#my personal version of hell for them

[khazadaimenu]

I did a sort of a hc post about Fili and Kili mere hours ago and that kinda opened the flood gates within me.

Cause I literally live some of my internal life in that world and have story lines I wanna share. But don't want to bother with a fic.

So I'm just gonna blather on about it here for a bit. Isn't it what this platform is for? i kinda want to talk about this one thing.

Warning: it's a long post and it has mature themes. As well as very specific hcs that develop into an evolved AU from my head. So read at your discretion.

In short: it's about Fili and love

I mentioned a hc in another post that Fili goes from awkward older teen to fully fledged young adult in the space of one season.

That summer, he spends all his time blacksmithing and building walls with other dwarves in a village suffering from frequent orc raids.

We're talking all day every day. And he gets strong.

Like one of those movie scenes, you know, the ones where a character gets thrown into water and reemerges seemingly years later, all grown up and shit. The one from The Last Kingdom lives forever in my head.

So imagine same but with Fili. He's no longer a scrawny kid, but broad and muscly. Cherry on top? He gets a peltful of chest hair. All in one go. Like, there was none to begin with and now it's all just fur.

Imagine him emerging from a swim in a lake after a long hard day of labour. Beads of water glistening, the last rays of the setting sun reflecting on his skin. And it becomes a habit as of late August that year. The change in his physique very apparent by now.

Naturally, all the lads and lasses in the vicinity are enamoured. Giggling. Whispering. And surreptitiously pointing.

Which Fili doesn't mind. In fact, he welcomes it. It's a sort of respite from all the princely duties. He wants to be young and live a little.

Here I have to clarify that personally (I know there's tons of variation here, so no hate, this is just my slutty corner of the universe) I hc Fili as pansexual. He's happy to love and share joy.

I think there's a particular type of pressure that only Fili feels and Kili doesn't. Where he knows he's loved, but Kili is the baby and Fili's the heir. And that's reflected in his relationship with his mother, with Thorin, with everyone. So he needs somewhere to just... be carefree. And that's either hanging out with Kili or... looking for adventure. And he's good at it so it gives him a confidence boost.

And no hearts broken. Cause dwarves only do this kinda stuff before they find their One. Or some dwarves aren't inclined romantically, but still go for it physically. And then there's the ace dwarves who choose their craft only. Either way, infidelity doesn't exist in dwarven culture. You either love someone and forget everyone else exists. Or you know you'll never have a One. Or you're not interested completely.

Fili is actually not sure about love. He's not sure it exists for him. He has long chats with Nori about it, who is 100% sure about his own standing: here just to f*k. But Fili's not so sure.

And when he miraculously gets saved before getting killed by Azog (I'm getting into my OC and AU here, so bear with me) he becomes even more convinced. Cause if he wasn't meant to live, why would Mahal make a One for him in the first place?

So when he falls in love with his human saviour, it all kinda gets too much.

1) The responsibility to his people. To uphold the culture.

2) Is he even capable of love?

3) Kili's in love with an elf. Everyone wants a happy ending for him. But dwarves as a group still hold quite a bit of prejudice. An elf in the royal bloodline? Not so fast!

So Fili has to take the fall. Kili will be alllowed to marry if he and any future heirs forsake their claim to the throne AND Fili provides said heirs as staunch 100% dwarves.

Fili tries to object - he doesn't think he can find a One (while internally wrestling with his existing feelings, denying them, burying them and gaslighting himself into oblivion). But then Dis digs up an old law about those in royal lineages marrying without love just to produce heirs (based on some earlier Tolkien drafts where only the dwarven kings married and nobody else among dwarves). And now Fili is well and truly f*ked stuck between a rock and a hard place.

He can't imagine his life without Kili, so the option where Kili is exiled hurts like hell.

In the meantime, his human leaves. They have their own duty to fulfill. That triggers the revelation in him that they are in fact his One.

Which means, by getting into arranged marriage he will forsake one of the most sacred laws of dwarves - he will betray his One.

The thought is unbearable. He considers briefly ending it all. Not a serious thought, just something that comes out of sheer exhaustion.

Kili remains unaware. Fili can't do this to his brother - he is giddy and talking excitedly about his own future happiness once Fili's wedding goes ahead.

Being an heir sucks sometimes. Sucks majorly.

Fili decides to go ahead with a union Dis chose for him. All the while keeping his feelings hidden from everyone.

He doesn't believe he'll ever see his person of choice ever again. And they're not a dwarf. So is it really a betrayal?..

I'll share what comes next in another post, hopefully. If I have a spurt of inspiration.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

they tried to rebrand as The Criminals but riz is literally the city council's treasurer and also turns out people in their late 20s don't really name their friend groups. so now they're The Intrepid Heroes

[return-of-the-vegetable]

i can't fit all the love i have for you guys into a neat little box, sorry. the wind carries my grief out of your coffins and into my every day life.

[iremiari]

charles rowland is the type of person to end his marriage vows with "and you're my best mate" then think nothing of it

[cluescorner]

A Batman who kills people is a bad Batman. Except for Terry because he is my special boy. Terry can drown a man it's ok. He can literally shatter a woman it's fine.

[galacticlamps]

ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--

But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.

And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.

That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.

Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.

And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"

So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.

Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.

[vilochkaaa]

i did what i've been planning to do for a long time - a fem. version of Pierre..

(*n´ω`n*)

[triglycercule]

the satsujinki is such a dumb and silly concept i love it ngl. like the murder time trio can just FUSE together??? just like that??? excuse me hello this is absolutely hilarious.

(for context the satsujinki is the murder time trio's stage 3 in their fight. it's not canon to something new or horrortale or dusttale BUT it is canon to the person who made the murder time trio boss fight (TOUKEN KAMUI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH) ,,,, sooo........ (i am very aware that the satsujinki only ever forms in the very rare instance that the trio are about to lose and their souls are already exposed. and theres also almost zero information on the satsujinki like ever. so i'm just ditching everything and going with the idea that the mtt can fuse together and have a fusion. because that's sillier :3))

do they just like do it at random times?? if the trio's ever struggling in battle do they ever just nod heads at each other and fuse like a signal that "we need to pull out the big guns". or is it like something REALLY personal and touchy that they only do for special occasions (i'd assume literally BECOMING ONE PERSON is a pretty sensitive topic esp for the insane freaks that are the murder time three,,,,,) do they need to do a steven universe fusion dance for it? what WOULD a fusion dance between the mtt look like??? is the satsujinki like their estranged child that they refer to only in vague sentences? can the murder time trio communicate to each other in one head when fused together. does the appearance of the satsujinki change if it's killer absorbing dust and horror's souls and not dust absorbing killer and horror's?? what about if its horror instead of dust. do the trio have control over each of the pairs of arms???? who gets control of the main body. do they pilot the satsujinki like a mecha suit??? does the satsujinki have feelings??? does it have literally every issue the mtt has? can it hear phantom paps and ser killer's hallucinations??? does it HURT? can the satsujinki function to do anything except kill. how would it even WORK how much lv would it have?? is the satsujinki a IT??? ive been calling it an it this entire time because what IS IT.

i also think its funny that the name literally translates to "the murderer." or "the killer" hello that's just dust's og name or killer's literal name repeated??? it also means "devilish homicide" or "god-killing demon" in which i say,,,, cmon man. the mtt is a cringe concept already but these names are just COMEDICALLY bad it's hilarious 😭😭😭

if you have a fusion together is that the ultimate form of a relationship. mttpoly is so real they became one person. isn't that kinda intimate. being the same existence,,,, they all started out as sans (the same guy) and now they're fused together as the satsujinki (them all as the same guy). this is a strange concept that i think is hilariously funny and needs elaborating on

[gayelectro]

I still think about that one artist years ago who was actively bitching and moaning and messaging people like "You tagged my art as IDW, but it's not IDW, I fucking hate IDW, it's strictly G1 art" and honestly it scratches my brain again every time I see a design that only barely differentiates from a specific Transformers canon. Is this just a fun little headcanon? Is this just their personal style and interpretation? Is this from the continuity that it looks most like? Or is this someone who's gonna grill me for tagging their art as the ""wrong continuity"", even though plenty of versions have design overlap? Like in all honestly if you hate a particular version of Transformers so fuckin' much that you message people sharing your art for having the wrong tags, you might wanna just stop sharing Transformers art.

[nonsensechemicals]

crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It

[july-19th-club]

favorite type of villanous characters are the ones whose motivations boil down to

like they dont even have to have any stakes in the broader situation. they just have take pleasure in destruction

[tacagen]

OKAY MY NEWFOUND AGENT BISHOP TMNT AUDIENCE. ANY THOUGHTS ON WHY THERE ARE

two of them?????

[aq2003]

i think twelve and clara are starting to make sense to me but i don't think it's what moffat intended or how the ppl that like them see their dynamic

[transmechanicus]

putting myslef on blast for no reason but i've only had one major relationship and it was for like 3 years from high school into the first semester of college and then in like a 2 month window they cheated on me with like 3 ppl simultaneously and then tried to spin it as forming a poly relationship, as if that's something you can just Do without any kind of input from your Current Long term partner and the sting of that betrayal is never gonna heal imo, like in my more forgetful moments i'll be like "Oh if I'd done X maybe they'd still be in my life and they could see how good I'm doing rn" and i have to remind myself that actually everything i've achieved has been directly in spite of them and the 2 year crushing depression they left me in right at the start of my college education, this concludes the Erika secret lore dump <3

[ruvviks]

toying with the idea of making yancey's friends not real. would that be too evil

[tobyneedssleep]

There’s two canon versions of Anti, then I have my multiple au versions of Anti who could not be any fucking different from canon, and THEN i have the version of Anti that exists in my brain who just somehow manages to be his own creature entirely. what the fuck.