#my way of comforting myself
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just a lil eepy
a nice nap and sigma will be right back up trust 🙏🏼

#bungou stray dogs fanart#bungo stray dogs fanart#bungo stray dogs#bsd#bsd fanart#bungou stray dogs#bsd art#art#bsd sigma#sigma fanart#bungo stray dogs sigma#sigma bsd#sigma bungou stray dogs#sigma#my way of comforting myself#poor sigma#eepy#so eepy
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thinking about Eddie being so eager to kiss you all the time and he just gets a little too excited sometimes a little too rough and you bump into something and he cradles you while you giggle cause he can't stop smiling into his kisses
And sure maybe it's a little awkward and teeth knock against each other and he catches your lip in his teeth a little too hard but it's okay cause you're deliriously happy
And it's not about getting to the sex (not all the time anyways) but he's just so happy to have found a safe place to land and he's enthusiastic that he found someone who wants to kiss him just as much as he wants to kiss you
And this time he's not too much and his feelings aren't too big and he doesn't need to tone it down cause you're his person and he's yours
Okay bye ily
mouse. mouse get the fuck back here. MOUSE DONT LEAVE ME LIKE THIS
he's just so happy to have a safe place to land and this time he's not too much and his feelings aren't too big were daggers straight to my heart you come back here right now before i actually bleed out from needing this man so badly.
no but thats exactly it. eddie has spent so long jumping and toeing that line of either trying to cram himself into this bite-sized shape for the ones around him, and just exploding and pretending he doesn't give a fuck that he will never fit into anyone's cup of tea so he'll just make himself even larger, that when you enter his life he just doesnt know what to do about it.
because he starts with his regular tricks of being so over the top, so unbearable, and all you're doing is laughing and entertaining his antics. even playing along at times. and so he retracts a little, turning back into a quiet boy who will shrivel up until he's invisible or easy to love (whichever comes first). but then that doesn't work - and to be truthful, he doesn't even know what his mind's end goal is here because why is he trying to push you away so desperately? - and he's just at a loss. you want him on the thundering days, where he makes his grey clouds everyone's problem and all his lightning is blinding and sporadic. you want him on the quiet days, where the downpour is no longer a roar but a soft drizzle, a bit more silent and a bit more bearable but still there. and he can't tell if it's a joke - he can't decipher if your kisses amidst his rambles are sincere, if you're actually smiling at his jokes because you like him or you're too polite to break his heart. he can't see through those gentle hands you use to caress back his wild hair to be sure that the softest of touches are really just you, or some strange gloves of care that you're only simply wearing for now.
and then one morning, he wakes up, and you're still there, awake before he is and just watching him with so much love. feather-light fingers taking their time tracing over his tattoo on his chest and arms, not noticing he's awake yet as you smile so serenely at him. you're looking at him in a way that he's never really gotten to experience so vulnerably before - like he isn't a nuisance, isn't a mistake. like the universe has so intentionally dropped him into your palms, and you're so aware of how delicate he can be below the surface. and he just breaks.
"i love you"
he'd blurt it out, the first time he's ever said those words to you. it almost feels like the first time he's said those words, period.
he's said them to wayne, in their own way, both a bit stiff in expressing affection and skirting around those words whenever they can for a simply ruffle of hair or unexpected side hugs. he'd said them to his mom, a young boy with shining eyes despite it all, looking at her like she was the world because she was his world.
and... well. that's it. he can count the number of times he's said those words on one hand, and now he's said them to you, and all he can hope is you handle them with as much care as you've handled him.
he hopes you can feel the weight of his heart pressing down on them.
and he thinks you do, when you startle a little, looking up to his lips where those rough words had just fallen from in a cracking tone, and you take your time in awarding him with a smile that could save lives. cure cancer, cure sadness, cure the end of the world even. every cliche possible.
"yeah?" you'd whisper back, and his heart skips a beat, terrified that the next words you say won't be what he needs to hear so desperately. but they are. because of course they are. you wouldn't have been watching him sleep in that way if they hadn't been on the tip of your tongue, "i love you."
not a crash landing, but a soft-padded decent. a slow fall with a cushion to prevent broken bones and more invisible scars.
he kisses you then the way he was going to kiss you every day going forward: pushing forward recklessly, teeth and noses bumping a little, smiles making it nearly impossible. he kisses you like he's coming home after a long day, because he is.
he's home. no boxes in sight to fit into, no cups that'll overflow from all the fizzling feelings pouring out of his chest. you've got him, and he's got you.
#i can fight fire with fire mouse#this is friendly fire#i just want him so badly man. i want us both to heal each other so badly#i want to take these soft hands that i've been told repeatedly need to toughen up and finally put them to the use they were made for#loving softly. loving carefully. loving gently.#WAH#eddie munson#eddie munson blurb#eddie munson x reader#fuck it#eddie munson x you#tagging in a way i can find this later to comfort myself#stranger things#thank u ily <3#this was written on my phone ignore any mistakes
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made them to strike fear into my heart whenever i falter in my studies
no text ver under the cut
#vbros#venture bros#the venture brothers#pete white#rusty venture#thaddeus venture#ts venture#peterusty#admin draws#fanart#btw thank you everyone on all the tags on that last post :') rly needed that#i forgot how annoying lining stuff is lol ive just been cleaning up sketches for so so long#that i dont remember the last thing i actually lined#anyways free use for anyone else who wants this to put on and watch over them menacingly while they procrastinate#this has been in my brain ever since i started watching the show too cause like for weeks#i would motivate myself to do my exercises or study the shit i didnt even feel like touching anymore by thinking#i am halfway into a life of compliance and if i continue this way i will be like rusty and i DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE RUSTY.#like its way too close for comfort even if its objectively not too close at all. but let me tell you that fear is a powerful motivator.#added the ship tag cos even if its not explicitly slash it also is. to me
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911 Hiatus Rewatch and Parallels:
6x09 “Red Flag” -> 6x12 “Recovery” -> 6x15 “Death and Taxes”
#911#911edit#911hiatus2023#911 abc#911 fox#flashing tw#my edit#911hiatusparallels#buddie#+ chris#buddieedit#911 on fox#eddiediazedit#christopher diaz#evanbuckleyedit#otp: you don't need to pretend with me#buckley diaz family#usercam#the thing here is the 3 episode increments#and the way eddie is across the couch but there's a call to an empty space on bucks side#thats the spot chris is asleep#but also the contrast between eddie being in jeans and the way its almost morning#with buck and chris just being comfortable enough to fall asleep#chris' blanket matching bucks clothes#like COME ON#i promised myself i wouldnt get mad about the couch and here i am mad about the couch#sigh#911verse#evan buckley#eddie diaz
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This has been one of my favorite 1633 photos for a while now, and i think i just figured out why!
Look at Max's hands

Does anyone else remember the show "Pushing Daisies?" Of course you do, this is tumblr. There's a scene where Ned the baker and Chuck are walking, and because they cannot touch (for plot reasons), they hold their own hands clasped together behind themselves. I wish i could find the image, but i don't need to—look at Max's hands
I wonder sometimes if Max does this kind of thing unconsciously to accommodate Charles and his cat-like avoidance of touch. Max is forever hovering, waiting for an opening to clutch an arm or that curve where the neck meets the shoulder or a hand. Holding his own hands, waiting for Charles to reach out for his first
#oof hello just making myself upset on a monday morning about Max being So Freaking Tactile and still so careful with Charles#he's so desperate to touch!!#and skittish avoidant Charles breaks his own boundaries with Max!!! he does that with So Few people!!#he pulls in close and bumps shoulders and touches Max's arms and hands and chest and winks and grabs at him when Max makes him laugh and#maybe i'm just not looking in the right places but i don't remember him acting that way with anyone??#Max and Charles have somehow folded themselves over the years into the perfect shape to be comfortably close to each other#I'M SO UPSET#lestappen#1633#3316#charles leclerc#max verstappen#i'm certain someone has made this exact point about this exact photo already but. my feelings are Very Big about this rn
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his mommy called him handsome!
#back in a comfort yt era :)#is the mark/egos fandom DEAD RN??#CLEARLY IM BACK BTW LOLLLL its been almost a year ik#with ap art I had NO time to draw for myself this past school year#ne ways i leave for work in like 6 hours soo its bedtime#markiplier#markiplier egos#markiplier fanart#darkiplier#darkiplier fanart#damien markiplier#a date with markiplier#adwm#adwm darkiplier#a heist with markiplier#ahwm#my art#doodle
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The thing I love about fanfiction that focuses on “irredeemable” characters is that most of the time it says, “you are forgivable, you are lovable, you are important.” It says that you are capable of growth and that you can overcome your past. And I think seeing that as a teenager saved me. I thought I was unlovable and then I got older and started understanding the world through my own eyes rather than my parents’ and I started recognizing my mistakes and I thought I was unforgivable. But fanfiction told me, “you can change and you can be wanted and you can be loved,” and that gave me the space to forgive myself and love myself.
#fanfiction#fandom#the first thing that did this for me was drarry for sure#like the enemies to lovers aspect of drarry always appealed to me for this exact reason and that’s why i was so attached to it#but i’ve found other things since then that appeal in the same way#tlt#aftg#captive prince#not just#drarry#andreil and kevjean are like this#like they say you were wrong you were bad you were cruel and you did harm#but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved to be given the chance to grow and change#fanfic taught me that i could be wanted#and it was where i found the queer relationships i most wanted to emulate when i was first figuring myself out#and it still informs my desire for relationships now#fic made me comfortable with my sexuality but also sex as a whole#in many ways i would not be who i am today without fanfiction#lamen#andreil#kevjean
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when your workaholic boyfriend falls asleep on the sofa and you want to hang out with him 📝💤📖
bonus gift i did for my secret santa event i hosted! the winner of the raffle was @pixe7ed 🩵
#lee arts#art#digital art#genshin impact#genshin fanart#kaveh#alhaitham#kavetham#haikaveh#arts#genshins#small art account#gay art#i did it i finally did some gay art lol look at them. its gay to read next to your sleeping bf just to spend time with him#i only had 5 days to work on this so it could be better#but i tried my best with the time i had!#also tried to push myself out of my comfort zone and practice some background/lighting#with the secret santa closed now#i hope you all enjoy this last art of 2024!#also shoutout to pixi who was here for my first secret santa event 5 years ago and stuck around long enough to join this one too!#kinda glad she won or feel like it makes sense in a way because if this fact lol not that im playing favorites. it was a fair raffle 😆#the wheel of names made the choice!#lee ss 24
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#vivid shadows#digital art#tw blood#kitsune#pushed myself out of the comfort zone this time#trying apply what ive been learning#been pressure cooking my skills and slowly refining the style#still some places to learn and grow#but I'm really happy with my progress#shes hunting you by the way better start running#thanks monstrifex and jillthesuccubus for helping me fall in love with drawing deadly and sexy creatures#she needs more blood tbh#artists on tumblr#she has nine of something
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A Cut From Every Cloth
Series of vintage photo mockups to commemorate Tarsier Studios turning 20 this year, featuring the main members of their pantheon in cultural clothing
Outfit descriptions and references below
Little Nightmares
Six - Japanese hakama, haori, and hair ornaments Mono - Swedish Dalarna suit Runaway - Embroidered Baju Melayu with headwrap


LittleBigPlanet Vita and Tearaway Unfolded
Sunshine - 19th-century Yorkshire dress with bonnet and lace shawl Atoi - Scottish tartan kilt and flat cap Sean - Regency-era suit with cybernetic motifs Flounder - Ringmaster uniform with Russian punk rock motifs Marianne - French folk dress with gothic accessories Otis - Appalachian denim overalls with decorative trim


The Stretchers, Statik, and Fists of Plastic
Red medic - Mexican serape wrap and sombrero Blue medic - Zoot suit with fedora and metallic accessories Dr. Ingen - Victorian pinstripe suit Hero - Hainanese bamboo dance costume



The City of Metronome
Ten - Irish-inspired coordination with walking hat and Galway boots New - Bai and Hmong Hoa-inspired outfit with traditional headdress and Hong Kong embroidery



#I HAVE BEEN GRINDING ON THIS PROJECT FOR THE PAST MONTH.. AUGOAHGDK#I gave myself the personal deadline of july 1st because it’s what pops up when you search ‘tarsier studios founding’#no idea where that date came from because all reliable sources only give the year#regardless!! It’s the push I needed to finish this thing in the way I wanted#i needed another exercise in self-discipline aksdfkds after getting over the initial hurdle of starting i would get so excited abt progress#plus studying all these unique designs was rly fun and it pushed me out of my comfort zone (still had to add some personal touches tho)#i guess this is just my way of saying thank you to them for inspiring me and that I really look up to their work. iykyk#keiArt#tarsier studios#little nightmares#little nightmares 2#secrets of the maw#little big planet#littlebigplanet#little big planet vita#lbp#tearaway#tearaway unfolded#the stretchers#statik#statik institute of retention#city of metronome#the city of metronome#mono soup#ln six#ln mono#ln runaway#vintage#vintage photography#digital art
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It's summer for you, winter for me. Warm me up with strawberry fluff! As always, my muse, your muse, the one and only, Eddie.
Midsummer's night, because I don't have a lot to inspire you with. I'm thinking something cute but weird? Maybe some human body softness where Eddie is a bit of a freak and we love him for it. And we're told our bodies are lovely, even when they're doing weird shit.
I lalalove youuuuu. xo Rhi
RHI!!!! <3 i adore you. thank you for this prompt - i had far too many ideas for it, but ended up on settling for this one, which coincidentally feels like the most subtle of them all? either way, it definitely turned out being the softest. give me an eddie munson who just wants to sniff me like a dog. this definitely got a bit long but i hope you enjoy, my dear <3
the smell of you
warnings: weirdos in love? idk. i have a skewed sense of what is actually weird i think. mentions of death and coffins jokingly. eddie 'manhandles' reader sort of. not edited.
wc: 2.2k+
come enjoy a sweet summer treat with me <3
“Eddie?”
The entire apartment is quiet – too quiet – as you drop your keys into the old crystal bowl on the counter. The clink resonates through the air, louder than the soft murmur of the stereo static you can hear from down the hall.
“You dead?” you call out again, slipping off your running shoes and tossing down your headphones onto the counter as well now, “Do I need to call the coroner?”
Your tone is lilted, teasing with airiness as you continue to wander deeper into the apartment and head straight for the room you know Eddie has to be in. Like the waves pulled by the moon, there’s an incessant string tied around one end of your soul that connects you to his, and you follow it all the way down the hallway. The bedroom door is wide open, and you can hear his mumbled yell of a response without clarity before you even cross the threshold.
You wouldn’t have even needed him to verbally respond to find him in this tiny apartment. You two could get separated on the streets of a bustling city, of a buzzing New York sidewalk, and you still wouldn’t properly lose him. It’s more than just soul ties and his gravity that keeps you pulled to him.
Something unspoken. Something homely.
“Sorry, what was that?” you hum as you spy him face-down in the bed, pillow muting him by the mouthful, “Say it one more time, and this time not into the pillow.”
When he finally properly turns over, he’s a vision. Sleep lines folded into his skin and a bit of drool in the corner of his mouth, eyes squinting in irritation not at you but the sunlight flooding in through the bedroom window. Messy hair, messy shirt, messy everything. A kind of mess you just want to collapse into currently, curling up in all that he is from the day’s exhaustion.
He’d mentioned wanting to take a nap before you’d left for the gym. Something about the summer heat draining him, trailing off as he’d rambled about how he’d probably thrive as a vampire.
“I said,” he huffs, sitting up, the frizz of his hair becoming a makeshift halo, “If you call the coroner, request the comfiest coffin possible.”
“Why do you need a comfy coffin if you’re already dead?”
“You dare deny me of being buried in tempurpedic memory foam? In my hour of need?”
You roll your eyes as you huff out a little laugh, forcing yourself to turn away from him long enough to strip out of your socks. But just as you reach down for the pieces of clothing, you catch sight of the source of that stereo static flooding the room.
Your shared record player, spinning a blood red pressing of one of your more recent vinyl purchases. The album has been played through, but the player no longer had an automatic stop mechanism, probably from years of use.
The center of the record is probably scratched, and Eddie knows it, from how sheepish he looks when you glance over your shoulder at him.
“Speaking of death,” you walk over quickly, purposefully, before carefully lifting the needle and cutting the static finally, “Care to explain why you’re burning scratches into my Momento Mori vinyl?”
“I’m sorry,” he quickly apologizes, nearly flinging himself off the bed as he scooches quickly to the end, clearly fully awake now, “I put it on and thought I’d just lay down for a quick second, but then the bed was so comfy, and I thought it wouldn’t hurt to take a quick nap, and then…” he trails off, looking up at you through his lashes with big eyes already pleading for forgiveness, “I’ll buy you a new one. Swear it.”
It’s impossible to be mad at him when he’s looking like this, inhumanely soft and easily forgiven, “You’re lucky you’re cute, or you really would be dead.”
He doesn’t respond with words, but instead the outstretch of his hands, fingers flexing as he beckons to you. The needle rests on its perch, the vinyl left behind to gather dust for a few extra moments, as you go straight to him.
When his palms slip beneath your old t-shirt and meet your skin, they’re pleasantly warm.
“You were right,” you admit as his knees spread, delegating even more room for you to stand in front of him as your hand wanders to cradle the side of his face, fingers tangling in sweaty curls from his rest. Your thumb mimics his on your own skin instinctively, tracing a large arch right up over his cheekbone, “It’s hot as balls outside.”
“Told you so,” he murmurs, smiling softly in satisfaction as he leans lazily into your touch.
“You did,” you agree quietly, half-entranced by his relaxed face, no sight of pride in the room currently.
He resembles a cat as he continues to preen under your gentle hand, and you almost expect him to start purring right before you find the strength to pull away, removing his hands from where they'd wandered to your lower back.
One swipe of his finger along your sweaty spine, and you’d remembered what your original intentions had been immediately upon getting home.
“Wai- Where are you going?” he’s seemingly brought back down to Earth the moment he loses the pattern your thumb had been tracing, the press of your fingertips into his scalp. When he reaches back out to latch onto you again, you take a step back, “Get back here-”
“I need to shower,” you laugh, shaking your head and smacking his hands away as he continues to barter, “I’m all sweaty and smelly, let me go clean up and then we can nap togeth-”
“You can shower after we nap,” he nearly whines, finally catching your shirt between his fingers and tugging, uncaring for if he stretches the fabric. A small price to pay to have you close to him, “C’mon, sweetheart. I know you’re just as exhausted as I am.”
You swear you meant to take another step backwards, but somehow, you end up back between his knees, “Did you not hear me, Munson? I stink.”
“Good.”
He doesn’t give you any time to react – in an instant, he’s throwing his face forward, burying it against your stomach as you let out a gasp and immediately try to pry him away with far too gentle of hands in his hair.
“Eddie!”
If it were anyone else, you’d probably be mortified. But Eddie just takes a dramatic deep breath in, nose buried just shy of your belly button, and when his shoulders start to shake with muted laughter, you can’t stop the smile from breaking. Your fingers are still twisted in his hair, still pulling back in an attempt to get him away from you, but he’s resilient.
And all your faux resistance is weak in comparison. Soon enough, you’re back to melting into him.
Only once you’re relaxed once more, no sign of trying to pull away again any time soon as his hands once more evade the space beneath your shirt to wander up and down your sticky skin without a care in the world, does he lift his face away from you long enough to breathe and speak, “I’ll have you know – I love your stink.”
“Shut up.”
“I’m serious.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“I’m your idiot.”
The game of banter is cut short when he goes back to pressing his nose into your clothes that surely can’t smell good. No amount of deodorant or perfume could erase that underlying stench of sweat. Hell, the shirt is still a bit moist from it all: from the walk to the gym, from your workout itself, from the walk home. It’d been through the ringer, and you’re back to tugging him away from you.
“I refuse to believe you like how gross I smell right now,” you reinforce, eyes darting towards the bathroom connected to your master bedroom, “I promise I’ll be quick with the shower.”
“Baby,” he fights back, wrapping his arms around you securely, no intention of losing this battle, “You remember that time we went to the fair, and you were complaining about how you were sweating, so I tried to lick your face?”
Your nose scrunches quickly at the memory, “I do, unfortunately.”
“You really think I’d be willing to lick the sweat off your body but be afraid of you smelling a little bad while we cuddle?” his shoulders drop as he looks up at you, head tilted, almost as if amused with the conversation, “What kind of man do you take me for?”
“The kind that gets off on annoying me.”
His jaw drops, putting on a fake look of offense before he dramatically throws himself back onto the bed, laying flat as he makes a fist to mimic stabbing his chest, “You wound me.”
You’ve heard those words a thousand times in a hundred different ridiculous voices. You’ve seen this scene enough to have it mesmerized at this point, down to the over-exaggerated pout of his lips and the lingering of the fist against his sternum.
You never grow tired of it. You never will.
“Need me to kiss it better?” you joke as you prop a knee up on the bed, following the same script as always.
And he hits his queue perfectly when he lifts his head eagerly at the expected response, wiggling his brows a bit. “Absolutely. Doctor’s orders, in fact.”
“Great,” you see an opportunity, and take it, “I’ll get right to it, after my showe-”
You don’t even get the final syllable of the word off your tongue before he’s clenching his thighs around your own, knees pressing hard before he wraps his legs the rest of the way around your waist to pull you in. A squeak of surprise leaves your lips as you begin to fall forward, but Eddie is quick to break the fall with ease. Catching you with his eager hands, maneuvering for you to half drop to the mattress while some of you still lands atop of him.
He has you right where he wants you, turning his head to be face to face with you, noses nearly brushing, “Unfortunately, the doc said you have to kiss it better now, or else you’ll be comfy coffin shopping.”
“A fatal wound?” you gasp, nearly mocking him. It doesn’t offend him – if anything, his boyish grin only grows wider, “First, I’m smelly-”
“Again, I like when you’re smelly.”
“-And then I inflict a fatal wound upon my lover? Oh, how dare I.”
Slowly, all your insecurity of how you currently smell is simply fading. The entire ordeal has become an art of childlike, whimsical jokes – and Eddie is an artist. A professional at the dance, locked and loaded with his incomparable skill set equipped for disarming you this way. The ability to make someone feel loved, imperfections and weirdness aside.
He likes you, even when you claim you don’t smell your best. And you like him, even when his hair is tangled beyond recognition and one of his socks is half-hanging off his foot from a nap.
You like him when he’s embarrassing you in public, tongue chasing after you with the threat of licking your sweat away, and he likes you when all you can do in response is a weak palm to his chest (that isn’t even making an effort to push him away) as you giggle relentlessly.
You like each other on the good days, the bad days, the weird days.
Disarmed entirely, you don’t even notice when his face conveniently slots itself far too close to your armpit as you two scooch further up into the bed. You’re more occupied with the way your legs tangle up, toeing each other’s socks off properly as he slings a heavy arm across your torso.
“We’re gonna have to wash the sheets,” you mumble, exhaustion catching up as the two of you finally settle.
He hums absentmindedly, nuzzling into your skin a bit further as he makes himself comfortable. “And wash away your sweet, sweet stink? I don’t think so, sweetheart.”
“Oh, fuck off,” you laugh, unbothered as your fingers start to trail up and down his back over the t-shirt, smoothing out wrinkles along the way, “I’m serious. We need to change them soon anyways, I think I got crumbs in the bed the other night with those crackers.”
“Bury me in the crumbs of all your midnight snacks,” he almost slurs, clearly drifting back off.
You snort in response, relaxing and letting your own eyes shut. Matching all your deep breaths with his own, a million different last words crossing your mind to whisper to the boy you’re sure is once again asleep.
I love you.
I adore you.
I would like to spend the rest of my life with you, if you’ll have me.
And maybe some of those unspoken thoughts slip out without you realizing, because he squeezes you just a little bit tighter, presses his face just a little bit deeper into your skin as his scruff tickles you.
The only actual thought you can know for certain that you say, though, is, “Do you think they actually make coffins with memory foam inside?”
To your surprise, even despite the almost-snores that had been escaping him, he answers in a heartbeat.
“Oh, definitely. We’ll order two.”
#ghost's stories#summertime sweetness#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson fluff#stranger things#peep me making fun of myself in there about the way i constantly like to write him doing the whole mock stabbing himself thing#i just want to find me an eddie munson to be so comfortable with that afternoons like this would be a regular thing ya know#give me a man who likes my stink#a man who offers to order us matching tempurpedic coffins#i don't think that's how you spell that word if i'm being completely honest#it's canon in my head the two of you would go 'coffin shopping' just cause you both wanna know what it's like to lay in one#also in my process of brainstorming and writing this i realized i really do not understand the concept of being weird because#halfway through writing this#i questioned if it was even weird/weird enough?#this doesn't feel weird to me this just feels like the normal progression of getting comfortable in a relationship#it was this or eddie being unbothered by sounds of indigestion or however you spell it#ANYWAYS im rambling my bad <3#i hope i made you proud rhi!! <3
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I think such a big reason my trans manhood feels almost... bigendered is simply because in the eyes of most people (specifically cis people with whom I interact with most), I straddle this weird line wherein I am a man and often am seen as one, but I am also clearly undefinable insofar as cis theory goes, clearly queer, clearly outside of manhood if one only accepts cishet, patriarchal manhood. This definitely used to be a source of dysphoria for me, but I think now that I've transitioned, it's been interesting to explore this more. Am I wholly a man? Yes. Am I a man of multitudes? Yes. Do these multitudes contradict? Well, that depends on your definition of "contradiction"
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#i've been thinking more about multigenderedness and i think my own experiences are nuanced in such a way where i am both...#...not multigendered but also am. i am constantly in a state of being and unbeing...#...and i guess to many that's insanity but to me it just feels like a consequence of living in the world we live in#i can fully accept my manhood whilst also recognizing that we really do Live In a Society and i want to explore that#i don't consider myself GNC at all because i do not feel like i am 'nonconforming' to manhood...#...but i DO feel as though my trans manhood is in a way bigendered#the guys that get it get it and the guys that don't don't#and similarly#the girls that get it get it and the girls that don't don't#i don't think it's a coincidence that i've started exploring this after going on T...#...i've only recently been comfortable with doing this because i'm. actually fucking happy. for once. and that's given me more interest...#...in actually knowing who i am. who knew. because before i knew enough of who i was but didn't give a shit about myself and. that SUCKED
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its slow and tedious. and god still plays her little tricks on me.. but i do really think its getting better
#walking on eggshells but i can see the light on the horizon. ... hatsune miku?!#sorry i had to#i find myself hopeful even when im depressed. i have really really bad days but they always end. there is always tomorrow.#the time will pass anyways#i think time is such a scary thing#but there is a big comfort in time . and how everything is always changing.#i am better than i was 5 years ago . and i will be better than i am now in 5 years#its slow but its changing#theres a future im clawing my way too. hands in the dirt blood under my finger nails. but at least i can picture it. at least its there#rambling
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why can't i enjoy things like a normal person? casually, just a few episodes/chapters here and there, then move on with my life. but no, whatever it is, it worms its way into my brain, consumes my thoughts and it slowly drives me insane. i am unable to think about anything else but the Thing of the week, or month, sometimes year(s) if it gets that bad.
#dc#smallville#henry danger#i never thought i'll be here. like actually. smallville is not a surprise i've always liked heroes. i love supes. marvel and dc and whatnot#by proxy me being lowkey into henry danger shouldn't be such a big surpise. but it is. i'm a little lost even i mean what do i do with THIS#because it's not the kind of hero stories i tend to gravitate to. i first watched the show when it aired (being around 16 years old)#and i remember thinking it was funny. maybe too much. i was laughing my ass off really. and now as an adult i find myself#looking for the things that gave me some modicum of comfort in the past. it so happens that one of those things is this silly wacky series#i know when something has embedded itself into my mind in such a way that a hyperfixation is in the making. but still. it's odd#again i cannot reiterate how strange this hyperfixation is and i can only hope it won't last long#because i cannot stay up any longer thinking of how deeply complex both ray and henry are#the connection between the two and whatever weird bullshit they have going on as individuals is. just too much for me#idk. i'm kind of losing my mind#this whole rambling of unorganized thoughts goes specifically for:#lex luthor#ray manchester#yipyip
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more gay shit for my fic Rodion Waltz
Op needs a good cry guys
#opswerve#mtmte#maccadam#optimus prime#swerve mtmte#transformers#the hurt/comfort of my fic is insane and i love it so much#i love the whiplash im giving myself writing it#i tried drawing tears a different way than i usually do and i really like it this time#hheckkinart#guys i love them#they make me insane
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please don’t be sad little sprout, you are loved 🌱 🖤
🌱
#🌱Thank you<33🌱#I guess my latest vent art post made some of you guys worried. I'm sorry ;;n;; )#but I'm alright. well.. kind of? Like I haven't done anything to myself kind of alright?#maybe I should explain bit about my situation but at the same time I don't feel comfortable to open up too much#but simply said it's about doing art as a job and mental health#Things haven't been going well but I am getting help for my mental health#This is all what I will say for now about my situation#I apologize again that I made you guys worried#but I do warn that I might post more vent art if I get enough energy to draw#this is just one way how I deal with my emotions#but if you don't like vent art I suggest to block the words vent and vent art#I remember tumblr has this option somewhere??#and uhh.. I don't really know how to end this post but thank you everyone who has been sending support<33#I might not know how to reply to them but I have read them all and I'm very thankful for all the support what you guys have given me🌱#Thank you🌱#ask#anon#me talking
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