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Steven's Breakdown Was Inevitable From the Very Beginning
I feel like the thing that fucks me up the most about Steven Q. Universe and how well conceived he is as a character is that the fundamental building blocks of why he reached his breaking point in SU: Future were laid out as clear as day in the span of legit only the first four episodes of the original show. The writing was literally always on the wall that future him would struggle with matters of self worth and identity in relationship to the others around him.
Let's take a look:
Gem Glow
"Awesome! What are these things?"
Foundational Trauma #1: Steven's home is always either under threat or actively being wrecked by antagonistic forces/beings, and he constantly copes with this by pushing down his fear in favor of a curiosity and silver linings based mindset.
Look at his initial shock when he opens the door and gets tackled by one of these things, and then his response when one of them spits acid:
The kid's freaked the hell out about all this, and while I do think there's a part of Steven that genuinely IS curious about what these lil critters are, I think he's subconsciously using that curiosity as a way to distract himself from his own fears and anxieties. This is Steven actively learning how to ignore the deeper problems in favor of emoting a facade to the others in his life that he can totally handle himself in scary situations like these.
The underlying reason why is incredibly apparent, when you look at the example from the next episode-
Laser Light Canon
"I don't know what a magic lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me..."
Genuinely- from the bottom of my heart- I think the above quote from Greg is a moment where his own insecurities around the Gems actually rubbed off on Steven.
At this point in time, Steven may be living with the Gems... but he hasn't started to harness any of his powers at all, so in his own head he might as well be the same as his dad- another human, just one who happens to have a gem! But the way Greg talks about himself... given Steven was living with him in the van for years before moving in to the beach house, he had to have heard negative self-talk from his dad like this before.
And then there's the rest of the Crystal Gems... always speaking of Rose with such reverence as if she were an all-powerful goddess... and Steven can't help but look back at himself, and his gem that won't work... the gem that the others still identify as Rose's...
"Your gem-! You have Rose's gem!"
And maybe he starts to wonder if- without any working powers- he's just a plain ol' dope like his Dad, too.
"Please work... Unlock! Activate! Go! Please-!! Everyone's counting on you, you can't just be useless!"
Foundational Trauma #2: Steven has Rose's gem, and as such, is constantly living under the silent expectation to live up to a standard that he simply cannot ever hope to achieve, because he doesn't KNOW her and he never will.
I want to highlight one of Steven's expressions while his dad is talking about Rose- look at that sad look. My god, I just wanna hug him. This is the expression of a child who has already come to terms with the fact that his only relationship with his mom is through the rose tinted stories that other people tell him about her.
Cheeseburger Backpack
So. Steven has learned so far that he needs to push down his feelings and emote a false veneer of cheer and bravery even when he's afraid, because the rest of the people in his life have expectations and hopes for him due to the legacy of his parentage and he can't bear the thought of letting them down. (And in a sad way, at this point "letting them down" literally just means... being an ordinary human boy. I believe Steven at this stage of the show is flat out scared to be human, because to be human is to fail at being a Gem, and no amount of love and sacrifice in the name of humanity in the seasons to come could've ever saved him from the fundamental fact that the wedge between him and this whole half of his being was already drawn long before the events of season 1 even started. But I digress.)
Let's see where we go from there. Let's check out Steven's first "mission." Or as Pearl puts it about 35 episodes later, his first "test."
"Yeah... they can't all be winners."
This episode is tinted with a little bit of tragedy for me on rewatch, because I genuinely do think the Gems handled the situation as well as they could've. They were supportive of Steven's successful ploys, and (for the most part) responded with grace when he majorly blundered and left the Goddess Statue at home. The main problem, however, is that Steven has already developed a bit of a complex about impressing the three of them-
Foundational Trauma #3: Even when they claim otherwise, Steven has convinced himself that affection from the Gems is transactional, and that when he messes up he's not truly a part of the Crystal Gems.
Of course we the audience know this isn't true- I mean, hell, Amethyst even said as much in episode one after her slip-up ("and you're fun to have around, even if your gem IS useless!")... that the Crystal Gems wouldn't be the same without him. But Steven... the poor kid is a complicated little guy living a complicated life, and whether they intended it or not, the language used they've used around him thus far has not backed up their attempts at fully embracing him, human parentage and all.
Thus, Steven just spends the entire episode wracked with anxiety trying to find creative non-power using ways to make the mission easier so he can convince them he's useful to have around.
Look how nervous he gets even when all three of them are visibly and vocally supportive of his presence here:
This is the face of a boy who feels like he's under constant judgement and scrutiny from those around him.
Blessedly, viewing this episode in isolation, he experiences a brief moment of mental respite where he finally accepts the Gems' encouragement and agrees that his ideas 'can't all be winners,' but this lesson does not stick for him moving forward. A shame, really.
Together Breakfast
"What's the matter, Steven?" "I wanted us all to have breakfast together, so I made Together Breakfast! But everyone keeps leaving..." "Oh, that's nice..."
Taken in context with what we've learned already in the last three episodes, Steven's desperation to spend quality time with the Gems here and his sadness that they keep leaving him alone doesn't just exist within a vacuum. He spends the whole morning watching them shuffle in and out of the temple, or come back from missions he wasn't invited on, and with the disastrous result of the LAST mission he went on probably fresh in his mind it's not hard to understand why this bothers him.
Foundational Trauma #4: Steven internalizes that the price of "not being useful" is that the Gems actively ignore him, meaning that the only way to guarantee their attention is to work as hard as he can to become a stronger member of the team.
I know this screenshot is usually used as a lighthearted meme, but I wanted to include it because I think it's a good example of how Steven's intense desire to impress permeates every facet of his personality at times. Just LOOK at how desperate he is to make Garnet laugh at his joke, to be the one that's at very least "fun to have around," as Amethyst put it in episode one.
The Gems do eventually drop what they're doing to spend time with Steven by the conclusion of this episode, but this only comes after Steven shows his growing strength and "proves" himself by saving their butts from the breakfast monster.
If he successfully gained their attention in literally any other way he might've come away from this episode with a different lesson, but no. Instead, his fears were proven true- the Gems value strength and utility, and if he's not exhibiting that, then what use is he to them?
These fears of his can be seen weaving throughout the foundational fabric of the entire show, but I think Steven lays out what he sees as his "stakes" in the clearest way possible in the episode 'An Indirect Kiss.'
"But- if I don't have powers, then I can't hang out with Amethyst, or Garnet, o-or Pearl, and- I-I can't go on missions!"
And these same insecurities even rear their ugly head as late as the movie.
"I can't believe this... for the first time in years, everyone's in danger, everybody needs me, and- I'm useless!"
Powers = Utility = Worth = Other's love, for Steven. Everything is transactional to the end, which is a hilarious double standard he's set for himself when he's made his reputation as the kid who always listens and encourages and gives others a chance to change, no matter their messy history with him.
__
So let's recap and restate those foundational traumas from Steven's perspective.
One: The only way to cope when your life is constantly under threat is to bury the damage and pretend to be fine.
Two: Everyone expects you to live up to the standards of someone you're not.
Three: The Gems only love you when you're of use to them.
Four: If you ever stop being useful, the Gems won't want anything more to do with you.
In sum, Steven's habit of burying his feelings for the benefit of others was there from the very beginning, not just since 'The Test.'
Those unreachable standards he felt so daunted and intimidated by all his life were the ones set by Rose, at first... but over the course of the series, the dynamic of this shifted. As Rose's influence fell into the background, Steven's rose into the front. And so it's with great irony that- by the time of Steven Universe: Future, the expectations this exhausted, worn down teenager is fighting to once again achieve are the ones HE set for himself. Many of young Steven's selfless actions during the war are quite admirable when analyzed in isolation, but almost none of them are sustainable. He set himself on fire just to save the world, but teen Steven is genuinely unable to see this for what it is yet- as a tragic sacrifice of his own childhood. You can't burn your own ends for others forever, not at all. His breakdown was simply inevitable.
When it comes to the interconnected beliefs three and four, these are exactly why the ultimate confrontation at the end of I Am My Monster HAD to be one fueled by selfless love. Steven is at his absolute lowest at this point- he's everything he fears he's become, trapped in a form that's nearly incapable of reason. He's big and angry and spiky because that's a part of the facade- because a part of him WANTS to scare the Gems away, wants to be left alone forever, believing this the fate he deserves as price for his misdeeds.
In this form, by his own definitions he is NOT useful to the Crystal Gems at all.
But they don't care.
Because it never WAS about Steven's 'usefulness' to them, they simply love him for being Steven.
With this in mind, the conclusion of Steven Universe: Future wasn't just a salve to teen Steven's immediate struggles, it was a salve to the foundational insecurities that have been plaguing him his entire life.
And hopefully... from this point on... his family's shows of love and encouragement will be enough to finally convince Steven that he's more than worth their time...
No matter what path the future leads him on, and no matter what form he takes.
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this happened months ago. i cannot keep it in any longer. a while ago i went on a porn site ive never been to and it asked if i was over 18 and i misclicked and said no and it automatically sent me to google images of puppies and kittens. i still cannot get over how funny this is.
#i literally think about it every time i go to a spicy site#oh god is this gonna be my legacy#plz i make gifs and stuff i have much cooler posts than this#1k#10k
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school project, some drawings for my pretend game about a housefly girl called musca and her adventures in some creepy&wet place
#my art#mine#sorry for long post#i have extra stuff i could include but i don't want to blast everyones dash#musca#oubliette
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out of context meme of an au i'm cooking
#gravity falls#stan pines#ford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#stanley pines#stanford pines#gravity falls fanart#calling for backup au#i won't say anything about the au yet#but i'm hoping that posting this will hold me accountable to actually finish stuff for it lol#okey bye :P#my art#mods draws#mods art
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millions must mouthwash
stupid stuff dump from the past like 2 months oopsies,,, idk if anyone has done any of these yet,, if they have, my sincerest apolocheese
OG images under cut
#my art#stupid stuff#mouthwashing#mouthwashing jimmy#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing anya#mouthwashing daisuke#mouthwashing swansea#I have such a big backlog of mouthwashing stuff atm omll#promise i'll post those + some lineups soon#cuz where are we without a character lineup?
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No one tells you when you get a Big Serious Job™ how many fucking abbreviations you’ll be forced to learn.
#or how many abbreviations that you’ll come across that mean something different from what you’ve always known#I stopped reading a requisition to make this post because I read a sentence that was like#‘something something the COR and the contractor POC’#and I stopped like ‘contractor person of color???’ before remembering Point of Contract#also no one at my job tells you what any of this stuff means. they’re just like Morgan can you take care of this DOA?’#and I gotta sit there like Dead on Arrival??? before figuring out it’s a Delegation of Authority spreadsheet
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the 'what if you played it a little risky' post literally Changed my life but i cant fujkign find it in my blog because its. a tiktok screenshot
#like literally every time ive hesitated sending a text or complimenting someone or stuff ive thought of it#like youre right. what if i played it a little risky what do i have to lose in doing a nice thing!!!!!! ur so right!!!!!!!!#but its forever lost cos i cant search it with any words cause its an image#misery and pain. you know how it is#my post
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ghanaian miku
#zeno's art#hatsune miku#vocaloid#vocal synths#ghana#theres a trend on twitter where you draw miku as from your country#and i dont think anyone's done ghana yet!!!#her outfit is inspired by fashion + fabrics that my mother would wear and also stuff i found on pinterest#ghana kind of has a gold fixation lol so theres lots of gold#and the drink she's holding is supermalt. idk if its actually ghanaian but i know that ghanaians love it#(its very yummy btw idk how to explain the taste cuz i havent had it in a while but you should drink it if you ever come across it)#ok tumblr gets this early#ill post at like 4pm for twitter
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advice i think we should tell children is that when adults say stuff like ‘now that i’m an adult i get really excited about stuff like coffee tables and bathrooms and rugs etc’ they don’t mean ‘and now i don’t care about blorbo and squimbus from my childhood tv shows anymore’ bc your average adult still loves all the same pop culture stuff they always did; they just have a greater appreciation for the mundane as well. growing up just means you can enjoy life twice as much now. you can get really excited about a new stuffed animal AND about a new kitchen sponge. peace and love
#peach rambles#you don’t have to get rid of blorbo and squimbus!! they would look great on top of your beautiful new nightstand you’ve been excited about#hall of fame i guess#i get. the sneaking suspicion this post has inspired at least two other posts#to the effect of ‘uhmmm i was ALWAYS excited about these things??’#yes i did have to do my own chores as a kid prommy. i just didn’t have feelings about stuff yet ok
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Okay.. Best fandubs ever. Listen to them, NOW.
youtube
youtube
They postin' the turkish dubs and stuff on their channel.. They're really good.....👀 ALRIGHT I'LL BE OVER HERE LISTENING TO THESE FUCKKING SONGS IF YALL NEED ME.👍
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#artists on tumblr#love#art#digital art#my art#artwork#photooftheday#funny memes#tumblr memes#memes#meme edit#lol memes#meme#dank memes#best memes#memes for days#memes funny#memedaddy#meme from twitter#meme format#meme funny#meme friday#meme fanart#funny shit#ha ha funny#funny face#funny stuff#funny#funny post#fun finds
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some of my favorite little parallels within SUF that radically enhanced my viewing experience.mp4 :)))
this was IMO the most tightly written part of the entire show, every single WORD out of a character's mouth, every last gd shot... is absolutely intentional and i love it
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bi 4 bi percabeth,,,,, 👉👈
#this is so deeply unserious i’m sorry#been cooking this up in my head for weeks now#based on a conversation i had with a friend who’s also a bi 4 bi percabeth truther#for some reason the post button isn’t working on my phone so i’m typing these tags out on my ipad like a loser#not sure i like the colors but that seems to be me with all the stuff i make rn lol#my art#fan art#artists on tumblr#percy jackson#pjo#percabeth#annabeth chase#riordanverse#hoo#heroes of olympus#bisexual#bi 4 bi percabeth#percabeth fanart
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brazilian miku ♡
twitter | ig | patreon
#Las Chanclotas de la Miku Chiquita#i've been neglecting my tumblr but i was reminded to post her outside twitter since it's still banned in brazil#i don't have a bluesky acc but i might set one up#but in the meantime i'm gonna start posting my stuff here again!#brazilian miku#miku hatsune#hatsune miku fanart#hatsune miku#hatsune miku art#vocaloid fanart#vocaloid#my art
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#coquette#just girlboss things#whisper girl#girlblogging#girlhood#hell is a teenage girl#lana del rey#tumblr girls#vintage#90s#girly blog#this is a girlblog#girly stuff#just girly things#girly#this is what makes us girls#girly tumblr#beauttiful girls#girly aesthetic#just girly posts#just girly thoughts#girly girl#my girlblog#just a girlblog#girlbloger#girlblogger
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