#my mom is an awesome cook

[ineed-to-sleep]

*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it

[spidersunny]

i hate arfid i should not have been that upset over quinoa 😭

[sonicenvy]

my mom is the best person ever because she made me homemade chicken noodle soup and her amazing homemade potato rolls. Eating that soup and those fresh hot potato rolls really made me feel so nice. I will absolutely be eating that for the next couple of days!!!

earlier today I had a telehealth appointment with my dr.'s office because I was worried since my covid hasn't really gotten better beyond the end of my fever. The lady from the doctor's office that I talked to suggested that in addition to the water and the watery fruit that I've been eating that I eat something like chicken soup that would have proteins and more liquids in it. I mentioned this to my mom and she was like, "Ok, I can work with that."

[curly-cottage-girl]

Having a gorgeous and talented mom is the best thing ever, and I always feel so proud of her whenever people say how much they love her, but I also feel like a small gremlin next to this tall beautiful queen whenever we’re together lol

[pepprs]

what is my family going to do about the dishes when i move out. like this is insane.

[stackedbirds]

this one is answer adjacent because it works when you know you'll be tired or otherwise unable to cook in the next two to three days rather than when you're already tired, but I figure maybe it'll inspire someone at least

salmon with rice for when you're tired and all textures are horrible

ingredients:

- 1 stripe of salmon fillet (you can get these pre-cut at most grocery stores)

- 1-2 garlic cloves

- soy sauce

- around 1 cup of rice (or however much is one portion for you)

- pepper (if you like it)

additional stuff you'll need:

- aluminium foil

- paper towels

prep the previous day:

peel the garlic clove(s) and cut them into slices

wash the salmon and dry it with a paper towel. place it on top of an aluminium foil sheet like if you were packing a present (the strip should be at least twice as big as the salmon).

now this step is a bit difficult to explain but basically you want to create like a foil bowl type of situation for the salmon by folding the corners of the foil until there are no more leaks. we're gonna be pouring soy sauce into this bad boy so it needs to be as leak-proof as you can get it

now that you did that, place garlic slices on top of your salmon. you can arrange them into a pattern if you feel like it :]

add pepper to your liking and pour soy sauce into the foil-bowl. you want quite a lot of it. half a centimeter of depth at least in my experience, though you can tweak this amount depending on how salty you like your food.

almost there! wrap the entire thing up like a nice present or like proof of your long forgotten alter ego you hold nothing but disdain for, and put it in the fridge on a plate, in case some of the sauce leaked later.

you're so brave! you did it! <3

tired day:

take your cooled salmon out of the fridge and put it still in the aluminium packaging in the oven at 150°C for 40 minutes.

cook the rice according to what the instructions on the packaging suggest.

take out the salmon and plate it with the rice

yaaay, warm food for the day!!!

(pro tip: if you're feeling very brave you can slice up some of your vegetable of choice while the salmon and rice are cooking too)

Do any of u have decent recipes that are like 5 ingredients (not including spices) and take 45 mins or less to prepare i gotta stop eating sandwiches for dinner

[nickloonie]

why am i not married i might kill myseld

[akchually]

.

[lillybean730]

im so tired man

[bee-wg]

Year 1:

“I’m telling you, man. You just need to drink the protein shakes Dad and I have. Don’t worry about the taste, they’re banana chocolate flavoured. It’s actually quite delicious when you get used to the texture. Then you’ll just need to go to the gyms a few times a week to get these bad boys.” I said, flexing my 16-inch arms.

“Oh, and I can make protein pancakes!  Maybe I can add it to other pastries too. It’ll be healthy, useful and delicious. I bet your mom could never have thought of that.” He said smugly.

“Dude, focus. Why does everything have to be cooking with you?” 

“Sorry, I got too excited there. It’s just that I haven’t made breakfast you guys liked, it’s completely her territory. For now. Maybe If I make this, you guys will eat it.”

”You know we’ll have to finish whatever you both end up cooking anyway, right?”

“Yeah, that doesn’t count. I want you to eat it because you like it.” The man said, just when I thought he was sane.

”Well that’s irrelevant. Don’t you think it’s a great idea?” He asked.

Even though he’s a maniac, I have to admit.

“I guess it’s not bad, I don’t have to drink and eat at the same time. Just don’t make too much, you get easily full with those things.”

“Don’t worry about it man. Don’t you have morning football practice to burn off the calories?”

“Alright, just don’t put raisins in there. I heard somewhere that they make you dehydrated.”

I shoo him out of the door and start undressing. Contemplating on a compression shirt or an oversized Tee, my head starts running. I am objectively muscular, but compared to the guys at the gym, I’m nothing. I don’t think I’m big enough yet. Oversized Tee it is then. 

Grabbing my duffle, I ran downstairs. Then, the scent of banana chocolate sweets blasted my face. 

“Morning Jay, come try it out. This is really good.” Dad called out with his mouth half full.

I picked up the buttered pancake. It smells nice, with some cherry scent in there too.

“Dang, this is not bad, Pumpkin,” I shouted to him in the kitchen.

“Right? And with more space in the stomach for drinks, you can try Chloe’s fruit smoothie.” Dad said.

“Don’t worry sweetie, the fruits are from the farmers market so it’s healthy.” Mom yelled from the kitchen.

Looking back at the breakfast, it’s a bit more bulky than usual, but I’m gonna work it off in the morning drill anyway.

Without more hesitation, I dug into the full plate of pancakes and blueberry whipped cream.

“Sweetie, you’re already done? I have more in the back.” Mom said

“She really stepped up her game, right?” Dad chimed in.

“It was awesome mom. Thank you, and help me thank Theo too. But I really need to go now. The practice starts in 30.”

“Alright sweetie, stay safe and don’t be late. I’ll have David finish off the rest.”

“Wait, me? But there’s so much!” Dad whined.

“Love you Mom, love you dad, gotta go.”

I rushed out of the house with the faint sound of their replies.

I felt bad for Dad, since school started, I’ve been leaving the leftovers to him because of school. More often than not, Theo and Mom would overcook and we would be left with more food than we know how to deal with. So Dad would take his usual time for morning runs to finish it before going to work. I need to make it up to him somehow. I guess I could offload his burden by eating more on the weekends.

The practice went as well as it could with my stomach full of pancakes; although Coach thought I had a lot of potential with all the fumbles. Probably because Dad was a star quarterback here back in his days.

“You just need to get used to the team dynamic here, then it will all be fine, Jacob. Don’t sweat it,” Coach said.

It was easier said than done. Someone literally asked me how long my dick was, then groped my pec. At least in high school, people had the decency of being embarrassed.

Maybe I do need to chill off. Go to the club like they said. I do have the biggest pecs out of everyone after all. And I heard people like big glutes, so maybe someone would want me.

It took me a month to search up a club. I was not stalling. Then, another month to put the address into Google Maps. I was busy. Homework has been rough, the professor hates me and Theo needs me to restock. Nonetheless, I finally have time now.

Yay.

Putting on Dad’s old Beige Polo, I look pretty good. The shirt hugs my muscles too much for comfort, but it’s the one day of the month I’m supposed to look like a slut. The light is going to be dimmed anyway.

Fishing for the keys, my hand found some candied fruit on the stand. The guy even knows how to make candies from leftover fruits, who even does that? I grabbed some to put it in my mouth. 

On my way out I caught a glimpse of my father in the kitchen. He’s been starting to brew homemade beers with steady progress.

“Oh, Jay! You’re going out? You got a date, yeah?”

He turned back, revealing the newly grown beer belly.

“What?! Of course not. It’s the shirt right? I look like a try hard.”

”Haha, be careful whose shirt you’re insulting. That was my lucky shirt.” 

He misunderstood, I just thought I would look half as in place as he looks if I wear this. I really shouldn’t go. 

”You’ll be alright son, you’re a charming young man. People will see that.”

My eardrums are fucking gushing blood.

The Club sound rattled through my bones as random guy number six and random chick number four came.

Dad was right. I was quite charming, TOO charming, even.

“Oh my gosh look at those arms,” running her hand, Random chick number four said.

“He probably has killer abs too. Wanna come home with me tonight, Jock boy?” Random guy number six said.

“Sorry man, I’m straight. I also have a friend waiting for me in the car.” I replied.

“Aww man, too bad. I wanted a dumb jock to rail me tonight.” He said while walking off. Seriously, what is up with people these days?

At least I still have my 16 dollar margarita with me in the corner.

Lost in my head, a potential random guy number seven approaches.

“Hey, what’s a hot guy like you doing in the corner?” Number seven asked.

“Sorry, I’m straight.”

“Ahh, my bad. Worth a shot,” He said.

“Man, why is every Dad bod fuck boys straight? Gay people are too obsessed with their bodies to have the look,” he added.

“What did you say?” I asked.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I have a thing for guys who look like you. Not really a jock anymore, but still attracts everyone.”

My 16 dollar margarita was spilt.

“Oh, Shit. Sorry I don’t know what to do.” I’m glad to not have a friend in my car waiting to see me embarrass myself.

“Don’t worry man, I’ll handle it.” Number seven said.

I don’t know why I’m doing this. It’s not like I have a Dad bod, is a fuck boy, or even gay. But the guy he described is the kind of masculine, wild man I aspire to be. Not a shit given to what people think. Maybe I can be that guy tonight. 

“Sorry I’m not the Dad bod fuck boy you thought I was.” 

I already butchered it. Why the hell did I say that? That’s not what a guy without a care in the world would say.

“What if you are.” He reached under my polo and grabbed my abs. Or softer abs, cause he’s clearly grabbing something.

“But I’ve never done this before,” Holy shit, I need to shut the fuck up.

“No worries, you just need to sit back and enjoy.”

I look back at the rotting toilet. Maybe not sit.

“We’re gonna make this quick, alright?” He said. Then gave my stomach a quick squeeze. 

I’m telling Mom and Theo to cut back on the food tonight.

He slid down the zipper and tugged on my dick.

“You’re not who I imagined to be, but I like pathetic boys like you too.” He said.

“Wait, what? I - fuuuck.”

He uses his thumb to twirl around my cock head; then the freak proceeds to lick my stomach pudge.

“Fuuuuuuck,” I involuntarily groaned. 

“Hahaha, seems like it would be quicker than I thought.”

He laughed. Fucking laughed at me. And my dick is harder than ever before.

Then, out of nowhere. He grabbed my ass and sucked half of my length in.

“Holy sh-“ I yelped 

He covered his left hand on my mouth and said hushly. “Jesus, fuck boy! Do you want everyone to hear? I mean it’s hot, but we’ll get kicked out.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve just ohhhhhh.”

He sucked the entire length in as I got into his throat. It’s cold for a second with the air being sucked, then it warms up my dick as I get closer to the edge.  And, wait, did I just moan out loud?

Didn’t give me a chance to breathe, he repeated the motion again and again.

I’m really close.

“Not yet fuck boy.” He said as he guided my hand to my pec.

“What is it?” I asked. 

“Twist your nipples and do not stop until we’re done.” 

Strange request, but it seemed like there was a lot I didn’t know, so I complied.

“I thought only women like this?” I asked as I squeezed my nipples.

He immediately got back to work as if telling me to shut the fuck up.

Then, I feel it. 

It might be the cold air conditioning or the fact that I have my cock in someone’s fucking mouth, but my nipples perked up and got sensitive all of a sudden. 

He starts to squeeze and rub my stomach as my senses overload.

Once in a while, he would come up with a remark or two.

“I bet you’re the kind of guy that likes to sit around, munch all day, let other people take charge and fuck you,” He said.

”I bet your bubble butt will grow twice as big by the end of the year because you hate the gym deep down,” He said.

It all doesn’t make sense. I only have five, ten tops of weight added, but my dick gets even harder.

“Come on, fuck boy. Twist those fat tits for me,” he said as the sucking picks up the pace.

“Fuck yeah, my fat tits.” It’s all too much for me to form a thought.

“Fuck my fat ass too.”

“Yeah, faster!”

He gave my slight belly a final squeeze as I cummed harder than I’d ever experienced.

I can feel my dick still shooting out cum as I blacked out.

Someone is wiping me.

Oh, right.

“Great, you’re up.” Random man said.

”Huh?”

“It got real messy, eh?” He continues.

“Sorry, I got carried away earlier. You’re just so hot.”

It seems like he’s not going to stop talking.

“You’re obviously still a jock, but hey. A man can dream,” he said

“You’ve got some real potential, kid.” He patted my apparently now-existing belly and said.

I don’t get it. I’ve been eating more than usual lately, and Theo’s snacks don't help, but mom got the ingredients from the farmers market, so they were definitely healthy. Maybe I am missing something else.

“Here,” he hands me a small piece of paper.

“Call me if you want to do this again.”

Then just like that, the strange man leaves.

I didn’t give a second glance at the piece of paper before throwing it in the trash can.

Against my better judgment, I put my hand back in the disgusting trash can.

No harm in keeping it.

The stranger’s words ring in my head as I put an undisclosed sum of money on margaritas.

Maybe I do like being taken care of.

***

My phone vibrated for the thousandth time today, almost causing an earthquake. 

“Aggggah, leave me aloneeee. Help me baby Jesus.”

The alcohol from last night, plus the vibration is enough to kill a bear.

Opening the over-lit phone, I see Theo’s happy ginger face.

Theo: Hey Jay, could you help me buy a cookbook I want at the mall, asap? 

Me: kys❤️

Mom: Jacob, could you explain the language? 

Shit, it's the family chat! 

Me: It means keeping yourself safe, mom. I'll go to the mall in a bit!

Theo, the little bastard, replied with a laughing emoji.

Brushing my teeth, I saw myself in the mirror. 

Definitely can’t unsee it now. I still have some abs definitions, it’s just pushing out now.

I hesitated, looking at the protein ice cream sandwich mom prepared for me. 

Well, I do need something to settle my stomach from the alcohol. Plus, protein is always healthy.

Grabbing a few more ice cream sandwiches, I made my way to the bus.

The mall is located in the middle of nowhere. Nobody comes here except for Costco. Apparently there’s a chain book store too.

Finding the book has been proven difficult. Half the store sells stationery, and the other half sells boring books nobody wants. There is no reason for the store to be this huge.

By the time Theo, the brat, had confirmed the book, it was already past two. 

“Hello, excuse me. Is there no restaurant here whatsoever?” I asked the book nerd from the counter.

“Ahhhhh, there’s ahh fast food down the lane, to um, the right?”

“Alright, thanks.” Looks like I’m going to starve myself until I get back.

Going to the bus station, I pass the fast food place. They must have had a rebranding these couple of years. They used to smell like kids puke. Now… it smells like some sweet apple pie, fries, or chicken nuggets? Yeah, definitely some chicken nuggets. Haven’t had them in years. 

No. I must not get carried away.

Dad said fast foods are not real food. Ever since he watched the Super Size Me documentary, he banned the whole family from eating fast food, and I thank him for it every day. 

Today will be an exception. This will be my reward for going through everything that happened this week.

“So, we have a discount for everyone who uses our app. You can also get points for a free meal in the app.” The fat ass cashier asked.

“Yeah, why not. I could save a few.” Not like I’m going to use it after this.

My hands end up with a combo of fries, burger, nuggets and a medium soda.

While enjoying the smell of garbage goods, I catch a glimpse of an obese guy sitting in the corner. 

He looks. Wait, it’s Avery Lancaster.

Holy shit it’s true. He did gain 70 pounds and some more. Looks like he’s in his 300s now.

The image of his fat ass hanging off the seat brought me back to reality.

I will not eat at this restaurant ever again after this meal, so I won’t end up like him. 

Except for the fries. The fries are too good to pass.

For The rest of the semester, things went as well as they could.

Homework has been piling up, the professor still hates me, so I have less time to hit the gym.

Sports are enough for me so stay fit anyway.  At least until next year’s spring season starts. 

Coach has been supportive of my decision to bulk up. He just gave me an ominous warning about off-season athletes bulking too much.

When the Thanksgiving holiday came, I was ready to go on a diet. 

After the holidays.

Because mom has seriously improved her skills, and, as much as I don’t wanna say it, Theo’s food is basically tailored made to my taste. They might just be.

I have a sneaking suspicion that they are using Dad and I as testing metrics for their little competitions. Just a suspicion. Because recently Theo started focusing on making food for me, Mom began to make food primarily for Dad.

The suspicious duo seem to have the belief that weight equals love. If that is the case, I am truly screwed. There is no one but dead people who can resist Theo’s cooking. I’ve even been brainwashed to think Theo’s food rants are interesting, that’s how powerful he is.

By the end of the Christmas dinner, I could tell that Theo had probably lost in their competition by the look on his face. I almost felt bad for not eating enough. 

It's not like the food wasn’t good; my opponent is Dad. His appetite is unmatched. At the beginning of the year, he barely eats anything for breakfast while keeping his plant-based diet. Now he’s an absolute beast, he can inhale 15 pancakes at the speed of sound. Whatever I’ve gained this year, Dad probably has gained twice as much.  He also grew out his beard and body hair which I struggle to do. There is literally no better definition of man than him.

After the Christmas dinner, I went up to assess the damage. 

Twenty-two pounds of flabby fat gained this year.

Why don’t I at least look like Dad with a firm, rounded gut? Instead, mine grows around the underbelly, looking like a soft fanny pack.

I need to stop thinking about this. I’m still muscular after all. 215 is nothing compared to the guys on the team.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I have a thing for guys who look like you. Not really a jock anymore, but still attracts everyone.” His voice echoed in my head.

Deleting the notifications from the fast food app, I opened the phone and dialled the number for Random Guy number 7.

Chapter 2 ->

[noonslullabies]

.

[luveline]

if you're still taking them I would love to make a request for Eddie and Roan! do you know how sometimes little kids will call their parents workplace just to talk about the most random things or just ask some totally super important question? I feel like roan would do that with the reader and Eddie

thank you for your request!! eddie and roan —roan learns how to use the phone, 1.3k

Eddie used to feel nervous when the phone rang for him at work. "Call for baby Munson!" shouted across the shop while Eddie was usually flat on his back under a truck or elbow deep in a scooter engine, he'd get this pit in his stomach thinking something was wrong. 

It was usually daycare. Roan's sick, Roan's wet herself and her spare clothes aren't here, is Roan allergic to veggie sticks? Because she's saying she is. 

But nowadays, a phone rings for him and it's almost always you with something nice to say. You miss him. You've been thinking about him. All manner of gooey soft confession that has him clutching the phone like a loser, desperate for your voice. 

He springs away from his lunch when he's called. Darwin gives Eddie a funny look as he passes the phone. 

Eddie shrugs it off. "Hello?" he asks. "Y/N?"

"It's me!" 

Eddie feels his eyebrows leap up. "Hi, me." Roan hadn't ever used the phone unassisted, to his memory. "Where's mom?" 

"She's trying to fix your hair dryer." 

Eddie hears it, then, the roaring blow in the background. "Why does it sound like that?" 

"She dropped it. I think she's sad." 

"Ro, I fixed it!" you shout, followed by an even louder howling of air, and a heavy silence. "Okay, I didn't." 

"Is that why you called me?" Eddie asks, bemused.

"No, I called you because I want to know how they make corndogs. How do they get the hot dog inside of the corn, dad?" 

Eddie puts his hand on the wall to steady himself as he laughs. "You wanna know how they make corndogs? Are you gonna make some?" 

"I could if I knew how!" she stresses. "I'd ask mom, but she's pre-oc-u-pied."

"That's a big word, babe, where'd you learn that one?" Eddie asks, impressed. 

"Dad, corndogs!" 

"Right, right. Okay, well. They put the hot dog on the stick first, and then the corn part is actually batter. They roll the hotdog around in the batter and cook them together in the fryer. So it isn't the hotdog going into the corn, it's actually corn going on the hotdog." 

"Batter like for cakes?"

"No," he laughs fondly. "And it's not sweet corn, babe, it's something called cornmeal. Maybe we can make some this week, wouldn't that be fun? Then you can see how they make them for real. I think that would be super fun."

His bubbly tone attracts the attention and subsequent laughter of his colleague. He throws them all the bird, totally content and more than happy with his life and his curious girl. 

"Yes," Roan cheers, dragging the 's' syllable until she's out of breath, "oh my god that would be so fun!" 

"Okay, then that's what we'll do. Are you being good for mom?" 

"I'm being awesome." There's a weird crunching noise. "Did you hear that? I think she put the screwdriver in the hairdryer again." 

"Again?" Eddie asks worriedly. 

Roan must put the phone down. Eddie genuinely can't hear a thing, until you pick up the receiver and say, "Hallo?" 

"You blowing up the house?" 

You make a pleased noise that has his heart doubling in size. "Hi, Eddie. I'm having a technological mishap, but rest assured, we are in no danger of explosion. Anymore. What did you call for? It's lunch, isn't it?" 

"Actually, Roan called me. She wanted to know how to make corndogs." 

"You do know everything," you say. "Go and eat your lunch, baby. We'll still be here when you get home, yeah? I love you. Roan, come and tell daddy you love him before we hang up." 

A small silence. "Dad?" Roan asks. 

"Yep, still here." 

"I love you, okie dokie? Please come home in an hour."

Eddie laughs warmly. It's more like four hours, but whatever she wants to think is what he'll tell her. "I love you. Tell Y/N I love her, too, will you? Thank you." 

"Yes!" Her voice comes quieter, "I love you," Roan says to you. 

"I love you, too. Let's make dinner." 

You must think he's said goodbye, because the phone gets a knock and the dial tone sounds. 

—

You're sitting at your desk shovelling pretzels into your mouth while you click around your emails when the phone rings. You slide it between your ear and shoulder, pausing your frankly messy chewing. "Hello and good afternoon, Y/N L/N speaking, how can I help?" 

"Y/N?" Roan says worriedly.

"Roan? What's the matter?" 

"Oh, it is you! It didn't sounded like you at first, that's weird." 

"Sorry, gorgeous, I was using my voice for fancy grown ups."

She giggles like this is the funniest thing you've ever said to her, "You're being funny," she praises. 

You're secretly incredibly pleased. Making your six year old laugh never gets old. "So nothing is wrong, then? You know, those numbers on the fridge are for emergencies." 

"This is an emergency." 

"Yeah, I bet. What's going on? Where's dad?" 

"He's making toffee cake for you. I was helping him do the buttercream but my arms got tired from whisking." 

"Is that why you're calling me?" 

"Yeah." 

You dig for a saltier pretzel and chew thoughtfully. "What's the tiredest part? Your shoulders?" 

"And my fingers." 

"Asked daddy to kiss 'em better?" 

"I would but he's trying to be perfect about the cake. It looks yummy." 

"Did you get to lick the bowl?" 

"Yeah, and dad let me eat a spoon of the melted chocolate. It was pretty great." 

You grin into the receiver. "I bet it was amazing. Maybe you can try and rest your poor arms. Make daddy pour you a big glass of cranberry juice with the heart shaped ice cubes and watch TV until I come home, okay? That's an order."

"Okay," she laughs. "When are you coming home?" 

"I can leave in about twenty minutes, and the drive home takes another twenty, so…" You check the time on your computer. "I think by five." 

"Ugh, that's forever away." 

"I know. Do what I said, okay? Sit down on the couch. I can have a little look at your arms when I come home, maybe we can have a pamper night tonight. We can use some of my fancy lotion and rub it in like a massage," you say. 

"That sounds nice," she hums. 

"Alright, sweetheart. Listen, can I talk to dad before I go back to work?" 

"Yep, yep." You know what's coming as soon as she inhales. "Daddy!" she bellows at the top of her lungs, "Y/N's on the phone!" 

It's flattering how swiftly he gets there. "Hey?" he asks. 

"Hi, do we need anything for me to grab on the way home? I know you ran out of deodorant, was there anything else?" 

"Nothing I can think of. You okay?" 

"I'm awesome. I told Ro you'd make her a big cup of juice for her sore arms." 

"She told you about those, huh?" He kisses her audibly. "She's the best mixer ever. I was thinking we'd change her name to kitchen aid." 

You choke on a pretzel. Coughing, you laugh through a chastisement. "You leave her name alone. Roan is a nice name all by itself." 

"If you insist," he says grandly. "See you in an hour? I've got a surprise for you." 

"I can't wait," you say. You'll pretend to be totally surprised at his cake, no problem. Anything to make him smile. "Love you both. See you soon." 

"Love you. Say love you," Eddie prompts. 

"I love you!" Roan yells. "I'll make dad put your blanket in the dryer!" 

You put down the phone with a small smile, wondering if you can weasel your way past your eagle-eyed coworkers for an early finish. 

[marleyybluu]

Three and Counting

husband/dad!Oscar x mom/wife!black!reader

Word count: 3.4k

Content warning: 18+, smut on your rooftop and down the chimney, domestic bliss, love and lust is everywhere, reader is pregnant again, pregnancy sex, no one is pulling out, creampies, backshots while pregnant, oral (f receiving), big dick Oscar, reader speaks/understands Spanish, Oscar talks you through it again, switching between names (Oscar/Spooky)

A/N: Though this was not the original, I'm still glad with how this turned out. not proof-read, sorry I'm too fried to do it lmao and again I've never been pregnant, don't know how well pregnancy sex works but I tried lol

not my gif. but spread my legs pls omg

"Mommy." A small whimper sounds below you in the middle of your pancake flipping process. It was 6:30 am and though you hated being up this early, you had to be. It was the first day back to school for your eldest son, Raphael, but it was your youngest daughter, Elliana's first day of kindergarten. Even though this was your second child you couldn't help but feel the sadness over your little girl growing up. It was bittersweet. You'd been home with Elliana for the majority of the first three years of her life, you bonded and were stuck to each other like glue. She's still sleeping in your bed most of the time no matter how much Spooky says you need to ween her off. But you just couldn't, that was your little girl. Your mini-me.

"Mi Amor? It's too early for you to be up." You yawn and rest your free hand on your rotund belly. Carrying baby number three was surprisingly draining. Your first two pregnancies were tiring, sure, but this one seemed to have you riddled with low energy.

"I know." She mutters fiddling with her fingers. "Is there something you'd like?"

Her little brown eyes, big and round just like your own, shift from side to side deciding in that little head of hers if she can admit her truth. You flip over another pancake before placing the spatula on the counter and you look down at your Elliana. You open your arms inviting her in, you hook your hand under her arms and say: "One... twooooo..."

"Threeee." She giggles as she jumps to assist you in picking her up. She sits on your hip and rests her head on your shoulder. "What would you like to talk about my sweet?"

She sighed. "I don't want to go to school. Can't I just stay with you and the baby?"

You smile softly. "I wish bebita, but you need school. School is good. Papi went to school and look, he owns a restaurant. Mama went to school and what does she do now?"

"Nurse."

"Exactamente." You say using the spatula to slide the cooked pancakes off to make room for new ones. "Plus you get to make awesome friends. I met your Tia Jasmine at school."

Elliana laughed. "Tia Jasmine está loca." You laughed along with her. "She is, she's always been like that. But that's why mommy loves her and chose her to be your tia. Entiendes?"

"Si... pero..." Her tiny shoulders sink with the weight of all these feelings. "Pero..." You encourage her to continue. "I had a dream one night, and... and I dreamt you and Papi left me at school. Everyone left, I was alone."

You gasp dramatically. "Ay, mi hija. We would never leave you there." You press a reassuring kiss to her temple. "We will always come back to get you, every single day. And I have good news, today... I won't make you stay the whole day. We will come to get you and Rafa early."

Her eyes light up. "Really?"

"Claro que si! Maybe we'll go to the toy store, who knows. But you must go to school first. Deal?"

She squeals with excitement and kisses your cheek. "Alright, sneak back upstairs before papito wakes up." You whisper carrying her toward the staircase and putting her down on the steps, she walks back upstairs and you stay at the bottom of the steps until you hear the door open and shut quietly.

— — Elliana's small fist holds your two fingers as you walk her up to the school entrance doors where her new teachers are waiting. "Good morning Mr. And Mrs. Diaz, how are you?"

"Good. How are you guys?"

"Summer could've been longer." One of them sigh and pout. "I bet."

Raphael says goodbye to you and his father before turning to his sister, he decides to wait for her so they can walk in together. Oscar gives her a little pep talk and a small kiss before she looks up at you. You squat down as best you can to be at eye level with her. "Okay Ellie Bellie, I want you to do your best today okay? It's fine if you feel a little sad today it's normal."

She nods and her little lip trembles. "I love you so much." Your voice cracks and you know you have to say bye now or you won't leave her. You kiss her head and stick out your pinky and she hooks it with hers. "Go be amazing, mamita."

"Te amo."

You smile softly. "Te amo."

Elliana holds onto her brother's hand and they both make their way inside the building, it takes everything in you to not rush in and save her but you have to let her go. Oscar helps you up and holds onto you until you reach the car, he aids you inside the passenger's seat before heading over to the driver's side. "You okay?"

You nod turning your head to the window, a small tear slips but you quickly wipe it away. "Cariño. She'll be fine."

"I know." You sob. "It's just my stupid hormones." You lie. "Let's just go, if we stay any longer I'll end up going in there."

Oscar slips his hand under yours scooping you up and kissing the back of your hand... your fingers... your wrist. You smile as he wipes your tears away, so glad to have a man who just took care of you in all ways possible. "You want something to eat?"

Your mouth twists with consideration, you did technically eat an hour ago... and you are growing another child so you need all the nutrients that you-

"I'll take that silence as a yes." He says starting the car, you rest your head on his shoulder. He knew you all too well.

— — You did everything you could. Laundry, cooking, sleeping. But somehow the time wouldn't speed up. You and Oscar agreed you'd get the kids around 2:15, but it was only 12:30. You groaned getting up from your lounging position on the couch, and you waddle over to the kitchen meeting a few dishes in the sink. Another distraction for you.

You turn on the water, grab a sponge spill some Dawn dish soap onto it and get to washing. You hum a song that's been stuck in your head for days, unable to get it out.

Oscar comes up from the basement with a basket of laundry that he insisted on folding so you wouldn't have to struggle up and down the stairs. He huffs and drops the basket onto the floor and closes the door behind him. He hears your lovely tunes and follows the sound of your voice.

Oscar pokes his head in the kitchen, your back turned and unaware of his presence behind you. You reach over for your phone in the mood for some music, you play Get Close by Ari Lennox (the same song you were humming) and place your phone back down. His eyes burn through your skimpy clothes. Nothing too serious in your opinion, just a pair of old shorts and a navy blue tank top that was folded under your heavy breasts to help with the sweat. You were hot, you were always hot and it didn't help that it was the end of summer. Your belly was out, in your terms often saying that the baby just needs some air. He smiles sincerely.

He locked special moments like this away and for himself, he was just in awe of you no matter if you were carrying his child or not. If you were fully clothed or ass naked, you had him craving you. He felt himself begin to twitch in his shorts the longer he stared, his eyes zooming in on the tattoo of his name right under your cheek and another one on the back of your right thigh. His hands began to tingle with the urge to touch you, it'd only been an hour but it felt like an eternity.

Oscar makes his way over to you, A small touch on your lower back sends shivers up your spine and it places a smile on your face as well. "You should be resting you know?"

"I know, I just... I'm ready to go get them."

He kisses your ear. "Couple more hours." He mumbled softly snaking his arms around you, his hands cupping the underside of your stomach. "This kid is extra heavy today. It's killing me." You complain leaning back on his for some support, to use someone else's weight than your own to hold you up. "You need a lift?"

Oscar would often come up behind you and gently raise your belly, holding all the weight for you so you could feel just a sweet minute of relief and what relief it was, you couldn't believe you were carrying around all of it.

"Please." You sigh drying your hands in a towel. He squeezes himself closer to you and locks his fingers on your lower stomach. "Ready?"

"Mhm."

He lifts and you instantly sulk and huff with ease. Your head falls back on his shoulder and you smile softly. "This feels so good." You practically moan out. You two stay like that for a moment and find yourselves swaying side to side to the slow sultry music, your eyes feel heavy and they close just for a second. Everything about this was sweet and romantic until you felt... something. Your eyes pop open and you cover your mouth to muffle the giggle bubbling in your throat.

"Um... Oscar..."

No response. "Oscar..."

Still nothing. You tap his arm. "Spooky!"

"Que?" He answers annoyed. You bit your lip. "Are you good?"

He nods. "Why?"

"You're hard, you are poking me on of my cheeks right now." You laugh. "Sorry... I can't... I can't help it."

You shake your head and tell him to put your belly back down, you groan when all that load is back to being your responsibility. He hides his erection with his hands suddenly feeling embarrassed the longer you look at him. "Upstairs." You order him and he looks at you perplexed at the fact that you were the one giving him directions. Your hips reel him in as you make your way to the staircase.

"Let's go, Diaz."

But you didn't have to tell him a third time, he followed right behind you as you two headed to the room. He doesn't even bother shutting the door, just grabs you and tugs you into his embrace, attaching his lip to yours. Your hands cascade over his oversized arms giving them a loving squeeze. His hand glides across the small of your back and over the ample flesh of your backside. He aggressively grabs a handful of your ass and you gasp against his lips. You giggle, blissed out and wrecked before anything has happened. 

He backs you up into the bed before he carefully pushes you down onto the mattress, you do your best to scoot further so he has room to join you. He hops on and finds his solace between your legs, caressing your smooth skin as he follows a pathway to your shorts, he drags them down and tosses them wherever too preoccupied with the treasure that is in front of him. His brown eyes practically glow when his eyes land on your heat, you clench around nothing but anticipation and want, the need for his mouth on you is obvious and you have no intention of hiding it when you stretch your legs out further for him. 

Oscar gets the message and runs one of his thick fingers down your slit and slowly plunging into your hole but you need more, and he knows, so he vanishes between your legs working his tongue through your lips and navigating its way to your clit which he finds in no time-- you weren't pregnant with your third for no reason, that man knew your body like he was studying for a quiz. He knew what you hated, knew what made you tick and explode like a bomb. 

Your eyes close, and your body surrenders to him instantly when he massages your clit the right way. He licks and sucks on your bud like he was trying to drain you, rid you of your energy. You hold your legs up and your nails dig into your skin making crescent shapes on the back of your meaty thighs. He continues to lap up your pussy juices, you clench around his finger that had yet to make its way deeper inside her. As if he read her mind he slips his middle finger back inside, when he pulls back once more he adds his ring finger and your eye twitches. 

"Mierda... fuck!" You whine at the extra sensation. You decide to let your legs rest on his shoulders, your hands now free to touch yourself. You rid yourself of your tank top and cup your breasts in each hand, you light massage them-- they weren't too sensitive today. Your mouth slacks open as he pumps you at a quicker pace. "Oooh!" You cry out. 

You sit up on your elbows and get a glimpse of his back muscles flexing along with the movements of his arm. You giggle hazily when he hits a certain area, your toes curl when he continuously presses against your spot, your head falls back and his name flows from your lips. You inch back but he has a good grip on you. You cry out and plead for him to let up but it's no use, his tongue dives inside your aching hole and you clench around the muscle. He moans at your taste and smacks your thigh with appreciation. You fall back onto the bed, eyes falling to the back of your head. 

He gives you one more lick before sitting up on his knees. He looks down at the panting state that you're currently in and takes the opportunity to dispose of his shorts and boxers, he's rock hard and can't wait any longer, his usual blush pink tip has become a cherry red shade. Oscar strokes himself while gliding his tip between your folds. "You think you'll be okay on all fours?" He asks and you nod. He helps you sit up and turn around, he grabs your pregnancy pillow and forms it in a way that you can rest your stomach inside and be a bit more comfortable. Once you are set you tell him you're ready. 

 Oscar grasps a handful of your cheeks with one hand while his cock lays in the other, he nudges your entrance once again and finally sinks himself inside--carefully. Your eyes flutter at the sensation, the feeling of him sliding against your sticky walls never gets old. He groans pulling back and pushing in once again. He bottoms out and fills you to capacity. You mutter something about him being so deep and feeling so full. He rocks his hips at a steady pace, he likes to make you feel everything. 

Every stroke. Every hit. Every rotation of his hips is torturous. Your cheek is pressed against the sheets and your body rocks with every thrust he gives you. You whimper and sink your teeth into your bottom lip to muffle any more noises but it's a failed attempt when he spanks you, your body reacts by tightening its grip on his girth. He ditches the slow strokes and picks up his pace. The sound of your wet pussy squelching with every hit was like music to his ears along with the constant mumbles of his name that left your lips. "Papito, no puedo soportalo...fuck." (I can't take it anymore.)

He leans over and kisses the back of your shoulder, his chiselled chest is pressed against your back. His teeth nibbled at your ear, and his grunting mixed with a bit of whining was the only thing you could hear. Sounds of skin-to-skin erupted through the room and snuck its way through the halls.

"You can take me querida, you always take me so fucking well." He whispers hotly in your ear, you cry out over his words of encouragement. He sneaks his hands under you and toys with your clit. "You're squeezing this fucking dick, mierda, and you're so wet oh it's soaking me." 

You can only croak out, "Oh, I'm cum-m-" before your body falls weak, goes limp, you convulse around his length and coat him nicely with your orgasm. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...ooooh Spookyyyy!" You drag out as you cream all over him, and he drags out your high continuing to pound into you like nobody's business-- as well as seeming to forget your current state. "I'm gonna cum in that fucking pussy, mama." 

He rocks into you once more and stays like that, you feel him throb inside you and the warm spill of his seed spreads inside you. You hum in satisfaction and a smile is plastered on your face. "Shit..." He chuckles. "You good?" 

You just nod completely lost in happiness. He gives you a little smack on your ass, a little sign of appreciation, he softens and pulls out leaving you empty and exposed with his nut and yours slowly leaking out of your pleased hole. You ease down to a more comfortable position and sigh, your eyes suddenly feeling heavy and your body sore and sleepy. Oscar rushes off to the bathroom for a clean rag, he runs it under warm water and returns to the room, he helps clean you up and once he is fine with the results he rinses it off again and tosses it on the dirty clothes hamper to dry a bit. 

He comes back and closes the door behind him this time. "We got about an hour, rest, take a nap." But you're a step ahead of him, comfortable under the covers your body betrays you in the best way as it drifts off into slumber. Oscar smiles and joins you, he eases himself under the covers and pulls you closer to him, his fingers spread over your belly and he massages small circles on your skin. It was something that soothed him as well. "I love you, baby." He whispers. "We love you too." You mumble nuzzling into him. 

-- --

"Today was awesome!" Elliana cheered as she skipped inside the house. "Mrs. Havenwood let us watch a movie, we watched Elemental. And then she helped me with spelling some words, and I painted a flower." 

You beamed at your energetic daughter who seemed to have a jitter-free day, she hadn't stopped talking about her day since you and Oscar picked her and Rafa up from school. "Well, I'm happy to hear you had such an eventful day. So no tears?" 

Elliana proudly says, "No tears." You reach out for her and she runs to hug you, you kiss her temple. "That's my big girl." 

"I can't wait to go back tomorrow. And maybe... maybe you and Papa don't have to come get me." 

Your eyes widened. "En serio? The whole day?"  

She nods eagerly. "Si! I'll be fine." 

"I mean... if that's what you want-" 

"Yay! Thank you! Is it okay if I go play video games with Rafa?" 

You nod. "That's fine, but not gun games, por favor." You glare at the both of them. They say okay and head upstairs together leaving you dumbfounded, you were ecstatic that your daughter had such a great first day but you were expecting tears... a little bit of sadness considering your conversation with her at six this morning. Oscar looks at you and offers his hand, you take it and he kisses your knuckles. "Sounds like she had a great day." 

"It does." 

He tilts his head. "Expected her to be sad?" 

"A bit." 

He nods understanding. "I get it, but I think it just shows you did a great job preparing her. Especially this morning." 

You suck your teeth. "You heard us?" 

"I did. I know when my little princesa isn't around me. But I'm glad she's comfortable enough at this age to tell you how she truly feels, you encourage her to be herself all the time and I think that helped a lot with today." He sweet talks, your eyes turn into hearts and your bottom lip pokes out. "Thank you." You whisper leaning forward and smooching your lips on his. 

He kissed your forehead after. "You're a great mom. That's why I'm already thinking about the baby after this one." 

You holler. "Boy, no, this is the third and last."

"You said that about Elliana." 

"Well, I mean it this time." You say firmly. He nods. "Whatever you say, ma. Whatever you say." 

I had fun writing this so I hope yall have fun reading this. If you liked this fic, feel free to like this fic. Comments and reblogs are appreciated. see you in the next one. peace and love 🤙🏾

tags: @darqchilddaydreamz @realhotgurlshit @skyesthebomb @librarian1002

Who might be interested: @miyahmaraj @bigenergy777

[ask-basil-omori]

Hey! Atleast he has a loving mom AND a lot of loving friends!

We won't leave him like his dad did! So not having a dad isn't much of a tragedy!

imagine not having a dad..

………………….

[kandy-sticks-zaza-blogs]

Shows I watch instead of Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss

Pls don't attack me I am autistic pls respect my boundaries

Mixels my fav childhood minisodes about lego characters that learned to work together and their fusion are awesome. Also I understand what Kramer is saying.

3 2 1 Penguins have good bible quotes in the christain kid show I only know Veggietales when I was watching it on YouTube also 4 talking penguins are cool also Kevin is my fav autistic British penguin.

When it came out I got excited when it came out I was waiting for season 2 but it never came I love the cool rubber hose cartoon style in the adult animated show.

I love how it is about cooking and DND anime like Campfire Cooking in another world it’s wholesome,dark,delicious food and amazing animations also I love how the food look tasty and the intro song is a vibe but I wished that they added the missing moments in the manga right to the cutscenes when I’m watching it.The anime turns me into a gay simp fr.

When I first saw Red dwarf on BBC my mom tells me that Red dwarf is her fav childhood show I love how funny the sci-fi series is also the cat slaying in every episodes.

I love watching Bravest Warrior as a pre teen I love how they look like Adventure time but sci-fi Catbug gotta be my fav character.

Scooby doo is my fav when I grew up watching it on my old iPad and watching it on tv what I hate the most is scooby doo mystery incorporated they ruined Scooby doo and Velma relationship Velma loves Scooby doo when she met him as a puppy it’s so adorable I love how Velma treats him as a good friend instead of being jealous of eachother also I hated the Velma show.

I love watching Gravity falls on TV whenever I am on vacation with my family I love watcit everyday since my favourite is Mable cuz she’s like my fr as a kid now I become Robbie but without nobody cuz I never interested in dating. Alex Hirsh the legend who made a successful discontinued amazing 2 seasons show and made a coolest lore about Bill Cipher.

I love watching it since the show came out the year after I was out of the womb and still a baby I love how cool the robots are transformers are a greatest franchise since the 80s I love that the transformers characters are different from the original one like an alternate universe Prowl was my fav when I was a kid.

I love Monkey wrench since it came out I love the funny duo between Beebs and Shrike relationship they are the funny duo in the indie series the stories isn’t rushed and I love Sci-fi genre so much!

[ooffmlsorry]

One Piece Men Take You on a Nice Vacation

A/N: Well I did a poll and y'all definitely wanted this! Let's be serious so did I. I so desperately wanna go on vacation and leave my cares behind for a week. Alas, my imagination is all I've got 😔

Characters: Monster trio, Law, Koby

ZORO

Vacation? Did you forget who your boyfriend is? Zoro is the epitome of "No days off 😤"

I think what's more likely is y'all ended up getting lost together and it turns into an impromptu vacation

But that doesn't mean it isn't nice to essentially go camping together

You're incredibly lucky, there's a nice waterfall and river, the weather stays beautiful and the nights are crisp and clear

Once you convince him it's better to stay put and wait for the others to finally find you, it becomes a really relax retreat

Zoro still insisting on training, but that's a given. You probably train with him sometimes since you're dating, but otherwise it's the longest uninterrupted peace you've had since joining the crew

Just imagine sitting together with your feet in the cool river water, fishing in comfortable silence. The two of you wade in the stream together and splash each other, cook what you caught, cuddle around the campfire, and look up at the stars at night just talking

The privacy is perfect because it allows you two connect without worrying about any of the your crew mates

Zoro's even admittedly a little surprised by how much he enjoys being alone with you (it definitely gives him thoughts about what your future together could look like)

It's something the two of you look back on incredibly fondly, and if you happen to get lost on an island again...maybe for once Zoro did it intentionally

SANJI

This man is so serious about taking you a vacation, it's the time of your life

He's such a mom though lol. He cooks a shit ton before he leaves with you so the crew can reheat it and still have nutritious meals while their cook is away

He owes Nami so much berri, but since it's for a romantic vacation with you, the interest isn't too bad 🤭

I'd imagine it's somewhere with lots to do and lots to see like Gran Tesoro or Sabaody (*ignoring how fucked they are in context of the story, I just mean a place like that)

Unlike something impromptu accidental like Zoro's, he's planned out everything. A spa day, mani/pedi, sightseeing, shopping, really nice dinners.

You dance around together in your hotel and watch the fireworks and the city lights at night. Not to mention Sanji looks extremely handsome in the glow of it.

He absolutely spoils you! All in the name of how much he appreciates and loves you

And for what it's worth you don't let him forget how much it means to you...whenever you're not utterly speechless. It's more like the two of you spoil each other lol

The two of you have a lot of fun together, living in your own rose-colored world

As much as this is about you, you Sanji sometimes wishes he lived in a fairy tale world and this is it. It's just the breather you both need.

LUFFY

You kind of have to explain to him what a vacation is at first because he thinks you're just asking about going on an adventure with him🤭

Once he does understand the concept, he's pretty gung ho about it! Well, the "relaxing" part of a vacation sounds kind of dull to him but going somewhere just the two of you sounds awesome!

He kind of just springs it on you. You mentioned it once in passing and then a week later you're on a random island together and the Sunny is sailing off to pick you guys up in a week

It's not really a vacation spot, it's just a normal island he's never been to before (because he still doesn't quite understand the difference between a vacation and an adventure) but it's nice. It's somewhat reminiscent of Loguetown or Mock Town

You still have a great time with it's charm and the fact that there's little to no Marines around means you get peace in that aspect

That's the only kind of peace you get though lol

The two of you go all over the place, trying different food, poking around the jungle and in shops, and possibly getting into a little bit of trouble

Every night the two of you crash and sleep in as much as you want, wake up whenever you want and eat as much and whenever you want

It's kind of like a long sleepover with no parents around to keep you in line

As fun as it is you'll probably start to miss the routine of living as a Straw Hat and Luffy's itching to get back to the open seas!

LAW

Law pales at the thought of a vacation, but he's not above it for the people he loves

It's absolutely not his idea though...He was trying to think of something nice for your birthday and the crew told him how stressed you've been lately (plus have seen him? He needs a damn break and they also want him to relax)

He has everything planned down to the minute. When you're going, where you're going, what you're doing, when you'll be back. This man has a whole goddamn itinerary prepared tailored to your wants.

I feel like you guys would go to a place reminiscent of Dressrosa or Water 7 (*again ignoring the in-story horrors lol), something with really beautiful architecture and lots of history.

That plan turns more into more like a rough guideline no he's not upset about it look away but it's okay because you both needed the rest and a little less rigidity does Law some good

It's okay to stumble into a bookstore and get lunch two hours later than you planned, you swear

You two mostly avoid the tourist traps, except the historical ones because they're pretty cool and you learn a lot. Walking down the streets, hand in hand (yes, you get Law to hold you hand in public, it's the small wins okay?)

He can't stop working entirely, but that gives you time to do a little exploring on your own...not to mention you're completely surprised by how he pulls you into his lap as soon as you return

Being alone together makes him realize how important you are to him. There's not nearly as much crowding his mind when he's on vacation and all that free space up there is filled with his love for you

He's also kind of surprised how much he likes you outside of the Heart Pirate's rigid routine. Seeing you dressed up and not prepared for the sea, but rather a nice dinner, is a shock to his system. The fact that you're pretty much two normal people and nothing is falling apart surprises him. Maybe, he thinks, the two of you should do this more often

KOBY

A/N: Koby is literally my baby boy, cuppy-cake, sugar plum, pumpkin. He's so precious. Just a perfect lil guy 🥹💞 if Law is my husband, then Koby is my son

Oh lord, he's sweating lol

You? Wanna go on vacation with him? Alone? He's so flustered! Such a big step!

But he's really happy and super excited!! He definitely has a little countdown going on on his calendar

I could definitely see you guys having a beach type vacation, somewhere with a pier/boardwalk with all kinds of games and maybe a few cheap rides too

He'd absolutely win you a prize, and even better if you beat him and win him a prize

The photo booth pictures you end up taking are so cute and he keeps them forever

You hang out on the beach and build a massive sand castle, y'all probably get a terrible sunburn or at least Koby does 🤭

And at night you take nice long walks, listening to waves and collecting shells that catch your attention

The vacation is good for you, but it's also good for him to be out of the Marine environment for a minute

He gets to enjoy the results of all of his hard work and it makes him incredibly grateful that you're by his side, and when he tells you as such it's a long stuttering speech but he makes it through

Don't be surprised that he's awake at least 2-3 hours before you but that just means he gets time to think about what you're gonna do and be completely captivated as you sleep beside him

Those photo booth pictures? He keeps them in his jacket now. Whenever he gets overwhelmed or feels homesick he'll either look at them or pat his pocket to remind himself of those moments with you