#but yeah it’s totally normal and healthy actually

[pirateprincessjess]

You are not a puppy girl. Youer a human thinking that your a dog is a sign of serious mental illness get a fucking therapist and stop exposing us to your psychosis

My therapist is sending me a puppygirl care package. It’s got human teeth safe dog toys, and treats in it! I’m actually very excited!

[bronzebluemind]

It’s been 0 weeks since the World Cup finale, 17 weeks to go until sgp and 34 weeks to go until next season.

[evercelle]

How do you find motivation ??

Like, if I'm drawing, I lose interest quite quickly and then just never continue it.

Bad habit, how do you prevent that from happening ??

it's usually either bc (A) there's something missing in the fanwork out there and i have to fill the gap, e.g. i wanna depict a character a certain way or draw a niche self-indulgent AU, or (B) i got a LOT of feelings and need to exorcise the demons from my body somehow!!

i think motivation has to come from why you wanna draw... for me, it's because i want to share what i like/appreciate/feel about media! it's hard for me to just. bring it up in conversation, even with close friends... so i draw it instead, bc it's the way i'm most comfortable expressing my enthusiasm. there's lots of different reasons for wanting to draw (original/fan story only you can tell! wanted to find other people who feel the way you do! need to earn income! just wanted to make a cool picture! also needed to exorcise demons from your body!!), and it's OK if it's not "deep" or anything, but it's definitely something you have to find for yourself

[hella1975]

there's this one girl at work who thinks she's the Waitress Supreme literally is convinced the goddess of waitresses shat her out and stuck her in a barely-functioning pub in the arsecrack of england and today i was soooo poorly and sickly and weak and feeble literally on death's door cough coughu oug h etc and still had to do a 12-10 shift bc i need MONEY, so safe to say i was not in the mood for her omd. like this girl is not a manager. she is not even a supervisor. she is a student that, while working full-time, comes and goes in regards to her studies. so tell me WHY she tries to give me orders as if she's not only in a position to do so but also like she's singlehandedly running the fucking military. 'that cutlery hasn't been polished yet' 'why are you making drinks for the chefs when there's tables to clear' 'B2 havent had their menus'. all incredibly valid points when you give each problem at least 2 minutes to naturally resolve itself AND the problem in question is in your section AND you speak to people with a friendly, helpful tone instead of the most patronising bitchy voice you ever heard. i wanted to kill her dead i literally had to just ignore her every time she spoke to me even if it did come across rude like it was either that or lose my job to an ABH charge.

[chuluoyi]

Chu, gojo, not being able to sleep for days as he kept learning about the horrors of pregnancy and post preg. Sometimes, he's afraid of what if he loses his wife during childbirth.

it’s a mistake to surf google and see those articles about labor complications and videos of women in that predicament. it actually spooks gojo so much that he’s going to be soooo paranoid about it alright 💁🏻‍♀️

“are you feeling okay…?” he asks on one night, worriedly even, while you are chewing on your favorite castella, eyes glued to your favorite prime time drama.

you look at him with a frown. “i am. why?”

“uh… has the baby kicked you too hard these days?”

“he kicks my ribs every day i think i am used to it by now—”

“what?!”

he’s so thinking that’s an indication of something being wrong as he immediately fusses around and hovers over you, placing both hands on your tummy.

“do you feel hot? or do you think you might be having a fever—?!”

“satoru—i’m okay,” you try to calm him down when you see the total look of panic on his face, cupping his face with your hands. “it’s normal. him being active means he’s healthy. i’m okay, yeah?”

he pouts, visibly crestfallen. “i’ve seen videos… they say that sometimes when the baby kicks you hard it can indicate he is in a distress.”

“mm-hmm, but it’s not, yeah? i feel perfectly fine now.”

you don’t really know what media he has been immersing himself in that he’s totally concerned like this, but that night, to reassure him, you cuddle him close, stroking his head.

“you have to tell me the moment you feel sick, okay?” he snuggles closer to your chest, still despondent.

“yes, yes…”

“if you feel something the slightest bit wrong—you have to tell me!”

he’s definitely feeding himself hoax from internet but you can’t deny that him being all worried like this makes you smile too 💁🏻‍♀️

[popponn]

idk if you accept requests but i badly want to read the blue lock boys with the orange peel theory going around on tiktok 🥹

notes: anon, i was in a slump and then you come with this, please know i cant get it out of my mine for 2 whole nights. so, please have this, i hope u will enjoy it & your fave is there. also shoutout to @doobea for helping me with rin & barou esp <3 aso for standing my yappings. warning: none, post canon au in mind, reader's gender unspecified.

character: isagi, kaiser, bachira, chigiri, nagi, reo, rin, sae, barou + bonus

isagi

sweet boy will do it with a smile. is not the tidiest but you can now eat your orange while sharing with him. has a vibe that he is sort of used to doing this somehow. a total win still. if you do the same for him he will get flustered. also asking this is one of the quickest ways to get mr. egoist switches to mr. sweetheart boyfriend.

“Eh, why are peeling one too? I already… for me…?…I, uh—I see. Thanks… I—I am… give me a second.”

kaiser

you are the one who will peel for him—unless you throw a fuss and give him a silent treatment because this guy's pride is no joke. he can, he just doesn't want to. but to appease you and gain back his rightful spoiling, he will. afterward, at least, he learns his lesson and when you are about to peel one yourself, will take it and peel it beautifully for you like a second nature.

“…the fuck are you staring at? Just take it. You are about to eat it anyway, right? Then what's the big deal?”

bachira

yes, he will no question asked but is it worth it. probably will make a mess out of his energy. you will be laughing along with him somehow though so it is worth it. having the sunshine doing anything in front of you is a guaranteed smile-inducing routine. as for the orange, please do switch to other alternatives, for example: kisses, as suggested by him.

“Isn't this better than orange? Huum, huum! More healthy, sweeter too, right? Another one?”

chigiri

depending on his mood, you will either get a very cute orange peel or a half-peeled orange (at best) you have to finish peeling yourself. on the former, you get a smug bf who will feed you like it's a pocky stick. on the latter, you better be the one feeding him while hugging and cuddling him. multitask somehow. also, give him kisses because he is called a ‘princess’ for a reason.

“Ah, being in your arms being fed like this… yeah, yeah. I know don't worry. I will repay the favor.”

nagi

realistically, you will be the one peeling it for him and forcing him to eat one. because why would he even touch one? he is too lazy for that, nothing personal. but, let's say he really, really loves you: he still won't, he will just give you orange-flavored jelly in replacement. it does come from a place of love though, he genuinely thinks it's less troublesome to eat and, hence: better.

“Eating that is troublesome. It taste the same too. We can also do it while kissing. Mouth to mouth. Better right?”

reo

normally, will get a servant to peel it for you and him. though: can he do it? will he do it if it must be him? no question asked, absolutely will, all while chatting and staring at you with so much love. totally mr. k-drama male lead. you and your premium orange are in good hands.

“Oh, man, you are sometimes really …huh? Nah, I mean, I like doing this. It's just now I feel like I have to do this every time, so… yeah.”

rin

the first time, he will click his tongue and mess up. he will crush the orange. better never speak of it again, just know he loves you wholly despite everything. then a week passes and suddenly you will get a professional competitive orange peeler part-timer. without asking. just eat your orange. unless you are sick of it or it makes you actually sick.

“Did the orange taste good? … good. Nothing. You just look… nevermind. Do you want another one?”

sae

will he or will you. realistically, no? there are two possible reasons: 1) he can't. his whole stat is in soccer. 2) “you can't?” aka is it worth it getting judged by him. in case #2 though, just act cute and aim for his soft spot for you, he will fold and peel it with you pressed to his arm. he will grumble or glare but that's just itoshi-esque tsundere.

“You can't do something like this yourself? This will be the only time I’m doing this… Also who told you to move away?”

barou

our king. will peel the skin and the white fiber for you. tidy peels and if you know your way around his heart—you do just smile or blink and he is gone—he will also feed you. 10/10 execution no notes. probably will do this in kotatsu, dinner tables, and other domestic settings that are not bed while being a tsundere.

“I’m doing this just so you don't make a mess, got it? Also, scoot closer, your leg is kicking me—what do you mean I’m lying?!”

bonus

kunigami will, both before and after wc because you are his world. the difference would be in his expression only and there is that because his love for you would never change. shidou will but genuinely, please just peel it yourself. aiku will, not without teasing you though. gagamaru will either will or teach you how to eat the skin too. zantetsu wants to do it, but it will be really messy so please just don't. hiori will do it like a sweet boy, but if he is in his sadistic mood he will tease you for a bit before finally feeding you.

[rubylovessharks]

Hiiiii! I just stumbled across your blog and I’m in love. (Me rn-😍😍😍) Anywayssss, would you be willing to do some sfw/nsfw head-cannons for the seven demon brothers from obey me? If not all seven Asmo, Beel, Belfie, and Levi are my faves! Thanks so much in advance if you don’t want to do this I completely understand and my feelings won’t be hurt.

Please remember to drink plenty of water and get plenty of rest. With luv, Madzzz. 💜💜💜

^^^^Btw this is me manifesting you see this^^^^

omgg ofc i can!! (try-) alsoo thanks for the whishes, staying healthy is super important, so you should too! :D <3 gn!mc x the demon bros ;) considering the fact that you havent specified the gender of the mc im doing gender natural if thats ok- ok! so! sfw and nsfw hcs!!

so sorry if this wont be what you were hoping :(

Lucifer

🩷sfw🩷

can we all agree that this guy when he gets drunk he becomes clingy af?

he just sends you a bunch of messages telling you to come over

and when you do come over he's just laying in bed there, eyes half closed and face red.

anyway you get the point. when Lucifer gets drunk he wants to cuddle you for a few good hours

drunk times aside- normally your actual dates are more active.

by which I mean either you two talk about random stuff or Lucifer takes you somewhere

❤️nsfw❤️

the only time I think Luci will be willing to get fucked is when he's drunk. but you do need his consent waaay beforehand. as you should irl too

other then that he doms all the time.

I feel like he'd be into bdsm

i kinda think he'll be into rope stuff. he seems like the type who'd want to tie you up, but also in a pretty way ;)

also spanking.

Mammon

🩷sfw🩷

the typa guy who'd give you gifts saying he "coincidently" found it(asifhewasntlookingforthebestthingtogiveyou) and the moment someone sees you with it and asks about it and you say that it's from your boyfriend he becomes the happiest ever <3

also is really into pda, like he won't admit it- but he NEEDS to hold your hand in public. how else will people know you are his???

Mams is also really into kisses. like any kisses really- forehead kisses, cheek kisses, hand kisses, nose kisses ANY KISSES

unfraternally he'll sometimes come to you to ask to borrow money.... but he'll get you back

with a kiss on the cheek and the possibility of taking your walking privilege...

❤️nsfw❤️

switch, leaning to sub

the last thing I said about your walking privilege is true. Mammon thinks he just needs to fuck you hard enough as payback for letting him borrow some money

and with the stamina he has, it's totally enough to fuck your brains out ;)

I think he's into cuffs, won't matter if it's on him or on you, but if they go on his hands it has to be roleplay

what roleplay? cop stuff :3

Mams acts as an inmate or robber who just got caught, and you as a cop who is arresting him or punishing him

kinky stuff ya know?

I feel like he'd be into getting his cock milked as you ride him for hours upon hours

maybe has a choking kink? towards him I mean- he's too scared to choke you to death.. but there is a possibility that he'll choke you when he fucks you out of jealousy

Leviathan

🩷sfw🩷

gaming dates <3

canonically Levi isn't really one to like going outside so it makes sense that he'd prefer to hang in his or your room (mostly in his)

it'll take him some time until he'll actually be comfortable to be all touchy and physical.

but i like to think that even then he'd be more simple and not all clingy

aquarium dates ♡ once in a while, when he's actually ready for the outside world

he finds aquarium dates to be a little bit fun once or twice a year

but yeah it's mostly just gaming dates and dates where you watch anime and such-

AND cosplay dates

mostly ruri cosplay dates, but still cosplay dates as a whole ♡

❤️nsfw❤️

like with physical touch it'll take him a long time until he'll be ready for sex

he'll be all blushy and, sorry, kinda sweaty when sex is mentioned.

he's just so not used to it :(

LEVI IS A SUB.

well switch technically- but he's more in the being fucked out of his mind position then the fucking you out of your mind position

but how do you get him in a domy mood? probably either by making him jealous, or in a more competitive mood.

what do i mean? well just egg him on, tell him that you can totally win this game round, and the next one, and the next one. well you gotta win for it to actually work- but still. the more you do it the more upset he is

it doesn't work all the time, but he has a bit of a competitive side ;)

he's a kinda kinky guy, he'd probs be into things like tons of praise but with a mix of humiliation (to both sides)

like if you were to tell him that he's been soo good for you and what he does is probably sit on the floor while his mouth and face is being used for you to get off

Satan

🩷sfw🩷

reading dates :D

can happen in his/your room, but can also happen out in a cat cafe or a park outside :3

and if you aren't a person who likes to read Satan is willing to read for you once in a while

you and him will definitely take in cats without Lucifer's agreement, you'll just keep them in Satan's room or your's and take care of them there.

you, him and Belphie are out to get Luci. and if it's just the two of you without Belphegor it feels like a date idea for Satan :p

from time to time you'll hear Satan talk on and on about different research stuff that he's into for the time being

and you'll tots be hearing this guy talk a lot about his detective books

❤️nsfw❤️

cockwarming while Satan reads.

is there more to say? like do ya'll need an explanation????

this is getting in a more kinky-noteverydaykinks territory but can we agree that Satan is into collars?

it just seems right idk. like it won't matter to him who's wearing it- he likes wearing them, and seeing them on his s/o

another switch, i mean i like to think that most of them are switches.. but like I'll still say it every time.

leaning into dom territory, but he won't mind being fucked into oblivion

angry sex. who knows what might've started it but if he needs to take out his anger on something your hole will be number 1 (ofc he you say you dont want to he wont- everything is consensual)

also into roleplay stuff, probs petplay. kinky stuff

Asmodeus

🩷sfw🩷

first thing I'm going to say is painting nails dates. spa dates. any beauty care dates will happen.

and you can't escape it :)

he WILL post you on any of his social medias with captions that say things like "look at my lover ♡ aren't they the cutest!?" :3

I think Asmo will be the type of person who'd like to get gifts as a receiving love language, and as a giving love language it'll be physical touch

i feel like as a whole he likes being physical, I mean have you seen this guy?? but I think he feels more special when you buy or make him gifts <3

❤️nsfw❤️

THE KINKIEST GUY EVER

like he literally is the avatar of lust. like doesn't that make him kinky enough??????

switch and it's literally is 50/50 with sub and dom with him

toys. toys all the way. when he doms he uses toys, when he subs he uses toys. toys are something he really likes

of course there will be times when he doesn't want to use them and really get more lovey dovey ♡

during sex you two may switch between sub and dom at least once.

Beelzebub

🩷sfw🩷

shares with you anything he wants to eat ♡

it'll probably be half eaten if he already has his hands on it but he tries his best to control himself so you'd at least have even the smallest of bites <3

he sometimes accidentally bites you, like not super hard and painful but there are times it leaves a mark-

can and will give you piggyback rides if you ask him

when you two go to a restaurant and in typical Beelzebub fashion he eats too much and the bill is huge he'll tell you he'll be the one paying, even for your share.

COOKING DATES!!!!!!!!

sure he might eat half of the ingredients- but he'll try his best to not eat it all so you two can have a finished product ♡

❤️nsfw❤️

I know everyone says this but it's true. this guy eats you out like a pro.

and it doesn't matter if you have a pussy, a cock or anything else- it doesn't matter. he knows how to put his mouth to good use. and he can go FOR HOURS and not get tired. it's like his favorite thing♡

we all know this man is packing. probably has the biggest dick of them all(maybe diavolo's is bigger who wants to help me measure :))

and he's so sweet when you try to take him ♡ ♡ ♡

he'll tell you things like "You can do it" "I know..it is pretty big...but you took it before!" with such a sweet smile you know he says this not to make fun of you, but because he actually thinks you can take his huge cock ♡

Beel will proooobably lose control and kinda start fucking you like an animal in heat after a few while of fucking

but after that he does such nice aftercare!

Belphegor

🩷sfw🩷

naps all the way :3

you are the pillow. you can't say anything but yes.

I like to think that he has dreams about you, and if he dreams of something that he's actually willing to do in real life he'll ask you if you'd like to do it :D

when you two do go out he likes to hold your hand, for more then just pda. he might fall asleep while standing and walking from time to time, so you can notice if he fell asleep or not.

do you know what I think you two might do? go to bed stores and try out the beds :3

❤️nsfw❤️

sadistic fuck. (affectionate)

he's a dom, even when he's half asleep.

I think he'd kinda tell you to ride him even when it looks like he's about to fall asleep, and the moment you stop he's immediately awake telling you to continue

will degrade you, like he's real mean

he does like the idea of chocking you but ya know.. might take a while....probs a few years-

well anything too dangerous will take a few years until he feels like he can actually do anything to you..

he's into anything that can and will humiliate you

he'd be into somnophilia but towards himself

maybe towards you? with consent ofc but mostly towards himself

why? cuz he can and will fall asleep during sex. and if it's something like you riding him he'd be totally fine with you still going even when he falls asleep.

[centrally-unplanned]

To talk about monopoly & antitrust, I want to start off with your first day in Econ 101, when you learn "how prices work". The toy model that nearly everyone learns as one of the first things ever is that classic supply-and-demand graph of price and quantity; you know it, I don't need to show it. And in relation to how firms set price in a market, the explanation you get is something like:

"In a world with perfect information, zero transaction costs, rational agents, and no barriers to entry, new firms and/or increased output will enter the market until marginal price equals marginal cost"

This (seemingly) portrays a model where new companies "entering the market" is how prices go down. Like say there are Firms A, B, and C, engaging in oligopolistic pricing for a normal good; what happens is some new Firm X (with the same production costs) emerges with the sole business strategy of "offer prices lower than them because they are skimming" and it drives everyone's prices down in a race to the bottom. That, in a sense, competition between identical firms drives the price equilibrium.

That isn't very true, not in practice and not even theoretically; the 101 stuff just sort of biases you to see it that way. Firm X above is being rational in one way but silly in others; why would it enter a market where its competitors are making healthy profits just to fuck that up, knowing it has no advantage they can't immediately replicate in response? And pay all the fixed costs other firms have already paid to make that 0.1% profit? In real life firms almost never do this, they compete over (actual or perceived) advantage or market segmentation. And it also means that - if all firms are truly the same in a market - cooperating on price, far from being aberrant behavior, is the natural thing to do. Why would I look at my rival firm and lower my price to "undercut" them, knowing that they 100% can just lower it too? We both lose, immediately. In practice, companies often set their prices by looking at the prices of competing firms and matching them!

Many things actually drive the price equilibrium of course, but one of the biggest - and most useful for our purposes - is the substitution effect. If companies defacto cooperate on prices all the time, why is the price not infinity? Well because if you are selling steaks and set the price to infinity, I'm not gonna buy it! I can just buy chicken, for me it's pretty much the same. And chicken is cheaper to make than steak. As a chicken firm, I totally can set my price under your steak and you can never, ever match it; that is a real advantage, one from asymmetries of production. The price of steak is driven by the need to compete with chicken much more than it is driven by the need to compete with "other steaks". And so on down a chain of a million desires and costs and needs.

So to wrap this around to antitrust, there is a common idea out there that monopolistic pricing is increasing from the past because if I look at different industries, so many of them today are consolidated into 2-3 big firms. Your grocery stores are all Giant or Safeway or w/e it is in your city, if you are buying a TV Samsung & LG are half the entire US market. How could these companies not collude on price? Of course they do, and they don't need explicit agreements that would violate extant FTC regulations to do it; they can just softly communicate and feel out cooperation. So you gotta break them up and change the rules so they can't do that.

The trap is thinking this is any different if it was 10 firms - it really isn't! Maybe marginally, sure, and if it was 2000 firms yeah okay the sheer chaos would probably create some price churn; but in the past prices were not driven down by the diversity of firms making price cooperation impossible. The long history of guilds, business associations, chambers of commerce, and so on shows that they had plenty of avenues for cooperation - and often did straight-up set prices. Meanwhile, when Wal-Mart, Target, Aldi, and others all cut prices at around the same time, they are not mainly competing with each other. If they were they would just mutually agree to not do that, without even saying anything! How stupid do you think they are? That isn't hard to do. Instead they are competing with Amazon; with boutique local stores; with restaurants; with the changing price of labor; with shifting consumer sentiment and expectations. The industry concentration doesn't matter.

Until it does of course! Because what is the substitution good for oil? They exist of course, but they ain't cheap; people will still buy gas at gigantic ranges of prices. Here, the fundamental structure of the market is monopolistic - and also a geopolitical clusterfuck, but let's not get into that. Producers openly rig prices sometimes, and antitrust actively regulates against it, and it is a hot mess of governments and companies and all that. Are people who hold patents engaging in monopoly pricing? Obviously, that is the point of patents! It is by design; but there are tons of arguments to be made around creeping exploitation of the IP system. Sometimes hundreds of firms in a dominant market niche will offer complex, bundled products where the price of each piece of obfuscated and the value is subjective, but consensus is you can't not buy the product or you will be screwed and since you can't tell what the product even is, let alone how valuable it is, you can't object when they set the price - I hear these are called "universities", but they go by other names in other sectors.

All of the above are something like "monopolies", which maybe are getting worse over time, but they are monopolies for different, product-specific reasons. I think there is a good deal of FTC work and other reforms that could be done in the US to identify areas where this kind of rent extraction is happening. But what it doesn't look like is opposing blanket industry consolidation. And in fact the correlation is honestly pretty weak. Because identical firm competition does not drive the price equilibrium.

[fiapartridge]

wedding bells | quinn hughes

summary: in which y/n and her fiancé, quinn hughes, plan their long-awaited wedding.

request: [...i read invisible string...and it made me think of when they’re actually engaged and planning their wedding...quinn would love cake tasting and picking out the menu...and the bride loves planning the wedding but...[it's] stressful and she wants everything to be perfect. some minor thing goes wrong and she has a bridezilla breakdown moment and quinn is so sweet and calms her down...]

author's note 💌: eeee i love this request!!!! thank u anon for requesting; it's so cute!

cake tasting

“I’ve been waiting for this day since the moment I learned this existed,” Quinn beamed, his eyes fixed on the road as he exited the freeway. His right hand rested gently on your thigh, and you couldn’t help but grin, happy that he finally wanted to be involved in a part of the wedding planning process—even if today was all about cake.

With a playful tilt of your head, a mock tsk of disapproval escaped your lips as Quinn raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t you be eating healthy for your game next week? How about I eat the cake and you watch.”

“And watch you live out my dream?” he scoffed. “Yeah, the game’s not that important.”

“That game is gonna secure your spot in the playoffs, Captain,” you smirked, playfully poking his arm. You loved teasing him about his captaincy, like saying Aye aye, Captain whenever he asked you for a favor, or your personal fave, So when does the team give you your honorary eye patch and silver hooky thingy? To which he always responds with, Not that kind of captain, babe. 

As Quinn pulled into the bakery’s parking lot, he cupped your cheeks in his hand, his face growing serious, feeling almost like a team huddle. His voice lowered, and his face drew close to yours as he laid out some sort of plan. “I’m gonna eat a lot of cake today, so much that I wore my stretchy pants-”

“Oh, the Lululemon ones that I bought you?” You got them for him as a Christmas gift along with other items. You were happy that he actually wore them outside the house for once. 

“Yes those ones, but we need to stay focused.” You nodded intently, totally focused. “Jack is gonna call you later and he’s gonna ask you if I ate any of this cake today, and I’m gonna need you to lie.”

A burst of laughter escaped you. “You want me to lie to Jacky? About you eating cake? During our cake tasting? Because…”

“Because him and Luke have a bet going on that I’m gonna break my diet for this, and Luke said that if he wins we’re splitting the cash 50/50, so I really need you to lie, baby.”

Rolling your eyes, you opened the passenger door, Quinn doing the same on his side. “I really don’t understand you guys. Like, why not just be normal and bet on who’s winning the next Super Bowl or something?”

Quinn wrapped around the front of the car, intertwining his fingers with yours as you approached the bakery’s entrance. “Did that a few years ago, we each lost $700 to Luke.”

“Jesus, you guys are loaded. The last time my family and I had a bet, we each did $10 and whatever old gift card we had stowed away in our wallets. Apparently mine was from 2015 and the place it was for got shut down for rat poisoning? I don’t know,” you shrugged.

As the hours passed and the 20th cake flavor came around, Quinn felt like his stretchy pants were out of stretch, and you felt like you could take a nap right on top of the table. Cakes were not for the weak, let me tell you that.

“I feel like everything tastes the same now,” Quinn struggled to get the words out. Not because he didn’t know what to say, but because he was trying not to heave and talk at the same time. 

“I feel like I can’t feel my legs,” you replied, a visible food baby proudly displayed on your belly.

Dipping your finger into the frosting of the pink champagne cake, guaranteed to be the most fanciest cake you’ve ever had, you swiped it across Quinn’s nose. “Oops,” you grinned. “I’m just so full; I must’ve twitched or something.”

Rolling his eyes, Quinn smeared the orange creamsicle cake across your face, as if you were donning eye black and dodging defenders past the 40-yard line.

“Oh, you’re getting it,” you laughed, swiping a finger across the blueberry with graham cracker crumble, a grandma’s dying wish, planting strokes on his chin and forehead. “Aw, don’t you look cute?” you teased.

He smirked, getting impossibly close. It was good that the wedding planner and cake baker were in another room chatting, or else they would probably be yelling at you two to get your hands off each other at once. “Wanna make a bet?”

“Hm, does it involve me losing thousands of dollars?” He shook his head. “Hundreds?” Another shake. “Any money?” One more. “Then you’re on, pretty boy. What’s your proposition?”

“We leave right now and you can lick all of this off in the car-”

“Amy!” you shouted for your wedding planner as she came stumbling into the room, afraid something was wrong. “We have to go; family emergency,” you pouted, really selling it. “I’ll see you next weekend, okay?”

“Oh, yeah, okay!” she nodded. “Take care of the family!”

“Will do!” you shouted, dragging Quinn behind you as if you were Lightning McQueen in any of the Cars movies. Boy, were you quick. Even Quinn was shook and he skated with some of the fastest hockey players around. 

“I win,” Quinn whispered, his lips pressed to the crown of your head as you reached the car, pushing him inside. 

“Yeah? Kinda seems like I’m the winner.”

the wedding rehearsal

“Oh, don’t you flower girls look cute?” you smiled, drawing your knees to your chest as you bent down to meet them eye-level. “You ready to walk the runway?”

“Daddy said this was a wedding,” Ella, your brother’s daughter, shyly replied, playing with a couple of petals in the basket. 

“Wedding shmedding,” you grinned, earning giggles from the little ones. “Think of it as a runway, and you’re the models.”

“What about,” Grace, Brady and Emma’s daughter piped up, “it’s a runway and I’m the airplane?”

“Oh,” you said, eyes widening a bit before breaking into a giggle.

“That works too! Just don’t be afraid, okay? If it makes you two feel any better, Uncle Jacky has to walk the aisle and he can barely skate on two feet.”

“Hey!” Jack popped out of the line forming behind the three of you, a procession of earthy-toned dresses and black-and-white suits ready to rehearse for the big day. The sight made you want to cry. Everyone you ever cared about was here for you and Quinn, for your big day. 

It brought you back to the moment you met Quinn, the moment your life truly began. You were friends with Emma, having met in college at Boston University where you also met Brady. You had just gotten out of a year-long relationship and were stressed over midterms, so Emma suggested that you get a “sex-tox” — a detox involving, well, sex. It sounded perfect at the time. Fuck a stranger, never see them again, release some stress, and live your best life.

But that’s kind of hard to do when that stranger is Quinn Hughes. You fell in love with him the moment Brady introduced you. Maybe it was the way his hand lingered in yours for a just a second longer than what’s considered a “normal” handshake, or maybe it was the way his eyes followed you throughout the bar like he was scared that you would come back to the table with another guy’s arm draped over your shoulder, or maybe it was the way he said your name, like it was made for his lips and his voice.

He was just so perfect and now you were marrying him. It all felt so much like a dream, like you’ll wake up one day and everything will be gone. But when you see Quinn laughing with his groomsmen, his eyes immediately finding yours, his arms flying around your body, hundreds of whistles and hoots coming from everyone around you as you tuned them out, your attention solely placed on the man you’ll be able to call your husband as little as tomorrow, you know that this is real, and he is yours, and this is peace.

the wedding day

This is a disaster. The centerpiece flowers are sky blue instead of columbia, your grandma wants to trade seats with William Nylander because she has this newfound obsession with Mitch Marner which would put William Nylander with your grandpa and the weird uncle that always gets way too drunk at weddings but will never admit that he has an alcohol problem, chalking it up to a “one time thing.” Even though we all know that he’s gonna do it again at the next wedding! And to top the shit-cake that is this day, your wedding planner decided to be selfish and break her water overnight, so now she’s in the hospital trying to push a tiny human out of her uterus while you’re here trying not to physically strangle every single person that comes to you with a question.

You were tired, and nervous, and your makeup looks terrible, and you feel bloated, and you don’t feel pretty enough to walk down that aisle, and you don’t feel pretty enough to be with Quinn, and why would he want to be with a girl that can’t even plan her own damn wedding correctly? And you just feel…defeated. 

“Hey, Y/N,” Luke bounced through the door of your bridal suite, his hand hovering over his eyes. 

“You don’t have to cover your eyes, Luke, you’re not the groom,” you muttered, fiddling with the ends of your hair.

“Right,” he chuckled nervously. “Um, so there’s a problem.” 

You closed your eyes, sighing. You felt like your head might explode. What else are we going to add to this ginormous shit storm of a day? Let me guess, Cole already got shit-faced at the mini bar, or Nico got lost on the way here and that car held Jesper, Holtz, and Dougie, or oh! Did your brother get into conversation with Trevor on how he can perfect his alley-oop if he substituted Milano with him? Seriously, what else can get worse than this?

“We can’t find Quinn.”

You’re gonna throw up. Are you already throwing up? Because there’s this tingly feeling that’s bubbling in your throat, and you don’t know if it’s from the copious amount of champagne you consumed last night or the urge to find Quinn and murder him with your bare hands. I think it’s the latter.

Before Luke could say anything else, you dashed towards the door, his calls fading behind you. You didn’t know if you were running to find Quinn or to escape this hell hole for yourself. Maybe Quinn was onto something. Maybe this was a bad idea. I mean, were you that naive to believe that someone like Quinn would actually want to marry someone like you?

With your shoes discarded, you found solace on a rock overlooking a small lake near the venue. Your once pristine white gown was now engulfed in the grass, your disheveled hair was poking out of its metal claw clip,  your mascara was noticeably smudged, and the tears wouldn’t stop streaming down your face no matter how hard you tried to stop it. You were nervous about the wedding, but I guess it doesn’t matter anymore since the groom is apparently missing and nothing else is working out. Ha! Now they don’t even have a bride. This is terrific.

With crunching leaves, you heard a small, “Hey,” behind you.

You turned slowly to find Quinn, the man of the hour, finally present. You didn’t say anything, fearing that your words would come out with a choke. You couldn’t stop crying.

Quinn settled down on the rock next to you. “I’m sorry for leaving like that, I just—had to clear my head for a bit. I’m a little nervous.”

“Are you getting cold feet?” you mumbled, scared to hear his answer. You knew he loved you, but you also knew that he would put people’s feelings way above his own. You didn’t want to marry him if he was having doubts.

He shook his head. “No.” His hands found yours amid the puffiness of your dress. “I don’t have a single doubt in my mind that you’re the woman I want to marry.”

“So why-”

“There’s like 300 people out there waiting to see us get married, and Jack’s already talking about us having a kid in the next couple months, and—it’s a lot, you know? You?”

You furrowed your brows. “Me, what?”

“Getting cold feet?”

You shook your head. “I’m tired,” you admitted, your voice breaking. “I feel like everything’s going wrong today. Amy’s out having a baby, the flowers are the wrong shade of blue, Grandma wants to sit next to Mitch Marner, I thought you left, and-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Quinn cupped your face, wiping your tears with his thumbs, just as he has done time and time before. The gesture never fails to give you a sense of comfort. “Years from now, when we’re old and living in a house in the suburbs, and you’ll probably have an orange tabby cat on your lap, and we’ll be telling stories to our grandchildren about our wedding day, we’re not gonna remember the color of the flowers, or who sat next to Marner, or any of that, okay?”

You nodded.

“We’re gonna remember you and me. We’re gonna remember how much I love you. And we’re probably gonna remember us sitting on rocks, stalling our own wedding day.”

A giggle escaped you because this was all so ridiculous. Quinn was right; you’re not gonna remember everything that went wrong. You and Quinn—that’s all that matters.

You pressed a long, innocent, and probably salty kiss on his lips. He saw you in your wedding dress, a superstitious hockey player breaking a centuries-long superstition, but for once, you didn’t care. 

“You ready to get married?” Quinn grinned, holding his hand out to you. 

You nodded, taking his hand. “I’m ready.”

[thebearer]

hii I though it would be cool if you show what the atmosphere would be like when reader and Teddy visit the bear for the first time since the fight? Maybe for their family dinner? Also I totally love ur work, super cool

relief lol. genuinely relief.

like they knew carmen was getting better. he’s still so fucking private but he ducks out early every tuesdays and thursdays in the middle of prep and they all pretend they don’t know where he’s going, but they know he’s going to his therapist.

still there’s this kinda tense vibe even after you’ve went back home. carmen seems better, and it’s not out of the ordinary that you haven’t shown up bc teddy is so little, but they’re still a little like “oh shit what if she left him?”

until you show up unannounced at family with baby teddy. she’s bigger now, it’s less of a risk and you’ve missed seeing them. probably after you and carm have settled back to normal (post smut lol let’s be real) and you come to see everyone.

tina actually sighs of relief. like she is so fucking happy bc she nearly killed carmen. wouldn’t talk to him for weeks, weeks, it was like worse than when he started. a worse cold shoulder bc she heard a sliver of what he did (not even the whole thing).

I do think they all see a change with him. that they don’t have to walk on eggshells around him. he’s not blowing up as more anymore. tried to talk calmly and not lose his shit when things get out of control. talks more instead of bottling things up. actually lets other people do things. and follows through. both at the restaurant and at home.

definitely is more appreciative in general. not so mean and doom and gloom. i feel like he got called out by someone (richie or jimmy i can’t decide), “I don’t know why you’re so fuckin’ miserable all the time. what more do you want? you got a wife, a healthy baby, a successful business, and a family that’s- yeah, it’s kinda fucked up- but they love you.”

and that really floored him bc that is genuinely all he ever wanted. it was stuff he never thought he’d have and now he does and he’s still sad and moody and mean all the time?

he’s so touchy at family dinner. everyone’s coping over teddy, and so you actually get to eat a meal without juggling. carmen’s not overly pda (let’s be realistic, it’s carmen) but he kisses you when he greets you (HUGE lol) and keeps his hand on your thigh. looks at you with the most lovestruck gaze while you giggle and talk with the others. just complete adoration. he always has but it’s different now.

[lesbianmarrow]

it's so bullshit that asexuality/aromanticism/just not wanting to date or fuck anybody is something you have to explain and justify to people. it should be literally normal. like people who are vegetarian. it should just be normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! does this make sense. like you shouldnt have to be like ummmm i don't feel sexual attraction and that's totally normal and healthy and natural despite what you may have heard 🤓 you should be allowed to just be like yeah i have no interest in sex or dating actually! and that's it end of discussion no need to explain yourself. it's literally nobody's business but yours. that should be normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[evmrellie]

Labyrinth | s.r x gn!reader

summary: You're scared about your feelings for Spencer. Insp by labyrinth from Taylor Swift.

genre: fluffly and hurt/comfort. pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader (I'm a girl so I wrote going on this way, but I think I didn't gave any descriptions abt being one, so it's totally safe for gn!readers <333 if I did, I'm sorry, I didn't notice.) words: 1,3K warnings: family issues, inexperienced!reader, reader never being in a relationship before, insecurity, anxiety, mention of toxic relationships (not between reader and anyone else) notes: hiii, this is my first oneshot so plss be nice 😭✋🏻 im not used to write like this, but I'm so obsessed with Spencer and I had this idea and I couldn't just let go. English it's not my first language, so forgive me if any mistakes or if u guys don't understand smth. not proofread. hope you guys like it !! <3

It only hurts this much right now

Was what I was thinking the whole time

You've never trusted relationships, not that you had experienced any, but what you saw growing up? What you were used to? Didn't make you want to get into one in the first place.

You never denied that you've dreamed about that; finding a true love and a nice, healthy relationship since you saw all your friends living it. That hurted you a little, but you learned how to live with it.

Breathe in, breathe through

Breathe deep, breathe out

I'll be getting over you my whole life

You tried to catch your breath, adjusting it as much as possible. You were used to unlearn the ability of breathing when you were around people who made you nervous, especially if you had a slightly crush on them. Actually, you unlearn every normal thing that humans do when they interact, it's like a part of your brain stops working and refused to turn it on again. He loved to make you embarrassed, especially in front of pretty nerd ish boys.

The first time you met Spencer it consumed all of your brain chemistry. Day and night making fantasies of how it would be meeting the boy again with the help of destiny, falling in love and maybe being obsessed with you the same way you were with him. But you knew that it was just a fantasy and it would never happen, it was just your brain trying to distract you from the real world and your real problems.

It was a nice escape though.

You know how scared I am of elevators

Never trust it if it rises fast

It can't last

Everything happened so fast in your time vision, it terrified you of how easy he was able to get through it. You were always scared of relationships because, yeah, it was nice and easy to fantasy about it, but to actually live it? That scared the shit out of you. All your Inexperience, insecurities and traumas couldn't be fixed from one day to another.

Everything that you learned from your parents was that if you dived in too quickly, it would be a mistake. Not only from your parents, but also from people you were close to, seeing their relationship rise too fast and going effortlessly and awfully down.

You never understood why they keept doing it, sinking into the same situation over and over again, sometimes with the same or a different guy. How they kept being pulled and compelled by it? You didn't understand because you never felt it.

It was so scary how relationships could rise so fast and sink at the same speed.

Uh oh, I'm falling in love

Oh no, I'm falling in love again

Oh, I'm falling in love

You understood why they kept like that in the worst — best— way possible.

When it first hit you that you were falling in love with Spencer felt like a harsh slap in your face, leaving red bruises and a terrible burning in. You didn't want to accept it, it was frightening to actually let it in.

Was getting hard with the passing time, he wasn't getting any easier and neither were his loving and caring acts. I mean, how could someone like him be so.. careful with you? You felt like a broken piece who would never be loved and receive this kinda of treatment, it was starting to confuse you.

You knew he wasn't the type of person who liked being touched or touching other ones, but with you? Every possibility of being close to you, hugging you, touching your hand and giving a sweet cuddle in that same spot was driving you insane. He made sure that any free time he had, he spent with you. Or even at work, in his free time that he used to call you.

Reid talked to you about his mom and his abandonment issues with his father so openly that made you open yourself with him too. You didn't want to scare him telling him about your family situation or make him think you're a weird, problematic person, but you couldn't let him vent to you and not say a thing. He hasn't change with you. In fact, it only bought you both closer.

You ended up accepting what you felt for him, you didn't want to fight against it, deep down was a comfort feeling. For the first time you felt what everyone around you always talked about. And oh god, it really was an amazing feeling. But no, you would never tell him that. The thought of how this could end so fast after telling him that because probably it wasn't reciprocal, hurted you so bad that keeping it to yourself was the best decision you could make.

I thought the plane was going down

How'd you turn it right around

“Why are you looking at me like that?” His voice called you off of your own thoughts, his Cheshire Cat smile growing as he saw your face turning into a shade of burgundy.

“Like what?” You asked.

“Like a deer lost in the headlights.” He snorted a laugh.

“What?! I'm not-“

He interrupted you, getting up from the chair where he was lost doing his usual puzzles. Spencer walked over to you, resting one of his hands on your face while the other one brushed away a few strands of hair that fell into your eyes. You automatically snuggled your face between Spencer's hands, smirking and closing your eyes, enjoying the gentle caress his fingers made on your cheeks.

“Tell me, please.” He begged you, you could easily hear the smile into his words. He was always so polite, it made you want to scream into a pillow and kick your feets in the air.

You sighed, tired to hide how you felt.

“Honestly? About you. I think I already fell for you.”

It only feels this raw right now

Lost in the labyrinth of my mind

You were scared of his reaction, to look at him and see his eyes falling in pity for you; About him suddenly telling you to go home because he didn't felt the same and saying that this wouldn't work between you two. But to be honest, you couldn't hide anymore, not for him and not for yourself. You needed to break free from this labyrinth you created on your mind, there's no way you could keep up with this and stay cool like it didn't made your chest burn everytime you looked at him.

He surprised you by just laughing softly.

Break up, break free, break through, break down

You would break your back to make me break a smile

“Well, i’m pretty sure i am terriefiedly in love with you.”

You swore that if this was a joke you would combust and turn into a million pieces of yourself, no one would ever find you again.

Your eyes caught up at his sparkling hazel irises that conveyed how much he begged for the same answer. You always felt something carving like a dagger inside your chest when he looked at you like that, like you could break him with any wrong do.

It was absolutely terrifying how easy he broke you to this, to this situation where you could never lie and deny that you felt the exactly same for him. You were head over heels for him. Not in a million of worlds you could imagine that Spencer Reid felt the same thing you did for him, but you were also pretty sure that you were the one who would end up with the heart completely shattered if this ever come to an end.

“I love you so much, Spence.” You said, and then his lips parted open and you were able to feel his sweet taste coming into yours.

[coeluvr]

the idea of romancing hunter makes me dizzy with angst ideas. an mc that fully believes that hunter would never actually love them romantically, that can’t believe it even if hunter (unrealistically??) said it to their face??? an mc that believes they’re completely unloveable in a romantic sense and is like “yeah okay that makes sense” when hunter friendzones them??? an mc that still tries to flirt with hunter despite knowing they’ll get no reciprocation and maybe even feels a comfortability in it???? an mc that still makes an effort to be there for hunter even if they’re internally trying to beat down their crush on them???? an mc that somehow friendzones hunter instead??? all of the above all at the same time ???? it’s like how can i make an mc that matches hunter’s waves hands, thing to maximize the angst, how can i make this worse for everyone involved . is this dramatic, possibly unrealistic and probably not possible in game? maybe. would any of this lead to a normal or healthy relationship without intervention? absolutely not. do i care? no !!! bring on the angst!!! make me want to tear myself apart !!!! i am not afraid !!!!!!!

Emotionally Unavailable MC x Totally Emotionally Unavailable Hunter is real to me! ✨️ I love the angst of it lol.

Hunter's route is really delicious angst wise haha I hope Huntermancers don't become an extinct species by the time we're halfway through it. 🫣

[angxlofvenus]

Hiii so I wanted to ask if you could write some headcanons about how the brothers would react if MC suddenly turned into a toddler (due to some forbidden book or Solomons cooking or whatever you want) like ,how would they react ,how would they take care of my ?

I hope this request makes sense ! I really like your writing

When You Become A Toddler

Thank you so much for the request! This was so cute to write about, Have a great rest of your day/night! Genre: Fluff Ship: Platonic brothers x reader TW: mentions of hurting Solomon, killing Solomon, Pretty much just threats on Solo's life, minimal cursing, eating Solomon's cooking, Turning into a child, Child reader

You should've known better by now... When Solomon brought you a Tupperware claiming it was Simeon's cooking, You knew it was risky but the food looked good! You only realized how badly you messed up after only one bite...

Lucifer

No. Not another one- He refuses

This man has pretty much raised 6 kids already, and while he may kill Solomon for this, He is the most experienced in helping you

He’s got this whole mom thing down to a T

Will probably just care for you like a normal Toddler

 It does get a teeny strenuous when he eventually needs to get back to work

No mc, you can not help him sign papers with your red Crayola crayon.

Once you’re back to normal, he’s mostly relieved, Though it was nice to reminisce on the good ol’ days when his brothers were still just young Cherubs

Mammon

First thought is, “Oh shit!”

Second thought is, “Lucifer’s gonna kill me!”

He may strangle Solomon right then and there

He is the second oldest so he’s got some experience under his belt

Immediately is picking you up and coddling you

Will totally become the best babysitter ever (aka letting you do pretty much whatever you want)

Wanna go spend Lucifer’s money? Hell yeah! Wanna go to the park? Let’s go!

Once you’re back to normal, He’s gonna deny Caring for you as closely as he did but he secretly enjoyed having someone younger around who actually likes him for a while (Luke…)

Levi

Nope, He can’t do this!!

Yes, He technically has 4 younger brothers, yes he knows how to take care of kids but still-

His room isn’t for kids, All of his precious collectibles!!

Is cursing the sorcerer's name

Y’all will end up watching some kid-friendly anime and playing some of his easier games

Will let you win too

After you’re back to normal, He will let out a sigh of relief, You weren’t a bad kid but, He likes you better grown up and not so destructive

Satan

As he is technically the youngest in age, He won’t be the most experienced

But- This man has read a couple things about kids so he isn’t totally helpless

Will be one of the better caretakers, He will keep you happy and calm throughout the day

He’ll find some more age-appropriate books to read to you 

Afterwards, He is happy you’re back to normal safely but it was nice to act so domestic for a bit, He will being having a ‘talk’ With Solomon :)

Asmo

Well, aren’t you cute!

Would also be a great babysitter in my opinion

Y’all will be having a fashion show, sorry I don’t make the rules

His phone is now full of pictures of just you and him being fashionistas 

Will 100% let you play with all his makeup and nail polish, Yes he’ll let you give him a makeover

No matter how bad the finished product looks, he will shower you in compliments on your skills

After you're back to normal, He’ll laugh about the situation with you and gush about how cute you were!

Beel

Now this guy is a family man so he’s immediately in protective mode

Will protect you with his life

Is maybe the best babysitter out of everyone

Will get everything you need, Blankets, coloring books, toys, You name it- He’s gonna get it for you

Will absolutely cook for you/ share his food if you ask nicely, He could never say no to that face!

Once you turn back, He is a little sad but overall just happy you’re healthy

He won’t let you anywhere near Solomon or his cooking for a while…

Belphie

Get somebody else to do it-

In all seriousness, he isn’t really good with kids

Will probably take you to the park or something so you can get all your energy out while he naps on a bench

Once y’all get back, He’ll give you his phone and just let you go wild while he sleeps

Will be nice enough to let you cuddle with him/ steal his cow pillow

He’ll be so happy when you’re back to normal, Not that you weren’t cute and all but he likes you better when you can care for yourself

He will definitely be out for blood though, Solomon isn’t going to get off that easily

Best babysitter to worst:

Beel Satan Lucifer Mammon  Asmo Levi belphie

[sitepathos]

I just found your story 'from gold to mold' and I did read all these chapters, one after another. I ate it all like I was fasting all day!! Your writing is so good I'm in love. I even got my sibling to it just so I can have someone to talk to about it!!! (Sorry, English is not my first language)

I do actually have a question and a suggestion:

1| Y/N had a scar because of Damian but he lost it after chapter 3. But it seems Alfred didn't notice it, it was not even mentioned that he noticed it was gone. It made me want to see his mind. Does he know who is Y/N?

2| About Y/N who was in like a coma state. From what I know his muscles will be so weak he will have a hard time to even sit up and every move with his head will make him dizzy because of blood circulation being slower than normal because he is sitting in one place most of the time. So just thinking of him coming out of his mind, having a hard time to even move, feeling super dizzy and just after seeing Alfred, Bruce walk in and call him "my baby doy!" If I'm Y/N I'll cring so hard ma butt checks will clap. (⁠ノ⁠ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ⁠)⁠ノ

I don't think he will be capable of screaming much because he didn't raise his voice for a month (and didn't talk much as well). His trout muscles will be weeker and he will probably hurt it from screaming.

If we combine all of this the amount of rage, hate and pain, helplessness and stress Y/N have will be royal! emotions affect the body more than we think! this amount of negative emotions will be distractive to Y/N's health. (⁠ノ⁠｀⁠Д⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠彡⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

Anyway please take care of yourself and stay healthy, I hope you the best. ⊂⁠(⁠・⁠▽⁠・⁠⊂⁠)

Yeah, that’s a bit of an oversight by me, sorry! I actually had it on my mind to include in Chapter 5, but it slipped my mind. That man knows everything about everyone in the Wayne Family and knows when something is wrong, so he’d totally know something happened if he saw your scar missing.

But, it was a small scar, easy to miss if you didn’t know any better, but every time you looked in a mirror, it was the first thing you noticed about your reflection. Maybe he thought you found some product to conceal it because he knew how much you hated it and Damian for giving it to you. Plus, he noticed your behavior changed and that’s what he was mostly focused on.

Well, that and trying to get your “family” to notice you.

Also, about the scenario about you coming out of your coma: they might have moved your limbs to prevent atrophy, but not being able to move them at all still takes a toll on them. So, you’re not gonna be running any marathons or lifting heavy weights any time soon.

But, your rage burns bright and your hate for them is so great, you don’t care about your body’s condition and willing to make your condition worse just to say how you feel about them.

To see you hurting yourself just to call them every name in the book really opens their eyes to how they’ve wronged you.

It may take some time, but eventually you’ll calm down and when you do, they’ll swoop in and bring you back into the family.

They capture criminals and lock them up only for them to escape and do it all again, they have the patience of saints (despite being the farthest thing from it).

[physics-of-one-piece]

Welcome to Doffy's Physics Lab.

In this post, we'll calculate how big Doflamingo's hands are and how long his fingers are.

Let's dive right in!

Okay, so the thing Oda did very very well is capture how long Doflamingo’s limbs are. He has a very strong chest, and his arms are as previously calculated 1.5m. What I say Oda captured well is actually (after some checking) that the proportions of Doflamingo’s body are not THAT bad compared to irl logic.

The man who has the largest hands in the world is Sultan Kosen (Turkey). His hands are 29 centimeters, but his height is 250 centimeters. Mr Kosen has gigantism and acromegaly, this is why he’s so tall and this is why his hands are bigger. Hands are usually 10% of the body height, so his hands should actually be 25 cm, but biology comes into play here, and after seeing some pictures, his hands look very normal for his size. They fit him. When I say how large the hand is, it means the length of the hand from the wrist to the middle finger.

So, this means, taller people’s hands most likely are not 10% of their height, but 11%. You may be wondering why I only heightened it for 1% percent. 1% proportion increase is about 4 cm increase on the real hand already. This fits for how big Mr Kosen’s hands are and follows bone structure that he has, which we can use to then calculate Doflamingo’s.

Also, body mass and body build goes into account. Even tall people have bigger hands than they should sometimes. Skinny people who are tall may have hands that aren’t 10% their body height, so the mass influences the proportion. The reason behind this is genetics and the aforementioned body structure. So, yes, it can depend! Not everyone has 10%! It doesn’t mean you are not healthy, it varies from person to person!

So, for tall people with a larger body mass, let’s put 10% for now; he is weighty but he is also lean in the arms and legs.

This is how we calculate:

10% proportion

Hand = height • proportion

hand = 305 • 0.10

hand = 30.5 cm

This is already huge. Absolutely huge. His hand is bigger than an average human’s head. His hands are 1.5 cm longer than an A4 paper. Yeah. Awesome! That’s awesome.

Sorry, geeking out and fangirling, please stand by.

Okay, we’re gonna do it with Oda’s proportions now. We’re gonna make it 11%.

The anime makes his hands so big. He a big boy.

This with 11% is the most accurate I like to believe.

0.11 • 305 = 33.55cm

We’ll call this next one the extreme but still possibly accurate version

With 12% body proportion (this is extreme of extremes I think this is too much, but fuck it, One Piece doesn’t follow rules so neither will I)

Hand= 305 • 0.12

Hand = 36.6 cm

These are all big.

Okay, now for the fingers. The anime keeps them good on proportions! Oda, as well! They look outta proportion to us midgets but they’re normal size for Doflamingo.

(rubs hands giddily) Hehe, I wanted to know this for AGES.

For this, we use the length of the hand and then anatomical proportions.

Middle finger is 35-40% of the total hand length

Index finger: 30-35%

Ring finger: 30-35%

Little finger: 30-35%

Thumb: 22-27%

Yeah, for normal people.

Not for One Piece, me thinks. I always imagine Doflamingo’s middle finger is half the length of his entire hand. Big boy has long fingers.

But fine, we’ll go with this first. And THEN we’ll have fun in the One Piece proportions.

Okay, so this is where we need to know the finger-length type classification of the hand. There are 4 types.

Most artists, Oda included, draw the hands with the mountain type ie middle finger is the longest. If there are any artists who can confirm/deny so I can later fix it, that’d be great.

Based on this study with men, their index finger is longer than their ring finger, and only by a few mm. We’re gonna put everything in the middle. We’ll make his index finger 1 cm shorter from his middle finger. Ring and index finger are gonna be the same length to get that “mountain” curve.

Now we will go with his hand being 30.5 cm ie with 10% proportion.

Warning, I am breaking dreams with this one, and once again, I like to think his middle finger is 15 cm long! Is it too long? Maybe. Do I care? No. The fun thing about knowing rules is knowing how to break them.

Formula:

percentage • hand length = finger length

30.5cm hand

Middle finger = 0.40 • 30.5 = 12.2 cm

Index finger = 0.35 • 30.5 = 10.67 cm

Ring finger = 0.35 • 30.5= 10.67 cm

Little finger = 0.325 • 30.5 = 9.91 cm

Thumb = 0.27• 30.5 = 8.23 cm

To put his thumb into visual, 8 cm is the average length 180 cm tall men have of their middle finger.

Okay, now onto the official One Piece proportions the 11%. We just need to have his big hand size, he has HUGE hands. Okay.

33.55 cm hand (most likely to be Doflamingo’s hand size)

Middle finger = 0.40 • 33.55 = 13.42 cm

Index = 0.35 x 33.55 = 11.74 cm

Ring = 0.35 x 33.55 = 11.74 cm

Little = 0.325 x 33.55 = 10.90 cm

Thumb = 0.27 x 33.55 = 9.05 cm

Last Possible Version (Extreme Version)

36.6 cm hand

Middle finger= 0.40 • 36.6 = 14.65 cm

(chokes) Holy Mariejois and celestials. Okay. Okay.

Index finger = 0.35 • 36.6 = 12.81 cm

Ring finger = 0.35 • 36.6 = 12.81 cm

Little finger = 0.325 • 36.6 = 11.89 cm

Thumb = 0.27 • 36.6 = 9.88 cm

Woah, his thumb is huge 🤣🤣🤣 (I have a 30cm ruler sitting on the paper rn so yeah these are crazy numbers)

And there you go.

Okay, now width of fingers, we have no way of calculating it except to use known information.

For example, palm width of a hand of 19.3cm long is 8.9cm. let’s cut our losses and divide that to see how much smaller is the palm (this is cheating btw but it gets the job done). Usually your fingers are half the length of your palm. Sth like that. The palm is drawn mostly as a square or a curved parallelogram depending on the angle in which it’s drawn in. I am going with the easier option where all sides are equal.

We got 2.16

So we can say…

Average Palm width without adjusting for OP proportions

for 30.5 cm hand = 30.5/2.16 = 14.12 cm

Doflamingo’s Palm Width (adjusted for OP Proportions)

33.55 cm hand = 33.55/2.16= 15.50 cm

(I just realised I can just go minus his middle finger because that is how we got the length of his hand omg I am an idiot, no need for complex stuff)

33.55 cm - 13.42 cm = 15.13

(Okay, this is the better and easier way and makes good sense!)

(Whispers) Jesus fucking Christ

Extreme Palm Width

for 36.6 cm hand = 36.6/2.16 = 16.96 cm

Dear fucking GOD.

I really like the 30.5 cm from an accuracy standpoint but also, usually, hands are bigger than the average, and the taller you are, basing on your body type & genetics, that proportion can shift slightly.

So 33 cm isn’t a far reach at all for Doflamingo. He absolutely can wrap his single hand around a woman’s throat depending on the circumference of the woman’s throat. He cannot wrap them around a man’s neck fully to enclose it. He can, single-handedly with a 33 cm hand, absolutely completely envelop a woman’s neck.

There’s that. His finger thickness is probably 2-3cm.

And that's it!

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