#my genuine initial thoughts on this ep

[fluffs-n-stuffs]

Pokémon Horizons Episode 24 spoilers under the cut!

HEY AMETHIO BESTIE WHAT DOES THAT MEAN . WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

[dullahandyke]

didnt even touch on the sandra lynn stuff int he tags of the last post bcos if i talk about her im liable to explode. get behind me, middle-aged divorced woman proficient in archery

[ennn]

Initial Agatha All Along Ep 5 Meta Thoughts

Holy FUCK. This episode did not go where I expected it to. Spoiler-y thoughts and theories below:

The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Now I know so many folks are gonna be arguing how awful or evil or deplorable Agatha is for killing Alice. Did she do it on purpose? Or was she not aware or have control as she claims?

On a rewatch (ow my heart) and I guess in Billy’s defense it does seem textually ambiguous. Enough time passes and Agatha seems aware enough of what was happening that you see her lean into the power siphoning — euphoria evident on her face.

And on rewatch, it’s also ambiguous if she had the ability to snap out of it when her son was mentioned or whether it stopped because Alice was fully drained in that moment.

Agatha being possessed means she didn’t initiate this exchange — but something happened in the moment. Was Agatha operating on pure instinct? Like an addict trying to come clean but just had their drug shot into their system? Did she even see Alice or just the power going into her? Did the hunger and euphoria just override her thoughts?

We simply don’t know enough about how Agatha’s ability works. What we do see is Agatha looking distraught after she snaps out of it. She looks taken aback by what she’s done.

Now we know Agatha lies. She lies even to herself sometimes. Agatha lies to survive, for power and to protect herself. She puts on a show when she’s afraid, as Rio points out (more on that in a bit).

Why I think Agatha did not want to kill Alice comes from the scene after, where you see Agatha alone. She’s shaken. She’s not happy about what she’s done and here there’s no audience to put on a mask for.

She definitely reads as sincere trying to defend herself to Billy, although there is the possibility that she is genuinely lying to herself as well, in that she could have chosen on some level to give in to that incredible rush of power, everything else — including herself — be damned. Definitely not the first time we’ve seen the “magic as a drug” analogy.

My Shipper Heart

Okay so we got some delicious food this ep. Agatha and Rio giving each other their brooms all too easily, despite the awkward looks. Agatha flying free and looking at Rio like she’s her North Star, like she’s the one she wants to share this with.

And yes while Rio may seem eager to slit Agatha’s throat (who knows how their no-killing rule works!), she’s also the one who truly understands Agatha at this point.

I’ve mentioned this before but Rio’s arguably the most truthful one of this group. She’s mercurial but she’s honest about who she is and what she wants. And she’s been with Agatha enough to shed light on her truth.

Rio’s the one pointing out whose trial this is, who sees Agatha doing dumb shit as her hiding her very real fear.

And notably we see Rio toss aside her casual detachment and raise her voice for the first time on the show. No. No way!

Power, Grief and Darkness

Look, Billy is going to be a Young Avenger or something so we know he’s gonna go on an arc for the remaining eps but what a juicy one it’ll be, because at least Agatha will be there with him. I’ve suspected he placed the sigil on himself for a while now but I have no idea how aware he is of everything that’s happening.

What’s interesting is how Agatha puts the villainous mask on right after Billy claims to be morally superior. Agatha’s bullshit detector pinged and she digs into that indignation, that anger for strength. Agatha doesn’t like being on the backfoot, certainly not when it comes to feelings like regret.

I see Billy as needing to confront and understand his own darkness, and in doing so understand Agatha’s darkness. Things aren’t so black and white when you’re in pain, and angry at the world, and have the power to lash out.

Agatha is set up to be a mentor to Billy here in a way she couldn’t for Wanda, although the potential was clearly there.

It’s definitely going to be an interesting Road with them going forward, given how dark this ep got.

[chocolatepot]

Saw a post about how you need to read original fiction and not just fic to write books, and I had some thoughts but they're not so much a direct response so I figured I'd make my own post ...

You do need to be conversant with original fiction to write it, but also - that doesn't mean that your fiction diet as you write needs to be primarily original fiction. If you want to write a book, you've probably spent a lot of your life reading original fiction even if you're in fandom now. That all counts. (Assuming what you want to write bears at least some resemblance to what you've read.)

Fanfiction really doesn't teach you to develop characters and settings on your own, it's true. It particularly lets you be lazy about not describing them physically, and not having to do any work for walk-on characters who exist in canon. You also can get used to writing romantic short stories that would be completely unmarketable if they were not fic.

However, fanfiction still can teach you a lot of transferable skills, if you want it to. You can write novels to stretch your ability to plot a longform story and follow through on 60k+ words. You can consciously work to improve your prose, your pacing, and/or your physical/emotional descriptions no matter what your subject matter. You can write a story that focuses on how a character changes and develops, and you can focus on a minor character from canon and do the work to make them three-dimensional. If you're into AUs, you can also work on worldbuilding or writing a believable historical setting. Literally the only thing you don't really have the opportunity to do is create your own main characters from scratch.

And I feel like that's actually the easiest part of writing. Sitting down and writing a story that lasts over 80k words or so, is compelling all the way through, has defined character arcs, etc. is way harder than making up the initial concept. If you're in fandom, you clearly Do Stories whether they're on the paper or onscreen, and so you probably have a lot of character types in your head already to start messing around with.

There was also a point in the post about how if you don't read you're not going to understand where your story fits genre-wise, and you're probably going to think that it's new and genre-breaking when it isn't - and that leads me to two thoughts. One is that not feeling able to place your own story if it crosses genres might be more common to writers than you think: it just came up in a Bestseller Experiment podcast ep I listened to the other day as a normal thing due to the writer being too close to their story. I have good comps for my novel (there's a T. Kingfisher that is incredibly similar in concept and key characters) and I still feel like "oooh ... is it more fantasy or more historical ..."

The other is that fic makes it so you're more likely to actually write something that genuinely doesn't quite fit in the boxes. That's something I've been thinking about since Winter's Orbit. That book, if you don't know, was originally written on fail_fandomanon's spinoff writing meme and posted on AO3. It was always original fiction, but it has a fic-like sensibility: there's a strong political intrigue plot alongside a strong queer romance plot between a playboy who's not really a playboy and a smol bean with trauma. If you read the GoodReads reviews from when it was published, you can find many sf fans complaining that the romance takes up too much space and romance fans complaining that there's too much plot outside the romance. I think now with the rise of "romantasy" there's more tolerance for that, but that label feels like it's getting less useful as it broadens to mean "fiction written by a woman that includes a romance" (and it feels very m/f to me but we don't have time for that now). Because so much of ficwriting fandom focuses on stories that heavily foreground romance but don't hit the traditional romance beats and also writing the characters figuring out who's committing industrial espionage or whatever. In a romance novel, the romance is absolutely the A plot and the whatever is very much B plot (if not somehow C). In sf/f and thrillers, the whatever is the A plot and the romance is around the edges. Fic teaches us to do them both equally, because the point of the story is to see the characters getting together (often not like canon, when it comes to m/m and f/f) while having a plot to deal with (like they have in canon). Also, in a lot of cases of genre-mixing, determining which one it "counts as" is really determining which one it will sell better under, and that's not something a person outside of the industry can generally tell, regardless of what they're reading on their own.

[yuseirra]

Onk Chapter 159 review~

(a small comic for starters :) either way, Ai will still kick his butt)

yes, I had been spoiled; yes, and I actually like it, as much as it leaves at a cliffhanger and leaves you in confusion(why is this comic always like this) The way it ends is indeed, quite shocking, isn't it? But I think I understand where it's coming from.

I honestly won't have a clue on just what this story is going to be unless it's not going to be like what I write here; If that's so, then I'll just sit back and just.. let the story run along after this~ I'm pretty confident, for now though!!

The development in this current episode aligns with the interpretation I initially had back when I hopped onto the series, right after 153-154. It feels like I've been reset XD

It's pretty good, right? It's entertaining and well done. There is no need to fuss whether "Kamiki is evil!!" or "He's the final boss!", at least not right now, that'd be determined in the following eps. but for now, I think I have an idea of what it's trying to convey.

He DOES look super evil in that last panel (I keep staring at it for how ridiculous he looks)but let's look into the things that are being discussed for now-

Judging by the reaction he has, Kamiki never stopped loving Ai. The reaction in chapter 154 and the current one can coexist as emotional responses.

But it seems that after Ai died, Kamiki did a lot.

It actually matches really well with the interpretation I made after reading chapter 154 for the first time! I mean this comic I drew. I thought I might have went a bit overboard with it for awhile, for Kamiki's actions after that chapter felt milder than that, but now that 159 is out, it... seems pretty similar.

Sometimes, the first answer you pick on a test is the correct one, right? I laughed...perhaps I should trust my initial feelings about things more...they may tend to be the most accurate.

He has this, "I'm already beyond hope now, I can't be saved" vibe to him. And I saw this coming all along, I kept wondering just what is it that he'd have done. It's been pretty vague except for that case with Yura, right? (To be honest, the one death that bothers me a lot is Gorou's. Did Nino and Ryosuke kill him?? Why did Gorou die?? I really hope Kamiki wasn't involved with that case because that leads to really weird sorts of conclusions... killing the doc that helped deliver his own children;;; I hope it's just Ryosuke and Nino that's played a part there)

Judging by how he reacts to Aqua, he does have paternal love, and Kamiki’s attitude towards his children is consistently kind and gentle. His way of speech is...I've been sent the leaks in another language right..; I can tell. He speaks in a really.. kind and gentle way. Even in that last panel as well. He's so tender with his way of speaking when he talks towards his kids, so much like the lyrics of Mephisto (how the song is like as it ends) I feel like he is, or at least used to be, a sweet person. Talking to his fully grown son like that.

It seems like he genuinely wants to watch his daughter's performance. I feel Kamiki cherishes and cares for Aqua and Ruby. As for whether he would go so far as to harm the children to save Ai... I think the chances of that are low. Ai’s judgment seems correct, and if Kamiki had married Ai and lived with her, he would have been a kind and gentle father to their children.

At the same time, though, he thinks it's too late to save himself now. The attitude he has feels like self-mockery or despair. He's a bit out of vigor, in my opinion(aside from that last panel).

The key is figuring out what exactly the "lies" he told was.

Judging by Aqua's reaction, Kamiki’s involvement in Ai’s death should be minimal. If it weren’t, there should be some anger connected to the mention of Ai’s name as Aqua brought it up. For example, "Ai trusted you until the end, she wanted you to help you, but you made her die!" Because it's very natural, right? If Kamiki killed the very person who wanted to help him, it's natural to bring that up as you mention the "help".

But that’s not the case. Instead, Aqua's reaction is something like, "I’m supposed to help you, as Ai said, but you’ve been telling this 'ugly lie for your own sake' so I can’t."

I think that, to evoke this kind of response, Kamiki must have done a lot after Ai’s death, thinking he was doing it for her, but deep down, he knew it was a lie he told himself all along, and Aqua is calling him out on it.

It doesn’t seem like Kamiki killed someone with the thought that "no one can outshine Ai" (that would be really stupid;;), but rather, that he made sacrifices because he wanted to save Ai or bring her back to life. In that case, what Aqua is saying here translates to: "Hey, would Ai have wanted that? That was a crazy thing you did for your own sake and pleasure, thinking 'Ai would want to live' or 'Ai would want to reunite with the kids in any way possible.' You know that's NOT what she has ever wanted, but you lied to yourself convincing it would all be okay as long as it came true. That makes you an ugly liar."

If Kamiki did kill someone, Aqua really should report him to the police instead of meeting one-on-one. Report him, for crying out loud! Why doesn't he do that in 155 and why doesn't he try to do it now, either? He just walks up to him and starts a conversation. Didn't he figure things out with Akane earlier? Can't they just turn those pieces of evidence they found to the police if they have them?

So... that's why I’m not sure if what Kamiki did actually involved killing someone... Maybe Aqua didn’t report it or he can't because there wasn’t enough evidence? Yura is dead, that's a fact, but well, we know now for sure that Kamiki did not play a part in Ryosuke's death(who cares about him but yeah), and if he isn't the one who's killed Gorou (the one who did it is Ryosuke and Nino is his acquaintance so I think there's low chance?;) Maybe he didn't kill Yura either. He says it's his fault but at this point, I don't think he's the one that's responsible for Ai's death. There is a reason I'm saying this, stay with me for a while, okay? But he's still done something that Aqua deems as a "selfish lie".. I just don't know how severe this guy can get and what he's done but I guess he's done some terrible things...

Moving on, I don't think this character would hurt Ruby or Aqua or anyone else at this point. (Although... who knows; if he feels like he has nothing to lose, he might...) It seems like he intended to end his life to offer as the final tribute, and Aqua came to stop him. (Like, Aqua came to him to "save him" on Ai''s behalf. He didn't say he's come to "punish him" for his misdeeds... so I think it's safe to say Aqua's come to save his butt) It might tie into the supernatural elements that pop up occasionally, like when Kamiki mentioned the "gods" in chapter 147 or talked about no longer needing to offer "sacrifices." There were many intriguing and important things mentioned in that chapter.

It seems like Kamiki thinks he’s done wrong, but he can’t stop himself from continuing on the path he was, so he wants his children to kill him or get revenge on him.

Nino is truly crazy... It's unhealthy to be fixated like that on just one single person... I don’t want to think too deeply about it because it’s not something I want to empathize with. I don’t wish to feel any pity. If I were to analyze it deeply, I could, but this is the kind of dark human psyche I don’t want to delve into because it takes energy and I don't feel it's that worth it. It's already been displayed so well in this chapter, and it's creepy and perfect as it is so I don't think it needs further explanation, she's just as I pictured her to be and even.. damp and scarier in eerily realistic ways.

If I were Ai, I’d grab Nino by the collar and ask, "Nino-chan, Why are you doing this to me? Why are you like this? What did I ever do to deserve this?" what the heck...poor Ai. it's too much. She's scary.

Ryosuke is out of his mind, and what has Ichigo been doing all this time if he knew something?... Perhaps he needed solid evidence and wished to catch her when she took action? But...; I really wish Ichigo did better when Ai was still alive if he knew what was going about with Nino and Ryosuke and Ai......

So, was Kamiki the one who made Ryosuke and Nino "that way"...(as in, hopelessly insane about Ai)?

No, that's not how it's going to go.

Looking at his past, there’s no big reason or motive for Kamiki to have done something like that and I don't think he could have coerced them to feel that way about Ai, they brought it upon themselves; (Honestly, I'm curious, what’s the connection between him and Nino and Ryosuke? At this point, I feel like they did not have any particular connection before Ai's death, at this point)

Kamiki clearly recognizes that Ai is just a normal girl who has cruel and selfish sides (this is a strong difference from Nino and Ryosuke). I'm not sure when he formed that idea, but he is at least aware of that, as he's doing whatever he's been doing.

That means, if Kamiki decided to take some extreme actions "for Ai", it wouldn’t have been because of some superficial motive like wanting Ai to be perfect or the best idol(Ryosuke and Nino's actions fall here) . Instead, it would have stemmed from a more practical desire, like wanting Ai to come back or get closer to her. For Kamiki, Ai isn’t a fantasy; she’s real. She’s a person he loves. That’s why the song Mephisto and Fatal suits him. Kamiki doesn’t need Ai to be an invincible idol; he just wants the person he loves to be alive.

So, tying it into the theme of this manga, I come to the conclusion that:

It wasn’t a single person like Kamiki who made Ryosuke and Nino the way they are, but rather, the public’s expectations of Ai.

This connects to the story explored in the movie arc, where people expected Ai to be the invincible idol, leading her to lie and conceal her weak self completely.

If my interpretation is correct... this is where the story is heading.

From the start, there was no such thing as an evil mastermind or anything like that. What happened to Ai was always the result of a fan’s twisted desire for their idol to be flawless, and the public's expectation of idols reinforcing such a behavior.

In reality, it’s Ryousuke and Nino who are insane, but the culture or fervor that creates such crazy people isn’t entirely absent in this world. That seems to be the point being made.

I mentioned this in a previous post: (it's paraphrased and condensed)

"But more than that, I think the main focus of this work and the message it's trying to give is: "Even celebrities are just people in the end"... Ultimately, that's it."

This is... probably it.

If you look at it that way, Kamiki is someone who was separated from the person he loved due to such malice (if Ai and Kamiki weren’t celebrities, they would have stayed together after having the kids and lived happily... What made Kamiki’s life miserable, and brought Ai to believe it'd hurt him less if she broke up with him was the dark side of the entertainment industry. After all, the pain he went through in his entertainment career was too much, and even afterward, they couldn’t reunite despite their feelings for each other because Ai was too successful as an idol. I think that’s why they couldn’t be together). In that sense, Kamiki is almost like the biggest victim of the entertainment industry in the story because not only did he suffer from it all his life, he ultimately lost the very person he loved because of it. Ai was an idol, so there was social pressure and expectations that she shouldn’t have kids or a boyfriend. That’s why they couldn’t stay together...

Kamiki, having his life destroyed by the dark side of the entertainment industry, and upon he lost the one person he loved, Ai, ended up doing a lot of things in desperation to bring her back and see her again. That’s what's going on about in the songs Fatal and Mephisto.

We haven’t seen exactly what he's been doing in the story, but I think the songs fill that narrative. "The gathering of light"... "finding things to fill in what's missing"...

Kamiki just wants to see Ai again. He wants to see her, but he doesn’t think Ai would love him or want to meet him, so he wished for her to come back to life, and when that didn’t work, he tried to get closer to her himself.

His true feelings were that he loved Ai sincerely and only had eyes for her.

But if what he did involve needing someone else’s life to achieve that goal (and the songs do suggest that...), that’s terrifying. Lol

Ai wanted Kamiki to be saved... If there really is a sliver of chance of such things to be a possibility, what he's done should not be that extreme. Kamiki does seem to think he's beyond saving, though.

I made an analysis earlier that he may be lying to appear as evil as he can be to persuade Aqua into believing he should just die there, and that he isn't worth saving... this was before I saw the actual images, but that could be the case too. if he's really planning to give himself away as a sacrifice of some sort or die to bring Ai back/reach her, then I guess it'd make sense for him to appear as menacing and horrible as possible so that his boy wouldn't have to care about him. He IS a liar and he IS a genius actor. He wants to do something for Ai, and I think that still stands. He said he'd do it in 155 - if that means it takes his life to do so, he'd still, definitely go through with it.

We’ll probably find out what he did all along within the next 10 chapters. I also think that the manga now needs to address the stars and the gods;; The idea that Ai became a star was mentioned directly, and Tsukuyomi was also brought up. The stars were beautifully shining during the B-Komachi concert, right? It feels like Ai is giving her blessing. If my guesses about this series is correct, Kamiki should mention stuff along the lines of the supernatural when talking about his motives. I think Kamiki tried to bring Ai back to life. If he hadn’t had that hope, I feel he would have followed Ai long ago. He doesn’t seem particularly attached to his own life. That means there must have been something that gave him that sort of hope. The songs imply something like it. It's made Kamiki believe Ai could come back to life...

I wonder if Kamiki can be saved. The fact that Aqua even brought the idea of helping the guy may mean there still might be a chance. Otherwise, Aqua would just throw him in jail; there’d be no point in talking to him like this, even if it's Ai's wish. Impossible things are still impossible.

But it’s true that Kamiki really fell apart after Ai died. Whether he’s just a pitiful guy or a victim who became a perpetrator (the latter seems more likely...sadly), we’ll have to wait and see.

To be continued, I guess.

That character’s life was truly miserable, but if he ruined other people’s lives, then he should still be punished for that.

Still, In the end, it seems like everything will turn out as Ai wanted, so I’m looking forward to seeing how much Aqua can fulfill Ai’s wishes.

It was a good chapter! :)

Come to think of it, in my analysis of Ai (this was written wayy back in June, when ch 152 was fresh) , I wrote something like this:

Ai didn't want to get back together with her ex because she wanted to continue being an idol. She couldn't have a public relationship. But I think she wanted to show her kids to him because she gained a little bit of courage while raising them. That she could show her real self. When you look at a Ai, you can infer she has a lot welled up. They had always hidden themselves, and now they have "secrets" that are not just their own, living, that grow with time. She's always had vicious circle that led to self-hatred from all the lies she'd been creating, which led to anger and stress…and it was this close to being let out through the movie. Maybe that's why Aqua believes making movies is for her. It's to fulfill her desire to be freed from the lies.

This might have hit the mark. The reason it has to be a movie is because of this… if it was only Kamiki, he could have just been shown the video Ai left, but-

Aqua’s “revenge” has to be fulfilled through a movie because Ai’s situation was caused by the public’s perception of her.

If people had accepted the real Ai as a person, twisted individuals like Ryosuke wouldn’t have appeared, and Ai wouldn’t have had to lie to the person she so dearly wanted to love. If… If only Ai had survived, I think Kamiki could have reunited with her after the movie was released. Because people would have understood and accepted their circumstances. Ai would never have had to die because she had children - for being imperfect and human, as she is.

This is not a story about a psychopathic murderer getting back at his ex-girlfriend or just one crazy fan attacking their idol, it's tackling a much bigger theme than that.

So no, this isn't going to be about Kamiki being the crazy mastermind, quite the contrary. He's the one who's lost his beloved due to a societal belief that idols have to be perfect and flawless. He's the one who desperately wants to get her back after having lost her.

When I think about it, it’s really heartbreaking. Ai and Kamiki could have been happy, for sure. They really could have had it weren't it for this, I feel.

The public isn’t always so cold, so I think Ai might have wanted to take that risk…

++ Oh, wow… Aqua showed up wearing the exact outfit from the Mephisto video!

Then, if my thoughts are correct, the next chapter, or at least within a few chapters, should reveal more about the Fatal/Mephisto storyline in the series. Those songs aren’t Aqua’s, they’re Kamiki’s.

+++ Didn't mention but Kamiki looks even younger than Aqua in that last panel, he looks kinda adorable in a very freaky way. Ai didn't mention his looks for nothing.. he still has it over the age of thirty...

yeah, I'll believe in him for just a little longer. I really hope the next chapter continues where it left off and just TELL US what he's been up to for once. This chapter is 159 so I guess it'd be the last ep of a volume, Yeah, that'd definitely make people wish to buy the next copy

but I really want answers at this point, stop the taunts.

If Mephisto and Fatal ain't the story of this guy then tbh, nothing would make sense to me about this guy nor the story. Aside from the fact that it matches his characteristics and lores in a perfect sense, it's just a really strong hunch I get. The moment I first heard Fatal, I knew it had to be it. I can't explain how it happens but I just know what it's supposed to imply. So there!

Till next week!

[casually-slips-into-coma]

spoilers for iwtv s2e5!!!

initial thoughts throughout:

dubai armand in this ep specifically seems a lot happier than normal. very smiley and kind of excited? like more energy than usual. mans was ready to eat

this fucking turtleneck

loumand library dates

hypnotized security as one does

i like that armand likes to hunt his kills. thought it was a cool detail

made me think of when armand tells daniel to run in the book

daniel was there for gay sex the drugs were just a bonus

he barely registered the coffin. he was like ok ig

the zodiac killer lol

daniel struggling to get the tape out of the plastic lmao

some coke for the gums just in case

you were lonely louis (gagged him)

the extreme change in vibe from daniel shitting himself about louis being a vampire to him laughing along while louis complains about his ex

book quotes!!

daniel validating louis complaining about lestat. theyre just gossiping at this point

BIG time asshole

daniel making A Point and then going sorry and louis saying no,,,,,that🫵was astute🗣🗣

“can u do the fang thing again? i love that, man” hes just like me fr

dangerously unstable psyche ((clocked))

im kinda with her get off that bench brother😭 [about claudia leaving]

jacob the actor you are

ok this whole argument between louis and armand was insane and i replayed it like a million times

kinda love louis coked tf out

being called boring fucking hurts thats a wild argument

he called you a soft beige pillow suffocating him girl u gotta stand up

armand really locked on to the word fascinating

louis said lick my boots😝

gremlin sighting👀

“chop my hands off”👀👀👀👀

picking LINT❓❓off the sofa⁉��� ⁉️

armand mocking him “oh its so hard to be me, its so hard to kill humans, i can feel her feelings as i drain her, louis de point du lac, everyone i know wronged me!”

imitating each others accents

my vampire daddy groomed me into a little bitch holy fuck when they go low i go lower

THE NAME!! the name!! unuttered in our home for 23 years said over and over again until it was pounding in my brain like a hammer!!!!

assad deserves every award my man was actiiiinnggg

she didnt love you/i know

louis :(((

“can u hear her? shes calling me…” ok what if i kms

and then louis runs into the sunlight🙃

hello loml: practical effects

sidestep the big picture get the story straight first daniel said lets lock the fuck in rn we gotta focus

“you said the worst things youve ever said to me” hes just a sopping wet cat

hes fine youre fine this is fine youre all fine

finally seeing unhinged armand ive prayed for times like these

i stand by my cancelled wife btw

small detail of different memories: in louis’ version he apologizes to armand and armand says “meaningless word” and then moves on to talk about the slanted floor. in daniel’s version he remembers the dead guy and the same scene plays out except armand explains he killed the neighbor in between “meaningless word” and how the floor is slanted

vibrating eyes

LOVING how this episode is shot. all the different angles and the camerawork and the fucking MUSIC

canon that louis fucks guys and then kills them fic writers get to it

“128 boys hes brought here—“ “he said it was 5🥺”

daniel basically saying look man ill suck ur dick if u let me go

and then armand making him kneel

armand so unnerving <3

i know its kinda dumb to point out but i love small details of vamp power. specifically how armand picked up that table like it weighed nothing and when he picked up louis

love the idea of louis being like ok just put your feet in the rocks itll help

sopping wet cat armand!!!

but also he really let louis suffer for days instead of just giving him blood to ease the pain😬

lestats voice caught me off guard genuinely

interesting that armand knows where lestat is. i wonder how the show is gonna go about it. is he in the ground??

and refusing to pass along the i love you message……….theres layers here

u left me for death :((

have i atoned for my part of paris👀👀

the armand daniel bite was very do u know what it means to be loved by death

itty bitty armand fangs

need him alive as a testament to our companionship wtf are we even talking about anymore

arun/maitre😵‍💫

the fucking sunglasses im pissing😭😭

he got that shit on tho

welcome back trinity from the matrix

also just the fact that armand came back like yum i had so much fun on that hunt😁 anyway what are you two up to😇☺️

and louis and daniel just had a harrowing 2 hours trying to recover lost memories and coming to the realization that theyve been mega gaslit for decades

armand saying exactly what louis told daniel word for word

a hunch🫢

i love this show

im so excited for next weeks episode this story is unfolding so beautifully. im even more curious now about why and how this second interview is happening. ((also am very confused/curious about what looks like a protest in the promo??))

[lisa-grdjc]

how should i even start…

im sorry in advance if some things don’t make sense, im still feeling like a mess that ep really did a number on me;-;

i think what really got me was that so far we have never seen someone as kind as takaaki getting that upset before, to the point where he became physically violent.

and that goes for hiro as well.

two young men who let their emotions get the best of them after months of running away from their problems and calling each other out on it, when they weren’t in the right headspace and both battling with their own inner struggles. hypocrisy, to put it bluntly…

we have takaaki, who i assume has been dealing with guilt of some sort (making assumptions for now since we don’t have the full story yet, it seems), guilt over running away from his family after his kid brother’s death, over not going to visit his grave for reasons we’ve yet to know, and so on… what i can confidently say is that, it’s complicated.

meanwhile, hiro is scared. he’s scared of dying, so much that he’d rather look away and pretend everything is fine (which is understandable…).

he keeps putting off his hospital appointment, because if he goes, and the doctor tells him the same thing he did six months ago and this time takaaki is with him to hear it, there’s no running away from that anymore—funny thing is, it didn’t matter that much to him back then, but that was before knowing how fun fishing is and how warm and fuzzy dinners at the back of Everymart and a friend’s kindness feel. that might be what he is afraid of losing, along with his life.

and maybe, just maybe… thinking that takaaki might care and worry about him only out of guilt for the little brother he couldn’t save hurts way more than hiro can admit but i wouldn’t be too sure. takaaki’s always been super kind from the start, before finding out about hiro’s disease. (btw i still can’t think of a reasonable explanation for why he offered to take care of his debt and live at his home without asking for much in return, so that hiro, who he barely knew at the time, could get a fresh start…)

whoops im kinda straying from what i initially wanted to talk about and went off on a tangent but im not even really sorry these two lads and their relationship mean so much to me—

anyways. back to their fight… hopefully i still have a few somewhat coherent thoughts left in me but that would be overestimating my cognitive abilities…

cuz now all i can think about is how darn attractive takaaki looked during the whole scene—

and how when i said i wanted to see him pin hiro against the wall this isn’t exactly the context i had in mind…:(

genuinely wondering how come fictional men get ten times hotter the more miserable they feel… that’s crazy…

okay enough.

i want them to talk it out in the next ep. have a real, calm heart to heart. and a fucking hug

boy i need them to hug like their lives depend on it im so serious.

also huge props to hiro’s voice actor because holy shit these cries were gut wrenching i felt them in my soul—

[a-door-to-somewhere]

Watching skeleton crew, here's a bunch of my unorganized thoughts and theories for ep 1-5, spoilers below!!!

- first off i genuinely like this show. It knows what it is and owns its allusions to Goonies and other pirate media. It really nails the campy/cheesy feel in earnest- it doesn't feel cheap. I'm also glad that it's rather small stake-wise (in the scheme of things). I think it was a good decision in general to have a nice self contained story here

- I'm really glad Neel looks so good. Seriously, we haven't had an alien quite this non-humanoid have such a prominent speaking role in a WHILE. like, ahsoka, jecki, and the various wookies were all make up or costume based. Neel is not acted using a human face and yet his expressions feel so readable and he's not stiff or uncanny. It's like what jar jar could have been

- I love jack/jod/silvo/dash/whatever he's so cringe fail. I genuinely don't know if he is tied to actual jedis or if he's force sensitive or if he's faking it somehow. The framing around his use of the force is so clever it's making me second guess things: initially when he levitates the key over, the force theme plays and he's even wearing a little cloak. However he's only shown using levitation to summon thing, and not mind tricks, force pushes, or even a general ability to have "bad feelings" about things. Also, that one line in ep5 about forgetting his parents because they're 'attachments?' If he isn't associated with jedi, that's some really funny lampshading, star wars

- I love kb. No further notes here

- yes I see it. You're telling me jod tied that pirate robot down. What freaks. Gay af

- it occurs to me that if at attin was completely sheltered from the war and effectively still in old republic era (they didn't know about alderaan 💀) then they might not even be aware of the Purge. They might not even be aware of the propaganda spread by the empire of the jedi becoming traitors. Clearly jedi are still rare, but they might not understand how rare jedi actually are and why. Poor Wim nobody tell him about order 66

- I love how the parents are dealing with andor-esque dystopian surveillance nightmares but because it's a b plot in a kids show it's mostly used for comedy. I actually love the Utopian with a secret trope, at attin totally reminds me of the City of Embers with the Great Work and the test and all that

- I'll put more as I think of it :D

[dragon-flies-72]

I've seen a lot of theories on who the murderer is in TAoM (CHECK IT OUT IF YOU HAVENT ITS ONLY AN EP LONG BUT ITS SOO GOOD) but I've not seen one on Winn yet which surprises me because she was the first one I thought of.

1. First of I find it real strange that she didn't notice OC was missing when she woke up? I get that she was startled by being covered in water but her page is right next to OCs, you're telling me when she woke up she didn't even register the ripped page?? This is probably my biggest reason, the page being ripped seems to be a really big deal to all the characters so surely Winn would've made a big deal of it once she woke up.

2. Also, I hate to be that person but she was the first one to start pointing fingers. Instead of assuming something else she accused Albie seemingly out of nowhere? (Ive watched the episode a few times and i dont know why she immediately accused Albie? I get she was first to agree with Giogno but they all did so it cant be that)

3. Then there's the conversation we first here when they wake up

"So you're saying you just woke up like that?"

"Yeah what the fluff is this wet stuff"

From this conversation alone I think it's safe to say Winn woke up first (or second), if Albie did I think she would've seen Winn wake up and therefore wouldn't have asked that initial question. (For the record this is assuming she saw Winn wake up). From the sounds of this conversation anyone would assume Albie was either second or last to wake up, I'm betting on last because it makes the most sense that Winn wakes up first, then Souske and finally Albie. It also seems like Winn is typically the first to wake up as she awoke at 12:01 the first night so safe to assume she's usually first or second awake.

4. I haven't seen many people address this but there's also the possibility they didn't wake up dirty, we can see that they move around the room whilst Pip is asleep so it's plausible that the murderer could've woken up ripped the page out and whilst disposing of it they got covered in dirt or water, the dirt option seem less plausible because that would mean they left the room (its mud sooo) leaving Winn as the only option

Anyways thats just one of my many theories, i think it could genuinely been any of them (might start making cases for all of them lol been a while since ive gotten back into murder mystery) or Pip ripping it out, bullies ect (those just seem a bit too predictable to me). There no way of telling at this point all the characters are a bit too sus so we're just gonna have to keep speculating whilst waiting for the next sketchbook!

[velvet-vox]

Notes of my final Murder Drones rewatch before ep 8

(These thoughts are uncollected and unrevised, proceed with lowered expectations)

Originally, I was about to make a three-part long post before episode eight comes out.

In the first part I would have analysed Cyn's character and showcased her possible depth and ties to N's character arc.

Then in the second part I compared the Doll, Cyn and J trio to Uzi, N and V, showing the parallels between each member of their respective squad, which would then lead to the final part.

Part 3 is my defacto theory on how certain elements of episode 8 would have played out, with J as a main focus in it, due to her being the V parallel, but then, as the day passed, I realised something:

I'm an analyst, not a theorist, and while it could be fun to make a theory on episode 8 to see how right and wrong I was in retrospect, it's not an activity that I'm particularly fond of, plus, while my opinions on Cyn have changed with time (I'm going to get there), the reason why I kind of like her now completely hinges upon head canons that hopefully are going to be confirmed, because otherwise, my opinion on the character could get even worse than what it once was.

One of the main reasons as to why I wanted to realise this project was to see if I could get invested into Cyn in the same way I got more invested into Rebecca with the analysis I've made on her, but why bother doing that when I'm sure episode 8 is (hopefully) going to fill me in on her character?

I'm not finding the time nor willpower that I wished that I had to complete any projects lately, and due to my constant need for perfectionism (need that it's being deliberately ignored in the writing of this post), I just keep shooting myself in the feet.

Anyway, let's just skip the intro and directly segway to the important stuff:

Uzi:

Uzi is a complicated character for me. She was my favourite character in the Pilot and dropped down massively after that, and I never understood why: I came up with a bunch of explanations for myself, such as "her development isn't engaging" and "she doesn't get challenged in interesting ways that isn't just plain torture" and "she's the most enigmatic character in the show, her actions don't make any sense to me", and I was particularly sure of that last one, not in the sense that Uzi was evil all along, but in the sense that Uzi was being written as a twist villain in the same way Goultard from Wakfu had been coded as such before the third season of that series revealed us why;

But this last rewatch finally made me understand what my problem with her was.

Aside from the rushed development, which is something the entire series struggles with, I've realised that there's an extremely subtle layer of complexity to pilot Uzi that her show's self lacks: see, despite Uzi acting like a gremlin at various points in the pilot, one thing that really surprised me about how Uzi was initially characterised is that, aside from her moments of emotional impulsivity, Uzi... is actually relatively chill?

The best way I could describe it is that serie's Uzi to me is a child to take care of; I would act nice, kind, patient to ep 1 through 7 Uzi just to get on her good side so that she wouldn't bother me as much as she bothers her peers, hopefully helping her grow up as an individual and stop acting so horribly, and help her find someone else who appreciates her for who she is, so that I wouldn't have to deal with her any longer, while pilot Uzi is someone I would genuinely like to spend time with as she's secretly a pretty chill gal, even if I would still be afraid of her, just like the rest of her classmates.

The pilot makes it extremely clear that Uzi's angsty teen persona is just that: a facade. It's not the real her. This added a layer of intrigue to Uzi in the pilot, where it felt like there was so much more to her than what we were shown at first;

But nope. The rest of the show comes out and Uzi is just that: a wild, emotionally unstable teenage gremlin-girl, who isn't even at the centre of the story despite all of the screen time that she has.

I always thought that Liam didn't want me to sympathise with Uzi, as I thought his modus operandi was "Make the character interesting, don't make them sympathetic" but as the show went along and it fell down even further into a classical good versus evil plotline (something that requires is own post), it kind of became harder to shrug off how genuinely unlikable she is to me. I like N a lot, and I kinda like V whenever her fans are nowhere to be seen, but I don't really sympathise with either of them, I just find them to be engaging.

I like the Murder Drones cast because they are interesting characters, not because they are good people. Yet, from the way Uzi is written, it feels like I'm supposed to consider her the hero, when in reality, she feels more like an unwilling plumber forced to take out the clog (Absolute Solver) unwillingly.

(Also Doll is a much better foil to Pilot Uzi than she is to canon show Uzi, but that's a discussion for another time)

But that's enough of that. Let's talk about the episodes:

Episode 1 through 3:

I plan to do an in-depth ranking of all 8 episodes of Murder Drones once the ending comes out, so consider these my rapid fire opinions on each and every single one of them.

The pilot is the best aged episode of Murder Drones to me even if a lot of its elements have been decanonised, and it could as well end up becoming my favourite episode of the show when it's all said and done.

Episode 2 is as weak as ever, but one thing that always bothered me about this episode is the ending where Uzi just decides to go back into the colony with Khan.

Now, it's no secret that Murder Drone's everything is extremely rushed, but for most of its runtime, this episode gave me the impression that Murder Drones was going to be a slow burn, long running mystery series, only for the ending to come along and leave me dumbfounded by what the pacing of the show was going to turn into.

Heartbeat is also the only episode where my opinion hasn't changed since first watching it. I thought it was mid at first, and I still consider it to be so.

My thoughts on it are a little bit more complicated than that, but I'm reserving them for the future.

You can slice it however you want, but episode 3 has aged HORRIBLY, it's not even in my top 5 best episodes anymore, and yes, it's exactly because of the focus character of this episode turning out the way she did in episode 7.

Say whatever you want, but to me, the third episode is not an Uzi episode, it's not an N episode, it's barely a V and Lizzy episode and partially a Nuzi episode, and it's certainly not a Khan episode.

For the most part, The Promening is a Doll episode; she's the character the episode is wasting most of its runtime on, introducing her, her parents, making her a mysterious threat; in comparison, the Nuzi and V stuff is mostly secondary, and could have definitely been developed further if the episode didn't have someone else as it's main focus.

Doll:

I never wanted Doll to survive the season; I never wanted her to live, I never wanted her to die, I never wanted her to be redeemed, nor did I want her to stay evil till the end; all I ever wanted, was for Doll to be well-written, and as it stands, I don't think Doll does enough or is explored sufficiently as a character to justify her relevance or existence, especially since a lot of other characters could benefit from some extra screen time, and while a lot of people might think that just bringing her back to life would fix some of her problems, I don't think they really understand all of the underlying issues that come with such a choice:

If Doll were ever to come back, she for sure would get a redemption arc, because what else is there to do? She lost all of her screen presence, she's no longer even remotely threatening, her story is so divorced from our current one to be straight up disposable, a lot of people see her as just a joke after the seventh episode, and in general, she's no longer a credible villain to see on screen.

And yet, I don't think a redemption arc would work for Doll at this point. Her character wasn't built up enough aside from being mysterious for the sake of it, I don't think a redemption arc would work, because it would require too much time for it to work, and time is the one thing Murder Drones always lacked, what makes you think a second season, let alone one episode would even fix?

I'm pretty pessimistic about episode 8, unless it's all one giant ruse and there is, in fact, a second season. The math just doesn't add up, episode 8 can't possibly be a satisfying conclusion or an unsatisfying conclusion done right, I fear it will be one giant clusterf##k.

Cabin Fever, Intermission, and Home:

Episode 4 is about as good as I remember it to be, and aside from noticing a couple of new details useful for my analyses, I don't have much to say about it.

I got the chance to watch @ghoulinfuschia 's Murder Drones Intermission together with the other episodes this time around, so now I finally have the chance to praise it a little bit.

Murder Drones Intermission is a fan made episode of Murder Drones set between episode four and five, made entirely by a crew of fans.

It's an amazing product for what it's worth and by how it was made, and while it's not perfect and I consider it far from possibly being canon, it does fill in nicely into the show's timeline, and improves a lot on some of the weakest story beats of the series. It was definitely a nice break from me while rewatching all of the episodes, and I recommend it wholeheartedly to anyone who wants to check it out.

It's pretty ironic how episode 7 retroactively managed to worsen episode 3 and improve episode 5, but that's genuinely how I feel about Home now:

I'm about to be real with you, Tessa being dead all along was the only tid bit of major character's death that wasn't wasted, as now that I know why Tessa's wasn't the episode's protagonist, I'm much more accepting of the way in which episode 5 played out; it's clear that Liam never wanted us to get attached to Tessa beyond any simple "she's a nice, abused, teenage girl that treats N nicely" type of feeling, also the tradeoff for her death and humanity apparent extinction was well worth it in my opinion, which is something I can't say for V or... her.

But now it's finally time to talk about the actual main character of this episode:

Cyn:

I'm about to say something that I've never thought I would end up saying for real:

Did you know, that Cyn, is an actually interesting character in her own right?

I never did.

Quite frankly, I kind of heavily hated Cyn up until some time ago.

To me, at the start, Cyn was just a cool visual threat that would have hopefully been fleshed out in the future, but then, not only is she still remaining just a one note villain at this point of the show's runtime (aka the "finale"), but she also ended up killing a far more nuanced and slightly more fleshed out antagonist, while also not really doing anything to fulfill the compelling character void left by the aforementioned character.

Hot take: the fandom's portrayal of Cyn as this unbelievably silly creature of pure autism ruined her character, as well as the general discourse surrounding her.

To me, mass murderers should only be blorbified once their first major focus arc in a story has been concluded. It's why I'm fine with the blorbification of characters such as Qilby and William Afton, and I'm not with Cyn.

The thing about blorbifying is that, you are actively distorting canon for your weird fantasies, which is something that I'm fine with, but only once said characters have received their narrative catharsis.

I don't really view Cyn as a serious or heinous threat at this point in time, and that's all due to how much the fanbase ended up babyfying her to no end, giving her the Jax treatment with the main difference being that Jax has had is funny blorbo illusion already shattered, while Cyn still has it at this point in the show's runtime where she should be at her most evil and intimidating yet.

But that's enough of that; as I've already stated, now that we know that adult Tessa was Cyn all along... Cyn has just become such an interesting character to me, not for the mystery and creepiness surrounding her, but for the ways in which she could end up paralleling N.

... If that's actually what's going to happen.

It all hinges upon Cyn actually being worth the hype and the rushed developments, because otherwise, she could go from being my third favourite character to my absolute least favourite.

Episode 6 and 7:

I appreciate the Jurassic Park section of this episode for being a break from everything going on and for setting up the plot twist in the following episode.

Although her section bores me a little bit, I'm just gonna come out and say it: Alice is in my opinion the best humanoid antagonist in the entirety of Murder Drones, and unless that changes in episode 8 (which I doubt, sorry Cyn but I don't have a lot of faith in you), I'll make an entire post dedicated to her detailing why that's the case.

As for who or what I think is the overall best antagonist of the show...

It's the Sentinels, and it's not even close.

I'm still as emotionless as ever when it comes to V's demise. I believe it was stupid, but there are more passionate V fans to talk about it.

And last but not least, I can finally agree with what everyone else has said: Mass Destruction is the best episode of Murder Drones, and for me, it's all due to how genuinely funny it is.

I've become pretty apathetic to Murder Drone's horror elements due to how excessively prevalent and misused they are throughout the course of the series, so now the comedy actually hits harder, and this episode is extremely funny and comedic, even Doll's death is now hilarious to me, even if for other reasons, and the pacing finally feels appropriate now that the show has completely given up being a mystery adventure and fully embraced the end of the world battle shenanigans.

The episode did feel too fast paced when I first saw it at release, but it was mostly because of how slow the previous episodes were, now after a while the pacing finally feels normal, even if the episode is just bombarding me with lore left and right.

Ah.

.

.....

We're doomed.

[quodekash]

okay bitchessss now for episode 12 we are thoughts/reactions

look at his smile, hes so bbg

Q’S REACTION IM CRYING

BRO HE SSO FLUFFY RN

im losing it

phum announced to peem that he likes him in front of the entire group, and so peem instructed phum to hit on him

guys.

GUYS.

WE'RE PAST THIS POINT

YOU GUYS HAVE KISSED. SO MANY FUCKING TIMES.

ITS BEEN ESTABLISHED THAT YOU GUYS LIKE EACH OTHER ALREADY

I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT YOU LIKE EACH OTHER

WE WERE PAST THIS 7 FUCKING EPISODES AGO HOW ARE WE STILL HERE 😭

PUN BEING A BIRD DADDDD

HEMEANS SO MUVH TO ME

CHAIM’S HEREEEEE

theyre so in love with each other

theyre dating they just dont know it I swear

I LVOE FRIENDS TO LOVERS HOLT SHIT

im losing it

THE SONG IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND 😭

I HAVE SO MUCH HOPE FOR THISNEPISODE

THEYRE SO PRETY AND IN LOVE 😭😭😭

Peem’s aunt being phum’s wingman is the best, I adore her so so much

Im gonna cry. Weve had this conversation. It’s been fucking clear that you like each other for SEVEN FUCKING EPISODES ever since you KISSED EACH OTHER UNDER THE NIGHT SKY on an IMPORTANT HOLIDAY, and LITERAL FUCKING FIREWORKS WENT OFF

and since then, you both have, on average, kissed more than once an episode

last episode you kissed at least 5 times but it might be more than that. the episode before that, you kissed 3 times. phum said to you last episode that he wants to be water, because being around water makes you feel good, and he wants to make you feel good. if i recall correctly, at the end of episode 10, he asked if you liked him, and you didnt respond. he kissed you. and then i think you asked him if he liked you, and he kissed you again, and asked if that was good enough of a response. so its PRETTY FUCKING CLEAR that you guys are HEAD OVER HEELS FOR EACH OTHER, and you should FUCKING DATE ALREADY

Then why have you INITIATED a kiss with him (checks notes) fIVE FUCKING TIMES??

this is genuinely so frustrating, it feels like we’re going in circles 😭

okay that was fuckin smooth ngl

AND HE FALLS FOR IT AGAIN 💀

CVJHGCVGCHG THEY HOLDEN HANS

FINALMENTE RAGAZZI

thEYRE BOYFRIENDSSSSSS

FUCKING FINALLYYYYY

HE LEANED IN FOR A KISS BUT THEYRE IN PUBLIC SO TOEY GRABBED HIS BAG TO COVER THEIR FACES

IM OBSESSED WITH THEM

THEYRE MAKING OUT

THEYRE BOYFRIENDS AND THEYRE KISSING

THERYE SO FUCKING CUTE

tanfang 😭😭😭😭😭

they said ily to each other

they make me so ehrjgierubgsehgbr

theyre literally my ideal relationship

i cant explain it i just fucking want it

the fact they're making out again after phum asked "when will you finally know that I love you" makes me hopeful that that means theyre boyfriends now and we can stop pretending the several makeout scenes and confessions didnt happen

THE FUCKING HANDS 😭😭😭😭

theres smomething about shots of hands that just gets to me

im full sobbing rn

phum stole someone's horse

this is the first time ive seen a horse in a bl

its such a foreign concept to me that my brain is telling me the horse is cgi, even tho its obviously not, but like im so certain it is

it jsut feels so out of place

Its not real

no way is that horse real

okay welp. that was the episode.

we got barely any punchain, and there wasnt really anything of them in the trailer for next ep

BUT I HAVE FAITH FOR NEXT WEEK

THE PUNCHAIN / MARCPOON MV THO !!

they are THE friends to lovers, istg that was the cutest mv of anything ever theyre so sweet

kill me now

[theoxvest]

Finally finished Wyrdwood ep 1 today. I really really liked it. I love the vibe of the show. I'm looking forward to the debt mechanics. I liked the fact its set up has a lot of gears in place already. I liked that combat was actually a challenge. This is gonna be a banger for me.

Now onto the PCs

Right now Happen is my fav. When I saw the initial character art and thought Luke was going to be playing some stoic steathly ranger I was disappointed, but seeing the real Happen in action was great. Rangers are my class so that was exciting. Mostly though just this weird little luck pervert is so much fun. The sprites are such a fine choice, the Cadence die is high stakes, and his joy at the crits is such a fun way to make lore around mechanics.

Willowfine is such a treat. Its so nice to see a genuinely nice oxventure character who is just here for the right reasons. Playing against the normal violent or evil magic loving previous characters Jane has played does so much to keep her unique.

Cressida is awesome. My favorite Ellen performance was as Merilwen in Corozans body where she was way more cocky and self obsessive than normal. This scratches that itch perfectly. I love that this women is more knowledgeable about cities and high-class events too. I love when a characters backstory specifically gives them information the others just would never know.

Robin/Morven is probably my favorite Andy character(s). Genuinely so different from any character type oxventure has tried before. I love this concept and mystery so much and am excited to see where it goes. .

Lug is neat. I hope we get to learn more about him as the series progresses. So far its been fun to see Mike play the straight man in a team for once. Also just being a fireblog is very fitting for this campaign setting.

[been-around-seen-things]

Even more Eps 6 and 7 thoughts because I can’t stop thinking about them

Thanks to numerous helpful conversations with pirate friends, I have gone on quite the journey in my understanding of Stede and Ed’s sexual encounter in ep 6. I’ve gone from “noooo not like that” to “okay, I can deal” to “this is the only thing that makes sense for them for so many reasons.” Neither Stede nor Ed is in a genuinely healthy emotional place. Given Stede’s trauma response to the choice he made just prior, it’s entirely understandable for him to seek what solace he could from the person he cares about most. AND they just watched each other be tortured! Why wouldn’t they carpe noctem?

Truthfully, I don’t think I’d have started with such a negative interpretation if I’d seen only ep 6 and not 7 right after. Sure, they rushed into it; certainly, it wasn’t going to erase Stede’s trauma. But the whole near-death experience of it all raised the stakes, and two people who are obviously in love (even if they’re still not fully communicating) had an incredibly human reaction to surviving the situation they found themselves in. Adding 7 into the mix initially made it feel not worth it to me—I found what Stede couldn’t help but take as rejection after his first meaningful, truly wanted sex so very gutting. But the guys certainly weren’t thinking ahead like that, and their split shortly after doesn’t undercut that that moment of physical connection actually lined up perfectly with who they are with all their flaws as well as the heightened intensity of what they’d just been through. So now I think it’s messy but brilliant and more appropriate than something more idealized could’ve been. The latter simply wouldn’t have rung true for them; not yet.

Well played, DJ&co.

[carulenes]

an analysis of wolfwood’s characterization in trigun stampede as well as his connection to vash (+ why i believe he’s likely much older than we think)

okay i’ve been thinking abt this since eps 10 or 11 were released (this show became my special interest the second it dropped if i'm being completely honest) but its been scratching at my brain ever since i read the sakuracon radio interview and since i haven’t seen anyone talking abt this yet i figured i may as well because it’s clear they really did pull very extensively from the manga and i really am loving how they adapted his character. also i occasionally keep seeing the “tristamp wolfwood is a kid/is 14-15” takes which i need to at least try to help put to rest bc they make no sense given his other iterations and would actively make the story worse.

a quick tldr of my main points before i get on my very long winded soapbox:

wolfwood in trigun stampede has been used as an undying, unkillable soldier by the eye of michael for decades.

rollo as a character, as opposed to monev the gale, was designed specifically as a metaphor for wolfwood’s backstory.

wolfwood and vash are written to be literal complements to one another.

I literally don’t think I have the space to talk abt all my thoughts, and ofc these are all my personal thoughts so any and all of what i’m saying could be wrong, but direct analysis of eps 4-7 (as I think they’re the most important) and discussion of his trajectory in general under the cut (obvious spoilers for the show but also the manga as well as tw: discussions of suicide/suicidal ideation as well as the general tw list for the show's graphic content):

Starting first with a side point that Wolfwood was never a child at any point he was with Vash during thecourse of the story, including the manga. He has always been a man in his 20s, with trimax ww having the appearance of being in his 30s or 40s. It is absolutely crucial to his and Vash’s characterizations, as well as their entire dynamic together, that Wolfwood is an adult. Could make an entire separate post about this, but I feel like starting here is important.

Onto the sakuracon japan radio interview. The team gave a LOT of interesting insight into the development of the show, but one specific point stood out to me:

This is important, because I definitely missed it during the show’s initial run, but I think it’s REALLY obvious once you know what you’re looking for, and is a big factor in why I think he’s likely older than we realized.

————

EP 4: These are the very first lines that are said about him in the show, and the very first time we see him, he is absolutely exhausted:

We know that at this point, Wolfwood is likely on his way to Jeneora Rock to meet up with Vash to fulfill his contract...until Vash and co. quite literally slam into him (and his life) unexpectedly, nearly killing him with their van. He probably should’ve died except… he’s on his feet almost instantly, able to walk perfectly fine and being a jackass as though he didn’t get launched halfway across the desert by a moving vehicle. Which is… odd, naturally.

When they try to find help and instead find the dead couple, he specifically mentions that he isn't a priest like he's been in other iterations. He's now an undertaker, someone meant to guide others through their deaths:

His personality is hard to tap down. He's goofy and childish and downright unlikeable, and there's a hint of something lurking deeper, something menacing and potentially dangerous. So much so that Roberto is on edge the entire time their group is together after being swallowed by the Grand Worm, and flat out tells Vash that Wolfwood is untrustworthy and likely an assassin, "a man who can kill with a smile on his face". And Vash’s response is… really fucking weird, given how long the two have known each other:

not to mention he's wearing sunglasses Wolfwood is rightfully very ??? in response because, what the fuck is he talking about, and why is he so genuine about it, they just met???

Fast forward to a bit later, when Wolfwood is like "hey man, you really shouldn't be so trusting. I could've shot you in the back several times now." To which Vash is like "but you didn't, though." And Wolfwood is even more confused because is this guy stupid???

And then it's time for the final act: Wolfwood reveals his Punisher, destroying the Grand Worm while giving the illusion of taking out Zazie as well. Meryl was informed by someone that Wolfwood had been the one to save them all, but when she tries to thank him, he immediately shifts the subject, being annoying and arguably completely unlikeable. Roberto points out that Wolfwood had lied about who he was, trying to get Vash to realize that he still can't be trusted, and again Vash shoots it down: "We're alive because of him."

Wolfwood showed his role as the Punisher without hesitation, and not only was Vash not really phased by it, but he actually seemed to be inspired by him, stopping his self-destructive tendencies and even repeating his own words back to him. And that's the moment we finally learn his name in the show:

But then, almost immediately, we have a complete reversal of his scene with Vash in the Worm. It’s also of note that Zazie always specifically says human lives:

————

EP 5: One of the most important episodes in this discussion, and it starts with the name alone, "Child of Blessing". Here’s a very general summary:

A young boy in a much less than ideal living situation is chosen to be 'a blessing upon the world through his sacrifice', which turns out to secretly be mutilative experimentation on children in search of a subject compatible with a mysterious medicine that can heal any injury. The meds warp him, morph him into something that doesn't even appear to be human. He tries to return home, but his mother, the only family he knows and loves, is terrified of him. She calls him a monster, and the boy finds himself struggling to articulate who he is. Then, he wanders alone alone without purpose in that unchanging altered body, a body that can withstand lethal amounts of damage directly because of the meds, for at least 20 years. All he has is a single name: Vash the Stampede, the person who promised to save him, and the one person who managed to bring back his consciousness in the end, if only for a moment.

The moment Nicholas sees Rollo regenerate is the second the switch flips. He instantly demands to know what the fuck is up with him, and when Vash responds telling him that he was too late to give him the medicine he needed, Wolfwood shuts down, because he recognizes himself. From this moment until the rest of the episode, we are no longer seeing Nicholas D. Wolfwood; we're seeing Nicholas the Punisher.

Vash continues to push Rollo to remember who he is, while Nicholas continuously says that there's no way to save him, that he's already a monster now. In the final moments, Nicholas inevitably feels tasked with Rollo's death like the undertaker he is, and when Vash angrily demands to know why he took the shot, his response is:

When discussing Rollo's killer, Elendira refers to Nicholas by name, but Conrad specifically states that no, he is the Punisher.

In vol 10 of the manga, Vash thinks to himself: “I met a strange man. Just as I thought we had come to an understanding, I found that our core beliefs were opposed to each other. I was used to such situations, but I wonder how he felt.”

————

EP 6: This episode builds directly upon the foundations set by the episode prior. Child of Blessing ended with Rollo being referred to repeatedly as a monster, and this episode begins with Nicholas in the middle of completing a kill. Right before he does, his victim gets one final glance at his assailant, an inhuman looking executioner, and calls him a monster… directly because he will not die. He’s also been shown knocking back meds like tequila shots in tristamp, which we all know was NOT possible in the manga. During the flashback scene, Nicholas is literally called the Child of Blessing.

We see a very similar sequence with Nicholas that we saw with Rollo; the horrific torture, the bodily mutilation (during which Conrad specifically mentions that the drug will heal all damage done the body, as well as rebuild and strengthen the cells), and the attempt to return home:

Something different happens with Nicholas, though. Nicholas can't go home; he’s literally yanked away from his chance at freedom by Legato. Nicholas can’t go home, likely ever again in his mind, because Hopeland Orphanage and the Eye of Michael represent two fundamentally different ideals.

Hopeland (and thus Livio) is exactly like its name for Nicholas: it is is land of hope, the only place in the world where Wolfwood was allowed to exist freely. When Nicholas was taken by EoM, Wolfwood began to die.

The entirety of the EoM is shrouded in imagery of death and rebirth, specifically in regards to humanity. Humanity in this case has a dual meaning: humanity as a species, and humanity as a concept. Their philosophy is that the end justifies the means in that humans in this form will be preserved and would likely live exceedingly longer lives but, as repeatedly mentioned, there are side effects.

Aging and death are integral parts of the human experience, the two aspects of life that we ALL experience regardless of circumstance. Can you be human without humanity?

The message behind these two episodes is to show that the process of becoming part of the EoM is a metaphorical crucifixion symbolizing the death of one’s humanity. And Nicholas is interesting, because he’s almost the perfect specimen in their eyes and is treated as such. Almost. The only thing holding him back are the two strands of humanity he has left, both which are nearly destroyed in the very next episode.

————

EP 7: In the previous episode, during the animated flashback of Nicholas and Livio, we see a few scattered scenes of other people living at the orphanage. Interestingly, while almost all of the children are seen with very sparse detail (or even none really at all), there is one person, the caretaker, whose face we get a pretty clear picture of. At the very beginning of this episode, we have the first and only shot of the inside of the orphanage in the usual style. While none of the children are familiar and actually aren’t incredibly distinguishable from one another, there is one figure in the room with recognizable hair, but looks considerably older than in the flashback:

During the majority of their interactions, you don’t see Nicholas and Livio interacting with any of the other children. They are simply a background, a set piece to the story and a representation of just how other they were forced to become.

This episode features them fighting each other, dealing each other what should be mortal wounds, but somehow remain standing, as though they’re perfectly fine. As if on cue, the soldiers stationed call them both monsters and run away in fear.

But Vash doesn’t run from the danger. He runs towards it.

Nicholas tries to stop him, and all he gets in return is “he’s important to you, isn’t he?” as though that’s enough. But it is enough for Vash. And Nicholas doesn’t know what to do with that.

Nicholas comes dangerously close to giving up, to giving into his role as the Punisher and killing the last bit of Wolfwood to do so, but it’s Vash who stops him. He diverts his shot and, instead of hurting Livio, literally frees Nicholas from Legato and Zazie’s trap. Vash tells him to make him remember, and Nicholas thinks it’s bullshit… until he doesn’t.

And when he finally relents, when he tries to emulate what the silly blonde idiot keeps screaming at him about… It works. For a moment, but Livio does wake up for a moment. Nicholas hadn’t been able to see Rollo, but he did see this. And he really doesn’t know what to do about it.

To drive the point home, Livio drives a bullet into his own head and falls to the ground in a scene very reminiscent of Rollo’s death… but is implied to still be alive. With him saved, now it’s time for Hopeland. And this is when the narrative really turns a focus to the balance between Nicholas and Vash.

The group is half convinced that they’re about to die snd that the town will be destroyed when, all of a sudden, it’s Nicholas who’s yelling that they have to do something. Because despite all the noise Nicholas makes about self-sacrifice and calling Vash a weirdo, he’s directly inspired by his energy, which is proven correct when Vash is the first one to side with him.

Then, somehow despite the odds, the two of them manage to work together to stop the ion cannon. Which should have been impossible. And because of this, Nicholas is finally willing to give Vash the chance to take the lead on things.

When Vash and Wolfwood discuss their plan to save Hopeland, and after they argue about which method is the correct one, the conversation they have is probably the clearest depiction of Nicholas’ inner struggle:

Nicholas: Have it your way. Just for today. I do owe you one… but if the orphanage doesn’t survive this, I’ll hurt you so bad you’ll wish you were dead before I kill you.

Vash: Wolfwood…

Nicholas: Shut up! I’m the Punisher! I’m not like you… I’m Nicholas the Punisher…

He murmurs the last line as though he’s trying to convince himself. He uses his persona as the Punisher almost like a mask, like a cat puffing up and hissing to deter predators. It’s a defense mechanism, and a trauma response. Except.. it still doesn’t work, because the entire time Vash is simply not listening. Regardless of what Nicholas says, Vash does not stop fighting Nicholas on the title that was forced on him by the EoM and, in fact, blatantly rejects it. And the moment Nicholas finishes speaking, when he declares himself to be the Punisher, the episode’s title card finally appears: Wolfwood.

It's a direct representation of this panel of Nicholas' inner monologue from the manga:

——

Nicholas and Vash’s roles as each other’s complements is emphasized very deliberately when the two work to stop the sand steamer from smashing into Hopeland. These screenshots occur one directly after the other:

Another detail the team mentioned often during the interview was attention to use of color. In color theory, blue and orange are complementary colors: hues that are opposite each other on the color wheel but, when used together, come together to create harmony and balance. Additionally, Vash is the character typically associated with warm hues, while Nicholas is paired with colder ones; with the colors flipped, it’s almost as if they are literally mirror images of each other.

The two are in the same position, in the middle of similar actions, both drawing strength from that which makes them “other” in order to work together to protect a common goal. And once again, miraculously, they succeed, able to do together what neither could ever have done together.

This mirror motif is even clearer when comparing these respective scenes from each of their respective backstory episodes:

For Nicholas and Vash, on top of sharing such a crucial common thread in their backstories, often in the show they are seen together, either side by side or back to back. Often they’re shown doing the same thing at the same time, almost as though they’re moving as one. And they consistently save each other over and over again, with Nicholas acting to save Vash physically, and Vash working to protect Nicholas’ psyche. Vash refuses to let anyone continue to see themselves as a monster, as lesser than, in much the same way Nicholas refuses to let anyone else be used as one.

They are a pair, a unit working together to create a force that is stronger than the sum of its parts.

They are both “other”, they are both different, and they both seek to protect the things they love and care about despite the excruciating pain it can put them through.

Nicholas and Vash’s entite dynamic is basically “I don’t understand you, but I recognize you. I recognize myself in you. And somehow, that’s enough for me to trust you.”

————

So with all this in mind, here is how I’ve come to understand Nicholas’ arc throughout tristamp:

When we first meet Nicholas D. Wolfwood we meet a weary man longing for death to save him, longing to be free from the purposelessness of his life but knowing the hope is futile. He works for the Eye of Michael as an assassin against his will and has for God knows how long. Not only is he no longer a priest, but he’s no longer religious at all, having no belief in God at all and a particular disdain for the false promises and hopes of salvation that are portrayed by it. He doesn’t care about the clothes he wears, whether he looks messy, whether it’s suited for the desert, because he literally doesn’t care about anything, really. He has no home, and can never go back to the orphanage— there’s likely no one left there that he knows anyway, and even of there were, they wouldn’t recognize the monster he’s become. Nicholas is tired, he’s angry, he’s potentially depressed. He fights impractically, sometimes leaving himself open to attacks he could probably block with his Punisher, but he just doesn’t care. He’s just here to do his job, which is to escort his piece of shit CEO’s assumedly equally piece of shit brother to him so they can destroy the world together and he can hopefully die off in peace.

Until he actually meets Vash, and he’s… really fucking weird. He’s dumb and naive and acts like he knows Nicholas on some deep level after they’ve just met, but… he’s not a bad guy. Just another crybaby who doesn’t understand the world. He can see the Punisher and not be frightened by it. That means something, means enough that he feels that he can introduce himself now. He still doesn’t know how to handle kindness, so he deflects whenever it’s shown to him, making irreverent jokes and being annoying in order push people away. But then he meets Rollo and has a flashback to himself. He learns that Vash is no stranger to false promises, has sold the same thing to the kid who ended up just like him, and yeah, Vash is no better than the EoM. He talks a big game but doesn’t actually know anything. Nicholas kills Rollo out of mercy because it’s what he wishes could be done to him; every day of living his life is torture.

But then his hometown and childhood best friend are suddenly in danger. He’d completely forgotten what it felt like to have something to lose, to protect. And without planning for it, Vash also becomes something to protect, because even if he doesn’t act like it, Nicholas desperately wants to believe in him. He doesn’t want the EoM to be right. But the feeling of having something to protect is terrifying, because it means you have something to lose. Nicholas gets incredibly stressed out by this, because it’s been so long that he doesn’t even remember what it feels like. But it’s enough to get him, for likely the first time in a very long time, to hope. And it’s Vash who helps him so that he’s able to hang on to that hope for a little while longer.

He still can’t get too excited, because he hasn’t actually finished his job yet. Before he does, though, he sees Vash’s scars (which was a deliberate choice, as in both the manga AND the og anime this scene went to the girls) and wow, if it weren’t for the regenerative properties of the drug, he would likely look the same. He drops Vash off with Knives and knows that Vash will likely be killed, but he’s also expecting to die himself in the fallout, so it doesn’t matter, really. Except for some reason, it does a bit. And then, yet again, Vash miraculously doesn’t die, and in fact changes the game and actually looks like he might stand a chance against Knives, and is clearly willing to die to do it.

And then July is destroyed. But, miraculously, Nicholas isn’t dead. He still finished the contract, but now… now what?

The show began with Nicholas at his lowest, and ends with Vash at his lowest point. And Nicholas owes him one.

————

INCREDIBLY long story short, it really is clear that they weren’t kidding, the team really drew SO MUCH inspiration from the themes trimax it’s unbelievable and I really really think we’re in for something incredible during the second phase. I also think it’s gonna hurt like a bitch.

[blorbingqls]

Karan and Achi beyond the mask

okay, so i am not okay from the last episode of Cherry Magic Thailand. i personally relate to Karan and Achi a lot, and i felt like writing something on this.

so, in ep 1, we saw Karan to be this perfect guy in the office: winning the awards, getting better oppurtunities and being a great cheerleader for everyone. but, we saw the "mask" shatter when Achi heard his thoughts.

our thoughts, which are so personal in real life and usually are so restricted to ourselves - its hard to imagine what they might get out of it. and, the fact that Karan, while being so perfect, is so mysterious and private of his feelings, really hits hard when you see him internally squealing over being so close to his crush. And, that is why, his crush made us go:

(but in a relatable sort of way...)

As we moved on from episode to episode, we are seeing the said mask get shatter every moment or as shrek goes:

and we first see that reflect once we understand how Karan feels about having those feelings for Achi. which he thinks is beyond shameful. but isn't love something we are told to cherish so fiercely? and thats where i related it with my initial feelings of being queer. societally, we have been told us much on not being gay that when you actually do feel it, it feels guilty. it feels wrong to have these feelings; its a shame to have them because its only just you who has it. (but it is not like that)

Karan, in his whole life, has only been perceived as a mask. a mask of good looks who somewhat can do the job. he's perfect, mysterious and flawless. but, unknowingly, he's very sad and tired of it. so much so that he was scared for Achi to discover that he reads manga. his life, beyond his office is comparatively lonelier.

then the incident happened. his first year of working with the company: in a meeting with his seniors to learn all about the trade. he has prepared everything, he did the research and practiced what to speak in front of the client, only for his boss to reduce him to "the junior who has good looks."

Achi noticed that and later, was the only one who saw beyond the mask at his lowest. Achi said things which made sense to him, because he understands how bad it is be reduced to that mask because Achi goes through that low self esteem every day. however his kindness doesn't let him get it to others around him. for him, he is okay to be behind the scenes, as along it makes him feel happy.

cheering up Karan wasn't something Achi did in order to get something out of Karan. he only did it because he wanted Karan to feel better. and Karan saw that.

to like someone who sees you beyond what anyone is willing to show to the outside world and doesn't demean for it, means a lot to someone like Karan. and that's why, Karan's small acts of care for Achi made sense. because Achi's small acts of kindness towards the office is so similar to what Karan does for Achi. that's why, even though Achi doesn't believe it yet, but, Karan and Achi are similar in a lot more ways than he thinks.

so when Karan gets so close to Achi, he starts feeling so so special. initially, he was so happy with this small acts, it would make his day when he could just interact with Achi. but as Karan and Achi got to know each other more, with Karan's feelings out there for Achi to know, Karan also started feeling so special to Achi, even though the uncomfort lingered around.

with Achi's mask of being the ordinary, clumsy guy as the world sees him, his esteem made him fear the love Karan gave him, as he got closer to him. but he didn't understand how his ideas of buffers actually left Karan feeling so unacknowledged of his place in Achi's life all of a sudden.

so even if Achi knew Karan's feelings way before than Karan expressed it to him, he still didn't know what to say 'cause his heart couldn't reassure him of the genuinity of the feelings he felt for Karan or Karan's feelings for him.

with that post it note, Achi figured out the sincerity of Karan's love.

and for me, that is both of them reaching out beyond their masks and come out of their comfort zones to embrace the said love.

[mythserene]

I got a message I figured I would try to answer out here because updating my less-informed, earlier Lewisohn musings has been on my To Do list for a while.

From anonymous:

I am enjoying your Lewisohn analysis. Do you think he has taken a bribe from the Lennon estate to play down J&Y’s heroin addiction? I can think of no other reason he would lie about this. He is obviously aware how stupid it makes him look.

Thank you for the question, anonymous. Back in October when I first started publicly posting about Mark Lewisohn I knew a lot less about him and hadn't been able to form any sort of picture about what happened between him and Paul/Apple. Or the ongoing and seemingly increasing enmity between he and Paul (+ the Beatles' families), or the anger that seems to be almost boiling over in Lewisohn these past few years.

And for what it's worth—as far as I can understand—even Yoko has locked Lewisohn out. Apple is a unified front on this one.

I do not think that anyone has gotten to Lewisohn to make him say these things, or even that he is aware that he looks stupid. I think that Beatles' fans are extremely straight-laced in the best way, and that the habit of trusting someone like Lewisohn dies hard. Until AKOM's Fine Tuning series I'm not aware of anyone ever putting forward a concerted challenge to even his most extreme narratives. The voluminous word count of the book and the simple fact of all those citations lulled most people into complacency. Until Fine Tuning no one had looked further, or if they did they were shy about stating it. People in the Beatles' community are afraid of criticizing Lewisohn, and I've heard that again and again these past few months. But AKOM went for it, made a persuasive case, and opened the floodgates. (And gave me an opportunity and an outlet for the problems I had been finding, and supported me. Phoebe and Daphne are the only reason you're reading this.)

Back to the question.

First of all, I think that Lewisohn genuinely idolizes John, and I think he is fanatically committed to the narrative of John-as-demigod. And I tend to think that he is now perhaps more committed to his telling of the Beatles' story than even to the beliefs that undergird his narrative. But the other half of the equation that the Solomon-like part of my mind failed to accept for a long time is just how much Mark Lewisohn seems to hate Paul McCartney. And I do not use that word lightly.

When AKOM started their Fine Tuning series I was half-excited and half-nervous. I am a citations freak. I like original sources and I basically mine books and podcasts to find sources and hunt them down. I also came into the Beatles without the background that most fans have. I didn't understand the John vs Paul fight in Beatles historiography. I loved John and Paul both, for different reasons, but mostly I loved them together. What initially caught me about Tune In were all the claims that were completely unsourced, and before long I began discovering more troubling issues, but after a while I forced myself to set it aside because I was just frustrating myself and it seemed like a waste of time to argue with Mark Lewisohn on my computer.

It was Shells and Barriers that made a new thought intrude and begin to become inescapable: Mark Lewisohn must genuinely detest Paul McCartney. This was the episode I most dreaded because, well, because I was ignorant of a lot. I expected it to be the most subjective, and I have a lot of empathy for John as I am an only child who lost both parents a month apart. It makes you feel like you have no tether at all. Like you're floating in space and that any breeze might carry you off. There's no cushion and you feel exposed.

But that episode did something that I was unable to do on my own—that I didn't have the breadth of knowledge to comprehend on my own—it filled in a lot of gaps that I was unaware of. And I simply could not fathom any reason for most of how Lewisohn framed Paul's childhood besides pure loathing. Daphne's word counts are pretty incredible, too. John is jealous twice, both times of Cynthia. (+a "Jealous Guy" mention.) The numbers that stood out to me right away and have stuck in my memory were Paul being "jealous" eight times and "envious" five times = thirteen. And even beyond Lewisohn making Paul out to be completely unmoved by his mother's death and painting the aftermath as safe and comforting, it's notable that Paul is only said to be "loved" four times in the entire book, and he is only said to be loved by John. (Stu is said to be loved nine times.) I realized when I listened to that episode that my picture of Paul's relationship with Mike had been refrigerated and flattened out by Tune In, all without me noticing it. Because Lewisohn doesn't hit you over the head with things, instead he subtly and slyly frames things in a careful and deceitful way, and that framing shapes the reader's opinions.

The case of bias in his writing about John and Paul's childhoods is not easy to make, especially in the ways I like to make a case—finding discreet objective evidence that can be straightforwardly disproved—but AKOM's overall case in that episode was devastating, and there were several details that stood out to me and have stuck with me. Jim hitting Paul until Paul basically threatened to hit back as a teenager and the unnoted redaction of that in a John quote Lewisohn uses is fairly indefensible, and the choice to leave out that Jim was suicidal after Mary's death and to instead paint a picture of a loving and nurturing extended family swooping in that almost sounds better than what the boys had had before losing their mum impressed me as almost malicious when patiently laid out. And then there were a lot of smaller details that struck me. Lewisohn describes Mike as "shattered irrevocably" by Mary's death, which is contrasted with Paul's callousness. (And the way the "shattered" sentence is written it also leaves the impression that Paul wasn't that close to his mum, although Lewisohn is careful not to say that in so many words.)

Jim broke the news to the boys. Mike, who was especially close to his mother, burst into tears, a core part of him shattered irrevocably. Paul's response was less expected and not at all what Jim or anyone else wanted to hear. ... Eight years later, Mike looked back with candor on these first few days ... "Paul made some flippant remark which sounded pretty callous at the time" ...

(Emphasis mine)

Then in a Frankenquote that is half author interview, Paul is quoted as saying about both he and John losing their mothers:

“We had a bond there that we never talked about—but each of us knew that had happened to the other ... I know he was shattered, but at that age you're not allowed to be devastated, and particularly as young boys, teenage boys, you just shrug it off.”

And Dusty Durband, Paul's English Master, was quoted in Chris Salewicz's 1986 biography of Paul describing him as “shattered.”

“Paul had a bad break, his mother had died. He did go through a bit of a rough patch then. I think it shattered him a lot. Maybe it made him turn to other things like practicing his guitar...”

It's like Lewisohn is screwing with Paul by keeping that adjective away from him and even teasing him by handing it to his brother, just out of Paul's reach. I hesitate to write that because it probably sounds as extreme as some of Lewisohn's conclusions, but my Lewisohn immersion has made it seem completely logical, and in fact, almost undeniable. It's a small detail that doesn't seem that important in isolation, but even with just the context of the rest of that AKOM episode it was a piece of evidence that my mind caught and held onto. Lewisohn, by his own testimony, is a Paul watcher. He obsessively listens to, watches, and reads McCartney interviews and is forever bringing them up on podcasts, waxing on about how he understands Paul McCartney like no one else. (This is invariably followed by an example that is freakishly twisted inside Lewisohn's mind to reveal some negative aspect of Paul's character.)

I don't think that Paul and Mark Lewisohn had some great falling out. Instead what I think occurred added up to a thousand paper cuts in Lewisohn's very thin skin. He felt humiliated by Paul one too many times, and he pushed every humiliation down into his gut, coated them in bile, and remembered them.

Last November there was a Lewisohn interview in a Spanish language magazine, Jot Down, where Lewisohn tells one of these little anecdotes. They're always couched in neutral language, and he usually says how whatever happened was understandable, but the theme is the same: some perceived slight by Paul that he had to swallow in silence. (The translation is 98% Google translate. I corrected three or four pronouns that it had mistranslated, but nothing else.)

“He didn't say goodbye to me, he didn't give me a hint of grace.”

Q. I remember a television program in which Paul was asked for a detail of his own life, and he answered "ask Mark Lewisohn." LEWISOHN: Yes. It was a little weird, sometimes. On one occasion, for example, I worked with George Martin on a television documentary about Sgt. Pepper. But he also kept working with Paul. So there we were, on Abbey Road interviewing McCartney with all the equipment, the television cameras and everything else. Then the director of the documentary tells me to let him know if Paul makes a mess with any information, so that I can ask him to repeat his answer with the correct information. I sat there, hoping that I didn't have to intervene. But Paul said he had the idea of making the album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band flying back from the United States. And I knew that hadn't happened like that. Let's see, I wasn't there, but I know he had the idea coming back from Nairobi. In fact, he didn't fly to the United States until Sgt. Pepper was finished. And, on the return trip, he was already thinking about the Magical Mystery Tour. I usually let these details go, they're really not that important. Except if they are recording him for a documentary about the 25 years of Sgt. Pepper that was going to be broadcast on television. So, while the cameraman was changing the movie roll, I approached the director and said "Paul was coming back from Nairobi and not from the United States when he had the idea for the album, I don't know what you want to do about it." And the director goes and releases him, "Paul, Mark says you didn't understand it well. That you didn't have the idea when you were flying back from the United States." To which Paul stared at me and replied "Yes, I did." It was a very uncomfortable, difficult and embarrassing moment when I wanted the floor to swallow me. He didn't say goodbye to me, he didn't give me a hint of grace. And I had to learn when to say something and when not to. But, in that place, my job was to say something. I was paid to say something. So I said something, and he didn't like it. Nobody likes to be corrected.

Sorry, anonymous. I wrote far more than an answer because I used your question as an excuse to get on the record an addendum and some corrections to my earlier musings, but I do not think Lewisohn has any idea of how ridiculous he sounds. He is insulated from almost all criticism and is constantly praised as a sort of Beatles' god. He worships John and wants to shape the Beatles' story to redeem him, but I also think he believes in the story that he has shaped. I think he is lost and frustrated at being locked out by Apple—and actively thwarted by them—and that has made his criticisms of Paul much more public. It's as if his new job is just going on podcasts and taking pot shots at Paul McCartney. And for Mark Lewisohn it's clear that the Holy Grail is the breakup. He is intent on recasting Allen Klein as much more of a positive force than history has given him credit for, and Lewisohn has foreshadowed a parallel between Klein and Epstein by manipulating all the evidence about Paul and Brian. He is going to cast Paul as the bad guy and John as the hero. As always. And if John and Yoko are addicted to heroin that throws his whole rewrite into chaos. He simply cannot concede that there was a real issue. John cannot be fully human. He robs John of what makes John so magnificent.

So everyone else has to be wrong.

Just for fun before I go, another narrative Lewisohn was working on putting forward in this “John was actually right” case, was rehabilitating Magic Alex. “Get Back” seemingly thwarted this line of nonsense, but after bingeing the Nagras Lewisohn was seriously pushing the idea that Magic Alex had been slandered by history and that John's judgment about him had been vindicated. It takes listening to a lot of these interviews—something that I can only do in small doses—to begin to see the fuller picture that Lewisohn was wedded to, and Magic Alex is as much a part of that as the heroin comments are. They are all of a piece.

“And they just had to get mobile gear in. So, big deal.”

In the end, I think what Mark Lewisohn means by “right” is different than what “right” means to everyone else. “Right” to Mr. Lewisohn means warped quotes that tell a fabricated story of Paul McCartney not wanting Brian Epstein as his manager. “Right” means Magic Alex being a wizard, unfairly tarnished by the lesser Beatles. “Right” means Yoko being John's artistic savior, and of a heroin addiction dreamed up by bad actors who don't understand things the way he does. A myth perpetrated by those who cannot grasp the truth. And I genuinely believe that Mark Lewisohn revels in the power of being able to take Paul McCartney's own story away from him and use it to hurt him and to hurt his legacy. To use his power over the Beatles' story to wound Paul, the way he feels that Paul wounded him. In so many interviews when Lewisohn talks about Paul he seethes. (It's quite impressive.)

And I think the thought of Lewisohn's retelling slipping away or being supplanted is a very threatening idea in his mind. I think it scares him. I think he is holding onto a delusion of his own making, and he fears that he will not be able to finish his life's work of solidifying that warped tale into historical fact.

Nothing is Real - Lewisohn seethe quick mix