#And downplays this to holly

[bonefall]

Did Brambleclaw actually disown the Three when the secret is revealed? I don't remember this happening (then again, it's been a while) but it does bug me how all three go "Poor brambleclaw :(( He was such a good dad to us and he has to learn we're not even his biokits :(((( poor guy" while simultaneously shitting on Leafpool and Squirrelflight despite them showing them more care and affection before AND after the reveal. If he does disown them, then.... WOW is the double standard real here.

In-canon? It's something you have to approximate. They don't seem to have a concept of ""disowning"" because blood relation is taken as such an insurmountable, FUNDAMENTAL fact of life. He doesn't write them out of his little kitty will and testament, but his actions ARE disowning.

It's as if the fact he is not their biological father is an automatic disowning. From the reveal onwards, he is immediately cold, distant, and the "betrayal" is mentioned often. The Three also explicitly don't blame him for his behavior, like it's just to be expected that he's Not Their Dad anymore.

Lionblaze in particular stares longingly at him several times, really missing him. And like... that's kinda what gets my goat so much

I do believe Brambleclaw is entitled to his feelings of betrayal. I believe Squilf was ultimately in the right to lie, actually, but he's still allowed to be upset and angry that she didn't trust him enough to tell him something so important. THAT SAID, YOU ARE NEVER ENTITLED TO TREAT OTHERS POORLY.

And that's what GETS me. He isn't upset that it was all revealed in such a painful and embarassing way when this could have been avoided, or that his lover struggled with this lie for so long without him, or that he feels he's lost his children. Squilf points it out in The Last Hope-- He's so ANGRY at Squilf that he will THROW HIS FAMILY AWAY

Lionblaze seems desperate to be his son again. Hollyleaf is gone for months, and Brambleclaw is still huffing about the secret when she comes back from the dead. Squilf is fawning in the hopes it makes him talk to her again. Doesn't matter. Brambleclaw Is Upsetti Spaghetti so the narrative will never examine his role in hurting this family he apparently loved so much.

(Narrative seems to understand full well that when Squilf lies for a good reason, that doesn't invalidate the hurt Brambleclaw felt... but when Brambleclaw is upset for a good reason, it actually DOES validate what he put her and his kids through)

In BB it is explicitly a disowning. He cuts them off as his children, and they reciprocate. BB!Lionblaze does so in a ball of fury, vowing that he has ONLY a mother.

[glasskey]

THT True Love and Double Trouble Remix Part 3

Welcome to the 3rd and final part of this remix. In the context of this love triangle Luke is the equivalent to the “home body” or the “boy next door”. For years and years now, in classic love triangle scenarios these slouchers have been “getting the girl” based on the lame-assed rule of “first dibs”. However our heroine isn’t beholden to anyone, SHE makes the rules, and as the infamous Dawson / Pacey / Joey love triangle taught us; the so called “diamond in the rough” is the everyday man’s worst fucking nightmare.

LUKE

Because Luke is the everyday man he presents a perfect vehicle for demonstrating the casual chauvinism experienced by women as a normal daily occurrence. Luke is a homebody with a desire for a wife and an idyllic family, and with this comes all the dynamics of it’s traditionalist ideals. Luke represents the average middle class male persona; educated but self-entitled and somewhat willingly complacent in his efforts to change his or societies attitudes to gender roles and dynamics. As such, the infringements of June’s initial freedoms are concerning rather than alarming and certainly not enough to motivate him into direct action. In Atwoods text Luke actually enjoys some of these restrictions of June’s former freedoms, as they allow him to assert his dominance, thus bolstering his own sense of self confidence. This character aspect has been somewhat downplayed in the series, but we do still see signs of it.

In Atwood’s text, Luke taunts Holly making light of her action against the patriarchy, in the series we see echoes of the two at loggerheads when Holly voices her disapproval of June and Luke’s marriage. Holly’s perception of Luke is as a trap of conventional traditionalism, a direct obstacle between June and her independence. Holly embodies the fight against a patriarchal society and the definitive independent woman. As such she is captured, enslaved and most likely killed off during the inception of Gilead. Moira also voices concerns that Luke will leave her if she cannot produce the child he so desperately desires, leaving June wondering; what if he sees her as primarily a walking womb? June’s insecurity at his faithfulness and her own abilities to provide a child cause her to continuously apologize, and minimize her own anxieties. Ultimately it allows him to take control, determining when they run and enabling his passivity to leave her trapped.

When June returns home she is far from the affectionate, compliant wife he once knew. She is distinctly uncomfortable in a world that somewhat acquiesces to Gilead’s will. She is enraged, vengeful and hypervigilant. After waiting many years for her return, Luke seems determined to “love whoever she turns out to be”, it seems almost defeatist to “let her go” after all this time. However he’s constantly challenged by the person who’s returned to him, and while there are moments of connection they’re tenuous and it’s doubtful that pre Gilead, he would have ever chosen to marry the woman he now knows.

Prior to Gilead’s inception the nature of the physical connection between Luke and June ranged from flirtatious to affectionate. Upon returning from Gilead, physical contact between Luke and June ranges from cautious to violent and finally settles back into a friendly affection. In contrast scenes of unrestrained climactic sex seems to have been reserved almost exclusively for Nick Blaine, drawing a sharp line between the two. In S5 we witness a spontaneously passionate sex scene between Luke and June, but the lighting and positioning hurtles you back to Nick and June’s heated, passionate exchange at the Boston Globe. As June turns away from Luke, it’s difficult not to conclude that June is reliving a distant precious memory. It’s a moment of passion triggered by their mutual hatred of Serena rather than any loving desire for intimacy. In the fading cold light he lies exposed as she remains covered, his attempt to reach her has failed once again.

I truly sympathize with Luke, to me it makes perfect sense that he would TRY and reconnect with June. That he would hope against hope that despite many years of separation and her obvious love for another man, that he might be able to salvage his marriage somehow. Throughout season 4 and 5 we witnessed a man clinging to the past, the moments he connected with June were when he spied the remnants of the woman he once knew, or when hopes of Hannah returning were raised. Maybe, just MAYBE, he hopes, he might be able to get back the family he lost on that icy road so many years ago. Throughout S4 and 5 Luke showed a deepening awareness of June’s altered perception of both him and their relationship. He expressed regret that he’d failed her as a partner and made ill-conceived attempts to redeem his short comings, he tried desperately to hold onto her and the dream of his family…..but it all seemed for naught.

As June bade him farewell at the train station we saw her pivoting from Ep 9 where she told him to let her go, to telling him to come find her. But the borderline disconnection of the last 2 seasons made it seem either like a sentimental goodbye, or an unrealistic attempt to suddenly reconnect these two characters fully. I was moved by the “goodbye’s”, but the “I love you’s” and “come find me’s” left me confused. Had I missed something? Had some immense edit had taken place to save air time?

Both Luke and Nick are cautionary tales but in decisively different ways. Luke is privileged and well educated, he works in a white collar job and he chose a passive role, doing little or nothing to act, at the inception of Gilead. He represents the willful ignorance and complacency of men who assume that power comes at no personal cost. He is a demonstration of men’s responsibility to, not only change their own gender biased beliefs, but be pro-active about changing those around them. In contrast Nick is poor, unemployed, with no higher education and he chose an active role. His position has a great deal to say about the ease of manipulation by the wealthy ruling class. His servile and initially diminutive role of action turns the larger wheels of power for Gilead, as Serena said: “we wouldn’t be here without him”. Both Luke and Nick illustrate the incredible destruction caused to ALL, by both the active practice and social complacency of gender bias. Both challenge our perceptions of guilt and innocence. The Handmaid’s Tale is known for its painfully accurate social commentary, and the inescapable truth is that whether passive or active, both of these roles can be equally devastating.

In S5 we see Serena confronting Luke with the reality of his inaction, provoking a rage filled response. Luke is seething with hatred for Gilead, but there is also an undercurrent of immense guilt and self-loathing for his own apathy.

Luke said nothing, did nothing, ran too late, lost his wife, lost his daughter…….there are consequences. Nick joined the Sons of Jacob, he took part in a right wing regime and he lost his country, his freedom, his daughter and the woman he loves……..there are SO many consequences.

Both of these men signify a journey that male attitudes and society at large must take in order to unstack the deck. Throughout the seasons we’ve seen both Nick and Luke’s painful personal journey of enlightenment, regret and their ultimate choice to change. It’s no coincidence that they BOTH now reside in the “purgatorial” Big House…..it’s time to show true sacrifice and pay the piper.

There seems to be a tendency to attribute a mantel of innocence to Luke for his passivity during the inception of Gilead, furthermore the idea that he’s EARNED some sort of expected devotion through the role of husband and provider. Ironically this attitude reflects the very archaic traditionalism that The Handmaid’s Tale kicks against time and time again. As Holly said, “now’s not the time for settling down, now’s the time to fight.” so when push comes to shove, if either of these boys want to tag along with our rebel, they’d better get ready to gear up and go underground. Rebellion waits for no man.

In story telling great lovers have something that for lack of a better term, could be referred to as “calling cards”. They act like talismans of their deep connection, and Nick and June have a LOT: their hand brushing, foreheads touching, ever present glowing lights, when Nick calls her name, her gasp and eyelash flutter at the mere mention of his name, and the touching of June’s neck. These “calling cards” seem so very conspicuously absent in Luke and June’s relationship, and as the seasons roll on, this is harder and harder to ignore.

The end result is that watching Nick and June fall in love, is like watching two people GENUINELY fall in love for the first time. Regardless of whether this portrayal is the result of June’s overly romanticized narration is irrelevant, the fact remains that Nick Blaine is quite literally being visually described as “the love of her life". In comparison the audience is fed somewhat ordinary glimpses of her life with Luke. The Handmaid’s Tale moves in circles, depicting the turning of seasons and as such June swings back and forth between these men. The end of the shows seasons always somehow cruelly reuniting and yet separating her from Nick. The rule of chances state that the wheel of fortune must finally turn differently this time. But I don’t trust these writers, I never have, they’re erratic and brilliant and you can never trust genius to be predictable. Whether Nick and June end in tragedy, sacrifice or victory is yet to be seen.

[thedeathlysallows]

Glow

Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader (previously established as Sugar Plum)

Summary: And I'm standing here handing you my heart 'cause I couldn't wait anymore

Warnings: depressed reader, angst, smut. Loki using his shadow magic for nsfw purposes, degredation, spanking, bondage, possessive!Loki, hair pulling. Warnings aren't exhaustive

Here's a part 2 to Santa Baby for y'all. I hope it lives up to expectations!

The year passes by in a dull, painful blur of building toys, spreading Christmas cheer, and ignoring the ache in your chest that appears any time you think about Loki.

No phone call.

No letter.

Nothing.

All you have is the ghost of a memory that fades with each excruciatingly boring day.

You can't even practice your magic properly... since... ya know... he was your teacher. Honestly, someone should've picked up on that. You're not your brother who takes everything in stride and seems to perfect everything with the ease expected of a future Santa Claus. You aren't your mother who just knows what to do to make someone feel better and keeps the elves satisfied and cheery without breaking a sweat. You aren't your father who is Santa Claus and brings joy to every living being across the nine realms.

You're... an imposter in a family of saints.

No wonder Loki ditched you as soon as he fucked you.

That's all you deserve.

To be used and tossed aside.

"You okay over there, sugar plum?" Sprinkle peers at you with curious eyes and rosy cheeks.

You clear your throat and straighten your dress. "Just fine, Sprinkle. How's the blushing bride?"

Sprinkle perks up even more, her mouth stretching into a wide smile. "She's perfect! I love Mrs. Claus more than anything in the whole world, but I think your brother picked a good girl! She'll be the perfect Mrs. Claus when your parents retire and pass the title!"

Sprinkle continues chattering but you block her out. You love Sprinkle, you really do, but it's difficult to listen to her go on and on about how perfect your brother's soon to be wife is. You know how perfect she is. You knew it the moment she stepped foot in the North Pole. You could sense it. Sprinkle is right; she will be the perfect Mrs. Claus one day. She'll have beautiful children who will one day also pick the perfect spouse and the tradition will keep going for as long as the world still spins.

And you'll be somewhere watching.

"I need to go. I can hear them starting the music." You cut off Sprinkle before your chest can cave in from the nasty feeling brewing deep inside you.

Anxiety, Doctor Jolly called it.

(You aren't sure about him with his credentials being from Gumdrop University, but your dad swears he's "the best in the biz". You're pretty sure your dad only says that because good ol' Dr. Jolly always prescribes hot chocolate for almost any ailment of your dad's.)

You wind your way through the labyrinth that is your home, meeting the rest of your family at the front entryway. Red and green garland wrap around every available surface, silver tinsel dripping off various fixtures. If this was your wedding you probably would've requested more decorations, but Holly wanted to downplay the whole "Santa thing" as she called it.

"My family thinks they're in Canada," she confided in you last week. "I couldn't tell them the truth, could I?"

No, she couldn't, but you still feel bad she had to lie to her family.

And all for your brother.

Ew.

"Oh, sugar plum, there you are!" Your mother reaches out for you, running her eyes over your perfectly pleated red dress before nodding to herself. "Sprinkle did a wonderful job."

"As usual." You give her a tense smile and turn to Holly. "How are you?"

She nods, looking flushed and excited. "I'm good! I've been waiting months!"

Months.

Holly and your brother have known each other for months.

Loki's known you practically your entire life and you can't get him to talk to you anymore.

"-go sit down," your mother says.

You've clearly caught the tail end of a conversation, but you can't find it in you to care. She tugs on you, wrapping her hand in the crook of your elbow before stepping through the heavy oak doors to head into what your mother affectionately calls "the entertaining room". It sort of reminds you of the throne room in Asgard, but less austere and more homey with all the dark wood and soft fire light. It's decorated similar to the entry hall, with red, green, and silver covering everything. A giant Christmas tree sits in front of the staircase with yellow twinkling lights and various handmade ornaments.

"They made it after all, how lovely!" Your mother nudges you in the side, forcing you to look up from the red aisle runner.

You follow your mother's line of vision only to meet Thor's eyes. He gives you a broad smile and whispers something to the brunette woman sitting on his left side. She looks completely awestruck, taking in everything. Whoever she is, she must mean a lot to Thor if he risked bringing her to the wedding.

You look to Thor's right and your throat constricts. Loki sits with his back straight and legs crossed, lips curved down in a bored frown. He looks up at the same time you and your mother take your seats in the front row. Not even the comfy cream and silver chairs the elves worked so hard on for the wedding can relax you. Loki's eyes burn holes in the back of your skull through the entire ceremony. You even miss your dad pronouncing the happy couple man and wife, you're so desperate to find an escape route.

For an entire year you wanted so desperately for him to say anything to you, and now all you can think about is getting away.

How brave of you.

Face your problems head on, Doctor Jolly told you months ago. It sounded nice at the time. Helpful even. Now? Now not so much.

No, you'll make the rounds at your parents' side and then go hide in your room.

Good?

Good.

The assembled crowd migrates to the dining room and you try to lose Loki in the throng of bodies. Much to your displeasure, it doesn't work at all. In fact, it's like he's zeroed in on you and nothing can distract him from stalking you in the giant room. You dance around him, downing one glass of champagne followed by two more. Eventually, you lose him and feel your shoulders relax.

"Hello, sugar plum," Loki's low voice purrs in your ear.

The tension in your body comes back immediately. "What the fuck do you want?"

He puts his hand over his heart. "How nasty. Is that any way to treat an honored guest?"

"Honored guest?"

"That's what the invitation said."

"Well I sure as shit didn't write that." You pluck a sugar cookie off the tray of a passing elf. "If it had been up to me it would've said something like "stupid liars need not show up"."

He raises a brow. "Stupid liars?"

"Yeah, well, it's a work in progress. But you get the idea!"

"No, actually, I don't believe I do. What exactly did I lie about?"

"Good question! You-" you bite off the cookie, trying to buy yourself some time. Loki just looks at you, half expectant, half amused.

"Admit it," he goads you. "I haven't lied to you."

"You took my virginity," you accuse.

Loki shrugs nonchalantly. "Something anyone could've done, sugar plum."

"But they didn't!" A few people turn their heads curiously in your direction when they hear your raised voice, and your skin heats up in embarrassment. "I didn't let anyone else. I let you and then you just left me."

Loki's mask of cool indifference falters for a second before he slips it back in place. "Did it not occur to you that I was otherwise occupied?"

"Oh, so you finally made that move on Sif now that she's free from Thor?"

"Of all the stupid, childish things to come out of your mouth, that one might earn the top spot." Loki bends so his lips are right at your ear. "It's been no one but you for a year, sugar plum. Shall I prove it?"

You shove him away and tilt your chin in defiance. "Fuck off, Loki. I don't need you."

Without sparing a look back, you leave the dining room and head to your bedroom. You'd rather be alone forever than spend another second in a room with Loki. Besides, everyone is so busy with your brother and Holly that they won't notice you're gone.

Once in the safety of your bedroom, you strip out of your dress, the heavy red velvet pooling around your ankles. A simple green bathrobe sits on the edge of your bed, but before you can grab it, long fingers wrap around your wrist. Loki tugs you toward him with ease.

"I've certainly missed this sight," he purrs.

"How did you-"

"Magic, sugar plum. You would've sensed me sooner had you been practicing with your own."

"Sorry, my teacher fucked me and dumped me, so I've been a bit depressed."

Loki hums. "Yes, so Sprinkle cornered me and told me."

You genuinely have nothing else to say. An entire year of dreaming of this moment, and now it's here, and you can't think of a single thing to say.

"Speechless, darling? I do tend to have that effect on women." He's teasing you, trying to get you to say something, but you still can't find the words. "Come now, sugar plum. I'm sure you have more to say to me."

You open your mouth only to close it before opening it again. "I don't."

"Not even if I said I've missed you every second this past year? Not even if I said losing my mother didn't even compare to losing you?"

You heard about Frigga dying. You even attended her funeral. Loki had been nowhere in sight.

"I wanted you," he continues. "Every second of every day."

"You're lying," you say.

"How can you be so certain?"

"Because..." You swallow the lump in your throat and blink back the tears. "I'm nothing. I'm no one."

"Who's the liar now?"

Your eyes flicker up to meet his. "You know it's the truth."

Green flames flicker and dance in the depths of his gaze. "I've met many beings in my life, sugar plum, and most of them never deserved to exist. But you? You're not one of them."

"Loki, I don't feel-"

"No, you never do. You never feel anything, do you?" He's angry as he pulls you into his chest, his long fingers leaving their mark on the bare skin of your hips. "If you refuse to help yourself, sugar plum, I suppose it's up to me."

He walks you backwards until the backs of your thighs meet your soft bed. The two of you topple over onto it, Loki's body still pressed firmly to your own. Through his finely pressed suit you can feel every single inch of him. What little bit of his skin is exposed is hot, feverish almost.

"I wasn't avoiding you," Loki says with a snarl.

He presses hot kisses to the column of your throat in between words. Something cold and almost mist-like wraps around your wrists, pinning them in place. You look to either side and see large shadows the same shape as Loki looming over you. That's what holds your wrists down. That's what slithers across your breasts, toying with your nipples and leaving goosebumps all over your skin. His shadows.

You struggle to catch your breath. "Then what were you doing?"

"Preparing, darling."

"For what?"

Loki hums, trailing his fingers from your hips to the insides of your thighs. His touch is light, teasing. "For you. You're mine."

"Y-yours?"

He nods. "Mine."

He spreads your thighs, dragging a finger over your slit. His shadows still hold you firmly in place, allowing their master to do as he wishes with your exposed body.

"Tell me, darling," Loki purrs in your ear as he sinks two fingers deep in your cunt. "Why would I want anything that isn't absolutely perfect?"

You bite back a moan and squeeze your eyes shut. You've wanted this, dreamt of this, for a year... and now you're totally overwhelmed to have his attention again. As Loki's fingers pump in and out of you, you arch your back, your brain going foggy with lust.

"You're a goddess," he continues. His lips are right by your ear and he nips at your earlobe. "I've been searching for a place worthy of us for the past year. You were made to rule by my side."

Loki leans back, a flash of green momentarily joining the warm orange glow of the fireplace. His clothes disappear in the flash and he's back on you in a second.

"You were made for me," Loki whispers. The firelight catches the sharp angles of his face, softening his expression. His shadows disappear and it's just the two of you now. Loki withdraws his fingers from your cunt and strokes his cock. "Yes?"

You nod, eager to have him inside you. "Yes!"

"Mmm, good girl."

He flips you over onto your front and grips your ass, fingertips digging into your flesh. His cock prods and your soaked entrance and you moan into the sheets. One of his palms moves to rest against the small of your back while he uses the other to guide himself inside you. It feels so good, so right, to have Loki buried to the hilt inside you. You feel full. Complete.

"Loki," you moan out as you arch your back, fucking yourself on his cock. "Please!"

Loki strokes your hair before grabbing a fistful and yanking your head back. "So pretty when you beg, sugar plum. But a good whore uses her words. Tell me exactly what you want."

You continue bouncing your ass on his cock, desperate for any sort of friction. "Please, Loki, please fuck me please!"

"Is that all? You just want me to fuck you? Is that all you're worth? A hole for me to come in and throw away after?"

"Y-yes." It comes out as a question more than a statement.

Loki's hand comes down on your ass, a loud slap echoing through the room. "Wrong. What did I tell you that you are?"

"A goddess!"

"What else?"

When you take too long to answer he smacks your ass again. "What else?!"

"Yours," you cry out. "I'm yours."

Loki snaps his hips forward, meeting your own desperate grinding. "Fuck yes you are."

You let your upper body fall forward, relaxing into his smooth movements as he fucks into your cunt. He's thick and hard inside you and reaches spots you didn't even know existed. Your mind goes absolutely blank until the only thing that exists is the sensation of Loki inside you. He moans your name, praises falling from his lips.

So good, he says. Mine. All mine.

"L-Loki..." you gasp out his name as your orgasm washes through you, leaving your body tingling in its wake.

"Yes," Loki groans. "My perfect girl."

His cock twitches inside you as he comes, his body draping over yours in the aftermath of his own orgasm. His chest rises and falls quickly as he rolls to his side and pulls you with him.

"Are you leaving now?" You hate how small your voice sounds when you ask the question, but Loki's answer has you sighing in relief.

"Never again, sugar plum. As I said earlier, you're mine. Now and forever. In every lifetime."

[bonebabbles]

Another thing happening in this last book is that, suddenly, all the Clan things they forgot to mention in the previous five are unceremoniously being mentioned offhandedly.

The apprentice system coming out of nowhere when someone mentions it's hard to train their own kits. Thunder worrying for 2 chapters about what will happen to his group if he dies, so he picks Lightning Tail as a deputy. Battle training because of Slash's fully armed LA gangs stealing their markipliers, specifically.

it's the LAST book. It's like they forgot to mention them in 1 - 5 so they're just Here Now, when it actually made a lot more sense to have shown them evolving organically.

....but unfortunately it would have made that sense because it would have come from clear sky being a ghoul and gray wing having REAL flaws. so we can't do it.

Like for examples,

Apprentice System: Clear Sky caused his brother to suffer a painful, lifelong disability because of his egotistical need to push his family to the brink, and Gray Wing was too overprotective to give Jagged Peak the space he needed to figure out his own limits. Having Holly as a mentor (not wife please god change this), who is unbiased, was the right solution (it's also not lost on me that Holly was not mentioned in the Inventing Mentorship scene of Chapter 8. because she's not actually allowed to be a full person with a talent for teaching; just a woman who supports and then is impregnated by Jagged Peak.)

Deputies: All book long we've seen that leaders rely on other cats to check their decisions. Gray Wing was a joint leader with Tall Shadow for a few books. They could have just made it official at any point, by saying "This is my second-in-command while I'm gone" (i mean, yeah gray wing was a bad leader obsessed with downplaying his crappy brother the whole time, and everyone hated Tall Shadow just for idk being a woman but. still.)

Battle Training: clear sky's murder party. they need to defend themselves against him specifically. gray wing prevented them from being prepared and a lot more people died than was necessary.

This could have easily been more organic, but no. Path of Stars is inventing everything they forgot right now.

[andromedasummer]

Halfway through the first Lockwood and Co book and

- It's fun remembering how good Stroud is at writing tension and horror. The descriptions of the ghosts have mostly been incredibly sad, but the way he describes the ghost that killed all of Lucys first team, specifically what isnt seen when they turn the corner and the screaming starts is good. Very fun eerie stuff.

- I'm not sure if I'll be as freaked out reading these as I was the last time as I've gotten into horror media a bit more, esp Junji Ito's works, which are a lot more alarming as ghosts go

- God I love the dynamics between Lucy, George and Lockwood. They're all very flawed but all very real and it's fun watching then bicker and snip at each other on cases.

- Quill is even more pathetic than I remember. It's great it isn't downplayed at all when we first see him. Hes a snide little prick, then theres a hint at the sadder parts of his story and then we see how utterly pathetic he is.

- Lockwood sticking his rapier in the roof and him having to jump to catch it is still the scene thats stuck with me the most from the books and I cheered when I saw it happen in the tv show the other day.

- The only other time Quills been mentioned so far is him getting soaked in excrement while on patrol for ghosts in the London sewers. Paper towel of a man. Favrit character.

- Speaking of favrit character I can't wait till Holly shows up. Its a while away (book 3) but I love her to bits and miss her terribly even if at this point there isnt a her to miss.

- Side note these teenagers are a mess dude breaks into your home tries to kill you with ghosts and attacks you and then bolts and you DON'T notify anyone about it. What are the three of you fucking doing. Fuck the cops and deprac but what do you plan on doing. You've only got those dinky rapier for ghosts.

- God Fairfax is slimy and nasty and cold and I can't wait for him to die at the end of the book

[jasper-book-stash]

October 2024 Reading Wrap-Up

The eight books of this month really made me experience the whole span of human emotion. And maybe a couple of the shrimp ones.

Religious Text

None applicable.

1/10 - Why Did They Publish This?

None applicable (thank the gods).

2/10 - Trash

Pure Magic: A Complete Course In Spellcasting | Judika Illes

The amount of times I screeched about citing sources or admitting that the author has none...I didn't get too far. The author was wholeass pulling things out of her ass. This is the epitome of bullshit "feminist" pseudohistory. I couldn't even get to the parts about occultism because the bullshit made me throw the book.

(Side note, I don't think it's very "feminist" to depict women of the past as having a beautiful matriarchal society and then having that taken over by men... Like girl, you are actively shitting upon those who came before you! You are downplaying their struggles and lying!!!)

3/10 - Meh

Horses And The Mystical Path: The Celtic Way Of Expanding The Human Soul | Adele Von Rust Mccormick, Ph.D., Marlena Deborah Mccormick, Ph.D., Thomas E Mccormick, M.D.

Here's the thing. Except for the emphasis on combining a whole bunch of cultures together as Celtic, this was just...not the book for me. I'm not Christian, I'm not struggling with finding my faith in any way, and while I like horses I don't care much for the approach. It was just...boring to me.

4 to 6/10 - Mid-Tier

The Husbands | Holly Gramazio

This was a decent book. It's about a husband-producing attic, and the main female character trying to find out what's going on. But it was very difficult to keep up with all of the characters (because their details often changed with each husband) and the female character got to the point where she was just regularly speedrunning husband options. It feels like this was a little too long for what it was. I probably would have enjoyed it more if it was a novella instead of a novel. But hey, it was a debut novel, and we always love to see more authors coming up and out.

7 to 8/10 - Good With Caveats

Mead Mishaps 2 and 3: That Time I Got Drunk And Yeeted A Love Potion At A Werewolf & That Time I Got Drunk And Saved A Human | Kimberly Lemming

I read and enjoyed book one in September, and book two was just as good and fun, with a mystery incel cult going on. Book three was a little less enjoyable than the first, because it felt like it was setting up for things that never came through, and there's only so much new stuff you can tread with the same approach of "male dragon and [redacted for spoilers] human woman". But it was still stupid and fun and very, very horny. And these ones put content warnings in the beginning, which is very nice!

Mothman: Behind The Red Eyes…The Complete Investigative Library | Jeff Wamsley

My overall feelings about this book is that it's fine, the author's interviewing skills suck shit. There are a lot of newspaper clippings and some of the formatting makes me want to chew rocks, but it's otherwise pretty good. We take a very interesting detour into aliens and the Men in Black. It's also important to note that this is apparently the second Mothman book he's written and he repeatedly references the first one, which I do not have, but it also kinda stands on its own.

It's funny because I did not buy this book. My stepdad's coworker heard my stepdad talking about hopes to eventually go to West Virginia to see the Mothman statue and just. Had the book. And gave it to my stepdad.

Honestly, what a fitting way to acquire such a book.

9/10 - Very Very Good

Providence Girls: A Sapphic Horror Romance | Morgan Dante

This book made me want to chew a hole through sheetrock. That is a compliment. DEFINITELY mind the content warnings. Spoilers coming up, but the spoilers aren't actually that surprising when you remember that this is a Lovecraftian lesbian romance.

So the framing of it is that it's letters between Lavinia Whateley and Asenath Waite. Lavinia escapes being sacrificed in Dunwich and runs until she winds up in East Providence, where Asenath finds her and takes her in. Asenath is slowly turning into a fish person because she's from the mess going on in Arkham and they live together and it's simultaneously an analysis of Lovecraftian horror, living in the 1930s, and sapphic romance. They're so freaking cute.

Lavinia's letters are framed as being post-Azzie's fishification while Azzie's are from before that, but the letters alternate to create a linear narrative despite this non-linear framing.

10/10 - Unironically Recommend To Everyone

Doing Justice: A Prosecutor's Thoughts On Crime, Punishment, And The Rule Of Law | Preet Bharara

If you've been paying attention to the most recent posts on this blog, you're not going to be surprised that I've been going insane over this book. Narrative nonfiction wasn't one that I thought I would enjoy, but now I know that I do. There was only one part that I had to skip, personally, because of the details discussed...but honestly, it was so good. I look forward to reading more of what this author writes.

[mrprettywhenhecries]

i don’t think you notice (what you did to me) [b.h]

five. | new ride

Billy Hargrove ✘ Win Lewis (ofc)

⇾ w.c. 3k words ⇾ warning(s). canon x oc pairing, f!oc, dry humping, hickies

[ masterlist ] [ win lewis bio ]

The next morning Win slept in, waking rested for once, the pleasant ache between her thighs reminding her that last night had been more than just a dream.

“Shit, I should probably call Holly,” she muttered, scrambling out of bed.  By the time she’d gotten home the night before, it had been too late to call, unless she wanted to wake the whole Hampton household.

Stumbling first toward the bathroom, Win stopped short, doing a double take when she spotted her reflection and the large dark hickey nearly the size of a quarter on her neck staring back.  

“Billy!” she groaned, leaning closer to the mirror to get a better look.  “I’m gunna kill him,” she muttered between clenched teeth, though the memory of his mouth on her neck the night before sent her heart racing.

“It’s okay,” she told herself, taking a calming breath.  “I just need some cover up.”  Digging through her makeup bag, she triumphantly clutched the little tube only to realize it was practically empty.  “Shit–” she hissed, tossing the empty concealer into the trash.  At least she had time to get more before school on Monday, plus her dad was probably asleep by now, so she could sneak out without being seen.

The sharp ring of the telephone interrupted her thoughts and she raced back across the room to grab it before it woke her father up.  “Hello?”

“Win?” Holly’s voice asked from the other end of the line.

“Oh hey, I was just about to call you,” Win replied, sinking back atop her bed.

“What happened last night after we left?”

“Uh, well…” Win hesitated, unsure how it might look if she told the truth.

Holly, however, guessed what Win’s reluctance meant before she could finish.  “Oh my God, you slept with him!” she cried.

“Yeah… yeah, I did,” Win admitted with a grimace, waiting for a chastening, but Holly merely let out an excited squeal.

“How was he?” she asked, her voice dropping conspiratorially.

“Well, he made me cum, so that’s better than most of the guys I’ve been with,” Win laughed wryly, downplaying it.  “But really, it was good,” she added, her voice a murmur.  “And… he asked me out,” she admitted.

“And you agreed this time?” Holly asked expectantly.

“...Yes.”

“God, finally,” her friend huffed.  “I mean, come on, you two have had some mondo serious sexual tension since he got here.”

“Holly!”

“Well, it’s true.”

“Alright, fine,” Win exclaimed, eager to steer the conversation elsewhere.  “Enough about me, what happened with you and Steveeee?” she asked pointedly.

“Nothing as exciting as what happened to you,” Holly replied, a twinge of regret in her voice.  “We talked for a bit though, and we have plans to hang out again, just the two of us this time, no offense,” she added with a snort.

“None taken,” Win replied, fighting back a laugh; it seemed her plan had worked.  “I’m glad, though.  You’ll hafta let me know how it goes– ah shit,” she swore, noticing the time.  “Sorry Hol, I gotta run to Melvald’s, I’m all out of coverup.”

There was a pause before Holly responded knowingly.  “Why do you need coverup?”

“Why do you think?” Win snorted before saying goodbye and hanging up.

She hurriedly dressed, throwing on the most high necked shirt she had and biked to Melvald's.  Luckily the local general store was relatively empty when Win arrived, parking her bike and venturing inside.  Mrs. Byers greeted her as she walked past and Win gave her an awkward wave and a smile before making a b-line for the cosmetics.

“There you are,” she muttered, snatching the concealer she used.  After a moment’s deliberation she took a second bottle, just in case this became a regular thing.  

The little bell tied to the front door jingled and Win looked up to see none other than Billy Hargrove enter.  As soon as he caught sight of her, a grin tugged at his lips and he strode over.  “Thought that was your bike out front,” he said, raising an eyebrow at the makeup in her hand.  “What’s that for?” he mused, hooking a finger under the high collar of her shirt and tugging it down before she could stop him.

Billy let out a low whistle at the sight of the mark he’d left on her neck.  “Oops,” was all he said before that smug look overtook his visage once more.

“Oops, my ass,” Win scoffed dryly, directing her best withering glare at him.

“Guess I got a little carried away,” he replied with a shrug.  “Can you blame me though?” he asked, wetting his lips expectantly.

“You know, I’m starting to think it wasn’t actually an accident at all,” Win said, cocking an amused eyebrow at him and Billy huffed a laugh.

“So you’re saying no more hickeys?” he ventured, wearing what could only be described as a pout and Win couldn’t help but laugh.

“I wouldn’t say that.  Just… maybe only where you can see them,” she answered, lowering her voice for his ears alone, though they were basically the only ones in the store at the moment.

“You’re kind of a bad girl, aren’t you?”

“I thought you knew that already, Billy boy,” Win snorted and he shrugged.  

“Honestly, I thought some of it was just for show,” he admitted, a grin playing at his lips.

“You take that back!” Win gasped, giving him a playful shove as she fell into step with him.  “So, what did you come here to buy?” she wondered and Billy’s grin turned wry as he stopped in front of the condoms, plucking a couple packs from the hook.

“You really think we’re gunna need all those?” she teased and it was Billy’s turn to give her a flat look.

“Unless you’re on the pill, then yeah,” he scoffed.  “As far as I’m concerned, we’re just getting started,” he drawled.

Win grinned to herself as they ambled toward the check out.  “I am on the pill, by the way.”

“Oh,” Billy breathed, faltering for a second, as if rethinking the condoms.  “Ah screw it, double assurance is probably better anyway.”  Stepping up to the register, he tossed the condoms on the counter.

“That all for you?” Mrs. Byers asked, glancing between Win and Billy and their purchases.

“This too,” Billy grunted, taking the makeup from Win’s hand and dropping it next to the condoms.

“You don’t have to do that–” Win began, but Billy shook his head.

“Well, it’s kinda my fault you need it,” he murmured, ignoring the way Joyce’s eyebrows climbed.

“Guess you have a point,” Win replied, hoping her face wasn’t too red.

Billy paid and held the door open for her, eyeing her bike leaning against the street lamp before turning back to her.  “You gotta be home right away?”

“No, not really,” Win admitted, checking her watch.

“I’ve got some time before I gotta pick up my bratty step sister from the arcade.  Wanna go for a ride?  I’ll drop you off after,” Billy offered, watching her expectantly.

“Yeah, alright.”

Billy’s lips tugged into probably the most genuine smile Win had seen from him yet and he hoisted her bike into the trunk while she climbed in front.

“Anything remotely fun to do around here?” he asked, reaching into the breast pocket of his jacket for his cigarettes, offering Win one as he peeled out, driving off.

Win thankfully took the pro-offered smoke and leaned in closer to light it from Billy’s Zippo before he shut the lid with a quick flick of his wrist.  She took a deep draw, blowing the smoke toward the window before answering.  “I’m still figuring that out.  I only moved here a couple months before you.”

“I knew you weren’t from around here,” Billy mused, glancing over at her over his aviators before his eyes flicked back to the road.  “You don’t have the look.”

“The look?” Win asked, raising a brow at him.

“Yeah, that small town backwater look,” Billy clarified with a derisive snort.  

Win rolled her eyes, grinning to herself as she flicked the built up trail of ash out the window.  “We could go to Lover’s Lake,” she suggested, carefully avoiding the look Billy shot her.

“Thought you said you hadn’t shacked up with anyone from Hawkins.”

“I haven’t,” Win replied, “but I know things.  I know this it’s the place to go if you wanna be alone.”

Her answer seemed to satisfy Billy and he followed her directions, pulling off the main road. “So where did you move from?” he asked as he parked in a secluded spot, turning the car off, but leaving the radio on, playing softly in the background.

“Not quite as far as you,” Win answered, fiddling with the cigarette between her fingers.  “I’m from Chicago.”

“Chicago, huh?  Why’d you move here of all places?” Billy asked, leaning back, his head rolling against the head read as he turned to look at her.

“It certainly wasn’t my choice,” Win scoffed, bringing the cigarette back to her lips, but Billy didn’t speak, merely waiting for a real answer and Win sighed.

“My dad’s a scientist.  He was working out of a research lab in the city until he got a job offer at Hawkins Labs that he said was too good to pass up,” she explained, watching the smoke wend lazily from the end of her cigarette.  “Nothing’s really changed though, he works the same rancid hours that he did before, it’s just the scenery that’s different,” she muttered.

“Bet you miss it.”

“Yeah, there was always something to do there.  I never felt as lonely as I do here,” Win admitted, putting her cigarette out in the ashtray.

“What about you?  How’d you end up here?” she asked, finally looking back at Billy.

Billy let out a grunt, his eyes dropping to the cigarette nearly burned down to his fingers.  “My dumb step sister kept running away after our parents got married.  A bunch of shit went down and they decided it would be better to get away from it all, get ‘a fresh start’, and that’s why they moved us to Bumfuck, Indiana,” he mocked, scowling before flicking his spent cigarette out the window.

The silence stretched while Win studied his profile.

“Actually, I think Bumfuck’s like fifty miles west of here,” she said in all faux seriousness.

For a moment Billy’s brows pinched together before an amused snort ripped from his nose and he began to laugh.  “Y’know, maybe this shit town’ll be a little more tolerable from here on out,” he said, pulling his sunglasses off and leaning in.

“Yeah?  And why’s that?” Win asked, wanting to hear him say it.

“Will you just c’mere,” Billy huffed, pulling her across the center console into his lap, pushing his seat back so she’d have enough room.

“Billy!” Win gasped, straddling his waist, but whatever else she had waiting on the tip of her tongue dissolved as soon as he kissed her, his arms wrapping around her middle to pull her closer.

Opening her mouth wider for him, she groaned as his tongue met hers, exploring her mouth greedily.  With a moan, she brought her hands to the sides of his face, caressing the sharp lines of his jaw as she kissed him back, her tongue eagerly sliding against his as she canted her hips, grinding against him.

When she felt him stiffen beneath her, a moan caught in her throat and she ground against him harder, a shudder passing through her at the sweet friction against her aching cunt.

“Fuck—“ Billy hissed, his gaze flicking up to hers, ocean blue meeting stormy skies, and Win grinned, drawing his bottom lip between hers, nipping at him before sucking gently, pulling back with a soft pop, a silvery string of saliva still connecting them.

“You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen,” she breathed, her hips rolling against him, more insistent now.

“Thought that was supposed to be my line,” Billy grunted, his brows furrowing petulantly. 

 “Jesus Billy, just let me compliment you,” Win huffed, a soft whine leaving her swollen lips as her clit dragged against the now soaked fabric of her panties.

For a long moment he merely watched her, his lips twitching into an incredulous grin, her words going straight through him.

“You keep doin’ that and I’m gunna cum in my jeans,” Billy growled as she bore down harder, chasing her pleasure.  Before Win could counter, asking what would be so wrong with that, Billy’s mouth was hot on her neck, his teeth grazing her flushed skin while his tongue laved against her, sending a shiver racing through her.

“Wait–” she gasped, “what’re you doing?”

“If you’re gunna make me cream my boxers, I’m refreshing this mark, gotta show everyone who you’re with now,” he groaned.  “Sound fair?”

“Ughh fine!” Win huffed, her eyelids fluttering as her pleasure gripped her.  “Fuck, I’m–”  Her hips stuttered as she came, writhing desperately in Billy’s lap before a sharp breath left her lips as he sucked hard at her neck, his hips bucking upward beneath her.

“Fuck–” she breathed, the pair of them stilling, both gasping for breath.  “Did you–?”

“Yeah,” he said, grimacing slightly.  

“Sorry,” Win giggled, biting her lip as she watched him, noticing the way his face flushed.  “That’s so cute.”

“You’re such a brat,” Billy huffed, stealing a kiss before she climbed back into the passenger seat.

“You like it.”

Billy rolled his eyes, grabbing his aviators.  “I’ll take you home, Princess.”

––

Monday morning, Win wrinkled her nose at her reflection as she sponged more concealer over her neck, Billy’s hickey still noticeable despite the thick layer of makeup covering it.

“You gotta be kidding me,” she muttered, dropping the makeup sponge into the sink, giving up.  Moments later, a knock at her bedroom door made her jump and she quickly straightened. “Winnie, you up?  You’re gunna be late,” her father called through the door.

“Yeah, I’m up.  Just finishing up,” she called back, giving herself one last once over in the mirror before grabbing her backpack.  It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do.

She wasn’t expecting her dad to still be standing by the door when she opened it and she nearly ran into him in her haste.

“Whoa whoa,” David exclaimed, grabbing her arms.  “You alright, kiddo?”

“Yeah, ‘m fine, Dad,” Win answered, trying to turn her head so he wouldn’t notice the dark mark gracing her pale skin.  “Like you said, I’m gunna be late.”  Tearing herself from his grasp, she rushed past him into the kitchen to grab a bite of breakfast.

“Hold up.  What’s that?” David asked, his eyes narrowing as he peered directly at the spot she was hoping to hide.  “Is that what I think it is?”

Win grimaced.  “No,” she answered, popping her Eggo into the toaster and turning away.

“Let me see,” David insisted, stepping forward to catch her chin in his hand, tilting her face so he could get a better look at her neck, his expression darkening.  “Who gave that to you?”

Win set her jaw, quickly pulling away.  “No one.”

“Yeah right, young lady.  Was it that Harrington kid you went out with the other night?”

“Steve?  No, it wasn’t Steve,” Win snorted, grabbing her waffle and taking a bite as soon as it toasted.

“Then who–?”

Before Win could think of an answer, the doorbell rang, drawing both Lewis’s attention and she quickly grasped at the distraction, pulling the door open.  “Billy?” she exclaimed reluctantly, finding him waiting on the front porch, leaning against the door frame, his Camaro idling in the driveway as his sister climbed into the back seat, slamming the door shut behind her.

“What’re you–?”

“Winrey, who’s this?” David asked, coming to greet the newcomer, his lips tugging downward as he took in Billy’s appearance.

“Billy Hargrove, Mr. Lewis,” Billy introduced smoothly, extending his hand for David to shake.  

Win’s father’s frown grew and he glared at Billy’s hand as if it were a viper, before reluctantly taking it.  “And who exactly are you?” he asked, looking between Billy and his daughter.

“Sorry, I thought Win would’ve mentioned me, I’m her boyfriend,” Billy replied, shooting Win a smug look.

“Boyfriend?” David repeated faintly.

“Yup, boyfriend,” Win said, practically pushing Billy out the door before her father could recover.  “But we gotta go, okay?  Bye Dad!” she called, grabbing her backpack and rushing outside to jump in the Camaro.

“What are you doing here?” Win asked as soon as Billy slid in the driver’s seat.

“Thought it was my job to drive you around now, y’know, since we’re dating and all,” he replied, giving David a little wave before putting the car in reverse.  “Besides, I’m pretty sure your usual ride isn’t gunna show up,” he added, giving her a pointed look and Win had to agree.  

“Yeah… you’re probably right about that.  Not that I’m really complaining,” she admitted.

From the backseat Billy’s step sister cleared her throat impatiently.  “You gunna introduce me, or what?” she said flatly, and Billy’s eyes flicked to the rearview mirror.  

“Ugh, fine,” he groaned, rolling his eyes.  “Maxine, this is Win, she’s gunna be riding with us from now on.  Win, this is Maxine, my annoying shitbird of a step sister,” he grunted, focusing on the road.

Win turned in her seat to get a better look at the girl.

“It’s Max, no one calls me Maxine,” she said pointedly, her blue eyes flicking to Win.  “So, you’re actually dating him?” she scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, guess I am,” Win replied, her lips twitching in amusement.  

“He talks about you a lot, you know–”

“Will you shut up?” Billy snapped, interrupting Max with a glare in the mirror, and Win had to fight back a grin.

“Is that so?” she mused, eyeing his stoic profile as she turned back around.  It seemed like there was more to Billy Hargrove than met the eye.

⇾ taglist: @oliver-sykes @b1tchywheeler @super-unpredictable98 @elliethesuperfruitlover @santacarlahorrorshow @wherethewitchersare

[idolbound]

HELL YEAH, PERMISSION TO GUSH ABOUT LEXIE. Narrowing in on Meredith specifically, I have so much love for how you dive into what made her who she is and consider how she might've changed if xyz had gone differently, yet you don't downplay her faults or misdeeds. She's such a larger than life figure it's easy to forget that she's human at the end of the day. That's the horror: she didn't have to be this way, and someone else could take a similar path

positivity meme. | @starkhvn

Holly!! Thank you so much; I truly have enjoyed getting to explore the What ifs and the potential outcomes if the world had decided differently for Meredith, but also to understand that, out of Thedas' big villains, she's really the only human out of them all, and one that has such a realistic story (as in, it could've happened to anyone given too much power within an institution that enables it rather than keeps it in check). I'm so glad that you appreciate this - and as one of the Kirkwall crew, I love reading what you've built with Seb as well as all your other muses over the years.

[djkerr]

Holly: I don't find any deficiencies in Mr. McVeigh's analysis of the bullets. I do find that he, um-- How shall I say this-- oversold his results in court.

Holly: Uh, it is very easy to get a false negative in gas chromatography, and I think he may have downplayed that here.

Connor: Are you suggesting that Mr McVeigh is lying here, Ms Westfall?

Holly: No, Kurt is one of the most honest people I know. I...I do think he had reason to spin his results. I think that's fair. Given the makeup of the defense team.

Connor: Nothing further, Your Honor.

TGW 07x21 Verdict

[f1wags-opinions]

The kings and close friends of the white parties are Diddy and Michael Rubin, in the white parties participate Rebecca Donaldson Lilia, Mia , Holly etc and other friends of Rubin, Guzmán (friend of Carlos Sainz) follows Rubin on Instagram, but Rubin follows Carlos Sainz boyfriend of his friend (Rebecca Donaldson) Excuse me but I do not call all this a coincidence. Remember that the people who go to Rubin's white parties are the same ones who go to Diddy's white parties

All of these creepers are connected. Let’s not downplay Rebecca’s less than stellar real jobs.

[rockyroadsmith]

Who would be the worst match for each searcher by personality in a romantic sense?

Oooh, this is a very difficult question since honestly, I think all the Searchers could be great matches for one another and terrible matches all at the same time depending on the circumstances and how much they would want a relationship to work, since some of them would need to change some things about themselves to make the relationship work. For this, I’ll look at the Searchers as they’re seen in the anime and not in the future, since we don’t really know how they are in the future. The one exception to this is Mocchi, since he’s too young to be a match for anyone, he’ll be the only one I look at as an older version of himself so he’s not left out of this. X3

I think Genki’s worst match would be Golem. Genki is very energetic and would constantly want to be out doing things, which is a contrast to Golem’s low key personality. The other Searchers are more open to being active, even a stick in the mud like Suezo, but Golem prefers relaxing days just enjoying the company of those dear to him. I think Genki would get bored and would annoy Golem with his unlimited supply of energy. XD

For (older) Mocchi, I think I’d have to go with Tiger. I feel even as he ages, Mocchi will still be childish like Genki and would want constant attention, but I don’t think Tiger would like this clinginess and this could result in disagreements between the two. Tiger likes his alone time, but Mocchi likes company all the time so this could become an issue for them.

I think Holly’s worst match would be Mocchi. Even if older, I can see Holly still being overly mothering to Mocchi due to their journey together, which wouldn’t be healthy for either of them. Doting a bit on your partner is one thing, but it can’t become a parental relationship. Mocchi, too, would be too dependent on Holly and would be so used to being taken care of, that he wouldn’t learn necessary life skills. Unless Holly could restrain herself, this relationship could become toxic.

For Suezo, I’ll go with Tiger for his worst match. Suezo is a spoiled monster who likes to be heard, so he often complains or says offhanded comments. I think this would get on Tiger’s nerves and would cause arguments to break out between them. Throughout the anime, Tiger is the character who had the least amount of patience for Suezo and also spent the least amount of time even just hanging out casually with him, so some serious work would have to go into their relationship for it to work.

Golem was a tough one since he gets along with everyone, but I’m gonna have to go with Suezo for his worst match. In the Searchers, Suezo has been seen to have the least amount of patience for Golem even though Golem is quite patient with Suezo. Multiple times when Golem was afraid of water, Suezo is seen mocking him or downplaying his fears even though, in all actuality, a person’s phobia is really serious and to make fun of someone for it is pretty sad. I think unless Suezo learned to accept this part of Golem, their relationship would be strained.

I struggled with Tiger, but I’ll have to go with (don’t kill me guys) Hare for Tiger. Hear me out, though! Hare is constantly purposely annoying Tiger throughout the series even when Tiger does nothing to warrant it. The thing is, though, we can see Hare usually does this as a way to be playful with Tiger and doesn’t mean any harm, but Tiger doesn���t usually seem to piece this together so he truly thinks Hare is just trying to harass him. This puts Tiger on the defensive and puts him in a bad mood, which is the last thing he needs. Unfortunately, since the anime is so short, we don’t get to see these two grow past this “playground crush” phase so it makes them seem more like siblings. For this relationship to work, either Hare or Tiger would need to put aside their pride and have a serious conversation about their relationship, since you can’t have a relationship that’s purely just teasing like that. It’s okay to have some joking, but there needs to be more substance to a relationship and as long as these two only argue with one another, they won’t be able to actually bond and learn more about one another. I think since it’s usually Hare who instigates these arguments, it would be best if he were the one to lower his guard and approach Tiger first. I think if this happened, they would be able to have a healthy relationship especially since we see many times where they worried for one another, so they do care. ^_^

Hare was another tough one, but I had to go with Genki. Hare loves to talk about ideas he comes up with and he gets quite proud of his intelligence. Genki, however, has the attention span of a goldfish and I don’t think that would change much even in age. We see several instances of Genki cutting Hare off while he was in the middle of talking and you can see this irritates Hare a lot. I think Hare needs to be with someone that can not only speak with him on a more intellectual level, but also someone who is happy just listening to him. That doesn’t align with the way Genki is, however, and I think this would cause conflicts between the two.

With all these situations, though, there’s nothing to say that with a little hard work that these pairings couldn’t become really happy couples. It would just take a little effort, is all. ^_^

[bonefall]

...your breezepelt, lionblaze, and thunderstar post had me very confused for a moment. i was like "shit i know bramble sucks ass but i didn't remember him being an abusive dad". it took me way too long to realize that the abusers in question weren't ALL the boys' dads. [i may be very stupid]

Wellllllllll

Bramble did actually contribute to Lionpaw's abuse, by enabling Ashfur's physical torment. He was told about the beating by Ashfur, so when Holly tried to get help, her father laughed it off. Hollypaw is also not the only one who got a "You're my little pogchamp so I can trust you to be quiet about this" moment; Lionpaw got one too.

Lionpaw's was when Bramblestar started crying about how unfairly judged his genocidal dictator father is. To his child. Lionpaw immediately jumps to comfort him, and this downplaying of how bad Tigerstar was contributes to why Lionpaw was manipulated by Tiger and Hawk in the Dark Forest.

This is downplayed even more than Ashfur's physical beatings of Lionpaw, because even people who acknowledge Bramble is abusive towards Squirrelflight often won't admit he wasn't a great parent either.

[honestlyyoungtyphoon]

Sovieshu's regression arc chapter 11: Very long post!

After reaching western palace Sovieshu stayed there the whole night sitting in the drawing room without sleeping, for Navier. As it should be 💅.

In the morning Navier hears about him waiting for her whole night, so she lets him in her room. Aww she's so nice

Scene 1:

Sovieshu immediately entered her bedroom and approached the bed.

Navier was lying in bed, her short, wispy hairs soaked in cold sweat. She smiled faintly when he drew closer like a ghost. She smiled at him despite being ill 🥹

"Empress, are you all right?" Sovieshu asked as soon as he reached the head of the bed.

He instinctively reached for her hand, but since it was under the blanket, he couldn't reach it. Awkwardly, he lowered his hand and looked at her.

Navier gazed back at him.

"I heard you stayed in the drawing room all night," she said.

"I was worried about you." 🥺

"It's nothing serious. Only a bout of chills." Girl, stop downplaying your condition.

"Don't they hurt?"

Navier stared at him silently for a moment, then smiled peculiarly.

He had no idea what it could mean. She's mysterious that way 😌

As he sat there, dazed, Navier began to mumble quietly.

"I thought you would only keep it up for a few days, then give up."

"No."

I still think you would."

"Navier..."

"But now... I'm starting to wonder if you're indeed sincere." Yes!!! My girl is starting to believe his sincerity 🥳

Sovieshu stared at her earnestly. If he showed her what he's been through, his heart, everything-would she believe him?

But if Navier found out about all his memories, she might prefer to become the empress of the Western Empire and leave.

When Sovieshu felt ashamed for coming to this conclusion, his expression darkened. Exactly! Stop making assumptions about her. You don't know what she'd choose. You're forgetting that you're her first love, best friend. Stop being an idiot bro. 🤦‍♀️

Navier gazed at him and proposed, "Your Majesty and I are both healthy people, yet we became ill at the same time. Perhaps the two of us need to take a vacation." Holly Molly she wants to spend some alone time with him!!!

"You get some rest. I'll take on your duties." And of course this idiot doesn't get it. He's dense. 🤦‍♀️

Shall we recuperate at a nearby Imperial Villa for a week?"

Sovieshu thought he heard wrong. Then he feared she was making a sarcastic remark. Yet, there was no sign of mockery on her face. Again this idiot! 😭 He's hopeless. Get a hint bro.

Once he noticed this, Sovieshu quickly nodded. Finally! 🥴

Navier nodded once at his prompt response, then burrowed herself a bit farther into the blanket.

"In that case... let's pick a date together." Awwwww imma cry and melt 🥹🥹

Then he started packing his own pack in excitement. I understand his excitement though. Lol. But Navier doesn't ride with him in the same carriage and leaves first. He stares at her carriage gloomily but quickly follows her. After 12 hours they reach the villa. Damn that's a long journey. Sovieshu immediately looks for Navier after reaching there and when he knocks her door, Navier herself opens it for him, despite countess Jubert being in the room. 🥺😍 I think she's finally warming up to him.

Then she offers him tea. Cause she's a classy lady and gives Sovieshu an excuse to stay in her room 😌

Scene 2:

As he sat hesitantly, he accepted a cup of tea from Countess Joubert, who had come along with Navier.

"What about you, Empress?"

"I had some earlier." Really? You came only ten minutes earlier than him. I think you just want to observe him without distraction. 🤔

Sovieshu nodded, blowing on the tea and taking a sip. A smile creeped up, and he hid his lips behind the teacup. Lol he's beaming

"Empress, shall we go horseback riding together?" he suggested eagerly. Have you lost your mind?

"We've been riding a carriage all day." Exactly!

"Or the day after tomorrow, maybe..."

"The doctor advised us to rest. Let's not push ourselves." Polite way of saying"My husband is an idiot." Which he is. Sovieshu's brain exits his body whenever he's around Navier 🤣🤣 I can understand though. Bro's not thinking properly because of his excitement. That's how happy he's around her. 🫂

"You're right, Empress." I've a feeling that you'll be saying that line a lot in near future, whenever Navier put an end to your outrageous proposal.

Countess Joubert nearly laughed aloud in disbelief. Unable to withstand it any longer, she rushed out to where no one could hear her hearty laughter.

Her speculation that the emperor had lost his mind was now the most supported opinion among the servants. 🤣🤣🤣

Navier's POV:

That night, Navier wondered whether Prince Heinrey had received her apology letter or not. Who cares about him? 😒

Heinrey was supposed to make an appearance when she requested a remarriage after the divorce. When the divorce was suddenly dropped, however, it was difficult for him to reveal himself. This was furthered by the fact that he had come here unofficially. Good, let him suffer. 😌 He's lucky Sovieshu didn't seize his ass for illegal intrusion. Anyway Navier sends him an apology letter but birdface didn't reply and she thought he returned to his country. Girl he's called stalker for a reason. He followed her to the villa as per his characteristics.

Navier heard the plaintive cry of a bird and stood up.

Queen?

The cry sounded like his. She went to the window to see if he had come like he did before. There was indeed a similar-looking bird running away from something.

Why is he running...? Probably saw you and Sovieshu getting well together. Realised he had no chance 😊 Bye bye, you won't be missed.

In the middle of the moment (McKenna was chasing after birdface), Navier breathed in the cold wind and began coughing. So she shut the window and closed the curtain. Ha-ha. Girl literally closed the window like "Ain't nobody got time for this" 💅

She was about to get into bed when suddenly the thought of Sovieshu spending the night on the drawing room sofa to see if she was all right popped into her mind. 🥺

Why did he do that? she thought, unable to sleep. Aww she's losing her sleep over Sovieshu's dramatic ass

Then she wrapped her cloak around her and went out for some fresh air.

To her surprise, she found Sovieshu lying on his side on the drawing room sofa, asleep.

Dumbfounded, Navier drew closer to wake him up. But as she bent down to shake him, she noticed tearstains from his eyes to his cheeks and froze.

Did he cry? But why? For you, girl!

She had no clue why Sovieshu would have cried. It couldn't be because of her. It's exactly because of you. These two are hopeless. 😮‍💨

As she stared at him in wonder, she knew she couldn't let him sleep here either way, so she reached out her hand to wake him. But before she touched him, another tear trickled from Sovieshu's eye as he cried out in a small, but desperate voice.

"Navier... Navier, come back. I'm sorry. Navier, don't leave me." I've a feeling Sovieshu would experience this nightmare for the rest of his life and Navier might see him crying for her in his sleep multiple times. 🫂 Why do I do this to myself? Making up angst headcanon and make myself 😭😭

It was difficult to understand his sleepy mumbles, but the majority of it had something to do with her name, pleas for her to come back, and how sorry he was.

Hearing this, Navier was thrown into even bigger confusion.

Is he actually sorry for me? Yessss! Baby girl yes! 😔

It wasn't as if he had nothing to be sorry for. But he, who hadn't had a smidgen of remorse before, becoming suddenly so desperately and earnestly pleading for her was hard to believe. I guess it'd seem sudden to her. She has no idea about this Sovieshu longing for her for the rest of his life. My girl has no idea 😔

What in the world had made him this way? Navier looked at him with mixed emotions, then sighed. She returned to her room to bring out a blanket, then covered him with it. Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh Navier put a blanket on Sovieshu!!! Somebody help! 🫂😍🥰

Sovieshu groaned faintly and turned, causing the tears in his eyes and cheeks to trickle into his hair.

Carefully, Navier held out her hand and smoothed his hair back from his face.

Me: Somebody help. I can't with the cuteness!!

Sovieshu, can we... really go back to the old days? Just like the day we planted that tree together? Yes, yes you can. 🥹 Navier is hopeful 😭

Scene 4:

Sovieshu sat up, squinting his eyes against the white light that spread over his eyelids. Then his eyes widened when he discovered the blanket covering him. It was the same one he'd seen yesterday in Navier's room.

Did Navier do this for me? Who else but her would care for you like this? 🗿

His heart swelled with emotion. He hugged the blanket and stood up.

At nearly the same time, Navier emerged from her room. When she saw him, she stated coldly, "Sleep in the bedroom from now on."

"Y-you mean, together?"

"No, in your own room, Your Majesty."

"Oh." Lmao bro slow down 😂

"We're here because we aren't well. So we shouldn't be making it worse."

"I understand. But there aren't any ladies- in-waiting on duty today, so you don't have anyone to look after you if you feel sick. That's why I waited here a while..." Oh please you'd be still here even with the presence of the ladies in waiting like you did in the palace. 🫠

"If I feel sick, I need only to call a servant. That's what the bell is for."

"Yes, yes. You're right."

Sovieshu agreed mindlessly. When he saw Navier smile in bemusement, the corners of his mouth raised up. He didn't want to look like a fool, but her demeanor gave him a surge of hope. She's smiling again 🫂😍

Just then, the sound of thumping footsteps came from the hallway. The door opened with a bang, and Marquess Karl burst in.

"What's going on?" Sovieshu asked, casting aside his sheepishness when he noticed the urgency.

With a pale face, the marquess reported, "Your Majesty, Lady Rashta is in such distress that she may lose the baby!"

Nooooo! They were having such a cute moment! I feel bad for everyone here. Good thing I know the ending, otherwise I'd have

[bertruce]

"the Bermuda Triangle" | fanfic

NCIS. Hollis Mann and Alden Parker.

Note: English isn't my native language.

gif - @mcrsdin

*** Director Leon Vance met her on the second floor of NCIS headquarters, right at the top of the stairs. It felt just like the day they first met all those years ago.

The difference was that now DiNozzo wasn't boring into her back with a surprised look, and McGee wasn't jumping up the stairs two at a time to warn Jethro of her arrival.

Today there was no one to warn.

Hollis closed her eyes for a moment, allowing herself a brief moment of weakness, took a deep breath, and finally smiled at Vance after saying hello.

He was as friendly as ever, looking at her attentively and inquisitively, waiting for something.

"I'm here at your request, Leon," Hollis reminded him when the director still didn't respond with anything but the same inquisitive, studying looks.

"You know, in case... you haven't noticed the change..." Vance began, raising his eyebrows expressively and gesturing slightly toward the common room downstairs.

"Jethro's in Alaska. I know,” Hollis replied evenly, almost casually, though the corner of her lips twitched treacherously.

Vance seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, grinned at some unspoken thoughts, and gestured broadly toward his office. However, the curiosity in his dark eyes was so intense that she felt she didn’t need it, and Hollis almost regretted responding to the director's request and agreeing to help.

She wasn't ready to talk about Jethro—or, for that matter, about how four lonely years in Hawaii had turned out to be much happier for her than the last two weeks in Alaska. And yet again she was only trying to help - to someone who didn't even know how to ask for help.

Unlike Jethro, Vance was at least the very picture of kindness. He filled her in on the details of the stalled investigation at length, making no secret of his team's failures or attempting to downplay them, saying only:

" We did well enough without Gibbs, Hollis, but we did stumble somewhere along the line."

She nodded silently, reserving the right to ignore any mention of Jethro in the future. Just as Jethro had ignored her for nearly three weeks while she tried to save his ass.

But what else could you expect from a man who first calls to warn her that she might be the target of a psychopath hunting him, only to ignore her calls when that psychopath actually shows up on her doorstep?

Save yourself, Hollis. Not for nothing does your resume include twenty years of military service, a stint in the Defense Department, and deployments to "hot spots". You'll figure it out... somehow.

The wound under her shoulder blade, which had healed but still ached, responded unpleasantly. She had to close her eyes again, take a slow, deep breath, and exhale raggedly and longingly.

"Are you okay?" Vance asked, and his quiet voice sounded genuinely concerned.

"Rough flight," Hollis answered shortly, sipping her cold coffee and looking down at the papers on the table again. Well, there wasn’t much required of her today: to act as a liaison between NCIS and the DoD, provide access to classified files, and ensure there were no leaks. Even though McGee was now the only one left from the old field team, Hollis had no qualms about NCIS.

Moreover, the DoD was full of moles—and downright idiots—as Vance had learned from his experience. Deep down, Hollis was glad that, of all the DoD investigators he knew, Vance trusted her.

She took another long look at the investigation summary, finished her coffee in one gulp, and, feeling the familiar excitement rising in her soul, she summed it up:

“I’m in.”

“Of course. But...” Vance made a sly, fox-like face. “No calls to the Secretary of Defense or... who else is on speed dial?”

Hollis couldn't help but smile, even though she knew exactly what scene Vance was remembering: her first conversation with Jethro in six years. Here, in this office.

She had actually had to call the Secretary of Defense to end the jurisdictional dispute.

And honestly, Hollis still didn't understand why Jethro had let his personal side get the better of his work side that day, especially in front of witnesses. And while they had managed to talk and seemingly settle things, he had looked at her like a wild wolf again during the next mission and was unhappy with her interference, which didn't stop him from trusting her with his back when it came to a shootout.

Yes, she had always had his back, and he had left her alone with a mad killer.

Hollis shook off the sad thoughts, allowed the smile she had intended for Vance to warm a little, and then slammed the file closed as she got up from her desk.

"I'd be happy to call the Secretary if I had to. But I don't see anyone brave enough to fight me for jurisdiction."

The door swung open just as Hollis finished speaking, and a loud, righteously angry male voice filled the room.

"What the hell, Leon?! We agreed! If my team made a mistake, we'll fix it. Not some office rat from the DoD!"

Hollis frowned, showing what she thought of this type of work communication, but ultimately decided that her calm, impassive expression would be much better - she was not about to get involved in another pointless argument and fighting for the right to lead the investigation. For once, she was quite content to be an invited guest.

Besides, Hollis understood that the unknown special agent's anger was not directed at her personally, but primarily at his own impotence. The team failed, the investigation was stuck, like a cart bogged down in mud, and new body was added to the morgue this morning...

The new team leader, a burly, gray-haired man, continued to talk to Vance, but Hollis remained silent. She only noted that the special agent who had replaced Jethro seemed no different from him in his usual behavior and also had no regard for work ethic. Well, she had been there, she knew.

"Alden Parker," Vance finally said in a businesslike tone, taking advantage of the pause to turn his entire body away from his irate subordinate and toward Hollis.

Parker turned after him, slower and slower with each passing second, as if he had just noticed the presence of a third party. Hmm, not very attentive for a special agent.

And then, without waiting for Vance to introduce her, he blurted out, "Hollis Mann."

"You two know each other??" Vance was surprised.

"No, we don't" Hollis replied confidently. Of course, she knew in absentia who exactly had taken Jethro's place, but Alden Parker was not Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and that was enough.

"I saw your picture in the file McGee sent," Parker's tone was no longer angry. Already calm, if slightly surprised Parker explained and with a sweeping gesture pushed his thick blond hair off his forehead.

"In the Gibbs Bermuda Triangle?" Vance clarified, and his eyes sparkled with amused curiosity again.

Hollis snorted softly and rolled her eyes - she had nothing to lose. She knew all too well about the "ex-love" file, and the talk that was going around NCIS about her and Jethro - she had witnessed it herself more than once. "The fourth ex-wife", "Gibbs' whisperer" and other, sometimes pleasant, sometimes not so, epithets.

"The Bermuda Triangle"? - Parker asked, puzzled, and switched to a businesslike tone. - Nope. The files on Sharif and Pars.

"Why do you need the files on Sharif and Pars?" - Vance was surprised. "They're old cases. They're both dead.

"Not exactly," Parker winced and leaned his hand wearily on the edge of the table.

"Do you think they might have followers?" Hollis asked cautiously, stepping towards him.

— Maybe... After the bio-attack in Alexandria, the explosion near the Admiralty and yesterday's attempt on McGee's life, we decided to reopen old cases related to terrorism. It seems that we need to look for someone who would want to harm Gibbs or his entourage.

Hollis raised her eyebrows in surprise, looked at Vance, and asked again, raising her voice expressively:

— Yesterday's attempt on McGee? You were going to tell me about that?

— Tim is fine, — Vance waved his hand, and his tone made her hope that McGee really was fine. Which could not be said about the victims in Alexandria.

But Hollis clung much more to the word "yesterday" — the man who had stalked her and Jethro had been lying in the Anchorage morgue for three days and, of course, could not have attempted to kill McGee.

"What makes you think it's about Gibbs?" Hollis asked, turning to Parker and gesturing for him and Vance to sit down; the conversation was going to be long.

"After McGee went to the hospital, we needed more staff, and we accepted Fornell's help." Parker paused, looking at Hollis, silently asking if she knew who he was talking about, and when he received a curt nod, he finally continued, "Fornell's noticed a pattern in the attacks that have happened in Washington over the past month: each one is a copy of one or another of Gibbs's old cases. Ari, Sharif, Dearing, Parsa..."

"Mishnev," Hollis finished, and grabbed the back of her chair, standing there, staring out the window that was behind Vance.

Sergei Mishnev killed Diane (Fornell's wife and one of Jethro's ex-wives). In the end, the bastard got what he deserved, but as strange as it may sound, it was Mishneve who caused Hollis’s seemingly happy marriage to falter and crumble.

She shouldn’t have stayed in Jethro’s basement that night, shouldn’t have drunk the stale, flavorless bourbon from dusty cans, and shouldn’t have gone up to the kitchen for another bottle. And even though nothing had happened between her and Jethro for which she could ask her husband’s forgiveness — just a midnight conversation that was more silent than spoken — she knew when she left Jethro’s house that morning that if she had to choose a man to put herself in the line of fire for him, her first choice would have been Jethro, not the man who had put a ring on her finger and shared his life with her for three years. And so she was right to get a divorce.

Then Mishnev, despite Jethro’s alarm, didn't make no attempt to target her or anyone else but Diane. But years have passed, and Jethro again has another enemy: not a second, not a third, not even a tenth.

“I’d like to believe it’s one terrorist,” Parker continued. “But it’s possible that a cell or network was activated.”

“Gibbs crossed paths with many terrorists,” Vance agreed, turning to Hollis and asking, “Has anything suspicious come through the DoD channel?”

“Give me one minute. I got back from leave a day ago,” Hollis replied, pulling her tablet out of her bag to check the reports.

She knew she had to tell Vance about her trip to Alaska, about her encounter with Jethro and the body in the Anchorage morgue, and how even if the world went to hell, Jethro wasn’t going back to Washington to stop the apocalypse someone wanted for his soul.

Because he was “tired,” because he had “put the past behind him,” because “you’ll figure it out on your own.” He hadn’t even come to Ducky’s funeral. What the hell else was there to talk about?

“Okay,” Hollis gave herself a few more seconds to collect her thoughts, cleared her throat quietly, and pulled up the Anchorage photos on her tablet. “Whoever’s behind this, let’s get these bastards.”

Vance chuckled approvingly, settling back into his director’s chair. Parker stood up from the table and reached for the half-empty coffee pot.

“How about something to eat first? How about Hawaiian manapua with sweet potato? I have a whole box downstairs.” He added, slightly sheepishly, but with a bright smile, “It don’t seem to be very popular with the team. They like desserts more.”

“Hollis had lived in Hawaii” Vance said.

“And there, manapua with sweet potatoes is not popular with anyone. Except perhaps with tourists.”

“You just haven’t had the real thing. I know a restaurant in Alexandria. We’ll close the case, and then we can have dinner there.”

“I’m all for it,” Vance interjected, laying out the paperwork he and Hollis had recently been reviewing on the table.

“Don’t be cheeky, Leon. I didn’t ask you out,” Parker chuckled.

“A date?” Vance played along.

"Shut up, Leon," Hollis said back. Suddenly, she felt a smile forming at the corners of her lips."

gif - @weatherlysexual

[ask-alphabetboyluvr]

hey, girlie <3

just thought i'd share some loving words in case ur needing to hear them. i mean this with all the love.

ik it must be v hard and unfair to lose something you spent years and sleepless nights building over on wattpad.

i'm glad you are moving on and posting your stories on other platforms (just saw u uploaded landslides! here) despite grieving the former platform u were accustomed to.

ur absolutely in ur right to feel a little disheartened (or a lot) but please don't let urself get knocked down (not that ur stubborn capricorn self would even let u do that lol).

i firmly believe that your fans love your work regardless of the platform. where ever your wonderful writing worlds go, your fans are likely to follow. holly/hols/dappleddaisies are staples and a brand that ur fans will recognize!

so, in case u need to hear it, cheer up! wattpad is so silly, don't waste ur energy on it. keep focusing on your writing and continuing to grow as you have been. we'll be cheering u on, mmk?

you'll figure it out; you always have.

(u've probably already received hundred of messages like this one, which further proves my point! we will always support u!)

i've actually just switched over from my phone to my laptop to answer this ask -- please never underestimate the value of kind words <33

i downplay a lot of the wattpad stuff and fic writing stuff. i call them my silly lil stories, and don't afford them with the care and consideration it actually takes to write them. hours upon hours of my life have been spent on (and in) these worlds. they're not silly or little, really. they're an extension of myself, my thoughts, my experiences.

wattpad deleting bd was a pretty tough blow. i was in denial for a while about how much it truly sucked -- but it also allowed me to toughen up and get cracking on other pursuits. branching out into other platforms is such a learning curve and it has taken away so much writing time </3

im incredibly lucky to have such a supportive and engaged group of readers. sharing stories is so innately human and I'm so thankful to have people who let me indulge in it. i always used to say I had the best group of readers on wattpad and that remains true!! so so lucky <3

messages like this are just testament to that!!

i didnt realise how much i needed to hear this, so please know I appreciate this endlessly. really, thank you so so much <3

[dead-loch]

wondering what my Deadloch folks think of this headcanon which I will be working into my fic:

Eddie throughout the season is very over-the-top homophobic in ways that, to me, obviously speak to someone who has repressed a part of themselves (I’d be interested to know how others feel about my read on that, specifically people who identify with wlw). The things she says are made to be as offensive as possible but they don’t strike me as coming from a place of hate (tbh this might be due to the writers and the actor, but again, let me know if you think differently).

(Homophobia stemming from repression is not something that needs to automatically be forgiven or I guess a better word might be it’s not an excuse, but it is an explanation. I don’t want to downplay it because it can cause real harm both inwardly and outwardly)

At the end, of course, she reveals she’s “done stuff” with women.

I’m wondering if Eddie-the-young-person (and let’s include here anywhere up to the age of 25 maybe? Idk how old you are or what kinda schooling you need in AUS), prior to her career in law enforcement, had tentatively been exploring queer relationships of some kind. But once beginning her career in law enforcement, (which, I mean, need I say more than that really) realised how Not Good of an environment it was for someone discovering they might be queer (whatever that may entail for her). And that for years she prioritised her own safety and sanity by adapting to a shitty, homophobic and sexist and racist environment and becoming “one of the boys” as a sort of armour. Of course, this armour would not ultimately protect her from being thrown to the wolves and blamed for the death of her partner, and boy was that a piss off.

Throughout her time in Deadloch, Eddie is (maybe for the first time ever) surrounded primarily by queer people and by queer women specifically. She goes from an environment of toxic masculinity, one she’s spent a very long time adapting to and-maybe-ingratiating herself to, to an environment that is, well, nearly the complete opposite. If it was me, I think I’d be angry. And maybe feel betrayed. Like… I could have had this all along?

Holly, I believe, is the only woman Eddie has had a close relationship with prior to Deadloch, and even then, it was through her partner on the force. But we know that Eddie and Holly were close enough because Eddie keeps calling her. But this one relationship (and here I mean friendship, not that there was anything romantic or sexual between them necessarily), to me, seemed important to her and not just in a “you’re my work partner’s wife” way. It felt to me like Eddie, on some level, really valued that relationship but that it was also something she craved, again, on some level, and probably not on a conscious one.

Just… imagine chipping away at yourself for years and years so that you’re protected from poisonous hate, and then suddenly finding yourself in a place where others like you— or like the you-who-could/might-have-been— have allowed themselves to exist as they are. (And again, this is fully said without judgement. We deserve to feel safe and that can take many forms and should be up to the individual to decide for themselves what is best for them at any moment in time.)

I can’t speak for queer Australians (although I’d love to hear from you) but even just discovering that marriage rights were only afforded to queer couples in 2017 pushes this narrative even more. For comparison, my country legalised “same sex marriage” in 2005, with some provinces having legalised it as early as 2003, and civil marriages between “same sex” couples existing since 1999. I was 15 in 2005 and I can assure you it didn’t really make anything in my day-to-day life easier but it did mean… other people like me are out there. We didn’t have the world at our fingertips as readily as we do now, even so relatively recently.