#my teachers are so fucking tired of me
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pseudophan · 4 months ago
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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puppppppppy · 1 year ago
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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monstermoviedean · 11 days ago
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coworker was going on and on about the importance of regulating your nervous system today and i'm thinking 1) you don't know what that means and 2) if i were a teenager and someone told me to regulate my nervous system i would start throwing things. frankly it's hard not to throw things when hearing that as an adult.
#and i'm being the bad guy saying no actually that's not something we can recommend without issue because that will be 'controversial'#there's also something so weird and bass ackwards about assuming that all children are in crisis right now#it's like saying they're all experiencing trauma. when that is not at all how trauma works#and i piped up and said yeah probably 50% of kids are doing fine right now re: politics and would be annoyed to be treated otherwise#like 'oh you must be so broken over this.' no. not really.#and that doesn't mean we have to bend over backwards to cater to those kids but you do have to keep them in mind#if i showed up crying at work the day after the 2016 election there would have been student and parent complaints#in 2021 my school attempted to adopt a policy requiring pre-approval to teach anything 'controversial'#with 'controversial' defined as anything two people could reasonably disagree on#so walking into a class of 30 kids and saying 'since we're all traumatized let's do some deep breathing to heal our nervous systems' is#not gonna fly. more teachers will come under scrutiny and will get in trouble. that's not something we should be telling them to do#oof sorry. multiple tangents there.#point being. even if learning to 'regulate your nervous system' was totally achievable it still wouldn't be universally accepted#and god forbid anyone have any kind of physical or psychological or emotional difference that affects their 'regulation' 🙃#it just feels like such a trap to say you can fix yourself by self-regulating. because if you fail then what?#oh god i just remembered the convo turning to 'evidence-based practices' and how she said that's bullshit and white supremacy#because you should have practice-based evidence instead...#try something and if it works then it works and it's valid is how she described that. ugh#listen I won't die on the evidence-based practices hill but so many people in my work orbit treat it like a dirty phrase#like it's just some annoying procedural hoop to jump through for no reason#you know you can hurt people by just doing random stuff to them right?!#fuck.#i am so tired. I don't want to talk about my feelings at work. I don't want to 'hold space' for 'difficult emotions'#and i'm getting tired of listening to coworkers dump their shit on me too#but can i say 'hey you are dysregulated and that is making me dysregulated'? nope. definitely not.#because the default assumption is everyone talks through all their feelings all the time. so if you're not then you're doing it wrong.#talking through my feelings is what i have a blog and a notes app and inanimate objects for#and i'm doing pretty well with all that. i just don't want to do it at work#I think i can be my 'authentic self' without blurting out whatever is in my brain at that particular moment regardless of appropriateness#okay. done ranting. sorry. if you read this far goddamn wow congrats. i love you <3 have a good day okay? <3
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cyclopsboxhead · 4 months ago
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Birds of Prey issue 75 has two stories and one of them has to play damage control both literally for the loss of the Clocktower but also figuratively for why the hell would Barbara Gordon do that? The answer is whoever was writing Batman at the time had her do it while Batman was fighting Black Mask in the Clock Tower. I can only imagine how infuriating the decision was, and judging by Simone's writing in this issue I'm almost certain it was made without consulting her at all. The first three pages are wordless, Oracle, Black Canary, and Huntress all have nothing to say as they watch in silent vigil the remains of the Clock Tower being contained by the Fire Department. Then the obligatory page where Simone has to explain why the character she's been writing made such a rash, out of character decision: because she was worried about Bruce.
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If it makes you upset that's cause it was meant to. It's purposefully falling into the trope of a woman character making a sacrifice to aid the leading man. Not just that, but Simone takes it a step further by having Barbara make herself the damsel in distress. It reads as "oh this is what you meant by making the character I've been writing do that. So I'm just going to say that out loud so it's clear to everyone else."
Then after the obligatory damage control flashback we get the Birds of Prey all together, Huntress and Black Canary are comforting their leader, teammate, and friend. Here's where Simone twists the knife a bit more, having Barbara talk about the things we don't see when things like this happen in comics. What the characters really lose when they make sacrifices like this: old costumes, family photos, a place to sleep. Memories that are now without their talismans for recall. Now these exist only in the mind and in the past.
And then one more page of group healing and it's back to work. Simone doesn't waste time or pages cleaning up the mess another writer made with her character. She uses exactly as much as she needs while also making those moments linger. She wants you to know how this makes her characters, and herself feel, but she isn't going to give the other writer the satisfaction of making the entire story a reaction issue.
It's really a testament to how much Gail Simone cares about the agency of women both on and off the panel.
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greenglowinspooks · 9 months ago
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Btw the wheel was originally invented for pottery. All that “transportation” bullshit came after.
it’s all about the clay baby
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disappointeddyke · 4 months ago
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I think I’m starting to burn out
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cator99 · 5 months ago
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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gumy-shark · 1 year ago
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<- god's wettest most pathetic most stressed most anxious beast btw
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oncamelliastreet · 5 months ago
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please send me asks if you see this literally everything is SO shitty in my life rn i need a distraction so bad
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hunsa-jars · 5 months ago
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Dread be dreading
#ughg#i usually have awful thoughts randomly popping up here or there#make me pretty anxious for a few days then i won't think about them for a while#but man i can't handle doubts suddenly resurfacing#like this monday i was listening to my last lecture and everything bad i cooked up a in the past few months hit me like a truck#couldn't even focus i was too busy internally chanting shit fuck i don't want this i made a huge mistake shit shit#i won't be able to handle all this responsibility i'm so tired this will butcher my mental health should have chosen media studies fuuuck#what was i thinking what am i gonna do help#then proceeded to distract myself with an electric outlet otherwise i might have started crying#:/#and those thoughts aren't wrong unfortunately#i love this university and the classes and the things i study#the teachers and my classmates and the kids i got to take care of#but i don't think i could do this for real#i'm not even struggling with anything i'm just scared and tired as hell#and thought i could just. power through it- like if i'm stubborn enough it won't matter that it's draining#but damn#and hell originally i came here because i wanted to teach english to kids#i guess my expectations were too high i don't feel like i've learned anything that useful this far#and turns out it won't get better#we just gonna do presentations again#to be fair i loved researching nursery rhymes but i hoped we would have... more. of that#also about media studies. chief... i crave to be there#could have picked the english specialization there too- i'm a moron. a bozo. holy shit#well. gonna go through this semester either way. because again everything i study here (almost everything) is genuinely great and useful#and perhaps i'm just in a Pit right now#the dread pit#should probably break this to my sister. somehow#random squeak
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zackcharine · 5 months ago
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I'm home,,,,,,,,
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zieatsramen · 6 days ago
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Deep in my descent into madness send help.
Spent over 12 hours doing this really long homework I had to do (in one sitting) with fucking Nyan neko sugar girls as background noise on loop, starting at like 3-4pm ending at 4am and I've barely slept an hour.
Only energy through my veins is the screams of Raku chan, Hiroshi San and Vet sama with a dash of whatever's left of yesterday's redbull.
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stormyrainyday · 2 months ago
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made the mistake of crying in front of my dad and got hit with the
- you're naive for expecting decency from the world around you
- you have everything you could need, why cry about anything
- other people's behavior is not your problem (re: classmates were so loud I couldn't hear the lecture I waited for four hours to attend)
- there is no reason to be tired at your age
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crabussy · 2 years ago
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I want to take a bite out of someone's arm but I'm too shy
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ostriches-because-i-said-so · 2 months ago
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oh shit i got homework
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srldesigns6277 · 9 months ago
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#personal#sometimes i wish i knew what it was like to be someone people want to talk to#or at least had students who could listen to what i say for just five minutes#god i hate yelling then they say thats all i do when if i talked normally no one fucking listens#then i take it way too hard when they say they dont like me when at least i stepped up to take their class#a class that had already ran off one teacher#but no im too useless because i actually make them do work and tried to have rules#last year was hard but at least i felt fulfilled by the end of the year with all my classes#i have never craved the end of the year so much or as much as i have this year#its not even both classes either its just this one that makes me dread working with them as much as they apparently hate me#sadly i can understand why their teacher left#and i know im not the best replacement since im learning how to teach them as they learn from me#but im just tired#its only a month left but i am so ready to never see any of them again#but depression does as it does and makes me question if im even good enough to get another job#one actually teaching my correct subject that i love#i hope like hell that i get a job and one i really want because i dont want to have to come back to this school#*it has the most substitute jobs#i dont like being loud even if no one believes me i dont like being mean though i know when i have too i just dont feel good enough#if i was i think i would have a job by now i mean im 28 and its been 5 schools in 5 years#sorry being sad on main#if you read this#thanks
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