#my pride's on the line now
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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Gift (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Gaster#Papyrus#Second go around! Maybe he can talk about it with the one who actually got the scarf!#Or not haha - better to just let some things lie#Though ♪ Of course Papyrus would recognize Gaster's efforts ♥ His emotional intelligence hhhh <3#He knows everything there was Gaster's initially and so reading between the lines of Gaster telling him he can have it#It's a gift! Properly! That deserves praise!! Good job you did something nice!#I also deeply love when Gaster is first pulled back out how one of his first little smiles is at Papyrus being silly#Gaster is also very prideful! It's cute to see his son being self-aggrandizing in that kid way! Seeing him enjoy it is so nice ;;#Also I know that Papyrus is still shorter than Gaster I just really like the idea of him being almost his dad's height ;;#He's so grown up now! He's grown into such a beautiful adult <3#It does make sense that he's still shorter considering the whole ''torn in half'' thing ahh#Maybe Gaster is leaning down just let me have this lol#I also ended up doing a lot of digital reconstruction on this one!#Especially panels 2 through 4 - I actually pulled out my tablet to draw in the bits that got cut off by the surrounding doodles#I wasn't as careful with my spacing with these oops :P But I think they turned out pretty style-matched :)#Cute lads happy <3
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She laid me down and whispered,
"All girls want candy."
#ts4#sims 4#ts4 edit#sims 4 edit#story: hzid#the zhaoverse#lilith vatore#helena zhao#happy last day of pride month from the girls 💋#it's a fantasy for now but maybe not for much longer 🤭#the rest of the lyrics aren't relevant so don't go searching for hidden meanings (though it's a great song obviously!)#but this particular line belongs to lilith in my head#i can just HEAR her whispering it in helena's ear and it's so sexy ugh!!!#blood tw#sim spice
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yuuta exhibits such previously abandoned, recently adopted dog behavior. incredibly anxious all the time, even though nobody’s out to get him or leave him behind. waits for you to return home or from school or from work excitedly, just to see you when you walk through the door. follows you around senselessly, hovering in your space just for the sake of companionship. initiates affection in prodding ways—starts off next to you, then a hand on your thigh, then deems it safe to lay all the way down, then slowly pushes his head into your lap. gets up whenever you need to get up, and resumes his position as soon as you’re ready. brings you gifts as a sign that he’s thinking of you, and maybe because he likes the affection it brings out in you, maybe because he likes the gentle affirming touches of a hand in his hair or a pinch to his cheek. rests his head on your stomach or his chin on your shoulder when he’s sleepy, stays there, immobile, and will not move unless absolutely necessary. sometimes he gets surprised when he hears you calling for him, there’s a moment of disbelief as he thinks “me? really? you need me?” but it’s very quickly overshadowed by this compulsive need to show up, to please, to do anything for you, which is why he always answers when you call. he doesn’t realize that he has puppygod eyes, especially when he’s excited or confused, but he does and it’s incredible endearing. very reluctant to share your space or attention after a while, considers that to be sacred and he won’t risk being let go or lost again, so as a safety precaution, he keeps himself right by you, waits for you always.
#atp i need to shut and write the omega verse fics that consistency plague my mind#but while im here time for my obligatory megumi mention bc i mentioned dogs teehee#yes megumi attack dog hes megumi grumbly yes megumi bark bark bite bite BUT BUT BUTTTT#megumi is also used to like... hm........ taming? having? caring for? people in his life and also literal (divine) dogs#so for him yes he bites and barks#but he also... he gets confused if YOU dont follow him around like a puppy bc everyone else in his life has so why not you?#gojo's always been the annoying yapping pomeranian chewing on his arm even if he didn't ask#always in megumi's space even tho he didn't ask but he learned to deal with it#won't admit it but knows that too much attention is better than having someone who couldn't give a shit about you#yuuji is the golden in everybody's life and megumi is no exception#unmovable unshakeable and incredibly addictive even if he doesn't mean to be#and very very attached to the people he cares about so yeah yuuji is loud and annoying but he's also loyal and megumi respects that so fine#nobara is like... she decided she liked megumi and was upset about it so she bit his ankle and he tried to kick her off but she has too muc#pride to get shaken off by someone as scrawny as megumi and somewhere along the way megumi became impressed that she was still there even i#it hurt a bit and she was a little rough it's not like he was worse so fine whatever she can stay too#so if you like... if you dont hover around megumi if you dont pry if you dont prod then he has to be the dog smh#now he's gotta bite for your attention and nudge you and how annoying. he's gonna keep doing it tho. as long as he has to#or until you learn to fall in line and accept your leash too whichever comes first n e way.... anyway.............#somebody's pampered omega always gets what he wants megumi complex is showing......#this was about yuuta right? ok i'll put his tags now....#juju#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#yuuta okkotsu x reader#yuta okkotsu x reader
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I WANT ENDLESS BLISS!!!
HALF-AWAKE, HALF-DEAD, HALF-LIFE CRISIS
ALL NATURAL POMEGRANATE PULP.
FERMENTED TO PERFECTION, SAVOUR YOUR SAVIOR.
Q: What's your favourite food? A: THE ALE THEY SERVE AT THE TAVERN!
other versions : )
#uhhhh happy pride month have a fucked up chilchuck that im really proud of#i took so long on that hair rendering just so i could cover it up with the stars...#this was a reaaaally experimental one#if i had another go at this id change a lot of things but sometimes you gotta know when to stop#ive learned my lesson from this one so ill do another one with my knowledge now ykyk#ive discovered i reaaaallly reaaaaaally like thin lines#still figuring out how rendering + painting works but hey it was a nice attempt!!#this is my first finished peice in a looongggg loooooongggg time and it makes me really happy how well it came out#i guess switching things up really helped with things.. i usually get stuck at flat colors because i get so bored#cw alcohol#cw alcoholism#eyestrain#<- maybe? its really saturated#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#dungeon meshi#by the way i always thought him saying “ale” as an answer to “favourite food” was odd#maybe its a translation thing where theres a japanese wprd that covers both food and drink and the translator just estimated it to “food”?#cause if its not... sir??? chilchuck thats not a food... my man... you have a problem...#this is#[ tragedy au ]#but honestly you could take it as set in canon#by the way do you like my little poem : ) im pspspsps-ing at the dungeon meshi fandom/fandom in general to write more poetry/short lit#maybe ill tweek it and post the poem on ao3.... shrug !
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Here’s another question for yall: If your gender was a pokemon what would it be and why? Mine is slowpoke because it doesn’t do much but damn if it isn’t having a great time doing it (plus it’s PINK)
(All genders welcome!)
#text post#nonbinary#genderqueer#pokemon#gender#gender is spelled too close to gengar and now those words occupy the same space in my head#wait omg what if I drew pokemon of different colors lined up to make the pride flags
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babpy.
#pizza tower#peppino#arts#mine#happy pride; heres a little otter for u#hes like very early 20s here#happy and unbothered before the Horrors happened#it is NOT his 30s bc he needs to exude raw dilf energy by that point#but for now he is anxious and sweet and awkward#not that i dont draw him like that already but its like 10x here#its PALPABLE#okay mwah i will hopefully come back w more than just sketches that mean nothing skjfsdjkfdhfhsk#i have LITERALLY been on this commission for WEEKS i need someone to take me out back and put me out of my misery i swear#im going to finish the lines TODAY like i cant be this person i cant keep coming back to this fucking comm w no progress ill simply Die#its like singlehandedly preventing me from doing anything else; its making a mental block waaaaaaaau#but i feel like i am breaking through it today. at least i HOPE i am sdkjfsdjkfjsdkf#um if u are still here ilu. send me some anons; i want to be chatty but the messages i have feel like i need to respond w essays#and i literally. cannot.#at least until i get my head screwed on properly again
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Now I’m interested in your dad’s take. If it’s not invasive, please share?
\(´∀｀)/
HI HELLO!!!!!! I’d happy to share, I love talking about these things!!!!! It might get a bit rant-y but I promise I’m just trying to cover all bases :]
Some context: my dad grew up with cats, specifically the 1983 broadway album, which means that while he’s never seen the 1998 movie, he has seen the show live 2-3 times, (my family is pretty musical-my grandma saw the og show with Betty Buckley, and I’ve never been more jealous of anybody in my entire life).
So: we were talking about stuff and nonsense and I explained the newsies vs cats poll. Obviously he knew a bit about both shows, as I’d recently been in newsies and made him watch the Broadway version.
He of course immediately started talking about how many criticisms you could do of each show. It quickly devolved into him bitching about Skimbleshanks and Santa Fe, because he hates both of them in equal measure, (although Santa Fe may take the cake. He despises the entire plot line).
I brought up the criticism that many musical fans seem to have about cats: “it’s not about anything” or “it doesn’t have a theme/plot.”
“That’s just blatantly not true, munkustrap, (I called him gray cat guy in the conversion), explains the plot in the third song. You know, jellicles go to the jellicle layer, blah blah blah.”
“Well, sure,” said he, “but what’s the show really about then?”
“Uhhhhh,” I said, it being like 11 o clock at night, “it’s mostly about second chances and forgiveness, right?”
To which he said, no. Cats is about pride. More specifically, ego death.
All of the cats are prideful. The Rum Tum Tugger, obviously, but also the Gumbie cat, the old theater cat was the best there’s ever been, as featherfore-whatever his name was. You know, even the stupid train cat. They’re all walking around talking about how great they are, or were, except Grizabella.
She just says “hey, I’m here, I’m done, I’m down and out, and I’ve got nothing and no one. I’m just here. Times were great, but without the memory, I have nothing”
And that’s why they’re like YES. You get to go the heavyside layer. You get it. You deserve your second life.
#then he probably went back to complaining about Santa Fe more#the more I think about this#the more I think he’s right#because cats are naturally prideful creatures#and to have a cat who is not so would be a cat who deserves their second chance#they’ve been a victim of ego death#he also had a fun interpretation of the ‘terrible bore’ line from trtt#was very fun#I love talking to him about this show#because he grew up with it and has loved it all his life#and then there’s his ambiguously aged daughter who’s been unbelievably hyperfixated on the show for months#who now unfortunately knows the same amount of stuff about the show as he does#it’s either a nightmare or it’s very fun I haven’t asked#HE HATES SKIMBLE SO MUCH. POOR SKIMBLE.#he just saw a version live that he just did not like and it ruined the entire sequence for him#I think he said he was ‘too fussy’#he might have also said prissy#which. rude.#ANYHOW#I hope this was comprehensible#I really like this interpretation I hope it carries across loll#apparently my dad literally made this up on the spot as we were talking about it#anyways#asks!!!!!!!#cats the musical#cats musical#grizabella#grizabella the glamour cat
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sorry my friend who is also insane about iori/saber is asleep so I need to vibrate somewhere
you guys don't get it..... I need them to tenderly touch fingers so BAD!!!!!!!!
#if anyone reading this is also insane about fate samurai remnant iori and saber kissing hit my line NOW#im gonna explode. they are like pride and prejudice to me#*looks at you with bloodshot eyes* do you get it
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watched pride and prejudice for the first time yesterday, had to go make this immediately
#i loved the movie pride and prejudice#i really enjoyed the book but im not sure why i never got to watching the movie until yesterday#so many moments when me and my friends were screaming and squealing and quoting the lines it was sooo fun#this is cinema i get it now#pride and prejudice#pride and prejudice movie#pride and prejudice 2005#mr darcy#mr bingley#jane bennet
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#was just thinking about this scene#that line always hits like a truck#she asked him 'have you no pride as a hero?'#and now he answers 'no. just like you my life ended with pain and grief and regret. so that's all i am.'#just with that. just with 'i should never have become a hero.'#just like she believes she should have never become king.#i've always been curious as to the specifics of their relationship in archer's timeline#but part of me will always think he says this apologetically#you were my partner and my sword and my greatest ally#you fought for me and bled for me and won me my wish#and what did i do with it#what did it mean at the end of it all#when we both ended up in the same wretched and lifeless hill of swords#that's all my life was so now this is all i know how to do#ubw man ubw wrecks you no matter what#fsn spoilers#ubw spoilers
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How can I bribe you into helping me get a job in the industry, other than promising my undying love, which you already have <3
The industry is horrible and awful, low pay, long hours, no real chance of advancing.
Whenever people touring the station or new interns ask me for advice, I always tell them to change careers lol
#ask#plus; i'm a producer for a statewide channel sure; but it's nothing huge or glam#like;; i've gotten to work with celebrities but that's more luck than normal operations#and i've said 'i don't hate what i'm doing i hate where i do it' so much for so long that i don't even believe it anymore#i would only wish a career in television on people i hate#but i do try to be even minded as best i can; like i'm acutely aware i work in probably one of the most toxic environments in the state#i've been sexually harassed; grabbed; locked in a room and screamed at by a psycho freelance producer#been injured and seen graphic injuries that happened because of incompetence; seen theft and assault#and had the men at work get aggressive with me because i'm the youngest and shortest and only woman#told by management i was only given opportunities because i'm a woman and it looks better for their image if they pretend to put me up fron#had my bosses retaliate against me for refusing to do illegal things for them#to the point where i was below the poverty line for several months because of it#told by hr that i have no right to complain about anything because even though i run their biggest show i'm just a contractor#had my work stolen and other people's names put on it so those people get the emmys that my work has earned#and lied to about pay rates so I wouldn't know I'm paid less than the men who have fewer responsibilities and less experience than i do#and now they're waging a war against LGBT employees by promoting ultra-right viewpoints and banning mentions of pride#so no i really don't want to help bring anyone into this environment#every day driving in and driving home i just think about driving my car into a concrete wall#i'm looking for a new job i promise
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AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH OMG OMG OMG-
#sorry i just listened to the Wisdom Saga and I'm SO EXCITED AAAHHHHHH#i was so hyped the whole time watching Jorge's stream! all of the animatics were awesome!! and the vocals!#i gotta talk about it#all of the songs were AMAZING!#i think my favorite song from this saga is between 'Little Wolf' and 'Love in Paradise'#'Little Wolf' gave me CHILLS#i literally gasped when Athena showed up! her parts were really cool!!#and 'Love in Paradise' is so catchy!#also 'God Games' was genuinely heartbreaking at the end#because Athena - who is known for being very prideful#pushes her pride aside and BEGS Zeus to let Odysseus go from Calypso's island#and the way she says it aaahh!!#and i will never get over Aphrodite's and Hera's parts#they're kinda short but they really stand out!#i love how Aphrodite isn't only concerned about romantic love but all types of love#like she's mad at Odysseus for breaking his mother's heart by leaving and never coming back to see her again#he “claims to love his mother but let her die of a broken heart”#and she tells Athena to let Odysseus rot on Calypso's island and feel the pain his mother felt (by never getting to see Penelope again)#“let him feel the pain that his mother felt and rot!” i love that line!#and i'm so obessed with Hera's “hey baby” at the beginning of her part#her section is pretty short but it's such a groove!#aaaahhh anyway sorry sorry!!#i'm just feeling so many things right now
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Dating Sim Heart Event (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#The Captain#This again I can't help it It Evokes#I see a two-outcome and this is the route my brain takes - pun intended lol#Zelnick is incredibly sweet (and attracted to ZEX hehe) but can you push him too far! It would certainly be interesting to see wouldn't it ♪#He's generally quite gentle with ZEX which - yes good correct love that about him <3 - but could he get to that point!#Even while they were fighting it was always about Zelnick wanting ZEX to take care of himself agh he's literally so good to him <3 <3#ZEX's pride got in his own way so bad and I love that about him hehe#There's only ever been so much of Caleb so I wonder what he'd do :0#Now that'd be an interesting way to run a route - are you interacting with Caleb or Zelnick? Depends on the ♥s you've accumulated#I really just continue to return to the well of the Vargas dating sim over and over huh - it's a rich well!#Really tho Zelnick you're gonna get your feelings hurt if you let him jerk you around like that ♪ Hehe#He uses his intelligence to get the outcome he desires! Haha#It is genuinely quite fun how innocently ZEX approached so much on the emotional side - he /doesn't/ mean anything by so much!#But it still has the intended effect so he'll never learn hehe - or learn that he can get away with it#He tried to do that with DAX! On purpose! And he got pushback! I wonder if there's something to that actually#Does something on purpose when he knows he won't get away with it but when he will he does it without realizing hmmm#He really walks that careful line beautifully ♪ He's wonderfully written so big shock there really ♫#Love how for this set I was like Bubble Brows! :D And then still couldn't help but have his second expression be a line eyebrow lol#Shape's just too delicate ah dot eyes are like that - inconsistency all over haha#I like how it looks actually I think it's neat :)
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would u still love me if I said Sword & Soul was a TOTK Zelink fansong
#i cnat stay silent any longer i am swallowing my pride and confessing#i've been gushing over the romance tm of a sword and skies themed song for 8 years and now. now i finally have something to tie it to#totk spoilers#totk liveblog#loz liveblog#honestly the entire song fits but i'm only putting 3 verses here. there is a LINE ABOUT CARRYING HER TEARS
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Hello Serennedy(Serrenedy?? idfk) nation... today I bring you some food, tomorrow? Who knows.. Anyway, 4/5 drawings on this first doodle sheet here are inspired by a really good fic I think everyone should check out!! The dialogue is fun and the plot is silly.. what more could a person need to fill the time? I've never linked smth on tumblr before so bear with me but hopefully this works. Everyone go check it out rn fr!!!!
The rest of these are a collection of various doodles I found funny enough to see the light of day and shitposts LOL I use my time wisely here.
I cannot believe Leon's eyebags are so dark I was able to use them to color-pick the trans flag from his palette but here we are... someone let him take a nap...
#yippeee#fanart for fanfic#wow i didnt know that was a tag#dayza drawings#ik i spelled palette wrong in the colorpicking pride flags one I don't want to hear it!!!#ashley graham re4#she is the love of my life#do you ever see someone so perfect you start crying#bc its her#luis serra#leon s kennedy#re4r#serennedy#ig I know what the tag is now#fr though everyone go read the fic its so good#and the author is so nice too go leave kudos or smth#I need to go to bed!!!#I do have one more post in the works but I can't promise anything after that. It's the ADHD sorry folks.#wahoo!! shoutout to my friend who knows nothing about resident evil but the 'no thanks ... bro' line. ur a real one.
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