#...not multigendered but also am. i am constantly in a state of being and unbeing...
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I think such a big reason my trans manhood feels almost... bigendered is simply because in the eyes of most people (specifically cis people with whom I interact with most), I straddle this weird line wherein I am a man and often am seen as one, but I am also clearly undefinable insofar as cis theory goes, clearly queer, clearly outside of manhood if one only accepts cishet, patriarchal manhood. This definitely used to be a source of dysphoria for me, but I think now that I've transitioned, it's been interesting to explore this more. Am I wholly a man? Yes. Am I a man of multitudes? Yes. Do these multitudes contradict? Well, that depends on your definition of "contradiction"
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#i've been thinking more about multigenderedness and i think my own experiences are nuanced in such a way where i am both...#...not multigendered but also am. i am constantly in a state of being and unbeing...#...and i guess to many that's insanity but to me it just feels like a consequence of living in the world we live in#i can fully accept my manhood whilst also recognizing that we really do Live In a Society and i want to explore that#i don't consider myself GNC at all because i do not feel like i am 'nonconforming' to manhood...#...but i DO feel as though my trans manhood is in a way bigendered#the guys that get it get it and the guys that don't don't#and similarly#the girls that get it get it and the girls that don't don't#i don't think it's a coincidence that i've started exploring this after going on T...#...i've only recently been comfortable with doing this because i'm. actually fucking happy. for once. and that's given me more interest...#...in actually knowing who i am. who knew. because before i knew enough of who i was but didn't give a shit about myself and. that SUCKED
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