#my motivation for it is just at an all time low

[shaanks]

It's not just a US problem this time either, the conspiracies are causing problems with getting people to engage with public health and vaccines all over the place. I teach English to international students - largely adults who need certifications for business purposes - and the number of professional, educated adults from all over the world that I've had to like. Gently explain how vaccines work and why the covid one "appeared so quickly" and why public health measures aren't politically motivated suggestions is both frustrating and incredibly alarming.

One of my students usually brings me articles to practice analysis and discussion and the most recent one he brought me was from the national health bureau in Japan (now idr what it's called), and the percentage of people that got anything beyond the 1st and 2nd shot of the covid vaccine is incredibly low. Because a bunk article came out that got treated like gospel, and now a large number of actual adults think that the vaccine - not the virus, the vaccine - has a 75% kill rate.

Some of this, I'm sure, is an understandable desire to not want to go back to how scary things were, people do dumb things when they're afraid, but I do think some of it is lack of internet literacy making people incredibly susceptible to misinformation and disinformation, which is everywhere now.

Please, if you're seeing this, wash your hands! Wear masks! Take vaccines unless you have legitimate health reasons not to! The national and global institutions of health are not trying to trick you or get you killed by telling you to be safe and worry for the safety of others! Individual behaviors create group behaviors and individualism gets people killed!

IDK how humanity will ever recover from the damage created by COVID conspiracy theories. Like, of course we are seeing a huge spike in serious respiratory illnesses, we just experienced a period of time where it was common to travel long distances and be in confined spaces with multiple people while sharing food and drink. And COVID is still kicking about, not to mention it is flu season and N5N1 just claimed its first victim. Your local health authorities and medical professionals are not fucking lying to you. Wash your hands, wear a mask, avoid crowded places and stay home if you’re sick. Many hospitals are already feeling overwhelmed. Try not to end up there.

[thef1diary]

team principal!carlos treating the team to a little vacation before the new season starts for uh.. team building reasons.. obviously.. 👀 think paradise but sharing meals with everyone and having a few fun activities together. and you are sharing a room with carlos, the suite was the only one available with two rooms 🤓

i'm thinking waking up to carlos eating you out to start the day off well with more to follow😵‍💫

🩵

— hmm why make it two rooms if it could be one? With one bed ofc 🤭 the team would be suspect anything, it was just a booking issue on the hotel’s end…right? 18+ content below

The tropical retreat had been Carlos’s idea, pitched to the team as a well-earned vacation to recharge and build camaraderie before the new season. What no one knew—what no one could know—was that his real agenda had little to do with team bonding. He had planned every detail, down to the “accidental” mix-up that left the two of you sharing a single room with one bed. The team didn’t suspect a thing. To them, you were the star driver, and he was the ever-professional team principal. Behind closed doors, however, things were much different.

The bed was large enough to keep up appearances, but neither of you had any intention of using all that space. You fell asleep curled against him, your limbs tangled under the soft sheets, his hand possessively resting on your bare hip. The sound of the ocean outside lulled you into a deep sleep, and you didn’t stir until the morning—when you woke to something far more intoxicating.

A low, needy moan escaped your lips before you even opened your eyes. Warmth spread from your core, the unmistakable sensation of Carlos’s mouth between your thighs pulling you from sleep. His broad shoulders pinned you down, his strong hands gripping your hips to keep you exactly where he wanted you.

“Carlos…” you gasped, your voice still rough from sleep. Your legs trembled, instinctively trying to close around his head, but he groaned against you, the vibration sending a jolt of pleasure through your body.

“None of that, hermosa,” he murmured, his voice husky as he pulled back just enough to look up at you. His lips glistened, his dark eyes smoldering. “Let me take care of you. You’ve earned it.”

He didn’t give you a chance to respond before diving back in, his tongue dragging slow, deliberate circles over your clit. His movements were precise, calculated, like he had mapped every inch of you and knew exactly what would unravel you.

“You were incredible last season,” he said between licks, his voice low and reverent. “Every win, every podium—you make me so proud.” He punctuated his words with a firm suck on your clit, making your back arch and a cry fall from your lips. “I want to reward you. Motivate you to keep being my best driver.”

Your hands flew to his hair, fingers tangling in the thick strands as your hips bucked against his mouth. He let you grind against his face as he worked you closer to the edge.

“Carlos—sir—fuck—”

“That’s it, princesa,” he groaned, his voice muffled as he pressed his tongue deeper into you. “Let go. I want to feel you fall apart for me.”

And you did. The orgasm hit you like a wave, your body tensing before shattering beneath him. He held you steady, his tongue working you through the high, his grip firm but tender as he murmured praises against your skin.

You were still catching your breath when he crawled up your body, his lips finding yours in a kiss that was equal parts sweet and filthy. You could taste yourself on him, and it only made you want more.

“Think you got one more in you?” he asked, his voice a low rumble in your ear. You could feel him, hard and insistent against your thigh, and the look in his eyes made your stomach flip.

You briefly glanced at the clock on the nightstand, barely registering the numbers before giving him an answer. “We’ve got time, please sir.”

A smirk graced his lips, and he placed a light kiss on your lips. “Good girl, that’s what I like to hear.”

He flipped you onto your stomach, his hands gripping your hips as he positioned himself behind you. He slid his cock into you in one slow, deliberate thrust, the stretch making you gasp. He didn’t wait, setting a rough pace that had you clawing at the sheets, your moans muffled by the pillow.

“You feel so good,” he groaned, his grip tightening as he drove into you. “So perfect for me.”

His hand slipped around to your front, finding your clit and rubbing it in time with his thrusts. The overstimulation was almost too much, but the way he moaned your name, the way he filled you completely, had you hurtling toward another orgasm.

“Come for me again, mi princesa,” he commanded, his voice rough and strained. “Show me why you’re the best.”

It didn’t take you long to shatter around him, your body shaking as he followed you over the edge, his cum spilling into you with a guttural moan. He collapsed beside you, pulling you into his arms and pressing soft kisses to your sweat-slicked skin.

“Good morning,” he murmured against your temple, his voice warm and teasing.

You laughed breathlessly, your body still trembling from the aftershocks. “If this is how you want to start the day, I can’t wait to see what the rest of the week holds.”

He chuckled, pulling you closer. “Just wait, hermosa. I’ve got a lot planned for us.”

want more team principal!carlos? send me an ask with your filthiest thoughts and it’ll get answered during one of my dirty drabble days

[midnighvtm4ss]

Oh you sweet, poisonous thing

summary: just Arthur yearning and being jealous of reader and Javier. Enjoy😽

pairing: arthur morgan x fem!reader

content: fluff, jealousy, a hint of angst maybe ?? idk

wc: 1,8k

a/n: *taps into the mic* heyy,,, how y’all doing *voice echoes, crickets can be heard in the distance* so i kinda disappeared from tumblr ik. I went through a rough period and I thought a lot about what to do with this account. I lost all motivation to write for a while ngl, but after some thinking i decided that no matter what I’ll keep writing and posting here. After all this was and still is my little safe space where i can just forget about my life and post silly things about cowboys sooo yeah have some Arthur yearning because we should bring back yearning in 2025. ok i yapped enough bah byee

The cracking sound of the campfire travels softly in the center of camp, casting long, flickering shadows that stretch and shift over the familiar faces of the gang, dancing on their features to the sound of the soft music leaving Javier’s guitar.

It had been a rare, uneventful day—the kind where, surprisingly, nothing went wrong, and the world seemed to hold its breath afraid to burst the serene and quiet bubble that engulfed all round the camp. The stillness settled over the gang’s members like a balm, soothing old wounds and lifting everyone’s spirits. By evening, an easy carefree air had taken root, boosted by a few shared drinks and Javier’s guitar.

You sit near the fire, sandwiched between Karen and John, the blonde slouched lazily at your side, her cheeks flushed from the too many whiskey glasses she downed. Javier is in a contagious good mood, sitting on the ground near John strumming another lively tune as he leans toward you, his bronze skin glowing in the campfire’s light and he’s grinning like at you like the charmer he is.

“Why don’t you sing with me, cariño,” he says, his voice playfully teasing. A chorus of groans and exaggerated complaints come from around the campfire, the gang all too eager to tease you about the first and fortunately the last time you sang around the campfire in Horseshoe Overlook after you had too many to drink. You remember waking up the morning after with a terrible headache and the sweet memory of laughter shared around the warmth of the campfire.

You laugh at their reaction, shaking your head. “I think I’ll save everyone’s ears this time, thank you.”

Javier chuckles and with that resumes playing, his voice low and smooth. His energy is infectious, pulling easy smiles and a few soft laughs from everyone. But in the back of your mind, you can feel that there’s a subtle shift in the air—a pull, a presence that tugs at your attention like a ping you can’t ignore. It’s faint at first, almost imperceptible, but it grows stronger, undeniable, familiar. You glance toward the edge of camp, and as suspected there he is.

He’s leaning against one of the wooden posts near the horses, half swallowed by the shadows, the dim firelight barely reaching the brim of his worn hat. His broad shoulders are hunched, arms crossed tightly over his chest like he’s trying to protect himself, to keep something away though you’re not sure he even knows what it is. His aqua eyes are sharp even in the shadows, and they’re fixed directly on you.

As the weight of his gaze settles over you like a heavy fog, thick and tangible, despite the distance between you, a shiver runs down your spine. Your chest tightens, as if the very air around him has thickened with unspoken things.

You’ve known him long enough to feel a quiet storm building in the depths of his quiet, unshakable composure. It’s not indifference nor anger. It’s something else—something raw and unspoken but you can’t, and maybe won’t, put a name on it.

When Javier nudges you playfully, you force yourself to focus back on him, offering him a smile that you hope conceals the tension swirling inside of you. Still, the weight of Arthur’s gaze doesn’t leave you, not even as the evening stretches on.

As the night deepens, the fire crackles low. One by one, people begin to drift off, leaving just you, Tilly, Lenny, Javier, and Karen around the fire. Tilly, who had joined your little circle a few hours earlier, is lively chatting with Lenny about some gossip she’d overheard in town, her voice bright with excitement seemingly unphased by the late hour. Meanwhile, Karen has fallen asleep with her head resting on your shoulder, undoubtedly drooling a bit on your blouse. This leaves you and Javier alone, the conversation between you two flowing easily, until he eventually sets his guitar aside with a stretch, breaking the comfortable atmosphere.

“Already going to bed ?” you tease, nudging him gently on the side. “Won’t you play me another song before you go to sleep ?”

He smirks, shaking his head with a wink.

“Tomorrow.” He promises winking at you. He stands up and disappears into the shadows of the night. After a few minutes Karen stirs awake, mumbling something about needing another drink before bed, lazily getting up on her feet, shuffling toward the camp’s supply.

After that it’s just you, Tilly and Lenny sitting near the dying fire. From your peripheral vision you can see the dark silhouette of Arthur sitting at the worn wooden round table under the tall tree in camp. You don’t look at him, not directly, but you feel his presence like a thread pulling between you. You sit there, looking at the fire contemplating if approaching him or calling it a night.

When you finally stand, your feet move before your mind can catch up with your actions. You carefully walk towards him, finding him hunched slightly over the table, his broad shoulders tense as he stares down into the nearly empty glass in his hand.

“Mind if I join you ?” you say pausing a few feet away. The sound of your voice softly filling the cold air around you both.

Arthur doesn’t immediately look up, his focus still fixed on the amber liquid swirling in his glass. You nearly contemplate leaving when after a long moment, he tips his head in a slow, deliberate nod. “Suit yourself.”

You take a seat across from him, your hands folding in your lap playing with a few loose threads as you settle into the quiet. For a long moment, neither of you speak. The noise of the evening has faded away, leaving the camp wrapped in the soft rustle of trees and the distant sound of crickets.

“Tired ?” you finally ask, your voice hesitant, breaking the silence.

Arthur huffs a low breath, his eyes never leaving the glass. “Long day,” he mutters, a simple response that tells you nothing.

You nod, though his answer feels like a wall, a quick, easy way to avoid revealing something deeper. There’s something bothering him, and maybe it’s the alcohol in your system or maybe you simply care too much for him but you’re determined to find out what.

“Javier kept everyone entertained tonight,” you say lightly, your words casual, trying to spark a conversation, though you’re watching him closely.

Arthur’s grip on his glass tightens just enough for his knuckles to go pale against the clear glass. “Yeah,” he replies, his tone flat. “He’s good at that.”

The space between you feels heavier now, filled with something unspoken, a tension that neither of you acknowledges directly. You lean back in your chair, letting the silence settle between you, but you can’t ignore the flicker of his eyes as they meet yours, then quickly shift away like he’s afraid of what might show if he stares at yours too long.

“What’re you drinking ?” you ask after a moment, breaking the quiet.

“Whiskey.”

“‘S that the good whiskey Pearson’s been hiding, or the usual watered down crap ?”

Arthur’s lips twitch, almost imperceptibly, clearly fighting a smile. “Usual crap,” he murmurs. “Pearson ain’t that generous.”

You laugh softly, the sound easing some of the tension that’s built between you. But still, it lingers, just beneath the surface, like something you both know but can’t put into words.

“You seemed quiet tonight,” you say after a pause, studying him closely.

Arthur shrugs, lifting his glass to his lips, the movement slow, as if every motion is carefully measured.

“Didn’t feel like talkin’.”

You watch him, your gaze tracing the line of his jaw, his wet lips and the way his fingers absently trace the rim of his glass. He’s not being completely honest—that much you know, but you’ve learned to read between the spaces of his words.

“Or maybe you just didn’t like the company,” you offer, your tone playful but with an edge to it.

Arthur’s eyes snap to yours, sharp and unmoving. “I didn’t say that,” he replies, his voice low, almost a growl.

He holds your gaze a beat longer than necessary, and you feel the weight of it settle deep in your chest, making your breath hitch. There’s something in his eyes, something raw, vulnerable that makes your heart stutter. You’re not sure if he sees how your composure falters, but he’s the first to look away, tipping his hat lower over his brow to shield his expression. You’ve always hated when he does that—you’ve always hated the way he uses it to put a distance between you, but now more than ever you hate it because it feels like the wall between you is growing thicker and you’re not sure if you can get through anymore.

“You’re a hard man to figure out Arthur Morgan,” you say softly, the teasing edge gone from your voice.

He doesn’t answer right away, and when he does, it’s in a voice barely above a whisper.

“Maybe that’s for the best.”

You bite your lower lip in frustration but then you force yourself to swallow down your disappointment. The conversation shifts then, moving toward more trivial things like the weather, the horses, Pearson’s latest disaster with the stew. But even as you talk, you know that there’s another conversation happening in the spaces between words, in the glances you exchange, in both your body language, in the way the silence sometimes wraps itself around you both.

You don’t speak of it. You don’t name it. Neither of you can, but you know it’s there.

“Good night Arthur,” you say, your voice quieter than you intended. You give him a sweet smile, one that doesn’t quite reach your eyes, before you stand, the weight of your own tiredness forcing you to seek the sweet embrace of your bed.

He doesn’t reply right away, just gives a slow tip of his hat. “Night.”

As you start to take a few steps away from the table, you feel his gaze on your back—steady, unwavering. It feels like it’s burning into your skin.

You glance over your shoulder, just once, and meet his eyes. For a moment, they’re distant, almost lost, like he’s somewhere far away in thought. But as your gaze lingers, you catch something else, something in the way his eyes soften, the barely perceptible softening of his eyebrows. It’s not a look of anger or frustration that he gives you, no, he’s looking at you with something deeper, something raw.

It’s the kind of look that makes your chest tighten, a sweet warmth settling between your ribs. He doesn’t need to say anything, you can feel it in the glance between you—the weight of all the things neither of you will dare to speak aloud.

In that brief moment, you understand. And it’s enough to leave you walking away with butterflies storming in your stomach and the strange sense that you’ve just shared something deep, something fragile with him without ever needing to say a word.

[dragqueenstarscream]

In relation to your Starop Library au post:

-Starscream suddenly starts going to the library more often, asking for assistance finding books all the way at the other end of the library despite already knowing where they are whenever Optimus is on staff.

-Star starts sitting near Optimus' desk, occasionally staring at him and taking care of his appearance even more than usual. (He'll deny it to the end of the Earth though)

-In some places (*cough cough* Amarica *cough cough*) the average salary of a librarian can be pretty low compared to living costs so if Starscream finds out Optimus has trouble with living costs he mysteriously gets a raise.

-Whenever Op has trouble finding someplace in the city due to being from the country, Starscream would immediately assist him. Trying to find a good coffee shop or bookstore? Need a ride home since it's dark outside? He'll jump at the opportunity to be near Optimus longer, although he'll probably act annoyed about it.

-If Optimus is in collage on scholarship (or highschool based on how old they are) and needs an expensive textbook(s), brand new copies of them are mysteriously donated the the library by an anonymous source, or Star would let him borrow his if he had it.

Sorry if these are out of character, I just like sharing my StarOp brainrot

-💌 anon

see you get it!! you see the vision!!

as for the out of character worry, remember that, in some iterations, starscream was actually a very different person before the main war happens, like in skybound. since this is an au where nothing goes horribly horribly wrong and nobody dies, i think we can play with that possibility here. anyway!

- he would. he absolutely would. he'll ask for the same book several times even when he should know where it is by now. he thinks he's so sly, but optimus caught onto what starscream was doing a while ago. he just plays along because he thinks it's cute.

- i could definitely see starscream switching his usual study sessions from his dorm to the library so he can be near optimus. it's no coincidence that he also wears nicer outfits and fixes up his hair on his study days. maybe he'll throw on some jewelry if he's feeling especially fancy.

- i imagine in this au, optimus is working at the library to help with paying tuition while the rest of his money goes to food and rent. starscream comes from a family rich enough to afford the full ride, so he's a little shocked. cue a "mysterious donor" paying rent for optimus and his roommates. i wonder who that could be!

- starscream knows a good opportunity when he sees one. if optimus is looking for a nice place to treat himself with his christmas bonus, starscream has a recommendation. new movie out that optimus wants to see? starscream knows the best theater and can pay for the best seats. optimus needs a ride back to his apartment because his pickup truck is in the shop? starscream drives him in his rolls royce. he acts annoyed, but really he's just emotionally constipated.

- college textbooks are ridiculously expensive, so if optimus is having trouble affording the pricey physics textbooks he needs... oh, wow! someone donated a bunch of physics textbooks to the library! how kind! definitely without any ulterior motives of any sort!

also, what would their names be in this au? i imagine optimus' would be orson ryan pax, but he always goes by ryan or orion because he sees orson as an old man's name. what about starscream? something fancy and british probably

[aihoshiino]

You know, I wonder if there's a way to tie up Hikaru's characterization between 155 and post 160.

Like in another version of onk where there's more time and effort put into it. The end result is Aqua and Hikaru falling into the ocean but the process is different, do you think it's possible to do that with the same amount of chapters?

I think I said this ... ? somewhere ?? in my tag previously but I think a really low effort easy way to make this make even a moderate amount of sense is just to alter Tsukuyomi's little monologue at the start of 161 and have her state that the Jokerfied Kamiki of post-160 is the direct result of having his worldview shattered by realizing that Ai had loved him all along and that he killed her for nothing. Like, as an exercise to prove this, I bullshitted this together in a few minutes;

please be nice about this dialogue i came up with it in 10 seconds

Is this good? Eeeeeeeeehhhhh. I think having Kamiki be the final boss after 154 is just so mid and such a boring way to end his arc, but I do think something like this would be an improvement. At the very least, it makes the sudden, jarring shift between the seemingly defeated and remorseful Hikaru of 154-5 and the Anime Supervillain Hikaru of 160+ actually motivated by something in-story other than "GO CRAZY GO STUPID" but I also think it makes the bitter tragedy of Aqua's death hit a lot harder. Now it's not just Kamiki being arbitrarily ontologically evil in the way that most conveniently puts him in conflict with Aqua - this is now a tragedy that Aqua brought on himself by continuing to pursue getting revenge on Kamiki and rubbing his nose in his mistakes.

Obviously this is still messy as hell and it doesn't solve all the dumb shit with Aqua's ""reason for existing"", but I do think the Kamiki we get on page in OnK is not unsalvageable as a character and it legit would've taken very little to make him internally consistent in a way that was engaging.

Oh uh, we're cutting the serial killer cult bullshit though. That's just dumb.

[sleepymarimo]

hello!! I am here!! I appreciate and adore you all :,))

[moeblob]

Honestly? Good anime imo! I really enjoyed Aileen. I enjoyed Claude. I enjoyed Isaac and Keith and Rachel and Almond and Ribbon. I enjoyed Belzebuth and the flock of ducks (Walt/Kyle/Auguste) and Jasper.

[gentlebeard]

i miss editing videos :((

[tapakah0]

OKAY YOU JUST DECIDED TO KIIL ME TODAY WITH COMPLIMENTS YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DID IT. AND I WILL COME BACK WITH REVENGE.

[vantasstrider]

i think the 4 or so years of posting art online (to barely that much avail) is finally getting to me. like its saturated. more in tags

[the-kipsabian]

you know what i havent done in a while?

lookit bracelets

[rigelmejo]

Something that always annoys me is the idea only 1 language learning method works. Which is not true. While it may be possible that, for a particular individual, only a few out of many study methods may work well enough for That Individual to make progress and stay motivated... that doesn't mean all the other study methods won't work for anyone else out there, or that those few methods will work for every other given person.

Obviously if you've been studying a while, then you already figured out what kinds of things work for you and don't. If you're a beginner, just wading into studying?

I would suggest you simply look for study methods that: 1. Teach you new things regularly, 2. Review and practice things you've learned, 3. Include studying things you need for your particular goals (for example if your goal is to read X book then the study materials at some point should involve reading practice and some words the book contains, if your goal is to talk about Y then the study materials should include some information about pronunciation and words you'll need to be able to say).

As you can imagine, a TON of study materials will meet these requirements. And you can study a given skill in a LOT of ways.

(Reading is my focus lol so just for reading, a beginner might: do vocabulary study with lists or conversations with native speakers or watching shows and looking words up or listening to dialogues with a transcript like in a textbook or graded readers or a picture book with word labels in the target language or a video game with labelled objects in target language, all of those things as long as your vocabulary is improving or reading practice is happening would help you make progress). So to improve reading skill as a beginner: you could study with a textbook, a podcast with transcript, a classroom or tutor with words written down in target language (like TPRS), a video game, a TV show and a translate app on your phone, a friend you talk with (who either writes words down or you look up words you hear with a translate app), a friend you text with, srs flashcards like anki (provided there's text) etc. As long as there's new words, and/or you're practicing reading, the study method may work. If it works will come down to if you can stay motivated doing it regularly, and make sure you regularly learn some new things and review/practice things you've already studied.

So consider those things when you see people selling a study method as a product (especially when it's costing you money). Consider if it teaches you NEW things, and are those new things related to your goals, and how MUCH new stuff will it teach you before you finish it? Consider if it provides review or practice, or if you can use it's materials to review on your own making up your own method, or if you'll need to do separate review/practice.

So examples:

LingQ. Can it teach you many new words? Yes, thousands, since you can import any texts you want when you get done with their provided material (I have no idea how much their beginner material covers though in terms of words... I would hope 1000-3000 words but that can be researched). Is your goal reading? It's suited to reading, so you will practice and review often with it. Cost? I think it was $12 a month when I last had it, and the price may have increased. Is it worth it? Depends on a learner's needs. I found it was wasting my money, so I chose to use free tools like Pleco and Readibu apps - since those apps are suited for Chinese learners and have better translations, Pleco has better paid graded reader material if I was going to spend money, and both Pleco and Readibu let me import texts so I can learn thousands of new words just like LingQ but free. Now that I'm not a beginner, I often use Microsoft Edge to read chinese... since I can still click-translate words easily (all my web browsers have that tool free), and Edge's TTS voice is helpful for pronunciation and sounds quite good. I read webnovels online so Edge works well. But it's translations aren't as good as Pleco or Readibu, so if I still needed translations more I would use them. So... is LingQ a good study method? Its certainly a study method marketed to buy. Well... the method is suited to improving reading skill, at least. It costs money, which is a negative, but it does offer a lot. However: everything it does regarding reading can be done free with other apps or sites or web browsers on their own. So if paying money motivates you to read... sure. LingQ does have a few word tracking features a learner may find worth the money, keeping in mind the actual read-to-learn method can be done free without lingq. (Also... while LingQ is a valid option for improving reading, if the learners goal is speaking then it would be important to think of what study activities the learner will do OUTSIDE of LingQ to improve speaking... because I've seen how LingQ is marketed as "how to learn a language" but it's only focused on some skills. It has vocabulary and grammar in some sense, since you'll read a lot and encounter new words and structures. But it doesnt have speaking or writing practice at least last time I was on it. Those activities would need to be worked on, on your own).

You can do that kind of cost/benefit contemplating with any study method material you see being sold. Amother example: there's a beginner Mandarin course called Mandarin Blueprint. It teaches like 800 words. Thats all. It may be worthwhile for a beginner... who still needs to learn 800 common words. But if you already know a few hundred words, the benefit of the course is less, you'll need to find a new material to teach you more new stuff soon. And the price was like a few hundred for the course... which for me personally was too much to spend, when I had already learned 800 hanzi from a book that cost me 12 dollars and 2000 words from a free user made memrise deck. The course claimed to get a person speaking, competent, but anyone not a beginner would say speaking basically with 800 words is nowhere near the level of working in Chinese or just doing a lot of daily life stuff, or reading/listening to media. (Although for the motivated beginner if you're learning 800 words on your own like I was, its definitely close to the point of jumping to learn more words and start reading kids and teenager books, and watching easier shows if you're willing to look new words up). So to me... Mandarin Blueprint felt like overselling some basic beginner materials. (Again when I know several other things that teach beginner stuff either more in depth so HSK test prep classes, and college courses, or that teach beginner stuff to the same depth as Mandarin Blueprint but free).

Some study materials aren't going to act like they teach everything. I've seen chinese courses just for learning to speak tones better and general pronunciation - probably worthwhile if your goal is to improve speaking and a teacher could help improve the issues your having. But a learner needs to be aware for that course that they'll need to study vocabulary on their own, its JUST a pronunciation improvement course.

[la-galaxie-langblr]

what is going on w my brain

[laurzvahll]

wanna talk about sol and their personality (or better said, their perceived lack of) but idk..how…. how do people talk abt their ocs and like their inner lore

[suddencolds]

~

[pallanophblargh]

I think part of me expected this burnout would last a long time, but it’s drawing close to a year now. I have a strong reason to suspect medications are prolonging it. Granted: I have no intention of stopping medication, but I suspect I may need to make some changes. It’s been nice not to feel burning rage/crippling despair/panic most of the time, but I also miss being able to actually... act on things! Start things! Feel some semblance of motivation, as fleeting as it is. Mostly my reaction to prompts of any kind are “nah, don’t wanna” or “so what?” which isn’t terribly conducive to anything more than day to day life. (Y’all, I can’t even reliably plan my vacation and that’s pretty terrible.)

I’m saying this in part as a sort of explanation as to why I’ve been so slow to respond to anything, or post any art, or even re-open commissions this past year. I just... generally can’t make myself do anything that isn’t a part of my daily maintenance routine. Knowing that making art (even personal art) takes 3x times as long to complete is a standout reason I’ve been refusing to reopen commissions especially, since I’d be unwilling to make clients wait more than a few months for even something as simple as a sketch. People were patient enough with “Old Me,” I don’t think most would hold out for “New Me.”

Thankfully I’m speaking to my doctor tomorrow regarding my experiences on the current medication, and maybe I can find something that works a little better. I feel like I’ve been pretty fortunate so far, all things considered, and my side effects have been fairly mild. (Though I have suspicions it’s also thinning out my hair something fierce... probably time for supplements for that issue!)

Hopefully I’ll figure it out sooner rather than later? Either way, I’m learning to accept things as they are these days.