#my god. my fucking brain. lmao.
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Most of the time I am SO LOUDLY ENTHUSIASTIC about being bisexual (at least, like--in my brain or the places where it’s actually safe to be Out™), but occasionally, very occasionally, like once every other year, the Internalized Biphobia™ just decides to show up and then I feel guilty for being Attracted to a Man, when I am. Literally. Bisexual. With a history. Of being attracted to. People of. All genders.
#it's not even a real man!!! he's a fictional character!!!!!! this has no bearing on anything and I shouldn't feel bad about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#@brain why are you upset at yourself for having attraction feelings for a fictional adult man!!!!!!!!!!!!! what is going on with you!!!!!!!#GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#tw: internalized biphobia#(and like. there would be no reason to feel bad even if this was??? a real man?????)#tbh I think this is partially ocd-related in the sense of like. in the same way that I have to 'earn' my place in the world as A Good Perso#I have to 'earn' my place as a queer person by like. having every experience of attraction be like. Radical™ in some way. Or something.#because our whole thing is 'existing radically' right? (which like. that would imply that our very existence is radical on its own. so. ???#and this is just. the most cliche and predictable and non-radical thing it is possible for me to do because it's THIS character#my god. my fucking brain. lmao.#ALSO: other people's identities are fine and they can do whatever they want. it's just that /I/ am a problem. why? who knows! I just am!#In the Vents#ignore me#sometimes I have to fling my thoughts somewhere so I can see how objectively ridiculous they are
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this has been a roller coaster of a design journey but finally I can present you: class swap artificer!adaine and rogue!fabian
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhfy#fhsy#fhjy#fabian seacaster#adaine abernant#fh class quangle#goodbye... goodbye hoodie kid adaine..... we have mecha pilot/power armor adaine instead#I couldnt really land how she'd get a hoodie reliably in freshman year given the abernants pattern of confiscating shit from her#so I kinda switched gear and dug a bit into a like sukeban aesthetics instead. and since shes with the AV club I like the idea of#like a radio coord thing for her. hence the suspenders#I fully admit the sukeban thing is influenced by the hacker woman in ghostwire tokyo who I have a small crush on#she's SO cool. too bad about a number of things with that game#the jacket of useful things is a racer jacket this time bc Im predictable like that#her ensemble in junior year is her tank top + overall it might not be clear enough in the pic...#just had the thought ''man I should do turnarounds for all of them'' and immediately had to slap myself out of it#anyways uh! fabian I have inflicted with my favourite thing to do to characters who like to stealth or fly under the radar#which is Bright Extremely Noticeable Jacket That Hides Your Hands#fabian's ghost motif has led me to the famous horror movie trope of silhouette with iconic jacket from afar#(see Sinister and Alice Sweet Alice)#and I love to imagine him hanging the coat up somewhere and opponents aiming there instead of at him#but also the raincoat is specifically modeled after the yellow fisherman's raincoat#and. that led to. me thinking abt fabian pulling riz up at that cliff with a net instead of the battle sheet lmao#so his junior year design is fully Fishing. which is so fucking funny it has obliterated all other possibilities from my brain#ranger flavour: captain ahab#I still debate making him carry around an actual fishing rod tbh. right now Im giving him a rifle grappling hook thing#gods. I just think High School Classmate Suddenly Gets Way Too Into Fishing is the funniest fucking thing that can happen#thank you fabian. thank you for giving me this. love you buddy#still blanking on kristen but! throughout this whole storm here I've realised I just need to fuck around
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my favorite steamgoth icon
#good morning drebber nation (its almost 3 am)#rip enoch you would have loved cinema strange and creature feature#god he is so me it hurts#honestly i can never get sick of drawing him he just translates into my style so well#now i wont be able to draw for weeks im exhausted lmao#the great ace attorney#dai gyakuten saiban#ace attorney#enoch drebber#i love posting in the dead of night and not when everyone is presumably awake at a reasonable hour#aa#tgaa#dgs#dgs2#shit i draw#please bring him back in dgs3 i bailed him out of jail myself so get to work crapcom#edit: oh my god this guy is a fucking BRAIN PARASITE#HE IS SO ME. IT ACHES.#enochposting
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good morning everyone! unfortunately for all of you, I am still wildly gay for Lord Eclipse on this fine wednesday! so take this INSANELY self indulgent doodle I did a bit ago LMAO
#xero creations#HEAD IN HANDS. VAGUE HAND MOTIONS. YK HOW IT IS. WHATEVER. WHATEVERRRR QHUAHQSKJWD#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#tsams#lord eclipse#lord eclipse au#lord eclipse.... x reader ?????#OR SMTH....#It was inspired by the hug art my mutual sent me bc immediately my brain was like#'ouhh need a fucked up possessive hug from a fucked up centipede god' AHSJQHDS SOOOO. YK. VAGUE HAND MOTIONS LMAO#centiclipse
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.....Legend was born on Homestuck day.
#FUCK#OH MY GOD#ANON THIS TOOK ME OUT OHMYGOD FUCK#AS AN EX HOMESTUCKER THIS IS TAKING ME OUT#wasn't john's birthday on april 13th too#and wasn't karkat's birthday too??? god my memory....my brain blocked everythinf homestuck related#but if i remember correctly then LMAO#anyway this unlocked so many blocked memories I'm screaming#miry's ask box
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o wait before i start posting any pics.. i was thinking that maybe.. you guys could help me liquify this gender some more by switching up what you call me.... DON'T GET ME WRONG I LOVE . LOVE LOVE LOVE WHEN YOU USE HE/HIM AND JUST OVERALL LIKE MORE MASC STUFF THAT'S SOOO MMMMMMMMMSO FUCKING GOOD like i don't get to feel that irl at all so it really does make me so happy but i've just been thinking abt TRYING to switch it up more yk? does this even make sense...... . hhhh anyway i might won't even like it and i'll want to just go back to hehim but i wanna try... JUST TO SWITCH IT UP.
#i think the only term that is incredibly questionable is “queen” lmao#idk i have some personal beef with that one#MAN I REALLY MIGHT JUST DELETE THIS IN LIKE FIVE MINUTES#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#WHY DON'T I KNOW WHAT I WANT#i'm not asking you to fully drop the he him but just maybe.. use she her every once in a while..#I'M GONNA EXPLODE WHY IS THIS THE WEIRDEST POST EVER TO MAKE WHAT IS GENDER CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME#btw if anybody happens to be wondering why i don't just use they/them#iii just don't feel anything towards those#personally#like they don't make me feel like anything while he him and she her are more like yes:3333#does.. does that even make sense#oh my god#there are question marks flying around my head#i read this fic the other day#which is in my drafts i need to add tags to it#but the op just.. like made my brain grow two sizes#bc they made the reader genderfluid and then proceeded to use both “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” throughout the fic and i just#HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#how do i .. get that#asghdhsaghdasghdshagdhgas#GUYS LOOK I'M GONNA SPIRAL I'M JUST GONNA HIT POST#ENOUGH#mayor of loserville#mickey vs gender#10 - 17#I'M LOSING AGAIN OHHH FUCK OFF
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What primarily drew me to Kazurei as a pairing isn't the roommate trope, nor the golden retriever and brood cat trope, or the gay spy x family gag, but rather this scene from Episode 8 (that I'm somehow still not over.)
It's the mutual reluctance to love and let themselves heal, with the exception that Kazuki couldn't stand to see Rei in the same position as him, so he offers to take care of him anyway. Both, who had a rough relationship with love, let themselves confide in each other. Rei, who found comfort and experienced what it's like to be taken care of, and Kazuki, who can't help but to extend care because it's something that's just... natural to do in his position. Kazuki, who is hurted by love that is taken from him over and over again, offers what he'd regard as a bare minimum because deep down, he wants his remaining loved ones (and in this timeline just rei) to feel the love he always desired.
Though Kazuki is seemingly full of emotions every time (enough to almost repress his sadness), his actions are always so gentle and full of warmth.
What makes it more beautiful is how Rei adapts Kazuki concept's, or rather, way to express love to Miri (with the most apparent example being Episode 9) considering Kazuki was probably one of if not the first person he'd experienced and therefore actively saw it from. He initially wasn't able to comprehend how to love and be loved, and only through Kazuki's deeds did he learn how comforting and nice it is to be cared for, so he wanted to extend that to Miri after realizing how much his family meant to him.
Going back to the topic, I genuinely adore how Kazurei is a pairing consisting of two people who weren't given the opportunity to love, and during their time before Miri subconsciously fulfilled each other's emotional needs. Though initially distant, they immediately clicked because they fit together like puzzle pieces. Similar desires but difference in approach and seek what the other has.
While there is mutual understanding between them, being able to read each other, neither of the two had the will to step onto each others' boundaries and address it. It was satisfying to see them grow closer emotionally and form the courage to communicate, with great examples being the last few episodes of the series.
Tl;dr the soft aspect of Kazurei made me complerely fall in love with the pairing and I used to be neutral about it
#buddy daddies#kazuki kurusu#rei suwa#kazurei#i did not fuckinf mean to type a long post oh my GOD my apologies for being so obsessed with them#buddy daddies meta#if it even... counts???#idk LMAO#we loving that dash of early codependency 😍#and now they finally stand on equal footing if its to be miri's parents UGH#this probably doesnt make sense and has a lot of errors because im supposed to be doing smth else rn but#kazurei in the brain (they wont get out!!!)#can i be normal about this family for one fucking SECOND
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two sams meet
#two sams that i'm very fond of <333#but like my god i fucked up with almost every aspect of this like the proportions faces and colouring lmao#but my laptop doesn't let me open krita rn so it's done and i won't be fixing it <3#like sam supernatural's face is like idk what's happening here. also the backgroud .... oh well#but like i just had to get this out of my brain so this is what were dealing with#sam winchester#samwise gamgee#spn#lotr#sam winchester fanart#samwise gamgee fanart#my art#digital art
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two hubbies that co-own you :) they pamper you and organize sacrifices while you fall asleep in their laps <3
^^^^^^^ IF YOU DON'T ELABORATE ON THIS I. WILL. PERISH!!! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE APPLE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THAT REPLY GOT ME JSJBDBRBDJRJR
Every morning you wake up, in both of your lovers' arms. Everything feels right with the world. You try to get up and get dressed, but they don't want you to, stay in bed with them and enjoy the morning, who cares if they have duties. After you manage to convince them to get out of bed (probably after some morning sex, let's be real), they'll bicker over what jewellery you should wear the gold one with white accents or the black one with green accents.
They ultimately settle on both, complete with your usual collar, both of their names written on the little tag. Before they can start fighting on what you wear, you call in your handmaidens, and they help you choose a nice outfit, not too revealing, but still enough for your picky lovers to be satisfied. The next step is to have a nice breakfast, and today it's Sydney's turn to have you on his lap, though you both know that by the end of the meal, Kylar will have joined you, envious as he is.
When you move to the audience room to hear petitioners, you move next to Kylar's seat, and he enthusiastically grabs at you, dragging you in his lap and holding you there so you can fall asleep in his arms. He keeps you there for the rest of the morning, barely even listening to the people making demands, more focused on your steady breathing and the way you look so sweet and pliant, just for him (and Sydney).
Lunch time comes around, and Kylar wakes you up, smiling down at your sleepy face. All three of you get a nice lunch in the boudoir, your lovers refusing to let you do the slightest bit of work, insisting on feeding you. Usually this would also be a time to have some fun, but you're a bit too sleepy for that today, maybe later.
You let yourself drift off a little more in your lovers' embrace for a little longer, until you have to move to another part of the temple to witness the sacrifices. Not your favorite part of the day, but it is necessary, and Kylar will not let you skip out on it. You're about to get up when Sydney gathers you up in his big beefy arms and smiles down at you, carrying you to the altar room.
There, in between the two thrones, sits a nice, comfortable bean bag with a blanket, which you promptly wrap yourself in, curling up while you let Kylar do all the talking. His hand comes down to pet your head, brushing through your hair, and you lean into it before grabbing one of the books you left here last time, and diving into it, forgetting all about the sacrifice. You're only taken out of it when hearing the screams of the victim, but Sydney covers your eyes and shushes you gently when you turn to look, not to protect your innocence really, but mostly to have your full attention on him.
He motions for you to sit on his lap, and you climb to sit, facing him. You don't have to wonder what compelled him to ask you for long, because he's already grinding on you, not focusing on anything around the two of you anymore. He's panting quietly in your ear, hands holding onto your hips to push you down on him, telling you to be quiet in hushed whispers. You look to your left, and Kylar is struggling to not stare at you, you can see his jaw clenching and his fists crunching up his robes.
Sydney's going faster now, biting his lip to try and stay silent, and you can feel his hard on now, even with the robes in the way. Your little gasps and whimpers have not escaped Kylar's notice, and he seems to have teared up his robes with how hard he's clutching them. You reach out to at least hold his hand, which he gratefully takes and brings to his mouth, sucking on your fingers.
Sydney's noticed your little noises too, and decides to kiss you to shut you both up effectively, which works a little, until he's biting and sucking at your lip. His hand moves to disrobe himself slightly, making you feel the heat of him even more. When you expect it to move away when he's done displacing his clothing, he instead takes the opportunity to slip his hand in your underwear, stroking at your core.
He's now sucking on your neck uncaring of any moans that slip out of you. His only goal is to make you cum now, he needs you to finish before him. He speeds up, his hand moving even faster and his hips thrusting harder. In a few short strokes, you come undone, and he allows himself to let go, ruining your outfit.
Before you can turn around to face the group of flustered cultists, you hear Kylar order for the proceedings to finish immediately, before he takes you from Sydney's arms and carries you to the bedchamber. He's determined to have his turn.
Once you're done with that, which is to say, a few hours later, you rejoin Sydney in the dining room, finally getting your own chair for the first time today. All three of you discuss advancements in the cult or the book you're reading lately, basically making pleasant conversation, before you're done eating and servants come to take away the empty plates.
You're then guided to your private bathroom by your lovers, who insist on holding your hands, even if you remind them you know where it is by now. They help you undress and wash, fondly lathering you in soap as you return the favor, fooling around and splashing each other, leaving responsibilities behind, in this moment you three can just be loving, and not care about the world outside. There are no fights, no arguments here, only tenderness and pure unadulterated love.
When all of you are squeaky clean and the water is getting cold, you relocate to your bedchambers, where you can prepare for a full night's rest, if nothing, or rather no one, disturbs your sleep tonight. You slip into bed, awaiting your lovers to cuddle and let yourself drift off in their arms again, until you wake up the next morning, ready to tackle the next day.
#man how did this turn to smut i just wanted to write a schedule kinda#how did it go over 1k#how is it exactly 1069 words what#also sorry for not writing the kylar part of the smut but my brain is already fried there is only so much i can take guys lmao#IM FINALLY FUCKING DONE OH MY GOD WOOO#apple's writing#cult leader kylar#kylar the loner#dol kylar#dol sydney#sydney the fallen#kylsyd#cult sydney#sydlar
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2x03 | 6x03
#i rewatched school hard the other day and this LEAPT out at me#and immediately made me fucking insane so it has to go into everyone's brains now <3#theres no way this hasnt done before because this is SOOOO......#one thing about me is that i will find the spuffy parallels in everything and especially tie EVERYTHING to the after life speech#there's a reason my tag for them is#otp: every night i save you#ch: spike#ch: buffy summers#btvs#**#*gif#thank god tumblr expanded the images limit#also i suddenly know how to make gifs now lmao the improvement between this and my sets from last year...#proud of me <3#buffy the vampire slayer#btvsedit#spuffy#spuffygifs#btvsdaily#slayerdaily
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They heed not the portents that chance, the herald of doom, with ominous presage strews thickly in their path; for birds and beasts give awful warnings . . .
#von lycaon#zzz fanart#zzz lycaon#i said I've got more lmao#wolf daddy fighting kabru for attention in my brain#and when i say the main reason i keep drawing him is the building..........#wish i was bullshitting#'wolf man hot' is way more reasonable than#fucking#'ballet twins is one gorgeous building'#like what even is that#but hnnnnnnn art deco futurism is SUCH a look tho#this man belongs in Rapture#and by gods i will put him there#anyway#elanyart
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relistening to the gravity falls commentary and hearing alex call grunkle stan a "deep well of sadness" really hit dif after the book of bill
#in the life#gravity falls#book of bill#stanley pines#like. oh my god#someone else write this essay for me#the fact that every single divorce was a woman leaving him because he wasnt good enough like!!!!#would he be a great husband? fuck no#at least at that point#but good lord he got dumped so many times!#*either because he wasnt good enough or they never loved him in the first place#like HOLY SHIT WE KINDA GLOSSED OVER THAT WITH THE TOXIC YAOI BUT IT HIT ME TODAY#this stupid diseased man has poisoned my brain. new roman empire unlocked#it was dipper i projected onto as a kid so its absolute hilarious and kinda sad that i grew into a stan and not a ford lmao
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Is it geologically probable for swallows rest to have basalt cliffs? Not really. Am i gonna headcanon it anyway? Of course.
Because I can picture Adrian and Victor walking along the beach, spending time waiting for lord vane to arrive. When all of a sudden Adrian comes to a dead stop in the middle of a sentence, staring at something ahead of them. Then he gasps, and gets so excited he forgets where he is, who he's with, and the collar around his neck, as he starts excitedly slapping Victor in the arm going, "Look, look, look, look--" at top speed.
Victor, who was primed for some kind of emergency since Adrian stopped talking is looking around frantically like, "What, what happened???"
Only for Adrian to point ahead and whisper-yell, "Basalt cliffs!!" And start booking it across the beach.
And yeah, maybe it painfully reminds Victor a lot of his younger self, and he's just about ready to remind Adrian of his manners as a priest, but then Adrian turns around to see if hes coming and the smile on his face is the most animated hes seen Adrian since he met him. And when he catches up he gets treated to a long winded ramble about crystal structure and volcanic activity and geologic hotspots and the Implications and how they could easily be the most ancient part of the island and erosion wear patterns and hes always wanted to see these in person cause they have them in northern ireland and and-- Its the most he's ever heard Adrian talk in one sitting.
And he supposes that having an appreciation for the wonders of the world that God made is perfectly acceptable for their profession, and lets him talk as long as likes.
#Adrian would be vibrating in excitement the whole time they were on that beach anyway#the ground is just covered in ancient coins??? oh my god?#he fucking loves rocks and artifacts and always wanted to go mudlarking on the thames but didn't get a chance before coming to swallows rest#he goes out by himself one day and comes back jingling from rocks and coins in his pockets lmao#and yeah maybe i think about blorbo from my shows being very patient with my self inserts infodumping a lot#this has no bearing on my irl mental state shut up dont worry about it#father rambles#what manner of man#half sorry for spamming the tag but uhh as you can tell this story wont leave my brain#gotta call my boss and be like yeah im not coming in today i gotta read about this priest getting seduced by a vampire. yeah all day sorry.#to be fairrr re: would there actually be basalt in this island#northern ireland does have a pretty famous set of cliff like this: the giants causeway#idk which direction swallows rest is supposed to be from the mainland but it could be very close to there!
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so thinking back i haven't reread the captive prince trilogy since kings rising came out. which is wild bc it's one of my favorite series in the universe BUT also tracks bc when it exists in a subsect of my books where i know if i read it my entire personality will be subsumed. but i'm rereading them now now and my GOD what a delight. i devoured the first two in a day and remembered exactly why they were so so so so good. and i've saving kings rising bc that one changed my brain chemistry when it came out, i've never read such a tightly done, masterfully paced final book in a series to match it.
#captive prince#there are some books i read so rarely bc i know that they fucking eat my entire brain lmao#my godddddddd. my god!!!!!!!!! theyre so good tho!!!!#the funny thing is even with all the triggers and problematic shit in the first book i actually really love that one#because it's SUCH a good set-up. all the foreshadowing done well all the different plot points teed up perfectly for books 2 & 3#i trust c.s. pacat with plot so much it's insane. girl knows how to weave a narrative that's all i'm saying.#damen is so blorbo coded. i would die for him. i have So Many Feelings about him#me underlining every single instance where damen's emotional intelligence is thru the roof: LOOK AT MY PERCEPTIVE BOY!#i wrote a post about this but the amount of people who say damen is dumb or unobservant or oblivious... i'll kill them.#laurent also just. breaks my heart.#and i would die for him too.
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Do you ever think about how Fakir, after him and Ahiru finally broke everything that kept the town of Goldkröne in the ghostly hands of its writer, after they finally have some air of peace over the town finally being able to live in its intended early 2000s environment, that Fakir still feels at times like it's not real and that for a while he fears that if he closes his eyes it'll be back in Drosselmeyer's control. Like it just doesn't feel real to him during that first year of calm, until he feels the dull pain on his recovering hand injury and Ahiru who follows him without a pendant anywhere to be found.
He doesn't feel it's real, the calm finality of this town, but he makes sure to feel the scar on his hand. And he makes sure to hold the little duck and realize that she is who she has always been. Him and the town are finally living peacefully.
#dia talks#princess tutu#He probably starts planning on writing Ahiru into the world mayyybe like 3-4 months into his recovery#he doesn't know what a cell phone is yet but he sure as hell can look at a bookstore and ask for a notebook and pens#i bet that first year in Goldenkröne must be hell because trading deals bring all sorts of new things into the town#Just Fakir going “what the fuck is a scooter?? Wait what's a CAR---”#he ends up having to read a bunch of newspaper articles about “Goldenkröne booming in German tourism!”#Actually does he even know his country's name... Did they all even know they lived in Germany and not JUST a city????#Drosselmeyer would've really pulled one on them for only talking about the city and its outskirts and NOT the country it resided in#But let's assume they did know. Fakir would have to figure out so much has changed in 2002 Germany compared to whatever time they were in#My god just thinking about the thought of Fakir learning what a television is... or a radio for that matter has me howling internally#local amateur writer is put into a coma after hearing for the very first time german rapper Sido#alternatively: local amateur writer's brain explodes after hearing german Happycore artist Blümchen and dance pop group No Angels#ptutu spoiler#i know its a +20 old show but just in case people wanna watch it i love it enough to tag the post show headcanon#ptutu analysis#ptutu headcanon#ptutu post canon#Also sorry i keep jumbling between Goldkröne and Goldenkröne in the writing its 4 AM and the german part of my brain is a mess lmao#(its supposed to be Goldkröne but for some reason I keep making it into the attribute word Golden so dont mind the mistake)#(if you do i will sob please be gentle towards my polyglot self)
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Finding out that people pronounce it perkabeth is the bane of my existence. No minor detail makes me quite as full of rage as knowing that people ignoring that his name is PERCY AS IN PER-SEA and still looking at his ship name with Annabeth as perKabeth. Where is the K sound from??? I don’t CARE how the word itself would be pronounced in your language it’s a NAME based off OTHER NAMES you can’t just CHANGE IT!!!!
#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo#percabeth#i don’t care what your reasons are you are wrong and I hope you fall down the stairs#also all this was made worse by finding out people pronounce PJO as pee-jee-oh#ITS JUST THE LETTERS#LAST TIME I CHECKED THE LETTER J WAS PRNOUNCED JAY#NOT FUCKING JEE#god Im sorry but this is just something that my brain has decided is EXTREMELY important#this is gif all over again#ITS NOT PRONOUNCED JRAPHICS!!!!#beginning to think y’all just can’t read lmao
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