#my headmates think they're funny

[dimentioshouldntbehere]

» Kintype stimboard for Dimentio

»» Made by Mr. L (posting here because that's what void asked!)

[💜] [🃏] [💛] - [💜] [🃏] [💛] - [💜] [🃏] [💛]

[dimentioshouldntbehere]

Reblogging to promote my headmates' fictionkin blog!

Some Magolor userboxes we made for ourselves!

» f2u with proper credits!

(the micro transactions one is a joke)

[biblicallyaccurateandrogynoussex]

For the ship bingo, pistolwhip?

For you, anon. We need more pistolwhip in this society methinks. I mean even Bizly pushes a bit for it you know we're right

[vulpixisananimal]

[You held the knife right to Ramos' throat, ignoring Mirabelles panicked yelling. Mind craft?!? MIND CRAFT?!? WHY WAS THAT HERE!!!]

"Raaaaamoooooos~"

"I-I didn't!! I didn't do anything please!! P-please!!" [He looked between you, the knife, and Mirabelle.] "I-I came here with Mira to warn you, r-right??"

[You grin evily. Leaning closer to Ramos' face, the rain running down your cloak not helping your image.] "Oh you did~ Didn't you? And how do I know you didn't get Mirabelles mind as well~?"

"Loop!!" [Mirabelle yells.]

"I-I didn't do anything!! I p-promise I-I, I-"

"Oh you didn't do you? Oh, and I'm sure it WASN'T you who started meddling in everyones minds in Jouvente!!"

"I-I, I--"

"LOOP!!!" [Oh that was, a tone you had NEVER heard from the Housemaiden. You turn to look at her, she looked furious. You faulter.] "Let Ramos go!!"

[. . . . . You back away from Ramos. They stumble back.]

"Now say sorry."

"But Mira-"

"I said say sorry."

[You shudder, stars. You had never seen her like this. You look at Ramos, they're terrified. You sigh, and force the words.] ". . . I'm sorry Ramos."

"I-it'sfine. . ." [They mumble out, getting to their feet.] "I. . . S-sorry."

"Do not apologise, Ramos. Loop, look at me,."

[You look over to your Housemaiden. With a hand on her hip, she gently bonks you on the head.]

"Ow."

"No mind craft, see? I'm fine." [She says with a huff.] "Now can we please be productive?"

"Right. Sorry, Mirabelle." [You say, looking away. Stars. . .] "So, what happened."

[Mirabelle looked to Ramos, they took a breath before explaining.] "Alright, w-well, I got back from my jog, went inside, saw Isa in the common area, gave him a hug and felt a tingle- No no no let me finish!! I'm fine I promise!!"

"You better be." [You mumble, stepping back again.]

"O-okay, okay so, it was mind craft being spread from Isa to me, but, well, y'know, I can do some of that too! And I remember that mind craft needs some time to latch on? If that makes sense?"

"Go on. . .?" [You say, impatiently. Mirabelle gives you a look.]

"R-right. Well, I uh. . . I ran outside, found Mira practicing with her sword, and uh, a-asked her to hit me over the head."

"HA!"

"Loop!"

"It was funny! Sorry~"

[Ramos rubbed their shoulder.] "I-It's alright Mira, uh, s-so, well that kinda jumbled my head enough so I could use my own mind craft to dispell the one effecting me. Then, well, me and Mira went to grab you."

[You tap your foot. Great. Just, great.] "Why does this have to happen again."

"A-at least, we got to you first! Right?" [Mira says, trying to stay cheery.] "Now as long as you're safe we can figure this out!"

"Right you are~ Mirabelle~" [You say, like nothing ever happened.] "And Ramos, I am sorry. Thank you for getting me."

"O-oh! Uh. . . Thanks." [They say, looking away.]

"Now, shall we see how Isabeau's doing?"

"H-Huh?!?"

"Right away, Loop?" [Mira asks, concerned.]

"I want to see what's up in person. I promise, I wont let him touch me."

"If you're sure. . ."

[You weren't sure. But you had to see. The three of you walked back to the inn. Ha, don't let him touch you? What a reversal! To think he always thought you didn't want to be touched, yet, it's true now!! Ha!! Haha!!]

[Ugh. Mind craft. Why was it here again? Alright, if it WASN'T Ramos who caused it? You knew it could be spread by touch, so who would have had physical contact with Isabeau. Any of your party, realisticaly. Jan the innkeeper. . . Wait.]

[Ugh.]

[Nuuuullllll are you around at all~ My faaaavorite time looping headmate I could soooo use your help~ I KNOW you were the one in charge this morning and oh I don't remember a thing! It's quite serious you know, Mind craft~]

[. . . Stars. Stupid. Fine then be that way. You'll have to make do.]

[Coming around to the homestead, you notice that Isabeau is standing outside the front door looking down. He looked normal, if not a bit worried. You breathe in, and out.] "If I could talk to him alone? You can stay near, of course."

"I-if you're sure." [Ramos says, worried.]

"We'll jump in if there's trouble! Okay?" [Mira sounds confident.]

[You nod. And start walking to the front door. He didn't notice you untill you were a few paces away, he looked up, and smiled.] "Hey Sif!"

[You stop a few feet away.] "Hey Isa, everything alright?"

"Yeah! Well, kinda? Have you seen Ramos?" [He gets up and walks over to you.] "They were acting kinda weird earlier."

[You take a step back.] "Nope~ I wanted to talk to you about him, by the way."

"Oh? Is there something. . ." [You take another step back as he walks to you.] ". . . Uh, everything alright?"

"Not really. Could you just, stand over there?" [You say, you could hear the tension in the rain.] "Have you been feeling alright?"

"Yeah! I've been feeling great!" [He stays where he's standing.] "Though we don't wanna get a cold from the rain, right?"

[Questions, questions. . .] "I'm just worried, well, have you seen anyone else at the Inn?"

"Apart from those three this morning? Nope! There was a bonded-couple around this morning, but they left really early."

[This morning?] "Who were those three again?"

[He tilts his head.] "That traveler, remember? Silver hair? Her name was Vixul, by the way. I think she knew those two who were bickering but that's just a guess."

{That girl. Ask about that girl.}

[You twitch a little. Hello to you too, Antimatter~] "Oh? What was she like!"

"Oh she's nice! From some place far off, said I couldn't guess her country even if I tried!" [He replied with a laugh.]

{Antimatter? Really?}

[You need a nickname, Antimatter~ Hmm, couldn't guess her country?] "She didn't. . . Do anything weird, did she?"

"Weird?" [He shakes his head.] "No? Sif, are you sure you're okay?"

"Oh I'm great, Isa, don't worry about me~" [You say with a smile.]

". . ." [He looks away, clearly something on his mind.]

{. . .}

". . . What's wrong, Isa?" [You ask. Still not taking any steps forward.]

". . ." [He sighed.] ". . Do you even like me?"

[!?!??!??!!??]

{!!!!!!}

"W-what ah. . What brought this on?" [You say, trying not to panic.]

"You don't, do you. . ." [He gripped his arm.] "Not, you anyways."

"W-what, what do you-"

"You never liked me did you!" [He looks, looks REALLY upset!] "I-it's been months since I said I love you a-and you keep avoiding me!!"

[WHAT?!?!?!?]

{It's true. Siffrin did not want to talk about their relationship. They were terrified.}

[OF WHAT!!!] "T-that, I-, I'm sorry Isa I, I just have a lot going on and-"

[He yells.] "That didn't stop Mal!"

[What??]

{That's enough. He's being controlled, loop back-}

[You ignore it.] "I- What?!? What did, it. . ."

[Isabeau took a step towards you.] "The only one who's been close to me was Mal! And you all said it was scary and dangerous!! A-and I'm starting to think you were just jealous!!"

[W-what. What. Mal?? what is he talking about?!?!]

{Leave. Go away.}

[You are NOT kicking me out of front!! You take another step back.]

[Isabeau continues.] "Mal has been the ONLY one to be there for me! To really, really be there!! A-and, and I just want to know if you love me too or if it's all fake!!!"

[T-this, this isn't real. Haha. It's not. He's-]

{Effected by mind craft. Please leave now.}

[You didn't.] "I'm, Isa I'm sorry I, uh-"

[He's crying, he- his right hand is bleeding?!?] "It's fine!! Just say it!! Just say you don't love me!!"

{Go. BACK!}

[You shake, that's, that-] "I-isa, I, I-"

"It's fine!! It's fine!!! At least I know one of you has the courage to kiss me!!"

[WHAT?!?!]

{Loop back. Loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back-}

"W-what did, did, you, a-and-"

"What does it matter!!" [He's crying harder.] "I, I- I'm--"

-Loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back loop back LOOP BACK LOOP BACK LOOP BACK!!! PLEASE!!!!!}

[You can see him choke on his words. You smell, y-you smell-] "I-I'm, sorry--"

[You smell burnt sugar.]

{-LOOP BACK LOOP BACK LOOP BACK LOOP BACK LOOP BACK LOOP BACK LOOP BACK LOOP BACK LOOP BACK LOOP BACK LOOP BACK LOOP BACK-}

[moth-yea]

I really hate it when people are like "omg I'm *character's name* for real!!!1!" Because 95% of the time they're not real about it. Like are you actually a sourcemate of one of my headmates or do you just think you're being "silly and funny" smh. Our headmates always get so excited when they see someone who says "haha guys I'm *character*!!" only to find out the person/people isn't actually that character in any sense.

[protectingtulpas]

So I just got sent that pretty iconic "anti-tulpa" document and I think it's pretty damn funny that a lot of those sources, if you actually READ them, are neutral or even supportive lmfao.

Like for this one? This is straight up pro-, and is just explaining that "tulpamancy" isn't the original concept and that it's based on other practices. Congrats, you're making our fucking point for us!

This next one is pretty interesting also. I wanna highlight some stuff from it, from both the op and comments.

Let's talk about my existence in contrast to some of these statements. The first one is "The biggest, most dangerous form of evil in Buddhist thought is "ego" or self-grasping. If ANY mental phenomena increases your self-cherishing attitudes (self importance, grandiosity, jealousness, craving, hatred, self-loathing, self-absorption etc) it's evil. IF a mental phenomena causes greater flexibility, less attachment, more tranquil emotions, less mental chatter/discursive thinking, increased generosity and compassion toward others, higher mental clarity etc.--that's good." And the second one is "If it increases negative emotions, it's not Dharma. If it decreases negative emotions, it's Dharma." So these are great for some people, but that mentality of not allowing "self-cherishing attitudes" can be EXTREMELY HARMFUL FOR SYSTEMS and ANYONE with self worth issues. A lot of this is contradictory for a lot of people. Something can both decrease negative emotions and make you feel connected to yourself. Nobody has the right to make us feel any less like ourselves - normally you can believe whatever you want for yourself, obviously, but pushing it onto other ppls' lives aint cool. The implication that we're straight up DANGEROUS just for existing is insulting to created systems regardless of whether you're using the word tulpa or not.

The reply to that by @/eeveecraft is great, and this part describes how weird that is in the context of headmates' identities here. "Furthermore, really don't like how you downplayed tulpas as property there, buddy. Tulpas are not property, they are people in every sense of the word, and I don't [give a] flying fuck about whatever complications that for your beliefs. My systemmates are people, full stop. I was already able to tell since you refer to your own systemmates as "imaginary friends," which a lot of tulpas aren't okay with being called that because that implies that they're fake. They are NOT lesser because they're not created by ancient monks or whatever.

"Like, seriously: "They would be considered "as real as you and me," with their own likes and dislikes etc," because apparently, modern tulpas don't have likes and dislikes and their hosts just see them as delusions? Say that to my tulpa, Arcanus who adores coffee while the smell makes me nauseous, say that to my systemmates who switch with me and have their own hobbies. Also, tulpas are more than just personalities. They have their own experiences, skills, preferences, dreams, memories, thoughts, a person is more than just their personality, and I thought a "licensed psychotherapist" would know that, especially if they have systemmates of their own." Make sure to read the full comment tho cuz it's a good takedown, it's not just about that it goes thru the entire thing.

SO! If anybody actually wants a well-studied paper outlining everything, check out Tracking the Tulpa: Exploring the "Tibetan" Origins of a Contemporary Paranormal Idea by Natasha L. Mikles and Joseph P. Laycock. It goes into a lot more of an accurate and in-depth history on the subject, and the bibliography ACTUALLY shows where things come from.

All that document showed us was that Buddhists are a wide community with a variety of different people with different skill levels, understandings, and opinions. And that we need to ditch the fantastical, impossible representation of the tulpa in supernatural media because that's ACTIVELY harming people. Which is what we want to show people! So congrats!

[sophieinwonderland]

The Plurality of... Blue Beetle! (Movie)

Plurality: A state of multiple self-conscious agents, or "headmates," sharing a single body.

Oh, this one is going to be a little rough!

If you know the Blue Beetle, it shouldn't be surprising that they're a plural character. We've never read Blue Beetle comics, but my host was pretty familiar with Blue Beetle from Young Justice, where Jaime had a pretty big role in season 2.

I went into Blue Beetle with high hopes and, if I'm honest, ended up a little disappointed.

But before we can get into why I felt that way, let's first talk about their plurality!

Spoilers for the Blue Beetle movie ahead:

Jaime Reyes and Khaji-Da as plural characters

In the movie, Khaji-Da, often referred to as just "The Scarab," is a world-destroying weapon that found its way to Earth.

It bonds with Jaime Reyes when he touches it, fusing to his flesh and turning him into the Blue Beetle in an elaborate body horror sequence.

Khaji is established as a sentient being, and is able to communicate with Jaime mentally. Now, it's not actually clear if Jaime can communicate back mentally like many real headmates can. Every time he talks to Khaji is aloud, which I think was also how it was in Young Justice too. It's possible that while the Scarab can send messages to Jaime's mind, it can't read it. But that seems kind of a strange limitation when the movie shows it gaining access to a person's full memory after connecting with them, and is at least able to figure out Jaime's name through their connection.

It would seem weird to me if talking out loud to Khaji was necessary to be heard, but that's how the movie presents it. (This could be a comfort thing too. As part of a plural system, I'll admit we'll often talk out loud through the body when nobody is around to hear us. Words can be clearer than pure thoughts.)

A small part of the movie is dedicated to the two learning to get along, with there being some conflict around Khaji wanting to kill an enemy, and Jaime saying that they aren't killers.

This leads to an important moment later in the movie where Jaime is enraged, believing he's lost multiple family members, and is going to execute the villain.

The word "execute" is important here, because while other good characters have no problem killing (their nana took great joy in it, in fact), it's always against active combatants. Not someone who was disarmed. The movie doesn't make this distinction directly, but I think it's an important one.

It's one thing for superheroes to kill to protect themselves and others, most heroes are willing to these days, but it's another for them to kill someone who isn't actively a threat anymore.

Kahji takes just enough control to hold Jaime back from doing something he would regret, repeating back that they aren't killers, showing itself capable of learning from Jaime.

It's a cool moment, and I appreciated this little character growth.

Despite Khaji being sentient and capable of learning though...

Khaji isn't treated as a character

This was my disappointment with the movie.

Blue Beetle should have been more of a plural story, but Khaji is hardly ever treated as a character by the narrative or the other characters.

Yes, Khaji gets some funny lines here and there, ("Host overreacting" being a favorite of mine) but doesn't seem to have any real motivation, interests or really anything going for it.

And what's worse... there's not even a REAL CONVERSATION between Jaime and Khaji. Even when they really should be discussing things.

Like...

The Rooftop Scene

At one point, the bad guys have found Jaime's family. Jaime tried to activate his powers. They don't work. What's a Beetle to do?

Well, Jaime decided that since the Scarab will try to protect him, the best bet will be to JUMP OFF THE ROOF!

And while this is sorta well-reasoned, I found myself internally screaming this entire to time to just ask it to change.

Like, Khaji can talk. They literally said in the scene right before that Khaji was sentient.

And while jumping off the roof made for a dramatic scene, it eliminated what could have been a great moment with Jaime explaining the importance of his family and his need to protect them to Khaji.

It forced Khaji to help, when Kahji may have been perfectly willing to help if Jaime just talked to it, instead of trying to make Kahji to do what he wanted.

And you might wonder, does Khaji get offended at Jaime risking his life to force Khaji into doing what he wants? I wonder that too, because this moment is never mentioned again in the movie.

For a film so much about family, Khaji is never part of that

Blue Beetle is a movie centered around family.

It's about Jaime's relationship with his family who is very close, almost suffocating but in a good way. Jaime is driven to protect and fight for his family at every turn, and his family will do anything to protect him.

This is contrasted with the Kord family which is dysfunctional and broken, and Carapax who lost his family and sees familial love as a weakness.

These themes are intricately woven into the narrative.

So it is so disappointing how utterly divorced from that theme Khaji-Da ended up.

There is a great story to be told about this extraterrestrial machine that crashes to Earth, never having a family of its own or a concept of what family means, only to be bonded to Jaime and go from being treated as something to be gotten rid of to be welcomed as another member of Jaime's family.

That would be really cool. And they seemed willing to tell a similar story with Jenny Kord, being brought into the family group hug after everything was over.

But Khaji is treated less like a valued member of the family and more like an accessory. And even when Jaime fully bonds with Khaji, it's not about agreeing to integrate and share a mind so much as it's accepting his heroic destiny.

This feels like a huge missed opportunity for the type of story they were telling, and a betrayal of that story's central themes.

Jaime's Mother Addressing Khaji

This is the one exception where a character who wasn't Jaime actually treated Khaji as a person.

She first asks what Khaji's name was. Then says...

I know you can hear me, Khaji-Da. I want you both to get it together. Find your strength, mijito. Use the pain we’re feeling and turn it into power. I want you to go back in there… And kick their asses!

I love this so much. I love the mother's character for thinking to acknowledge Khaji as its own person and talk to it directly, giving her pep talk to both of them at once.

It's a fantastic scene. An incredible moment.

But it's also still treating Khaji as a weapon. The one and only time a character who isn't Jaime talks to Khaji, it's telling Khaji to go fight people.

I'm glad to have gotten this. But I feel they could have done so much more.

Khaji's feelings are never explored

We're told that the Scarab is a planet-destroying super weapon. How does Khaji feel about that?

We don't know. It never comes up.

Does Khaji have memories of worlds it's destroyed?

Does it know why it was created or who created it?

If it doesn't know those things, does the lack of awareness scare it?

Can it feel fear, and if Jaime asked if it was scared, would it understand the emotion?

The fact that these things weren't explored at all leaves me with one important and sad conclusion.

The writers weren't interested in writing a plural character

Blue Beetle's plurality is an afterthought.

The Scarab was sentient and Blue Beetle would use "we" pronouns occasionally because Khaji is sentient in the comics. But the relationship between the two wasn't a priority of the writers.

And in my opinion, the film suffered for it. Not just from a plural perspective but from a writing perspective. The film would have been so much better had Khaji been treated more like a character rather than just a weapon and plot device.

Khaji stopping Jaime from killing needed more build-up, and Khaji needed and deserved to be better integrated with the story's central themes of family.

Conclusion

All in all, I feel that Blue Beetle was a good movie. But I also feel its treatment of Khaji held it back from being a great movie.

I hope I don't come off as too hard on this particular movie. There's a lot of media that, when less explicitly plural, I might be more forgiving of. I once wrote a whole post about why I thought Kronk was plural based on his angel and demon Kronks who never get any sort of character arcs. But those aren't intended to be sentient people by the writers. Instead, they're plural by happenstance, simply by being more developed than other shoulder angels and demons in cartoons.

Meanwhile, Khaji Da is supposed to be a full character, I went in expecting a lot, and I feel Khaji just didn't live up to its potential in this movie.

I look forward to seeing what DC does with the character in the future, and if Khaji can get more development.

And I'm sad that, given the box office, it's probably not going to get a sequel of its own. I'm sure the planned Reach story would have given Khaji some much needed character development.

For more of me rambling about the plurality of DC superheroes, see: The Plurality of... Batman (Failsafe).

[astro-is-a-bigot]

Hiiii. I'm uh. I'm not astro-is-a-bigot Major, I'm astro-is-a-bigot Minor you could say (because that seems funny) and I thought it might be cool if I talked about myself because my experiences are very relevant to Astro thinking he can get away with calling people's plurality "psychosis" as if psychosis and plurality are mutually exclusive... Which it isn't. Obviously so.

I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia since I was a teen and have recently(? it's been a couple of years) developed plural symptoms, if that's what you'd call it. Is my plurality a result of psychosis? No. How do I know? Because they occur completely incongruently, which is something that Astro obviously leaves out as a possibility with this "you're not a multiple you're psychotic!" kind of stigma. And how do I know they're incongruent? Because I've come to understand my psychosis by having to live with it, which Astro looks over with the stigma of "if you're psychotic you can't tell if you're experiencing psychosis".

This will vary from person to person but I personally do not experience a constant psychosis in terms of delusions and hallucinations, and the intensity of that psychosis varies. From lived experience, I can generally tell when I'm starting to have an onset of psychosis, when I'm in the midst of psychosis, and when the symptoms pass. I understand the certain kind of "motifs" that my psychosis lingers on in terms of delusions and hallucinations. It is very possible for someone to understand their psychosis and be aware of it and many psychotic people will attest to this.

So IF all endogenic plurality is really just psychosis, surely, my "plurality" would only come up when my psychosis is intense... But it hasn't been. Have I experienced psychosis during times I've been more dissociated? Yes. But have there been times where I've experienced only psychosis or only dissociation? Also yes. And my psychotic delusions and hallucinations come in clusters so if the rebuttal were to be "well maybe it's just a different kind of hallucination--" that has never been how my psychosis has worked.

Also, there's obviously a major difference in terms of the voices associated with my psychosis and that of my headmate. Physically, the voices I hear from my psychosis will originate from absolutely any point in the room and from outside of myself; whereas my headmate is quite "internal" and it feels like he'll either be speaking over my shoulder or somewhere "further back". Also, the voices from my psychosis don't really have anything to say other than being very mean to me... Sometimes they're kind of dynamic, but overall they're incredibly shallow and tend to be imposing on me. Meanwhile, Major is incredibly dynamic with a lot of unique thoughts and reacts to things like you would expect a person to.

There's also the whole uh not being in control of my body thing and the grey outs and all that stuff. Which, if it somehow still needs clarification, is NOT something that's ever been a part of my psychosis ever in any form. I have had dissociative symptoms probably even longer than I can recall my psychosis, but no one around me nor any records I have mention that kind of possession. So if you're confused by me referring to myself as endogenic despite identifying with dissociative symptoms, that is why.

This isn't to say there isn't occasional overlap, but correlation doesn't equal causation. For example, let's consider stress. Stress is... Complicated. Stress can cause my psychosis or my dissociation to flare up, so that may bring the two closer in "timing" therefore "my plurality must be a result of psychosis under stress". But actually, it's very possible for one to come after the other because psychosis or dissociation in itself leads to stress. I can remember a time where I had initially been doing relatively okay until my headmate had start taking over for a very long period of time, which made me feel out of control and completely stressed - which caused a psychosis induced by stress. Meanwhile, I can also remember a time where my psychosis was very distressing and my dissociation occured in reaction to that sense of danger - that being a dissociation induced by stress.

There is also an overlap in a certain theme that I won't be sharing so as to keep us an anonymous as possible (you know, having a blog dedicated to calling out a harasser doesn't bode well)... So someone might go, "You see! Your headmate resembles your delusions! Your plurality is just a result of psychosis!" But like... Yeah? Of course if I you have a heavy attachment to something, that's going to be the thing your brain is most ready to draw on and create something from. Psychosis and "alters" are pulling from the same pool of information, so it's not that surprising.

And this isn't to say that plurality caused by psychosis is even wrong. Like, who give af? They're not claiming to have DID, it's just a state of being plural due to psychosis. Not a big deal. And DID obviously has a distinct overlap with psychotic symptoms as well, so it's really weird to be pushing psychotic people away for being "fakers" as if they don't have more in common with you than what you may have with other neurodivergencies. There's just so many layers of wrongness to that kind of thought it's truly baffling.

[multiplicity-positivity]

CW Wishing to not exist, self-loathing, self-deprecation, mentions of discrimination.

I don't often confess what's on my mind publicly but after some consideration, I intend to share my struggles as a factive and I hope others like me can relate to some extent just to feel less alone. I'm fully aware of this, mind you. I can mend with my woes myself so essentially I'm not asking for advice! Regardless, others online might want to hear encouragement, I humbly request you to place it under the cut, please. Thank you.

-

As an active member of the system, being a factive makes it so much harder to be here as myself without feeling ashamed and guilty of my existence. It's funny how people (especially singlets) try to spread positivity and encourage others to "just be yourself!" They don't know what they wish for, they can't even handle someone who shares the same name and face of a person they're obsessed about. Your ignorance and lack of kindness and compassion toward factives is truly showing—you're being selective of who deserves to exist, friend.

I'm insecure because I don't share the same quality of skills and talent as my source. I feel like a failure most of my days at the front, even if it's sunshine and rainbows within and outside the system.

No one knows who I am, not even my name except for very, very few trusted individuals. I'm a ghost in the crowd. I'm a shadow behind the rest of the system who are openly proud of our plurality. It's... ironic, I feel. And I had to... pretend as another headmate when I wanted to share something... I feel it's a crime. Although the system isn't troubled by this as long as I'm safe and comfortable, I feel like an imposter all the same.

I know I should shut up and get over it. Move on, please. It's not that deep, surely! It's childish to whine about little things! But I really wish I could greet friends without putting a mask on.

I know it can't be helped to exist this way. I've been here many times before. But I feel sick of myself. I feel so small... and weak... and stupid.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't me.

🖤

🫂

You’ve requested for no advice, and asked for general encouragement for fellow factives under the cut, and we are more than happy to respect your wishes!

But to any factive who may find themselves in 🖤’s situation, our heart goes out to you. We are so sorry to hear that you are struggling so. It is so unfortunate that, in our society and even within the plural community itself, many factives feel afraid or ashamed of being themselves and expressing themselves in ways that are affirming for them.

We do not think it’s a small or minor thing for factives to not be able to be themselves. We are hoping for a future where every system, and every headmate, can feel free to be themselves and live their lives authentically. And this absolutely means factives, with all sorts of sources, from all sorts of backgrounds, and with all sorts of beliefs.

If there is anything at all we can do to make our space safer and more welcoming for factives, do let us know, any factives who sees this. We care about you and we want to see you through to a future where you can be open about your identify, if that is what you want for yourselves.

🖤, you may not see this, but thank you for sharing your experiences here. The more factives in difficult situations speak up about what they’re going through, the more others may feel like they’re not alone. Your words resonated deeply with a factive in our own system who shares some of your struggles.

We truly do hope that things get easier for you and all factives who are facing similar struggles very soon. We’re wishing you all the very best!

[theremustbeabear]

i'm curious how and why the terror fictives here got their non-source-related names, they're all great and they all seem to make sense somehow

AHA! [cracks knuckles] well, lucky for you, we absolutely adore talking about our system, so here is, from what i can remember, the true stories of every single one (so far, we have a couple of new ones from today that have yet to change theirs):

remus halcyon (fitzjames) -- the 'remus' in our url (theremustbeabear) jumped out at him, and he was also inspired by remus from sanders sides. halcyon was meant as a sort of good luck charm going forward, plus, he just thought it sounded neat.

hugo mcculloch (crozier) -- i'm fairly sure he stole hugo from an actor, but he just sort of heard it and liked the sound of it. same with his last name. not much thought here.

roland conagher (goodsir, also the one writing this post, hullo) -- i asked friends for name suggestions that were relatively unassuming and similar to my original one, and liked the suggestion of roger, but we already have a headmate named roger, so i rolled it around a bit until i settled on roland instead. conagher is shamelessly stolen from the engineer (tf2).

javert atilax (jopson) -- often when folks are more recognized by their last name, they'll take inspiration from their last name for their new first name, or vice versa (such as our stanley tsp's last name being stanford). jav wanted the name javier, which simply came to him, but it turned out it was on his mind because somebody already has that one. remus joked about him stealing javert from les mis, and he essentially went "alright, bet". atilax is a genus of mongoose, because jopson gets referred to as a mongoose on several occasions, and he thought it would be a funny subtle reference.

brigadier shaw (tozer) -- he thought a military rank would be fitting, and the idea of having the nickname "brig" was funny and ironic to him, considering. well, you know what a brig is. shaw is after liam shaw from star trek.

leiland douglas (irving) -- leiland is a character we like from dimension 20, and he somewhat related to him. douglas is simply because we're scottish and so often fall back on scottish names when we don't have other inspiration. also, real irving was scottish.

terrence hudson (hodgson) -- thought it would be funny to name himself 'terry', as in, short for 'terror', but ended up really liking the name terry and extending it to terrence. he also thought it would be funny to shift his last name just a little bit to the left and steal from a different explorer who died badly. one thing we can all say about terry is that he certainly knows how to commit to a bit (yes, this is about the mpreg conversation on discord, you know who you are)

myler lepetit (little) -- stole his first name from a warrior cats character that we really like and he finds relatable. stole the last name from julia from drawfee, because he thought it would be funny, and terry was encouraging him. i agree, i think it's very silly.

and that's all currently, because collins, mcdonald, and stanley have yet to change theirs, and that is our present total of introjects. thank you for the ask, hope this doesn't disappoint!

[space-station-collective]

some of the less pretty parts of plurality

we talk a lot on this blog about the funny or nice parts of being plural, but there's also a lot of bad shit that can come with it. it's not all good, just like it's not all bad. it just is! sometimes, seeing posts like this makes us feel a little better, knowing we aren't alone in these struggles and seeing other people who have come through it, so, here's this

this is going to require a lot of me being vulnerable on the internet lmao

everything is going under a cut, and i'm marking applicable TW and CWs here as well as in the tags. i tried to keep it as light as possible (if there's any tags i missed, PLEASE do let me know and i'll add them ASAP /gen)

(this is also quite a long post, under the cut the word count is: 437)

WARNINGS: addiction mentions, physical illness, exotrauma mentions

-) developing an addiction/dependency that everyone has to manage, due to one headmate's actions

-) trying to collectively recover from addiction when not everyone wants to, and some headmates actively working against the progress and goals

-) more specifically, having to maintain a clean streak for everyone, not just one individual. not just yourself. we have an agreement- we stick together with this stuff

-) headmates who actively dislike people we know, and generally collectively like, and having to manage and ignore secondhand emotions towards those people when the headmates in question are around (not to say, ignoring how those headmates feel about people, but moreso not letting the emotions bleed through into our own interactions)

-) panicking because your job directly relates to helping other headmates, and despite your best efforts, things keep getting worse (not directly applicable to me who is writing this -host)

-) having to agree with headmates, who have done nothing wrong, that they can't be around front, because they're symptom holders, and the body is ill enough all the time that we physically can't handle them fronting

-) fighting. constant fighting. i can't think of a day since our syscovery that there hasn't been some sort of fight, argument, breakdown, violence, some sort of incident internally

-) so many headmates with so much exotrauma. some of their triggers have bled into our collective triggers, and holy shit is it hard to explain thost to people who don't understand exomemories, or even who don't know about the system

-) having to watch littles who are far too young for any of this experience this whole ordeal

-) "Atlantis" by Seafret. it's about an extremely different topic, but the lyrics hit home. "i can't save us, my atlantis, we fall. we built this town on shaky ground." because holy fuck, it feels that way sometimes

several of these things are now managed, several are not. being human is a weird, messy, fucked up experience, and when you shove a bunch of consciousnesses into one human body, it gets even more convoluted

whoever you are, whatever reason you might have for reading this: i love you. you are not alone in your struggles. you have support from so many places, and you will get through whatever you're currently experiencing, be it so simple as your favourite pencil breaking, all the way to personal tragedy. you are loved

-the host (he/they), expressing thoughts of the collective

(scheduling this to post outside of the queue because our content is usually much more lighthearted than this and i don't want to take up a spot for that)

[dimentioshouldntbehere]

And so, I arrive! Like yet another evil jester character in video games.

I am the master of dimensions! The pleaser of crowds!

I am...

Dimentio!

Remember the name well...

I use it/its and dark, void, and purple themed neopronouns. Do not refer to me as a girl/woman.

This is my fictionkin blog. I will speak about fictionkinnity or my source, Super Paper Mario.

I do not separate myself from my source for personal reasons, I don't owe you an explanation.

Sourcemates are free to interact. Doubles can interact as well, but please, do not speak of your canon memories, it makes me uncomfortable speaking to people that share my memories.

I do not regret what I did in my source and I never will. If I had the option, I would do it again.

Do not bring any sort of discourse to this blog. This includes any discourse about the Paper Mario series, any syscourse, and any alterhumanity discourse.

Banner by Kanade-autism

The ask box is open to asks.

#my headmates think they're funny - posts made by my headmates

#jester memories - my source memories

#jester answers - all asks

#jester talks - original posts

#jester kins - general posts about fictionkinnity/alterhumanity

#Mr. L's tag - in sys qpp who will occasionally post gifts for me here

I suppose that's it.

Ciao!

[chloe-the-bitch-wolf]

Man it's so funny that I think my headmate has been around me and my gay ass shenanigans so much that they're now contemplating being trans, how tf did I trans my headmate who may I say is the original "person" in this body xd (not that I'm complaining cause man am I tired of being in a dudes body)

[nabbit-unmasked]

TW: Slight child abuse and anti-kin/lgbtq/plural mentions

Oh nice, my anti-furry/kin/neopronoun/lgbtq/hazbin/helluva ex-friend is also anti-plural and thinks child abuse in literature is funny.

I'm so glad I've stopped talking to her and shes stopped interacting with me, but I hate being in her toxic environment.

Making me upset with her comments are one thing, but I will NOT have her insult or upset my headmates. Some of them (our main protector and main emotional regulator, both traumagenic) are already aware of her and come to the front because of her. They're already aware of her bullshit, but if someone like Pentious or Sageyz came to front while she was around, I might have to step away for their safety. We have 3 littles and a middle in this plurality, and I won't be risking their safety around her.

Sorry for this rant, but I needed to let it out :')

[catboytenya]

previous anon here, I think that's really interesting! Who are all of your headmates/fictives?

SORRY FOR BEING 3 HOURS LATE I'VE BEEN PLAYING BUGSNAX- putting it under the cut again because there's *looks at pluralkit* a lot. They're in alphabetical order! (You might notice a theme where a lot of us are more animal than human even human fictives) I bolded their names in case you only want the names and aren't interested in the info i added

Agoketsu - He's a bnha oc that moved in because lee thought about him too hard (not sure what he's here to do in the system yet, relatively new)

Akemi - Also a bnha oc that moved in because lee thought about him too hard (also pretty new)

Anan - This is a bnha fictive, it's thirteen! You know and love her <3 she's decently close to her source appearance wise but personality wise she takes on a more motherly role and her personality doesn't line up with her source at all, i think she's mostly here to "reign in" the littles

Angel - not a fictive! they're my weird fucked up angelic feral wolf who's golden retriever kin, by far the funniest person in my system if you think about her too hard, also he uses any pronoun, doesn't front too often, but it's just objectively funny to have this cool angelic wolf in your brain and they wish they were a normal ass dog

Applejack - mlp:fim fictive HONESTLY. forgot she was in here. i don't know if she's still around at all tho headmates can come and go and she hasn't fronted in a long while, wonder if she's still around? she was basically identical to her source tho which! is actually very rare for me

Bendy - Ink demon fictive go BRRR! in all seriousness Bendy's a very valued member of my system, he's very good at masking when we need it and he keeps a close eye on things, i appreciate him a lot, even if he stands there. menacingly. he's pretty similar to his source appearance wise but he's got a demon tail. probably because i've always been a bit bitter bendy didn't get a tail (as a note i'm not involved in the bendy fandom AT ALL like i know nothing about the fandom space)

Bethy - not a fictive! she's a weird feral white lion with neon pink and green stripes. she's the newest member i'm pretty sure? she's good company

Davesprite - yeag. he's my oldest headmate, i'm pretty sure! basically the same as canon but more bird so talons instead of hands, the usual, formed for company really early on i think?

Dominick - weird seraphim leather daddy that lives in my brain :) he's funky i like the him :)

Eclipse - DCA fictive, he's like a mini system in my system!

Eijiro - bnha fictive <3 personality wise he's pretty close to his source, appearance wise he's partially shark

Eri - bnha fictive + little <3 she's actually basically my daughter in the system which i can elaborate on later if you'd like, she's got these pretty little white and gold dragon features, cute as a button, love her to death, out littles don't front much because it's just inconvenient if they do, but it's nice to have them co-front now and then

Green/Blue - pokemon fictive who can't ever pick which fucking name he likes i swear i'm gonna beat his ass metaphorically because he keeps changing. his proxy with pluralkit. and then FORGETTING HE CHANGED IT. he's part eevee but part of me feels like he just. wanted to feel included because almost everyone else is part animal. (i don't think that's really how it works but it's funnier that way)

Hanta - bnha fictive, he's new-ish don't know a lot about him tbh, he showed up because lee kept listening to scotch tape and cellophane, he's fronted like 3 times so far i think? idk much about him you might have better luck asking lee about him they've co-fronted together before

Himiko - bnha fictive, she helps with blood phobia stuff, she not super similar to her source but she's close-ish? friendly as hell, the type of person to send asks off anon like a madwoman. to get a feel for her vibe look up honduran white bats

Inasa - bnha fictive, i'm gonna be honest??? don't know a thing about this guy. idk if he's still here or not he's been dead quiet. he showed up in the system the same day as eri so maybe he's just afraid of being outshined <3 (JOKING i'm sure he's just not active, it's actually common for someone to be silent for months even years without fronting because their services just aren't needed at the moment)

Izuku - bnha fictive, weird scorpion rabbit who takes control of the body for three weeks straight and drops like 20 chapters on ao3 and then dips (basically when we need to focus on something and just Can't he'll show up to do the work for us)

Jin - bnha fictive, twice my beloved ect ect, basically there to help us cope with new situations/new people we have to interact with, not very similar to his source appearance wise, he's a whole ass anthro husky, we love him tho he's pretty helpful, likes to push himself into front to steal conversations though it's kinda annoying

Katsuki (bear with me there are two of us) - bnha fictive, this one's me, for a while i was acting host because lee went poof for a while (he's back to being host i'm just fronting today because i had stuff to do) i've got red and black dragon features and probably the one with the most art because my partner(s) loves to draw us together (my partner's also a system for some context something something if i had a dime for every time i helped someone realize they were a system i'd have a concerning amount of dimes) basically. i take care of the body when lee can't, so cooking, brushing teeth, things like that, i'm also under the protector category and i don't hesitate to get into arguments/screaming matches (and i always regret them later since it is. usually with my family 😭 sorry mom ily)

Katsuki (TWO) - bnha fictive also, so, headmates can split or fuse, right? i think this was a result of a split? we're similar but pretty different at the same time, he's a wolf hybrid, like, think satyr kinda body type hybrid, something got fucked along the way though so he's got seraphim wings?? awful and annoying and terrible during phantom limb moments. you don't know hell until you feel like you've got three sets of wings ON TOP OF your own set of wings. hell on earth, truly. i hate phantom wings i hate them so bad. anyway i'm rambling- he's also a kinda take care of the body when lee can't but when it comes to proper rest/relaxation, basically an emergency break self care day we are eating cake and watching a favorite show today fuck your work

Keigo - bnha fictive, he's very different from his source and he actually tends to avoid people who like his source character unless he trusts them it's a long story ANYWAY he's more birdlike, his feathers are red and black instead of just red, things like that, his entire job is basically Act As An Emergency Companion, but also if the body/system is stressed out and feeling unsafe, he'll usually switch to front to keep things calm

Lee - oh hey it's the host/original! you guys know this dude by now you don't need an introduction with him

Lucus - Also a bnha oc same as the other two so far don't know much about his job in the system

Mangle - fnaf fictive, WEIRD DOG?? i think she's a weird pet regression headmate. brain gets all fuzzy when she fronts kinda deal? nothing more to really say here

Mina - bnha fictive, WE LOVE A QUEEN WHO FORCES US TO NOT BE DEPRESSED. she's got pink jaguar features and she does so much for making sure we do not fall into Depression Rotting Times, if we start to rot she'll hop into front and go make us do something really fun, basically, i love her to death. fun fact though! while my ex was visiting, when he knew she was in front, he spent the entire time misgendering her and i really think that was the one time she really just gave up and was genuinely upset

Mirio - bnha fictive, he's a griffin anthro so completely different to his source character in appearance, but pretty similar in personality, has a similar purpose to mina in that he's an emergency "STOP BEING DEPRESSED" but instead of redirecting us to a fun activity he directs us to talking to people we love and care about

Mystery - Weird little galaxy dragon thing?? he's been here for a while and i still don't know why they're here. girl what do you even do. do you even pay rent.

N - pokemon fictive, i think he's also a really old one? no clue why he is here he could've just been for company like davesprite was?

Oboro - bnha fictive, he's part drake, he doesn't front much anymore (shitty ex friend who he was really close to made him not like fronting anymore, but he's warming up to fronting again i think), but he actually used to be the person who fronted the most outside of lee, it's why the system is named the Cloudy Creatures system, he did a lot of heavy lifting early on when we finally realized we were plural (we had been plural for a long, long time before we realized, we. did not know we were. we have a history of hallucinations and delusions so we just. assumed. we were in active delusion when we were like "i think i am oboro shirakumo??" so. yea turns out! plural!) he gets us outta the house and makes us friends

Ochaco - bnha fictive, he's part bat i think? he's basically an emergency break rest time person too, but in a "let's go treat ourselves we deserve it" kinda way

Pinkie - mlp:fim fictive, she's basically mina 2 if i'm being honest, job wise, no shade to her though pinkie's got her own personality and shit they're not 1:1 or anything

Raggedy - weird purple and blue reptilian dude who lurks around. he's been around for years. no clue who he is, what he does, or anything like that. but considering he's been around for so long he kinda just feels load bearing?

Rainbow - yea. another mlp:fim fictive. i do NOT have the entire mane six i promise. this is just what happens when you binge watch a show for 5 days straight without really stopping. idk what she does though

Rarity - I SWEAR. I DON'T HAVE THE ENTIRE MANE SIX. idk what she does either also btw. (i don't really interact or co-front with any of the ponies sorry 😭)

Red - pokemon fictive, part pikachu, you know the drill, idk why he's here i think lee just got obsessed with him for five days straight or something? but he's here

Ripcord - giant feathered frost dragon, i feel like his full fucking time job is just Yearning.

Rusty - little tiny fluffy red wyvern, goes to events nobody else wants to go to, things like that, he's about the size of a ferret give or take

Shadow - sonic fictive, he's a little, sticks around anan most of the time if she's fronting he's probably co-fronting, i think he was our first little? does basically everything other littles do, heals the inner child, perpetually is mad we don't set up the gamecube for him to play dora the explorer and the purple planet (NOT A FUCKING JOKE!! BTW!!)

Shota - bnha fictive, this is the consequences of lee's actions (obsessed with aizawa) in all seriousness it's nice to have another person to step in to take care of the body in the same way i do, since i do get tired if i front for too long without breaks

Shouto - bnha fictive, cat hybrid (similar to the other katsuki's wolf), you see him mostly around fall, he basically every year takes halloween, loves fall weather, loves painting the body's nails, just genuinely here for a good time, for some reason though most of the time when he fronts nobody remembers what he was up to except people who co-front with him and him, most of us we can get fuzzy memories but when he's fronting? nah. shit's gone. real interesting though, right?

Techno - another bnha oc but this time it's one lee is just genuinely obsessed with. it was only a matter of time before this fucker (affectionate) moved in. no clue what he does tho! here for a good time AND a long time tho

Tenko - bnha fictive, another little, he's basically oboro's son like how i've got eri, does things littles do, y'know how it is

Tenya - bnha fictive, this man single handedly cleans our room when it gets too bad, fox hybrid, he's just genuinely pretty good at taking care of the area around us rather than the body

Thistle - NOT A FUCKING CLUE WHAT THIS DUDE IS. i think he's a changeling from mlp:fim?? idk but i think he's a protector too, he's good at shoving into front to just fucking block people. things like that.

Trench - fuckass giantass sea serpent motherfucker, you'll probably never interact with him ever unless you become VERY VERY VERY close with the system, genuinely hates most people, from what i've learned is that sometimes, a headmate's entire job? is just. holding trauma for the host. so. he does his best, and we appreciate him even if he's a dick sometimes and hates humans

Yoichi - bnha fictive, drake anthro, amazing at diffusing situations, will step in if we're having an argument and we're the ones in the wrong to apologize, things like that, i think that puts him in the protector category too? he's good people

Yuga - bnha fictive, yayyy sparkle butt yayyy, he's a poodle peacock human thing, not a damn clue what he does, but he looks good while doing it?

OKAY that's the entire list i don't think i forgot anyone! if you have any questions about anyone let me know or2 sorry for the essay and a half lol

[lifesteal-side]

I think it's kind of funny my headmates put me on IWC (interact with care) because I am such an asshole (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Just because I kill (IN MINECRAFT) a few people that was on our team because HEARTS (⁠つ⁠✧⁠ω⁠✧⁠)⁠つ and just... Sometimes changing the music they're enjoying and other things. (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Zam(insys) just doesn't like me (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)