#my parents are out of the country
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thought having the afternoon off work would be nice, but actually it's just left me alone with my thoughts for hours and feeling obscenely lonely
#my parents are out of the country#and my boyfriend doesn't have wifi installed in his new place yet and is waiting for a new sim card to arrive#so the only time we can message rn is when he goes across the road to wetherspoons and uses their wifi#i have no one to talk to and i want to bang my head against a wall#can't even have a few drinks because i'm teaching at 8am 😭😭😭
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i think kissing a girl would fix me
#I really want to have like. a low stakes secret summer romance out in the country. does that make sense#like we kiss by the fire pit out in the backyard. illuminated by the soft orange glow of the fire and the fireflies around us#you wrap your arms around me and your jacket smells like smoke and there's still a bit of roasted marshmallow on my cheek. you wipe it away#and when our parents find out they are not angry. they merely welcome us with an 'it's about time. I'm so happy for you'#bird likes to chirp#not to get soulful and yearning tonight but idk. it's something I've been thinking about a lot
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Kinda in regards to the Empress & BodyGuard 2-
Is Zaphira (sorry if I spelled her name wrong) an elf or do humans have pointed ears in your universe? If no elves, how do the pointed ears happen? Are there different length of ears and if so do they mean somethin?
Love your art & use of colours!
Thank you! and thank you for asking! (this sketch took me way too long .. and the colors still look washed out on my desktop screen but im not editing a third time ..)
Zaphira is human, there are no elves, as such, in this world, though humans tend to live longer than IRL and have differently shaped ears-
the shapes are rather diverse (example above) and culturally (so far) they have no significance, they are merely a trait just like different nose shapes or fantasy hair colors
the worldbuilding reason is that these are extremely diluted demonic influences- in the past demons were frequently in the human world, though largely in secret/disguised, and long time exposure to demonic presences can have varying effects, the most immediate and common being a longer life or wounds healing faster than normal; there might have been other long time effects but the only trait that stayed even after their disappearance is the ear shapes
(there was a mass extinction event of demons that wiped out all above a certain age, since demons generally dont die of natural causes their life neither depends nor revolves around reproduction so there were extremely few left and those were too young to keep most of their knowledge and culture alive, as they rarely wrote anything down; Shargon is of the current oldest generation and witnessed it happen, just like most now adult demons, Thor and Eadrya are both a bit older than him and thus the oldest living demons, which doesnt mean much considering the technically endless lifespans of them)
and to explain me including Shargon in a human appearance- hes the only demon that spends as much time in the human world as at home, largely to escape the others since they are not interested in going there and would otherwise attack him any chance they get (the human world is rather uncomfortable for demons to be in and they have better things to do than to chase him that far), while hes generally very weak compared to them, something he is very good at is shape shifting, mainly the speed of which, being able to shift between full demon and the smaller more humanoid form extremely quickly, or even mid forms that are a mix of both - even in motion! while for the others it takes them quite a bit and forces them to stop which is the main reason he keeps escaping them not able to keep up with his rapid shape shifting (though it does take its toll .. also a reason hes so skinny)
he is the first (only?) one that at some point will learn how to shift into a much more human looking one (depicted in the sketch) too, but its rather dangerous since it involves supressing and compressing his demon heart and system... which is what keeps demons alive (its somewhat like holding your breath for way too long) so the only time he would make use of it is in extreme situations, like avoiding detection by maschines that can pick up demonic energy or escaping shackles made of celestial silver (which drains their energy and can scar/hurt them permanently, like silver to vampires(?werewolfs?) in a way)
....the point is that if he shifts into a human form he has very long ears, meaning that is basically the extreme form that doesnt occur in humans and hints at the origins for those ear shapes being demonic exposure in the past
#ganondoodles#art#original characters#original art#oc#ocs#oc lore#man i cant ever keep it short can i#its 1am again ............#welll i hope that answers your question njdflndflnjlsd#also as a sidenote- zaphira and midas are siblings but not biologically#she was adopted into the royal family and is good chunk older than midas as he was born a while after shes been there#he was supposed to take the throne after their parents died in an allegedly accidental fire but he was like ... 6 at the time#and begged her to take up the throne instead despite the people not being very fond of her due to her agressive nature#.... which was proven correct in a way given she waged war for many years after taking up the crown#(.. bc she found out their parents were killed by a neighbouring country and the fire placed to get rid of traces)#(no one but her and a few officials knew of that being the real reason she attacked that country and not just a lust for power)#(midas still doesnt know -even now)#( though it got out of control and she ended up taking over multiple countries .. hence her title)#(after her wife died she swore to never engage in war again and been spending the last .. 20?30? years trying to repair the damage she did)#just adding that again bc its kinda central to her entire problem of everyone and their grandmother wanting her dead#and her being determined to do as much as she can before midas has to take over and pick up the pieces#..............though none of it goes as planned of course#ANYWAY i need sleep#sorry for the long text spam#i cant help but yap about my special lil guys
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When you're obviously autistic but undiagnosed and need extra support in order to function in society but in order to get support you need money and in order to get money you need to function in society but in or-
#this is the cycle of my life rn#ive been unemployed since i graduated#i cant handle college#but cant handle a job either#i have no irl relationships other than my immediate family#so im stuck being dependant on my parents#i also live in a foreign country#so i cant handle moving out yet either#and be alone to learn adulting in an unfamiliar place#im scared im going to be stuck in this house for a long time#and lose my young adult years#actually autistic#autism#autism awareness#neurodivergent
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he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care
#sorry this is fucking UNINTELLIGIBLE but unfortunately i’m still on my bullshit about dr. daddyissues. yeah it’s gonna be all month#i am rotating episode 2.8 ‘the mistake’ in my head at breakneck speed. i am gnawing on it i want to swallow it#oh he’s such a lying liar who lies. charming little bastard. would rather die/lose his license than express one wholly unaffected emotion#‘he thinks not giving a crap makes him like house. like it’s something to aspire to’ quick question HOW serious do the daddy issues have to#be before you start latching on to fucking GREGORY HOUSE as a paternal figure and role model. really#even cameron is not down this bad. even WILSON is not down this bad.#the daddy issues of it all are very understandable though because even setting aside whatever went down back in childhood that shit his#father did to him in seasons 1-2 is SO messed up. jesus#imagine traveling all the way across the world to the hospital your son works in for a consult which confirms what you already knew: you’re#going to die of cancer in like 2 months. making a whole point out of stopping by to visit your son. not telling him what’s going on.#letting him spend a whole episode’s worth of time gradually coming to terms with his complicated feelings towards you (complicated on#account of a whole childhood of objectively awful parenting). the kid finally is able to try reaching back out to you. after YOU initiated#the contact in the first place. how do you react? well obviously by telling him ‘oh sorry i actually have to get in a taxi right now’ and#fucking back off to the other side of the world without giving him a chance to actually talk to you at all and resolve any of the emotions#you just dredged up. oh by the way you still haven’t fucking told him you’re about to die and in fact actively mislead him into thinking#he’s going to have the chance to try meeting with you again next time he visits your home country.#especially fucked up given that the whole reason it DID take your son so long to come around THIS time is that he feels like every time#he’s tried reaching out to you in the past you’ve just disappointed him by refusing to put in the effort to meet him there.#And Now Here We Are Again.#rowan what the FUCK is wrong with you. i want to dig you up and kill you again#house md#robert chase#caseyposting
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"it's not the immigrants he wants to get rid of, it's the illegals!" I hope you realize all immigrants are illegal to a xenophobe's eyes
#im sorry. the fact that so many latinos are advocating for this man still grinds my gears so badly#it doesn't matter if you have papers or not. if you're mexican or cuban. if you're black or white. we're all the same dirt to them#you live in the us because life in your mother land was a constant struggle. why do turn against those who bear the same burden you did#it's actually so evil#and i dont expect the people around me to understand that. they've been weirdly nationalistic lately#and also none of them are immigrants or have immigrant parents#they're not trying to get their extended family out from a country rotting away thanks to us intervention and the greedy bastards in charge#this is so overwhelmingly stressful
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most of all i hate the govt for letting everyone in our parents generation drink lead contaminated water so that i (uncontaminated) have to deal with my parents and in laws completely insane unhinged detached from reality decision making and thought processes
#im not being mean they are fucking insane#my mom asking me to drag my toddler across the ocean in a 20 hour plane ride and complete time flip to attend a wedding#and this is only a few weeks after im supposed to move my entire family and all my things across the country??? are you out of your fucking#meanwhile my mother in law is like hey can you drive your toddler 6 hours in one day to see me for an hour so i can show off my grandkid in#front of my fuckass bitch family who is in town for god knows what#are you both out of your minds???? what the fuck is wrong with you all??????????????????#fuck!!#imagine being so selfish that you don’t even see how unreasonable all this is lol like yeah im gonna put my toddler through all this when#nobody’s visiting her or calling to ask how she is she’s not a fucking accessory or a pet she is a person#fuck the world#also my parents put me through so much as a kid to visit people and travel and i was miserable I am NOT putting her through that too#they are useless#fuck the govt fuck the boomers fuck the world goodbye
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the bs going on in my life is so horrendously terrible im going to (remembers suicide jokes just serve to help make me more suicidal) kill the authoritarial figures that i once truly knew and loved and trusted that i can no longer offer my true love and trust to due to the harm that they have dealt to me and those that surround us, ultimately allowing those that have been affected by their prejudice and oppression to be free even at the cost of willingly trapping myself in a death timer.
#i couldnt remember how the original joke went word-for-word so heres a shitty paraphrasing of it#ultrakill#yeah this is about gabriel#mel/tav/fugo/marcy rambles#suicide tw#long tags#vent#its also (in a joking way) about how shit my life is atm#i might be physically seperated from my mother but she still demands i stay in contact with her and i just. i cant do that#i hate her. i really hate her.#and i feel like if im going to really get anywhere in life i need to drop out of college and get *Away* from her#because she's too much of a controlling force in my life and she refuses completely to relinquish any of that control#so that i might have any of my own independence#i feel like i need to do something drastic and sudden if i want to live the way ive been longing to for so long now.#which. in my case. id be moving in with one of my online friends across the country#taking as much as i can with me and heading over#ik that might sound bad but ive known them since i was literately 12 and they were like 15 when i met them and i dont trust anyone else#as much as i trust them#and they could wait for me but i Can Not Fucking Wait. i need to get out of here#im sick of waiting for year upon year to get out of this hellhole and get away from my parents#only for me to be unable to really do that.#i just need to break the connection in its entirety.#god. ugh. sisyphus and mirage and gabriel ultrakill please grant me the strength to do this.
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In my OWN personal crisis journey that no one cares about because the country is on fire- midterm did not get completed and I am emailing the professor to drop the class. Also tags are Embarrassingly personal and have dark mental health stuff be forewarned. But if you want to read some personal drama as a distraction then I am happy to be that person for you lol
#this is a horrible difficult humiliating decision#but im literally so miserable i wrote a suicide note#and i promised myself that if it ever got that bad i would try to change things first#i LOVE this class but i dont need it to graduate. this sucks i am upset but i will live#bawling my eyes out but depression isnt going to get me that easy!! once i started googling bridges near me i knew it was over lol#that thang was not getting written i need to make the terrible choice and move on#otherwise the only other choice would be breaking my parent's hearts. so anyway. she lives to see another day#suicide tw#if this is melodramatic im sorry im so sleep deprived#im gonna salvage what's left of this shit semester and muster up the will to live even though this country is making that Very! Difficult!
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Having been through the exact airport they likely flew in through makes Jimmy's customs story infinitely funnier
#vio.txt#like i went through customs there as a us citizen will a full us passport omw back from an international flight#the agent is like why are you in this country. im like i live here. agent goes oh really where do you work? i say im a student#and my parents say they work in reseach. agent goes so what were you doing in [country] is there a lot of research there????#i go. i was on vacation? we were literally there to see family??? at no point in the process did we ever say we were there for work????#hate tsa so much ive never felt more racially profiled#the way its organized for non citizens was like infinitly worse as well#i think customs just attracts every high school bully that wants to live out their power fantasy#theyre treating u like a criminal for no reason 😭
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like i really think people outside small towns - especially in the south - wildly underestimate what it takes to leave them
like, here's what it took for me to move 450 miles from home:
familial support on both sides of the move, i.e.:
--people to help pack the u-haul for free
--someone to drive the u-haul for free
--a place to stay overnight after arriving in the new city for free
--people to help me unpack the apartment for free
--people to chip in on gas
--people to buy lunch/dinner on the way over
--people to give advice on where to look for apartments
--people to give me a place to stay while apartment-hunting so that i didn't have to go in sight-unseen to a new home
--a big one: a brother with whom i lived for a year at very cheap rent and expenses to save up what i could
a decent job in a niche in-demand field back home, which allowed me get a well-paying job here in the same in-demand field with enough experience to start off in a good place
a reliable, reasonably fuel-efficient car that could travel 450 miles without concern (which was paid off beforehand)
a $4500 personal loan from the bank (which i used every single penny of) - which also required:
--good enough credit to qualify for a personal loan
--enough income from the previous year to get enough from the loan to move
enough income pre-move to cover expenses for my final month at home and my first three weeks of work here before getting a paycheck
(aside: people were like "why would you start your new job less than a week after moving?? that's so stressful!!!" like my doll my dear my darling i needed the fucking paycheck as quickly as possible after moving)
enough food to bring along so i could eat between moving and getting that check
related, and also in the "familial support" column: people to help me pay for gas and/or feed me if i ran out of money/food
of course the baseline of a home to stay in at all back home, internet to do the zoom interview and find apartments to rent, as well as the structure in the hometown like a u-haul facility and a good bank with which i have a long-standing account
also, only having to move myself and my pets rather than having children who would need to have either daycare or schooling lined up on the other side of the move
now, like, obviously you can move without these things - and of course any kind of support system can take the place of my family, either friends or community groups or government programs - but they are not easy things to necessarily contact or interact with from hundreds of miles away, and not having them leaves you potentially very vulnerable in the new place, sometimes to the point of life-threatening
and i wasn't even that poor! i mean i was below the median income, but only by a few grand - and it still required a solid baseline at home, support on both sides of the move, and a personal loan, and i still barely managed to do it
"why don't you just move???" is such a severely, blindly, mind-bogglingly classist statement that it makes me just immediately disengage with whoever is saying it
like, even if you don't have roots in the place you're at, moving away is fucking hard and fucking expensive
--signed, someone who has been rankling deeply at the casual way people talk about "just mov[ing]" like that's a normal, easy, obvious thing to do and not something that is absolutely price-gated to hell and back
#classism#~~~the united states is a dystopian hellscape~~~#and that's just moving within the country! within single-day driving distance!#moving so far away that you have to fly or make multiple stops ramps up the cost even more#ugh i work with people who casually talk about how they've moved from like. california and shit. and it's like.#even the people who are kind and empathetic and mostly understanding are like...#like even if it's ''oh i could only afford it because my parents fronted me the cash'' - i mean that's closer to understanding it#but like you do realize that having parents who can front you several thousand dollars is out of the ordinary right?#the help my parents could afford was boxing/unboxing and driving the truck and buying popeye's on the way#and don't get me wrong!#i'm incredibly grateful for that help!#idk how the fuck i would have gotten both my furniture and my car here otherwise#i looked into those pods for moving and saw the cost and tbh i don't even recall now what it was#only that i took one look at the email#barked out an incredulous laugh#and replied with a ''thank you for your time'' email before hitting up u-haul#moving cross-country isn't something most people can just... do#anyway.#this has been stewing for a while sorry
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Can't believe I had to block a long time mutual because they just HAD to support Israel's genocidal regime while calling Palestinians on tumblr "scammers" and "rehashed Russian scam bots", this is genuinely disappointing.
#pink posts#you were one of the first people i've talked to on the fandom side of tumblr#to see you saying stuff like “i'm out here partying in spirit” as a response to thousands of civilians being murdered#civilians. parents. doctors. children.#you call them terrorists. how can a 10 year old be a terrorist use your brains a bit.#vague posting yeah but it pisses me the fuck off#you've seen me supporting palestine and lebanon and other countries currently getting attacked but israel for almost a year#only for you to skip all that and say that the army that killed over 40k people are the good guys. fuck right off.#i'm sorry i drew so many things for you. i'm sorry i thought that you were my friend#i don't like posting shit like this on tumblr but i can't stand it anymore
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did i not put my age anywhere?? shit. uh. dont dm me unless youre at least like 15 or 16ish or something. im literally 19 and an adult. so its weird if im talking to middle schoolers. you guys should NOT be dming adults. thats my bad. sorry chat. im gonna go update my bio now. (god this headache is killing me i JUST woke up owwww)
#i keep forgetting that a lot of you are like actually children#and that im an adult now#god im still not used to it#eeugh its so weird#i hate being an adult#but i got responsibilities to abide to#so that means keeping kids safe on the internet and some shit#idk this should really be the parents job but im doing my part#sorry to anyone who thought i was like 16 or something im not#just dont dm me unless youre at least a freshman or some shit idk#i just draw countries man i wasnt prepared to have to make this kind of post#i didnt think anyone would even be interested in my art#so this is completely new to me idk what youre supposed to do it this kind of situation#uhhhh#sorry for being weird?#or uh sorry for not being prepared??#shit man this is a disaster#i like just woke up im so out of it right now#does anyone even read my tags
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not all men but always men
the rgkar case makes me so sad and scared esp more so because it happened in my own city we as women are not even safe in places where we are supposed to be "safe" forget about roads at night,,, if this is what 77 years of independence have brought to india then we as indians have failed
#desiblr#we want justice#rg kar medical college#india#surprise its a curse to be born as a female in here#i get annoyed at my parents for not letting me get out of this city or sometimes not letting me go out alone#but who am i to blame them when this is what happens to females in this country#beti padhao beti bachao beti ne padh liya but beti bachi nayi BECAUSE SOME FUCKING MEN DONT CONSIDER US AS HUMAN BEINGS#women are objects for them to use and throw
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We still have a couple weeks but I’m genuinely worried about how depressed I’m going to be on my birthday. Like it’s not going to be good.
#on a wednesday. I don’t know anyone in my classes. milestone birthday. parents out of the country. the pieces are in place for me to kms#this is a vent post don’t feel like you need to console me I just need to get it off my chest
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i keep bouncing from “everything will be ok” to total doomer mode “i should just kill myself and get it over with” its very frightening. dont try to ween yourself off of your antidepressants before youve settled into your new living situation because that living situation might just suck ass and make you literally want to kill yourself!!!!!! psa!!!!!!
#txt#now im just stressed about moving and being able to afford rent#i know i’ll make it wotk bc the only other options are moving in with new roommates who idk that well OR moving back in with my parents#and my parents live in the country now so i really dont want to do that#but it will be okay. i have to believe that everything will work out and find its place
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