#my health has been...not great
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Shana Tova!!! May your enemies, haters, and those who wish evil upon you be cut off. The blessing for the leek has always felt resonant but this year it's been on my mind a lot. For me at least, 5785 is a year of practicing healthy boundaries and taking care of myself - even if I have to run on spite. I hope everyone has a safe Rosh Hashanah ❤️
#jumblr#jewish art#rosh hashanah#EYE CONTACT#SCOPOPHOBIA#i hope everyone has a good day even if this isn't a holiday you celebrate!#learning to say no and set boundaries slowly has been a blessing#also thank you to those who have sent me messages recently. I'm taking a small break from#talking much bc my health isn't great rn but!! i will get back to y'all soon
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#*#ive been thinking about this since i made it and i saw that tweet yesterday pslkjhgfhj like why is he doing the exact same pose#also i had to redo this bc i really thought phil was 38#like....i fr thought he was 38 and was shockedd he was 37#and i dont use snapchat bc im an adult so i used ig to make this#phan#silly philly#okay so theres a#so i can find this again sfdghjnhfdfgfh#also it's fun talking in the tags#i worked today and im soo tired#like this year has been really tough mentally#and while i did do some of the things i set out to do#i need to prioritize my mental health next year#like i actually need to get help and deal with my issues and start going to therapy#i had way too many of what i can only describe as ptsd episodes this year#like......idk dude i recognize that i need help and yet i dont take the steps to do it#and next year i need to like i HAVE to#but yeah....2024 was great in some regards and in others i hit rock bottom which sucks#but i want to get better#i just need to actually take the steps to do it#i have so much unprocessed trauma that ive just been holding in
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in my opinion, qphil isolating and exiling himself is only going to make things worse or delay the inevitable: as shown yesterday the enderking wants qphil to isolate, to not tell anyone, and luckily for our evil demigod that is exactly how qphil operates. he holds secrets in hopes of not hurting others, not getting them involved. and we just saw what happens when he has a support network helping him, he broke free from enderking’s grasp even for a moment. but that bit is not the only reason why his isolation is playing straight into enderking’s hands: it’s his insecurities as well. ”i’m a shit dad” ”i need to prove myself worthy of protecting” ”i need to provide better for the family” ”i need to be stronger” - all insecurities that are qphil’s downfall. enderking has already played into his need to provide for the kids as well as the want to be stronger (the buffs in the dungeon), what’s stopping him from digging his claws further to qphil’s core, his insecurities and weaknesses now that he has no one to break him out of his self-deprecating loop? when all he has are his thoughts, the caws of a crow and the voice of him? if no one finds him in exile, i think he will lose himself again, betrayed by his own mind
#historically isolating yourself has always worked and been a great idea /j#literally the only way i can see him making it out of this is if a deity finds him#qsmp#qsmp philza#qsmp phil#philza#shey rambles#literally every piece if mental health advice i’ve ever heard and read started screaming in my head the moment he decided to leave#of*#like you’re doing the exact thing that you’re told NOT TO DO IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE#my god#when he said in a zombie apocalypse qphil would hide being bitten and just leave quietly to die he was not kidding#also melting point of wax… ’throw caution and myself into the wind’#you sure are!!!!#’i hear the voice of reason screaming after me’ YOU SURE AS HELL DO#THAT’S ME. I’M THE ONE SCREAMING AT YOU#FUCKKKKKK
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You are not a puppy girl. Youer a human thinking that your a dog is a sign of serious mental illness get a fucking therapist and stop exposing us to your psychosis
My therapist is sending me a puppygirl care package. It’s got human teeth safe dog toys, and treats in it! I’m actually very excited!
#ask pirateprincessjess#arf arf#living my best puppygirl life has been great for my mental health#and my therapist loves it#like obviously I’m a human#but I find this to be gender affirming#and it helps with anxiety and stress#(and it’s not a kink thing)#I specify that because I get asked about that a lot#but yeah it’s totally normal and healthy actually
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so the current project im on might be split up to send us to another surveying project 4 hours south of here. we might find out tomorrow who's being sent away. i think they're going to decide based on who lives where.
anyway send good vibes my way that i'm sent on the project with the coworkers I like or that the project is pushed back a few months ❤
#im. mildly drunk.#i really like the people i work with and there are quite a few of them from near the area (ie from NY and NJ)#so i hope we all get sent together because i WILL cry if im left up here#like i like all my coworkers very much#but there are a select few where im like. please. im holding on by a thread.#and my mental health has been shit lately bc im not out#and basically being deadnamed and misgendered 24/7#but like. they help.#also im 90% sure i drunkenly came out to one of them#bc i blacked out when we went out drinking#but i remmber i was talking to him#and now he uses they/them pronouns w/ me#so probably?? i was stupid??#im also not a permanent employee of this crm company#so idk if they'll invite me back next year#and we only dig until the ground freezes#i like my crew lead at my other company! she's great#but like. idk. i hope they take me back. i like this company so much
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Thinking about the Don Suave scene and what it means in terms of LGBTQ+ representation because my brain does nothing if not torment me with random topics to ramble about on the regular.
Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about why I like the scene but to get it out of the way - the scene can very easily be interpreted in so many different ways, and all of them are valid. I personally see it as Leo having at least some attraction to a man. And the following is an explanation of my own interpretation and thoughts on it and what it means especially for Leo’s portrayal in the grand scheme of things.
Long-winded interpretation under the cut!
Now, to start with, it’s important to me that in the scene Leo looks at Don Suave in the very beginning and then for the entirety of the rest of the time the man is on screen, Leo’s eyes are closed. Yet, in the end, he is still visibly enamored with Don Suave, happily cuddling up to him as he’s being carried away.
You can very easily interpret this as Leo being spellbound and that’s honestly super valid and I believe he likely was at least somewhat in the beginning, but considering how fast he looked away and how he never looked again, I personally think it makes more sense to read it as Leo just finding the man attractive, at least somewhat. (For the record, I personally headcanon Rise Leo as bisexual with a heavy preference for men, but I want to be blunt when I say that any interpretation is valid. Literally any. Ace, pan, gay, bi, none of the above or a mixture of something new literally all of it is more than okay and fair. Hell you could even interpret this entire scene as more romantic attraction than physical and it would still work. Anything goes!! Don’t bother people, guys, really.)
The main reason I take this scene to be at the very least LGBTQ+ adjacent isn’t just because of how it’s portrayed, but because of who Leonardo is. Not in terms of Rise of the TMNT, but in terms of the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles™️ franchise.
Leo’s a character who, while changing with each iteration, has still at his core been around for decades upon decades as “the blue one”. One fourth of the team. He’s the one most are going to look at as the Leader, and oftentimes he is the one closest to having the title of Main Character. Not to say the others aren’t just as important, but Leo’s presence in the A plots of basically all TMNT media is often something very main character-esque.
And that’s very, very important to note. Here we have a Main Character of a prolific and decades long-running franchise distributed by a children’s television network. You can play around with his and his brothers’ characters all you like, but there is always going to be challenges to dodge around, especially since this was still in 2018-2019.
For example, you can play around with their designs so long as they’re color coded turtles, but their sexualities? Now that’s tricky.
“But what about Hypno and Warren?” Not main characters and also they’re Rise originals. They have a lot more room to play around with than a character like Leo does. But even talking about main characters in the franchise, you could arguably have an easier time playing around with Donnie or Mikey’s sexualities than Leo or even Raph, as (unfortunately) the former two tend to get more B plots, so they’d likely have had a little more leeway (still not a lot though.)
So, where does this leave us?
It leaves us in a place where outright stating and/or showing undeniable proof of Leo’s attraction to men is very, very difficult. So, workarounds!
Workarounds like the entire Don Suave situation.
To be honest, as left up to interpretation and lowkey and deniable as it is, this whole scene means a lot to me because of who Leo is as a character. It’s just nice when we get so see even the bare bones of representation with characters that have been such a large part of pop culture for decades, y’know? Even if more would be so much nicer, this is better than I thought we’d ever get for these boys.
And, again, literally nothing I’ve said is the only way to interpret it, I’m more than happy when people interpret media on their own honestly, it’s just something I’ve been thinking of lately and I was wondering if others felt the same way.
Whatever you think when you interpret this scene or Rise Leo as a whole, I just thought this would be interesting to think about, even if it was ramble-y, haha.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rottmnt leo#rise leo#rise don suave#rottmnt don suave#I lied I’m back to ramble because I’m just#so bad at keeping my mouth shut#or uh#not typing word vomit#anyway- yeah this is my personal interpretation#I believe Leo was legitimately mesmerized by Don Suave’s powers…in the beginning#but even the series’ creator says it was ‘at least PART of what was going on with Leo’ so#idk it’s something that’s been on my mind and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same??#may delete this later who knowssss#pleaaaase feel free to disagree I just like to talk lol#but yeah sometimes I look around at how much media has LGBTQ+ rep in it now and it honestly makes me emotional??#(we always always ALWAYS could use more but)#we did not have even a crumb of this as kids#but also like most of that rep is new properties#and I just was thinking about what that could mean#idk man idk#once again please don’t take this as facts it is VERY MUCH NOT#man I was looking around for good images to use and found jack all#anyway tho did you know Donnie often has bi colors around him and Leo is often dressed in the colors of the trans flag-#okay anyway back to the caves I go this comic won’t draw itself#I gotta spray myself with water any time I go to type long winded essays because they’re not great for the mental health fr
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garters and breeches
#my health has been Not Good which has been making working Real Difficult... which has been making my mood not so great 😔#so i drew my girlies to lift my spirits#callisto#tempest#heart of the storm
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My farmer arc
#yeah its way to late in the year to be hatching but this is florida where crackheads and repu-#anyways it doesnt get truly cold until january and they will be fully feathered by then#they have a mom#and she is UH WARM#shes a silkie so you know brooding powerhouse#my mom's silkies actually#these guys arent mine but she dont mess with them and Sarah wanted to brood on a clutch so i let her#FIRST TIME TOO SHE DID GREAT the other 3 eggs are a little younger so they will probably pip tomorrow#only one death and it was from an unobsorbed yolk#being medicated has been fucking fantastic i have a normal relationship with the internet so far and i have been like....idk healtheir?#still haveing heath problems like CURRENTLY RIGHT NOW AS IM TYPING IM IN PAIN but like overall mental health is FANTASITC i dont feel manic#anymore at all its just nice and good and ive gotten out of the years long brain fog ive had for the most part it seems#sorry for the turbo haiatus but i said before i post on my own terms for drwwings and comic#i have to thank you all with being very patient with me so eveeyone gets a cute Chick picture
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guy who forgot how to draw attempts drawing once more
#wish me luck of fighting through this art block#has been coming up since 2 or 3 months now ah#also sorry for emotionally blogging but I haven't been doing great mental health wise lately#and this is my blog so I need to let it out somewhere I guess#it's a rollercoaster over here haha#but I'm okay!#just battling some demons#but dw
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hiii everyone! just wanted to hop in here and say hello. i miss you all so much and i miss yapping with you guys. i'm still planning on moving to a new blog, please check out this post for more details. i do have a new blog made and i'm working on revamping my carrd/muse info! i'm going to start following people from this new account as i'm going through my little to do list regarding setting it up. hope you all are doing well i'm giving you hugs and a little forehead kiss.
#chuck posting.#time off of tumblr has been good for my mental health!#i'm figuring out my personal life and falling into more of a routine#it's been great (':#mwah mwah love u all
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anyway sorry i don't know how to make good commission posts anymore :') but please check out my ko-fi for some comm options. my partner really needs money for an unfair uni debt + for already due rent, and we will need some for necessities in august as well so anything helps
my main art tag for examples
my TOS
rbs greatly appreciated. thank you
edit: revamped the commission options to being not limited by media & just in general more of a range, as well as lowered a few prices.
#.txt#my partner has been through something traumatic recently too that really affected work and health so xe's been getting less#than xe would have been if not for the circumstances#i'm doing poorly too due to that situation + really bad heat & being sick#but i want to try to help#commissions open#open commissions#artists on tumblr#if you can only donate a little that's also of great help#i also have some pwyw adopts on kofi available
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nobody look at me no one perceive me
THEY ARE BESTIES YOUR HONOR
#oz plays games#I GOT TOMODACHI LIFE TO RUN ON MY PC THIS HAS BEEN A GREAT BOOST TO MY MENTAL HEALTH#I LOVE THEM UR HONOR#I LOVE THEM SO MUCH#platonic self ship#naroz#ozrator#platonic f/o#digital muse
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Fixed the door that Johnathan had slipped through, not letting that happen again!
#dracula daily#dracula#re: dracula#may 18th#it's going to be all ooc after this tag on this post so feel free to ignore as i babble on about graduation and breathy mention mental heal#i graduated high school yesterday#which feels completely wild because their was a point in my life where i thought i wouldn't ever see it due to some mental health stuff#it just feels so serial to be here and be getting ready for college come fall#dracula daily has been with me for most of highschool#i first entered the fandom just after my sophomore year when i made my first tumblr account#i read it every day during lunch junior year when i had no friends with the same lunch hour#it's meant a lot to me and will always be connected to a certain time in my life#highschool wasn't great but i had some amazing teachers and made friends i hope to keep for the rest of my life#thank you too all of you lovely dracula people for making me smile all these years#i'm excited to keep reading and making silly jokes as i head into the world
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#art#So my cat is 100% blind but good news that's the only issue#other than that she's in good health#I haven't been feeling great to be honest; my procrastination has never been worse and I feel so dirty on the inside...... 2 weeks until#finals and I haven't even prepared half of what I need to do...#vent#dragon
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Divine madness may be a rush, but it is still a madness. And, in the end, all madnesses must be collared or cured.
#my life#divine madness#translation: after about two and a half months#two and a half writing books#and sixteen green gel pens#I have physically forced myself to take a break from writing Got a Light?#just for my own mental health#frick I'm tired#time to take a li'l break and think about the Great God Airplane AU for awhile#this isn't a humble brag btw#the rush of creativity has been fun but it's also been very compulsive#like 'my hand hurts from writing so much but if I don't finish this scene my brain will start screaming and give me no peace' compulsive#I can't be thinking about one fic 24/7 sometimes I need to think about anime
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I think the new antidepressant is starting to do something to my mood. Which is good, it's supposed to! It's just... strange
Like I've gotten so used to feeling depressed that feeling positive more often is foreign.
So it's a good change, but also going to take getting used to
Also I'm more alert/awake and more restless - but my body is still tired so uh. Hurry up and catch up to my brain, please, body. It wants to do stuff
Still struggling with the motivation to start tasks (see my undecorated white tree and the fact that I still owe people art) but maybe that will improve in time
We shall see
#mod post#medication#antidepressants#the only side effect i seem to have had was disturbed sleep. but only the first week i was on it#i started taking it a few hours earlier in the day and since then my sleep has been a bit better#like my sleep is usually not great anyway (nightmares. sleep apnea) but i was waking up every couple hours#really struggling to stay asleep as long as i needed to#but it's better now thank god. i could not deal with that long-term#medical stuff#health stuff
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