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bungobble-my-balls · 3 months ago

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OK correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like the main 'yin/yang' parallel with Atsushi and Akutagawa is not something like 'this one is bad but secretly has a good side and this one is good but secretly has a bad side'.

I feel like it's more about 'who they are at their core vs who they choose to be'.

At his core Akutagawa is kind and at his core Atsushi is not. But despite this Atsushi tries every day to make the kinder choices and I love him so much for it. He has to work so hard to be good.

He wants to be a bitch SO bad I know he does but he tries his best to help people and be nice (sometimes he fails but that's OK <3)

Atsushi doesn't always WANT to help people, a lot of the time he's selfish and scared, but he does help people anyway. He keeps helping people over and over again. There's still some selfish motivation to it, and his initial motivation for helping people was because the headmaster told him that's all he was worth, but overall he does care about the people he helps and it weighs on him if he fails to save them. And of course, as the series goes on he starts helping people more because he can rather than because he feels like he needs to.

In Akutagawa's case, he's still capable of being kind but his environment led him into being someone who chooses to hurt people. But he's always been a protector at heart. In the start he was bad compared to Atsushi because he was choosing to hurt people and keep the cycle of abuse going. Just like how Atsushi developed in why he saved people, Akutagawa starts to get redeemed when he chooses to not just act on his rage. Not only does he start to spare people, but he speaks more kindly to them (apologising to Higuchi and telling Kyouka he's proud of her). It all culminates into the moment he chooses to help Atsushi and sacrifice himself for him, going back to his core value of being a protector. Even when he's finally revived, he keeps this role in his new position as Aya's Knight.

I kind of see the streaks of white in Akutagawa and the streaks of black in Atsushi not as their 'hidden sides' but as their fundamental selfs. That's who they are at their core, and their main colours (black for Akutagawa and white for Atsushi) are how they're presented to everyone else and how they try to have people see them as.

#I'm just spitballing half of this but these are also my genuine thoughts on these two and their yin/yang parallels #I'll never get over Akutagawa being a protector at heart and getting that side of him buried with rage from growing up in the PM and-#-Dazai's old teachings #also Atsushi being selfish at his core is very important to me. He's not a typical 'kind hearted' shonen protagonist. He's kind not because #-that's how he’s always been but because that's how he chooses to be #I think that kind of character is even more admirable to me #it also fits well with Dazai being his mentor. Since Dazai also doesn't have that initial desire to save people just out of kindness.#He saves people as a promise to his dead friend that wanted him to live a good life #in fact that actually fits with Jouno too #now that I think about it quite a few bsd characters fit into that 'not kind because they were born that way but because they chose to be'-#-archetype #hell yeah. That's kinda cool I like that #bsd analysis #Akutagawa #atsushi #akutagawa ryuunosuke #atsushi nakajima #sskk #shin soukoku #<- Not a ship post but adding this tag since I consider that their duo name too #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungobble my post

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violetren · 6 months ago

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The great thing about the White Collar OT3 is that at no point does the introduction of Neal into El and Peter's everyday lives never feels like a threat to Peter and El's marriage.

Like from the moment Neal shows up at their house in episode one he and El hit it off.

Within the first 5 episodes Neal and El have figured out they have similar knowledge and interest in the finer things, they're sharing looks over how Peter talks about and will react to things, El is telling Peter to trust in Neal a little, Neal is helping make sure they have a lovely anniversary, and El is calling Neal in to mediate/help prove her point in mini arguments to make Peter do stuff.

They also work really well because while Peter, El, and Neal might all be slightly different flavours and intensities of hyper competent adrenaline junkie weirdos, all three of them are intensely loyal to "their people" so the second El and Neal recognised that they both trust Peter as someone who will always try to do the right thing and respect them they were like "oh green flag."

#chirping wren #white collar #white collar ot3 #elizabeth burke #peter burke #neal caffrey #its wild that peter is considered like Just Some Guy compared to them both #cause like he sorta is #he tries so hard bless his heart to just be a simple man with simple tastes and a simple life #and like he kinda succeeds #but also the dude's brain is always going #he stalked his wife prior to asking her out #he has an insane level of attention to detail when he chooses to apply it which is what makes him a brilliant white collar agent #he just struggles with connecting facts to emotions sometimes #el and neal both treat him as like their rock because he is so straightforward and upright #but also the man will leap into the most batshit situations at the drop of the hat if either of them asks him with big wet eyes #like sir that is not normal plain simple guy behaviour #so glad this show came across my dash again and got me on a rewatch #they are all so blorbo shaped and by god do i need that rn

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chrliekclly · 8 months ago

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#frank reynolds #iasip #always sunny #just to show my thought process on the 'hmm which frank is th most deservedly unconscious' for that rb'd post #he's catatonic in th hospital but its on a bed which makes it feel too normal #in th booth its a good pose but he's awake and talking to th twins #sanitizer frank is obviously hilarious bt hes writhing around n it so....doesnt feel right #him on th ground w sausage links coming out of his pocket is so funny but hes just ACTING like hes dead....#poison i went w he is @ least fully unconscious @ th time of photo evn tho he is halfway outta th frame #plus being on th floor trumps everything (xcept maybe th 'carousel')#was hard to choose!#screencap #sweet dee has a heart attack #charlie catches a leprechaun #the gang gets quarantined #mac and charlie write a movie #the world series defense #n e 1 else remember some? only othrs i can think of is th gang replaces dee w a monkey waking up on th bar #nd wen hes on acid in th trash can on th ground n th gang gets invincible #nd maybe gang turns black waking up on th couch but....none of those r worthy imo #frank aes

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bonefall · 8 months ago

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Did Brambleclaw actually disown the Three when the secret is revealed? I don't remember this happening (then again, it's been a while) but it does bug me how all three go "Poor brambleclaw :(( He was such a good dad to us and he has to learn we're not even his biokits :(((( poor guy" while simultaneously shitting on Leafpool and Squirrelflight despite them showing them more care and affection before AND after the reveal. If he does disown them, then.... WOW is the double standard real here.

In-canon? It's something you have to approximate. They don't seem to have a concept of ""disowning"" because blood relation is taken as such an insurmountable, FUNDAMENTAL fact of life. He doesn't write them out of his little kitty will and testament, but his actions ARE disowning.

It's as if the fact he is not their biological father is an automatic disowning. From the reveal onwards, he is immediately cold, distant, and the "betrayal" is mentioned often. The Three also explicitly don't blame him for his behavior, like it's just to be expected that he's Not Their Dad anymore.

Lionblaze in particular stares longingly at him several times, really missing him. And like... that's kinda what gets my goat so much

I do believe Brambleclaw is entitled to his feelings of betrayal. I believe Squilf was ultimately in the right to lie, actually, but he's still allowed to be upset and angry that she didn't trust him enough to tell him something so important. THAT SAID, YOU ARE NEVER ENTITLED TO TREAT OTHERS POORLY.

And that's what GETS me. He isn't upset that it was all revealed in such a painful and embarassing way when this could have been avoided, or that his lover struggled with this lie for so long without him, or that he feels he's lost his children. Squilf points it out in The Last Hope-- He's so ANGRY at Squilf that he will THROW HIS FAMILY AWAY

Lionblaze seems desperate to be his son again. Hollyleaf is gone for months, and Brambleclaw is still huffing about the secret when she comes back from the dead. Squilf is fawning in the hopes it makes him talk to her again. Doesn't matter. Brambleclaw Is Upsetti Spaghetti so the narrative will never examine his role in hurting this family he apparently loved so much.

(Narrative seems to understand full well that when Squilf lies for a good reason, that doesn't invalidate the hurt Brambleclaw felt... but when Brambleclaw is upset for a good reason, it actually DOES validate what he put her and his kids through)

In BB it is explicitly a disowning. He cuts them off as his children, and they reciprocate. BB!Lionblaze does so in a ball of fury, vowing that he has ONLY a mother.

#It does start getting.... ''better'' after oots. On the disowning front #Lion seems to be fixing his relationship with him #Which... actually is something I dislike tbh #Can we pls get canon acknowledgement of the Little Pogchamp scene where he lets Ash beat his son #And downplays this to holly #Pls #Idk i just feel lion makes a better mama's boy #Really close to squilf and then like... tries to get close to Leafp too but it just. Cant click.#In this very sad but also kind of validating way #Leafp isnt his mom... she didn't raise him. But shes still his aunt. She still loves him as ferociously as she always did #The reveal changed nothing about his family. In the end.#It truly was just a reveal.#(And then he stares angrily and also forlornly at bramble)#Bramblestar is honestly a very interesting character if you choose to take him at face value #And wade through the writer favoritism #I keep coming back to him man.#Such an incredibly mundane and honest type of terrible #Always consumed by his pride and terrible lack of self esteem. Everyone wants you to be better. But you keep messing up #Your honor. I hate him. I have a picture of him in my heart shaped locket.#I am putting him in an exhibit. I am blasting him with a hose.

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lilacerull0 · 8 days ago

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worked and waited; hoped and loved

Little Women & My Brilliant Friend (JoFritz + LilaEnzo)

largely inspired by this post

#this is lila's book. what's not clicking.#l'amica geniale #elena ferrante #my brilliant friend #little women #otp: diagram of the door opening #otp: your heart understood mine #2 in 1: little dot with the flames round it #ferranteposting #s4 spoilers #l'amica geniale spoilers #my brilliant friend spoilers #younger me would shoot me dead for this post #before anyone says ohhh no but it ended tragically. yeah. everything ends.#with lila you ALWAYS have to start with rino. and what she lost in him. she could've read any other book and became obsessed with it #but it's little women. sooo many feminist texts to choose from but ferrante picked this one for her. because it has family as its central #theme. jo wants to get rich to help her family and she wants to be free to save herself.#it's the link between money and freedom that comes as the greatest evil.#(lila saying her initial mistake was taking money from don achille to buy little women)#this is just one of the many lw + mbf posts i will be making. what else do you expect from me this was a lw blog at first #mine 🧫#post lila cerullo can NEVER see. it would devastate her. yes even the lila from the post's timeline

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artfartt · 11 months ago

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Original under the undercut

#sam and max #sam and max fanart #artoftheday #freelance police #snm #sam and max freelance police #freelance husbands #shadow the hedgehog #woy wander #dynamite objectified #I couldn’t choose #flustered max will always live in my heart #Patrick must be the hardest character to animate like. he has so many random dots on him and they just randomly change everytime the scene c #changes liek is this normal for him?? anyways enough about Patrick #picture this; shadow the hedgehog vs Max and electromagnetic powers. who’s gonna win #idk what else to tag

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get-along-little-khornedoggie · 6 months ago

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happy birthday to the man, the pig, the legend, whose character said NO USERS with his whole chest so loudly it reduced the city that tried to use him to a smoking bedrock crater and altered my brain chemistry and concept of self-worth forever

#happy birthday technoblade #Technoblade25 #c!techno #miss him every day - some more than others #and i'll always wish that there was more time #but if he had a hundred lives he'd choose to be technoblade again every time #and in that sense it was an honor to share even a little of the life he loved so much #he changed mine for the better and i wish i'd been able to tell him #as someone who struggles with anger #who's been made out as nothing but a bully and a monster because of that anger #to the point where even i started believing it #this scene reached directly into my heart and headbutted my soul #you have worth!! you have value!!#you are not a tool or a resource or a threat to be used!!#you are a person!!

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pwurrz · 5 months ago

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being obsessed with yakumo is a job and baby i’ve never called in a sick day!!!!!

#nu carnival #yakumo ♡#you could not pay me to ramble this extensively about anything else #but yakumo’s trauma?? his childhood?? his growth?? his fears and insecurities and how they affect his current relationships??#his abandonment issues and jealousy and darker desires???#and how he’s so scared he’ll hurt others even though it’s far more likely he’ll be the one getting hurt??#how he’s not violent or scary at all but after years and years he’s been conditioned to think he is??#the significance of his relationship with eiden??#the significance of his ��platonic’ relationships with the other clan members??#how important his grandparents were in raising him??#how his desperate want to hide his serpentine features and be ‘normal’ is a perfect allegory for autism??#the fact that he’s been treated horribly in the past and yet still chooses every day to be kind??#how he probably definitely has bpd??#the burden he has to carry just because of who his ancestor is??#the fact that it almost seems like what he does doesn’t matter because the actions of his ancestor will always be looming over him??#how he’s been hurt so many times both physically and emotionally and yet his heart is still so open to loving others??#how he has a tendency to push down his traumatic memories until he thinks they no longer affect him??#and how even when he’s suffering because of that trauma he would still rather suffer alone than bother someone and tell them??#how slowly but surely he’s unlearning all of the harmful ideas burned into him since his was a child??#and how he’s learning that people do love and care about him and he’s not a burden and he deserves love and care??#and that the serpentine traits he tries so desperately to hide aren’t as disgusting as he was meant to believe??#that his dark desires don’t define or control him and that it’s okay that he has them??#that just because he has them at all doesn’t make him a bad person???#why he makes soup for his loved ones so much!!!! yes that is important actually #i will sit and write about that for hours and hours for FREE #my favourite fictional character of all time he’s so so real #he’s so well written and his trauma and growth are handled with such care and consideration

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iniziare · 2 months ago

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Tag drop: Aventurine.

#aventurine. [ mr. cavalier gambler: uptight. overcautious. inferiority complex. you've won so much but you're still so afraid of losing. ]#aventurine: ic. [ they see only the straight flush. they don't know the other hand below the table clutching your chips for dear life. ]#aventurine: inquiries. [ time to make a move my friend. say goodbye before you shuffle off. it's… best to die without regrets. ]#aventurine: countenance. [ now go. and pick the clothes that you like. then choose your desired identity and use them well. ]#aventurine: introspection. [ “sleep is the rehearsal of death”? why does life slumber? because we are not ready for the final rest. ]#aventurine: meta. [ the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. but you've never gone in any other direction. ]#aventurine: little notes. [ you will keep winning; having never lost before. but why you? why... must it be you? ]#aventurine: wishes. [ even if the chance of winning is close to zero. well... you can't win if you don't play; right? ]#aventurine: etc. [ the chance… no matter how small: the potential is what you hang onto. that is what justifies the gamble. ]#aventurine: ipc. [ … i'll give you that and much more than that. the ipc will give you whatever you want. even what you don't want. ]#aventurine: trio. [ three cornerstones who for a measly penacony... offered their everything. you're more united than the family. ]#aventurine: astral express. [ friends: the game has commenced and you cannot choose to decline… nor do you have grounds to. ]#aventurine: fate. [ if the dice of fate are always weighted then that is our destiny. why then... do we struggle against it? ]#aventurine: past. [ our paths will cross again beneath kakava's shimmering auroras. farewell: kakavasha. ]#aventurine: luck. [ he's only drunk on the moment that makes his very life quiver. hell is only one decision away from heaven. ]#aventurine: topaz. [ i never expected the beautiful and kind-hearted director topaz to resort to distorting concepts like that. ]#aventurine: topaz. [ but since i survived i realized: wherever you go that's where i'll follow; nobody's promised tomorrow. ] immobiliter.#aventurine: jade. [ it's often used as a counterfeit for jade. but it looks like jade… can be substituted for aventurine too. ]#aventurine: veritas ratio. [ unfortunately for him; i make for a more competent conversationalist than the other dimwits around here. ]#aventurine: black swan. [ nothing remains hidden from you… does it? i will find my place in the web of your schemes; memokeeper. ]#aventurine: sunday. [ is this what the harmony represents? is it built upon constraint and coercion? ]#aventurine: acheron. [ only by casting aside reason does one truly gamble. “emanator” — I know you'll match my wager. ]#aventurine: v. youth. [ but the sun could not kill me and the quicksand sent me back to the embrace of the guild and the ipc. ]#aventurine: v. penacony. [ i seem that way because i am nervous. maybe you can help. what do you say; put our palms together a last time? ]#aventurine: v. future. [ the once falling die has at last landed on its earthly rest. quietly… peacefully: it at last landed. ]#tag drop #[ ... i wanted to add in a tag for robin. but i think that may have to come personalized. ]#[ /rubs hands together. lets see if any of these are broken. ]#aventurine: robin. [ so she sings; but does she dance? ] avaere.#[ okay i changed my mind-- there's a robin tag. ]

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atopvisenyashill · 2 months ago

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do love how this is an asoiaf blog but i did not put either show in my top 10 this is the world we live in

#the only season that really compares to the book is season 1.#the rest even when they’re engaging have changed something that feels so central to the hook that i’m mad aksjd.#getting on my soap box #if iwtv s3 is good it may knock someone out. probably qaf.#bsg is p high up there i just think season 4 really suffered on pacing & the suspicious nature of who dies annoyed me.#veep is also very high up there tbh i need to rewatch it. the thing is. as we know. i am a romantic at heart and amy & jonah have my favorit #sitcom relationship. veep has genuinely one of the best finales to ever exist but i’m a sap.#and amy coming back to tell jonah that he made her realize she doesn’t actually have to expect the worst from life. oh my god.#also superstore >>> parks & rec >>> the office bc superstore never romanticized the hell of their job #amy quitting her corporate job when she realized she would never be able to make the changes she wanted within the system she was always #going to compromise too much and wind up like jeff. glenn reopening his dad’s hardware shop & specifically who goes w him & who stays w gina #at the store? it has what the other two lack which is characters that feel like they keep existing after you stop watching #BECAUSE the way they interacted with the world was so real and so much more realistic. amy can’t fix the system but she can find a job that #she doesn’t feel is so soul sucking. glenn may be choosing a harder path by reopening the hardware store but it’s the one that makes him #most fulfilled. gina just gets to make money and be bossy w people who do what they’re told. that rings so true to me.#i almost out bojack horseman in here too actually but once again i think the last season just needed to be a tad longer just like bsg.#also same issue w pitch as w bly manor - it’s an amazingly written season of tv but it’s ONE season of tv #big brother as always outsells yes i am hoping to tempt some of u into watching by posting dan & ian in the dog costume #i have that gif and the ‘sit’ scene saved on my phone always

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bhaalsack · 11 months ago

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#gale is always gonna be my favourite romance bc hes just SO !!#idk how to describe it. intense? like he falls so wholly for tav/durge #heart on his sleeve type beat #and choosing whether or not to support him in his reach for godhood is one of my favourite romance choices #ugh i just love him #gale dekarios #bg3 #bhaalsackposting

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sobeautifullyobsessed · 4 months ago

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Proof that I'm a forever ride-or-die MCU Stephen Strange Stan ~

My first thought when learning of the return of RDJ to the MCU was: WHAT ABOUT DOCTOR STRANGE??? Isn't he closely tied to Doom as adversaries in the comics? Why wasn't he mentioned in connection to Avengers: Doomsday? Has Feige/et al, decided Stephen has no further value to the MCU?

Second thought? FU Feige/Waldron/et al.

#I'm so pissed and so done with the MCU #they have only ignored & devalued My Hero #wtf is up with that?#somewhere in my drafts is a news release post that I meant to comment on stating that Wong--not Stephen--would be the one assembling...#...the next generation of Avengers #wtf is with that #MCU critical #you bet your sweet ass I am #going forward I gotta prefer getting new Strangebatch content via fanfic #and I'm not talking Strange/Doom slash fic cuz it's not my cuppa #I want mystery & danger & angst & Stephen being a total badass while also having his deep compassionate heart...#the Healer turned Hero who always chooses to save lives no matter the cost to himself #Doctor Strange #Sorcerer Supreme IN DEED if not in name #Stephen Strange #Architect of Victory over Thanos #despite the heaviest toll it inflicted on him #Strangebatch #My Eternal Blorbo

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random-kido · 5 months ago

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I'm going to do silly text posts tomorrow maybe I think

Purely spurred by the thought that krk is kinda the ultimate hater in the scavs. Like. You think it'd be crank but I'm almost certain krk did the most hating in their entire run. Crank complained here and there for pretty reasonable things i think but krks got the shorter temper and the itchier trigger finger and I think that's pretty funny actually

He's mean because he's the smallest and is therefore closer to hell

#PLEASE don't take this all that seriously #krk is..... arguably one of the more reasonable out of all of them. he has his moments definitely #i just think it's really funny if he's a little hater despite that #also choosing to ignore that crank is shorter than him #krk is the smallest scav in my heart forever and always #that one villain print roache did where he's the tiniest mother fucker around lives in my brain forever #rambles #scavengers

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aria0fgold · 8 months ago

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A confession of wishes for a future without you.

Ren sat up from the bed, he couldn't sleep. He's been lying down for hours now, eyes closed even, and yet he still couldn't find his own sleep. Morgana laid beside him, sound asleep. He carefully got up, so as to not disturb him. Making sure to walk quietly in his room while looking for something, anything to help him sleep. A book, a distraction, whatever it is that he can find. So he began his search and not even a minute later, stumbled upon a box. One far too familiar that he froze when he saw it. How many months had it been since he had that box now? He doesn't know, didn't want to keep track of that time, didn't even want to think about anything in regards to it at all.

A small black box with intricate designs painted in red, it wasn't locked, in fact, it can easily be opened. But Ren never did open it. He didn't want to, he didn't want to know what's inside it, didn't want to face the reality that Kaito— that he— that his friend is… He wanted to bathe in the pool of lies he made for himself, that Kaito's sudden disappearance isn't too much of a big deal, that someday, maybe just maybe, he'll come back again. He continued to lie to himself like that, ever since Kaito disappeared.

Perhaps, it's time to face reality once more.

Ren took a deep breath, opening and closing his hand in an effort to steady its trembling, in an effort to gather enough courage to open the box he had been avoiding ever since he first saw it, days after he lost all contact with Kaito. It was hidden underneath the bed, Ren moved it somewhere else, farther from him yet in its own safe place. Just like what he wished and hoped for Kaito as well, far from him yet safe. So he kept wishing, over and over again.

Please be safe, please be safe, please be safe.

That's how wishes work, right? To think it three times, say it thrice, and believe with all your heart for it to be real. So he held onto that hope. No matter how small it was, he held onto it like a precious gem nestled within his palm, threatening to shatter at the slightest jolt.

Ren took a few more deep breaths, until finally, he reached for the box and lifted its lid. In it was a letter, white with a blue ribbon, and a monocle beside it. Ren can feel the gears in his brain coming to a halt, slowly… slowly… it'd freeze in time, but not now, not yet. Mechanically, Ren stood up and walked towards the bed, he sat by the edge, near the window to put an arm on, to lean his body on. For support maybe, for a hope perhaps, that once he's finished reading the letter. Kaito would appear in his white suit with his cape flowing in the wind, the magician in the moonlight.

That's what this is, isn't it? A confession of secrets. He had an idea about it, infamous internationally wanted criminal, Kaito KID was Kaito Kuroba's other identity. He had a feeling that was the case but never pursued the thought, it'd be unfair, won't it? For Ren to intrude into Kaito's secret when he has his own secrets to hide. So it'd just be fair, to not know. To pretend to not know anything. To pretend that the thief he saw on the rooftop that day isn't someone he knows even though he's so painfully aware of it. It's only fair that way.

Ren took another deep breath, swallowing hard as he prepared to open the letter, setting aside the box with the monocle still inside by the window sill.

His heart skips a beat at the sight of his name, written by Kaito's hand.

“Dear Renren,” it starts, “How are you? Knowing you, you probably didn't open this letter until months had passed, I bet! ”

Ren quietly chuckled at that, he was right. Kaito was always too good at reading people. “That's alright though, I won't blame you because I'm such a gentleman,” A small face was drawn there, it looked like Kaito smirking at him, how cute. “I'm sure you've already seen the other item in the box, it was right on top of the letter you're reading now after all! ” He drew a monocle then. Ren held his breath as he read through the next passage.

“What I'm about to tell you, is a confession of a secret! You can't tell anyone about this! This is our own little secret.” A winking Kaito was drawn there, adorable. Ren giggled as he whispered to the wind, to himself, and to the Kaito that wrote the letter.

I promise.

“I'm Kaito KID.” Party poppers were drawn on both sides of that phrase, confetti doodled around it, he really was adorable… “Although… I had a feeling you already knew about this.”

He really was good at reading people.

“It's so anti-climactic doing this on paper too. I wish I could tell you in person instead, I'd love to see your reaction.”

Ren's breath hitched then. His mind slowly drawing a blank, please be safe, please be safe, please be safe. He repeated in his head. Like a chant, a good luck charm, filled with the hope burning his chest, threatening to explode.

“Renren… I know this is kinda cliche but by the time you're reading this, I probably didn't make it after all.”

Ren gripped the paper tightly then, and immediately let go. He shouldn't… ruin Kaito's letter. There was… there was still more to read through… A prank, maybe, a mistake perhaps, please let this be a nightmare he can wake up from. Ren took a deep breath, gathering himself to continue reading once more.

“Hey, Renren, I may not be there while you're reading this but I can tell you're sad right now! Come on, turn that frown upside down! You know I don't like seeing you sad, right…?

…I'm sorry.”

Ren inhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose to stop the urge to cry growing deep inside him, like a dam waiting to burst, a pipe waiting to break, a heart waiting to shatter. It took him a moment to continue reading it.

“I know, I know... there's a lot of questions you want to ask right? And I… I don't think I can answer any of it, after all...

Hey, Renren… How about a magic trick? It'd be hard to pull this off in a letter but here! ” In the next part, four cards were drawn face down, or rather, drawings of four small face down cards were partly glued to the paper, a small tape keeping it shut. “Pick one!”

Ren reached for the second card, carefully peeling off the tape, behind it revealed an 'Ace of Hearts'. Ren bit his lip then, to stop it from trembling.

“Hehehe, You chose the second card, didn't you? And no! Before you start thinking, 'it doesn't matter what card I pick, all of them is the same.' Well, then mister! You can open the other cards to double check it! I assure you that they aren't all the same! ”

And so Ren did. He carefully peeled off the tape from the rest of the cards.

The first card revealed an “I”

The third card revealed a “You”

The fourth card revealed a “Forever”

The last card, was stained with a droplet.

The droplet, was accompanied by another then.

Ren couldn't stop himself anymore. He put the letter on the window sill, slowly, carefully, with a trembling hand, he reached for the box, brought it on top the letter as weight. He reached inside it, for the monocle for him to hold, to steady his trembling hands. Ren sobbed, quietly, soundlessly, he cried in silence so as to not disturb anyone.

“…Ren?”

But that was all in vain at the sound of Morgana's voice.

“Are you… crying?! What happened?! What's wrong?!” Morgana shot upright at the realization, immediately running to Ren's side. Ren couldn't really answer him even if he wanted to, so Morgana looked around for answers. He didn't need to look far.

He stared at the box, at the letter, and at the monocle Ren was clutching. It was enough.

“…Oh.” Morgana's ears drooped and twitched, he didn't quite know what to do, Ren's cries makes his heart ache, he wanted to comfort him but how? Grief isn't so easily comforted. After thinking awhile, Morgana settled upon sitting beside Ren. “I'm… I'm here for you, okay?”

Ren couldn't answer still, but he was grateful for it. Grateful for Morgana, grateful that there's someone there for him while his world was breaking. Kaito was so unfair… selfish…

. . .

Seconds passed, and then minutes, Morgana had found where the tissue box is and moved it near Ren, he had found a water bottle nearby too, placing it just beside the tissue box. Minutes passed, and then hours. The empty trash can that Morgana moved near Ren as well now contained tissues, the water bottle that was once full was nearly empty. And the quiet cries that filled the room turned into quiet sobs.

Morgana rubbed Ren's back with his paw, in hopes of comforting him further. Until finally, Ren calmed down. Enough to take deep breaths to compose himself.

“…Thanks…” He whispered, voice hoarse.

“Mn… How are you feeling now?”

“…Tired.” Ren glanced at the letter.

“Why don't you wait until tomorrow to continue reading it?” Worry was evident in Morgana's voice.

He should, he really should just wait a bit before reading again, that fit of crying made him tired enough to want to sleep already but… He wanted to finish reading it tonight.

Ren gazed out the window, he stared at the sky, as dark as it was that faithful night. He stared at the stars flickering on and off, he remembered the split second he saw the stars reflected in the eyes of that magician as he turned to face them. He stared at the moon, peeking through the buildings, it was a full moon, much like that night. The view of the moon behind a mysterious magician donned in a white suit and top hat with a cape flowing behind him. It was a magical sight that Ren will remember no matter how much time has passed.

Ren took a shaky breath. He reached for the letter, the monocle in the other hand.

“I'm sorry…” Ren's eyes stung, “I deserved to be yelled at right now, you can call me unfair, and selfish, and stupid! You can shout it to the sky, I'll be sure to hear it. But Renren…

Ren. I wanted to tell you how I felt, because I doubt I'd have a chance to say it to you if not now. I'm sorry, maybe I should've told you about it before… this. But then I think, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for hurting you way more than how you're hurting now, all because of me. Just know that, I love you, and I want the best for you, even if I'm not around you anymore, even if I'm not there anymore. I'll always love you forever and ever! All the times we spent together were the most precious memories I have… Well, had.

Hey, Renren… Promise me you'll find someone else to make you happy, alright? Someone, something, anything! I want you to be happy. You better be looking up at the night sky with a smile! I'll be sure to see it.

I love you, Ren.”

#ariawrites #persona 5 #magic kaito #jokid #mkp5 #ren amamiya #kaito kuroba #morgana #angst #no tw here i thiiiiiink? its just pain.#okay so like-- smth i didnt get to include here cuz it messed up me and akiren tbf #basically so like that part with the cards. i originally wanted it to just have the normal suits on it #but while i was writing that. and well with sirius' heart in the bg fueling me. the song got to be morse code part #and i was like: hmm i love you-- and it was like a lightbulb went off above my head #sooooo brightly it practically shattered cuz i realized theres 4 cards suits so i was like #ouuouoghhghghhh?????? so yea the card suits got changed to say i ❤ you forever #and basically during my initial idea before i changed it. kaito was supposed to #proudly say that akiren always chooses the 2nd options when faced with 4 options #so like-- hc in this au is that whenever akiren and kaito is tgt and akiren is faced with 4 options #for practically anything. he always chooses the 2nd one cuz for him thats kaito #like-- the 1st and 4th are like walls keeping them safe from danger and the 2nd is kaito and 3rd is akiren #considering the fact that theyre both wanted criminals. kaito esp being more worldwide #and at that point akiren only has speculations but doesnt rlly stop him from thinkin bout 4 options like that #cuz he feels the safest with kaito and want kaito to feel safe with him too so its like--#theyre each others safe place. kaito doesnt know that reason know. mr so observant esp to akiren #only knows that akiren chooses the 2nd option so like i was supposed to write bout #akiren thinkin bout the cute lil reasoning he has as to Why he does it but well the reveal #of the i love you forever hurts so much and hits harder you cant just think at that point anyway

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