#my parents had me in their early 20s and it ended in a divorce you don't want that

[aromanticannibal]

watching disappointed shippers (bc that's what the dudebros saying izuku sucks bc he didn't bag ochako are) act like their ship is dead and everything sucks because it wasn't clearly confirmed is so funny like. do I have to do the job for you? the meetcute is so obvious dude the possibilities are endless but these people are too used to having their ship handed on a silver platter to them. use your imagination

[fizzingwizard]

Randomly visited reddit and saw this:

My first thought: it's an incel pretending to be a woman, because what modern woman thinks she's spoiled milk a 30??? (Aside from also trashing her girl friends - girl, get better friends!) But their profile doesn't seem weird in any way, so, I guess there are some people out there who really somehow believe youth ends at 29. Even some who have aged past it.

It's not even true that all 30 year olds are less beautiful than they were at 20. People age in different ways at at different rates: yeah, your likelihood of getting wrinkles and gray hairs is only ever going to go up. But some people don't have their style figured out in their twenties - some people turn thirty and freaking bloom. And you can't call that a late bloomer. 40 isn't a late bloomer either! 20 is nice but it's not the heaven on earth it's cracked up to be, and 30 is just getting started.

Idk about the rest of you but you know those posts about how embarrassing it is to look back on 14? Yeah, related to those when I was 20. Now I've passed the big 3-0, and guess what - I think 20 year old me was so silly lol. So insecure, so afraid to make mistakes, so resistant to change. I enjoyed my twenties, but my early thirties have so far been way better: I'm more confident, less self-involved, and I find happiness so much more easily than I did back when I thought everything I did had to matter So Damn Much. And if you think that doesn't relate to being attractive: confidence is 90% of it. Just walk up and smile. A confident, happy person always attracts others even if they're just average-looking.

Also for people who like men, don't forget: men in their 30s usually aren't quite the energizer bunnies they were in their 20s when it comes to ~sexy times~ The 20-year-old stud who insisted he could go for a roll multiple times a day, every day, is probably much less gung ho at 30. And also more forward-thinking, and less amaaaaazed by omg boobies!!! When you're young, half the excitement is just how new everything is. It gets less intense, thank goodness. (But it's still hot!)

This post just totally rubbed me the wrong way. It read as a still young woman anxiously wringing her hands in apology for having the audacity to be single at... 30?? And apparently not trusting women to have good advice about dating at 30 (so no point in me responding to her, lol), but perfectly comfortable kissing up to incel mindsets such as "women past 25 should accept that they're sloppy seconds" etc. "Value as a partner" do you have intrinsic worth as a human being?? Yes??? Then your value does NOT degrade. Yeah, you might have gray hair, the horror, so unsexy (I've had very visible grays since I was 23 and been dyeing since 26 lmao). Doesn't mean you're less hot than some 20 year old who doesn't know what she's doing. Doesn't mean it'll be at all hard to find a partner who will love you warts and all. Do you have this same expectation of men? Are you gonna start dating a 30 year old dude and then complain that he gets tired more quickly than a 20 year old would?? Is he less sexy just because he doesn't party all night and drink twice his weight without effect? Overrated overrated overrated!

My parents divorced in their 60s. My mom's got a new boyfriend who takes her dancing under the full moon. They're living their best lives way past their so-called "prime" and no, that is not rare - it's just a choice. If you view yourself as having some expiration date, you're not gonna do anything to improve your happiness once you're past it. Don't let incels or misogyny or whatever convince you your perfectly wholesome milk has gone bad, because that is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

ETA: Well, while I was working this got 150 notes, and although that's barely a drop in the bucket, it's still a lot more than my rants usually get (about 2 lol). So I just want to clarify a couple things so I stop getting comments about them.

This post was from the askmen subreddit. I left that out, feeling "reddit" was context enough, but I guess the implications may not have been obvious, especially to tumblr users who don't also use reddit. Askmen isn't a horrible place (a number of the responders pointed out why they prefer older women to younger ones), but many of its members have a pretty incel-adjacent vibe. Plus there are a number of women (real or not) who post there, many of whom have a similar brown-nosey "unlike those radical feminists, I'm a woman who knows her place" attitude.

It's fine to suggest the OP may have internalized misogyny from being abused - but it's not a given, as nothing in the post is a definite indication of abuse by itself. Big kudos for the compassion - just keep in mind that my response was about general attitudes towards dating post-twenties and not about abuse victims.

To the person who thinks a relationship of six years makes a difference somehow?: You seem to have interpreted my post as an attack on people who feel insecure about returning to dating after a breakup. But I think it's clearly nothing to do with that. Of course it is natural to have anxieties about being single after so long, but nowhere in this post was that denied or mocked. Whether you've been together one year or six, this post would always be weird - those natural anxieties don't make misogynistic mindsets about decrepit 30-year-old women any less gross. If you had decided to write a reaction to the OP's post, perhaps you would have chosen to center it on the effects of coming off a long term relationship, and I'm sure it'd be insightful. However, I am not you, and I chose to react to the attitudes around aging in relationships reflected in the post.

[jackie-gremlin-ghost]

Today marks 7 years since the reawakening of my Captain Underpants hyperfixation, which had been asleep for a very, very long time.

I had first discovered the books much like any kid in the late 90s/early 2000s; at the Scholastic Book Fair. If I remember correctly, the first one I had found was the second book, Attack of the Talking Toilets. I remember thinking how silly the cover looked, and it drew my little elementary school self in like a moth to flame.

I had quickly read it and absolutely loved it, and like discovering a new favorite treat for the first time, I immediately wanted more.

I was able to find the first book in my school’s library so I was able to get the full story on the two best friends who pulled the ultimate prank by hypnotizing their grouch of a school principal, and how it immediately became the worst decision they ever made.

And I loved every second of it.

As the years went on, I eagerly anticipated the Book Fair’s arrival at my school and would beg my mom for a few dollars extra, just so I get my hands on the newest adventure.

I devoured every single story I could find and bought as soon as I could, and each one was more entertaining than the last. From alien lunch ladies and zombie nerds, to a megalomaniac professor with an incredibly silly name in a giant robot with charts that you could use to give yourself a silly name (mine is “Poopsie Bananachunks” BTW), to an insane hypnotized woman with Medusa hair that gave atomic wedgies.

The more I read and reread these stories, the more I couldn’t help but think that it would make a pretty fun movie, or at least a tv show.

These stories had been with me through a lot of ups and downs in my life, the biggest being my parents’ divorce. They were there to remind me that even when times could be tough, you can make it through and still be able to laugh at even the silliest of things, no matter how old you got.

By the time I was 10, I got my hands on the latest book in the series, The Big Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy Part 1. I loved it as always, but was shocked to see it ended on a cliffhanger. This had never happened before. I was anxious to see what would happen and how George and Harold would get out of this mess.

But… it would be some time before I got those answers.

Time went on, and my attention went to other things. I found new hyperfixations over the years, and while I didn’t have the 7th book at the time, I was eventually able to get answers thanks to the internet.

Eventually I entered middle school, and I found myself drawn to new book series that I grew to love, but Captain Underpants remained a big part of my childhood and some of its happiest memories. And for a while, I thought that was all it would be; memories to just fondly look back on.

But that all changed the winter of 2016.

It was the halfway point between Christmas and New Year’s, and I was gonna be 24 in less than a month. I was spending my downtime between holidays like any other bored 20-something year old; scrolling through Tumblr, of course. It was during that time that I stumbled across this post by @mondentertainment. It was photos of posters from a Licensing Expo, showcasing upcoming animated projects, be it films or series.

Among them were a few that sounded promising, others not so much.

But what caught my eye was this.

A poster from DreamWorks with a very familiar face on it.

I could barely believe what I was seeing, and from the comments and reblogs on the post, neither could a lot of other people.

It was like a door that had been long locked in the back of my brain finally burst open, and all those memories came flooding back, particularly of a reoccurring thought that ran through my young mind whenever I would look at those illustrations every time I turned the page.

Could it really be true? Was one of my favorite childhood books finally getting a chance to truly come to life on the big screen?

It had already happened once before after I read Coraline in middle school, so there might be a chance.

As you could probably imagine, I poured my thoughts of hope and excitement into the tags as I reblogged the post.

And when the trailer finally dropped three months later, it was like meeting that one childhood friend you never truly forgot all over again.

So much happened after seeing the movie on opening night, including meeting Dav Pilkey himself!

And all the great memories and friends I’ve made since rediscovering the fandom all lead back to that one moment on December 28th, 2016.

And I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

[lurkingshan]

La Pluie: Do you still believe in soulmates?

Earlier I was chatting with @sliceduplife about this week’s La Pluie and how the show has been layering in the subversion of the soulmate concept, and they reminded me that this is literally the last screen of the show’s teaser trailer:

Which kind of blew my mind a little. Because it confirmed for me that this show was being open about its intention to interrogate the idea of soulmates right from the start. They’ve never been particularly subtle about it. It’s been right in front of us all along, but given how trained we all are as a bl/romance audience to have certain expectations tied to romance conventions, this intentional subversion of the soulmate trope seems to have caused some confusion. And thus, I was compelled to do a rundown documenting how the show has used the context around our characters to guide our understanding of this theme. I’ve talked about some of this in other posts but please indulge me as I organize my scattered thoughts into one coherent piece. Shouts also to @wen-kexing-apologist and @bengiyo for reading this over for me and making sure I didn’t miss anything (over to WKA for the body language analysis).

Let’s start at the start. In the very first episode, Saengtai tells us plainly in his opening voiceover that no one knows why some people have hearing loss or why some of them start hearing another person after they turn 20, and that the idea that this is a soulmate connection is a social construct that most choose to believe. So right off the bat, the show is telling us the soulmate idea is not necessarily true and inviting us to question the lore.

Then within this same episode we are introduced to two couples involving people with hearing loss: Tai’s parents, who are hearing loss soulmates that are divorcing, and the couple in the cafe, one of whom has hearing loss, and one who does not. One example of a soulmate pair that is ending their romantic relationship permanently, and one example of a person with hearing loss who has chosen to be with someone who is not their soulmate. Interestingly, the show did not and has not since countered these examples by including even a single happy soulmate couple in the story for Tai and Patts to see as an example.

The show then built on this by giving us direct commentary about the skeptical point of view via Lomfon. He (and presumably, plenty of others) believes that the hearing loss connection is a scientific phenomenon and the soulmate idea is just a romantic notion with no basis in reality. He believes that people should not be expected to enter romantic relationships with their hearing loss partners, and that choice is what matters most. Again, we are being explicitly invited to question the lore and encouraged to doubt. 

As we got into the romance between Tai and Patts, the show took basically every opportunity to undermine the idea that they should be together because they are fated soulmates, and instead emphasized over and over again that their individual choice and feelings are what matter most:

Tai is not interested in meeting his soulmate at all. In fact, he actively avoids it and leaves poor Patts on read for two entire years. Had they not happened to meet in the real world, Tai likely still would never have spoken to him.

Patts meets Tai in the wild, is immediately attracted to him, and begins pursuing him all without knowing they are soulmates. This is crucial for establishing that it was not the hearing loss connection that brought them together, nor is it the hearing loss connection that serves as the basis for their relationship. It was the genuine attraction Patts felt for Tai that got their relationship started. Patts says explicitly that he wants to “defy his destiny” after meeting Tai.

Tai becomes interested in Patts only after meeting him in real life. Because he’s a hot, kind, generous animal doctor who Tai is attracted to, not because he is the person he hears when it rains. 

In the early stages of their relationship, Tai struggles to trust Patts after overhearing some things out of context that he misunderstood. The hearing loss connection actually creates distance between them rather than bringing them closer together.

Patts and Tai have their first date before their soulmate connection is acknowledged between them. We saw that they were vibing and getting to know each other without that connection being part of the equation, and in fact, that connection was the thing causing Tai to hold back. Once Patts knows that, he understands what’s been going on with Tai and after one very emotional drunken kiss, gives him space to process - literally, he physically removes himself and leaves a note. The revelation, once again, causes distance between them rather than bringing them together.

Once it’s out in the open, because of their hearing loss connection, Tai and Patts experience immense pressure from their loved ones to get together immediately. This hinders more than helps them, as it raises the stakes on their relationship right out of the gate and makes Tai anxious and Patts cautious.

Nara is introduced to the narrative in order to show us that Patts actually had a love before Tai, and one that he was genuinely happy with. There is a universe where Patts could have gotten back together with her and lived quite well. Had he not run into Tai in the real world, that’s probably the universe he’d be living in.

As they get to know each other and their attraction grows, Tai is actively in distress about Patts being his soulmate because he is so devastated about what happened with his parents and he fears they will end up the same way. Moving past his fear about this is the biggest obstacle to their romance. 

Don’t think I didn’t notice that during the crucial few episodes when Tai and Patts started seeing each other and getting to know each other properly, it didn’t rain once. From the time Patts took Tai out on a date and they got drenched (and didn’t even use their connection because they were together) until Tai wandered up the mountain, we were in a rain free zone. All of that crucial relationship development, all of that trust-building, every moment of the time we saw them actually falling in love, happened entirely without the involvement of the hearing loss connection. 

Tai and Patts finally affirm their love and decide to be together after directly discussing their doubts and uncertainty about the soulmate connection, mutually declaring that their feelings are real even if the soulmate bond is not, and committing to be with each other regardless. What matters is they really love each other.

Throughout this entire series of events spread over a few months, Tai’s only hesitation about this relationship is that he doesn’t want to get involved with his soulmate. Because if they weren’t soulmates? They would just be two single dudes who met, sparked, and immediately started dating. But because they are connected by hearing loss, it’s all way more complicated than that, and they had overcome a lot of internal struggle to be together. 

The show has now introduced Lomfon’s hearing loss, which does not seem to be following the rules of the soulmate construct as we know them. We are clearly not done interrogating the concept of soulmates; the show has more yet to say and we know that Lomfon is going to end up in a romantic relationship with Tien, not either of the people he can hear when it rains.

So. Do you still believe in soulmates?

[theblogofinsanity]

Here goes nothing... Or something. Maybe this is a little more than nothing.

NOTE:

Hello and thanks everyone :)

I honestly didn't expect anyone to follow me, much less read my blog.

It brings a smile to my face and makes me feel less alone knowing that others can relate to my ramblings. (End note).

Starting a blog is something that I've always wanted to do. It's also something I've been afraid to do.

I always enjoyed writing. And from the moment I was literate enough to write simple sentences, I kept various journals that I would write in nearly every day. But that all came to an abrupt end in my teenage years. Around the age of 16 I was called into my mother's room and confronted in some type of strange intervention. She had read EVERYTHING. My thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, my wishes. All of it had been read and analyzed by my mother who seemed very concerned that I wasn't exactly enjoying life in a religiously abusive household.

That "intervention" and the subsequent fallout was enough to make me completely lose any interest in writing.

The privacy of one's thoughts is sacred. And I felt that had been taken from me. I felt so vulnerable. As if I had been stripped naked in public. A cornucopia of deeply personal information was now public. It may as well have been on a billboard next to the freeway.

So, until recently, I never wrote. Now, in my mid 30s, a divorced single parent, I finally feel comfortable writing again. Albeit, anonymously.

Although I may not be the best writer or have the most interesting things to say, I want to give back to the blogging community by actively participating in it.

One of my favorite things to do through my teens and early 20s was to read the blogs of complete strangers. I learned about people, I learned about myself, discovered new genres of music to listen to, learned about new websites and online games, and was able to live vicariously through others who were brave enough to share their personal lives with the world.

EDIT: If you happen to deduce my identity through the information found in these entries, please keep that discovery to yourself. This is obviously very personal and somewhat damning information.

If you happen upon this blog, read away. Just don't tell me or anyone else about it.

Thank you :)

EDIT: I forgot to mention, I write while drinking/under the influence sometimes. So if you happen to read something and say "what the fuck?", it's probably safe to assume that I'm in the process of drowning my blues away.

[valoeaera]

Truly, Madly, Deeply - Alexandria Bellefleur

Hook/Gimmick: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Pacing: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Leads: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Side Characters: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Spice: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

Overall: S Tier

Another one for the S tier. I ate this book up (I spent about 4 total hours reading it in one sitting). The beginning was definitely hard for me to read for more personal reasons, but I was able to power through and thoroughly enjoy this absolute banger (probably my favorite book I’ve read this year).

The book’s main hook is the enemies-to-lovers trope between the romance author main character, Truly, and the divorce family lawyer Colin. We only inhabit Truly’s POV for most of the book save the epilogue. Their banter and interactions through the first half of the book, when their enemies-to-lovers arc is in full-swing, are adorable, even if they hit a little too close to home for Truly at some points. These characters read well together and have obvious chemistry. Colin’s sister must only not realize they have a mutual crush due to the alcohol she has at the dinner the three share early in the book.

So much happens in this book despite it being I think pretty short compared to other romance novels on my shelf. There’s time for an enemies-to-lovers arc, a parent trap plot, scuffles with rich, uptight family members, and so many spicy scenes that had me struggling to stay composed while reading. It fits it all in and gives each plot its own time, I think. Though, I can easily see a complaint being that the fast pacing distracts from the story. I think the book takes place over only 3-ish weeks, which definitely feels a little strange during the epilogue, before it’s revealed that the wedding is actually a vow renewal for Truly’s parents.

As I mentioned earlier, I love the chemistry between the leads. Colin especially is so hot, bantering with Truly in a way that reminds me of my partner in all the right ways. Their classic romance novel fight at about 70% of the way into the book didn’t even make me feel bad because I could see how both characters got to the point that they did based on their emotional arcs throughout the middle of the novel. Colin’s desire to please and Truly’s desire to prove herself each make sense for the characters’ backstories and resolve well in the ending, gelling the leads together.

The one issue I had with the book comes from the parent trap plotline. Truly’s parents are separating during the novel and makes Truly super upset. She’s viewed her parents’ marriage on a pedestal of what the perfect relationship looks like and she’s hurt that it turns out to not be perfect. Colin gets involved as he jokingly suggests Truly should get her parents together by having them spend time together. She takes him seriously and seriously upsets her parents when they find out they were tricked. Colin, the family lawyer, tries to tell Truly that maybe her parents separating will make their love stronger after being apart. Maybe it’s because my parents separated so long ago, but I was frustrated that Truly, a woman in her late-20s couldn’t comprehend that her parents hid their relationship struggles from her. She acts in a way that really drew me out of the fiction during these parts, however, I don’t feel like a little (in my opinion) overreaction hurts the narrative.

Lastly, the spice. There’s a good lot of it in this book. 4-5 scenes depending on how you count. It’s amazing reading these two bisexual characters tease and taunt each other sexually, with a tantalizing push-and-pull in terms of who’s in charge throughout each scene. Colin really puts his whole ass into pleasing Truly and- my heart- it’s so good. Their first time together, she doesn’t even touch him, he gets off simply by pleasing her and taking his pleasure from the things he’s able to do to her and I love it so much. And I can’t stress enough that all of the scenes are this good and the characters have so much sexual chemistry. Somehow Bellefleur has bested her already-great smut writing from her breakout trilogy.

“‘You gonna use me baby? What am I, a toy to you?’…‘Maybe you are.’ She slapped at his hands. ‘And I thought I told you to shut up?’ He chuckled under his breath, hands returning to her hips, helping drag her forward. ‘Make me.’”

Anyway, great romance and better smut, the best book I’ve read this year.

[imkalla]

📖 Book topic.

Hi,

a few weeks ago i posted that i was finishing “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo” by Taylor Jenkins Reid.

I did it.

I finished it -although it was actually about two weeks ago on my night train ride, that i did.

I wanted to take some time to think about what the book means to me and also i was quite busy those past two weeks. Studies, uh.

So, someone wants a review? Here it goes, but just a little disclaimer that it will contain spoilers.

The story is very intriguing from the begging. We are welcome with the mystery of seven marriages of the icon actress Evelyn Hugo, who is being “interviewed” by Monique - our second narrator. They are writing a biography. Evelyn takes us on a journey to her past, telling us in details about her life - how did she became popular and what are the costs of that lifestyle.

Each of the husband has its own section in the book as the story unfolds. It makes the book more structured. Also, above each name of each man there are some adjectives describing them, which i think is a nice insight to the story.

What i also think is quite clever are the unspoken words Evelyn says while retrospecting. I caught pretty early on that Harry Cameron is a gay man. I would love to say that it was actually written all over his face, but- well, i’ve never seen him. She did hint he was part of the queer community, though she never said it - and that’s what gave it away for me. That’s also why i kind of expected the queer motive to pop up some more in the book. I wasn’t surprised when she fell in love with Celia or when she found out she was bisexual.

I think those are extremely important parts of the book. Because it shaped her, and we get to know where it came from. Also because at the beginning of the book there is a question stated: “Who was the love of Evelyn Hugo? Which husband did she loved the most? Who was the one for her?” She gladly tells us that the love of her life was no man - it was her wife. This shows us a common misconception about public figures. We might think we know them but we don’t. Every celebrity out there has their own private life we know nothing about. What’s in the paper and on all the photos is a daydream, a fairytale told to sell. It’s all just for the right publicity. She tells us exactly that we might think we know, but we don’t.

I think it’s also very interesting how she talks about her marriages and divorces. I remember that one quote she said while she was taking with Monique. It says:

“Heartbreak is loss, divorce is a piece of paper.”

I think it’s beautiful in its honesty. I loved to see her different takes on marriage and divorce. It made me reflect on my own life, where my parents are, as of exactly today, finally divorced. It made me see the fallout of love in a different perspective. The divorce is essentially a heartbreak. So simple yet it took me a lot of time contemplating to finally feel the weight of those words. It was heartbreaking on its own.

Thinking about it especially in my 20s is a weird sensation. The questions flooding: How to prevent heartbreak from happening? Can we even prevent it? How can we choose our marriages wisely enough so there is less risk of it?

Let’s take an example in Monique. A young journalist, on the verge of divorce. She has so many questions about it, so many thoughts. Talking with Evelyn eventually gives her the courage and awareness to make the right step and divorce her husband. They did not fit. It felt like a failure. But she was still young. She just had to see it. She also had to find herself, as we get to know at the end of the book, it was not an accident for the two of them to meet.

Lets finish this long “review” which is really just what i think about the book tbh.

In summary: i like it. I like how many motives it has, how it makes you rethink how you view the world just a little bit. How it comes to your mind at a random moment, pops a scene in your head then fades away slowly, but just enough, so the thought of it could linger in your mind. And i think what i love about it, but haven’t mentioned it, is how it really shows us a female character and her life. Essentially a woman, but with world expectations around her. How she was twisting and turning to survive, but found her way into this world. She made a mark, created something that will outlive her, and she lived a life, showed in this book.

If you read all the way here,

thank you,

and have a beautiful day <33

-K

[bisluthq]

Do you think LOT prolonged Harry and Olivia’s relationship? I think they would’ve tried to save face for DWD’s sake either way but it’s interesting to me bc she clearly enjoyed and made the effort to be seen at his shows almost every week and the madness of everything was tied up in the tour for a while. So much of the intensity of their relationship seemed to be born out of covid restrictions limiting them to the house and her fertility causing them to speed run some decisions. I can’t picture what a tl looks for them where lot doesn’t happen so they’re at home more or jason doesn’t pick a fight with custody. It’s weird to think about now because the harry pre dwd and post dwd/olivia seem like different people to me and I can’t imagine him in that situation now. for all the genuinely traumatising scrutiny that must’ve been and I assume heartbreak over losing olivia and subsequently taylor, I think having a serious relationship that was 100x less publicised than holivia and having tour probably helped him process and made him think a lot about his choices

when I said it was a bit traumatic I didn’t even mean the public side of it lol (that too obviously and escalated the whole situation for sure), I meant like dating a woman going through what was essentially a divorce that included a very horrible custody battle that involved two kids and a really nasty ex is a WHOLE LOT for anyone but especially someone in their late 20s/early 30s imo who hasn’t had that type of experience before. Like NO ONE has fun during custody battles/divorces but at least if you’ve had your own experiences with them it’s like “okay here’s what I did” but Harry hadn’t had any experience with that beyond being a child of divorce and seeing Ann’s divorce with John and then seeing Robin really step the fuck up for Gemma and him? And I just imagine, even outside like the celebrity side of it, that that would’ve been really difficult. I’m basically his age, am a child of divorce, have seen my mum divorce twice more lol, am not in principle averse to dating someone with kids (haven’t ever but not like because it’s a rule for me) and have an older partner but ngl if my partner were going through a custody battle while with me I’d be very fucking stressed and I think pretty useless with advice and wouldn’t even be the best at the moral support side because it’s just like… quite far out of the realm of my own experience. And I do get the sense that Harry was hella overwhelmed lol and also again partly because of how much he loved/loves Robin and respected Robin, he was trying to do the right thing for Olivia and the kids but also like he’s not yk old enough per se to be in that position.

I don’t know what their whole situation would’ve been in another life where she’d left Jason in a classy fashion and had obtained a normal parenting plan and then started dating Harry. And also what it would’ve been like without LOT and all the DWD drama that was unrelated to them/this. Like that would’ve been a completely different tl and maybe it would’ve worked better because they clearly got along grand for the most part and did really love each other and if things were chill from Jason’s end like I don’t think the kids would’ve been a problem at all. I don’t think Harry would’ve tried to replace him or anything as their dad but also would’ve tried to be a good stepfather figure.

the biological clock thing would still have been an issue just because like she realistically needs to have a kid in the next few years if she wants more bio kids - she can’t really wait another 8 years or anything - but they did seem legit open to kids together idk so again without Jason drama + all the other crap then maybe it would’ve worked out. It didn’t.

and I agree the Taylor thing was healthier and probably helped him work through a few of the issues he’d built up over the past few years but clearly also didn’t work out and imo he should take it slow with the next girl and like see where things go and how they develop. Which again is why Olivia D or someone like her, who’s busy and not really in a rush to marry/have kids etc, would imo be a really good idea. He needn’t stay single but I also don’t think he should move in with someone and/or start talking rings and cradles in the next year or so lol. He should just chill for a bit.

[bluedalahorse]

I’ve been thinking about the fairy deal question of would you want more YR forever but the price is no longer having fic and I don’t know if I would change my answer but I’ve thought through my answer a lot more and I want to put so many more asterisks on it.

So for me I answered from a place of like… creative ethics, I guess? YR was Lisa’s story first, and she had a beginning and end for it and wanted to write it in three seasons. It’s obvious she cherishes it, but she has other stories to tell now. The actors gave us their all for three seasons, but they’re all growing up and will be moving on to new projects and I’m excited to see what they do next. So the notion of some fae queen putting Lisa and the cast and the crew in a magical prison of having to perform for us forever just feels… not so great. I know that’s not what the question was asking but now I can’t unsee the fae nightmare scenario. Blame Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell if you must!

On the other side of creative ethics is that I feel like what we call fanfic is intrinsic to the human condition, and therefore humans should be allowed and encouraged to do fanfic. Like centuries ago someone would tell a story about Robin Hood to their kids and then eventually one of those kids would tell a story to their friend like “ok here’s my Robin/Little John/Maid Marian OT3 hurt-comfort epic” and their friend would be like “excuse me no the vibe is Robin/Sheriff of Nottingham enemies to lovers” and then they would have had a ship war about it. Lisa et al might own the legal rights to Young Royals but everything about the way they ended the series felt like they were lovingly handing it over to the fans. They trusted us to envision an infinite number of futures for the characters. And that feels worth mentioning.

And, even if Lisa wanted us to never write fanfic again, I feel like we’d still have the right to write it, and we should probably write it more actually. I had a friend growing up who was on the secret underground Vampire Chronicles mailing lists Anne Rice disapproved of. I think this is badass.

Here’s where the fae queen would try to tempt me… they’d remind me that my favorite characters aren’t always featured as heavily in fanfic, and that sometimes they’re featured in ways that don’t vibe as much with what I love about canon. That I am more likely to get the characterizations I want from Eternal Canon. And I admit, I am very likely to click backward when I see stories where August is flattened to an uncomplicated villain, Sara and Felice are solely Wilmon’s cheerleaders/flatterers, and Good Mom Linda vs Bad Mom Kristina plays out with No Nuance. Among other things! Like, yes, sure, I know there would be a great temptation for me even just to see more incredible acting from my kids Frida and Malte. I do like watching what they do with their faces and body language. You’ve got me there, fae queen…

However! I am still not ready to surrender to the fae queen and give up fanfic just yet. Because the reality is, we’re all writing fanfic to express our relationship to the text and wrestle with it a bit, and that includes me. Getting to explore August’s continued recovery, and his relationship to family and friendship with Nils, is something that mattered to me. I enjoyed figuring out the balance of writing Nils in his early 20s, and figuring out what it would be like for him to openly date boys and have a boyfriend, while still not having him be like… a gushing hopeless romantic of a person who makes Pinterest boards for his wedding? And then thinking about another story I haven’t written yet, connected to that fic linked above, where Vincent ends up being the first to get married but also the first to get divorced, and his daughter has ADHD too and he’s seeing so much of himself in her, and he confesses late at night to Nils and August that he’s worried he’ll fuck her up the same way he got fucked up by his parents. And then, in the story I’m writing now, I found an opportunity to write Linda as like a full-on human who sometimes wants things for herself independent of her kids, but also that’s really fraught for her, for reasons. Also I want to explore Sara as a grown up—sometimes strong and sometimes vulnerable—and have her break free of toxic capitalism, because she’s gotten better at her relationships to people but she’s fallen into the “work should be your life’s calling” fallacy and her bosses are taking advantage of her. I have a lot of things I want to write. And those things matter too, even if I’m not always sure who the audience for them is, and even if I wish sometimes that they were fics available for me to read that I didn’t have to write myself.

So the fairy queen can go skipping off to play with some other mortal for now. I’ve got chores to do and a heatwave to avoid anyway.

[oldfangirl81]

Anyone else thinking about their coming out story?

Teenage/early 20s me = a very good ally, heteroflexible, open minded

Mid 20s/early 30s = bisexual, what's in their pants doesn't matter to my interest

30s onward = asexual, biromantic

Did anyone else have MySpace as part of their story?

I have a friend who has always been more conservative than me. I was considered a bad influence at times during our teen years because I was a feminist. Tales for another time.

Anyway in college she got together with a guy who was all the bigotry. Anyway, at the time she wouldn't add me to her MySpace because "you have freaks for friends who might want to be my friend". I was hurt but went home trying to figure out what she meant. (I'm lousy at confrontation in person).

The only common thing I could see on the ones she didn't already know was they were queer and I had bisexual listed as my sexuality. I'd know her over ten years at that point. I stayed up all night crying.

Dad saw me in the morning and asked what was wrong.

"Jane isn't accepting that I'm bisexual and friends with gay people online."

"You're bisexual?"

"...I thought you knew?"

"I did." Mom piped up. "The Angelina Jolie crush made it obvious."

"Oh. Well I don't care who you date as long as they're Jewish." (It was a long running joke because Mom converted but he later made sure I knew he wouldn't care as long as I was happy).

So for a couple years I had very limited contact with Jane. We'd meet up and part of the conversation was always the same.

"Are you still doing that bisexual thing?"

"Uh, yeah."

"And your parents are still okay with it?"

"Yup. Mom bought me a cherry chapstick recently in her odd supportive way."

Eventually the relationship with the bigot ended badly for Jane. During her divorce recovery she got close to a bunch of drag queens and other LGBTQ folk.

I didn't know any of that at the time. Imagine my surprise after years apart we meet up. I expected the same frustrating questions. Instead my friend is using terms like "top/bottom" correctly with no judgement.

I've been lucky in my coming out experiences. But then I also never told my paternal grandparents about it. I doubt they would have been happy. But that is also a whole other drama tale.

Anyway, yay for Evan Buckley going on his first queer date in his 30s.

[astroyongie]

I kinda had a similar situation with my father, but my parents got divorced when I was 20. My father still bothers me a great deal, even if he has another family now, but I have learnt to not care and move forward. I found a job at 20, paid for mental treatment by myself to escape depression and etc. I, too, was upset that I had to grow up so fast and support my mom and grandma financially, but no struggle lasts forever. Now, I am financially stable enough to afford to be a child again. ❤️ I would like to encourage everyone with similar issues to go with the flow, focus on themselves and their career, focus on hobbies and friends... It's never too early to grow up and never too late to be a child ✨️✨️ Who sais we can't have fun in disneyland, go to clubs or travel the world with friends in 30s or 40s? 🥰🥰🥰 please cheer up. 🦋🦋🌟

THIS !!!!

THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!

I want to say how proud I am of you for being able to fight through it all ! And as you said, each person is different and we will grow different. It’s our choice to learn to accept how we want to proceed with it. It’s never late for nothing. Just enjoy life and remember that each storm has an end ❤️❤️

[yukinotrinko]

Yesterday I met a childhood friend for the first time in a long time and we went to a concert together.

When we were young, it was rare to find half-Americans in a small town outside of Tokyo, even if it was Tokyo, and it was also rare to find divorced parents at a young age in New Town, a new town created by urban development (where stable people moved to) where we grew up. His personality was distorted by these two factors and he became a delinquent. It is not violence, but theft, etc.

After he began to misbehave, we gradually stopped seeing each other every day, and before long I was one of the group gossiping about his misdeeds. I feel that that exclusive play, which is peculiar to a small town with little entertainment, was trying to exclude him from here altogether. Little did I realize that while I was part of that group, he was growing a little bit as a person.

We didn't see each other at all for the next seven years, until one day I passed him at a train station and he suddenly called out to me. How are you? I felt guilty at first, but we continued to talk until morning, as if to fill in the blanks of time and our feelings for each other.

Since we were both night owls, we would meet almost every night and talk nonsense and philosophy. He became a Christian and would sometimes share with me the teachings of Jesus.

Around the same time I was invited to a reunion of the school where we grew up, and I invited him because I thought it would be a good opportunity for him. I only told my friend who invited me, but my lack of thoughtfulness caused him to have a miserable time at the reunion.

Other friends gathered at the reunion continued to avoid him throughout the time it was held. The few people who approached him also made fun of him for his bad behavior back then. They didn't believe that he had changed since then, and they continued to criticize him for the man they saw in front of them. Looking back, I think that is when I began to question such social pressure. I think it was probably when I was 19 or 20 years old.

He started his Christian faith, but he has been tortured by self-doubt ever since that time and still is. He is very creative and supportive, and it seems like there is a lot of work he could do if he jumped into the creative industry, but he has been unable to do so because of the intense trauma he has experienced in a somewhat open society. So he continues to work in physically demanding professions such as civil engineering.

If the environment in which we grow up has so many different effects on our personality shaping at an early age, I feel it would be very cruel to end this story with only him being at fault for doing it. We cannot ignore the feelings of those who were harmed and emotionally damaged by his stealing, and I am not at all trying to justify the evil he did because he was a friend. But I feel coldly about a society where there is no help for anyone. I wonder if I feel this way because I grew up in Japan. Of course opinions change depending on the case, but what do you all think about this?

Anyway, yesterday after the concert we went to my favorite bar and while we were having drinks I kept thinking about this. It was a great night. I was a little drunk from drinking alcohol, which I can't drink, and he kept smiling at me. We talked about the anxieties and joys of life and the music we like. It was a music bar, and as I finished my gin and tonic, this song came on, and it seemed to speak for us,

https://youtu.be/In7enKVo2xo

[thepennedcommandments]

My Mentally Ill Husband

My beautiful, kind, very sick husband was admitted to the psychiatric ward for the first time in October 2019. He was only 30. It has become harder to remember that just a few short years ago he was ok. Of course, looking back there were signs. There are always signs, though to my credit his were subtle.

So this is my story so far. My side of it, and I’ll warn you, it’s ugly. To anyone in the thick of it, fighting with all of your strength, I would encourage you to hang on to that little light that shines every so often at the end of the very dark tunnel.

I can’t pinpoint when I started noticing how withdrawn he’d become. Our nightly ritual since having children was to crawl on the couch together, exhausted, after the kids went to bed and watch a movie. I never had to lift a finger; he brought my delicious bowl of Chunky Monkey ice cream and snuggled in. Only to find me snoring 20 minutes later. But he never cared. He’s scratch my arm or rub my head and had not complained once.

Those nights became fewer and fewer and eventually I was left all alone every night. His retreat was our garage. He blared country music, singing in perfect harmony. He learned new songs on his guitar. He became interested in astrology and birth charts. I was kind of excited for him, he seemed to have a whole new look on life. His energy levels were next level and his creativity was incredible. The next venture was getting into shape and eating healthy. In fact, he and I both went vegetarian for a whole year. We both hadn’t looked this well since our early twenties. His energy and motivation was, to me, inspired.

But he stopped wanting to do these new things with me. He became frustrated when I told him I missed him. He was obsessively studying zodiac signs and didn’t sit down for dinner with us. He barely glanced at our children. He started riding his bike every night around midnight for miles and miles. He stopped sleeping. He turned mean. His words were a torch and they seared my soul. When I asked why I was catching the worst of his moods, his response was because I made him this way. He claimed years of mistreatment and coldness from me. I was stunned. I didn’t remember our life like this and my heart ached that I had created this version of my husband. I completely internalized his words and became depressed. I had hurt him. I had treated him so badly that he wasn’t the same person anymore. He told me he didn’t want to hang out with me, that my family thought I was clinically crazy, and that I had no friends. And for a little while, I believed him. I was ashamed of myself. I was determined to take full responsibility and try to right all that I had wronged.

But no matter how hard I tried, it got worse. I became frustrated. We yelled at each other. A lot. He got so mad at me one afternoon on the beach that he left me there, alone. I was calling a cab to pick me up when he showed back up. Our fights were volatile. I disliked him so much that it was difficult to consider any love I had for him. I moved out of our bedroom. I told him I wanted a divorce but have regretted those words since the moment they left my mouth. The children and I settled into our new normal, just the three of us and Daddy in the garage. I stopped speaking to him much, he preferred it. I didn’t know how I was going to continue but I was embarrassed to tell anyone what my life was really like. I didn’t want to move back in with parents. But sometimes I longed for the familiarity and warmth of my childhood bedroom. To crawl into my mama’s arms so she could lie to me and say it was all going to be ok.

I held my breathe every time he walked in the door. Mornings were the worst. He would wake up in an absolute rage. He threw things, he screamed, he was cruel. My children witnessed me lock myself in a bathroom while he kicked a hole through the door. I’ll never get over doing that to them. He told me I was a bad mother and that I was lazy. I believed him. I tried harder. Proving my worth to all of my boys. Desperate for their forgiveness and wanting to be worthy.

I had no idea the scariest part was still to come. He became fanatical about religion. Another afternoon on the beach, he played a melody that was supposed to be what the Bible sounds like musically. He told me to watch all the birds when he played the song; that they would “stand at attention and pay respects to their maker.” I never saw a bird stand at attention, let alone do more than search for food around unsuspecting tourists. He became furious and told me he wasn’t surprised I couldn’t see it. Like there was something wrong with me. He told me because of all the good work he’s done recently, a love offering from a mega-church was being gifted to us. This delusion was only the first of many.

Then came the whispering. He said, with 100% certainty, that he was being followed. He was being watched and listened to. He tore the GPS system out of his company truck and threw his cell phone out of his window while driving down the road. He said the family wasn’t safe and that we need to get out of here, move somewhere else. He was convinced our entire home was bugged and would only talk to me in a low whisper, in the bathroom, with the fan on to avoid our conversations being overheard.

It’s important to note that prior to the withdrawal and delusions, he was perfectly ok. The most sane and level headed person I knew. A gentle giant. So when he began his obsession with being followed, I tried to make it make sense. I wondered what secret life he had been living that put his family in danger and had people spying on us. Maybe three days into trying to rationalize it, I knew with certainty that my husband was very, very mentally ill. I was not equipped to handle this on my own.

Thankfully, his fear of whoever these people were crippled him enough that he was desperate for help and surrendered. I drove him to a behavioral health unit, held his hand, and pleaded for someone in that facility to help me; to help him. It wasn’t hard to decide if he was a candidate for inpatient treatment, he was so very sick. I remember the doctor asking me if there had been any recent money mismanagement or large purchases. I didn’t handle the finances but to my knowledge, no. Boy, I was wrong. I decided to go home and start calling around to make sure our bills were paid. They were all months behind, I don’t even know how we still had running water. And there was no money in his account. Another punch to the stomach.

I showed up to visitation every chance they opened the doors to me and waited impatiently by the phone on days where there was no visitation. In my ignorance regarding mental illness, I assumed a day or two in there and I’d be able to see a change. He would yell at me, get very agitated, and shattered my heart for the entire week he was in there. On visitation days he would blow up and leave me sitting in the visitors room alone with other patients and their visitors. It wasn’t like I could get up and go home when that would happen. As guests, we went in to visit as a group and left as a group. I was left sitting alone, holding back tears, my heart ripping at the seams. But I showed up early and I would have stayed late every single time. I’d leave each visit feeling heavy and would sob in my car before having to continue on with life.

I felt used and betrayed, which isn’t fair to my husband. He had no idea how all of this was impacting me and the children and I didn’t want him to know. I wanted him to get better and come back to me. Still naive, I was cautiously excited for him to be getting out. I had this ridiculous fantasy that he would get out of the psych ward cured and life would resume normally. I was wrong, again. He was still distant, he still didn’t like me, and he was still sick. It would take months of medication combinations to get him stable enough for me to see there may still be a life left to have with him.

The years after have been just as hard and unpredictable. I noticed a few months ago he was slipping. Not able to distinguish reality and fantasy. “They” were after him again and he was afraid. I sat in denial but knew deep down we were headed towards hospitalization again. And then it happened, the tipping point. I drove him back to the hospital, desperate for them to take over. To relieve me. He’s 3 days in as I write this. I’ve talked to him a few times but he isn’t making sense, gets angry, hangs up on me. I have no idea when I’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel again. Surely not for a while.

I miss him. I miss him so much it makes me sick. The man I married is never coming back to me. I will never fully heal from that. It’s so gut wrenchingly painful that it actually feels like a death. I have mourned my husband, the life we had, but mostly the life we would have made. I have no idea what the future holds or how many more hospital stays he will endure. We will endure. How many more med combos we will go through. How many bad days we we will go through to maybe get two good ones. But I know I’m not ready to give up. I’m not throwing in towel. And I won’t stop fighting with him. I’m slowly accepting what will be instead of what was. And I’m sad, I'm worried, I’m anxious But I’ve never stopped loving him and I don’t think I ever will. For better and for worse, in sickness and in health.

[officialvoiceofgenerationx]

I had my adolescent girlhood in the early '90s when I was in my early 20s. I was married at the time, which is weird. I'm not sure how that happened. I was drunk 24/7 for a few years and then I realized I was about to be married and I decided I should lay off the booze, with the result that I went into a major depressive episode that lasted a few more years. Really, the marriage never had a chance.

I treated my depression with depressants - a lot of pot, of course, and we had a connection in the medical field who hooked us up with painkillers - Vicodin and Percocet, mostly, and this cool new drug called Xanax. When we weren't fighting, we were sitting on the sofa staring off into space and Nickelodeon was part of our cable package.

I discovered Clarissa Explains It All and was totally in love. I also got really into My So-Called Life and The Adventures Of Pete And Pete. I found Sassy magazine, which got problematic later, but it seemed pretty cool at the time. I didn't get to have an adolescence when I was an adolescent and my late teens were pretty chaotic - I never knew where I was going to pass out or what was going to happen. The marriage wasn't good, but we did have a somewhat stable place to live and it was fairly quiet - between the drugs and resentments, we didn't talk much - so I was able to just dig into adolescent culture and Clarissa was there to explain it all.

The episode I attached is available to watch for free. They all should be - it's a fucking 30-year-old sit-com, for shit's sake. And it's about as representative of the show as it needs to be. The family takes a break from TV, which makes them all miserable - the show doesn't explicitly state that TV is the only thing that makes it possible for them to tolerate each other, but there it is. The mom starts smoking again - all of our parents smoked, for fuck's sake - and then quits. Happy ending achieved.

Clarissa Darling was a normal TV kid - her family was well-off and they lived in California. There was no abuse, all problems were solved in 22 minutes and there was a laugh track in case you didn't get the really lame humor. I am not pretending that the show was ground-breaking or deep - it was a sit-com on Nick. Still, it was fun. Clarissa broke the fourth wall constantly, directly addressing the audience. They touched on the topics that the writers wanted to believe were important to teenagers and it was a fun, cheesy, day-glo diversion from reality. The Adventures Of Pete And Pete was a lot weirder and My So-Called Life touched on weightier topics - I couldn't find those shows for free either. When none of those were on, I had the latest copy of Sassy to fill the gap.

Eventually, we had to give up cable because we were broke. Sassy got taken over by a different publisher and stopped being cool. I found someone who was able to give me the active abuse I wasn't getting from the marriage and had an affair. We separated in '95 or so - got divorced a year or two later. I started doing meth on top of the other shit and eventually returned to alcohol. Somehow, I survived.

Mostly, I focus on the older Gen Xers - those of us who were born in the late '60s and through the '70s. The subjects I'm on about here were made for younger Xers and the up-and-coming kids - Xillennials, I guess. Still, the relatively cool teen fodder of the '90s had some affect on me. I was able to take a break from the truly toxic shitshow that was my life and pretend that acne was a really important problem for a little bit. It was nice to pretend I was a twelve-year-old girl who had friends and a family that cared, even if it was fake as shit.

Clarissa, So-Called Life and Pete And Pete really should be available for free streaming. I'd love to bore the shit out of my 14yo with some truly lame old TV. That kid has had it pretty easy.

[eddieschains]

Since everyone is sharing their end of the year thoughts i suppose i’ll share mine since i am in fact a follower and not a leader.

TW: mentions of drug use, parental issues, abandonment issues, depression, anxiety

I keep saying that this year started out being the best year of my life, and ended with being the worst. But, now that i think back, i honestly think that’s the farthest thing from the truth. This year has brought me some of the best memories of my life and has really changed me and molded me into the person i’ve dreamt of being for the last 22 years.

So for those who don’t know my personal life story, which is almost all of you, let me indulge a little bit.

My mom is a dr*g addict and left me when i was 10 years old, and i never knew my dad. I was practically left to raise myself and figure out life on my own. I was able to move out when i was 16 and have been on my own ever since. It was a struggle of course, but i made it by as well as i could. Unfortunately, when i was 13 i fell into the same habits as my mom. I lost a lot of friends and people in my life, but i was able to pull myself back together and get sober. At 16, i was constantly working and doing my best to graduate school early and start living a life i always dreamed of. And it happened. I found the best group of friends i could’ve possibly asked for, who now have become my family.

Fast forward a couple years, my brother and his wife divorced and neither of them were doing well mentally or physically. They couldn’t take care of their daughter anymore, and growing up the way i did, i couldn’t bear to see her end up in foster care or have her childhood thrown away like mine was. So i agreed to take her. As a 20 year old who swore she would never have children, i was now left to provide for myself and an 8 year old child. And it was honestly great. Until one morning at 2am i got a call from someone claiming to be my mothers fiancé.

He told me my mom was in the hospital with liver failure and a blood disease and wasn’t going to make it til the end of the week. Now, i made a pact with myself when i was 17 that i wouldn’t let her back into my life unless she was clean and sober. I told myself that i wasn’t going to allow her to hop in and out of my life like she had done prior. But in the end, she’s my mom. And i knew i would regret it if i saw her obituary on facebook and didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. So i went to see her.

Her fiancé had over exaggerated the whole situation. She wasn’t dying, but she was sick. So i visited her everyday until she got out. I knew she was homeless, so brought her care packages of everything she might need when she left. When she was discharged from the hospital, i had no idea. I showed up one day and the staff told me she was gone. She did it again. She abandoned me without a word. So i moved on with my life, and made another pact not to let her in.

I focused on myself, my work, and my schooling until it got to be too much for me. I was constantly thinking about her, wondering where she was, if she was alive or dead. I dropped out of school to focus on my mental health and it slowly started getting better and better. And then last year, it happened again.

Another call that she was in the hospital. I didn’t visit her, but i did call her. I wanted to make sure she didn’t feel alone, but also wanted to keep my distance. She asked if i could drive her back home when she got discharged and while hesitant, i agreed. I drove her to a friends house that was very clearly not a sober house. And that was the last time i saw or heard from her.

It’s been a year since then, and it was really really hard in the beginning. It was hard to get her out of my head. It was hard to stop worrying. I was having panic attacks multiple times a week until i had to just let it go. I let her go and really started the work on myself. I checked myself into a behavioral health center and really pulled my shit together.

This was the first year that i barely thought about my mom. And when i did think about her, it didn’t send me down a spiral. I was living every day in the moment, and enjoying nearly every second of it.

I logged back into my old tumblr only about 6 months ago as a joke to be honest. Just like you guys, i fell down the Eddie Munson/Joseph Quinn rabbit hole and wanted to see if people still write fan fiction in 2022. And thank god they do. I found some really good friends on this app and i am so so happy and grateful that i did.

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. While it was incredibly painful, i think i actually dealt with it EXTREMELY well. Maybe a little too well honestly. I gave myself a few days to process, and then i just… moved on. And it sounds crazy but i think a lot of that is because of this app and because of you guys.

This place has become my safe space and you guys have genuinely become my friends. It’s a place for me to speak whatever silly little unhinged and horny thought i have in my head, and i know you won’t judge me.

Well, this was a lot and it probably makes barely any sense but long story short, im so proud of myself for who i’ve become this year, and i’m so glad i found this little community. I’ve finally become the person i always wanted to be and honestly you guys are a huge part of it, as stupid as it sounds. So thank you thank you thank you for allowing me to be part of this whole thing and accepting me for who i am. I love you guys. Happy 2023 🤍

[magnoliamyrrh]

I’m from a Balkan family and no you’re right there is some cultural stuff treating women and children as actual property that breeds a shit ton of abuse :/ like my childhood wasn’t nearly so bad as yours in terms of csa so I guess I can’t really complain but both my parents sucked and the violence is just . . . so normalized. Not to mention the whole “our ancestors got genocide-ed so u have no real problems compared to them” attitudes

no no dont say u cant complain abt it just bc i had it "worst" youre falling into the balkan parent trap. you can and you should. no child should go through any abuse, its all traumatizing and not okay - and thing is,,, a lot of things really have more impact on kids than many adults seem to want to take into account. they're very sensitive and get very affected and influenced by the things they go through. just bc i went through more shit doesnt mean that the things you went through werent painful and should be dismissed. im sorry im sending u hugs <3

but right!! like its definitely some sort of culturally accepted and common thing. i saw some statistic from the early 2010s, dont know how well it holds up now, that 60% of romanians think beating your domestic partner is acceptable. i was also just thinking too abt how im 98% sure this is more normalized with girls and women. i mean, until barely 2 generations ago arranged marriages, bridal kidnappings, and child marriages were still commonplace, just,, perfectly socially acceptable to essentially sell your daughter to some man or for some grown ass man to kidnap a girl and force her into marriage. considering that shit went on for hundreds of years, its bound to have lasting social impacts. + im thinking abt how my aunt was pushed into a marriage when she was 20 and her husband was absolutely horrible and so abusive to her, but her mother + others would tell her its her fault and she should try harder and divorce would be sinful/shameful/a woman cant leave her husband..... that shits fucked and we definetely have a big problem with this combination of women and children being property + treat that property however violently you want to in the balkans

also god tell me about it. "you havent been through a war/genocide/dictatorship/communism/occupation/whatever so youre never allowed to complain abt anything ever or be hurt by anything ever" is some of the most toxic shit balkan parents do. i grew up with so much of that, the second time i ended up in a psych ward i had a whole mental break abt it lmao, sobbing and going on abt how im a little bitch for complaining abt being trafficked when i havent been through communism/genocide/etcetcetc