#my personal experience on depression

[mercifullymad]

i feel passionately about the need to enfold people experiencing (or diagnosed) with "just" depression or anxiety into the mad pride project. the more people who view themselves as mad, the better. much as the rhetorical move from "neurotypical" to "neuroconforming" emphasizes the artifice & social construction of "neurotypicality," so too will expanding identification as "mad" expose the sane/mad dichotomy as a false one.

it's true that (some) people with "just" depression and/or anxiety have an easier time navigating the psych system than people who have more stigmatized diagnoses. but this is not to say that they necessarily have an easy time — the carceral psych system is hostile to everyone subsumed by it, even the most "privileged" patients. we should of course critique & examine how our experiences are shaped by various intersections of privilege, but we cannot forget or ignore how someone with "just" a depression/anxiety diagnosis can still experience the full force of the carceral psych system brought down upon them (including but not limited to involuntary institutionalization, police intervention, & forced medication or other forced treatment).

we must encourage, if not insist, that those with the least-stigmatized diagnoses view their difficult experiences navigating the psych system as bound up with the liberation of people who have more stigmatized diagnoses &, often, a more violent experience of the psych system. we need more people to drop the "i have anxiety/depression but i'm not crazy" line and say loudly, "i have anxiety/depression & i am crazy. my access to just treatment is linked to the conditions of all other crazy people, who are my allies, peers, & friends. we are united in our cause & we all deserve a more liberating system of care."

[missazura]

I'm at the brink of a suicidal breakdown. I've been waiting to get my paycheck from an illustration job I've done last October 2023, I did ask them about it and said that I would get paid on the 27th. It's the 28th and I still don't see any updates on my end. I've gotten my hopes up for so long, every month since and I've burnt the fuck out from waiting.

I've been refraining myself from eating and buy myself stuff like food and toiletries and I've completely ran out of money to survive. I wish i could accept commissions but I haven't been doing great mental and physical wise and I don't have the means to draw other than a few sketches to cheer myself up. I'm completely burnt out.

If you could help spread this around I would appreciate it, every bit helps at least to cover my necessities for a while until I hope to eventually get paid

I'm sorry for asking for donations so frequently I just can't hold on for much longer in this state

Donations and reblogs are appreciated, thank you

[dragoncookies]

Y'all

The emotional trauma Fitz has by this point in the series is insane.

When you consider:

-Him growing up as a Vacker, always expected perfection and taught to bottle emotions, and that you are only worthy of love if you perform well enough, never learning to really have his OWN voice, just whatever was given to him.

-Alvar and Keefe betraying him, two of some of the closest people to him, giving him some DEFINITE trust issues.

-His echoes FORCING him to bottle his emotions and just straight up deny them (so he didn't die) during one of the most emotionally turbulent situations of his life.

-just the entirety of his injuries in general, the limp he is insecure about, the echo that probably gave him some minor heart problems when you think about it, the damage done to his mental state from repressing so many intense emotions (doing that can seriously do some mental damage and also show up physically in many ways)

-Seeing people (his loved ones) get hurt by his horrendously unchecked emotions, but him being likely unsure of how the heck to deal with them.

-The girl he trusts most and genuinely likes essentially emotionally cheating on him with his best friend while leading him on saying she wants to try to make the relationship work (I love Sophie though, she has a zillion other problems to deal with), then the reason they "broke up" being a morally ambiguous situation where he's torn between the girl he was ready to spend his life with and the system that his family must uphold, the family he owes his power and existence to, and it being seen as a bad thing that he cracked and couldn't NOT choose his family (like he always does), but it also would have been seen as a bad thing if he chose what he wants because his family would likely call him "selfish"

And all of this being completley overlooked because he's a Vacker and he had the perfect life, so why would he have any reason to complain?

The constant undermining of his entirely real and mind-fucking emotional trauma has got to be the worst part of it all, because what's worse than hurting like crazy and then everyone calling YOU crazy for believing that you're hurt?

[lunarharp]

played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles

[booksapphic]

[fanonimus]

My brother is obsessed with TTG, and I am baffled. We binged it, and I looked around in the... Fandom? I know the show is lighthearted, but I'm a psychology nerd.

Tw: Abuse, neglect, shitty people in general, mind conzrol and trauma. Progress with caution.

Not many people talk about the abuse Robin faces. I don't understand why is there basicaly no angsty content.

I also want to scoop that boy up and hug him and take him away from those people that surround him.

This boy has no positive influence in his life. Get him a therapyst.

He's neglected. I was sick watching this.

WHAT THE HELL DUDE this was genuinely hard to watch, and even the colour coded idiots aknowledge how badly he was treated.

Oh but they don't get away scott free. The little idiots.

They constantly hurt him (which I noticed is a reocurring joke, but it happens to him so constantly that it's not even humour. It's just... painful.)

What the fuck was that prank?

Considering I know his backstory pretty well (look, I watch enough dc), this prank just makes me want to cry. He smiles. His smile broke my heart. I genuinely started crying, alonside Robin. It was not a nice experience.

So they clearly don't have a problem with triggering traumatic responses.

Robin is also almost always the butt of the joke, even tough he is the leader nobody respects him.

Which would be understandable if he didn't try his damn hardest. He's resourceful and can make the best of a situation.

Like the time he got dance powers (which is just amazing, holy shit I want dance powers).

He found great use of an othervise "useless" pover.

Speaking of useless, his "friends" look down on him because he has no powers. Even though he is capable of beating all of them without it.

Yknow, like in the movie.

Oh yeah, nice recall to the movie the one where they competed with the Super Hero Girls team (love that show).

Y'know, where it started like this

And ended like this in like, five seconds.

Abandonment issues go brrr:

He's my angsty boy.

Also, the fact that he answered mind control on the last question, and it wasn't even on the board, broke something in me.

Him being a "control freak" is also played up for jokes, which I personally hate, but you can also go with the route of the Titans just not listening, ever, and Robin, still raised by the batman even if differently than in canon, in a city where if you are not on top you are dead, it's obvious that he developed an instictive need for control. He had gotten used to being on top of every situation, so when he felt that control slip, he grasped it and held on. This behaviour is not good, but he can't help it, and without proper consuling, he won't be able to stop this behaviour. He could, if he just let go of the illusion of control he clings to, a safety net, and we all know one can not simply just do that.

(I was someone people called a "control freak". I worked on myself, and I changed, but it took years after I noticed. Letting go is the hardest thing people like me and him can do because letting go means losing control, and that can be the scariest thing in the world. So I have experience, yes.)

(Yes, I also have experience. No, I am not going to talk about it, but it wasn't physical, don't worry)

For the hitting... Wild hot take and shit: Since Batsy was not a stellar dad, he kept robin in line by means not so family-friendly. (He hit his kids in canon, it's really OOC for him, but we have proof that happened) And it was really effective. Children of abusive parents go a lot of ways, but repeating the parents' mistakes is one of them. So maybe Robin decided that violence might be the thing to keep his teammates in line. (We are circleing back yeah.) But it clearly didn't work.

Edit: Holy shit I just realized that this Robin is all of the worst qualities of the other Robins. Obsessive, Controlling, full of himself, violent, and then throw their insecurities into there too (Abandonment issues, parental issues, anxiety, paranoia). Holy lady.

Edit2: Thank you, Yurki-posts, for pointing out some things my little rant was missing. I shall update it now.

[squeakadeeks]

negative

ive been getting hit bad by the "nothing matters" apathy depression lately to the point im having a resurgence of the consistent-14-hour-sleeps and dog it sucks bad dog. its been so hard to do anything. historically i can contain this to just affect my personal life but its been going on for so long and getting so bad even my professional life is suffering/stuff i objectively must do for basic health and wellness.

lately all i can think about is how "i dont want to wake up i dont want to shower i dont want to eat i dont want to go anywhere i dont want to get up" and theres literally nothing i can do. the best i can manage is to dejectedly say "you gotta" in a funny voice to drag myself to work but thats all i got chief. black hole depression historically has always been very hard for me to fight. i cant talk about it to anyone, nothing fixes it, things i used to enjoy have no meaning and engaging with them runs a high risk of it backfiring and making it feel more hopeless, and if i try to fake it, it comes off as disingenuous and people disengage, and if im honest about it its too much and people also disengage so im just sitting here, with my various skin rashes ive been developing just thinking like. you know how it is with spaghetti

[13eyond13]

a headcanon I just realized I have is that Light often has a lot of trouble living in the present moment and L often has a lot of trouble NOT living in the present moment. Light is a huge planner and forward thinker and accustomed to grinding through unpleasant current circumstances in order to achieve optimal future results. L is very keen on living for today and whatever is currently tickling his fancy and giving him the most excitement and pleasure and challenge, and prefers not to dwell heavily on the future nor the past. And I think that both of them normally feel uncomfortable and resentful if they are forced to do the opposite of what they are normally accustomed to doing.

[yellowocaballero]

Been a fan of your fics for YEARS. I was just telling my friend how despite how much I read fics I never actually love them, with some of your fics (especially TMA) as the exception. Felt the need to reread some of them and saw you reblogged some ISAT fanart. So. Any thoughts on ISAT you'd like to share?

Hope you have a wonderful day!! So happy I found your fics again!!

I avoided answering this for a while because I was trying to think of a way to cohesively and coherently vocalize my thoughts on In Stars and Time. I have given up because I don't want to hold everybody here all day and I have accepted that my thoughts are just pterodactyl screeching.

I love it so much. I have so much to say on it. It drove me bonkers for like a week straight. I have AUs. It's absolute Megbait. They're just a little Snufkin and they're having the worst experience of anybody's life. Ludonarratives my fucking beloved.

I am going to talk about the prologue.

The prologue is such a fascinating experience. You crack open the game and immediately begin checking off all of the little genre boxes: mage, warrior, researcher, you're the rogue...some little kid who's there for some reason...alright, you know the score. You're in yet another indie Earthbound RPG, these are your generic characters, let's get the ball rolling.

Except then you realize that these characters are people. You feel instantly how you've entered the game at its last dungeon, at the end of the adventure. They have their own in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They get along well and they're obviously close, but not in a twee or unrealistic way. They have so much chemistry and spirit and life. I fell in love with them so quickly.

But Sif doesn't. Sif kind of hates them, because they will not stop saying the same damn thing. They walk the same paths, do the same things, make the same jokes, expect Sif to say the same lines. They keep referencing a Sif we do not see, with jokes we never see him make and heroic personality he never shows - they reference a Sif who is dead - and Sif can't handle that, so he kills them too.

They become only an exercise in tedious frustration. Sif button mashes through their dialogue, Sif mindlessly clicks the same dialogue options, Sif skips through the tutorial, Sif blows through the puzzles. Sif turns their world into a video game. Sif is playing a generic RPG. Sif forgets their names. They are no longer people with in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They're the mage, the warrior, the researcher, and...some random kid.

I did not understand the Kid's presence at first. I had no idea what they contributed to the game. They didn't do anything. As a party member in a video game, they're a bit useless. Why is the Kid there?

Because Sif's life isn't a video game. Because the kid isn't 'the kid'. They're Bonnie. Bonnie, who the party loves. Why is Bonnie there? Because they love them. There is no room for Bonnie in the boring RPG that Sif is playing. And then you realize that Sif is wrong, and that they've lost something extremely important, and that they'll never escape without it.

Watching the prologue before watching ISAT gave ISAT the most unique air of dread and horror, because you crack open ISAT and you see the person Sif used to be. You realize that Sif used to be a person. Sif used to be the person who made jokes, who gave real smiles, who interacted with the world as if they are a part of it. And you know you are sitting down to watch Sif lose everything that made them a person, to lose everything that made them a member of this world, and turn them into a character in a video game who doesn't understand the point of Bonnie at all.

At the climax of the game, when the others realize that something is deeply wrong and that Sif physically cannot tell them, they realize that there is nothing they can do. So Bonnie declares snacktime. And for the first time they have snacktime.

What is snacktime? Classic JRPGs don't have snacktime. There's literally no point to a snacktime - not in a video game, and not in Sif's terrible life. It's not fixing this, because nothing can fix this. But Bonnie gives Sif a cookie and Sif eats it.

It's meaningless. It's a cutscene. It didn't save Sif and it didn't change a thing. It will make no difference in the end.

But it did make the difference. It made all of the difference in the world. Bonnie is a character who you really don't understand the point of before you realize that Bonnie was the entire point.

ISAT is about comfort media. Why do we play the same video games over and over again? Why do we avoid watching the finale of our favorite shows? What is truly comforting: a story with no conflict, or a story where you always know what is about to happen? Do you want to live in a scary, uncontrollable world, or do you want to play Stardew Valley? Do you want a person or a character?

When I beat Earthbound for the first time (and if you don't know, the prologue/ISAT battle system is just Mother) and watched the ending cutscene where the characters part ways and say goodbye...I felt a little bit sad. I wanted them to be together forever. But that's something only characters could ever be.

[sakuraspoke]

a burden shared // papa emeritus iii x reader

“I cannot imagine the pain you’re in,” he says, his hushed voice shaking with emotion.

You're not sure of the last time you spoke, and it's reflected in the brittle croak that comes from you.

"A lot."

Terzo's hand slips from your cheek to your chest, resting over your heart, feeling the erratic beat beneath his fingers. “Let me carry it for you,” he whispers. A gentle request, but a firm one. “Just for a little while.”

1.3k words, sfw, tw grief // read on ao3

[dumvixerum]

I think deviancy is kinda like being queer :

As you grow up, you slowly do gayer and gayer stuff until you realize that you're queer.

Unless someone or something shoves it into your face ofc

[venriliz]

why is the concept of showing empathy for drug/alcohol addicts so hard to understand for some ppl? v.v they suffer too sis, that problem has to come from somewhere and i bet most of them would rather not be addicted in the first place. some people don't know what nuance is i swear. am i crazy for having empathy with addicts??? i don't think so.

[mountainhaunt]

forever envious of the bipolar types that have euphoric mania. what do you mean you don't purely feel irate and paranoid and restless the whole time? what do you mean it feels good and you long for it when it's away?? where is ur rage? where is ur depersonalization?? what is this natural high of which u speak

[transmascutena]

[image description: two screencaps from revolutionary girl utena. utena has her head bent and is sweating and crying. she's saying "the only time i've ever beel really happy... ...was when i was with you. /end id]

this is a very sweet sentiment utena but um. have you considered you might have depression

[cheekblush]

took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.