiety 10x worse

◦when he got to the wreckage site, he realized it was a poorly attempted bank robbery, heroes as well as police officers investigating the scene and taking in the suspected “villians” for questioning

◦ he started looking around, trying to see if anybody resembled you, but he didn’t see you, and oh no what if you got caught in some rubble, or maybe somehow you were badly hurt, that’s why you weren’t answering his calls-

◦ “Hey ‘Zuku, I didn’t expect you to be here! I hope no ones hurt!” You greeted from behind, scaring him shitless but also making so relieved

◦his face light up like a Christmas tree- “y/n! Oh, I’m so glad your okay! Are you hurt, do you feel alright-“

◦”I’m fine Izuku, I promise!” You laugh, taking his shaking hands into your own. “My quirk somehow gave me a heads up about what was going to happen, so I decided to get some boba instead!”

◦you smiled brightly, taking a sip from the thick straw- “it also gave me an idea that you’d stop by too,” you held out another drink, his favorite flavor-green tea

◦he thanked you gratefully, taking a sip as he held onto your hand tightly

◦After that scare, there is no way he is letting you out of his sight

Shoto

◦ Like Izuku, he is going to find your quirk intriguing and definitely interesting

◦It’s not flashy, but it certainly is very powerful in its own way (not that Shoto would care if it’s flashy or not-he loves you for you, not your quirk)

◦*cough cough unlike his father *cough cough

◦ He really can’t understand it that well, because sometimes it gives you a dose of “bad” luck before it rewards you with some prosperity in your life

◦When you and Shoto were still hopelessly pinning for each other, for example, your quirk had decided to give you a slight nudge to get closer to the reserved boy

◦ As you were rushing to the cafeteria during lunch break one day, you had spotted Shoto walking from afar

◦He was close enough to be able to see his features, but far away that you could appreciate his handsome features without looking too creepy

◦You couldnt help but sneak a blissful glance at his face-he was honestly so handsome with his bi colored eyes, pale skin, chiseled jawline-

◦And that’s when your foot slipped on a stray piece of paper and your body landed on the hard linoleum floor with a gut wrenching smack

◦Shoto has obviously heard (it was hecka loud), and being the only other person in the hallway besides you, it was hard to ignore that

◦he instantly rushed over to you, concerned for your wellbeing

◦”Y/n, are you alright?” He asked, crouching down next to you

“I-uh-yeah I’m fine!” Your cheeks were on fire, and you were cursing your quirk inside your head for not helping you avoid your fall-

◦Until Shoto has held out one of his hands, offering it to you

◦”May I?” Shoto’s exterior looked extremely composed, but on the inside he was freaking out-he was just being nice, right? This wasn’t because he had a crush on you or anything-he wasn’t loving the fact that he was the one to help you up, or was trying to memorize how your rosy cheecks looked so pretty on your skin-

◦you placed your smaller hand in his, his fingers gently squeezing yours as he pulled you up

◦your legs were still wobbly, as your knees were the first ones to hit the floor-so you body kinda toppled onto his

◦He was strong and he anticipated you to lean into him, so he easily took the extra weight with ease

◦what wasn’t so easy was keeping his composure-your hands were resting on his chest, those pretty eyes of yours boaring into his, your cheeks ten times redder

◦ He couldnt help but tense up-he wasn’t used to being so close to you, or any girl for that matter, but he was growing quite fond to how wonderful your body felt pressed against his own

◦”I-I I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ you began to stutter against his chest

◦Shoto gave a tiny smile, finding it cute that you were just as much of a nervous wreck as he felt- “It’s quite alright… do you think your badly injured? Let’s see if you can walk,”

Tamaki

◦ohhh sweet baby boy is gonna adore you

◦he’s going to think your quirk is just so amazing- lowkey will get down on himself and think his is inadequate to yours sometimes

◦when that happens- AFFIRMATIONS AND CUDDLES 100% WILL FEEL BETTER AFTER

◦ Also will worry about you a lot-he has experienced a lot of things at a young age and knows how harsh the real world can be

◦He doesn’t want to see you get hurt at all, but knowing you have such a helpful quirk does ease his nerves some-also helps him out in a pinch too

◦One time when you both were on patrol, Tamaki had realized just how helpful your quirk could be for yourself and him

◦You two were stationed for the next few hours at the city’s busy downtown area

◦You we’re loving all the lights, the people, and the stores, while Tamaki-

◦Well, Tamaki was not

◦”Do we have to be so close to people?” He asked timidly, tugging his hood farther down his eyes, “I feel they’re staring right at us.”

◦you laughed, playfully walking into his side

◦”Of course they are Tamaki! We are dressed up as heroes after all,” you replied sweetly, waving to a small group of kids gawking at you two

◦”I know-its just, your so natural at all this. I don’t know if I can be as cheerful as you,”

◦You sighed, intertwining your fingers with your shy boyfriend. “Don’t get so worked up over it Tama, you're a wonderful hero. It doesn’t matter if your shy or outgoing, it only matters if your a good hero- which you are.”

◦You took that as an opportunity to kiss his cheek, his once nervous frown turning into a tiny smirk

◦”Th-thank you,” he stuttered out, touching the spot where you kissed him

◦ “Of course!” You grinned, “Oh and also-you may want to take your hood off.”

◦ even though he didn’t want to do what you instructed, he trusted your instincts, pulling the fabric down

◦ “Why is that-“ just as the words slipped out of his mouth, the gang of kids you had waved at had ran past, one of the kids having his hands held out suspiciously

◦ A gust of wind flew in your faces from the kids hands, your hair tossling into your faces

◦ “Aww cool we finally see his face!” The kid with the wind quirk yelled, realizing his hood was already down

◦ The others stared at you too in awe, some waving nervously as they ran past, giggling and screaming as they ran away from their shenanigans

◦”See, they wanna stare at your pretty face too, ya know,” you joked, earning a groan from your timid boyfriend as he tugged his hood on again

◦ Tamaki blushes furiously, his stomach filled with butterflies

◦”The only person I like staring at me is-is you,”

Mirio

◦He is gonna use your quirk to give you the cutest pet names

◦His personal fav is going to be calling you his “Lucky Charm”

◦will also call you the cheesiest name like “Light of his life,” “sunshine” (not really revolves around your quirk but no the less!)

◦ will also be a constant worry wart over you-you are his love after all, he can’t help but worry!

◦ Omg hed be the sweetest boyfriend though, always checking up on you and making sure your a-okay!

◦One day though he was on patrol by himself when he spotted you in the same area

◦Of course this boy was gonna come and say hi!

◦More like try to scare the shit out of you by running up behind you and giving you a hug

◦You were staring down at your phone, so it would be a perfect time to go and surprise you

◦But to his horror, a bicyclist who had no control over their bike was bounding onto the sidewalk

◦A bunch of pedestrians were freaking out, moving to the side quickly to not get ran over

◦Of course Mirio was already on his way to go and help, but before he even could the bike was already close to hitting you

◦Just as he was going to yell your name and scoop you into his arms, out of harms way, he saw you casually just move to the side

◦You looked like you didn’t even know what was going on-your face didn’t leave your phone screen, it’s expressions calm as ever-all you did was sidestep so you were a mere inches from getting hit by the bike zooming past

◦Mirio took a second to just stare in amazement-how did you even do that?!?

◦Then he relaized he actually had a job to do, so he ran over to help the poor bicyclist before going over to say hi

◦Ohhhhh he asked so many questions after that and just rave about how cool that was

◦”That was amazing! You just kept on walking as if nothing happened! Does that happen any time you might be in danger?”

◦”Well sometimes if I need to learn something, or if it would be safer for me for my quirk not to intervene, I’ll still get hurt or embarrassed-whatever the case may be.” You smiled, “But usually, yeah, it’ll give me a heads up of what might happen to me if I don’t listen to my quirk

“◦”oh that’s so amazing sunshine! You really are a lucky charm, huh?”

[rebelwrites]

Chapter Five: Past Revelations

Summary // Chapter List / Masterlist

Join The TagList Here💜

A/N: let me know what you think of Can Live Save A Life so far 💜

The low hum of the TV playing disturbed Brooke from her sleep. Before she opened her eyes she stretched her arms over her head, fumbling around the bed. She was slightly confused as when she finally fell back asleep Xavier was her but now the bed was empty and cold. Rubbing her eyes she propped herself up on her elbow to see her mum sat on the sofa watching some cooking program.

“Where did Xavier go?” She asked

“Him and his father had some club business to deal with” she smiled as Brooke climbed out of bed. “He is in his office if you want I can show you where it is”

“Please” Brooke nodded, she needed to say thank you for what he did during the night. He didn’t have to comfort her but he did. Reaching for a pair of sweatpants she quickly went to get changed and to do her morning routine.

Once she was ready she followed her mum through the house until she stopped at a door.

“He is in there” she smiled “I’m sure he will love to see you”

And with that she left Brooke standing in front of the door, taking a deep breath she knocked on the door and refused to go in until she heard Xavier shout come in. Pushing the door open she smiled softly as the smell of his aftershave filled her nostrils. There was something at the smell. It made her feel even more at home.

“Morning” she smiled “I just wanted to come and say thank you forward Night”

“You don’t need to thank me Brooke” he smiled “I couldn’t just let you go through that alone. I hope you didn’t think I had abandoned you this morning, I just really needed to get this paperwork started”

“It’s fine” Brooke nodded as she tried not to lose all her cool over the man in front of her as he took his glasses off. Glasses that framed his face perfectly and made him even hotter if that was possible. “So what are you doing?” She asked as she looked at the stacks of folders on the desk.

“Just the budget for the club ready for the winter” he smiled as he took his glasses off “but this can wait, now how about we go get you some breakfast and I show you around this place”

“Sounds good” Brooke smiled “you look good in glasses by the way” she couldn’t help it as the words fell out of her mouth.

Xavier didn’t say anything but his smile got wider and his eyes shone brighter. Deciding not to mention it he stood to his feet and nodded at the door signally for her to follow him to the kitchen.

“I thought you had Chiefs or something” Brooke asked as she helped herself to a coffee.

“We do but I don’t expect them to cook breakfast, it’s their choice if they do or not” Xavier smiled as he gathered everything he needed for pancakes. “They are still family so they don’t get treated any different”

“So everyone has different jobs?” Brooke asked.

“Yeah they do and each one is just as important as each other” Xavier smiled “now how about some pancakes”

Before Brooke could answer her stomach growled answering for her.

“There’s your answer” she laughed.

The sound of her laugh was music to Xavier’s ears, and he could help but smile as he started mixing the pancake batter. Nothing was asked about her past, everyone had decided that when she was ready she would tell them what happened. The most important thing was that she was home and safe.

“There she is” James grinned as he walked into the kitchen. “Oh god is he really making you pancakes?”

“Yeah” Brooke nodded as she jumped off the bar stool to have a smoke. “Why is that a bad thing?”

“Well considering you have just got home, he might kill you off with his cooking” James laughed pouring a coffee.

“Oi douchbag my cooking is amazing thank you” Xavier gasped in defence, throwing an egg at James, but he saw it coming and ducked causing the egg to smash against the fridge making you laugh.

“Seriously it’s been 24 hours and the three of you are up to no good” The older version of Xavier bellowed walking into the kitchen.

“He started it dad” Xavier glared “he said my cooking kills”

“How old are you Xav?” His dad smirked, raising his brow at his son.

“Do you want some pancakes or not, old man” Xavier smirked, causing his dad to fall silent. “Yeah that’s what I thought”

The atmosphere in the kitchen made Brooke smile, for the first time in forever she felt like she actually belonged somewhere. Yes she loved her adopted family but they always treated her slightly different. But in this moment she felt so at home.

As she ate she stayed quiet just taking everything in. From what she heard this was a weekly thing, every Saturday Xavier would make pancakes and have a family breakfast. The bond that they had made Brooke’s heart swell, she only wished that she had more of a bond with these people.

Once everyone had eaten and the pots were washed, Brooke headed back upstairs to get changed. Somehow she managed to remember the way. At least she couldn’t go wrong knowing the way to the hub of the house which was the kitchen.

Things were starting to make more sense now, her love for bikes and how she dressed. This was why. Because she grew up around the club and that reflected on her behaviour and dress sense. As much as she wanted to get to know everyone she seemed to gravitate towards Xavier and she didn’t know why, there was something about him that made her feel safe.

“Come on then bumble” he smiled nudging her shoulder before leading her outside “let’s give you the tour”

“Wait where’s my bike?” Brooke panicked “my dad, well adopted dad said he was flying it over with me”

“Brooke calm down” Xavier smiled “your bike is safe and it’s in the garage with mine and James’”

“Oh thank god” Brooke breathed as she fiddled with her lighter.

“I’ve got to say your bike looks puny against the Harleys” he smirked.

“She may look it but trust me she is a beast, nought to sixty in just under four and a half seconds. The amount of modifications I’ve done to her you don’t stand a chance” Brooke grinned like she always did when she spoke about her bike.

“Well I will be the judge of that” he winked “I will have to take her for a ride and see what she can do”

“Nope” Brooke pouted “no one rides my bike”

“Promise to be careful” Xavier grinned just like a child on Christmas morning.

“Fine” Brooke sighed “but if you get so much as scratch on her I’m coming for you Xav”

Xavier’s eyes lit up at the fact she was letting him ride her bike and the fact she called him Xav rather than Xavier. It was the little things that showed him she felt comfortable around him already.

The hours flew by, every chance Xavier got he was making Brooke laugh. It was the sound he had missed over the last thirteen years and he couldn’t get enough of it. But unfortunately he really needed to get some paperwork done.

“As much as I’d like to spend the whole day with you bumble bee I need to get that paperwork done” Xavier smiled as they walked into the kitchen.

“I will see you later right?” Brooke asked as she looked through her lashes at him.

“Nothing could stop me” Xavier winked at her before wandering to his office.

“So sweetheart tell us what you have been doing for the last 13 years” Brooke’s father smiled placing a mug of coffee in front of her as she sat down.

“I can’t really remember the early years, I’ve blocked a lot out of my memory to be honest” Brooke sighed “but I was in a lot of foster homes, I’d mess up and I’d be sent away kinda what happened this time. Some of the places I was in were so bad so I’d act up just so they would send me back to the group home. There was one place though, the place that fuels my nightmares. A place I never want to go back to”

Brooke knew she needed to talk through things in order to overcome them no matter how hard it was to think about that place.

“It was a huge place, kind of like this place and based along the north coast” she said taking a deep breath trying not to let the tears fall. “I hated it there, I was treated like shit for years. I couldn’t act up or things would get worse. The guy that fostered me only allowed me to call him Alpha. I was petrified of him. He wouldn’t feed me and keep me locked in this room. I was treated like shit”

“It’s okay darling” her mum whispered squeezing her hand “you are safe here”

“I was there for about five years before I was taken away by the social service people and I was flown out to London to another group home and from there I was adopted. The family I’ve been with ever since until recently” Brooke said. “Even though we fought I miss them and my friends”

“Tell you what once you have settled in here we will fly them over” her dad smiled “I know I’d quite like to meet the family that have been taking care of my little girl”

“Now I know you probably don’t want to remember but can you remember the name of the man that hurt you” her mum asked softly.

Brooke fell silent as she tried to remember. Looking over her shoulder and scanning the room she took a deep breath. She was safe. She wasn’t there anymore. No one was going to hurt her.

“I think his name was Tom” she said playing with her thumb ring before standing “sorry I need to be alone”

She practically ran out of the kitchen and headed to the garage. Grabbing her bike keys and jacket on the way, she needed to calm herself down. The nightmares were getting worse, that was evident. Paired with the fact her world had been flipped on its head in a short space of time she needed to gather herself again.

[kiegosbby]

hawks x f!reader

chapter 8 I think. I’m sorry guys itll get better I promiseeee

word count: 1.6k

warnings: drinking, and just making poor decisions

✁- - - - - - r- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

when you finished your work you left quickly trying to avoid talking to him any further.

You stopped at a liquor store. This wasn't your best idea. But In the moment, you needed it badly.

you never really drank before, not knowing what to buy so you bought vodka. People drink that straight right?

she bought her bottle and put it in a paper bag, having to keep her hero appearance.

she flew home and sat down on her couch. She popped the cap off and chugged it. It burned as it went down. She thought it would be worse it tasted like medicine. Kind of.

She looked across the room and saw her phone. She was now slightly tipsy, she stood up and walked over to her phone. Picking it up it was slightly cracked but it still worked. You turned it on and while you waited, chugged some more because why the hell not?

as your phone turned on you saw all the messages hawks had left you.

10+ plus new messages from: Birdy ❤️🐔

"Tch.."

Birdy ❤️🐔

Hey baby bird I'm sorry about last night I probably seem like a dick.

Birdy ❤️🐔

I had to help endeavour on a case and I couldn't say no. Please let me make it up to you

Birdy ❤️🐔

I still owe you ice cream even if you don't wanna go out anymore

Birdy ❤️🐔

Don't forget that you have to come to my agency tomorrow and fill out some paperwork and set your office up

Birdy ❤️🐔

Angel where are you? Your 10 minutes late

Birdy ❤️🐔

Angel I'm starting to worry it's been a hour. Please just let me know that your ok

Birdy ❤️🐔

Y/n please text me. Im worried and I swear if anything happened to you I'll kill someone

Birdy ❤️🐔

Don't make me go to your apartment. I will don't test me.

Birdy ❤️🐔

angel please reply

Birdy ❤️🐔

Angel? Please..

Birdy ❤️🐔

I'm about to go to your apartment. I don't know which numbers yours but I'll go through the whole building if I have to.

well now you felt like a bitch.

It was still mean for him to do that to her. But maybe she should forgive him. he apologized and he seemed like he actually cared.

You decided to call him and talk to him. Maybe apologize? Ask him what his favourite drink is. Alcohol is good you should do this more often.

you pressed the call button and took a big swig of your drink getting ready to talk.

"Angel hello?"

"Hey hawks" you slurred your words slightly. "I wanted to call you because it's so difficult to type! The buttons are so little and I keep messing up. Now I know what your thinking, she's drunk right? Well no actually I'm just a little tipsy. Oh! I forgot to say what I was calling about. I wanted to apologize, I was being a total bitch don't you think?" You took a quick swig and went back to talking "but you were kinda mean to me. But I liked you! I even bought a fucking dress for you. And I don't do dresses. Believe that? I got all dressed up for you. And you never showed. But hero duties are more important than anything" you took another swig "damn this shit is strong!"

He sat there trying to take in everything she had just said. To be fair it was a lot to handle. " Y/n your drunk why are you drinking?"

"Because why the hell not?" She said and laughed

"You want to apologize I want to apologize to face to face."

"Come over them Birdy I need some company I can't finish this big bottle all by myself." At this point you really couldn't think straight. This was 100% a bad idea but did you care? Absolutely not.

"Y/n your drunk we should talk tomo-"

"No come over nowwww pleaseeeeeeee" you whined

he sighed "Ok leave the balcony open I'll land there."

"Yay! I'll be waiting for you im so excited!"

You quickly hung up and went to wait for him on the balcony. You sat with your legs crossed and kept drinking. You got up and looked over the ledge. Damn that was a farrr drop. You stumbled a little leaning a little to far, and almost fell until you felt a warm pair of hands wrap around your waist. "Are you fucking crazy kid? Do you have a death wish?"

You started laughing "oh my god I almost fell good thing I have wings. You saved me! Your like my knight in shining armor" you smiled and went to take another swig only to have him take it away from you.

He looked at the bottle. "You drank almost half of this already! Are you crazy? Oh my god come on" he lead you inside trying to figure the layout of your house. He went into your kitchen and got you a water bottle from your fridge.

"Here drink this your gonna need it. Let's go sit down ok?" He lead you to the couch, you almost fell a couple times but with his help you made it.

"Hawksssss"

"Yes angel" he looked over to you, you were both now sitting on the couch, and he was trying to make sure you did nothing stupid.

"Thank you for coming I was sooo lonely. And I'm sorry for this morning I was being a big poopy head" you said and at the end you stuck your bottom lip out and gave him puppy eyes.

"It's no problem angel. I would always help a friend in need more matter what. And you don't have to apologize it was mostly my fault I was being a dumb bird and messed it up." He said looking at you with guilt. You felt bad honestly. But what stuck the most was when he said he would always help a friend..

"I wish we were more then friends I really liek you.." you slurred and went on "your really cute to. And your wings are so pretty I just wanna touch them. Can I touch them?" You asked already reaching out to them

"Of course baby bird just be careful you have wings to so you'll know how it feels." He pulled his wings further out so that you could reach them easily. He was a little scared only a few other people had touched his wings. And they had never been drunk before. His wings were quite sensitive, he was touch starved and that made it feel amazing when someone touched his wings.

You leaned in and touched the middle of his wings first, slowly running your hand over them. You face lit up like a kid opening his presents on Christmas. You raked your hands through his feathers.

"Your feathers are so soft! How do you get them so soft!?" You asked excitedly. Your feathers weren't as soft as his, they'd been through a lot and due to some harsh training were trying to recover still.

"There just n-naturally soft I guess are yours not t-this soft?" He asked as he was trying to keep back his groans. Your fingers felt so good rubbing against his feathers.

"They were but after bad training there not as soft anymore. Want to feel?" She asked excitedly, taking her hands away. He tried to hide his disappointment, and shook his head yes.

she pulled her wings out, giving off a soft glow as her quirk made her. He reached out to his hands. He softly touched the tip of her wings. She sat back and relaxed feeling calm at the touches he was giving her. It was way better then the little kids that tugged on her wings when she had them out.

"What kind of training did this? There still soft just seem like they've been through a lot.."

"Well it was a really rainy day. And they were working me so hard. We were in a empty field and I was paired with one of the higher ranks, so I had to try my hardest. They thought I was weak so they pushed me a little to far, until my wings were covered with mud and all the nasty shit on the ground."

He had a apologetic look on his face as he continued to stroke your wings. "Who's they?"

"I-oh I don't really tell many people but when my parents had found out I had wings, they had to report it to the government, who wanted to put me in intense training from when I was just 4. I knew how to kill someone before I knew how to write my own name correctly. I've heard you went through the same if I'm correct?" Y/n was almost surprisingly sober now.

"Yeah it's not something I like to talk about. I'm sorry they put you through that. Me and you are more alike then we seem arnt we?" He asked while taking his hand away from your wings.

you internally sighed in disappointment when he took his hand away. "I guess we might be. C-can we watch a movie or something?" She asked hoping he would stay just a little longer.

"Only if I can still take you to get ice cream soon?" He asked testing the waters to see if she was still mad.

"Of course you bird brain." She grabbed the remote and turned on  {favourite movie}.

"Oh I love this movie!" He said with excitement as he got comfortable next to you.

You smiled looking at him. You were no longer mad but thought if this went on would that happen again? Would he handle it differently? As the thoughts were running through your mind, you felt the heaviness of sleep washing over you. You closed your eyes and let it involve you.

Hawks POV

I turned to check on y/n, and as I turned she was just falling asleep. Her head slowly made its way into my shoulder. I blushed slightly. Y/n was beautiful. Even with her hair a mess she was still pretty to him.

As he was admiring her, she moved in her sleep, grabbing his arm and hugging it as she slept.

'God she's perfect'

[bvckys-doll]

Freak the Freak out

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x mutant!reader (guest appearance by Alpine)

Word count: 2.2k

Summary: Never call a mutant a “freak”. You will regret it.

Warnings: 1% angst, mention of cock warming, a bit of language, Bucky being a cute boyfriend (if that’s a warning) so fluffy/pre-smut ending

Author’s note: Finally I can give you another Bucky one shot. Wrote all my exams and i’m waiting for the final results. Now i can focus on my writing again. So happy. Hope you like this! Reblog, comment, like! Love you! <3

You can find my main masterlist here! (because i’m too dumb to put a link in my bio)

Being a mutant has its perks but also its bad sides as well. Not every day is a good day but not every day is a bad day either. Over the years while (Y/N) lived with the Avengers in their huge headquarters, she had managed to get her forces under control to a large extent. Still, it was never a good idea to tease her. She would not describe herself as sensitive, but there were certain situations where she could not always hold herself back. Like that one time when some guy insulted Bucky in front of her, she almost killed him by accident. Luckily, her friends and her boyfriend stood by her side.

James could understand very well even though he didn't have a secret power to control except his strength. Still he knew how hard it was to control his feelings when it came to his family and friends. (Y/N) also spent a lot of time with Bruce since he mastered the art of controlling your own anger issues.

However, unfortunately, there were situations which could not always be avoided and none of the others knew that such a situation was imminent.

---------------------------------------------

Violet Finegan was a beautiful and talented young woman but also the daughter of one of the biggest billionaires in the United States, Andrew Finegan, and the new protégé of the Avengers. After her father contacted Tony as they were old colleagues, Tony decided to help him after a very long and extensive discussion with Andrew. Apparently he had made a deal with a certain mob boss and that had put him in a very dangerous position and now he and his daughter Violet had a death threat on their hands.

It had already been two weeks since Violet had moved to the top floor and taken it up completely. Not that anyone was complaining, (*cough* (Y/N) *cough*), but the other members of the Avengers were used to sharing a floor with two others. Why would someone need so much space?

She even considered on bringing her entire household with her and it was annoying. (Y/N) tried to like her. She tried very hard but since Violet wanted everything she casted her eye on, she chose him. James Buchanan Barnes. Or like (Y/N) liked to him: her boyfriend.

From the first moment when Bucky shook her hand and Violet smiled at him a little too long, (Y/N) knew. She knew that girl would be big trouble.

Since her first day at the headquarters, Violet always tried to find an excuse to be alone with James. Sometimes she would ask for help even if Bucky couldn't help her in the slightest - like when it came to the modern technology.

But slowly but surely it was too much for (Y/N)'s liking.

---------------------------------------------

“James is a really good listener, don't you think?“ Violet was leaning against the wide kitchen island while (Y/N) was about to make herself a cup of coffee. The young mutant had just taken a shower, her hair was still a little damp, after the long training session with Steve, Sam and Bucky down in the training area. (Y/N) was sure she would feel the blows for weeks.

For a short moment, (Y/N) let her eyes wander to Violet who apparently was trying to provoke her with her winning smile before (Y/N) replied with a charming smile on her lips “Well, i should know it. After all, he is my boyfriend, isn't he?“

“Are you really sure about that? The way he's been acting, I'd never assume he had you as his girlfriend.“ Violet chuckled and watched (Y/N)'s reaction carefully to plan her next step. She loved to drvie people crazy over and over again. She knew that she had an effect on men when they were around her and Violet loved it. Nothing gave the young lady more pleasure than that. Nevertheless, (Y/N) tried not to be upset and fished her favourite cup from the shelf, which Bucky had given her for Christmas last year. She took a deep breath and stared at the coffee machine to stay calm before reacting again to Violet's statement “Why? How is James acting?“

“Well...“ Violet began, still smiling and thinking before she went on “he's been pretty attentive the last two weeks i've been here. He always listens to me when I need help or comfort. After I had a nightmare the day before yesterday, he even came to my floor and made me a tea afterwards downstairs in the kitchen. He is such a gentlemen. I was even allowed to play with his cat. She's crazy about me.“

Exactly at the same moment the said cat came toddling into the kitchen around the corner. With one leap, Alpine jumped onto the kitchen island and stretched herself while Violet tried to stroke her fur. But before her fingers could even touch her snow-white fur, Alpine hissed at her briefly and reared up. Laughing, (Y/N) watched Violet as she retreated in horror and watched Alpine jump onto the other dresser and then nestle to (Y/N)'s side. Triumphantly (Y/N) stroked the little one through her white fur coat with a smile on her lips and tickled Alpine behind her ears which she loved above all else.

“Yes, I see it. Alpine seems to really love you.“ she laughed softly as Alpine curled up next to the warm coffee machine and dozed a little. (Y/N) could literally feel it seething in Violet when one of her first lies came to light before (Y/N) asked her “And when exactly was Bucky supposed to have been with you the other day? You know he was with me all night. I would have known if he'd left.“

“How do you know that? After all, he was the Winter Soldier for a reason. You never saw him come or go.“ Violet replied briskly as (Y/N) raised one eyebrow and answered with a smile “Let me put it this way, Bucky was busy with other things at the time. So when I say he was busy treating my pussy, I don't mean Alpine. I know it's really none of your business but James loves cock-warming and if I say I would have noticed it, then I mean it.“

Now Violet was completely speechless and her mouth was open. No one had ever talked to her like that before and she wouldn't take any shit from (Y/N).

“S-still, I wonder what James sees in you. Look at yourself. You're not even pretty. You're...just a freak like little Maximoff and her brother. You've caused us enough trouble for years. We'd all be better off without you anyway.“ Violet growled at her poisonously and glared at (Y/N) with her dark brown eyes.

All of a sudden a glass of water that stood next to Violet burst into a thousand little pieces. Violet cried out in panic when one of the splinters caught her arm. (Y/N) had clenched her hands into fists as Violet held her arm and whimpered softly. With a serious voice (Y/N) turned completely towards her while her eyes light up in a dark blue “No one calls my friends...freaks..“

Fearful Violet retreated towards the door when her gaze caught the scene outside. Through the wide glass facade she could watch as the sky slowly closed in and dark clouds gathered in the sky as a loud thunder could be heard. With eyes widened in fear, Violet's gaze shot back to (Y/N) who now slowly but surely came closer to her.

But before anything worse could happen, some of the other team members stormed into the kitchen. With wide eyes Bucky watched his girlfriend while her gaze was still fixed on Violet with blue glowing eyes. Immediately he went over to them and moved between the, so that (Y/N) turned her gaze to Bucky who calmy reached for her hands which were still clenched in fists.

„Easy, tiger. We don't wanna cause a commotion here.“ he stroked her arms briefly. That's when Bucky noticed how tense she was. Carefully, he put his hands on her cheeks and put his focus on her (y/e/c) eyes as her gaze kept wandering over to Violet. Gently he kissed the wrinkles that had formed between her eyebrows, noticing how she started to loosen up. Slowly he saw the darkness in her eyes dissolving and she calmed down as Bucky watched her and took her hands in his. Soothingly he stroked the back of her hand and kept eye contact with her as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“It's all right, baby doll. I'm right here. I got you. No one's gonna hurt you. We have everything under control.“ he whispered in a soothing voice as a sob came over her lips before (Y/N) buried her face in Bucky's chest and clawed her fingers into his shirt. Calmly he wrapped his arms around his girlfriend and kissed her forehead while Violet stood behind them, completely bewildered, not knowing what to say. In the end she was the one being attacked by (Y/N), not the other way around?!

“Miss Finegan? Come with me. We're taking you to Dr. Cho.“ she heard Steve's formal voice behind her and turned to him. Before she could say anything else, he added “We treat all people here with respect. No matter how different we may be. We are all equal here. Tony will see that you're placed elsewhere. Someone who insults or otherwise harms any part of our family has no place here.“

Violet looked at Cap in horror and tried to defend herself “But she started to att-“

“Just get out of here, Violet“ James interrupted her briskly and held (Y/N) in his arms who was holding onto him for dear life. He had to keep himself from getting angry. Without saying another word, Steve led Violet from the kitchen upstairs to Helen's office.

---------------------------------------------

Later in the evening (Y/N) and Bucky were lying in his bed together, with Alpine lying right between the two of them. They were taking turns in petting her to keep her satisfied. Another episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine was playing on his television but not even Jake's adorableness could distract (Y/N) from what happened before.

At first, (Y/N) didn't even notice how Bucky kept glancing at her as she stroked the white cat's fur, making her purr contentedly. Only after a few minutes did (Y/N) catch his gaze and immediately knew what he wanted. Sighing she looked back at Alpine “Honestly, I don't really wanna talk about it“

“Then let me do the talking and you just listen, okay?“ Bucky sat up properly and leaned with his back against the bed wall which caused Alpine to slip from his lap and cry out in outrage before she attacked Bucky's metal arm and gnawed at it, which didn't bother him of course. (Y/N) stayed on her side and looked up at him as he started “Steve showed me the footage from the security camera earlier before you lost control.“

“I haven't lost control over my powers. I wanted to hurt her. That was on purpose.“ (Y/N) interrupted him immediately and looked back at her hands, which were somewhat scarred from the last mission. Bucky sighed and looked at her “I understand you. I would have done the same thing, but...we have to learn to control our anger. Next time...just kick her in the shins and she'll have a nice bruise.“

(Y/N) smiled to herself and then looked up at him “That sounds like a good alternative. But she is not the only one...I'm sure there are still enough people who think like her. That...we're nothing but a bunch of stupid freaks that get kept around here so we don't blow shit up or anything.“

“Hey...“ Bucky leaned over her and stroked her cheek whereupon Alpine jumped out of his lap and snuggled up on her blanket at the end of the bed. “You are not a freak, baby doll. Not you. Not Wanda. Not Pietro. How many times have you saved people's lives. They should be more grateful. And if anyone calls my beautiful, wonderful, adorable girlfriend a freak again, I'm gonna rip their heads off with my damn metal arm.“

“How romantic, Sergeant.“ (Y/N) smirked as he grinned back at her “Yes, I was a real romantic back in the days.“

Smiling, he leaned down to her and kissed her gently on the lips while she ran her fingers through his hair and pulled at it briefly. A soft growl escaped Bucky's throat as he mumbled into the kiss “Don't start something you can't finish, baby girl.“

“Oh don't worry, sweetheart. I can.“ (Y/N) replied while they continued to kiss whereby she moved her other free hand into his sweatpants. But just before she could go on, she paused as Bucky started to kiss down her neck and collarbone “Wait...if Steve overheard the whole confrontation between Violet and me...then-“

“Yeah, sweet cheeks, he heard everything. He said he'll be permanently damaged because of you because he won't get that scene out of his head.“ Bucky laughed and buried his face in her neck as (Y/N)'s face turned red.

Poor Stevie...

---------------------------------------------

So i’m thinking about creating a permanent taglist so if you want to be on it, send me an ask or reply to this post! Thanks!