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[floofymeow]

after the rain episode 6: some thoughts! <3

silence in slice of life/iyashikei, friendship in a romance-prioritized world, and aquariums and oceans; perspective and priority

quick rundown! tachibana akira is a highschooler no longer being able to participate in track due to a leg injury. Koi wa Ameagari no Yō ni, aka "After the Rain", is about her falling in love with a vastly older man named Kondou Masami and navigating those feelings.

this episode is a window into akira's friendship Kyan Haruka, as well as a chance meeting in the library by akira with masami !

silence in slice of life/iyashikei !

there are many moments where the show demands a silent attention from the audience. theres a scene this episode where it simply is akira walking through the streets, eventually reaching a train station overlooking the scenery. and it just... took my breath away. she just enjoys the view... and then the moment is over when her phone pings a notif lol. and like that, it's over and we move on with the rest of the show.

it made me think about how many shows run today demanding a quick pace--actions, fights, conflict, tension. it made me think about how many people could even appreciate this show--how many people probably thought it was boring without something to fill empty space. how many people couldn't tolerate a scene thats trying to teach you slow down and wait, because you don't have to instantly find what you need. sometimes i wonder if we are losing the capacity watch slower media, when all today's media is to scroll and consume information as fast as possible.... teehee.

i honestly think the silence is the game changer for the show's emotional maturity--it's why i highkey think this show would be categorized as josei (older female audience) rather than shoujo (younger female audience). you dont need akira's thoughts for it to be spelled out. you dont need to hear her gush over masami, or say she's in love, or anything. you see it all by how she acts and how the show carries itself.

there's a trust in the audience that they will understand what's going on. the show knows its trying to draw upon common experiences of what its like to be in love/have a crush--and thus, expects the audience to follow along without having to take away from any of the immersion to explain! <333

friendship in a romance-prioritized world !

i really like how estranged haruka felt from akira. it feels very real--to have a longstanding relationship waver. and to wonder why your dynamic has now changed. like i felt my heart get stabbed when she saw akira with her coworker/new friend, and despite her not distinctly saying anything, i could so clearly hear her wonder:

'what had changed for everything to be so different now?'

i love that, despire akira attempting to gacha a specfic keychain over a love charm rumor--it was haruka who gives her the one she wants. this show has always put the question in the air--why does akira need to have a crush on masami? and an answer is that she feels lacking in her connections, especially in context her isolation from her track group.

anyway, the resolution that haruka re-affirms their friendship is super sweet. it stands outside of the interests that once brought them together (track). and most importantly, it withstands their changing circumstances and needs (no longer spending tons of time together).

it is so important that haruka is the one to give akira that keychain--like i cannot express how much it means. the moment its given to her is the moment the keychain is no longer about masami--it begins to break away this hyper-focus on everything masami. this show isnt just about romance. it never was..!!!

it begins to ground akira back into a world where connections of all kinds matter, and she has to acknowledge the one waiting for her all along.

idk about you but i live in a world where romance gets put on a pedastal. essential. necessary. required. if you dont experience it, youre being left out. its the end goal--its common. its not a bad thing at all, but it does reflect in media! romance...!! and thats why when i get to see the nuance of friendship and a one-sided romance that is explored (why akira is in love, rather than centered on the progression of the romance itself), its very exciting!

experiencing media about romance is thrilling--it always is <3 but experiencing the heartache of friendship is few and far between, which makes it a certain type of special.

romance doesnt beat friendship. and friendship doesnt beat romance. they just have different places in life~!

i do believe however, that because we are entrenched in a romantic society, we see more accurate representations of romance, and less so of friendship--just by margin of portrayal. just an observation!

aquariums and oceans; perspective and priority

when akira tries to seek a common ground by gauging out masami's interest in recommending her "books "pure literature" books, masami gently re-orients her. he calls the library a "sea", but then the entire library becomes an aquarium in akira's eyes.

it kinda kills me with how pretty it is <3 perspective, perspective, perspective!!! whenever we are with akira, its such a hopeful, bright youthfulness. the romanticization of an aquarium--the association of a date, maybe a place where she gets to observe masami as she wishes, and just overall vibrancy is so cute.

but as soon as we move to masami's inner thoughts, everything returns to as it is--he does not see her in the same way she does. whats more, she comes out with two books--one she wants to read because it interests her, and one about track.

i love this scene because it really puts out a question: right now in her life, what is akira's priority?

for her, having a new environment, new relationships, and a new crush to indulge in was necessary. she needed time. she needed a community to feel grounded in. she needed space away from the environment that she feels lost in.

but then, masami (unconsciously) poses the question again, and i really love that. right now, now that shes reconnected with haruka, what is akira's priority?

its a really big scawy question to ask. and its one everyone has to ask themselves periodically. what do i need right now? what is my priority? its cool that the show poses it--and forces the audience to reflect for themselves on that as well <3

this episode def feels like an almost-turning point for akira, especially as we begin to hint that we will soon dig into masami's past and why he is the way he is. she is beginning to acknowledge what she needs--her discomfort, her hopes, her frustrations.

i love her so much because she is relatable--it is so easy to rebound. to move on without finding resolution, and to cope with difficult things with fantasy or romance. and the show doesnt portray it as a negative thing--its very, very natural. its normal. its okay, and akira is beginning to ease her way to that conclusion as well.

ok fin~

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I cannot wait for this Stan to reconnect with his Ford.

I still haven't figured out HOW exactly they'll meet yet, but I do think that Ford would ATTACH himself to Stanley and talk his ears off forever when they eventually get comfortable :] and Stanley would listen because HOLY SHIT, THAT'S HIS BRO HE HASN'T SEEN FOR 40-ISH YEARS, HE MISSED HIS VOICE. Nonstop certified Yapper & Listener relationship <3

Stanley looks dead faced because of his ingrained poker face, but he's thouroughly enjoying it, even if sometimes he has no idea what the fuck Ford is saying. He never interrupts him though, since he knows people usually ignore or interrupt him mid-talk already. So sometimes Stan gets stuck in awkward situations where he has to leave or do stuff, but also doesn't have it in his heart to stop Ford and extract himself out of a (one-sided) conversation.

[rueclfer]

dating touya and always stealing this particular jacket that you secretly wanted for yourself only to be reminded "im just letting you borrow it" every time you reach for it.

you and touya break up and youre thinking back on that jacket months later because it "couldve elevated this outfit" so you go searching in your closet for an alternate option only to find that jacket balled up in the back among a pile of clothes he delivered to your front door just days after the break up.

you think about texting him. he probably mixed it in your clothes on accident? or maybe not. he would've texted you about it by now. maybe he doesn't want it back.

your finger hovers over his contact information.

it's been 2 months of getting that twinge of hope sparking up touya's spine whenever his phone vibrates in his pocket. it's never you, and he's been waiting for a while and he knows he will for a while more.

maybe you are just as cold as he tried to make you out to be- keeping this jacket of his knowing that it's his favorite. knowing that you wanted nothing to do with him. despite that, he hopes to see you around in it these days.

the jacket doesn't leave your bedroom. you never pressed the call button. he doesn't hear from you again.

[chao-chachaslide]

i saw sonic 3 again i STILL cant get over the scene where sonic is genuinely poised to kill shadow. what the fuck. he was right there and letting sonic kill him. he challenged him and didn't know if he would follow through or not. it really does call back to dreamcast era shadow and how he wasn't really afraid to die after having lost everything. and going from that to sonic realising that if he did kill shadow out of revenge he'd just be a hypocrite, to that fucking scene. the talk. oh my fucking god how did they do it even better than the games. theyre just two kids who lost their families and don't know how to deal with it. god this is up there with the 2021 cover story in terms of sonadow like. wow yeah that relationship really can be up close and personal.

[maryallenc]

now that c3 is ending, im looking back and figuring out laudna's arc as a whole. and if i'm remembering it correctly, marisha mentioned that she wanted to create a character that has gotten over and made peace with her trauma, and yet the narrative and the foundations say otherwise, and laudna pretty much became the complete opposite: a character whose most of her actions are so informed by it.

she kinda really regressed from that intention, hasn't she?

not saying it's not a valid type of character development. or that there was supposed to be only ever one specific trauma she can or cannot be over or not.

but it's fascinating in a way to remember that she started off serenely telling her death to orym, and stating that she could smile so happily because "the worst thing that could happen has already happened"...

...to lashing out at orym because of him picking up a sword that had killed her previously.

side tangent, but laudna and orym's dynamic are lowkey one of the more fascinating dynamics out of bell's hells. they may not be the closest, but i definitely find them more interesting than even laudna's closer relationships.

anyway, laudna's story was then concluded with essek's help. and delilah's locked inside laudna for good, and can't even communicate or talk to laudna. officially exiled to the back of laudna's mind, shackled within the valleys of her chest above her heart.

delilah is still in there.

and it feels like a mirror to how laudna started. everything's all fine and dandy, actually! she'll never have problems again.

and so there's that contradiction again. delilah has no power over laudna anymore. and yet, laudna... still kinda defines herself with delilah, from her clothes to the fact that she still can get power from delilah. just like how laudna started the campaign defining herself as the obviously dead woman.

and it makes me question if she has actually ever even changed, or was just broken down to her bare essence for everyone to figure out how she actually works, and rebuild again with some minor upgrades, with no substantial improvement. it feels like she's still stuck, even with the new experiences and connections.

the raven queen said it's possible for her to be alive again. and yet, laudna seemed like she might not even want it.

maybe because she actually has to change. move past the stage of death she has now defined herself in. to actually grow as a person. change, not only with the people she surrounds herself with, but with laudna herself.

would she, though?

[used-2b-mad-love]

do older fans have vault songs that are in their top favorites of the albums that have been re-recorded thus far? because I think I’ve seen newer fans include vault songs when listing their favorite songs on those four re-recorded albums and I wonder if there’s something there about older fans having lived with the albums for so many years and not really having a place for vault songs in their top 3 or 5 for those albums—even if there are vault songs they’re really enjoy and love

[watmalik]

What if a grumpy, veterinarian Logan has to do a checkup on one of his favourite patients, Mary Puppins, and finally gets to meet her papa for the first time, yours truly, Wade Wilson??!

Like... imagine everyone but Wade, has taken Mary Puppins to her regular vet visits or just to the vet in general (he's a merc ofc the schedule gets tighter out of nowhere and he can't possibly move stuff around, money doesn't buy his very expensive squishmallows collection ) but now Wade has to be the responsible owner he is and do it himself (not Peter, not Vanessa, hell not even Blind Al). Fvck whatever job he has landed this week, dogpool's health is more important, goddamn it!

Of course once there, he's greeted by the receptionist…the very colourful and ever so charming Ellie (NTW), and then Logan's adorable assistant, Yukio, who recognises Mary instantly, tells Wade to follow her to the exam room so they can wait for the doctor there.

And well, once Wade sees this Dr. Howlett, who takes his sweet time in appearing by the way…rude... Wade swears he'll unalive everyone and then himself for not having the curtesy of telling him how Hugh "Big T*ts"Jackman hot his dog's vet is.

[lucica-stuff]

I wanted to ramble about something that just popped into my brain while I was at work. I've been reading a lot of arcane fanfiction (as you do) and noticed an ongoing theme in most jayvik fanfics.

Most authors write Jayce as the one who realises his feelings much later than Viktor does and most times he is depicted as a dumbass for not realising it sooner. And they are right! We love Jayce, he is a sweetheart but he is also a dumb puppy. But that's not my point, rather why does Viktor never make the first move and confess?

I'll tell you why. It doesn't matter if Viktor fell in love with Jayce that first night or if he slowly developed feelings for him. From a social standing Viktor can't make the first move on Jayce. And it's not only because he's a Zaunite. Jayce is a handsome young man from Piltover with a good family name and patrons who raise his social standing and he just newly founded the most revolutionary invention of the city. That man has got to have high marriage prospects to look out for that would raise him even higher in the eyes of the elite. Viktor, a disabled Zaunite, who had to fight for every inch of space in this uppity society and had to learn how to traverse the expectations of his new home in order to be able to stay up there, knows that. Viktor knows, that were anything to happen between him and Jayce, it would automatically lower Jayce's status. Additionally, he is a scientist firts and foremost, who just got the opportunity of a lifetime and has the chance to work with an amazing partner (who he doesn't want to lose). What happens to Jayce would affect Hextech and Viktor is not going to risk his life's work. Viktor loves Jayce and Hextech and he isn't going to do anything that might potentially jeopardise both, because sadly the two things go hand-in-hand. I think he'd rather remain in the background, so his presence wouldn't affect the things he loves most (we have seen this in the series when he declines going up on stage with Jayce). And this isn't even taking into account that they're both man and let's be honest, I don't think Pilties are as accepting as they want to pretend.

It's sad, but Viktor would not initiate a relationship when it would be foreboding for Jayce and Hextech.

[tyrrible-twos]

Viktor is in hell.

His hell is not fire and brimstone, nor is it some poetic damnation of the soul. No, his hell is this.

His apartment. His so-called friends. The yoga mat beneath him.

Physical therapy.

Viktor exhales sharply through his nose, shifting his weight onto his forearms as he tries to hold a modified plank. His body braid is snug around his torso, offering some measure of support, but it doesn’t stop the familiar creak and strain of his joints protesting the effort. His compression sleeves help, but not enough. The yoga blocks beneath his elbows dig uncomfortably into his skin.

It’s awful. He hates it. And Vi, Jinx, and Ekko are watching. Enjoying this.

"Come on, Vik. That’s not even a full hold.” Vi comments from where she stretches beside him, pressing her forehead to the floor in a perfect butterfly pose, her elbows pushing down on her knees like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

Jinx, contorted into some godless variation of a scorpion stretch, flicks a toe at him as if encouraging him to try harder. "You call that core engagement? You look like you're dying, dude.”

Ekko, balancing in an absurdly deep squat, shrugs. “I mean, to be fair, he always looks like that.”

Fucking dancers. Viktor glares at all of them and collapses onto his mat with an undignified thump.

[innocentsardonicpotatoes]

Relax.

One step at a time.

Take breaks.

Allow yourself to breathe.

The journey is difficult.

But not impossible.

[ssruis]

Hello welcome to yet another post that was 1) originally meant to be a short thing but it rapidly got out of hand 2) caters to me specifically 3) is all over the place because I kept finding more things I wanted to talk about

The way rui approaches emotions is so fascinating to me bc like. He approaches everything with a very rational/logical thought process instead of an emotional one and he tends to either ignore his emotions or view them as an obstacle/hinderance.

(From his gleaming stars card story)

If he acknowledges that he’s upset or unhappy he tends to just go “oh well. What can you do.” & then berates himself for not wanting to be unhappy. I feel like a lot of that can be explained by his childhood alienation from his peers.

In RMD his reaction to his classmates refusing to take part in his play once he explained the tree jump stunt & them calling him weird is to blame himself:

Little Nene: Rui, what’s the matter? Did something sad happen?

Little Rui: Nene… No. That’s not it. I pushed my show onto everyone and bothered them.

(From RMD - TL by Arven Oven)

Which is pretty telling. To Rui, the issue is that he asked for too much, that he as a person is something that must be tolerated by his peers.

But ultimately he still has faith that he’ll find his people.

Little Rui: …That’s right. People like you, Nene, who would say that they like my shows, surely exist out there. I want to make my own shows. But as of now - I think it might be a little hard.

(RMD)

And he *did* keep trying to find people who would accept him for a while - Wonder Halloween shows that he continued to try to reach out even after the stuff that happened in RMD, but eventually anyone he got a little close to would end up leaving & reinforcing his idea that he was too different from others to form relationships.

(From Wonder Halloween)

I’ve seen some people say him giving up on forming relationships was due to the events shown in RMD, but I think it was more of a result of him experiencing the same rejection over and over again. The definition of insanity is trying over and over again when the result never changes, and despite what his peers may think, Rui is not insane. I think he gradually lost faith in his parents assurance that he would find people who accepted him - he begins pushing Nene, the only person who hasn’t left him yet, away.

Middle School Rui: I’m working on a solo project… but I haven’t found anyone else like you that’s willing to help.

Middle School Nene: oh, I see…

Middle School Nene: then would you like to join the troupe I’m in…?

Middle School Nene: I mean, uh…

Middle School Rui: hehe. It’s nice of you to invite me, but there’s no need to pity me. I’m doing ok on my own, and it’s for the best anyway.

(From Wonder Halloween)

Why he pushed Nene away is sort of left up to interpretation - To protect her from himself? To leave her before she left like everyone else? - but I think the assumption that her invitation is out of pity show that at least part of his decision to push her away was out of the belief that she, like everyone else, was simply tolerating him. If he assumes everyone hates him/is scared of him right off the bat, he can avoid getting his hopes up and being crushed when he’s inevitably abandoned. It’s not unhealthy or detrimental to forming relationships he’s just recognizing a pattern and using it to predict the behavior of others (blatantly wrong).

Zombie Plushies: We can tell you’re just pretending to be friends! Deep down, you’re probably scared and disgusted by us too!

(…)

Zombie Plushies: We’ll never fit in with them anyway…

Rui: …! (Never fit in with them, huh…)

(…)

Rui: When I look at them… I remember how things used to be.

(WXS world link, TL by Haruka’s penguin)

He rationalized his loneliness with “I’m just incompatible with other people” which

1) ow.

2) if he’s incompatible with other people, there’s no reason to get his hopes up because he’ll never find people he fits in with

3) if nothing is ever going to get better, he should be content with being alone. There’s no reason to be sad over a fact of life. It is what it is.

4) being sad over this is inconvenient, unhelpful, and a distraction from following his dreams (on his own)

5) inflicting himself onto others is a selfish desire and he should just keep to himself. “It’s for the best, anyway.”

6) he’s perfectly fine on his own. He doesn’t need anyone for his shows, and he doesn’t need friends.

By the time the WXS main story takes place, he’s already fully convinced himself that he’s better off alone, and that Actually It’s Super Beneficial For Him & His Shows And He’s Fine Like This.

Middle School Rui: Solitude isn’t as bad as people make it out to be.

Middle School Mizuki: huh?

Middle School Rui: In fact, it has had certain benefits for me. It’s given me plenty of time to see plays and to think over ideas for shows, for example.

(Kamikou festival)

Rui: hehe. Unfortunately, we won’t be doing a show together.

Rui: you see, I like to work alone and with absolute freedom to stage any show I want.

Rui: as long as my shows fill my audience’s hearts with joy, I’m perfectly satisfied.

(WXS main story) (“I’m perfectly satisfied” me when I lie)

I feel like it’s overlooked that the only reason rui joined wxs was to get nene in the group. I’m probably going to talk about his continued pushing of Tsukasa’s limits/suggesting insane stunts and over emphasizing how dangerous they are at a later date - and how that was (imo) an attempt to find the point where Tsukasa would hate and leave him too -

(surely this is too good to be true, Tsukasa/wxs will be like all the others -> wait he’s not calling me a freak and leaving ok I guess I’ll go full throttle on the insane shit surely at some point he’ll get tired of me -> he got injured because of me and he’s still here?? what the fuck???? Well now I care about him & this group so I need to pull back I’m not going to get a second chance)

(Wonder Halloween)

- but I would like to briefly mention that Rui literally suggests risking Tsukasa’s life right off the bat & when Tsukasa is like “?? I don’t want to die???” Rui just goes “alright I’m out of the group I guess bye. have fun nene!”

Rui: Don't worry, the device can be securely attached to the stage in a way that will keep the audience perfectly safe. Please make sure you don't touch it or you'll die.

Tsukasa: what about keeping ME safe?!

(…)

Tsukasa: I’m not going to risk my life on-stage!

Rui: but you said you’d perform any role I gave you to, quote, 12000%, unquote!

Rui: I'm afraid that I have no choice but to step down as a stage director. Nene, good luck working with these people.

(Wxs main story)

Unfortunately humans are a social species & emotions don’t follow (faulty) logic so rui *was* unhappy on his own and he *did* want to have friends. Which I’m sure he continued to call himself selfish/greedy for feeling. Rationalizing all of this was a way he could accept/make peace with being miserable (because it must be this way, because this is how it will always be).

Rui: I was the same a long time ago… I gave up on fitting in with anyone.

(…)

Rui: If they don’t understand me, that just can’t be helped, if they disagree with the way I think, that just can’t be helped… I would think like that.

Rin: Rui-kun…

Rui: - in reality, I really did want to put on a show with someone else. But people didn’t understand the shows I was making. On a subconscious level, I convinced myself it wasn’t going to work out and gave up on the idea.

(WXS world link)

(Wxs Journey to bloom animation)

This added scene from the main story animation adds to this - why he leaves WXS did have to do with Tsukasa yelling at Nene, but the reason he doesn’t come back after Nene forgives Tsukasa is because Tsukasa’s self centered attitude is something that antithetical to a belief that Rui thought he’d given up on a long time ago: great shows *can’t* be made alone, no matter how many times you insist that you don’t need anyone else. As much as he denied it, Rui *did* still want to connect with people and be accepted - not just for the purpose of making shows, but to have a place where he belonged. For the first time in years Rui got his hopes up, started believing in what his parents told him, and Tsukasa proved to him that he never should have done so in the first place. Unlike the other times, though, Rui is the one to walk away first. & then tsukasa/wxs do the whole “true feelings” show etc etc we know how the main story ends.

That being said, I think that Rui still subconsciously believed WXS would grow to hate him and leave because he would finally be Too Much. Wonder Halloween showed him that this wasn’t true (Which is why it’s so important that the zombie plushies in the world link performed potato ghost to connect to the other plushies - it’s the show that was performed when Rui fully realized that wxs was not going to abandon him.) but I feel like that only cemented the fact that wxs would keep performing alongside him, not that they were his friends.

Rui also very clearly did not process or evaluate how his childhood impacted him.

Nene: When you talked about the old days, you seemed happy.

Rui: fufu. I don’t mind it anymore because it was so long ago.

(His RMD card story - TL by Rubilia Heartfilia) (me when I lie part two)

After so long by himself, with shows as the only thing he had, I think that having a connection to people *outside* of shows was completely unfathomable to Rui.

Which is why he’s kind of incapable of realizing why the idea of leaving wxs hurts him so much,

(Curtain call)

why he doesn’t realize why he starts holding back in wonder Halloween or why he holds back on the cheer squad,

(Cheer squad event)

And why he’s surprised that wxs cares for him not just as a director, but as a friend.

(Festival bathed in twilight)

I make fun of him for taking a year to finally be like “yeah tsukasa-kun and I are friends” but I think it’s pretty reasonable taking his trust/abandonment issues into account. Accepting Tsukasa’s offer to join wxs (twice) changed his life drastically - he realizes that he can connect to others outside of shows, that it’s possible for him to form relationships with people outside of wxs. Rui just needed to make the choice to accept the outreached hands - not changing the parts of himself that people previously deemed too weird or strange (not that he was ever going to do that anyways) but changing his attitude of “it’s just impossible for me to be accepted.”

Rui: I had always thought that I could never properly understand everyone around me.

Rui: as I started doing shows at Wonder Stage with everyone, my way of thinking and feelings began to change.

Rui: now, I am able to understand and connect with someone without relying on shows, and I’ve come to value the beauty of laughing alongside others

Rui: that’s why — tsukasa-kun. Thank you for giving me the chance to change.

(…)

Tsukasa: but… it’s not only just thanks to me, y’know?

Rui: eh?

Tsukasa: think about it. No matter how many chances I gave you, if you had refused to change, you would never have done so, right?

(Pandemonium, TL by Tsukasa’s #3 fan)

This is also why he tends to berate himself for having the very normal desire to hold on to wxs. He’s never had something like this before, where he has people who accept and love him as he is. He’s never wanted to keep something as badly as this. He’s asking too much of them, he’s imposing like he did with his classmates in RMD, he should let them leave. It’s the mature thing to do. He spent so long on his own, he should be fine going back to that, isn’t it selfish and greedy to want more?

(Curtain call)

(Talking abt wanting to keep doing shows w wxs and his actions in OHE) Rui: Now that I think about it, I’ve been pretty selfish.

(World link)

Rui: (…When the time comes, even I, too, will have to move forward.)

Rui: (…Moving forward, can I do that?)

Rui: (…Geez, I really lack a backbone. When will the time come when I find myself satisfied with the way things are?)

(…)

Rui: (While working to make my dream come true, together with everyone, I will make their dreams come true. A way to do that - let me think of one.)

Rui: (fufu, how greedy of me.)

(Curtain call - TL by Arven Oven & Tsukasa’s #3 Fan) (fuck you ensekai)

I think that, in future events, he’ll (hopefully) come to realize there are more people who will accept him (& get more trust ranks. Please.). I think it’s an impossible ask for him to be completely fine with wxs going their separate ways some day (and the same goes for everyone else in wxs), but I think when the time comes it will at least be bittersweet and with the knowledge that he can find other places to belong & that his relationships with the rest of wxs is strong enough to withstand not being in the same troupe. Things can’t stay the same forever, but change doesn’t have to be bad. Etc etc.

[brotherscain]

precanon wincest hair washing drabble, 2.3k, teenchesters/weecest

The hunt that night went well. Dad had this shifter pinned under his thumb since the first night in town, all they had to do was get to the thing and kill it dead.

If Dad had only brought Dean along, they would’ve weeded it out a day earlier. He wanted Sam in on this one, though, and Sam was still new enough at hunting to warrant a training wheels protocol. It had to be nearest to a sure thing as they could hope doing what they did. And it was. For Sam—for John and Dean right there with him—it was no question. Dean staked the final blow, gravely recognizing it kept Sam from being a killer for however longer.

In the car, John stretched his hand behind Dean’s head and scruffed his nape firmly enough to jostle him. Father to son, man to emerging man. Dad smiled, disheveled and not quite happy, but proud. He wore it to glance at Dean, then Sam. Proud and grateful.

“You boys did good tonight.” John served up no elaboration, he didn’t need to. Dean let the praise wheedle its way into him. He wanted to look over at Sam but didn’t because he knew Sam had already forged himself indifferent to Dad’s opinion. Dean wanted to enjoy it for a second longer, Sam wouldn’t get it.

Back in the motel lot, Dad fished his pocket for a few crumpled bills to give Dean. “Why don’t you take your brother to the vending machines? I’ll unload.” Dad stopped giving them so much junk food change right around the time Sam started wearing Dean’s too small hand-me-downs. Tonight he prompted Dean almost like he had a thousand times years ago, to a different kid.

Dean’s door creaked on its hinge, Sam’s following moments later. An ease settled over Dean. Everyone made it out okay. Dad wasn’t losing his head bunting orders at them about what they should’ve done better. Sam likewise kept whatever brewing comments he had under the lid. Dean figured he could count on at least one of the lit up vending machines having a Reese’s. As far as hunts went, it could’ve been a lot worse. They did do good.

The vending machine’s artificial blue-white beam bugged every so often, dimming before a kick-start into throbbing fluorescence. Sam scuffed his beat up sneakers against the pavement directly in front of it, eyeing up the options and sticking an open palm out in Dean’s direction. Dean slapped a bill down into his waiting hand.

He watched Sam hunch to look down at the buttons while punching in a code. Off behind him, Dad lifted a bag over his shoulder and reached inside the Impala for a second one. All around them cicadas chirped over one another and the night swelled with trapped mugginess. Dean thought about melted chocolate on his fingers and instead of feeding the leftover change into the slot, he stuffed it all in his back pocket.

Sam straightened to his full height, lifted the chilly soda can closer and tapped on the top rim three times before cracking it open. It burst in loud fizzy pops. Sam tipped his head back to swing a short, gulping chug. This way Dean could see parts of Sam in a new light. Small spatters of dried blood flecked the underside of his bottom jaw, a shiny red sheen bloomed on the high swell of his cheekbone. Dean kept himself from lacing his fingers through Sam’s hair, but made a face at the matted mess of it.

“You have monster guts in your hair,” he said, staring as Sam used the back of his limp hand to wipe the carbonated trickle from his mouth. Sam felt around his head curiously, coming away with a tacky coat of muddy crimson and a grimace. Dean laughed at him, couldn’t help but to. “That’s gonna be a bitch to get out, man.”

Sam cut a glare Dean’s way. He was extremely touchy after hunts, and Dean knew better than to prod him. Knowing better didn’t make it any less funny. That was Sam’s fault.

“Eat me,” he threw back dryly, annoyed Dean had the nerve to carry around a sense of humor about these things.

Sam wet his caked hand with driblets sweating off the soda can and cracked a small grin. Before Dean thought a little smarter about what that meant, Sam was dragging the mess all down the side of his shirt. Not that it hadn’t already been stained and ruined with a lot worse, that’s not what mattered. It was his snot-nosed brother thinking he could retaliate.

Dean jumped on him seconds after, first by shoving him away hard, then fisting the ribbed collar of his tee and tugging him closer. This past year Sam’s gone through a growth spurt, shot straight up like a beanstalk, but he still only came up to Dean’s shoulders. Between that and his knock kneed gangliness, Dean could still push and tilt and trip him any way he wanted. His shirt twisted up in Dean’s grip against the current of Sam’s squirming to get away. They were laughing together or maybe just panting or maybe they weren’t making any noises at all except for their shoes on the ground and their hands nipping each other’s skin. Dean thought about wrestling him to the concrete and shoving his face into all the boot prints. It would be easier to wrangle the drink out of his hands and spill it down his boxers. In all its sloshing, it had already splashed them enough times Dean could smell the cola while it dried sticky.

A door opened and shut firmly somewhere close in the long line of identical rooms. Dean didn’t really care to stop their roughhousing until the commanding voice boomed out. “Boys!” Dean positioned ramrod straight, Sam’s shoulders hunched while he uselessly looked to iron out all the wrinkles in his shirt. Dad waited for Sam to finally glance up. He was going to chew them out for being so loud at the late hour, for acting like mutts more than sternly raised men.

None of that happened. Dad stalked a few steps closer to the parked car, raising a brow at them as a wry smirk fixed itself to his face. “Gonna pick up some dinner. You boys get cleaned up before I get back.” He was in good spirits, but it was still a demand all the same.

“Yes sir,” Dean shot off. Sam didn’t say anything, only nodded his head to show he’d heard and understood. And if it had been a worse night Dad would call him out on it, start a whole thing that didn’t need to be started. Dean felt lucky when Dad just tapped the roof a few times before getting in.

In between the engine roaring to life and tires crunching gravel, Sam stuck Dean in the side with his pointy elbow. “Your bet?”

Dean zoned out on the glowing tail lights, thinking. “Burgers,” he finally said, blinking back to Sam. “Yours?”

Sam drew in a heaving breath before pressing his lips together. “Chinese.” They used to bet each other’s left overs on it. Now it’s habit enough just to go through the motions.

Mosquitoes ate him alive, buzzed around the lip of Sam’s drink enough to keep him from sipping any more. He really was a mess. Hair knotted in clumps, face scratched up. Sam wouldn’t mind until he saw all of it in the mirror and remembered other kids his age didn’t track monsters down for a living. Then he’d get all huffy for first dibs on a very long shower and not want to talk much the rest of the night. There was no such thing as a good hunt in Sam’s eyes.

“Come on.” Dean bobbed his head in the direction of their room. “First shower’s yours.”

Inside the A/C churned cool air out through a low and steady humming. It was prone to spit water out, so Dean couldn’t comfortably sit in front of it and soak up the chill. He dropped himself down on the couch and sprawled out, feeling gross and mucky but sated somewhere deep in the pit of his belly.

Sam dug through some bags and came out with a fresh pair of boxers, a towel, and some small miscellaneous bottles. He padded in a direction opposite the shower, Dean didn’t have the energy to search his motive out. But then Sam was behind him, gazing down at him without saying a word. He’d taken his shirt off and since neither bothered turning on any lights when they were walked in, the moon pooled shimmering light across his chest as it fell and rose strongly.

“There won’t be enough time,” he said, keeping his voice soft. “Not for both of us before he gets back.”

The solution was easy. It was what it was. Sam knew that as well as Dean. “Okay Sam,” Dean replied slowly. Sam had red marks down the base of his throat, and Dean wondered if that was from earlier tonight or left hy him near the vending machine.

Sam didn’t break their tense staring, but he did inhale a terser breath. “Are you going to make me say it?” He didn’t look pained either way, only impatient and intentionally guarded.

“What are you talking about?” Dean still asked anyway. Like he didn’t intimately know. Like he didn’t lay awake thinking about it a lot more than he should, when Sam would look for him next. Ask for him. And pretending not to know should’ve made it easier, too. To stop letting it happen. But it didn’t.

Sam became fed up with Dean’s pretending. “There won’t be any warm water left for you.” He took off, headed toward the bathroom without turning around or faltering even once.

A panic peeled the skin from around the achy center of Dean’s chest, awoke the crescendo of its relentless pounding. It felt worse than anything Dean’s ever felt before, and it was always the same at this crossroads. One day he should see if it kills him in letting it run its course. One day, maybe.

“Sam.” Dean caught him as Sam’s finger flipped the light switch. “Okay.” He nodded and got up, trying not to give away his shakiness, hoping Sam would still wait.

They shut the door and turned off the flickering light since there was a window in here, too. The bathroom didn’t make space for two people, but neither of them wanted it anyway now that Dean had given in. He brushed past Sam’s warmed skin to turn the shower knob. Then he worked around Sam’s form, pressing into it, to get to the sink. He tried avoiding his own reflection as he bent for a drink of tap water.

Sam set down his things and caged Dean in from behind, his hands finding the hem of Dean’s top, skirting along and underneath it to dance goosebumps across his abdomen. He moved up, up, up. Traced the thick chain of Dean’s amulet, had it bouncing subtly off the plane between his ribs.

Dean rocked back against him, to push him off more than anything. But he was still trying to be gentle. He didn’t want Sam to get the wrong idea. Dean was here, he was with Sam. But— “Get in, it feels nice,” he whispered, pebble skipping his gaze around his baby brother’s face. “Let me wash you.”

Sam understood and found Dean’s eyes before tipping his head in agreement. He stripped completely bare, tapped Dean’s arm to let him through and allowed Dean to pull the curtain back for him. Sam closed his eyes under the stream, loosed some of the tension his body clung to.

Dean got to work, shrugging his top off before reaching for the shampoo bottle, squeezing a dollop into his palm and rubbing his hands together to coat them. “C’mere,” he murmured, even though he helped guide Sam close enough.

It had started when they were both younger, because Sam couldn’t do these kinds of things by himself yet but Dean could. Then, somewhere in all the gunk of their lives, it grew on them. There was routine in it; Sam would shut his eyes tight, roll his neck this way and that as Dean’s sudsy hands directed him, and they tried not to talk too much. Both began to understand there were going to be things Dad just shouldn’t know about.

Dean stayed careful around the tangles, worked them out with his fingers as gently as he could. Sam never winced or whined about it anymore or anything, but Dean couldn’t kick the habit. He threaded his hands through its soapy slickness, dug in by the base of his neck, eased the notches out.

Sam hummed and sighed, drooped and sagged. Content. His hand circled around Dean’s wrist for no reason other than to feel him.

Sometimes, more often than Dean could confess, it grew into more than this. Dean would undress himself, Sam would coax him under the water with him. They’d roam and glide their touch all over their slippery bodies. Tonight they would need to be quick, quicker than usual. So Dean crept in and pressed his chest to Sam’s back and scrubbed them both down without meaning to linger very often. Sam turned his cheek to Dean’s shoulder, pressed his open mouth to the wet flesh and scraped his teeth against him lightly. They were both close to hard, but there wasn’t time and Dean tried to believe it wasn’t about them, only bodies and their closeness.

Dean got to fooling himself this was better, as long as it was just this. Eventually he’d have the willpower to deny it altogether. Eventually.

[becauseplot]

Okay so something about the spiderbit wedding has been sitting in the back of my mind for awhile now and I don't know if anyone's talked about it but I just recently figured out the words to articulate it (kind of) so here we go!

Prior to the q!spiderbit wedding, a lot of the fanart/fanfics I saw/read depicted Cellbit waiting at the altar while Roier is walked down the aisle by either Foolish or Vegetta. Which makes sense! It keeps with the idea of the father "giving away" the bride (or in this case, the groom) at the wedding, which wouldn't be possible for Cellbit since he doesn't have any parental figures on the island. So, I was a little surprised when the wedding day came and Cellbit was the one to walk down the aisle while Roier waited at the altar. I was a bit disappointed at first---they missed a chance to do a sweet little spin on a wedding tradition! (Found family* my beloved <3)

But then I kept thinking---something about Cellbit walking down the aisle. Something about Cellbit walking down the aisle. Something about Cellbit walking down the aisle to the altar where Roier, his soon-to-be husband and trusted confidant, stands; where Felps, his best friend whom he just got back from an unknown fate, stands; where Forever, the friend he wronged but never lost faith in and wants to do right by going forward, stands.

Something about Cellbit being alone and walking himself down the aisle towards them like he is making an active choice. After the fear and the isolation, pushing others away and hurting those close to him so he could make himself a martyr because he felt like he had to face the Federation alone and that he could only rely on himself---now choosing to walk towards the altar where they stand---walking towards his happy ending.

Because this is his happy ending. I'm not at all an advocate for the idea of "oh romance/marriage is the only thing that will make you happy in life" but not only is being married to Roier something Cellbit desperately wants, this wedding means so much more than just getting married.

Of course, this isn't really the end, but for someone like Cellbit, it's a start. A new beginning. A brand new chapter of love, friendship, and trust. So yes, Cellbit walks down the aisle at his wedding, and he does it alone, and he does it because he deserves it, and he does it because he wants to, and he does it because he has to, and he does it because he needs this.

*I would just like to note that found family does not have to follow a nuclear formula with parent-child roles and I don't wish to propagate this misconception. That's just how Roier's family is structured in canon. Foolish and Vegetta are boyfriends and Roier calls them (or at least Foolish) "dad" that's just how it is and it is beautiful &lt;3

Also apologies if I get any lore wrong. I'm not a Roier or Cellbit main viewer but I learn a lot through what I do watch of their streams and what I absorb through my dash. Hopefully this still makes sense.

[chasedeys]

*whispers like a ghoul* You should write Joe’marr on a boat (maybe it’s Joes first time and he’s panicking) (MAYBE it’s their honeymoon)

*makes dying moose sound* god i really shouldddd just IMAGINEEE

joe's probably stoically uneasy wearing his eye searing tie dye swimming shorts and bright fucking orange life vest and stupid little expensive ass sunnies while ja'marr's rocking nothing but his tattoos and little black booty shorts he chose specifically for that day and demanding joe to loosen up but! no.

and ja'marr's just laughing at him because joe keeps answering in short sentences five words maximum in a tight voice very obviously bothered out of his mind but won't admit shit and then ja'marr is just yelling at the captain not to go so fast it's baby's first time (they're literally just static in the middle of the ocean) and joe finds it in himself to let go of the tight grip he has on the boat seats to leap up at ja'marr and try to throw him overboard and the captain is shouting at them to knock it off he will not be an accessory to murder aren't you both newlyweds???

they're given those wide inflatable pool float things to float on water so they can explore off the boat and they just lazily float on by in the ocean breeze tangled together making out in intervals and poking at each other's belly trying to tip the other off the float and talking (whispering really because they're tangled so close to each other they barely have to raise their voice sigh) about new floor plans and their turn to host team get togethers and what to get tee for his birthday (joint presents! ahaha) etc etc being so grossly comfortable in each other's space and In Love oughhhuhghuhh.

also. do you think they're the type of men to actually wear sunscreen. are they. or are they stupid.

[akabloom]

interrupting loquat week w shinobu 😇

[homielander]

the most interesting character detail about maeve through which i have extrapolated at least half my understanding of her is that she prefers to be called maeve. i frequently see "maggie" pop up in meta and fic as her chosen name, but quite literally nobody calls her that, including (and most significantly) elena. elena is maeve's tether to her humanity and her refuge away from vought, yet even elena only ever refers to her as maeve. (and in season 2, we learn that maeve started dating elena before she joined the seven -- before queen maeve's popularity would have become so inescapable that she would feel compelled to introduce herself by that name.) it's especially notable that in her final scene, maeve refers to starlight as annie for only the second time, but she is still called maeve by both annie and elena.

here's what we know about maeve's life as maggie: she had a rocky relationship with her father whom she doesn't seem to speak to anymore, she's from a "cousin-fucker hick town" as described by homelander -- i can't imagine this place being terribly lgbt-friendly, and she generally lacks connection with anyone she would have known before becoming queen maeve. she doesn't have fond memories of this time of her life, and perhaps that extends to all associations with it, including the name maggie.

i tend to think that becoming queen maeve was, in many ways, self-actualizing for her. the act that garners her national attention and earns her a ticket to vought is a heroic one -- she breaks every single bone in her right arm to save a school bus from falling off a bridge. and i know madelyn says she is responsible for the mythos of queen maeve, but this character was still aspirational, and likely someone maeve wanted to live up to. in any case, this new identity gave her a purpose and tools to achieve it: she wanted to help people! by her own admission, maeve enters vought bright-eyed and hopeful, not far off from annie. (maeve is also one of the only supes in the seven not to know about compound v -- she doesn't strike me as religious but believing she's among the very few born with powers would have strengthened her internal drive to be a hero.)

it's for the same reason that i think maeve actually... liked having powers? of course she says otherwise in her last season, but season 3 maeve is cynical and weary from about two decades of dealing with vought and homelander's abuse. they've used her first as the token woman and then the token gay person of the seven. after growing largely passive to the brutality of the job, the flight 37 incident forces her to confront all of the violence she's witnessed and tolerated. she's given pieces of herself away and she loathes the husk of herself that's left. i don't find it surprising that she would want to relinquish every single connection to vought, including her powers.

assuring herself that she will be better off without her powers comes with an added benefit: she gets to distinguish herself from homelander, who would be lost without his powers. and i think she is eager to make this distinction in her mind because there are some uncomfortable similarities between their initiations into vought. the mantle of homelander allows him to exert agency for the first time in his life, just as the mantle of queen maeve endows her with purpose for the first time in hers. (crucially, none of his current circle call him john, either.) they both enjoy being the most powerful superheroes in the world, the unending public adoration, and (in my interpretation) each other. they're also both overwhelmingly lonely and they know it -- homelander teases her multiple times about how she has no friends with a bit more bite in every passing season, while maeve is keenly aware of his isolation and exploits his yearning for love pretty effectively.

maeve steadily grows disillusioned with her position at vought because she still has a moral code, suppressed though it may be. even so, she nearly relents to homelander's vision: that they will be lonely at the top but lonely together. she's pulled out of her miserable state of inaction by annie and elena. annie reminds her of what a hero should be (what she was, once); elena offers her a way out of vought, serving as maeve's light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

she escapes that tower as maeve, not maggie. she rejects homelander's god complex which engenders his cruelty towards regular people and 'lesser' supes -- no one will call her queen maeve ever again, at least -- but it is still important to her to be a hero, and for better or for worse, she found that as maeve. i feel like she'd struggle to exist without her powers (possibly the self-awareness hasn't settled in yet) for all the reasons mentioned above. i like to think that eventually, she'll circle around to helping people and resisting vought however possible -- albeit on a smaller, more covert scale so she can continue living a peaceful life with elena.