#my gender is a thought experiment
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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cattlesus · 1 year ago
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“are you a man or a woman?” is schrödinger’s cat alive or dead? compose yourself
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aliosne · 7 months ago
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Saw a post about working class butches in physical labour jobs and wanted to make my own, so: I love you butches who do childcare or early education. I love you butch nurses. I love you butch house cleaners and janitorial staff. I love you service industry butches. I love you butches who do sex work. I love you working class butches who do “feminine” jobs you are cool as hell
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iliothermia · 11 months ago
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My new year's resolution for 2024 is to become more comfortable advocating for myself and talking about my experiences as a Jew and the symbolism in my work. I want to be able to talk about how much certain themes mean to me and bring me joy, personal experiences with antisemitism and villainization that end up fueling some of my work, and just stop minimizing such an important part of my identity. My experiences with transness and life as a Greek Jew are hand in hand in my work and I think I need to be more educational about things so others can understand another layer of it..
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troutpopulation · 7 months ago
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I wish talking about detransition in any positive way wasn't completely co-opted by terfs and detrans kinks with the most violent, humiliating and degrading fantasies imaginable.
Because there is something profoundly beautiful and almost erotic in watching your own body change into something completely unfamiliar and uncanny, and intensely unexpected. The permanent changes of HRT being treasured souvenirs of a past life and an intrinsic part of you.
Feeling your hair texture change under your own fingertips. Your body changes once, twice, three times, you lose count but it's always uncharted territory. Just an alien shape to your own hips forming contours you don't recognize and will spend your next lifetime, one of many, exploring.
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kisakis-boyfriend · 2 months ago
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This may be a bit of a hot take, and this is not directed at anyone who's asked me this question either, but…
I think it's really sad that people have to ask if they can interact with an x male/masc reader blog if they don't identify as exclusively male. :/
I DO understand wanting a space away from fem reader content and the people who assume that everyone who reads fanfic is female by default, and therefore the default for all fanfic should be x fem reader. Especially the people who act like they're entitled to men or masc writers creating x fem reader content for them/catering to an x fem reader audience. That's a problem all of its own, and I'm not touching that any further right now.
I'm just disgusted that we — as the x male reader community — have fostered an environment that's unwelcoming, and sometimes outright HOSTILE, to multigender folks.
This is even more concerning that it's happening in the year 2024. It shouldn't be a surprise that people don't identify with a strict, clean-cut binary.
If you can accept trans men; you should be able to accept GNC men.
If you can accept GNC men; you should be able to accept nonbinary people (INCLUDING nonbinary people who do use gendered terms for themselves AND/OR use pronouns other than they/them AND/OR present in an obviously masc/femme way)
If you can accept nonbinary people; you should be able to accept other people who don't conform. People who are sometimes men and sometimes women (and other combinations of other genders too!)
I believe anyone is entitled to setting boundaries and that said boundaries should be respected (within reason), but I also believe that forcing multigender people to choose a side and lump themselves in with one crowd — AKA "just pick one" (hey, doesn't that sound familiar? Like repackaged biphobia and nbphobia?) — is transphobic/queerphobic and unproductive. But that's just my 2 cents. 🤷
— as a male nonbinary guy with some sort of genderfuckery going on for multiple reasons
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inspiredrawaw · 4 months ago
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A bit of a self-portrait plus coming to terms with a my identity :]
figured out I’m aroace a few months ago!! But the biggest thing is figuring out I’m non binary! I’ve always felt like the binary genders were not the correct descriptors for who I am and it always made my day when customers at my old job used they/them or he/him pronouns for me! So I still use the name Allison but with they/he/she pronouns!
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trannytink · 2 months ago
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sometimes an issue isn’t transandrophobia or transmisogyny, it’s just transphobia.
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addicted-to-12th-intro · 1 year ago
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gender is soup
i am fork
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago
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At this point, gender nonconformity is about what the person says their experience is.
If a woman with a beard or a man with lipstick and a mustache says they're gender nonconforming, then they are! If a woman with short hair or a man with long hair says they aren't, they aren't! And that's not even getting into the awesome nonbinary, abinary, genderqueer, intersex, and general genderfuckery that may both be and not be conforming.
So much of what is even considered gender conforming or gender nonconforming is based on a world of exclusion. When we start defining one's conformity with whether they fit into white cishetero perisex standards or not, we play into the idea that there's only a very narrow window of what is considered worthy of time and thought.
#gender nonconformity#gnc#queer#like. for instance a native man who keeps long hair might be considered GNC by white standards but for him it's absolutely not nonconformit#there's an aspect of white supremacy that silences everything else while saying that other culture's silence is indicative of whiteness...#...being 'correct' or 'moral' or 'neutral'#and as somebody who's trans and last i checked white i have my own thoughts from my own experiences#like how i don't consider myself to really be a GNC man. i'm just. man+#i'm a weird concoction of weird soup that tastes like a man but if it were Wrong#and i just don't see that as not conforming to manhood like it is seperate. i see it as irrevocably linked TO manhood#it is others who have excluded and exiled me from manhood because of *their* understanding of me and how i 'fit in' in cissexism#while i will never ever say i know what it's like to not be white i will say these conversations that PoC have started have been INVALUABLE#i am forever grateful to have been extended the patience and faith to listen in on the experiences of people...#...who are racialized in terms of gender and how they do/don't 'fit in' with often white supremacist views on gender/dynamics#may have made a post like this years back but. eh. arrest me officer i will not back down#i've been more and more 'gnc' as i go into my transition and i don't see it as nonconformity but as an outlet for my masculinity#which is why i'm not insecure about my crafts and creations. because it is coming from a male whether or not it's considered 'manly'#i have little to *no place* in cissexist society so why should i put any stakes into if they ~accept~ me#made this post while jamming out to skyrim's tavern OST (paused my game to write this)#why the HELL does the skyrim tavern music have to go SO HARD. i NEED to slam down BARRELS of mead while listening to this istg#i don't even LIKE honey so i haven't tried mead but. for skyrim i would.
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abyssalzones · 7 months ago
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I'm probably nonbinary but I have college so idrc about that rn
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dykedvonte · 11 days ago
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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sucresanguine · 5 months ago
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not to be throwing stones but the way people talk about having a "female" childhood as a default good thing in queer spaces is bonkers. Like the amount of abuse I and many others experienced that was directly tied to that shouldn't have to be minimized as some kind of learning experience. I don't actually think suffering in one way makes you a better person for it. I'm not out here saying No One Ever Had A Happy Girlhood but for many people that shit was traumatizing and doesn't need to be put on a pretty little pedestal nor held up as something that made you necessarily more empathetic/feminist/radicalized because imo that really does carry the connotation that all those things were potentially good for you. Being someone who went through that didn't distinctly or directly make me a better feminist or ally, it made me a very very hurt person.
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mogai-sunflowers · 3 months ago
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the more I’m with other queer ppl irl the more I realize that I’m not attracted to “men” “women” or “non-binary” as categories but like… just genderfuckery. like I’m generally never attracted to super feminine women or super masculine men, but the second a woman is butch? the second a guy is femme? the second a non-binary person just says “fuck it” to gender norms? oh boy 😭
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deeply-unserious-fellow · 6 months ago
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BREAKS DOWN THE FUCKING DOOR
Transmasc Alastor and transfemme Vox. Okay that's it.
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my-lonely-thoughts · 4 months ago
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Tw// ftm dysphoria, self hatred, etc.
After some time of identifying as nonbinary, I would like to share my experience of coming to terms with being a binary trans man.
Identifying as nonbinary before I could even come close to passing as a man was very helpful for me. It was honestly really hard to see myself as a man after being so hyper feminine over the years and for not passing at all.
I also came to realize that I can slowly transition. I don't need to do it all at once.
I felt like an imposter going from girl to man, and it reminded me of being little and feeling like I was playing dress up with my dad's clothes.
Thanks dysphoria 🥲
I also viewed being a man as a horrible no good thing. I was surrounded by toxic masculinity, had been hurt by men and to top it all off I have severe dad issues.
I thought that by me being a man, I was instantly horrible and beyond saving. I thought it made me a horrible person.
But the truth is, your gender doesn't make you a horrible person.
Something else that made this hard was missing out on having a boy childhood.
I spent so much if it depressed and suicidal. I didn't get to have the childhood I deserved living as my true self.
And I will always mourn that.
I also kind of don't want people to know I'm trans (if I can help it) because once they know, they can only see me as a girl. The version of me I try so hard to bury.
I don't feel seen. I don't feel heard.
And I can't undo the fact that so many people know of my identity.
That I came out before I was ready. That I didn't take the time to think about if I wanted people to know or not. That I kinda didn't have a choice once I came out because I didn't pass at all for years.
That I couldn't accept being a man because it felt so horrible and I thought everyone would hate me.
That I thought transitioning would make me ugly because I was "so pretty" but I hated myself.
I don't believe in gender stereotypes or that clothes/items have gender but I do believe certain things are associated with certain genders and that these things can bring gender euphoria/dysphoria.
I feel, deep down, that I truly am a man. But I can't commit to it yet. I'm not ready.
Because what if people can't or don't accept me? What if I can't take the hurt from others any longer?
I know I'm strong and I know I'll be okay but I just wanted to rant about my experience for a bit because I really need to feel heard right now.
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