#my pride's on the line now

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[sysig]

Gift (Patreon)

[thebramblewood]

She laid me down and whispered, "All girls want candy."

[yuwuta]

yuuta exhibits such previously abandoned, recently adopted dog behavior. incredibly anxious all the time, even though nobody’s out to get him or leave him behind. waits for you to return home or from school or from work excitedly, just to see you when you walk through the door. follows you around senselessly, hovering in your space just for the sake of companionship. initiates affection in prodding ways—starts off next to you, then a hand on your thigh, then deems it safe to lay all the way down, then slowly pushes his head into your lap. gets up whenever you need to get up, and resumes his position as soon as you’re ready. brings you gifts as a sign that he’s thinking of you, and maybe because he likes the affection it brings out in you, maybe because he likes the gentle affirming touches of a hand in his hair or a pinch to his cheek. rests his head on your stomach or his chin on your shoulder when he’s sleepy, stays there, immobile, and will not move unless absolutely necessary. sometimes he gets surprised when he hears you calling for him, there’s a moment of disbelief as he thinks “me? really? you need me?” but it’s very quickly overshadowed by this compulsive need to show up, to please, to do anything for you, which is why he always answers when you call. he doesn’t realize that he has puppygod eyes, especially when he’s excited or confused, but he does and it’s incredible endearing. very reluctant to share your space or attention after a while, considers that to be sacred and he won’t risk being let go or lost again, so as a safety precaution, he keeps himself right by you, waits for you always. 

[feelo-fick]

I WANT ENDLESS BLISS!!!

HALF-AWAKE, HALF-DEAD, HALF-LIFE CRISIS

ALL NATURAL POMEGRANATE PULP.

FERMENTED TO PERFECTION, SAVOUR YOUR SAVIOR.

Q: What's your favourite food? A: THE ALE THEY SERVE AT THE TAVERN!

other versions : )

[sidhewrites]

Here’s another question for yall: If your gender was a pokemon what would it be and why? Mine is slowpoke because it doesn’t do much but damn if it isn’t having a great time doing it (plus it’s PINK)

(All genders welcome!)

[unexpectedbrickattack]

babpy.

[murdleandmarot]

Now I’m interested in your dad’s take. If it’s not invasive, please share?

\(´∀｀)/

HI HELLO!!!!!! I’d happy to share, I love talking about these things!!!!! It might get a bit rant-y but I promise I’m just trying to cover all bases :]

Some context: my dad grew up with cats, specifically the 1983 broadway album, which means that while he’s never seen the 1998 movie, he has seen the show live 2-3 times, (my family is pretty musical-my grandma saw the og show with Betty Buckley, and I’ve never been more jealous of anybody in my entire life).

So: we were talking about stuff and nonsense and I explained the newsies vs cats poll. Obviously he knew a bit about both shows, as I’d recently been in newsies and made him watch the Broadway version.

He of course immediately started talking about how many criticisms you could do of each show. It quickly devolved into him bitching about Skimbleshanks and Santa Fe, because he hates both of them in equal measure, (although Santa Fe may take the cake. He despises the entire plot line).

I brought up the criticism that many musical fans seem to have about cats: “it’s not about anything” or “it doesn’t have a theme/plot.”

“That’s just blatantly not true, munkustrap, (I called him gray cat guy in the conversion), explains the plot in the third song. You know, jellicles go to the jellicle layer, blah blah blah.”

“Well, sure,” said he, “but what’s the show really about then?”

“Uhhhhh,” I said, it being like 11 o clock at night, “it’s mostly about second chances and forgiveness, right?”

To which he said, no. Cats is about pride. More specifically, ego death.

All of the cats are prideful. The Rum Tum Tugger, obviously, but also the Gumbie cat, the old theater cat was the best there’s ever been, as featherfore-whatever his name was. You know, even the stupid train cat. They’re all walking around talking about how great they are, or were, except Grizabella.

She just says “hey, I’m here, I’m done, I’m down and out, and I’ve got nothing and no one. I’m just here. Times were great, but without the memory, I have nothing”

And that’s why they’re like YES. You get to go the heavyside layer. You get it. You deserve your second life.

[samipekoe]

sorry my friend who is also insane about iori/saber is asleep so I need to vibrate somewhere

you guys don't get it..... I need them to tenderly touch fingers so BAD!!!!!!!!

[nihilistic-optimistest]

watched pride and prejudice for the first time yesterday, had to go make this immediately

[morsking]

[aq2003]

twelfth night is not a Shakespeare I have read or seen but now I’m a bit terrified of ever consuming it. I definitely would never touch that audio drama with a 10 foot pole though (so so tempting. I might give in)

i was normal about twelfth night and held many normal emotions about it i really liked it for being this fun very messy queer drama until i listened to david tennant malvolio which ruined my life i cannot stress enough all of my evil derangements are because of david tennant malvolio if he had not done any of that i would have been FINE

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

How can I bribe you into helping me get a job in the industry, other than promising my undying love, which you already have <3

The industry is horrible and awful, low pay, long hours, no real chance of advancing.

Whenever people touring the station or new interns ask me for advice, I always tell them to change careers lol

[buttercup-art]

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH OMG OMG OMG-

[eerna]

would u still love me if I said Sword & Soul was a TOTK Zelink fansong

[dayzadraws]

Hello Serennedy(Serrenedy?? idfk) nation... today I bring you some food, tomorrow? Who knows.. Anyway, 4/5 drawings on this first doodle sheet here are inspired by a really good fic I think everyone should check out!! The dialogue is fun and the plot is silly.. what more could a person need to fill the time? I've never linked smth on tumblr before so bear with me but hopefully this works. Everyone go check it out rn fr!!!!

The rest of these are a collection of various doodles I found funny enough to see the light of day and shitposts LOL I use my time wisely here.

I cannot believe Leon's eyebags are so dark I was able to use them to color-pick the trans flag from his palette but here we are... someone let him take a nap...