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embroideredcursewords · 11 months

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Title: You Tear Down My Reason

Fandom: Spider-Man, Deadpool

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: None

Pairings: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson Spider-Man/Deadpool

Tags: No powers!AU, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics. A/B/O Dynamics. Omegaverse. Primal!AU, BDSM Dynamics, Top!Wade Wilson, Bottom!Peter Parker, Top!Wade Wilson/Bottom!Peter Parker, Omega!Peter Parker, Alpha!Wade Wilson, Omega!Peter Parker/Alpha!Wade Wilson, sexual content, anal sex, primal sex, light bondage, domination, submission, incredibly light con-noncon if you squint super super hard I guess, really it’s just that Peter wants to be chased first, y’all know me, consent is clear, I’m a slut, but so is Peter, this is just smut, just porn no plot, sex outdoors, some light edging, eating out

Summary:

~Title is taken from “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails~

The yearly Hunt has begun and Peter Parker has finally decided to participate. As an omega, and a bunny-omega to boot, his role is certain. He’ll be prey. As a bunny, he has speed on his side. He’s confident he’ll be able to evade any unsavory alphas, though the background checks are extensive. Still, the risk is there… Yet Peter is surprised to find that the risk makes it even more exciting.

//Trigger Warnings: A/B/O Dynamics, Language, Sexual Content, BDSM Dynamics, Anal Sex, Top/Bottom Dynamics, Primal Kink, Breeding Kink, Not Really Con-NonCon But More Chasing And Adrenaline, Consent Is Given Loud and Clear, Biting, Chasing.\\

Please remember to read the tags and trigger warnings carefully. No fic is ever worth jeopardizing your mental health. If I’ve missed any, please let me know! I am so deadly serious about reading the tags, y’all!!

Good lord I’m a whore

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Peter Parker was almost surprised to find himself preparing for the annual Hunt. Frankly, he never thought he’d be participating, yet here he was… Washing with plain soap and prepping himself carefully. As he gently opened himself up in the strange bathroom, he bit back any moans. Finally feeling clean and ready, he struggled with the shower knob for a moment before figuring out how to shut the damn thing off. He stepped out of the shower and onto a soft, warm rug. Peter was pleasantly surprised to find that the floors were heated. As was tradition, he dressed himself in the pure white clothing set out for him: a simple shirt and pants set. A blush colored his cheeks as he noticed the way that the sides were stitched to allow easy tearing. He looked at himself in the mirror, admiring the way that his pants hugged his ass and thighs just right. Satisfied, he pulled on the shoes provided. They were running shoes. This caused yet another blush to bloom across his face. Glancing out the window, he took in the gorgeous sight of the forest surrounding the building.

Every year, a Hunt was held in these very woods. The tradition had been carried over from Britain even before the United States had formed. It had started as a way to increase marriage and birth rates in a “socially acceptable” way, but these days it seemed that only loners still participated. Peter was one such person. He’d had a boyfriend in highschool, then a girlfriend in college, but he’d never felt… alive in those relationships. He’d always had a desire for a more primal sort of relationship. As a proud and staunch defender of omega and beta rights, this had made him uncomfortable for many years. But this year, he’d finally given in. After all, participants in the Hunt were completely confidential. He’d had to sign all kinds of paperwork. Besides, he argued to himself, wasn’t the fact that he could choose whether or not to participate a win in and of itself? Shaking off his doubts, Peter made his way to the next room. A beta sat at a table, looking up to smile at him as he entered.

“Hello, Peter! How are you feeling?” She asked.

“I’m… a little nervous.” He admitted. The beta woman smiled gently at him.

“That’s perfectly normal! I can assure you, each and every person here today underwent the same, rigorous background testing that you did.”

Peter nodded, wringing his shirt in his hands.

“I know, I’m more excited than anything.” He blushed at his accidental double entendre.

“That’s good to hear, Peter. Now, I understand that you’re a bunny-omega, correct?”

Peter nodded again, then realized that she wanted him to expand on that.

“My hearing and sense of smell are better than most, and I’m a fast runner.”

The beta took a couple of notes before looking back up with another smile.

“I’m sure you’ll give quite the chase! Now, are you fully aware of how this works?”

“Yes, I am.” Peter answered, fighting the urge to laugh nervously.

“Good deal.” The beta slid one last sheet of paper over to him along with a pen. “Now, this is your chance to say ‘no’. If you have any doubts whatsoever, you can always give it another try next year.” She said kindly. Peter shook his head rapidly and signed the paper.

“I’m all in.” He informed her. The beta nodded, collected the papers, and stood to leave.

“Of course, you’ll be kept separate from the alphas until this evening. So we do ask that you stay inside as the alphas’ cabin is next to this one. However, if you would like to join the other omegas, I believe they’re currently in the common area eating dinner.”

“I’d like that.” Peter answered with a smile.

The beta woman led him out of his room and into a larger common area. About a dozen other omegas were milling around and filling up plates of food. A few glanced his way, looking him up and down before returning to their dinners. Peter was quickly accosted by a smaller omega woman, who introduced herself as Betty. She was sweet, and seemed eager to make friends. Peter was a bit embarrassed to find he was the only male omega in attendance. Betty reassured him. Peter made his own plate, choosing lighter options over the heavier foods. This was partially to aid in his upcoming run, but also because of the insistent nerves that were clawing their way through his stomach.

“Aren’t you hungry, sweetheart?” Betty asked kindly.

“Not particularly.” Peter answered, then felt the need to continue. “It’s a bit earlier than I usually eat.”

“I’m so nervous and excited, I can hardly even think about eating!” Betty giggled.

“I always eat when I’m nervous.” Another omega chimed in.

“I always eat when I’m excited.” Another omega added with a mischievous look. The entire room was filled with giggling.

Peter enjoyed spending time with the other omegas. They calmed his nerves and solidified his determination. Everyone came from such different backgrounds. It was interesting to hear everyone’s reasons for joining the Hunt. Before he knew it, 6:45pm had rolled around and the beta woman, Jean, had returned. She led the group outside and to the edge of the woods.

“As prey, you will all have a five minute head start. There are many hiding places throughout the forest.” Jean winked at the group of omegas, who all turned to whisper conspiratorially together. “There are also several safe houses throughout. If at any time you feel unsafe or do not wish to continue, the safe houses lock from the inside and are equipped with panic buttons as well as phones. Do not hesitate to use one if you need it. Each safe house is marked with a trail as well as signage.” Jean glanced at her wristwatch, then back at the alphas’ cabin. “They’re about to bring out the alphas, but don’t worry. They’ll be confined to the porch until the second bell rings. Does anyone wish to opt out?”

The group of omegas snuck glances at each other, but none spoke. Jean nodded with a smile before turning to the cabin. Sure enough, the door was opened by a rather intimidating alpha. Peter’s eyes widened as a group of alphas were led out into the closed-off porch. He glanced over the group of alphas, ranging in size and strength, until his gaze fell upon one in particular. The alpha was standing away from the group, clearly being excluded. He was the biggest alpha that Peter had ever seen. Muscles rippled under his black clothing, signifying him as a hunter. His skin was completely covered by scars, which made him look dangerous. And yet, Peter couldn’t tear his eyes away from the alpha’s biceps—especially when they flexed as he crossed his arms. Peter’s mouth began to water as his eyes trailed up those muscular arms and shoulders to the alpha’s face. The alpha was staring right at him. He shivered for a moment, but not from any negative feeling. Instead, he felt his entrance begin to lubricate itself, preparing him to take this alpha. Peter couldn’t tear his eyes away from the alpha’s. He watched as the alpha slowly, purposefully licked over his long, wickedly curved fangs. Peter bared his throat just slightly… an invitation.

Unfortunately, his wordless (read: mindless) flirting (read: wantonly throwing himself at) the alpha was interrupted. Jean was clearing her throat rather awkwardly and Betty elbowed him gently with a giggle. He turned back to face her, only to find a few of the other omegas staring at his—no, the—alpha in what looked like disgust. Anger brewed inside of him until Jean cleared her throat again, snapping his attention back to her. All previous doubts were thoroughly extinguished. Now, he only felt the quick flapping of butterfly wings in his stomach and up into his lungs.

“Now, then. The bell will ring any moment, and you all may take your head start.” She informed them. “Good luck!”

True to her word, the bell rang once.

Peter turned one last time to face the alpha, and for good measure, he winked. Then, he turned and sprinted into the woods. If he was honest with himself, he was showing off. He knew just how fast he was. His natural traits had more than earned him the title of a bunny-omega. He wondered if what they said about bunny-omegas were true. He giggled breathlessly to himself as he ran, finding a good hiding spot along the trail. It was a good place to hide. It would keep him fully concealed from the trail while also giving him a good vantage point. As he crawled under the bush, he considered his plan. He would wait for the huge alpha to come barreling through the woods, then leap out of his hiding spot and take him for a couple circles of the forest, just to get his adrenaline going. Then, he would let the alpha catch him. After all, he was the fastest bunny-omega he knew, let alone the fastest omega. There was no way an alpha that big could be very fast. He giggled quietly to himself. He’d need to help the alpha out a little.

The bell rang twice.

Peter sat very still, listening and looking for any sign of the alphas. Soon enough, one came blundering through. It wasn’t the alpha he wanted though, so he laid very still. Whoever the alpha was, he didn’t even stop to sniff the air, so he was soon on his way. The next was a female alpha. She did pause to sniff around for a moment, getting rather close to his bush, but Peter purposefully soured his scent and off she went. For a while, he watched a few more alphas come through, and even watched as an omega raced through the trees, an alpha hot on her trail. He grinned to himself. She was definitely holding back. Peter began to grow a little bored. There hadn’t been any sign of the alpha. He began drawing in the dirt with his finger, tracing little hearts and flowers and fighting the urge to yawn. Suddenly, he smelled something. Peter’s head pricked up and he stopped drawing. It was something wild and dangerous, but he didn’t feel any fear. Feeling as though he was being watched, he slowly turned his head, only to come nose-to-nose with the alpha. Letting out a squeak, he scrambled out from under the bush and began running.

He began at a moderate pace, intending to allow the alpha to stay just a few feet behind him. The alpha caught up much quicker than he’d expected. He ran a little faster as he saw the man behind him pick up speed. Before long, he was full-on sprinting through the woods. He kept glancing back, surprised to see the alpha easily keeping pace. The alpha grinned at him through panting breaths, fangs glinting in the quickly darkening forest. Peter let out a breathless laugh, dodging trees and running off the path. The alpha followed easily, gaining more ground as Peter tried to wind his way through the trees. They had only made it a little ways into the trees when Peter found himself tiring. His adrenaline was still screaming through his veins, though, as he glanced back to see the alpha even closer and hardly winded. Perhaps he’d underestimated him. That glance backwards was Peter’s undoing. He’d failed to see a tree root in front of him and tumbled over it. He wasn’t hurt, thankfully, but as he scrambled to his feet, the alpha yanked him backwards by the waist. Peter yelped, struggling in his grasp, until a deep, rumbling voice cooed in his ear.

“Shhshh, Omega. Settle down, now.” Peter found himself going limp in the alpha’s arms. “What’s your name, sweet thing?”

“Peter.” He breathed as he was gently wrestled to the ground.

“Mmm, Peter.” The man mulled it over in his mouth, tasting every consonant and vowel like it was a five course meal. Peter shivered in his arms. “My name is Wade. I saw you looking at me, before we started.”

“Mhm.” Peter whimpered as the alpha’s hot breath tickled at his bonding spot.

“You looked… interested.” Wade continued.

“I am.” Peter breathed, baring his throat. The alpha chuckled behind him, wordlessly adjusting Peter when his knee began to hurt from where he knelt on a rock.

“You keep baring your throat like that, baby, and I might just bite it.”

Peter gulped, baring his throat even more. Wade chuckled again.

“I’ll take it that this is what you came for.” Peter could only nod. “And you’re sure? You wanna be claimed by a perfect stranger? I could be a murderer, you know.”

Peter whined, unsure why that made him even hornier. He supposed it was the danger aspect to it. Wade shushed him again, trailing his hand from Peter’s waist to his thigh.

“I want it.” He answered, more sure than ever. Wade scented him deeply, gripping his thigh in a vice grip. Peter felt another jolt of arousal, but grinned to himself. He’d caught his breath. “But that doesn’t mean I’ll make it easy for you.” He told the alpha in a haughty tone.

The alpha paused for a moment, his grip slackening just enough for Peter to wrench away and continue his sprint into the forest. This time, he focused less on giving Wade a good run and more on finding a good spot to be caught. He thought briefly about finding one of the cabins strewn throughout the forest, but decided instead that he’d much rather be fucked silly beneath the stars. It added more to his fantasy. Wade was quickly gaining on him. He had pretty good endurance, even for a bunny, but he was meant more for sprints than long distance. Wade, it seemed, was good at both. He felt slick start to drip down his thighs as he imagined how Wade would show him exactly how much endurance he had.

He was slowing now, and he could practically feel Wade’s breath on the back of his neck. It sent pleasant shivers down his spine. Wade seemed to be toying with him now. He was more than close enough to catch, but Wade seemed content on running him down completely. Peter grinned. He’d learned his lesson. Finally out of the energy to run, Peter stumbled slightly and was immediately snatched backwards against Wade’s chest. He struggled in his grip half-heartedly as he was wrestled back down into the dirt. The forest smelled divine. It had rained the night before. Peter moaned as Wade completely manhandled him into presenting. Then, the alpha blanketed his body with his larger form.

“Are you sure you want this, Omega?” He asked gently.

“Yes, Alpha. I want you.” Peter wriggled back against Wade, taking a deep breath in when he felt something very hard and very large poke his backside.

“Good bunny.” Wade growled in his ear.

“How’d you know—?” Peter began, only to gasp when Wade tore his shirt off.

“Only a bunny can run like that.”

Peter moaned as a hand began tracing over his chest, paying special attention to his nipples.

“And you are—?” He finally managed to ask. Wade chuckled in his ear, sending shockwaves through his system.

“Oh, baby boy. I’m a wolf.” Wade answered with a grin.

Peter moaned as Wade ran his hand down his spine and over the curve of his ass. He paused there, waiting for Peter to consent.

“Take me, Alpha!” Peter stammered out when Wade refused to continue. The alpha ripped off Peter’s pants with little effort, then pulled back to take in the view.

“Goddamn, baby boy! I knew that ass was fantastic when you started running, but damn!”

Peter blushed, turning his head to bat his eyelashes shyly.

“Thank you, Alpha.” He licked his lips as he took in the now-shirtless Wade. “You look so strong. I want you to hold me down and take me so bad.”

Wade gave him a slight slap on his ass, then kneaded at the soft skin there.

“Gotta prep you first, baby.”

Peter shook his head. “I already prepped myself. Just take me, Alpha, please!”

“I’m big, honey, you’re gonna need more than those tiny little fingers of yours.” Wade backed up a little, leaning down to bite down on the omega’s rear end. “Besides, this big, bad wolf can’t wait to eat you whole. Or, at least, to eat your—“

Peter erupted into laughter, his hand going back to grasp at Wade’s.

“Alright! Alright! You win.”

Wade’s tongue laved over his asshole. Peter rocketed forward, then backwards when his body decided that the feeling, while foreign, was a good one. Wade took his time, licking at Peter’s rim and then finally sinking his tongue fully inside, being careful of his fangs. It didn’t take long before Peter was completely soaking Wade’s face and bouncing backwards, seeking out the sensation. Then, the first finger breached his hole. Wade took care to enter gently, then added a second. Peter gasped at the stretch. It probably was a good idea to prep him a bit further if only two of Wade’s fingers had already stretched him so far. A third soon joined the other two and Peter was a panting mess on the forest floor. Wade pulled his face away, wiping Peter’s slick off with a discarded shirt. He let Peter fuck himself back on his fingers for a minute, enjoying the way the smaller man’s ass shook with each movement. Then, he carefully crooked his fingers around until he found it. The exact spot he was looking for, which made Peter see stars.

Wade pulled his fingers out, earning a disgruntled sound from Peter, before using his slicked hand to stroke his own cock. Peter glanced behind and groaned at the sight. He readjusted into a prime breeding position and Wade was lost. His chest was in the fallen leaves and dirt which made up the forest floor, while he knelt, hips pushed in the air and accentuating his smaller waist and thick ass. Wade couldn’t help himself from landing a couple spanks, to which Peter simply yelped and moaned. The omega turned his head just slightly to show off his bonding spot. Wade felt all common sense leave him, and he gripped at Peter’s hips. Spreading his cheeks, he licked at his lips, remembering the taste of his slick. Peter whined a little, wiggling his hips in a clear invitation which Wade was more than happy to take. With one hand, he held Peter’s hips still. His other hand guided his cock to that open, wanting hole. Peter gasped a little as his cockhead entered first, then let his breath out long and slow as Wade sunk into him.

“Ho-o-oly fuck!” Peter exclaimed.

“I haven’t even started, baby boy.” Wade promised.

He pulled out slowly, sinking in again and nearly knocking the breath out of Peter. He took his sweet time, allowing Peter to acclimate, and enjoying the way the omega pushed his hips back to meet his. Peter was practically chasing his cock. Like he couldn’t get enough, like he couldn’t be without it. Wade smirked to himself. That smirk was soon wiped off his face when Peter managed to twist around enough to glance at his face. He raised an eyebrow, pouting his lips forward.

“Is that all, Alpha? I thought you were gonna claim your prize, but it seems you just want a leisurely fuck in the woods, hm?”

“Careful what you wish for, Omega.” Wade growled at him.

Peter opened his mouth to speak again, and Wade struck. He yanked Peter’s hips back in a bruising grip, fucking into him with abandon. Peter let out a rather loud cry, which was swiftly interrupted by a yelp when Wade managed to hit his prostate. Once the alpha had found that special spot, he hit it with each thrust. Wade was determined to fuck the snark out of Peter, at least for an hour or two. Honestly, he loved that the little omega wasn’t scared of him. Meanwhile, all coherent thought had left Peter’s brain. He was vaguely aware of a rather high-pitched ‘ughnn’ sound, and was surprised to realize that he was the one making it. Wade fucked him hard enough to shove his whole body forward with each thrust. His chest was getting a bit sore, but Peter found it only added to the fantasy. Here he was in the woods, prey to a big, bad wolf. He arched his back even further, enjoying the sound of Wade’s moaning and the lewd sounds of his slick hole being used.

With Wade’s cock plunging into him mercilessly, he hardly noticed when his legs started burning. Apparently, holding up his own weight as well as taking the brunt of a large alpha fucking him was too much for them. They started shaking a bit with the effort. Peter decided he didn’t mind it, though, as he felt his orgasm closing in. Just as he felt he was about to come, Wade yanked him up by the waist, holding his whole body weight back against his chest. Both were sweating now, despite the chill in the night air. Darkness had fully descended, and the only light came from the moon filtering through the trees. Peter panted, being held aloft as Wade settled him down, legs spread over his knees. It felt as though the alpha’s cock was even deeper in this position, and Peter took the much needed breather. Wade chuckled lowly in his ear, nuzzling and sucking over his bonding spot before asking:

“Oh, I’m sorry, baby boy. Was that too much for you? Is the little bunny too tired from taking cock?”

Peter whined a little, his own dick hard despite the embarrassment. Before, he’d felt completely blanketed by Wade. Now, he felt bared for all the world to see.

“I think the bunny needs a good dicking, hm?” Wade thrust upwards into him once, enjoying the sound of Peter’s answering moan. “Do you need a good dicking? Is that what you need?”

After a moment of silence, Peter realized he was actually supposed to answer.

“Yes, Alpha! Yes, I need your cock. Need you to fuck me good and hard!”

Wade apparently liked that answer well enough, as he grabbed hold of Peter once and again and began fucking him thoroughly. Peter felt almost high as his prostate was hit again and again. He’d been so close last time! He vaguely wondered if Wade had done that on purpose, then shook the thought off. It wasn’t until Wade began nipping at his neck that he felt his orgasm creeping up again. Those sharp fangs pierced skin with little effort, the alpha sucked on the wound until the pinprick of pain faded. Then Wade did it all over again, until Peter’s neck was littered with bites and bruises. Peter couldn’t wait to see what it looked like. As he felt his second orgasm nearing, Wade slowed his pace, then stopped completely. This time, Peter was sure it was intentional. He let out a rather loud whine, trying to thrust his own hips.

“None of that, Omega. You take what I give you.”

Peter whined again, quieter this time, and sat still. His own dick was twitching rather uselessly, and he watched with bated breath as Wade’s hand rubbed over his chest and down his stomach. To his dismay, the hand avoided his dick entirely, instead rubbing at his thigh for a moment. He twitched a bit, and Wade trailed his hand back up his stomach to pinch at his nipples as he bit more bruises into Peter’s neck. Finally deciding to take pity on the omega, he spoke.

“Who do you belong to, beautiful?”

“You, Alpha. I’m yours.” Peter answered without a second thought.

Wade considered whether or not he should bring up his breeding kink, but so far Peter had seemed more than happy to go along with everything else, so he continued.

“Who does this ass—“ He thrusted once, hard, to drive home his point. “—belong to?”

“You! You, Alpha! You!” Peter yelped.

“That’s a good bunny.”

Wade helped him into presenting again, wadding up their discarded clothing and using them to cushion Peter’s thighs off his calves. When he finally sank back into that tight, slick, heat, Peter sang.

“Want me to breed you, baby? Want me to pump you full of my seed?” Wade asked, listening and watching carefully for any sign of discomfort.

Peter just moaned long and high, his back arching again as he turned his head to look up through his eyelashes at Wade.

“Please, Alpha, breed me.”

Wade growled, his hips beginning to piston in and out of Peter yet again. This time, his hand pressed gently on Peter’s back while the other held his hips up. The omega was a drooling, stammering mess now. He kept rambling about Wade fucking him full of pups. This had quite the affect on Wade. He pounded into Peter, feeling his orgasm nearing quickly.

“Fuck, yes! Gonna breed you up real good, honey. Gonna—MmmFuck—Gonna knot you up real tight. You like that? Wanna have my babies?”

“Yes, Alpha! Yes!” Peter managed to answer in between getting the breath knocked out of him.

Peter’s ass began to tighten around him a bit, and just as Wade was about to reach around to finish him off, Peter came on the forest floor. Wade smirked, instead moving to all fours to fuck hard and fast into an overstimulated omega. With the alpha’s body weight pressed into him, Peter could only writhe beneath him, enjoying the almost painful pleasure that was still being pounded into him.

“Look at that, bunny! Didn’t even need to touch you, did I? Just needed a cock in your ass, didn’t you?” Peter’s muffled ‘mhm’ spurred him onwards. “Ready for my knot, baby? Ready to be bred?”

Peter answered by pressing his hips up even further. Wade gave him a few more hard thrusts before his knot began to swell, catching on the omega’s rim. After a hard shove, it popped inside and stuck. Peter let out another moan, filled with the alpha’s cum. After a couple minutes, Wade sat up slightly, allowing his knot to pull slightly at Peter’s rim. The omega whined, still unable to convince his mouth to form words. Wade pulled him up against his chest, enjoying the way Peter felt boneless in his arms.

“We’re not done yet, sweetheart. I promised you a real bite, remember?”

Peter managed to summon enough energy to run his hand over the back of Wade’s head, nodding happily. Wade sunk his fangs into Peter’s neck, enjoying the burst of pheromone-filled blood that slid over his tongue. Peter made a sound halfway between a groan and a whimper, head falling back to rest on Wade’s shoulder behind him. Wade ground his hips up into the omega a few times before pulling away, satisfied. He admired his handiwork in the moonlight. Even if it wasn’t a real mating bite, it would scar. He’d always be a part of Peter. It made his inner alpha happy. The two sunk onto the forest floor, spooning. With Wade’s knot still thoroughly locked inside and his hand carding through his hair, Peter slept the best he had for months—maybe years.

The next morning, he woke to find that Wade had retrieved fresh clothes for them. He was then carried off to a nearby stream for a quick wash, as walking was a bit of a challenge. The two sat in the chilly water a bit awkwardly, each trying to figure out what to say to one another. Finally, Peter gathered enough courage to speak.

“I wanted to say ‘thank you’, Wade. Last night was… incredible.”

“I thought so, too.” Wade answered with a grin.

Peter examined his face, then his bare chest. With a start, he realized he was growing slick again. Wade sniffed the air a moment, then grinned wider. Peter splashed him in retaliation. They both laughed a bit, wondering what to say next.

“I’m glad you had a good time.” Wade finally said, his voice sounding tight.

“I did. I’m glad you did, too.” Peter answered.

There was another few minutes of silence before the two stood, drying off and getting dressed. Peter chanced a peak at Wade, only to find the alpha doing the same. He smiled shyly at him, buttoning his shirt with awkward hands. As he glanced down, he realized he’d somehow missed the first two buttons and was now wearing a rather off-centered, avant-garde shirt. Wade laughed quietly before stepping forward and unbuttoning his shirt. Peter’s breath hitched slightly as Wade’s scarred fingers brushed his bare chest.

“Thank you.” He said quietly.

“You’re welcome.” Wade answered, just as quietly.

With his shirt re-buttoned, he glanced around the forest, taking in the sight for what was probably the last time. When he finally looked back at Wade, there was a wistfulness in his eyes.

“I suppose this is goodbye?” The way Wade said it was more of a question. More of a plea.

“It doesn’t have to be.” Peter answered, smiling softly. “I was just thinking, we burned some serious calories last night, and I could do with a taco, or like… ten.”

Wade’s face lit up like Christmas.

“I love tacos.”

#omegaverse #embroideredcursewordsao3 #spideypool #fanfic #fanfiction #abo fanfic

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chronicallyuniconic · 2 years

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Living in one spot for all of time

For me, life revolves around one space, my bed. sometimes my couch

Time doesn't pass the same. Days are long, they drag by and drain you, but the weeks fly through quickly. I can look out of the window one day to see the lush green of the trees and the clear blue skies, and the next time I look, the trees are bare and lifeless, the sky filled with leaky clouds. That time in between just poofs into the air like a lil balloon pop.

My life in one space is mostly spent managing my symptoms, as is the way of chronic illness. Mentally, I'm so dissociated and checked out from trying to cope with constant pains and relentless fatigue. Fatigue so heavy, it feels like a bag of rocks is burying me where I lay. I'm forced further into my quilted space under the weight of these rocks.

I used to have goals, I aimed high, for more, to always better myself. The symptoms became such a full time job, I couldn't attempt those ambitions anymore, let alone achieve them.

Simply, I despise that this is how things are. My daily, weekly, monthly and yearly achievements are next to zero. Unless keeping myself alive counts. I cannot hope or aim for much because of illness. I am always limited.

I want to go back to learning, I'd love to go back to work. I'd be ecstatic to go out more than the 3 times I have the whole of 2022 (C19 aside, previous years count too). Two of those outings were appointments. Isolated doesn't even cover it. I'm not Tom Hanks stranded on an island, I'm Wilson floating off into the depths of the vast ocean.

It feels like my future isn't there anymore. I so wish and desired for things to be different. Its what I studied and worked for my whole life. Chronic illness feels like it all means nothing. What are qualifications without the person who gained them - a piece of paper. I am staring into a dark void where I'll likely never have a job again, travel as I'd like, have a family(?) and just live.

Will I really die, knowing that all I could do was simply keep myself alive on the utmost of basic levels? Fuck, what if it's also my afterlife? I feel so empty.

Uniconic

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1aechan · 2 years

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doing my yearly check-in🫶, i am alive and old and working corporate longing for the days where kpop boys brought me seratonin

#hope whoever sees this and remembers me is doing great!

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swirling-through-the-stars · 1 month

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im watching a youtube video answering 100 questions about being trans and i want to answer them as a journaling exercise

i feel the way i do because i'm trans and because society sucks. also because i'm hungry and because i'm having a good mental health week. things don't happen in a vacuum completely isolated from each experience. maybe you're trans. maybe society sucks. maybe both are true. maybe neither are true. maybe both are partly true and partly wrong. are you on the trans spectrum or are you moving away from performing gender for society? is there a difference between being trans and not participating in gender? some would say yes. people who don't think about queer topics would say no.

somewhere around puberty. looking back, i don't think i have the wrong body. but i sure as hell did as a teen. i was obsessive about trying to shrink them

i had really bad dysphoria when i was younger. now that i look in the mirror and see myself it's rare that i feel it. i wish i had more to tell you, because i know younger me would have loved to hear an essay about my experince with dysphoria, but truthfully... i experience dysphoria so infrequently that i've forgotten how devastating it is. maybe that's a bad thing. but maybe that's a good thing.

don't try to change their opinion. try to understand their opinion. if you understand why they think the things they do, you'll also know what would make them change their opinion. sometimes the thing that would change their mind is attainable, like a youtube video or a series of peer reviewed studies published in reputable journals and sometimes their view of the world is so completely through religion colored glasses that it would completely shatter their entire understanding of what it means to be alive in which case you're never going to break through so now you have to decide the next steps for your relationship with that person

yes. every day. i've been living fully transitioned for years now and i love how i look so much. every day i look in the mirror and appreciate how hot i am now that i've grown into myself. and every time i forget to do my shot i think what if i'm actually cis and i'm subconsciously trying to detransition myself. it's idiotic because i love how my meat suit looks and i've never been happier, but that doesn't stop me.

my birthname fucks actually it was even gender neutral but to this day all the people i know with that name are women. as for my kickass new name, i accidentially named myself after a superhero so that was cool i guess; most days i forget i'm trans. or rather i forget other people aren't trans. people don't usually know i'm trans just by looking at me so it doesn't really come up much. i played a girls sport growing up so it's a little weird talking about my childhood. doing the actual t shot isn't the annoying part it's having to go to the fucking pharmacy all the damn time. people don't know i'm trans by looking at me so it doesn't come up much. i have to get a yearly physical for work at which some urgent care staff treated me... weirdly; the cool thing about questioning your gender is that your gender reflects your experience in the world and as your life experience changes the way you experience your gender changes too. when i initially came out it was really scary. it's still not easy for me to disclose i'm trans. i always feel like i need to vibe check them first.

not really. i own a skirt but i only wear it on occasion. i wear dangly earrings sometimes but those aren't as gendered anymore. clothing should be categorized by purpose/style.

transgender people are the media's current culture war topic that nobody actually gives a shit about but it's easier to talk about than big corps hoarding all the money and wrecking the environment and running the government. open dialogues with people you know usually do pretty well but most importantly, vote. participate in local government. speak at meetings if trans issues come up. vote for those who allow us control over our bodies. encourage people you know to do the same

for me it was gradual. it wasn't a snap your fingers and congrats you're done now. one day recently i said that i love how i look and then got really happy thinking about how in high school i though i'd never say that. also i'm never really done transitioning because hrt

yes. when i was a girl i was experiencing compulsory heterosexuality in a big way. now i've realized that i don't really enjoy playing the romance game. i'd rather just get along with someone really well. also t made me horny

i've physically transitioned with hrt and surgery. for me, it was necessary and all but cured my dysphoria. this won't work for everyone. every human has different needs and wants, some people need more, some people need less, some people need none. it's none of my business how they decorate their meat suit.

when i was younger i would have given you some vague answer about understanding it within myself, but i have a different answer now. you are a brain and a nervous system and some eyes powered by various globs of meat and bone and all that. how you choose to pilot your meat suit is up to you and you alone. everyone takes place in this "society" because it makes relationships easier when they all collectively follow rules. walk yourself through a hypothetical if i told you that i know 100% for sure that you are cisgender and you're only feeling unsatisfied with your body, what would you do to try to increase your comfort?

don't try to figure out if you're trans. instead try to come to a deep understanding of what gender means. what does it mean to be a man in your culture? what does it mean to be a woman? it's not impossible, but it's difficult to accurately place yourself on a scale you're not familiar with

i had a few experiences when i was younger that could be called foreshadowing, but truthfully, before puberty i never thought about gender or attraction at all. i saw people around me performing their gender/sexuality and just assumed it was a part of being an adult that i would understand when i grew up. my parents have more we should have known stories than i do.

i had already changed my wardrobe and hair when i came out as trans, so a lot of people had the reaction of "ah that explains it". people i saw regularly were able to catch on pretty quickly, but my people i saw only on occasion like my grandparents took a bit longer. my grandma was confused about my name change and my grandpa really struggled with the concept until i got surgery and grew facial hair and went into a stereotypically masculine career. people don't really get it wrong anymore unless they're talking about me as a child. hell sometimes i refer to my younger self as a girl

labels are boxes. sometimes it's nice to know what boxes you fall into. sometimes it's nice to reject the need to be in a box. the labels i use are for other people to understand me. if i posted a picture of a small green creature, most people would say that's a frog. people who have some knowledge about frogs might say that's a tree frog. people who know a lot about frogs might say that is a dryophytes cinereus. i have a list somewhere that contains all the microlabels i've seen that i feel describe me, but i don't desire to label myself anymore. i relate to many communities, queer or otherwise, and it doesn't hurt for those communities to exist nor for me to enter those communities when i need them. the culture i live in told me there were two options for gender, red and blue. then i learned about ROYGBIV and placed myself on green. then i learned there's actually more colors between green and blue. light exists on a spectrum, just like most things.

this doesn't really answer the question, but i think the world could use more empathy. everyone around you is the main character in their own life and is following their own plotline. like every group of humans, there is variation between trans and nb people. care about the person. maybe their gender is something they have to think about daily. maybe they haven't thought about it in months. meet people in your life where they're at. also if you have questions, ask if you can ask them about it. most people i know are willing to have a conversation about their identity as long as it's coming from a place of curiosity and desire to know the person better.

really the only times i've had to come out to strangers is in doctors offices. for me, 2/3 times the staff showed an obvious lack of knowledge about the existence of trans people, but the third time they just said okay. i was terrified to come out to people i knew. i thought for sure i'd be rejected at best. turns out everyone that it went over really well with everyone that mattered. purple and yellow are excellent colors and they are great together. clothes don't have genders, they have vibes. formal, hot, comfy, silly, child, functional, etc. my least favorite stereotypes are all the shit spread by the evangelical right. honestly, i don't experience many misconceptions with being trans in my personal life. maybe that people can always tell. it always surprises me when people start talking shit about trans people not knowing a trans person is in the room with them.

if it's an avatar, man. if it's picking a character to play as with unique skills, i pick based on skills, not appearances. unless yoshi is an option. then i always pick yoshi

i don't have to fear backlash from people i love, and it's absolutely wonderful. i can actually focus on developing myself beyond understanding my relationship with gender. that being said, i do worry about backlash in doctors offices and work and similar scenarios.

i don't really watch anime, but the audiodrama Hello From The Hallowoods has a shitload of queer characters and is incredible representation. i've cried multiple times listening to it because i've never seen the queer aspects of myself so perfectly described in media

i do not since i pass as a cis man.

the more masculine i look the more i get euphoria from "feminine" things and vice versa. sometimes i look in the mirror and get emotional because i love how i look now

i had a girlfriend for a few months in high school, and i had two partners in college i dated for less than a year. i just started to focus on building my social life as i've been so focused on my career and academics until recently. now i'm not looking to date, but looking to meet people.

when i start to get bogged down with thoughts of did i make the right choice, i have to remind myself how awful i felt before transitioning. then i start thinking more about what does it mean to be a wo/man and what does it mean to not be either? to be both? then i end up deciding that i don't really care what people call me anymore, because i love how i look and feel. if some day i decide to detransition, that's okay. right now i'm happy and comfortable in my skin. i look in the mirror and see myself. if some day i stop seeing myself, i'll take steps to change that.

yes. but only if you put in the work to find those people. there's 8 billion people on earth. there is no doubt in my mind there is somewhere on this planet you fit in. those people might be down the street or in the next city over or somewhere else completely. it might take time to find your people. but they're out there.

for me, yes. it's how i feel now. unfortunately i can't answer that question for you. it helped me to envision myself as a brain piloting a meat suit. i can customize my meat suit with jewelry or tattoos or piercings or haircuts or hrt and surgery or clothes. like it or not, my body is my body. so i decided to make it something i can be happy in.

as a kid i didn't really care. as a teen and into my early 20s hell fucking no. as i get older i'm becoming more indifferent. i'm okay calling myself as a kid a girl, sometimes i even use my birthname to refer to 10yo me. now it just feels like when your grandma calls you your cousin's name. it's not correct, but i also don't really care that much

in retrospect i don't know how to describe it. i saw the women that the girls around me were turning into and understood that it wasn't right for me

because that's not who i am. you wouldn't ask a cis man to transition to female, so why are you asking the same of me. my gender is something internal i understand about myself. if others don't understand it, that's fine, but i won't change myself just to make myself easier for others to understand.

before hrt and surgery, my transness was defined by my dysphoria. it was practically all i could think about. it colored my view of everyone and everything. that's now a thing of the past for me. i don't know if i would still be trans if i didn't have dysphoria when i was younger. i've changed a lot since i came out. i don't have dysphoria now, and i'm absolutely not cisgender. so maybe i would be trans if i never had dysphoria.

before i started passing as a cis man, i did correct people. always. i think i annoyed some people with how persistent i was, but it worked. people don't really misgender me anymore and constantly correcting people from the start probably helped. i don't correct people anymore, but the only time i've been genuinely misgendered recently was a few years ago over the phone

i've never felt that way, but i also have only lived in places with queer spaces available. dating has also never been a priority for me, so i might be a little biased. if you find someone to date, great. but don't solely focus on it to the point where you neglect your friendships.

hell yes. do it. like writing any character that belongs to a community you aren't a part of, do your research about terminology. talking to people in that community face to face is always better than only online.

if you're writing a character with a trans character arc, i'd also include a trans character whos storyline has nothing to do with being trans. if you're writing about a character actively transitioning, talk to someone who is actively transitioning. i and other trans folks i know have a different perspective on gender and transitioning now then i did when i first came out. understand your character and how they view their gender. maybe its important. maybe it's not. don't just write the plot. write the character. don't

a bit of both. part of me was like yes this is correct, finally. and it also took a bit to break the habit of responding to my birthname and she/her and build the habit of responding to my chosen name and he/they. change can be uncomfortable, and that's okay.

i picked a name that i both liked how it sounds and felt suits me. i literally woke up in the middle of the night with an epiphany about my name. when i told my family they were like yeah that is your name you're right.

something that's helped me is understanding their perspective. everyone has their own beliefs because of their life experience. what is causing them to think trans bad? in their mind they're on the right side of history. i don't know how to snap someone out of it, but in my experience, empathy helps

the therapist i saw was just a regular therapist who's nonbinary so they weren't specifically a gender therapist. if there's any lgbt resource centers around you, they might be able to help you find a therapist to help talk you through your gender

yes, i used to feel it a lot, but now it's only every once in a while and it's not distressing like it used to be

man i couldn't even tell you the last time i saw a child

no my don't think being male or female is something you're born as. learning about human biology, it's obvious that sex isn't as simple as society has made it out to be. natural human variation in sex, hair/skin/eye color, height, weight, etc. are all a normal part of genetic variation and i think it's weird we pretend there are a few boxes we all fit into instead of observing the objective truth that all organisms, including humans, have variations in presentation.

in short, yes, but i don't think the phrase "x is a social construct" is very helpful. gender, race, coloration, etc. are all natural variances of the human body. there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that many humans fit into easily defined boxes, but the idea that every single human does is either a or b is absolutely baffling to me.

i don't think this question knows what racist means. if you accidentally misgender someone, no reasonable person will get upset with you. if someone corrects you and you intentionally continue to call them the wrong name/pronouns, that's rude, disrespectful, and on you.

i think now i don't care that much because i get gendered correctly almost always. before transitioning, it felt like getting punched in the stomach every time i heard she.

i have no regrets about my transition. maybe that i didn't come out sooner

honestly being trans isn't a big deal where i'm at. anti-trans legislation being proposed in my country makes me nervous, but i'm lucky enough to live in a state with protections for trans people.

inclusion i think. truthfully, i think we need a better name than a bunch of letters. i usually write lgbt+ or lgbtq+ because i can't be bothered to type more letters

gender and sexuality are different concepts, so i can't say if a trans/nb person would date a cis lesbian. some will some wont. i'd say court them the same way you'd court a cis person, and if they aren't attracted to you, they'll tell you that. communication is key

i don't think most cis people question their gender, but some do. i think they tend to come to their conclusion faster than trans folks do, but again, it varies from person to person. this would be a good question for cis allies in your life

i wished i was born a cis male for a little bit, but i wouldn't have made the friends i have or have lived through the experiences that made me who i am if i was born a cis male. to me, wishing i was a cis man is the equivalent of wishing i was a completely different person, and at this point in my life, i really like who i am

as a child, i just understood church to be a hobby that some people had then we learned about ancient religions in middle school history and i realized there were hundreds of different religions and basically said "gotcha, so nobody knows what's going on" and then i started noticing religion around me and i was like "gotcha so nobody knows what's going on but everyone thinks they know what's going on" and then when i actually thought about the concept of a god for the first time in like high school i basically said "so everyone has an imaginary friend and everyone is 100% convinced their imaginary friend is the One True Imaginary Friend and nobody thinks this is weird?" and now my opinion is more like "most of the world has their favorite historical fiction text and they're 100% convinced it's true even though the book contains information easily proven false and people would rather read their historical fiction than actually look for the answers to their questions because they're afraid of not existing." i try not to believe things only on faith. i try to understand things. if i can't find an answer, i look into research people are doing to find the answer. if i die and keep living, i'll have a hell of a lot more questions and no desire to bow.

nope, they all knew before we started dating

if you go to a doctor wanting to medically transition, going to a professional is step one in that process. maybe that's shitty. maybe that's a good thing. i don't know. but that's how it is today. if you don't want to medically transition, then fuck professionals. you don't need someone to tell you who you are. if you're happy with yourself, that's all you need.

sexuality is also a spectrum just like gender. you can identify yourself however you want and be attracted to whomever you want. these are just words. people are attractive. it happens.

dude and babygirl are gender neutral if you use it gender neutrally. that being said if someone doesn't want me to use those words for them, i won't use them for that person because i want to be kind. it's not that serious tbh.

i view apathy towards assigned gender as under the nonbinary umbrella, but that's just me. words only have the meaning we assign to them. nothing is real. everything is real.

i don't change how i dress to look more nonbinary, i dress how i want. fuck what everyone else says. if i'm nonbinary and i'm wearing clothes, it's a nonbinary outfit. clothes are just fabrics sewn together.

idk what this question is asking but there should be more gender neutral bathrooms

i came out as trans in late 2017

truthfully? i think trans people in sports is a nonissue. if it comes up, it should be handled on a case by case basis as all sports aren't created equal. it seems to me it's just being used as a "culture war" talking point to increase polarization. also you ever notice that in mens sports genetic advantages are viewed as "hey cool this guy is missing a ligament in his arm so he can do this cool thing and hes the best athlete of all time" but in womens sports genetic advantages are viewed as "shes cheating because her testosterone levels are too high and she can run too fast"? i think people need to calm the fuck down and remember that sports are supposed to be fun

i used to mind getting accidentally misgendered, but not really anymore

sometimes, but then i remember that i've built a community of people like me who understand that just because society is built for a specific type of person, doesn't mean that everyone else can't participate

yes. in high school my therapist told me to say "i love my trans body" and i cringed and told them that i didn't want to and i'd rather just focus on accepting my body for what it is. a few months ago i was looking at myself in the mirror and said "i love my trans body" then had to take a step back and realize how far i've come. it wasn't easy, and it sure as hell wasn't fast, but it's possible. i hope you are able to love, or at least accept your body some day. in the mean time, decorate your body with things you do like. whether that's nail polish or a nice suit or a bracelet or makeup or a ring. find something you like and decorate yourself. it's not an immediate fix. but it's a start.

what is the difference between i want to be with you and i want to be you? honestly that's something i ask myself often. my only advice is that the two aren't mutually exclusive

i do indeed get gender envy from strangers. friends too. fictional characters too. who are we if not the things we enjoy?

i came out to my parents by writing them a letter and leaving it on the table for them to find while i was out so that i wouldn't have to see them. i was terrified. i did not need to be terrified.

i buy my clothes usually at thrift stores. i like buying used things and not supporting big corporations. jeans are hard, though

i learned recently that everyone isn't crafting versions of themselves that are presentable to the people they're with, which was mindblowing for me. if the people you are with are making you feel guilty for being yourself, those people are not your friends. if the guilt you feel is internal, and you're trying to craft a persona that's digestible for the people you're around, you're thinking too hard. understand yourself. then associate with people who want to be around you.

i do feel obligated to tell people around me i'm trans, but i tend to not bring it up unless it comes up. i don't outright lie about who i am. i'm not ashamed about it. but it's also not the first fact about myself i drop

"is it normal to-" yes. gender perception is dependent on the culture and society you live in. experiencing gender differently than what is typical is just natural human variation

i don't want to specifically be a werewolf, but i'd take shape shifter. i want wings

when in doubt, ask. if they're uncomfy with you asking, they probably wouldn't have wanted a pride flavored gift

"hey girl" is gender neutral to me

my pronouns are he/they but honestly i don't give a shit anymore

idk if i'd call it cross dressing but i bought clothes from the mens section the years before coming out. if i ever play smash bros it's yoshi every time babey

i can't tell the future, but it seems very likely i will stay transmasc my whole life. i'm happier this way. and i deserve to be happy.

i would argue there aren't any definite genders. i haven't found a definition of woman that every woman fits. i haven't found a definition of man that every man fits. hell i haven't found a definition of nonbinary that every nonbinary person fits. we're trying to stick definite labels on societal norms, but it just doesn't work because humans have natural genetic variance. does having two distinct genders simplify things? sure. but we can't pretend like every single human will be able to fall into one of two rigidly defined categories

i knew i liked he/they pronouns because i though hey that's neat and then i changed my pronouns in my inner voice and was like okay yeah this feels right then i asked some friends close to me to test out he/they and that confirmed it for me.

probably nice pants and a button up. maybe a jacket, but i haven't worn a suit jacket that didn't look stupid on me

no but i think i might get hit on sometimes and not realize it. at least, that's what my friends say

fortunately nobody i care about doesn't accept me. it makes it easy, because if someone is being shitty i can reevaluate my relationship with them. maybe i take the path of educating them. maybe i say fuck it and leave. it depends.

people who think nonbinary is just attention seeking are people who fully believe in society and its rules. sometimes they just need to learn that gender is more than two boxes. sometimes they'd need to have their entire worldview changed to understand nonbinary people.

i do not miss being a girl but i do sometimes wonder what i would have looked like

i'm so serious. watch a sitcom and pay attention to how men and women are portrayed. gender is inherently performative. sometimes you're performing for society. sometimes you're performing for yourself. sometimes the performance is second nature. sometimes it's a really hard role. i've stopped worrying about my performance and just walked on set as myself.

i tell people i'm bisexual because it's the easiest simplification. alone i don't label myself. i like who i like.

i define gender fluidity as a subset of nonbinary

i altered my voice before it changed and sometimes i'll talk deeper or higher if i'm more masc/fem

i would raise a child if the situation arose, but i have no desire to produce biological offspring. there's already enough humans as it is

listen man. when i first cut my hair... it was bad. i went through some horrible hairstyles before settling on one i didn't hate for a few years. i just changed my hairstyle recently and now i actually really like my hair. most people have their childhood to get used to their sense of style and their look, but trans people sometimes have to start that process of finding their style as an adult. also. "looking bad" is subjective. i GUARANTEE if you get a haircut or dress more masc and you think you look bad, there will be someone who genuinely thinks you look so cool. also also, this sounds fake but if you're confident that you look good, you will look good. you can have the jankiest haircut or the ugliest clothes but if you rock it, it becomes camp. i'm so serious

yep, but it's pretty much gone. now i feel like hannah montana (i got the best of both worlds)

i don't think a lot of nb people lean toward a gender. i think they're just chilling as themselves and doing what they want to do. it's easy to perceive them as leaning toward a gender, because the society we are used to putting people into one of two boxes. we might look at a nonbinary person and say oh you have these "man traits" and these "woman traits" and you have more of one than the other, so you must be more of that gender. in the nb person's head, they don't have "man traits" or "woman traits" they just have traits.

i thought i was a bottom for so long and i think i might actually be a switch. who knows? not me

if i'm understanding the question right, there might be a confusion between gender identity and expression. most gender stereotypes have to do with gender expression, the way society interprets your gender. Gender identity is harder to describe. it's internal and individualized for every person. it's the reason why it's impossible to come up with a rigid definition for man/woman that every man/woman fits into. men can be feminine and women can be masculine regardless of whether they're cis or trans

i think people need to calm the fuck down about bathrooms and changing rooms and we need more gender neutral bathrooms. i think it's another nonissue being pushed as a "culture war" talking point

i think being nonbinary is a rejection of the binary created by the society we live in. if there were no gender binary, there wouldn't be nonbinary people. how people experience gender is entirely based on how their society views gender. being nonbinary isn't a choice, but it is entirely dependent on the rules of society. people whose gender doesn't fit nicely into one of two boxes can choose to identify their self as existing outside the gender binary or they can just choose one of the boxes, even if it isn't a perfect fit and doesn't exactly describe them.

i think a lot of trans/nb people are fed up with the bullshit and lose their cool. this especially becomes a problem when they snap at people who were just innocently trying to be curious

are some people trans for misogynistic reasons? maybe. but i don't know what's going on in their brain. gender is really hard to describe, since it's something that varies based on society and culture, so often trans people end up describing their gender in terms of expression, which is often easier for people who've never thought about gender to understand. this can come off as misogynistic, but sometimes it's just trans people trying to explain their concept of gender in a way cis folks can understand. i don't know specifically the difference between body and gender dysphoria, but i can say from experience that my gender dysphoria reached beyond just my body. just being socially perceived as a girl was enough to make my skin crawl and send my thoughts spiraling. it could be possible that you experienced gender dysphoria and you're not trans. gender dysphoria can be felt by cis people too (boob job, calf implants, etc.) just because you aren't trans, doesn't mean what you felt wasn't real. i wonder how your perception of your gender is compared those who've never questioned their gender.

gender and sexuality are separate things. nonbinary people can be attracted to men, women, nb people, all of the above, none of the above, and every combination that a cis person could have. if you're asking what word they use to indicate attraction to men/women, it depends on the person

probably about the same as any other minority feels when the minority turns out to be shitty

honestly, it's highly dependent on the situation. are they doing it maliciously or is it an accident or do they just not care enough to try? i would then tell them it feels like they aren't trying and it feels like you're punching me in the stomach every time you get it wrong. if they keep getting it wrong after that, its probably intentional. if they just said the wrong word i don't worry about it

idk about estrogen but testosterone grows your penis, not shrinks it

fuck yes. i feel so much better. i've gone through so much character development after transitioning that i didn't even realize i was neglecting because i was so focused on how bad i felt all the time

trans people are this decade's culture war issue. the anti-trans rhetoric is the exact same as the rhetoric used against gay and black people for example. the history books won't look kindly on those who would strip us of our bodily autonomy. it's terrifying and it can be easy to spiral thinking about it. do what you can at a local level. vote. then put away the internet and eat a muffin in nature and play sudoku.

start with do you ever wonder what it's like to be the other gender then break into what if there was a third option? think about it theres masculine women and feminine men what if there's something in the middle?

honestly i've never had a group of guy friends so i never really felt like one of the boys until i got into a male dominated career field. and i'm always down for a girls night

when i realized i was trans i went into denial for a bit because i knew what it would mean for my life.

yes. i would shower and just stare

yeah

well for a minute there it was all i could think about. but now i don't really think of it much. i guess it kind of feels like mariokart wii when you unlock being able to drive as a mii and everyone else picks an in game character. sure i got a diy character but we're still on rainbow road and a cpu keeps throwing red shells at me

same reason there was an increase in left handed people when people stopped trying to beat the left handedness out of children

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owlixx · 10 months

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Call of Duty Classic Mid-Thoughts (US Campaign Done):

Surprised to see this one has aiming down sights. Having 4 “weapons” to switch between is cumbersome. No regenerating health is cumbersome. Glad I picked the easy difficulty. Menu is hilariously old-fashioned. The end of level fade to black is so funny to me. The short short levels and long long load screens are to funny to me. Seems like automatic weapons are way better. I am relying heavily on aim assist. No sprinting is rough. I miss hitmarkers. Ammo management is weird in this game, like all the spare bullets disappear if you drop a gun and then pick it back up.

I am enjoying the brisk pace, I was able to beat the USA portion of the game in a single sitting which is a third of the game, didn’t even take 2 hours I think. Melee feels weak. Pistols feel pointless and I haven’t used grenades much yet. Did get stuck for a bit because one enemy was alive hiding while I made my way to the actual objective but I needed to go back and kill him to progress the plot. So funny seeing Captain Price here!!!

So far my favorite parts have been the mansion raid because it was at least a distinct environment and the timed prison raid because it felt more like I was in an action movie. The mounted machine guns are so hard to use. Scopes are useless if you ever get shot at even a little which sucks because it’s the only way to take out mounted machine guns sometimes but they can hit you from a mile

away. Bad game design: the combo of being forced to drop a gun to pick up a single used rocket launcher plus losing all spare ammo when dropping and then picking up a gun again.

It’s just so funny to me that this released on PS360 when it did (2009) for 20 bucks or bundles with MW2. It’s clearly a pretty low effort port of a game no one was particularly nostalgic for, and it starts the trend of weird remasters in this series along with Modern Warfare Remastared and Modern Warfare 2 Campaign Remastered, although you could argue that MW, WaW, BO1, MW2, MW3 on Wii are kind of separate versions along with the weird PS2 spin-offs of 1/2/WaW or even the DS ports but I’d argue that CoD Classic and MW1/2D stand alone as a kind of unique thing. It’s an interesting series, trying to balance nostalgia with yearly releases that almost always obsolesce the previous one, with the identity of the series staked around each release being the most up to date and feature complete despite never quite being that. But you can’t look backwards without releasing a game that feels horribly out of date.

Actually, I did also enjoy the trench hopping section and using the M1 Garand (complete with signature ping and no manual reload). Also funny to me that there even is a fire mode select in this game. The Thompson and MP40 seem like a waste to set to single fire, while the FG42 seems worthless on full audio. The BAR weirdly lets you set slow or fast auto? But the slow does the job fine for me. Kar98k is pretty clunky and unsatisfying in this game with or without a scope. M1a1 is…fine, kind of baseline weapon imo. pistol worthless. So far the MP40 is goated just because it’s auto and I can find ammo for it reliably.

UI is hilariously clunky. The giant compass isn’t super helpful. Won’t see a health bar again for a while, I think. The on-rail mission was…fine.

STEVE BLUM! My beloved :) just checked IMDb and Jason Statham is in this???

It is so funny to have seen this game on Xplay when I was watching old episodes of it recently where they seriously are talking about it for game of the year and lauding it when now it has aged so poorly. It’s not offensive or anything, it’s just terribly middling for what it is. It really takes something like Half Life to still be remotely worth playing 20 years later as a single player FPS of this era, and that’s a pretty high bar. I think even just waiting until the PS360 gen results in loads of quality FPSes like Bioshock, Wolfenstein TNO, Far Cry 2-3, Rage, Dishonored. Although I’d argue that Halo 1-2 age far better than the early CoD titles of that generation but again, that’s a high bar to clear.

There is an expansion pack for this game, United Offensive, but I’ll be skipping it since it isn’t available on consoles of any kind and would be kind of a hassle to get going on PC and doesn’t interest me anyways and there’s still so many games left to play. Of all the QoL things I miss most from the newer games, I think regenerating health is the most sorely needed here, so I definitely don’t want a whole expansion pack of scrounging for health kits. It’s the kind of thing that you either don’t notice at all when the game is giving you enough health kits or it becomes a huge pain to backtrack while trying to take out a machine gun nest.

I do hope this game introduces some more varied weapons in the British and Russian campaigns because so far there’s not much, which admittedly makes sense given that we’ve only seen US and German weapons.

I will admit that the idea of playing 1, 2, 3, WaW, plus 3 last gen spin-offs all set in WW2 is a little alarming. I feel like I’ll be ready to go back once we hit WWII and Vanguard but yikes that’s a lot of WW2 back to back. On the other hand, I think that is super funny and I love the idea of tracking each of the famous guns from game to game and seeing them evolve in real time as a great litmus test of how these games and gaming overall developed during this kind of pivotal time before, during, and right after the launch of HD consoles.

It does make me a little sad to know I can’t really play any of the online multiplayer, at least not the way it would’ve been back at the time. Something like CoD Classic in particular probably had an extremely limited time with an active player base.

#retro gaming #call of duty #call of duty classic #CoD #gaming

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sluntch · 1 year

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My Health Journey - A Writing Experiment - Day 2

Welcome back all. Today we dive into the second part of the lore for my losing weight and healthier living journey. Jump through under the cut for more background info or don't and enjoy the scroll. Love ya either way.

When I was young and in college, it was easy to just disregard taking care of myself or going to the doctor or exercising or eating well. I could drink as much as I wanted, eat as much as/what I wanted, live how I wanted and it all seemed to just work out fine. Back when I still had my Facebook account, I could go through the pictures from those college days and pretty much track the steady weight gain from when I was a rower in high school to when I continued to eat a rower's diet despite not playing any organized sport or exercising regularly. I would "go to the gym" on occasion to hop on a rowing machine and get some distance in about 3 or 4 times a month and would call it "working out". I would convince myself that was enough to consider myself still totally fine in terms of weight gain and general health and continue to put off going to a doctor, if even for a yearly check up just to see that everything is still in working order. It was over a roughly 5- to 6-year period that steadily gained weight and starting getting close to the 300-pound threshold. After college, this only continued and I eventually surpassed that. I'm unsure what the heaviest I weighed, all-time, was, but at the time this journey started on Oct 10 of 2022, 317 is what I weighed. This was probably not the upper limit of what I had weighed at any given time but it's the first time I had weighed myself properly and documented it, so there we are.

So, luckily for us, reinstalling the Cronometer app helped a great deal this time for me (I am not sponsored by them in any way and am not advocating this specific app as the be-all end-all for anyone looking to try this stuff out. Just naming it because it's easier and less cringe than saying "the food diary app I downloaded"). Though I suppose, to be fair, so did hearing all the comorbidities that came with heading to the doctor for the first time in around 6 years. When it was not just "you are overweight" but "you are overweight and there are a lot of other things coinciding with that which may be CAUSED by it", that was a wake-up call for me that I had been seriously neglecting my basic health needs for a long time. Coupled with the facts that I just genuinely wasn't happy with the way that I looked, which had been going on for quite some time, and that I was now married to my wife who wanted for me to stay alive, this provided enough motivation to keep the food diary and actually stick to it. The timeline differs between people and behavior, obviously, but the number I've heard that it takes to form a new habit, as in make the behavior something is done (roughly) automatically), is around 66 days or 3 months, on average. I have no real evidence for this. My doctor quoted that number and I've seen it floating around on the internet after multiple searches on the concept, so who knows? Suffice to say, as someone who has done a few things on this journey for 66 days, for me, that figure feels about right. After sticking with the diary for, roughly, that period, I know greatly enjoy planning out my week's menu. My new job was work-from-home and I had more time to work in the kitchen, so I became a kitchen husband. My wife worked a pretty terrible job that kept her working long hours for bad pay in a toxic environment. One of the things I wanted to ensure was that, when she got home from a 12-hour day, she had a hot meal waiting for her. The recipes started off fairly rudimentary: Instant pot recipes, easy skillet stuff, casseroles, etc. Soon, though, I began to want more and found I had a genuine love for cooking my own food and planning out our weekly menus. I began making lists and organizing myself - two things that I just never did in the past. We began eating incredibly delicious meals, made with ingredients that wouldn't break the bank, and that were much better for me, healthwise, than the stuff we had been eating in the past. Plus, I got to give my wife, tired and sometimes miserable after long, terrible day, some comfort when she walked in the door in my own special way. To this day, it is my favorite thing in the world to have her be happy when we eat together and to enjoy so much my newfound love of cooking. As a note to end this paragraph, she is the best support system I've ever had and has certainly been a linchpin in this venture being anywhere close to a success.

As a closing note to day 2 here, I suppose I should mention which "diet" I chose to pursue. I had done a bit of research on what diets may be effective and, again, had tried intermittent fasting to some degree, though I don't necessarily consider that to be a full diet as it's really just picking the window of time in which you eat but, as far as I'm aware, doesn't specify WHAT you eat. As I said above, I did a BIT of research, not a lot. With Cronometer, I began to track calories in and calories out. I began to measure out my portions as portion control was one of the things I struggled with the hardest. I began to exercise more and track my weight every few days during the week. By eating fewer calories than I was expending, I began to steadily see my weight decline and, this time, I had prepared myself mentally for the fact that this was going to take a while. There was no fast-track to shedding weight. If I was going to do this and do it without medication or surgery, I was going to have to commit. It was going to be a slog. It might get to be something that frustrates me or makes me want to quit. This time, somehow (I'm still not convinced I'll ever truly know what made this time be THE time), I stuck with it. I changed myself and my lifestyle in such a dramatic way like nothing I'd ever done before.

I'll cut it here for now. Next time, we'll dive into some more specifics and I'll start giving some numbers on the timeline from October 2022 into October 2023. If you read this, that's actually super neat and I appreciate you a lot. Hope you continue to come back and I'll see you in the next one.

64 days to go.

#weight management #weight loss #diet #health journey #sluntchposting #writing challenge

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fabddd · 1 year

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reconciliation between two worlds

I am always in a state of disalignment. My thoughts if left out for a second bridges to a world beyond what my waking consciousness is directly seeing. I am here and there at the same time. I am a dreamer, an active one. My mind wanders through the explicitness of life, 'explicitness' may be a poor choice of word. I am just going to state what 'visions' indirectly procured throughout the day.

This afternoon we had a discussion about labour, how to check the position of a fetus inside the mothers womb, how to handle a client giving birth, what to do if you are placed in that kind of situation, etc.,. Suddenly, I was struck by one of the other-worldly reasons why I chose this kind of profession( I am a nursing student), I was reminded by a lightning thought: I walked this path as it is closer to life and death. Two polar opposites, or maybe our predisposed concept between these two are errored. Life and death are not opposites, to place them in one spectrum another term for them is alive and dead. They are both part of life. We fear the other and celebrate it's opposite. I was always fascinated by this approach. I haven't witnessed death personally, what I have witnessed is a burial. What came to mind upon seeing the coffin slowly being covered by dirt, until that six feet square hole filled up was, 'is that it? ', after a tumultuous 70 years of existence in this world, was that it? Yeah, In conclusion there was nothing.

We shouldn't really worry what life has the end for us, what we should do is, I do not know. I've no wisdom and age to give advice.

I've lost the thoughts of today as another emerged just now. We, humans, are the only creature that has consciousness, what the definition of this is, I also don't know. To simplify it, we can think. The future, present, and past can be grasp within our mind simultaneously, maybe not but you get the point. That is a blessing of for man, and a curse. We are prosperous because we can think of the future. Even if a man is so sullen in the present to the degree that he is paralyzed and cannot engage in activities, what gives him the courage to rise in his pitiful state is the thought of a better future. Consciousness is a blessing. It is also a curse as it gives no hope to a man who thinks that the light at the end of the tunnel is just another train rushing at a speed he cannot fathom just to crush him down.

I have now wasted time on writing nonsense. Nevertheless, let me continue. That written above is the world within myself that produces nonsense, with the perspective of this world in which I shall call the 'rational'. This world thinks of the practicalities of life. For instance, now at this very moment I am fighting the urge to stop writing and study the materials for tommorows activity. Or to stretch out the rational world, it plans out my whole life in detail and in a yearly time frame. I am not accustomed yet to this world as I had always indulged in the 'nonsense'. However, I think I need to reconcile the two. I cannot live with just the other. My soul will die if the rational is what always occupies my mind. It's insipid, lifeless, and dull. Then if the nonsense is what's allowed to live, left out responsibilities will kill my conscience.

There should be a line where the two world meets. I've no age to have the answer, life is long, relatively, I should wait then, and I hope the light is not a train, but something divine.

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inhaledpie4 · 2 years

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I mean that's cool you guys are happy, but I dunno. Most married couples I know seem like empty shells of what they once were, and they give up most of their interests or hobbies. They live very dry, monotonous lives and their vibe is more like those of roommates.

I pray your marriage improves or that you take some advice for your future marriage.

It's no accident that our marriage is good. We both encourage each-other to continue our hobbies - ones we do together and ones we do separately. We do our best to keep romance alive, and to not allow the daily grind to siphon away our passion for each-other. The key is to live in the moment. A promise I am striving to keep is to always be "present and intentional" with each and every one of my thoughts, words, and actions. I often repeat those words to myself so I don't forget.

The married couples who give up parts of themselves and/or give in to the monotonous roommate lifestyle are people who don't understand the work involved in a marriage. They let life slip away from them and don't realize until too late that they don't recognize the person sleeping beside them.

Instead of checking in with their spouse, they think "my spouse satisfies me, I am happy in our marriage, so they must be satisfied too."

Instead of working through a problem when it first arises, they bury it as resentment for a fight later, or they simply check out.

In a healthy marriage, it is "us vs the problem."

In a healthy marriage, there is compromise. (YES, even in traditional marriage.)

In a healthy marriage, the lines of communication are always open and both sides are continually putting effort into these interactions.

In a healthy marriage, your spouse comes first before anyone and anything else, yes, including children. Children cannot thrive in a house that is empty of love.

In a healthy marriage, there are date nights as often as can be afforded, but minimum I would say the yearly anniversary and maybe birthdays if you celebrate.

In a healthy marriage, there is a minimum amount of cuddle times and sexy times to be enjoyed. This might piss some people off, but I don't care. If your higher libido spouse wants to go at it with you, and you're not in the mood, get them to get you in the mood. It's the perfect time to have your higher libido spouse give you a massage, or serenade you, or whatever else gets you going. I'm not advocating for just laying there and taking it, nobody likes that, but you owe it to your spouse to find it in yourself to enjoy them and their body. Sex is so much more than physical enjoyment. It is intimacy. It is connection. Other than dancing, it is the closest you can get to being completely involved with a person.

Everyone feel free to add advice or correct me in reblogs and comments, but so far this is what has kept our marriage great.

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tanrininmahkemesi · 2 years

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OK so yearly weekly monthly kind of some unknown periodly check!! I really lost the track of time huh,,, how is it going val??? I hope school's not been going too much on you because i KNOW how it is like to be in turkish highschools,,,,,, there were things that has been going on (everytime something goes on, because life's just playing around, isn't it) as i remember? i hope they have resolved but if they didn't, (i really know it's easy to talk but i also know about dealing with things too) i am absolutely sure that everything, EVERYTHING changes, shapeshifts, comes to an end and the cycle goes on. i don't know if you are struggling at all generally or with what exactly but i know it's sometimes refreshing to remember that, you are here, alive, and the worst actually could have happened. if you overcome this much way on your path, maybe with some help, maybe with it's goods and bads, it's possible to move forward, at least i try to remind this to myself and maybe you might wanna too, uh remember to drink water daily it has so much affects on your health and try to get quality sleep, take care of yourself, physically and mentally, know that you ARE worth it!! 💈💈💈💈💈ALSOGOODDAYNIGHTNOON????

HEY!!! OMG HI AGAIN!! 😭😭😭 you made me blush 😭😭 currently, people my age are going to collage and i don't because i chose to be in a 5 years high school 🫠🫠 things are rough, i've been studying for that uni exam of ours and it's the worst, my country made it to be on 1st of the "has the most struggling people" list of the fing world yesterday and stuff... but i chose to not think any of these to, you know, keep my sanity if there is any tbh 😭 one day i will save myself or be saved etc. and i believe it 👍🏻 i'm doing okay, i think. thanks to people like you. you're the kindest person i've ever seen, if i never said it. thank you for everything, anon 😭💕 also, if you have interacted with me other than sending anon asks, i think i know who you are but you don't have to answer or anything lol!! i said it in case of you waiting for me to understand or anything KDLSMÖXMSMD. oh and hey, i love you, anon friend 💕

ALSO HEY IT'S NIGHT HERE!! it's GMT+03:00 :) GOODDAYNIGHTNOON!!!

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mystarsandmyocean · 7 years

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yuletide letter 2017

Dearest, darling author,

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am so, so excited for this year’s Yuletide. It’s been a tough one, so I’m definitely looking forward to the holiday cheer (not that I’m opposed to some good angst!). As for my letter, think of the following details - with the exception of my major squicks - as guidelines rather than rules re: my tastes & likes. The best wishes are the kind you didn’t even know you wanted, so I am 100% certain I will love whatever you write!

Likes:

• Ladies! All the lady love. Female characters, female friendship, complicated female relationships, I love them all. I know my requested fandoms are more romance heavy, so I wanted to make clear that as much as I love the lovin’;, the lady loves gotta come first.

• Found Family! A common theme in my fandoms is that family is based on more than just blood, and any exploration of any such relationships would absolutely thrill me! I am a big believer in family being made of the people you call your own, and I have a near and dear spot in my heart for seeing that philosophy play out amongst my favorite fandoms and characters.

• Pining! More specifically male pining. Few tropes give me greater joy than Boys with Burning Loins of Love and Ladies Who Takes Names Not BS. Give me ALL the pining pine trees is what I am saying.

• Romance Tropes j'adore: Fake Dating! Marriages of Convenience! UST! Mistaken and/or Secret Identities (a la You’ve Got Mail and Cyrano de Bergerac)! Bets and Wagers (a la She’s All That & 10 Things I Hate About You)! Childhood Friends Reunited! I Have Loved You In Secret for Years, the boy version! Berserk Buttons in high danger situations! H/C brought on by high danger or hallucinations/nightmares situations! I am an angst and H/C queen, my dearest author, and few things give me greater joy than watching couples I adore fumble with Feelings and the scary, scary emotions they entail. The fluffy, fun equivalent of What Are Feelings is also a favorite trope of mine and may cause swooning to ensue.

• Smut Tropes j'adore: Sex pollen, love potions, and all other inhibition releasers! Light, consensual bondage! Overall, while I do enjoy smut, PWP is not my preferred cup of tea (porn WITH plot is, of course, more than acceptable, but please don’t feel pressured to write smut if it’s not your own preferred cup of comfort).

• Plot Tropes j'adore: Heists! Spies and thieves and con artists! Fairytale Retellings (especially of the unusual and nostalgic kind a la Tam Lin, Anastasia, Swan Lake/Swan Princess, etc.)! Shakespeare & classic literature callbacks! Behind the Scenes Shennanigans of TV/Reality TV! Magic-infused reality! Epistolary writing (both letters/emails and social media usage)! Time Travel! Paradoxes! Multiverse theory and Parallel Universes!

• AUs! Including Alternate Reality, What Ifs, and Transplanted Characters/Fusions! I am a HUGE lover of the alternate universe lifestyle. Some of the fandoms I’ve requested (specified below) most definitely lend themselves to an AU take, should you so desire, but really, I would be happy with an AU take on any of the below. My AU tastes lean towards alternative reality or transplanted character/fusion AUs, but I’m also partial to well-done What If AUs as well (some favorites have included regency AUs, spy AUs, living in NYC AUs, and AUs of any of my old or new fandoms). Most important for me will always be the integration of the original canon into the world of the AU, taking into consideration how different choices, different lives, different plotlines would need to be adjusted for characters’ original and new settings/storylines. My only request is no crossover fic - I prefer the focus to remain on one group of core characters at a time, not a medley of different canons (If you feel any of the below canons would work EXCEPTIONALLY WELL in a crossover, feel free to ask via mod, but please do ask first). In this case, my own fics and bookmarked fics on A03 would really be the best place to see my favorite takes on AUs, though, should you go this route, I am sure I will love anything you come up with!

In conclusion, I am generally drawn to stories driven by the characters, rather than the plot (That is not to say I would not ADORE a well-executed and well-developed twisty-turny sort of plot-driven story - several fandoms, in particular, lend themselves well to plot musings thanks to the depth of their worlds). I really love stories that delve deep into characterization, whether as a behind/missing scene or more plot or trope-focused fic. I love watching a relationship/feelings develop, both in romance and friendship, and I am a huge shipper when it comes to the couples I love. At the end of the day, it’s the characters that are important to me. So long as they read true, I will undoubtedly be ridiculously happy!

Dislikes:

• Not Like the Other Girls! The inverse of my love for ladies. Sometimes, by writing or position or profession, female characters are inevitably a “woman in a man’s field” or friendships-wise “just one of the guys.” I’m fine if you leave out ladies you don’t love/don’t feel comfortable writing, but I do ask for no misogyny/hate between them (adding in non-canonical friendships between women is however always a plus!). We have it hard enough in this world, let’s not add to it by encouraging ickiness towards women.

• Romance Tropes je déteste: Beautiful All Along (a la Pygmalion and Taming of the Shrew)! Virgins Heroines in Non-Relevant (a la regency) Settings! Sex with the Hero is Like Being Touched for the Very First Time! Unrequited Female Pining! Women as the Hero’s Light/Men Being “Saved” by the Purity of their Lady Loves! Nice Guys TM! Basically, if the story centers around a lady fighting to show a dude he “deserves” her & running ramshackle over her own issues and insecurities, chances are I will not enjoy. There are very few circumstances in which I enjoy the heroine loving the hero first/from afar/unrequited, so this trope in particular is one to avoid for me.

• Plot Tropes je déteste: Misogyny! Blatant - and unnecessary - racism! Anti-semitism! Homophobia! If the villain canonically does these things, fine, but I have no need for Terrible People Identifiers being used for shock value instead of a valid, arguably justifiable plot device. I also really detest domestic suspense, Gone Girl-esque stories, historical handwaving re: facts, stories set in suburbia, and inaccurate city details (particularly NYC, since I live here).

• I also ask for no noncon or dubcon or kinks beyond those already named/discussed under likes. If, of course, you need any clarification, please feel free to ask the mods or anonymously via tumblr!

• I am also not a big fan of excessive character bashing and situations of extreme embarrassment/mortification. If there is a character I love (or even simply ask to see!) that you cannot stand, please just find an organic way to exclude them from the story. I’d rather see characters given depth than needlessly villainized (canon villains & canon villain reasons for their villain-y excluded of course) and I absolutely cannot stand anything that will give me extreme secondhand embarrassment, no matter my feelings on the character.

• As a side note, as a non-Christian individual, I ask for no Christmas-themed stories. I am a practicing Jew, so if there is canonical Judaism in any of these stories, I would love for it to be included - but please only do so if it’s a topic you’re familiar with or comfortable researching. Thank you!

• A general last, but not least, request: as much as I enjoy the angst & the bittersweet, I ask for no major character deaths of the core “good guys” beyond those already canon (please feel free to ask the mods or anonymously via Tumblr if you need clarification). The only potential exception I can think of to this request would be a situation a la Timeless, where revised timelines & changing the fates of characters as you change the timelines would come into play.

For further insight into my tastes, my A03 page has all of written fic to date (x). My tumblr (x) and Goodreads (x) also provide pretty good insight into what I like to read and watch. And I am always happy to clarify via mods or anonymous Tumblr asks! Seriously, though, I am just so excited to see whatever it is you write!

As for my fandom-specific requests, the same idea as before applies - consider these guidelines more so than rules. As evidenced above, my tastes are wide and varied, and this is by no means a hard and fast list of the only stories I would like to see in these fandoms.

Fandom #1: The ILLUMINAE Files - Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff

Characters - Ezra Mason, Kady Grant

Possible Prompts: Life on Kerenza Backstory! Missing Scenes! What Happens Next? What COULD have happened?

In one of my favorite - and most entertaining - openings to date, Kady breaks up with Ezra just in time for the world as they know it to be blown to smithereens. What I want to know is HOW DID THEY GET TO THAT POINT? How did they get together? How did they fall in love? More details on Ezra’s struggle to NOT tell Kady the secret of his mother & Kady’s frustration with Ezra’s reticence would be fantastic. There are hints throughout ILLUMINAE that stirrings of BeiTech’s machinations against the UTA were already running through the universe pre-the events of the book, so bonus points if those details are foreshadowed or discussed amongst the characters.

Bouncing from there, Kady & Ezra spent most - if not all - of ILLUMINAE on either separate ships or out of contact. I would love to see more missing scenes of their day to day lives & thoughts on the other a la Ezra’s drunken/desperate emails at the start of the book and Kady’s secret journal log. Were there more drafts Ezra never sent? Discussions he had with teammates while training? Discussions of Ezra between Kady and her fellow hacker? How far back did AIDAN’s investigation, by the way, into their relationship go? What thoughts of AIDAN, if any, did we not see? Did AIDAN know Ezra had survived? AIDAN is, again, not a mandatory inclusion, but I do find his relationship with Kady, and his fascination with her and Ezra, ever so interesting.

Speaking of Ezra surviving, I would definitely love to know what he was doing while Kady was off on her death mission - what are his thoughts when he realizes she had left the ship? When did he realize WHERE she had gone? How did he spend his time until he discovered she had survived? Was he busy writing unread (or AIDAN read) emails of his own?

While Hanna & Nik are not mandatory to include, I would also definitely love to see fic exploring the aftermath of both ILLUMINAE/GEMINAE and the sending of the ILLUMINAE files. When exactly did Ezra, Kady, Hanna, & Nik start putting together the ILLUMINAE dossier to send to Executive Director Frobisher? While still on the Hypatia & before they’d encountered Heimdall? Or on their way to Kerenza (or even after)? What is the dynamic between Ezra, Kady, Hanna, & Nik? How much of a role did AIDAN play in the making of the files and how involved is he in Kady and Ezra’s machinations now? Speaking of AIDAN, while he is by no means a necessary inclusion, how does he feel about Ezra & Kady’s relationship once reunited? What kind of relationship do Ezra and him have? Honestly, I’d even just love fic of the team recuperating and hanging out on Hypatia as they all get to know each other.

Alternatively, I need about 1 million more words speculating the aftermath of GEMINA in Universe B. Or the events during GEMINA in Universe B. Or the events of ILLUMINAE in Universe B. Pick your poison, really, but I am fascinated by Universe B - or the possible Universes C, D, and E that could exist beyond. Seriously, feel free to go wild here. What if’s galore!

For all of these prompts, utilizing the epistolary style of the book is, of course, optional (though I most definitely would not object to it!)

Fandom #2: Spindle Cove series - Tessa Dare

Characters - Charlotte Highwood, Piers Brandon, Minerva Highwood, Colin Sandhurst

Possible Prompts: Missing or Pre-book Scenes! Life after the HEA! AU it (AKA Modern Day AU)!

Either/Or Requests: So long as either Charlotte & Piers OR Minerva & Colin are included, I shall be happy.

My requests for this fandom are, I would say, my most straightforward ones. This series is one of my happy romance places, and as such, I just want more fun romance shenanigans, however they may come to be!

Both couples have such fun, fodder-filled tumbles into love, and while their stories are everything to me, I would never object to more - particularly in the case of Minerva & Colin. We know they had a rather antagonistic relationship pre-gallivant to Scotland, and I would love to see more of their interactions from that time. Colin denying any attraction to Minerva; Minerva denying anything likeable about Colin. What if’s and could have been’s re: their falling in love are, of course, more than acceptable as well - I do always love a good “caught in a compromising position & rushed to the altar” trope.

As for post-HEA, I cannot deny the desire to see more as well! Gimme Minerva & Colin settling into married life, and Colin being the beaming husband to Minerva’s scientist self. How do they split their days between London & Spindle Cove? How does Minerva handle society? Colin not feeling like he’s good enough? Alternatively, I would adore seeing Charlotte & Piers, married spy couple in action - think of their adventures! How does Charlotte’s spy training go? What kind of shenanigans do they get into? Bonus points if you give Delia the much-needed HEA she deserved.

Last but not least, I would love, love, love to see some AUs here. Spies, clearly is a natural one for Charlotte/Piers! College professors or professor/professional playboy for Minerva/Colin! College! Sports! Corporate Rivals! Really, feel free to go wild here!

Fandom #3: Maiden Lane series - Elizabeth Hoyt

Characters - Artemis Greaves, Maximus Batten | Duke of Wakefield, Margaret “Megs” Reading, Godric St. John

Possible Prompts: AU it (AKA Superhero AU)! Missing or Pre-book Scenes! What if’s!

Either/Or Requests: So long as either Artemis & Maximus OR Megs & Godric are included, I shall be happy.

My requests for this fandom are going to sound fairly similar to my requests for the Spindle Cove series, with a few small differences. This series is another one of my happy romance places, and as such, I just want more fun romance shenanigans, however they may come to be!

As much as I love each couple’s original stories, there is nothing I would love to see more for this fandom than AU fic. Mostly because the Ghost of St. Giles lends itself to an AU so well! My most first suggestion, of course, is going to be a superhero AU (established superheroes, from fandoms I already love like Iron Man & Arrow are great, as are original superheroes based off the Ghost), but I think spies, heists, thieves & agents, etc. work here as well! Given Hoyt’s fondness for framing devices, fairytale AUs would be fun as well! But really, I am an AU-holic, so feel free to go wild here!

My secondary requests here are much more straightforward. Both couples have such fun, fodder-filled tumbles into love, and while their stories are everything to me, I would never object to more - particularly in the case of Megs & Godric. I know Hoyt has a short story depicting some of their letters to each other, but really, I’d love to see Godric’s fall-by-letter in completion and/or more pine tree-worthy detail.

What if’s and could have been’s re: either couple’s falling in love are, of course, also catnip for me - I do always love a good “caught in a compromising position & rushed to the altar” trope & think that could be great fun for Artemis & Max, in a world where Apollo was never falsely imprisoned. Alternatively, a world where either Godric or Max had been caught as the Ghost and had been ostracized by society? How would they meet their lady loves then? This is another prompt where any variation is bound to make me happy, so feel free to go wild!

Fandom #4: Anastasia - Flaherty/Ahrens/McNally

Characters - Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanov Grand Duchess of Russia, Dimitri | Dmitry, Gleb Vaganov

Possible Prompts: All of the Missing Scenes! Backstory Exploration! In-Canon & Alternate-Reality AUs! What’s Next Fic! AU it, any style!

Ships: I only ship Anastasia/Dimitri, so while I’m obviously okay with you sticking with Gen if you do not, I do request that there be NO Anastasia/Dimitri/Gleb or Anastasia/Gleb pairings (the only exception is Gleb unrequitedly pining for Anya/Anastasia).

You can guess that if every lonely girl would hope she’s a princess, that would yes, including this one. My love for this movie is intense, so you can only imagine the excitement in my theatre-girl loving heart when it was finally adopted into a real Broadway musical! And while the team, cast, & crew did absolutely amazing things with this childhood classic, there is definitely a lot of fic to be had with what wasn’t there.

To start, while I understood the practical reasons for changing Anya & Dimitri’s backstory, my romance-loving heart was more than a little upset at the downplaying of their enemies-to-lovers/childhood crushes romance. I would love more scenes of their perhaps less antagonistic, but no less fire-y relationship as Anya “Learn[ed] to Do It” or while the gang traveled from Russia to Paris during the “Traveling Sequence.” Similarly, while Ramin did his best, I was hoping for a more menacing and/or layered villain re: Gleb, so any scenes to fill that gap would be very welcome. For example, I desperately wanted Dimitri & Vlad to be more aware of the threat GIeb posed to Anya’s life, so more scenes or indications of him actually posing a threat would be great. It’s also implied that Gleb, rather than Dimitri, knew Anya when they were children, so I’d love to see more of the backstory there and a stronger understanding of his feelings for Anya in the present day. In essence, while I understood the reasons for many of the plot changes in the musical, I left feeling that too many questions re: the plot and character arcs were left unanswered/unsatisfied, so any fic that filled in those gaps would make me extremely happy.

On that same note, if you feel that the plot of the musical would be better served with some rewriting or what if scenarios, go for it! Give Gleb a completely new story arc - make him a guard from the palace turned Communist! Revive Dimitri & Anya’s childhood friendship and throw childhood-rival Gleb in! What if Gleb had taken a shot at Anya at the ballet? What if Anya had been dancing in the ballet when she’d found Dimitri? What if Anya had stayed with her grandmother & Dimitri had come back to her, instead of the other way around?

I am also a true history nerd, so I have all the questions re: Anastasia & Dimitri’s lives post-musical. Where are Anastasia & Dimitri when the stirrings of WWII/Nazi Germany begins? What are Maria & Anastasia’s discussions like re: the potential fallout/benefits of the return of the Russian monarchy - does Anastasia feel her people would be better or worse without her, as tales from communist Russia continue to spread? Do they stay in Paris permanently? Do they travel? Go to America? Visit her relatives in every country in Europe? I’m also here for Anastasia & Dimitri, WWII spies, just to throw that out here.

Jumping off, this is obviously a story ripe with AU potential and I would love to see it retold in any which universe. Contemporary mob AU! Space AU! Magical monarchies AU! Steampunk AU! Ballet royalty AU (The Ballet Sequence is 100% one of my favorite new bits in the show)! Mix & match with any of my favorite fandoms (Lunar Chronicles AU, I’m thinking would be great fun)! Really, there is no way to go wrong here.

Fandom #5: Still Star Crossed

Characters - Benvolio Montague, Rosaline Capulet

Possible Prompts: Missing or Pre-Series Scenes! What’s Next Fic! All of the AUs!

Oh this series. This series. My trashfire romance series, in essence. Do I care the plot is nonsensical and the costumes are in no way historically accurate and the Shakespeare references are bad/obvious enough to stick an elephant through? Fuck no I care about my ENEMIES-TO-LOVERS TROPIEST OF TROPE BABIES. And, really, that’s all I’m asking for here. Rosaline and Benvolio hit upon all my enemies-to-lovers, I’m not good enough for you but goddamnit I am gonna try/I am too busy being awesome to deal with your angst but I will save your ridiculous boy ass buttons, and you know what, I am here for that. So, while the series gives us a lot of the pining eyes & the Rosaline realizing Benvolio is actually kind of less of a dick than Escalus, because at least he has a backbone, I would like all the in-between moments before and after please. The Pilot episode implies Rosaline and Benvolio had known each other before becoming engaged, thanks to our star-crossed idiots, so what were their first impressions like? When did their thinking start to change from disinterest/hate to attraction? Or was it always a little bit more interest, a little bit less hate? All of the Benvolio pining, I mean, is what I am saying.

Moving forward - that cliffhanger! That cliffhanger! Seriously. What is going on with Rosaline and Benvolio now? Or are they Excellent Students at Avoidance because There is A Lot of Stuff to Deal With? How much does Paris, asshole of all assholes, stand to fuck shit up and when is everyone going to crown Isabel so she can start getting shit done? Rosaline & Benvolio rescuing Livia would also be great - hopefully more effectively than their last few save the day attempts.

Of course, this is another story RIFE with AU scenarios, all of which would be so much fun to play with. Crime fighting AUs? Regency AU? Government assassins with crushes AU? Even ridiculous high school/college/some kind of contemporary sports AU could be lovely here as well. These are, of course, only suggestions and possible prompts. This world is full of so many fun possibilities, in essence, and if any strike your fancy (mine or of your own making!), I would love to see where that goes!

Fandom #6: Designated Survivor

Characters - Tom Kirkman, Alex Kirkman, Aaron Shore, Emily Rhodes

Possible Prompts: Backstory and Missing Scenes! What If fic!

Either/Or Request: So long as either Tom & Alex OR Aaron & Emily are included, I shall be happy.

I love this show because it is pretty much the political show we need right now, but what I want from this show is pretty much romance and ladies.

Tom and Alex are such a fucking great, steady couple, so obviously, I would like more of their story. How they met! How they fell in love! Their decision for Tom to be Leo’s father 100%. I’d also love more missing moments of their marriage now that Tom’s president - Tom sharing the day-to-day burdens with Alex, Alex dealing with being First Lady and potentially putting a hold on her own career for the moment, their discussions with the kids, etc.

Aaron and Emily - not such a steady couple, but hi, hello, they have such great chemistry it hurts. They started the series on such an antagonistic foot, before moving to respect, then like, then attraction, and and all I want is more. How did they start off on such a bad foot? When and where did things start to change for them? How did that attraction flicker & falter after Aaron left the White House (and then came back)? And most of all, what’s next for them? To they even dare to go forward? (Yes, obviously they do, but you know, how).

Alternatively, I am 100% gone for the ladies of this series, and I kind of would love to see a What If Women Ruled the World AU. Gimme Alex in the line of succession as the Designated Survivor (maybe not as HUD Secretary but as Attorney General or Secretary of Health & Human Services?). Gimme Emily as the White House Chief of Staff, dealing with newcomers who think she’s a traitor. Or Emily as Alex’s Chief of Staff! I am here for the ladies, basically. Including Hannah as her badass self would obviously be delightful as well.

**I will be watching season 2 of DESIGNATED SURVIVOR as it airs and may add a prompt or two as we go, but please do not feel obligated to keep up with the episodes or take notice of additional prompts if you have already started writing or have ideas!**

In conclusion - I think, at last, that about sums it up! I hope this was more helpful than overwhelming, and apologize for the verbosity! If there’s anything I missed or you’d like clarification on, please don’t hesitate to ask, either via the mods or Tumblr!

Thank you so, so, so much for taking the time to write for me, my dearest author, and happiest of Yuletides to you! I look forward to reveal day!

All my best,

mystarsandmyocean (otherwise known as Sam)

#yuletide letter 2017 #sam wanders back from the abyss #my yearly check in that i am alive!#hope all is well i shout into the abyss #i may wander back again soon

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simper-fi · 4 years

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you guys are KILLING IT with all of the awesome cc on my dash lately 😭👌👌❤️ I want to plaaayyyy

also I low-key want to boot up my game solely to decorate with all of @shastakiss’s stuff

#delete later #fi rambles #HI YES I AM ALIVE!!#still in dragon age hell #still trying to draw as much as possible!!#also super obsessed with atla which i just watched for the first time recently IT’S SO GOOD #anyway that’s been my bi-yearly check-in lmao #i have been playing ts4 a bit and i still plan to set up a sideblog for my DA sims which i will share when i do!!

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katieraven · 2 years

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𝕗𝕚𝕔 𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕤

aalright here we go! since i got into kpop i've collected quite an amount of just really fucking good fanfic by some amazing writers so do check them out if you feel like it!

legend:

smut ⛓

fluff 🥀

angst 🦋

𝓈𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓎 𝓀𝒾𝒹𝓈

𝕠𝕥𝟠

stray kids as dads 🥀 - @chvnnie summary: a day in the life of dad!stray kids

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟

hatefuck with chan ⛓🦋 - @ballelino summary: your love-hate relationship with chan turns more into the former than the latter

[02:12 am - chan] ⛓ - @stay-corner summary: i don't even know how to describe this just know it's one of the best smut scenes i've ever read and one of the first skz fics i found and i love it with all my being

complicated ⛓ - @ballelino summary: when your date takes you home, things get a little bit complicated once you realize you know his roommate

american whiskey ⛓🥀🦋 - @staywrds summary: If you think that him seeing your nudes ruined his night… Then, truly, Chan is deep, deep into the friendzone and there is nothing he can do about it.

be my escape ⛓🥀 - @chvnnie summary: life sucks. you don't.

a bad rep ⛓ - @lixtokki summary: the premise is you're a serial orgasm faker. chris takes it as a challenge.

high (all the time) 🥀 - @rachaminhoe summary: jisung always says they did their best work when high. you just didn’t believe them.

hoodies ⛓🥀🦋 - @chvnnie summary: best friend movie night takes an unexpected turn when you start a show jisung recommended.

3racha as rockstars 🦋- @rachalixie summary: simple concept. rockstar!3racha fluff. i love this with my whole heart.

𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕙𝕠

call me when you're sober ⛓🦋 - @chvnnie summary: the line that divides love and hate is so blurry when it comes to minho.

dance lessons - @rachaminhoe summary: imagine minho gives you dance lessons. no really. imagine it.

can't get you off my mind - @rachalixie summary: classic you-meet-minho-at-a-party-and-he-takes-your-breath-away trope

[rec.] ⛓ - @chvnnie summary: it was only a matter of time before minho invited himself into your live streams.

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕓𝕚𝕟

complicated ⛓ - @ballelino summary: when your date takes you home, things get a little bit complicated once you realize you know his roommate

channie doesn't know ⛓🥀 - @chvnnie summary: the greatest mistake changbin has ever made.

3racha as rockstars 🦋- @rachalixie summary: simple concept. rockstar!3racha fluff. i love this with my whole heart.

𝕛𝕚𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕘

let go ⛓🥀🦋 - @stayboba summary: Your feelings for Jisung and the jealousy you have for a certain staff member cause you to distance yourself from him, until one night the truth comes out…

complicated ⛓ - @ballelino summary: when your date takes you home, things get a little bit complicated once you realize you know his roommate

the bet ⛓ - @chvnnie summary: hyunjin and jisung make a bet. the prize? you.

dream ⛓🥀 - @chvnnie summary: the world has been against you lately, but jisung will always be there to keep you safe.

3racha as rockstars 🦋- @rachalixie summary: simple concept. rockstar!3racha fluff. i love this with my whole heart.

𝕤𝕖𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕞𝕚𝕟

cereal 🥀 - @rachalixie summary: domestic morning fluff

𝕙𝕪𝕦𝕟𝕛𝕚𝕟

the bet ⛓ - @chvnnie summary: hyunjin and jisung make a bet. the prize? you.

just stay with me ⛓🥀🦋- @staywrds summary: It's time for the yearly winter getaway organized by your boss. You haven't participated in a little while, but this year you're determined to spend some quality time with your coworkers.

𝕗𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕩

skyway avenue ⛓🥀 - @chvnnie summary: who knew a skateboard crash could make felix feel so alive?

𝒷𝓉𝓈

𝕟𝕒𝕞𝕛𝕠𝕠𝕟

substance ⛓🥀🦋 - @reliablemitten summary: you meet kim namjoon at the library during a yearlong fellowship in seoul. you’ve never heard of bts, but you like him. is there a place in his life for you?

𝕛𝕚𝕞𝕚𝕟

build a boyfriend ⛓🥀🦋 - @amethystwritesbts summary: When your heart is broken after a devastating breakup and you need a date so you don’t look as pathetic as you feel - what’s a girl to do?

batteries ⛓ - @amethystwritesbts summary: your sex life has been lackluster, much to the dismay of your roommate, who makes it his mission to show you sex can - and should - be amazing.

𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕜𝕠𝕠𝕜

elite chatboy ⛓ - @kookingtae summary: welcome to elite chatroom, a sex chat company with a wide variety of services such as text messaging, phone call, and video chat. you signed up online for the most basic text service plan not knowing what to expect, but you certainly didn’t think you’d end up actually liking the man behind the screen.

#katies recs

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atlabeth · 3 years

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nightmares - mike munroe x reader

summary: It was a deal made by two almost-friends in the early hours of the morning after the worst night of their lives, when they realized that all they really had left was each other.

a/n: so this is once again. not my normal content but ive been on an until dawn kick lately and fell in love w the characters all over again. i dont know if anyone still reads or writes for this fandom but. here u go. enjoy

warning(s): lots of cursing, canon typical violence, mentions of graphic violence/death (but nothing too descriptive), mentioned depression, insomnia, and alcoholism, some heavy themes but its hurt/comfort so it ends in fluff

wc: 4.8k

You were running.

You were running, and it was freezing — fuck, it was freezing.

You knew your surroundings; how could you ever forget? Every fucking moment on the goddamn mountain was engraved into your mind for what you assumed would be the rest of your life, an assumption that had since been proven correct.

And now, against your will, you were back. Of course you were back.

A shudder ran through your whole body as that all-too-familiar screech rang out behind you, each second of it like nails on a chalkboard in the worst way. Your lungs burned like all hell but you couldn’t stop — if you stopped, you were as good as dead.

Some part of this fucked up thing was almost funny. Humans were always boasting about how they were the top of the food chain, how they were the height of evolution. There was nothing to keep an ego in check like being hunted by a supernatural creature.

Any thoughts of bullshit philosophy were dashed from your mind as you took a hard right, nearly falling over from the sharp curve of the mountain but just able to catch yourself. Your heart was thundering in your chest, the beats nearly lining up with your sprinting. You felt an intense urge to turn around, try and gauge your chances, but the thought of slowing down for even a second terrified you. It’s not like you needed to anyways — you knew exactly what was after you.

You were nearing the end of your road, both literally and figuratively. You stumbled over a tree root, your hands splayed out in front of yourself at just the right angle to keep your momentum going and, in some feat of luck, stay upright and running.

But your luck had just run out.

Your senses were proven correct as the harrowing cliff edge came into view, and a thousand things screamed in your mind at once as your demise stared you right in the eye. You barely managed to catch yourself, very much aware that the snow falling into the void could’ve just as well been you.

That fucking screech again, even closer than before, and you whipped around as you took an instinctive step back. Your hands patted around everywhere, searching for something to defend yourself, but you had nothing. No gun, knife, even the ground around you was devoid of rocks.

You had nothing. You had nothing to defend yourself from this goddamn nightmare creature, and you were going to die.

Your eyes darted around wildly in an attempt to find something, anything, to save yourself, but there was nothing. You took another step back and felt your foot slip, your breath catching as you barely managed to save yourself with a twist and a lunge away from the edge. The shock of the ground and the cold against your skin was just enough to remind yourself that you were actually alive. Another pile of snow mimicked the fate that seemed imminent as it trickled over the side of the cliff, and you screwed your eyes shut as you tried to shut your mind up.

Think, goddammit, if you wanted to get off of this fucking mountain you had to think—

The screech that pierced through the night sky was far too close for comfort, and as your head snapped back towards the woods you swore that your heart stopped beating.

It had caught up. You were out of time you were going to die but you didn’t have anything and you were going to fucking die—

A flash of white pushed off a tree and lunged towards you, teeth bared as it emitted that horrible screech. You didn’t even have time to scream, completely frozen in place as one clawed hand reached your neck, and you braced for the moment of release.

You shot up in your bed, breathing rapid and unsteady with a barely contained cry on the edge of your lips as your hand instinctively flew to your neck. You heaved an almost strangled sigh of relief to know that your head was still attached to your body (it might’ve seemed obvious, but… your head wasn’t exactly on straight at the moment, all jokes aside) and collapsed against the headboard.

You ran your hands across your face as you tried in vain to calm yourself down, ultimately having to turn on your lamp to ease your troubled mind that there was nothing going thump in the night.

It had been this same routine almost every night — horrible nightmare, wake up crying or screaming or both, and start the day at 3 am because you couldn’t fall back asleep.

It was exhausting. You were exhausted.

You knew you couldn’t go on like this, but what choice did you have? Therapy had been mandated by the police for a certain amount of time after the incident, but… it’s not like it had helped. How could it, when no one truly knew what you had gone through?

Well… that wasn’t completely accurate.

One person knew what you were going through, and you hadn’t said as much as one word to him since that night. You didn’t really… know what to say.

Hey. I know we’re not all that close, but I’m sorry your girlfriend and all your friends were killed by a Wendigo and that I made it instead. Hope you’re not going insane with grief. I’ll send you a card at Christmas!

...yeah. You had no idea what to say to him after months of no contact.

The relationship you had with Mike Munroe was a strange one, to say the least.

None of you were the same after that night on the mountain. The horrors of the mines would be forever entrenched in your head, flashes of the Wendigos appearing every time you closed your eyes. You and Mike were the only ones who made it off, and the guilt you carried everywhere was a burden you knew you couldn’t shoulder. And even after the physical scars had faded, you knew the mental ones never would.

Sometimes you wondered how you had even managed to get involved with the group in the first place — bonds that had been made in your freshman and sophomore years had somehow managed to stay strong enough throughout the rest of high school, strong enough to cement your spot in the friend group and the yearly lodge visits. You liked them all well enough, enough to go up to an isolated mountain with them for a weekend or so, but… yeah. Sometimes you did wonder what the hell you were doing with them.

But now?

Now, you would give almost anything to hear Sam’s laugh or one of her compliments, or tease Ashley and Chris about their very obvious feelings; hell, you found yourself missing Matt’s useless football facts. And even though Emily and Jessica weren’t always the nicest, you still had managed to worm your way into their hearts. Knowing that you would never get Emily’s brutal but helpful advice or get dragged to a football game by Jessica again?

If someone had told you the difference between life-long trauma and a completely normal existence was that blonde girl with the braids in your biology class, you might’ve thought a little harder before accepting that party invite.

The days after you were rescued from the mountain passed in a daze, questions and interrogations from police never sticking for too long. And it didn’t even feel like it mattered, the way none of them seemed to believe you.

They kept you separated from Mike throughout the whole process, and you were only able to catch glances of him when you were being transferred to different rooms throughout the long process. It really was like something out of a horror movie — a group of teens go up to a lodge in the woods, and only two return with a story of unspeakable horrors — and rather than try and work out what had happened, they seemed intent on pinning the deaths on you and Mike.

As if you weren’t dealing with enough after watching your friends get murdered by the monster of another friend, the people that were supposed to be helping you were instead trying to charge you with them. If it wasn’t so fucking infuriating, it would’ve been laughable.

The worst part? You could hardly blame them.

When you took a second to listen to yourself, to what you were spouting to the police, you sounded insane. If you hadn’t witnessed it all first hand, you wouldn’t have believed yourself.

You told them to go down to the mines. That the thing that killed your friends would be down there, and they could see it for themselves.

You didn’t know if that was the right choice. Hell, you might’ve been sending those cops to their deaths. But it was the only way you could think of to get them to believe you.

(You doubted they would go down there anyways. What was the word of two crazy college kids over actual logic? Not much, you imagined.)

You were in that damn interrogation room for what felt like forever until you were finally taken to a hospital to get your wounds treated. But even in the hospital bed, police were by your side asking about what happened every day of your stay. After your discharge, you were forced into custody until they got information that they deemed satisfactory.

By some miracle, you and Mike weren’t charged with anything. The news might’ve gotten hold of your story, but you didn’t know. You didn’t want to know. You didn’t ever look at the news after the tragedy, too afraid that you would see the smiling faces of your friends staring back at you, or pictures of you and Mike with news anchors trying to talk about how involved the two of you were.

If there was one thing worse than going through hell, it was other people trying to make a profit off of your spiral.

Your friends’ families offered their condolences, but not much else. You didn’t hold it against them. Your survivor’s guilt was strong enough to know exactly why they didn’t reach out further.

(You blame yourself for their deaths, after all. Why wouldn’t they?)

It was the same situation with Mike.

Maybe you had purposefully drifted apart from him, trying to build up walls of your own so that he wouldn’t be able to spring it on you first. You assumed he hated you after what had happened, and he had every right to. You might’ve helped each other through the night, but you had no other option. Now, everyone else but you was dead — people he cared about more than you — and you just couldn’t face that.

But as you stared at yourself in your bathroom mirror, you realized that you might have to.

You looked awful.

Weeks of sleepless nights were catching up to you, appearing in the form of

hollow eyes and dark circles, along with a slight discoloration of your skin. The scars from the mountain had mostly healed, but there was a particularly nasty gash on your cheek that was still showing — it wasn’t doing you any favors in the ‘looking completely normal and sane and not severely sleep deprived’ department.

You splashed some water in your face to try and wake up a bit, but the slight drowsiness that followed you everywhere seemed to be a permanent part of you now.

(It was almost funny, in a way. You were so paranoid and alert all the time, unable to fall asleep, and yet it was all you could think about in moments like these. You wondered when irony had become such a staple in your life.)

You had tried talking to therapists, your friends, your family, even searching the internet for advice on what to do after a life changing traumatic event. Nothing had worked.

The simplest solution had come to mind more than once, but you had pushed it aside with the determination to work through this on your own. But now, staring at yourself and seeing how much you had deteriorated…

You had to go talk to the only person who would understand.

You had considered turning around more than once on the drive over.

Because, really, what the hell were you doing? Showing up at his doorstep in the middle of o dark thirty because— because what?

Because you had a nightmare?

He had gone through the same thing you had, probably even worse. Losing Jessica right in front of him, having to cut off his fingers to get free, spending countless hours alone, dealing with the nightmare that was the sanatorium, and then…

Well, you had been in the mines with him and Josh when it happened. There was no doubt in your mind that the scene replayed in his head endlessly, just like it did for you.

Showing up… it was going to be a mistake. You knew it was.

For all you knew, Mike had moved on already. He was stronger than you, he always had been. Maybe your presence would send him spiraling once more, or maybe it would just earn you a verbal beating like no other. Mike had always been nice enough, but the trauma you had endured was enough to turn a saint into his own worst enemy.

You didn’t know what would happen. You didn’t know anything, and as you turned down his street you regretted more than ever not keeping in touch with him. Maybe then you wouldn’t be in this situation, scrambling after your last hope for salvation after slowly killing yourself over the past few months.

But there was no chance to turn back now, because before you knew it your knuckles were rapping against his front door.

The pause between your arrival and a response was so long that you considered leaving and pretending like this never happened, but just as you began to step back the door swung open.

You didn’t really know what you were expecting, but… he was there. The only other testament to the horrors of Blackwood Pines, and maybe the only person that could help you through this.

“...hi,” you murmured, swallowing the sudden lump in your throat as you looked the personification of your shame in the eye.

Mike blinked a few times, whether to try and wake up a little or out of surprise from his visitor you didn’t know, but it was a few seconds before he responded in kind. “...hey. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you around.”

You chuckled dryly as you nodded. “Yeah. Sorry for the sudden arrival. I’m, uh… I’m kind of surprised you even opened the door.”

He huffed out a short breath in a facsimile of a laugh. “Not getting much sleep these days.”

“That’s something we’ve got in common.” You crossed your arms across your chest and let out a loose sigh, eyes wandering around in an attempt to think of what to say next. It should’ve been so easy, but… but for some reason, it just wasn’t.

“Guess so.” That awkward silence stretched out once more, neither of you knowing how to fill it. Thankfully, Mike continued to take the plunge, but it wasn’t without a slight barb. “What are you doing here?”

“I—” you stopped just as you had begun, because you really didn’t know. You had come here for help, but could Mike really do that for you? He was the same as you — a fucked up teenager trying to deal with something so far beyond him.

“I don’t know,” you admitted as you made eye contact once more. “I… I really don’t know. I’m out of options, and… I can’t keep going like this. So I came here to talk, or— or to try and get some help. I don’t know.”

That same silence filled the air once more, the night ambiance the only thing in between the two of you. You missed when that silence used to be comfortable, but… you could only blame yourself for it.

“So— so, what?” he asked, the beginnings of a frown starting to crease his brows. “You just— we go through all that together up there, and then when we get back down you don’t say a word for months. And now— now, out of nowhere, in the middle of the night, you just show up and ask for help?”

“God,” you muttered. When he put it that way, it was true. It was ridiculous, to expect his help after the way you had just left him to deal with it all on his own for a reason borne of your own insecurity. “You’re right. This was— this was stupid. I��m sorry.”

You had already turned to go when you felt a calloused hand on your shoulder, causing you to stop in your tracks.

“No.” His voice was surprisingly soft as he sighed, stepping back with a shake of his head to make room in the doorway. “No, I—” Mike paused for a moment, as if he couldn’t find the right words to say. “I’m sorry. You can come in. Obviously, you can come in.”

Your eyes widened slightly as you tried to hide your shock at the gesture, but you weren’t about to turn it down. You nodded, and he stepped aside to make space for you to walk in. When you did, you were met with a mess not unlike the one back at your apartment, save for the beer bottles. Clothes were strewn about haphazardly on every surface, so you took a seat on a clean spot on the floor, leaning back against a chair and pulling your knees up to your chest. You actually preferred it this way — it was grounding, in a literal sense. Mike pushed aside a laundry basket and did the same, but pulled one leg up and let the other lay extended.

“Why?” he asked suddenly, breaking the silence that had been accumulating once more. “Why did you just…” he gestured around with his hands to try and get his point across but ultimately settled with a sigh. “You didn’t say anything. You didn’t try to text, or call, or write, or— or anything. Hell, I would’ve probably jumped to get a messenger pigeon from you. But it was just… radio silence.”

You picked at the dry skin on your thumbs as you tried to come up with an answer. “I… I don’t know,” you repeated. “It was stupid, and it was horrible of me to leave you alone. I mean… I don’t know why I did it. I know what I’ve been going through, and I know you’ve been going through the same. So I don’t know why I didn’t try to reach out and see how you were doing.”

He chuckled mirthlessly as his eyes swept over the empty bottles that had accumulated on the coffee table. “I’m not the best with alone.”

“I know,” you said quietly. “I thought…” you shook your head as you looked at the ceiling. “I thought that you hated me. I know that you cared about them all more, you were closer to all of them, and… and I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. That I would just always be a reminder of what you lost. And… and, I don’t know. Maybe it was my way of trying to move on. Was a stupid fucking idea, though.”

That got a genuine laugh out of him as he ran a hand through his hair. “I guess I get that. I dunno why I didn’t try to talk to you either. Maybe since you didn’t say anything, I didn’t want to either. This whole thing fucked me up.” His gaze moved to you. “Fucked us both up.”

“You can say that again,” you muttered as you tapped your fingers on your knees. “I can’t look anywhere without seeing them. I mean, I see that fucking…” you grimaced. “I see Josh, and I see what that thing did to him, and I just— I’m right back to step one.”

He swallowed hard and nodded. “...yeah. That was seven layers of fucked up.”

“You can’t just keep saying everything was fucked up,” you said dryly. “It was shitty, too.”

Mike snorted, some kind of slightly masochistic humor going on between the two of you. “Nothing really gets the point across like fucked up.”

“Guess you’re right,” you finally conceded with a small smile. “This is… this is nice. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to… I don’t know, to talk to someone like this.”

“It is,” he murmured.

Another pregnant pause hung in the air, but the silence wasn’t as uncomfortable now. Trickles of what it used to be like, of your old life, were beginning to poke through.

“I never hated you,” he said suddenly. Your eyes flicked up to meet his, and it was like his brown eyes were piercing through you as he continued. “I never did. After it happened… yeah, I was mad. I was fucking pissed, but it was never at you. You were my friend too, y’know? Even though we weren’t that close, we were still… we were still something. And I’m glad you made it. I just wish you hadn’t convinced yourself that you had to go through this alone. Maybe things would’ve turned out different, these past few months. For both of us.”

You nodded, choosing to avert eye contact first because you almost couldn’t handle the sincerity. Your heart sank a bit at the sight of all the beer bottles, and you knew that he was right. Maybe things would’ve been different if the two of you had weathered it together from the start. And so you said that.

“I still can’t help but feel like I’m to blame for—” you gestured around at the mess with a sigh, “for this.”

“Look.” His voice was raspy as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair, and as he met your eyes once more you were able to see how truly exhausted he was. With dark circles that matched your own, scars that were still healing, and a certain hollowness behind his eyes… It was like looking in a mirror. And it made you realize how fucked up the two of you had really become.

Mike had always been good at holding himself together, putting up his signature egotistical-douchebag-jock act in the face of anything that threatened to tear him down, and more often than not he came out victorious. But not even class presidents were immune to the horrors that they had faced, and it was taking more of a toll on him than you had realized.

“It’s not your fault. You— you did everything you could; I know I’m still alive because of you. Besides, we were idiot teenagers — we still are — and none of them deserved to die because of it. Not Hannah, not Beth, not any of them.” Mike shook his head and sighed. “Not even Josh. Man was fucked up even before all of this, but he didn’t deserve what happened to him. He needed help, but instead he got his fucking… god. I can’t even say it. But he didn’t deserve it.”

You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, the subconscious process having stopped because of the weight of his words. It was cliche, but you didn’t know how much you needed to hear those four words: it’s not your fault.

“Maybe you should be my therapist,” you joked weakly. But as you let your eyes trail back to Mike you bit your lip. He hadn’t included himself in that statement, and it wasn’t too hard to figure out why.

“Mike… it wasn’t your fault either. You’re not just saying bullshit to try and make yourself feel better, it really wasn’t your fault. What do they say? ‘Getting through your guilt is the first step to recovery’ or some shit? You deserve to be here just as much as I do.”

“But it was,” he insisted. “It’s easy for you to say that. You tried to stop it, I… I just went along with it. Fuck, I started it all. Hannah and Beth went missing because of me, Josh went out of his fuckin’ mind, and if he hadn’t brought us all back up there for his revenge plot then they wouldn’t have died. How is it not my fault? Why do I get to live when all of them died because of me?”

“Mike,” you sighed. “I… I don’t know. I don’t know why we made it back when none of them did, but it’s not your fucking fault, okay? You— yeah, that prank was fucking stupid, but— but how could you know what was going to happen?” You huffed a laugh that was only slightly unhinged. “People pull pranks all the time. Native American legend cannibal spirit things don’t try to kill people all the time. You can’t keep blaming yourself. It’s not going to help them, and it’s not going to help you.”

That silence stretched out once more as he took in your words. You didn’t know if he believed them or not, but you did. That had to be worth something, right?

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he muttered, breaking the silence once more. “And I… I don’t know. I don’t know why it took almost fucking dying from those goddamn things, a— and seeing what happened to all of them...”

“I don’t know,” he repeated, leaning back against the foot of the sofa. “All the shit that happened, all of them dying — I don’t know how long it’ll take until we’re okay again. Hell, I don’t even know if we ever will be okay again. What happened up there was fucked up in the worst way, and the fact that no one believes us makes it a hell of a lot worse.”

You chuckled darkly as you cupped one hand in the other. “You can say that again.”

His lips twitched for a moment as if he wanted to smile but ultimately thought better of it. “I know we aren’t that close anymore, but the truth is we’re the only ones on this fuckin’ planet that know what really happened up there. We’re the only ones that will ever really understand what happened to us, and… and I think we’re the only ones that can really help each other through this shit.”

He met your eyes once more, something resolute in them. “So the next time this happens, because it will, if you don’t want to be alone… you can come here. Any time, any day, no questions asked. Just knock on that door, and I will be there. No more isolation, no more trying to get through this on our own. We gotta be there for each other, because we’re all we have.”

You nodded gratefully, a feeling of warmth slowly creeping through your body with his reassurance. “Thank you, Mike. You… you have no idea what this means to me.”

“I think I have some clue,” he murmured.

As you exchanged weary smiles, you saw a faint twinkle in Mike’s eyes. He was always the kind of person to help others, even if it was for the wrong reasons, and that was one thing that stuck with him after the disaster. And in that moment, a long lost feeling washed over you — safety.

You hadn’t felt safe in… well, it seemed like forever. Adrenaline and pure instinct were responsible for getting you through those twelve hours, along with an overwhelming wave of numbness and denial. But once all of that wore off, the nightmares had begun. Your friends, the Wendigos, the mountain itself — anything and everything that your mind could use against you, it did.

It was a living hell. You could hardly ever sleep anymore, horrific images always jolting you awake after an hour or two and keeping you awake for the rest of the day. It was no wonder Mike had ended up with a drinking problem — it was probably the only way he could sleep, the only way he could bring some form of peace to his mind. By some miracle, you had avoided that fate, but… you would be lying if you said you hadn’t come close.

But somehow, for some reason, you could tell that things were going to be different. Now that you and Mike weren’t avoiding each other anymore in the name of painful memories… you felt like things were going to be okay. Or as close to okay as you could get these days.

You weren’t alone, and neither was he.

He had saved your life on the mountain more than once. Now, he was saving you again. Just in a different way.

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

ud tags: @kwyloz

#mike munroe #mike munroe x reader #mike x reader #until dawn x reader #until dawn #until dawn fic #mike until dawn #sadie writes #i always get so insecure when i post things that arent for atla #then i remember that. this is my blog and i can write what i want #lol

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hikarimiyanaga · 3 years

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how would the Dimitrescus(and Donna) react after finding out that their S/O is actually a God(maybe Thor and Loki's youngest sister) when both of them visit/scold us because they're worried after not hearing from us for so long #protectivebrothersmode

I didn't put any ship on my previous one since I had this on stand-by.

Am I getting faster writing on my phone? Maybe.

Do I still prefer physical keyboards? ALWAYS.

I still love writing this requests and crossovers.

1st Part

Alcina Dimitrescu / Lady Dimitrescu

You arrived at the Castle a year ago. Meaning it's been five years since you left your old world. You've been dating Alcina for over 6 months now. She just captured your attention when you arrived at the Castle and she attacked you. You weren't fazed, after all you were a Goddess.

Today was the day Hela was going to check in on you. You whip your phone out and go outside the castle. Hela answers and you could tell from her tone that she was nervous.

"Hela, why are you-? Did something happen?" You didn't want to go back but if there was an emergency situation then you would go. Gladly.

"No... Just both Thor and Loki are looking for you." You let that sink in for a few moments then you groan.

"Just tell them where I am. I'll wait for them." Hela agrees then you hang up. You look up at the sky and yawn as thunder can be heard from it.

"Miss Y/N. Are you going inside? I think there will be a storm." You shake your head at the Grand Chambermaid.

"There's no storm. That's just my brother." She tilts her head at your statement.

"Wha-" Just then a bolt of lightning strikes in the middle of the courtyard and Thor's figure emerges. You sigh.

"Hey, big brot-" You don't finish your greeting as you get attacked by Stormbreaker. You stop it with your hand. You grit your teeth. "Thor! What is-" Just then he strikes you with lightning. You shield yourself then hear the door behind you open. You knew that Alcina and her daughters have come out of the Castle.

"Y/N!? Who-" You lunge at Thor before he could even lay his eyes on Alcina. You notice for a split second that Loki is just watching on the sidelines and you growl. What is the meaning of this!?

"What is your problem!?" Thor holds out his hand and Stormbreaker comes to him.

"You! You are my problem!" He takes a step forward. "Why did you leave, Y/N? And why didn't you tell either me or Loki?" Now that pisses you off. They were both gone. Both you and Hela knew that they were alive, yes but shit their whereabouts? You absolutely had no idea. Were you worried? Of course, they were your brothers.

"Shut up!" The Earth rumbles as you shout. You hold out your hand and a sword forms. "You were both gone! You went to space! Loki travelled through time! So don't be a hypocrite!"

Thor stops at that but it was too late. You were already beginning your onslaught. He desperately defends himself from your vicious attacks.

You weren't the Goddess of War for no reason.

After wearing him out, you kick him over the edge. You hear his scream but knew that he was okay. You kick Stormbreaker in front of Loki who just smiles at you.

"Are you next?" He shakes his head and just goes to Alcina. You see Stormbreaker levitate so you hold out your hand as well. You knew Thor was trying to call it so you were trying to get him to you. The Stormbreaker stays in mid-air as Thor lands on the courtyard again. You stop your hold on the Stormbreaker so the ax hit Thor and he flew towards the gate.

Loki chuckles at your display. "You're really showing him, Y/N. Nice work." You glare at Loki who shrugs. You roll your eyes as you wait for Thor. "She really likes toying with him."

"And who exactly are you?" Alcina asks and Loki bows to her.

"I am Loki. God of Mischief and older brother of Y/N. The one she is fighting right now is also a brother of ours. The God of Thunder himself, Thor."

"I am Alcina Dimitrescu. One of the Four Lords of this Village." Loki nods then smiles at her.

"I am glad Y/N has found you, Lady Dimitrescu. It seems that she would do anything to protect you."

"What?"

"Earlier, if Thor had seen you, I would imagine he would strike you with lightning so Y/N lunged at him."

"Why would he strike me?" He chuckles.

"Because you are the only reason why my sister would stay here, no?"

Just then Thor lands in front of them and you were cracking your neck as you wield Stormbreaker.

"Thor, just stop this. We both know you can't win against Y/N." Thor scoffs at Loki then stands.

"I am her older brother! I can win!"

"Are you sure? Because she's kicking your ass right now and wielding your weapon." Thor splutters as you hold your fist out to Loki who bumps it with his own. You throw Stormbreaker in front of him.

"You're not even the King of Asgard anymore, brother. Give. It. Up." Thor sighs then nods. You roll your eyes then raise an eyebrow at him. "Now what in Father's name was that!? You see me then just attack me!? The fuck is wrong with you!?" He smiles then pats your head.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." That should have calmed you down. But instead it pissed you off even more. Your eye twitch then you use Stormbreaker to strike him with lightning. It doesn't affect him but it did make you feel better.

After that, you introduce the both of them to Alcina who is shocked but is pushing it down because she needs to look composed in front of your family. They leave for the day, but remind you that they'll check in too. You remind them to do it yearly, not monthly.

When they leave, Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela immediately flock to you and ask you questions. You answer them.

At night, when you and Alcina were alone, you were nervous.

You never told her because you wanted to be treated as a normal human, not a Goddess that can either make or destroy stuff... which you can do but still.

"I'm really sorry." You say before she can even open her mouth. "I know I never told you, and I'm really sorry for that." You sigh. "I'm just so sick of being treated like I'm above others when... I just wanted to be treated like a normal person, that-" She doesn't let you finish as she kisses you. You blush as she smiles at you.

"So you're literally a Goddess." She purrs and you gulp. "I knew you were beautiful inside and out." She whispers and you shiver.

Did you let her sleep at all that night? No.

Donna Beneviento

You were with Donna when Hela had called. She even greeted Donna. It's been a year since you started dating her after all.

You and Donna were having tea when you heard a familiar sound. Thunder. You excuse yourself from Donna and she raises an eyebrow as you go outside. Angie follows you.

"Y/N! Why are you going outside?? Is it gonna rain??" You groan as you look back at Angie.

"No. But someone is coming." She tilts her head at you.

"Who??" You sigh as Thor and Loki land in front of you.

"My brothers." Angie looks at them with shock as you walk up to them.

"Y/N! Long time no see!" Thor hugs you and you free yourself from his grip.

"Got it, Thor! No need to squeeze! Damn it!"

"Y/N." Loki hugs you briefly and you smile at him. Donna opens the door and you three look at her.

"Y/N?" Thor pulls you behind him and you can't help but groan. Their overprotectiveness is showing again. "Who is this?" You quickly get in front of Donna and stop your brothers from doing anything.

"She's Donna Beneviento. She's my girlfriend." They look at each other then relax. You let them meet her.

When they both leave, both Donna and Angie look at you. You grin at them.

"Surprise?" Angie smacks you while Donna just holds your hand.

"TELL US NEXT TIME!" You agree then laugh as you get inside the house.

Bela Dimitrescu

You were just walking around the village with Bela when you hear the familiar sound of Thunder. You look up then groan.

"How the heck did they find me?" You hadn't even told Hela where you were. You pull Bela behind you as Thor and Loki lands in front of you.

"Y/N!" Thor tackles you so you push Bela out of the way. You land with a thud since your brother's strength is no joke. Loki looks at Bela and tilts his head.

"My, my Y/N." You look at Loki who is now helping Bela stand. "Control your powers, will you?" You blast Thor with said powers and fuss over Bela. She assures you that she's fine then you apologize profusely.

"Y/N?" You ignore Thor's call as he dusts himself off. "Who is that?" You sigh then turn to him at that. Right. Not even Hela knows who Bela is yet. Your relationship with her is new, after all.

"She's Bela Dimitrescu... I am currently courting her." You try to break it to them softly as the two can get very protective of you.

"Courting! Ah! Congratulations!" Thor pats your back and you endure through it while Loki just nods with a knowing smile.

You promise the both of them to check in once in a while and they both leave with a promise to get to know Bela better.

When they left, you feel Bela pinch you and you explain what you are... you know, a Goddess.

She squeals then drags you back to the Castle so you could tell her more.

Cassandra Dimitrescu

You were sleeping with Cassandra outside on the courtyard so you don't even notice the sound of thunder from the sky.

Thor and Loki lands and you were still sound asleep... with another girl besides you.

Their voices were loud though so you rub your eyes open then see them still half-asleep. You smile as you sit and even Cassandra stirs awake.

"Thor! Loki! Morning." They both chuckle at you.

"I think it's already afternoon, Y/N." You shrug.

"What are you both doing here? Am I dreaming?" Thor laughs as Loki chuckles at you.

"We heard from Hela where you were... And since we haven't seen you in a long time.."

"You came to visit!? Nice!" You stand just as Cassandra sits on the spot you were both sleeping on.

"Y/N?" She asks and you turn to her with a smile.

"Cass. Morning." You kiss her and she smiles. "These two are my brothers." You gesture to Thor and Loki.

"I am Thor! God of Thunder." Cassandra stops at that then looks at you.

"And I am Loki. God of Mischief." Loki bows and she glares at you.

"Uhhh. Surprise??" She rolls her eyes then stands to introduce herself to them.

You all talked before your two brothers left.

Cassandra ignored you for the rest of the day. She doesn't like secrets and she would rather you tell her everything.

You spend the next few weeks, making it up to her. You just really hope she forgives you.

She does and you tell her everything about who you really are.

Daniela Dimitrescu

You were at the library with Daniela. She was telling you all about her favorite novels while you take notes in your mind so you would know what book you should get her.

When all of a sudden you hear a loud thunder. You tried to ignore it but your gut says otherwise. You excuse yourself then go outside and sure enough Thor and Loki were there. They were ready to attack Lady Alcina who was the first one to hear them, you guess.

You quickly go in front of her by jumping from the second floor. Thor stops at the sight of you and he hugs you. Daniela gets curious and looks from the second floor. She quickly gets down when she sees Thor hugging you.

You push him back and sigh.

"What are you both doing here?" They look at each other and was about to answer when a swarm of flies tackles you. You don't fall down but Daniela materializes behind you.

You look at her and she was glaring at Thor. She must be jealous. So you introduce them to her and Lady Alcina. They look at each other. You have brothers??

Thor laughs loudly as he roughly pats your back, singing praises of your 'adventures' as the Goddess of Water.

Adventures he exaggerated that's for sure.

You groan and promise to talk to them if they leave now. They both nod and remind that they'll check in as well.

You nod in defeat and sigh in relief when they left. You look back and see Daniela glaring at you while Alcina just smiles and gets inside.

You tell Daniela why and what you didn't tell her.

After that, you spend days and days, recalling everything from your adventures.

And spend every day right by her side.

A/N:

I- Can you guys guess who is my favorite?

Is it hard?

I am loving this ex-avenger/Goddess scenario. I think I'm going to write more on this.

Comments and thoughts are always welcome!

Thank you for reading!

If you can, please buy me a coffee.

#alcina dimitrescu x reader #donna beneviento x reader #bela dimitrescu x reader #cassandra dimitrescu x reader #daniela dimitrescu x reader #re #re fanfic #resident evil x marvel crossover #resident evil fanfic #resident evil village

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